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Hello and welcome to Pickleball Therapy,
the podcast dedicated to

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your pickleball improvement.

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I'll be having a great week.

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We are getting here to
the end of June 2025.

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Kind of weird to think about, right?

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Halfway through 2025.

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We have an exciting second half of
the year planned at Better Pickleball.

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We have some new coaching programs
that we're going to be unveiling.

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We're always trying to find ways to
connect with players who

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are interested in improving.

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Our whole thing is to
transfer knowledge to the best of our

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ability in the world of pickleball.

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We do it here on the podcast, we do it on
our YouTube channels, and we

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also do it through coaching.

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So if you're interested in any of that, if
you're on our email list, you will

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receive those opportunities as
they become available to you.

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I wanted to do a shout out, and then we
are going to dive into the podcast today.

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What I'm going to talk about today is I'm
going to talk about

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remembering the
fourth player on the court, and

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you'll understand more in a second.

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Basically, it's understanding
our place within the sport.

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I'm going to be reading from our upcoming
Pickleball Therapy book

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that'll be coming out towards the
end of September is the plan.

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So be on the look out for that.

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We have the pieces in place.

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Things are moving ahead with it.

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So we're very excited
about that opportunity.

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And then if you are interested in becoming
Being a pickleball therapist,

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you can send me an email, put therapist in
the byline, and I will send you

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information about what that means.

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In a nutshell, it basically means you're
committing to your mental

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improvement, your mental journey.

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You'll be involved with the podcast
because that's what being a therapist is

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in terms of listening to it and engaging
with it when you can, and then sharing it.

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That's a really important piece of it, is
helping others, not just

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ourselves with this.

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Anyway, so if you want to do that, send me
an email and I'll send you some

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information on being a therapist.

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Then in the RIF, I'm going to be talking
about something that occurred not too

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long ago that actually ties into the book.

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I wanted to talk about this in the
podcast, and I happened to be doing some

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book editing, and this was the
section that came up as well.

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Serendipity, if you believe in
that stuff, is what happened here.

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Before we get into that, I'm going
to do a shout out here to Tim.

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Thank you very much for the
comment on the YouTube's.

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If you don't know, we're
on YouTube as well.

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If you care to visualize the podcast,
you're welcome to watch it on

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YouTube at pickleball Therapy.

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You can see my hands flying
around and mannerisms as I go.

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This is from Tim, and that was a day ago.

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It was in response to episode
248, Don't Don't diminish you.

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And then what Tim says is, I've been
listening to pickleball Therapy for just

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over a year now, and I can tell you that
this podcast is the gold standard for

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preparing yourself to be mentally
bulletproof on the court.

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Each week, the information
keeps my mental game grounded and keeps me

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on track and/or sometimes
excels my growth in the sport.

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Give it a listen, Tim.

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Thank you, Tim, very much
for leaving that review.

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As I mentioned, I'll mention it now, and I
mentioned again at the end of the podcast,

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these reviews are important, not just
because they're nice to receive,

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though they are very nice to receive.

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They're important because they allow other
players to decide whether they

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want to interact with this content.

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So if the content helps you, leaving
a review helps us reach other players.

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And it'll help those players is the idea.

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So if you a minute to do
that, that'd be great.

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All right, I'm going to dive into the
book, and then I'm going to give you in

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the rift the story that I want to share
with you, which plays perfectly

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with the topic for this week.

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So let me set up the chapter for
you that I'm going to be reading.

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So in the book, it's basically follows a
progression of understanding ourselves

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better, understanding the sport better.

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Then we start linking us and the sport.

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It's built, as you know by now, pretty
modular is how we do things step by step.

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Now we're in this is a chapter out of part
four, which is our

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place within pickleball.

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It's a little bit different than
just how we interact with the sport.

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It's actually our place inside of it.

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This chapter is entitled Don't
Forget the Fourth Player.

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Now, we've already talked about ourselves
ad nauseam in this book because we're

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talking about our perspective
and how we see things.

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We've already talked about our opponents
before this chapter in the book, and now

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we're talking about the fourth
player, who is our partner.

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I'm going to read from the book now, and
then I'll come back to the RIF and we'll

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talk about how this
manifested itself not too long ago

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in a rec game that I was playing at.

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All right, don't forget the fourth player.

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There is one actor we have not
yet focused on, our partner.

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Just as we needed Gary and Nadine to join
us that day, we also

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needed each other to play.

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No partner, equal.

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No play for you.

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Now, Gary and Nadine, just to give you
context, you've read this in the book,

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Gary and Nadine are
our opponents that day.

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So there's four of us playing
you, your partner, Gary and Nadine.

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Back to the book.

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Spoiler.

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There is a 100% chance that
your partner will make mistakes.

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They will miss shots
and make bad decisions.

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That is part of the game.

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But your partner will
also do things right.

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If nothing else, just joining
you on the court is enough.

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Remember, without them, you are
not playing pickleball right now.

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Just as with your opponents, remember
that there are other actors in this play.

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They each come to the game with their
own doubts, desires, thoughts, etc.

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Whatever theirs are, they are no
more or less valuable than yours.

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As we'll explore a little bit more in the
next chapter, pickleball

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does not belong to me or you.

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Every player is entitled to enjoy their
relationship with

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pickleball to its fullest.

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There are three steps you can take to
become a better partner and player.

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The first step is to remember
that your partner is there.

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This step may seem obvious,
but we can sometimes become so

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hyper-focused on ourselves that
we lose sight of our partner.

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We can also forget that
our actions impact them.

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An easy example is the unconscious
shoulder slump or head tilt, eye roll

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even, when our partner misses a shot.

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An easy technique to avoid potential
miscommunication with your partner

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is something my co-head coach, C.
J.

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Johnson, teaches our students.

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After every rally, turn towards
your partner and make eye contact.

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A pattle tab of smile is also good,
but no matter what, turn towards your

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partner and reestablish
a connection with them.

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The second step is to apply some empathy.

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Our partner is a person,
flawed just like us.

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Just as we make mistakes, so will they.

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Just as we have other things
going on in our lives, so do they.

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When they invariably make a
mistake, let them know it's fine.

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You can remind them that you will miss
two, or you can let them know that you're

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just happy to be playing and
the score doesn't matter to you.

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You did, after all, read this book.

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Smiley face, of course.

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The third step is to see if there's
something you can do to create a more

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positive experience for your
partner, and by extension, you.

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Perhaps your partner does
not like it when you poach.

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Then, for that game, you will do your best
not to poach,

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even if it is the best strategic shot.

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Each of these steps are progressive.

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You start with recognition, then expand it
to understanding, and finally,

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complete it with positive involvement.

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Some specific instances
of this process at work.

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Your partner popped the ball up
and thinks you're upset with them.

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Is there something you might say to make
them feel better or to let

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them know you are not upset?

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Your partner missed a return of serve,
perhaps the second one of this game.

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Are there things going on in their
life that have their attention?

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Maybe your partner got some difficult news
that morning on their way to the courts.

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Your partner didn't hit the ball where you
thought it should have been hit,

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a strategy error in your mind.

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Is it possible that they have just not had
time or guidance to progress

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as far in the game as you have?

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In each of these situations, rather than
going direct to, What in the

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world is my partner doing?

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You take a breath and allow for the
possibility that there's more going on

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than just an idiot or crappy partner.

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They are out there doing their
thing, giving their best.

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Celebrate them in the
game that you're playing.

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So that's a section from the book, and
then we go back into something has to win,

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someone has to win, and things like that.

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So it gives you an idea of how we approach
perspective here at the podcast, and we

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will in the book, or are in the book,
which is basically the idea that

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we need to keep a balance in terms of what
we're doing, which is playing pickleball,

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and who else is involved around us.

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And the better we understand these other
actors in the play that we're involved in,

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this pickleball play that we're involved
in, the better we're going to treat them,

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the better experience we're going to have,
and ultimately, the better it's

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going to be for us as well.

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So it's a selfish act if you
want to think about it that way.

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So that's from the book.

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Hope you enjoyed it.

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In the RIF, what I want to talk about now
is I want to talk about an

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experience that I had recently.

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It was a conversation with another player
that I just met in a rec

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play while I was traveling.

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So to Let me lay it out for you, and then
I'll tell you what happened, and then talk

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a little bit about how that
process of that player,

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from my position, from my view of things,
diminished their partner, diminished the

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game that we had just finished playing,
diminished the whole experience, and

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ultimately, diminished the player.

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I'm not going to use names or things
like that, but I'll just tell you.

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It was a player who, again, total wreck,
didn't know these players, just met them.

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And so I go out to play.

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I got to play on the court with a
very good player.

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Well, it's Jill, my wife.

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She's a very good player.

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And the two other players wanted
to play together, which is fine.

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So we played against them.

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And just to give you some idea, we don't
go out there and play our

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normal game in these situations.

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That just wouldn't be
fun for anybody, right?

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It wouldn't be fun for us.
It wouldn't be fun for them.

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Now, we're not We're just playing.

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We're basically keeping the balls in play.

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If I get a high ball, I'm just
angling it a little bit or

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pushing it back into a position.

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I'm not blowing it up.

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I'm not hitting anybody in their bodies.

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I'm not driving balls off the bounce,
which I tend to do in

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my competitive matches.

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I'm not lobbying, right?

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A lot of weapons I'm not using.

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So I'm playing, but I'm playing just very
conservatively, I guess, if you

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want to look at it that way.
So we end up winning the game.

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It was pretty convincing victory,
11 less than five, let's say, right?

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And we made a couple
of errors and whatever.

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So we get off the court and one
of the players comes up to me.

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Now, this is unsolicited, right?

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I didn't engage in this conversation.

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The The letter comes up to me and says
something to the effect of

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that the player needs a better partner
next time they play against us.

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And then I said something along the
lines of, I thought the game was fine.

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We went out there and it was
a good game and all that,

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to which the response was that it was not
a good game, and basically that they

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needed a better partner and that.

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So my response The sense of that was,
well, I said, you're entitled to your

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opinion on how you feel about things.

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I can tell you that from my perspective,
there's no such thing as

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a bad pickleball game.

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And I told him that I
basically work full-time in pickleball.

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I have a podcast.

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I thought a lot about it, and I don't
believe there's a bad pickleball game, but

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you're certainly entitled
to your position on it.

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And then kept talking about something or
the other, and it always came back to the

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partner not being as good as this player,
which objectively was not accurate.

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As a coach, I can tell you that.

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I mean, these two players,
they were both fine.

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They played fine, but they
were both about the same level.

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One player had certain type of
flaws in their game that I could identify,

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and the other player, the one talking to
me, had other flaws in their

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game that I could identify.

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And there wasn't a huge
difference in these two players.

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But I'm just giving you context.

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That doesn't excuse it, even if
there was a difference in the level.

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I want to be clear about that.

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But this idea that I needed a
new player just kept coming up.

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So I don't remember what else I said.

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And then the player got upset and said
something like, Well, I'm

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entitled to my opinion.

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You're Mr. Pickleball,
but I'm entitled to my opinion, which I

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said, I haven't said otherwise, have I?

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You certainly are
entitled to your opinion.

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But I will tell you this, if you're going
to come to me and you're going to start

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chatting in my ear,
I don't know what players expect.

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I'm just going to go like,
Oh, yeah, definitely.

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You have another partner.

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No, I'm not going to engage in that
content, in that type of conversation.

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And I would submit to you, if you're on
your journey, and

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You listen to this podcast and you
subscribe to some of the concepts that we

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have here, including
not bad-bounding other players, that

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perhaps it's worth making a note or
having a action like the one that I had.

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Because I think it's important
for this player, the one I was speaking

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with, to perhaps be exposed to a different
approach, to be

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made aware that the comment about the
partner isn't necessary, appropriate,

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helpful, productive.

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00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:10,000
You pick your positive objective,
and it's none of those things.

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Just to go along with it, right?

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Would just be
continuing to encourage or at least not

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chastise that behavior, which ultimately
is to the detriment of

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our game, not just to the player.

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It's to the detriment of our game because
this player plays in a community.

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This is a rec play community.

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They're playing regularly together.

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And so you have these negative
conversations happening

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inside that community.

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That's going to bring everybody down, as
we've been talking about with this

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concept of diminishing ourselves.

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So I just wanted to share with you what
had happened to me, how I'd reacted to it.

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I'll make a suggestion to you that if
you're, again, subscribed to the concepts

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here, it doesn't mean that you have
to go out there and preach the gospel.

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00:14:57,385 --> 00:15:00,935
I'm not saying you have to
unsolicited, announce yourselves to

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everybody as to what's
right and what's wrong.

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But certainly, if a player initiates the
conversation with you, as this player did

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with me, I don't think
there's anything wrong with...

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Not just nothing wrong with.

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I would suggest you that it's the correct
thing to frame it in the way that you

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understand your relationship with the
sport, the sport itself, the other actors

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in the sport, depending on the
conversation, and share about how you view

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things so that the other player talking
with who maybe has an

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unfortunate view of the game and the other
actors in it can maybe open their eyes

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to a different way of thinking about it.

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That's part of just growth my
personal growth as a player.

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And it's not that I ever felt...

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I will tell you that personally, it's not
like I ever felt that my opponents

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or my partners weren't important.

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I never thought about it.

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And so my
My lack of context, my lack of

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perspective, was not driven by an
intentional dislike for

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00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:10,160
them or anything like that.

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00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:17,215
It was just an ignorance of the idea that
I should consider my partner, like with

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the three steps that I just mentioned, or
that I should take into account my

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opponents as just human beings out there
who are trying to do

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their best on the court.

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The part of this journey for me, and I'm
going to call out my friend and mentor,

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00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:34,455
Coach Peter Scales, who
wrote that book, Mental and Emotional

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00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:36,340
Training for Tennis,
Compete, Learn, Honor.

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Those principles got me
going in this arena, and it's really

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opened up my mind to a different way of
thinking about sport in general, and in

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00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:53,815
particular, the sport that I
engage in with any frequency,

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which is the sport of pickleball.

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00:16:56,040 --> 00:17:01,055
Anyway, if you feel like it, it's probably
It's worth having the conversation

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00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:04,775
with someone who opens up the door.

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00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:07,520
Another door that I'm going to mention
real quickly is the door, because it just

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00:17:07,545 --> 00:17:12,240
came to mind as a door of
at the end of a game when you have a tough

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00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:17,335
fought match or tough fought game and you
have somebody on the court say something

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00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:23,080
like, I messed that up, or basically
putting it on themselves or some condition

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00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:27,440
that's not recognizing the
work done by the winning team.

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00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:30,735
I think there's ways to
approach That's that as well.

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00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:33,480
One way I would approach, I have
approached it in the past,

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00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:36,415
is to say, Yeah, you certainly...

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00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:39,200
I guess you could have made that shot, but
I also remember that

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00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:45,055
Tom or Mary or whoever, I also remember
that great save that they made.

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00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:47,280
Remember that great save?
Or do you remember the...

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00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:51,575
When they were in a tell spot they were in
and they got out of it,

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00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:52,560
that was really good.

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00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:57,240
And so it retakes
the framing of the situation away from the

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00:17:57,280 --> 00:18:04,160
negative self-centered idea into more
of a constructive big-picture idea.

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00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:08,160
And I think if you start from the premise,
going back to what I'm sharing in the RIF,

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00:18:08,185 --> 00:18:12,735
if you start from the premise that
just playing pickleball in and of itself

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00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:16,095
is a positive experience that should be
celebrated, then everything

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00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:17,040
else works out, doesn't it?

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00:18:17,065 --> 00:18:20,215
Because then
I needed a better partner, or there's

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00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:24,495
Windy, or whatever dissolves in that.
It dissolves in that, right?

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00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,640
It's an acid.

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00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:30,640
Acid dissolution by
a proper frame claiming of...

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00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:33,495
Weren't we just playing pickleball?
Pickleball is pretty fun.

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00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:35,140
So I think I'm going to go with that.

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00:18:35,165 --> 00:18:37,695
Anyway, so I hope you
enjoyed this week's podcast.

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00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:41,040
One subject that I'm going to be talking
about in the future that I'm developing to

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00:18:41,065 --> 00:18:44,640
thinking about now, which is, I think,
really fascinating, is this concept

330
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:50,535
of insecurity.
And I see insecurity.

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00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:53,055
By the way, do you ever have one of those
moments where you've been looking for

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00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:54,775
something forever and all
of a sudden you see it?

333
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,680
That just happened to me.
That's why I had a distraction there.

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00:18:56,705 --> 00:18:57,640
I looked across.

335
00:18:57,680 --> 00:18:59,975
I've been looking for
this little tripod stand.

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00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,255
I don't know.
I looked everywhere.

337
00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:04,200
And all of a sudden I look over here
and it's right next to me right here.

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00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,560
Anyway, but it's the idea of how
insecurity

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00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:12,215
ripples through how we behave sometimes on
the pickleball court or

340
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:13,530
around the pickleball court.

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00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:19,775
And when we see players acting
in ways that we perhaps think are not the

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00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:23,080
best way to act, that a lot of times you
can trace it back just to insecurity.

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00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,560
And if you trace it back to that, then I
think it gives you a better

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00:19:25,585 --> 00:19:26,815
way of empathizing with it.

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00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,810
So we'll talk about that
in a subsequent podcast.

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00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,600
I'll be out of the office next next week
because I'm going up to the

347
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:35,215
New York for a couple of days just
hanging out, getting some food.

348
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,560
And then I'm going up to the MLP in New
York and look forward to seeing

349
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:43,375
the pros up there, giving it their
all, and hopefully with a sound mind.

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00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:46,695
So next week, we'll have a I'm not
sure exactly what we'll do next week.

351
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:50,055
It'll probably be an archive episode.

352
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:51,135
We'll find one of the best.

353
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:54,280
If you have one that you really like, that
you think we should share with somebody

354
00:19:54,305 --> 00:19:58,295
else, with other players, let us know,
because what happens is if we take an old

355
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:01,935
episode and republish it, then it'll
get more exposure to new players.

356
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:06,055
So if there's one that really resonates
with you, you can send us an

357
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,895
email at support@betterpickleball.
Com.

358
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:13,655
Put in the subject line,
recommend this episode or pull this

359
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:14,975
archive episode, something like that.

360
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:16,015
A podcast episode is fine.

361
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,440
And then I'll tell the team to
be on the look out for that.

362
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:22,655
And if you do send me an email on
becoming a therapist, you can send

363
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,600
that one to therapy@betterpickleball.
Com.

364
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:27,160
And then put in the subject
line, please, therapist.

365
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:29,040
That really helps me identify.

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00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:31,215
I give it more priority.
I'll tell you that.

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00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:33,880
If it says therapist on it, I'm like, I
got to read that one because I'm going to

368
00:20:33,905 --> 00:20:37,335
respond to that one, and I'm not going to
respond to solicitation ones until

369
00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:39,180
I've responded to the Therapist ones.

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00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:41,855
As always, if you enjoyed the podcast,
have a minute to rate and review.

371
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:43,895
I really appreciate it and
share it with your friends.

372
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:46,680
Remember, if you enjoyed the
podcast, they probably will, too.

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00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,440
I will not see you next week, but
I will see you the week after that.

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00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:52,240
Hope you're well, and
I'll see you next time.