well
hello all you beautiful people
you know what time it is
ladies and gents
guys and dolls and everyone in between
gather round
get you something real nice to sip on
and comfy to slip on
because it's time
for smut club
here's your hosts chelsea and hannah
[Applause]
without
ray j where would the kardashians be the
answer is nowhere so
that is the energy we are bringing into
this episode of smut club welcome i'm
hannah
i'm chelsea honestly i don't even know
if the intro to the show has already
happened because you really just jumped
in and there may be some editing so
hello
hey everyone thank you for joining us um
we were having
a really existential debate on where the
kardashians would be without ray jay's
involvement yeah um
and chelsea's husband decided to hit
play and so now or record or whatever
the [ __ ] here we are i really don't have
an answer except i do feel like ray j
just not gonna get enough credit for the
enemy
on their lives he doesn't he deserves a
lot more than he's gotten although i do
also think of moisha who is it his
stepsister real sister i think it's it
is his sister i just remember
she is his sister's sister sorry oh no i
just remember
when militia was on punk'd
and she did not handle that
no she didn't
no she that was not a good look on her
like some people like i feel like punch
was really the make or break like are
they gonna take it in stride or are they
gonna show out she showed
she really did um
much like the book we're gonna review
today so here's the thing guys hannah
and i
need a lot of alcohol for this episode
hannah's wine glass is missing um i
can't do anymore i can't i i literally
pounded the glass that i had in
preparation for this and it's gonna have
to just do for what's gonna hap happen
you know i respect your moderation and
knowing your body's limits thank you i
poured myself more
before we started but i also didn't
pound mine before we started so i 100
different approaches i am regretting not
pounding mine but i also there's still
time well here's the thing hannah i had
a speech impediment as a small child we
know i struggle with the word wolf
and
wolf
and i recognize i slur easily so i have
more i have to take more of a paste
approach and just drink continuously
throughout the episode because like you
compound beforehand and be fine
throughout it if i pound beforehand
i'm just gonna sound like
this and then my words are gonna slur
and
i don't want them to slur well i also
have to drive eventually so
that's also part of it
i wasn't i think that is also a wise
decision i wasn't even thinking of
driving i was just thinking of trying to
sound like a competent human while we
recorded this episode however no one in
this book that we're going to review
today is competent but we haven't even
told you what book it is yet because
honestly
yeah like we were like whoo this one is
gonna be a book to get through so
today
we are doing a joint review of
rock by j.a huss
um
it is worth just stating straight out
the gate
this entire book was inspired by
constantine by something corporate
um like and their lead singer andrew
mcmahon yes and
um
the nine and a half minute
piano rock ballad that is constantine
mind you
i'm a big something corporate fan i'm a
big jax mannequin fan
um
but also i'd say like constantine was
never the song i gravitated towards
well all of that and i said this earlier
i feel like the only reason and again
like don't at me about this but i feel
like the only reason that
constantine was
like as
popular as it was
was literally because andrew mcmahon
refused to play it and the reason that
he refused to play it y'all is not
because he was like this is my deeply
personal ballad that i can never play
it's because it was too long and it was
gonna [ __ ] up his set like he said that
in an interview it wasn't that it was
like
too much to play live it was just gonna
mess up the set
it feels like we have a lot of feelings
like i feel like
all right so also what i pounded before
we started is starting to hit so
okay
so
rock by j house rock is our main
character other names that he goes by
are rowan kyle which does not roll off
the tongue i want to be very clear
and rk so definitely doesn't roll off no
so we've got rock row and kyle or rk um
he is the lead singer and front man for
the
wildly popular band son of a jack yep
and so in the
prologue he is describing laying in bed
with this girl named missy
and
talking about how much he loves her
and it's very short but he's like i just
love her so much like she's gonna be my
one and only forever i'm gonna marry
this girl
and then the final sentence of the
prologue is so why did i kill her
i don't know
that's how i feel like almost every
chapter
in this book it ends in a way that that
is the music that i had going on in my
head um and i i mean so
a lot of the books that we have reviewed
are
light on the plot
you know
like it's mostly banging
and like a little bit of plot in there
which is fine because this is smug club
and that's what we did literally here
for that is the first rule as previously
established is that we talk about smut
but in this one it's like j.a huss was
like how much plot can i put into this
without having a plot well
and it feels like
there's it's less that there's plot and
more that it's just like
the mystery of what's gonna happen in
the next chapter like the tension of
suspense
was really driving the plot more than
there was
a plot because i also feel like at the
end of this book you're like wow we
wrapped that up real quickly and yet i
feel like a lot of things are left
completely unanswered here yeah we've
got a lot that is unresolved in this so
i guess instead of warning you of what's
to come we can just hop in and it's also
worth knowing all right we got rock row
and kyle rk he's gonna answer to all
three
he really uses the names depending on
who he's with so like the people he grew
up with he is rowan kyle the people who
know him as a superstar
rock god know him as rock close personal
friends call him rk yes and it's also
worth noting he is a recovering addict
which kills me y'all it uh we'll get
we'll be yeah there's a lot there just
kills but what we kind of know going in
is that he's in recovery
for
opiates opiates and had his bandmates
had forced him into rehab last year and
there's there's more to unpack there
um but that's kind of where we're
jumping in
so in the first chapter he goes home
to some small town in colorado
yes so eight weeks ago
um
what we know at this juncture is eight
weeks ago there was a car crash that
killed his entire band
except for the drummer his drummer
kenner um who he has not been in contact
with um
rock
rhone kyle rk has been in rehab for the
last eight weeks
and we know his throat was injured in
this house so he's not in in
in rehab for substances he's in rehab
for his
phase three larynx fracture
wait what i missed that
yeah i thought it was a like a hybrid he
was there both because of his awareness
fracture and because
of his sub his history of substance use
no so i literally just finished
listening
i just finished reading it this morning
[ __ ] when i got here like i don't know
in chelsea's driveway
so
he has by his report
eight months clean from opiates
yes
and so he's not in rehab for substances
he is in
rehab for like physical therapy type
rehab for the injuries he sustained in
this accident they are not nearly clear
enough about this i've read this book
twice
too many times honestly you're not wrong
i feel like most of hannah and i's text
threads have been
damn we are still rereading this one
um because also in
like with the backstory that we like
have to have going into this
um
the the girl from the prologue missy is
a twin yes her name is also melissa so
she goes by both melissa and missy which
is in case you weren't confused enough
by rowan kyle rk rock well and so then
to make it even more confusing missy
melissa
is a twin
identical identical twin and her twin's
name is mel so you you like you think
melanie yeah
right so you have melissa and melanie
who you think could both be nicknamed
mel because it is the first three
letters of both of their first names
just throwing that out there but instead
we have
mel and melissa who are identical twins
yes um and
rock
survived the crash that killed melissa
five years ago on prom night on prom
night so that's
a trauma we gonna come back to
again and again
more than you want to more than i want
to more than anyone wants to yes so he
in the first chapter he comes home to
this small town in colorado for the
first time in five years the first time
since melissa's funeral he comes home
and he gets to his house and his so it's
the house that like he had grown up and
yeah and his dad passed away last year
yeah and he did not go home for the
future yes he did not go home for the
funeral and the house was left to rowan
kyle rk rock
and
the his dad also had a bar called floats
which was left to
rk's brother
tj
toby john which also doesn't roll off
the tongue no like who named them
somebody drunk right so
rock is released to his home
that he inherited from his father his
father is no longer living and
rock's brother tj inherited floats which
is the family bar essentially yes and rk
has been essentially like
not house arrest but county arrest so
he's not allowed to leave the county
where his hometown is in
for the time being yes there's an
investigation because of the death of
his bandmates and so
he has been told he can't leave the
county until the investigation is over
so like he gets to his house and then
melissa not melissa
mel i'm gonna they are so confusing this
entire book lord help us all so melanie
shows up at his house and is on just
like full of angst like comes out super
[ __ ] honestly i feel like most of
their their interactions i'm like
neither of you
all right if we're just like going full
gottman theory
like if we're going for like couples
counseling i'm like we have all four
horsemen we really do have all four
horsemen
man that joke is going to be for a
select few but the ones who get it will
love it
um
but like i feel like one of the things
that john and julie gottman talk a lot
about is how you engage in conflict is
representative of how that conflict is
going to potentially resolve because if
you come out swinging it's going to be
way harder to resolve conflict right
it's just going to escalate yes and i
feel like that's just like what happens
this entire book yeah is i'm like no one
is wanting to come into these
conversations to just have like normal
conversations
so no one's here to resolve anything
right it's like melanie just like shows
up and is full of all of this angst
um and it's like i have a lot i've been
wanting to say to you all this time yeah
and
rock like flips out when he first gets
home and takes a sledgehammer to some
like concrete blocks that are in the
garage or something
and so mel finds him on his knees in the
garage
and he has just let out this like
guttural scream which is unwise because
of his phase 3 larynx fracture i got
really stuck on that i was like is that
a thing i had to look it up
it is a thing and i was like
ok ok
i guess i mean what the [ __ ]
it's soft tissue damage it can't be a
fracture fractures are for bones
whatever
that's i shouldn't guess that's not
gonna be the largest plot hole we
experienced today but it is an important
one so
melanie
lays in
to
rk
rock rock i
why do i keep wanting to call him rook
that's not even his name lord help us
rock that's just i'm gonna i'm i'm
choosing one of his three names because
i'm not gonna say row and kyle each time
yeah and so melanie lashes out at him
and then honestly i don't really
remember but like then he goes to floats
so he goes to his brother's
bar well we're missing something
important so
she
follows him into the house and she's
like you're gonna talk to me and he
like makes motions that he can't because
of his throat and
then they like hate [ __ ] on the floor
and it
right
probably i'm pretty sure i can't
remember if that was that one or the
next time that they interacted but i
think you're right i'm pretty sure it's
the first time and he's like i hate you
because you're not her
like right after she i think that might
be slightly in the future because never
mind okay
yeah that's but that's gonna happen real
soon though so it's pretty much the same
my bad so he does go to floats trying to
find drugs
for pain
but also like to say hi to his brother
and his brother much like mel also a
dick just like such a dick completely
lays into him i'm not a fan of tj this
entire time he's an [ __ ] this entire
book so then
like rk had gone to his brother's bar to
see him and they're like you're just
here for drugs
and then he goes to the liquor store
instead because that's what you want to
have happen yeah but honestly at the
liquor store he gets the best referral
because the kid working at the liquor
store is like my was it his uncle yeah
he's like my uncle's an ent in the next
town over and he can help you with your
throat issues and
rk's like thumbs up thanks buddy right
so
i mean how many of us go to the liquor
store and leave with a referral for a
new ent
and the guy does also offer him weed
but rk's like i i can't smoke i can't
smoke my throat yes
um so then within all this we learned
more about the band and the band mates
so kenner is the drummer kenner survived
and
our
yes had a lot of injuries but rk and
kenner are the og to the band and then
after they had decided they wanted to
start a band then you had ian moe
and elias yes and elias
join um
but what we currently know is that elias
ian and mo
are dead
[Laughter]
and rk believes that he was driving and
drove his car off a
cliff or something and killed the three
of them
and injured himself and kenner so he has
all this trauma because he's like
melissa died on
prom night because of me in a car crash
and now all of my band mates have died
because of me in a car crash five years
later
um
so when
rk gets home from the liquor store
melanie is in his bed
yep and
then he screams for her to get out of
the house and then she
like while he screams like get out she's
like stripping
and is like why don't you feel me up
instead and then rk is like oh she
sounds so much like her dead sister who
i was in love with
so i'm just gonna get into this instead
and then that yeah nigeria is when they
hate [ __ ] and then when she's like i
hate you for leaving and he's like i
hate you for not being the one that i
want
right so then she puts it pushes him off
of her and it's very clear that she
comes during this but it's not clear if
he comes and in the second reread i was
like does he not
does he not i got the impression he did
not like me too yeah no i definitely got
the impression that like they were
mid-hate [ __ ] she finished they got into
a fight while his dick was inside of her
right and then she pushes him off and
leaves like slaps him across the face
yeah like kicks him off of her
and although i mean to be fair
yeah like if i had a identical twin
sister and i were [ __ ] a dude and he
was like i hate you for not being the
sister i want
i would probably not respond great to
that either
no he had poor timing if he wanted to
finish he should have saved that for
later
he has only himself to blame here
so then he calls his manager jace
um jace is like a tiny sprite of a human
that
very fast yeah like
kicks but takes names i don't know like
she's they all love her um but then
jace is like i have to report that
you're home if you don't want the
sheriff issuing a warrant for your
arrest
and then but like we don't really know
we don't understand all of these threats
and we don't really understand what's
happening and we're not
arrested right then we know kenner has
woken up but kenner doesn't remember
anything yeah so ken what happened is
texting
rock and he's like
what the [ __ ] is happening don't leave
me here he tries to call him and rock is
like i can't talk
right now
like physically
yes he's like my throat is broken and
kenner's like please come see me and
then jace calls and is like no more
communication with kenner yeah she's
like tanner's confused and he needs time
to recover so no more communication
um which we don't think anything of
right now but then like in the future
you're like that's a little weird so
then the next chapter starts and it's
just this like super hard pivot where
rk wakes up to knocking on his car
window because he's sleeping in his
running car
on a monday morning in the parking lot
for the ent doctor that the liquor store
kid
referred him to yeah and all this
happens on a saturday night so he's lost
all of sunday
and the ent is like i don't have a ton
of appointments this morning like do you
want to come in like let me take a look
at you rock and so he does he goes in
and
the guy
does an evaluation he's like you've
clearly exacerbated your injury were you
doing a lot of yelling and he was like
maybe a little bit
and he was like we'll cut that [ __ ] out
and gives him a prescription for
anti-inflammatories and opiates and he's
like i am not here to dictate whether or
not you can manage your pain
um
but please don't fill this unless you
need to and then he's also like and
here's a referral for a licensed
therapist she's upstairs a licensed
psychologist she's her credentials are
lp phd lp
so yes licensed psychologist although i
have a lot of questions about her ethics
that we'll come to in the future so
yes he gets this referral then he
goes to the pharmacy picks it up gets
home he does not fill the opiates he
only fills the anti-inflammatories
valid good good point way to give him
credit i'm trying to do something why i
don't know
i don't know anymore honestly that's
okay so he gets home from filling the
anti-inflammatory
not the opiate prescription um once
again to find mel
in his bed
and so sleeping yeah she's like
completely sleeping in his bed and so
he's like well i guess i'm gonna go take
a shower and then when he gets out of
the shower she's gone she's gone but
then he starts to notice like a lot of
her belongings
throughout his house so then he decides
he's gonna go over to her house to
confront her yes um
but then we go to a flashback
where
we learn that
mel and missy
with their twin status
um mel would frequently
pretend to be missy yeah so mel tried to
convince rock that she was missy to go
on some kind of like
weekend trip with him
and missy shows up while rock is kissing
mel and he's like wait a minute who
what the [ __ ] is happening like you are
not missy
and
she's like it was worth a try and like
leaves and he's like what the [ __ ] is
happening right now
and we learned that like she's done this
a lot there have been times where they
look where they have like cottoned onto
it quickly there have been times where
you just never really know which twin it
was so we have that flashback just like
suddenly learning like
melissa would pretend to be missy on an
ongoing basis melanie would pretend to
be missy what did i say
melissa melissa would pretend to be
messy melissa is missing whatever what
the [ __ ] is this book
they are the same they're both mel god
damn it
like i'm like they could have named
these characters in such an easier
capacity
yes come on i apologize damn it
melanie
was pretending to be melissa
yes mel was pretending to be missy yes
and we we don't know how often she did
it but for all intents and purposes it
seems as though she pretended to be her
twin a lot
yes
and then we flash back to the present
and
i don't know what happens it's a lot
so
back to the present
um
rook not why do i keep calling him rook
that's not even a name in this book
i don't know why this is a thing for me
rock
just like goes to floats
um but like when he walks in like all
eyes are kind of on him like the band
like announces he's there
yeah well because um melanie is on stage
singing and playing
with the band
and he's there because he wants to get
something to eat
and
so he's feels all awkward and then tj
suddenly is being really nice to him
yeah like tj's like i'm sorry i was such
a dick last night in my head i'm like
you were a dick last night uh yeah
like you couldn't even say hello you
haven't seen your brother in five years
and you can't even say hello okay lay
into him yeah okay
um so he sees some friends from
childhood
sean and gretchen who
can [ __ ] all the way we will we'll get
to gretchen in the future but it's also
like they're like childhood friends that
he hasn't been close to but it just
seemed weird when they were like we all
tried to come and visit you when you
were in the hospital but like they
wouldn't let us in and you're like none
of you seem that
close
like
at no point is he reaching out trying to
engage with any of them the only time
that he ever engages with him is if he
happens to be in person in the same
space right so i'm very confused as like
why they like talk about them as if
they're like these like besties for life
yes yeah
um so
rk gets his take out
to go he picks it up and then falls
asleep and then wakes up
to find
melanie in his room
again
and then she's like i moved into your
house from across the street from my
house when your dad got sick
two years ago to take care of taking
care of is dying and you're like wait
what
so you've just been living
in this house
and then rk like loses it and screams at
her and then
is kissing her and then
melanie is like if you close your eyes
i'm her
which is gross and weird
like
and then
she started to like suck his dick and
then he's like no i can't do this yeah
he's like if melissa is looking down on
me right now i do not want her to see
this right and he's like sorry like
you're not the one i love but then
plot twist she's like
i am the one you love i'm not mel
i'm
missy and he's like [ __ ] all the way off
no you're not get out of my house and
kicks her out while she's naked
basically
what a day that was
all around like honestly like if we like
if we we could keep going but like we
could stop and just process that
there
what is even happening nothing and
everything
like his brother is being a dick not
being a dick he runs into some old
friends he gets them take out he goes
home his ex is like i've been living
in your house for the last two years
because i was taking care of your dying
father
also i'm not melanie i'm melissa i'm
missy i'm the twin you are in love with
yep and she keeps saying it over and
over and he's like get the [ __ ] out this
is the most [ __ ] up thing you've ever
done to me
i hate you you've always lied to me and
she's like no seriously
come on now like it's me
and he's like
no it's not
which also like
it's he's been home for a minute they've
already engaged in some sexual stuff
yeah
and all of the comments she made
were saying that she's melanie that
yeah and that melissa's dead
yeah
okay so [ __ ] it so he passes out
whatever we we uh we can't figure out
the mysteries of this book he he passes
out wakes up the next morning like
someone trying to like kick in his front
door and it finds it to be jace his
manager who then tj and tj but then like
they're making comments like we told her
not to say a word to you
like i think jay showed up and said that
and like yeah showed up like she's a
lion [ __ ] and it's like what
right and then all of the random
hometown friends
show up show up including gretchen and
yeah including gretchen who
she's in school to be an lmft and she
licensed marriage and family therapist
thank you
but you know what she's not no she's not
an lmft yet she's still in school and
hasn't done any sort of
residency program or associate license
program or whatever the [ __ ] you call it
in whatever state you live in but all
i'm saying is she is not equipped to be
a fully licensed therapist and she
shouldn't be touching any of this
because they're her personal friends for
[ __ ] sake
yeah honestly i love when personal
friends come to me and ask for [ __ ] and
then i'm like i'm so sorry
that would be an ethical violation
unfortunately ethically i can't help you
but i can provide you with some
referrals thanks bye
right or i'm gonna sit there and eat my
popcorn and tell them exactly what i
think i'd be like thank god this is in
therapy so i can tell you my exact
thoughts
but then yes so like everyone shows up
and then everyone is like no mel was
telling the truth she's not mel she is
in fact missy yeah and he's like
she has fooled everyone like this is not
missy this is melanie i don't believe it
and then he's like maybe i do
and she's like please give us a chance
and he's like okay
let's do it because i'm gonna prove that
you are melanie
none of it makes any sense y'all
like no matter which way you slice it we
can't make it better because then after
this whole revelation the next scene
starts
rk is back in his car waking up in the
[ __ ] ent parking lot
wearing rock climbing gear wearing rock
climbing gear and then
the ent like looks at him and he's like
yeah you're fine but you really need to
go up and upstairs and see margie
the licensed psychologist
um
and but it's like it's one of those
things where he's like we've never met
before like i've never seen her before
and then she is sitting there being like
we went over this years ago
mel died and then tells him he has
selective
dissociative amnesia
which
ah
it's just not that's not gonna be the
first poor diagnosis given in the well
no it is the first it's not gonna be the
last
diagnosis it's not gonna be the last
because and then she keeps saying he's
experiencing dissociative fugue states
where he apparently goes rock climbing
well we'll learn more about those but it
is one of those where you're like this
isn't a thing like he blacks out and
wakes up in rock climbing here because
she does tell him she's like there's
pictures all over facebook of you rock
climbing with your fans and so like she
like pulls about all of these pictures
and shows them
but then
he's like wait do i only black out from
mel's memories when i try and remember
what happened on prom night
who knows it's a mystery
[Laughter]
that is where i'm at right now props for
that
and we're nowhere near done so you
better keep going
we buckling in for this
so
um
he leaves the therapist after she's like
telling him he has selective
dissociative amnesia
and then gets back to his house and all
of the friends are there again all of
these like childhood friends
and then everyone is like once again
saying no mel really
was pretending to be missy because
gretchen
had a master plan
the
the girl who's in school to potentially
be a therapist had a plan to prote have
missy pretend to be mel yeah to like
stage some kind of intervention or
something to see if he would remember
he clearly did not
nope he failed that test
he failed that test
real bad yeah
um
so
then he goes to sit alone with his piano
and ponder his thoughts and starts
playing this nine-minute piano ballad
allah constantine
um that he had performed at
mel's funeral
aka missy's funeral missy's funeral that
he wrote for his dead childhood love
whichever one she was
whatever
we
playing this nine-minute ballad he looks
out the window and missy's just standing
there sobbing
watching him
and so then he like opens the door and
brings her in when he's done playing and
then he's like wait he's like did you
tell your sister to break up with me on
prom night if it wasn't you did you tell
your sister to break up with me on prom
night and she's like
no
okay but she says no but then she's also
like i didn't but we were going
different places yeah like her tone is
very much like i might not have been the
one to initially pull the trigger but
like the trigger was there and my finger
was on it yes like my sister just
tripped and pulled the trigger but like
i had it fully locked and loaded
beforehand
so she's like we were going different
places but then starts trying to explain
mel's behavior
yeah um well and she also says like
so apparently rock never wanted to be
a rock star he wanted to go to school
for music and just do music and live a
quiet life she wanted to be a rock star
she did not want to go to school and so
that's why they were going different
directions
also i don't think we ever mentioned
they are
across the street neighbors and their
dads were best friends and we're also in
a rock band together who were like a
one-hit wonder kind of fan but they
continued to write and sell their songs
to other bands
but none of that matters in light of
mel's childhood
schizophrenia jesus christ
and so you have missy being like
mel was your girlfriend at least half
the time she was sick
and he's like [ __ ]
off and she's like no seriously she was
sick
it was this childhood schizophrenia and
she starts describing like the first
time they switched places they were six
years old and melanie woke up one day
and said i'm missy you're melanie
let's see if we can fool the adults and
like made it a game
and
melissa
felt like it was just a game
like
this is so bad that chelsea is just
dying like she's just coughing because
she is ready to die
that's so unnecessarily dramatic
i have a tickle in my throat that i
can't seem to get rid of no matter how
hard do i have a layering structure
i do i'm pretty much rk this book was
based off of my life
and andrew mcmahon
right me and something corporate
inspired this book
so
she is like explaining essentially
sociopathic behavior
from
melanie well but also don't forget
she like starts telling him this stuff
and she's like no she had childhood
schizophrenia then he gets all pissed
and he leaves
and goes to like the next town over to
go to a bar oh right right right and so
he just like wanted to go sulk alone so
i want to
pause for a moment because
we are not describing the symptoms of
childhood schizophrenia
not at all anyone who has ever
heard of the dsm can probably tell you
this is not what childhood schizophrenia
looks like no first of all childhood
schizophrenia is
extremely rare
extremely rare and when it happens it is
not like
literal sociopathic
behavior yes like the way they're
describing it in this book is like a
manipulative six-year-old who
intentionally takes over her her twins
personality yeah and then just continues
to do it for the next 12 years
that is not childhood schizophrenia
childhood schizophrenia is like you know
having hallucinations
yeah i i i
think we can leave it there oh my
childhood schizophrenia because it
really does hurt it's me
hey there smud puppies
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[Music]
so
rk goes to out of town to another bar so
he can sulk alone but then like everyone
shows up at the bar to make sure he's
okay tj gretchen and missy all show up
yes and then missy's like i just want
the car ride back to the house to
explain can you just give me the car
ride home which is three hours
damn was it really three hours yeah he
drove a long ass way i i knew it was out
of the county i don't think i realized
it was that far
yeah whatever that was a weird matter
and so
technically this drive is where they
start to explain
that like
the that mel started
taking over missy's life when she was
like six
um but then we also learn that
on prom night
mel
pushed missy and locked her into the
like back like their basement bathroom
yeah like knocked her out like didn't
just push her but like
pushed her she hit her head and i think
i wrote punched not pushed well it
doesn't mean it's a very small font
ultimately
it doesn't matter
in the grand scheme of things
it doesn't matter regardless it does not
missy was knocked out melanie locked her
up in the basement
their dads both rk's dad and
mel and missy's dad were away
out of town and so
missy wakes up she's banging on the door
trying to get out screaming but nobody
can hear her
and melanie put on missy's prom dress
and all of her
jewelry and stuff um to go to prom with
rock
and like we also learned that like
missy didn't [ __ ] with mel like taking
over her life like she like cut all of
her hair off
and then
mel pitched to fit until their dad took
both of them to the salon
and then like they had matching haircuts
again yeah so there's just like a lot of
like
okay essentially i mean we've probably
explained this enough mel's a psychopath
we understand
but we also don't we also don't know if
his current girlfriend
love interest is mel or melissa right
um so then
what oh so then the next morning
missy gets up for work and she is a
server at floats tj smart for brunch on
the weekends so the night before rock
agreed to let her stay at his house so
she sleeps in his bed and he sleeps on
the couch so she gets up for work at
like five o'clock in the morning goes
into the kitchen and he wakes up and
she's like you should come with me and
he's like
no and she's like no seriously like come
with me well so she's like come with me
and then when he finally caves he's like
okay well i need to like go find some
new clothes and i think this is one of
my favorite scenes in the entire book
because he goes to change clothes and
his manager jace had sent all of his
stuff and so he's like going through the
boxes and sees one labeled gear and it's
rock climbing gear then he's like i
don't want
missy looking into this so he tapes the
box back up and puts a label on it that
just says secret yeah and i'm like i'm
sorry has anyone ever seen a box labeled
secret and not been like that's the one
i am immediately [ __ ] up that's the
one that you write like bathroom or
clothes or something on that you don't
want people going into what you don't
write is secret or kitchen because
people are going to go into [ __ ]
that says kitchen because i need kitchen
stuff
or a secret because i want to know
what's in there
yeah all i'm saying is if you really
wanted it to be a secret you screwed the
pooch on this one that is not how you go
about
like also he labeled it secret rk so
it's not even someone else's secret it
is clearly
only his secret
i'm like i i feel like we really missed
an opportunity here but
whatever
so
they they go to brunch at floats and i
don't know his relationship with his
brother tj is really weird i never
really get it but a waitress comes up to
him
and has a ticket stub for a show from
boston from the previous year and is
like oh my gosh could you please sign
this ticket stub i was at this show and
it would mean a lot to me and
the tj sees this happening and it's his
waitress and he's like no i've told all
of the staff not to harass my brother
not to bother him and get like super
pissed at the waitress right and her
name is alice he's like alice get away
from him
yes and so
rk is like okay i was just trying to be
play i'm gonna bounce now like i
do not care yeah
um
and then they get home from brunch i
don't know am i missing something there
i mean he goes out to help the guys who
are working the dock because floats is
on the lake
um and so he goes out to help the guys
who are working the dock and to get
prepared for
the
music festival season i'm still not
quite sure what's happening yeah
something like that
a
a pre-festival
party yeah then there's i don't know if
it's like a music festival i'm still not
really fully understanding again but it
doesn't matter it does not matter
ryoko's not rook dammit
holy [ __ ]
rock goes um and is helping and then
miss e is done with her brunch shift and
they go back to the house yeah and then
they
shower together and then they reminisce
and then they go back to floats yeah but
they don't bang and
they're just in the shower like bathing
each other and then
she's like you should come to floats
tonight i'm playing and he's like bet
let's do this
and then like at floats that night
also they have not had these
conversations like he's saying to people
he's like i'm i'm here to support my
future wife and like
then
does he pull her into the break room is
that what it is
does that happen then i think it does
happen then so he watches her on stage
there's a lot of security there's a lot
of sheriff's deputies and people around
for security he's like you guys there's
like 35 people who live in this town you
can probably calm down
but and we never understand why there
are so many of them
well later i guess we do but presently
we do not and so he's watching her on
stage and he's like holy [ __ ] that's the
hottest thing i've ever seen and he's
drinking
um a lot and then he pulls her
away and she takes him into the employee
break room and they bang
and then
he tells her he loves her and comes
inside of her yep and he is like how
could i have ever doubted that this was
missy obviously this is missy i'm also
like
was it just having your dick in her that
made you convinced well and the thing is
they never had sex when they were
teenagers he never banged her
before so their first bang was that hate
[ __ ] when he got home
where she was pretending to be her dead
twin yeah yeah there's a lot here
[Laughter]
so
anyway he
they [ __ ] he comes inside her tells her
he loves her but unfortunately the next
morning yet again he wakes up in the ent
parking lot
yes and once again he's wearing rock
climbing gear he lost a whole day so
this that was saturday night it's now
monday morning he lost all of sunday
and then the ent was like i'm not seeing
you go straight to the therapist or
something like that so he goes and he's
talking to the therapist and then margie
is a psychologist none of it she is
having not a single bit of it she's over
it
well and here's the frustrating thing
she's over it but in a way we're like
she knows all of the details and he
doesn't and i'm like hey maybe if you
just like clued him in on some [ __ ] this
would be a lot easier but she does not
but she starts like talking about the
night
that mel died and she's like no we
talked about this the night that mel
died like we talked and then
he like she's like why do you think you
survived the crash and she didn't do you
remember it and he's like i don't and
she's like well then
you need to go to the library and look
up the articles right like she's like
you're not trying hard enough you need
to be an active participant in your
recovery you need to go
figure this out i'm not having this
conversation again
you are not allowed to come back here
without enough but like also kind of
[ __ ] her yes like he is showing up
without an appointment but at the same
time i was like you know all of these
details and you just keep telling him
like you need to go answer the trolls
riddles three and like get your answers
and i'm just like we are not setting him
up for success while getting really
pissed off at him for not doing this
lord of the rings the man is ill
you just told him he's having
dissociative fugue states and we're not
going to help him or give him any haldol
like jesus christ we're going to send
him to the [ __ ] library
well and so here's my thing he goes to
the library and he's talking to the
librarian is like hey i'd really love to
see the news articles from like the days
because the library is closed that day
but the librarian is there prepping for
some reading programs honestly i could
not have even told you the library was
closed i did not give a [ __ ] well so i
remember that because he's like
smooshing his face into the window to
try to see if he can get in and the
librarian is like oh hello margie said
you would stop by
no i honestly i remember that part
because i remember thinking
when he goes into the library and starts
looking through everything then the
librarian comes up to him and it's like
hey just want to let you know margie
called and checked in with the sheriff
for you and i'm like so his therapist is
just calling everyone in town with
updates which is quite literally not how
hippo works no
at all not even a little bit and so
i don't know that really rubbed me the
wrong way because i'm like this book is
not painting therapist in a positive
light and we try really hard to not be
these people but also
she's not actively treating him the man
has clearly not signed an informed
consent
he's just shown up at her office twice
and she's been like i know secrets about
your past go find him
and then he's like can i have some help
and she's like don't come back without
an appointment and a trip to the library
and i'm still so confused by it she's
like
um
i could
help you right now but instead i would
like to encourage you to go on a
scavenger hunt
so he
is looking at this news article
and
like and he keeps in his head every time
he reads it it says melissa vetty died
from and it's like blurry and he can't
read it
yeah and so he has to ask the librarian
he's like what does this say and she's
like it says melanie
yeah and which gives the impression that
apparently christ and everybody in this
county knows
that this poor man
is experiencing some kind of weird
trauma response delusion situation
and is just chilling about it
like everyone is in on this weird town
secret but nice but it also feels like
they're very quick to get pissed off at
him and i'm like i don't know what you
want from this man but you are not
setting him up for success
so he leaves the library she gives him a
printout of the article because he's
like i can't read this right now it's a
very important piece
and then he drives back to his house and
the sheriff is there yeah and the
sheriff is like pissed that he'd escaped
their
lookouts i don't know yeah apparently
the sheriffs have been like chilling on
their street
to keep an eye out and he somehow is
getting past them and they're like how
did you get to your car at floats
because gretchen had given him a ride
home
yeah cause i'd had so much to drink
right is fair
and then
rk is like i rappelled off the cliff
behind my house that i'd installed some
anchors in my second day home and you're
like what the [ __ ]
and he's like in my heart i knew it to
be true yeah he's like i had no idea how
i knew that happened but i knew in my
heart it was true and i'm like this
feels like something you should know if
you're installing anchors into a cliff
feels unsafe so you can repel
down it so he rappelled down the rock
face
hiked to his vehicle in town and then
drove to the ent slash therapist office
and fell asleep in his truck in the
parking lot
but doesn't remember the entire day
chelsea literally just twitched
she literally just twitched it
i really i don't think i realized but
you're not wrong at all
well so then like the sheriff is laying
into him
and then while he was out
missy found his rock climbing gear
yeah she's like the [ __ ] is this and
then he's like now's a good time to tell
you i've been blacking out and rock
climbing when i do and he's like
suddenly i know the names of all of
these pieces of equipment
okay
right and then
so from there we suddenly jump to like
them talking about the news article that
he brought home and so he like says he
read an article
and this is where we actually find out
mel died by suicide yes and it was not a
car it was not a car accident so rock
was not responsible for her death she
died by suicide and he finally remembers
her jumping from the cliff yes and
there's a lot of detail is this where he
has the whole flashback i could not
[ __ ] tell you i skimmed it well
regardless he has a whole flashback at
some point i'm gonna assume it's here
where he remembers
driving like he remembers prom she
didn't want to dance with him she was
being really weird all night
and he was like what is going on and she
is basically breaking up with him and
he's like what is happening she's like
i'm not sleeping with you tonight and
he's like i've been waiting for this for
years you think that that's going to
make a difference to me like i just want
to spend time with you like
why are you being like this and she
grabs the wheel while they're on this
very treacherous road and
nearly takes them off and he's like what
the [ __ ] is wrong with you and she's
like pull over pull over i want to drive
pull over
he she's like you're drunk he's like i
had literally two drinks over six hours
can you calm the [ __ ] down and the
answer is no she cannot she's like i
will do it again unless you pull over
and so he pulls over at this little
turnout like turn-off point on the road
and
she gets out and he's suddenly like
you're not
missy you're melanie and she's like no
i'm melanie i'm melanie
and
oh yeah no i'm missy i miss you
and then he she gets up onto
the guard rail like standing on the
guard rail where there's like 150 foot
drop
and a cop pulls up and is coming towards
them
and she's like
she's like he's like this is obviously
melanie like please get down please get
down and she's like say my name i'm
missy i'm missy
won't you feel terrible
when you realize that i was missy and
he's like was
um excuse me past tense pardon me um and
so he's like missy okay just please come
down like he's trying to talk her down
off this guardrail
and she's like
um
basically you did this you killed me
i'm missy and then jumps
[Laughter]
it's not funny i mean it is funny but
it's i mean come on y'all what it's also
like damn this whole book
so
then flashback to the present yeah
and he
is asking missy to like come out to l.a
with him
yeah and it's been this weird thing
because like she was the one who had the
dream of being a rock star
and
he was the one who went and lived that
dream and
but then like you can't tell you're like
does she want that life does she not
want that life what does she want
because honestly then they just had a
weird fight i don't like it nor do i
care to get it and then she was like you
need to go finish the funeral song
yeah which is like i'm not coming with
you to la like that's not you're just
running away
i'm not doing that
but so the nine-minute song that he had
performed at mel's funeral
had previously been leaked
yeah um which we then find out his dad
was the one who had recorded it and
leaked it but it's one of those songs
that he'd never played again and
everyone was always chanting and
everyone was always wanting him to
perform the song right because it never
had a name
um and melanie or melanie [ __ ] a
missy was like you need to finish it i
think it's really important blah blah
blah blah
um and so
sh he's like i i don't the piano's out
of tune i can't do it and she's like
well lucky for you this whole recording
studio in your dad's basement did you
forget about your dad's recording studio
so he had he had and she had fully
stocked it with food and stuff for him
to go down there not what you stock a
music studio in a house with when you
just have a kitchen just walk upstairs
all i'm saying is then he's like i
wouldn't like
he just like doesn't sleep and has a
manic episode and finishes the song and
then you realize he's like been up for
like two days
um so then he's like you need to come
hear the song and then plays it for her
and then he's like no well like i want
to record another version with kenner in
the future but like you're the only one
who will ever hear this version
and then deletes it i'm like what is
even the point of this this side thing
that's going on so then we move forward
to
the pre-season party for whatever has
been going on the preseason parties that
flipped and it's a ticketed event and
barack is kind of like why is it a
ticketed event why is it a big deal and
then missy kind of discloses it so they
could have a roster for the sake of
security because there are threats being
made against rock to know like who is
there like who's coming in
and this is just for
the bands who are going to be performing
at this festival
and like the people who are working it
and the staff and that's it
it's supposed to be there
correct and then
rock is trying to ask his brother
tj about kenner
and realizing like his brother kind of
keeps pushing it off and then rock kind
of starts to realize he's like wait i'm
not the one who's not willing to talk
about my accident with my bandmates like
no one else is willing to talk about
yeah tj's like we'll talk about it
tomorrow we'll talk about it tomorrow
not tonight man like just enjoy yourself
not tonight
and this is a wednesday
which does wind up being relevant
because then
he takes missy home and they bang again
no no
oh oh i forgot yeah so as the party goes
on and he's drinking more he like goes
to the bathroom and comes out and runs
into a waitress the same waitress who
had asked him to sign her ticket stub
from the show in boston alice alice and
she's like a huge fan and has all of the
most recent episodes of like metal notes
magazine but all of the recent articles
are like where is rock like yeah he's
been on the cover for like three months
and he's like what the hell yes and he
like has no idea what's going on and
then she also pulls out like a bunch of
ticket stubs as well yeah then alice the
waitress is like asking for these
autographs and she's looking at me and
she's like do you even remember me don't
you remember don't you remember
and then tj shows up and he's like what
the [ __ ] alice we've talked about this
like stop fangirling over my brother
you're fired
um so then tj drives rock and missy home
that night he was their designated
driver
but then missy starts like asking him
about his rock climbing triggers and
blackouts and whatever right she's like
are you gonna black out tonight you do
it every time you drink and he's like no
i don't think it's related to drinking i
drank a lot when i was in la
and she's like you never blacked out in
l.a and he's like no
i'm lying about that he doesn't say that
out loud but he's like that's not true
but he's like no
of course not
so then tj takes them home and they bone
but then the next day
rock wakes up in in a hospital yes and
this very nice nurse
whose name is also alice this elderly
woman
is like who
seems to not have any [ __ ] to give
about hipaa yeah
hipaa is not a thing in this book it is
not fair this is the world where hipaa
does not exist she's like i looked up
all the information on your friend
kenner here's what i know well until
like he was here and then he was
transferred to a high security facility
because of the threats being made and
then he was kind of like
like rock is like wait what threats and
then alice is like oh wait
you don't remember i thought you'd
remembered everything
i didn't know you hadn't remembered or i
wouldn't have said anything so i can't
say anything more and then you're like
why the [ __ ] yeah she's like he was
life-flighted from big bear in
california and he's like
california what the [ __ ] are you talking
about all right but then alice the nurse
does tell him that someone had smashed
his throat in with a blunt object
and his bandmates were shot and killed
they were not killed in a car accident
yes and kenner
was also shot a few times and his arms
were broken also with a blunt object
yes but then the nurse is like saying to
rock she's like you know who it was but
you made yourself forget so like then
suddenly you're like oh [ __ ] the
killer's still out there he didn't
know like you like this book has gone
from him being responsible for the death
of like everyone to him being
responsible for the death of no one but
people still treating him like a social
pariah for
causing everyone's death yes i don't
know maybe that's how i interpreted that
but i do feel like i'm like everyone's
kind of addicted to him considering it
seems as though he hasn't really done
much of anything yes and then he is
walking out of the hospital and he's
like holy [ __ ] i'm bait
that's why all these cops have been
following me that's why all the extra
security i'm bait to see if the killer
is gonna show back up i'm bait yep and
so then he drives home yeah so he
realizes he's bait and then he
gets home and then
does he read the articles about him i
don't know i honestly doesn't matter
yeah he does he does read the articles
but they're not super helpful yeah they
aren't super helpful he's just like
getting more questions and answers like
we are reading this book and then
he gets home
and realizes melissa
missy is gone she is missing
missing missing actually gone and like
everybody's there tj the brother jace
the manager gretchen the friend all the
cops everybody is there
and tj punches him in the face and is
like where is she you did this just like
you killed your band i know that you did
this where is she tell me where she is i
really don't [ __ ] with dj the same time
dick
and he also this isn't really relevant
but apparently he was in the military
and
was deployed several times and like
is like an ultra badass or something i
don't know
so
and apparently he's gonna run for mayor
at some point in the future
whatever yeah so he's not gonna be a
good mayor if he lacks impulse control
of this capacity but
so he like is all upset with rock and
being like she's the reason like you're
the reason she's gone and you're the
reason she's missing and then he pulls
rock into the vetti house so like
missy's how she grew up in across the
street
from rock's house and there's like a
full stalker murder wall with tons of
photos of them and it says like
lying [ __ ] and spray paint on the wall
there's all these creepy
like long distance photos of mel or
missy
changing and naked in the shower and all
of this stuff and he is like i didn't do
this i got this wasn't
this wasn't me
and tj's like
you're a [ __ ] face it was you where the
[ __ ] is she and
rock is like where is kenner well no so
then the sheriffs are like hey tj we
were on him this entire time he's at the
hospital it was not him we have been on
him this entire time right and so then
tj's like well who hates you enough to
kidnap your girlfriend
and then rock is like whoever killed my
band mates
but then tj's like
you killed your bandmates
and i'm like really i don't think he
[ __ ] did i don't think you're giving
your brother any credit he smashed his
own throat with a blunt object of course
as we all have so then they're like hey
kenner is actually across the street
waiting for you to talk
right back at like rock's house he's
waiting kenner also knows who did it but
he won't talk until he talks to you
so
rock goes over to his house he sees
kenner they have a little moment of well
and then they're also like we need to go
someplace private in your house to talk
because they found like the sheriff's
found cameras in every room of your
house she's been watching you this whole
time yeah and you're like she's like
you're just hearing like she's been
watching this whole time and like your
girlfriend is dead if we do this wrong
but you're like
who is she
who is she we really still don't know
and so
then they're like we we don't have much
time or she'll kill her like she killed
us
yeah
so then rock kicks everybody out of the
house and then go down into the basement
recording area so they can talk
and kenner shows him all these photos of
him with this very beautiful gorgeous
blonde girl
rock climbing
and spending all this time with her and
he's like hold the [ __ ] phone
what
well and so what we learn and what we
realize is like oh this hot blonde who
he's rock climbing with and all of these
photos is alice the waitress
no
[ __ ] no one and by no one i mean
everyone
saw that coming so like in this
flashback and everything that's like
kind of being pieced together
alice had like they had met i think she
had initially met kenner rock climbing
and built trust and like has tried to
meet the other people in the band
and then alice was the one who actually
started giving rock
opiates and pills and like it kept
escalating then everyone else and the
heroine to heroin that's concluded
heroin have a great day so then everyone
in the band was like alice is bad news
bears and we should do something about
that so then the band forced rock into
rehab essentially to like protect him
and get him away from alice this crazy
chick this crazy chick but then
alice showed up in big bear and just
killed the entire band
yeah am i missing something i feel like
that's about how it went yeah so we have
like a little bit of a flashback where
rock starts to remember what happened
and it's like
the doorbell rang
mo answered the door and is immediately
like shot in the head
one of the other guys is like covered in
his blood and stuff and then he gets
shot and then she shoots somebody else
and everybody's just in shock like
standing there like what the [ __ ] is
happening
and then um
rock remembers that he
um tried to stop her it didn't work she
tried to shoot kenner she did shoot him
a couple of times
and then she turned to rock and went to
shoot him in the head but she was out of
bullets and so it was empty
so that's when she pulled out the baton
and beat him in the throat with it and
then turned around and beat kenner with
it because he was dying rock thought he
was dead because he'd already been shot
but he started screaming when his arms
were just horribly crushed and so he's
like at least he's alive
and then
um
they start hearing sirens alice turns
around stomps on his throat one last
time he blacks out and she disappears
this is so much
oh my god
so
then
back to the present we're piecing all of
this together and then we find out alex
has been like cryptically texting kenner
over the past few days essentially like
a poem or lyrics or something
of her it sounded like she was writing
her own [ __ ] haikus
there was nothing i was like i don't
think these are lyrics i think this is
just like her own doing but then
as
rock is reading through the
haiku's poems whatever lyrics that she
had been texting kenner he realizes
that
she has that alice has kidnapped missy
and taken her to the place of missy and
rock's first kiss which is a waterfall
that is about two miles away from his
home with a cliff
obviously yes
there you can't have a waterfall without
a cliff you know correct um so i mean
great news guys that second day he was
home and i think what might have been a
fugue state he and he installed those
like
anchor bolts for
for
rock climbing and repelling so he's like
all right
kenner let's grab our [ __ ] guns and
repel down this mountain
and it goes saved by women woman not
women no he doesn't want the other one
so then tj shows up and is banging on
the door of the basement and he's like
what the [ __ ] are you guys doing where
the [ __ ] are you like we don't have time
for this
missy is in danger
blah blah blah and rock is like listen
he is starting to remember he needs 10
minutes i don't remember he remembers we
need 10 minutes so that he can have a
moment and get himself together so he
can tell us what the [ __ ] is going on
and tj is like bet 10 minutes i'm timing
you don't [ __ ] with me
and rock is like 10 minutes will be
enough time to gather our rock climbing
gear and our rifles and rappelled down
the mountain and so they do
yeah so then you just like run into the
woods with their weapon i just like
so
no that's that's the right response
hannah take it
y'all i have to sneeze and it's one of
those where like i don't know if it's
gonna be better or worse if i like do
you have those moments rick i didn't
sneeze but it's ultimately so
unfulfilling yes okay i'm having one of
those so
they get to the waterfall yeah
and
they find like they they look up and
like a hundred feet up there's a
portaledge
tent
because alice is a pro ass rock climber
doing all of this on her own while also
carrying a body of a grown ass woman
yeah so somehow she gets an unconscious
i'm assuming missy
up the mountain into this or up the
cliff into this portalage tent so rock
they start to hear
the cops and tj and all these people on
dirt bikes and stuff in the woods and
they're like we gotta do this fast
because if they show up
like alice is gonna just kill missy like
this is gonna be real [ __ ] so we gotta
do this fast kenner
you stay in the woods stay
like i need you to cover me i'm going to
go out there
and so
he goes out y'all just like
do you even want to hear the end
yeah so let's see how we can best
summarize this in the quickest way we
can summarize it
um alice
finally sees that rock has gotten there
she cuts one of the tethers to the
portal edge tent yeah um rock's trying
to talk her down like i'm here for you i
love but then he's like you
she insists that he needs to climb up
then he's like a free climb of a hundred
feet up is a little bit dangerous i'm
like no [ __ ] my guy
and so go into a fugue then it'll be
fine apparently he's at his best with
rock climbing when he does not remember
these instances and just wakes up in
rock climbing gear
so he climbs up
and then
honestly i don't remember i don't really
care to remember somehow he gets alice
out of the tent
well i think she was already out i think
she's actually like trying to cut the
tether
yeah and then he managed to like get the
upper hand so like she falls a hundred
feet well no so so they start struggling
honestly hannah i don't care i just
listened to this so he shoots at her she
shoots at him it's a whole thing they
both drop their
guns she tries to come at him with the
knife that she's using to cut the tent
down and then her head explodes on the
side of the mountain because kenner
shot her
from the ground you're not wrong i think
i was thinking of then when her body
fell to the ground and then kenner went
back up to her body and then shot her in
the face
multiple times
so many times he was real mad so kenner
is like cut her body down cut her body
down it's weighing down the tent like
blah blah blah so
rock does that and then
yeah then he saves melissa yeah he gets
her strapped to him no one gives a [ __ ]
about the details like there's so many
details i'm like and honestly the
details get a little too heavy into rock
climbing gear where i'm like i
don't care to envision this further than
i currently am i learned the the word
portalage
and i didn't want to
honestly i've always thought portalic
like tens were super dope
i mean it's super cool
i would be interested to be very scared
to stay and i wouldn't want to do that
no that wasn't the terminology that
bothered me so that just makes me think
of
so
at work recently one of my co-workers
showed up wearing two different shoes
okay
they were they were like knee-high boots
and she apparently had a different
knee-high boots different knee-high
boots she had gotten dressed in the dark
and one of them was like a solid black
and one of them was black and then had
like a brown
cuff at the top yep very different boots
like the build of the boots totally
different she didn't notice until a
patient pointed it out to her and she
was like [ __ ]
okay so she just had to go through the
whole day wearing two different shoes
and she and i were in the nurse's
station talking to the nurses
and she's like i just feel like a
[ __ ] idiot wearing two different
shoes
and one of the medical assistants was
like no
listen
listen okay
like
this is a statement it's like an
asymmetrical top you know what i'm
saying like you are starting a trend and
she is hyping my co-worker up so hard
she's like this is like you do you like
nobody cares like this is awesome you do
your thing and then she's like i mean i
wouldn't do that
that's how i feel about portal instance
like i will hype it all day i wouldn't
do that
no such a story i'm sorry
it's just what i thought of
i was like i think for the longest time
i was like where is this going to
connect we're just getting stuck then
honestly like it felt like the punchline
landed and i was like i still don't know
where this connected and i was like oh
portal
i forgot i forgot about them along this
journey i just want to see how many
times we can say the word portalage
it's so many syllables yeah so
essentially rock saves missy
from the edge portal portal into portal
um
they make it
down the mountain without dying or being
crashed into rocks he makes her like a
makeshift harness
because he's a pro rock climber that he
didn't remember being um yep and then
they live and then the epilogue he's
like
i
so the epilogue they
go to the opening festival like two or
three days later
and kenner plays and tj plays and missy
plays and rock plays
the song
right oh i was it the song i never i
play something i don't [ __ ] yes so
missy had already been like headlining
this festival
and then as a surprise yep rock and
kenner and tj all came out and then
kenner was really nervous because he's
like what if i suck and then rock was
like it doesn't matter just us being out
here saying we survived saying like they
won't get us down like that's the win in
itself so like right he's like i could
sound horrible because of my broken
throat you could sound horrible
because of your broken hands trying to
be a drummer but like people will still
love us because we are out here trying
right and so
they go on the stage and they perform
i
was not under the impression it was the
nine minute song
but i did it doesn't matter it doesn't
really matter nor does it really clarify
um but then in the
they go
back to the studio in the basement of
rock's house and it's like him and missy
and then he's like
did you think that version was the final
version of the song that's not your song
i wrote you a different song and she's
like when did you write me a different
song
and he's like today while i was on stage
it just came to me it's a different song
and she's like oh well like what's the
name of this song the [ __ ] me song
and he's like the the will you be with
me forever song the will you marry me
song and she's like
what
what and then he's like so what's your
response and she's like the the yes
song i don't know some [ __ ] absolutely
song something stupid that's how it ends
and here's the thing y'all there are so
many reviews on the line on goodreads
that are like
this is such an epic love story and i'm
like i'm still not convinced it's not
the evil twin if i'm being completely
honest i think this might still be mel
in her final power move that would be
very verity
oh verity yes that would be a verity
move we we should review that at some
point it would be very calling hoover it
would be very colleen hoover too and we
do love colleen hoover
but yes the the way this ended was one
of those where i'm like
what
i feel as though
we tried to wrap up everything but like
here's the thing they make casual
reference to the fuke states he was
having when he was living in california
and i'm like so no one is [ __ ]
concerned about this kid
having regular fugue right this 23 year
old
kid
like
this should be a bigger
concern
i'm concerned
and then for for missy to be like
you are husband material
like they went from zero to reconciled
so fast yeah
like it really felt as if they had very
few conversations she just has a bomb
ass [ __ ] like he got in it and was like
i need to lock that down and that was it
okay so here's my question
what's our rating scale
twins how many twins no
no twins i can't how many fugue states
how many puke states
how many carabiners how many how many
hipaa violations yes
how many hipaa violations
like other people don't care about hipaa
violations we should choose something
more
more general
more inclusive yeah um well the other
thing that bothers me about this is if
he is truly a person in recovery from
opiates the amount that he's drinking is
highly concerned okay i felt that the
entire time but then i also feel like
throughout the book we realized
they were never concerned about the
opiate use they just wanted him away
from crazy alice right so i don't know
if he was an addict so much as he was
casually using opiates and then
physically dependent regardless he like
oh
i just okay so why don't we rate it by
the number of carabiners yes i do think
that is the same
out of how many
well they're small
out of ten but they hold a lot of weight
oh that's terrible so out of ten
i'm so ready to be done with this i
can't um yeah i'm gonna go
four carabiners that's generous
i was gonna say three
i think i was
i think i was at like three point two
five and politely rounding up
so i think we really gave it the same
review
oh just settle on three
um
so
i love to review books that we hate
i also love to review books that we love
so we do need we need to sprinkle in
more that we enjoy because this was not
enjoyable this was painful even on my
first read-through i am not gonna lie i
committed one of the worst sins that a
reader can commit
about like halfway through i was like i
cannot and read like the last two
chapters
i know yeah i know i know i know what
because i was like
you mean to tell me i sat through the
full version of this [ __ ] twice
and i had the option to sneak to the the
audacity no the audacity was you telling
me to read this [ __ ] book
i think i said
you want a train wreck
like i don't think i ever went into this
book giving it like a favorable review
but that said we do have several like
several books that we've recently talked
about that we want to review that are
super fun that
do not crush our souls the way this one
did so join us for those as well um you
should also read this and let us know
your thoughts because maybe we're
missing something maybe we're just
judgmental [ __ ] in fact not maybe we
are judgmental [ __ ] i will say in
all fairness this book has everything
you know like it has everything we have
identical twins we have childhood
schizophrenia we have dissociative fugue
states we have rock stars rock climbing
we have rock stars climbing we have
stalkers we do we have murderers we have
county-wide conspiracy we do like
we really cover so much ground in this
book yeah and yet cover no ground in
this book if anything we lose ground
yeah i'm giving up ground every time i
read this one i'm like we are falling
further behind yeah um but
read it form your own opinions let us
know what they are we'd love to hear
them so thanks so much for joining us
and can't wait to catch you next time
thanks y'all bye
next week on smart club
they decide they need to eat all she has
is pizza rolls and there there's a lot
of detail about these pizza rolls and
for some reason that really stuck with
me
like
he's he's making he's organizing them on
the cookie cheek like yeah yeah and then
it's like
like so descriptive of like taking a
bite of the pizza roll i'm like okay
jesus christ like we've all had a pizza
roll like everybody has been high at
some point in college and eating a pizza
roll we understand the experience not
just college
i was trying to be discreet you're like
no chelsea this book is all predicated
on what happened in college for them so
that's what we're focusing on for all of
us too
no one has ever smoking weed outside
smoking
broken i hate myself for that
holy [ __ ] i said it i was like that is
not damn it that is we're doing really
well with our words today and i feel
like it blows well
well that's it for this week's mud [ __ ]
we hope it was good for you
because it sure was great for us
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