1 01:00:01,250 --> 01:00:04,125 Good morning and 2 01:00:04,125 --> 01:00:06,875 welcome to Morning Cereal. 3 01:00:08,833 --> 01:00:12,875 Okay, good morning 4 01:00:12,875 --> 01:00:15,208 everyone and welcome to Thursday. 5 01:00:15,458 --> 01:00:17,541 This is everyone's favorite day before 6 01:00:17,541 --> 01:00:19,583 Friday and given that we 7 01:00:19,583 --> 01:00:20,958 are all up and at them, 8 01:00:21,208 --> 01:00:22,958 let's just jump straight into it with our 9 01:00:22,958 --> 01:00:23,791 quote this morning 10 01:00:23,791 --> 01:00:25,291 from Hailey Seinfeld who 11 01:00:25,291 --> 01:00:27,458 once said, "You're only as good as the 12 01:00:27,458 --> 01:00:29,458 people you surround yourself with." 13 01:00:29,916 --> 01:00:32,083 Now we all spend all this time trying to 14 01:00:32,083 --> 01:00:33,208 make ourselves better, right? 15 01:00:33,625 --> 01:00:34,750 But don't forget that 16 01:00:34,750 --> 01:00:36,333 your circle matters too. 17 01:00:36,750 --> 01:00:38,583 Surround yourself with people that make 18 01:00:38,583 --> 01:00:40,583 you better and lift you up. 19 01:00:41,125 --> 01:00:43,291 All right, here are your four moments 20 01:00:43,291 --> 01:00:45,875 that matter for December 11th. 21 01:00:45,875 --> 01:00:48,166 Now this day in history back in 2008, 22 01:00:48,500 --> 01:00:50,833 that is when Bernie Madoff was arrested. 23 01:00:51,000 --> 01:00:51,375 Remember this? 24 01:00:51,708 --> 01:00:53,666 And that was the beginning of the 25 01:00:53,666 --> 01:00:55,208 unraveling of the largest 26 01:00:55,208 --> 01:00:57,166 Ponzi scheme in modern history. 27 01:00:57,666 --> 01:00:59,083 $65 billion. 28 01:01:00,125 --> 01:01:01,583 And if you're wondering, that will get 29 01:01:01,583 --> 01:01:03,583 you 150 years in prison. 30 01:01:04,291 --> 01:01:05,875 All right, today's special day is 31 01:01:05,875 --> 01:01:07,708 International Mountain Day. 32 01:01:08,375 --> 01:01:09,125 Celebrate peaks, 33 01:01:09,458 --> 01:01:10,875 progress and perspective. 34 01:01:11,500 --> 01:01:12,958 And I'll have to give a quick shout out 35 01:01:12,958 --> 01:01:14,666 here to Pikes Peak in Colorado. 36 01:01:14,916 --> 01:01:16,333 That's my hometown mountain. 37 01:01:17,041 --> 01:01:18,541 Well, the number one song on this day 38 01:01:18,541 --> 01:01:22,500 back in 2003 was "Heya" by OutKast. 39 01:01:22,958 --> 01:01:24,250 Now I know you all know that song. 40 01:01:24,291 --> 01:01:25,375 One, two, three. 41 01:01:25,541 --> 01:01:26,875 Uh, happy birthday to you 42 01:01:26,875 --> 01:01:28,291 if today's your birthday. 43 01:01:28,708 --> 01:01:29,791 You share a birthday 44 01:01:29,791 --> 01:01:31,000 with Hailee Steinfeld. 45 01:01:31,208 --> 01:01:31,916 She's 29. 46 01:01:32,583 --> 01:01:34,291 Jermaine Jackson, Michael Jackson's 47 01:01:34,291 --> 01:01:35,375 brother and he's a 48 01:01:35,375 --> 01:01:38,458 musician too, age 71 today. 49 01:01:38,750 --> 01:01:40,458 And finally, the singer that originally 50 01:01:40,458 --> 01:01:41,791 sang "Rockin' Around the 51 01:01:41,791 --> 01:01:42,958 Christmas Tree," Brenda 52 01:01:42,958 --> 01:01:44,958 Lee, she is 80 today. 53 01:01:45,291 --> 01:01:46,375 All right, that brings 54 01:01:46,375 --> 01:01:48,166 us to book review time. 55 01:01:49,041 --> 01:01:50,500 Mel Robbins opens this 56 01:01:50,500 --> 01:01:52,000 chapter with a confession. 57 01:01:52,333 --> 01:01:55,041 Many of us feel, but we rarely say out 58 01:01:55,041 --> 01:01:57,041 loud in her book, "The Let Them Theory." 59 01:01:57,458 --> 01:01:59,583 Quote, "I let them do whatever they 60 01:01:59,583 --> 01:02:01,625 wanted and now I feel alone." 61 01:02:01,833 --> 01:02:02,250 End quote. 62 01:02:02,708 --> 01:02:03,583 Now this line hits the 63 01:02:03,583 --> 01:02:04,541 heart of people pleasing. 64 01:02:05,208 --> 01:02:07,500 When we constantly accommodate others, 65 01:02:07,875 --> 01:02:09,333 neglect our own needs and 66 01:02:09,333 --> 01:02:10,666 silence our own preferences, 67 01:02:11,041 --> 01:02:12,541 we don't just lose connection with 68 01:02:12,541 --> 01:02:13,416 people, we lose 69 01:02:13,416 --> 01:02:14,708 connection with ourselves. 70 01:02:15,208 --> 01:02:15,416 Right? 71 01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:17,583 Robbins explains that when you quote, 72 01:02:17,583 --> 01:02:18,291 "let them," at the 73 01:02:18,291 --> 01:02:19,791 expense of your boundaries, 74 01:02:20,416 --> 01:02:22,000 "you inadvertently train 75 01:02:22,000 --> 01:02:24,291 people to expect your silence. 76 01:02:24,958 --> 01:02:27,333 You teach them that your time and your 77 01:02:27,333 --> 01:02:29,666 needs and your comfort are secondary." 78 01:02:30,166 --> 01:02:30,375 Okay? 79 01:02:30,708 --> 01:02:33,500 And over time, this creates a lopsided 80 01:02:33,500 --> 01:02:35,500 relationship where you give 81 01:02:35,500 --> 01:02:37,166 and you give, but you rarely 82 01:02:37,166 --> 01:02:37,916 receive. 83 01:02:38,708 --> 01:02:40,750 Now Robbins writes, quote, "I disappeared 84 01:02:40,750 --> 01:02:42,375 to keep the peace and 85 01:02:42,375 --> 01:02:43,708 in the end I lost both 86 01:02:43,708 --> 01:02:45,416 the peace and myself." 87 01:02:45,416 --> 01:02:45,791 End quote. 88 01:02:46,375 --> 01:02:48,291 Now this section, it lays out how 89 01:02:48,291 --> 01:02:50,083 friendships erode, not only from 90 01:02:50,083 --> 01:02:52,125 conflict, but from imbalance. 91 01:02:52,916 --> 01:02:54,958 And when one person is doing all the 92 01:02:54,958 --> 01:02:56,500 emotional labor, texting 93 01:02:56,500 --> 01:02:58,000 first, checking in, planning, 94 01:02:58,500 --> 01:02:59,416 apologizing, you know, right? 95 01:03:00,041 --> 01:03:00,958 Resentment starts to 96 01:03:00,958 --> 01:03:02,625 grow quietly out of that. 97 01:03:03,083 --> 01:03:05,166 Then that person becomes exhausted. 98 01:03:05,166 --> 01:03:06,375 They'll start getting confused and 99 01:03:06,375 --> 01:03:08,083 ultimately disconnected. 100 01:03:08,791 --> 01:03:10,916 And Robbins reframes this painful 101 01:03:10,916 --> 01:03:12,750 realization as a turning 102 01:03:12,750 --> 01:03:14,375 point rather than a tragedy. 103 01:03:14,458 --> 01:03:16,750 Quote, "When you stop over-functioning in 104 01:03:16,750 --> 01:03:19,083 relationships, something amazing happens. 105 01:03:19,541 --> 01:03:20,916 You see who shows up." 106 01:03:21,125 --> 01:03:21,500 End quote. 107 01:03:22,333 --> 01:03:24,416 Some friends, they will lean into you. 108 01:03:24,833 --> 01:03:25,916 Some will drift out. 109 01:03:26,208 --> 01:03:27,625 And both outcomes, they 110 01:03:27,625 --> 01:03:29,000 reveal the truth for you. 111 01:03:29,250 --> 01:03:31,250 Mel emphasizes that loneliness after 112 01:03:31,250 --> 01:03:32,541 setting boundaries isn't 113 01:03:32,541 --> 01:03:33,666 a sign you did something 114 01:03:33,666 --> 01:03:34,250 wrong. 115 01:03:34,250 --> 01:03:36,125 It's a sign that relationships you were 116 01:03:36,125 --> 01:03:38,666 maintaining weren't sustainable. 117 01:03:39,208 --> 01:03:40,458 Quote, "I didn't lose 118 01:03:40,458 --> 01:03:41,458 friends," she writes. 119 01:03:41,958 --> 01:03:44,041 "I lost the version of myself who 120 01:03:44,041 --> 01:03:45,833 tolerated too much." 121 01:03:46,500 --> 01:03:46,750 End quote. 122 01:03:47,041 --> 01:03:49,583 Now Robbins encourages readers to use 123 01:03:49,583 --> 01:03:51,125 this season as an 124 01:03:51,125 --> 01:03:52,833 invitation to rebuild friendships 125 01:03:53,375 --> 01:03:56,125 from a place of balance and authenticity. 126 01:03:56,791 --> 01:03:59,125 When you show up as your full self with 127 01:03:59,125 --> 01:04:00,791 needs, with opinions and 128 01:04:00,791 --> 01:04:01,875 boundaries for yourself, 129 01:04:02,125 --> 01:04:03,000 then the right people, 130 01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:04,000 they don't disappear. 131 01:04:04,458 --> 01:04:05,583 They actually get closer. 132 01:04:06,041 --> 01:04:07,625 Okay, here's your Thursday takeaway. 133 01:04:08,291 --> 01:04:11,000 If you lose people when you stop people 134 01:04:11,000 --> 01:04:12,625 pleasing, you didn't lose 135 01:04:12,625 --> 01:04:14,541 friends, you lost patterns 136 01:04:14,541 --> 01:04:16,208 that were never helping you grow. 137 01:04:17,083 --> 01:04:19,583 So today, take a breath, claim your 138 01:04:19,583 --> 01:04:21,666 space, and climb your 139 01:04:21,666 --> 01:04:23,541 mountains one step at a time. 140 01:04:23,833 --> 01:04:24,291 Hey, thanks for 141 01:04:24,291 --> 01:04:25,375 joining Morning Serial today. 142 01:04:25,375 --> 01:04:27,416 We will see you tomorrow on a Friday. 143 01:04:27,958 --> 01:04:30,333 And until then, have a fantastic day. 144 01:04:31,000 --> 01:04:33,083 Don't forget to follow and subscribe to 145 01:04:33,083 --> 01:04:33,750 the Morning Serial 146 01:04:33,750 --> 01:04:35,833 podcast on the One Life Live 147 01:04:35,833 --> 01:04:36,291 It channel. 148 01:04:36,958 --> 01:04:38,791 You can find more episodes and videos by 149 01:04:38,791 --> 01:04:39,541 visiting our YouTube 150 01:04:39,541 --> 01:04:40,833 channel and the website 151 01:04:40,958 --> 01:04:44,958 at seanenglish.com, where you can also 152 01:04:44,958 --> 01:04:46,375 follow our other podcast, 153 01:04:46,708 --> 01:04:47,583 the Mr. and Mrs. English 154 01:04:47,625 --> 01:04:49,625 podcast and the Life Happens podcast. 155 01:04:50,500 --> 01:04:52,583 And these other podcasts will dive deeper 156 01:04:52,583 --> 01:04:53,500 into everyday issues, 157 01:04:53,750 --> 01:04:54,541 self-improvement and 158 01:04:54,625 --> 01:04:57,041 well-being, business and finance, and we 159 01:04:57,041 --> 01:04:58,333 welcome special guests too. 160 01:04:58,833 --> 01:04:59,541 So join us. 161 01:04:59,541 --> 01:05:00,833 It will be a good time, I promise. 162 01:05:01,541 --> 01:05:02,625 Thanks again for listening. 163 01:05:02,625 --> 01:05:03,791 Have a fantastic day, 164 01:05:03,791 --> 01:05:04,750 and we'll see you tomorrow.