WEBVTT 00:00:03.150 --> 00:00:04.170 Matt Abrahams: Hi, Matt here. 00:00:04.470 --> 00:00:06.720 Being put on the spot and having to communicate in the 00:00:06.720 --> 00:00:08.520 moment can be really stressful. 00:00:08.940 --> 00:00:13.350 In celebration of the two year anniversary of my book, Think Faster, Talk Smarter: 00:00:13.350 --> 00:00:16.950 How to Speak Successfully When Put on the Spot, we're going back into our 00:00:16.950 --> 00:00:21.390 vault for a Rethinks episode where I speak with Jenny Luna, our original 00:00:21.390 --> 00:00:25.530 executive producer, about ways to feel more comfortable and confident 00:00:25.560 --> 00:00:27.360 when you have to speak in the moment. 00:00:27.570 --> 00:00:30.540 Before we start the episode though, I wanted to quickly share that while 00:00:30.540 --> 00:00:34.635 I learned a ton writing the book, I am amazed at how much I continue to 00:00:34.635 --> 00:00:39.135 learn from readers all over the world who share their stories and successes 00:00:39.135 --> 00:00:41.085 since reading or listening to the book. 00:00:41.625 --> 00:00:45.735 Beyond the English edition, the book is now in fifteen other languages. 00:00:46.065 --> 00:00:49.635 I thank all of you for taking the time to learn from the book, and I am 00:00:49.635 --> 00:00:53.504 thrilled that so many people around the world are working to hone and 00:00:53.504 --> 00:00:55.245 develop their spontaneous speaking. 00:00:55.635 --> 00:00:58.004 Thank you, and on with the show. 00:00:59.385 --> 00:01:03.210 I gotta admit, I'm both excited and a little nervous. 00:01:03.450 --> 00:01:04.530 I'm in the hot seat. 00:01:05.354 --> 00:01:06.285 Jenny Luna: I'm Jenny Luna. 00:01:06.524 --> 00:01:09.795 Welcome to Think Fast Talk Smart, the podcast. 00:01:10.515 --> 00:01:13.875 Today we have a bit of a twist on our normal episode format. 00:01:14.294 --> 00:01:18.405 I'm going to sit in the host seat and put Matt in the hot seat. 00:01:19.215 --> 00:01:23.505 Matt's new book, Think Faster, Talk Smarter: How to Speak Successfully 00:01:23.505 --> 00:01:26.535 When You're Put On The Spot, launches at the end of this month. 00:01:27.134 --> 00:01:30.405 So I thought it would be fun to put him in the hot seat and ask him his 00:01:30.405 --> 00:01:32.445 thoughts on spontaneous speaking. 00:01:32.895 --> 00:01:33.315 Welcome. 00:01:33.315 --> 00:01:34.665 Matt, are you ready for this? 00:01:34.995 --> 00:01:36.855 Matt Abrahams: I am super excited for this, Jenny. 00:01:36.855 --> 00:01:37.275 Thank you. 00:01:37.275 --> 00:01:39.855 I'm gonna do my best to think faster and talk smarter. 00:01:40.095 --> 00:01:40.425 Jenny Luna: Okay. 00:01:40.575 --> 00:01:41.355 Let's get started. 00:01:41.655 --> 00:01:43.815 Your new book is on spontaneous speaking. 00:01:44.295 --> 00:01:48.140 How do you define that and what made you wanna focus on that for your book? 00:01:48.975 --> 00:01:52.155 Matt Abrahams: Throughout my life, I have always been spontaneous speaking. 00:01:52.155 --> 00:01:56.535 With the last name, Abrahams, AB, I have always gone first. 00:01:56.535 --> 00:02:00.765 So in elementary school, in high school, even in college and graduate school, I was 00:02:00.765 --> 00:02:03.015 always the first person asked to speak. 00:02:03.074 --> 00:02:04.365 I know what it feels like to 00:02:04.365 --> 00:02:06.150 be put on the spot. 00:02:06.150 --> 00:02:07.935 And that's really what spontaneous 00:02:07.935 --> 00:02:08.984 Matt Abrahams: speaking is all about. 00:02:08.984 --> 00:02:14.085 It's about that moment where you are called on to step up and say something. 00:02:14.085 --> 00:02:18.255 Maybe it's answering a question, giving feedback in the moment, fixing a mistake 00:02:18.255 --> 00:02:23.055 you made, being called on to introduce somebody, or even during small talk. 00:02:23.055 --> 00:02:27.465 So spontaneous speaking, if you think about it happens all the time in our 00:02:27.465 --> 00:02:29.835 personal lives and our professional lives. 00:02:30.495 --> 00:02:34.215 Jenny Luna: I didn't realize this had such personal roots for you, Matt. 00:02:34.215 --> 00:02:35.235 I really like that. 00:02:35.850 --> 00:02:38.190 And so how did you come to be interested in kind of helping 00:02:38.190 --> 00:02:39.750 others with this concept? 00:02:40.080 --> 00:02:42.270 Matt Abrahams: About a decade ago, the deans at the business school 00:02:42.270 --> 00:02:45.510 came to me with a problem, and the problem was that our incredibly 00:02:45.510 --> 00:02:50.280 bright students were panicking and choking in cold call situations. 00:02:50.280 --> 00:02:52.290 You know, where the professor says, what do you think? 00:02:52.290 --> 00:02:53.280 And you have to respond. 00:02:53.670 --> 00:02:56.340 Our students who knew the answers, who were very bright, 00:02:56.760 --> 00:02:58.440 could not in the moment respond. 00:02:58.440 --> 00:02:59.640 And they asked me, can you help? 00:03:00.135 --> 00:03:04.785 As a result of that, I got very interested in exploring how we can 00:03:04.785 --> 00:03:06.585 be better speakers in the moment. 00:03:06.585 --> 00:03:10.605 And through doing research on my own, looking into other fields, and 00:03:10.605 --> 00:03:13.665 collaborating with people here at the business school, but especially with my 00:03:13.665 --> 00:03:18.345 colleague from the arts department, Adam Tobin, who's an excellent improviser, 00:03:18.675 --> 00:03:20.505 came up with a lot of this content. 00:03:21.525 --> 00:03:22.065 Jenny Luna: Interesting. 00:03:22.095 --> 00:03:22.365 Okay. 00:03:22.365 --> 00:03:27.045 And I know you are famous around campus and out in the world for this six step 00:03:27.045 --> 00:03:29.175 methodology on spontaneous speaking. 00:03:29.595 --> 00:03:31.335 Can you walk us through those steps? 00:03:31.995 --> 00:03:35.085 Matt Abrahams: Famous is a big word, uh, but, uh, I, I've definitely spent 00:03:35.085 --> 00:03:36.495 a lot of time talking about this. 00:03:36.795 --> 00:03:39.885 The methodology that I've come up with, and that we walk all of our MBA 00:03:39.885 --> 00:03:43.125 students through, they can opt in to learn this content, and most of them do. 00:03:43.635 --> 00:03:45.225 It's really divided into two 00:03:45.225 --> 00:03:47.625 major areas, mindset and messaging. 00:03:47.625 --> 00:03:49.065 So we have 00:03:49.065 --> 00:03:51.495 Matt Abrahams: to adjust our mindset, and part of mindset is also 00:03:51.495 --> 00:03:53.145 dealing with anxiety and listening. 00:03:53.475 --> 00:03:56.685 And then messaging is about how we structure our messages, 00:03:56.865 --> 00:03:58.155 and then how do we focus them. 00:03:58.155 --> 00:04:01.335 On this podcast, we've talked a lot about structure. 00:04:01.335 --> 00:04:04.875 We've talked a lot about being concise and clear, and those are all 00:04:04.875 --> 00:04:06.585 part of the six step methodology. 00:04:06.585 --> 00:04:10.905 Jenny Luna: Yeah, I, we've talked a lot about managing anxiety a 00:04:10.905 --> 00:04:13.995 few times on this podcast, we've had a lot of guests talk about it. 00:04:14.880 --> 00:04:17.219 You did a whole episode on it a few years ago. 00:04:17.219 --> 00:04:19.980 It's one of our more popular episodes among listeners. 00:04:20.519 --> 00:04:24.840 Uh, so let's, let's drill down more into the mindset part of your methodology. 00:04:25.200 --> 00:04:29.219 Can you help us understand these different shifts that you suggest in a mindset? 00:04:29.550 --> 00:04:33.539 And also tell us what you mean when you write in the book about missed takes. 00:04:33.900 --> 00:04:37.200 Matt Abrahams: The way we approach communication period, but especially 00:04:37.200 --> 00:04:39.450 spontaneous communication, really matters. 00:04:39.945 --> 00:04:42.825 There are a couple key mindset shifts I think that we, we should 00:04:42.825 --> 00:04:46.784 adopt to feel more comfortable and confident in spontaneous situations. 00:04:47.385 --> 00:04:52.424 First is, we often strive for perfection, and I would argue that we should 00:04:52.424 --> 00:04:54.525 rather be looking for connection. 00:04:55.094 --> 00:05:00.195 On the very first day of the strategic communication class I co-teach, 00:05:00.525 --> 00:05:06.815 I have the audacity to say to my students, maximize your mediocrity. 00:05:07.284 --> 00:05:09.600 And Jenny, you should see their jaws drop. 00:05:09.600 --> 00:05:12.720 These students have never been told to be mediocre, but 00:05:12.720 --> 00:05:14.280 here's the logic behind that. 00:05:14.400 --> 00:05:18.450 When we strive to be great, when we strive to be right or perfect 00:05:18.450 --> 00:05:22.470 in our communication, it actually prevents us from doing it well at all. 00:05:22.920 --> 00:05:26.100 And it comes down to a simple issue of cognitive bandwidth. 00:05:26.400 --> 00:05:27.960 Think of your brain as a computer. 00:05:27.960 --> 00:05:32.250 It's not a perfect analogy, but when you're running your, your laptop or 00:05:32.250 --> 00:05:36.510 your phone, and you have lots of apps or windows open, your computer is not 00:05:36.510 --> 00:05:37.860 running as effectively as it could. 00:05:37.860 --> 00:05:40.050 In, in essence, everything's a little slower. 00:05:40.409 --> 00:05:43.500 The same thing is true when you're speaking and you're monitoring 00:05:43.500 --> 00:05:46.530 everything you're saying and judging and evaluating it as you're saying 00:05:46.530 --> 00:05:48.090 it, or even before you're saying it. 00:05:48.419 --> 00:05:49.800 You're not as effective. 00:05:50.190 --> 00:05:55.125 So when we dial the volume down, we can actually perform better. 00:05:56.234 --> 00:05:58.935 I'm not saying we shouldn't judge and evaluate what we say, we should, 00:05:58.935 --> 00:06:01.575 but if we turn the volume down a little bit, we can do it better. 00:06:01.575 --> 00:06:05.474 So the whole saying I tell my students on that first day, is maximize 00:06:05.474 --> 00:06:07.844 mediocrity so you can achieve greatness. 00:06:08.115 --> 00:06:11.205 When we focus on connecting with our audience, delivering a 00:06:11.205 --> 00:06:14.924 message that's relevant for them, we can actually do it better if 00:06:14.924 --> 00:06:16.575 we're not judging and evaluating. 00:06:16.575 --> 00:06:18.525 So that's the first mindset shift. 00:06:19.155 --> 00:06:20.414 Connection over perfection. 00:06:21.390 --> 00:06:24.330 The second is to see these spontaneous speaking situations as 00:06:24.330 --> 00:06:26.190 opportunities rather than threats. 00:06:26.550 --> 00:06:30.570 Many of us, when we're put under the gauntlet of Q and A, or asked 00:06:30.570 --> 00:06:34.350 for feedback in the moment, we feel like we have to defend our position. 00:06:34.350 --> 00:06:38.550 We have to be perfect in the threat of challenge. 00:06:38.550 --> 00:06:39.840 And so how do we deal with that? 00:06:40.110 --> 00:06:43.050 We get in a very tight body posture. 00:06:43.050 --> 00:06:45.240 Our responses are, are curt and short. 00:06:45.240 --> 00:06:46.380 Our tone is harsh. 00:06:46.845 --> 00:06:51.015 If we see these as opportunities, as the ability to connect, 00:06:51.015 --> 00:06:55.185 to expand, to collaborate, it changes completely how we feel. 00:06:55.575 --> 00:06:56.475 Now, I'm not naive. 00:06:56.475 --> 00:06:59.985 I know people do actually challenge us, but even in those moments, 00:06:59.985 --> 00:07:04.095 if we see it as an opportunity to connect, it really changes things. 00:07:04.095 --> 00:07:07.005 So we wanna strive for connection over perfection. 00:07:07.005 --> 00:07:09.495 We wanna see these circumstances as opportunities. 00:07:09.495 --> 00:07:13.335 And then finally, many of us fear making mistakes. 00:07:13.335 --> 00:07:14.625 We don't wanna make mistakes. 00:07:14.924 --> 00:07:19.455 And as we've talked about on this podcast before, mistakes are ways that we learn. 00:07:19.455 --> 00:07:22.815 You, you have to break a few things in order to actually learn and progress. 00:07:23.114 --> 00:07:26.594 So I like to encourage people to reframe how they see mistakes. 00:07:27.104 --> 00:07:29.835 And, and, you know, in the making of films or television, 00:07:29.835 --> 00:07:31.185 they, they do lots of takes. 00:07:31.185 --> 00:07:33.195 We've all seen that little clapboard that comes down. 00:07:33.195 --> 00:07:34.140 They say, take one, take two. 00:07:35.415 --> 00:07:38.985 I think if we see our communication and the, and the things that go 00:07:38.985 --> 00:07:44.145 wrong, as missed takes rather than mistakes, it can really help us. 00:07:44.445 --> 00:07:49.065 So when a movie director is looking at a particular scene, she might be 00:07:49.065 --> 00:07:52.965 asking the actors to do it again and again, different takes, not because any 00:07:52.965 --> 00:07:56.775 one take is wrong, but because they're looking for something a little different. 00:07:56.775 --> 00:07:58.725 Maybe you do it standing up versus sitting. 00:07:58.725 --> 00:08:00.895 Maybe you put a little more emotion in one part versus the other. 00:08:01.500 --> 00:08:05.130 So when things don't go the way we want them to, if we see them as a missed 00:08:05.190 --> 00:08:10.290 take, just another opportunity to do it differently next time, that feels very 00:08:10.290 --> 00:08:12.330 different than having gotten it wrong. 00:08:12.330 --> 00:08:16.500 So those three mindset shifts can make a big difference in our communication. 00:08:16.980 --> 00:08:19.620 Jenny Luna: I love this concept of turning the volume down, 00:08:19.620 --> 00:08:21.540 turning the internal volume down. 00:08:21.980 --> 00:08:26.520 And then taking things not as threats, but as opportunities, and then reframing 00:08:26.550 --> 00:08:30.330 into a missed take instead of a mistake. 00:08:30.735 --> 00:08:31.395 That's great. 00:08:31.965 --> 00:08:32.204 When it 00:08:32.204 --> 00:08:34.515 comes to structure, I love in your book 00:08:34.515 --> 00:08:38.235 Jenny Luna: how you provide series of examples and advice for situations 00:08:38.235 --> 00:08:43.845 we find ourselves in like small talk, making an apology, giving a toast, or 00:08:43.845 --> 00:08:46.545 an introduction, and giving feedback. 00:08:46.725 --> 00:08:47.444 That's a big one. 00:08:48.105 --> 00:08:52.574 Um, the one structure that I put into use right away was your pitching structure. 00:08:53.010 --> 00:08:56.610 Can you share that with listeners and then give an example of pitching structure? 00:08:56.970 --> 00:08:57.510 Matt Abrahams: Sure. 00:08:57.510 --> 00:09:01.380 So often we're in these circumstances where we have to sell an idea 00:09:01.380 --> 00:09:04.260 or sell a product or a service, and we're put on the spot. 00:09:04.260 --> 00:09:06.449 You, you literally get in the elevator with somebody 00:09:06.449 --> 00:09:07.290 and they say, what do you do? 00:09:07.290 --> 00:09:10.350 And you have to give that elevator pitch, and it can be hard. 00:09:10.590 --> 00:09:13.680 As a result of work I've done here at the business school with lots 00:09:13.680 --> 00:09:18.420 of entrepreneurs, I developed a four sentence structured pitch. 00:09:18.449 --> 00:09:21.540 If you finish these sentence starters, you have a good pitch. 00:09:21.540 --> 00:09:27.915 And they are, what if you could, so that, for example, and that's not all. 00:09:28.185 --> 00:09:32.985 So if you finish each one of those, it gives you a really tight, clear 00:09:33.314 --> 00:09:37.095 pitch and idea of what it is that you are selling, if you will. 00:09:37.545 --> 00:09:42.615 So let's say I was explaining to somebody about our podcast, Think Fast Talk Smart, 00:09:42.615 --> 00:09:44.925 something that you do amazing work for. 00:09:45.525 --> 00:09:48.285 And somebody, let's say I'm in an elevator, or I'm at a small 00:09:48.285 --> 00:09:50.145 talk, uh, chitchat situation. 00:09:50.145 --> 00:09:52.095 Somebody says, tell me about your podcast. 00:09:52.485 --> 00:09:57.975 I would say, what if you could learn to hone and develop your communication 00:09:57.975 --> 00:10:01.935 skills, so that you can achieve your personal and professional goals? 00:10:02.295 --> 00:10:06.495 For example, you could learn how to be more confident, more persuasive, and 00:10:06.495 --> 00:10:08.655 even more creative in your communication. 00:10:09.045 --> 00:10:12.165 And that's not all, you'll join a wonderful community of other 00:10:12.165 --> 00:10:15.314 people who are also trying to build their communication skills. 00:10:15.944 --> 00:10:19.155 Do you hear how just finishing those four sentences really 00:10:19.155 --> 00:10:21.015 provides a tight, clear pitch? 00:10:21.405 --> 00:10:26.265 It makes it relevant, it makes it impactful, and memorable. 00:10:26.445 --> 00:10:27.225 Jenny Luna: I'm sold. 00:10:27.225 --> 00:10:29.505 This sounds like a fantastic podcast. 00:10:29.595 --> 00:10:30.615 Matt Abrahams: Well, you should listen to it, maybe. 00:10:31.935 --> 00:10:34.635 Jenny Luna: Uh, something that we hear time and again from our 00:10:34.635 --> 00:10:38.175 guests, and from our listeners, is how well you do with paraphrasing, 00:10:38.535 --> 00:10:40.515 being concise and being clear. 00:10:41.085 --> 00:10:44.055 You have a chapter in your new book, what you call the F 00:10:44.055 --> 00:10:45.975 word of spontaneous speaking. 00:10:46.275 --> 00:10:48.405 So can you give us some advice around that 00:10:48.615 --> 00:10:51.135 Matt Abrahams: F word for focus, not that naughty word that some 00:10:51.135 --> 00:10:52.365 of you were, were talking about. 00:10:52.365 --> 00:10:56.655 I think paraphrasing is a critical tool in communication, and one of the 00:10:56.655 --> 00:11:01.065 ways that you can be more focused is to make sure that what you're saying is 00:11:01.065 --> 00:11:02.660 relevant and targeted to your audience. 00:11:03.260 --> 00:11:06.710 Asking clarifying questions and paraphrasing serves as 00:11:06.710 --> 00:11:08.360 a tool to help you focus. 00:11:08.630 --> 00:11:13.190 So if we are in a conversation and you ask me for feedback, I could jump right 00:11:13.190 --> 00:11:17.000 into giving feedback or I might say, I might ask you a question, uh, do you want 00:11:17.000 --> 00:11:20.240 feedback about what you said or about what we could do differently in the future? 00:11:20.240 --> 00:11:23.090 And that clarifying question helps me focus. 00:11:23.450 --> 00:11:28.040 So there's a lot we can do to help focus our messages based on what we do before 00:11:28.040 --> 00:11:29.930 we actually provide those messages. 00:11:30.200 --> 00:11:33.810 Certainly there are things we can do once we're speaking as well. 00:11:33.990 --> 00:11:38.970 I'm a huge fan of trying to eliminate extraneous words or acronyms or jargon. 00:11:39.120 --> 00:11:44.790 So really focusing on focusing our messages is critical, especially in 00:11:44.790 --> 00:11:49.230 spontaneous speaking because so often we are actually taking people along 00:11:49.230 --> 00:11:52.590 the journey of ourselves discovering what we want to say as we say it, 00:11:52.860 --> 00:11:54.445 and we say much more than we need to. 00:11:55.260 --> 00:11:57.630 Jenny, you've heard me say this many times, but I'll share it again. 00:11:57.959 --> 00:12:00.780 My mother has this wonderful saying that gets to the heart of this. 00:12:01.140 --> 00:12:02.189 Tell me the time. 00:12:02.339 --> 00:12:03.719 Don't build me the clock. 00:12:04.050 --> 00:12:06.780 Jenny Luna: Focus is a great segue into my next question. 00:12:06.780 --> 00:12:11.910 We've had a lot of guests talk about mindfulness, taking a pause, focusing 00:12:11.910 --> 00:12:14.775 on the breath, when we're getting anxious about our communication. 00:12:15.705 --> 00:12:19.095 I know that you practiced martial arts and you have for many years, right? 00:12:19.395 --> 00:12:21.285 Matt Abrahams: I have decades, yes. 00:12:21.435 --> 00:12:24.015 Jenny Luna: So what similarities, I'm curious, do you see between 00:12:24.015 --> 00:12:26.445 communication and martial arts? 00:12:26.865 --> 00:12:28.935 Matt Abrahams: I love this question and, and thank you for asking. 00:12:28.935 --> 00:12:32.295 I don't often share about my martial arts journey, but I, I've been doing 00:12:32.295 --> 00:12:33.975 the martial arts for four decades now. 00:12:34.005 --> 00:12:35.655 I've, I've studied many, many styles. 00:12:35.655 --> 00:12:38.775 I still, uh, participate and teach the martial arts today. 00:12:39.315 --> 00:12:43.355 And it, it's been so instructive to me in so many ways. 00:12:43.465 --> 00:12:47.280 But in terms of communication, the martial arts teach you to be present, 00:12:47.819 --> 00:12:55.530 to respond to what's happening in front of you, to think about how your moves, 00:12:55.530 --> 00:12:59.490 or what it is that you do, impacts not just the person in front of you, 00:12:59.495 --> 00:13:00.865 but the environment and situation. 00:13:01.005 --> 00:13:04.620 And all of those are mirrored in communication. 00:13:04.980 --> 00:13:09.120 I am a better communicator because of my martial arts and perhaps a better martial 00:13:09.120 --> 00:13:10.860 artist because of my communication. 00:13:11.219 --> 00:13:12.750 But they're, they're intimately linked. 00:13:13.020 --> 00:13:17.400 I encourage everybody to try to find a physical practice that can 00:13:17.400 --> 00:13:21.390 inform our day-to-day interactions and who we are in the world. 00:13:21.390 --> 00:13:23.459 And for me, the martial arts have done that. 00:13:24.479 --> 00:13:27.449 Jenny Luna: I know you tell a great story about a martial arts 00:13:27.449 --> 00:13:29.939 experience you had as a young person. 00:13:29.939 --> 00:13:33.120 I'm wondering if you can tell that story again just while we 00:13:33.120 --> 00:13:34.560 have more listeners right now. 00:13:36.105 --> 00:13:36.855 Matt Abrahams: Thank you, Jenny. 00:13:37.365 --> 00:13:42.135 The, perhaps the most embarrassing moment of my entire life happened 00:13:42.135 --> 00:13:43.605 when I was a fourteen year old boy. 00:13:43.635 --> 00:13:48.465 On the very first day of my freshman year, my English professor had all of us 00:13:48.465 --> 00:13:51.075 stand up and tell what we did that summer. 00:13:51.435 --> 00:13:55.145 Of course, I went first, as I said, uh, being first row first seat. 00:13:55.704 --> 00:13:57.795 And at the end of the day, he came up to me and said, Matt, 00:13:57.795 --> 00:13:59.204 you're good at this talking thing. 00:13:59.265 --> 00:14:01.185 I need you to go to this speech tournament. 00:14:01.364 --> 00:14:04.454 I think every teacher had to send one student from their classes. 00:14:04.454 --> 00:14:05.505 So I was his student. 00:14:06.074 --> 00:14:08.145 And he said, give a speech on something that's important to you. 00:14:08.145 --> 00:14:10.064 So begrudgingly I went. 00:14:10.064 --> 00:14:12.435 I put on, you know, I had my dad tie a tie for me. 00:14:12.435 --> 00:14:14.114 I was wearing pants that were way too short. 00:14:14.114 --> 00:14:15.255 I had grown over the summer. 00:14:15.584 --> 00:14:19.125 I show up seven thirty in the morning, giving a speech on the martial arts. 00:14:19.125 --> 00:14:20.834 That was important to me then as it is now. 00:14:21.535 --> 00:14:24.600 And in the room are forty or fifty people. 00:14:24.870 --> 00:14:27.450 The parents of my friends who are judging, my friends, the 00:14:27.450 --> 00:14:28.950 girl I liked is in the room. 00:14:29.939 --> 00:14:30.810 It's my turn to go. 00:14:31.290 --> 00:14:32.490 I'm so nervous. 00:14:32.490 --> 00:14:33.600 I am so nervous. 00:14:34.199 --> 00:14:37.680 So nervous that I forgot to put on my special karate pants. 00:14:37.680 --> 00:14:40.110 If you know anything about the martial arts, the pants you wear are very 00:14:40.110 --> 00:14:41.640 loose fitting so you can do kicks. 00:14:41.640 --> 00:14:44.969 And that's exactly how I started my speech, with a karate kick. 00:14:44.969 --> 00:14:48.540 It got everybody's attention, and it really got their attention, because 00:14:48.540 --> 00:14:50.910 when I did this kick, I ripped my pants. 00:14:50.910 --> 00:14:53.730 I kid you not, from zipper to belt buckle. 00:14:53.990 --> 00:14:56.310 In the first ten seconds of a ten minute speech. 00:14:56.790 --> 00:15:01.949 And it is at that moment, and from that moment, that I became fascinated by 00:15:01.949 --> 00:15:04.665 the impact of anxiety on communication. 00:15:04.665 --> 00:15:07.995 And that's what really motivated me to actually study it and do 00:15:08.055 --> 00:15:12.855 everything that I've done, all goes back to that gym on a Saturday 00:15:12.855 --> 00:15:14.295 morning as a fourteen year old boy. 00:15:14.295 --> 00:15:17.535 So yes, the martial arts had a huge impact on me. 00:15:17.595 --> 00:15:20.415 It exposed me to so many things, literally and figuratively. 00:15:20.564 --> 00:15:23.295 Jenny Luna: That's a great story and there are so many things that 00:15:23.595 --> 00:15:27.435 influence our work that come from our personal lives as an example of that. 00:15:27.915 --> 00:15:31.995 Matt, let's take a break from spontaneous speaking and ask 00:15:31.995 --> 00:15:33.915 you about hosting this podcast. 00:15:34.005 --> 00:15:37.545 I feel very fortunate to be part of our small but mighty team. 00:15:37.905 --> 00:15:42.165 And I'm curious how you feel about having completed a hundred episodes. 00:15:42.615 --> 00:15:44.895 Matt Abrahams: The first word that comes to mind is gratitude. 00:15:44.925 --> 00:15:48.105 It has been a true pleasure to work with you, Jenny, and all the, 00:15:48.105 --> 00:15:51.285 the work you do behind the scenes to make this thing a success. 00:15:51.645 --> 00:15:55.035 Our colleague Neil, and others, in, in the marketing communication 00:15:55.035 --> 00:15:56.475 team is, is fantastic. 00:15:56.835 --> 00:16:00.495 But the thing that I'm most grateful for is just the connection that 00:16:00.495 --> 00:16:02.445 I and we have with our listeners. 00:16:02.865 --> 00:16:08.115 It has been truly a blessing and just amazing to get to know people from all 00:16:08.115 --> 00:16:12.450 over the world, from all walks of life, from places I've never heard of, who are 00:16:13.110 --> 00:16:18.515 not just benefiting from the podcast, but also connecting to our larger community. 00:16:18.944 --> 00:16:22.470 And really helping each other and role modeling some of the 00:16:22.470 --> 00:16:23.310 things that we talk about. 00:16:23.310 --> 00:16:27.090 I have learned more hosting this podcast from our guests and our audience 00:16:27.090 --> 00:16:29.040 members than I ever thought possible. 00:16:29.340 --> 00:16:32.790 So when you asked me what do I think about it, how do I reflect on this, it's, it's 00:16:32.790 --> 00:16:34.260 really just from a place of gratitude. 00:16:34.260 --> 00:16:35.070 It's been awesome. 00:16:35.400 --> 00:16:35.610 Jenny Luna: Okay. 00:16:35.610 --> 00:16:38.910 Well, I thought we'd end today's show a little bit differently since on a 00:16:38.910 --> 00:16:43.260 prior episode, you've answered the questions that you ask all of the guests. 00:16:43.560 --> 00:16:47.940 I wanna put you to the test and ask you to think faster and talk smarter. 00:16:48.495 --> 00:16:51.824 I'm gonna give you three prompts that reflect some of the situations 00:16:51.824 --> 00:16:54.824 that you provide in your new book and ask you to respond. 00:16:55.155 --> 00:16:55.905 Are you ready for that? 00:16:56.715 --> 00:16:56.835 Matt Abrahams: I am. 00:16:56.835 --> 00:17:00.495 And just so everybody knows, I have no idea what Jenny is gonna ask me. 00:17:01.425 --> 00:17:01.755 Jenny Luna: Okay. 00:17:02.205 --> 00:17:03.495 Well, I treasure feedback. 00:17:03.885 --> 00:17:08.085 What is one thing you would suggest that I could do to be a better podcast host? 00:17:08.744 --> 00:17:11.984 Matt Abrahams: I'm going to leverage the what, so what now, what structure that I 00:17:11.984 --> 00:17:15.345 teach, and for those of you who haven't heard me talk about this, what is the 00:17:15.345 --> 00:17:18.824 information, the idea, the product, the service, in this case, the feedback, 00:17:19.454 --> 00:17:21.165 the so what is, why is it important? 00:17:21.284 --> 00:17:26.085 And the now what is, what could the person do differently or, or what comes next? 00:17:26.474 --> 00:17:29.745 So I'm gonna find some constructive thing to say because you asked for it and I know 00:17:29.745 --> 00:17:32.294 you truly, uh, accept feedback is a gift. 00:17:32.865 --> 00:17:38.175 There are times where you have been looking away in our conversation and it, 00:17:38.355 --> 00:17:42.105 for me, it's a little hard because I know you make such intense eye contact always. 00:17:42.105 --> 00:17:45.555 So the feedback I would give you in the what is sometimes you look 00:17:45.555 --> 00:17:46.965 away when you're asking questions. 00:17:47.504 --> 00:17:50.595 When you do that, it makes me feel disconnected. 00:17:51.135 --> 00:17:52.004 That's the so what. 00:17:52.245 --> 00:17:55.815 So in the future, I would ask that you keep your eye contact on me 00:17:55.935 --> 00:17:59.085 or whoever you're interviewing to really help foster that connection 00:17:59.085 --> 00:18:00.465 and make it easier on the guest. 00:18:01.425 --> 00:18:04.905 Jenny Luna: It sounds like by making more eye contact, we can be more 00:18:04.905 --> 00:18:07.725 successful in our communication, and I'm gonna work on that. 00:18:08.294 --> 00:18:10.485 Matt Abrahams: Wow, great paraphrase. 00:18:11.475 --> 00:18:13.635 Jenny Luna: It takes a lot of listening to be able to do that. 00:18:13.844 --> 00:18:17.385 Okay, so we have a new resource we're providing listeners who want to learn 00:18:17.445 --> 00:18:19.274 English by listening to our podcast. 00:18:19.725 --> 00:18:21.435 How would you pitch that to them? 00:18:21.889 --> 00:18:23.504 Matt Abrahams: Alright, so we're gonna try this. 00:18:24.120 --> 00:18:29.370 What if you could learn to feel more comfortable speaking in the English 00:18:29.370 --> 00:18:34.230 language, so that you can participate in some of your daily and business 00:18:34.230 --> 00:18:35.970 interactions more comfortably. 00:18:36.690 --> 00:18:41.250 For example, you could learn specific idioms and phrasing that 00:18:41.250 --> 00:18:45.720 might help you in situations that you encounter, and that's not all. 00:18:45.930 --> 00:18:49.890 You'll be able to enjoy Think Fast Talk Smart episodes even more. 00:18:51.135 --> 00:18:51.675 Jenny Luna: Wonderful. 00:18:51.675 --> 00:18:53.895 That structure really does work well. 00:18:54.345 --> 00:18:55.425 Okay, question three. 00:18:55.845 --> 00:19:00.465 The entire Stanford GSB community has come together to celebrate the podcast. 00:19:00.885 --> 00:19:02.264 You have to give a toast. 00:19:02.685 --> 00:19:03.014 Go. 00:19:03.645 --> 00:19:04.064 Matt Abrahams: Oh boy. 00:19:04.455 --> 00:19:06.435 So I have a structure I teach in the book. 00:19:06.435 --> 00:19:07.605 It's called WHAT. 00:19:07.695 --> 00:19:10.304 WHAT for giving toast and tributes. 00:19:10.304 --> 00:19:12.495 The W is, why are we all here? 00:19:12.824 --> 00:19:16.455 The H is, how are you the person speaking connected. 00:19:16.860 --> 00:19:20.490 Then an anecdote or two, that's the A. And then finally the thanking 00:19:20.490 --> 00:19:21.540 or the toasting at the end. 00:19:21.540 --> 00:19:22.860 So it's WHAT. 00:19:23.280 --> 00:19:29.070 So I might say thank you all for being here to celebrate the GSB's Think Fast 00:19:29.070 --> 00:19:32.129 Talk Smart hundredth anniversary episode. 00:19:33.090 --> 00:19:38.010 I, Matt, am the host of this podcast and just one of, of a small but mighty 00:19:38.010 --> 00:19:39.720 team of people that bring this to you. 00:19:40.275 --> 00:19:44.415 I remember back, years ago, when we were first thinking of this idea 00:19:44.415 --> 00:19:47.865 and brainstorming and wondering, would anybody ever listen, let alone 00:19:47.865 --> 00:19:49.455 want to be a guest on the podcast? 00:19:49.725 --> 00:19:53.055 And it has been fantastic to see that people actually do wanna 00:19:53.055 --> 00:19:54.555 listen and do wanna join us. 00:19:54.825 --> 00:19:58.125 So I thank every single one of you for being here, and I thank every 00:19:58.125 --> 00:20:01.845 single one of you for being a part of the Think Fast Talk Smart family. 00:20:02.475 --> 00:20:03.105 Jenny Luna: Wonderful. 00:20:03.105 --> 00:20:03.995 Hear, hear. 00:20:04.335 --> 00:20:08.850 And congratulations, Matt, not only to a hundred episodes, but to your new book. 00:20:09.210 --> 00:20:11.940 I know we're all looking forward to cracking that open, um, your 00:20:11.940 --> 00:20:15.900 passion for communication, and thank you for your concise, clear, 00:20:15.900 --> 00:20:20.100 and helpful guidance as always, and I wish you well on the new book. 00:20:20.430 --> 00:20:23.250 That was a great conversation and I look forward to many more. 00:20:23.685 --> 00:20:26.115 Matt Abrahams: Jenny, thank you so much for all you do for the podcast, 00:20:26.115 --> 00:20:27.735 for sitting in and interviewing me. 00:20:27.855 --> 00:20:31.395 While this guest seat is pretty comfy, I look forward to getting 00:20:31.395 --> 00:20:32.715 back into the host seat soon. 00:20:35.595 --> 00:20:38.475 Thank you for listening to this Rethinks episode of Think 00:20:38.475 --> 00:20:40.485 Fast Talk Smart, the podcast. 00:20:40.815 --> 00:20:44.685 To learn more about managing speaking anxiety, please listen to episode 10, 00:20:45.285 --> 00:20:50.375 and to work on your spontaneous speaking mindset, please check out episode 112. 00:20:50.910 --> 00:20:55.740 This episode was produced by Katherine Reed, Ryan Campos, and me, Matt Abrahams. 00:20:56.010 --> 00:20:57.690 Our music is from Floyd Wonder. 00:20:57.750 --> 00:21:00.270 With special thanks to Podium Podcast Company. 00:21:00.660 --> 00:21:03.870 Please find us on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. 00:21:03.990 --> 00:21:06.060 Be sure to subscribe and rate us. 00:21:06.360 --> 00:21:09.570 Also follow us on LinkedIn, TikTok, and Instagram. 00:21:09.960 --> 00:21:14.010 And check out fastersmarter.io for deep dive videos, English language 00:21:14.010 --> 00:21:16.200 learning content, and our newsletter. 00:21:16.740 --> 00:21:20.250 Please consider our premium offering for extended Deep Thinks episodes, 00:21:20.370 --> 00:21:25.370 Ask Matt Anythings, and much more at fastersmarter.io/premium.