Welcome to the Love, Sex and Leadership podcast where you can discover simple tantric teachings to embody your true power, awaken your soul's wisdom and live an inspired life as a natural, intuitive and heart centered leader. Hello, welcome everyone to Love, Sex and Leadership. I am very excited to have a friend who's had some good journeys with in this last couple of years. His name is Rasmus. He's, he's a amazing business owner. He's run many successful workout gyms in Denmark. He's been the chairman of multi international businesses and organizations and and now is really doing a lot of men's work. A few years back I was supporting him, which was a beautiful memory, supporting him on his 50th birthday with several of his friends and colleagues from around the world and just a, an incredibly heart centered man, that's father, that's present, that has a desire to give back to men in his community and really be an inspiration moving forward and very excited to have him on the show. So welcome Rasmus. Thank you, thank you so much for having me. Appreciate it. Yeah, so maybe just share a little bit about yourself and your, you know, part of the thing we talked about on the show is around conscious leadership and your journey with, you know, running gyms and being a leader in that side, especially from the business side and you know, some of what your journey has been the last, you know, 10 years or so. Well, it's not only 10 years because I'm almost turning 52, so it's about a little bit longer than that since I dove in. I've been very actively engaged in health and planning fitness sector for the past 25 years. And it actually stems out of my past in the elite sports. I used to be on the Danish national karate team and when we traveled the world, we often use gyms to prepare before competition. So we borrowed their group exercise studio and then we did the karate to adjust for time zones, for instance. And when we went for instance to the US the gym industry was far more advanced than it was in Denmark. At the time it was more like the bodybuilding industry in Denmark than the health and fitness industry. So I was at the time studying to become a market economist and I wrote my final paper on creating a Danish healthtube chain based on the international experience that I had from traveling. That meant including all generations and children and for people of all ages and sizes. And that basically became the foundation those thoughts for what later became the largest health club group in Denmark, which I did with two partners. I was pretty young at the age at the time, I was 25, I believe, when I dove into this. But I've always been really driven by passion in regards to helping other people live healthier, happier lives. And it started with exercise. Then a few years back, I then became the chairman of very large Danish company that provides a platform for coaches that help with nutrition and exercise. So I added the exercise piece and then going through a very challenging divorce myself. I came to understand it doesn't really matter much if you have a six pack or if you eat. When life hits you hard, you really need tools in your toolbox. And that basically forced me to do the work that I had been avoiding through working really intensely. So I was what I did. But I also used my work to numb myself. I used my sport, my elite sport, to numb myself. And so I basically been outrunning my childhood trauma for years and years, years. And to the outside world, it looked like healthy ambition, but what it really was, and a part of it was passion, but a part of was outrunning things. And at that time, I just couldn't outrun things anymore. And that basically is why we met each other, right, at a retreat where you helped me tremendously with some of the work that I hadn't done. So, yeah, a lot of leadership within health and fitness and then more and more coming home to myself, being forced to come back to myself and do the work. Yeah. Yeah, beautiful. Yeah. I'd love to kind of unpack more of, you know, a lot of men in this field as CEOs and running businesses and, you know, go through the journey of divorce and kind of building up something and having kids and having wife and then recognizing it, you know, know, in some ways, it. It crumbles. I'd love to hear kind of maybe a few of the. The moments when you recognize the. The. The time when this life that you had built, that you had created with the. The woman you love, you realized that there was a. There was a fork in the road and something was shifting. Like what were some of the. The inner dialoguing that was happening at that time to. To kind of recognize that a change was necessary. There's a Danish philosopher, Sren Kierkegaard, who says, life is lived forwards but understood backwards. And there's so many things I understand now, but I didn't really understand as I was living it, basically as I built all these successful businesses. I crashed all my relationships during it. And for me, I just remember the feeling of, oh, I'm in a relationship, but I still feel empty. Inside, there must be something wrong with my partner. So I changed partner and I changed partner, and the feeling stuck with me. And obviously also because I had to work so much to outrun my own trauma, I couldn't be fully present in the relationship. And obviously the relationship didn't really have the foundation to flourish. Those are things that I see clearly now. But I believe I was so blinded by building, and I also gave myself the excuse, more or less. Well, I'm the provider, so I have to create this because you want me to pay the bills and you want me to do this and that. So you need to give me space to do all this. Basically, don't get in my way while I'm out running my demons, please. And then I found a good excuse of why they shouldn't get in my way. And I also, not only for them, but also for myself. I think these things are complex, right? Because the fact is, I lost my mother when I was 16. She got very ill with cancer when I was 15. I remember she wanted to do an alternative treatment, and we didn't have money for that. So for me, not having money means you will die. Somebody close to you may die. So for me, building businesses and create. Have financial success was also I would be able to take care of those who are closest to me, because I wasn't. I was 15. I couldn't pay for my mom's treatment, and I felt powerless. So for me, I would never want to be in that situation again. So part of me was also chasing financial security. Yeah. Beautiful. And. And, you know, I'm curious to hear your thoughts. But, like, what I see with, you know, a fair amount of successful businesses and CEOs is there's this desire to create dissimilar to what happened to you, to kind of fulfill that. That wound that you had from. And, you know, and I guess a certain point came with, as much as you're continuing to create, there was a bit of an emptiness underneath. There was a bit of a. Like, as much as I have, I don't still actually feel full inside. And for, you know, for the men that are seeking, you know, they're coming to you that are seeking more support. Where. Where's the shift that allows them to recognize that the values that they're driving for and more money and supporting and being a bigger provider. And where's the shift when they recognize it? Maybe one of the biggest values is having family around them. And then if they don't actually put time and energy into it, then it's just Going to be another thing that fades away. Because I see a lot of men in that place, like, they have that wound inside. They run a healthy company, they're moving ahead, but then they realize that as much as they're doing that, they're just creating other wounds because of the wound that they've been trying to cover up. No, for sure. I think, and I've spoken to other successful business owner about the same, that we, we basically wish that we could share the feeling of having accomplished what most men believe is happiness. Notice we had a story. Most men believe. Yeah, most men believe that happiness is all of that accomplishment. But it's actually not. No, that, you know, I had a boat in the harbor, I had my Aston Martin in the garage and a Harley and, you know, more cars. And I lived in this big, beautiful house overseeing the ocean. I had millions in the back bank. But when my life fell apart, none of that helped. You know, there's somebody coined an expression, I'd rather cry in a Ferrari. And it just, I promise you, it didn't help me much to cry in an Aston Martin. It was horrible. The only thing. But you know, the thing about money is if I think about gave me the freedom to do a tantra retreat, for instance, that we did together, I could take the time and I could spend the money and I could take me to Costa Rica more times to do ayahuasca retreats as well. I had the best private train. I could hire you to come celebrate my birthday and facilitate for other men to open up their world. So for sure, finances gives you opportunities and freedom. And more than anything, I remember my girlfriend said to me, you're the richest person I know. Not because I am financially the richest, but because I can spend so much time with my children. And I think that's. That's super beautiful. And so I do strongly believe that men have, in general, an idea that if I get this car, if I get this job, if I get this house, if I get this amount, if I get this body fat percentage, all these things, things will make them happy. Only to realize that when they reach doesn't change much. It changes something for a little while, but only for a very little while, because everything that really makes you happy is inside of you, not outside of you. So. And I think there was a palliative nurse, Bonnie Rare, who wrote this book, five Regrets of the Dying. And none of it has to do with anything financial or physical. It's all about your relationships. And actually the longest study ever conducted on longevity and happiness A Harvard study that is 80 going on the 85th year, something like that proves very clearly that it's the quality of your relationship that is the number one determining factor for your lifespan and your happiness. So we, but what we men chase this illusion, oh, we have to have the money, then we will get this and that and we'll be so happy. But we're chasing an illusion. Yeah, yeah. I remember for myself when I, after I finished at the Maritime Academy, I was, I went into, to take a, like a very high paying job in New York City working for a maritime brokerage firm. And I, and I went in, I did the interview. It was all, you know, in the direction of things I thought I wanted. And I took a walk outside. I remember looking at the park bench and you know, and seeing people sitting on the park bench looking at people passing by. And I just saw this level of emptiness. I saw this level of the, the people not quite there. And there was just like chasing, chasing, chasing, chasing. And something shifted with me in that time. You know, it's 20, 23 at the time. And it was just this place of recognizing and appreciating that I wanted more than just chasing and wanting money. You know, I mean, I'm successful now. I have, you know, three beautiful properties and you know, a great successful coaching business. But that was a shift for me. That kind of opened up a whole new arena of, of work, of coaching, of expanding and you know, a few years later ended up doing my, my master's in psychology. But you know, I think it's something that a lot of men don't realize until later on in life. And it's a bit sad in that sense. It's sad that the impact of how the, you should say the, the changes in life are kind of developing and growing into, you know, the, the life of the businessman and how often when things of strong, you know, values for family aren't really put there, an individual isn't really making that most important. And usually it's through some type of challenge falling on their ass. You know, a midlife crisis where there's an aha, there's an awakening, there's a recognition of something else that's necessary to be done and to be created. Which is what I think brought you, you and I together. Yeah, yeah, for sure. I felt I fell through the floor. So I basically, when I work with men now, I kind of, I say we have, we can exist in three levels. We can be suffering, we can be surviving or we can be living. And I think a Lot of us are stuck in survival mode. And then as you mentioned, life event may happen, like you may get fired, you may end up in a divorce. And that then means that you go out of survival into suffering. And because that is so incredibly painful, you have to start working with yourself. And the reason I believe we're so stuck in survival is that we prefer a known pain over an unknown happiness. And that means that some of the worst thing, one of the worst things that can actually happen to you is that you end up in something that is bad, but not bad enough for you to leave. So you can live in something half bad for the rest of your life. If it turns really bad, you have to leave. So basically, in some regard, it's a gift because it forces you to, to make a shift. I guess this is in many ways why you see a lot of men kind of saying in sexless marriages that they're, they're a bit miserable, they're, they're not quite, you know, on par and in there. And then through time, it's like they, they, they're hoping that things might change, but instead of embracing the change, they're like, let's just, you know, try to deal with the known pain as you're saying, rather than actually be with the unknown where something new could open. I know this is painful, but there's a future projected feeling that somewhere in the future there's going to be more pain. I don't want to deal with that more pain. So I'll deal with the pain that I'm dealing with now. Exactly. So we stay stuck. And what then often happens, or at least according to statistics, approximately 3, 2 out of 3 divorces are initiated by women. So then you have men who are not really used to dealing with emotion being forced to deal with emotion. Because that's incredibly powerful to go through a divorce, especially when you're not the one initiating it. That's your choice. You're being forced into it. And what I've seen and what I hear is a lot of times that couples, they have children, they're very dependent on these children, on their mother, especially during these young years. And then when they become slightly more independent, the mom kind of wakes up and said, what happened? Where did I go? I became like this feeding machine, became a mommy, but what about me? And then they started waking up and said, I want to reclaim me. I want to feel the world, I want to feel myself again. And then they initiate a journey of self awareness. They start yoga, meditation, breath work. And then they look at their partner, the man, and says, well, you're not moving. You're exactly the guy that I met 25 years ago say, yeah, I'm exactly that. And he sees that as something positive, and she sees that as something negative. Because you're not evolving. I'm evolving. They're not moving along the same road. And because she's going one direction, he may be on the same, but it still means that there is greater and greater distance in the relationship. And I think sometimes as men, we're unaware of this. And we're basically being called to action. Come on, you have to go to me. When with me on this retreat. Or let's do yoga. Let's do this. Ah, come on. And we, you know, it's not very masculine. Oh, we should do couples counseling. Ah, we don't have any problems. And then all of a sudden she says, okay, I'm gonna pack my bags, I'm gonna leave you. And then we're in trouble because then we are forced to do all the things that we're invited to do but declined. And there are basically two ways we can move. No. Either we can just buff up, go to the gym, try to look our best, buy a new car, try to find a new girl, flash a little bit with some money, if we have some, and then attract something. And what we will attract is not what we want. We will attract who we are. And given that we, we are the same that just failed in a marriage, we're going to fail equally in the next relationship, but because we're going to attract something that triggers what we haven't dealt with within ourselves. So that's why I really hope with the men that I work with at least to make it a learning experience when they go through this hardship in life. I know for me, when I went through my divorce and all that it had forced me to look into, I said, okay, this is by far the worst and the hardest moment I've ever been through in my life. So I want to learn more from this than I've learned from anything else in life. And that's basically my thought pattern as well with the men that I work, because some of them are really in pain. Yeah. And you know, what a beautiful mindset to have. It's like rather than trying to evade the pain and pretend like it doesn't exist. And what I'm hearing you share is really an open minded, open hearted approach saying, wow, I've gone through a lot. I build businesses. Life has presented me a lot of gifts. And here I Am It's a bit painful. But where's the, where's the gifts that I can mine from this situation? Where's the learnings? And rather than just ending up at the bottom of a alcohol bottle, actually embracing the gifts that are there. And what do you feel like in your being allowed you to take that mindset? Because I see a lot of men that don't take that mindset. They take the mindse of, ah, you know, you, and you've done this and just the, the, the, the blaming, the shaming, the attacking. Does their, you know, ego has been hurt because their wife left them or they're, they're going through that challenge. So what do you feel like it was inside of you that enabled you to kind of take that? What I hear is a growth mindset, like something here is for me and not against me. I think it comes from two different places. One is my elite sports background. So I was used to training intensively. Four months for a competition. I'll travel for days to go to the competition and then I lose in the first or the second round. So what do I do? I go back to the gym, I work out hard and I go back to the next tournament. And you know, if I had won the tournament, what I would have done, I would have gone back, worked out in the gym, prepare for the next tournament. So win or lose, you just have to work and continue. Life goes on. So I think that mindset of not allowing you to be set back by defeat is something that I've learned and I know that there may be victory. Just because I lose now doesn't exclude the fact that I can win later. So I think that was part of it. The other part of it was that I was very aware that I came out of a dysfunctional family in the regard that my mom and dad were divorced. As I was born, my mom married again. Her second husband then sexually abused me. My mom, they separated. She became more alcoholic and more violent than she was before. So it was a very unsafe environment. I then considered suicide at 11, but moved to my father. And at that time I started being bullied in school instead. Violently bullied, because I was very smart. So they moved me up one grade. But I came from a little bit bigger city and came out to a smaller city. And I still don't fully understand why I was bullied, but I was the smartest kid, but I was the smallest kid and I was the new kid. So maybe the interest from the girls, I don't know what triggered these boys. I Do know one reached out and said, you know, I'm so terribly sorry for what we did to you, but I was really beaten up at home and I needed release somewhere, and I am so sorry that it. It happened to be you. So that was very beautiful, actually. So I was. And then I said, my mom got sick at 15. She died when I was 16. And I know. So the guy who sexually abused me was sexually abused. My mom was beaten by her father. So I was fully aware that there is a lot. You know, some kids are so fortunate that they can look at their parents and said, I'm going to use you as my role model for how I will be a parent. What I learned from my parents was more like, okay, this doesn't really work so well because this was incredibly painful for me to experience as a child. So my responsibility more than anything is to break the pattern, break the heritage that they had gotten and said it ends with me. And a lot of the work. So a lot of the work that I have done has really been rooted in wanting to give the very best to my children and take responsibility for my heritage and that it stops with me. So I think it comes from the elite sports and then being aware of the heritage that I definitely didn't want to pass on to my children. Yeah, I mean, I can relate to so much of that. You know, I feel like so much of myself growing up in quite a very dysfunctional family was learning everything of what my parents didn't do. You know, everything that they did, I do. I pretty much tried to do the opposite. You know, beautiful, loving, caring parents, but, you know, had a. Went bankrupt many times. You know, a lot of dysfunction and things in their loving relationship I have with them now. But yeah, a lot of, A lot of lessons along the way. You know, the, the question I have for you, just what I often hear in, you know, men or parents going through divorce situations and, you know, looking at it from the side of, of healthy, conscious leadership and what. What's best for the children. What I often hear is, well, oh, but if we stay together, you know, maybe that's best for the children. And, and I'm sure maybe those thoughts came. Came to you at a time of like, well, you know, I have my children and they've seen, you know, my partner and I together. And I guess where was the, the point of recognizing that actually, well, this is maybe setting a better example for the children by not being together. And this is a, It's a funny, you know, I'm just a father now for two and a half months. It's very new for me. You know, I love my partner dearly, but this dynamic, and I remember, you know, watching that in my own parents of. Of them trying to stay together. But it's like the child in me knew that they were very dysfunctional. But there's this mindset of like, oh, we should stay together for the kids. So I'd love to hear some of how that journey was for you, especially around like the, you know, the fatherhood and the being a good leader for them and a good role model. In any relationship, the only work you can truly do is your own. So I believe when this happened, when I realized this was the direction it was taking, I did all the work I could possibly do with myself. Yoga, meditation, breath work, tantra, plant medicine, psychotherapy, a lot of psychotherapy. But we also, we actually did almost 200 hours of couples therapy. So I think both of us really wanted to see if there was a way because, you know, as a businessman, I've grown business, I've had success with businesses. I've had one fail as well. But this was by far the biggest bankruptcy of my life. It was my whole, my whole life was about building what I never had. This perfect, you know, the perfect family living in the perfect place with financial freedom and the money didn't matter, but the frame around our lives matter, the safety that I can take care of you if something happened, experiences that we would be able to have. And I created all of that. And then everything fell apart right in front of my eyes and I didn't give. So again, coming from martial arts, I am a fighter. And also with the things I've going through and I have had, you know, when you have success with businesses, it's not a straight line. You know, I've had businesses close to bankruptcy and then fought on my way back and became, you know, know great businesses that we sold and made lots of money on. So I will always fight for what I believe in. And I believed in family. And so I did my part to the best of my extent. We try, we tried working together, but I basically, I think we realized that what we want, who we are and what we want so different that we are not going to be a great couple. And I don't think you should. The only, only if you can show healthy love to your children should you stay together as a couple. Because what. Imagine that you stay together for the kids sake. What are you teaching your kids? Love in relationship is not important because it is important just to Stay together. So what I feel now is that I'm in a beautiful relationship, and I really feel the responsibility to show healthy love in that relationship to my children, to be respectful to their mother, but show how love works in relationship to the best of my ability. She has a daughter as well, and I really am aware that. I'd like for her to see what does functional, not dysfunctional. What does functional love look like? Make sure, you know, bring her flowers. I hold the door, I pull out her chair. I speak nicely to her. I'm attentive to her. I am there for her when she's having a hard time. I hug her. I'm physical. I'm there for her. I want those kids to have red flags coming up everywhere when some guy someday wants to date them and he doesn't show those things. So if I, as a father, as a man, it's the only insurance I have as a father to a girl, it's the only insurance I have is to treat her so well that if anybody else doesn't do that, it will raise red flags and say, okay, there's something wrong. This is not what I was taught. If I was absent, if I was never paying attention to her, if I never spoke nicely to her, if she never saw me doing nice things to my girlfriend, how would she know that was wrong? If anybody did that to her, she would take it as normal. So for me, I am very attentive to being the best father and boyfriend I can and be very visible about it, so that this will be the values that she will be looking for as green flags. And if their absence, it will be red flags. What a beautiful example and very applicable, you know, ways to show leadership and fatherhood and to actually set the example of love. And, you know, I'm curious as well, because, you know, sex is a conversation that we bring up in this conversation. So for you as a father, like, in what, in our lives, like, a lot of sexuality is so, you know, not really dealt with and under the table and, you know, it's just this last week, teaching with Raven, who, you know, and we were, she was sharing that, you know, in her household growing up. And when she and I were together, like, there was always a very active conversation. And, you know, the kids talk, sometimes could hear us making love. And I know some parents are like, oh, my God, like, no, like, we can't, they can't hear us. Like, oh, that's, that's terrible. And I, I, I'd love to hear your, your thoughts on that, you know, as both, you know, you're in your new relationship as well as maybe some of the dynamics that you may observe before I. So it's a very good question. I would say I would want to be natural around sex. I don't want my children necessarily to hear me having sex. When topics come up around sex or yesterday my children, apparently they heard something about erectional dysfunction and then we talked about what does it actually mean? Because it's something I, you know, I was actually unaware that it's a, it's an issue for 40% of men in their 40s, 50% of men in their 50s. And you know, when it's younger men, it's the mental game and when you go older, it's, it's because we don't take care of our physical bodies. So it was a topic I knew a lot about and I'm, I am, I'm teaching about as well. So when things come up in regards to sex, it's definitely not taboo, but it's not something that I, I try to bring up or introduce to them. My children are 10 and 12, so obviously for my, my girl, maybe, I don't know, in 10 years. No, I'm joking. And that's any father who wants to know. Can we, can we please postpone this? No. So I am actually the thing I'm most attentive to in that regard is her self worth and her self love. Because, for instance, gagging has become very widespread and normal. Anal sex has become very widespread and normal. And I don't have an issue with either if it's something you want as a woman. But I don't want my girl to feel that she needs to deliver something she's not comfortable with or that is painful or she feels insecure because she has to give it to be good enough. I want her to know you are good enough and your boundaries are your boundaries. Whatever you want to explore safely, fine. But if it's something you don't want to explore or you don't like, there is no obligation for you to deliver anything you feel uncomfortable. You are good enough exactly as you are. So for me, self love, self worth, incredibly important. And I feel that is the best gift I can make sure my daughter has to explore sex and enjoy sex in a safe and comfortable way. Yeah. Beautiful. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah. And I'd love to get your thoughts on another kind of often similar conversation around sexuality and men's work. I see a lot of men that struggle with, with pornography addictions and you know, I've been working and torturing with men for, you know, many, many years now. And that's something that I always see coming across my desk in this just perpetual need to, you know, have focus outside of themselves. And I, you know, I hear you sharing around self love and, which is, is beautiful. And I guess, you know, a man coming in that sometimes isn't even willing to confront these things because of the shame and the, the, the, the, the deep layers of insecurities underneath. And yeah, I'm curious how you, you know, approach that especially with two young children that, you know, the, the world of sexuality as, you know, 13, 14, as kids are getting older, it's just such an easy access point to so much pornography online. So, you know, both, I'm curious to hear your perspective on this, both from the father perspective as your children are getting older, you know, and limiting online space. And I'm also, you know, my, again, my, my son is very young, but it's already a brain that I have just from working in this field for so long. But like the, the place of both the, the father perspective as well as the men's church perspective on this topic because it's something, especially with AI and just you don't even know sometimes if people watching pornography, if it's something real, if it's a robot, you know, it's crazy these days. Maybe, maybe a better starting point is to start with what does sex look like for couples normally? And I think, you know, on average couples have sex once or twice per week. If you then look at according to statistics, how often would they like to have sex? Well, for women that's three to four times. For men that's four to five times. So there's a disconnect between what we want and what we are getting. And the greater the gap between the two, the greater likeliness that we will use porn. Obviously if we're single, there's an even greater likeness. So. 70% approximately of men, up to 75% of men use porn when they masturbate. Only 25% of women. So there's also a big difference there. And I think it's super healthy for men to own their own sexuality and I think it's super healthy for men to be able to explore that without shame or guilt. What I am also fully aware is that a lot of men use sex for non sexual purposes. They use sex as they would use work or exercise or alcohol. It becomes like a drug to them because of the hormones that are released when you have an ejaculation Right. You have the puppies sleepy puppy syndrome. So it's something that calms down your nervous system. So you use it kind of like a drug. You may be stressed or you have a hard time sleeping. So whenever something is used to cover up something else, it's an issue. So if you masturbate to cover up your anxiety or you're having a hard time sleeping or dysfunction in your relationship, then it's an issue. If you have a healthy sex life with your partner and you have a healthy sex life with yourself, I don't see that as an issue. But obviously if you spend every day on the bathroom with your phone in one hand and your dick in the other, it's an issue. And it's not healthy. And obviously. And it's destructive for. In regards to your sex life with a partner for the mere reason that it's often about the end result. It's about getting the ejaculation sooner rather than later. So we're not patient and we squeeze too hard. So the feeling, the physical sensation in your penis is different from the one you have when you enter vagina. So all of a sudden that doesn't feel like the right thing. And you can have a hard time actually enjoying sex to the same degree. Also, if you look at how is sex portrayed in pornography, is obviously not how normal sex would look like for most couples. And also the ideal body for the man and the woman. So it can definitely destroy a lot in regards to your perception. So I really think, and I also think there's a great problem with sex is that we actually use pornography as sex education. But where in pornography would you learn about female anatomy, Female arousal versus male arousal? That it takes a man three minutes before he's fully up and ready, but it takes a woman 12 to 15 minutes before she's really ready. That a normal intercourse lasts about five and a half minutes, but a woman actually doesn't have her first orgasm before the 15 minutes maybe. So that's why you have this orgasm gap. There's so many. I think it's so incredibly. It's crazy that sex is so important for us men. And we know so little. We know so little about our own sexuality. We know so little about female anatomy and arousal and how they work. Masculine, feminine polarity. All the things we actually need to get in place before we even hit the bedroom, before we get to that. How we minimize the gap between how much sex we want and how much sex we get and how we can really please her. So she's begging for you to come into the bed. Come on. Could you please come back and show me all those tricks you have? Because we don't know. And that's also, I believe, due to pornography. We think we're getting sex education and there's still so much taboo around sex that we actually don't, we don't talk to other men. Oh, then I had sex with her and I had sex five times and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, but what did you do exactly? Where did you put your hands and fingers and tongue and toes? Where did everything go? How did you make that a wonderful experience. Experience for her? So I think this is an area that, that's also why I'm covering that extensive in my own work with men. Because I really want there to be no gap between what they want in regards to their sex life and what they live out with a partner and with themselves in a healthy way. So I think it's a very, very, very long answer to my view on pornography. But it's because pornography, it's just, it's only part of the equation. And pornography is just exemplifies why we have all these problems. Pornography would not be so prevalent if we knew all the other stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I love the thoroughness of your answer. You know, it's right on, right on par. And I it, the piece I really appreciate is just that men have so much, you know, focus and attention towards sex but so little actual knowledge and understanding of what sex is and how the body works. And I think that's such a cliche, accurate place of a man's like inability to actually study the things that he wants more of. Just he thinks he already has everything because his ego is so big to actually learn more, more to be a better lover. Ego, shame, you know, some parts religion, there's, there's so many things holding us back. But we do know that if, if we want to be better at playing football or if whatever we want to be good at, we get some teacher, we learn. But what, where do we learn about sex, pornography and these half told stories between friends, Right. Not even with our partner do I believe that most are fully open and discussing, okay, how do we do this or that? What are your fantasies? Even, you know, just talking about fantasies also I think is a lot of couples never get to that. It's simply too taboo and it's too uncomfortable, it's too vulnerable and that's that. I believe that is really one of my big wishes. If I could give men one gift, it would be embrace vulnerability because so many men feel alone and like, for instance, sex. Why do we know so little? Because we're not vulnerable. We're not talking. We're not asking, how do you do that? And how, blah, blah, blah, blah. If we were there to be vulnerable, we would not feel alone. We would know a ton more. Because the second we start opening up, we create so much space for others to do the same. But we live in our little small worlds, and we believe that we are unique and different. And it feels kind of lonely. And we feel sure that if I tell you everything I think you know, it's from our Neanderthal brain that believes, okay, for survival, I need to be part of the group. And if I tell you this and this and this, I will not be allowed in your group, you will turn your back at me. You will not like me. So I will only show you the parts of me that I feel comfortable that you will actually like. But a lot of it, I keep to myself not knowing that all this stuff that I'm keeping to myself is entirely identical, or maybe 80% identical to all the stuff that you have. Yeah. Yeah. It's one of the things I often see when in men's circles, like, when men come together and there's a permission field to be raw and real, then they start to suddenly realize that, wow, there's so many similarities and the same issues and tenderness and vulnerabilities as, you know, all the other men in the room. And it's really a. Yeah, it's a. It's a beautiful, beautiful awareness. Yeah. I'm curious for you in, you know, and just witnessing you in the last couple of years and just, it's. It's really amazing to feel you on this conversation. I can feel your. Your studying and you're diving deep and you're really showing up as a powerful leader and mentor for men especially. I know there's going to be a lot of men that will feel a permission field to speak with you because of the relatability of their lives to your life. You know, I mean, and that's one of the things I love with this field. Like, the. The men that you reach to are very different than the men that I reach to. And that's really a powerful permission field of willingness that you're creating and dedicating yourself to this in this way. And it's. Yeah, it's really powerful. It's really beautiful to see. I'm curious, you know, I've met some of your friends at the gathering that I supported with how are some of the other, you know, the friends in your lives taking in this kind of direction you're doing with the men's coaching and the work? They generally pretty supportive. They are. And I think the retreat that we did, the four day retreat that we did for my birthday was kind of eye opening with all the aerial yoga, the meditation, all the men's, the exercises and the discussions. And it opened the eyes from many people and it definitely broke down the barrier in regards to vulnerability because people shared to an extent that I hadn't dared hope for. And I think that helped them a lot in regards to understanding. Wow. There has been, for several, there has been permanent improvements. So that's, that's amazing to see that so little work can have such a huge impact. And, and basically that's my ambition. With the work that I'm doing now. I had, you know, I had to pick up bits and pieces everywhere like the Tantra retreat I did with you, but also yoga, meditation and psychotherapy. And so, you know, and it took me a long time to. It took me a lot of money and it took me a long time to gather all the pieces that help me heal. So my hope is to create more of a one stop shop and one that's more that feels safe because I really wish I remember this was one of the discussions we had at the retreat where I said why do men need to crash before they start working? And actually with the men that I work with now, I feel that they live in survival mode. They fall down to suffering, then they reach out. I'm in so much pain. Help me, help me, help me. And we talk and we talk and they work and they work and they work their way back to survival. And then it's oh, thank you so much. Hey, hey. And then they start leaving. Hey, hey, hey, come back. There's a level up here. It's called living. It's where you're free. It's where you have all that. It's where you have, it's where you have the understanding and the tools you need to never have to navigate survival or suffering again. You may fall down, but you know exactly how to get out. But the second it's like a bicycle, you know, chain falls off and when it's put back on, they're off. And that, that frightens me a little bit bit in regards because I really want to keep them long enough to be able to fill up their toolbox so they can navigate life. They have the understanding they need to have about themselves and the dynamics of the world and then the tools so they can navigate all these layers. You will not be, you know, living free and happy all the time, but you can definitely clean up yourself in regards to stuff you're carrying. So. And you can collect enough tools so that you can bring yourself back if you end up in suffering or if you end up in surviving. So yeah, yeah, I love that distinction. I'm just reflecting on a client I'm working with right now who, you know, came to me and moving through a divorce and the divorce is kind of not closed, but more in that direction. And I can almost feel this new birth of energy coming through him. It's like, wow, okay, I've put a band aid of kind of healing this wound and now, wow, I have other energy I can put to other things. And, and yeah, I'm, I'm celebrating that part because I, I think a lot of men do do that. They like put the band aid over the wound and then they just keep going and hoping they're going to have a different outcome than the last, you know, two or three relationships I've had. Whatever. I agree. We, you know, we tend, we take painkillers for our trauma and those, those come in many shapes, forms and sizes rather than look at what is causing the pain. And I think it's interesting, right, we are kind of fragile beings because the majority of all the issues we carry into our relationship or into our adult life stems from our childhood. And the things that went wrong, the things we got that were bad are the things that we didn't get that we actually needed. And then we carry that all through our life. So I feel that a lot of the work that is needed is to help these men back the tape, come back to themselves, help them reparent themselves and give them what they need. Which is also a reason why I'm a little bit skeptical. And there are different schools, I guess, in regards to coaching, but these, you know, shouting kill the boy inside. And you just have to move on without. Okay. The fact is the guy you're shouting to is you. And I feel that there's, you know, if, in regards to, if you use shame or guilt or anger, that those things are not healthy. Is that how you want to raise your own son? The fact is this son is you. It's the boy that lives inside you. How do you want to help him grow up? By using anger, screaming at him, making him feel ashamed that he's fat or doesn't that he's self sabotage? Or would you really want to Sit next to him and say, okay, my son, what's going on? How can I help you and really help him grow up inside you by reparenting in a healthy way. So there's a disconnect for me, but that's also because how I would re parent myself is how I'm parenting my son. That with the love and affection and patience and trying to understand and empathy, care and unconditional love. Never by shame or guilt or anger. Beautiful, beautiful. I can feel the depth of growth in your being and the work you're bringing on to the world for fathers and for business owners and yeah, it's really a joy to feel you and to witness you and what are some of the other new creations or projects or things that you have kind of in development or where can someone find out more about you and things like that? Yeah. So I've created a hundred day transformation journey and the business is called Manhawk Coaching because I believe we men need to embrace each other, help each other, support each other. And it's basically divided into six phases. We start off with a physical foundation, move into the mental resilience, then emotional maturity, relational strength, sexual awareness and financial freedom. Because and I call these six pillars like the wheel of life and if one of, if you're weak within one of those areas, the wheel is not round. And when the wheel is not round, you're going to have a very bumpy ride. So my ambition is to try to help men have equal strength in all of these areas so they can navigate life with ease. So yeah, basically it's full circle the program, it's based on 40 educational videos. Every video has some lessons to secure the integration and then you can add a personal trainer on top, you can at me on top as a mentor. But it, and also it lives inside a digital universe because my ambition is to create something scalable. I am not scalable. My hours are my hours and I want to be a great father. So that takes hours. So I can work endless. So I, if I look at what I have done successfully before, it is to create concepts that can grow. And so my ambition here is to help as many men as possible through this and it doesn't really have to be right now I'm the initiator of the concept and I own a lot of these faces. But over time I do foresee that I may be able to bring in more competency with even deeper competency within some of these areas so I can step more and more in the background. Basically my ambition is to create the greatest possible and program for men to heal and to be able to navigate their lives. Because I see too many men carrying too much for too long and paying a price that is super, super high. And I would really, really love to help them because sometimes when we talk, it just looks okay, you picked up a stone in your shoe when you were a kid. Let's get that stone out because now your knee is infected, your back is infected, your hip is everything. Your whole body composition has changed because of that stone in your shoe, but it is still just a stone in your shoe. So, yeah, I am and I'm launching these weeks, so it's. I've been working on this for a very long time, so I'm super excited and, and I really hope to make a difference. Amazing. Amazing. Well, I, yeah, I really celebrate you and it's a joy just to see the man that, you know, came into the Tantra retreat a few years ago and had a lot of desires and dreams to support men actually taking the action to do it. And it brings me a lot of inspiration and a lot of gratitude that I get to witness men like you stepping up into this world to really make a difference and, you know, and moving forward with everything you're doing. I'm. I'm here to support you any way I can and any of those arenas. And it's really a joy to. To have you as a friend in my life and a fellow colleague that. That's here to. To be in loving service for the men that are struggling on the planet. So, yeah, really hats off to you and I am, I want also to express my gratitude to you because the work that we did was life changing for me. The way that you helped me and helped me and helped me understand how the sexual abuse lived in my body was. It shifted everything. So I am incredibly grateful. That was an amazing week and to still have you in my life, I'm very thankful for that. So thank you from my heart. Beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Well, joy for the conversation, thank you all for tuning in. This has been love, sects and leadership. If you like these conversations, please like or subscribe and check out Rasmus work. He's an amazing, powerful brother. Really making a difference for men in this world. So until the next time, thank you all and have a beautiful day. Thank you.