I've had this poster board up in my room
my whole five years at
at at um Miami yeah
the guys would come in my room and say man what's
is that your dad nobody thought that was a coach right
yeah they didn't
they knew yeah
they had never known him yeah
yeah they had never known him
yeah like
and they asked you who's your dad
no I said no
I said that's my coach yeah
because they knew it was at Miami
they could see that this is the locker room
like other guys are gonna like that
I said no
that's my coach yeah
so I heard that forever you know
but you know
and then so those
those my initial flashback like wow
make sense yeah
welcome back to raising men
Dylan Mccall
is the running back coach for the Las Vegas Raiders
and he's the co author of a book called
runs in the family with Sarah Spain
his story touches on a lot of the themes
that we talk about on Raising Men
and I'm honored to have him on the show
Dylan welcome to raising men
I'm honored to be on here
this is this is right up my alley
let's do it it is absolutely a pleasure
let's just begin at the beginning
you uh
were a young baby uh
you were given up for adoption and into an absolute
just delightful loving family in Youngstown Ohio
tell us about how that went and uh
and and what
and how that shaped your early years
yeah I mean
you know you know
I was adopted I didn't know I was adopted till I was
you know I don't know six
7 years old yeah
people didn't talk about it back then right
it was just a badge of shame or something
you know and and
and you know
you didn't know a lot of people who were adopted
but I mean I grew up
you know in the
in the um
definitely had a great structure overall
you know my mom and
you know my brother
um my adopted dad
you know I mean yeah
it started off as a loving
strong circumstance my dad
when I was 2 or 3 he left yeah
um so
you know it was a single family
single parent family my mom
um she did a phenomenal job under the circumstances
you know um
of raising me and my brother
you know along the way
you know she wanted to
you know for us to have a
a a
a father on hand so
you know along the way
you know she
you know she remarried
um that wasn't a good example right there father
fatherhood to me um
she went on to have another relationship that would
that really gave me a blueprint for what I didn't want
and you don't hold that you know
and just to give a disclaimer
I definitely don't hold that against her
because her thoughts in her
you know what she wanted to do was all genuine
she wanted a father figure there for us and
and sometimes she was trying to be a miracle worker
with some of the guys that she chose
but that was noble because she's like look
I really want this structure
she seen potential in some guys
who just didn't bear out correctly
so that was what it was you know
and at the end of the day
you know as rough as it may have been
it still it still gave me and my brother
a blueprint for what we didn't want
you know what we didn't want
but along the way
had a great family all across the board
my brother was phenomenal
he was four years older than me
um he was a phenomenal figure to me
of what a brother and what a man should be
obviously had great
my uncles and my grandpa and
you know and
and different things you know
and my aunts and uncles man
outside of in the home
you know um
I had some great structures around me
but all those things that I experienced and I seen
unfortunately in my home
you know
in different things like that and some of the adversity
it did make me very reserved
um it made me extremely introverted
it made me very quiet because I didn't
felt like I had the verbal tools or the physical tools
at times to defend my mom
um and
and and really stand up
you know in my house
I just was scared you know
so um
some of those themes I know we'll get to that later on
kind of permeated through
you know I ultimately had to overcome those things
but it took a while it took a while
and especially being someone who was not
I didn't experience therapy for this when like oh
I went through my I talked it out
no I just had to process it out kind of on my own
you know my mom had attempted to
take me to therapy when I was younger
but the structure of it wasn't um
in the way that I really felt comfortable um
expressing myself you know
for various reasons so
you know that was what it was
so um
um as rough as it was
you know I still give that back
I still say that on the forefront
the backdrop was still was very positive
my mom made sure that me and my brother
understood the value of education
and hard work I'm thankful to my mom
you know for that infrastructure
yeah you know
if you look at the statistics about um
the outcomes of boys
who end up growing up without a father in the home
or without a without a man in the home yeah
yeah it's yeah
it's scary yeah
you just would not have placed good
odds on you
having the kind of result that you ended up having
and I get the sense that part of the reason that
that worked out well for you is because of football
and because of sports yeah
so that that was
that was strong for me it gave me a structure
you know um
you know I say a lot that
you know football wasn't just sport
it was a structure for me
it was an outlet yeah
so the fact that I may have been reserved the that
you know quiet and different things like that
football don't care about that
football is about movement
football is about activity
and for me it was an outlet and a way to burn energy
and to kind of just it was a release um
you know so though
you know my mom structured it so
you know I was in football
I was in basketball she did everything she could
she she made sure
you know that those fees and stuff were sometimes paid
even before our light Bill was paid
she's like I want my sons to have these outlets because
you know when you talk about not having a father around
in addition to the environment we was in
in addition to some of the um um
tough environmental things
that could have pulled me in a different direction
and it did sometimes sometime I
I did I'm not gonna sit up and
and and claim perfection cause I'm far from that
you know but you know
I think the
the interesting thing about the environment is
people around me seen more in me than I seen in myself
that was something that I'm eternally grateful for
with some of my friends I grew up with who
you know
their life went in a different direction at that time
some guys end up in jail some guys
I mean I got some friends that deceased
and a lot of different things like that
from decisions they made
but I got the ultimate respect for those guys
cause even when I try to veer over into their lane
and these guys I go to school with
it is what it is they would say nah
we taking you home no
we doing this and doing that and I'm like
whoa hold up
I wanna hang out too I wanna go do nah
we gonna take you home it's like
they seen something in me that I didn't see in myself
at that time cause I could have just as easily
you know I was a willing participant
hey I wanna go hang out and do this
and these were guys who were my age
this one like yeah
you know I was 10 years young
these are my team my classmates teammates yeah
so they said no
you've got something else
you've got something special you need
and I didn't know how I'm
I'm sitting there what you tell me what
what is it I don't know what it is
cause I can't see it at that point
wow they essentially saved you
before they even saved themselves
they weren't willing to save themselves
but they were willing to save you
yes yes
wow that is incredible haha
well all
a lot of that really came into focus um
with the appearance of a uh
a bright red Mercedes Benz at your door
didn't it and so tell us about that a little bit
so just kind of going back laying
laying the the
the story around the whole thing
I mean so here it is
I'm you know
I'm a you know
I'm playing ball I'm okay
I mean you know
I'm probably just a marginal student
I was not a highly motivated student
just because I seen what's going on in my environment
I didn't have a really high
um sense of self
I didn't say I'mma be the this or that
the things that I am I never even forecasted that
I didn't even think that yeah
I'm just kind of based on what was going on
where what I had going on
I wasn't a phenomenal student inately
different things like that
um but I said
what can I control what can I really
really feel to control
I felt like I control how hard I worked
and what I did is I took that
you would it'd be easy to say you should
apply that same thing to the classroom
I applied it to football you know what I'm saying
I'm sitting here being transparent
I applied it to football sure
that came very natural to me and I said
you know what I can tap this out
so in football I was like a very
very hard worker because to my
what I was saying is you know what
amongst my friends and my peers
you know I wanted to be respected for that
that was really big in our community
football was huge in my high school and
and just where I was from in Northeast Ohio was huge
you know and I was the ultimate badge of honor
so when I got in high school
I mean
you know I was small um
I wouldn't that fast
I wouldn't that this I wouldn't that that but I said
you know what how can I make an impression here
and it was like the light bulb went off
probably going into my temporary year
I said I'm just gonna work hard
these guys I may not be whatever these other things
I wasn't thinking about the NFL or anything like that
I said
I want to be respected for what I bring to the table
and if anything it may not be supreme talent
but it'll be you know
enormous work ethic and that's what I did
so over the next couple years
I mean I just was talking about this the other day
that work ethic became contagious
and somewhat legendary on our team
because it was like look at this guy
is that right he get the ball
he running he's doing everything hard
he's on the work on the you know
strength workouts he's doing all these different things
so when my senior year um
you know
there was another guy that was trying to play out
running back which is fine
and I think he had a fumble in the game
it might have been our second or third game
and they put me back in hmm
um and I had a great game
like I'm like 200 yards and then from that point
everything was moving forward
so I guess
what I tell a lot of guys is
that hard work unlocked the talent
yeah so
it was like wow
we knew this guy worked hard
but whoa he in the game
look at this guy and so
you were ready that fumble yes
that fumble was your moment
but because you had put in the effort
because you had put in that hard work
because you had focused
and because you had gotten that reputation
you got the chance and you
and you were able to capitalize on it
as opposed to letting it go to waste
yes so
you know all of that that
that that hard work and everything like that
and just kind of how I handle myself on the field
it manifested itself my senior year and here I am
I mean going into my senior year
I was my plan was go to the Navy
I sent off the brochures you know
I had a 2.1 GPA wasn't like hey
I'm going on a athletic scholarship
there's no way
my mom was paying for me to go to school
you know I'm like hey
I'm i'mma go to the Navy
I'mma graduate and just go to the Navy
so that's what my plan was going into my senior year
ultimately had a really really good senior year
which LED to some college opportunities
and that's when the candy apple red Mercedes pulled up
I love it and and so who was in that
so I'm sitting there as I'm in
I'm in English class
and I look down and I see this candy apple
red and gold Mercedes it's stuck
so you can't help look down wow
we looking out the classroom me we on the third floor
we looking down like man we wonder whose car is that
that's a car yeah
like who's that stands out
what the who's that you know
and um um
I got a slip to go to the office
not knowing what I'm like okay
we got in there and it's almost like am I in trouble
what what's going on here
you know you have no clue you mean like hey
you know
you go to the office whatever it's recruiting time so
could be recruiting you don't know what it is
and I go down there it's like a movie I
I come in there and um
he turns around as coach
Sherman Smith from Miami University
he said hey
what's going on I'm Sherman Smith
I'm running back coach from Miami University
I love it yeah
I love it and so
what did he tell you that made you want to go there
what what
what made you wanna follow him
so I mean
he's from Youngstown so he
he's a known you know
I mean he's a known person in Youngstown
because he's from there he went to the NF
I didn't know at that moment he went to Miami
so that was a strong piece right there
he actually attended he went to Miami and graduated
I was drawn to him
because I never been around a person like that
yeah really good looking guy
well spoken I hear I'm a quiet guy
I'm an introverted guy he was very confident
you know um
well spoken graduated from college
play in the NFL all these check marks
and I'm like man check
I wanna do that I wanna do that
I wanna do that all these different things of a person
right there in front of me
so the opportunity to
to go to Miami and be around somebody like him
was something that you know
was very intriguing to me
yeah I love that
and he he
ended up being a really strong mentor for you
I mean the
the 30 year mentorship right yeah
so I mean
you know it ended up
you know maybe a couple weeks later
you know after we
he came to the school we didn't have a
you know we didn't have a phone
we didn't have a car he came over and did a home visit
you know that's something
you know you know
he understood you know
he it didn't take him long to figure out
the struggles that I had you know
when I say the struggle yeah
he knew that walking in the door like okay
but he's from Youngstown sure yes
he grew up he had both parents
it was different he had a different um
circumstance than I had
as far as directly in the household
so when he came in I mean
we had a extension cord I mean
it's kind of well documented coming from our next door
I lived in a project
so we had an extension cord that came through
and that's that's
that was the power in our house
so going to the lamp that was in the room
so yeah we sat there but had a phenomenal his
his disposition me
he wasn't judging anything
but I think he was gathering information like man
this guy got a ton of reasons to be successful
you know he got a ton of reasons this driving him to be
you know more than
probably what his environment would say he should be
so um
had a great home visit um
Coach Smith drove me and my
we didn't have a car
he drove me and my mom to Miami University
so he drove us up there for the visit
wow I had a phenomenal visit
and there was no way in the world that I wasn't
going to Miami to be up under him
and it was
Miami was a different world for me because it was
you know I mean
Miami is called the Harvard of the Midwest
I mean it's unbelievably beautiful school
it is a a historically
legendarily strong academic school
yeah you know
and I was saying wow
I could really go out of the box by doing this
because there's so many people
like I actually had one of my teachers in the school
she actually told me once I said I was going to Miami
she looked at me and said
there's no way you'll make it at Miami
so I had so many things that were motivational to me
as I ultimately went to Miami
but those are the reasons
I mean Coach Smith
the campus the challenge
and then the prestige that would come on the end
of being somebody who made it through Miami
yeah I get the sense that uh
the best way to get you to do something is to tell you
you can't you'll never be able to do it yeah
yeah that's that because I heard that so much
you know what I'm saying
so growing up and I believed it for a while now yeah
I believed it like hey
you know I get it
and it wasn't until opportunity presented itself
and then I walked through that door
and then you know
and I know we'll get to this later on
but then every step for me
every mountain that I overcame
there was another valley I had to go down
because it was like okay
you did you did this here
but I can't you I bet you won't be able to do it here
well in high school you did this
but you won't be able to do this in college well
and so on and so forth so I'm always
I'm forever driven and for
for me my path has forever been a rough path
yeah but and
and so let's get into that and
and one one of the things that happened there um
is that Coach Smith left Miami
shortly after you got there
didn't he so I
you know I
I'm fired up to go to Miami um
and like right before I went there um
maybe like the I went there in August
so like maybe late July he called me
and he talked about playing a different position
he said you wanna
we want you to play flanker
which in the in my high school offense
that was a running back so I'm like yeah
no problem and I get there and it's a receiver
I'm like alright so my
my first my so in training camp I'm playing receiver
and here I am I'm 5 10 150 pounds or whatever
but I'm running around I'm catching the ball whatever
and it wasn't until like
the week before our first game
we did a scrimmage and um
I'm watching the running backs
like I'm on the sideline
I'm just watching some of the guys
and I remember it was raining outside
I remember me I started crying and I said I
I don't wanna play receiver
I wanna play running back yeah
so I went to Coach Smith and I said hey
I don't wanna play receiver
he said we play this week
you're gonna play you actually gonna play receiver
you're in the game man
you I mean you you a guy who earned this
you gonna play
you gonna get a little playtime at receiver
I said I wanna play running back
I wanna play running back
so they move me back to running back and um
I went like on the scout team
I I redshirted and I said that's fine
I'll I'll you know
I'll you know I I wouldn't expect them
I'm
I know where my physical capacity was at that moment
I'm like I ain't ready to in one week be ready to play
we got good players here it was what it was
so I redshirted that year
um and after that season
this one Coach Smith left
so after my first season there my redshirt
I appreciate about Coach Smith unlike
you know unlike some of the other men in
in my life is that he was respectful throughout
he was even respectful on his way out
you know he sat down
he talked to us you know
and that was new for me you know
because all of the other
and it wasn't like he was in relationship with my mom
or anything but some of these other guys
when they left out they kicking doors out
busting windows on their way out
you know police
so it's crazy you know
crazy stuff when they left with him
and I noticed to me this
the parallel in my mind yeah
of somebody who was put in a power
a position of power and influence over me
who did it the right way he was respectful
yeah all these things
you know what I'm saying so
I kind of connected dots in a little bit different way
as it related to the you know
the influential males in my life
yeah and I
so I mean
I just get the sense that your life
up to that point was you got abandoned by a lot of men
and that had to have been
that had to have been really challenging to you
it had to have been really questioned
you
know your worth and that respect and all of that stuff
and then here's a man again
that you really look up to
he's a mentor for you he's
I mean you really respect him
he's one of the very first people in your life
that you really really
really looked up to in that way
and then he now he's abandoning you too
but he did it in a way
it sounds like he did it in a way that it
you didn't feel abandoned
you felt no
a different way no
I I did not feel abandoned at all
you know and for somebody
you know
outside of my grandpa and different things like that
somebody who I'm on a daily basis with
who I kind of went to the school
that's why I went to Miami
it was called Miami is a great school
I went there cause it's Coach Smith
yeah um yeah
so and so I had no
I mean my respect for him
I wasn't like oh man
you abandoned me I didn't feel like that
I felt like this is business
um he handled it the right way
and what I really appreciate is he said look
I told these guys
give you a chance to play running back
uh huh so that was something
because we had
just had two guys who were all conference the year
I didn't play but he was like
I told these guys give you a chance
to play running back so
that was kind of his last little thing
that he asked the coach give this guy a chance
you know so I'm glad he did
I'm glad he did and that worked out
that worked out okay that worked out
so that that spring um
you know I remember the head coach
phenomenal guy I'm
he's passed he's deceased now
but phenomenal guy coach Randy Walker
he said look
um we're gonna give you a chance at running back
if you don't make it out
if you're not in the top three guys at running back
we're gonna move you to free safety
I said that's fine too you know
I was a receiver before
but I'm really good defensive back too
I said that's fine
no problem we just had two guys who were all conference
and I'm at running back
so we go on the spring and never look back
I became the starter and I started the next four years
broke every record wow
yep yep yeah
that's amazing and so um
once kind of college started to end
then what happened
so I mean I go through the next four years
you know phenomenal career
broke every record at Miami and for the conference um
you know you know
I'm excited cause man I'm graduating all these things
it's like so many things that I overcame
cause I don't think anybody really forecasted
me being that level of college football player yeah
and you know
for me to you know
go through school have a phenomenal um
excuse me a phenomenal athletic career there
but then academically my GPA was higher at Miami
Miami is a hard school
I had a higher grade point average at Miami
than I had in high school
I wasn't asking about that yeah
yeah so here I am
I you know
I'm a much you know
my ability scholastically
was on par with what my expectations were for myself
because I didn't look at high school the right way
my sons don't look at it I
I changed that too
that's something that I passed on to my sons
that high school matters for me
it didn't matter
cause I didn't see myself going beyond high school
yeah so
you know
it wasn't till my senior year that it kicked in like
wait a minute I actually could go to college
so when I got to college
it was serious to me I'm like wow
now I feel like I was on like a whole another plane
and I felt like man
God got a plan for me
because every matrix would say I should not be here
I should not be in college
I definitely shouldn't be at this school
yeah based on everything that I had been through
so I felt every year of college was like
the ultimate blessing and giving me a platform to show
where somebody from this environment can go
so that was really really big for me that like wow
I'm I'm in like you know
to continue to ascend
with some things on and off the field
so I wanted to make sure that I handled that
the right way
so what happened after college
so get through you know
you know it was had a great career
I'm like hey
here we go you know
had great workouts for NFL teams
I'm a I wouldn't a 150 pound guy no more
I'm a 210 pound guy wow
I thought you know
here I am I'm running you know
I'm doing all these things on my pro workouts
I'm killing it um
you know but it goes to what I said again
just my life track is the rough track
yeah even when I've done great things
it's the rough track I had a great
you know at least a great senior year in high school
I don't even I'm not even
I don't even come in as a running back
like a running back so no
you gonna play something else
I have a four year career
that's unbelievable I don't get drafted
like everything say
how in the world don't you not get drafted
yeah that's just my life track
I go to the Cincinnati Bengals alright
I'm the last guy on the depth chart
that's fine hey
you went to a small school and you
you weren't drafted
and you're the last guy on the depth chart
you're used to being the last guy on the depth chart
I'm like unfortunately
but you you
it's like you get mad about it cause you're like
did I earn to to be
at what
point do I stop being the last guy in the death chart
you know when
when am I when do I stop being the last guy
when do I stop being the second choice
fourth choice whatever
so um
I go to the Bengals I'm the last guy on the depth chart
but by the end of training camp
you know
I lead the NFL in rushing and all indications are hey
you've done enough to contend to be the starter
yeah and I get hurt
so at the conclusion
the last pre season game with the Bengals
I blow out my knee an extreme
um extremely bad knee injury
so here I am I'm back on the bottom okay
I'm on I'm on
I'm on um
injured reserve so I'm like okay
now I'm battling back uphill
I come back the following year
I shouldn't have came back so quick
cause it was so many I come back
I run faster than I did the year before
no kidding all these things
but my knee is really really messed up
so um
the Bengals released me early and I appreciated that
it said look
we're releasing you early enough
so you can get on another team
I go to the Philadelphia Eagles
I have a phenomenal workout there
I you know
I'm on the team and my I blow my right knee out again
so it's my second ACL surgery
so I'm saying hey
I'm kind of done you know
and to me I
I felt like I had accomplished a lot
I overcame a lot of things
I got a degree I'd always wanted to continue to work
and this is probably like my driving force to a degree
still is
is seeing people reach their full potential
so I I've always knew like NFL was not my goal
that wasn't my goal that kind of
I kind of fell into yeah
the opportunity to go to the NFL
but once I was going through college
I said man
I wanna be able to do something to give back to guys
you know at risk guys
guys from rough backgrounds
different things like that
so when the
after the second surgery from going to Philly
I was living in Columbus um
and I started working at a group
I worked at a group home with at risk kids
wow and I felt like that's my calling man
I felt like I was really um
strong there and giving guidance and mentorship
and while I was doing that
I got a call from Canada the CFL
Canadian Football League yeah
so hey
let's go play some ball absolutely
so I went I worked at the group home in the off season
I went to Canada that was 1998
I came back worked in the group home
which is where I went met my wife
met my wife my second year there
going into my second year into the CFL
I go to the CFL have a great year that year
um come back
all opportunities or is
everything is leaning towards me
going right back to the NFL
cause I had a really
really good year my second year in Canada
and then I go to my I'm not my interview
I go to my um
my um
physical for the Bengals
and um
I'm supposed to go back to the Bengals
I'm like hey
it's all good
and come to find out my left knee was blown out
I blew it out in Canada oh my gosh
so that was that you know
at the end of the day I said
you know and I felt good about my career
I said nobody whatever took question my toughness
and everybody knew that when I played
I was really really good
you know when I was really good
so for me
from where I came from and everything
and all of the struggles and adversity I had
I said I proved my point as a football player
and now I want to prove my point
as what I could do outside of football
yeah I'd say you blew it out of the water frankly
I mean in terms of
in terms of what you had any right to expect
exactly you blew it out of the water
yeah
so then what so you're out of football
yeah okay
so keep on going so I'm done with football um
I got the two years of working in a group home
because I was I'd already said to myself look
especially after my my second injury
I said let me get ready for life after football
yeah you know
I said because I don't want
you know yes
I walk in with a resume saying hey
um I played in the NFL
I said yeah
that's gonna help a little bit
it'll open doors yeah
no question it'll open some doors
but it'd be nice to have some experience
to go along with it and I knew what I wanted to do
I knew what I wanted to do
so um
my um
we were living in Cincinnati
my old I just had my oldest son um
and um
a guy who played for the Bengals
not when I was there he was
he had played before I got in the NFL
or before I was with the Bengals
um he was there
a guy named Joe Kelly he
he had contracted with the um
Hamilton County in Cincinnati
and he had around six or seven group homes that he ran
like actual houses but they had at risk kids
and I went in and interview with him
he said man
you've been doing this already so I was like check yeah
I've been doing this so he made me a house manager
so I managed the whole I had a whole house
wow that I that I managed and um
so we had guys there
they were high school they were high school age um
guys and so I would take them to school in the morning
we get up hey
we you know I
they make breakfast and you
I go up make sure their room is done
make sure they boom boom boom boom
all these things are done
and then I take them to school in the
in a 15 passenger van I take them to school wow
so the school that I took them to um um
there was a guy there
who was a teacher who I played with at Miami
no kidding so I'm dropping him off
I hadn't seen him in four or five years he like
oh my goodness what you been doing
I said hey
I you know kind of told him and he said
you need to be here
because the school I went to was a charter school
and charter schools on the surface are for
it's an alternative schooling
yeah for you know
it's an alternative it's a public school
but it's an alternative school
and at least at that time
the beginning stages of charters were just happening
in Ohio and they were really like a
a spot where
the kids who couldn't make it at their public school
the traditional public school went to
so you got on paper allegedly the bad kids
yeah the kids who failed out truant
different things like that
so he's like
you need to be here so
I always talk to guys about the power of relationships
because come to find out
the guy who ran the school was a professor at Miami
no kidding he had never was
he never was one of my professors
yeah but um
like two days later I'm interviewing right there on the
on the sidewalk
cause he came out and I'm interviewing with him
and he was like yeah
I was at Miami while you were there
and he said one thing that we respected about you and
and no I was not the valedictorian
he said but what I
what teachers and faculty respected about you
here you are big man on campus
but you didn't conduct yourself that way
you came to class every day
you did your work you were respectful of the process
you were respectful of what people were in school to do
which is to get education
yeah you came
sat down took notes
you wouldn't ask him for favors
you did what you were supposed to do
he said and people across the university knew that
they respected that cause people like hey
they went to the games and this Dylan Mccullough guy
and we be sitting there
at a faculty meeting whatever and say yeah
he's in my class he sit down and do his work
he work hard I said
so here you are now and I tell guys who I coach now
you never know your teachers that you have
it could be years from now
they could be hiring you
based on the impression that you made on them
yeah and it wasn't about being a phenomenal student
it was about being a decent person
you know so here I am interviewing with this with um
Dave Nordic that's that was his name and he hired me
so now I'm like perfect I'm in a school
I love the school
aspect'cause the hours were better'cause
I work 12 hour shifts at the group home right
so you know
I I wouldn't see I wouldn't see my son
I would see him laying down before we be sleep
before I went to to work and be sleep when I get home
yeah so going into a school atmosphere
I'm like wow
I got the hours this I'm like this gonna be perfect
I never was a teacher before
that wasn't with my
my major in school was sociology and coaching
ironically it just not because I wanted to coach
it was because some of my PE classes fell into coaching
yeah yeah
so maybe that was a precursor
because I never was interested in coaching
I get to this school
they were just starting a football team wow wow
like they were just starting it was a new school
they were starting a football team
and I'm in Cincinnati Miami of Ohio is 40 minutes
45 minutes away from Cincinnati yeah
and I played for the Bengals
so everybody in the world like
you definitely coaching right
I'm like no no I'm not wow no
I'm not I'm not interested in coaching
I'm what I was gonna be doing
that working with the kids was my
was my thing you know
and it's and just kind of jumping back for a second
I just got done telling you 15
20 minutes ago my upbringing story right
no one in the world would say
Dylan Mccalla is gonna stand up and teach the guy
don't talk
he doesn't speak hahaha
how is he gonna how is he gonna teach somebody
he don't he don't talk yeah
you know but what I did over the years
I mean and that
that was a stigma that was with me for a while
even when I went to college
I was a really like my first year guys on the team
you know
I would talk to my team but I was really short
you know I was a great teammate I worked hard
but I always felt like
somebody gonna take this from me
this gonna get taken from me
so I was really
like
in my own zone and protective of kind of what anxious
what I wanted to do what I needed to try to get done
and I even
I felt for years like something gonna go wrong and I'm
it's not gonna work out yeah
I just that was just kind of how I was built up
you know to a degree just maybe how my thinking was
but fast forward several years
here I am in the school setting
you know and even just my tone and and vocabulary now
it blows people away when I go home
they said this wasn't you when you were here
we never got to hear your vocabulary
cause you didn't talk you barely spoke to anybody
so so anyway fast forward here I am
I'm now I'm an English teacher wow
you know and and I'm sitting here you know
he was like
I want you to teach communications I'm like okay
I was the fourth communications teacher that year
they're rolling guys up out of there
the guys couldn't have
and I came in there and it wouldn't happen
I came in and said boom here we go you know
and and one of the first people
this was really interesting
really interesting we had the it was like the classic
not I wouldn't call him a bully
but here he is a guy who sold drugs
he did some he was kind of in
he come to school just to flash and then he be gone
he come to school maybe once a week to flash his car
his jewelry his
and then he's gone a week
yeah two weeks
then he come back do it again
he just come in cause problems and leave yeah
but um
this particular day he came in and here he is
here I am the 4th 5th teacher that year
and he come into class and he started up with his mess
and I'm like no
no no no
no no
so I told him he had to stay after school with me
he's like you gotta be kidding
cause I'm putting structure on this guy
he's like what
and after school
um he knew my background
he you know
cause people like I'm
we got a former bingo working here and all of this
and um
he was the first person that I told my story
hey I'm adopted
hey I'm from
I'm you I'm from where you are
cause he start cause he was in class
you don't understand what I'm going through
oh yeah
I do
yes I do
very well yeah
so after school his name was Wyndham Parham
we had a long conversation
and it was one of those deals where
that laid everything out
the next day he was back at school and he told
and some people who act up
he turned around and said he was my guy who nah
I didn't have to enforce anymore
I got him because he he looking
at somebody who could give him something
because I came from the same circumstance
if not worse yeah
so he was the enforcer of the classroom
hey be quiet back there
wow what a
what a change yeah
he kind of and then I
he was one of the guys cause I was a football coach
then I wanted him to play football
so he came and play football and it changed his life
it changed his life it legitimately changed his life
from a guy who
probably wouldn't have lived too much longer
yeah to help get him a scholarship to college
and now he's like one of the top firefighter
I wrote his letter for him to get um
into the uh fire
the
what is the fire academy or whatever to be a fireman
and now he's been 20 years a fireman
family all
so all these different things
so my impact
I'm just using him as one that's really on a high level
but my whole goal there was
be impactful to the guys that I'm being around
I want to make a difference
so yes I end up coaching um
two weeks into the season
the head coach got fired and I become the head coach
I'm like I didn't even come here to coach man
and now I'm the head coach
right
but it was the ultimate blessing
man cause you may yes
I know football and different things
but where I wanted to
reach guys was just kind of the way
I was already doing it
but it gave me an additional technical
to help guys in a sport that I love
that basically gave me
a lot of the opportunities that I had in my life
so I'm the head coach I'm the
I was initially the English teacher
I became the head of a department
and I was the athletic director
so I did that for three years
and then I became the principal
so I became
I became the principal of the school because what it is
is it was a school within
it had like programs within the school yeah
so I created a a
I proposed a program called Sports Academy
which I'm still super proud of
it was called Sports Academy and I said look
I wanted to create curriculum based on sports
so I ran the program
um I got the guy who ran the school said look
you can get three other teachers
to round out your staff and
um and then get students to come in there
so I got a lot of the athletes
but I got you know
some other people too
but all the curriculum was based around sports
so when we read it wasn't a regular novel
we reading the autobiography of Jackie Robinson
and different things yeah
the the
the math was around sports themes sociology
I mean social studies was around sports themes
science was around sports stuff
so it was a way of tricking the guys like wow
we just coming in learning about sports
but no you learning about fractions
you learning about reading comprehension
you learning about chemistry
you learn about biology
so this program was phenomenal in our school
and that's when the guy who ran the school
he came in and said
if you can do what you did in this program
in the entire school
we'd have one of the best schools around
so I didn't know what he was getting at
he said I want you to run the whole school wow
so I became the principal
in July of whatever year that was
and I told him I said
you gotta let me coach this team now
I was the football coach I said
we this far let me finish this season
let me coach this season
so I coached that season as the principal
um I was the principal coaching the team
and then after the season um
you know I got another coach and then ironically
the guy who ran the school
who was a professor at Miami
we had a boxing team too okay
he was a boxer and he in December he died working out
he he passed away
so then I became the guy over everything
I'm like okay
I've only been the principal
I was the principal more for tone
and setting programs and kind of creating a culture
but now
I became the executive director of the entire school
so I was over everything so um
I did some switch UPS I made the school uniform
I said we hey
we gonna everybody wear uniforms I kind of boom
put my touches on it yeah
you know split the school into a split gender school
so I'm doing all these things
I wanted to be a better experience for the
for the students there
so I was really excited about that really excited um
we ready for the next phase
I am I want
I want to double click on something really fast
and you said that you
split the school into a split gender school
what does that mean and why did you decide to do that
well you know
I was just you know you
continue to look for ways to make the school better
you know
so I was looking at okay here's our population okay
we switched to uniforms
that was a huge step in the right direction
cause I was looking at
what are all the things that are prohibiting
guys from being successful
in our in our environment yeah okay
the whole thing of how you look
how you dress this my style
we're gonna eliminate that
everybody got the same thing on yep
you know because that was some of the things
when you went through and seeing why
when you were at school why this
why that'cause I don't want nobody to make fun of me
I can relate to that yeah
because I grew up I went to school yeah
I went to I had holes in the side of my pants
I had issues too you know
and I was in a uniform school
you know yeah
and and
but you know
whatever so that was one thing with the uniforms
and then the next thing with the split gender um
it was a guy named Dr Leonard Sacks
who I just put out a book called why Gender Matters
uh huh and it was an extensive um
publication on the advantages of split gender school
yeah and I was like
I love it yeah
I love it because it talked about
especially for boys it's kind of interesting
we talk about raising raising men yeah
you know especially for the guys
the results were tremendous
because then I look back at our um
behavior referrals and different things like that
a lot of it centered around being masculine
in the wrong way in front of girls
yep so
we had a fight that happened in the room
because a guy says something to another guy
about a team that won
and he didn't oh
my team you know
beat your team yesterday
we talking about like pro sports
yeah and a guy felt slighted in front of a girl
in the back of him that he liked
so he had to say something back
and then you had this
so that's just one of a million examples in there
I said we can eliminate that
because we've all been in locker rooms
you don't have those issues
when it's just them guys in locker room no
you don't have it it's a locker room mentality
hey I'm not fighting this guy
we're good
so you create I created that circumstance in the school
put all the girls on the top floor
put all the boys on the bottom floor
and they went to lunch separate
everything was separate that's brilliant
and the the improvement for the guys was unreal
I mean it just took off
you had no more issues in the classroom
yeah you didn't
nobody was fighting because who you showing off for
nobody show off for it's just guys
we just say let's learn
and the same thing with the girls
so it was really good
so those were some of the things I wanted
that I really felt strong about
you know as well as some of the things we changed
as far as the graduation requirements
cause I had a lot of flexibility there and wow
put some really cool things in place
that really advanced the school
so I was there that school end up closing
um and then I went
and I was a principal at a elementary school okay
so that was a that was a cakewalk
you know I'm like okay
I came from the high school
high school with 1,000 kids to now it's an elementary
these are young elementary so
you know I went to this elementary school
and you had to wear a suit every day
which was fine I had to wear a navy blue suit sure
and either a a um a white shirt with a tie
or a powder blue shirt with a tie
I was like
I love that because when you talk about for me
kind of some themes and different things like that
when I was growing up
I didn't have stuff I didn't have those suits yeah
when I played football and you had to
we had to dress up for this
I dreaded that
when it was our graduation and and homecoming stuff
I dreaded I didn't have it was an embarrassment yeah
so as I kind of got older
you know and I kind of say this it's funny
I said this to somebody a couple days ago
I said every opportunity there is to be dressed up
I'm first in that line
take it and I'm gonna and I'm gonna be looking good
so that's one of the things that you
you talk about paying the purpose yeah
those things back in the day was painful oh
I'll be hey shoot I come in like I'm all over this
I got 60 suits sitting in there I'm like
I'm good I'm never gonna
I'm never gonna feel the way I felt
as far as the way
I presented myself and the way I looked ever again
so
those are some of the things I was really proud about
so went to this elementary school
did a really good job there
and what was a jump off to coaching is a nice segue
is at the high school although I was a principal
I still was the ad okay
so I still was involved we had a bunch of sports teams
yeah had yeah
three or four basketball teams
and so I was always that was something that
you know scratched that itch that I had yeah
yeah um
I was helping you know
I end up when we went to the elementary school
I'm
coming into that first year of the elementary school
I my oldest son was playing Pop Warner football
I went in with volunteering
helping with helping coach that
you know so but at the school
you know
I remember going to the lady who ran the school
and I said hey
I got all these contacts you know
in Cincinnati because I had all these teams
when I was at that other school yeah
I said let me let me just do a basketball team here
you know let me
I'm just trying to like man I'm and she said um
no she said no
we just an academic school here she was she was cool
she's like no
we we just an academic school
and at that point
my mind had jumped into some other things
because just to go back real quick
at the other school
we had a bunch of guys who got recruited
coaches would come through the school
and I remember a coach coming in and um
when I I would show him around the school first
cause I was really proud of what our school was before
I took him to the football coach
so I was walking him out afterwards and he turned
looked at me said you need to be coaching college
he said you'd be unbelievable
he said
I'm just looking at the way these guys respond to you
yeah you would be phenomenal in college football coach
and I'm like yeah
I wouldn't think I'm like
I never even really thought about it yeah
so fast forward to when she said we wasn't gonna do
she said no
I wanna do sports my mind was like okay
I'm ready
I wanna break off and do something in athletics
I think so many of us
who haven't had the kind of background that you have um
we end up achieving
some degree of success in some field
or something like that
and then we start to get scared of losing it
and you
I don't think you have that
I think that you've had to start over
so many times in your life
that if you need to start over
like every time you start over you go crush it
so alright I mean
like that gives you the courage to be like
no I want this other thing
I want to be a running back
so I'm not gonna I'm not gonna be a flanker
I'm gonna be a running back
and that's okay if I don't think I'm gonna fail
and then and then and here you go again
you've achieved like
all of this success and all this notoriety
and you've really made such an impact
exactly the way that you wanted to do
and then but you can't coach no
that's really not the recipe
so I'm just gonna blow up my life essentially
and go do something else
and to have the courage to do that
um after you've actually amassed some success
is tremendously rare
and that's really admirable
and it's really interesting
yeah it was it was as you know
cause I go into this field into education
I would that wasn't what my background was yeah
I subsequently get my you know
I get a master's in exercise science
when I'm running the sports academy thing
and then once the admin the lead administrator died
I had to get my principal certification
so I went got my masters in education
and got my principal certification
I gotta say along the way
obviously I got married yeah
I got four sons yeah
so that was my guys
those that's that's my that's my driving force
we'll get into the sons I can't wait to talk
so we get there yeah
we go get there so yeah
so I'm just excited about um
the opportunity and so it's now like okay
you you get to the end and now okay
how do I get into college football
so I happen to be talking to a guy who was a
that I use as a substitute teacher
when I was at the high school
I just happened to be randomly talking to him one day
and he told me
he was trying to get in the coaching at my Alma mater
Miami of Ohio right up the street
and um
he said yeah
he said I was up there and he said I didn't get the job
he said but I overheard
one of the administrators talking to the head coach
saying you need to get like an alumni on staff
like a you know
like one of the guys from the past really good players
and I said I know somebody that sounds familiar
that sounds familiar so I called him
you know I think I text him
I think I text the head coach yeah
I never met him before I just text him
hey Steven Mckella
I had to hit I said I'm in the hall of Fame there
you know um
you know I'd love to be considered to be on your staff
whatever so he called me the next day and he said
here's here's the job that I have
and back then these jobs are just start
they're rampant now but back then
this was 2,011 2,010
2,011 these what they call quality control jobs huh
so he called he said
I got a quality control job
and I'm like great
you know so here I go
I go from making $124,000 a year to making $521 a month
I'm going there
so so
oh man you know
definitely appreciative to my wife
my wife was a special ed teacher
we owned our home you know
we have you know
different things like that
so I told her I said look
and and
and you know
I appreciate her cause you know
I said look
this is something I wanna
are you okay with it she said well
you need to do this she said
because the last thing I want is 10 years from now
five years from now saying
I wish you
just
let me have an opportunity to go and try to do this
right so I went and did it
and here I am I'm getting coffee and running
you know running
you know making copies and stuff like that
and there's my picture on the
I'm on the stadium you know
this guy in the hall of Fame
and I'm I'm old now
I'm 38 39 years old
just getting into just getting into it
but I'm at my I'm a model yeah
so um
was really embracing not excited about that um
did that
um for one season
after that season the head coach
um took a job at Pitt
OK and um
you're at Pittsburgh yeah
and um
he said hey
you can come with me I said
to do what he said to be a uh
quality control I said nah
I'm not I'm not
I'm not doing that I'm not moving to do that
he said so what are you gonna do then
I said I'mma stay right here
and try to get on with the next coach here
or I'm just go back down the street
I got principal certification
and the school the elementary school I was at
they did not hire somebody
they have been especially near the end of the season
they was like you coming back
you coming back I said
I might just hold up let me hold up for a second
we know here in a couple weeks
and then the new coach happened to be who
the new coach that they hired at Miami was
my running back coach
after Sterman Smith left to go to Illinois
wow
and he hired me as a running back
small world he hired me as a running back coach
so again you get another opportunity to
show how you treat people
because if I was just a bad guy in his room
he wouldn't wanna hire me what
what am I hiring him for
I don't care if he's a good place
a bad guy that's right
I don't wanna hire him as a coach
he said there's no way I don't hire you as a coach
so I'm a coach for what I'm a I'm a mother and I said
you can't tell me anything
I'm on the Mountain Top of everything yep
coaching running backs at my Alma mater
and that lasted for one month hahaha
so for this movie that we're
we're talking about a movie right now yeah
and I know I know something's coming
it's either gonna be amazing or it's gonna suck
like something is something is what
which is it which is it
I gotta know so let's go back in time alright
let's go back around five years
to flashback to that coach
who
we walking out of the school where I was the principal
and he turned back around and said
you'd kill it in coaching man
you should consider being a coach
that coach
had now become the head coach at Indiana University
and that coach I never told you this
that coach was also on the staff at Miami
when I was a player
wow awesome
so here he is now he's the head coach at Indiana
and here I am just getting in the coaching and he said
he called he said
I don't wanna hire you
because the guy who was the head coach at Miami
they were on the same staff at Miami
he's like I don't you know
I went to Miami he's like
I don't wanna do this to Miami yeah
he said give me another few days
I'm doing everything I can to avoid hiring you
I'm trying not to hire you
I don't wanna have to hire you
and then he called he said
I need the I need you
I gotta I gotta do it
so I went to Indiana and um
I was there the next six years
we were you know
it was phenomenal what happened there
and all of the background that I had
as a school administrator
as a teacher obviously as a mentor
all these things like I had perfected in my
and that's not perfected I felt really
really really
really good over any of my contemporaries in recruiting
selling a product different things like that
because of what I did at that school for seven years
so here I am going out recruiting
I'm like I had to recruit
to get people to come to a school
that people thought was a school of bad kids yeah
so you better believe I can get them to come to Indiana
haha yeah
I can go out and recruit do different things like that
and form genuine relationships
cause don't forget
my driving force before I got in coaching
was to help kids help guys see their full potential
to form relationships yeah
to be something to guys that I didn't have growing up
so that was to to this moment
that's my driving thing so
a lot of success recruiting
a lot of success coaching
you know coaching running backs
doing very well there so
I was there six years I was there yeah
I was at Indiana six years
and then I went to university of Southern California
same thing great success
you know with
on the field and off the field
and then I went to the Kansas City Chiefs
I was with the Kansas City Chiefs for three years
we went to the Super Bowl twice
we won the Super Bowl and then after Kansas City um
I came back to college football
cause I wanted to be a head coach
um
I felt like my trajectory was headed in that direction
I came back and
I was the associate head coach at Indiana
for one season then I went to Notre Dame
you know I would never thought I'd be at Notre Dame
I went to Notre Dame coached at Notre Dame
I was the associate head coach there
had phenomenal success there as a team
and as a position group and then this month
this past season um
with Los Vegas Raiders so
my whole thing with the NFL stuff was I said look
I coach for a hall of Fame offensive coach
and Andy Reed in the draw to come back to the NFL
cause it was a bunch of I probably had 10
12 opportunities to come back to the NFL
after I initially left yeah
you know to come back and be under Pete Carroll
who was a who will be a hall of Fame head coach
but he's a defensive he's on the
he's a defensive mind your coach yeah
so to me it was all hey
what is some of
a lot of these things I can do that's gonna
ultimately make me a better head coach
so these different experiences all contributed to that
so bring me where I am now
you know here I am
been married 25 years
got four sons you know 26
23 21 and 9
wow what a range
yes and so I
I get this question a lot is
is that too many sons
would you have more if you
if you could if you
if you could be I
I feel like I do because one of my things that
that Coach Smith had always said
and then I carried in my coaching is
and I every
every room I go into I say the same thing
you may not be looking for a father
but I'mma treat you like you my son
and he said that to you he said
he said that to me a long
long time ago yeah
and then you know I
after some things we'll get into here shortly
that came back up yeah
and I said I haven't been using that phrase
but my actions yeah
that's how it was with all the
with all of the males with females too
yeah but the males you know
obviously I coach
that was that was my thing with those guys
I really
those relationships and how I treated those guys and
and different things that was very important to me
so what what's your relationship with
with Coach Smith Coach Smith Ben
all this time since you know
you left Ohio are you staying in touch with him
are you staying in touch with him for years right
what how's that going
so I
so I talk to him a lot you know
talk to him all the time when I
when I went to the NFL so I'm with the Bengals
he was at that point at that time
the coach of the Houston Oilers
so we kind of reconnected
um on the field
cause I was hurt then but me and him spent
we had a great conversation then
we talked over the years
he was on my resume as a reference
yeah always talking
always talking always talking
and I did skip a part
but it's interesting you bring it up
so in 2,014
I was of course
I'm the running back coach at Indiana University
and Coach Smith I called and said
he's the he's now he
you know
he was a running back coach in the NFL for 21 years
so he calls me and says hey
um you wanna do an internship in Seattle
he was a running back coach of Seattle Seahawks
I'm like yeah
that'd be great so I
go down and just for some other reference
let me go backwards to go forward real quick
like even when we at Miami like
you know people
we're both from Youngstown
and people used to always say
you guys look alike that was like the running joke
yeah you guys look alike
you guys look alike get up
you know alright
so fast forward a bunch of years
that was in 1990 here it is 2,014 yeah
we're over here with with the Seahawks
and I never forget Pete was in um
we were in a staff meeting and Pete was doing his thing
and he kind of looked over
he said you know what
something's going on with you two guys man
it was like he said
we're sitting there watching you guys at practice
and you guys walking alike
pointing alike and we both kind of laugh it off
like whatever I said yeah
I don't know we're from the same hometown or whatever
he's like they're like nah
you guys yeah
it's too much stuff to similar man
but it's kind of fishy
like it ain't nobody thinking that
kind of laughed it off and kept moving
but yeah so through all those years always
you know was always in touch with Coach Smith
yes yeah
I love that well
so in 2,017 you embarked
some laws changed
and you decided to embark on a mission
to find your biological parents right
yes tell me about how that went
so I'd always you know
I'd always wonder you know
you know my deep voice is just whatever
you know you as you kind of get older
you wonder where those things came from
and I know I've said it's been pretty well chronicled
you know coming up
did I wonder yes
did I want to actively pursue it
was too many things going on
of much more importance in my life
yeah then telling my mom
I know hey
there's a lot of stuff going on here
we got this that we you know
we got these other financial struggles
but you know what
we need to go and find my biological family
it's not happening that's not
that's not the priority I wouldn't even bring it up
you know and it wasn't really a priority yes
I wondered but it wasn't so much that I'm gonna
you know make a huge thing about it
but as I got older I started have
you know start having my sons yeah
you know um
start having you know
and you go in there and shoot the doctor say
give us your family history
you know that started ringing hard yeah
I get to my fourth guy man
what I don't know
you know so
you know I seem to
I was in more of a headspace to wanna find out
uh huh and then my adopted mom
she had told me that in Ohio
the laws had opened up adoption records
that right there was the jump off yeah
because then I called um the agency on Ohio and um
they said well
you weren't born in Ohio
I'm like oh yeah
cause I I
you know
I knew that I was born once I found out I was adopted
this was way back when I was like 6 or 7 yeah
I that I was born in
I knew I always knew I was born in Pittsburgh
got it even before I knew I was adopted
I just assumed
cause Pittsburgh is only like an hour from Youngstown
right I just assumed my parents were in Pittsburgh
my mom had me in Pittsburgh yeah
that's where the hospital happened to be yeah
that's where the hospital
that's where I happen to be
you know but come to find out no
you know I was adopted
that's where so um
there was a law so in in Ohio you can get the records
but my records weren't in Ohio
that's what that wasn't where I was born yeah
so I started digging and found out in Pennsylvania
I knew I was born in Pennsylvania um
that in Pennsylvania
there was a law that was going through
that was in process so that brings us to 2,017 2,017
I'm at USC I just got there
I'm waiting for like we
in the house
and our furniture and stuff was getting delivered
and I just jumped on my phone
cause I would just Google
it was I think it was
there was a house Bill
I can't remember what house Bill it was now
House Bill 78 or whatever it was
so there was a house Bill
and I would just Google it and see what's going on
and I googled it that day
and that day it had showed
it had just went through wow
I'm like oh shoot
so I called whatever the department was in Pennsylvania
and they said yes
it went through and I said
what do I need to do to get my stuff
and they told me
so I did the little application and I sent it off
and I didn't think about
I completely forgot that was March
yeah it wasn't till November of 2,017
that I was in my office
and it just hit me that day like
I wonder what's going on with this adoption paperwork
mmm hmm like that day
it hit me
I wonder what's going on with adoption paperwork
so I remember calling that department
yeah the lady didn't
nobody answered I'm like okay
I go home and when I get home
this is the paperwork is there
wow it literally
that day it was there
so I opened it up
and it was called your original birth record
which is basically like your birth certificate
it was one piece of paper
yeah I opened it up and it said um
it had on there um
what my name was which I wasn't expecting that yeah
it had on there John Kenneth Briggs
wow and it had my mom's name on there
and I and my adopted mom had always told me
she said she said
I don't know a whole lot about you
but your your
I knew your parents were young
and it had my mom's name on there
yeah and it had her age
she was 16 when she had me
I'm like wow
I'm just blown away yeah
so I jump on Facebook
I don't know what made me go Facebook
you know and I like
I'm trying to find her yeah
you know and with none of these other things I
I bring this up probably every fourth or fifth time
I tell this story
there because I was born in Pennsylvania
I did my search in Pennsylvania
of course and I don't know
I don't even know what search criteria I used
i'mma be honest with you I'm on Facebook
and that night
I found another person that wasn't my mom
who was in Pennsylvania
had the same name and was the age
everything fit now
I'm looking on her Facebook page
I'm like she don't necessarily look like me
yeah but there was so many people of that set
like her Facebook friends had to be like nieces
nephews whatever
and I'm like okay
I'm somewhere in that spectrum
yeah okay
I could see it I could see it
I could see it you know what I mean
I could see it I could be in that spectrum
so I sent that was um
that was the night that I got the paperwork
so that next morning I sent a Facebook message to her
to that person and I said hey um
were you in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania
December 1972 and put a baby up for adoption
so I sent that maybe a couple hours go by
get no response
so I remember um
calling my wife I said man
I haven't heard anything from that person
my wife said well
just relax she said
because if it's her
she might be processing what's going on absolutely
that's gotta be that's 45 years ago yeah
so while I'm waiting
um I just on my computer I just do a search
I just put the name I never put the name in Google
I just put Carol Denise Briggs
I just put it in Google yeah yeah
just like why why didn't I do this
I just put it in there while I'm waiting and another
she showed another Carol Denise Briggs shows up
I do some poke it take me like 5 minutes
I do some poking around like
I wonder what the d stood for yeah
because it's at Carol D Briggs
yeah okay
I said what does this d stand for
and I did like another site and it said her full name
and I'm looking there was a picture on it
and I looked at her picture and like
the picture of my family wasn't
I look back I'm like cause look
I like look look
look but we might have a shot here
she look a little bit like me
this is you know what I'm saying
like yeah
this might be something yeah
so all I did is copied and pasted that same message
same message yeah
went on Facebook
sent it to her and around an hour later
my phone pinged and it said message read
so I'm like oh shoot
my heart beating fast and I sent her a question Mark
like I did ask a question yeah
she typed back yes and I'm like whoa
so I get up and I walk out of the room that I was in
and then I sent the message
I said what did you name the baby
and she messaged back she said not Dylan
and I kind of chuckled and I said
what did you name him she said John
and she had it spelled the same way
it was on my paperwork wow
J o n wow
and I just started crying
I'm like ah
my bus stop crying and the secretary was like
what's wrong she said
you OK I said yeah
I'm I'm great now I'm really good yeah
so my mom was like what's going on
what's happening what's going on
and I said
I gotta call you later cause we have practice
uh huh so I called her later on and um
just a phenomenal conversation
I said
I'm John obviously
and she's oh
my god so
you know we had a great talk
I said where are you
she's in Youngstown I told her where I live
so
we were 10 minutes apart from each other my whole life
all that all that time in Youngstown
we were 10 10 minutes away from each other
um she told me
I said how did you end up in Pennsylvania
she said Dylan
I was young she said um
when my parents found out I was pregnant
you know my mom had me sent to a girl
I was sent to a girl's home for girls
in my same situation you know
yeah and she said
this was way back then she said
you know I was sent there to have you
she said you know
she was really apologetic
she said I was not
I couldn't raise you I wouldn't
I said I ain't mad at you
my life was great yeah
I'm like
I said I mean
everything worked out I guess we say it like that
you know but
but um
so we had that she talked about that
and I said well shoot
you was in Youngstown
I got any brothers or sisters
cause Youngstown is small
yeah you know
she said no
I never I never
I never had any more kids
and I never got married or anything wow
and then the natural and I just kind of naturally
just going through the questions
like taking my time I said well
shoot like kind of matter of factly will shoot
who is my dad yeah
and she said your dad is a man named Sherman Smith
and when she said that I almost passed out
and she said what's wrong
I said oh
I know him and she said how
and I said he recruited me to college
he was my coach
and he been my mentor for 20 something years
so and I said
did he know and she said he knew nothing
she said he was a senior on his way to Miami
she said I was a sophomore
she said it was just kids being kids
yeah and she said
it wasn't like we were boyfriend girlfriend
she said it was
she said it was just one of those things
and she said you know
he was
you know for somebody from our area to be leaving
and do what he was going to do yeah
I didn't want to impact that negatively
and she said and I knew where I was at
she said I wasn't in I
I wasn't prepared to even be a co parent with
with somebody right on on the on the child
she said my you know
my mom was still cleaning my room and making my bed
I wasn't ready I wasn't prepared to be a parent
I wasn't prepared to be a parent
and I wasn't going impede on what he had going on
so that was noble I said
I get it you know
I was I said
but he don't know she said
he has no idea
so so you have to be thinking like
like what do you do what
what's going through your mind at this point
what what
like you have to be thinking I
I do
I tell him do I not tell what
how do I yeah
I mean
like all of the the
the flashbacks of you guys look alike
yeah you guys look alike
we've been hearing that forever
yeah
when I went to Miami
um there was like a
a collage like a poster board
I had a of like accomplishments from high school
and then I had a picture of Polaroid of me and my dad
at this point me and my dad
it was just me on my visit
me and my dad on my visit to Miami
and I remember when guys would come in
um into my room
cause my dad was only there for that one season right
so when I had this poster board up in my room
my whole five years at at
at um Miami yeah
the guys would come my room and say man
what's is that your dad
nobody thought that was a coach right yeah
they they knew coach
yeah they
they never known him yeah
yeah they never known him yeah
like and they ask you
who's your dad no
I said no
I said that's my coach yeah
because they knew it was at Miami
they could see that this is the locker room
like other guys gonna like
that's it no
that's my coach yeah
so I heard that forever you know
but you know
and then so those those
my initial flashback like wow
make sense yeah
but then it was like a
a level of pride because don't forget you
when you go way back an hour ago
when we first started this thing
my sense of self yeah
it was a lot it still is
I mean it still is on some level
those those shades are still there that still
but my sense of self was low
and I just felt like you mean
you felt the abandonment
must not have been good enough
nobody wanted me all these different things right
and so even went to find you know
then the sense of pride yeah
went through the roof of me cause I'm like
my dad is Sherman Smith man yeah
this guy I mean
come on the whole world know him
this guy's he's unbelievable yeah
unbelievable
and it like so many things started making sense to me
and I'm like that's where this come from
that's where I come from and then it was like
so ironic
and just completely ridiculous that you start thinking
about um
nature over nurture sure
because I'm like we both from Youngstown now
my dad he grew up with both his parents and all that
I said here I am
I'm I grew up across town
completely different you know
a rougher circumstance yeah
by far yeah
but in the end or as we went through
we both end up at Miami how ironic yeah
yeah about a bunch of people go to Miami
what up right
we're both in a hall of Fame at Miami yeah
both of us in a hall of Fame
both of us leave Miami to go play professional ball
both of our careers end cause of knee surgeries
wow
both of us after playing professional football
going to education now
I'mma tell you right now
I wasn't tracking my life to Sherman Smith right
I wouldn't like what did Sherman do now
I'm gonna do that next I'm just living
I ain't thinking about what I'm
I ain't modeling nothing I'm living life yeah
but we both end up in education
yeah our both
our first college football coaching job
after we both were high school coaches too
are both college
are both our first college football job Miami
our next college football job in the Big Ten
he went to Illinois I went to Indiana
wow and then we kind of laugh about this
then we both become um
professional football coaches
both of us go to the Super Bowl
yeah we
both got Super Bowl rings
both of us also lost to Tom Brady sorry
Tom Brady Tom Brady
your nemesis your nemesis and and
and now one of my bosses how about that
I love it yeah wow
so all all of these things man
so now I gotta tell him right
yeah yeah
that's him so what's going through your head there
how do you how do you decide to do that
um so the night that I found out
you know I'm telling my family and everything
and you won't believe my dad is Sherman Smith
what I mean there's all these
so the next morning I'm like man
I'm gonna tell him so I text my mom
I said hey
can I tell my dad and she said yeah
you tell him so I kind of laughed about that yeah
you you can be the one to tell him that
so I text him and I said hey
I said hey
what's going on coach
I want to talk to you about something
so he called back I thought he would text me back yeah
that give me some time to get my mind together right
he called back and I'm like
oh man I ain't ready for this
I didn't we weren't prepared for that conversation
but I get on the phone and I say hey
you know hey
what's going on coach hey
what's going on Dylan
I said you know
I'm adopted he's like yeah
I I know you're adopted
I said I've been looking for my biological family
and my dad is really strong in his faith
he's like man
that's you know yeah
and I said I found my biological mom
he's like oh my goodness man
praise God and all this and I was like
hold up you know
it's another picture hang on
hold up and I said um
and I said it just like this
I said I asked her who was
I said my uh
my mom's name is Carol Briggs
and when I asked her who was my biological dad
she said you
and it was like boom
he was sitting there and you can hear him
he's kind of talking to himself
he's mumbling to himself and then he said I
I do know Carol I know Carol
and so I'm excited yeah
like I'm fired up I'm like yeah
cause this is a really exciting thing for you
but for him it's a capstone for me is a
like a super milestone for me
and he was quiet and he I'm excited
he said he kind of cut me off a little bit
he said Dylan
I need to get off the phone with you
I need to process this yeah
so I'm I'm initially like miffed like man
why is he so but it hit me in the
and it was like maybe 40 minutes before we got back on
the phone yeah
and he's and and you know
I'm like wait a minute
he knew nothing
so when I got on the phone with him he said Dylan
he said you knew you had parents out there
he said Carol knew she had a baby out there
I knew nothing that's right
it'd be different if I knew something I'd be like oh
okay this I knew about this
I just didn't know the specifics
so I knew nothing so he wanted to speak to her
he called her had a great conversation with her
he called me back he said Dylan
I heard everything I got the whole story
so I just want to be sure I want to be 100% sure
and um um
I said yeah let's do a DNA thing
so we did the DNA thing in between that time
I'm getting calls from my stepmom who I'm
I knew her from recruiting
you know my mom my mom Sharon
she called me she's like look
y'all can do whatever y'all wanna do
I'm looking at pictures it ain't even no conversation
we wasting time yeah you wasting time
but and she was very
she was extremely excited and happy and supportive yeah
and then what a week two weeks later
the paternity test came back in 99.9% so we
it it we went from there he called me
I sent it to we've been we have been talking sure yeah
like yeah every day from that point
yeah and I
it's funny
I sent him an article from when I played in Canada
and it was a picture of me and I'm sitting there
and he said Dylan
he said this hit me so much
he said I was looking at that article
he said I seen the picture when you sent it
and he said I was sitting up wondering
where was I at when I took that picture
yeah yeah
he said just look
he said I thought it was me yeah
he said I'm looking at this like man
I wonder why I did this he said
I'm thinking he said
I thought you were sending me one of my articles
he's like I'm reading
looking at this like wait a minute
where was I when I took that picture
cause it was he said
that's me sitting there so
um everything went
you know paternity test and he called
I sent it to first I
I emailed it to him and then he called me
he said alright
let's go let's do it
you know so everything
you know
just kind of built from there because we'd always talk
we had a great relationship
yeah that's right
you know and it just
it just went to the next level
so what was it like I mean
the first time you see each other after yeah
what was that like what
what are you feeling what is
how does that go yeah
and it was phenomenal I mean
so I'm at USC and um
I said first I want to you know
I'm out recruiting and I I
kind of structured my recruiting to get to these spots
you know so I wanted to go to Ohio
I said man
I wanted to go and see my mom
you know so um
I go to see her and that was really
I mean it was really special cause
you know
we get caught up in this thing and everything with
with my dad that's
that's a phenomenal coincidence
God story unbelievable right
but man I was fired up
you never met your mom either
yeah fired up to meet my mom
I mean come on
you know and
and so I was I was extra fired up
and I remember going there and um
she knew I was coming and everything
and I and I got there and we just look at each other
and I'm like it just was like wow
it's like he was looking in the mirror
yeah and my uncle was there because my mom was like hey
here's you know
here's my brother and then because my mom was like
I don't know who you're my son
but I have never met I've never been around you
yeah and maybe like 10 minutes later
she told my uncle you can leave
it was almost like we get
this guy ain't crazy or nothing
is he and she was like around 10 minutes later
she's like
I'm good this is my son
I'm good and we just like embrace
and I kind of just holding her hand
it was just like I mean
it was like really really
I'm emotional and bonding and just like man
it was it was magical that
that was really strong you know
so got a chance to spend time with her
and then two days later I'm going to
I'm recruiting in Tennessee
my dad lives in live right outside of Nashville
so I pull up
you know on the street and I'm
I'm and my dad
he's looking out I can see him looking out down there
I mean I'm sitting in the car
I'm like
yeah I'm like
ah man
let me get myself together here
yeah I don't met my
it's not like I ain't never met my dad
I mean I know him as Coach Smith right
so but I go walk in
I go up and I knock on the door
and I didn't expect him to do this
and it was pretty emotional and strong again
another strong movie clip right here
yeah and um
he opened the door and he just opened his arms and said
my son you know
and me for me
I'd never had that reference
that's right yeah
you know you know
especially from somebody who I really
really admired and loved and
and you know and
and um
appreciated and respected
so man
it was it was
that was strong that was strong
it was it was
it was really good I love that reaction
I think that is just that is beautiful
yes sir
yeah I
you know in the
in the movie the curtain goes down right
and it's that's a beautiful movie
but in real life you have four boys of your own
yep and I don't
I'm so interested to know what
you know in a lot of ways
your hardships and your the way that you had to grow up
and the abandonment that you felt in some ways and
and all of that forged who you are
they were a chrysalis that
that
that made you great
but you also didn't get the benefit of a lot of
you know relationship with your father
your mother all of these things
there's this tension here
that you must feel about raising your own boys
you want them to I mean
you want them to have achievements
you want them to feel the triumph that you felt
at the same time you know
the way to you're not gonna deprive them of
of you know
that's not the way to get that
so what yes
tell me about
how do you bring this into raising your own boys
into men and
and how do you think about that
and how does that
how is that informed how you've done that
well just to take like a half a step back
even with my dad in the toughest part for my dad
you know in this kind of bridge
a bridge to this right here
the toughest part for my dad is he said
I know how you grew up
I knew I know also your dad
but I knew from recruiting you
I knew from the I went to your
your place I knew
so that was the part that was crushing to him
yeah later on to say man
and for him to say man
God had to have his hand in your life
he said because he looked back
that's the part that was
cause he knew this guy had it rough
yeah and I'm his dad
I come to find out I'm his dad
yeah and if he was under
if if I was his dad
those things likely is it those things he experienced
he could have done different things
it wouldn't have happened
I was his dad it wouldn't have
we wouldn't have been in those situations right
you know I'm saying
you know I
I can strongly say I like
I wouldn't have been in those situations yeah
so that was a that was a tough part for him
I can imagine looking back like man yes
I'm so glad that my son turned out the way he did
but man I know
cause I was
I seen some of the things
you know
and from recruiting them and everything it was rough
yeah but to go to my sons
you know to me
that's a perfect segue into kind of pain into purpose
you know for me
because forever from my onset
and sitting there
and hearing some of the things that I heard again
I don't blame my mom it just life was life
you know yeah
and some of the circumstances that was going on
I used to just sit there
and be up at 3 o'clock in the morning
or whatever it is and just seeing
and hearing some of the stuff that I heard
and like my driving force was I when when I have kids
they're my kids will never feel the way I felt
they'll never feel the helplessness or it
whatever it was the the list of emotions are are vast
yeah they'll never feel this way
I will make sure that my kids don't feel this way yeah
you know they will not have No. 1 No. 2
they will not have a disconnect from their dad
yeah I'm not my sons
you know and now here I'm with four sons
like it's the ultimate blessing for me
I would I'm don't care what's going on
my sons would never feel the way I felt
they will never feel any helplessness
they'll never feel lack of belief
or confidence from their dad
they'll never you know
um feel any emotional disconnect
you know I'm gonna go I was for years
all the way up until I had sons
that was that's my driving thing yeah
when I have the when I have kids
this is the type of dad that I wanna be
this is the type of dad I wanna be and I was like
like driving
probably more than anything
of what I was gonna accomplish as an adult
yeah yeah
you know that was
to me that was
that's my crown jewel accomplishment
and it's still an ongoing thing
of the relationship I have with my sons
you know it didn't have to be that way
you could have used it as an excuse
exactly
exactly I
hey I
I have terrible examples so hey guys
don't hold it against me and they know
you know I had a rough and these guys knew that
they knew but you
but they knew
and I would let them know where this level of over love
over intentionality where it's coming from
I didn't have that yeah
and I'mma make sure that when it's all said and done
and my son who's 25 26 years old
he ain't gonna look back and say man
my dad was like half stepping man
he ain't he really said that was overly on like man
this guy was like you know
really want me to be my best
yeah like
really wanted me to be the best I could be
and was really like there for me and
and help me and guide me and all these different things
he always was there for me
he made he was overly there for me yeah
yeah yeah
or wife there so yeah five men in the house
we had that when I was a kid
we there were four of us boys and and of course my dad
we only we didn't even have male or female pets
our our cats and our dogs yeah
both my dogs are even boys
both dogs are both dogs here are boys yeah
your poor wife yeah
but yeah so I mean
that's I know you have more questions
but that that was my thing
you know
is I just wanted to make sure that my guys you know
had a level of comfort as it related to with their dad
yeah how their dad would would show up in their life
how do they how do they experience that
how do they feel about that
do you think what is their you know I mean
like it was somebody there was like
we had this movie show me the father
uh huh and they actually interview for the
by the king's brother
but they didn't use my son's pieces
but they had asked the guys like
what is it like growing up with your dad and all this
and I wouldn't sit in there in the back with Q cards
like hey
we didn't even guys
I wasn't even in there you guys
and it was really strong what they say
you know all the things we learn from our dad
you know teaches us respect
and this hard work and all these different things
the things that the dad that
any dad worth his salt will want to hear from his sons
because you you putting so much into them
you know and
and trying to you know
be the fine line of look
I'm trying to instill some things
because
there were some things I Learned from that hardship
you know
there's things I Learned from not having electric
there's some things I not
that
I Learned from the adversity that I had to deal with
so you you know you
you gotta balance that cause I want
I wanna raise well rounded men
yeah you know what I'm saying
and the thing for me
I've been able to build a life that
these guys didn't have to experience
some of the things or live
and it mean shoot we
these guys live real good
you know what I'm saying yeah
these guys live good you know what I'm saying
so you still you know
I'm still you know
I keep them grounded
and everything that your dad has and that they have
you got through hard work
uh huh you got work
you got work you got work
you got work and all my sons
they get that they get that
you know and you got work to get
you got work to get
you got do these things you know
so they understand it and they
and they see it from living it
cause they seen it with me
they like
my dad ain't sitting up some type of charm life
just living up they see how hard you work
it's I gotta go get it
you know he gotta
he got things he gotta overcome
there's adversities that I'm seeing to my dad
he gotta deal with he gotta overcome stuff
you know so
you know
they see these things and I want them to grow from it
too and they see look
I ain't perfect you know
but we talking about you know
perfection versus intention
you know or intention over perfection
as relates to my sons
my intention is to be as perfect as I can be for them
guys
and like I said I want still a long time
I mean I sit up at night with some of the stuff
you know where
I was seeing examples of guys that I didn't want to be
yeah and I was building my
my mental resume and building my mental reservoir of
won't do that won't do that
I'll be the I'll be on the other side of the universe
of that action yeah
I'll be on the other side of the universe of belief on
in what in my sons
I'll be on over of patience
uh huh and
and want my sons to be the best
that they can be and and they'll never walk away saying
my dad he kind of short changed me on that no no yeah
you have this library of counter examples in your mind
you learn so well from counter example
it seems exactly yes
I love that I like I
I like to uh
finish up these interviews by asking
I'll put you on the spot here for
for a moment and ask you like if you
if you could share just one principle
just distill I don't know
all your your
your your knowledge or
or you know
it doesn't even have to be
it doesn't have to be an all encompassing principle
but if you could share one principle
about what it takes uh
uh or what helps to guide you in
in in raising excellent men
um what would that be
or being an excellent man yourself
yeah I mean
like I said and I use this in football a lot too
you know
it is not cheesy it kind of is what it's kind of a road
it's a roadmap I use for football and for life
being detailed dependable and disciplined
so being detailed and
you know what you're supposed to do
so we talk about football okay
I know I'm supposed to do this run here
whatever you can say it
I know it I know as a
as a young man or as a father or as a husband or what
what I'm supposed to do you can say that dependable
you apply those details consistently
so if I'm supposed to do these things
work this way pay this Bill
whatever it is it's so many the
the the
the balloon I mean
that umbrella is is unbelievable
and to me the last one is the most important one
discipline I'm dependable when it matters the most
so
you've created a criteria
for how you wanna live your life
and even in the rough times
that's when it mattered the most
yeah are you
that's how you know when the rough times come on
do you do the thing or do you not
because that's how you know
are you own you know
I'm saying and and
and it's a it's a nice road map and
or the guardrails and sometimes you
I go crashing over the guardrail
that's life but if you
if you kind of frame it to me when it
when it's framed that way
you know because the details are hard work
all these things there's so many
there's a million things under each of them
but it all start with the details
you gotta know first
and that's my job as a parent or as a coach or whatever
give these guys the tools to give them what they need
hey man
this is this is the detail yeah
so you can't say man
you undisciplined undisciplined about what
undisciplined about this I never knew the detail
right yeah
I had I didn't I didn't know what the thing was
I didn't even know where to start yeah
I had I didn't have it to start you
you hold me to the to the discipline aspect
I never knew the detail that's right
I never had a chance to be dependable
cause I never knew the detail right
so it all comes back to those things
you know so I'm consistently
perpetually trying to give the detail
mm hmm
whether it be from my own experience yeah
or their experience the detail
the detail the detail
and then holding them
those guys and myself to be independent
I'm not applying the details on a consistent basis yeah
and then again
when the rubber really hit the road hardcore
you know
forking the road or crazy stuff or whatever hey man
is your discipline you know
are you on top of it when it matters the most
when it matters the most
so those are the things right there and and to me
all the stuff hard work every
every sub category falls under the initial detail yeah
the detail of being a whatever you know
I'm saying these guys want to be so yeah yeah
one of my one of my principles is
is that excellence is failure
the only way to achieve excellence is to
is to constantly fail
and then just fail less and less each time
and and the only way you can know
whether you're failing is to know what success is
and that's the detail yep
exactly and then
you know the rest of it is being consistent and and
and yeah having the no
know what the values are
and then go execute them is really what it's about and
and like I said what I gave you is like a compressed
right all encompassing to me
cause it kind of could cover everything yeah
it covers everything and I tell them that's
and you're just your regular
you know
just everyday life football
everything being a brother
being a boyfriend all these things
I said man
when you come back then like God
you know you
you quickly I knew what I was supposed to do
I knew it I knew what I was supposed to do
and I knew I was you know
I did this so many times
but I didn't do it when it mattered
it mattered yeah
I didn't on this on that day
on this instance I didn't do it
but to but having that chronology of how it goes
I mean it's
it's something that
it's really been beneficial in football
been a been a official off the field too
it's the same principle it's the same yeah
it's the same so
you know I
I'll I'll tell guys
you know even on the spiritual side
even just in they dealings with guys
I say man
you either are you a blessing or a lesson
so you're
you're a blessing or a lesson
you know if I'm
you're a lesson I'm
I and I think of all them guys the
the some of the stuff that I
that I'm not proud that I was around and experience
yeah and
and them you know
them you
you may look at it like no
them guys were a burden them guys were a disaster
no they were a lesson
yeah that's right
it was a lesson yeah
so I always tell my mom that
I said look
you know she'll reflect back
and she's really apologetic about some of those things
whatever I said nah
I said first of all
it worked out yeah
now if I was sitting in jail writing a jailhouse memoir
yeah you'd be like
what the heck talking something different
maybe we have a different conversation
yeah I said
but no
all that stuff just gave me the other perspective
and it hammered it like thousands of times
hammered in my head what I wanted to be as a father
yeah what I wanted to be as a father
so and that same father aspect again
when you talk about my players and people I run into
you may not be looking for a father
but i'mma treat you like my son
that same overflow goes there
so I love that
and that is a beautiful place to end it
Dylan Mccalla uh
is the running back coach for the
the Las Vegas Raiders
and the co author of the book runs in the family
uh absolutely
absolutely strong recommendation to go look at that
and man I want this movie to come out
my friend please
please make that happen I can't wait for it
thank you so much for being part of raising men
the the name itself
I had to jump in when I seen that
I'm like I'm in
well I love it
thank you this can't go anywhere
I appreciate it I hope we can stick in touch
I hope we can keep in touch
no doubt I appreciate you
and to all our listeners and all our viewers
thank you for joining us for this amazing discussion
remember that you are a great parent
raising men is produced by Phil Hernandez
this episode was edited by Ralph Tolentino