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Sermons from Commons Church. Intellectually honest. Spiritually passionate. Jesus at the centre. Since 2014.
Welcome to the CommonsCast. We're glad to have you here. We hope you find something meaningful in our teaching this week. Head to commons.church for more information.
Speaker 2:It's the last week of our second summer series, what makes you happy? Now the pronoun is a little tricky. By you, we really mean me. As in, me, the preacher. Of course, listening to Scott preach about fly fishing and learning new things and getting out in the river with his son might have made you think about your love for a particular place in nature or a new hobby you've picked up that's brought about some personal reflection.
Speaker 2:And listening to Jeremy preach about Lego as a symbol of deconstruction and reconstruction might have made you think about how you have disassembled parts of your beliefs and what a thrill it is to find more building options to expand your faith until, of course, you take it all apart again. And listening to Yelena preach last week about rest and phases of life and big transitions might have made you think about the practice of Sabbath in your life as a way to mend your soul and heal your body. When you hear someone talk about something that they love, something that makes them happy, something that helps them come alive, the me in what makes me happy does become a you. Emotions spread. There's an actual term for it, emotional contagion.
Speaker 2:So I love that we spent four weeks uplifting happiness this summer. Do you feel a little lighter? I hope so. Last week, someone asked me, okay, Bobby, what are you going to talk about? And I said, you know what makes me really happy?
Speaker 2:Hanging out. And they said, yeah, that tracks. So it might come as a surprise to no one that what makes me really happy is just this, just hanging out. For me, Sundays are one big hangout and they and they are the best part of my week. I'm sorry introverts, there will be something here for you too.
Speaker 2:But even if my love for hanging out seems obvious, it wasn't always obvious to me. In the past, I have been a bit hard on myself about not having a lot of hobbies or interests, really, besides mostly hanging out. And here's where I started to own that. Last year, I made a third season of a podcast I worked on at Commons called Between Sundays. It was all about finding the sacred in the everyday.
Speaker 2:And I don't love board games, but I decided one of the episodes would be about board games. So I invited my friend Josh Field, who loves board games, into a conversation about why on earth board games could matter. The episode is fun. You can find it wherever you listen to podcasts by searching Commons Church. Between Sundays, there's still relevant conversations.
Speaker 2:Then after recording the conversation, Josh and I were just standing outside the church over there, and Josh turned to me and said, okay, Bobby. So if you don't like board games, what do you even like? And without giving it too much thought, I said, I just like this. I like hanging out. Now that conversation, it doesn't seem super profound, but in that moment, it felt kinda traced with something sacred.
Speaker 2:Through the curiosity of a friend, I came into sharper focus for myself. I'm Bobby, and I just love hanging out. So I hope today to make hanging out a little bit more complicated and more crucial for all of us. But before we dive in, let's take a moment and pray. As we settle in, let's take a moment to notice our breathing, paying attention to the in breath as it fills your belly and trying to extend the out breath as you release some, maybe, September tension in your shoulders.
Speaker 2:Again, the in breath and the out breath as we settle into the present. Loving God, there are so many forces that shape us, many beyond our awareness or control. There are pressures and motivations and complicated systems. There are wounds and ancient histories and altered memories making us who we are. And still, we do have a say in our lives.
Speaker 2:We have a will and we're every day coming to know the guidance of Jesus. Today, as we think about the power and the pleasure of hanging out, Inspire us toward relationship with ourselves, others, and this big and beautiful world. Together we pray. Amen. So today we're going to talk about what makes me happy and what makes me happy is at first blush, so simple.
Speaker 2:I love hanging out. So we're gonna talk about this concept, I and thou, hurdles to hanging out, Jesus's social life, and how to hang out. Fun. Right? Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Fun. This summer one of my dearest friends Angie and her family stopped in Calgary as they road tripped from the Sunshine Coast to of all places Winnipeg. J K J K, I do like Winnipeg. When my friends came back through, I did what all good Calgarians do for out of town guests.
Speaker 2:I treated them to some of our best ice cream. Here we are at village in my neighborhood. Cute. Right? Side note, my good friend, Anne, in California taught me years ago that you should, if you can, treat the traveler.
Speaker 2:Like, if friends make an effort to see you when they're passing through or they come visit where you live, treat them. Treat them to coffee, to a meal, to ice cream, they will be tickled and it is a really great friendship practice. Alright? So remember that. Treat the traveler.
Speaker 2:So the background on my friendship with Angie, we were roommates in Vancouver, and we kept moving around together. We lived in three different places over the years. We called ourselves nomadic, and those were really special years in my life. I love Angie like family. I'm even her daughter's godmother.
Speaker 2:And I was thinking this summer that Angie and I built a deep friendship out of thousands of simple everyday hangouts. We never traveled the world together. We didn't go to school together. We don't even have the same friendship group. The wildest we got was being at a party together in East Vancouver.
Speaker 2:It was summer. It was hot. Whitney Houston's I Wanna Dance With Somebody came on, and I, my friends loved to remind me, peeled off my red cardigan, you know, like what you wear to parties, and I swung it over my head. And it was just funny because it's me, and I have no game. So other than that, I can safely say that most of what Angie and I did together is almost forgettable.
Speaker 2:All we really did was hang out a lot. So when Angie was standing in my kitchen last week and she laughed that laugh I know so well at a story only she could fully appreciate, I felt hyperaware of how much of my story still lives in her and how much of her story still lives in me. Hanging out is a sacred practice. But what does hanging out mean? I like these two definitions.
Speaker 2:The first is from the poet and essayist Ross Gay, who calls hanging out the hang because he is that cool. And he says the hang has no discernible purpose or goal, no discernible end in sight. And Sheila Lyman who wrote an entire book about hanging out says hanging out is about daring to do nothing much and even more about daring to do it in the company of others. So check-in with yourself right now. When was the last time you had a good hangout?
Speaker 2:Like, the clock forgot to count the time and the flow of the conversation was absorbing for you. And you weren't even thinking about your phone. You felt a mix of playfulness and belonging and joy. I hope a good hangout wasn't that long ago. But maybe you're wondering, okay, Bobby, what does this have to do with Jesus?
Speaker 2:And we will get to Jesus. I promise you. But first, I want to anchor a theology of hanging out in the work of Martin Buber, b u b e r, a Jewish philosopher and political activist most known for a concept called I and Thou relationships. Martin Buber wrote a new grammar of relationships in a little book called, in German, Ich und du. It was translated into English as I and thou, though a better translation for the concept, I think, is I and you.
Speaker 2:And look, it's a little bit clunky, but stick with me. I think it's gonna make sense. So Ich unde was published in 1923. And Martin Buber was trying to prepare readers for the modern world to address lived concerns in the wake of World War One. And he focused on a renewed possibility for relational closeness.
Speaker 2:He saw the loneliness of his day and said that there was a way to be better and to come together and it begins with how we see each other. So Martin Buber said that there are two kinds of relationships plus the relationship with the divine. There is I and it, I and you, and I and the eternal you, that's God. So first, I and it. I can have an I it relationship with a person, a tree, a cat.
Speaker 2:It's the kind of relationship where I am getting something from the it. There's no shade to throw at I it relationships. It's just the world that we live comfortably within. It's about a relationship where you get something and you know it. So it's the clerk at co op handling my groceries.
Speaker 2:It's the pastor on the platform offering something she hopes is inspiring. It's the mountain you just hiked making you feel strong and filled with awe. To put another way, I it is where the other is subjected to my needs and purposes. Again, it is okay. We need this mode.
Speaker 2:But then we have the I you. And in the I and you relationship, the other is in relationship with me on their own terms. I and you is about mutuality and reciprocity and affirmation. I and you is familiar, not formal. But Bubera says, we only experience I and you, the intimacy of being truly present to the other in very brief moments.
Speaker 2:Like, it's actually hard to sustain I and you. I like this interpretation by Buber's biographer who said, I and you is like seeing eye to eye. It's what happens when you pierce the armor of another. It is pure presence. So I and you is the intimacy I feel with my partner when I'm just really settled in myself and I'm listening to him talk about college football.
Speaker 2:Because man, oh man, does he love it? And if you don't know this about me, I am not into sports, but listening to my partner talk about college football, it's beautiful. And I and you is my sister and my nephew, totally caught up in patient play. And I and you is that late day sunlight reaching through the karragana trees, stopping me on the sidewalk like it did this week just to notice where it's bright and where there's shadow. And then snap, I am back out of it and I am on my way to the grocery store in a world of I and it.
Speaker 2:And finally, Buber dedicates the third section of his book to I and the eternal you. And interpreters have downplayed this part of Buber, and that's a shame because it is theology that dazzles. Martin Buber believed that behind every I and you encounter is a glimpse of the unique and eternal you. So God is less a force to study and more a mystery to encounter in the world surrounding us. So when I am eye to eye with you, truly present to the particularities of you in your actual life, I am as close as I'll ever get in this life anyway to God.
Speaker 2:We could say you don't get to God if you aren't up for hanging out with each other. But it's not easy, is it? There are hurdles more now than ever to transportive hangouts. And I'm gonna name three. Fear, loneliness, and awkwardness.
Speaker 2:We evolved to be together. It's what moved our species forward. It's how we survived. But the more we developed technologies to make living easy, the more we lost our way to each other. And that doesn't only make us lonely, it makes us afraid.
Speaker 2:And scientists explain that when our bodies sense isolation, they kick into hypervigilance, and we are flooded with hormones that elevate alertness and suspicion. That is great if you're lost in the wilderness for a night. It is not great when you're alone in your house, day after day in a pandemic and in the world we're making in its shadow. So when we are told and we believe that the world is a place to fear and our self preservation instincts exacerbate our loneliness, that is tough. That serves you well for a time until it doesn't.
Speaker 2:Vivek Murthy defines loneliness as the subjective feeling that you're lacking the social connections that you need. And I know we think that we should avoid loneliness. Do not feel it. Something is wrong with you if you do. But loneliness, like anger tells you what you need to know.
Speaker 2:With loneliness, the message is simple. You lack social connection and you need it to survive. So our relationship with loneliness can be one of, I believe, a little bit of push and a little bit of pull. So pull loneliness closer. Don't be afraid of it.
Speaker 2:Get acquainted with your loneliness because if you try to outrun loneliness, it will chase you down and it will tackle you to the ground so hard it'll be hard to get up again. Let a lonely season show you who you are and what you want, but then also push. Resist loneliness. I don't have to tell you that you're facing forces that will keep you apart from people. You'll meet divisive, isolating forces in an economic system, in social media, in politics, in the design of the city, in old wounds, in collective trauma.
Speaker 2:Respect what loneliness has to tell you, and then listen to it urge you to leave your house and to make connections. But I also wanna be really upfront about this. Resisting loneliness can get awkward. So here's my little secret to hanging out. It gets awkward.
Speaker 2:It just does. And I've really learned to embrace that. Awkwardness can be like a bit of a superpower. So don't be afraid to get a little bit embarrassed. Risk saying the wrong thing.
Speaker 2:Make a joke that's not that funny. How will you know until you try it out? Say your story if you mess it up. Try not to overthink everything you say and everything you do, and really learn to laugh at yourself. The thing is that we think people don't like us as much as they do.
Speaker 2:We believe that people aren't interested in us as much as they are. And Marissa Franco writes about attachment and friendship. She cites a study out of Cornell University that discovered a liking gap. And scientists studied several interactions across different settings. And in every instance, people underestimated how much their interaction partner liked them.
Speaker 2:In other words, if you want to feel liked and enjoyed in the presence of others, trust that they like and enjoy you, and so shall it be. Look, hanging out can get awkward, but even Jesus made space for awkwardness when it comes to a social life. So at the start of the gospel of John, which by the way Martin Buber calls the gospel of pure relationship, Come on. We see Jesus draw people in and seek them out. It's the holiest of hangs and I want to walk you through the scenes in John one where Jesus steps into the foreground of the story, but he doesn't do it alone.
Speaker 2:So John the Baptist has already been baptizing and he recounts that he witnessed something holy when Jesus showed up. And then John's disciples peeled away to follow Jesus. And read through the lens of hanging out, we'll see these ordinary interactions reveal something unique and eternal about the identity of Jesus. So let's pay attention to what these encounters reveal. John one thirty five.
Speaker 2:The next day John was there again with two of his disciples. When he saw Jesus passing by, John said, look, the lamb of God. Now in John, the title lamb of God is there in contrast to the apocalyptic symbol of beasts of evil. And to understand the fullness of the term, you have to get to the end of the story and see Jesus overcome evil so beastly with nonviolence and forgiveness like a lamb. So John one thirty seven.
Speaker 2:When the two disciples heard John, they said, John, say this. They followed Jesus. Turning around, Jesus saw them following and asked, what do you want? They said, Rabbi, which means teacher, where are you staying? Now hold up.
Speaker 2:Isn't this exchange odd? Like, Jesus asked them, what do you want? And they answer, teacher, where is your Airbnb at? Like, what? It's quite a non sequitur.
Speaker 2:And I think the point is that these guys want to be around Jesus. He is still a mystery to them and they wanna soak him up. So come, he replied, and you will see. So they went and saw where he was staying and they spent the day with him. It was about four in the afternoon.
Speaker 2:They spent the day together and time slipped right by. Don't you wanna know? Like, what they talked about and how long it took before everyone felt really comfortable? Don't you wanna know? Like, how hard they laughed and if there were great snacks?
Speaker 2:Don't you wanna know if Jesus told stories that they actually took with them to their graves? Like right here at the start of John's gospel, there is this epic hangout hinted at on the page. I love that. And what follows is Andrew, one of Jesus' new disciples finds his brother and says, we have found the Messiah, the Christ. And then Andrew drags his brother Simon to Jesus and Jesus gives him a new name.
Speaker 2:And the next day Jesus leaves for Galilee and on the way he finds Philip and says, follow me. And Philip finds Nathaniel and tells him that they have found the one they've been waiting for. But when Philip says it's Jesus of Nazareth, Nathaniel, box. Jesus wins over Nathaniel by saying, I know you. You were sitting under the fig tree a moment ago.
Speaker 2:And Nathaniel then declares Jesus the Son of God, the king of Israel. And Jesus says, I gave you that one for free, but you will see greater things to come. Heaven will open. God's presence is here. So before Jesus turns water into wine, confronts religious authorities, speaks to a woman at the well, heals people in the city and the country, tells stories remembered and retold for thousands of years, Jesus just finds some guys and he hangs out with them.
Speaker 2:Encounter, eye to eye connection, who we are and who people say we are. Jesus made every part of social life holy. I love that Jesus doesn't interrupt the flow to tell everyone who he is. Jesus lets them tell him. John saw the lamb of God.
Speaker 2:His disciples saw the new teacher. Andrew saw the Christ. Philip saw fulfillment. Nathaniel declared Jesus the human one, the key to the story of Israel. Take any one of these guys away, erase any of their declarations and we have fewer witnesses and fewer descriptions of God.
Speaker 2:When we're hanging out, we reveal God to each other. Your laugh reveals the joy of God to me. Your tears reveal the compassion of God's heart. Your struggle reveals a meeting place of wisdom. Your art, your work, your justice reveals the way God meets us in this ordinary, terrifying, transfixing existence.
Speaker 2:I would go as far as to say that when Jesus left and ascended into the eternal you, he put the baton of epic hangouts into our hands and trusted us to reveal God to each other. When we're making friends and taking walks and letting the time slip right by, God is here too. So how do we get a little bit more from hanging out? Here are my three hot takes. Hang out regularly, Hang out carefully and hang out seasonally.
Speaker 2:Hanging out regularly acknowledges that the hangouts you really want won't happen without some intention. You must make dates and find the time and reach out to friends. I've made whole friendships with people who started as strangers out of Margarita Mondays and monthly book clubs. Hanging out carefully means you know you aren't perfect and people aren't perfect. There will be offenses and there will be missteps.
Speaker 2:You will overthink the hangout. Trust that you are in process and people are in process to take care with each person every time in all places. And hanging out seasonally makes space for beginnings and endings. Not all hangouts are for our good. Some hangouts are toxic and some can be left behind.
Speaker 2:Be open to hangouts in the briefest exchanges and the ones that run deep in conversation into the night. Hanging out can make you happy. And if nothing else, when it's awkward, may hanging out be hilarious. Let us pray. Loving God, thank you for the gift of being present to one another and the simple pleasure of hanging out.
Speaker 2:I love the invitation in hanging out to really listen, to really look around, to really be present to the people and the things in front of us. So Christ of long afternoons and best buddy conversations and the perfectly timed joke, Won't you stir in us some bravery to reach out to one another in efforts that remind us that we are not alone? So spirit of the living God present with us now enter the places of our loneliness, our fear, and our awkwardness, and heal us of all that harms us. Amen.