You are a freaking lawyer. You're not an ER doctor,
you're not a pilot on call to do a bombing run in Germany in World War ii.
There's nothing that's going to happen while you are at a two hour dinner with
me that you're going to need your phone for. So just put it away.
You're not going to need your phone during that two hours.
Whatever happens is going to be there when we're done. That's it. It's over.
There's nothing you're going to need. Our parents, our grandparents,
they went places where people couldn't get in touch with them for weeks at a
time. People wrote them letters and told them what happened back home.
Life went on. You don't need the phone. That's it. You don't need it.
Stop being a smartphone zombie.
It is preventing you from building good relationships.
If you'd like to find out what a smartphone zombie is and how to fix it,
join us for today's Inside vs Show. Hey,
now it's Nikki G and this is the Inside BSS Show.
Joining me here today is Dave Lorenzo, the godfather of growth. How are you,
Dave?
I'm great, man. My Nikki G's all grown up. Look at.
You . That was such.
A great opening. That was wonderful. What is a smartphone zombie?
I would love to tell you, A smartphone zombie is,
and you've all seen it,
someone who is walking around and has their phone in their face
and they are staring at the phone, they don't even know you exist.
You've seen it where someone is crossing.
I've seen somebody crossing an intersection with their phone in their face.
I'm worried that person is going to get by the car.
I'm now looking out for them. Or my favorite.
You're in an office building and you're walking straight down a
hallway. Somebody else, a smartphone zombie is now fast approaching.
You hasn't even realized you're in their path.
And so now you have to move out of the way so that that person does not walk
into you. I see this everywhere.
This is an easy way to kill your ability to grow
relationships. Whether you are doing this when you're out walking,
maybe you aren't in the mood to talk to anyone,
you are still unapproachable. If the phone is in your hand, it's in your face,
you are completely unapproachable because you have no attention focused on
anything around you other than that cell phone. And I get it,
we're in a world where everything's digital and,
and we want to check our phones, and it's very hard to fight that habit.
But if you want to build lasting relationships,
you've got to know at least when to put the phone down and to pay attention to
those around you.
So a good example is you're at a networking event and you'd like to engage with
someone. You start up a conversation, it's going great.
Midway through the conversation,
that person pulls out their smartphone and they're checking their emails, right?
Or you see 'em scrolling. That's a relationship killer.
Do not do that. But you go to dinner with someone,
you are at the dinner table, and I love that. Just put the phone away.
Unless you are expecting an important phone call,
there are appropriate circumstances.
And the way to handle that is to let the other person know.
I don't mean to be rude.
I may be getting a really important call that I'll have to take at some point.
I just wanted to let you know in advance.
That way you're not checking your phone every few minutes.
That way the other person already knows.
So it doesn't come across as that being a rude gesture to them.
What do you think, Dave?
Oh, man. Well, listen, I think you're spot on and you, you know what?
I think because you've been with me, in fact,
we went out a couple of weeks ago and I left my phone in the car. I mean,
I'm an idiot because the phone was still running the g p s and my battery was
dead.
But I consciously leave my phone in the car when I go to networking events,
you know, you and I went to dinner, I left my phone.
I ca I think one time I left it in the car the other time,
I just kept it in my pocket the whole time because I want to give you my
undivided attention because you're important to me.
And that's really the way to think about it, right?
The way to think about it is, if you want to make a great impression on someone,
you want to make sure that they're,
they understand that they're the most important person in the world to you at
that moment. Leave your phone somewhere else.
Leave it in the car for two hours while you're at dinner.
It's not the end of the world. You know,
that's the way to make somebody understand that they have your
undivided attention.
So I have teenagers and my teenagers have their friends come over the house,
and it's basically the in the invitation should be,
let's all get together so we can look at our phones in the same room,
because that's what they do.
They all get together and they sit in front of the TV looking at their phones
instead of talking to each other. Um, it's, we, we've set,
this is a function of setting bad expectations in business.
We've given our clients, we've given our referral sources,
we've even given our friends the expectation that we're going to be available at
a moment's notice for their instant gratification.
You need to reset your expectations with the people with whom you communicate.
And you need to tell them,
I'm going to be available to you when I'm available to you.
If I happen to have my phone and I'm not focused on another person,
and the, and you call me, I'll answer the phone. I'll take your call.
But if I'm with someone else,
that person deserves the courtesy of my undivided
attention. So my solution,
when I go out to dinner with anyone that I care about,
the phone stays in the car. You know,
that's the thing that I do to make sure I give the person I'm
with my undivided attention.
It doesn't take a lot of discipline to leave the phone in your pocket.
It's fact, it,
it's actually easier if you want to turn the phone off
and leave it in your pocket, that saves battery.
And then you know that you can't just pull your phone out and glance at it.
You know it's going to be a three, four,
five minute process for the phone to boot up.
You're going to be less likely to take it outta your pocket.
So if you must leave it in your pocket,
turn it off before you sit down to dinner,
that person deserves your undivided attention. That's,
that's just the way it is. I mean, be a, be a human, be nice, be, you know,
be personal. Hey, Nikki.
G did you know you can also get our show as an audio podcast?
Of course, I know you can get the show as an audio podcast. I'm on it.
But does our audience.
I don't know. So those of you who are watching on YouTube,
you can find us wherever you get your podcast with.
Just search up the Inside bss show with the Godfather and Nikki G and
you'll find us right there.
Click the follow button so that you never miss a show. Now,
there's a couple of reasons why you're going to want to do that.
Nikki g tell 'em what the first reason is.
You get to ask us questions that is exclusive to our podcast
listeners.
Yeah. We only answer listener questions on the audio version of the podcast.
We don't do it on video.
So if you want to hear what everyone's thinking or if you want to ask us a
question, you must download the audio podcast. The second reason,
and my favorite reason is because you can take us with you,
you can have a little Nikki g in your pocket while you're working out in the
gym, washing the dishes or walking the dog.
I love me some Nikki g in my pocket when I'm walking the dogs.
I don't know about you, Nicola, but that's one of my favorite things to do.
.
Absolutely. Take us with you.
After you watch this episode here on YouTube,
go to wherever you get your podcasts.
Click the follow button so we can go with you on your journey and you can ask us
questions. We will see you or more like hear you there.
You want to make the person on the other end of your conversation feel like they
are the most important person in the room.
That's how you're going to build a good relationship. And most of us will,
can do this in one of two ways with the phones.
Either you have the willpower to keep it away, put it in your pocket,
or put it in your purse in, in my case, if you don't,
then force yourself to do it.
Put it in the car because you know you can't put the phone down,
put it in the car, and at some point you need to go out and check your phone.
You can do that. But if you need to force yourself to build that habit,
it is a great habit to build.
I'm telling you right now,
if you and I are out to dinner and you have to go out to the car to check your
phone when you come back, I'm not going to be there all. So just be on notice,
okay? , that's not going to work with me. If you're going out to the car,
I'm not going to If you're going out to the car to check your phone when
you're in di, when you're at dinner with me, you're,
I'm not going to be there when you get back. I promise you. This is.
More about if you're at a big event, at some point you may need to. We,
we understand we're, we're professionals, we're all professionals here.
You may at some point need to check your messages,
especially if you're on an event that could run several hours,
go to the bathroom. If you, if you, if you have to,
you absolutely have to still don't do it unless you know you need to.
There may be, again, there may be something important coming through,
whether it's by email or by phone, but that's it. Those are the only exceptions.
Otherwise, just don't do it. No, no.
Let that person feel like they're the most important person in the room.
There's no, there's no exception. If you're at a wedding,
there are exceptions that you have. No, no. There's no exception.
You have important. There's no exception. No.
You're not going to take a phone call if your kids are at an event and you know
they may need to reach it.
No, listen, if I'm yes, you're no, if I'm, if I'm with you,
if I'm with a client, if I'm with my wife and it's just us,
there is no exception. Look, I come from an age, my first,
the first 15 years of my professional career,
I was a general manager in a hotel. Shit catches on fire, okay?
I didn't have a phone. They figured out how to track me down. Sure,
but I don't have to be connected all the time.
You know, if I'm with you,
you want to feel like you're the most important person in the world to me in
that moment.
I'm not sneaking off to the bathroom to go in the stall to check the Yankee
score. That's not what my priority is in that moment. And I,
I just at a, in a two hour snapshot in time,
the probability of lightning striking your house and your house catching on fire
and your kids needing to call you is minuscule. There is nothing that will
happen in that two hour window that will need your attention.
You are a freaking lawyer. You're not an ER doctor,
you're not a pilot on call to do a bombing run in Germany in World War ii.
There's nothing that's going to happen while you are at a two hour dinner with
me that you're going to need your phone for. So just put it away.
You're not going to need your phone during that two hours.
Whatever happens is going to be there when we're done. That's it. It's over.
There's nothing you're going to need. Our parents, our grandparents,
they went places where people couldn't get in touch with them for weeks at a
time. People wrote them letters and told them what happened back home.
Life went on. You don't need the phone. That's it. You don't need it.
Isn't it great when he gets fired up, ?
I mean, it's just, it's such crap. So you're, you're out, right?
It's eight o'clock at night and your asshole client or your asshole opposing
counsel is going to send you an email that's going to ruin your evening and you
want to take it. What's wrong.
With you? You personally, no, I don't want to take it , right?
That's my point. You don't want to, don't want to.
Take it. Don't, you don't want to ruin your.
Evening. I still think there, look, there are, ignore it. Very,
very few exceptions, such as a medical emergency with a family member,
you're waiting to get a phone call. Although one, the question is,
why are you still at dinner? But yes, of course. Listen, of course,
there are very, very limited exceptions. Absent those, just don't do it.
And again, force yourself to build a habit. You're,
if you're unable to do it yourself,
then you make yourself do it by putting the phone somewhere where you can't even
think about it.
Yes, yes. Your your spouse is pregnant, your, you know, your,
uh, mother is undergoing surgery. Look, okay, no problem.
Maybe you shouldn't be going out then maybe you should be by their side, okay?
But if you have to go out and you're expecting this issue, let everybody know.
And you have your phone and you're staring at it. I got news for you.
You're not going to be great company anyway,
so you probably should just stay home.
But if you really feel obligated to go and you want to stare at your phone in
that one circumstance every 25 years,
I'll give you a pass that one circumstance every 25 years.
But there's nothing else that you know if, if it's that important to you.
If something you're waiting for on the phone is that important to you,
you shouldn't be there in the first place.
You should be home staring at your freaking phone or sitting next to the person
who could be calling you. I mean, really. I mean, is it really that necessary?
Is it really that necessary? No, it's not that necessary.
I think what's more likely to happen is to go back to your original point.
And that's the cell phone zombie. Like, and it happens to me,
happened to me the other day.
I'm walking the dog and I'm probably texting with you while I'm walking the dog.
And the dog like eats something it shouldn't eat. And the next thing I know,
he is throwing up for three days, right?
My fault for texting with you and not paying attention to the dog.
And meanwhile, the dog is like, I'll show him. And that's what happens, right?
Or, you know, I'm good,
it's raining out and I'm supposed to be in the parking lot waiting to pick up my
kid.
And I'm sitting at the wrong door and I'm reading through my emails and my kid
is standing in the rain at the other door and you know I'm an idiot because I'm
not looking up to see that people aren't coming out the right door, right?
That's the cell phone. Zombie stuff, the dinner stuff that's preventable.
Leave your fricking phone in the car, turn it off, put it in your pocket,
put it in your purse.
The other stuff where you're walking down the street and you bump into somebody.
That's the real cell phone. Zombie stuff. . Now you see what you did?
You got me all worked up here. Everything was going great.
We we're all guilty of this. All right? We are all guilty of this.
We cannot stop the smartphones.
We all are connected and that is something that has helped us evolve.
But we have to make an effort to step away from the phones and focus
on relationships. You'll hear us talk about this a lot,
focusing on relationships, making others feel.
Important.
Give us your best technique for ignoring your cell phone down in the comments.
Leave it down there so that we can practice what you practice.
My best technique, leave it in the car, turn it off, put it in your pocket.
Nikki G's best technique. Put it in your purse.
Leave us down in the comments what your best technique is for ignoring your cell
phone. We'll read 'em out here on a future show. If you don't leave us anything,
we'll know that you're not doing what we said you should do,
and we'll be very sad.
If you've even enjoyed today's show, check out another episode,
but be sure to do it in an area where you are not going to be a smartphone
zombie. That's it for today. I'm Nikki G and he is.
Uh, I'm the godfather checking out my phone. We'll see you tomorrow, .
We'll see you tomorrow.