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You are a freaking lawyer.
You're not an ER doctor,

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you're not a pilot on call to do a
bombing run in Germany in World War ii.

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There's nothing that's going to happen
while you are at a two hour dinner with

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me that you're going to need your
phone for. So just put it away.

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You're not going to need your
phone during that two hours.

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Whatever happens is going to be there
when we're done. That's it. It's over.

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There's nothing you're going to
need. Our parents, our grandparents,

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they went places where people couldn't
get in touch with them for weeks at a

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time. People wrote them letters and
told them what happened back home.

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Life went on. You don't need the
phone. That's it. You don't need it.

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Stop being a smartphone zombie.

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It is preventing you from
building good relationships.

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If you'd like to find out what a
smartphone zombie is and how to fix it,

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join us for today's Inside vs Show. Hey,

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00:00:52,750 --> 00:00:57,000
now it's Nikki G and this
is the Inside BSS Show.

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Joining me here today is Dave Lorenzo,
the godfather of growth. How are you,

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Dave?

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I'm great, man. My Nikki
G's all grown up. Look at.

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You . That was such.

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A great opening. That was wonderful.
What is a smartphone zombie?

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I would love to tell you,
A smartphone zombie is,

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and you've all seen it,

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someone who is walking around
and has their phone in their face

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and they are staring at the phone,
they don't even know you exist.

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You've seen it where someone is crossing.

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I've seen somebody crossing
an intersection with
their phone in their face.

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I'm worried that person is
going to get by the car.

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I'm now looking out for
them. Or my favorite.

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You're in an office building and
you're walking straight down a

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hallway. Somebody else, a smartphone
zombie is now fast approaching.

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You hasn't even realized
you're in their path.

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And so now you have to move out of the
way so that that person does not walk

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into you. I see this everywhere.

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This is an easy way to
kill your ability to grow

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relationships. Whether you are
doing this when you're out walking,

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maybe you aren't in the
mood to talk to anyone,

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you are still unapproachable. If the
phone is in your hand, it's in your face,

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you are completely unapproachable
because you have no attention focused on

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anything around you other than
that cell phone. And I get it,

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we're in a world where
everything's digital and,

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and we want to check our phones, and
it's very hard to fight that habit.

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But if you want to build
lasting relationships,

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you've got to know at least when to put
the phone down and to pay attention to

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those around you.

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So a good example is you're
at a networking event and
you'd like to engage with

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someone. You start up a
conversation, it's going great.

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Midway through the conversation,

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that person pulls out their smartphone
and they're checking their emails, right?

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Or you see 'em scrolling.
That's a relationship killer.

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Do not do that. But you
go to dinner with someone,

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you are at the dinner table, and I
love that. Just put the phone away.

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Unless you are expecting
an important phone call,

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there are appropriate circumstances.

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And the way to handle that is
to let the other person know.

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I don't mean to be rude.

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I may be getting a really important call
that I'll have to take at some point.

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I just wanted to let you know in advance.

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That way you're not checking
your phone every few minutes.

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That way the other person already knows.

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So it doesn't come across as that
being a rude gesture to them.

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What do you think, Dave?

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Oh, man. Well, listen, I think you're
spot on and you, you know what?

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I think because you've
been with me, in fact,

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we went out a couple of weeks ago and
I left my phone in the car. I mean,

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I'm an idiot because the phone was still
running the g p s and my battery was

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dead.

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But I consciously leave my phone in
the car when I go to networking events,

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you know, you and I went
to dinner, I left my phone.

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I ca I think one time I left
it in the car the other time,

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I just kept it in my pocket the whole
time because I want to give you my

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undivided attention because
you're important to me.

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And that's really the way
to think about it, right?

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The way to think about it is, if you want
to make a great impression on someone,

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you want to make sure that they're,

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they understand that they're the most
important person in the world to you at

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that moment.
Leave your phone somewhere else.

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Leave it in the car for two
hours while you're at dinner.

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It's not the end of the world. You know,

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that's the way to make somebody
understand that they have your

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undivided attention.

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So I have teenagers and my teenagers
have their friends come over the house,

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and it's basically the in
the invitation should be,

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let's all get together so we can
look at our phones in the same room,

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because that's what they do.

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They all get together and they sit in
front of the TV looking at their phones

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instead of talking to each
other. Um, it's, we, we've set,

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this is a function of setting
bad expectations in business.

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We've given our clients, we've
given our referral sources,

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we've even given our friends
the expectation that we're
going to be available at

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a moment's notice for their
instant gratification.

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You need to reset your expectations with
the people with whom you communicate.

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And you need to tell them,

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I'm going to be available to
you when I'm available to you.

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If I happen to have my phone and
I'm not focused on another person,

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and the, and you call me, I'll answer
the phone. I'll take your call.

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But if I'm with someone else,

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that person deserves the
courtesy of my undivided

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attention. So my solution,

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when I go out to dinner with
anyone that I care about,

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the phone stays in the car. You know,

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that's the thing that I do to
make sure I give the person I'm

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with my undivided attention.

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It doesn't take a lot of discipline
to leave the phone in your pocket.

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It's fact, it,

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it's actually easier if you
want to turn the phone off

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and leave it in your
pocket, that saves battery.

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And then you know that you can't just
pull your phone out and glance at it.

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You know it's going to be a three, four,

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five minute process for
the phone to boot up.

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You're going to be less likely
to take it outta your pocket.

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So if you must leave it in your pocket,

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turn it off before you sit down to dinner,

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that person deserves your
undivided attention. That's,

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that's just the way it is. I mean, be
a, be a human, be nice, be, you know,

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be personal. Hey, Nikki.

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G did you know you can also get
our show as an audio podcast?

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Of course, I know you can get the
show as an audio podcast. I'm on it.

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But does our audience.

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I don't know. So those of you
who are watching on YouTube,

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00:06:22,430 --> 00:06:24,950
you can find us wherever
you get your podcast with.

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Just search up the Inside bss show
with the Godfather and Nikki G and

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00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:31,430
you'll find us right there.

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Click the follow button so that
you never miss a show. Now,

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00:06:35,330 --> 00:06:37,700
there's a couple of reasons why
you're going to want to do that.

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00:06:37,790 --> 00:06:39,560
Nikki g tell 'em what the first reason is.

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You get to ask us questions
that is exclusive to our podcast

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listeners.

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Yeah. We only answer listener questions
on the audio version of the podcast.

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We don't do it on video.

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00:06:52,940 --> 00:06:57,230
So if you want to hear what everyone's
thinking or if you want to ask us a

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question, you must download the
audio podcast. The second reason,

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00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,530
and my favorite reason is
because you can take us with you,

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you can have a little Nikki g in your
pocket while you're working out in the

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gym, washing the dishes
or walking the dog.

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I love me some Nikki g in my
pocket when I'm walking the dogs.

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I don't know about you, Nicola, but
that's one of my favorite things to do.

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.

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Absolutely. Take us with you.

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00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:21,440
After you watch this
episode here on YouTube,

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00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,510
go to wherever you get your podcasts.

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00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:27,590
Click the follow button so we can go with
you on your journey and you can ask us

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00:07:27,590 --> 00:07:31,820
questions. We will see you
or more like hear you there.

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You want to make the person on the other
end of your conversation feel like they

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are the most important person in the room.

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That's how you're going to build a
good relationship. And most of us will,

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can do this in one of
two ways with the phones.

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Either you have the willpower to
keep it away, put it in your pocket,

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or put it in your purse in,
in my case, if you don't,

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then force yourself to do it.

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Put it in the car because you
know you can't put the phone down,

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put it in the car, and at some point
you need to go out and check your phone.

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You can do that. But if you need to
force yourself to build that habit,

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it is a great habit to build.

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I'm telling you right now,

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if you and I are out to dinner and you
have to go out to the car to check your

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phone when you come back, I'm not going
to be there all. So just be on notice,

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okay? , that's not going to work
with me. If you're going out to the car,

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I'm not going to  If you're going
out to the car to check your phone when

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you're in di, when you're
at dinner with me, you're,

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I'm not going to be there when you
get back. I promise you. This is.

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More about if you're at a big event,
at some point you may need to. We,

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we understand we're, we're professionals,
we're all professionals here.

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You may at some point need
to check your messages,

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especially if you're on an event
that could run several hours,

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go to the bathroom. If you,
if you, if you have to,

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you absolutely have to still don't
do it unless you know you need to.

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There may be, again, there may be
something important coming through,

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whether it's by email or by phone, but
that's it. Those are the only exceptions.

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Otherwise, just don't do it. No, no.

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Let that person feel like they're the
most important person in the room.

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There's no, there's no exception.
If you're at a wedding,

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there are exceptions that you
have. No, no. There's no exception.

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You have important.
There's no exception. No.

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You're not going to take a phone call if
your kids are at an event and you know

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they may need to reach it.

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No, listen, if I'm yes, you're
no, if I'm, if I'm with you,

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if I'm with a client, if I'm
with my wife and it's just us,

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there is no exception. Look,
I come from an age, my first,

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the first 15 years of
my professional career,

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I was a general manager in a
hotel. Shit catches on fire, okay?

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I didn't have a phone. They figured
out how to track me down. Sure,

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but I don't have to be
connected all the time.

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You know, if I'm with you,

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you want to feel like you're the most
important person in the world to me in

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that moment.

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I'm not sneaking off to the bathroom
to go in the stall to check the Yankee

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score. That's not what my
priority is in that moment. And I,

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I just at a, in a two
hour snapshot in time,

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the probability of lightning striking
your house and your house catching on fire

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00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:59,820
and your kids needing to call you is
minuscule. There is nothing that will

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00:09:59,830 --> 00:10:03,720
happen in that two hour window
that will need your attention.

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00:10:03,930 --> 00:10:06,900
You are a freaking lawyer.
You're not an ER doctor,

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00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:11,700
you're not a pilot on call to do a
bombing run in Germany in World War ii.

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00:10:11,910 --> 00:10:15,450
There's nothing that's going to happen
while you are at a two hour dinner with

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00:10:15,450 --> 00:10:18,210
me that you're going to need your
phone for. So just put it away.

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00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:20,250
You're not going to need your
phone during that two hours.

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00:10:20,310 --> 00:10:25,200
Whatever happens is going to be there
when we're done. That's it. It's over.

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00:10:25,230 --> 00:10:28,920
There's nothing you're going to
need. Our parents, our grandparents,

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00:10:29,010 --> 00:10:33,030
they went places where people couldn't
get in touch with them for weeks at a

200
00:10:33,030 --> 00:10:37,350
time. People wrote them letters and
told them what happened back home.

201
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:42,090
Life went on. You don't need the
phone. That's it. You don't need it.

202
00:10:42,170 --> 00:10:44,560
Isn't it great when he
gets fired up, ?

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00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:49,230
I mean, it's just, it's such crap.
So you're, you're out, right?

204
00:10:49,230 --> 00:10:53,550
It's eight o'clock at night and your
asshole client or your asshole opposing

205
00:10:53,550 --> 00:10:57,660
counsel is going to send you an email
that's going to ruin your evening and you

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00:10:57,660 --> 00:10:59,220
want to take it. What's wrong.

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00:10:59,220 --> 00:11:02,610
With you? You personally, no, I
don't want to take it , right?

208
00:11:02,610 --> 00:11:04,290
That's my point. You don't
want to, don't want to.

209
00:11:04,290 --> 00:11:06,000
Take it. Don't, you
don't want to ruin your.

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00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,940
Evening. I still think there,
look, there are, ignore it. Very,

211
00:11:08,940 --> 00:11:12,630
very few exceptions, such as a medical
emergency with a family member,

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00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:15,630
you're waiting to get a phone call.
Although one, the question is,

213
00:11:15,660 --> 00:11:17,760
why are you still at dinner? But
yes, of course. Listen, of course,

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00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:21,480
there are very, very limited exceptions.
Absent those, just don't do it.

215
00:11:21,630 --> 00:11:23,520
And again, force yourself
to build a habit. You're,

216
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:24,900
if you're unable to do it yourself,

217
00:11:24,930 --> 00:11:28,290
then you make yourself do it by putting
the phone somewhere where you can't even

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00:11:28,290 --> 00:11:29,123
think about it.

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00:11:29,250 --> 00:11:34,170
Yes, yes. Your your spouse is
pregnant, your, you know, your,

220
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uh, mother is undergoing
surgery. Look, okay, no problem.

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Maybe you shouldn't be going out then
maybe you should be by their side, okay?

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But if you have to go out and you're
expecting this issue, let everybody know.

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And you have your phone and you're
staring at it. I got news for you.

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You're not going to be
great company anyway,

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so you probably should just stay home.

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But if you really feel obligated to go
and you want to stare at your phone in

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that one circumstance every 25 years,

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I'll give you a pass that one
circumstance every 25 years.

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But there's nothing else that you know
if, if it's that important to you.

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If something you're waiting for on
the phone is that important to you,

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you shouldn't be there in the first place.

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You should be home staring
at your freaking phone or
sitting next to the person

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who could be calling you. I mean, really.
I mean, is it really that necessary?

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Is it really that necessary?
No, it's not that necessary.

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I think what's more likely to happen
is to go back to your original point.

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And that's the cell phone zombie.
Like, and it happens to me,

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happened to me the other day.

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I'm walking the dog and I'm
probably texting with you
while I'm walking the dog.

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And the dog like eats something it
shouldn't eat. And the next thing I know,

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he is throwing up for three days, right?

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My fault for texting with you and
not paying attention to the dog.

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And meanwhile, the dog is like, I'll
show him. And that's what happens, right?

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Or, you know, I'm good,

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it's raining out and I'm supposed to be
in the parking lot waiting to pick up my

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kid.

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And I'm sitting at the wrong door and
I'm reading through my emails and my kid

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is standing in the rain at the other door
and you know I'm an idiot because I'm

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not looking up to see that people
aren't coming out the right door, right?

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That's the cell phone. Zombie stuff,
the dinner stuff that's preventable.

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Leave your fricking phone in the car,
turn it off, put it in your pocket,

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put it in your purse.

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The other stuff where you're walking down
the street and you bump into somebody.

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That's the real cell phone. Zombie
stuff. . Now you see what you did?

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You got me all worked up here.
Everything was going great.

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We we're all guilty of this. All
right? We are all guilty of this.

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We cannot stop the smartphones.

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We all are connected and that is
something that has helped us evolve.

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But we have to make an effort to
step away from the phones and focus

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on relationships. You'll hear
us talk about this a lot,

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focusing on relationships,
making others feel.

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Important.

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Give us your best technique for ignoring
your cell phone down in the comments.

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00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:46,120
Leave it down there so that we
can practice what you practice.

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My best technique, leave it in the car,
turn it off, put it in your pocket.

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Nikki G's best technique.
Put it in your purse.

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Leave us down in the comments what your
best technique is for ignoring your cell

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phone. We'll read 'em out here on a future
show. If you don't leave us anything,

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we'll know that you're not doing
what we said you should do,

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and we'll be very sad.

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If you've even enjoyed today's
show, check out another episode,

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but be sure to do it in an area where
you are not going to be a smartphone

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zombie. That's it for today.
I'm Nikki G and he is.

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Uh, I'm the godfather checking out my
phone. We'll see you tomorrow, .

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We'll see you tomorrow.