WEBVTT NOTE This file was generated by Descript 00:00:00.050 --> 00:00:00.339 Alison: Okay. 00:00:00.890 --> 00:00:01.179 Okay. 00:00:01.179 --> 00:00:01.839 Matt: Okay. 00:00:01.839 --> 00:00:03.220 Alison: You wanna record a podcast with me? 00:00:04.420 --> 00:00:15.099 Matt: Recording podcast today Where is, I wonder where is the 00:00:15.104 --> 00:00:19.654 intersection between um, ADHD and OCD? 00:00:19.674 --> 00:00:20.484 There are some. 00:00:20.514 --> 00:00:21.444 Alison: There have to be, 00:00:21.444 --> 00:00:22.974 Matt: That is for ding dang sure 00:00:23.024 --> 00:00:28.164 Alison: But I, I would think it would be more on the, the impulsive/compulsive 00:00:28.434 --> 00:00:32.564 side of ADHD, which you tend to lean not in that direction. 00:00:32.904 --> 00:00:33.534 Matt: I know. 00:00:33.534 --> 00:00:33.954 Isn't that weird? 00:00:34.674 --> 00:00:35.534 Alison: But when, okay. 00:00:35.604 --> 00:00:35.894 Okay. 00:00:35.894 --> 00:00:39.574 Here's a question and let's get Fitz on one day to ruminate on this. 00:00:40.329 --> 00:00:40.659 Matt: Yeah. 00:00:41.004 --> 00:00:44.694 Alison: What is the difference between a hyper-fixation and a compulsion? 00:00:45.324 --> 00:00:45.814 Discuss? 00:00:46.364 --> 00:00:46.504 You know, 00:00:46.504 --> 00:00:47.640 Matt: That is a good question. 00:00:47.700 --> 00:00:47.790 Mm-hmm. 00:00:48.494 --> 00:00:48.934 Alison: I don't know. 00:00:49.214 --> 00:00:51.614 I don't, I don't have the answers, so I guess it could 00:00:51.614 --> 00:00:56.294 come up with some hypotheses and have science destroy them all. 00:00:59.760 --> 00:01:01.300 Matt: She destroyed me with science. 00:01:02.334 --> 00:01:03.515 Alison: She destroyed me with. 00:01:05.657 --> 00:01:07.142 Matt: Uh, we have a topic 00:01:08.102 --> 00:01:08.562 Alison: We do. 00:01:08.642 --> 00:01:14.842 Matt: As suggested to us by our friends in the Discord, specifically our friend Tey. 00:01:15.122 --> 00:01:16.652 What is that topic, Alison? 00:01:17.012 --> 00:01:17.452 Oh, we haven't done 00:01:17.612 --> 00:01:17.772 Alison: Yeah… know, 00:01:17.772 --> 00:01:18.912 Matt: any introductions or anything. 00:01:19.412 --> 00:01:19.472 We 00:01:19.592 --> 00:01:23.292 Alison: Nah, let's get, we gotta roll dice. 00:01:23.312 --> 00:01:25.852 We have to, we have to say, hi Matt. 00:01:27.002 --> 00:01:27.342 Matt: Hi Alison. 00:01:28.102 --> 00:01:29.272 Alison: Welcome to my podcast. 00:01:30.422 --> 00:01:31.712 Matt: Welcome to my podcast. 00:01:31.712 --> 00:01:33.782 I'm so glad you could join me today. 00:01:33.882 --> 00:01:38.492 Alison: This, of course, is the podcast ADHd20, where we try and find 00:01:38.492 --> 00:01:43.369 the intersection between ADHD, and 00:01:43.549 --> 00:01:45.979 Matt: and TT 00:01:45.979 --> 00:01:47.809 Alison: TTRPGs. 00:01:52.769 --> 00:01:56.139 It's not like we haven't done that like 27 times already, but here, here we are. 00:01:56.602 --> 00:01:57.122 Do you know what? 00:01:57.122 --> 00:01:58.722 Do you know what today's episode is, Matt? 00:01:59.932 --> 00:02:01.602 We're in double digits! 00:02:01.602 --> 00:02:03.052 It's episode 10 00:02:03.052 --> 00:02:03.582 Matt: Dang. 00:02:04.042 --> 00:02:05.082 Alison: of our second season. 00:02:05.222 --> 00:02:08.622 So I mentioned on the last episode that I just went on vacation with 00:02:08.622 --> 00:02:12.542 my family and while on vacation with my family, I mentioned to my brother 00:02:12.552 --> 00:02:18.102 whose name is also Evan, uh, that I have, you know, a podcast about ADHD. 00:02:18.122 --> 00:02:20.923 And he asked how long we've been doing it and I was like, well, 00:02:20.923 --> 00:02:21.883 we're in our second season. 00:02:21.883 --> 00:02:25.043 He said, well then it's not a podcast about ADHD cuz anybody 00:02:25.043 --> 00:02:29.523 with ADHD wouldn't be able to do 20 something episodes of something. 00:02:29.663 --> 00:02:33.033 And I said, haha, but but! 00:02:33.033 --> 00:02:34.143 It's our hyper-fixation. 00:02:34.743 --> 00:02:35.283 Matt: It is. 00:02:35.763 --> 00:02:37.983 Alison: And he said, okay, that tracks. 00:02:38.163 --> 00:02:43.463 So on that note, Matt, I'm about to surprise round you real quick. 00:02:43.923 --> 00:02:44.823 Matt: Uh, oh, boy. 00:02:44.913 --> 00:02:45.063 Oh 00:02:45.153 --> 00:02:46.213 Alison: Oh boy. 00:02:46.493 --> 00:02:50.803 I have an I, I surprise you. 00:02:51.223 --> 00:02:52.123 You surprise me. 00:02:54.933 --> 00:02:55.923 Matt: Give and take a little 00:02:56.563 --> 00:02:59.070 Alison: What if, every week on ADHD 20. 00:03:00.190 --> 00:03:06.010 At the beginning, we just quickly shared what was our hyper fixation for the week. 00:03:06.240 --> 00:03:10.170 What was the thing that you hyper fixated on the most this week, Matt, right? 00:03:10.210 --> 00:03:10.900 Matt: I love that. 00:03:11.020 --> 00:03:11.530 Yeah. 00:03:11.590 --> 00:03:12.460 That's a fun one. 00:03:12.880 --> 00:03:13.170 Alison: Yeah. 00:03:13.910 --> 00:03:15.010 I'm asking you though. 00:03:15.430 --> 00:03:16.030 Matt: Oh, I'm sorry. 00:03:16.030 --> 00:03:16.480 I'm sorry. 00:03:16.750 --> 00:03:23.072 Uh, undoubtedly, it, it is actually, uh, usually editing the, this podcast. 00:03:23.192 --> 00:03:27.082 That's, that's a, that's a pretty rock solid way to get into hyperfocus. 00:03:27.252 --> 00:03:27.392 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:03:27.392 --> 00:03:34.172 Matt: Also, uh, I have been working very hard on my RPG methodology. 00:03:34.607 --> 00:03:34.827 Alison: Ooh. 00:03:35.712 --> 00:03:40.182 Matt: So, uh, I did definitely have some hyper fixed mornings 00:03:40.182 --> 00:03:42.882 where I was like, I can fix this, I can do this, I can make it. 00:03:42.882 --> 00:03:43.332 And I did. 00:03:43.332 --> 00:03:43.842 I did. 00:03:44.172 --> 00:03:47.472 Uh, those are my two. 00:03:48.442 --> 00:03:48.732 Alison: Nice. 00:03:48.762 --> 00:03:49.332 Matt: That's enough. 00:03:49.792 --> 00:03:50.412 Alison: That's enough. 00:03:50.412 --> 00:03:51.652 That's enough hyper fixations. 00:03:52.092 --> 00:03:55.292 I think this week my hyper fixation was definitely Patreon. 00:03:55.752 --> 00:03:55.972 We 00:03:56.072 --> 00:03:56.492 Matt: Mm-hmm. 00:03:57.012 --> 00:04:01.132 Alison: We decided to give our own darling little Patreon a little glow up this week. 00:04:01.232 --> 00:04:06.452 And I spent a lot of time in there and it was a lot of fun and 00:04:06.452 --> 00:04:09.772 there's a lot more I'm gonna do and can do and can't wait to do. 00:04:10.172 --> 00:04:10.612 Um, 00:04:10.847 --> 00:04:11.562 Matt: Yes, yes. 00:04:11.562 --> 00:04:13.148 Alison: Yay fun hyper fixations. 00:04:13.572 --> 00:04:18.642 Matt: Part of your dreams and goals for Patreon, we're hoping to have, say, live 00:04:18.642 --> 00:04:23.022 streams of this, where we, everybody hears all of this nonsense at the beginning and 00:04:23.022 --> 00:04:25.392 the end and the middle of these podcasts. 00:04:25.872 --> 00:04:29.172 Alison: That's the best part is that people think that you and I actually just 00:04:29.262 --> 00:04:35.492 talk for 30 minutes a week about this and have no idea that all that we cut. 00:04:35.922 --> 00:04:36.572 It's great. 00:04:37.077 --> 00:04:42.210 Matt: Super succinct, like, I, to leave in all of our, uh, Uhuh stuttering. 00:04:42.260 --> 00:04:46.460 Just as the example that I have ADHD and that, that's my, 00:04:46.670 --> 00:04:49.260 that's my jam because man alive 00:04:49.260 --> 00:04:49.390 Mm-hmm. 00:04:50.000 --> 00:04:51.100 We cut out lot of it. 00:04:51.100 --> 00:04:52.970 A lot of it. 00:04:53.870 --> 00:04:54.140 So. 00:04:54.285 --> 00:04:55.808 Alison: Um, well there's our new segment. 00:04:56.138 --> 00:04:57.768 We'll see if I remember to ever do it again. 00:04:57.768 --> 00:05:01.035 Or if, if season two episode 10 is the one, time we bring it up. 00:05:01.035 --> 00:05:04.395 But I think it, I think it would be interesting week to week to see what our 00:05:04.685 --> 00:05:09.110 hyper focuses change to and what's the thing that's just kind of like, getting 00:05:09.130 --> 00:05:12.190 us all hyper and juiced week to week. 00:05:12.970 --> 00:05:14.790 Um, so thank you for humoring me there. 00:05:15.290 --> 00:05:20.950 Now let's do the, uh, the D 100 table and then get on, then get on with it. 00:05:21.290 --> 00:05:22.350 Uh, you got your dice ready. 00:05:23.210 --> 00:05:24.270 Get on with our lives. 00:05:24.270 --> 00:05:25.880 Matt: Our freaking lives, man. 00:05:27.930 --> 00:05:30.350 Alison: I'm rolling, for anybody who cares, now that this is 00:05:30.350 --> 00:05:32.990 also a video format, I'm rolling with my Jester dice today. 00:05:33.970 --> 00:05:36.030 Um, I love them. 00:05:36.410 --> 00:05:39.150 Jester is my favorite Critical Role character, of course. 00:05:39.600 --> 00:05:42.580 She's just the cutest, the most unproblematic, and the D 20. 00:05:43.360 --> 00:05:44.520 It's a cupcake. 00:05:44.900 --> 00:05:48.310 It's a sweet, when you land on the 20, you get a sweet little 00:05:48.420 --> 00:05:50.510 Jester cupcake, and I didn't Okay. 00:05:50.810 --> 00:05:51.430 Enough of that. 00:05:51.430 --> 00:05:52.250 Enough of that nonsense. 00:05:52.250 --> 00:05:54.560 Matt: I even know about, I even know about the cupcake thing. 00:05:54.830 --> 00:05:55.430 Alison: I have rolled. 00:05:56.350 --> 00:05:57.200 What did you roll? 00:05:57.293 --> 00:05:58.013 Matt: A 28. 00:05:58.627 --> 00:05:58.960 Alison: Wow. 00:05:58.960 --> 00:06:01.270 This goes right along with the segment we've had. 00:06:01.270 --> 00:06:03.480 What is your current hyper fixation meal. 00:06:03.870 --> 00:06:04.920 Matt: I actually have one. 00:06:05.160 --> 00:06:05.640 Okay. 00:06:05.640 --> 00:06:10.687 So let me first say, um, I don't, I don't usually hyperfocus in that way. 00:06:10.687 --> 00:06:12.397 I don't hyperfocus about food. 00:06:13.047 --> 00:06:17.737 fact, it is very hard for me to eat the same meals twice in, in a week. 00:06:18.067 --> 00:06:18.287 Alison: Wow. 00:06:19.117 --> 00:06:22.537 Matt: like, like consecutively, like I eat, I could eat pizza 00:06:22.627 --> 00:06:23.857 twice or something like that. 00:06:23.877 --> 00:06:26.077 But they have to be very different pizzas, 00:06:27.097 --> 00:06:27.257 Alison: Fair. 00:06:28.177 --> 00:06:31.687 Matt: Uh, I know that a lot of people with ADHD don't have that 00:06:31.687 --> 00:06:33.562 problem, which is also cool. 00:06:33.772 --> 00:06:38.722 I mean, people, some people just like, get on a, I'm gonna have 00:06:38.722 --> 00:06:40.612 beans and rice every night kick. 00:06:40.852 --> 00:06:41.872 I can't do that. 00:06:42.232 --> 00:06:42.722 However, 00:06:42.937 --> 00:06:43.157 Alison: Wow. 00:06:44.122 --> 00:06:45.602 Matt: I really, really love this meal. 00:06:46.252 --> 00:06:47.812 We've been making it for a while. 00:06:48.202 --> 00:06:52.012 Uh, it, it's fish, rice, and coleslaw. 00:06:53.937 --> 00:06:54.297 Alison: Interesting. 00:06:55.132 --> 00:06:56.362 Matt: Yeah, it's really good. 00:06:56.512 --> 00:06:59.872 Like a little slab of some, the fish can change, 00:07:00.327 --> 00:07:00.677 Alison: Uhhuh 00:07:01.372 --> 00:07:03.622 Matt: Rice with a little butter. 00:07:03.622 --> 00:07:06.322 And then my coleslaw, which is 00:07:07.097 --> 00:07:07.217 Alison: Hmm. 00:07:07.492 --> 00:07:08.962 Matt: Made with Duke's mayonnaise. 00:07:09.307 --> 00:07:10.047 Alison: Of course it is. 00:07:10.263 --> 00:07:12.863 I, knew it was either made with Dukes or like mayonnaise you made yourself. 00:07:13.063 --> 00:07:17.663 I would do that, but my, cuz my hyper fixation is putting fruit in things, 00:07:18.243 --> 00:07:22.383 so I bet that would be good if you did like a little, like mango or 00:07:22.383 --> 00:07:24.143 like pineapple to the, to the slaw. 00:07:24.663 --> 00:07:25.663 I bet that'd be good. 00:07:26.403 --> 00:07:26.823 Mm-hmm. 00:07:26.943 --> 00:07:27.103 Matt: Good. 00:07:27.553 --> 00:07:28.303 Alison: Treat yourself. 00:07:28.953 --> 00:07:31.583 Treat yourself well. 00:07:32.253 --> 00:07:34.303 Well I'm glad to know you have a hyper fixation meal. 00:07:34.303 --> 00:07:36.263 There's something we don't normally talk about from you. 00:07:36.883 --> 00:07:39.423 Um, I rolled a 13. 00:07:40.673 --> 00:07:41.313 Matt: A 13. 00:07:42.483 --> 00:07:46.923 Alison what is your alignment IRL? 00:07:47.618 --> 00:07:49.518 Alison: Oh, I love this question. 00:07:50.418 --> 00:07:53.071 Um, you know, I think I want it to be chaotic good. 00:07:54.111 --> 00:07:55.121 It's definitely chaotic. 00:07:55.271 --> 00:07:56.721 There's, there's no way it's not. 00:07:57.191 --> 00:08:01.811 But I I think lately, cuz I entered my villain era not too long ago. 00:08:01.891 --> 00:08:05.251 I think I might be skewing more chaotic neutral in this 00:08:05.251 --> 00:08:07.501 current uh, iteration of Alison. 00:08:07.547 --> 00:08:09.487 I'm not apologetic about that either. 00:08:09.587 --> 00:08:10.847 But yeah, it's definitely chaotic. 00:08:11.176 --> 00:08:13.570 I'm not a lawful girl and I don't think I could play a lawful character. 00:08:13.590 --> 00:08:13.817 So 00:08:14.015 --> 00:08:14.255 Matt: Mm-hmm. 00:08:14.540 --> 00:08:15.750 still in your villain phase. 00:08:15.910 --> 00:08:16.500 I approve. 00:08:16.518 --> 00:08:19.638 Alison: Well, I've moved out of my villain era and into my delusional era. 00:08:19.858 --> 00:08:21.278 But yeah, we're, we're moving. 00:08:22.098 --> 00:08:24.838 I'm just like Taylor Swift and really moving through the eras here lately. 00:08:25.228 --> 00:08:25.648 Matt: Amazing. 00:08:25.768 --> 00:08:26.338 Amazing. 00:08:26.428 --> 00:08:26.758 Okay. 00:08:26.926 --> 00:08:30.216 So what are we going to talk about today? 00:08:30.966 --> 00:08:34.866 Alison: So we polled our lovely audience in Discord this week, 00:08:35.366 --> 00:08:36.626 uh, with our favorite question. 00:08:36.626 --> 00:08:37.746 What kind of topics do you like? 00:08:37.966 --> 00:08:38.986 Got some good ones. 00:08:39.257 --> 00:08:40.637 Got some real good ones. 00:08:41.117 --> 00:08:42.877 I love everybody's brains, man. 00:08:43.117 --> 00:08:43.877 I really, really do. 00:08:44.497 --> 00:08:48.937 Uh, and this particular question came from our good friend Tey: I think you 00:08:48.937 --> 00:08:53.657 might have touched on this a bit already, but how about going in depth on things 00:08:53.657 --> 00:08:58.057 that made y'all feel welcome to show up as your whole self at a gaming table? 00:08:58.597 --> 00:09:02.968 Or conversely, what will put your walls up or make it harder to engage? 00:09:03.718 --> 00:09:07.408 What are best practices for the neurotypicals around you to make gaming 00:09:07.418 --> 00:09:09.888 table rad for their neuro spicy friends? 00:09:10.844 --> 00:09:11.064 Matt: Oh, 00:09:12.054 --> 00:09:14.455 Alison: I, I I love everything about that. 00:09:14.535 --> 00:09:18.645 I mean, obviously I love the spirit in which Tey asked it, within the 00:09:18.645 --> 00:09:24.325 lens of TTRPGs, like what can cause us to just shut down in a game? 00:09:24.785 --> 00:09:25.885 Has that ever happened to you? 00:09:25.915 --> 00:09:30.285 Have you ever had a gaming moment where you just kind of wanted to 00:09:30.395 --> 00:09:32.405 like Homer Simpson into the bushes? 00:09:33.281 --> 00:09:33.791 Matt: Yeah. 00:09:34.215 --> 00:09:35.195 Alison: Do you wanna talk about it? 00:09:36.945 --> 00:09:37.425 Matt: Sure. 00:09:39.201 --> 00:09:42.891 Um, I, I've definitely had, I've definitely had that moment as a Game 00:09:42.891 --> 00:09:47.314 Master and, uh, it's, it's a little, okay. 00:09:47.644 --> 00:09:54.274 It, it, it happened cause I felt like all of the players were against me. 00:09:55.604 --> 00:09:55.824 Alison: Oh, 00:09:56.284 --> 00:09:56.494 Matt: So 00:09:56.504 --> 00:09:57.784 Alison: think I know the time you're talking about. 00:09:58.204 --> 00:09:59.609 Matt: It wasn't a happy moment, 00:09:59.639 --> 00:09:59.729 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:09:59.729 --> 00:10:02.989 Matt: But I got very upset and angry. 00:10:03.784 --> 00:10:06.964 Uh, and I didn't know what to do about it. 00:10:06.994 --> 00:10:08.764 It, I mean, RSD right? 00:10:08.764 --> 00:10:12.244 Like it was a full RSD attack. 00:10:12.564 --> 00:10:12.654 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:10:12.654 --> 00:10:15.604 Matt: That I was feeling because it wasn't like anybody was 00:10:15.604 --> 00:10:16.744 doing anything particularly, 00:10:17.424 --> 00:10:17.844 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:10:18.364 --> 00:10:19.984 Matt: You were definitely not attacking me. 00:10:19.984 --> 00:10:23.224 Cuz as, as we've said many, many times this game, the beauty of 00:10:23.224 --> 00:10:26.224 it is that you can be yourself and yet you're not yourself, so. 00:10:26.974 --> 00:10:28.744 Wouldn't that apply to the Game Master? 00:10:28.774 --> 00:10:29.794 Well, it should. 00:10:30.234 --> 00:10:30.654 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:10:31.054 --> 00:10:32.854 Matt: There was, there was this moment where, 00:10:33.754 --> 00:10:34.174 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:10:34.204 --> 00:10:40.414 Matt: I was just, had prepared this thing and, my, creature or whatever it was or 00:10:40.414 --> 00:10:41.914 the situation, I don't even remember. 00:10:41.914 --> 00:10:47.644 I've, I've, I've put it outta my mind, but it was, I was very, I got very, I. 00:10:47.704 --> 00:10:50.344 Like, oh, oh boy, I got, I wanna stop. 00:10:50.434 --> 00:10:51.034 Just like, 00:10:51.544 --> 00:10:53.074 gotta, I feel so bad. 00:10:53.079 --> 00:10:58.414 I, I, you know, I just kind of went into myself and, it wasn't the best 00:10:58.414 --> 00:11:01.434 feeling, but it was, it was a real thing. 00:11:01.434 --> 00:11:03.054 And then, you know, we just discussed it. 00:11:03.204 --> 00:11:06.678 Cuz that's the kinds of friends that we are, if, if we weren't 00:11:06.978 --> 00:11:08.568 kinds of friends that we are, 00:11:08.598 --> 00:11:09.018 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:11:09.138 --> 00:11:11.058 Matt: then that would be a bad situation, right? 00:11:11.108 --> 00:11:11.188 Alison: Yeah. 00:11:11.188 --> 00:11:11.388 Yeah. 00:11:11.768 --> 00:11:14.688 Matt: That could turn you off of role playing games forever. 00:11:14.868 --> 00:11:15.288 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:11:16.398 --> 00:11:19.488 Matt: So, you know, that's, so, that's a bad side of this, right? 00:11:19.488 --> 00:11:23.238 If if you don't, if you're not in a safe space, 00:11:23.788 --> 00:11:24.208 Alison: mm-hmm. 00:11:24.288 --> 00:11:29.928 Matt: And there's so many, so many, so many articles online, about making your 00:11:29.928 --> 00:11:35.234 gaming table a safe space, as safe as humanly possible, so many great ideas. 00:11:35.649 --> 00:11:35.929 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:11:36.254 --> 00:11:40.184 Matt: This, mechanic called the X Card, if something happens, you're, you're 00:11:40.184 --> 00:11:44.294 not calling someone out, you're just that says, this makes me uncomfortable. 00:11:44.349 --> 00:11:44.569 Alison: Yep. 00:11:45.764 --> 00:11:46.604 Matt: What is it called? 00:11:46.844 --> 00:11:47.474 Veils. 00:11:48.860 --> 00:11:50.130 Alison: Lines and veils. 00:11:50.705 --> 00:11:53.525 Matt: Thank you lines and veils. 00:11:53.975 --> 00:11:58.823 Uh, there are lots of systems out there where, to make everybody feel 00:11:58.823 --> 00:12:00.413 comfortable in, at, at a table. 00:12:01.363 --> 00:12:06.653 And, and that time anytime that I've ever felt weird, I've been able to talk about 00:12:06.653 --> 00:12:09.503 it and say, Hey, you know, I felt weird. 00:12:09.683 --> 00:12:09.903 Um, 00:12:09.908 --> 00:12:10.328 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:12:11.563 --> 00:12:12.103 Matt: How about you? 00:12:14.038 --> 00:12:15.478 Alison: I know which time you're talking about. 00:12:15.538 --> 00:12:19.998 And I do remember that cuz I knew that we were, I knew that we were off kilter. 00:12:20.038 --> 00:12:21.038 I knew that we were off sync. 00:12:21.058 --> 00:12:23.958 And that's never a good feeling when you know that you're usually in 00:12:23.958 --> 00:12:27.838 sync with a group to feel very like why is, why is today raining chaos? 00:12:28.418 --> 00:12:28.638 Um... 00:12:28.853 --> 00:12:29.143 Matt: Yeah. 00:12:29.498 --> 00:12:32.498 Alison: i, I'll say this because I obviously we're not here to like talk 00:12:32.498 --> 00:12:36.738 trash about anybody or anything, but there have been other games, not the ones 00:12:36.738 --> 00:12:41.378 that I play with you, um, but games I played with other group were like, there's 00:12:41.418 --> 00:12:45.978 a member maybe even two that like you just don't jive with as a person, right? 00:12:46.313 --> 00:12:46.583 Matt: Yeah. 00:12:46.998 --> 00:12:48.258 Alison: And that's, that's hard. 00:12:48.258 --> 00:12:52.468 And so there was, uh, not too long ago in one of these games, one of the, people 00:12:52.468 --> 00:12:56.322 that personally I just don't jive with rolled up a new character and it felt 00:12:56.472 --> 00:13:01.562 very like shoehorned in, it felt like in rolling up this character and kind 00:13:01.562 --> 00:13:03.402 of, because we were a very close party. 00:13:03.942 --> 00:13:07.722 The party had been playing together for years, So like we'd been through some 00:13:07.722 --> 00:13:11.642 shit together and then suddenly there's this newcomer here and we were kind of 00:13:11.642 --> 00:13:17.522 like asking questions to determine if we wanted this character in our party, but 00:13:17.522 --> 00:13:19.522 suddenly it started to feel personal. 00:13:19.522 --> 00:13:22.642 Suddenly it felt like it wasn't, you know, our character's 00:13:22.642 --> 00:13:23.602 asking another character thing. 00:13:23.842 --> 00:13:24.802 I was like, are we okay? 00:13:25.272 --> 00:13:26.362 Like, are we are? 00:13:26.622 --> 00:13:29.602 Is this the people asking the player things? 00:13:29.862 --> 00:13:32.382 And that wasn't a good feeling. 00:13:33.082 --> 00:13:37.982 Um, but again, part of me felt like we were put in that position because 00:13:38.532 --> 00:13:42.382 this particular player was kind of trying to, to shoehorn something 00:13:42.522 --> 00:13:44.062 new in just for the sake of it. 00:13:44.552 --> 00:13:45.172 Matt: Yeah, yeah. 00:13:45.282 --> 00:13:46.142 Alison: And, and that felt weird. 00:13:46.212 --> 00:13:46.862 That felt bad. 00:13:47.002 --> 00:13:51.262 That's, that's the, that's the, the most recent example I could think of. 00:13:51.488 --> 00:13:57.218 Matt: And, and we, we, we both started off with negative ones. 00:13:57.998 --> 00:14:03.418 But I can, I can speak to the positive side of, of Tey's question which was, 00:14:03.418 --> 00:14:03.508 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:14:03.625 --> 00:14:08.305 Matt: what are things that have made us feel welcome to show up as our whole self? 00:14:08.305 --> 00:14:15.762 And I would say personally, it is the, role playing abilities 00:14:16.452 --> 00:14:16.562 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:14:16.562 --> 00:14:18.642 Matt: of my group, right? 00:14:19.122 --> 00:14:23.537 That includes you, of course, it definitely includes my brother Evan, 00:14:24.077 --> 00:14:24.367 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:14:24.367 --> 00:14:28.512 Matt: includes our friend Fitz, and includes our friend Matt Williams. 00:14:28.517 --> 00:14:34.772 Like the fact that y'all are always, almost always willing 00:14:34.792 --> 00:14:34.892 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:14:35.172 --> 00:14:44.418 Matt: to go for it to bring in the emotion, to, to really try to put 00:14:44.688 --> 00:14:50.028 yourselves into this character and what the character would say, even if it 00:14:50.028 --> 00:14:53.778 isn't what you would say is inspiring. 00:14:53.778 --> 00:14:56.028 It always changes 00:14:56.028 --> 00:14:56.738 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:14:57.648 --> 00:15:00.288 Matt: what I am doing and saying. 00:15:01.183 --> 00:15:01.909 It always does. 00:15:02.238 --> 00:15:06.638 And, and when, when I play with Tey, I can literally see him doing that. 00:15:06.638 --> 00:15:06.738 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:15:07.048 --> 00:15:08.508 Matt: So I know same for him. 00:15:08.508 --> 00:15:08.598 I 00:15:08.853 --> 00:15:09.073 Alison: Yep. 00:15:09.293 --> 00:15:09.513 Yep. 00:15:09.853 --> 00:15:10.073 Yep. 00:15:10.398 --> 00:15:15.138 Matt: been in moments where like, that's not what he was going to say, but he's so 00:15:16.098 --> 00:15:19.058 inspired by what the players are doing. 00:15:19.188 --> 00:15:24.138 It's these moments where you feel comfortable shedding tears or these 00:15:24.143 --> 00:15:30.858 moments that, uh, where, where a character just kind of breaks, breaks down any 00:15:30.858 --> 00:15:33.425 barriers and really talks real stuff. 00:15:33.445 --> 00:15:38.748 We don't talk about him all that much, but our friend Matt Williams, he's a dad. 00:15:38.848 --> 00:15:40.198 He works in family ministry. 00:15:40.398 --> 00:15:46.198 And, uh, to be honest, this is not an insult in any way, but I, I would 00:15:46.198 --> 00:15:50.428 not walk down the street and see Matt and go, oh, that's a, that's an 00:15:50.428 --> 00:15:52.068 excellent Dungeons & Dragons player. 00:15:52.205 --> 00:15:59.053 And man, just some of my favorite moments, the moments that I have, that has cemented 00:15:59.053 --> 00:16:03.833 my love for this game are things that he has said both out outside and inside 00:16:03.833 --> 00:16:07.613 that he, he, he just comes up with. 00:16:07.933 --> 00:16:09.133 It's so real. 00:16:09.133 --> 00:16:10.033 It's so. 00:16:10.498 --> 00:16:15.478 It's so meaningful, well thought out, and it's so intelligent. 00:16:15.538 --> 00:16:20.278 And that just to me, uh, basically, and this is, this 00:16:20.283 --> 00:16:21.928 goes, this goes in real life too. 00:16:22.138 --> 00:16:27.388 If you are willing and able to sit down with me even as a perfect stranger and 00:16:27.388 --> 00:16:29.548 tell me real things about yourself, 00:16:29.678 --> 00:16:31.538 I am, I am going to be interested. 00:16:31.538 --> 00:16:34.088 I'm this before and I'm going to be there. 00:16:34.148 --> 00:16:36.438 Right like immediately fascinated. 00:16:36.668 --> 00:16:37.968 Alison: Tell me more. 00:16:37.968 --> 00:16:41.168 Matt: ...already puts you in a position where that's easier to do. 00:16:41.438 --> 00:16:45.608 And then the players that I play with are phenomenal. 00:16:46.693 --> 00:16:51.213 Alison: I wanna, I wanna, yes, and so much of that, Matt Williams really is 00:16:51.493 --> 00:16:53.933 a master at acting as his character. 00:16:53.993 --> 00:16:58.103 In fact, if you know Matt personally, IRL and I, I do not 00:16:58.103 --> 00:17:01.703 know a kinder, more gentle soul. 00:17:02.043 --> 00:17:05.903 He is the epitome of a good listener and a good friend, uh, 00:17:05.923 --> 00:17:07.543 to, to all that he knows, right? 00:17:08.283 --> 00:17:13.793 Um, And in the game, Matt is a hothead and I love it. 00:17:13.983 --> 00:17:15.113 Like I love it. 00:17:15.973 --> 00:17:16.193 Yes. 00:17:16.863 --> 00:17:21.473 He's a fire genasi and he, like, he went off a few weeks ago in session 00:17:21.573 --> 00:17:25.953 and I like, I mean my mouth was on the floor cuz I just, I wa I wasn't 00:17:25.953 --> 00:17:26.913 expecting it from his character. 00:17:26.913 --> 00:17:29.993 So you're so right, like when a character gives you something that you're not 00:17:30.543 --> 00:17:33.953 expecting and then, and, and for it to be coming from Matt Williams was just, 00:17:33.973 --> 00:17:35.993 uh, the best kind of shock to the system. 00:17:36.853 --> 00:17:43.313 I'm going to go even further back, uh, for my "Yes, and" what's the positive 00:17:43.493 --> 00:17:45.153 of like, what gave me permission? 00:17:45.853 --> 00:17:51.673 I'm gonna go back in time to like our first session of D&D when I didn't 00:17:51.673 --> 00:17:53.713 know Jack Didley about how to play. 00:17:53.733 --> 00:17:56.993 And we've talked about this a lot on recent episodes of how 00:17:56.993 --> 00:18:02.537 like I knew immediately and I will credit you, Evan and Fitz. 00:18:04.067 --> 00:18:08.317 Because like I, my wish is that everybody in the world would get 00:18:08.317 --> 00:18:12.737 to play Dungeons & Dragons with Evan Bivins and Anna Fitzgerald. 00:18:13.317 --> 00:18:13.647 Matt: Mm-hmm. 00:18:13.647 --> 00:18:18.557 Alison: Because they are just, they're so wacky in such a beautiful way. 00:18:18.577 --> 00:18:22.357 And so it's, it's almost like when you see somebody, that level of unhinged, 00:18:22.437 --> 00:18:24.877 I swear this is an, is a compliment. 00:18:25.457 --> 00:18:26.637 It gives you permission. 00:18:26.850 --> 00:18:31.040 When people say like, what advice can you give to newcomers and first time 00:18:31.040 --> 00:18:34.880 players or people who haven't played in a while, it's always get a ringer. 00:18:35.180 --> 00:18:39.440 Get somebody in your group who knows what they're doing and play with them 00:18:39.630 --> 00:18:42.080 because no shade to being a newbie. 00:18:42.200 --> 00:18:45.000 I never felt shade, but I knew I didn't know what I was doing. 00:18:45.020 --> 00:18:50.360 And if I hadn't had y'all there to show me those ropes and to be weird 00:18:50.500 --> 00:18:55.880 and wacky and vulnerable and, and just like hand me that permission slip 00:18:56.070 --> 00:19:00.520 into the journey of my imagination, um, we probably wouldn't be here now, 00:19:01.105 --> 00:19:03.265 having this podcast playing every week. 00:19:03.522 --> 00:19:06.712 And thank you to, you know, our original, um, Dungeon Master 00:19:06.742 --> 00:19:09.112 Jeff Melando for fostering that. 00:19:09.112 --> 00:19:13.072 Because he made it very clear the kind of table that he wanted to run was 00:19:13.332 --> 00:19:15.112 one that we could, we could go for it. 00:19:15.112 --> 00:19:19.272 That, that the focus was gonna be on the characters, the game, enjoying our time 00:19:19.272 --> 00:19:21.062 with each other And I think Tey does that. 00:19:21.162 --> 00:19:24.375 You definitely do that Matt, whether it's a one shot or whether it's gonna 00:19:24.375 --> 00:19:28.055 be a campaign or a mini campaign to sit down with your players 00:19:28.155 --> 00:19:29.415 in some kind of a Session Zero. 00:19:29.755 --> 00:19:32.695 And to get the goals and to say, what kind of player do you wanna be? 00:19:33.085 --> 00:19:35.455 What kind of session do you wanna have here? 00:19:35.875 --> 00:19:37.335 Is this a focus on combat? 00:19:37.475 --> 00:19:39.175 Is this a focus on role playing? 00:19:39.835 --> 00:19:41.255 Um, do you like puzzles? 00:19:41.455 --> 00:19:45.035 And then something else that you said that can kind of segue into 00:19:45.035 --> 00:19:48.525 the real life aspect of this , and it's something, you know, I've been 00:19:48.525 --> 00:19:49.965 mulling over for the past couple weeks. 00:19:50.085 --> 00:19:53.958 I mentioned on our last, episode that I, I took a, a family 00:19:54.278 --> 00:19:55.318 vacation that didn't go well. 00:19:55.778 --> 00:19:58.918 And, and I don't wanna harp on that, but I've been thinking, you know, 00:19:58.918 --> 00:20:00.038 you think about these things, right? 00:20:00.038 --> 00:20:03.118 And you think about like, what could I have done differently and what, and, 00:20:03.118 --> 00:20:06.958 and I thought about it honestly through like the lens of my neuro spiciness. 00:20:07.708 --> 00:20:11.228 Especially because I had a conversation with my mom about the fact that my 00:20:11.228 --> 00:20:15.508 dad has undiagnosed ADHD and that hinders my relationship with him. 00:20:15.568 --> 00:20:17.508 It hinders a lot of different things. 00:20:17.528 --> 00:20:21.548 And she was asking me a similar question to this of like, what can I do? 00:20:21.658 --> 00:20:24.708 Like, and so I think you kind of touched on it at the beginning 00:20:24.708 --> 00:20:27.988 where you said like having that conversation outside of the game. 00:20:28.128 --> 00:20:31.988 So obviously if, if like tensions are high and we're not speaking the same 00:20:32.228 --> 00:20:37.048 language in game, having the wherewithal just to say, we're gonna get through 00:20:37.048 --> 00:20:39.768 this, we're gonna take a break, and then coming back later and saying like, 00:20:41.198 --> 00:20:42.248 What could I have done differently? 00:20:42.248 --> 00:20:44.958 And that was, that was a big piece of advice I gave to my mom. 00:20:44.958 --> 00:20:49.958 And that I give people with me personally, like when I get really riled up about 00:20:49.958 --> 00:20:52.638 something, it is hard to stop that train. 00:20:52.818 --> 00:20:57.398 So don't try, like, and I know when I get to that level of anger, emotion, 00:20:57.398 --> 00:21:02.198 sadness, whatever that, that peak level is, I know to, to remove myself. 00:21:02.358 --> 00:21:05.118 I know myself enough to know that like I just need to step away and take a 00:21:05.118 --> 00:21:07.638 breath and like, please don't push me. 00:21:08.018 --> 00:21:12.198 But if somebody can come back to me later and, and, and say like, okay, 00:21:12.198 --> 00:21:13.238 what could we have done differently? 00:21:13.348 --> 00:21:15.278 Like where did, where, where did we go wrong? 00:21:16.018 --> 00:21:18.278 Um, calmly trying to have that conversation. 00:21:18.618 --> 00:21:20.998 But a lot of people are so afraid of conflict. 00:21:21.118 --> 00:21:25.338 I feel like, and maybe this just comes with our age, that they never want to go 00:21:25.338 --> 00:21:28.498 back and have that conversation because they don't wanna reopen that can of worms. 00:21:28.518 --> 00:21:33.368 And I'm kind of like, if, if I'm calm, like we can have that conversation. 00:21:33.508 --> 00:21:36.928 If I'm riled up , we cannot have that conversation. 00:21:37.398 --> 00:21:37.728 Matt: Right. 00:21:37.848 --> 00:21:40.188 No, really good at that. 00:21:40.188 --> 00:21:41.238 You're really good at that. 00:21:41.281 --> 00:21:44.378 Alison: And I think, too, one realization that I've had, and I think this is 00:21:44.418 --> 00:21:48.258 a generational thing, I, uh, this is not shade at my parents, but rather 00:21:48.598 --> 00:21:51.138 the people of Okay, Boomer Generation. 00:21:51.718 --> 00:21:56.878 Is is and something that makes you, Matt Williams, Evan, Fitz, Tey 00:21:57.178 --> 00:22:00.898 really good D&D players and Dungeon Masters is why you're listening. 00:22:01.198 --> 00:22:05.138 Are you listening with the intent to respond or are you listening 00:22:05.138 --> 00:22:06.418 with the intent to understand? 00:22:08.168 --> 00:22:13.388 I think you and Tey as Dungeon Masters do an exemplary job of this, where 00:22:14.048 --> 00:22:18.988 you're listening to us, you're not like, you know, I know it sucks, Matt, 00:22:18.988 --> 00:22:21.148 when like, we tear down your plans 00:22:22.278 --> 00:22:22.568 Matt: Yeah, 00:22:22.708 --> 00:22:26.108 Alison: know, but, but you prove over and over again what's what 00:22:26.108 --> 00:22:26.668 we're supposed to do, right? 00:22:26.668 --> 00:22:28.108 We're supposed to go off those rails. 00:22:28.328 --> 00:22:32.908 But like that ability in game or in conversation, if we're talking 00:22:32.908 --> 00:22:36.428 about real life again to pivot and say, what did that person just say? 00:22:37.628 --> 00:22:41.328 And, and respond to that instead of what you wanted to say, 00:22:41.468 --> 00:22:42.808 the point you wanted to make. 00:22:43.708 --> 00:22:48.808 And I just, I think what the people that I never feel heard with are the people 00:22:48.958 --> 00:22:53.168 that listen with the intent to respond to me, to make their opinion known 00:22:53.548 --> 00:22:55.568 rather than to hear what I just said. 00:22:56.028 --> 00:22:57.848 So there's my diatribe there. 00:22:58.463 --> 00:22:59.213 Matt: I love that. 00:22:59.273 --> 00:23:00.653 Gosh, that's amazing. 00:23:00.653 --> 00:23:08.783 And uh, that was probably the lesson that I enjoyed learning the most in 00:23:08.783 --> 00:23:12.173 improv, my year of improv schooling. 00:23:12.365 --> 00:23:16.305 it's ironic how many tools, rules and tools there are. 00:23:16.665 --> 00:23:16.915 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:23:16.915 --> 00:23:18.065 Matt: for improv comedy. 00:23:18.165 --> 00:23:20.385 They're all like that. 00:23:21.375 --> 00:23:21.735 that. 00:23:21.795 --> 00:23:23.370 I mean, if you come in angry. 00:23:23.710 --> 00:23:24.500 It's not gonna be good. 00:23:24.820 --> 00:23:25.490 If you don't 00:23:25.490 --> 00:23:30.380 Listen to understand and then, and then be able to respond no matter 00:23:30.380 --> 00:23:32.870 what you wanna say, and you can tell. 00:23:33.590 --> 00:23:33.860 Yeah. 00:23:34.160 --> 00:23:34.520 Anyway, 00:23:34.575 --> 00:23:34.845 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:23:34.845 --> 00:23:38.933 Matt: That's huge, huge compliment, that you just gave me. 00:23:38.933 --> 00:23:43.733 And I really, really, really appreciate that, because not only as a performer, 00:23:45.053 --> 00:23:49.489 you know, I, I, I'm not an improviser anymore, but I, I did take that to heart. 00:23:49.639 --> 00:23:52.609 But then with ADHD that is, 00:23:52.609 --> 00:23:52.856 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:23:53.078 --> 00:23:56.318 Matt: That is a known challenge, which is, I, I have something to wanna say. 00:23:57.218 --> 00:23:59.618 Well, what if the conversation moves? 00:23:59.618 --> 00:24:03.309 Or what if it doesn't really suit for you to say what you want it to say? 00:24:03.818 --> 00:24:04.748 You have to let it go. 00:24:04.748 --> 00:24:06.608 It's, it's it's 00:24:06.608 --> 00:24:06.768 Alison: Oh, 00:24:06.998 --> 00:24:07.398 Matt: Thank 00:24:07.398 --> 00:24:08.678 Alison: it sucks 00:24:08.748 --> 00:24:08.978 Matt: you. 00:24:09.038 --> 00:24:10.658 That, that, that made me feel good. 00:24:11.098 --> 00:24:14.678 Alison: Oh, but I meant it, I wasn't just, I promise I was not blowing smoke. 00:24:14.783 --> 00:24:15.548 Matt: I can tell. 00:24:15.608 --> 00:24:17.138 No, I, I can tell, I can tell. 00:24:17.578 --> 00:24:20.318 You've started to dive in to the second part of this question, 00:24:20.778 --> 00:24:21.198 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:24:21.478 --> 00:24:29.128 Matt: The, the practices for making a gaming table more rad in 00:24:29.128 --> 00:24:32.218 Tey's words, uh, for neuro spicy 00:24:32.463 --> 00:24:32.753 Alison: Yeah. 00:24:32.878 --> 00:24:35.788 Matt: and, and that's, that's a big one. 00:24:35.968 --> 00:24:41.818 I think that's a big one uh, that can apply to anybody really, but especially 00:24:41.818 --> 00:24:48.058 if you know for a fact that somebody has, you know, an impulsiveness, for example, 00:24:48.453 --> 00:24:53.278 just like understand that maybe you might need a to, to have a little more patience. 00:24:54.038 --> 00:24:55.608 Why are you laughing? 00:24:57.933 --> 00:24:58.503 Alison: It's me. 00:24:58.958 --> 00:25:02.338 Matt: And see this is why we are such dear friends. 00:25:03.128 --> 00:25:04.578 We are, this is why we're such dear friends. 00:25:04.578 --> 00:25:04.858 This 00:25:05.448 --> 00:25:10.371 Fitz and you have become such dear friends, is that you, you do have, that. 00:25:10.371 --> 00:25:12.651 You, I mean, you do, you have the impulsive side. 00:25:12.681 --> 00:25:14.991 You do I can see it. 00:25:14.996 --> 00:25:21.111 I can, I could feel, I can literally feel it in can see and feel that, 00:25:21.111 --> 00:25:23.721 like I gotta say what I wanna like. 00:25:24.081 --> 00:25:27.621 And, and sometimes your, your brain won't... 00:25:27.674 --> 00:25:28.364 you just can't. 00:25:28.364 --> 00:25:29.654 You cannot not. 00:25:29.714 --> 00:25:30.074 Right. 00:25:30.079 --> 00:25:30.194 You 00:25:30.274 --> 00:25:31.084 Alison: yeah, yeah, 00:25:31.354 --> 00:25:31.644 yeah, 00:25:31.904 --> 00:25:36.914 Matt: Uh, but we are like, yeah, that's, that's, that's okay. 00:25:37.004 --> 00:25:37.874 That is okay. 00:25:37.964 --> 00:25:39.324 We accept you. 00:25:39.974 --> 00:25:45.554 Um, now is so funny cuz I was, I was talking to Lindsay yesterday 00:25:45.554 --> 00:25:51.731 about this and just things, things that people with disabilities 00:25:52.051 --> 00:25:52.471 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:25:52.901 --> 00:25:56.291 Matt: Uh, traits with disabilities might have. 00:25:56.291 --> 00:26:03.101 Mannerisms, that would make it impossible for you to be their friend. 00:26:03.461 --> 00:26:03.821 Right? 00:26:03.821 --> 00:26:06.311 And of course that's going to be a sliding scale. 00:26:06.311 --> 00:26:11.728 And, and you came up as an example of of just someone that I know a 00:26:11.728 --> 00:26:13.908 challenge for you is impulsiveness. 00:26:14.543 --> 00:26:14.963 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:26:16.588 --> 00:26:19.558 Matt: And I said, we just, we just love her. 00:26:20.038 --> 00:26:20.758 We just love her. 00:26:20.908 --> 00:26:21.778 That's what it is. 00:26:21.778 --> 00:26:22.118 I mean, 00:26:22.618 --> 00:26:28.138 Because knowing is half the battle and there's things that I, know 00:26:28.543 --> 00:26:28.963 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:26:29.278 --> 00:26:32.197 Matt: That are challenges for me, that become challenges for y'all. 00:26:32.620 --> 00:26:36.273 Probably a lot of it's time blindness, but, There's a lot of stuff. 00:26:36.483 --> 00:26:38.583 There's stuff, but you love me, right? 00:26:38.583 --> 00:26:39.243 Like that's, 00:26:39.903 --> 00:26:44.493 So at a gaming table, just understand. 00:26:44.553 --> 00:26:50.403 And, if you are, if you are the neuro spicy person, um, within reason, like 00:26:50.403 --> 00:26:54.303 don't, don't make it all about you, but come in and say, Hey everybody, 00:26:54.933 --> 00:26:56.053 this is the way my brain works. 00:26:56.053 --> 00:27:00.504 So if this happens, just don't be surprised. 00:27:00.641 --> 00:27:04.121 You know, we've said this before, but like, can you put yourself 00:27:04.126 --> 00:27:05.411 into someone else's shoes? 00:27:06.251 --> 00:27:11.711 That is I, that has got to be number one skill to learn 00:27:12.086 --> 00:27:12.506 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:27:12.646 --> 00:27:13.451 Matt: your lifetime. 00:27:14.171 --> 00:27:14.711 I think, 00:27:15.641 --> 00:27:16.451 I don't know. 00:27:16.511 --> 00:27:16.991 I don't know. 00:27:16.991 --> 00:27:17.951 A better skill. 00:27:18.191 --> 00:27:20.701 I don't know one that, that is more important as you age. 00:27:20.951 --> 00:27:24.101 I don't know one that's, that's more important to have lasting 00:27:24.106 --> 00:27:25.541 friendships and relationships. 00:27:26.446 --> 00:27:26.866 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:27:27.461 --> 00:27:28.481 Matt: I don't know. 00:27:28.531 --> 00:27:29.031 And I'm not 00:27:29.031 --> 00:27:30.781 saying that I'm perfect at it. 00:27:30.781 --> 00:27:37.316 By stretch, but it's, it just, it seems like every communication 00:27:37.316 --> 00:27:39.026 issue comes down to that, right? 00:27:39.271 --> 00:27:39.491 Alison: Yep. 00:27:40.321 --> 00:27:44.031 And like the more you're able to do that, first of all is like to try and 00:27:44.031 --> 00:27:46.871 say what are they experiencing right now that is making them act that way? 00:27:47.226 --> 00:27:47.646 Matt: Mm-hmm. 00:27:48.401 --> 00:27:52.141 Alison: And then the more you're able to recognize how people treat 00:27:52.141 --> 00:27:55.461 me, has very little to do with me and everything to do with them. 00:27:56.206 --> 00:27:56.626 Matt: Mm-hmm. 00:27:56.776 --> 00:27:57.066 Yeah. 00:27:57.164 --> 00:28:00.064 Alison: You know, we've talked a little bit, we've skimmed the surface on 00:28:00.214 --> 00:28:03.304 rejection sensitive dysphoria, RSD. 00:28:04.044 --> 00:28:07.184 Um, I think we could go miles deeper on that one. 00:28:07.964 --> 00:28:15.314 Um, but I used to care like in a debilitating, borderline, non-functional 00:28:15.414 --> 00:28:16.714 way, what people thought of me. 00:28:16.864 --> 00:28:22.114 Just like waves of tears throughout high school because 00:28:22.114 --> 00:28:23.434 of people that didn't matter. 00:28:23.544 --> 00:28:25.114 Like that was the funny part of it too. 00:28:25.114 --> 00:28:27.834 It wasn't even like it was my close friends, you know, I would get hung up 00:28:27.834 --> 00:28:29.754 on like just little one-off comments. 00:28:30.254 --> 00:28:34.274 And the older I've gotten, the more I've realized that never was about me. 00:28:34.734 --> 00:28:38.954 People always see their insecurities on display, so the thing they 00:28:38.954 --> 00:28:42.234 disliked about themselves is the thing that they're gonna pick on. 00:28:42.234 --> 00:28:43.234 It's basic human nature. 00:28:43.374 --> 00:28:48.239 But, you know, 14, 15 year old adolescent brain couldn't parse that 00:28:48.539 --> 00:28:50.119 and, you know, shouldn't have had to. 00:28:50.899 --> 00:28:55.839 Um, but yeah, the older, wiser version of myself now says, first of all, whatever 00:28:55.839 --> 00:28:58.679 they're doing, however they're treating me right now is a reflection of how 00:28:58.679 --> 00:29:00.039 they feel about themselves, not me. 00:29:00.539 --> 00:29:04.039 And second of all is, is the like, and what are, what's going on with them? 00:29:04.259 --> 00:29:07.719 Are they, I mean, I joke I'm not that hard to figure out. 00:29:07.739 --> 00:29:12.679 If I'm being cranky pants, I probably am hungry, like I probably haven't 00:29:12.679 --> 00:29:13.999 had enough water or enough sleep. 00:29:14.419 --> 00:29:16.279 And I think a lot of people are like that. 00:29:16.359 --> 00:29:19.879 I don't think I'm alone in that behavior sometimes. 00:29:21.019 --> 00:29:21.309 Matt: Yeah. 00:29:21.799 --> 00:29:21.949 It's. 00:29:22.339 --> 00:29:25.729 Isn't it interesting because, I know that, I know that ever since 00:29:25.729 --> 00:29:30.669 we started this podcast, I do tend to armchair diagnose everybody 00:29:30.819 --> 00:29:31.109 Alison: Yeah. 00:29:31.989 --> 00:29:33.819 Matt: 10 times more than I ever did. 00:29:33.969 --> 00:29:35.050 And I, I'm not proud of that. 00:29:35.379 --> 00:29:35.859 I'm not proud 00:29:35.859 --> 00:29:36.149 Alison: Yeah. 00:29:36.502 --> 00:29:39.652 Matt: But I will say this going along with what you just said, 00:29:40.257 --> 00:29:40.597 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:29:40.597 --> 00:29:45.172 Matt: It really, really is a part of my journey to try to understand 00:29:45.952 --> 00:29:48.442 other people in their shoes, right? 00:29:48.597 --> 00:29:54.677 I run up against people that I have had a very difficult time befriending... 00:29:55.881 --> 00:30:01.606 and they drive me nuts or, uh, things about them, can't, 00:30:01.606 --> 00:30:02.946 I just cannot jive with. 00:30:03.531 --> 00:30:03.751 Alison: Yep. 00:30:04.066 --> 00:30:12.211 Matt: It does, it does help me to try to say, okay, but why, like, do 00:30:12.211 --> 00:30:15.541 they have an undiagnosed something 00:30:15.614 --> 00:30:15.904 Alison: Yeah. 00:30:16.259 --> 00:30:20.399 Matt: You know, it's just trying to figure out how we relate to the universe. 00:30:20.399 --> 00:30:21.499 Alison: Is anyone neurotypical? 00:30:22.409 --> 00:30:22.889 Matt: I just, 00:30:23.079 --> 00:30:23.899 Alison: We have doubts. 00:30:23.939 --> 00:30:27.289 Matt: other I think that's the other thing we're gonna discover is no 00:30:27.299 --> 00:30:27.559 Alison: Nobody. 00:30:27.559 --> 00:30:28.639 Nobody Exactly. 00:30:28.859 --> 00:30:29.339 Matt: I like it. 00:30:29.959 --> 00:30:31.979 Alison: But, you know, I think that you touched on something really 00:30:31.979 --> 00:30:34.409 beautiful though, Matt, that like, as I'm thinking through this, I 00:30:34.409 --> 00:30:38.449 think that you guys all credit to you for creating a, an environment 00:30:38.679 --> 00:30:40.449 that both modeled good behavior. 00:30:41.629 --> 00:30:45.769 You know, yes, I have ADHD, but I can get stuff done or whatever 00:30:45.769 --> 00:30:49.529 the case is, and that, I'm gonna, I'm gonna love them through it. 00:30:49.739 --> 00:30:54.252 Because when you put somebody, especially somebody who is neurospicy, especially 00:30:54.452 --> 00:30:59.972 somebody who is prone to RSD and to just kind of, I mean, I used to just 00:31:00.002 --> 00:31:01.372 make mountains out of mole hills. 00:31:01.372 --> 00:31:04.132 People would not mean anything by the thing they would say. 00:31:04.472 --> 00:31:07.612 And somehow I would turn it into this big dramatic, oh, so you 00:31:07.612 --> 00:31:10.332 hate everything about me and you don't want anything to do with me. 00:31:10.392 --> 00:31:13.652 And like, because they said like, Hey, can you, like, I have a 00:31:13.812 --> 00:31:15.062 headache, can you keep it down? 00:31:15.112 --> 00:31:16.572 You know, or whatever the case might be. 00:31:17.352 --> 00:31:21.582 But like in those situations, I wasn't being loved through it. 00:31:22.142 --> 00:31:24.342 I wasn't being met where I was. 00:31:24.542 --> 00:31:29.102 I wasn't, I, these people were listening with the intent to respond 00:31:29.162 --> 00:31:30.702 and react instead of understand. 00:31:31.522 --> 00:31:34.862 And so to kind of go back to the original question of, of like, how can 00:31:35.182 --> 00:31:40.425 we help make people feel comfortable at a table, meet them where they are, 00:31:40.725 --> 00:31:42.545 see them as they are, honor that. 00:31:43.575 --> 00:31:48.235 And then, you know, and I think I get this both as a neurospicy type and the 00:31:48.235 --> 00:31:52.855 newest, you know, in our little microcosm, at least newest to the D&D community. 00:31:53.572 --> 00:31:55.012 remember what it was like to be the new kid. 00:31:55.032 --> 00:31:58.732 So I'm constantly trying to find ways to make the other new kids, you know, one 00:31:58.732 --> 00:32:01.092 of the things that we've rolled out is we wanna start doing these one shots. 00:32:01.092 --> 00:32:06.652 And I am screaming from mountaintops cuz I've had so many people say, I wanna play, 00:32:06.652 --> 00:32:09.972 but I don't have a way, like, I don't have an interested party or things like that. 00:32:10.992 --> 00:32:14.212 Or, you know, the people who are like, oh, but I'm, I'm, I'm so 00:32:14.442 --> 00:32:17.252 intimidated, you know, I'm not a good actor, I'm not a good performer. 00:32:17.332 --> 00:32:17.972 I don't, you know... 00:32:19.307 --> 00:32:22.817 again, just trying to meet those people where they are and say, okay, 00:32:22.817 --> 00:32:23.897 but what questions do you have? 00:32:23.967 --> 00:32:25.777 Like how, how can we bridge this gap? 00:32:25.997 --> 00:32:27.217 How can I take you by the hand? 00:32:27.367 --> 00:32:28.897 Because remember that's what I need. 00:32:29.177 --> 00:32:31.457 Remember, I don't like to walk into new rooms by myself. 00:32:31.597 --> 00:32:35.337 That's where my friends are always gonna have to usher me through that. 00:32:35.397 --> 00:32:40.537 So I try and be that, that kind soul in return to be like, I will meet 00:32:40.537 --> 00:32:45.697 you at the door of the proverbial dungeon where we will go play 00:32:45.872 --> 00:32:46.712 Matt: It's with a welcome sign 00:32:47.917 --> 00:32:49.017 Alison: And I will walk you in. 00:32:49.447 --> 00:32:49.937 Exactly. 00:32:50.357 --> 00:32:50.577 Yes. 00:32:50.597 --> 00:32:51.447 And a halberd. 00:32:51.677 --> 00:32:53.297 Uh, and I will walk you. 00:32:53.677 --> 00:32:54.177 That's all. 00:32:54.217 --> 00:32:55.217 I think that's all we need, man. 00:32:55.457 --> 00:32:57.977 Somebody to meet us at the door and walk us inside. 00:32:58.232 --> 00:32:58.982 Matt: Yes. 00:32:59.069 --> 00:33:03.899 There is an a, an absolute fact for anything that has anything to do with 00:33:03.899 --> 00:33:07.115 accessibility or inclusion in, the world. 00:33:07.305 --> 00:33:12.915 There is one rule that kind of tops everything, and that is do 00:33:12.915 --> 00:33:15.735 not be afraid to ask questions. 00:33:15.735 --> 00:33:21.211 And that is the, the symbolic reaching out a hand. 00:33:21.860 --> 00:33:22.280 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:33:22.335 --> 00:33:25.425 Matt: And I understand this too, I get it, but some people are 00:33:25.425 --> 00:33:28.575 so terrified to ask questions. 00:33:28.812 --> 00:33:31.982 you know, Especially of Lindsay, who who is, you know, profoundly deaf. 00:33:31.982 --> 00:33:37.142 I get, I get that even more, but even me, like, just ask, don't 00:33:37.982 --> 00:33:38.242 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:33:38.982 --> 00:33:43.372 Matt: Chances are unless you are out outright trying to be insulting, 00:33:43.372 --> 00:33:43.542 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:33:44.022 --> 00:33:46.542 Matt: There isn't anything that you can do to insult 00:33:46.542 --> 00:33:46.642 yeah. 00:33:46.752 --> 00:33:48.052 If you just ask the question. 00:33:48.152 --> 00:33:49.082 There really isn't. 00:33:49.292 --> 00:33:49.742 So, 00:33:50.582 --> 00:33:54.542 So that's, that's a game table, or that's restaurant, or a 00:33:54.542 --> 00:33:57.692 theater or any damn place, man. 00:33:57.977 --> 00:33:58.397 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:33:58.692 --> 00:33:59.262 Matt: Just ask. 00:33:59.577 --> 00:34:02.157 Alison: We should, we should just, like, make buttons, you know? 00:34:02.297 --> 00:34:03.157 I'm neuro spicy. 00:34:03.377 --> 00:34:05.477 Ask me and just let the whole world 00:34:07.962 --> 00:34:09.152 Matt: That's a t-shirt. 00:34:09.152 --> 00:34:09.872 Ask me why. 00:34:09.932 --> 00:34:10.592 Ask me why. 00:34:11.342 --> 00:34:13.112 I'm neurospicy, ask me why. 00:34:20.012 --> 00:34:21.152 That would be amazing. 00:34:21.157 --> 00:34:22.982 I want that so bad now. 00:34:23.336 --> 00:34:24.596 Uh, yeah. 00:34:24.656 --> 00:34:25.496 I love this. 00:34:25.526 --> 00:34:26.186 This is good. 00:34:26.246 --> 00:34:26.666 This is good. 00:34:26.666 --> 00:34:28.826 I hope that this answered Tey's question. 00:34:28.886 --> 00:34:29.126 Yeah. 00:34:29.126 --> 00:34:35.216 He knew the answer to it already, but, but I love talking about this. 00:34:35.571 --> 00:34:35.791 Alison: Yes. 00:34:35.791 --> 00:34:37.911 Thank you, Tey, for an excellent, excellent question. 00:34:38.011 --> 00:34:41.818 And I always like the questions that straddle, you know, ADHD, and 00:34:42.078 --> 00:34:46.768 and D&D so perfectly, and this one hit it out of the park, Sir Tey! 00:34:47.533 --> 00:34:48.373 Matt: I love that. 00:34:48.463 --> 00:34:56.669 I love the ones that straddle D&D, ADHD and then outside of D&D at the same time. 00:34:57.034 --> 00:34:57.454 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:34:57.989 --> 00:34:58.979 Matt: Like, like this one. 00:34:59.484 --> 00:34:59.904 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:35:00.539 --> 00:35:01.949 Matt: Yeah, you could, yeah. 00:35:02.129 --> 00:35:02.999 Yes, yes. 00:35:02.999 --> 00:35:06.009 You could definitely replace gaming table with. 00:35:07.084 --> 00:35:07.504 Alison: Mm-hmm. 00:35:07.739 --> 00:35:10.559 Matt: Taking someone home to your parents for Thanksgiving? 00:35:11.359 --> 00:35:13.059 Alison: Yes, for Thanksgiving, specifically. 00:35:14.579 --> 00:35:15.029 Matt: Yeah. 00:35:15.719 --> 00:35:17.279 Unless you Thanksgiving. 00:35:17.609 --> 00:35:18.089 Like me. 00:35:18.869 --> 00:35:21.809 Christmas, uh, Hanukkah. 00:35:22.479 --> 00:35:22.769 Alison: Yeah. 00:35:23.489 --> 00:35:24.480 Matt: All of the holiday, any holiday. 00:35:24.939 --> 00:35:27.479 Alison: Pre President's Day, Memorial Day, 00:35:27.919 --> 00:35:29.699 Matt: Day, Memorial Day. 00:35:29.889 --> 00:35:31.359 Alison: Indigenous People's Day. 00:35:31.739 --> 00:35:32.999 Now we're just naming holidays. 00:35:32.999 --> 00:35:34.079 It's time to end the episode. 00:35:34.169 --> 00:35:36.249 Matt: We're just exactly there. 00:35:36.849 --> 00:35:43.920 It's uh, what's your usual, usual sign off? 00:35:44.909 --> 00:35:47.339 start naming, we just start naming holidays. 00:35:47.339 --> 00:35:47.979 Wow. 00:35:47.979 --> 00:35:48.399 That's 00:35:48.399 --> 00:35:51.263 Alison: I, uh, I have been thinking hard about like we do need a sign 00:35:51.263 --> 00:35:55.203 off or a catchphrase and you know, our friend Jax, Jaclyn Havington 00:35:55.223 --> 00:35:56.663 came up with a really great one. 00:35:56.756 --> 00:35:57.266 Matt: Yeah. 00:35:57.266 --> 00:35:59.016 Alison: Neuro Spice and Rolling Dice. 00:35:59.294 --> 00:36:00.424 Matt: Let's test it out. 00:36:00.914 --> 00:36:03.894 Thanks, Alison for, for j joining me on your podcast. 00:36:04.909 --> 00:36:06.839 Alison: Matt, thank you for having me on your podcast. 00:36:09.044 --> 00:36:12.044 Matt: And thanks everybody for listening and, and, and don't forget. 00:36:12.764 --> 00:36:13.094 Oh yeah. 00:36:13.844 --> 00:36:17.474 And thanks everybody out there for listening, don't forget. 00:36:19.004 --> 00:36:19.694 I can't do it. 00:36:19.694 --> 00:36:20.144 You do it. 00:36:20.144 --> 00:36:20.834 You can do it better. 00:36:21.704 --> 00:36:22.784 Thanks everybody for listening. 00:36:23.518 --> 00:36:27.318 Alison: Uh, Thanks everybody for tuning in to our podcast about 00:36:27.648 --> 00:36:29.558 Neuro Spice and Rolling Dice. 00:36:29.826 --> 00:36:30.976 Matt: that's pretty good. 00:36:31.141 --> 00:36:33.811 It's always that, that's just even if we have Nice. 00:36:34.090 --> 00:36:38.150 Alison: In a world where you can be anything, be neuro spice and rolling dice 00:36:43.900 --> 00:36:46.350 Anytime you can in a world something, it's always 00:36:46.660 --> 00:36:48.670 Matt: be neuroscience and 00:36:48.770 --> 00:36:49.590 Alison: And rolling dice. 00:36:50.730 --> 00:36:50.950 Oh, 00:36:51.400 --> 00:36:51.940 Matt: Oh my God. 00:36:52.200 --> 00:36:54.350 Alison: We'll keep work shopping, but I think we're onto something here. 00:36:54.910 --> 00:36:57.340 Matt: We gotta work on it, but yeah, it'll, it'll be there. 00:36:57.670 --> 00:36:57.970 Okay. 00:36:58.810 --> 00:36:59.230 Awesome. 00:37:00.410 --> 00:37:02.620 Alison: Live, laugh, love neuro. 00:37:04.530 --> 00:37:05.620 Okay, I'll stop. 00:37:07.760 --> 00:37:12.070 Matt: Love it leave it. 00:37:13.367 --> 00:37:16.568 Thank you for listening and being a part of our ADHd20 family. 00:37:16.838 --> 00:37:20.225 If you're looking for more, we'd love to see you in our public Discord server. 00:37:20.225 --> 00:37:24.618 Look for the link in our show notes and come join the chatter about all things 00:37:24.618 --> 00:37:31.486 TTRPG and ADHD, but also TV, music, pretty much anything on our minds. 00:37:31.612 --> 00:37:34.967 Alison: We also have a Patreon where you can get access to bonus content 00:37:35.067 --> 00:37:38.967 and outtakes, be the first to hear new episodes, join us for live streamed 00:37:38.967 --> 00:37:43.982 recording sessions, and even play Dungeons and Dragons with us and our friends. 00:37:44.016 --> 00:37:47.636 Matt: The best way you can help us though, is just to share this podcast 00:37:47.826 --> 00:37:49.876 with people you think will like it. 00:37:49.896 --> 00:37:51.086 Alison: Thank you for being a pal! 00:37:51.226 --> 00:37:55.886 To us as people, to ADHd20 the podcast, and to the greater Bivins Brothers 00:37:56.126 --> 00:37:57.752 Creative Commonwealth of Nerds.