WEBVTT NOTE This file was generated by Descript 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.479 Matt: Goodbye. 00:00:00.688 --> 00:00:01.208 Alison: No! 00:00:01.208 --> 00:00:03.163 What are you doing? 00:00:03.234 --> 00:00:05.124 You're sharing an outline with me! 00:00:05.694 --> 00:00:09.674 Matt: Yeah, I'm not a superstitious person. 00:00:09.724 --> 00:00:14.269 We've been writing these very loose outlines and then we immediately 00:00:14.269 --> 00:00:15.319 don't do anything about it. 00:00:15.319 --> 00:00:18.389 So there's a little element of superstition. 00:00:20.368 --> 00:00:22.378 If we don't do that, then we won't have anything to say. 00:00:22.468 --> 00:00:22.918 I don't know. 00:00:24.478 --> 00:00:25.258 Hello, Alison. 00:00:27.888 --> 00:00:28.278 How are you? 00:00:29.478 --> 00:00:31.278 Alison: I'm great slash tired. 00:00:31.758 --> 00:00:32.268 But mostly 00:00:32.778 --> 00:00:33.018 Matt: Okay. 00:00:33.018 --> 00:00:33.488 Good. 00:00:33.538 --> 00:00:35.488 I am a good. 00:00:36.538 --> 00:00:37.468 Slash. 00:00:38.218 --> 00:00:39.251 A little sad. 00:00:39.251 --> 00:00:44.822 Just a friend's mom died and it's not like she was the center of my life or anything, 00:00:44.822 --> 00:00:51.094 but, you know, it's, it's, it's more the concept of when you lose a parent in a, 00:00:51.874 --> 00:00:56.990 you know, very un-normal time of life. 00:00:56.990 --> 00:00:57.383 Normal? 00:00:57.474 --> 00:00:58.254 Unique? 00:00:58.316 --> 00:00:59.106 Unnatural? 00:00:59.623 --> 00:01:00.133 I don't know. 00:01:00.643 --> 00:01:02.743 But when you're 30, when you lose a parent, when you're 30. 00:01:03.453 --> 00:01:04.963 Alison: Earlier life than expected. 00:01:05.153 --> 00:01:05.423 Matt: Yeah. 00:01:05.693 --> 00:01:09.413 Where, where you feel like you're not ready, actually, you don't 00:01:09.413 --> 00:01:10.733 have the skills to deal with it. 00:01:11.273 --> 00:01:15.743 This is, this is the time where parents are going to start, you know, leaving us. 00:01:15.803 --> 00:01:18.323 And so it's kind of like, Oh boy. 00:01:18.413 --> 00:01:22.523 This friend has been super chill and he's going to be fine. 00:01:22.553 --> 00:01:27.553 Everybody's going to be fine because we're 20 years more of an adult but 00:01:27.583 --> 00:01:29.859 it's still like, oh boy, here it goes. 00:01:29.919 --> 00:01:30.549 It's happening. 00:01:30.909 --> 00:01:31.479 It's happening. 00:01:31.539 --> 00:01:32.585 So, that's just going to be you. 00:01:32.585 --> 00:01:33.395 That's going to be a hard one. 00:01:33.395 --> 00:01:34.628 So, you know, sometimes. 00:01:35.018 --> 00:01:37.098 I think I've done a pretty good job of not. 00:01:37.133 --> 00:01:37.703 Not really. 00:01:37.703 --> 00:01:40.943 It's not like I've been ignoring my mortality, but just. 00:01:41.011 --> 00:01:44.941 I don't necessarily acknowledge it the way other people, my age do. 00:01:44.941 --> 00:01:47.131 Cause think it's boring. 00:01:47.981 --> 00:01:50.972 Alison: I'm like, hell yeah, I'm coming up on another decade. 00:01:51.004 --> 00:01:55.134 And refusing to do the, I guess kind of more normal, I'm 00:01:55.464 --> 00:01:56.844 opting out of this birthday. 00:01:56.974 --> 00:01:58.234 I don't want to age up. 00:01:58.714 --> 00:01:59.434 I do. 00:01:59.641 --> 00:02:01.531 Every year has been better than the last. 00:02:01.531 --> 00:02:04.471 My twenties were a raw disaster. 00:02:04.471 --> 00:02:05.791 Thirties were pretty good to me. 00:02:05.791 --> 00:02:10.291 So I'm excited to push on into my fifth decade and turn 40. 00:02:10.411 --> 00:02:11.731 Matt: Yeah, I know. 00:02:12.031 --> 00:02:17.461 My mom had a birthday yesterday and she has hated birthdays since she turned 00:02:17.461 --> 00:02:19.514 40, she locked herself in her room. 00:02:19.724 --> 00:02:20.174 Hmm. 00:02:20.330 --> 00:02:24.190 It was very scarring for me because I didn't understand what, what that 00:02:24.220 --> 00:02:28.870 was, but I, I, I have definitely managed to n ot go that route. 00:02:29.230 --> 00:02:31.600 But, you know, it is, it's a little different. 00:02:31.660 --> 00:02:36.490 When I turned 40, I got married, I made more money than I'd ever made. 00:02:37.056 --> 00:02:39.486 But so many changes all at once. 00:02:39.606 --> 00:02:48.306 Life freaking crushing changes, both exquisite and difficult, and it hasn't 00:02:48.306 --> 00:02:51.216 really been that much of the case yet. 00:02:51.666 --> 00:02:55.157 You know, it's only April, but this year going to be. 00:02:55.967 --> 00:02:57.092 It's like, Hmm. 00:02:57.212 --> 00:02:58.922 I wonder what I can shake up. 00:03:01.652 --> 00:03:06.137 And that's actually partly what I, what I wrote as notes as far 00:03:06.137 --> 00:03:11.123 as, ADHD goes and, and D 20, Dungeons & Dragons, and how they, 00:03:11.393 --> 00:03:13.883 how they intersect, how they collide. 00:03:14.933 --> 00:03:15.443 Right. 00:03:16.163 --> 00:03:17.273 That's what we're talking about. 00:03:17.901 --> 00:03:18.971 Some day I'm going to have like a. 00:03:20.261 --> 00:03:21.591 A bunch of ' Amazing. 00:03:21.609 --> 00:03:23.379 sound effects and I can just press them and go. 00:03:26.349 --> 00:03:29.689 Alison: I want you to, I will now be officially sad effects 00:03:29.689 --> 00:03:30.999 don't go into this episode. 00:03:31.449 --> 00:03:33.129 Episode number...tree? 00:03:33.309 --> 00:03:34.959 Matt: Three episode number three. 00:03:34.989 --> 00:03:36.399 Hopefully we'll see how it goes. 00:03:36.459 --> 00:03:36.819 I am. 00:03:37.209 --> 00:03:41.869 You know, It is going to be a tricky thing because i t's not difficult 00:03:41.869 --> 00:03:49.279 to edit these when I start editing, it is a joyful freaking experience. 00:03:49.579 --> 00:03:53.509 It's the getting into the mode of doing it. 00:03:54.289 --> 00:03:59.599 Like being able to stop the other millions of things that I have to do. 00:04:00.409 --> 00:04:05.209 To do this other thing that I'm not getting paid for yet. 00:04:05.640 --> 00:04:11.201 But going back to what I was going to say, I have, I have this constant desire 00:04:11.201 --> 00:04:14.621 to change everything, all the time. 00:04:16.301 --> 00:04:17.381 Literally all the time. 00:04:17.741 --> 00:04:18.791 My life. 00:04:18.812 --> 00:04:21.687 you know, my, my, my gear. 00:04:21.741 --> 00:04:22.881 My job. 00:04:24.351 --> 00:04:29.610 It's just, it's a never ending need for new and that's 00:04:29.610 --> 00:04:31.230 definitely a big part of ADHD. 00:04:31.254 --> 00:04:38.468 But you, I wanted to talk to you about this because you are very close to 00:04:38.468 --> 00:04:44.438 finishing the second season of Critical Role, which, for those of you who 00:04:44.468 --> 00:04:47.258 don't know, I don't know why you don't know this, but Critical Role is... 00:04:47.678 --> 00:04:54.188 the is the pinnacle of Dungeons and Dragons live play. 00:04:54.668 --> 00:05:02.238 They weren't the first necessarily, but they are by far the ones, you know, 00:05:02.268 --> 00:05:03.958 they, they kind of make all the rules. 00:05:04.019 --> 00:05:09.809 And I have enjoyed every minute that I've watched of theirs, but you're talking 00:05:09.809 --> 00:05:16.129 about going on YouTube and watching four hours at a time, four hours at a sitting. 00:05:16.829 --> 00:05:21.929 And I, it is just brutally difficult for me to do that. 00:05:23.109 --> 00:05:25.679 How close are you to ending second season? 00:05:25.759 --> 00:05:30.349 Alison: So it's the second season is 141 episodes, each 00:05:30.349 --> 00:05:32.249 episode three to four hours long. 00:05:32.307 --> 00:05:34.417 I'm at episode 135. 00:05:34.437 --> 00:05:37.117 So let's say let's see 135. 00:05:37.497 --> 00:05:38.397 Times four. 00:05:38.727 --> 00:05:44.037 So that's 540 hours just of Critical Role Season Two. 00:05:44.067 --> 00:05:48.747 I also watched an eight episode mini series over the summer, which is 00:05:48.747 --> 00:05:50.997 really what catapulted me into this. 00:05:51.018 --> 00:05:52.848 So that's another 32 hours. 00:05:52.878 --> 00:05:56.611 Plus I'm 15 episodes into Critical Role three. 00:05:56.611 --> 00:06:02.301 That's 15 times four plus 32 plus 540. 00:06:02.461 --> 00:06:06.481 So in less than a year, since sometime around last June, I have consumed 00:06:06.481 --> 00:06:10.501 632 hours of Critical Role content. 00:06:10.771 --> 00:06:12.361 And that's just the shows. 00:06:12.451 --> 00:06:16.031 That's just the show is that's not like me living on their 00:06:16.051 --> 00:06:18.631 every last word on social media. 00:06:18.631 --> 00:06:24.391 That's certainly not me talking to anybody who will listen to me about how 00:06:24.391 --> 00:06:26.681 much I love this and all things D and D. 00:06:26.721 --> 00:06:30.651 But it's, it's interesting to me that you say that, you know, one 00:06:30.681 --> 00:06:37.461 of your side effects of ADHD is an obsession and fascination with the new, 00:06:37.911 --> 00:06:40.491 because I feel exactly the opposite. 00:06:41.001 --> 00:06:46.149 I don't like, I only want like comfort and to feel safe. 00:06:46.149 --> 00:06:51.099 I am the person who has read the same books, 47 times and watch 00:06:51.099 --> 00:06:55.059 the same movies 470 more times. 00:06:55.659 --> 00:07:00.219 So getting me to do something new is really hard. 00:07:00.219 --> 00:07:04.101 And so it's funny that I blame that on my ADHD and you blame gotta have it 00:07:04.131 --> 00:07:07.311 gotta have the new, sexy thing on yours. 00:07:07.611 --> 00:07:08.721 Wildly fascinating. 00:07:08.821 --> 00:07:11.981 Matt: The difference is probably you don't envy me. 00:07:12.371 --> 00:07:13.691 Whereas I envy you. 00:07:14.561 --> 00:07:19.157 I really envy your ability to, to be able to sit down and watch 600 hours. 00:07:19.816 --> 00:07:22.376 Alison: I do want to point out though, that that is in part 00:07:22.526 --> 00:07:24.956 personality and in part lifestyle. 00:07:24.986 --> 00:07:28.706 Like you are married, you have to take into account somebody else's 00:07:28.976 --> 00:07:32.816 thoughts feelings, objections, hopes wishes, et cetera. 00:07:33.086 --> 00:07:34.166 It's just me in here. 00:07:34.246 --> 00:07:35.386 Matt: Yeah, no. 00:07:35.686 --> 00:07:40.006 It is yes, lifestyle does play a factor for sure. 00:07:40.030 --> 00:07:44.101 But the closest thing I have to routine is to try to wind down at night. 00:07:44.621 --> 00:07:48.682 And I've got automations that start turning down the lights at 10 o'clock. 00:07:48.788 --> 00:07:51.008 I may not be able to fall asleep until midnight. 00:07:51.278 --> 00:07:57.608 But if I can at least just kind of get towards bed then it means 00:07:57.608 --> 00:07:59.768 I won't be up until 2 necessarily. 00:07:59.818 --> 00:08:04.018 And so I pick something to watch on YouTube every night. 00:08:04.858 --> 00:08:06.848 And it's just, I don't always choose Critical Role. 00:08:07.588 --> 00:08:09.238 When I do, I'm very happy. 00:08:10.618 --> 00:08:16.752 But I'm just as happy to watch a video on how e-Camm Live and Descript 00:08:16.768 --> 00:08:19.001 work together or, or Airtable. 00:08:20.164 --> 00:08:23.474 And then sometimes there'll be in the mood for Critical Role. 00:08:23.534 --> 00:08:28.094 I can't stick the way that you can stick. 00:08:28.154 --> 00:08:33.464 Alison: What's interesting though, is so with Critical Role I'm 00:08:33.464 --> 00:08:35.924 I'm five episodes from the end. 00:08:35.954 --> 00:08:40.244 So I feel, I very intimately know these characters now. 00:08:40.244 --> 00:08:44.534 I feel like they are my little imaginary friends in some way. 00:08:45.114 --> 00:08:51.664 Because I haven't had the same amount of time with the new Critical Role 00:08:51.694 --> 00:08:57.346 season that's about 16, 17 episodes, and I never watch it before bed. 00:08:57.616 --> 00:08:59.836 And I think that this goes back to the whole comfort thing. 00:08:59.836 --> 00:09:05.046 Like I feel comforted and soothed, even though we're in a very high stress point 00:09:05.496 --> 00:09:07.766 of Season Two that I'm almost done with. 00:09:08.366 --> 00:09:11.251 Like it does, get my heart rate, you know, elevated because 00:09:11.251 --> 00:09:12.601 we're fighting the big bads. 00:09:12.601 --> 00:09:12.931 Matt: Yeah. 00:09:13.771 --> 00:09:14.981 Alison: But it's that comfort. 00:09:15.131 --> 00:09:16.766 It's like, I know you. 00:09:16.886 --> 00:09:20.456 I like, whereas with Critical Role Three, I don't know them yet. 00:09:20.786 --> 00:09:27.056 So I find no comfort, no joy in that being my immediately pre bedtime activity. 00:09:27.088 --> 00:09:29.830 Matt: So that's, that's one thing I don't envy you of. 00:09:29.920 --> 00:09:30.430 Is that. 00:09:31.150 --> 00:09:37.540 I can turn on any season and just drop in and be fascinated equally. 00:09:38.080 --> 00:09:40.590 Like I do get to know the characters as it's not that. 00:09:40.980 --> 00:09:46.010 And if I'm able to power through and watch enough so that I do get emotionally 00:09:46.010 --> 00:09:51.620 involved with everybody, it's going to be even more rich and great for me. 00:09:51.685 --> 00:09:52.375 But. 00:09:52.945 --> 00:09:57.685 everyone has been like Oh, my God slogging through Critical Role three. 00:09:57.735 --> 00:10:01.305 I have had no problem with it because everybody's new and that's just what 00:10:01.305 --> 00:10:06.040 happens . And new relationships are always so awkward, for me, there's 00:10:06.070 --> 00:10:07.543 always Are we going to be friends? 00:10:07.573 --> 00:10:08.023 Are we? 00:10:08.353 --> 00:10:11.063 I maybe not, really truly. 00:10:11.203 --> 00:10:11.653 Okay. 00:10:11.713 --> 00:10:14.083 It's not worth it bye, you know, I have. 00:10:14.533 --> 00:10:21.913 I have the ability to be not colder, but just more flibbertigibbet. 00:10:22.843 --> 00:10:23.413 I don't know. 00:10:23.753 --> 00:10:24.743 Alison: What was that word again? 00:10:25.263 --> 00:10:27.903 Matt: Flibbertigibbet. 00:10:28.463 --> 00:10:29.153 Alison: Sure. 00:10:29.363 --> 00:10:32.623 Matt: I just, I don't feel that stress. 00:10:32.681 --> 00:10:34.361 I don't need that comfort. 00:10:34.841 --> 00:10:37.331 I almost never read books twice. 00:10:37.691 --> 00:10:39.461 Almost never watch movies twice. 00:10:39.483 --> 00:10:40.803 And I have no problem with that. 00:10:41.263 --> 00:10:41.643 No problem. 00:10:41.643 --> 00:10:45.183 Alison: I wonder if it's, what, what, like what facet of my 00:10:45.183 --> 00:10:46.503 personality should we blame? 00:10:46.503 --> 00:10:47.823 Is it the ADHD? 00:10:48.123 --> 00:10:50.763 Is it the fact that my astrological sign is Cancer? 00:10:50.763 --> 00:10:53.733 And, you know, we are known for being crabby little home bodies. 00:10:54.063 --> 00:10:56.193 You know, maybe, maybe I'm blaming the wrong thing here. 00:10:56.463 --> 00:10:57.033 Who knows. 00:10:57.063 --> 00:10:58.203 Matt: Yeah, I don't know. 00:10:58.593 --> 00:11:01.323 Here's here's the nice thing about you though. 00:11:01.363 --> 00:11:03.763 We touched on the concept of fandom. 00:11:04.093 --> 00:11:06.103 Fan being a fan of something. 00:11:06.203 --> 00:11:09.743 Which starts with a Oh, cool. 00:11:09.743 --> 00:11:14.603 And then might turn into obsession and then burn really hot. 00:11:15.023 --> 00:11:17.033 Almost to an uncomfortable level. 00:11:17.513 --> 00:11:21.793 And then, overfamiliarity is bred. 00:11:22.043 --> 00:11:28.701 And then, maybe like annoyance slash well you owe me kind of phase goes through and 00:11:28.701 --> 00:11:34.688 then turns away from the thing that you're a fan obsessed with out of anger, because 00:11:34.688 --> 00:11:36.608 they're not giving you what you want? 00:11:36.658 --> 00:11:40.433 So they don't sound the same or look the same or act the same. 00:11:40.482 --> 00:11:43.372 and then you, and then there's the breakup period. 00:11:44.122 --> 00:11:49.539 And then hopefully like a much more calm and rock steady return. 00:11:49.569 --> 00:11:52.419 Hopefully or not, but oftentimes right. 00:11:52.779 --> 00:11:55.359 Alison: I'm just so glad that we never went through that. 00:11:55.449 --> 00:11:56.679 Matt: Well, that's what I was going to say. 00:11:56.859 --> 00:11:59.999 That is what I was going to say is that you have all the symptoms of 00:12:00.029 --> 00:12:02.559 most of that circle, you go white hot. 00:12:02.989 --> 00:12:07.539 But you kind of break through and you end up being a loyal fan. 00:12:07.619 --> 00:12:12.029 You may be maybe more annoyed or you're maybe more cautious about all 00:12:12.059 --> 00:12:15.869 the things, especially if it's new stuff like cautious about a new album, 00:12:15.869 --> 00:12:18.809 cautious about a new you know, season. 00:12:18.914 --> 00:12:19.514 But you don't. 00:12:20.024 --> 00:12:21.974 you don't blow them up. 00:12:22.034 --> 00:12:25.004 You don't burn bridges, which I really, I respect that. 00:12:25.004 --> 00:12:26.624 I think that is pure Alison. 00:12:26.924 --> 00:12:32.758 Whether it's ADHD or Cancer the Crab, I think that's pure Alison, that's a choice 00:12:32.758 --> 00:12:35.968 that you make, and I love you for that. 00:12:37.768 --> 00:12:38.278 Alison: Thank you. 00:12:39.718 --> 00:12:40.118 Matt: Yeah. 00:12:40.118 --> 00:12:44.386 Alison: So I teased this, I think in the very first episode that we 00:12:44.386 --> 00:12:49.288 recorded about this article that I read that kind of broke me open and made 00:12:49.288 --> 00:12:50.721 me say this really resonates with me. 00:12:50.721 --> 00:12:54.301 I really need to go seek treatment or whatever it is for ADHD. 00:12:54.368 --> 00:12:57.313 And I think it relates to everything that you just said in that arc of 00:12:57.333 --> 00:13:02.453 fandom, to the ongoing theme that we now have, where I have a hard time 00:13:02.453 --> 00:13:04.895 with a blank page, and that fear. 00:13:04.985 --> 00:13:10.054 And now what we're talking about in terms of obsessions slash comfort. 00:13:10.204 --> 00:13:13.564 You know, like whatever these little security blankets that I've 00:13:13.564 --> 00:13:14.764 dropped throughout the world are. 00:13:15.814 --> 00:13:20.434 And so in the article, it was a mother of, I think she was a psychologist 00:13:20.434 --> 00:13:24.994 writing this article, but about diagnosing her own son with ADHD and a 00:13:24.994 --> 00:13:29.014 symptom that let her know okay, this is something we've got to pay attention to. 00:13:29.014 --> 00:13:32.634 The son was somewhere in the like five to eight year old corridor. 00:13:32.664 --> 00:13:34.014 So still figuring out life. 00:13:34.096 --> 00:13:40.486 And he social child as he was, was having a really hard time with new situations 00:13:40.486 --> 00:13:42.826 to the point of debilitating breakdowns. 00:13:43.126 --> 00:13:46.888 Where like if he was going to things that she thought would be really fun for him, 00:13:46.888 --> 00:13:52.248 like a friend's birthday party, he would just have these panic attacks in the car 00:13:52.248 --> 00:13:54.588 on the way, sobbing, screaming, crying. 00:13:54.588 --> 00:13:57.118 Wouldn't want to be ripped from his mother's grasp. 00:13:57.120 --> 00:14:00.570 And, and kind of her journey of, of walking through that with him. 00:14:01.170 --> 00:14:04.800 And what she realized it was the ADD in him where you can't 00:14:04.800 --> 00:14:06.270 see the end at the beginning. 00:14:06.270 --> 00:14:09.769 And that raises a sense of panic, like physically in your body. 00:14:09.821 --> 00:14:12.323 And I had this moment of oh my God, I understand exactly 00:14:12.323 --> 00:14:13.463 what this kid is going through. 00:14:13.463 --> 00:14:18.593 Because like my friends know for a fact, if I'm going to a new place and I am the 00:14:18.593 --> 00:14:21.293 first to arrive, I will sit in my car. 00:14:21.533 --> 00:14:21.863 Hell. 00:14:21.863 --> 00:14:25.163 Even if it's not a new place, even if we're just meeting for dinner, I 00:14:25.163 --> 00:14:29.513 will sit in my car and I will wait until I see somebody that I know. 00:14:29.843 --> 00:14:33.473 Before I will walk in, you know, to that place on my own. 00:14:33.953 --> 00:14:36.107 Because what if I don't know where the host stand is? 00:14:36.107 --> 00:14:39.233 And what if I look like an idiot to nobody in the world that's 00:14:39.233 --> 00:14:40.583 paying any attention to me. 00:14:40.973 --> 00:14:41.393 Right. 00:14:41.483 --> 00:14:45.493 But I suffered, with this weird anxiety that in high school, my parents 00:14:45.493 --> 00:14:50.643 just kind of wrote off where, you know, like lunch was a chaotic mess. 00:14:50.663 --> 00:14:53.729 Because what if I can't find my friends, there's always the sense 00:14:53.759 --> 00:14:55.488 of What if I don't know the way. 00:14:55.848 --> 00:14:59.508 And apparently that is not something that neurotypicals deal with. 00:14:59.928 --> 00:15:03.618 Apparently most people just say, I'll walk into a room, I'll look around. 00:15:04.038 --> 00:15:05.028 I'll find my friend. 00:15:05.118 --> 00:15:06.108 It's going to be okay. 00:15:06.348 --> 00:15:07.398 I don't think that way. 00:15:07.478 --> 00:15:12.308 And so now my friends know if they get to a restaurant before me, Alison turn left 00:15:12.308 --> 00:15:14.238 at the host stand we're three booths back. 00:15:14.245 --> 00:15:19.745 They know to walk me through a new situation to me, if they know that I'm 00:15:19.745 --> 00:15:21.695 going to start feeling unsure of it. 00:15:22.245 --> 00:15:24.465 That was the article that I read that was like, okay. 00:15:24.495 --> 00:15:29.265 So this way that I am is not just an Alison quirk, this is a known thing. 00:15:29.265 --> 00:15:33.315 And there are other people out there like me who have this weird 00:15:33.315 --> 00:15:36.365 anxiety around new situations. 00:15:37.005 --> 00:15:40.145 Matt: I know exactly what you're talking about and I do the same 00:15:40.145 --> 00:15:42.935 thing, but I do with a difference. 00:15:42.990 --> 00:15:48.830 If I'm going to a situation where I probably don't know anybody. 00:15:48.907 --> 00:15:49.357 Okay. 00:15:49.427 --> 00:15:52.457 Let's say I go to a situation where I do know somebody. 00:15:52.757 --> 00:15:57.677 I will try my best to not just focus on them all night. 00:15:57.767 --> 00:16:00.977 Like I'm just as nervous as you are about meeting new people, the 00:16:00.977 --> 00:16:03.717 anxiety of that, the discomfort of it. 00:16:04.137 --> 00:16:10.497 But I've been accused in my life of being kinder to strangers than I am my friends. 00:16:10.521 --> 00:16:14.377 Like I'm I'm trying to urge strangers into a deep conversation. 00:16:14.797 --> 00:16:18.547 Conversations I won't have with people that I've known for 20 years. 00:16:18.997 --> 00:16:23.376 And so I'll go with my wife to a party and it's just, it's, I hate 00:16:23.376 --> 00:16:27.636 when I do this, but it happens and she doesn't know anybody and she 00:16:27.666 --> 00:16:29.226 doesn't want to talk to anybody. 00:16:29.266 --> 00:16:35.716 But to me, going to a party is Okay, I'm going to put on this costume. 00:16:36.136 --> 00:16:40.426 I'm gonna put on this performance of Party Guy. 00:16:41.356 --> 00:16:45.406 You know, I may not want to play that role at all, but the show has to go on. 00:16:45.406 --> 00:16:46.096 I've been invited. 00:16:46.126 --> 00:16:46.726 I'm going. 00:16:46.806 --> 00:16:48.456 I don't often go for fun. 00:16:48.696 --> 00:16:50.706 I just kind of go because I feel like I should. 00:16:51.006 --> 00:16:54.876 And I go, but once I'm there, I'm the opposite of what you're talking about. 00:16:54.956 --> 00:16:59.455 I try to hang out and I try to have slightly deeper than conversations 00:16:59.455 --> 00:17:01.555 about the weather with people. 00:17:01.585 --> 00:17:02.305 I don't know. 00:17:02.335 --> 00:17:03.295 It's very weird. 00:17:03.395 --> 00:17:05.165 Alison: You are really good with strangers though. 00:17:05.165 --> 00:17:09.559 And it's funny because as I know that I'm the more like textbook extrovert. 00:17:10.429 --> 00:17:14.209 And people don't believe me when I tell them how much I hate strangers. 00:17:14.599 --> 00:17:16.009 No part of me. 00:17:16.049 --> 00:17:20.069 And I usually will just relay it back to think about when we met. 00:17:20.189 --> 00:17:21.379 Did I approach you? 00:17:21.479 --> 00:17:23.789 99 times out of a hundred the answer is no. 00:17:23.789 --> 00:17:29.549 We were either shoved into a mutually awkward situation or somebody introduced 00:17:29.549 --> 00:17:34.439 us, but very rarely do I just walk up to somebody and say, Hey, be my friend. 00:17:34.552 --> 00:17:35.332 In fact. 00:17:35.512 --> 00:17:35.842 Matt: Yeah. 00:17:36.382 --> 00:17:41.342 Alison: Like so my first time getting to truly hang out with you one-on-one 00:17:41.882 --> 00:17:43.742 was when I was visiting Chicago. 00:17:44.522 --> 00:17:46.142 And you and I went to lunch together. 00:17:48.438 --> 00:17:52.518 That was the most nerve wracking moment, both in asking you if you 00:17:52.518 --> 00:17:53.748 would want to have lunch with me. 00:17:54.108 --> 00:17:57.618 And then also like waiting for you to arrive at the restaurant in a 00:17:57.618 --> 00:17:59.238 city where I don't know anything. 00:18:00.108 --> 00:18:03.468 And it's like this guy who I know of is going to walk in and hopefully 00:18:03.468 --> 00:18:04.938 we'll find things to talk about. 00:18:05.208 --> 00:18:06.138 Spoiler alert. 00:18:06.168 --> 00:18:07.778 We did, we were fine. 00:18:07.938 --> 00:18:10.800 All worked out, you know, but it is very rare that I will put 00:18:10.800 --> 00:18:12.750 myself out there in that way. 00:18:13.650 --> 00:18:15.960 But if I know you and I'm comfortable with you, yeah. 00:18:15.960 --> 00:18:17.220 You can't get me to shut up ever. 00:18:17.520 --> 00:18:19.140 So that's why people don't believe me. 00:18:19.140 --> 00:18:20.329 When I say I hate strangers. 00:18:20.359 --> 00:18:21.529 I hate new situations. 00:18:21.609 --> 00:18:24.159 All of that makes me wildly uncomfortable and anxious. 00:18:24.759 --> 00:18:28.599 I guess, cause I exude a confidence, like once we're in some kind of 00:18:28.599 --> 00:18:31.959 relationship, but they just forget how awkward I was at the beginning. 00:18:31.959 --> 00:18:32.439 I don't know. 00:18:32.619 --> 00:18:36.039 Matt: And people don't believe that I am a homebody introvert. 00:18:36.819 --> 00:18:41.028 Alison: Cause you're so good at like, your ability to make everybody feel seen. 00:18:41.058 --> 00:18:44.538 You know, like you can just stick that little drill right in there 00:18:44.538 --> 00:18:48.378 and extract exactly the question that you need to ask to make 00:18:48.378 --> 00:18:50.838 somebody feel at ease or feel seen. 00:18:50.838 --> 00:18:53.058 And it's a really magical, wonderful quality. 00:18:53.338 --> 00:18:54.688 Matt: And it is a genuine quality. 00:18:54.688 --> 00:18:56.968 When I say performance, it's not a fake thing. 00:18:56.968 --> 00:18:58.828 But it is the thing that I have to do. 00:18:58.828 --> 00:19:01.378 It does take a lot of energy from me. 00:19:01.378 --> 00:19:04.198 But I didn't realize until I, till I married an introvert, 00:19:04.228 --> 00:19:05.308 that that's what I was. 00:19:05.618 --> 00:19:08.258 Because she's, she's doesn't need to meet new people. 00:19:08.438 --> 00:19:09.608 Doesn't need to make new friends. 00:19:09.728 --> 00:19:10.838 Doesn't need friends around. 00:19:10.978 --> 00:19:13.008 Doesn't need any social engagement at all. 00:19:13.014 --> 00:19:15.034 And I realized, oh, okay. 00:19:15.364 --> 00:19:20.844 So that thing that I feel after five nights of making people feel seen. 00:19:21.344 --> 00:19:24.204 I kind of close up. 00:19:24.204 --> 00:19:25.014 That's introversion. 00:19:25.044 --> 00:19:26.404 That's what introversion is. 00:19:26.964 --> 00:19:30.264 Alison: I don't know if it's age or the pandemic or what, but I think that 00:19:30.264 --> 00:19:35.484 I have definitely started to skew more ambivert in the past few years and now, 00:19:35.484 --> 00:19:39.684 when I go, like I went and traveled last weekend with a group of friends. 00:19:39.984 --> 00:19:40.914 All of whom I love. 00:19:41.364 --> 00:19:44.994 And we did things that I chose to do joyfully and willingly. 00:19:45.414 --> 00:19:49.524 When I came home, I did not want to see or hear or talk to 00:19:49.524 --> 00:19:51.075 anybody for two straight days. 00:19:51.075 --> 00:19:56.055 Like I I'm learning that my recharge time is taking me longer and longer. 00:19:56.505 --> 00:20:01.425 I'm no longer fueled by those connections. 00:20:01.475 --> 00:20:03.995 That's not the right way to put that I'm no longer fueled by, you 00:20:04.025 --> 00:20:05.345 know, just being around people. 00:20:05.345 --> 00:20:10.055 I can also fuel myself in solitude as much as I like being around people. 00:20:10.055 --> 00:20:11.285 It's pretty balanced. 00:20:11.285 --> 00:20:12.525 It's pretty 50/50 now. 00:20:12.525 --> 00:20:16.409 If I have too much alone time, I get a frenetic energy and have to surround 00:20:16.409 --> 00:20:17.819 myself with people and do things. 00:20:17.819 --> 00:20:22.949 If I'm around people too much, I have to get home and talk to nothing and no 00:20:22.949 --> 00:20:25.259 one for a couple of days to reenergize. 00:20:25.529 --> 00:20:26.009 It's weird. 00:20:26.189 --> 00:20:27.539 Matt: It is, it is weird. 00:20:27.555 --> 00:20:30.795 And, you know, tying it to this game. 00:20:30.915 --> 00:20:37.545 I did mention a couple of episodes ago that one of the amazing things about this 00:20:37.545 --> 00:20:45.345 game for me is the fact that it forces quote, unquote forces because you don't 00:20:45.345 --> 00:20:46.605 have to do anything, it's just a game. 00:20:46.965 --> 00:20:56.835 But it seems to me that there is a much higher chance for people, new 00:20:56.835 --> 00:21:05.073 people talking to other new people to drop all of the just super surface 00:21:05.073 --> 00:21:07.113 level conversation that is normal. 00:21:07.113 --> 00:21:12.213 Like my favorite favorite thing, I've missed it very much being in the Midwest. 00:21:12.213 --> 00:21:17.283 Cause it doesn't happen very often, is that Southern Well, I've got time 00:21:17.283 --> 00:21:21.513 to talk to you about this thing that happened to my grandmother last week. 00:21:21.513 --> 00:21:22.683 Like Southerners? 00:21:23.643 --> 00:21:28.757 Strangers talk to you, you know, and, and so anything that I can 00:21:28.757 --> 00:21:32.967 do to be in a situation where I mean, you know what it is? 00:21:32.967 --> 00:21:34.137 I think, I think. 00:21:34.567 --> 00:21:34.927 Okay. 00:21:35.017 --> 00:21:36.007 I think this is what it is. 00:21:37.027 --> 00:21:42.217 My parlor trick about making people feel seen is to just get 00:21:42.217 --> 00:21:43.567 them to talk about themselves. 00:21:43.717 --> 00:21:45.307 And I don't know what to do when people don't. 00:21:45.597 --> 00:21:49.167 But this game has that ability to just kind of strip all that out. 00:21:49.737 --> 00:21:52.257 Just, you are not even playing you. 00:21:52.353 --> 00:21:53.203 Alison: But you are. 00:21:53.203 --> 00:21:55.833 Matt: But you are exactly, but you are. 00:21:55.833 --> 00:21:59.283 Alison: So there's one question I've had in the back of my brain 00:21:59.283 --> 00:22:03.813 pretty much since we started playing Dungeons and Dragons is. 00:22:04.893 --> 00:22:06.183 Is this for everyone? 00:22:06.453 --> 00:22:10.981 And I think the like, Inclusionist in me, wants to believe that if people 00:22:10.981 --> 00:22:14.461 would just open their damn minds and hearts and give this a shot. 00:22:14.461 --> 00:22:16.621 Everybody could love this as much as we do. 00:22:17.971 --> 00:22:19.321 But maybe not. 00:22:19.432 --> 00:22:22.010 uh, You know, me, I want to tell everybody everything all the time. 00:22:22.034 --> 00:22:24.562 So it's weird for me to have this thing that really is just 00:22:24.562 --> 00:22:26.105 for me and a very small circle. 00:22:26.105 --> 00:22:29.315 Getting back to that comfort motif that we started out on. 00:22:29.345 --> 00:22:32.271 That's an uncomfortable place for me, but just cause it's 00:22:32.271 --> 00:22:33.521 uncomfortable doesn't mean it's bad. 00:22:34.181 --> 00:22:36.172 Matt: And I think you're, I think you're totally right. 00:22:36.213 --> 00:22:42.350 It is a much easier sell to your friends to watch a TV show or go listen to a band. 00:22:42.650 --> 00:22:44.300 It's a concept that everybody does every day. 00:22:44.350 --> 00:22:46.600 This is asking a lot of a human being. 00:22:46.760 --> 00:22:48.440 It is something that anybody can do. 00:22:48.560 --> 00:22:52.790 And I will hold that you don't need a degree in improv. 00:22:52.814 --> 00:22:54.086 You don't need to be an actor. 00:22:54.086 --> 00:22:56.336 You don't need to like games. 00:22:56.436 --> 00:22:59.196 I think it is a therapeutic thing for people. 00:22:59.436 --> 00:23:02.226 I think that it, it does teach you a lot about yourself. 00:23:03.606 --> 00:23:06.246 But there's also other ways to do that .Therapy. 00:23:06.606 --> 00:23:07.566 Actual improv. 00:23:12.023 --> 00:23:17.177 What a weird thing that you kind of have to use the rules of, of a thing that's 00:23:17.177 --> 00:23:22.127 performance-based, but then you're not performing for anybody usually, unless 00:23:22.127 --> 00:23:23.670 you're Critical Role and a few others. 00:23:23.670 --> 00:23:25.431 But even, but even then it's not. 00:23:26.181 --> 00:23:26.631 It's. 00:23:28.341 --> 00:23:29.961 It is a weird thing sometimes. 00:23:30.741 --> 00:23:31.731 Don't think about it too hard. 00:23:31.811 --> 00:23:32.201 Alison: I will. 00:23:32.231 --> 00:23:33.041 I'm not losing. 00:23:33.101 --> 00:23:36.821 I'm definitely not the only time that I lose sleep over anything 00:23:36.821 --> 00:23:37.991 Dungeons and Dragons related. 00:23:37.991 --> 00:23:43.031 So Fitz and I play a Thursday night game with strangers from the internet. 00:23:43.691 --> 00:23:48.241 Which there's another, that was hard for me to, to be like, I'd only shared this 00:23:48.241 --> 00:23:52.051 with some of my nearest and dearest and people that I feel very comfortable with. 00:23:52.561 --> 00:23:55.321 So when it was first, you know, asked, do you want to join the Thursday night 00:23:55.321 --> 00:23:58.641 game with people you don't know that you will probably never meet that may 00:23:58.641 --> 00:24:01.971 or may not judge you and may or may not get you in the way that your friends do. 00:24:02.023 --> 00:24:04.243 It was a leap of faith that I took to join it. 00:24:04.303 --> 00:24:06.973 And now it's one of my favorite days of the week because 00:24:06.973 --> 00:24:08.473 of the Thursday night game. 00:24:08.473 --> 00:24:14.623 But it is from 8:00 PM until we usually wrap somewhere between 1130 and midnight. 00:24:15.743 --> 00:24:20.273 I've had to modify my entire Fridays, you know, that, it's it just cause to 00:24:20.273 --> 00:24:22.913 what you were saying at the beginning, like you need that wind downtime. 00:24:23.243 --> 00:24:23.933 Which I do too. 00:24:23.933 --> 00:24:24.653 I'm the same way. 00:24:24.683 --> 00:24:30.718 I absolutely get into bed at nine, hoping to be asleep by 11, just cause 00:24:30.718 --> 00:24:32.573 I need that time to put the day away. 00:24:32.637 --> 00:24:36.477 And so I still need that time at the end of playing until midnight. 00:24:36.507 --> 00:24:42.027 And then also it's so exciting and I'm usually so like just keyed up by all 00:24:42.237 --> 00:24:47.543 these weird, stupid make-believe things we did, but I, I still get so excited 00:24:47.543 --> 00:24:49.013 and so emotionally invested in them. 00:24:49.063 --> 00:24:50.683 Evan made fun of me earlier in the week? 00:24:50.683 --> 00:24:53.563 Like I had made the comment that sometimes when I talk about Dungeons 00:24:53.563 --> 00:24:57.002 and Dragons to my friends, I feel like how my friends with eight year olds 00:24:57.002 --> 00:25:00.206 must feel when they're trying to talk about Minecraft or whatever it is. 00:25:00.206 --> 00:25:03.356 And Evan was like, yeah, I kind of experienced that with you when you were 00:25:03.356 --> 00:25:04.616 telling me about your Thursday game. 00:25:05.006 --> 00:25:05.366 Matt: Yeah. 00:25:06.776 --> 00:25:07.256 Alison: So. 00:25:07.826 --> 00:25:10.016 It goes back to maybe it's not for everybody. 00:25:10.556 --> 00:25:10.699 Matt: But 00:25:10.779 --> 00:25:11.829 Alison: And I'm not complaining. 00:25:11.829 --> 00:25:12.939 I think it's the best. 00:25:13.059 --> 00:25:14.259 Matt: Yeah, I'm not complaining either. 00:25:14.619 --> 00:25:15.759 But it's funny. 00:25:16.699 --> 00:25:18.326 Uh, At the beginning of this. 00:25:18.326 --> 00:25:23.055 podcast, I realized that I have an actual goal and the way that this ties 00:25:23.055 --> 00:25:28.695 in is because as a Dungeon Master, I would like to play a world with y'all. 00:25:29.145 --> 00:25:32.355 To build one and then play it where characters have goals. 00:25:32.775 --> 00:25:34.105 And that's harder in Barovia. 00:25:34.155 --> 00:25:38.445 It really is because it's not your world and you were put in it and I mean, 00:25:38.445 --> 00:25:40.505 you have goals, but it's it's harder. 00:25:40.735 --> 00:25:44.635 And I realized for this podcast, I have a goal which is not, not 00:25:44.635 --> 00:25:46.465 like me, really, that I have. 00:25:46.975 --> 00:25:47.185 Okay. 00:25:47.185 --> 00:25:47.675 You ready? 00:25:48.595 --> 00:25:49.055 Alison: I lay it on. 00:25:49.125 --> 00:25:51.465 Matt: I don't even know whether we'll add this to the, to the 00:25:51.465 --> 00:25:54.885 actual podcast, but maybe if I say it out loud and put it out loud. 00:25:55.245 --> 00:26:00.135 I want to have Jennifer Kretchmer as a guest on this podcast. 00:26:00.765 --> 00:26:02.907 And then I would like to have Deborah Ann Woll. 00:26:03.608 --> 00:26:06.748 Because, Jennifer Kretchmer is very open about having ADHD. 00:26:07.528 --> 00:26:11.312 And then she's great friends, of course, with Deborah Ann Woll, who has a husband 00:26:11.312 --> 00:26:13.132 who is, who is blind, low vision. 00:26:14.422 --> 00:26:19.072 And I was just like, Oh my gosh, those are very, possibly achievable goals. 00:26:20.392 --> 00:26:22.762 Alison: Very intersectional. 00:26:23.212 --> 00:26:25.582 Is that the right use of that application? 00:26:25.642 --> 00:26:26.222 Matt: I think so. 00:26:26.272 --> 00:26:29.662 Alison: I love that you are inspired to have goals. 00:26:30.232 --> 00:26:33.352 And verbalize them, speak them into the universe. 00:26:34.102 --> 00:26:34.642 Matt: Yes. 00:26:34.732 --> 00:26:37.809 In order to make it that goal though, you and I are going to have to 00:26:37.829 --> 00:26:40.102 One, keep recording this podcast. 00:26:40.152 --> 00:26:40.592 Two.. 00:26:40.672 --> 00:26:41.772 Alison: Oh, no. 00:26:41.892 --> 00:26:43.072 Matt: Edit it and put it out. 00:26:44.572 --> 00:26:45.352 Alison: So it's funny. 00:26:45.352 --> 00:26:47.942 I was talking to my friend Paige about it and she was like, great, where can 00:26:47.942 --> 00:26:51.052 I listen to it and I was like, so we're going to actually do things the right 00:26:51.052 --> 00:26:53.782 way instead of the Alison way for once. 00:26:54.062 --> 00:26:58.372 So I think that getting to talk to heavy hitters in the Dungeons and 00:26:58.372 --> 00:27:03.682 Dragons and disability space is the coolest goal ever, and I am fully 00:27:03.682 --> 00:27:07.072 onboard and will do everything in my power to help make that happen. 00:27:07.222 --> 00:27:07.642 Matt: Thank you. 00:27:08.542 --> 00:27:09.922 Alison: Yay. 00:27:10.072 --> 00:27:14.092 Matt: I just think I could come up with some amazing questions for, 00:27:14.482 --> 00:27:16.492 for anybody who plays this game. 00:27:16.762 --> 00:27:17.992 Anybody honestly. 00:27:19.462 --> 00:27:20.812 Any darn person. 00:27:20.962 --> 00:27:24.532 Alison: It goes back to the consummate, making people feel seen 00:27:24.532 --> 00:27:26.302 and heard and loved and surrounded. 00:27:26.452 --> 00:27:27.112 Matt: I can do that. 00:27:27.502 --> 00:27:28.882 Alison: In a cocoon of safety. 00:27:29.422 --> 00:27:31.702 And we will be other people's safe space. 00:27:32.092 --> 00:27:36.292 To talk about Dungeons and Dragons as long as they want to. 00:27:36.742 --> 00:27:36.982 Matt: Yes. 00:27:36.982 --> 00:27:37.282 Ma'am. 00:27:37.587 --> 00:27:41.137 Um, well, speaking of winding down, it is your time to start 00:27:41.137 --> 00:27:42.718 doing that is your quitting time. 00:27:42.768 --> 00:27:45.168 I don't know, man, I feel good about this podcast. 00:27:45.273 --> 00:27:46.323 It makes sense to me. 00:27:46.383 --> 00:27:47.763 I don't know how about you. 00:27:48.193 --> 00:27:49.813 Alison: It gets all my hearts, all my stars. 00:27:50.113 --> 00:27:54.225 Uh, Today I came to the table with a blank page and didn't die. 00:27:55.275 --> 00:27:55.545 Matt: Good for 00:27:55.815 --> 00:27:55.918 Alison: So 00:27:55.918 --> 00:27:58.238 Matt: And I came to the table with a page. 00:27:58.718 --> 00:27:59.888 Alison: And a goal! 00:27:59.938 --> 00:28:01.168 I feel good about this. 00:28:01.768 --> 00:28:02.188 Matt: That's good. 00:28:02.398 --> 00:28:02.878 That's good. 00:28:02.911 --> 00:28:06.901 Well, Alison, thank you for doing this podcast with me. 00:28:06.901 --> 00:28:08.251 And until next week, 00:28:09.181 --> 00:28:12.541 Alison: Yeah, I'll talk to you between now and then, but especially 00:28:12.601 --> 00:28:12.901 Matt: Yeah. 00:28:13.171 --> 00:28:13.831 I'd probably talk to you. 00:28:14.881 --> 00:28:15.091 Yeah. 00:28:16.231 --> 00:28:16.571 Okay.