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Hey guys, welcome to the
Lifting Lindsay podcast.

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Today, I'm actually answering a question
that I got on Instagram the other day

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that I thought was really, really good.

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And I feel like it's perfect as we
move into Thanksgiving this week.

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And then we move into the holiday season.

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We move into the
Christmas time next month.

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The question that she asked
was "How do you prevent fitness

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from taking over your life.

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How do you stay balanced?

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So there's a few things that, that I feel
like I need to be really honest with.

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If you feel like Lindsay's over here,
perfectly balanced in all aspects

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of her life, let me just give you a
little reality check that I'm not,

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and neither is anybody else, right?

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It's just, we're not, we're human.

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A lot.

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Of things pull at our time and our
attention, and there's actually

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no such thing as perfect balance.

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Have you ever watched
what are they called?

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They're the entertainers
that are spinning the plates.

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Have you ever watched them before?

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These are the entertainers that
there's a long stick and they balance

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a plate at the top and they're
spinning the stick and it keeps the

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plate spinning and balanced, right?

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So the illusion is that they're
all spinning at the same speed.

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They're perfectly balanced,
but they're not actually.

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Because when you leave one to work
on another, what happens is the one

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you just left, you stop spinning.

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will start to slow down.

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So the illusion is that they're
all balanced, but they're not.

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And the trick is how can we keep  just
enough momentum that keeps them in motion.

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That's the trick.

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And that's the trick to life too.

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So I feel like I am just a normal
human being that I have a hard

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time balancing things in my
life, including my fitness goals.

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But I can tell you some things that
I've learned along the way of trying

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to stay, uh, more balanced person,
trying to keep my focus on the things

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that really matter in life that aren't
going to be pulled in all sorts of

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directions where I start to lose myself.

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But I, I'm human.

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And there have been times looking back on
the past, like seven, eight years of me.

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Um, being into fitness,
diving into weightlifting,

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um, working towards my goals.

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There have been times I've
had really good life balance.

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There have been times where
I've been, I guess, spinning

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the plate of fitness, uh, more.

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I'm giving it more time
and attention than others.

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And there have been times where I've
done it well and times where things

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have crashed down and I've realized,
like, I'm, my life is out of whack.

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My fitness is taking too
much of the highlight.

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And there's this point of diminishing
returns in that there's a point

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of giving, giving, giving, and yet
you're not getting back any more

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satisfaction or joy from the giving.

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Right?

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So there have been plenty of times in
my own life that many different things,

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uh, have taken too much of a highlight
in my life, and I haven't been balanced.

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So here's What I have learned over
my 38, almost 39 years of life is

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that if you only have one goal.

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You sit down, you write a goal,
and it only is fitness, then it's

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going to be a lot easier for you to
get swept up and become obsessive.

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Now just because somebody is dedicated
doesn't mean that they're obsessive.

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I think that that's really important to
understand that you can be completely

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dedicated and not be obsessed because
you're flexible and you're coming at it

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from a place of joy, fun, and excitement.

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I think sometimes people look at
people in fitness and they're like,

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Oh, they are really good at nutrition.

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They seldom miss a day working out.

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Well, they're obsessed.

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It just, it depends actually.

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Um, are they not very flexible or
are they actually flexible and you

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just don't see how flexible they are?

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All right.

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If they miss a day, let's say they're
used to training five times a week and

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they can only train three times a week,

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one week.

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Are they beating themselves up?

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Oh, I'm failing at this.

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Oh, I just, I'm, I'm going to get fat.

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Oh, I'm going to lose all my muscle.

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Is all of that going on?

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Then maybe they are obsessive.

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I'll tell you a few weeks ago, I wasn't
able to hit five days in the gym.

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I got in my three, and I didn't
care because I know that I'm

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in maintenance right now.

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I couldn't do it because of life
and business and other goals.

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I was very flexible.

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I knew that nothing bad was
going to happen because I

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missed two days in the gym.

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I didn't try to go back and somehow
make it up the following week.

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I just, whatever.

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Moving on.

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You can be committed without
being obsessed and it comes down

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to the narrative in your head.

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Are you flexible, and are you
actually driven from a place of, of

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positivity and joy and excitement?

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Or are you coming at it from a
place of, I won't have value.

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until.

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Or I'm less than, until I hit this goal.

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Well, yeah, if your whole identity,
and value, and worth, and beauty,

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and all of these things are hinging
on that one goal that you've

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written for your life, then yeah.

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You will find it, it obsessive,
it running your life.

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So what I've found is that I need
more than one anchor in my life.

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Like goals to me are me
striving for my future self.

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And I can't just have one point
of reference for my future self.

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I have to have many.

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So for me, I don't just
have fitness goals.

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I have other ones.

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In fact.

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Uh, in mentoring, in talking with
people, it is interesting when, when

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I see them becoming obsessed or,
or they are worried that they're

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becoming obsessed with fitness.

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And I say, so what's the issue?

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What is it taking away from?

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Well, it's taking away from
my family and being present.

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Oh, okay.

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So what's your goal right
now with your family?

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Most people don't have a
goal with their family.

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They have, they've never sat down and
said, this is what I'm going to work on.

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This is how I want to
see my future family.

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And this is how I have to act today
to realize that in 30, 60, 90 days.

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Most people don't do that.

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They just want to passively show up
for their family every day in hopes

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that everybody else passively shows
up as their best selves so that they

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can all just have joy and happiness.

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And then when they're They're not
connecting with their child or their

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spouse, then something's wrong with them.

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Why can't they just be easier or right?

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There's just, it's this
passive reactive way to life.

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And then they finally do sit down and
make a goal towards something else.

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And then they're shocked when that
something else, the only goal in

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their life that they've written
down, all of a sudden becomes bigger.

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Well, you have no other anchor
points to hold you or to steer you

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in the direction that you want to go.

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You have none other,
you just have that one.

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So having goals for other aspects
of your life is very important.

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If you feel like fitness is becoming
too big and it's taking away

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from other aspects of your life,

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maybe you need to sit down and
write out specific goals for

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these other aspects of your life.

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So let me just give you some ideas here.

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So I do have health and fitness goals.

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Now, when I very first started, I
would say they were bigger because I

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was trying to create a new identity.

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An identity of somebody who, uh,
had balanced nutrition, got enough

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protein,  was aware and mindful of
nutrition and how it fuels their body

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and themselves to feel better.

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I was trying to track everything to
be in a calorie deficit, which in

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and of itself increases cortisol.

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It makes me very aware of the
goal that I'm trying for, you

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know, this isn't a passive thing.

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I was going to the gym six times a week.

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It was a big goal.

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And it did consume a lot more of my
time then than it actually does now.

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So maintenance is where I'm
sitting right now is actually You

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still need awareness over food.

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You still need to keep your
habits, but my habits are in place.

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So the amount of mental bandwidth that
my lifestyle takes now is very little

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compared to when I very first started.

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It took a lot of my mental
bandwidth because I'm trying

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to create a new identity.

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Now I am that individual.

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And I wish I could go back to that
Lindsay eight years ago and be

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able to say these tips would help.

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That's what I'm trying to do with
my BeStrong community is help

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people be aware of like, these
are the things I wish I knew.

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This is what the big rocks are.

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Just focus on this.

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Stop obsessing about
those other things, right.

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My only goal in life wasn't.

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Losing 30 pounds.

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Cause that's how my journey began
was I wanted to lose 30 pounds.

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But that wasn't the only goal in my life.

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And even today, it's still
not the only goal in my life

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is to maintain my physique or

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build muscle, that's not the only goal.

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I love journaling, um, when I express
that I love journaling, I think

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people think  I don't miss a day.

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She doesn't miss a day.

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She's, you know, rigid.

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She always, no, I don't, you
know, it's a good week if I

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journal  four, or five times a week.

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That's a good week.

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There are some weeks where it's like,
oh, I only got two to three journaling

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sessions this week, but I still got them.

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That's still good, but
I do love journaling.

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I find it very powerful and I'm
not talking about at the end

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of the night being like, let's
see, what do I tell my journal?

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So it was a good day.

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I was reading through my
grandma's journal once.

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I love reading through
other people's journals.

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I was reading through my grandma's
journal once and I thought she only,

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like, she always tells us what the
weather was, the temperature today was

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this, and I thought that was so funny.

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There was light rain, mist on the grass,
like it was very, that's not the type

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of journaling that I'm talking about.

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So I sat down and I wrote out who
I want to be in 12 months, in a

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year, the person that I want to be.

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Um, and how, how  emotional, um,
things that, um, how I want to be a

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more stoic individual, you know, the
storms raging around me and yet I have

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control over my emotions because I'm
not that person and I'm striving to

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become more stoic,  more level headed.

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Stoicism is very misunderstood and kind of
becoming this, this student of stoicism.

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I've been reading all the books.

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I have  daily stoic quotes that I read
anyways, a lot of times people think

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it's without feeling, but no, you feel
everything, but  you're seeing it from

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a clearer  perspective, you can take
in the information, the feelings, but

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you are proactive in your reaction.

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You have control.

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You're not a reactive person.

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And so as a mother, I find myself reactive
and I don't want to be that person.

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I don't want to show up like that, right?

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So here's this goal that I have.

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This is who I want to, this is how.

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I want to show up for my family.

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So I write down exactly who I am
as if I've already achieved it.

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This is who I am as a mother in 12 months.

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This is how I show up for my children.

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Very present, not being
constantly drawn away by my phone.

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Um, they know I'm there.

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They're important.

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They're safe.

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They feel safe with me.

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They feel safe to be honest, and share
all sorts of uncomfortable feelings

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with me because I'm a safe person.

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Like, so I write in detail who I am, the
relationship that I want with my children

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and my husband, as if I already have it.

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I also write down, um, the relationship
that I want with God, and how my faith

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has developed, and my connection with
him and who Christ is in my life.

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And I write down my business and
what's happening with my business?

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And how am I serving people?

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And what type of things am I creating
to make this world a better place?

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And I write these things out as
if I have already achieved them.

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And then every day, this
is what I try to do.

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I don't hit every day, right?

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Cause I'm not perfect, but
that's okay because I'm flexible.

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I'm flexible.

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And I try daily to open up this 12 month
vision of who I am as an individual

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as if I've already achieved it.

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And I read through it and that in
and of itself shifts because  if

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I have to be that person today,
if I want it in 12 months, I'm not

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overwhelmed by it, I'm excited.

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I'm excited by the opportunity of I have
a chance today, to be that person, to make

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that family, to make that a contribution
to the world, to all of these things.

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So I have these goals in tons of
different aspects of my life, and I

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feel like those goals are anchor points,
but do I stay perfectly balanced?

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No, I don't.

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I don't always, and that's okay.

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Because I'm flexible, it's a
constant monitoring and coming back.

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I visualize this idea of somebody walking
on this balance beam, and there's going

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to be times where something pulls them
a little bit more to the right and they

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kind of have to re get their balance.

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They notice I'm being pulled too far.

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I need to now adjust.

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Being pulled too far,  starting
to lose your balance.

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There's nothing wrong with that.

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A lot of shame often comes from
people when they think, Oh,

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I'm not perfectly balanced.

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Oh, I let this goal take
too much of my time.

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And they want to go through
these shaming cycles.

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And we have to break ourselves of that.

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There's no shame.

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There's just learning.

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There's curiosity.

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There's what made me lose my balance.

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I'm going to get curious about that.

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And I'm going to learn from it
and I'm going to move forward.

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So as I'm walking through this
balance beam of life, there will

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always be something that is going
to pull me one direction or another.

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Always.

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Because none of us are perfectly balanced.

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Balance is an illusion.

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We are not perfectly balanced
100 percent of the time.

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And if you think somebody is, you
don't know enough about them because

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when they're really honest with
themselves, they will tell you.

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That they're not, but we'll find ourselves
getting off the course a little bit.

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We notice it, we take note and
we make a course correction.

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And then in a few weeks we'll notice we've
gone a little bit more towards the right.

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Then we pause, make a course
correction, get curious, learn

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from it, come back over, right?

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It's this constant  life long battle.

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Don't think that you're
going to ever master this.

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Nobody ever has and nobody ever will.

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But it's the consistency of course
corrections that actually gets you

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to where you want to be at the end.

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And as you get better at spotting when
you've gotten off, and getting curious,

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you get better at not getting off.

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But it doesn't mean that you're
never going to get off course.

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You will at one point or another,
you will start leaning more

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towards the left or right.

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You will get a little off balance
and you just need to course correct.

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So my biggest suggestion for you would
actually be to sit down and write out

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your future self, who you want to be,
not what you want to necessarily achieve.

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Those things are great.

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Don't get me wrong.

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You can do it, but I'm talking about life
experiences that you will have, that you

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will make happen, um, better connections
with family members, and write it from

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a perspective of you have achieved it.

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And then every day you begin the
day by opening up and reading

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this person that you are.

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And then you write down if I'm to be that
person, what does that look like today?

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Who do I then need to be today?

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And you'll get certain goals of maybe
you want to connect better with a

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child that you're struggling with.

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Well, what does that look like day to day?

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Well, maybe one thing I'll
share a personal thing.

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I have one daughter that I have
a harder time connecting with.

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I just struggle really finding
how can I be more safe for her?

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How can I connect better with her?

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And through a lot of prayer, and
thought, and journaling, this idea

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came to me every single night she
lays in her bed and she reads.

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She loves, loves reading.

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I love reading.

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So I want to say every night,
but I'm human, so it's not.

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And I try to be flexible.

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But ever since this idea came to me
I've been doing it almost nightly.

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When I go in and I say good night to her,
I bring my book in and I say good night

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to all of my kids, I leave her for last
and I bring my book in, and I sit down and

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we read together and she has been opening
up to me and it is really exciting.

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And then

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I noticed that she'll just come
up to me during the day and

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hug me, and say, I love you.

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Okay.

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That was not her two, three months ago.

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And so I feel like this has been every
night that I've been doing this is

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me  putting in this investment of trust
of, I care about you, of you matter.

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And so that's one of my goals
that I've really been working on.

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So yours are going to be totally
different than mine, right?

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Your goals, your other anchor points
that you need to sit down and make sure

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you have and create quiet time in your
life so that you can think through and

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know what you are supposed to have as
goals, based off of who you want to

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be, the life experiences you want to
have, and what you want relationships,

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and family, and fitness, and health,
and all of these things combined, what

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you want them to be like in a year.

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And then every day you act as though
you are that person with these goals.

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So that is something that I have
developed over the past  few years

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and I'm flexible in my approach.

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Every so often this changes, but the
main overarching point that I want to

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make is sometimes the methods change,
but the overall point of I have to

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have goals in other aspects of my
life other than health and fitness.

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Otherwise health and
fitness becomes too big.

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00:23:53,068 --> 00:24:00,548
And it does, it starts taking over and
ruling our life, especially those that,

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00:24:00,688 --> 00:24:03,388
that love it and just find it so fun.

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It can get way too big.

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00:24:06,413 --> 00:24:10,583
And we don't even see what's
happening, but we're missing out on

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life, and connections, and people,
which is what life is all about.

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00:24:16,513 --> 00:24:20,253
It's just passing us by because
we're so concerned with our fitness

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goals, and who's hitting what fitness
goals on Instagram or whatever.

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So I just want to encourage you to
sit down and write your future self.

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And then every day, , maybe
it's in the pickup line.

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When you're picking up your kids from
school, maybe it's right after work when

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you sit in your car right before you
drive home or right before you drive

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00:24:43,543 --> 00:24:48,893
to work, you make sure you have five
minutes where you can touch base with

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that future self and write out goals of
who you're going to be, what experiences

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00:24:54,833 --> 00:24:58,323
you're going to have, how you're
going to show up for that future self,

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today.

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00:25:00,278 --> 00:25:08,798
And that way you have way more anchor
points that hold you steady, help you stay

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more balanced, and thriving in your life.

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Thank you so much for joining me
today on the Lifting Lindsay podcast.

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I hope each and every one of you
have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

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I realize it's just a.

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00:25:24,278 --> 00:25:29,518
American holiday, but, um, I think Canada,
you've already had your Thanksgiving,

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but I just want to let you guys know,
I'm very thankful and grateful for you.

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I'm grateful for your support.

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00:25:36,798 --> 00:25:37,938
I feel it.

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00:25:38,008 --> 00:25:44,798
And I am so grateful  for things like
podcasts, social media that have allowed

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us to connect so that we can lift each
other up and become better together.

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You guys have a wonderful week.