WEBVTT NOTE This file was generated by Descript 00:00:00.849 --> 00:00:02.929 Mark Butler: Hey, this is Mark Butler and you are listening 00:00:03.829 --> 00:00:05.359 to a podcast for coaches. 00:00:05.789 --> 00:00:09.359 A couple of stories this week from a couple of different client sessions 00:00:10.770 --> 00:00:13.029 and from my own day to day life. 00:00:13.049 --> 00:00:18.090 So first story, I was meeting with a client who is a 00:00:18.099 --> 00:00:20.290 relatively new one on one coach. 00:00:20.380 --> 00:00:21.939 We're not coaching about her business. 00:00:22.009 --> 00:00:22.850 We're just coaching. 00:00:24.595 --> 00:00:27.115 But I did ask her about her business and it came up. 00:00:27.115 --> 00:00:28.575 She's had some good things happening. 00:00:28.575 --> 00:00:32.095 She's had some early wins that are pretty exciting to her and to me. 00:00:33.814 --> 00:00:35.225 But then she said something interesting. 00:00:35.225 --> 00:00:39.564 She said, because of the stuff that I have going on in my personal life 00:00:39.564 --> 00:00:44.565 right now, and parentheses, I know we can all relate to this because of the 00:00:44.565 --> 00:00:48.125 intense stuff in my personal life right now, I just don't have the time or the 00:00:48.135 --> 00:00:52.935 bandwidth mentally and emotionally to really put the effort into my practice. 00:00:54.265 --> 00:01:00.175 And I thought that's interesting because if you think that you don't have 00:01:00.175 --> 00:01:04.564 the energy, the time, the mental and emotional bandwidth to build your coaching 00:01:04.565 --> 00:01:09.355 practice, you and I might have different opinions about what energy, what time and 00:01:09.355 --> 00:01:13.334 what mental and emotional bandwidth are required to build your coaching practice. 00:01:14.594 --> 00:01:17.194 So let me jump to the other story with another client that I've known for a 00:01:17.194 --> 00:01:18.654 long time and has become a good friend. 00:01:19.264 --> 00:01:19.985 She does. 00:01:20.820 --> 00:01:21.790 A lot of advertising. 00:01:21.790 --> 00:01:24.330 She has what I would call an advertising driven business. 00:01:24.350 --> 00:01:27.180 It's more of a training business or has been historically more of 00:01:27.180 --> 00:01:33.320 a training business that relies on Facebook ads to generate leads to 00:01:33.320 --> 00:01:35.570 convert to program participants. 00:01:37.329 --> 00:01:38.339 She's very good at it. 00:01:39.919 --> 00:01:43.930 And although she does say it's harder than it's ever been it's still 00:01:43.940 --> 00:01:47.220 viable, so there's no doomsday here. 00:01:47.430 --> 00:01:52.040 Some people are still advertising to great effect and with great success, but she 00:01:52.040 --> 00:01:53.500 did say it's harder than it's ever been. 00:01:55.410 --> 00:01:59.380 And so I started to interview her in the middle of our coaching session. 00:01:59.680 --> 00:02:00.580 What's it like? 00:02:00.580 --> 00:02:02.870 What's it like to be a person who advertises a lot? 00:02:02.880 --> 00:02:04.190 What does it require of you? 00:02:05.289 --> 00:02:07.590 And she did confirm some of my suspicions. 00:02:07.600 --> 00:02:11.480 She said it requires a lot of creative output. 00:02:11.925 --> 00:02:15.285 A lot of content creation, a lot of graphic design, a lot 00:02:15.285 --> 00:02:16.925 of photography, a lot of video. 00:02:17.785 --> 00:02:21.655 There's a lot of raw material that goes into ad campaigns and into the 00:02:21.655 --> 00:02:25.285 funnels that people get into after they engage with the ad campaign. 00:02:25.955 --> 00:02:27.325 So she confirmed that for me. 00:02:28.064 --> 00:02:29.594 And she said it is a lot of work. 00:02:30.195 --> 00:02:32.175 Now I know her, I know she's a great system creator. 00:02:32.175 --> 00:02:36.475 I'm sure she has created great systems, but it's a lot of work and it's a 00:02:36.475 --> 00:02:38.485 lot of work for an uncertain payoff. 00:02:39.450 --> 00:02:43.640 Even if you're confident you can get it to work, you're not necessarily 00:02:43.640 --> 00:02:47.970 confident when it will start working or to what extent it will work. 00:02:48.980 --> 00:02:57.419 So a lot of the difficulty in a training business that's fueled by advertising 00:02:58.489 --> 00:03:04.410 is not just all the output that it requires content and creative output. 00:03:05.510 --> 00:03:08.600 It's also the thinking about the campaigns. 00:03:08.670 --> 00:03:11.940 She told me she's thinking about the campaigns a lot. 00:03:13.030 --> 00:03:14.000 I don't want to dramatize it. 00:03:14.030 --> 00:03:16.950 I don't know how much of her mental energy is going into these campaigns, but 00:03:16.950 --> 00:03:18.740 she told me she thinks about it a lot. 00:03:18.740 --> 00:03:20.190 It's an everyday thing. 00:03:20.190 --> 00:03:23.730 Looking at a bunch of different numbers, not knowing which numbers contribute 00:03:23.730 --> 00:03:25.330 to which outcomes necessarily. 00:03:26.200 --> 00:03:29.770 Turning a lot of knobs and pulling a lot of levers and hoping that you can 00:03:30.010 --> 00:03:33.970 dial it in and make it something that actually plays out the way you want it to. 00:03:34.410 --> 00:03:37.559 So there's a lot of mental overhead there for an uncertain return. 00:03:38.859 --> 00:03:40.249 Now it does work sometimes. 00:03:41.280 --> 00:03:45.419 It doesn't seem to work quite like it used to for the people whose businesses 00:03:45.559 --> 00:03:49.710 I am inside of, but it does still work. 00:03:51.334 --> 00:03:53.625 If I'm thinking about my other client who says I don't have the 00:03:53.625 --> 00:03:57.495 time or the mental energy, the bandwidth to really throw myself 00:03:57.495 --> 00:03:58.985 into my coaching practice right now. 00:04:00.584 --> 00:04:04.324 If she's talking about the kind of business that my other client has, 00:04:04.914 --> 00:04:10.204 that's advertising driven, a lot of creative and content requirements, a lot 00:04:10.204 --> 00:04:12.464 of mental overhead, a lot of analysis. 00:04:13.260 --> 00:04:14.819 Then I might agree with her. 00:04:14.819 --> 00:04:22.049 I might say, yeah, you probably don't have that bandwidth, but that's not what 00:04:22.049 --> 00:04:23.960 a one on one coaching practice requires. 00:04:25.500 --> 00:04:29.800 A one on one practice has its own challenges, which are also mostly mental. 00:04:31.150 --> 00:04:35.680 But in a one on one practice, we don't have also all the technical overhead, 00:04:35.969 --> 00:04:40.430 all the content overhead, all the creative overhead that's required in an 00:04:40.440 --> 00:04:42.780 advertising driven training business. 00:04:44.189 --> 00:04:51.619 So in a one on one practice, almost all of the difficulty is just waiting. 00:04:53.229 --> 00:04:54.499 It's just waiting for the next. 00:04:54.499 --> 00:04:55.029 Yes. 00:04:56.699 --> 00:04:58.579 The next yes, could be days away. 00:04:58.579 --> 00:04:59.759 It could be weeks away. 00:05:01.020 --> 00:05:02.270 It could be months away. 00:05:03.649 --> 00:05:07.329 And if we're honest with ourselves, we want it to be that way. 00:05:07.369 --> 00:05:08.499 Now you might disagree with me. 00:05:08.499 --> 00:05:11.139 You might say, no, I want more clients to come more quickly. 00:05:12.059 --> 00:05:15.709 And I'll agree with you in the short term, when you're really looking for 00:05:15.709 --> 00:05:19.229 some validation, when you're really hoping that new clients will send you 00:05:19.229 --> 00:05:23.709 the message that yes, you are good at this and it is working and it's all 00:05:23.709 --> 00:05:24.959 going to work out according to plan. 00:05:25.789 --> 00:05:29.319 I understand that in those cases you want the clients to come faster, 00:05:30.879 --> 00:05:35.249 but as soon as they do, as soon as you get something like full and full 00:05:35.249 --> 00:05:38.149 might mean five sessions a week, it might mean eight, it might mean 10. 00:05:38.719 --> 00:05:43.559 If you're superhuman, not like me, maybe it's 15 or 20 sessions a week. 00:05:44.149 --> 00:05:46.069 I don't have that many sessions in a week. 00:05:46.569 --> 00:05:51.094 In me, as far as I can tell, But at some point you'll arrive at a level 00:05:51.094 --> 00:05:55.334 of fullness in your practice where you say, okay, I want them to keep coming, 00:05:55.334 --> 00:05:59.514 but I'd like there to be a little bit more space in between their arrivals. 00:06:01.645 --> 00:06:04.174 This is the hard part of a one on one practice. 00:06:05.094 --> 00:06:07.865 It's the time between yeses. 00:06:08.424 --> 00:06:10.664 It's the time between yeses. 00:06:11.015 --> 00:06:13.414 That's a phrase I'm using in a lot of my client calls lately, 00:06:14.245 --> 00:06:16.324 and it seems to be pretty useful. 00:06:17.034 --> 00:06:22.604 I believe that the time between yeses makes and breaks one on one coaches. 00:06:23.565 --> 00:06:27.904 If in between yeses, I can continue to work on my knowledge, my skills, and 00:06:27.905 --> 00:06:35.044 my character, and if I can continue nurturing the relationships I have and 00:06:35.044 --> 00:06:41.264 where possible starting up some new relationships, the yeses are coming. 00:06:41.705 --> 00:06:44.394 I don't know exactly when they're coming, but they are coming. 00:06:46.044 --> 00:06:49.014 Here's what I think that looks like for me and for you. 00:06:49.704 --> 00:06:52.484 About 10 days ago, I went to lunch with a couple of old friends. 00:06:53.554 --> 00:06:57.514 I met both of these guys 16, 17 years ago. 00:06:58.254 --> 00:06:59.624 We were all pretty newly married. 00:06:59.924 --> 00:07:01.414 Our kids were all young. 00:07:01.464 --> 00:07:02.824 We were neighbors for a while. 00:07:03.434 --> 00:07:06.484 Both of them ended up moving away, but we've kept in touch over the years. 00:07:06.499 --> 00:07:08.549 I've kept in touch better with one than the other. 00:07:09.899 --> 00:07:12.869 The one I haven't kept in touch with as well is a real estate 00:07:12.869 --> 00:07:14.639 guy, a very successful one. 00:07:14.969 --> 00:07:16.389 And I had a real estate question. 00:07:16.389 --> 00:07:20.809 So I sent him a text and I said, I need a real estate consultation. 00:07:21.399 --> 00:07:24.300 Would you like to do that over the phone or would you like to do it over lunch? 00:07:25.410 --> 00:07:27.730 And he said obviously I'd like to do it over lunch. 00:07:27.800 --> 00:07:28.770 I said, good answer. 00:07:29.929 --> 00:07:33.384 And then I texted our other friend and I said, Hey, I'm 00:07:33.384 --> 00:07:34.424 going to lunch with this guy. 00:07:34.444 --> 00:07:35.905 You probably want to get in on it. 00:07:36.505 --> 00:07:37.854 And he replied and said, of course I do. 00:07:38.905 --> 00:07:42.084 A week or so later, the three of us got together for lunch at one of the guy's 00:07:42.084 --> 00:07:45.924 offices, we sat there for a couple of hours, we chatted about everything. 00:07:45.924 --> 00:07:48.574 We chatted about family and church and we chatted about 00:07:48.574 --> 00:07:50.844 business and all kinds of stuff. 00:07:50.864 --> 00:07:52.145 It was so fun. 00:07:52.645 --> 00:07:54.044 These are such good guys. 00:07:55.664 --> 00:07:59.225 As we were winding down, I said to them, Hey, I'm Nobody's leaving this table 00:07:59.255 --> 00:08:00.655 till we have the next one in the books. 00:08:01.614 --> 00:08:02.635 So we scheduled the next one. 00:08:02.635 --> 00:08:03.735 It's just a few weeks away. 00:08:03.765 --> 00:08:04.265 I can't wait. 00:08:04.265 --> 00:08:09.924 It's gonna be a great time an Hour maybe two hours later after we all 00:08:09.924 --> 00:08:16.485 left One of my friends texted us in a group and said hey That was so nice. 00:08:16.505 --> 00:08:20.534 It was so great to get together with you guys Really value you and appreciate 00:08:20.534 --> 00:08:22.594 you and let's do that again soon or no. 00:08:22.625 --> 00:08:25.164 We already had it scheduled He said can't wait to do it again soon 00:08:26.474 --> 00:08:30.264 it's just so great to care about people and to have people care about you. 00:08:31.224 --> 00:08:33.345 I'm so grateful for the friends that I have. 00:08:34.864 --> 00:08:40.864 A couple of days ago I texted a friend and said, Hey, let's get lunch. 00:08:41.645 --> 00:08:42.824 And he said, okay, yeah, great. 00:08:42.824 --> 00:08:43.324 Of course. 00:08:44.525 --> 00:08:46.155 And then I said, I'm bringing Kate. 00:08:46.155 --> 00:08:48.745 I know how much he values good people and good conversation. 00:08:50.295 --> 00:08:52.575 And Kate's a great person who makes great conversation. 00:08:53.255 --> 00:08:54.495 So I said, I'm bringing Kate. 00:08:54.525 --> 00:08:55.675 He said, fantastic. 00:08:56.775 --> 00:08:58.065 And the three of us went to lunch. 00:08:58.095 --> 00:09:01.125 We had a great talk, really enjoyed it. 00:09:01.494 --> 00:09:02.675 He's such a great friend. 00:09:02.925 --> 00:09:04.025 He appreciates us. 00:09:04.085 --> 00:09:05.335 It's all fantastic. 00:09:05.335 --> 00:09:07.805 And you might be asking. 00:09:08.435 --> 00:09:11.365 Why are you talking about all your lunches with your buddies? 00:09:11.845 --> 00:09:13.265 What does it have to do with anything? 00:09:15.175 --> 00:09:15.985 It feels good. 00:09:16.515 --> 00:09:17.835 It's real happiness. 00:09:18.435 --> 00:09:21.665 Science has now proven, Google it, go look it up. 00:09:22.165 --> 00:09:26.464 Science has now proven that our happiness is mostly a function of 00:09:26.464 --> 00:09:28.055 the quality of our relationships. 00:09:29.935 --> 00:09:35.725 It happens to be an enormous side benefit of the quality of our relationships. 00:09:36.335 --> 00:09:39.465 That they also sometimes produce pain coaching clients. 00:09:40.175 --> 00:09:44.765 Now my two friends from the first lunch will never hire me for coaching. 00:09:46.065 --> 00:09:46.745 I don't think so. 00:09:46.805 --> 00:09:52.175 Anyway, I don't need them to, I need them to be great friends and I 00:09:52.175 --> 00:09:53.215 want to be a great friend to them. 00:09:53.245 --> 00:09:58.015 And I know that as we stay in touch with each other, and as we talk about 00:09:58.015 --> 00:10:02.840 what we're doing and I share with them what I'm up to, I know they 00:10:02.840 --> 00:10:06.740 will say things like, Oh man, I know somebody you should talk to right now. 00:10:08.160 --> 00:10:09.950 There's somebody I should probably introduce you to. 00:10:11.070 --> 00:10:13.010 That's just what happens. 00:10:14.040 --> 00:10:16.260 And it's really easy. 00:10:17.420 --> 00:10:23.500 So in a one on one practice, the easy part is that our best marketing is going 00:10:23.500 --> 00:10:29.700 to lunch with old friends, going to lunch with current friends, maybe going to lunch 00:10:29.700 --> 00:10:31.130 with somebody we've never met before. 00:10:31.930 --> 00:10:37.550 going for a walk, going to a new social function, and just 00:10:37.690 --> 00:10:40.030 being ourselves in that context. 00:10:40.870 --> 00:10:43.440 That's the easy part of growing a one on one practice. 00:10:44.690 --> 00:10:49.200 If we're developing our skill and our knowledge and our character, the 00:10:49.230 --> 00:10:54.050 clients that will come from all of this positive social interaction, the 00:10:54.050 --> 00:10:56.480 clients that will come are inevitable. 00:10:58.325 --> 00:10:59.335 I don't know when they're coming. 00:10:59.335 --> 00:11:02.715 I don't know if it's next week or next month or next year, but they're coming. 00:11:04.075 --> 00:11:10.425 They will arrive as our skill and our character catch up to the affinity 00:11:10.425 --> 00:11:14.115 that the people in our lives already feel for us so that they don't 00:11:14.125 --> 00:11:16.085 just view us as a trusted person. 00:11:16.810 --> 00:11:20.360 That they love to be around, but they start to view us as a trusted 00:11:20.930 --> 00:11:26.060 guide that they could introduce to people that they know who are in pain. 00:11:27.950 --> 00:11:29.200 All of this is natural. 00:11:29.230 --> 00:11:30.490 All of this is inevitable. 00:11:31.350 --> 00:11:33.480 And to be blunt, it's pretty easy. 00:11:34.770 --> 00:11:38.300 Now, I know some of you are saying, I'm already doing that and I don't 00:11:38.300 --> 00:11:39.430 have all the clients that I want. 00:11:39.640 --> 00:11:40.330 Okay, fair enough. 00:11:40.340 --> 00:11:41.240 We'll talk about it. 00:11:42.200 --> 00:11:46.400 But the basic nature of our effort will not change. 00:11:47.640 --> 00:11:51.470 And what I would say is if clients are not coming to you in the way 00:11:51.470 --> 00:11:56.200 that I just described, it's not that likely that they'll come to you 00:11:56.200 --> 00:12:01.150 reliably and easily through some other massive effort that you might make. 00:12:01.460 --> 00:12:04.360 And if they do, you're going to be bummed anyway, because now 00:12:04.360 --> 00:12:07.680 you've got a job that you don't really want a client hunting job. 00:12:09.320 --> 00:12:12.780 In an advertising driven training business, the hard part. 00:12:13.615 --> 00:12:19.015 Is all of the machinery and the content and the mental overhead 00:12:19.015 --> 00:12:20.495 of managing ad campaigns. 00:12:22.205 --> 00:12:25.985 And then the easy part, I guess, is there an easy part? 00:12:27.485 --> 00:12:30.535 I mean, the easy part is that when someone signs up for your thing, the direct 00:12:30.545 --> 00:12:33.715 inputs that are required from you to that person are relatively low because 00:12:33.715 --> 00:12:37.845 they're buying something like a course or a program where the, where your effort 00:12:37.845 --> 00:12:39.515 is spread across a lot of participants. 00:12:39.805 --> 00:12:41.105 That's probably the easy part. 00:12:42.405 --> 00:12:48.195 In a one on one practice, the hard part is the waiting and the character development. 00:12:49.695 --> 00:12:53.135 And the easy part is the actual relationship building, which 00:12:53.145 --> 00:12:54.685 brings so much happiness anyway. 00:12:55.865 --> 00:12:59.935 So what I want to say to my client that I was talking to earlier in the week 00:12:59.955 --> 00:13:05.725 and to any of you who feel like she does about limited time, limited energy. 00:13:07.340 --> 00:13:11.150 If you think there's no room for your coaching practice, please reframe it. 00:13:13.210 --> 00:13:16.940 Just move through your life, work on yourself. 00:13:17.760 --> 00:13:22.190 The stuff that's soaking up your mental energy and emotional bandwidth right now, 00:13:22.880 --> 00:13:27.800 it's all part of the character development process that is preparing you to be a 00:13:27.800 --> 00:13:29.840 more effective, more supportive coach. 00:13:30.090 --> 00:13:38.400 The hard part is the waiting, but the easy part is just do your life and be patient. 00:13:38.880 --> 00:13:40.020 And the clients are coming. 00:13:41.400 --> 00:13:42.100 They are coming. 00:13:43.750 --> 00:13:44.630 I'll talk to you next time.