Welcome.
All you mystics and magic makers.
Welcome to the free spirits, witches, weirdos and all the other
bold and colorful folk out there.
And I'm so glad you're here.
This is the She Who Is Seeking Podcast.
And today....
PURPOSE . Ah, The urgency of purpose and being.
For me, this is a "midlife brilliance" type moment.
That is overriding "the midlife crisis part.
But that took a little bit of work.
I never thought that would happen.
I didn't think that a midlife crisis was in my future.
But here we are, I guess.
And actually I reached it because I thought, "Oh shit.
I can literally die.
At any point.
At any moment.
And what do I have to show for it besides the fact that I've impacted
like my little small intimate circle?"
That made me sort of wake up a little bit and jump to some sort of action.
Part of my human design basically states that I will never know the
impact that I've had on people's lives.
And I've come to accept that for the most part, but I mean, come on!
I feel like if life could just throw me a bone and I knew that I was on the best
track possible, it would be so helpful.
I'd feel like I could really hone in and dig into the work
without having that sneaky.
"Is this even worth it" kind of feeling or the whole, like,
"am I even doing this right?
" Well, I guess this is why it feels so important to help others because
I have kind of gone through that, and come out on the other side.
And I feel like I can help peoples so that they are not stuck in this form of
stagnation and floundering and suffering.
And I have to say, that I have some pretty extreme experienced in this field.
And I've come to learn, that part of my gift.
It's even just the gift of seeing that there is a gift.
Um, most things, sorry.
Yes, that is a ice maker and a siren.
But I'm going to keep going because before I stopped a bunch of times, because
there was dog noises and cat noises and somebody bumped into the wall outside.
And there were people walking by laughing and it's been.
Up until that stuff.
So I'm going to just roll with it.
And hopefully it's a little bit amusing to you.
And if not, I'm sorry.
) I feel like because I endured.
So much kind of bologna or malarkey.
I like that word right now.
I think it fits, I don't really know exactly what malarky's meaning is - turns
out its rubbish-, but I think it's like kind of like baloney, That I have this
ability to come out on the other side with empathy and care and connection.
And I have been told that I have a gift of sharing.
And a lot of times when I get into flow, I just sort of channel spirit and share
and it does seem like it's pretty useful.
I think it's coming through me from a higher place.
So if it sounds brilliant.
[Oh my God.
Literally everything.
It's making.
Nice right now.
I am so sorry, but again, I'm going to roll with it because
it's been, like at this point.
I'm gonna just be honest.
It's 5 43.
And I started this hat.
I don't know.
One 30 or two, and I've kind of tried over and over again.
And kept having to come back to it.
Anyway, this is a lot of digression.
I usually try to stay a little more focused, but you know,
we're just going to roll with it]
So,Yeah, I do you have the gift of just being able to be in the icky parts,
the gritty grubby parts of growth.
And I don't know, I just think it doesn't scare me as much, as
it may scare their people.
And that is just because I'm used to it.
Not because I'm overly brave or anything,I've just been through a lot.
So I'm not perfect.
I never have been, it's not my goal to be perfect.
Um, but I would say that it, if anything, it's been a steady incline.
I have an, I don't love this term and I'm sure you don't either, but it does
kind of sum up what I'm talking about.
A steady incline of leveling up.
And that's mostly not due to the fact that I'm so fricking amazing, but if
you do think I am amazing, thank you.
You have good taste.
I appreciate it.
But rather it's mostly due to the fact that.
..The agreement, apparently, that I have in this life, was to start at the bottom.
And rise up.
To start to steadily learn and grow and share and be honest.
And I have gained an incredible amount of skills over the last few years.
And worked with some incredible, talented and powerful people.
And I'm looking at you AYG.
But there is no substitute for the journey.
And I originally was going to tag her in this, but I'm just being too silly.
I probably will not do it.
Um, When.
You have traveled as I have.
To the underworld over and over, and made friends...like personal friends,
like first name basis, with the ferryman and the gatekeepers of the underworld.
Well, you do tend to learn a few things.
Some of which are navigating difficult and uncertain waters.
Openingfrom dark places.
Just being able to be open and present, even in dark places.
And finding that little crack of light.
To navigate your safe return from the underworld back to this place of living.
And I was going to say.
Safe return, but like, honestly, I think that it maybe makes it feel a little
safer and tamer and easier than it feels.
Like it makes it seem that a little tamer.
I think, you know what I mean?
But it has been a return over and over again to a higher and
fully realized version of myself.
And that is what I'm calling the leveling up.
The other thing that I've realized is there's this certain level of fear.
And anxiety associated with the majority of the big moments in life.
And actually I've noticed that with a lot of things.
And, hence the wanting to help others.
And to help my community, the ones that feel adrift, unmanifested
,hopeless, aimless, overwhelmed.
And I want to be able to help them regulate their nervous
systems and overcome all the crippling, panic, and fear.
At a younger age, if possible.
And if you are my age or older, some of us still are doing the work.
But how amazing would it have been?
If you had had something that could make the learning easier?Or some sort
of a roadmap or a support system.
If only I would have known this when I was younger.
I think.
It just really could have helped me to get where I want to go.
And where, you know, I still basically am goin sg, sooner.
So if I had only done this and that all the way back then.
When I knew there was a call.
When I literally heard the call of spirit and was answering with, "I know, right?".
I did do the work, but not in this big way that was out and open.
I was a professional at being covert, cagey, hidden,
quiet-working in the background.
And I have talked about that before and probably will again,
because seriously it was my M.O.
But now I know that I'm in this really strange place of new trust.
Where I trust in listening to the voice that says it's safe to be heard
and it's safe to me to be listened to.
I feel that it's safe now, but I haven't always, and that is the point.
And that's the thing about that, Witch Wound or a persecution
complex, or even just protecting yourself against fear or shame.
It might make you feel safer for a time, but dammit, that crap catches up with you.
Especially if one is open to the fact that they have a mission or
calling or purpose or destiny.
You just have to act on it.
And it's clear that you can take steps to counteract it.
And a lot of us even know what those things are.
But for me, it came down to-
What is more uncomfortable?
Stretching out of the comfort zone, and allowing space
for something new to happen?
Or staying the same.
So I decided to share these things with you from this perspective, this
personal lens, and I know it's risky.
Because it can be seen as a weakness and doesn't every person
peddling, any wisdom need to be.
Strong and detached.
And on the other side of it, So I am taking a gamble and I'm
saying, no, it's not realistic.
It's not realistic to pretend to be perfect.
It's not realistic to pretend that you have all the answers.
So, yes, we can pretend that we have the answers if we want to, but I don't.
I'm completely done with trying to have all the answers trying to be perfect.
That was never really a goal of mine, anyway, I'm not one of those, or at
least I haven't been for a long time.
But I am done with the whole package of putting on airs.
And I just want to keep it raw with you.
Sometimes I do know the answers, sometimes I don't.
It can be both on the same day, or in the same conversation,
or even in the same sentence.
I'm in touch with my humanity and all of its stickiness.
And I am okay with letting you see that.
And I don't need, nor, want people to have to look up to me or put me on a pedestal.
Not that you would anyway, but you, I think, you know what I'm saying?
Up there, you have to worry about falling off.
Or being knocked off.
And I'd rather be rooted in the experience.
Down with the plants where I can lay on the ground and get comfy closing my eyes.
Feeling the breeze.
Where I am earthy and supported and have dirt under my nails.
And I want you there with me.
And it can still be real and have value.
And I can still be a medley of knowledge, baggage, experience, wisdom
and weirdness, because it's true.
I am that package.
And this is a side note, but I often find it really funny because a lot of
spiritual teachers or mentors or people that do work similar to me, tend to be.
Very like serious and speaking like that really like beautiful,
calm voice, which is great.
And I love that and I have some of those.
Wisdom keepers in my inner sanctum, and in my life.
I respect them, but I am not that person.
I can have a lot of knowledge that is important.
And it can be helpful, but also I'm a little bit goofy and weird and, you
know, I just am, and, so, I don't know.
I'm amusing, but also helpful.
So there you go.
And I am at this point in my life, utterly confident in my ability to be of
service to those who find their way to me.
And I will always share what I figured out the way to get through something.
What I know what I've learned.
Maybe it's the right answer.
Maybe there's no right answer.
Maybe it's just one possible way.
But there's usually a lot of possible ways and sometimes you
just need somebody to hold space for you while you figured that out.
Sometimes the hardest part is probably staying connected to your why.
Why do you want to keep going?
Where are you headed?
How do you get back on the horse when that butt hole keeps bucking you off?
I will tell you.
Because I am super well-versed in the experience.
And hopefully you laughed at the word butthole ,because I did.
Oh, my God, I'm not high.
I mean, I have had Schisandra,and pomegranate.
But those are not drugs.
So I don't know.
I'm just a goofy today.
Whatever.
I don't know.
Part of it is being plugged into community.
One that wants the best for you.
And will give you a boost.
To get back on that horse.
Or maybe introduce you to a nicer horse.
And you're safer than you think.
To do the things you want to do.
You have more power to affect the changes you want to see in the world,
and you are giving yourself credit for.
You can be both confident that you know what you're doing and
ready to do it ,while at the same time, be shaking in your boots.
Ask me how I know that.
I think you can figure out how I know that.
So.
Slow down.
And take a breath.
And allow yourself to feel' your why'?
Remember that your are safe.
Think of all the other people who want you to feel great.
And want the best for you.
And, honestly, this was not my original intention, but if you need more smart
and lovely people in your corner.
You could come over to the "Super Secret Magic Club", over on shewhoisseeking.com.
And there's a waiting list where you can sign up for my little
supportive community, which is led by me where we can do serious work.
But in a light and fun way.
And it is going to be a great container of love and fun and support and wisdom.
And sharing that feels like a tea party.
And also I will encourage you to have tea.
And it is a place where you can cultivate and practice.
Putting all of the knowledge and gifts that you have together.
Into the fabric of your days, where you can just learn to weave them together.
BecauseSo many of us are doing a lot of work, right?
At any given time, and learning all sorts of new information.
But sometimes it's hard to ground it into a practice.
So that was, I guess, A little ad for my thing, but going on.
This week, interestingly, I encountered a lot of signs.
When I was out walking at the park, I saw a rattlesnake.
And I know that there's quite a few snakes out there right now because
I'm recording this at the tail end of August and Southern California.
And it's ho t, but, a lot of times the rattlesnakes, you
know, they don't want to be seen.
They are hiding somewhere, off the beaten path.
And you don't see them very often.
So, it did seem somewhat remarkable to me.
So I did let that medicine in.
And the snake is an animal that is close to the earth energies.
And it represents life force in that, definitely that deep chi type life force.
And it also is the unconscious drives and primal instincts that rule a lot
of creative forces , as well as just like, straight up life-energy forces.
And I was reminded to investigate.
How it is that I stay recharged.
And where my energy comes from.
Because that is one of the things that, seeing that type of medicine
out in the world is asking you to do.
And then another.
Thing I encountered was this ginormous bumblebee.
And this was not like a little honeybee, but I tend to think,
when I think of rattlesnake, I also think of just snakes on the whole.
And when I think of a bumblebee or a carpenter bee or whatever, I
also think of the bee as a whole.
But bees are hardworking.
They're community focused.
They enjoy the sweetness and life force and flowers and the sun.
Working together.
They have.
This nectar.
Of their labor that is sustaining and long lasting.
And side note, did you know that they have found honey in Egypttian
tombs that is still liquid.
Isn't that wild?
I just thought it was very interesting.
Okay.
I'm going on...and then I also saw a dragon fly.
I saw this dragon fly and it really did feel like it was a messenger from spirit.
And a reminder of my spirit guides in general.
And they're known to reveal the path.
Your path and your magic.
And they remind you to keep your eyes open to deceptions, deceits,
false illusions, and false hopes.
And they're also about transformation and adaptability.
So, between the signs from the universe.
And the wisdom I brought back out from meditation, and also the
compassionate brilliance of one of my amazing witchy elder friends.
..I just really had my eyes opened.
And my focus was recalibrated.
And the busy work fell away.
And I had these incorrect destinations that came off of the itinerary.
They just dropped away.
And my boundaries, which have been pretty good lately.
Became even better.
And we'll continue to get stronger.
And to keep out more.
And I just.
Realized that, there are people who say that they don't have time for meditation
or for nature or self care or ritual.
But to me, these things are what brings my life together.
And it keeps me in my magic and it connects me to what's important.
At one point, I realized that I just wanted my life, and my spiritual
work, and my life's purpose, to all be centered around the same tenants.
I just wanted it to basically all be the same thing.
I wanted to be able to go deep and live in a place where I carved out
for myself, a life that felt magic, nourishing, uplifting, inspirational.
And what I've worked towards, is bringing that together.
Building it up, strengthening it , and defining it for myself so that I could
bring it out into the world for others.
The things that I love the most, are connecting with
nature and all of its glory.
And connecting with people.
And so, that's kind of just like what I have been building my life around.
[Sorry.
That's the dog.]
Before I used to do individual coaching, but I've put that on
hold because I just have felt this calling to be more connectedto a
bigger community in a deep way.
So I've really just been working on building that Super Secret Magic
Club to be that small intimate group that safe and supportive.
And that gets you dialed into your own truth, and pointed at the spaciousness and
pleasures, dialed into your true north and just really connected to your pleasure.
And knowing what action steps to take, and having a place where you
can cultivate a practice that puts all of the knowledge and gifts that
we're all always picking up, together and woven into the fabric of our body
and woven into the fabric of our days.
I Just really realized that I have too much I want to share, to have to go back
and forth between being in my magic and then all the Muggle work that is required
of some people, and, you know, I used to do that, but, I just want to stay in
this magic so I can bring forth messages easily and connect with people easily.
And I tend to attract these multi passionate brainy people.
Who really need help connecting to their divine nature.
And in fact, I know some of the people I'm thinking of, some of you, are
definitely that . You're that brainiac, very intelligent, reads every book
there is,takes a ton of courses.
Knows the things, with their thinking mind...
but that's the thing...
reading the books, isn't always enough.
Learning the material , isn't always enough.
The way that we reap the real benefits of our knowledge is to put it into practice.
So my strength has really always been taking that more amorphous
complicated topic or construct and breaking it down into tangible
physical representations of the work.
It's like this energetic binding between the concept, and then something that
we can actually do in our lives that we can bring the magic, basically through
the ether, into our body, into our life.
And when we do that, then things can become embodied.
That practice can be part of the energy that we bring, and it can
become part of our embodied self.
And so, it's one of the things that I love doing.
And if you just want to like keep showing up here, it's the kind of thing that
I love talking about and bits of that bleed through all the time, don't think
that I'm only bringing this up because of the fact that I have a little group.
But it's basically to help you get to know a little bit more about
me, and the way that I picture energy and what I do in my work.
But if you want to, if you would like to consider grounding your
earthy magic, then you could join our group of mystics and seekers.
At the Super Secret Magic Club.
And I love saying that.
And that is at shewhoisseeking.com.
And like I said, there's going to be a little wait list you can join
that and I would love to have you.
And I would love to thank you for spending your precious time with me today.
And if you want to leave a message, you can do it at the following phone number.
Which is OK-seeking-0 [zero].
That's area code {6 5 7} 3 3 5-4 6 4 0, which spells out.
OK-Seeking-0 {zero}.
Again, area code 6 5 7 -3 3 5 -4 6 4 0.
And I'd love to hear what you've gotten out of the podcast, what your
thoughts are, what you have to say.
And I would love to continue the conversation with you.
Also, you can find me on Instagram.
And over there also I'm @shewhoisseeking.
And like I said, if you want to check out my website, that is shewhoisseeking.com.
And I'm so grateful that you were here with me today.
You sat through.
My goofiness.
And my silliness and my dog walking around, and my cat giving himself a bath
right here, and the Ticki ticki ticki of Stella's nails as she walks around.
Um, But, you know, Actually, this is like real life.
This is a peek into "still being in your purpose and also having fun."
And that's just like how I like to roll.
If you think anybody would like this podcast, please, it would mean so
much to me if you share it with a friend or on social media, or leave a
five star review on apple podcasts.
As you know, from listening to other podcasts, that really is the way that
people are able to find your podcasts because they will not promote your
podcast or share it until you have quite a few good reviews on there.
And so thank you again, thank you so much.
And the music is the beautiful song.
'Snake river."
By Siren and the Sea.
And I probably shouldn't do this cause I was so goofy.
She's a very serious practitioner.
She's not a goofball.
But if you are interested in working with,like, a bad-ass hardcore
professional, magical practitioner, who is mammothly talented...she's
a witch...she's a mentor.
She's amazing.
And I mentioned her earlier as AYG.
Her name is Amanda Gates Garcia.
And you can book sessions with her at the website, Oracle of Los angeles.com.
Oracleoflosangeles.com.
Also, she has a great book.
Which is " Memoir Of a Witch by Amanda Yates Garcia.
It's a beautiful cover, and a great book.
And tell her that Meena sent you and, that you are ready to be a BOSS
and youre there to work with her.
Well, I love you guys so much and maybe next time I'll be goofy.
Maybe it will be serious.
You never know.
I don't know.
We'll just see.
Okay.
Bye, I love you.
And.
Victory to the goddess.
Bye
And I thought I would explain why I'm leaving the goofiness
in, which is basically...
it's getting late and my kids are going to come home and I won't be able to
get it all edited out or re-recorded.
And I thought, why not just let people know that this is part of the real you.
Which is goofy.
And not perfect,and, kind of silly.
And kind of informative.
But yeah.
I would rather have the podcast come out on time.
And be goofy rather than....ya know...it would be really late, like a
few days late if I don't let it roll.
Okay.
You're probably gone.
Probably nobody's heard this, but if you did and you think
it's funny, you can let me know.
At the phone line which is OK-seeking-0 [zero.] I need
to come up with like a jingle.
I probably really sound like I'm on something, but I promise you, I am not.
Um, Not that it would be a problem if i was, i guess, but
i'm not ,okay, love you, bye!