1 00:00:01,360 --> 00:00:08,920 Society Builders pave the way To a better world,  to a better day. A united approach to building   2 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:23,040 a new society. Join the conversation for social  transformation - Society Builders. Society Builders   3 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:31,320 with your host Duane Varan. (Duane) Welcome to  another exciting episode of Society Builders and   4 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:37,520 thanks for joining the conversation for social  transformation. Now allow me to start today's   5 00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:43,520 episode with a bit of a bird's eye view of where  our journey together has been navigating us to   6 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:50,560 over the past year or so. In episodes 18 and 19,  we began exploring one of the fundamental pillars   7 00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:58,880 of society building engaging with the prevalent  discourses of society. We explored what this means   8 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:04,440 particularly from a Baha i perspective and we  discussed strategies for effectively engaging with   9 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:12,480 such discourse. Now I then wanted to take us on  a journey exploring a SPECIFIC discourse and here,   10 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:18,280 of course, I focused on the contemporary issues  associated with the rampant polarization that   11 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:24,320 is currently plaguing the world. I did this so  we could explore what discourse looks like how   12 00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:30,920 we engage with a new discourse. Now, I could  have focused on any number of discourse themes:   13 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:36,560 the environment, race unity, the empowerment  of women I mean these are all great examples of   14 00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:41,720 discourses that Baha'is would normally engage  with. And in due course, we ll explore all of   15 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:50,240 these and more. But I chose the polarization focus here specifically for a number of reasons: First,   16 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:57,200 it was something I knew absolutely nothing about.  In fact, I remember being blown away when I read   17 00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:04,240 reference to the need for us to bring antagonistic  people closer together thinking, how on earth do   18 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:11,480 you do that? And that was exactly what I wanted  a challenge I knew nothing about - so that we   19 00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:19,680 could together go through the process of engaging  with a new discourse from scratch. An authentic   20 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:32,720 journey similar to the ones you will face when you encounter new discourse themes. Second, it had an urgency to it that was reflected repeatedly in guidance from the Universal House of Justice who   21 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:41,040 describe the world's situation today as polarized  and paralyzed , with prejudices polarizing   22 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:49,160 societies at a time when unity is more vital to  resolving local, national and global challenges ;   23 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:56,960 calling on us to resist the pull of controversial  and polarizing debates. And this guidance is a   24 00:02:56,960 --> 00:03:03,040 reflection on the extent to which polarization  has emerged as one of the dominant issues of   25 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:11,880 our day all over the world. So the gravity of this  particular theme seemed particularly urgent. This   26 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:17,920 is front and center with Baha'u'llah advice that  we engage with the needs of the age in which ye   27 00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:26,400 live in and polarization clearly meets that test.  It responds to one of the most critical needs of   28 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:33,800 THIS age. Third, polarization intersects at the  very heart of the mission of Baha'u'llah. I mean,   29 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:40,200 bringing antagonistic groups together this is  EXACTLY what we re about. It s the ultimate   30 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:49,000 expression of the unifying power of the Faith. Fourth, it s foundational. And what I mean by this   31 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:56,320 is that learning how to address polarization is  a skill that helps us in just about any other   32 00:03:56,320 --> 00:04:03,920 discourse we engage with because almost all modern discourse will require this capacity for us to   33 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:10,640 help bring people together. So gaining new skills  and insights around depolarization helps lay a   34 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:18,920 foundation for our capacity to engage effectively  with other discourse themes. And finally, I felt   35 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:26,000 it was an arena that had great opportunity for  engaging and collaborating with others and with   36 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:32,640 like-minded organizations. And here, specifically,  this view was shaped by reading the work of Nealin   37 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:39,200 Parker who features in episode 27 who, together  with her research team at Princeton University,   38 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:48,680 has identified over 6,700 organizations in the US  alone working to find paths to depolarization. 39 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:55,760 So this was the underlying rationale for  the polarization focus. And what we ve been   40 00:04:55,760 --> 00:05:03,200 doing from episodes 20 onwards has been getting ourselves up to speed on the scientific knowledge   41 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:10,320 that exists in the existing discourse. This is  where we should always start - by reading society   42 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:16,560 listening and coming to terms with the existing  discourse. And here, we ve been incredibly   43 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:23,400 fortunate to learn directly from the leading  luminaries in the world in this discourse. 44 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:30,400 And so today and over the next few episodes, we re going to try to bring some synthesis to what we've   45 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:37,480 been learning from these amazing individuals and from their research and experience. And in that   46 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:44,240 context, we re going to try to explore how this  relates to Bahá’í perspectives and how we might   47 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:51,960 bring new contributions to the discourse at  present. Now that s an incredibly tall order   48 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:58,560 well beyond my capacity, for sure. So we won t get  it perfectly right and it won t be comprehensive.   49 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:03,320 But we can at least scratch the surface here  and explore some possibilities to at least   50 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:11,560 demonstrate the potential of such an approach.  So today, we start exploring Bahá’í perspectives   51 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:25,320 towards depolarization. (musical interlude) Now once again, I need to offer a bit of a disclaimer   52 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:31,320 here to remind you that I speak with no authority  here. This podcast is a personal initiative it   53 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:36,560 does not necessarily reflect the views of any  Bahá’í agency. So you should weigh the ideas   54 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:43,600 here for yourselves. Again, my voice is no more  important than your voice so explore at your own   55 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:51,880 risk (laughs). And an added caution. It s far  too premature to argue that anything could be a   56 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:58,080 true Bahá’í perspective on depolarization. In the  same way that we don t really yet have something   57 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:03,800 akin to Bahá’í art or Bahá’í music or even Baha'i education, for that matter - we definitely   58 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:10,400 don t have a distinctive approach to this issue of  polarization. So I use the term Bahá’í perspective   59 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:17,200 here in a very broad sense and not in any kind  of official sense. It s more that we re exploring   60 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:25,520 Bahá’í -INSPIRED approaches to depolarization. And one final disclaimer we explore this theme   61 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:34,160 of depolarization with a focus on what WE can do and not on what we might expect others to do. In   62 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:40,640 other words, we re not talking about social policy  or workplace law or anything macro. We re talking   63 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:47,720 about the things we can do in our own lives in  our interaction with those in our orb what we   64 00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:56,160 can do directly to help remedy polarization by  integrating Bahá’í -inspired approaches. OK so   65 00:07:56,160 --> 00:08:10,280 with those clarifications, let s embark upon our  little journey here. (musical interlude). Now,   66 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:16,400 rather than go through a linear review each of  our recent episodes, I thought I d weave across   67 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:21,840 the interviews to pull out some key themes and  explore how Bahá’í approaches might contribute to   68 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:29,000 these strands of the depolarization discourse.  Our approach won t be comprehensive it ll be   69 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:34,280 illustrative. In other words, I won t cover  everything we've learned but I'll pull out a   70 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:40,960 few key insights to explore how we might integrate Bahá’í -inspired perspectives. And specifically,   71 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:46,120 we re going to explore just FIVE of the key  principles that have emerged across these   72 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:51,520 interviews. These are five of the most important  principles that grow out of the research on the   73 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:56,440 science of depolarization. And for each of  these, we re going to explore how Bahá’í    74 00:08:56,440 --> 00:09:03,600 perspectives might contribute to advancing the  discourse further. And so over the next few   75 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:09,960 episodes we re going to explore these five  themes including: * Forces that act as an   76 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:16,800 accelerant to polarization and what we can do to  help prevent that influence in our own lives and   77 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:24,160 how to safeguard against ourselves adding fuel  to the fire. * How polarization dehumanizes   78 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:32,240 the other and what we can do to help rehumanize  the equation. * How we can enhance our capacity   79 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:40,400 to listen and understand, which are critical to  effective depolarization. * How we can help   80 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:48,560 break binaries narratives that reduce problems to  conflict between two opposing forces. * How we   81 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:56,240 can enhance the environments under which contact between antagonistic groups are facilitated.    82 00:09:56,240 --> 00:10:01,320 Now again, this doesn t cover everything we've learned. But I think it s good ground for   83 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:08,200 us to cover which will help illustrate how Bahá’í   perspectives can contribute to this discourse. So   84 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:13,440 that s our game plan. And obviously, that s too  much for us to cover in a single episode, so we ll   85 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:29,400 cover this ground across a few episodes. So let's dig in. (musical interlude). Now polarization   86 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:35,840 is a social pollutant. Just like there might  be toxic particles in the air we breathe,   87 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:44,120 if we live in society if we interact with society  we re going to contract this toxic polarization   88 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:50,000 in our everyday lives. It doesn't matter that we  don t approve of it, that it s not compatible with   89 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:59,320 our beliefs if we live in society we re going  to breathe in toxic polarization every day. 90 00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:07,440 So we can't stop it BUT we can certainly limit  its influence. But this requires that we become   91 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:16,440 more aware better sensitized to it. And this  requires active reflection reflection on what we   92 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:23,400 breathe in what we inhale - but also reflection  on what we exhale on our actions. Because as we   93 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:30,400 become contaminated, we can also accelerate  and add fuel to the polarization disease,   94 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:38,080 despite our best intentions. So we start our  discussion on strategies to depolarize with a   95 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:47,920 focus on - ourselves. This is not about what  others should or shouldn t do it s about you   96 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:55,480 it s about me and what WE can do to both limit  the toxically polarized pollutants coming in   97 00:11:55,480 --> 00:12:04,640 but also to regulate our own behavior so we don t  further contribute to the problem. Now our guests   98 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:10,680 on these podcasts have been really helpful in  helping us understand this dynamic. I think the   99 00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:17,480 most common space where most of us interact with this kind of toxic polarization is in our social   100 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:25,880 media spheres. Now in episode 26, Dr. Lisa Schrich did an amazing job in helping us understand how   101 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:35,280 polarization in social media is not coincidental  it s not an accident. It s the by-product of very   102 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:41,400 deliberate strategies designed to maximize  profit for the social media platforms and   103 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:49,680 a function of the work of chaos actors often from  foreign adversaries actively working to undermine   104 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:57,320 social structures by cultivating divisions. So remember, other things being equal, if you have a   105 00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:04,560 credible social media post and a highly polarized  version of the same post, the algorithms on these   106 00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:11,680 social media platforms will favor the polarized  and further propagate these over the credible.   107 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:19,000 So the system is rigged to polarize. Now there  are larger conversations to be had about social   108 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:27,240 policy around all of this. But for now, I d like  us to focus on what this means for us in our own   109 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:35,480 daily lives. Now let s pause here for a second.  Just for a moment, I d like you to think about   110 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:41,840 the dramatic social transformation that has played out over the past two decades or so where we have   111 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:47,280 become so much more aware of our food diets.  Today, when you go to a fast food restaurant   112 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:54,200 and order a burger and fries, you are keenly aware of how many calories there are in what you order.   113 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:59,320 Maybe that encourages you to order small fries  instead of large ones. And when you re at the   114 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:05,400 supermarket buying your groceries, you pick up a  can and look to see what it s ingredients are. And   115 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:12,000 maybe you pick the item that has less trans-fat,  for example. So we've become a lot more conscious   116 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:21,120 and discerning and aware of what we eat. We still eat bad things, right. But we're just a lot more   117 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:29,440 aware of what we're eating and sometimes not  always but sometimes - we regulate our behavior   118 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:35,880 armed with that knowledge. Now our social media consumption is a lot like our food diet it s   119 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:42,360 our media diet. And just like we ve become more  aware of our calorie intake and the ingredients   120 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:50,040 we ingest we also need to become more aware of the polarized content we consume. And continuing   121 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:56,360 on with the interview with Dr. Schrich, I think  what she really helped us understand here is that   122 00:14:56,360 --> 00:15:02,680 what these corporations and what these foreign  chaos actors are preying on is what she called   123 00:15:02,680 --> 00:15:10,800 our reptile brain (laughs). I loved this part of  the interview. In fact, let me remind you of   124 00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:17,600 that part of the episode: (Dr. Lisa Schrich) So really, neuroscience is behind a lot of conflict   125 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:25,920 behavior. When human beings can sit down calmly and breathing regularly, we can solve problems   126 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:32,480 together. We can disagree about issues, but we can maintain a sense of human dignity, relationship   127 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:39,400 with others. And we have our prefrontal cortex.  I'm pointing to my forehead right now. We have   128 00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:46,240 this amazing brain, as humans, that can link up  with other people's brains and figure out creative   129 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:52,000 solutions to problems. And really, that's what  conflict resolution, conflict transformation   130 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:59,640 building, that's what that's all about, is trying  to create a setting, a condition where people can   131 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:05,560 be their best selves and work with other people  to find creative solutions to problems. So,   132 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:11,680 as a mediator, for example, I'm used to sitting  in a room with people who are very angry with each   133 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:19,480 other, disagreeing something. And it's my job as a mediator to lead them through a process of moving   134 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:26,160 from the reptile part of their brain in the back  bottom of the brain stem, and trying to sort of   135 00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:31,560 create enough safety in the room that they can  come up to their forehead, where their thinking   136 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:37,960 brain is, where they can actually solve problems  together. And so even before all this, social   137 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:43,800 media, I think neuroscience really underlies a  lot of the process of conflict transformation,   138 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:51,280 moving from just an emotional response to be  able to think and be mindful of our ability   139 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:57,160 to solve problems together. So I think when you think about neuroscience and social media,   140 00:16:57,160 --> 00:17:02,280 there's a few things happening. It's showing  us the emotional content which keeps us at that   141 00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:07,880 brainstem. My colleagues at the Center for Humane  Technology call it the race to the bottom of the   142 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:14,960 brain stem on social media. So it's this race to show us the most outrageous emotional content   143 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:22,600 to keep us engaged at an emotional level.  (Duane) Now I love this way of framing the   144 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:29,760 problem. Polarization feeds the reptile portion  of our brain it's this race to the bottom of our   145 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:39,320 brainstem. And that, in turn, is addictive. And  our challenge, neurophysiologically, is to instead   146 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:46,680 feed the more human, the rational dimensions of  our brain. Now in Bahá’í terminology, this is   147 00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:52,800 what we call the struggle between our lower and  higher natures, between our animal self and our   148 00:17:52,800 --> 00:18:00,760 divine self between our material and spiritual  self. Abdul-Baha describes how this lower self   149 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:08,320 is captive to nature and how our higher self  transcends this all. And the whole beauty of the   150 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:17,160 human story is that we are creatures endowed with free will so we decide which version of ourselves   151 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:23,640 to empower. This reminds me of that story that I  know you ve all heard it s the story of a Cherokee   152 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:31,840 chief explaining to his grandson that there are  two wolves in all of us one evil and dark and one   153 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:41,000 noble and good. The grandson then asks, which wolf wins? To which the grandfather replies it s the   154 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:51,400 one you feed. The one you feed. And this is where our reflection and vigilance becomes so important.   155 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:59,200 In understanding which self we re feeding with  our media diets. Now this isn t limited to   156 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:05,160 social media. The same kind of communication diet is also true in our interpersonal interactions   157 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:12,320 with others. When you re angry with someone and want to vent who do you turn to? You could turn   158 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:19,720 to the friend you have who will likely get you  to pause reflect calm down get you questioning   159 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:27,080 whether you really need to be so angry. OR you can  turn to the friend who you know will agree with   160 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:35,520 your anger reinforce it make you feel justified  feed your anger. So which friend do you turn   161 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:43,160 to? And if we re being honest here there s a good  probability that we'll turn to that second friend   162 00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:52,600 because it FEELS good. It vindicates our anger it  justifies it. It makes us feel right to be angry.   163 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:59,960 But while it feels good but it is probably not the  most productive response. And this is what both   164 00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:07,160 Amanda Ripley in episode 20 and Dr. Peter Coleman  in episode 21 - this is what they were describing   165 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:13,840 in our attraction to conflict entrepreneurs  people who are really good at feeding and   166 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:22,400 inflaming our anger at weaving polarized reaction  at reinforcing our sense of being victimized.   167 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:28,640 You're looking for someone to reinforce your  sense of anger and they re there to gratify.   168 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:39,080 Now in this context this often FEELS good. But,  again, that doesn't mean it's productive. In fact,   169 00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:45,560 it's probably making the situation worse. So just as we need to be discerning in our social media   170 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:53,000 encounters we also have to be discerning in who we  confide in in who we turn to in our moments where   171 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:58,600 our emotions flair up. And, of course, we need to  be on double duty on these occasions not to allow   172 00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:06,480 this all to deteriorate into an opportunity for  backbiting. Enough said, right. OK so whether we   173 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:14,420 re talking about social media or interpersonal  interaction we need to be vigilant so that we're   174 00:21:14,420 --> 00:21:22,560 minimizing our contact with forces that will  feed and enflame polarization. We need to feed our   175 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:30,520 higher nature to rise and transcend above this all  so we are less a creature of our rampant emotions   176 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:44,040 and we can better channel our divine selves.  (musical interlude). And there s another side to   177 00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:50,960 this equation and that s that we also need to be  on guard lest we become an agent of polarization   178 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:58,760 ourselves despite our best intent. You read a social media post. It angers you.   179 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:05,000 Your emotions get triggered and you immediately  post a reply that you later realize has only   180 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:14,760 further enflamed the problem. It's critical  that at those moments we pause and wait before   181 00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:21,520 posting a reply so that our emotions can settle  down a bit. And that we then bring the voice of   182 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:28,520 wisdom and not just the voice of our emotion to  our response, if a response is even merited. 183 00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:35,200 And as we discussed in our interview with Dr.  Schrich, it s much easier to have this kind of   184 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:41,960 uncalibrated response online than it is in person  because when you say something to someone in   185 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:50,320 person, you see their reaction to your words and  that reaction is often disarming. You see that   186 00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:57,080 your words are making a person sad, for example,  and so you temper your response. But online,   187 00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:04,840 it's easy to become indifferent to such response.  So we become more callous, less sensitive and more   188 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:11,200 likely to further fan the flames. Again, a number of our guests talk about this need for   189 00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:17,960 self-reflection over our own actions. Let's remind  ourselves here of what Amanda Ripley shared with   190 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:22,880 us in episode 20: (Amanda Ripley) Yeah, I think it's important for me to first acknowledge that   191 00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:27,680 we all can be conflict entrepreneurs. And this is  actually one of the things that Gary reached out   192 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:32,760 to me when the book first came out and he heard  me on the radio and he was like, yeah, just be   193 00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:37,600 careful with that because you might create a whole  new us versus them. And so I do try to remind   194 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:43,360 myself that every day I just wake up and try not  to be a conflict entrepreneur because especially   195 00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:48,600 on social media, but even just around the office  or in your neighborhood, it is easy to do that.   196 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:55,760 It's a way to bond with people by complaining or  blaming someone else. (Duane) And I really loved   197 00:23:55,760 --> 00:24:03,320 the stories that Gary Friedman shared with us in  episode 22 about his own journey. Here was one of   198 00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:11,160 the world s leading mediator trainers explaining  how he slipped up. He s sharing the story of his   199 00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:18,280 engagement with local governance in his own small  locality let s listen in: (Gary Friedman) We had   200 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:22,960 problems in the community. People said, we need  somebody to run the meetings. I said, I know how   201 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:27,720 to run meetings where there's conflict and they  said great. So they elected me in a landslide. 202 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:36,720 And then this was to the local, just our local,  250 houses right on the ocean in California. 203 00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:41,880 And my idea was, let's get the whole community  involved. And so all the people that voted for me   204 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:48,920 come to the meetings. It's your community. And of  course, one of the great surprises, two surprises   205 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:54,200 neither of them should have been. One was they  didn't come because they thought they'd elected   206 00:24:54,200 --> 00:25:01,560 me. I would do that. And secondly, the people that  were against me, they came to every meeting and   207 00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:08,480 they just started taking potshots at me right  off the bat. Well, as a mediator, I was used   208 00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:13,920 to really heavy conflicts. Horrible things would  happen in the room, but it was never aimed at me,   209 00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:22,200 and this was aimed at me. And as the me, what came  back into my life was the old trial lawyer. I knew   210 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:28,000 how to defend and attack, and before I knew it, I  was off and running. And everything I believed in   211 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:36,120 about how people should be with each other, I was  contradicting from moment to moment. And it was   212 00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:43,600 terrible experience because I was defensive.  And I wouldn't say drunk with power, but kind   213 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:48,680 of I loved the idea of having power. I kind of  hadn't had it. As a mediator. I give it away,   214 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:55,200 so I'm happy. But this was kind of intoxicating.  We can make real change. And of course, that was   215 00:25:55,200 --> 00:26:01,080 seeds of destruction right there and created a WE  / THEM relationship between me and the people that   216 00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:08,320 were against me. And so I went through a really  horrible period where my wife said to me she'd   217 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:15,280 come to the meetings with the dog and then leave  after a while. And at one point she said to me,   218 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:20,920 'you know, I don't even recognize you. This is  not the person that I've been with for the last 40   219 00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:28,400 some OD years. This is some old version of you.'  And so I really took that to heart because I knew   220 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:35,480 that she was right and she always is right.  And so I went through a period of deep soul   221 00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:43,360 searching. (Duane) So if this can happen to Gary  Friedman, one of the world s leading experts in   222 00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:51,960 this arena and a really, really nice guy I mean,  if it can happen to Gary, it can happen to us too,   223 00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:58,240 right. So this speaks to Baha'u'llah's  admonishment that we be guarded in our speech.   224 00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:06,640 Baha'u'llah refers to human utterance as an essence  which aspireth to exert its influence and needeth   225 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:14,360 moderation , and He enjoins His followers to  speak with words as mild as milk in a manner   226 00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:23,320 consistent with our station of true understanding  and nobility. So this is painting a picture,   227 00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:31,640 right. Of us being highly aware and conscious of  the potential impact of our expression of aspiring   228 00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:37,920 for nobility in our manner of expression.  And the Universal House of Justice, I think,   229 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:47,440 gives us this incredibly sharp focus with these words: We return to the phenomenal   230 00:27:47,440 --> 00:28:00,320 characteristics of speech. Content, volume, style,  tact, wisdom, timeliness are among the critical   231 00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:09,160 factors in determining the effects of speech  for good or evil. Consequently, the friends need   232 00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:16,400 ever to be conscious of the significance of this  activity which so distinguishes human beings from   233 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:24,800 other forms of life, and they must exercise it  judiciously. Their efforts at such discipline will   234 00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:34,480 give birth to an etiquette of expression worthy  of the approaching maturity of the human race. 235 00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:44,080 It is precisely this etiquette of expression  which we so desperately need at this critical   236 00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:58,040 juncture. Content, volume, style, tact, wisdom  and timeliness. But until this etiquette evolves,   237 00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:13,600 we can at least aspire to it in our own  conduct. So we've talked about both the   238 00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:21,360 information we ingest and our expression and I  know that this can be nuanced and complicated at   239 00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:28,280 times. At the end of the day, it s a skill.  And fortunately, this is something we CAN   240 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:36,080 train for. As I shared in episode 21, Dr. Peter  Coleman has developed a course a challenge only   241 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:42,600 requiring a few minutes of your time over a 21  day period designed to help sensitize us to our   242 00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:50,160 own threats to polarization and I ve included a  link is this episode s description. Or, as Gary   243 00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:57,720 Friedman explained in episode 22, you can complete  his 40 hour course at UnderstandingInConflict.org.   244 00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:05,160 And in due course, I'm sure there will be a Bahá’í institute courses you'll be able to join. But   245 00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:13,040 I wanted to remind you of the very precious gift  we have to help us navigate through this terrain   246 00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:22,520 a gift that is here and now that will help  you TODAY- immediately. And here, of course,   247 00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:31,400 I'm talking about the example of Abdul-Baha.  In fact, that s our short hand. Any time we re   248 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:39,440 not certain either in terms of the content we re  exposed to or our own expression the test is super   249 00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:46,880 simple. Just imagine that Abdul-Baha is there with  you. And if you're OK with what you re hearing,   250 00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:55,440 reading, writing or saying then sally forth. You're good. But if you re embarrassed then something   251 00:30:55,440 --> 00:31:04,360 is probably not quite right and you should  adjust accordingly. This is a powerful tool   252 00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:11,080 which gives us immediate access to the voice of  our conscious which, more than anything, can help   253 00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:19,760 us navigate the challenges of our times. So this is your emergency plan. When in doubt, visualize   254 00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:33,680 Abdul-Baha in your presence and that will help  you weigh your words. (musical interlude)    255 00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:38,320 Now we've run out of time for today and we  only got through the first of our five key   256 00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:43,240 themes connecting what we've learned from  the science of depolarization together with   257 00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:48,440 Bahá’í principles. So we have four themes to go  which will probably take us a couple of episodes   258 00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:55,240 to cover. But it s exciting stuff, right! So thanks again for joining the conversation   259 00:31:55,240 --> 00:32:02,160 for social transformation. I look forward to  continuing our exploration of Bahá’í approaches   260 00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:14,240 to depolarization That's next time on Society  Builders. (music starts). Society Builders pave the way. To a   261 00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:22,880 better world to a better day. A united approach to building a new society. There s a crisis facing   262 00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:31,760 humanity. People suffer from a lack of unity It s  time for a bet-ter p-ath to a new society. Join   263 00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:53,200 our conversation for social transformation  Society Builders. So engage with your local   264 00:32:53,200 --> 00:33:00,160 communities and explore all the exciting  possibilities. We can elevate the atmosphere   265 00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:09,440 in which we move. The paradigm is shifting. It is  so very uplifting. It s a new beat, a new song,   266 00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:19,320 a brand new groove. Join our conversation for social transformation. Society Builders    267 00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:38,240 The Bahá’í Faith has a lot to say helping people  to discover a better way. With discourse and   268 00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:45,200 social action framed by unity. Now the  time has come to lift our game And apply   269 00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:52,840 the teachings of the Greatest Name. And rise  to meet the glory of our destiny. Join our   270 00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:55,240 conversation for social transformation. Society Builders