Twenty-four years talking down kidnappers and bank robbers taught Chris Voss something most negotiators get backwards: the goal was never a yes. In this episode, the former FBI lead international kidnapping negotiator and author of "Never Split the Difference" breaks down exactly how those hostage-negotiation tactics translate to real estate. If you negotiate with clients, buyers, or other agents every day, you're already doing this work, whether you've named it or not.
This is Playmakers, hosted by Andrew Flachner, CEO of RealScout. Andrew sits down with Chris to unpack the specific language patterns that build trust fast, defuse tension, and get deals to actually close (not just get signed and then fall apart in escrow).
What makes this conversation different: Chris doesn't just explain the theory, he role-plays real scenarios agents deal with constantly: commission conversations, buyers stalling on interest rates, and clients accusing you of telling them what they want to hear.
What you'll hear in this episode:
- Why "yes-oriented" questions backfire
- The real difference between mirroring and body-language mimicry
- How to deliver bad news to a client
- The "accusations audit"
- Why anchoring high or low in price negotiations usually costs you the deal
- How to read a stalled deal
- Why "that's right" is the moment you know you've earned real trust
If you negotiate for a living, this episode gives you language you can use in your next conversation, not just concepts to think about.
Listen to the full episode and subscribe:
Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/459lPWc
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1iTCsUWhBGEI1y0lXrxYM3
Connect with Andrew Flachner:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/aflachner/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/andrewflachner/
"No" Questions: https://www.blackswanltd.com/newsletter/negotiation-training-the-top-4-no-oriented-questions
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Chris Voss is a former FBI lead kidnapping negotiator, bestselling author of Never Split The Difference, and founder and CEO of The Black Swan Group; a negotiation, training, coaching, and consulting organization that teaches people how to achieve better outcomes in high-stakes conversations.
Recognized globally as a leading authority on negotiation, Chris developed his approach through decades of experience in crisis negotiation. Today, he and The Black Swan Group apply those principles to business, sales, leadership, difficult conversations, and high-stakes communication through The Black Swan Method® and Tactical Empathy®.
Never Split The Difference has introduced millions of readers around the world to Chris's negotiation methodology. Through The Black Swan Group, Chris and his team help people go beyond understanding the concepts in the book and develop negotiation as a practical, repeatable performance skill through training, coaching, practice, and live experiences.
The Black Swan Group offers in-person negotiation training, live and self-paced online negotiation training, coaching, keynote speaking, and advanced negotiation experiences for business owners, leaders, sales professionals, and other professionals who want to become more effective dealmakers.
Learn from Chris Voss and The Black Swan Group:Negotiation training and resources: https://www.blackswanltd.com/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=playmakerswithandrewflachnerIn-person and live training: https://www.blackswanltd.com/live-events?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=playmakerswithandrewflachnerOnline negotiation training: https://www.blackswanltd.com/online-negotiation-classes?utm_source=youtube&utm=social&utm_campaign=playmakerswithandrewflachner--------------------
Chapter List00:00 Intro
01:11 Why Chris Voss Is an Authority on Negotiation
02:33 The Most Dangerous Negotiation You Don't Know You're In
04:45 Inside a Real Hostage Negotiation: Patience and Confronting a Lie
09:57 How a $9M Buyer Played His Agent for 18 Months
11:47 The "Why Me?" Question, and Why "Yes" Questions Don't Work Anymore
21:50 The Real Adversary in a Deal Isn't the Other Person
26:26 How to Make Someone Feel Understood (and Why Not to Ask "How Are You?")
31:56 Why "That's Right" Beats "You're Right"
35:29 Mirroring, the Black Swan Method, and Letting Them Speak First
43:51 Anchoring, Compromise, and Why Both Are Mistakes
47:14 Role-Play: Commission Objections, Interest Rates, and the Accusations Audit
55:39 Tactical Empathy, Text Negotiation, and Managing Your Emotions
1:01:38 Rapid Fire: Words to Cut and Delivering Bad News