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Hello everybody and welcome to a new style of podcast for me.

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Today I've got Juliana with me.

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She was on my podcast late last year and we've been working together on her podcast and
she's going to be, she doesn't quite know this yet, but she's going to be co-hosting with

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me from time to time to time.

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And I think it's going be really interesting because

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I said, we've been working together.

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And what has come out is a really fascinating dialogue, the communication, the ideas, the
way we bounce off each other.

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And you've got that lovely blend of this highly intuitive, feminine energy and this
slightly more grounded, slightly more grounded masculine energy.

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And, you know, we've got two different views on understanding the world from our
perspectives.

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We've got our own experiences and yet the, the way that we bounce off each other's ideas
together, I think is really fascinating.

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So yeah, so I'm looking forward to this.

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Juliana, can you tell me a little bit about, just a little bit about you, just for those
people who have not found your podcast episode that we did last year together.

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thank you so much Hamish.

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Thank you so much for the surprise.

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Yeah, what can I say?

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I...

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I'm just a human being walking on earth with the awareness of higher who we are, deepest
level in our souls and hearts.

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I live in Denmark and I'm grateful to meet you because with your support I kind of give
birth to this podcast that I have and it's named

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Heart De -tox with Gentle Talks where I share, we share another perspective.

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It's like how we see life and kind of you what is your perspective, what is my perspective
and like putting together this perspective of lives that we can see from and through our

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own life experiences, which is just a diamond less to say put it there because

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We all have this individual unique pair of glasses to see world and it's just wonderful
the way when we come together.

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So I'm amazed what we can create together.

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And yeah, I don't know what to add more about myself because I'm like, yeah, I'm just me
and there is not much to say.

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It's just, hello.

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Let's more to be, so to say, discover or go into it than what I'm just feel too humble to
say something about myself.

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I'm just me.

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Well, just me, think is fab.

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That is a great start.

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I loved what you said.

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We have glasses to look at the world.

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Why did you phrase it like that?

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Because I think that was a really, that tweaked my interest that one.

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No, because we have a different perspective of life and I see that this is our own glasses
and we are using individual glasses to see life, to perceive life because it's based on

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the experience we had in this life.

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So your experience in life is totally different than mine and you can see life in totally
another way that I can see life.

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So it's like, is nobody right or wrong?

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It's just...

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I have another pair of glasses as you have another pair of glasses and you are function
with that kind of view.

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I function with this kind of view.

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So I really see that we are kind of sea world to our unique waves of perceiving life.

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So I see like we have different glasses.

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We cannot change it because you cannot.

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I cannot take your experience of life and put it on me.

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I may understand your experience.

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I may understand your...

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let's say whatever you was going through, but I will never can use your pair of glasses
and look through so can I see life through you.

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But when we speak about it's kind of, I see another perspective, but I will never feel it,
sense it to that degree that you can perceive it and see it and sense it.

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But I can see it from the outside.

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So that's how I see like that's our own glasses.

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So, who's right then?

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Who is right?

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If you see it your way, I see it my way.

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Who is right?

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In my perspective, nobody's right and nobody's wrong.

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It's just another perspective of seeing life.

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It's like you have a piece of puzzle.

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I have another piece of puzzle.

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It's like, it's two different puzzle, but this is a piece from the same picture.

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It's just, we need to find where is the right place for us to be.

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Because if we are in the right place, then we can see, okay, that's what is there.

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So it's like, nobody's right and nobody's wrong.

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It's just what it is.

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It's an experience.

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But once we are choosing to sit together with our different experience and perception of
life, we actually see a bigger picture of, okay, that's what it is.

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I could not see it if you could not come with your perspective, like how we do it in the
podcast.

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Like you helped me to, let's say, give birth to mine when I was like, I can do it.

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And you come with your masculine, you know.

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let's say energy and holding space, which I cannot do it by myself, which is the feminine.

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it's like, need another senses there, which is, we don't have it, but it's so much helping
us actually to see, to perceive, to understand.

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So nobody's right and nobody's wrong.

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It's just an experience to feel it, to see it, to go through and take it or leave it,
learn it or not and move on.

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I mean, don't get stuck.

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I want to go back to your specs because we've had experiences and they've, I'm going to
say they've stained our lives.

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They really have our upbringing, our traumas, our experiences.

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They are like bits of dirt on our lenses, on our specs that we see through.

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And...

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You know, so I'm basically, yeah, I'm looking at the world like this and I'm missing out
on all sorts of things.

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So I guess that's why if mine are like that and yours are like that, chatting with you,
chatting with other people, I'm going to see that different perspective and I'm going to,

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I'm going to see things differently.

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You know, I'm going to see things from your perspective, another person's perspective
and...

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That can be exciting, can't it?

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That can be really exciting when it's like, I like that.

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And it can also be like, no, I really don't subscribe to that.

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yeah.

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So I've got that dirty lens where I don't see that.

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So my beliefs, my thoughts, my worldview is going to be limited by my vision, my seeing
the world.

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Is that why I'm going to say that you're wrong because I'm right?

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Is it as simple as that, do you think?

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My perspective is that when we hold on pain, it's like you hold on the ego and ego wants
to be right and ego wants to say, I'm right in whatever there is and nobody kind of mess

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up with the reality that I have been created for myself.

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And then you hold on some truth or some reality you create for you, which is based on the
wounds, the experiences, the dirty lentils, how you say it.

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And when you learn to heal and you actually willing to heal is like the lens are start to
you, start to see much more bright to even though it's still dirt there and dust, but you

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start to see that's mean you start to accept others people's point of view in life.

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And then you start to get in touch with your senses of, this is resonating with me.

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Like, I don't know how, but I feel something is resonating with me, even though like

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I cannot put it, but I just feel it.

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That means those lentils is a little bit more clearer.

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So you can penetrate through.

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It's not so dense of the pain and the shadow.

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It's more like open.

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So you have the ability to penetrate and resonate with someone else through.

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you say like, wow, I never think about this, but it's like, should really hit me where I
can use this for my own life.

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So I see kind of like this, it's like when we come together and we resonate with each
other, it's not that, okay, I will take your truth as my truth.

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It's like, I just feel it's resonating with me.

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There is something that is right also in my body.

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I feel it like I can use this to assist me myself, actually to cleanse more my lentils, so
to say, so I can see more bigger perspective or a bigger picture.

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So I say in my perspective is like when we are so in I am right and you are wrong and
that's not true and that's it's because we are so much holding on a reality that's being

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created by our mind that is our ego that don't want to let go of the illusion that has
been created for itself and because ego always wants to be right

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it will hold on and will push everything away that it's not assisting in holding the
perspective of that illusion.

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So I'm seeing like that, but when you are dealing with your emotions and trauma and you
are aware then there is crack and open something where you is still ego there, it still

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will be trigger, but you'll be more aware because those lentils you start to...

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see a little bit brighter and yes it's dirty, yes it's polarized but then you get in touch
with that feeling of I don't know how but it's resonating what you say and I feel like

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it's it's say something to me so that's how I'm seeing it.

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Yep, I like that.

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And yeah, so it's getting out of your head, isn't it?

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It's not just running your world with this.

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It's also, as you said, it's the feeling, it's, resonate.

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Yeah, that makes an awful lot of sense.

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I was four years ago now, can't believe it.

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Four years ago, I played this game with myself where I sort of, I decided to be
open-minded and not just have those dirty lenses, but exactly that.

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Listen to what somebody else said.

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And if what they were saying made sense to me, if it resonated, if they were authentic,
you know, let's say they were a spiritual medium, but they weren't pushing it down my

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throat.

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weren't just using it as snake oil.

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They believed it.

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They embodied it.

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Then why not listen to them?

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Why, why are they wrong?

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And that really changed everything because it was.

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You know, I started to listen.

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I started to listen to other people's worldviews, you know, looking at the world through
their lenses, the best I could, as you said earlier on, you know, I can't do it, but I

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can, I can, I can visualize it.

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I can listen to it.

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And that was magical.

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It really was.

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It's that started a whole new way of understanding possibility and took away that, that
rage and you're wrong because I'm right and things like that.

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And that, this is what I thinking, that is where I actually started to take my power back.

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You know, we give away our power so easily, you know, you're wrong, I'm right, you're
wrong, I hate you because, and all of that is not being authentic.

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But when I started to listen and what resonated, know,

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So many ideas came up because I've got one, you my experience is 53 years of being Hamish,
not how many years you are of, of Juliana and so many of this and so many of that.

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But by listening to everybody else and going, I like that.

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Don't like that.

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I like that.

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Don't like that.

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You know, I have a, my, my dirty vision is so much clearer because I've filled those
little dark patches with other people's

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perceptions and viewpoints that makes sense to me and it's really beautiful.

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It's not just taking your beliefs without paying attention or things like that.

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As you said, it's resonating.

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It's looking at them and going, yeah, I like that.

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I really like that.

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I'm gonna put that little bit, clean that bit and stick it.

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That's Juliana's thoughts.

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I like that.

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That's this, that's that.

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It's been a magical experience.

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It really has.

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Yeah, because at the same time we help ourselves by other people's point of view because
they see life from another angle, you see it from another angle, somebody sees it from

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above, somebody sees it from below.

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So it's like we are being placed in so unique places that we have different perspectives
of life.

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And of course, depends on our own experiences.

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It's like we can kind of

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That's coming to me, this image like this diamond, like a mirror, you know, like the
diamond is shining all over the place when you put a specific light.

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Hey, exactly this, like, and then you have the perspective.

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when you, don't say you have to accept everything, but if you resonate with more of those
perspective, it's like you enrich your own aspect of being.

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And you can see from many other perspective of you, even though this brain sometimes
cannot get the yet things.

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But in your beingness is a resonance like I'm resonating with you.

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It feels, I don't know, but this feels right.

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And I will still figure out, but this feels right for me.

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Like the feeling is like, yeah, man, I feel you what you say.

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And there is a truth for me too, but I need to catch up with my mind maybe in some aspects
of life.

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So it's like really enriching your own being by looking at many other perspective of life.

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Yeah.

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Yes, everything becomes three dimensional, doesn't it?

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It's not just a finger.

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There's a shadow.

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For those people who watching this, there's a shadow on my face.

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So it's got density, it's got volume.

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You're seeing it from another view.

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I like that.

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I love that from above and from below.

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Yeah, you just, it's enriching.

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And as you said, it resonates.

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You feel better for it.

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You get a better understanding and you get more tolerant.

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mean, looking at that, I'm able to listen to somebody and say, you're talking bullshit.

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I like you as a person, you your ideas, your concepts don't resonate, but that's fine.

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You know, it's...

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I don't have to dislike you just because you don't think like me.

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We're different.

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As I said, you see a nine, I see a six.

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Who's right?

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It's like this many knows like two people look of the same image or the same object and
they see totally two different thing but it's the same but because they are being placed

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in different position.

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So us as a human we are being placed in different experiences.

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Yes the pain is the same.

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Yes the madness is the same to the multitude or whatever but the experience is different.

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And that shape us who we are as a being and that's create this unique glasses we look and
see life through.

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That's why we can understand the pain of others because I was through my own pain, you
were through your own pain, but you see the view of life is differently because of the

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experience.

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So that's why we are unique in this aspect, but on the emotional level, we are

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We're kind of on the same ball.

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We all experience the same, but the experience of the point of view of life is changed
based on our unique experiences.

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So somebody sees nine, somebody sees six, it's exactly that.

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And as I said, you know, it takes away that lack of tolerance because, as you said, I'm
seeing a little bit of the world from your point of view.

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And I get to sense that you've struggled with things and you being anybody, not just
Juliana.

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And, you know, I'm seeing that.

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Other people have got their own ways of doing things.

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They found their own ways of making sense of life.

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And you begin to see beauty.

211
00:17:52,536 --> 00:17:55,087
You begin to see beauty in people.

212
00:17:55,087 --> 00:17:59,928
You begin to see that that behavior is, you know, it's just bad behavior.

213
00:17:59,928 --> 00:18:03,499
That, that ugliness is a coping strategy.

214
00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:05,690
That drinking is a coping strategy.

215
00:18:05,690 --> 00:18:12,832
That sitting on TikTok, how much longer that's going to be around is a coping strategy.

216
00:18:12,832 --> 00:18:16,390
But that's okay, you know, the person behind that has got their own...

217
00:18:16,390 --> 00:18:18,024
stuff they're dealing with.

218
00:18:18,108 --> 00:18:20,209
They their own story.

219
00:18:20,209 --> 00:18:25,323
Like now when you speak, I see this spiral, these steps of spiraling because they're where
we are.

220
00:18:25,323 --> 00:18:32,448
We are on a spiral steps and somebody is a little bit higher, somebody's lower, somebody's
walking their path.

221
00:18:32,448 --> 00:18:41,654
And we may get engaged with somebody who is in the beginning of the steps, let's say, and
they are trying to figure out and somebody's walking somewhere more high.

222
00:18:41,654 --> 00:18:42,786
Nobody's high or low.

223
00:18:42,786 --> 00:18:45,466
It's just the perception of life, how they see it.

224
00:18:45,466 --> 00:18:48,148
More you are high on these stairs.

225
00:18:48,248 --> 00:19:01,334
more you have the, more you can accept the different aspects of human's perspective
because you was walking there, you see like, know who they are.

226
00:19:01,334 --> 00:19:07,696
To the core, we are the same, but what's playing out is based on the experience we had.

227
00:19:07,696 --> 00:19:16,340
So that's why like when we meet somebody, we automatically project our own ideas, who is
X, just by looking how it looks.

228
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:19,541
have beer, have no beer, how's the teeth, how's the eyes, how's the clothes?

229
00:19:19,541 --> 00:19:24,664
We already, we create a story and then the mind say, okay, this is this person.

230
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:28,085
When in reality, it's not that.

231
00:19:28,285 --> 00:19:33,848
Or we perceive people while we hear about this or our own experience with them.

232
00:19:33,848 --> 00:19:43,682
So it's like, don't get engaged of what you hear, what your mind try to create story
because as you say, in the core is the same, but what they are playing out.

233
00:19:44,386 --> 00:19:53,939
is exactly those copy mechanisms, those surviving strategies that they're using to deal
with life, with pain and so on.

234
00:19:53,939 --> 00:20:04,662
So it's like, can we look deep and see people for who they really are and don't get
engaged with what it's playing out, this avatar ego mind?

235
00:20:04,662 --> 00:20:12,624
Can we just have this compassion and to know who they are, but don't get, don't buy in
their bullshit because yes.

236
00:20:12,624 --> 00:20:13,737
There is a lot of bullshit.

237
00:20:13,737 --> 00:20:14,891
So say, hey, I love you.

238
00:20:14,891 --> 00:20:16,315
I like you as a person.

239
00:20:16,315 --> 00:20:20,365
But there's so much bullshit playing out, as you say, just recently.

240
00:20:20,759 --> 00:20:24,959
First, as you're saying that, the first thing that sprung to my mind is, hi, I'm Hamish.

241
00:20:24,959 --> 00:20:26,179
What do you do for a living?

242
00:20:26,179 --> 00:20:27,099
Where do you live?

243
00:20:27,099 --> 00:20:30,359
And in other words, I'm asking you, what's your income?

244
00:20:30,759 --> 00:20:32,159
Should I associate with you?

245
00:20:32,159 --> 00:20:33,619
Have you got a high powered job?

246
00:20:33,619 --> 00:20:34,419
Are you doing this?

247
00:20:34,419 --> 00:20:35,999
Do you live in a nice neighborhood?

248
00:20:36,079 --> 00:20:38,379
Are you aligned with me?

249
00:20:38,379 --> 00:20:39,279
Are you better than me?

250
00:20:39,279 --> 00:20:40,699
Are you worse than me?

251
00:20:40,699 --> 00:20:49,519
You know, these questions that we are taught to ask or expected to ask, no, you know, what
brings you joy?

252
00:20:49,519 --> 00:20:50,327
I dare.

253
00:20:50,327 --> 00:20:55,127
People listening to this, dare you next time you meet somebody, ask them, what brings you
joy?

254
00:20:55,127 --> 00:20:58,987
You know, what gets you up first thing in the morning to go and do something?

255
00:20:58,987 --> 00:21:00,907
You know, what's those reasons for doing that?

256
00:21:00,907 --> 00:21:06,406
Not, you know, which basically comes down to not things like, you know, how much money are
you earning?

257
00:21:06,406 --> 00:21:08,187
Do you have a five bedroom house?

258
00:21:08,187 --> 00:21:12,627
You know, all that kind of stuff, which we start to judge people by.

259
00:21:13,027 --> 00:21:13,947
It's so sad.

260
00:21:13,947 --> 00:21:15,247
It really is.

261
00:21:15,273 --> 00:21:19,056
Yes, it is because again we want to go around with...

262
00:21:19,056 --> 00:21:33,185
again this is from coming from the mind perspective because society go with those who can
help you to be there but have you ever thought about that there are let's say humans that

263
00:21:33,185 --> 00:21:45,073
live on the street they have such a wisdom I see it when they open the mouth some of them
they have such a wisdom and you ask yourself how they end up there

264
00:21:45,621 --> 00:21:54,676
There is a choice, but the wisdom within have nothing to do where they live, what they
have and how much money they have and how they are looking.

265
00:21:54,676 --> 00:22:10,736
The wisdom is just from the inside that that's we cannot see it, but only when we talk and
we allow it to interact and to open ourselves, then we see the precious things in human

266
00:22:10,736 --> 00:22:11,726
beings.

267
00:22:12,167 --> 00:22:13,087
It's not.

268
00:22:13,087 --> 00:22:19,246
their Ferraris and house and jobs and their high class way of living.

269
00:22:19,246 --> 00:22:21,150
Yeah, respect, but.

270
00:22:21,150 --> 00:22:28,678
There is more bad things going on than those who live in the street if you look at it from
another perspective.

271
00:22:28,678 --> 00:22:29,129
yeah.

272
00:22:29,129 --> 00:22:30,930
What about things like gurus?

273
00:22:30,930 --> 00:22:42,278
What about things like, you know, let's say I've introduced myself to somebody and, I put
them on a pedestal.

274
00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:43,739
think, you know, this person is amazing.

275
00:22:43,739 --> 00:22:45,000
I love what they're saying.

276
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:45,660
I love this.

277
00:22:45,660 --> 00:22:46,621
I love everything about them.

278
00:22:46,621 --> 00:22:47,461
I want to be them.

279
00:22:47,461 --> 00:22:57,848
I want to be like them, you know, the influencers, for example, or the Tony Robbins of
this world, these people who have, I'm to say achieved greatness.

280
00:22:58,149 --> 00:22:58,861
What

281
00:22:58,861 --> 00:23:11,208
is what is it about them that is so attractive and why do we put them on pedestals and
what actually you know is that is that a good thing or is that a bad thing?

282
00:23:11,208 --> 00:23:16,052
From my perspective, this is a bad behavior to put someone on pedestal.

283
00:23:16,052 --> 00:23:18,874
Yes, you can have respect for what they achieve.

284
00:23:18,874 --> 00:23:23,297
Yes, you can have respect for their knowledge that they can share with you.

285
00:23:23,498 --> 00:23:30,283
But you have to be aware that putting someone on pedestal is actually you lower yourself.

286
00:23:30,283 --> 00:23:32,265
Why you have to lower yourself?

287
00:23:32,265 --> 00:23:39,970
Because somebody have learned the lessons, have go through their own experience, have
achieved the specific...

288
00:23:39,970 --> 00:23:47,336
level where they can share now with the world and you make yourself small and look up of
them and just give your power away.

289
00:23:47,336 --> 00:23:59,757
That's what it is actually giving your power away to those that they are more visible on
social world on they are so known in the world with all my respect.

290
00:23:59,757 --> 00:24:03,541
They achieved they are there because they work for it.

291
00:24:03,541 --> 00:24:05,942
But why you put them on pedestal?

292
00:24:06,223 --> 00:24:07,944
Because so many

293
00:24:08,392 --> 00:24:10,213
clap and look up of them.

294
00:24:10,213 --> 00:24:12,714
That's why you feel like inferiority.

295
00:24:12,714 --> 00:24:16,795
You feel like, I will never can be to such degrees.

296
00:24:16,935 --> 00:24:25,199
you can if you don't put them on pedestal and recognize that you are as the same worthy as
them.

297
00:24:25,479 --> 00:24:27,780
It's just you have your lesson, you have your path.

298
00:24:27,780 --> 00:24:29,100
Why you compare?

299
00:24:29,100 --> 00:24:30,981
Like why you compare?

300
00:24:32,222 --> 00:24:38,460
So for me, it's like with all respect what they do, how what they did and the lesson they
learned.

301
00:24:38,460 --> 00:24:48,243
But don't put yourself, don't lower yourself because they are being known international
and you are just a nobody looking on TV.

302
00:24:48,603 --> 00:24:56,045
boy, when your clock is kicking, know, click, click, click, when your time is coming,
you'll be surprised, kind of.

303
00:24:56,045 --> 00:25:02,086
So putting somebody on pedestal is giving your power away and giving your power away is
you cannot see.

304
00:25:02,086 --> 00:25:03,127
They're also humans.

305
00:25:03,127 --> 00:25:04,317
Do you think they are perfect?

306
00:25:04,317 --> 00:25:05,567
Do you think you are perfect?

307
00:25:05,567 --> 00:25:06,168
No.

308
00:25:06,168 --> 00:25:07,318
Do you think they are perfect?

309
00:25:07,318 --> 00:25:08,168
No.

310
00:25:08,360 --> 00:25:09,581
They are not either perfect.

311
00:25:09,581 --> 00:25:10,741
We see them perfect.

312
00:25:10,741 --> 00:25:12,582
We make them perfect.

313
00:25:13,082 --> 00:25:17,324
Reality, are humans dealing with everyday life shit as everybody.

314
00:25:17,324 --> 00:25:19,725
You don't know what's going on in living room.

315
00:25:19,725 --> 00:25:20,866
You know what I mean?

316
00:25:20,866 --> 00:25:25,368
it's like giving part away and make yourself small.

317
00:25:25,368 --> 00:25:25,799
Why?

318
00:25:25,799 --> 00:25:27,399
have respect, but...

319
00:25:27,576 --> 00:25:29,908
I think that's a really interesting point, isn't it?

320
00:25:29,908 --> 00:25:31,790
This giving away your power.

321
00:25:31,790 --> 00:25:35,733
It's unhealthy.

322
00:25:35,874 --> 00:25:42,981
It's easy to do though, because society says you have to be like this, you have to be like
that.

323
00:25:42,981 --> 00:25:47,545
Your parents tell you, don't do this, don't blow your own trumpet, don't do this, don't do
this.

324
00:25:47,545 --> 00:25:53,488
mean, I'm sure kids get more don'ts than support and love and well done and...

325
00:25:53,528 --> 00:25:55,250
that respect and that nurture.

326
00:25:55,250 --> 00:25:59,343
I'm sure it's just certainly, know, maybe if you've done that, do that, go to your room.

327
00:25:59,804 --> 00:26:03,067
And there is that disempowering.

328
00:26:04,589 --> 00:26:13,878
And I think, you know, I was listening to something the other day about therapists, you
know, if you, if you isolate, well then, you know, this is a wounding because of this.

329
00:26:13,878 --> 00:26:15,710
And if you do this, then it's this because of this.

330
00:26:15,710 --> 00:26:18,272
So, you know, the pedestal, the,

331
00:26:18,958 --> 00:26:24,282
The therapist is on that pedestal and, know, I must be, I'm isolating because I actually
like quiet.

332
00:26:24,282 --> 00:26:25,393
I like that solitude.

333
00:26:25,393 --> 00:26:30,696
I must be playing into a wound still, you know, giving my power away.

334
00:26:31,180 --> 00:26:35,132
Because again, we have this concept they know more than we know.

335
00:26:35,132 --> 00:26:36,674
They are therapies.

336
00:26:36,674 --> 00:26:38,105
They have already this flag.

337
00:26:38,105 --> 00:26:40,958
they went to a specific school and they have the knowledge.

338
00:26:40,958 --> 00:26:43,679
Yeah, but do they have the experience?

339
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:48,363
They have the knowledge, they read books, but do they have the experience?

340
00:26:48,504 --> 00:26:54,388
Because we move in a reality where you need to have the experience of life, not the
knowledge from the book.

341
00:26:54,909 --> 00:26:57,170
The other day speaking with a friend,

342
00:26:57,248 --> 00:27:03,353
and me myself going to this psych-created therapy because me myself, I go to my own chaos
and I need kind of this assistance.

343
00:27:03,353 --> 00:27:14,752
And I realized I was hurting myself go in this kind of clinic and open myself up because
they know better, because they have studies and I put them on pedestal and whatever they

344
00:27:14,752 --> 00:27:17,475
say, that's me, I'm wrong.

345
00:27:17,475 --> 00:27:27,222
When I realized, no, man, no, you cannot see me, you cannot feel me, you are not have the
experience, you have the knowledge, but that's not make you above.

346
00:27:28,014 --> 00:27:30,575
So we give to them as if they know more.

347
00:27:30,575 --> 00:27:32,965
No, they just know what they know.

348
00:27:32,965 --> 00:27:46,229
But you put them up and then you take them their guidance as if you are wrong, you are
depressed when the reality, no, I'm isolating myself because I need to recharge because I

349
00:27:46,229 --> 00:27:57,164
really feel my soul has to recharge to sit in my own cave for one month, for two months,
for three months to really recharge energetically because it's not mine.

350
00:27:57,164 --> 00:27:58,954
We are soul beings.

351
00:27:59,115 --> 00:28:05,167
So again, it's we who give the part away because we believe they have the knowledge.

352
00:28:05,167 --> 00:28:08,819
We has been taught go to school because they have the knowledge.

353
00:28:08,819 --> 00:28:13,301
Yes, we need to give us the steps to navigate, but that's it.

354
00:28:13,301 --> 00:28:15,812
Don't tell you to me who I am and what I am.

355
00:28:15,812 --> 00:28:16,692
You don't live in this.

356
00:28:16,692 --> 00:28:18,474
You don't watch my experience.

357
00:28:18,474 --> 00:28:25,278
So that's how I'm seeing like again with therapist and, the therapist told me I'm trauma
and I have this and that.

358
00:28:25,278 --> 00:28:26,094
Okay.

359
00:28:26,666 --> 00:28:27,726
Yeah.

360
00:28:27,726 --> 00:28:27,926
Yep.

361
00:28:27,926 --> 00:28:29,346
You have, we have.

362
00:28:29,586 --> 00:28:37,106
I have, have stuff that happened that has caused me to see things, do things, be things in
certain ways.

363
00:28:37,106 --> 00:28:38,757
I think, yeah, they're...

364
00:28:38,757 --> 00:28:39,798
They have their place.

365
00:28:39,798 --> 00:28:42,570
They really do because they have that insight and that awareness.

366
00:28:42,570 --> 00:28:53,077
So I'm not saying all therapists are, it's a waste of time, but I think if you look at
things like what is the success rate of people doing the Tim Robbins courses and the Jack

367
00:28:53,077 --> 00:29:02,955
Hansfield and you know, actually going through these courses and changing their lives,
it's, it's low because you are using somebody else's model.

368
00:29:02,955 --> 00:29:06,857
You are using somebody else's experiences and trying to fit your

369
00:29:07,787 --> 00:29:12,025
round peg into a smaller square hole, you know, it's just not going to work.

370
00:29:12,025 --> 00:29:14,999
But you can you can learn from them, but you cannot.

371
00:29:15,589 --> 00:29:17,569
follow in that degree.

372
00:29:18,209 --> 00:29:18,549
Exactly.

373
00:29:18,549 --> 00:29:19,589
Yeah, I'm agree with you.

374
00:29:19,589 --> 00:29:25,209
I don't say that all are wrong because they're therapists with knowledge, but with
experience as well.

375
00:29:25,209 --> 00:29:35,989
you see, so that's why I think like we go to someone or I go to YIG, so I will know what
to do, but that can just give you the fundamental of what you need.

376
00:29:35,989 --> 00:29:38,149
But the rest you have to trust yourself.

377
00:29:38,149 --> 00:29:40,689
It has to come from yourself.

378
00:29:40,689 --> 00:29:44,121
Otherwise you try to fit in someone's sales box.

379
00:29:44,121 --> 00:29:53,486
What about if you cannot fit in someone else's You are bigger than that, but you squeeze
yourself because you think they have the answer for you.

380
00:29:53,486 --> 00:29:59,620
And then you try to squeeze and make yourself small when actually you need to be out of
that box.

381
00:29:59,620 --> 00:30:00,561
It's fascinating.

382
00:30:00,561 --> 00:30:01,671
Why do we do it then?

383
00:30:01,671 --> 00:30:04,512
Why do we give away our power?

384
00:30:04,512 --> 00:30:08,525
Why do we limit ourselves?

385
00:30:08,525 --> 00:30:12,997
Why do we not actually achieve that potential that we have?

386
00:30:12,997 --> 00:30:15,848
Because there's got to be a reason for it.

387
00:30:16,378 --> 00:30:23,670
Yeah, again, it's because how we grow up, we go to school, the teacher know the best.

388
00:30:23,670 --> 00:30:32,673
And we as being like, like, parents told us, don't do that, don't do this, shut up,
da-dum, and say, okay, they have the answer.

389
00:30:32,673 --> 00:30:37,014
And then we go to school and the teacher say this, this, this, they have the answer.

390
00:30:37,014 --> 00:30:39,404
So we always have this perception.

391
00:30:39,404 --> 00:30:43,496
We look on TV and they say this, this, this, they have the answer.

392
00:30:43,496 --> 00:30:45,232
And like this, we are kind of being

393
00:30:45,232 --> 00:31:00,008
programmed to believe that some people from the outside have the answer for us as an
individual and then we shut down that part of ourselves that can actually get curious, can

394
00:31:00,008 --> 00:31:05,400
actually have the answer from within, can actually know from within the answer, not from
the outside.

395
00:31:05,500 --> 00:31:07,761
So I see it.

396
00:31:07,761 --> 00:31:15,054
That's how we starting this giving power away and believing that outside of us are the
answer.

397
00:31:15,192 --> 00:31:24,541
when you don't give a chance to yourself to find the answer for Moutine because your
mother don't told you, hey, listen to yourself, what's coming there?

398
00:31:24,541 --> 00:31:26,162
What do you think is the truth?

399
00:31:26,162 --> 00:31:27,003
What do you think?

400
00:31:27,003 --> 00:31:30,605
What's coming to you when you ask me this question?

401
00:31:30,606 --> 00:31:40,815
Like look of the kids today, they are mind blowing because the parents are going to the
spiritual way now and they're aware this generation is just gold, mine gold on earth.

402
00:31:40,815 --> 00:31:42,096
And the kids...

403
00:31:42,096 --> 00:31:49,893
10 years they have such a knowledge I'm mind blowing because they are allowing the parents
allowing them to listen yourself.

404
00:31:49,893 --> 00:31:50,774
What do you think?

405
00:31:50,774 --> 00:31:51,615
What's coming to you?

406
00:31:51,615 --> 00:31:55,578
Not, I will tell you what is it to go in your room and shut down and don't tell me this.

407
00:31:55,578 --> 00:31:57,690
This is bullshit stuff and la la la.

408
00:31:57,690 --> 00:32:08,464
So is the programmed idea, the way we grow up, the way you go to school, which country you
live, more suppress the country, more you shut off those.

409
00:32:08,464 --> 00:32:19,604
side of you, that intuition, that gut feeling, that knowingness, because we are humans and
we want to look outside for confirmation.

410
00:32:19,604 --> 00:32:21,524
Like, okay, what I believe is true.

411
00:32:21,524 --> 00:32:31,744
But when there is not confirmation and everybody say you are a GD, that's not true, then
slowly, slowly that knowingness, you just put it down because there's nothing from the

412
00:32:31,744 --> 00:32:33,784
outside to tell you, you are right.

413
00:32:33,784 --> 00:32:36,364
Trust yourself, whatever, trust yourself.

414
00:32:36,464 --> 00:32:38,056
And that's how we are.

415
00:32:38,096 --> 00:32:43,700
start to follow instead of leading, leading ourself, leading our life.

416
00:32:43,801 --> 00:32:50,187
And we start to give power to others to tell us that's what it is, that's how it is, there
where it goes.

417
00:32:50,187 --> 00:32:53,530
Tell us like, no, I take the power of my life.

418
00:32:53,530 --> 00:32:59,535
I choosing where I go, I choose you how to feel, and I'm choosing what I want to create.

419
00:32:59,535 --> 00:33:05,250
You are not having the power to deal, to lead my life, my.

420
00:33:05,270 --> 00:33:16,824
in a world to tell me I'm not right when a voice inside me screaming that hey take
yourself together like hey like don't look for confirmation don't look for validation

421
00:33:16,824 --> 00:33:29,167
that's where I go don't look for validation outside of you you will not find it more you
trust that more you it will come to you those humans that can validate you and trusting

422
00:33:29,167 --> 00:33:31,768
yourself Hamish believe in yourself

423
00:33:31,790 --> 00:33:35,622
Yeah, maybe I'm not, but believe if you feel it is feeling right.

424
00:33:35,622 --> 00:33:36,822
So that's the truth.

425
00:33:36,822 --> 00:33:38,323
Do you want me to confirm you?

426
00:33:38,323 --> 00:33:40,664
I'm here to tell you like, yeah, take it.

427
00:33:40,664 --> 00:33:43,085
It's your inner voice.

428
00:33:43,465 --> 00:33:46,486
So I see it as such.

429
00:33:46,486 --> 00:33:47,487
That's how I grow up.

430
00:33:47,487 --> 00:33:49,798
That's like being in this box.

431
00:33:49,798 --> 00:33:52,039
And my mom says, shut up, shut up, shut up.

432
00:33:52,039 --> 00:34:00,110
Until I realized, my gosh, I was to true marriage and I could not speak up because my mom
constantly tell me, shut up, shut up, shut up.

433
00:34:00,110 --> 00:34:03,721
and because it's going in my brain and I could not speak up.

434
00:34:04,122 --> 00:34:08,163
And that's how I realized, my gosh, my own mom.

435
00:34:08,284 --> 00:34:15,146
Like look how can affecting us in growing and moving on in life.

436
00:34:15,146 --> 00:34:19,788
So that's my way of seeing it, why we follow.

437
00:34:19,788 --> 00:34:24,530
Because it's easy to follow than just trust that and don't look for validation outside.

438
00:34:24,530 --> 00:34:28,592
Yeah, yeah, okay, everybody go to the the crowd is go to the left.

439
00:34:28,610 --> 00:34:30,301
Nobody go to the right.

440
00:34:30,982 --> 00:34:36,205
Okay, maybe go to the left and to the right because there are not so many.

441
00:34:36,205 --> 00:34:37,626
You see what I mean?

442
00:34:38,167 --> 00:34:41,309
Trust that inner.

443
00:34:41,309 --> 00:34:44,451
And there will not be many people walking that path.

444
00:34:45,152 --> 00:34:51,566
But go for it because you will not, don't find validation outside of you when the voice
from within speaking.

445
00:34:51,566 --> 00:34:53,137
And again, go to the soul.

446
00:34:53,137 --> 00:34:55,238
That's who is speaking to you.

447
00:34:55,419 --> 00:34:57,240
So is the...

448
00:34:57,240 --> 00:35:02,689
is how we have been grow up, the mind, how the mind has been programmed.

449
00:35:03,011 --> 00:35:05,657
So that's my perspective.

450
00:35:05,657 --> 00:35:06,427
Yeah.

451
00:35:06,868 --> 00:35:08,830
TV, television programs.

452
00:35:08,830 --> 00:35:11,033
That's what they were called back in the 80s and 90s.

453
00:35:11,033 --> 00:35:13,855
Programs, programs.

454
00:35:13,855 --> 00:35:15,082
Do it this way, do it that way.

455
00:35:15,082 --> 00:35:16,879
So the whole world gaslights us.

456
00:35:16,879 --> 00:35:18,390
Society gaslights us.

457
00:35:18,390 --> 00:35:21,163
Parents, teachers, knowingly or unknowingly.

458
00:35:21,163 --> 00:35:23,626
I don't think it's all, is it all deliberate?

459
00:35:23,626 --> 00:35:25,264
Is it all a conspiracy?

460
00:35:25,264 --> 00:35:31,228
no, it's just unknowingly because they themselves do the same and they think that is the
life.

461
00:35:31,228 --> 00:35:32,749
That's the reality.

462
00:35:32,749 --> 00:35:34,870
As I say, the ego creates the illusion.

463
00:35:34,870 --> 00:35:35,700
That's how it is.

464
00:35:35,700 --> 00:35:37,651
And you cannot jump over it.

465
00:35:37,892 --> 00:35:39,473
You try, but then you are cuckoo.

466
00:35:39,473 --> 00:35:41,074
Like, what do you think you are?

467
00:35:41,074 --> 00:35:43,776
Like, come back and sit down, you know, like sit down.

468
00:35:43,776 --> 00:35:45,736
Don't try to fly away.

469
00:35:45,957 --> 00:35:48,198
So it's not conscious.

470
00:35:48,198 --> 00:35:49,070
It's so...

471
00:35:49,070 --> 00:35:52,702
unconscious because they themselves believe as being truth.

472
00:35:52,702 --> 00:35:54,823
So it's not...

473
00:35:55,444 --> 00:35:57,305
we cannot say, it's their fault.

474
00:35:57,305 --> 00:35:58,196
No, they don't know.

475
00:35:58,196 --> 00:35:59,407
They don't know better.

476
00:35:59,407 --> 00:36:01,228
But now we know better.

477
00:36:01,228 --> 00:36:04,300
And then we have to choose to take the other direction.

478
00:36:04,300 --> 00:36:06,422
Let the crowd go where they want to go.

479
00:36:06,422 --> 00:36:09,934
But we go there where we feel we have to go.

480
00:36:10,054 --> 00:36:13,067
So that's where the change starts.

481
00:36:13,067 --> 00:36:14,047
Yeah.

482
00:36:14,047 --> 00:36:21,018
And I think one thing that you, one thing that you really mentioned there several times is
this, this validation.

483
00:36:21,018 --> 00:36:23,258
It's great getting validated.

484
00:36:24,078 --> 00:36:27,778
However, I think the important thing is, is not to seek it.

485
00:36:28,058 --> 00:36:37,058
know, coincidences, no, not coincidences, synchronicities for me is that external
validation.

486
00:36:37,058 --> 00:36:39,898
That is, you know, I'm on the right path.

487
00:36:39,898 --> 00:36:40,629
Sometimes.

488
00:36:40,629 --> 00:36:44,839
They are just coming like that, synchronicity, synchronicity.

489
00:36:44,839 --> 00:36:49,299
And that's like, that is external validation that I'm on the right path.

490
00:36:49,299 --> 00:36:50,891
I'm doing the right thing.

491
00:36:51,164 --> 00:36:55,658
Yeah, I guess the only other way is this will, yeah, this is what I wanted to ask you.

492
00:36:55,658 --> 00:36:57,074
Okay, meditation.

493
00:36:57,074 --> 00:36:58,877
I have to slow down.

494
00:36:58,877 --> 00:37:04,445
I have to get out of my head and get into my heart and feel trust.

495
00:37:04,445 --> 00:37:14,533
These are all what I'm taking from what you said is not listening and accepting everything
else that's been said, but being curious, as you said.

496
00:37:14,533 --> 00:37:19,934
Is that curiosity, is that taking the lenses off and seeing the world really raw?

497
00:37:19,934 --> 00:37:20,906
that?

498
00:37:21,306 --> 00:37:22,334
Is that a way of doing it?

499
00:37:22,334 --> 00:37:23,472
Is that possible?

500
00:37:23,472 --> 00:37:31,052
Curiosity is a part of our inner child that wants to discover the world and is curious
what is there?

501
00:37:31,052 --> 00:37:36,452
What is there that I don't know that playground but I want to go there to see what it is.

502
00:37:36,592 --> 00:37:40,232
I think curiosity is part of our inner child.

503
00:37:40,572 --> 00:37:48,652
I don't know if it's that to take those glasses off but maybe to expand the vision of
those glasses.

504
00:37:48,692 --> 00:37:52,112
Actually I can say that, is to expand the vision.

505
00:37:52,332 --> 00:38:00,100
is to, from small glasses to make more big, you know, almost half of your face if you have
to image something like such.

506
00:38:00,241 --> 00:38:04,585
So I think it's to expand the vision curiosity is for.

507
00:38:04,986 --> 00:38:05,786
And...

508
00:38:05,898 --> 00:38:16,081
And is our inner child that wants to discover the world, wants to know more what is there,
wants to...

509
00:38:16,861 --> 00:38:20,122
Yeah, to see what is there more that I don't know.

510
00:38:20,122 --> 00:38:27,554
But I go on a playground where I'm not so familiar with, but I'm curious to see what kind
of game going on there.

511
00:38:27,554 --> 00:38:29,255
If I like it, I go more deep.

512
00:38:29,255 --> 00:38:33,166
If I don't, thank you, but I don't feel I resonate with.

513
00:38:33,166 --> 00:38:33,966
So...

514
00:38:34,178 --> 00:38:37,440
just change another direction, be curious of something else.

515
00:38:37,660 --> 00:38:42,342
So that's how I see curiosity for me, at least.

516
00:38:42,443 --> 00:38:49,767
That is an expansion of vision and of seeing more of what you want, what you don't want.

517
00:38:50,007 --> 00:38:51,948
Let us say, be curious.

518
00:38:52,108 --> 00:38:55,921
And if you go somewhere where you don't like it, it's not for me.

519
00:38:55,921 --> 00:38:59,683
I mean, with all the respect, you like it, fantastic.

520
00:38:59,683 --> 00:39:02,144
But that's why we are unique individual.

521
00:39:02,338 --> 00:39:09,432
But it's not for me, so I'm just pull back myself and I go another direction where I feel
like that's resonating more with me.

522
00:39:09,432 --> 00:39:11,560
So, yeah.

523
00:39:12,124 --> 00:39:13,809
Curiosity is healthy, isn't it?

524
00:39:13,809 --> 00:39:15,763
Could be a good name for podcast, couldn't it?

525
00:39:15,763 --> 00:39:16,545
Curiosity.

526
00:39:16,545 --> 00:39:17,677
Hmm.

527
00:39:17,879 --> 00:39:18,487
Yeah.

528
00:39:18,487 --> 00:39:19,769
Yeah!

529
00:39:20,747 --> 00:39:24,009
I just want to, I want to go back a little bit.

530
00:39:24,249 --> 00:39:28,162
this, making your own decisions, being curious.

531
00:39:28,943 --> 00:39:38,408
think an aspect of that is actually taking, as we said, taking back your own agency, but
you also having to take responsibility.

532
00:39:38,768 --> 00:39:43,931
I think you're also having to take accountability for your choices.

533
00:39:44,252 --> 00:39:47,093
And I know for many people that is really scary.

534
00:39:47,213 --> 00:39:56,710
My whole concept of being free, freedom is everybody says they want it, but freedom
requires you, me to be accountable.

535
00:39:56,710 --> 00:39:59,741
You know, that terrible four letter word accountable.

536
00:40:00,642 --> 00:40:04,865
And going, yeah, I have some really shit behaviors.

537
00:40:04,865 --> 00:40:06,866
I have some really shit patterns.

538
00:40:07,787 --> 00:40:10,680
And as you said, getting curious about them.

539
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:14,823
But when I go back to that meditation, because I cannot...

540
00:40:15,255 --> 00:40:32,743
see my patterns, I cannot see where I give my power away unless I slow down, unless I
really stop and stop judging myself and stop, hankering to social media, hankering, as we

541
00:40:32,743 --> 00:40:42,267
said, to, to gurus and let's say therapists and coaches and counselors and this is and
that's, and, just bouncing from idea to idea.

542
00:40:42,267 --> 00:40:42,969
need to

543
00:40:42,969 --> 00:40:48,444
sort of, as you said, get curious and think about those things.

544
00:40:48,625 --> 00:40:53,069
Maybe feel them, not think them, feel about these things.

545
00:40:54,892 --> 00:40:58,907
Yeah, so how do I do that?

546
00:40:58,907 --> 00:41:01,110
How do I get to that place where I'm actually...

547
00:41:01,110 --> 00:41:11,708
Slowing down, consciously slowing down to be that curious, to be the observer, to, you
said it earlier on, going up and down that ladder, looking at things from different

548
00:41:11,708 --> 00:41:12,621
perspectives.

549
00:41:12,621 --> 00:41:13,787
slowing down.

550
00:41:13,787 --> 00:41:40,669
Okay, the society is used or we was being taught to move, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,

551
00:41:40,669 --> 00:41:44,443
Slow down actually is to come close to ourself.

552
00:41:44,443 --> 00:41:48,218
When we come close to ourself, we have time to analyze.

553
00:41:48,218 --> 00:41:56,907
When Annalala analyze things, we start to feel like, this is right, this is wrong, Like,
what the heck was that about actually, you know?

554
00:41:57,669 --> 00:41:58,460
So.

555
00:41:58,460 --> 00:41:59,686
When you slow down,

556
00:41:59,686 --> 00:42:04,578
You have the time to feel into them what is for you, what is not.

557
00:42:04,578 --> 00:42:06,328
Let's say, I don't know my patterns.

558
00:42:06,328 --> 00:42:07,347
I don't know what I'm doing.

559
00:42:07,347 --> 00:42:08,319
I don't know.

560
00:42:08,319 --> 00:42:17,541
But when you have time to slow down and kind of look back, observe yourself after the
situation has happened and go back in the situation.

561
00:42:17,541 --> 00:42:18,412
what I said.

562
00:42:18,412 --> 00:42:19,342
what they said.

563
00:42:19,342 --> 00:42:20,562
how I felt.

564
00:42:20,662 --> 00:42:22,143
that's felt a little bit weird.

565
00:42:22,143 --> 00:42:26,684
Why, why, why I feel now kind of analyze your own actions, your own.

566
00:42:26,684 --> 00:42:38,489
experience like sitting low sit down and analyze what was this day about and then you have
another perspective one when you are in action and then when you sit down and look back

567
00:42:38,489 --> 00:42:51,464
and was like wow okay now I have totally another perspective like what the heck was that
about and slowly by doing this you start to see like I don't like this or that was a weird

568
00:42:51,464 --> 00:42:56,190
way of saying but I was not so pay attention because I was on you know

569
00:42:56,190 --> 00:43:01,143
maybe playing a specific game because we are used to play something when we are out there.

570
00:43:01,143 --> 00:43:06,506
Just not that we are conscious, we are just in a playing mode, so to say.

571
00:43:06,986 --> 00:43:24,796
So actually in this way, you can actually be aware of more what are you doing often or if
you have time to analyze your own actions and your own sayings and your own behavior.

572
00:43:24,968 --> 00:43:36,552
you will actually see and if you are willing, you'll actually start to see, to feel what
is right, what you want, what is working for you, what is not working for you.

573
00:43:36,612 --> 00:43:40,264
When you are in the wounds, everything is perfect.

574
00:43:40,264 --> 00:43:46,517
You cannot see, but when you are willing and try to slow down, try to want to slow down,

575
00:43:46,517 --> 00:43:48,848
You start to notice something.

576
00:43:48,848 --> 00:43:51,229
Why the corona has happened.

577
00:43:51,809 --> 00:43:54,480
The whole humanity have to slow down.

578
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:56,431
What's happening in this period?

579
00:43:56,591 --> 00:43:58,912
So many people divorce.

580
00:43:58,912 --> 00:44:01,043
So many go away from each other.

581
00:44:01,043 --> 00:44:02,544
So many things has happened.

582
00:44:02,544 --> 00:44:03,554
Why?

583
00:44:03,754 --> 00:44:07,275
Because they were forced to stay more together.

584
00:44:08,896 --> 00:44:10,067
And slow down.

585
00:44:10,067 --> 00:44:12,888
And no going to do, to do, to do.

586
00:44:12,888 --> 00:44:15,796
More to stay, feel, to get annoyed.

587
00:44:15,796 --> 00:44:17,407
And that's what it means slowing down.

588
00:44:17,407 --> 00:44:18,787
What's happening is slowing down.

589
00:44:18,787 --> 00:44:26,211
A lot of shit come up, let's say, because they had time to see, to feel it and to say,
this shit is not working out for me anymore.

590
00:44:26,211 --> 00:44:28,091
Like it's not working out.

591
00:44:28,232 --> 00:44:34,614
That is the secret of slowing down is to really start to feel what's working for you or
not.

592
00:44:34,835 --> 00:44:44,339
And based on that, you can choose what you want and then figure out what are you doing
that's not working out for you, but you are doing it.

593
00:44:44,341 --> 00:44:45,641
What are you choosing?

594
00:44:45,641 --> 00:44:49,102
I choose this because this is my pattern, because that's how I live.

595
00:44:49,102 --> 00:44:53,074
That's what I taught to be, to believe, to behave.

596
00:44:53,194 --> 00:44:55,635
And then you go on live choosing that.

597
00:44:55,635 --> 00:45:02,236
But now when you're growing up, you have another, maturity is kicking in and you start
to...

598
00:45:02,757 --> 00:45:10,110
Yeah, that's the secret of slowing down, to feel and to choose what's working for you or
not.

599
00:45:10,110 --> 00:45:10,878
It's painful.

600
00:45:10,878 --> 00:45:11,716
Yes.

601
00:45:12,524 --> 00:45:28,420
It is painful and I look at my patterns, I look at my behaviour and think, I was a
complete asshole, I was horrible, I was this and then I'm going to shame myself and then

602
00:45:28,420 --> 00:45:31,079
I'm going to get cross and angry and then it's...

603
00:45:32,881 --> 00:45:34,302
How do I reconcile that?

604
00:45:34,302 --> 00:45:35,454
How do I...

605
00:45:35,454 --> 00:45:38,529
suddenly realize I have been horrible.

606
00:45:38,529 --> 00:45:48,345
You know, I've hurt people, have upset people, I have done all these, I'm not saying
despicable, but I've done all these unkind things.

607
00:45:48,345 --> 00:45:50,479
I've not been kind, I've not been nice and...

608
00:45:50,479 --> 00:45:51,750
You know, there's a lot of shame there.

609
00:45:51,750 --> 00:45:52,841
There's a lot of regret.

610
00:45:52,841 --> 00:45:54,812
There's a lot of embarrassment.

611
00:45:57,515 --> 00:45:59,737
You know, I, as you said, I've, I've slowed down.

612
00:45:59,737 --> 00:46:00,347
I'm seeing them.

613
00:46:00,347 --> 00:46:02,359
I'm seeing them for the first time.

614
00:46:02,359 --> 00:46:06,883
So how can I not beat myself up for that?

615
00:46:06,883 --> 00:46:09,545
How can I not go fuck it?

616
00:46:09,545 --> 00:46:10,506
I'm a horrible person.

617
00:46:10,506 --> 00:46:12,558
I'm going to run away and hide.

618
00:46:12,558 --> 00:46:14,399
I'm going to drink.

619
00:46:14,399 --> 00:46:16,161
I'm going to numb.

620
00:46:16,161 --> 00:46:18,833
I'm just going to avoid.

621
00:46:19,233 --> 00:46:21,415
even acknowledging these things.

622
00:46:21,415 --> 00:46:26,299
Because I have to do something with that awareness.

623
00:46:26,460 --> 00:46:28,652
Otherwise, am I going to keep on doing it?

624
00:46:28,652 --> 00:46:33,447
I mean, this is is stuff I'm struggling with from time to time, sometimes all the time.

625
00:46:33,447 --> 00:46:39,964
And I really don't know what, you know, how to work past some of these things.

626
00:46:39,964 --> 00:46:55,228
acknowledge him take responsibility and say holy crap I fuck her up like shit I feel so
ashamed like how this is me who I did it like I cannot believe and the same time doing

627
00:46:55,228 --> 00:47:07,328
that so you feel how you hurt yourself because it's not you who did it it's not you
conscious who did it is still those wounds is still

628
00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:19,743
that shadow that is still in there, that is one to be acknowledged, taking responsibility
and say, okay, Juliana, we fuck it up big time.

629
00:47:19,864 --> 00:47:21,800
What can we do about it?

630
00:47:22,064 --> 00:47:26,326
Nothing more than just take responsibility for it and say, okay, we did it.

631
00:47:26,326 --> 00:47:27,266
We fuck it up.

632
00:47:27,266 --> 00:47:28,406
What now?

633
00:47:29,306 --> 00:47:30,367
Learn.

634
00:47:30,747 --> 00:47:33,314
It's like, how can you forgive yourself?

635
00:47:33,314 --> 00:47:34,958
Learn to forgive yourself.

636
00:47:35,024 --> 00:47:36,354
Like, okay, it's not me.

637
00:47:36,354 --> 00:47:36,885
It's not me.

638
00:47:36,885 --> 00:47:37,505
It's the shadow.

639
00:47:37,505 --> 00:47:38,715
It's the dark side of me.

640
00:47:38,715 --> 00:47:41,306
It's the devil within me who did that.

641
00:47:41,306 --> 00:47:43,256
It's the shadow.

642
00:47:43,256 --> 00:47:44,487
It's not me.

643
00:47:44,487 --> 00:47:47,148
But I have to take responsibility.

644
00:47:47,148 --> 00:47:48,868
How can I change this?

645
00:47:49,328 --> 00:47:52,369
First, this has to take the forgiveness for self.

646
00:47:52,369 --> 00:47:54,120
Take accountability.

647
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:56,580
Take responsibility and recognize for yourself.

648
00:47:56,580 --> 00:47:57,891
I fuck it up.

649
00:47:57,891 --> 00:47:59,571
What can I do about nothing?

650
00:47:59,571 --> 00:48:02,632
I cannot repair those doings.

651
00:48:02,928 --> 00:48:06,009
But I can recognize to the world, I fuck it up.

652
00:48:06,009 --> 00:48:06,990
Sorry.

653
00:48:06,990 --> 00:48:08,220
Do I did it conscious?

654
00:48:08,220 --> 00:48:08,688
No.

655
00:48:08,688 --> 00:48:10,191
I was myself in shadow.

656
00:48:10,191 --> 00:48:12,712
I was myself blind.

657
00:48:13,332 --> 00:48:15,393
I was not there conscious.

658
00:48:15,393 --> 00:48:19,945
And I feel so sorry and so bad for hurting other people for doing this.

659
00:48:19,945 --> 00:48:21,396
I was not there.

660
00:48:21,396 --> 00:48:22,756
What can I do?

661
00:48:22,756 --> 00:48:24,257
What can I do?

662
00:48:24,357 --> 00:48:29,829
More is just to recognize your shit and to forgive yourself.

663
00:48:29,829 --> 00:48:31,750
And is there people you hurt?

664
00:48:31,750 --> 00:48:34,061
So say, I'm sorry, it was not me.

665
00:48:34,061 --> 00:48:38,523
I'm seeing now from another perspective and I kind of fuck it up big time.

666
00:48:38,523 --> 00:48:44,365
I just want to say sorry, because now I'm seeing how much I hurt you for doing what I
done.

667
00:48:44,725 --> 00:48:50,107
But just taking responsibility and forgive and recognize that that's not you.

668
00:48:50,428 --> 00:48:51,728
That's not you.

669
00:48:51,728 --> 00:49:01,292
As I said, we are light and we are dark and we always playing out one the other, one the
other, till we try to find a more balance and start to be aware like,

670
00:49:01,882 --> 00:49:02,733
okay.

671
00:49:02,733 --> 00:49:12,659
Now the ego, the shadow start to take over because something is trigger based in my
childhood and now ego wants to take and then it's BOOM and this reaction or whatever there

672
00:49:12,659 --> 00:49:13,400
is.

673
00:49:13,780 --> 00:49:18,413
So to blame ourselves, that's the first things that coming to blame ourselves.

674
00:49:18,413 --> 00:49:22,346
And my gosh, you are such a awful person.

675
00:49:23,147 --> 00:49:27,129
It's just I fuck it up, recognize for yourself and it's okay.

676
00:49:27,390 --> 00:49:28,200
I was blind.

677
00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:28,941
I could not see it.

678
00:49:28,941 --> 00:49:29,651
I could not feel it.

679
00:49:29,651 --> 00:49:31,360
I fuck it up and it's okay.

680
00:49:31,360 --> 00:49:32,401
Forgive myself.

681
00:49:32,401 --> 00:49:33,362
It's okay.

682
00:49:33,362 --> 00:49:47,984
I cannot I cannot make it right right now But I can recognize it and one is recognize that
then something in you is changed something you use like, okay So recognize the dark side

683
00:49:47,984 --> 00:49:49,925
of yourself, but don't be afraid.

684
00:49:49,925 --> 00:49:51,106
Don't punish yourself.

685
00:49:51,106 --> 00:49:56,111
Don't put yourself down Don't shame yourself because we are there with white and black.

686
00:49:56,111 --> 00:50:00,684
It's just to be aware of it But it's part of who we are

687
00:50:00,816 --> 00:50:03,137
We cannot separate it from us.

688
00:50:03,277 --> 00:50:07,529
But we have just to embrace them and say, yeah, I am this fucking awful girl.

689
00:50:07,529 --> 00:50:10,730
Yes, I'm this fucking bastard that I fuck up things.

690
00:50:10,730 --> 00:50:12,581
Yeah, what can I do?

691
00:50:12,756 --> 00:50:13,711
I recognize it.

692
00:50:13,711 --> 00:50:22,025
I take it in and I'm okay with have that side of me, but being aware don't play the same
game.

693
00:50:22,025 --> 00:50:28,677
Because when you are aware and you recognize you fuck her up, but then, they forgive me so
I can fuck her up again.

694
00:50:29,218 --> 00:50:30,180
no, no, no, no, no.

695
00:50:30,180 --> 00:50:34,453
If you do it again, then it's like you break everything.

696
00:50:34,453 --> 00:50:37,035
So blaming, no.

697
00:50:37,035 --> 00:50:38,316
Forgive yourself.

698
00:50:38,316 --> 00:50:40,177
Recognize you fucker up.

699
00:50:40,338 --> 00:50:43,200
Take out accountability and say sorry.

700
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:51,666
Yes, it's fucking, it's not easy for some to say sorry that they fucker up because it's
like recognize, I am an awful person.

701
00:50:52,227 --> 00:50:54,067
But it's not you.

702
00:50:54,268 --> 00:50:56,049
Is your shadow speaking?

703
00:50:56,553 --> 00:50:59,164
I swear it's not you, your essence who you are.

704
00:50:59,164 --> 00:51:01,536
It's your shadow that makes you blind.

705
00:51:01,536 --> 00:51:05,118
It's the pain, it's the trauma, it's those experiences.

706
00:51:05,118 --> 00:51:06,398
It's not you.

707
00:51:06,398 --> 00:51:10,601
So those who have the awareness, they will understand.

708
00:51:10,601 --> 00:51:25,769
But when you take responsibility for your own bad doings and realizing that you cannot
change, but you can recognize that, yeah, I may not be so nice sometimes and I see it now.

709
00:51:26,453 --> 00:51:39,474
I'm sorry, I really do, but really feel it in your beingness, not just from your mouth and
mind, because if I say it and I'm doing it or be, no, it's to really feeling in your

710
00:51:39,474 --> 00:51:40,544
beingness.

711
00:51:41,405 --> 00:51:56,337
So forgive, recognize, and be okay with say sorry, be okay with recognize to the other
person, yeah, you was right, I fuck it up big time, but I see it now and I'm sorry.

712
00:51:56,587 --> 00:51:58,979
And I want to say to you, I'm really sorry.

713
00:51:59,420 --> 00:52:03,183
Like, can we repair this if there's something to be repaired?

714
00:52:03,183 --> 00:52:06,216
Can we take, let's say, our relationship further?

715
00:52:06,216 --> 00:52:10,330
Because I know of Akira, but now I'm seeing and I'm willing to do something.

716
00:52:10,330 --> 00:52:12,162
Then there's another story.

717
00:52:12,162 --> 00:52:18,357
But that's first step to actually open a door to whatever next experience to happen.

718
00:52:18,938 --> 00:52:22,081
To be, everybody wants to be free, but they...

719
00:52:22,233 --> 00:52:24,485
They misunderstand the freedom.

720
00:52:24,485 --> 00:52:28,759
Actually, freedom is coming with so much responsibility, actually.

721
00:52:28,759 --> 00:52:30,320
They don't know that.

722
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:32,922
It's coming with so much responsibility.

723
00:52:32,922 --> 00:52:36,976
More free you are, more responsibility you have.

724
00:52:36,976 --> 00:52:39,858
Because freedom is not to do the bullshit.

725
00:52:39,858 --> 00:52:50,066
Freedom is to be your free self, to say what you think, to say what you feel, but take
responsibility for everything what you say, for everything what you do.

726
00:52:50,122 --> 00:52:51,080
That's the freedom.

727
00:52:51,080 --> 00:52:52,721
Yeah, I like that.

728
00:52:52,862 --> 00:52:54,023
I like that a lot.

729
00:52:54,023 --> 00:52:55,824
A couple of things cropped up.

730
00:52:55,824 --> 00:53:00,818
I think, as you said, forgive yourself, apologize, and then change your behavior.

731
00:53:00,818 --> 00:53:05,292
Because if you're just going to apologize without making a behavior change, you're just
lying.

732
00:53:05,292 --> 00:53:06,712
You're not promising.

733
00:53:09,055 --> 00:53:15,971
And the other thing that cropped up there was you said it's an unconscious pattern.

734
00:53:15,971 --> 00:53:17,842
It's an unconscious behavior.

735
00:53:17,842 --> 00:53:18,993
Go back to the lenses.

736
00:53:18,993 --> 00:53:20,614
You've got your specs on.

737
00:53:20,614 --> 00:53:23,586
It's a blob just there that you can't see.

738
00:53:23,586 --> 00:53:31,852
So that awareness, you can now scrape that little bit of dirt off your specs and
apologize.

739
00:53:31,852 --> 00:53:32,413
Yep.

740
00:53:32,413 --> 00:53:34,254
And you know, you can now see differently.

741
00:53:34,254 --> 00:53:42,681
You can now see how that behavior materialized and, and, know, you're human, do your best
not to do it again.

742
00:53:42,681 --> 00:53:43,311
Yep.

743
00:53:43,311 --> 00:53:44,672
Makes a lot of sense.

744
00:53:45,953 --> 00:53:47,434
Life's easy, isn't it?

745
00:53:47,942 --> 00:53:50,102
It is easy with awareness.

746
00:53:53,282 --> 00:53:54,996
I'm slowing down.

747
00:53:54,996 --> 00:54:03,921
being aware that we've been gaslighted and being aware that society just tells us to do
this and this and this because I don't know why it does.

748
00:54:03,921 --> 00:54:07,724
Yeah, cool.

749
00:54:07,724 --> 00:54:10,845
So yeah, take your own, take your own accountability.

750
00:54:11,006 --> 00:54:12,567
Take your agency back.

751
00:54:12,567 --> 00:54:13,698
Be curious.

752
00:54:13,698 --> 00:54:14,788
What else?

753
00:54:15,390 --> 00:54:16,570
Slow down.

754
00:54:17,812 --> 00:54:18,732
Yeah.

755
00:54:19,713 --> 00:54:21,725
I think we've nailed it and we've got to the hour.

756
00:54:21,725 --> 00:54:23,817
mean, Julianna, this was a great conversation.

757
00:54:23,817 --> 00:54:25,839
It really, it really was.

758
00:54:25,839 --> 00:54:27,180
You've given me a lot to think about.

759
00:54:27,180 --> 00:54:36,989
And I think there's some, lots of, lots of people listening will have some, some questions
maybe, maybe they can put some, ask some questions and say, what about this?

760
00:54:36,989 --> 00:54:37,639
What about that?

761
00:54:37,639 --> 00:54:40,723
Because it's a big topic and

762
00:54:40,723 --> 00:54:45,374
Becoming accountable is scary because you have to as you said, know, I'm sorry.

763
00:54:45,374 --> 00:54:48,520
I fucked up I did this I did that

764
00:54:48,520 --> 00:54:53,662
yeah, is to recognize the shitty things that you do because we want to be perfect.

765
00:54:53,662 --> 00:54:57,783
We play this perfect type of who we are and we are perfect.

766
00:54:57,783 --> 00:54:59,744
But no, we are not.

767
00:55:00,064 --> 00:55:03,696
We are fucking up and it's not easy to recognize.

768
00:55:03,696 --> 00:55:08,748
Like, it's not easy, but that's strain.

769
00:55:08,748 --> 00:55:09,598
Yeah, exactly.

770
00:55:09,598 --> 00:55:11,789
That's what I also want to bring the awareness like.

771
00:55:11,789 --> 00:55:13,510
But we are the balls.

772
00:55:13,550 --> 00:55:15,251
We are the light and the dark.

773
00:55:15,251 --> 00:55:16,797
And of course, it's

774
00:55:16,797 --> 00:55:19,529
both balls in the air and playing out.

775
00:55:19,650 --> 00:55:27,977
And being human, it's walking through the shit, doing shit, but saying, I saw it, yeah,
later, but I saw it.

776
00:55:27,977 --> 00:55:34,022
And then you clean up, get away, learn from it, and move forward.

777
00:55:34,022 --> 00:55:44,831
So, responsibility for everything, speaking, doing, saying, and...

778
00:55:45,265 --> 00:55:52,063
You may change your mind afterwards, but okay, say it, speaking, it's okay to change your
mind, but speak it.

779
00:55:52,464 --> 00:55:54,858
It's not that, yeah, so.

780
00:55:54,858 --> 00:56:05,715
And I think the important thing is to remember we are human, to remember that some days I
have all the energy in the world and I can move a mountain and some days I haven't the

781
00:56:05,715 --> 00:56:08,817
energy to pick up a piece of dust and both are okay.

782
00:56:10,438 --> 00:56:19,975
I think that's really important because for years people have told me I've been harder
myself and I've been softer and softer and still I'm harder myself and...

783
00:56:19,975 --> 00:56:26,683
Yeah, that's just conditioning and I'm getting better at it, you know, but I'm human.

784
00:56:27,501 --> 00:56:28,021
Exactly.

785
00:56:28,021 --> 00:56:33,206
We have to embrace the human aspect of us and to know that that's how it is.

786
00:56:33,206 --> 00:56:36,078
And it's not that we don't move.

787
00:56:36,078 --> 00:56:40,642
And as you say, like you learn to be soft, but you are still hard.

788
00:56:40,642 --> 00:56:44,846
But this peeling off the layers, another layer of that, another layer.

789
00:56:44,846 --> 00:56:47,048
And who knows how many layers there are.

790
00:56:47,048 --> 00:56:50,030
That's why it's like peeling off, peeling off, peeling off.

791
00:56:50,030 --> 00:56:50,761
How many?

792
00:56:50,761 --> 00:56:51,311
I don't know.

793
00:56:51,311 --> 00:56:53,233
You don't need to think about.

794
00:56:53,233 --> 00:56:56,345
Just do your pain process of peeling off.

795
00:56:56,869 --> 00:57:00,461
and be okay with accepting that human.

796
00:57:01,234 --> 00:57:09,007
I'm human, be curious, slow down, yeah and and have fun I think, have fun.

797
00:57:09,007 --> 00:57:12,070
yeah, but that's why we are actually on earth, to have fun.

798
00:57:12,070 --> 00:57:14,732
To enjoy this human experience.

799
00:57:14,853 --> 00:57:17,286
To really have fun.

800
00:57:17,286 --> 00:57:24,536
I think the human experience will be a conversation for another time because I think that
will be a really, really interesting one.

801
00:57:24,536 --> 00:57:25,356
Yeah.

802
00:57:25,700 --> 00:57:27,876
super excited about it already!

803
00:57:27,876 --> 00:57:30,938
Yep, we will do that one another time before too long.

804
00:57:30,938 --> 00:57:32,619
Well, my friend, thank you.

805
00:57:32,680 --> 00:57:34,791
Thank you very much for today.

806
00:57:34,791 --> 00:57:38,764
Any insights you want to share or?

807
00:57:39,275 --> 00:57:50,938
Slow down, accept your doings, look in the mirror with all that shit and be okay to look
in the mirror at yourself.

808
00:57:51,399 --> 00:57:59,001
Forgive yourself, take responsibility and take it step by step.

809
00:57:59,001 --> 00:58:00,661
No rush to process.

810
00:58:00,661 --> 00:58:03,402
Don't go in the Ferrari and press the speed.

811
00:58:03,582 --> 00:58:07,617
Just take it slowly because more slow you are,

812
00:58:07,617 --> 00:58:09,497
More clearly you see.

813
00:58:09,497 --> 00:58:10,228
Brilliant.

814
00:58:10,228 --> 00:58:11,597
Thank you very much.

815
00:58:11,693 --> 00:58:12,311
Thank you.