Welcome to a new episode about anxiety, worry, and the ways we can meet our inner unrest with curiosity and compassion. Today, we’re diving into a topic that touches nearly everyone at some point in life—anxiety. Whether it’s a fleeting sense of unease or a persistent, disruptive force, anxiety is something most of us know all too well. In fact, about 15 percent of people will experience anxiety at a level that qualifies as a disorder in any given year, and even more will go through periods of stress, worry, or psychological discomfort. But what if there were some universal principles—simple, but not always easy—that could help us navigate this labyrinth? That’s what we’ll explore together in this episode. So, wherever you are, take a deep breath, settle in, and let’s begin this journey into understanding anxiety—and ourselves—a little better.
Anxiety is a phenomenon with many faces. There are countless subtypes—generalized anxiety, panic disorder, agoraphobia, social anxiety, specific phobias, obsessive-compulsive disorder. Each has its own flavor, but they all share a common thread: a sense of inner tension, worry, or fear that can be hard to shake. And we live in a world that seems, in many ways, to be growing more anxious. Some even talk about an “anxiety epidemic,” as more and more people are diagnosed with anxiety disorders. In Norway, for example, it’s estimated that one in four people will experience an anxiety disorder at some point in their lives.
Why is this happening? There are many possible explanations, but one idea that stands out is the paradox of safety. In our quest to make life ever safer—padded playgrounds, endless regulations, constant monitoring of risks—we may inadvertently be creating more anxiety. When we focus so intensely on safety, we also become hyper-aware of everything that could go wrong. To know what’s safe, we must also know what’s dangerous. And when we’re always scanning for danger, it’s easy to become anxious.
This is especially apparent in children and young people. As we try to shield them from every possible harm, we may also be teaching them to be afraid. The intention is good, but the result can be more worry, more avoidance, and more anxiety. It’s a bit like trying to suppress a thought—when you tell yourself not to think about something, that thought becomes even more persistent. The same goes for anxiety: the more we try to avoid it, the more it sticks around.
To understand anxiety, it helps to look at how our brains work. We often talk about two main parts: the “reptilian brain,” the ancient, reflexive part that handles basic survival responses like fight, flight, or freeze; and the prefrontal cortex, the newer part responsible for planning, self-reflection, and predicting the future. When the prefrontal cortex doesn’t have enough information to predict what’s coming, it generates a sense of unease. That’s anxiety—a signal that something is uncertain, unpredictable, or potentially threatening.
But here’s the tricky part: when anxiety flares up, our rational brain—the prefrontal cortex—often shuts down. Logical reasoning becomes hard, if not impossible. That’s why it’s so difficult to “think your way out” of an anxiety attack. The goal in therapy, then, isn’t to convince yourself that your anxiety is irrational or wrong. Instead, it’s about rewiring those deep, automatic responses in the older parts of the brain. But how do we do that?
One useful way to think about anxiety is as a kind of addiction. Not in the sense of substance abuse, but in the sense of habitual, automatic responses to uncomfortable feelings. Addiction, in this broader sense, is anything we do that we know isn’t helpful in the long run, but we do it anyway—buying things we can’t afford, scrolling endlessly on our phones, drinking to numb discomfort. These are all ways of coping with emotional pain, and they often provide short-term relief at the cost of long-term well-being.
With anxiety, the habitual response is often worry. When we feel uneasy, our brains leap into action, trying to solve the problem by worrying about it. Worry gives us the illusion of control, the sense that we’re “on top of things.” But in reality, worry just distracts us from the original feeling and often creates even more anxiety. It becomes a loop—a habit that’s hard to break because it feels, on some level, like it’s helping.
Our brains are wired to create these habit loops. When something works—even once—the brain remembers it and stores it away as the default response for similar situations in the future. Over time, these patterns become automatic, running in the background without our conscious awareness. Some researchers estimate that up to 50 percent of our behaviors are driven by these unconscious loops. That’s why it’s so hard to change them: we’re not even aware they’re happening most of the time.
To break these patterns, the first step is awareness. In cognitive psychology, a big part of therapy is simply observing your own behavior—becoming a researcher of your own mind. What are your typical responses to discomfort? How do you react to certain feelings or situations? The goal is to describe these patterns in detail, without immediately trying to change them. This can be uncomfortable, because we often discover motivations or habits we didn’t know we had. But it’s essential for real change.
Let’s take an example. Imagine someone who struggles with yo-yo dieting—losing weight, gaining it back, over and over. She might notice that every time she reaches her goal weight and feels good about herself, she starts eating more, almost automatically. What’s the hidden benefit? In her case, she realizes that being heavier protects her from unwanted attention, which triggers old traumas. The weight gain, while frustrating, serves a purpose: it keeps her safe from feelings she finds overwhelming. Recognizing this pattern is the first step toward changing it.
But here’s where many people get stuck. As soon as we notice a pattern, we want to fix it—immediately, with willpower. But willpower is a limited resource. Most of us can only “hold out” for so long before we slip back into old habits. And when we fail, we criticize ourselves, which only makes change harder. The trick, then, is not to rush to change, but to stay in the role of the curious observer. Don’t judge, don’t try to fix—just watch, with as much neutrality as you can muster.
This approach can be challenging, because it goes against our instincts. We want to act, to do something, to make the discomfort go away. But real change often starts with simply noticing—without judgment, without urgency. It’s a bit like being a scientist studying a phenomenon: you observe, you describe, you gather data, but you don’t jump to conclusions or try to force a result. The act of observation itself can lead to insight and, eventually, to change.
There’s a well-known acronym in mindfulness practice: RAIN. It stands for Recognize, Accept, Investigate, and Note. When you feel discomfort or anxiety, the first step is to recognize it—“I feel anxious right now.” Then accept it—don’t fight it, don’t try to make it go away. Next, investigate—what’s happening in your body, your thoughts, your emotions? Finally, note what you discover, without judgment. This process opens the door to learning and growth.
Curiosity is the key ingredient here. Not the kind of curiosity that’s driven by lack or deprivation—like frantically Googling why you’re stuck in traffic—but a genuine, childlike curiosity. Children ask hundreds of questions a day, not because they’re missing something, but because they’re fascinated by the world. As adults, we often lose this kind of curiosity, replacing it with anxiety-driven searching for answers. But when we can cultivate a more open, interested attitude toward our own experiences, we create the conditions for real learning.
Neurochemically, curiosity triggers the release of dopamine, which helps encode new memories and learning. When we approach our anxiety with curiosity—“Hmm, that’s interesting, my heart is racing at this party”—we engage the parts of the brain that support growth and adaptation. We become less stuck, more flexible, more able to respond to life’s challenges.
But this isn’t easy. Our default mode is often self-criticism. When we notice ourselves getting anxious, we might think, “There I go again, I’m such a mess.” This kind of judgment only reinforces the old patterns. Instead, try to approach yourself as a neutral observer. Imagine you’re a scientist studying a phenomenon, not a judge passing sentence. The more you can do this, the more you’ll learn about yourself—and the more likely you are to change.
It’s also important to recognize that our identities are not fixed. Psychologist Carol Dweck talks about the difference between a “fixed mindset” and a “growth mindset.” People with a fixed mindset believe their traits and abilities are set in stone; those with a growth mindset believe they can learn and grow through experience. When we say things like, “That’s just how I am,” we lock ourselves into old patterns. But if we stay open, keep observing, and remain curious, we give ourselves the freedom to change.
This applies not just to anxiety, but to all aspects of life. Whether it’s relationships, work, or personal growth, the willingness to stay open, to keep learning, is what allows us to adapt and thrive. When we cling to simple explanations or rigid identities, we limit our possibilities. But when we accept that life is complex, that we ourselves are always changing, we create space for new ways of being.
Let’s return to anxiety for a moment. Many people try to control their anxiety by avoiding situations that trigger it, or by trying to suppress anxious thoughts. But this only makes the anxiety stronger. The more we try not to think about something, the more it dominates our minds. The more we try to avoid discomfort, the more it controls us. The real challenge is to turn toward the discomfort—to meet it with curiosity, to explore it, to understand it.
This doesn’t mean forcing yourself to endure pain or pushing through with gritted teeth. It means gently, compassionately, allowing yourself to feel what you feel, and asking, “What’s happening here?” Sometimes, you’ll be able to do this in the moment; other times, you’ll need to reflect afterward. Either way, the goal is the same: to bring awareness and curiosity to your experience, rather than judgment and avoidance.
Over time, this approach can lead to profound changes. When we stop fighting our anxiety and start exploring it, we begin to see it for what it is: a signal, not a sentence. We learn that feelings and thoughts are just that—feelings and thoughts. They come and go. They don’t define us, and we don’t have to obey them.
Of course, this isn’t a quick fix. The principles are simple, but putting them into practice can be difficult. It takes patience, persistence, and a willingness to be uncomfortable. But the rewards are worth it: greater self-understanding, more flexibility, and a deeper sense of peace.
Sometimes, people worry that if they accept their anxiety, they’ll never change. But acceptance isn’t the same as resignation. It’s the starting point for real transformation. When we accept what is, we create the space to see what could be.
It’s also important to remember that not everything in life is within our control. Trying to control the uncontrollable—like other people’s opinions, the future, or even death itself—only leads to frustration and low self-esteem. Good self-esteem comes from focusing on what you can influence, and letting go of the rest. Choose attitudes and behaviors that are helpful to you, even if you can’t be sure they’re “right” or “true.” Sometimes, it’s more important that a belief is useful than that it’s absolutely correct.
When facing uncertainty—whether it’s a life transition, a health scare, or just the unknowns of daily life—try to adopt an agnostic attitude: “I don’t know how this will turn out, and that’s okay.” You don’t have to have all the answers right now. Sometimes, the best you can do is wait and see, trusting that you’ll handle whatever comes when it arrives.
Death is a topic many of us avoid, but it’s a powerful example of something we can’t control. In modern society, we often hide death away, making it even more frightening. But those who work closely with the dying often report that death is not as terrifying as we imagine. Most people slip away gradually, becoming more tired, sleeping more, until they simply don’t wake up. Accepting the reality of death—rather than running from it—can free us from a lot of unnecessary anxiety.
The same principle applies to all forms of worry and avoidance. When we refuse to face reality, we become trapped in endless strategies to distract ourselves—shopping, drinking, over-exercising, obsessing over health. These behaviors may seem healthy or productive on the surface, but if they’re driven by fear, they can become just another form of escape.
So, the invitation is to meet your anxiety, your worries, your discomfort—not with panic or avoidance, but with curiosity and kindness. Ask yourself: What’s really going on here? What am I feeling? What am I trying to avoid? What might I learn from this experience?
As we wrap up today’s episode, I want to leave you with a few reflections. Anxiety, worry, and inner unrest are incredibly common—one in four people will experience an anxiety disorder in their lifetime, and most of us will go through periods of significant psychological discomfort. The psychological dynamics behind anxiety are often similar, no matter the specific form it takes.
There are some general principles that can help: approach your experience with curiosity, not judgment. Recognize that thoughts and feelings are just that—they don’t define you, and you don’t have to fight them or run from them. Instead, observe them, describe them, and try to understand them. This is the heart of mindfulness—not as a meditation technique, but as an attitude of open, non-judgmental awareness.
Remember, the flight from discomfort is what makes it chronic. Meeting your anxiety with curiosity, activating your prefrontal cortex, and allowing yourself to learn from your experiences is the path to greater self-understanding and peace. Sometimes, you’ll be able to anticipate when anxiety is coming—like before a social event—and prepare yourself to observe it with curiosity. Other times, it will strike out of the blue, and you’ll need to reflect afterward. Either way, the key is to remain open, curious, and kind to yourself.
So, as you go about your day, consider these questions: When you notice anxiety or discomfort, can you pause and observe what’s happening, without immediately trying to fix or avoid it? Can you approach your own patterns with the same curiosity you’d bring to a fascinating research project? Are you willing to let go of rigid identities and explanations, and allow yourself to change and grow? And most importantly, can you treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a friend?
Thank you for joining me for this exploration of anxiety and self-understanding. Remember, you’re not alone in your struggles, and change is always possible—one curious, compassionate moment at a time. Until next time, take care of yourself, and keep asking, “Hmm, what’s really going on here?”
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