Carol Cox: We have more live signature talks from our
Thought Leader Academy grads.
Listen in to the power of storytelling on
this episode of the Speaking Your Brand
podcast. More and more women are making an
impact by starting businesses, running for
office and speaking up for what matters.
With my background as a TV political
analyst, entrepreneur and speaker, I
interview and coach purpose driven women to
shape their brands, grow their companies,
and become recognized as influencers in
their field. This is speaking your brand,
your place to learn how to persuasively
communicate your message to your audience.
Diane Diaz: Hi everybody, and welcome to backstage at
Speaking Your Brand.
I am lead speaking coach as speaking your
brand and I am so thrilled to bring to you
today two of our recent graduates from our
Thought Leader Academy.
We have today, Cindy Ojczyk, who is a writer
and speaker, and she shares stories and
resources to help strengthen the fiber that
binds people and pets, which is a really fun
topic. And then we have Amy Lewis Bear, who
is a licensed professional counselor and
owner of Heart Wise Counseling.
Amy is also an author, and she will be
chatting with us about that in just a
moment. When we get into those details she's
authoring. She's already written one book
called From Charm to Harm, but she has
another book coming out soon, so we'll talk
about that in a moment.
Now, um, last week here on backstage at
Speaking Your Brand, you heard from two
other graduates of our Thought Leader
Academy, and you got to hear ten minutes of
their talks that they worked on during the
Thought Leader Academy. So today we're going
to hear a portion of Cindy's talk.
So I'm excited for you all to hear from her.
Now, um, you've probably heard about the
concept of storytelling that we talk about
in all the content that we put out.
And so we're going to talk a little bit more
about that when we get into the roundtable
discussion about about what Cindy and Amy
have worked on in their talks.
So listen, as you hear Cindy's talk and
listen for those stories, and then Amy will
be sharing with us how she incorporated
story into her talks as well.
Um, and you'll see the how personal the
stories get. And we often say go very
personal, because the more personal you get,
the more universal the message is.
And I think that you'll see that when Cindy
delivers the portion of her talk today.
So I'm really excited for everybody to hear
from Cindy and to hear Amy's story as well.
Now, Cindy, are you ready?
I am ready, Diane.
Great. All right.
Well, let me bring your slides up here and
then take it away.
Cindy Ojczyk: Thank you Diane, and welcome everyone.
I'm going to kick us off with a little Q and
A with a show of hands.
How many people here have a pet or have had
a pet? Now, in the chat, I'd like you to
answer this much more controversial question
who rules the world?
Cats or dogs?
Now, I'm sure you're wondering why am I
talking about pets when I'm here to talk
about parenting?
It was our family's unconventional
experience with animals that allowed us to
take some lessons that helped our children
to become much more resilient and to
reconnect our family.
Now. Our journey began about well.
During a 4th of July weekend, a fateful 4th
of July weekend.
The fireworks had stopped, the kids had gone
to bed, and my husband and I were able to
coax the dog out from underneath the bed.
We took her downstairs, got her outside and
she collapsed and she passed away.
And in that earthquake of a moment, we had a
tsunami response.
The kids began to argue and fight at a level
we had never seen before.
Yeah, they'd fought before and they argued
with us, but they were fighting.
They were pulling away from their friends,
they were pulling away from us, and their
performance at school was dropping.
I was trying to figure out what had happened
to this group.
Oh, we have a funny sideways slide.
What happened to our sideways family?
How did we go sideways?
We had this great connection from the time
they were born, up until the teen years
where we were doing things together, hiking
and biking and camping and cooking, working
with our neighbors next door to till their
gardens, and then working at school and
working hard. And two years prior to the dog
dying, my father in law had passed away and
we had come together as a family to heal
each other, to console each other.
We didn't have any of that happening now,
and I couldn't figure it out.
The only thing I can think of because I'm a
smart woman. I used to, before I became a
writer, used to be an interior designer, and
I could do a whole kitchen remodels, whole
house remodels, solve problems, help guide
people. What could I do with the kids?
Well, the one thing I thought about was our
dog. When we'd gone through the grief with
my father in law, we had a dog.
We didn't have a dog now, so I thought maybe
if we got another dog, we could solve this
grief. The next day at dinner, I sat down
with the family and said, what do you think
about adopting another dog?
And the next tsunami hit our family.
The wave of mom.
I'm oldest. I should get what I want and
mom, I'm youngest, I should get what I want.
And ah, Joe and I were pulling our hair out.
I was working the next day talking to a
coworker, and she has kids my age.
And I asked her, you know, what she was
going through? And she looked at me and she
said, Cindy, have you ever thought about
fostering? We foster pregnant cats.
We get to watch the miracle of birth play
with all those little kittens.
When they get adopted.
We get to go back to our family activities,
and then when we're ready, we raise our hand
and we foster again.
And it was if the clouds had parted and the
sunlight came down and that's it.
Aha! We're going to foster dogs.
We'll have all that happy energy connecting
us, taking away our grief.
And it won't look as if I was choosing
between one girl's desire over another.
So along comes foster pet poet.
Little pocket pet poet.
He could fit inside a purse.
Only problem with poet is he only had eyes
for my one daughter.
None of the rest of us.
He was a difficult dog to foster.
I couldn't wait for him to move on.
And the day we were ready.
And I had his profile ready to go on the
internet, and I told the girls they picked
him up, stormed to the room, slammed the
door and screamed at me.
You can't take away our new best friend.
And there I sat.
In the quiet of the house, and my husband
came home to the quiet house.
I had been the leader of this foster team,
and I had failed to help them understand
that to win at fostering, you actually have
to lose. You have to give up that
relationship. Now, the logic is when you
give up that relationship, you create space
in your home for the next dog in need.
But Joe and I realized our kids were nowhere
near logic.
They weren't ready for another loss, and
neither of us were ready for another
tsunami. So that night we signed poet's
adoption papers, and he became our resident
pet that nobody's going to want us to foster
again until a month later, when Linda from
the agency called and said, Big Margo is an
animal impound and she is set to be
euthanized unless we pull her.
Are you willing to foster her?
Well, of course I'm going to say yes to
that. And I want to win.
I'm going to prove that we can do this as a
team. But Margo, all retriever and happy
dog, wiggled herself into our home and into
our lives. And yes, you are right, we failed
at fostering again.
Now we have two resident pets.
The kids aren't any happier.
They're pulling away further from their
friends. They're pulling away from us.
And I was just confounded.
And I sat and thought.
And I really started thinking about the
process here.
I thought I wanted what other people wanted.
And I think I did.
I started doing research and looking that
most people around the globe want to raise
happy, successful, independent kids that
remain connected to home.
So something else had to be there.
What was that? Something else?
Now I'm going to invite you if you're
feeling comfortable and you don't see what
you're going through, if you're comfortable
at it in the chat. But for us, some of these
things that got in the way were our
activities, the kids activities, cell phones
and sex and drugs and peer pressure and
mental health. We were going through all of
that. But that wasn't just it, because we
kept going on this hamster wheel.
Anybody else here feel like you're on a
hamster wheel?
You just keep doing the same thing over and
over, getting the same results.
Our kids were improving at all.
Our relationship wasn't improving.
Then I realized in that definition of
insanity attributed to Albert Einstein, of
doing the same thing over and over.
Joe and I were parenting like our parents.
We were parenting in an in a conventional
manner where we were thinking about
happiness over self-worth.
We were thinking about grades and
accomplishments and image and discipline.
So he and I started thinking about what if we
were to reparent ourselves?
What if we could go back and be the parents
of ourselves as teens?
What would we do different?
What would we do then and do for our kids
now to help them?
What I'd like you to do right now is get
yourself centered as you're sitting or
standing, and then with me, do a little
activity. We're going to lean to one side as
far as you can and come back to center.
Then lean in the other direction and come
back to center.
Now you didn't fall over.
I didn't see anybody fall over.
But what you did do is you used a strong
foundation to shift, to do something
different. So when it comes to parenting,
I'm not saying to diss your parents and how
you were raised, but to think about what are
those key things that have been helpful and
what could you be thinking to do different
in order to get a different result?
Thinking unconventionally now, to think
unconventionally and to do unconventional
things. Scary.
I know it's scary.
It takes courage.
It takes support.
So before we leave here today, I want you to
think about where support can come from,
from you, what gives you confidence, and
oddly enough, the dogs gave us confidence.
Yes, we failed at fostering twice, but we did
figure out how to succeed.
These are dogs that came to us that were
abandoned, abused, neglected, had medical
and physical needs.
Our job was to heal them and to help them
move forward into a new home.
We were successful, and I was able to take
those nuggets of success and the learning
lessons that came from them to help our
family shift.
That's what I'd like for you to think about
today. How can you help your family shift?
It begins with you.
You are the coach.
You are the leader.
If you want change, it has to resonate and
begin with you. That is the s, but you need
help. You need to go out and seek help.
With that help, you're going to get
information and input and then expect to
fail. We failed twice at fostering, but all
that information and failure fed back into
what we were doing in order to help us
thrive. But through the shift framework, it
helped us in our fostering, and it helped us
in raising resilient kids, and it helped to
reconnect our family.
So I challenge you to walk away today with
what do you like?
What do you think you can change, and where
do you feel that you can get the support you
need to do that one shift.
Thank you.
Diane Diaz: Fantastic job, Cindy.
That was wonderful.
Goodness. Now, of course I've seen you
deliver some most of that, but you are
getting so much more effective with the
storytelling, which you were. It was already
amazing, but you're really embodying it and
your movements and gestures and that
activity. How did that feel for you?
Cindy Ojczyk: I have practiced it a lot, and so it becoming
very comfortable and realizing that that's
how you get the engagement is to actually go
out and do it.
Diane Diaz: Yeah, that was fantastic.
And how let me ask you about the stories,
because I know those are very personal
stories. And as I said at the at the top of
this, um, this broadcast, that the more
personal the story is, the more universal or
the more, um, specific appeal it will have
to the audience. So the more you know, the
more you dig deep into your personal story.
It actually, we think sometimes will.
How is the audience going to relate?
It's so personal, but they really do.
And so how does it feel for you to deliver
so such personal I mean, those are personal
stories about your family.
So how does how does that feel for you?
Cindy Ojczyk: So I have worked on a manuscript and I'm
actually in the process of getting a book
published and.
I do, I I'm able to present this because my
family supports me on presenting it, because
my kids know that they struggled, and if
anything that they have done can help
somebody in the future get through their
struggles. So I it's easier for me to
deliver this because it is of my family, but
I also have their support.
Diane Diaz: Yes, yes, that's a really good point.
Because, you know, one of the things that
can happen when we deliver personal stories
is what we call a vulnerability hangover,
where you share something and then think,
oh, maybe I shouldn't have shared that.
And so but it's good to hear that you do
have your family's support and sharing that.
And then the impact of the message is that
much stronger because the stories are
personal. People in the audience are going
to relate to those stories with their
children or families, and then can use what
you're teaching them to help move them
forward and do that shift, like you said.
So thank you so much for sharing that.
Now let's get into our roundtable
discussion. So Amy's actually not going to
share her talk with us. But there's a reason
for that. And the reason for that is that.
And I'll let you talk about this, Amy.
But as I mentioned, Amy has authored a book,
and now she's in the process of writing or I
think might have finished writing her next
book, which will be coming out soon.
The talk is connected to the book, so that
is why you won't hear it here today, because
it's kind of under wraps.
But maybe, Amy, you can tell us a little bit
about that book, and if you would also touch
on how you wrapped portions of that, the
content of your book in to your talk, and
we'll get into kind of some of the
storytelling. But what is your upcoming book
about and how does it connect to the talk
and how are you using your talk?
Amy Bear: Yes. Well, as a psychotherapist, um, years
ago when I decided to return to school, I
had my own experience that I didn't
understand. And I write about relationships.
And so I had a ten year relationship that
was very troubled, and I didn't understand
it at the time I was younger, I wasn't a
therapist at the time, and when I left the
marriage, I really wanted to understand what
had happened in my marriage, and I wanted to
help other people because it was miserable
and I had no one to talk to.
I just didn't know what was going on.
It was about power, having a partner who's
got a need for power and control and and so
I didn't understand that at all.
So when I, um, later when I left them, after
I left the marriage, I went back to school
and I became, um, a psychotherapist so I
could understand my marriage and help
others. And I've I'm I wrote one book.
Um, it was a few years ago, and now I'm
writing another book that came out of my
practice in helping other people.
And, um, I wrote this talk.
It was wonderful to be with a thought leader
Academy, but I really wanted to write a
signature talk to promote my book.
So it has a lot of proprietary information
in it, and you have to wait till my book
comes out to get the information.
Um, because I wanted to, you know, it's in
the process of being published now.
And so I didn't want to reveal that
information, but that's why I came to the
Thought Leader Academy.
Diane Diaz: Yeah. Yes.
Thank you for sharing that.
And, you know, we do.
We have had several authors come through the
Thought Leader Academy and and, you know,
regardless of whatever the topic is that
you're, that you're creating your talk on,
we always push everyone in the Thought
Leader Academy to wrap these personal
stories into their talks.
Because as you know, Amy, when you're
working on your talk, those personal stories
come in and then help to inform how it's
going to resonate with the audience.
And, you know, even if there's technical
things that you're sharing or in your case,
things related to relationships and
counseling and, you know, working through
relationship troubles, your personal stories
are going to help your audience really
understand that you get them, you get where
they're coming from, and you're in
particular for you.
You've experienced what they're probably
experiencing. So that personal story has
that much more power.
Amy Bear: Absolutely. I, I actually write my personal
story in my book, and I had it hidden at the
end of the book.
But my book agent said, no, we're putting
that up front.
Diane Diaz: Oh, I love to hear that.
That's good.
Amy Bear: When I joined the Thought Leader Academy
started developing my signature talk, Carol
and Diane said, okay, you got to put your
story in there.
And it's really the power behind my book,
and it's the power behind my talk is my own
personal story.
Um, in so many ways.
I mean, it gives me credibility.
It helps me really to understand from an
inside view.
And it helped me develop the ideas that are
in my book now.
So stories very, very important.
Diane Diaz: Yes. Absolutely.
Yes. Thank you for sharing that, Amy.
And so as I mentioned, both Cindy and Amy
are recent graduates from the Thought Leader
Academy. And so Cindy and Amy and I'll start
with you, Cindy.
How? How did it feel in.
Well, let me ask it this way.
What were your expectations going into the
VIP day, and then what was it actually like?
Did you have certain expectations and then
it was different or tell us about that.
Cindy Ojczyk: I had a vision or a theory that I was hoping
that theory was going to come true, but I
had no idea how that was going to happen.
And that was I had all these thoughts in my
head, and how would I take these thoughts
and make them into one cohesive pathway and.
I hadn't been able to do that up to that
point, so that's why I went into it as a
hypothesis. And I was just I thought it was
magic. The whole VIP day was just magic.
And I know talking to Amy and then the other
two women in the in the group that we all
use that word because you have a formula.
But that formula works across so many ways.
And it created this wonderful thing.
So it exceeded my expectations.
Diane Diaz: Yes. I'm so glad to hear that.
And yes, it's it seems like, well, if I have
all these ideas, why can't I put them
together in a talk?
Like, why can't I make something cohesive
come out of my head? Right.
But when and I'm, I don't know who to
attribute this expression to.
So I didn't come up with this.
But I always say, wherever I hear this, from
that you can't see the label from inside the
jar. So you're inside the jar, but you can't
see the label. But we can see the label.
Carol and I can see that label.
Like we can see the thread.
So we're working in the VIP day together and
you're talking, talking, talking.
We are seeing it.
So we're pulling out all the bits and
pieces. But they're all your ideas and
they're all your your message and your
stories. And then it just takes shape.
So I'm, I'm glad that that's the experience
that you had because that's, that's our
goal. And Amy, how was it for you?
Because I know, you know, you've got the
book that you're thinking about, but you
also have these messages.
And then of course, wrapping in stories.
So did you have certain expectations going
into the VIP day and what did it end up.
Did those how did those pan out?
Amy Bear: Yes. Well, like Cindy, I had all of these
different thoughts and ideas swimming around
in my head and I was really hoping and I did
my VIP day with Carol.
I was really hoping that Carol could help me
narrow it down and really make it more
concise and really pull out the information
that was most important.
And that's exactly what she did.
It was amazing.
I mean, she asked me the right questions as
she served as, uh, as you both, uh, said, as
sort of a mirror to, um, to help me realize
how the audience was going to respond and
what they needed, also from a different
perspective, which was enormously helpful.
And, uh, it was just, uh, at the end of the
day, I, I was it was late in the day for me.
And, but I just wanted to go ahead and get
it all down, you know, in an outline,
because I was so excited about the flow and
about the elements of the talk and about my
interaction with Carol for three.
Uh, yeah, with Carol for three hours.
And it was, uh, it went beyond my
expectations. Really.
Diane Diaz: Oh, I'm so happy to hear that.
That's wonderful. And I know, you know, I
know you mentioned, like, you have all these
ideas swirling around.
One of the things that I've noticed about
the VIP days is that often clients come with
all the ideas and sometimes a lot of ideas,
and it's it's hard to know how not not just
how to structure those ideas, but which ones
to use because you can't put them all in the
talk. Right. And so I think the tendency
with a signature talk is to want to tell
them everything, but you can't.
And so I think that's one of the benefits of
having another person like myself or Carol,
work with you is to pull out the most
relevant points and then connect it with
stories so that you're delivering not every
point and every idea that you have, but the
most relevant ones that will best resonate
with the audience based on whatever your
goals are. So like, for you promoting your
book, you know, and then Cindy's creating
this, this talk to start delivering this, to
start fleshing out those ideas.
So that I think is the benefit of working
with someone, is that you can you can set
aside the ideas that you know, okay, those
are ideas you can share in another talk, but
you can't put them all in the one talk.
Right? So we help you to sort of sort of dig
through all those ideas.
Um, so let me ask you this question.
I'm curious because we're talking about
storytelling and of course, you've both.
I know, Cindy, you just told some very
personal stories. And Amy, you of course,
you mentioned that in your book and also in
your talk is your personal story of of being
in that relationship.
Have either of you experienced what I
mentioned earlier, the vulnerability
hangover from sharing personal stories?
Has that ever happened?
Have you have you felt that?
Did you share the stories and then think,
oh, I don't know.
Cindy.
Cindy Ojczyk: Well, when I first started writing about my
experiences, because I, I had originally
thought I was going to be writing a book on
how to foster, and what I was told from my
beta readers was they wanted an ark, while
the ark was the thing that I was struggling
to get out there because it was the
vulnerability of our family going through
the issues. So I wrote and wrote and wrote
with the idea with my kids that they would
have to approve what I wrote.
So the vulnerability was probably the first
time they read my stories.
Diane Diaz: Oh, I can imagine because.
Cindy Ojczyk: It was my reflection of the events of our
family during the time we were raising the
kids and and during times of turmoil for
them, and to see how they would react.
So that was probably the most vulnerable.
And then once we got past that.
And they're they're older now.
Diane Diaz: Yes, yes. Different perspective.
Right? Yes.
Cindy Ojczyk: Different perspective. If it was they were
still teens. We might not be having this
conversation.
Diane Diaz: Yes. No, that makes sense.
But so thank you for sharing that.
I think it's an important point because
oftentimes in sharing our story, there are
other people involved in that story.
And so, you know, we always say share your
own story, but other people's stories are
theirs to share. But as you said, you've
gotten permission from your children.
And so that that makes it, you know, an
excellent sort of training situation in your
talk to share that story so that other
families can benefit from that as well.
Now, Amy, what about you?
Have you had a vulnerability hangover ever
in sharing your story?
Amy Bear: I yeah, I'm not the type of person who likes
to be the center of attention.
And um, so I, I've had vulnerability
hangovers and I know exactly what they are.
But the thing about it being a
psychotherapist, it's what I do all day.
We talk about everything that's vulnerable
and and and sometimes I disclose information
about myself if it's a good intervention for
my client. And so I'm, I'm I'm pretty
comfortable with that.
Uh, but I was kind of in the same position
as, as Cindy because there were other people
involved in this story.
And, and so I didn't know at first when I
wrote the story how my my wonderful second
husband, who's very supportive, we had a
long, happy marriage.
I don't know, I didn't know how he would
react. I didn't know how my son would react.
Who still has a relationship, you know, with
his his father from my first marriage.
So I had to kind of I had to navigate all of
that. But, you know, it was kind of like
Cindy's experience in a way.
I mean, they were all so supportive because
I handled that's the way I handled it.
You know, I wasn't accusing anybody.
I was just telling my story and how I felt
and being really authentic about it and and
not bringing in, you know, anger or
frustration or resentment and all those
things that really can, um, can not set well
with people. And so it worked out really
well. So as soon as I got straight on my
loved ones and knowing that they were going
to, that they were fine with the story.
And they in fact, they encouraged me to tell
it then then I was, I was, I was fine with
it and and I was able to move forward with
telling my story.
Yeah.
Diane Diaz: Oh, that's that's such a lovely way to put
that. So, so I think, you know, for our, for
our listeners and anybody watching this, you
know, if, if you're thinking about sharing
your story in your talk or in, you know, any
messaging and you're hesitant if there are
other people involved, of course, check it
out with them. But be willing to take that
leap because your story, as you can see from
Cindy and from Amy, your story is going to
impact your audience in a bigger way than if
you just share tips or facts or you know
information with them.
The story really brings the ideas to life
and makes those ideas resonate more deeply
because we identify with other people's
stories. Storytelling has been around for
even before there were written words, and
there's a reason for that.
And we identify with stories.
So I would encourage anyone who is working
on a talk to incorporate storytelling into
your talk and tell as personal a story as
you can so that you can make that
connection. So thank you, Cindy, and thank
you, Amy, for not only coming on our
broadcast for backstage at Speaking Your
Brand today, but also for joining us in the
Thought Leader Academy and for being willing
to share personal stories and being open and
just so, um, wonderfully supportive of one
another. I truly appreciate both of you and
all the women in the Thought Leader Academy,
so thank you for that and.
Amy Bear: Thank you also. This has been a wonderful
experience for me and I highly recommend it.
Uh, it's it's just brought brought a lot
more than just a signature talk to my life.
Really. Well thank you out some some new
ideas and some new ways of thinking.
Yeah.
Diane Diaz: Oh well, I would.
Cindy Ojczyk: Second what Amy has to say.
Far exceeded my expectations.
I had to keep up with all of you.
A lot of work going on there.
There was a lot of work.
Diane Diaz: Cindy learned a bunch of new things, learned,
learned how to do slides and and technology
and microphones and all the things.
So that's awesome.
Well, thank you both.
And for anybody who is watching or
listening, if you want to connect with us,
you can find us on LinkedIn.
And if you're interested in joining the
Thought Leader Academy, you can visit
speaking your brand.com/academy again that
is speaking your brand.com/academy.
Until next time.
Thanks for listening.