foreign
[Music]
ladies and gents
Guys and Dolls and everyone in between
gather round
something real nice to sip on and comfy
to slip on
cause it's time for smut Club
here's your hosts Chelsea and Anna
hey everybody I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea
welcome to smut Club how's your day
going
we are living the dream here I hope that
you all are having a good one are we
living the dream or are we living a
dream someone's dream I was gonna say I
think you've had a bit of a a nightmare
this morning but yeah so for some
context y'all some something weird is
going on with my eye and like Hannah's
looking at me and I'm only partially
looking at Hannah because my eye is
swollen shut and my husband had to go
pick up
prescription drops and then I was crying
when he got too close to my eye with the
drops and it's just been a whole ass
mess
so we but you know outside of that like
if that's the worst thing that happens
today
it's all up from here like if that's the
worst thing that happened today we're
doing fantastic yes and I can appreciate
that that's the energy that we're
bringing right I don't I don't need to
see to record a podcast you do not
although you continue to direct your
eyes towards me and I can't be sure what
you're actually taking in well
it feels rude to not look at you with
what little vision I have like I can see
I can see enough and we are having a
conversation so it feels a little like
rude to like know I can see you but like
look off into another place
fair enough we'll see how this goes I
have when I was like explaining to
Hannah I was like yeah you know how like
when I got my nose pierced my eyes water
and like I feel like my nose runs when I
like have [ __ ] going on with my eye so I
have
it almost feels like a dry hand wet hand
baking
oh I hated that so much
I'm like
you everyone just heard me sniffle
I have like my nose tissue and my eye
tissue but then I keep
forgetting which one is which and my
husband just keeps shouting they're
single use get new ones and I was like
well I don't need a new one every time I
just like try and like
stop my eye from watering I will I will
agree that the nose tissues can be
refreshed more easily then he tried to
take all of my tissues earlier and I was
like no
I'm not going to explain the whole
process no one needs that the it's the
very that's this is It's been a struggle
yeah we're we're trying our best oh [ __ ]
it's happening again okay
I'm like the saddest pirate ever like
I'm I only have one at least it's my
dominant eye see we can always do a
positive reframe my job and an eye is my
working eye
um and the even better news is that
Hannah chose the book for today and is
going to lead us through it so no one
has to rely on me in my leaky eye
well the thing that I'm struggling with
is when I look at you my eye then begins
to water in like sympathy I have
sympathy eye water
at least it's in sympathy and not
because it's grossing you out no it's
not grossing me out
fair enough I've worked impatient for
far too long to be grossed out by
tears come on now yeah you do hit a
point like working like inpatient
working Community Mental Health where
like at some point you're like
well that's another human's bodily
fluids don't know where they came from
but I'm the one in charge of cleaning it
so so here we go so we're gonna go yeah
I was like telling my husband relatively
recently I was like oh yeah whenever
someone would like urinate in our lobby
there was like this like essentially cat
litter stuff that we'd like put over it
to absorb it and you simply clean and
he's like what that's real
um it sure is it's effective also we had
a woman she was very much in the midst
of a psychotic episode one time but she
loved me so like I stayed late because
like I was the one who could like corral
her and
she reaches for my hand I'm like sitting
in her assessment she's like trust me do
you trust me I trust you do you trust me
like like repeating I was like yeah I
trust you and then she just goes good
get me napkins get me napkins right now
and then I realized as we were holding
hands she was wetting herself oh oh
bless it
that was a weird night she like that
that was like that wasn't the weirdest
thing that happened with her that night
I believe it yeah but that's a story for
another time so let me tell you what's
not weird is this book this book that we
are reviewing is called boyfriend which
is the first in the MU you series I wish
that was a joke by Serena Bowen moo like
a cow is mooing University oh I was
thinking like
like a sorority or a fraternity like
like Greek life moo no so this is set in
Vermont and it's very much around the
local hockey team
um
at the college so we open with Abby
um she is a waitress in a local bar and
Wing joint
um while she's going to school full-time
um she really needs the money and she is
staying at this job that she's not a
particular fan of because she gets a
1500 bonus
um if she can make it for a year and
she's not too far away from that so
she's really pushing through because she
really needs that money and she works
with her bestie Carly
um and the local hockey players from the
college come in all the time
um and she very much enjoys
um serving them she has a thing for one
of the players named Weston
um and one night they're in she brings
their table beer and a freshman makes a
really rude comment about her giving
Weston a lap dance or something or
striptease or something
um did she give him a striptease she did
not because it's Weston's birthday and
so he's like hey don't you wanna you
know okay and so Weston like very
valiantly comes to her defense and all
this and Abby is like super swoony about
it she's very into it
um and
as an aside she wears a name tag that
says Gail on it
we will I guess we'll find out why
eventually but all these hockey players
think her name is Gail so did you ever
watch Superstore yes it's like how she
changed the name on her name tag every
every shift
which is kind of brilliant
exactly but Abby didn't do this
intentionally when she makes it less
brilliant
um well that's less fun to find out so
they're her last table and while she's
rolling silverware she overhears them
talking about Weston's Thanksgiving
plans
um so he hangs up a flyer on like their
bulletin board in the bar that says for
25 he'll be a Thanksgiving date
he's from out of town he doesn't have
any plans all the guys on his team are
like bro this feels risky like
um also you know what feels the riskiest
to me 25 right is that 25 per hour or 25
25 flat and a good Thanksgiving meal
that's all he's looking for oh no I want
more for you like believe in yourself
well
um it all the guys are like bro like
just just come to my house just come to
my house and he's like no I'm not doing
that apparently he's done it the last
two years and he intends to follow
through on it for this third year
um so after they leave she takes a
number off the flyer
um and goes home
so then we switch to Westin's point of
view also very kind of her to not just
like take the whole flyer right but
you'd be like no no I'll give other hoes
the option too
yeah I don't know that I would have done
that I think I would have just taken the
whole fire been like this is for me yeah
I'm like dibs
for 25
what a bargain right
um so now we're at Weston's point of
view he's walking to class
um and he gets a call from his brother
Stevie
um his brother is pissed that he's not
coming home for Thanksgiving apparently
their parents had a messy divorce about
three years ago and dad is still bitter
and ragey
um and so their sister is getting
married soon and Mom is throwing an
engagement party right before Christmas
he's got like his whole family is a hot
mess of like his family systems is
complex I was gonna say his family
Dynamics could do with some therapy
um and so
uh Westin kind of in his head is
thinking about how he's absolutely
horrified by the idea of marriage he's
like why would you even want to do that
to yourself
um after watching his parents go through
what they went through
um but then he gets a text
inquiry about his flyer from a girl
named Abby
um who tells him about the Thanksgiving
spread that's going to be at her
stepdad's house
um and it sounds pretty awesome so he
decides to just go ahead and accept he's
had other inquiries but he's like this
food sounds [ __ ] awesome and I don't
need to entertain anybody else no [ __ ]
he's had other inquiries he's not
charging enough for his service well but
also his name isn't on the flyer so
nobody knows it's like this big like
defenseman on the hockey team which I'm
like as as a woman I don't know that I
would be texting a random number for a
date for Thanksgiving that feels unsafe
I mean for Abby she knows who it is but
none of these other women do well and
I'm also once again I'm not trying to
harp on the price but I'm like not
knowing who it is and 25 feels very
different than not knowing who it is and
be like okay 200 I'm willing to like
feel this out but I'm like 25 feels
too low for me to take a chance on not
knowing
well
he was willing to go there and didn't
care and clearly the other college
students also didn't care fair enough
um so a few weeks go by they have
exchanged a few text messages but
haven't really talked and they haven't
met in person yet okay so it's
Thanksgiving day he shows up a little
early
um to this mystery girl's apartment
um and he wonders what she's like he is
a self-admitted uh man [ __ ]
um and he calls himself Mr Smooth which
should tell you everything you need to
know about him as a person I'm liking
less and less and less yeah he comes
back around but it does take a minute
um so the door opens and it's the hot
waitress and he's like hold up hold up
hold up apparently he's been lusting
after her like for a very long time
um but he feels like it would be really
rude to ask a girl out when she's just
trying to do her job like that's not
cool to hit on a girl girl who's trying
to make it through her shift which I can
appreciate as someone who worked in a
bar for a very long time yeah
um so we'll give him points for the
respect we will also I would just like
everyone to note that when Hannah was
like she opened the door and he's like
oh it's the hot waitress I was like Hey
and did a shoulder dance but my eyes are
closed so
I'm just vibing by myself right now even
though I'm vibing like three feet across
from Hannah I just couldn't see her so
we'll let it we'll let it ride man you
do what you need to do to make it
through the day Fair
um so she is super gorgeous and he
cannot believe his luck that like he put
up this flyer and it's the hot waitress
um so he gets really awkward
um because he's like she is really hot
and I was not ready for this to happen
um so she explains that they're going to
her stepfather's house to have dinner
with him and his new wife
um but she doesn't explain further so
that's super weird like she also has a
complicated family system she does shut
up she does got it her genogram her
family genogram would be a bit of a mess
um
so do you use genograms in sessions uh
no I never have I never
like I feel like I didn't like
internships yeah but I feel like in like
real life no I remember I guess I have a
little bit of a trauma response to
genograms because when I had to do mine
we're sitting in my family therapy class
whatever and my professors explaining
genograms and everybody in the class is
like shouting out these these scenarios
and she's drawing them on the board with
all the symbols right and it's like what
if somebody has a secret love child from
a secret affair what about like all this
random [ __ ] right and she's just
throwing stuff on the board no problem
so then I raise my hand and I'm like hey
what if two people
each have kids from previous
relationships and then they meet and the
woman is already pregnant with another
man's baby but he decides that he's
gonna marry her anyway and then adopts
that baby and then they have another
baby of their own how do you draw that
and she was like see me after class
I was like okay she was like oh this one
this one like let's just talk about this
one in private she's like yeah just see
me after class I was like oh okay all
right you're like is this scenario not
common enough that everyone should
should be in the know about it I'm like
you had no problem drawing like a secret
whole secret family it wasn't even a
secret love child as a secret family it
was no [ __ ] problem but whatever so
there was this mind you I don't remember
how long ago it was and I'm probably
gonna watch the details but there's this
like very bougie private school in Tampa
Florida
and this dude had a secret family and
his kids from his real family and his
secret family all went to the same
bougie private school
his wife from the real family passed
away
I forget what exactly happened I don't I
don't know if like there was any like
Foul Play but like she passed away then
suddenly he shows up at all of the
events for the school with his new wife
from the secret family and I think like
they've just been saying like oh yeah
like Dad was out of town like I don't I
don't really remember all of the details
but then everyone like put the like
connected the doctor like hold up hold
up hold up what we thought you were
married to someone else
and your spouse just died but now yeah
I'm like so how do you draw that
[Laughter]
I'll have to see if I can find that
professor's email and shoot that
situation
hypothetical exactly coming back with it
oh sorry my cat just is like swishing
his tail and hitting the mic with it
right he just wants to be a part of it
he really does that's not the time but I
love his participation spirit so now
yep participatory his participatory
Spirit yeah okay sorry so Western's like
I can't believe my luck it's the hot
waitress hell yeah yeah we're gonna go
spend
what I don't know I don't understand her
family systems but I'm making 25 and
getting food here we go
um and I get to hang out with a hottie
so it could be a worse day for Weston
wins all around so he's confused about
why her name tag says Gail and she
explains that the manager is just lazy
as [ __ ] and made the wrong name tag like
saw that her name was Abigail on her
application it was like Gail sounds
right instead of like asking
um and refused to fix it so refuse to
fix it yeah he refused to make her a new
one with her actual nickname on it so
um
what Weston's like I actually don't care
about that I am just super into this
girl right now yeah so then he decides
that maybe after a good meal he can have
dessert
Ayo that's a quote not the AO part but
that he wants to have dessert it's a
euphemism it is I get it yeah it is
so back to Abby
um she's really nervous but Weston is
really sweet and he's like asking
questions and blah blah blah they decide
to say that they've been dating for
about a month
um and she explains that she never knew
her father and her mom married Dalton
um but then passed away three years ago
leaving her nothing
um but Dalton helps her with books but
wouldn't pay for an apartment for her
which is why she works
so she mentions that she has this new I
guess sort of stepbrother
um and says that he's a tool
um yeah so they just chat about like
what's your major and like getting to
know each other before they pretend to
be in a relationship in front of her
family
um and then he makes her sing with him
so that she'll loosen up a bit as before
they like head into the house and she's
like he is really really sweet like he
is a really nice guy and so she had
brought wine for dinner but then
realizes that she forgot it in the car
um and Weston says that either he can go
grab it or they can save it to have
later oh
um and then she's like
is he just is this part of the boyfriend
routine is he being serious I'm not sure
I'm into it but I also don't want to be
intuitive he's not into it so she gets a
little weird
you know that's valid she's like is he
just laying this on
does he think this is included in the 25
experience exactly
um so back to Weston dinner's super
awesome
um but he's picking up on like a weird
tension between uh Abby and The
Stepbrother
um they play pool with her stepdad
um and then uh Weston is trying to think
of an excuse so they can leave because
he's like I am banging this girl tonight
like I need to get the [ __ ] out of here
um but like so he tries to make up an
excuse
um my notes say he very much wants to
play naked twister with Abby
um but he mentions a paper to Dalton who
offers to help him with it because
Weston's pre-med Dalton's a doctor he's
like oh step into my office and Dalton's
like or Wesson's like [ __ ]
um so he goes stepmom mentions that she
has some of Abby's mother's things for
her to go through because she's trying
to get rid of them and so
um
after a while Westing goes looking for
her but can't find her anywhere and then
he hears a male voice in the kitchen
telling her like that she's a [ __ ] and
generally being really awful
um and so let me guess
The Stepbrother oh my God
so Abby's telling him basically to [ __ ]
off
um and then he can't find them but then
he finally finds them in the pantry like
he's starting to freak out because he
can't find them
um so he almost loses his [ __ ] and beats
the [ __ ] out of The Stepbrother
um but winds up just pulling him away
and they finally leave
um
and they drove in her car but she's like
shaking all over and so he's like I'm
I'm gonna be driving
um and then he asked about Christmas
because he realizes like he can't be her
date for Christmas so is she gonna be
safe
um and she says that she's just gonna
make up an excuse not to go
um and he feels like he failed her
because he didn't he didn't prevent this
from happening and that's why she needed
a date but he he didn't know it's a
whole thing
um the situation he didn't even know
existed he is internalizing the guilt
okay yeah so yeah
so she has tried to tell her stepdad
multiple times but he doesn't really
want to hear it like he's very newly
married to this woman
um and so she has an outright said like
he you know he's abusive she just says
like he makes me really uncomfortable
and Dalton just kind of like dismisses
it
um so yeah Weston then realizes that he
will not be getting laid
um which he's fine with
um he's like Abby needs a day off and a
new family
um not some guy trying to get her naked
so he like very respectfully drops drops
her off at her front door
um so back to Abby
um she wakes up still feeling super
gross about the night before
um and then she realizes she never paid
Westin after all of your concern about
the 25 he didn't even get it
um so did he get the the was the food
good the food he was worried about that
pretty clutch so she texts him
um and he says that he was never
actually gonna take the money
um that he put that on there to weed out
weirdos and I'm like bro we need to go
higher than 25 if we're trying to weed
out weirdos but okay
um that's like posting a [ __ ]
Craigslist Craigslist ad and like being
like I figured 25 would weed out the
weirdos no
no it does not
if anything I think it like lures more
weirdos
right
um because that's a bargain really so
she winds up buying his next round of
wings when he comes to the bar
um and then he shows up at the end of
one of her shifts to help her roll
silverware and they're just like kind of
she's been avoiding him because she's
like this is just super [ __ ]
embarrassing in general
um but then he asks her to be his date
for Christmas with his family
um because he says that his dad will be
on his best behavior or if she's there
um and and she can avoid her stepbrother
so it's a win-win all around
um so she agrees so
she has a second job at a flannel
company
um so we're back to Weston's point of
view he goes to pick her up from there
um she's super gorgeous good question
what
I'm telling you this one's a warm bowl
of nothing I'm trying to make it it's
just not though
you know my questions are really just
about what a flannel company like is
that like do they just sell jackets do
they shut do they sell blankets is it
the textile side of flannel fabrication
is it a like more of an apparel like is
it a retail store it's more apparel okay
they primarily do online
stuff but they do have a small
storefront
um so they do like robes and slippers
and pajamas and shirts and jackets and
stuff like that got it also I love that
you're like I'm trying to make it
something but it's just a warm ball of
nothing and honestly Hannah I think I
think you just need to commit to it
being a warm wall of nothing instead of
being like I realize I'm the one being
like so tell me more about the flannels
like I mean
I feel like this is like all right we're
gonna try something here
give me a three minute summary of the
rest of the book oh my God okay
um so she goes with him to Christmas
um and it's a bit of a mess they have
her his sister's engagement party his
dad shows his ass Abby then wait like
his ass not literally
um that oh
he like shows his ass I was like like he
shows out like she goes back around and
find out or yeah okay so we find out
that the reason his dad is such a
disaster is because his mom left his dad
for Dad's brother
oh [ __ ] yeah so it's super messy
um so Abby basically tells his dad that
he's a [ __ ] face and so you see a [ __ ]
face uh a bit Yeah like he's like the
whole engagement party so there's also
like good reason why Weston's mom left
him for his uncle I mean it doesn't seem
like he started this kind of drinking
too much being all this kind of way
until after she left but
fair enough yeah
um so
um yeah so they
after the the whole thing her his dad is
like what do you even know about life in
general like you don't know anything and
she's like both of my parents are dead
your family is still here and you
continue to push them away so maybe I
know a little bit more than you think I
do
and his dad is appropriately chastised
chastifies to such a good word it is
such a good word great vocab so um
Western feels terrible
um that all of this happened and
um they wind up going back they pretend
to have sex because they're trying to
convince the brother that they're really
a couple because brother is like Weston
doesn't do commitment this is not real
Weston's brother they're trying to okay
yeah so they pretend to have sex like
making the sounds and like pushing the
bed against the wall and stuff Brandon's
having a moment
it was a short moment but it might it
might not be short we never know what my
dog is feeling but you know what's a fun
thing what today is his gotcha day like
it's his anniversary we got him five
years ago today happy Gotcha Day Brandon
right he um we got him when he was eight
weeks old when we were living in
Nashville
he lived in Toledo
and we literally got up like 5 a.m drove
straight to this family's house picked
him up
gave them cash they gave us a dog we got
in the car we drove back to Nashville
all in one day and then it's a long day
it really was it was a Sunday and then I
worked the next day and
um then we got married two weeks later
and my sister was very like you should
not get an eight week old puppy two
weeks before you get married and I said
I'm gonna live my life
and and you did and I did and I'm
obsessed with Brandon so like it all
worked out it really did
um not the best phone call I've ever had
with my sister
but we made it through and he
is adorable but far
far larger than he was
he is a husky boy
and he's lost weight he has he's doing
really good
do you think like when you get to my
house are you like oh Brandon's lost
weight or are you like he's still a
thick boy I mean he is still a thick boy
but I did think that the last time I was
here yeah I feel like he stalled out a
little bit I just like doing a plateau
well I don't think his body wants to be
smaller so let it be right I'm like no I
cut back his food as asked and this is
just where his body
wants to be yeah I mean that can happen
like all right when I started doing hot
yoga consistently
I know a lot of people lose weight when
they start doing it I gained 10 pounds
when I started doing yoga consistently
and they were like ah your body's just
regulating to where it wants to be I was
like it's not where I want my body to be
and they're like well that's between you
and your body I was like this is was it
muscle
um one I was in a really stressful
season of life and I think I'd like
probably gotten gotten lower than what
is a healthy weight for me but at a
number that I was like I like this
number better
um I think when you are doing that much
hot yoga on like on a daily basis you
start retaining water right um and then
I think there probably was a muscle
component to it so I think like there
was a lot of aspects at play at that
time but like where I regulated to
is just probably truly where my body
wants to be right um
even if I was like I like this number on
the scale better and you know what now I
just don't own a scale same
I like I said that to my mom recently
and she's like oh why didn't you tell me
we just like got rid of a bunch of them
and I was like no Mom that I I know I'm
not asking for one yeah I was like it's
intentional right even like being
pregnant when I go to the doctor
I don't even I don't look I'm like I
don't I mean like I don't need to know
how much weight this Baby's putting on
my body like
I try and eat healthy I try and move and
I think that's enough you know it is
enough yeah yeah sorry that was a big
tangent so they pretend to Bone hey
there's my puppies
we'll get you right back to the show in
just a moment but first
do you like us maybe even love us cause
we sure love you
and if you do love us don't tease us
tell us in those ratings and reviews
wherever you're listening right now
maybe even send us over to a special
sexy someone that would enjoy getting
smutty with us
because you know the first rule of smug
Club is to talk about smart Club
all right I won't keep you any longer
let's get back to the show
[Music]
pretend a bone okay
um
but Watson is like this isn't funny
anymore like I'm super into it so anyway
the next day is Christmas Eve they hang
out Christmas Day they exchange gifts
it's very sweet and then his dad pulls
out a present for Abby
um and it's a like a really nice
computer bag like Satchel thing
um and he's like well I got it I got one
just like that for my daughter when she
graduated
um and since you don't have anyone to do
that for you I I wanted to do that and
so then of course Abby burst into tears
um and the dad's like oh [ __ ] my bad I'm
like so sorry good good sweet tears yeah
it was very very sweet
um so they just have a really good time
generally
um and then
um yeah
a lot of I'm trying to I I'm like am I
still on the three minute thing I'm
passing you know I also took us on a
very long tangent that was definitely
more than three minutes
and I do appreciate that you're like
none of these details they're like it's
just more of a warmble of nothing it is
um so we're just a good warm bowl of
nothing we're gonna flash to New Year's
Eve so okay so so they celebrate
Christmas it's really nice yep they're
like we could be great friends
um New Year's Eve so the places happen
um what place the bar of where she works
my bad I'm trying to go too fast now I'm
leaving out details and we need to
stress you out it's that weird balance
because we're like do we need these
details and you're like oh [ __ ] just a
couple more but actually we did need
that one I think that one was relevant
um so the bar she's working is obviously
open she's working the New Year's Eve
shift it's popping
um and
um
yeah hey Craig so you are literally
stretching and putting your ass in
Hannah's face right
well I have three cats of my own so it's
not that I'm not used to it
um it's just a thing cats do you know I
do
like is it like they're being they're
proud
I just don't care
I think they're like I will stretch
where I want when I want and I do not
care
I wish I had that confidence right like
I will put my ass where I want to
however I see fit in whatever manner if
you don't like it you can move around my
ass and not the other way around exactly
exactly okay so sorry everyone I was
just like watching Hannah try and like
look at her notes for this book and I
just see myself blocking them and I was
like oh he's really showing out he was a
little bit
um so
uh the there's a new bouncer at the bar
this night okay and
um keeps asking specifically for Abby to
bring him a drink and she's like okay
um so finally she goes over and she uh
the direct quote is the words die as I
see who the new bouncer is and then it
cuts back to Weston
um so he's like I am into her and I want
to bang her still so he's like tonight
it is so she's like he's like tonight's
the night like I'm making my move and
then
um he sees the new bouncer yeah he sees
that and he's like oh no
um and she's super upset and so he's
like
um
he he winds up giving her a hug and he's
like this is not what I was hoping for
but it's still pretty good like it could
be worse
um so he does you know I appreciate that
like he can read the room he can yeah
we're like he's like
I'm I'm gonna boner on Thanksgiving nope
I just watched her get
verbally assaulted by her stepbrother
not the time oh right New Year's Eve
went sideways well
like I appreciate that you can be a
gentleman he can he can oh we'll give
him that like he can
um he he's not all about his own needs
he's paying attention yeah yeah
um so then
um basically he shows up to walk her
home after every shift from that point
forward
um and his teammates are giving him a
bunch of [ __ ]
um and then
um
yeah
he winds up kissing Abby eventually
um as he walks her home and
um she asks him to stay and uh my notes
just say Weston is beside himself he's
so excited
um and he tells her that he doesn't want
to pretend anymore to be with her
because that's what he's been doing in
front of his stepbrother
um
so then my notes say they bang
um so it it becomes real it becomes real
they become a real couple there's a
solidifying [ __ ] yes there is a
solidifying [ __ ] but it's not that
solidifying because Weston is still on
his whole like we're keeping it casual
thing I want it to be real but I also
don't want commitment precisely I just
want in your pants like that's basically
it
um Boston we were doing so well I was
really just typing you yeah so they've
been banging for a while now but then
um he usually leaves right after but
then he asked to stay
um and he floats the idea in the morning
of being my notes say friends with
Benny's I believe that is a direct quote
and I'm really sorry about it
um since he doesn't do real
relationships does Benny's mean eggs
benedict I was like does that mean
Benadryl
um honestly yeah friend friends with a
walking Pharmacy see in their pocket
when you need it friends who make you
eggs benedict whenever you want I need
more friends like that yes Benedict
what are like yeah when people like
Friends with Benefits I was like okay
but what is the benefit right orgasms in
this case
I was hoping you'd say so disappointed
right now she's like can you be more
basic [ __ ] orgasms where are the eggs
where's the hollandaise like
like honestly I was like
uh even if the benefit was like
Pizza
I don't know right right like I'm a I'm
a very food motivated person apparently
same but I'm like no come on I need more
benefits than just orgasms because quite
frankly I can give myself orgasm I don't
need assistance no so you need to be
coming with something more to the table
benefits it's there's an s on the end
it's not friends with benefit it's
friends with benefits so there should be
multiple well I guess the other benefit
for her is that he's walking her home
and keeping her safe and stuff like that
damn it Hannah you gotta come out with
the logic all right I'll give it to you
so
um she they're also not doing anything
serious because she's planning to leave
Vermont after she graduates is she
graduating in the spring she is
graduating in the spring she's
graduating a year early
um well smarty pants she has a little
smarty pants
um so she's applying for jobs in New
York Weston has another year in school
and then he's going to do med school at
the same same College in Burlington
um yeah my notes are like they bang it
out like that's just like every so often
it's like they bang it out
um
so she feels like like jot like lines
are getting kind of blurred yeah a
little bit but then at the same time
like she'll go days at a time without
hearing from him and so she's like yeah
no this isn't like a real thing
um so
she goes to New York for a bunch of
interviews none of them really go well
she feels super lonely
um so she calls him they have I don't
know Skype sex I guess
um and she's super into it he's super
into it
whatever
um better than only one of them being
into it precisely yeah you know um she
is like I'm not showing you anything
right now and he's like that's cool I'll
show you mine like
he's like whatever you're comfortable
with babe I'm comfortable with this and
she's like okay well all right well
there we are um but I also appreciate
that he respected her boundary and
didn't like push it do you remember that
um
woof
damn there's so many wolves
the wolf Hotel series
oh I [ __ ] hated that series I hate
you really do so much you really did oh
my God like like deep in my soul I hated
it
um
I was thinking about like I don't know
it was the I think it was in the second
book
um where
Ronan well that was his name right
um one of the side dudes like text her a
picture it's like of like his like upper
body and you can like see his hand as
like down by his genitals and then he
after he sends that picture he text her
and he's like did that picture offend
you and she's like no and then he's like
good and then sends her a picture of his
dick right after he's like masturbated
because I'm like that's a sharp
escalation
also a weird Choice like why would you
send right after like wouldn't
never mind I think it was like a like
this is what you do to me yeah I think
it was one of those situations but the
whole series made me cringe the entire
time I hated it she was just so annoying
yes she was annoying he was overbearing
the two side dudes were the only thing I
liked about any of it
it was terrible
yeah was he overbearing or was she just
annoying no he was pretty overbearing
and mean
especially at the beginning at the
beginning you're right yeah I think like
I was thinking more of like later well
he had four books to redeem himself and
it wasn't enough for me apparently but
it's like a lot like when people are
like
it started okay or it started rough but
then like
once he made it 15 episodes in the show
redeemed itself and you're like ain't
nobody got time to watch 15 episodes
nope for it to redeem itself so I I am
there with you I do think he like came
around and like got better but I think
it yeah but she didn't it was too little
she's like oh gosh she was awful she was
yeah that's a review for another time
but that's what it made me think of
where it's like well I'm comfortable
with this like it's like oh did that
picture offend you no let me
substantially escalate this situation
right
um but anyway so she's back in Vermont
she's back at work
and she has to continuously remind
herself that like they don't have a
future we're just having fun like we
don't have a future we're just having
fun
um and
um her stepbrother's behavior is
escalating not just with her but with
the other waitresses so he like
physically has been grabbing some of
them and the manager won't do anything
about it
um
gross but she figures that it's all
gonna be fine
um and then she goes over to the hockey
house with Weston he's really really
sweet and she makes a cake not a
euphemism is what's in my notes so
apparently my God I didn't think it was
I was just like oh yeah he lives in a
house they probably had a kitchen she
she was baking and you're like just to
be clear cake is not a euphemism it's
not in this case
um in other cases it could be but not in
this one so um like it's her mom's
recipe and she really wanted to be able
to do that so Weston invited her over to
use this kitchen
um so he is like loving life having her
in his house using his kitchen
um and then
um a girl that he hooked up with before
shows up while Abby's in the kitchen and
like comes over and is like coming on to
Western Puck bunny yes okay and he's
trying to like
um trying to like subtly like push her
away
um and uh like forgets her name like
it's painful like the whole thing is
painful
um and then
um he's like
I know that I feel some type of way
about Abby and all the guys are still
giving him a hard time about it but he's
like she's about to graduate this is all
temporary whatever
um Abby heard the entire thing
um and also heard his teammates telling
him like we know you're a [ __ ] like
what are you doing with this girl
um and she feels really really bad in
general about it
and then she hears the girl who hooked
up with him previously crying
um and saying that she thought that he
really liked her and that maybe there
really was something there and she feels
really stupid and Abby's like cool so
this is going to be me in like three
months awesome love that for me
um
so she also hates that she like
love spending time with his family like
she's been craving family and she's like
great so it's not just that I'm losing
him I'm losing his family too
um so then
um
he wakes up to an empty bed Abby's phone
is ringing
um and finds her in the kitchen and it
looks like she's been crying her stepdad
had called to confirm lunch plans with
her
um and she tells him that it's the
anniversary of her mom's death so they
always go to lunch in the cemetery
together and he's like I am an [ __ ]
like wow I didn't even think about it
like do you want me to come with you and
then he's like that's not what we're
doing here at all but like I want to be
there for her and she's like no no no no
it's fine
um
so yeah talk about Blurred Lines like
spending the anniversary of her mother's
passing with her yeah but like he wants
to be there for her but then he's super
confused by that yeah
um so then Weston's like after Abby
leaves he's like I think I might be like
a serious [ __ ] like she deserves
someone who's not scared of commitment
and
um maybe like maybe I'm being a real
douchebag spending this much time with
her like maybe that's not cool you
haven't even made her eggs benedict once
not even a single time Weston there's
been no Hollandaise sauce there's been
no English muffin where is my Canadian
bacon
[ __ ]
now I really would like some eggs better
right well and I'll say with pregnancy
I've definitely felt like as soon as
someone says a food or like mentions it
I'm like I could [ __ ] that up right now
but you said it first I know I did I've
been thinking about this one a lot like
a friend I was talking about and she was
like yeah when I was pregnant all I
wanted was
um instant mashed potatoes and Caesar
salad and I was like I would destroy
those I was like if those were in my
house they would be gone before I sent
this text message like that is where I'm
at with food at this point
well I mean
I wish I had some eggs benedict for you
but it doesn't travel well so it
wouldn't have been good anyway honestly
I appreciate the forethought and being
like you know what I shouldn't do poach
eggs then drive an hour to Chelsea's
house
hollandaise an hour old hollandaise is
not where we want to be with our lives
it's just not anyone in the in the mood
for some room Tempo holiday
absolutely not good thing I'm out of my
first trimester anymore or that thought
probably would have made me puke I would
be like nope that's a texture I cannot
get behind nope okay so Western realizes
that like he's like maybe I'm being a
dick and I should have made her eggs
benedict at some point exactly
um so then Abby spends the day with her
stepdad
um and he says that he's still going to
support her even after she graduates but
um that's super sweet she's like
absolutely not because I will not live
in the same house as my stepbrother but
thank you yeah
um so then she kind of falls into a bit
of depression Weston's really busy so
they don't really spend time together
um and uh he then like sees her in the
bar and invites her to dinner with his
family
um and she's like what the [ __ ]
she's like we can't have it both ways
she's like okay I guess what the hell
um so then again Step Brothers behavior
is escalating my notes say stepbrother
gropes her ass after Weston leaves and
she's big mad
um so
yeah yeah um so she goes to
um her job her other job at the flannel
company
um and she's doing a really really good
job she's really loving it
um but the other girl who like is
supposed to be helping her went home
sick and she's like oh God I hope I
don't get sick spoiler alert
so
um Westin is like coming out of his skin
because Abby's late for dinner with his
family and
um so she tells them that uh her
interviews in New York didn't go great
but the flannel company wants to bring
her on full time so maybe she would stay
in Burlington and then Weston's like oh
no like The Natural end of our
relationship may not be there anymore
[ __ ] me
um and
um and then his sister who is there is
like oh like this is so exciting that
means you'll be able to come to my
wedding right and Abby's like oh no and
the whole family's like um Weston why
hadn't you talked to Abby about the
wedding she should come either way even
if she's moved she should be there like
yeah I've been dating long enough though
right
and so it's very very awkward
um so
he is like well why didn't I know about
this offer from the the flannel company
and blah blah blah and she's like
um because this is supposed to be fun
and not serious those were your words
why would I tell you about something
like that
thank you oh
um and so he's like well wait a minute I
didn't I want I can't
um
so
um
she's like yeah and also I didn't tell
you because I might stay in Burlington
and I thought you would be weird and oh
my God I was right you're being [ __ ]
weird right now I feel like Weston is
one of those dudes who'd be like
should we have an open relationship but
then by open relationship he just means
like he can [ __ ] other people but like
she can't like that's the energy yeah
but it's like also he doesn't actually
want to [ __ ] other people he just
doesn't want to say that so he's like
stupid
yeah like I I what was that so y'all did
what
Hannah said that and then she looks over
at my husband and they have this like
moment of eye contact where he's like
yeah I get it and to be fair
that is the state I found my husband and
before he just before he realized
because yeah he was like we need to talk
and I went no we don't you're free to go
[ __ ] other people live your life my guy
and then a couple months later he was
like
a month later per
Vance A month later he was like you know
what
it just felt cooler to feel like I had
options but I don't actually want
options I only want to date and be with
you
and now we're married so spoiler alert
it was her husband
but no I I did that that could happen
very often but they're like not the dude
I married yeah I did the like point and
eye contact thing because I could see
him nodding out of the corner of my eye
um so anyway
um she's like you don't have to be weird
our thing can still come to a natural
conclusion just like you want
um and he's like okay what if it's not
what I wanted okay
um and then he feels like he's an
[ __ ] and doesn't really get why
because men are stupid is what my notes
say
[Laughter]
my husband is still nodding
he's like yep I get it now can confirm
um so Abby really doesn't feel so great
so she says she's gonna go home and
change before
um Wesson's hockey game but then she
gets home and doesn't leave the house
um
so she's like a clean break is probably
what's best anyway so she sends him a
voice message like not a voicemail but
like a voice message
um basically telling him that it's
probably better if they just go ahead
and wrap it up
um and so Weston wins the game he's
super excited and then realizes that
Abby never came
um and is like oh [ __ ] I have feelings
for her and then gets the voice message
and he's like oh
that [ __ ] sucks like I don't like
that
um so he's called her a few times he's
texted her a few times she's not
responding to anything but he also
doesn't know like she's sick in bed he
does not know that so um his teammates
finally drag him out to the bar where
she works um but then they're like
looking for her and her best friend is
like where is she and he's like you
[ __ ] tell me dude she broke up with
me where is she
um and then they realized nobody has
seen or heard from her in more than two
days oh so he flips his [ __ ]
um and runs to her apartment gets her
landlord to open it and the heat in her
apartment had been broken and he had
been like kind of fixing it temporary
fixes anytime he would come over
um but her apartment is basically like a
[ __ ] meat locker and yeah in the
winter and she's like unresponsive on
the bed
um
and so he's like [ __ ] so he then takes
care of her he calls step dad who again
remind her is a doctor
um and comes over and they kind of take
care of her and help her
um and then
Weston has to go to practice and he has
to go to class so one of his teammates
has a broken leg so he just leaves this
Rando in her apartment to watch over her
while he can't be there
um and so she like tries to get up and
tries to do things for herself and this
person that she doesn't know is like
nope and he's like taking pictures and
sending them to Westin and she's like
what the [ __ ] are you doing he's like if
I don't text him every 30 minutes he
calls me and if I don't answer he will
show up here so this is what we have to
do I'm really sorry about it but this is
just the way that it is so you can deal
with it
so he's like making her soup and
whatever taking care of her his leg is
broken his leg is broken so he like is
wearing a hoodie apparently and has like
spoons in his hoodie pocket I don't know
why that that detail stood out to me I
didn't even make a note of it but I
remember it
um he just like pulled out he was like
she's like do you want some of this soup
and he like pulls out his second yeah
um
so yeah
um and then like the friend is like by
the way he's like totally into you she's
like no he's not he just feels bad that
I'm dying
um so
then she starts to panic that she
realizes she hasn't been to work for
three days
um and she's probably lost this bonus
that she was working so hard for
um
so uh yeah the teammate won't leave her
side until Weston comes back
um
and he's like Weston is like hey
um
I would like to remain close friends who
have really hot sex for years to come
like like that's his version like that's
his commitment talk is like no like I I
love you and I want to stay close
friends forever and continue to have
super awesome sex and not be close
friends with anyone else right
um
so she's like yeah I love you too
um it's great so
um then he gets the hockey players to
Stage a protest at the bar so that she
still gets her
um bonus which is really sweet
um and all the guys are in on it because
they all love Abby and so they're all
standing up for her which is a very nice
heartwarming moment ah
um
uh Weston wins the playoffs
um are we like at the happily ever after
we're so close okay well I was like
she gets her bonus he wins the playoffs
they're gonna be close friends who bone
we're committed
so
um and she officially took the local job
um the flannel the flannel company not
making the actual textiles um and she
got a new apartment that has heat that
works oh even better we love to see it
um so her stepdad is dropping off some
of her mother's things now that she has
a larger space she can take them
um and he says his new assistant is
bringing up the boxes and she's like
that seems like a weird overstep for
your new assistant to be moving [ __ ]
um but okay uh my notes say uh oh it's
step brother
he got fired from the bar for stealing
liquor
um that's what he got fired for of all
of the [ __ ] not the groping but putting
putting vodka down his pants I'm
assuming an Obama
I heard it as I said it I was like in
the bottle
yeah you know what if if I managed a bar
and I found one of my employees just
pouring vodka down their pants I'd
probably fire them too yeah either way
like whether it is
being poured were placed from the bot
like in the bottle into your pants
either way it's not it's not good yeah
um so then he's all like I want a proper
thank you for carrying this [ __ ] and
like physically pinch her to the wall
and starts like hurting her
um so she needs him in the nuts he calls
her a bunch of names and then step dad
comes in and he's like what is happening
so he kicks step brother out
and she starts to go into shock a little
bit when Weston shows up
um and um he tells the stepdad
everything that the brother has been
doing
um and he's like maybe if you paid
better attention to her like the [ __ ]
wouldn't have happened like absolutely
not
um and so then uh The Stepfather agrees
that she never has to see him again like
if she decides to come to his home for
holidays
and he said he apologizes for not
listening
um and then
we're flashing forward again
it's Thanksgiving the following year oh
um Weston is driving
um to his parents or to his dad's
um Abby is spending the holiday with
them
and they are planning to move in
together when Weston graduates pretty
soon
um they're just super happy they
exchange anniversary gifts in the car
before they get out he gives her the
bottle of wine they never got to share
their first Thanksgiving and she gives
him a card with the 25 she never paid
him and that's the end
oh that's so cute it is cute like it's
super cute yeah although it does kind of
annoy me that stepdad didn't take it
seriously until her boyfriend
like verified all of the [ __ ] that
stepbrother was doing yeah that wasn't
great but like in the epilogue or
whatever
um it does say that he has the
stepfather has been making more and more
effort effort to spend time with her and
even said that if they wanted to go to
his house for Thanksgiving that The
Stepbrother could find other places to
be
um and that he and new wife started
marriage counseling because of these
incidents so that they could communicate
more effectively communicate communicate
I was hoping you wouldn't catch it
listen as the person who's normally the
one [ __ ] up all of the very simple
words I just really needed to take this
moment I can appreciate that yeah
did she end up going to Weston's
sister's wedding
yeah I think that was in the epilogue
somewhere that like I don't remember
like at every there was a nice pretty
bow on the package there wasn't uh
anything about the wedding there wasn't
like a chapter dedicated to it or
anything but it seems like it and his
dad seems to be showing out less just
generally everyone's in a better place
we love that what a cute little like
Thanksgiving holiday book it is pretty
cute
like not gonna win awards no but it's a
it feels nice like there's not a ton of
angst
there's like yeah just like the the come
like as weird as it sounds like the
comforting level of angst not where
you're like I need to put this book down
this is like too much yeah I need to
watch an episode of shit's creek and try
to go to sleep I can't do this anymore I
yeah no we're not there at all Vance and
I have been re-watching Parks and Rec
it's just
so endearing it really is have you
watched Abbott Elementary
you should watch Abbott Elementary okay
it's like the school education version
of parks and rec
um Cheryl Lee Ralph just won best
supporting actress for it which she was
like not expecting to get and was like
she beat out like all of the girls in
like Ted lasso oh yeah
um and
did it get best new show it got another
big award but then there was this like
whole like Scandal not Scandal like
Jimmy Kimmel like did this bit on stage
like you like really took away from this
like historic win I don't know it was a
whole thing regardless it's like that
like the same level of like yeah
mockumentary yeah kind of but like not
in the painful way that the office
exists
yeah the office can be painful like it's
it's funny but it can be painful this is
not one of those like it's just nice
like this book is just nice it really is
so all right what's our ratings go
um hockey sticks I was I was gonna say
hockey pucks we could do sticks
Ducks sticks puck bunnies no we don't
need to do bunnies
um bottles of wine oh
oh [ __ ] I can't drink some wine right
now drink some wine right now I could
I'm sorry buddy
um
yeah I don't know what let's do
hockey sticks
okay how many hockey sticks I would get
it
um I want to say like
four out of six hockey sticks okay like
it's a it's a feel-good book that's like
66 that's two yeah yeah
I think that sounds yeah it's like fun
it's heartwarming it's just like a good
cozy holiday read yes okay four out of
six or I think we worked on this
fraction last time we did two out of
three nailed it
I I couldn't I couldn't make it a large
eight out of 12.
okay look we did oh 16 out of 24.
stop it
is that right
1624. yeah I know it is right 32 out of
48. look at my math
I feel oddly the worst part of this is
that I'm just like yeah okay I have no
idea if you're right and I'm not even
gonna try I do I can't wait for someone
to listen and comment and be like
Chelsea you really [ __ ] up those
fractions they were not correct at all
yeah but you have the excuse that your
eyeball doesn't work I don't know how
that would impact your ability to do
fractions in your head but no it's
taking a lot of my mental energy like
the focusing on my eye like like trying
to see trying to like do normal things
it is harder than I expected
um that's fair so yeah we'll go four out
of six hockey sticks
um thanks for joining us let us know how
many hockey sticks you would give it and
then join us next week for our final
episode of smut Club season one Happy
Thanksgiving everybody Happy
Thanksgiving also teaser
we're going to circle back to our old
friend Jan JS Scott [ __ ] Jan y'all
[ __ ] Jan she's she's nothing if not
consistent so we'll see you then a Happy
Thanksgiving bye bye y'all
that's it for this week's mud [ __ ] we
hope it was good for you cause it sure
was great for us
if you're digging what we're doing it
a lot if you'd take a minute to rate and
review the show wherever you're
listening right now
baby tell that sexy someone to Linda
senior we love you we appreciate you
we'll see you next week
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[Music]