(light music)
Is that true?
Well, I don't know.
I haven't had my full cup of coffee yet.
I'm usually more fresh in the morning.
I'm so tired, I'm tired.
Do we need to have your
hormone levels checked?
My family thinks that I'm really quiet.
If somebody doesn't like
you, okay, brush them off
because you're a likable person.
I think there's a lot of truth in that.
You were kind of an
all-American household.
I grew up in a blended family.
Okay, so my math was wrong.
Nuclear level extroverts.
You're a really cool person.
I've always struggled with that.
Opposite's tracked.
But you can be a perfect couple, say.
(both laugh)
You get tripped into a lot
of things in life, luckily.
Because I think that's a journey
you're on your whole life.
Got to be better today.
Well, no duh, we're blessed.
This is a good life.
Some people are so good at it.
So good at it.
You're a terrible texter.
And I am notoriously bad at that.
That was a bad point.
Brace the suck, it's more like
a Spencer gift kind of thing.
I'm all over the place,
boing, boing, doo, doo.
I'm the steady Eddie
rower, but you kinda need both.
This girl I was just met on a cruise.
Get me off this ride.
I had to learn to be outgoing.
You and I had a completely different view
of what we wanted to do.
Happiness has nothing
to do with how much money
you have in the bank,
how big your house is,
what kind of car you drive.
Life moments at Zigdens Ag for us.
Are we seriously considering this?
There were mushrooms
growing in the bathrooms.
So I don't think there's
long-term health repercussions.
TBD maybe.
Talking about finances, you know,
how we looked at retirement.
I have nothing if not money.
You just do funny things.
Has added so much love
and laughter to the house.
I love to talk.
No words of wisdom, I'm
usually pretty short on that.
A lot of times we
almost finish each other's.
Sandwiches.
You went with sandwiches.
That's comedy gold.
Welcome to the Mr. and
Mrs. English podcast.
I'm Megan.
And I'm Sean.
We're here to talk about
the wild ride of raising kids
and growing careers,
keeping life together in
the middle of all the chaos.
So buckle up because we're all
in this crazy journey together.
Test, test, test, I'm good, I think.
Am I good?
I think I'm good too.
Is that good?
I think I'm good, yep.
Well, I won't keep
saying testing this time.
We'll jump right on into this one.
As you said, feet
first, last time, I think.
But welcome back everybody.
This is episode three, Mr. and Mrs.
and happy to have everybody here.
Yeah, thanks for coming back.
Hopefully you've been finding this
at least mildly entertaining.
I know we're having some fun doing it.
Yeah, yeah, no, definitely a lot of fun.
And it's just finding, gosh,
I don't wanna keep
saying finding the time.
I know, my takeaway from
last time and some of my cuts,
some of our edits was
trying not to completely
numb the audience to
the fact that we're busy.
We're busy, we're busy.
Because everybody knows we're busy.
We all know you're busy.
So we'll try not to, I think,
keep saying that over and over again.
But part of this is talking about the
chaos train of life.
And part of that
chaos is just being busy.
So speaking of which, it's
early in the morning right now.
Because I'm leaving
for Vegas this afternoon.
So we're trying to fit this in.
And hopefully I can
do some of the editing
maybe while I'm away.
Yeah, yeah, I'll definitely
miss you while you're away.
The next couple of weeks have
quite a bit of travel for you
and the kids,
different time, different kids.
So we'll have a little
bit of a different feel
for the next couple weekends.
It won't be a whole lot of true,
five person, English family time.
It'll be a little more split up.
But hopefully we can really then enjoy
and that'll give us
the space to enjoy time
and the little moments with maybe the
smaller group of kids
that we have with us.
Yeah, that's a good point.
I know when the youngest and I went to
St. Louis last year,
that was good for us because he and I,
I mean, he's the youngest,
I guess we spent the
least amount of time together.
But he's also the baby, right?
And I don't know if, I
don't know how all babies are.
Some last born children,
the babies of the family.
I don't know if they're
all the most difficult.
I think I've heard that maybe they are.
Is that true?
I don't know.
I can't speak for everyone, but I've
heard that on a couple.
We're both, no, I'm a
first, you're a second.
We're both seconds.
Right, no, no, no, yeah.
We're really toward the
beginning and the oldest
on the oldest side of our family.
So, but I have heard that that last one
can be a bit of a challenge
because they're trying to find,
I'm not a psychologist,
but they're trying to
find their way in the family
because they never had
that one-on-one time with mom.
They were never her dad, you know, just,
they don't know where their place is.
Yeah, that was kind of my point.
He, because he's finding his way
and he's doing things his own way,
the first two are fairly easy
and the baby, the third,
he does like to learn things
kind of the hard way sometimes
and that's just kind
of, but because of that,
I feel like I'm on him quite a bit more.
You know, we talked a little
bit about good cop, bad cop
last week and he knows
me as bad cop, for sure.
I mean, I'm dad first,
but I'm bad cop second.
And it's nice to have those opportunities
because when we went to St. Louis,
we got some fun, you know, bonding time
and I'm looking forward to this week
and it'll be four days, you know,
he'll have fun with his soccer friends
and I'll be able to hang
out with the soccer parents,
which is always fun too.
But it's always, but it'll be nice
to have someone on one
time and hopefully grow those,
grow that relationship and make some
of those lasting memories for it
because I feel like with him,
I do search to try to make that
connection sometimes.
He's still young.
And he is.
I think for him specifically,
because of that birth order,
he craves that time, that
one-on-one time with us,
whether, or I guess
that'd be two-on-one time,
but one-on-one time
with either a single parent
or both of us, cause he
just doesn't have that.
Whereas it's much more
natural with our oldest
because he had that.
And then our middle child,
so I think birth order
does have to do with this.
I think personality
probably plays into it as well.
Our middle child, I
don't feel like she cares
to have that one-on-one time with us.
I think she's just like,
whatever, I want to be with my friends.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think that's right.
Now that she's older, right?
I mean, that's really kind of blossomed
in the last year for sure.
And it was building its way
over the last couple of years,
but she is a social butterfly,
which is not how I grew up.
It's not how you grew up either.
I mean, I think we both, we both,
you're a self-stated extrovert.
I am, yep.
And I am definitely a
self-stated introvert.
And I think we both
fit both the definitions.
It's not that we're
trying to fit ourselves
into a box that we want to be.
And I think she's
developing into an extrovert.
Yes.
Early on, right?
I guess my point there
was you're an extrovert now,
but when you were her age,
you were more introverted.
At least you didn't
have that social group.
Right.
Well, I think part of it too
is the different roles that we play
and the different
aspects of our life, right?
I remember when we were first dating,
because you know me as an extrovert,
I love to talk.
So I guess podcasts makes sense, right?
But I told you early on, I'm like,
my family thinks that I'm really quiet.
Because I'm one of five kids,
I have some very gregarious siblings,
and I was not that way.
And so I think they always saw me
as probably an introvert.
Yeah.
So I think she's an extrovert, you know?
Whereas our oldest is
maybe a little bit different,
I think he's probably
more of an extrovert
outside of our family,
but inside of our family,
he's a lot more quiet, reserved.
You bring up scales, right?
There's scales of levels of introverts
and extroverts and whatnot.
And I always smile when
you talk about your family,
because you are an extrovert, for sure.
But when I think of your family,
I think of them as
nuclear level extroverts,
to some degree.
But that being said,
that was interesting.
When we were in Hawaii this year,
we went out there with her family,
with your family to
celebrate, what, 60th?
50th wedding anniversary.
50th, I should have got that right.
But 50th wedding
anniversary for your parents.
And one of your older
brother, who is like,
and I've told the story
about him a million times,
like he is just off the walls.
Fergarious is the best words you can say.
But I've always told the story about him,
that he'll come down in the morning,
and he'll tell a 10 minute
funniest story you've ever heard,
you know, about making toast.
Yeah.
You know, I mean, he can just go.
And he's hilarious.
But he told me in Hawaii,
that he considers himself an introvert.
And so, that blew my mind.
Because I am 100% an introvert.
I hate the limelight.
I don't like being in front of people.
If I'm at a party, I'm
happy to be a wallflower.
And that is not this guy.
So again, different levels, you know,
on a scale of where these people come in.
And I think it's
interesting just to see, you know,
our children start growing into that.
And you know, people that watch this,
that have children too.
I mean, that's, we always say
it's the honor of our lives.
It's a pleasure, you
know, to watch them grow up.
And you know, it is neat to see that.
It really is.
I think as, maybe when they're babies,
we spend so much time
taking care of them.
And now, as we move into this, you know,
kind of pre-teen, early teen years,
we're starting to see who they truly are.
And it is the
pleasure of our lives to see
and be able to say, I
truly like who you're becoming.
Yeah, yeah.
You're a really cool person.
Yeah, yeah.
I know you said that
about our middle daughter,
that she's cool, you know,
compared to how you viewed yourself
when you were in seventh grade, right?
And I mean, she's got
way more confidence,
probably than I have now, honestly.
Me too.
You know, I think confidence is something
that a lot of people struggle with.
And I know through my life,
I've always struggled with that
for different reasons here or there.
Not that I'm not a confident person,
I've got plenty of confidence,
but there are places where everybody
struggles with that.
And I'm sure she does
too, but I just love that
she's starting life out at
a high level of confidence.
Yes.
Versus having to start out at a low level
and learn to build that.
Similar to, I always
say, I always tell you too,
I had to learn to be outgoing.
I was very quiet and we
can tell those stories of,
when you first took me
to your Christmas parties,
back in Chicago when I was still,
I mean, early thirties maybe.
Right.
You'd introduce me to
somebody and it would be,
you said you would count
it in the back of your head.
How long?
It was 30 seconds
probably, where it was like,
okay, he's good for 30
seconds and then he bolts
and I'm stuck now
carrying on a conversation
with the person.
Yeah, it was like, hi,
I'm Sean, great to meet you.
So that's really all I'm
interested in talking about
because I'm out of things to say.
Yep, yep. I'm out.
(blows kiss) But over the years,
that has really changed
and I think you do a
lot of self-reflection
and something that I love about you
and I think I should learn from you
is the amount of
self-reflection and just progressing
and pushing yourself to
get out of your comfort zone.
You do that much better than I do
and that is why you've
grown into a person who,
I think most people in
our lives would be like,
you're telling me Sean's an introvert?
I don't see that because
you've learned to be an extrovert
in the appropriate situations.
Yeah, yeah.
And that's one thing
that as we raise kids,
like our oldest, he's much more like me.
Although I do see at times
him being much more outgoing
than maybe I was, but
he said something to me
and maybe I said it to him too,
but I do remember being a child
and I grew up in a
different kind of household,
but I remember telling my parents like,
you guys think I'm just this quiet person
that's always mad, you know?
And I was like, I'm not.
At school, I've got friends.
I've got great friends at school.
I'm actually happy.
I laugh with them.
It's only when I come
home to this environment
that it's not like that.
And so I love that he's
kind of said that to me,
you know, to somebody like,
you know, dad, I'm not always quiet.
I'm not always tired.
You know, it's always, how was school?
Good, we've already said that.
And it's like, what's the
other thing he says to me?
How are you?
I'm so tired.
I'm tired, I'm tired.
He's always tired.
Always.
Honestly, there's been
times when it was like,
do we need to have your
like hormone levels checked
or something?
Because wow.
It's the phase.
And he's got how many, how
many 16 soccer practices a week
or something like that?
It's something like, I
think he spends like 16 hours
a week training for soccer.
Yeah, because he's got
school soccer in the morning,
which we get up for
at 5.30 in the morning.
He's dropped off sometimes
at 6.30 for varsity soccer,
or JVA.
And then he's got club soccer at night.
Yep, for another hour and a half.
So, I mean, most days of the week, he's,
okay, so my math was wrong, but it's
pretty close, I guess.
Three hours a day of training, minimum.
Minimum, with soccer games in the league.
And so he has a right to be tired.
Yes, he does.
Yes, so.
But he does tell me while he's at school,
with his friends, he's like, I'm happy.
I have fun, you know,
I do laugh at people.
I talk all the time.
Yeah, and I think he does.
And he's someone that
I think we talk about,
like, does he struggle with confidence?
And, you know, but then
I see glimpses of him.
We went to a homecoming football game,
you know, for our high school here.
And it was, we did not see
him except from a distance,
and he was a social butterfly.
It really was, I mean, he was sitting
with this group of friends,
and this group of friends.
And so that was so cool
to see him in his element.
Yeah.
And just enjoying that time.
Yeah, yeah.
It is, and, you know, part
of me wanted to parent him
at some point through
this process and being like,
hey, and I have said it to him,
like, buddy, everybody
else is nervous too, you know.
Have confidence, go out there.
If you, just be one
of the confidence ones,
because everybody else is nervous,
everybody else is
worried about this and that.
And in the end, it doesn't even matter.
I mean, like, if
somebody doesn't like you,
okay, brush them off, you know.
There's a lot of
people that will like you.
Because you're a likeable person.
But I don't know, I
guess I'm kind of finding
that everything we taught them,
we've said this before too,
everything that we've
taught them that they know,
we taught them by the time
they were three years old.
Right.
You know, and, you know, to
the point of our youngest,
they got to learn things on their own.
And that's hard for a parent,
and I'll stop talking here in a second,
but it's hard for a parent like me,
especially who, as someone
who grew up in a household
that, you know, we had
some difficulties in.
And I'm not trying to
harp on that right now,
but the point being is,
I learned a lot of things by, you know,
the hard way too, right?
The school of hard knocks.
And I want to pass that
along to them, you know,
but I don't, maybe they don't need it.
Maybe they've already,
everybody's got to learn it their way.
I think there's a lot of truth in that.
And I think that we do have some kids
that like to learn the hard way.
And then I was very different.
I never pushed those boundaries.
And so I just kind of
always stayed in the lines.
And so I think trying
to balance that out,
and then it's harder for me to say,
hey, do it this way or
don't do it this way.
Cause I just kind of always
didn't push those boundaries.
I never tried to get in trouble.
But I was like, oh, my parents, you know,
I never, maybe a
little bit of background.
I never even had a curfew.
Cause my parents were like,
"I know you would never push it anyway.
So I don't even have to
tell you when to be home."
So it's probably gives
our kids a nice balance
because we both had different
personalities growing up
and how we learned things.
And I think that's just
a big part of our success
is because we're so similar
kind of where we reached
our final kind of destinations
when we matured as adults,
but our upbringings and
our life's path and journey
to get to that point were very different.
You know, you were kind of
an all American household.
You know, I grew up in a blended family.
And, but through all that,
we've been able to pick
and choose kind of how we,
what worked and what didn't work, right?
When we raise our kids.
And I'm sure people
listening have similar,
you know, I think
that's how people kind of
are attracted to each other.
You have to have those similarities,
but you also, I don't
think people are attracted
to their exact self, right?
Opposite to tract.
Right, right.
Well, and I think for us,
we talked about it in the last podcast
about how we have a
really competitive family.
That our children come by
their competitive nature,
honestly, because both of us are
competitive, you know,
but you have to have someone,
you have to have that balance of,
okay, I'm the one
who's gonna concede here
because you're digging in or, you know,
you have to have that balance.
And I think part of that
is because of the upbringing
that we had, it
definitely shapes who we are.
And then it kind of
molds you as a couple.
It's no one's a perfect person,
but you can be a perfect couple.
Yeah. For each other,
I guess I should say.
(both laughing)
You can be a perfect
couple for each other.
That's funny, it hit us
both at the same time,
but you can be a perfect couple like us.
Like us. You know.
All American couple.
No, no, no, we have as many challenges
as just as anyone else.
You have the angel voices
and the light from heaven.
That's hilarious.
I haven't had my full cup
of coffee yet for the record.
Yeah, no, we're sipping
on coffee for this morning,
the one because we're early
and you've got a one-on-one
with your boss later today.
I do. In an hour or so.
So we gotta make sure we get this in
kind of before work hours.
Right, right.
It's actually, I'm usually
more fresh in the morning.
And so usually it's a better time
for speaking on a
podcast or speaking in general.
Well, it's funny,
we're kind of just talking
about self-reflection
and all that kind of stuff.
And I think it's fun to
hear stories on this show,
and I gotta get better at
just kind of sharing a story
instead of preaching, you know,
because personal anecdotes are always
interesting to people.
Sometimes, if you're
an interesting person,
and I'm not, so we'll just stop it there.
But my point being, you know, is that
I'm doing this morning
show podcast, which is fun.
But one of my favorite parts of it is
I'm reading these self-help books, right?
And it's for personal growth
and just kind of growing as a person.
Because I think that's a
journey you're on your whole life.
And I've been on that, you kind of
mentioned that earlier,
I've kind of been on that my whole life
of getting through
adolescence in a difficult home.
And then, you know, I lost
my basketball scholarship.
Then I was in a total downward spiral.
So there was a long time I was just
trying to figure out
who the heck I was and where I was going.
And these books, I know you've been
listening to it too,
they've actually been
helpful in the kind of
self-reflection of where am I going?
And even at my age now,
how can I still improve?
Right, right.
And I love that you do
that because it actually helps
me think about it differently.
I used the analogy, we
were having some conversations
a couple months ago and I was like,
I just, for me personally,
and this is right, wrong,
or otherwise, I kind of
just go with the flow, right?
I've tripped into, for
lack of a better word,
I've tripped into what I like to do.
I tripped into a lot of
things in life, luckily, right?
Whereas I think
you've had to self-reflect
and be much more
purposeful about the steps
that you were taking.
Yeah, yeah, I think that's true.
And you talked about it earlier.
I mean, people that know
me really well know that,
you know, I've been to
counseling earlier in my life
and I actually went to
counseling, you know,
probably within the
last 10 years, you know?
Not because I was
ready to jump off a bridge
and I'm not trying to make light of that,
but because, you know, there's
long-standing things
that I just felt like I was holding
and that were a negative
seed inside of me, right?
That I wanted to just deal with, right?
And I wanted to unpack that
with somebody where, you know,
I felt like I could just
get it out of me, you know?
And so I brought this up because
I just, I found it to be
interesting reading this book.
Right now we're doing Dale Carnegie's
How to Win Friends and Influence People.
And, you know, I do say it's,
we're halfway through
the second part of it.
So we're halfway through the book almost.
And a lot of his
principles are so simple, right?
It's like, don't criticize other people.
Take an interest in
other people, you know?
Right now he's talking about
just simply smiling at people
and, you know, just, but
ultimately he's talking about
just being a good person.
And honestly, for me, it's like,
it's this person I wake up every morning
thinking that I know I should be.
And then immediately
something might derail
that good mood or those
good intentions of the day.
And it sets me off a little
bit onto a different pathway,
you know, for a time being
until I can either steer back
or maybe it puts me, you
know, on the wrong pathway
for a while during that day.
So I'll keep talking if you wanted to,
I didn't know if you
wanted to jump in there or not,
but my point being here a little bit is
it's interesting because even at our age,
and when I think I've got
it together to some degree,
I'm still not preaching this book,
but I'm still, you know,
doing this book review.
And I'm going, oh my
gosh, I don't do that.
I haven't done that.
Have I really been, have
I taken that real interest
in other people?
Because so much during
this time of our lives,
we're self-focused.
We're building a family,
you're building a career.
And that's what you're doing.
And it's tough to find time
to fit other things in there.
And some of this was, you know,
taking interest in other people.
And I've talked for about
30 minutes straight now,
I feel like, but I know
there's people in my life
that I haven't, people
that I do care about even,
that I probably just
haven't slowed down enough
and taken that genuine interest in them.
So I really, I just
really feel the journey of life
is constant and that growth is constant.
And that's exciting.
And that's part of what
this podcast is about too.
And I'm right there with you.
I think the inertia of the time of life
that is in front of us right now,
it kind of just takes
you and you focus on,
and you almost get into
fight or flight mode of like,
I have to do this, I have to
do this, I have to do this.
And if you're not
prioritizing friendships
and other things, just
genuinely taking an interest
in slowing down for a
moment and investing time,
and people like that's a
trap that you can fall into.
I know I've fallen into it.
And so I've been a
listener of Now Morning Serial.
I've listened to every
episode and every single one,
I take away those nuggets and I'm like,
I got to be better today.
And it's what I love about
the book that you're unpacking
is that it is so
digestible and it's so relatable.
And if you can just take
little bits and incorporate it,
I think it'll really help
nourish those relationships
that maybe you haven't been good at.
Yeah, well, it's funny,
because I often think to
myself that the title of the book
is "How to Win Friends
and Influence People,"
but it could also be, well,
no duh, you know what I mean?
Like, it's so simple at times,
but those simple things
we just sometimes skip over
because we're selfish or
we're just in that moment.
And I'm just going from
one thing to the next.
I know there's times I'm
sitting on the sideline
or I'm walking to the
car or when I'm around,
I'm four days ahead, right?
I'm thinking about what
was I supposed to be doing?
What do I need to do?
How do I plan?
What do I do with these
extra 15 minutes here?
And we talked about it a
little bit last week that,
part of the, or maybe
it was two weeks ago,
talking about New Year's
resolution is slowing down
and just enjoying that moment.
One example, yesterday, I'm walking out,
taking the trash out,
and I've been just going,
going, going, trying to catch up,
I feel like a little bit here.
And I literally was walking
out, taking the trash out,
and just for a moment, heard the birds,
felt a little bit of the sun on the skin,
even though it was colder,
but that crisp air, just clean air,
for one moment I did
just go like, you know what?
We're blessed.
This is a good life.
You need to do that more often, I think.
I think so.
You specifically?
Well, no, me specifically.
Us in general, people in general.
I do think me specifically.
Because you're so just, no.
So in my own world, I'm so selfish.
And maybe this is, apologies,
and I'm sorry to people who are listening
who maybe we haven't
been, or invested the time,
that we should have.
So maybe it's an
apology to the listeners,
and knowing that we're working on it,
and we're trying to get better.
Yeah, and I will not
walk that back at all.
You're right on that.
But I would just add that it wasn't,
nothing, none of it would
have been intentional, right?
Correct.
Because there are some people,
and one of the things I was gonna say
when you were saying
it, talking through this,
was that some people are so good at it.
So good at it.
Just, you know, send
in a text here or there,
and it's like, you know,
I've reminded you at times,
we have good friends that, you know,
just moved to Colorado Springs,
and we were becoming
good friends with them,
and they just moved to Colorado Springs,
and they're great people that I'd love
to have a further
relationship with, you know,
carry that on, and I know
she texts you sometimes,
and you are historically--
Terrible at it.
Yeah, you're a terrible texter.
I mean, anybody that,
some people will text me,
and they're like, "Hey, do
you know if Megan got it?"
I'm like, "I'm sure she got it."
But how long has it been?
Has it been over 18 days?
Because if it's been over 18 days,
she probably hasn't got back to you.
But we've talked through, like, hey,
if we want to really
invest in these relationships,
we have to take the time
just to send a text, even,
and that's the bare minimum.
That's the bare minimum,
and I am notoriously bad at that.
And so this isn't like a,
"Shawn needs to get better."
It's an, "I need to get better," so--
I'm not pointing the
finger at you right now, either.
That was not my intent.
No, it's just a good, like,
I think there's probably
some people maybe listening
who feel the same way,
like, "Yeah, I'm not very good."
So, know that that's been
my New Year's resolution,
and so I'm usually
really good in January.
Maybe if you text me,
like, do it in January,
because I'll probably
get a response back, but--
Every 12 months?
Every 12 months, I--
January's a really good month to text me.
Yeah, yeah, it's a
great month to text me.
If you text me in July,
maybe I'm a little
slower in my responses.
You might be on vacation, then.
It's true, it's true.
It's the one month we get
off of soccer, generally.
Generally, yeah.
Oh, July's a great month.
Yeah.
That's, I think all
that to say is, you know,
I think we also impose a lot of extra
things on our lives.
As we were celebrating
our daughter's birthday,
it dawned on me that
it was four years ago
that we moved out of our house,
and we embarked on a
journey to build a new house,
only about 200 yards from
where we had been living
for eight years.
And just the additional
job that we added onto us
as we were building the house.
All of the interesting stories we've had
over the last four years and
the journey that we went on.
So some of the busyness is self-imposed.
A lot of it is.
First off, I can't
believe that's been four years
since we moved out of that neighborhood
and embarked on this, but you're right.
You're exactly right.
You make a really good
point there, as usual.
I need to have a ticker
on how many times I say
you make a good point, but--
Might start going negative after a while.
That was a bad point.
Just going down, that's hilarious.
We do, a lot of it's self-inflicted.
And I know it's on my part,
because I think if I were to be an alien
that's watching you and
I and our relationships
and our lives and how
our paths, you know,
our life's journey go, it's,
you're just kind of
steady, Eddie, you know.
Oh yeah.
I'm going, you know, just
rowing in a straight path,
you know, in smooth waters.
And if they look at me,
I'm probably on a jet ski,
just going side to side here and there.
And you know, I fell off the jet ski,
I'm getting back on it, you
know, I'm all over the place.
You know, like Pong.
And a lot of that, to
your point, is self-imposed
because of just me, you know.
I got this entrepreneurial thing
where I've done all these businesses.
You know, I added them up,
I've had 12 different
companies that I've started.
That's awesome.
And some of them have been great.
Some of them have not.
But every one of them has taken time.
And that's a
self-imposed, you know, suck of time
that I don't have to
do other things with.
Right.
I work with someone and
his phrase that he uses a lot
is embrace the suck.
Gotta make that t-shirt.
I don't know where that might be sold.
It's more like a
Spencer gift kind of a thing.
That's right, that's right.
Although--
It's a little bit borderline.
Although there's a guy in our soccer team
that's really good at making t-shirts,
maybe he'll hear that.
Oh yeah.
Who gift one to us.
Oh yeah, that would, yeah.
Although I do have a
t-shirt making machine now
that's been up in the
box in the laundry room
for four months now.
And so yeah, it's about finding the time.
I was just gonna say,
that's another time thing
that I have in just another
one of those barrel tangents,
like I wanna make t-shirts.
I wanna put these things on her.
We will get there.
But apparently for me,
it's the difference between,
I've been good about sending texts,
but not about making t-shirts.
Yeah.
So I think hopefully we
can still balance it all.
I think, I don't know, I almost feel like
some of those more self-imposed things
and the trajectory that
some of those self-imposed
projects that we take on,
they do help shape your
life and they add color.
I think, yeah, I'm
the steady Eddie Rohrer
and you're the whitewater rafting person,
but you kinda need both in your life.
Like I think, at
least our kids would think
we were really boring if I was the one
completely in charge of our lives.
And I think you were the
one completely in charge
of our lives, they're
like, get me off this ride.
So I think because we have both,
we've been able to add
a whole bunch of color,
a whole bunch of great
experiences to our life.
Yeah, and you kinda started that with,
four years ago we decided
to take this tangent, right?
And do this thing and
at that point in time,
when we met, I was
trying to go to grad school
for architecture,
because I absolutely love
residential architecture.
If I could go back and be a
builder or be an architect,
I probably would do it.
But that was at the University of Kansas
and you were in
Minnesota and in hindsight,
I think I made the right decision.
I left Kansas to go be with this girl
I was just met on a cruise.
And that's another story we
can get into at another time.
But I say all that to say,
that's one of those things inside of me
that I always wanted to build a house.
It's just something I wanted to get to
if we ever had the
financial capability of doing it
in a custom house, right?
Like we built our Pulte
house when we were in Chicago
and that was our first home.
But it was a spec home, not a spec home,
but it was a Pulte home.
It was a semi-custom.
Semi-custom, that's right.
But this was a full
custom house, ground up.
We drew squares and rectangles and
whatever else it might be.
Yep.
So we started on this journey
and it was something that I
always wanted to do obviously,
but that journey of what I
thought was just gonna be
a straight, steady Eddie rowing
turned out to be way more chaotic
than we thought it would be, right?
And it's added a lot of color.
And now we're in a beautiful home
and we're making more memories here
because you did not
want to leave that house.
I did not.
I think this was the first time in,
well at the time it was
about 15 years of being together
where you and I had a
completely different view
of what we wanted to do.
And so this was usually, I mean, I'd say,
we're usually on the same path, 100%.
We have the same
decorating ideas, design ideas.
We have so much in common
that usually these
types of things are easy.
Even major career moves,
we've moved a lot in our relationship
and it was always 100%.
If we were to
independently say our answer,
we would have said
the same answer, right?
This was one where we weren't.
And so we ended up after a
lot of discussion saying,
okay, we're getting a lot of discussion.
Maybe a couple of tears on my part.
Sorry.
Oh no, no, that's not.
That's not on you.
But we ended up embarking on this journey
and I don't regret it at all, at all.
And I just, I told you, I was like,
it's gonna take time for me.
We're gonna need to be in
this house and make it a home.
And we're absolutely there.
We love it.
But it was a little bit turbulent there.
You had to handle most of it
because you're so
good at the design aspect
and I was completely overwhelmed.
Yeah, well, that was
part of our discussion.
I mean, A, you didn't
wanna leave the house
that we'd been in for eight years
and our children had
kind of grown up in, right?
Our youngest was a year
old when we moved in there
and he was eight
years old when we left it.
So it was kind of the
house that they knew.
And I don't know that
they wanted to either
because part of the story here is,
and people that don't know,
we sold that house in
order to buy the lot
and we ended up renting a
house directly across the street
where we live now.
And that house was
about a quarter of the size
of the house that we moved out of.
Oh yeah.
And about 100 years older.
Uh-huh.
And it didn't, all the doors didn't close
and all the windows didn't shut tight.
And that was an
experience to get everybody like,
hey guys, I remember
walking through that place
going like, I think we
could make this work.
Like I'm trying to sell it,
but in my back of my mind,
I'm like, are we
seriously considering this?
Yeah, and I think it
was, we both came back to,
we can make anything work
for a short amount of time.
And it was honestly the
best, it was the best thing
because we could be
right across the street
from the house we were building.
And it was probably a
good learning experience
for our kids who, we are blessed.
We'll go back to the statement you said
toward the beginning, we are blessed
and our children had
never had to share a bathroom.
Like I grew up sharing a
bathroom with four siblings.
Like, I don't know, that
was just how I grew up.
Our kids were a little bit pampered
in the fact that they had
always had their own bathroom.
Well, now they had to share.
And they actually had to share a bathroom
where the shower didn't quite work.
So they kind of had to
take what we call bowers,
which is the shower and
a bath at the same time
because the water didn't come
out of the faucet very well.
So it was always very strange for them.
But they had to really be like, oh gosh,
we don't have as much as we used to.
But I think they
learned a lot through it.
I think they were
like, it doesn't matter.
I'm no less happy.
We have great memories.
We laugh a lot.
Yeah, no, it was a great
experience, even for me,
but for our kids for sure,
to your point that happiness
isn't based on material things.
Happiness has nothing
to do with how much money
you have in the bank,
how big your house is,
what kind of car you drive.
You can be happy in this
house that was literally
falling apart as we lived in it,
because we brought the happiness home.
Home literally was where we were.
Yes.
Right?
And we ended up being fine there.
Do we love it?
No.
And if that was a
long-term solution for us,
would we have had to
replace windows and doors
and all that?
Yes.
Maybe improve the
ventilation in the bathroom
because quick side note,
yes, there were mushrooms
growing in the bathrooms.
As disgusting as that sounds.
Black mold in our bathroom.
Black mold, yeah.
It was only a year and a half,
so I don't think there's
long-term health repercussions,
but--
TBD maybe.
TBD.
We have some amazing memories.
I think about Christmas morning,
there was no less joy in that time
because of where we were living.
Now, it was chaotic because we
were also building the house.
But there was a whole
bunch of anticipation too.
So it wasn't all bad,
but it definitely, that
was one of those life moments
that Zigdans egged for us.
Yeah, it definitely was.
It definitely was.
But you're right, in
the end, it was great.
Home is here now,
and there's a lot more to
talk about on that subject.
We don't have time to
go into it on this show,
but talking about
finances and planning for that
and how we looked at retirement with that
and building this house.
So more to come on that one probably
over some future episodes here.
But ultimately, I think, as you said,
we kind of have settled in
to our own routine here now.
Yeah, and I think we have,
hopefully now that that big project,
and even, I think that was maybe a
learning from both of us,
is that we kind of
thought once you build a house,
it's kind of done and you're good,
but no, actually,
there was a lot more there
that kind of took time even
after we were in the house.
So I feel like now that we've
been in for a year and a half,
we're really settling in.
We're settling into a
new norm, new routines,
and hopefully we can really put being,
winning friends and influencing people
at the top of our list again.
That would be my hope.
Yeah, that's right.
That was a really good way to
bring that all the way back.
I mean, no duh, right?
No duh.
We always have a highlight
where we repeat each other
on some one thing.
I know, but I think that speaks to just,
we do think a lot, I don't know if
there's other couples,
but out there that do this.
A lot of times, I mean, we make,
whether it's a sarcastic comment,
or we just know what each
other's thinking by a look.
Well, it's like a lot of times
we almost finish each other's--
Sandwiches.
Yep.
(laughing)
I was wondering, I really was wondering
what you were gonna say,
because I knew you'd pick
up on the sentences thing,
but I didn't know if
you'd go with sentences,
and you chose not to,
you went with sandwiches.
Well, you know what?
Which is great, no, that was fantastic.
That's comedy gold right there.
Yeah, no.
Press.
I am nothing if not funny.
(laughing) The irony there, I'm
actually not a standup Canadian.
I did not get that gift.
Neither one of us are by any means,
but I would say the kids would say,
when I'm not bad cop, I think my sarcasm
within the household
is probably the one that
wins out the day versus--
Yes.
You often say, and I do feel bad.
You always say, you
guys are laughing at me.
Oh yeah, I don't know if
that's just the mom role
to play in the house, but honestly,
I truly am probably the
butt of most of the jokes.
I think there's a
parent in every household
that's like that, right?
And it has nothing to
do with the fact that,
I mean, you're incredibly intelligent,
you're sophisticated,
all that kind of stuff.
So there's no making fun of you.
You just do funny things, you know?
And anybody that's been around,
well, maybe you don't do
them at soccer practices
and at the PTA meetings or whatnot,
but at the home, you're silly in a way,
and sometimes you just
do funny things and it's--
Yeah, yeah, and I'm
probably trying to be funny,
and then it doesn't come across as funny.
It more comes across as like,
you're just kind of a
loser, mom, it's okay.
Oh, well, we don't wanna
end on that low note there.
You're not a loser, no, it's just--
I think we try to have,
I think our family looks
for a lot of opportunities
just to be light and
laugh and find the sarcasm
and the funny and things.
Yes, we do, and our--
And you make it easy.
And I make it easy, so I mean, I am--
So you're contributing to
the happiness of our house.
Right, right.
And I'm sure most of it's an act anyways.
I'm sure it is, uh-huh, wink, wink.
And I think our
daughter picks up on that,
and I know we were
talking about her earlier,
and we were talking about confidence
and how a lot of people, we, you know,
have struggled with confidence,
and one of the things, I
don't think she struggles
with confidence, and
part of that is because
she has your sarcastic sense of humor.
She's hilarious.
She is so funny, and she
can be so self-deprecating,
but yet not in a way that
she's ever putting herself,
truly putting herself
down, she's just willing
to put herself out there to be
lighthearted and funny.
And so between the two
of you, oh my goodness,
you guys can keep us rolling for days.
Well, the Paris voice, Paris is our dog.
Is our puppy.
Is our puppy, our miniature dog sound,
and she, I think a lot of people do this,
because we heard some
other families do this too,
but we just have
basically a cartoon voice for her,
and she narrates our lives,
and she narrates her life,
and she's self-deprecating,
and she's mostly an idiot.
You know, is how we kind of character,
her core character is maybe, I would say,
but she adds, she's a
lot of love by herself,
but that character and
persona that we've invented
over the last year and a half with her
has added so much love
and laughter to the house,
I think it's so funny.
Yep.
But, anywho, well, I know we gotta run
to an actual work day, I
gotta run and catch a flight,
taking, you know, so
we'll see the soccer parents
out there in Vegas here in a few hours,
but you know, you wanna
sign off, any words of wisdom?
Yeah, no words of wisdom,
I'm usually pretty short on that,
but I am excited to come back,
I think our next podcast
will probably be unpacking
some trips to Las Vegas.
Yeah, well, I can't talk,
what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, so.
Okay, so I guess I'll have
to carry the next podcast.
Yeah, so I, no Vegas, no
Vegas stories out of me.
(laughing)
All right, well, thanks for tuning in,
and we can't wait to
see you back next week.
Okay, see ya.
See ya.
Have a fantastic week.
(upbeat music)