All's business. It's a real drag. Every asshole with a
bucking of hard on is in orbit tonight. And if I don't get some uppers,
I'll go apeshit. Everything is ready, my darling.
Do not be afraid. Soon we'll be together
This sandwich tastes as dry as hell.
Hello and welcome to hello, this is the Doomed show. I am Richard,
folks. I am temporarily Richard
of the night because I am hosting Katie
of the night. Hello. Hi. Thanks for having me.
Oh man, we had to have you back after our wonderful
Vengeance of the zombies. Now we're going
to talk about the French. The French Paul
Mashy named Carol Bouquet, which if you're
a British comedy fan, we'll call her Carol Bucket.
That's a, that's a shout out to Simon right there, right off the top.
But no, we're going to talk about Mystere or dagger
eyes from 1983. And you're
not seeing this, folks, because you're not on camera. I'm going to show Katie my
drawing of Dagger Eyes here. That's. Oh,
that looks so good. You should put that on the fridge.
When I was 10, my mom said, oh honey, you draw so good for a
10 year old. And then I was 15, she said, oh honey, you draw so
good for a 10 year old. No, I quit drawing. It's fine.
So Mystere is from the master of a very specific type
of film named Carlo Venzina.
He is the director of Nothing Underneath.
And he also did a movie that I've
told Jeffrey we have to cover one day called Squelo aka Call Girl
from 1996. And it's basically this movie again. I've seen
the poster. Oh, it's one of the worst gialli.
It's real bad. And it's big budget too. That's the funny part. It's a huge
budget and it's terrible. But he would return to
the giallo with the last fashion show in 2011, which I've still
never seen. And someone made a sequel in name only
to Nothing Underneath called Too Beautiful to Die,
which I heartily recommend if you want to watch a music video style giallo.
It's beautiful. Yes. So good. And of
course, Nothing Underneath has some psychic overtones that are just wonderful.
I love that movie. But first things first, we're going to spoil
this, this beautiful movie.
So it's a giallo and we don't want to spoil
the thrills, chills and kills,
especially not with the freaking predictable movie we're about to talk
about. But First, a message from our sponsor, folks, are you tired of
not reading my voice in your head? We'll get Giallo Meltdown
too. It's where I watch movies like Mystere and all these
other things. So if you want a quieter version of me and my opinions,
read a book. Amazon.com Giallo Meltdown 2 thank
you. And now we're back from the commercial.
And now we're going to play the Italian TV trailer
for Mystere. This is a 40 second, ish thing I found.
Go.
All right, so, Katie, you told me there's an English dub
to this movie, right? Yes. And the movie was shot
in English because they wanted it to feel American.
Oh, it feels American. Yeah. Well, it drives
me nuts. Is because I swear I had a version,
a bootleg, you know, totally legally acquired
film. And I remember the dub, but then when
I found the movie again, because of course, I'm behind on
the Forgotten Giali box sets again, I just have
access to a subtitle version, so. Because, you know, I hate that the English was
fun. See, that's what I want. Like, I am not afraid of
subtitles, obviously. I mean, look at me. People at home with no video
to speak of. Look at me. I'm a nerd.
So I love reading. But, man, these English dubs
are the literal best. I know. And I was just saying when I was
talking about Forgotten Jolly. One of the. One of the films
in that set is Sweets from a Stranger. Oh,
yeah. Did not have an English dub, so I was reading subtitles,
but it was inconvenient because everybody on the screen was so beautiful,
but I couldn't look at them because I had to be down there reading the
words. You know, that's a weird movie. But let
me. Let me find something special here on the virtual space called Electronic
Bay. This is the. This is the ebay system. I found
the VHS tape for Dagger Eyes, AKA Mystere,
where I'm going to read this plot from. This is the crappiest
looking cover. I'm going to send this to you in an
Instagram right now so you can see how beautiful this.
80. They want 80 for this VHS tape. Wow.
Oh. Free shipping. Okay. Whoa. I take it back.
They're so generous. Damn. So, yes,
here, Katie, I'm sending you the. The beautiful cover here. It's pretty
sick. It says,
a gripping espionage thriller, Flash fun
and fantasy. Says Variety.
It's not even the color of that dress. They recolored it. Boy.
Boy, it's. It's. It's probably faded, right yeah, they. They tried.
Okay, here's the plot on the back of this beautiful Vista home video VHS
tape. Espionage, murder and suspense fill the screen
in this gripping thriller. In the midst of this web of intrigue is
the seductive mystere, the beautiful and mysterious face behind
the dagger eyes not featured in this
film. An important Ms. Cuckoo. An important foreign
diplomat is gunned down as he rides in an open car procession in
Rome. A photographer captures the killer's face on film.
Now the mastermind behind the assassination will stop at
nothing to find and destroy the incriminating evidence. This is long.
The plot takes a unique but extremely dangerous
turn. The suspense builds as friends become foe.
Sure. And it's every man or woman for him
or herself. 84 man.
I don't know why they had to write so much plot for this. They didn't
even mention Hong Kong. Come on. I liked
your reading voice, though. That was nice. Thank you. I'm really inconsistent. I need to
practice that. Yeah. There's no dagger eyes in this movie. I would love that.
If my picture came to life. He drew eyes
with daggers coming out of them. It was conceptual.
Yeah, sure. I love it. See?
What else do we do on this show? Oh, yeah. So some main characters
we got here. We got Mystere, played by the Carol Bucket.
We've got Inspector Colt. This guy.
This is Phil Cocchi. Oh, boy.
Coccioletti. He's that Italian guy who
was born in Greensburg, Pennsylvania.
I mean, bless his heart. Yes,
his name is Colt in the movie. I love it. Did I mention that
Carol Bouquet is a Bond girl? Probably didn't.
You did not mention that. But yeah, she was in you only. Oh,
excuse me. For your. For your. So great.
I'm so bad at Bond stuff. For your eyes only. Yes. For your
eyes only or for your Eyes Only. Live Twice or
something. Oh. Oh. The most important person
for me in this movie. I know Katie has a. Haiti has
a favorite coming up. John Steiner is in this.
I love him too, though. Oh, my God, dude, he's so great.
He was in everything from Tenebrae to I
Don't Want to Be Born, the Joan Collins movie where
she has the spirit of a little person inhabiting her unborn
child. But yes, I love him. We also have Duilio
del Prete as Captain Levi. He's Colt's boss and he's terrible.
Not the actor, the character. John Steiner is Ivanov,
the Russian assassin. But tell me,
tell me about this tinty boy. We have Gabrielle
Tinty looking like a completely different version of himself.
Oh, My God. I don't know.
What is it? Because his hair is slicked back. I don't know what's going on.
But he looks classy. He is a.
He's great in this movie. And I was. I was almost gonna cut and not
even talk about him because his character. If you just took what
he does in this movie out, it would not
change the movie at all. Like, he's a jerk. And then she
outsmarts him and it. Then that's it.
Like. And then people sing Happy Birthday to him.
I love it. And give him a coat. Dude. And his name
is Mink in. In the IMDb and then they give him a mink.
It's too on the nose. Too on the nose. But I liked it.
And the other person I want to mention is one of my favorites is Janet
Ain. Hello. This is the Doomed show. She has
been on many times. I mean, she's not returning our calls. But she's
been in so many great movies that we've talked about on this show.
Like, what was the one movie we talked about her? Oh,
yeah. City Living Dead. Sure. There you go. I just saw
her recently in Hands of Steel. I'd never seen Hands of Steel before. It's crazy.
Is she in Cannibal Fox? Oh,
yeah, yeah. I. I have to remind myself I've
seen those because they're so out of my style now.
Eaten alive, maybe. That's what I was thinking.
Yeah. It's one of those Cannibal movies, you know. I made some bad memories
with her. That's all I remember. I. I do like her. She was
in Rat man, which also has some animal violence too. And you're like,
guys, come on, be nice to the rats. I don't even like
rats, but like, be nice to them. God. She plays Pamela,
her friend, who's gonna up everything and get a bunch of people killed. Thanks,
Pamela. And yeah, we'll. If anybody
else comes up, we'll talk about him. This movie starts with the
Prologo. Everyone loves a Prologo.
And at this, this Prologo, this dude who's
a foreign dignitary, an American dignitaries cruising down the street,
JFK style, he gets shot. And there's a sleazy
photographer here named Reinhardt. He photographs
the shooting. But then he whips his camera at
the building and gets a beautiful picture of John Steiner shooting
people shooting this. This foreign dignitary, which I just make a print
and frame it. I wouldn't try to like blackmail anybody. I know
he really wasn't trying to be Sneaky, though. No, he was like,
dude, put a mask on. What are you doing? He's probably hanging out of the
window doing it. Yep. You know, it's like,
I had no thought there. I don't know.
I'll cut that. We're doing great. Let me tell you something, Katie.
And then I have no. I have no idea how to do. So we meet
our beautiful myst at the airport.
Her theme song is so badass.
Come to me. This isn't just
a figment of your fantasy.
I love it. I'm singing it all the time, dude. The music
in this movie is by Armando Trava Jolie
or Trova Jolly. I don't know how to say his name.
I love this guy's work. It's usually bombastic and over
the top. And it's. He did the music for Shadows in an empty room
from 1976, which is the fake Clint Eastwood
Magnum force ripoff Giallo, which is wonderful.
But, yes, the music is fantastic in this movie. I really like it.
We get to see her at the airport. She picks up her guitar pedal board
case. That's a little joke for guitar pedal
enthusiasts out there. But she goes home to where her cat.
Topical. We got cats here. She goes home
to this cute, cute cat. That's her bud. But she
goes through her entire routine. We get to see what makes mystere
so mysterious. And Katie, what is
up with this freaking routine she does? This is, like, full on.
She's training for battle. Well, I just want
to say you're really good at pronouncing her name because I feel like I can't.
The only thing that comes out of my mouth is mysterious.
There's no wrong ways.
She does her brows, she does her lips,
she does her nails and everything. Every little detail is important.
And if you like fashion and if you like makeup,
you're just gonna enjoy all the sights to be seen.
Mystere is very fashionable.
Yep. Even. She even puts on her pink leotard and
starts kicking it old school. Oh, yeah. She does some aerobics. I guess it's
more like jazz or. I don't know. Oh, man.
I'm guessing she's a dancer, like the actor. Maybe everyone in France is just
a dancer. I don't know. She definitely seems like a dancer. She probably
has some, like, wonderful theories about the
eroticism of dance or something. Like the character miss there. But also
maybe the actress has those kinds of thoughts too. I don't know. She goes
to work and we get. Oh, oh, I. I almost
forgot how Crazy. Her apartment is. Oh my God. Oh yeah. Her apartment
has the craziest, scariest jump scare in it.
So she's got vertical lines painted on the
walls that look like blinds that are like open at night.
And you're like, oh, that's a little strange. But then on one part of it,
it's being like pulled down and there's a crazy eyed
maniac watching. So she's got like this pop art. In her
apartment keeping Tom Murrell. What?
Okay, listen. Terrifying. I watched an entire
interview with the set designer of this movie.
Did the peeping Tom mural come up? No,
that's wrong. Vinegar syndrome. Fix it. We need replacement
discs. But I think,
like, I'm not sure what that is supposed to
represent or communicate and communicates. She's got a terrible
designer making her. It's like, it's not giving like girl
power. It's not giving sexy. I don't know what it's giving.
She goes to work and we get to see all the high class sex
workers. This, this is not a hooker bonfire
situation where the, where the hookers all gather around a big
old drum that's full of wood burning and they're trying to
stay warm on a cold night by the highway. No, because this is the 80s
now. Yeah. Dud, dude. This is like the, the Pretty woman,
the cinematic universe of Italy.
It's wonderful. I love this. This is so great. And yeah,
she's talking shop with her pals and her and Pamela
end up propositioned for the night. The two of
them for one guy. I believe they call it a menage of
three. They go. And of course, it's our sleazy photographer,
man. I wanted him to be a nice guy.
Like he's. He's a. He's a slob. Which is the nicest way to put
it. She says something fun. What's that? He was
no fun. No. As soon as he is over with his sexy
time with them, then he gets really mean and shitty. Like, man, you be
nice. I'm. I'm disgusting and grotesque. I have
to be nice all the time.
Fair. Oh my God. Phone call. Hang up on you.
Is that a landline? Come on, I'm 60 years old.
Help me. Oh, I forgot to ask you. What, what does.
What terminology are we going to be using for the. The ladies of the night?
I'm just. I'm going with sex workers. So. You already said hooker.
When did I say hooker?
Dude, I can't even. I can't. Folks at home, I'm sorry. I'm trying to keep
up with the parlance of the time. Sex work is work. Y' all saying it
now. We'll go with sex workers. Thank you. I'm gonna try. I'm gonna be better.
I, I. Like I said, I just turned 65 years old.
It's hard to remember stuff. All right, I guess I'm petting this cat.
It's getting distracting. Jeez. Take my leave of you. Go. Bye.
Bye. So while they're pleasuring this wonderful gentleman,
her pal Pamela sneaks in the other room and starts stealing shit immediately
going through his pockets. She steals the McGuffin of the movie,
aka this, this shitty lighter that has the
film, the originals of this assassination,
hidden inside, which I. That's not film preservation. I would
think Vinegar syndrome would have a problem with putting out a film.
That teaches you that storing your film inside a lighter is safe.
I'm loving dudes. What happens next. So after they leave
with the lighter, Mr. Wingtips shows up.
He's our assassin for the movie. He's got beautiful wingtip shoes.
I owned a pair of Doc Martens that looked like that,
and they were too much. They were too much.
It was a lot. Plus, I have, like, size 13ft. So those
shoes would arrive 20 minutes before I would. Because my feet
are so long. I was calling him Mr. Kane in my notes. Mr.
Kane, but also Mr. Penguin. I don't know why I was calling him Mr.
Penguin. Well, he's got cane. Yeah. If it was an umbrella,
then he would be spot on right there. Yeah.
He kills him with his cane knife. He's got a cane. His little knife that
shoots out the end and he stabs him. This would be a nice double feature
with the killer what carries a cane or whatever.
Yeah, Death carries a cane. Death carries a cane. Now that is
a freaking forgotten. Giali said I had to get that.
I have, because I love Death carries a cane. That's great.
It's got that girl doing that whole ballerina sequence when
she's got that glitter, just glitter all over her,
and it looks really uncomfortable. Like, oh, my God, hose her
down, people. So, of course, her pal gets gotten.
She gets killed for. For not having the lighter. She hid
it in Mystere's purse. Amazing. The most
important character in his own mind and in this movie shows up
to talk to our grieving Ms. Dare.
Tell us about Colt, Katie. What's. What's.
What's this guy's deal? Colt is an American homicide
detective who decided to come to Rome.
When asked why, he says, I'd like the food.
He's got so many terrible wise cracks.
He is insufferable. I don't
even know how to describe him. He's extremely
unprofessional. Immediately unlikable.
Yep, yep. Starts trying to get info out of
Mystere. Mystere? Am I. How do you say it? You're saying it
right. Mystere is right. I'm not going to question you. And he's like,
I bet you don't like cops, do you? And she's
like, I'm not gonna. I don't know anything. And even if I did, I wouldn't
tell you. And then he slaps her and she falls onto the bed.
But then she gets up and just looks pretty unbothered.
She just got slapped. She's a cool character in this movie. Yes. She doesn't
give a fuck. I love it. What else. What else do we
need to say about Colt? He's going to be our secondary character here, and he
is not a nice guy. Yeah, he. He says
to her, don't worry, you're not my type. I like exotic women.
And it's like. So we find out later, you know, he has a black girlfriend.
And I'm sorry for her that. That she can't do better than Cole.
This girl so bad.
I'm really curious about the. The American version. I might have some
questions if you remember some of the. The dialogue. There's a.
There's this. There's a line earlier when they're talking to. To good old Reinhardt.
She's mysterious. Says to him, delusions at
three in the morning can cause insomnia. She says that to Reinhardt?
Yeah, in the. In the Italian version with the maybe translated
properly subtitles. I have no idea. Was it
like at the beginning or at the end of their session when. She and Pamela
are at his door? That's what she says to. That's definitely
not what they say in the American version. Damn, I love it. They're probably just
saying something about, like, so who is this? Like, who is this guy? Or how
much did he say? Hey, we're gonna blow you?
That's what she said. Maybe I just adore French girls.
Fantastic arctics at 3 o'
clock in the morning can give you insomnia. No, it's. It's a very
strange line. I'm sure. I have a totally different version. I'm wondering if, like.
Because my copy is 82 minutes,
I wonder if I even have a shorter version than what's on the.
Yeah, I don't know if it's gonna be one of those pal to NTSC
conversion things where it's the same length of movie,
but the different versions play slightly faster than
the other. So I have an 82 minute version, but then it's listed as 84.
I don't know. They cut the most important line, which is delusions
at three in the morning can cause insomnia.
Wouldn't it be insomnia at three in the morning can cause delusions?
Hey, see, you're making sense of this movie. I like it.
So of course Mr. Colt offers to protect
her and she's like, now you literally just hit me in the face. No thanks.
Listen, you bitch, you start talking or I'm gonna have your ass thrown
behind bars. Look, I know the story that jazz about
the cop in the hall, him flinging her naked on the bed. Hey, come on,
get on with it. Then afterwards we can forget all about it.
Not with me. I only like exotic chicks,
a little brown sugar. You see, white girls
bore me. And another thing, I don't have to do this job to
get laid. But she is immediately in danger that night when
Mr. Kane, aka the Penguin,
aka oh wait, what did I call him? Mr.
Wingtips. Mr. Wingtips comes to kill her and
she fights him off with a bullwhip. I will say some
things about this movie at the end, but I really like the suspense stuff.
Carlo Venzina, the director, he can do some suspenseful stuff
and I. I love her just taking that bullwhip and like knocking
the freaking flashlight out of that dude's hand is beautiful. Yeah,
that was very resourceful. She whipped it and she whipped
it good. Then Mystere, needing protection now,
goes to Colt's awful tiny apartment where he has.
Got a boy room. Is that what they call it?
I think so. Oh, it was horrible.
You can smell it. You can smell it on the freaking movie. It's so.
I mean, that tells me all I need to know about that man. My suspicions
were correct. The most terrifying thing,
aside from like how dirty the place is, he's got a mannequin with
sunglasses and a hat and another gun. His backup service gun
is. Is just this. Mannequins watching him sleep with
a gun. You're not supposed to have a mannequin watching you sleep.
Unless you're into that. That is not feng shui. I'm pretty sure.
My favorite thing when he picks her up to take her to his
place is he asks her, do you do it for the money?
And she gives him a look and doesn't Say a word.
Like, I'm not dignifying that with a response. Asshole. He is so
jealous. Men are so jealous.
They can't make money doing that. No, you got to
work really hard as a guy. Like, I have.
I. I have, like, a male stripper body, but I
hide it away under pounds and pounds of sugary fat.
What's I talking about? So. Yes. Do you do it for
the money? Come on, dude. And he's also like, how much do you
make in a day? And she's like, a lot.
You want receipts? What do you want? Mind your own business.
Like, he wants to find out how pathetic he's getting paid. That's what
he's. Yeah. He's like, oh, man, I should be. I should be a sex worker.
See, I said sex worker. Good job. Thank you. So does
she call his girlfriend Diana Ross in the American version?
Yeah. That is weird. Ms. Dare. That's the one thing
I don't like that she does. I'm like. And later on in the movie,
she calls her Aretha Franklin.
I know about these two black people.
I don't know if this is because these writer brothers were also
comedians. Oh, they're funny. That's funny.
But, yeah. I'm gonna
die. Well, okay, let me. Let's. Let's talk about this for a second,
because Mysterious is not a girl's girl.
And there are a couple times in this movie where if she would
just get along with Martha, for example,
things could have gone better. Yeah, they could have teamed up
and taken out these dumbass men. But she's not
out here trying to make friends. No,
but we should talk about her. This actress is
Maria Briscoe. She's the one who plays Martha, and I
don't remember her from a movie I've never seen before.
She seems American. Oh, well, maybe that
was her voice actor. I don't know. Maybe that was her voice actor. I'm confused.
The year before this, there's an Italian film called beyond the Door,
which sounded so much like a horror film, I assumed it
was either, like a combination of beyond the Darkness or something.
Door. Yeah. No, some rando drama that she was in. Another title
is Beyond Obsession. Oh, it has Eleonora Georgie in it.
I can't say her name. I'm sorry. You nailed it. That's literally how
she says it. Okay, so while he's getting kicked off
the case, our pal Mystere is being chased down
through the streets. What is this chase all about? Okay, so she.
First, she's on the train, and she Notices this dude is staring at her intensely.
And she's like, okay. And she
tries to ignore him. And she gets off the train and he's still staring at
her. And he's following her. And he starts following her closer and closer.
And she's clearly like looking at him like, please leave me
alone. And he doesn't. So then she starts running. And then he starts
running and I'm like, who is this dude? And then they get to
the top of the stairs or the escalator or something, and he catches up
to her and she just whips out a gun and points it at him.
Well, it turns out he's like, hey, Mysterious,
it's me, Pamela's brother. And she's like, oh,
hey, how's it going? But I'm like.
They catch up. That's not how you say hello to
someone that you see on the train. Yeah, it's so weird.
I love that he just wants to catch up with her, you know?
Remember that girl I was hanging out with? I married that girl. It was
very strange. My favorite thing, as I wrote in my notes that
he's on his way to his audition for the Strokes because.
Because he looks like he'd be in the band the Strokes.
That's my joke. Yeah, I. I just.
I love this part. His speaking of, like, characters that have a
scene but we're not going to see later. I really wonder if this was
longer. Like, does her pimp mink?
Does he come back later? Does Pamela's brother do something later?
Did I miss something? I don't know. It's admittedly
not the best story. No. Her pimp
tries to extort rent out of her,
which he wasn't officially her pimp. I don't understand. But she sleeps
with him instead of paying him a thousand dollars. And he accepts this
as, you know, payment. And she says in
the Italian version, you know, making love to you
is like drinking from a paper cup.
Is that all? I think she said that it was tasteless,
but if you leave off the tasteless part, it makes it really weird.
So I just leave it at that. Well, I'll tell you what she said in
the English version. Ooh. She said,
I often wondered what kind of a lover you'd make.
I know the end.
Minky stinks like a mink.
Smells like an old mink coat rotting away in the freaking
closet. I have in my notes Colt with the
nunchucks. LOL.
Anyway. Just like a 13 year old boy in his bedroom.
Dude. Yes, indeed.
That stinky freaking room smells like Feet and ass in there.
So what happens when his. His boss comes
to reveal that he's Mr.
Kane's sword? What happens in the bathroom?
In case you didn't already deduce it the moment
you laid eyes on Colt's boss,
who looks like the most sinister man you could imagine,
Colt's boss is the mister.
Is Mr. Kane. Mr. Wingtips. So he
comes knocking on Colt's door because he had seen Colt
with the lighter earlier. He knew that Colt had the lighter.
So he comes knocking on the door saying, I'm here for the lighter.
He's got his gun pointed at Colt and everything.
So what I was thinking in my head was, Colt could have just
handed the lighter over, and then Mr. Kane could have
just left, and that could have been the end of it, right. Right there.
But I think that since cult
knew that Mr. Kane was also trying to kill people and
he had killed Mystere, I guess that was just too much against
him. So Mr. Kane is like, I'm gonna kill you.
Let's go to the bathroom. So at
gunpoint, he makes Cult go draw his own bath of death.
And then he's like, take off your clothes. Get in that bathtub.
And then he plugs in a razor. Like, Is that
what you call it? Yeah, an electric razor. Thank you.
Okay. An electric razor. He talks about how the pain is.
Or the death is quick and painless or something. When he drops
this razor into the bathtub. What's happening outside, you might ask?
Mystere is trying to get into the apartment,
and then Martha comes up, and she's like, you have got to be
kidding me. And so, okay,
Mysterious. Literally trying to save Colt's life,
right? But she is so distracted by the. The hatred
she has for Martha that she turns around, like, crosses her arms,
and just, like, gives her the stink eye. And then Martha's like,
don't even bother. Here, have. Have the keys. And she just, like, throws her the
keys to the apartment so that Mysterious can get in. But you know what I
was thinking right here, right here, Mysteria could have been like, I need your help.
Colt is in trouble. Do you have a way to get in this apartment?
And they could have teamed up and gone in there together. Let's put our differences
aside. My bad. I don't actually like your
jackass boyfriend, but we'll find out that isn't true later.
But, like, yeah, so she has to learn to work
with people to get what she wants, man. Anyway,
Mysterious gets in there and saves the day. Long story short,
Mr. Kane ends up getting electrocuted in the bathtub instead.
Yay. Oh, my God. Oh, it's so funny that
the shot of him floating lifelessly in the water with
the. The razor dangling right by.
I want, like, I really want to know this science question.
I guess when I was a kid, I always figured that if you throw an
electronic into the tub, that you'd see lightning.
Sure. But, yeah, I don't think you see lightning.
I think it shorts out the lights. I think
there's safety catches now so that it's not like the olden
days when, you know, people ran electricity next to
the water. The old crappy cloth wiring would
be exposed and water would splash on it. And then the neighbors
would smell your burning corpse from your bathtub. Yeah.
And, like, do you really, like, twitch around like that
when you're getting electrocuted in the bathtub? I'm sure there's
a YouTuber, some famous YouTuber who's like, I'm gonna
try to electrocute my girlfriend, bro. Crazy prank.
LOL. No, I. Clickbait.
I've never seen YouTube. I don't know what's on it now. The movie gets complicated
as we go, and we're fast forwarding here, folks, because there's
so much this. We're trying to get through this plot without doing the whole thing,
because, man, even for a movie as short as this, it covers a lot of
ground. But basically, from this point, the Jalo is over.
Yep, that's it. We know who the killer is. Let's get to the.
The McGuffin intrigue. Back and forth,
car chases. Mr. Ivanov,
our assassin. He's trying to get Colt and Mystere,
and he gets blackmailed out of a million dollars by
Colt to trade for the photographs for the negatives.
There's a great moment where Colt and Mystere
are riding in the car together, and they're doing that. The rear projection thing where
they're pretending to drive, and it's just. They're projecting
the road going by in the background for their important conversation. All of
a sudden, this. They haven't slept together yet, but there's
this tension between our main characters. Will they? Won't they?
They shouldn't. But will they? Won't they? And they're gonna
run away with this million dollars together. But Colt, being cult,
totally easily fools Mystere and just runs
off to Hong Kong. Leaving her at the airport.
And he boards the plane with all the money, and he.
And he calls her. He calls her at
customs. Like, by the way, it ain't going to work out. See you.
I'm taking all the money. We see him in Hong Kong, you know,
living the flashy lifestyle. I like to assume that he's only been
there for like four hours and
he set up in a hotel and he's. He's picking girls from a
pimp there for his. His fun night. But of course he wants the
bus girl, not one of the actual sex workers.
And of course the pimp's like, oh, that can be arranged. And I was like,
yeah, that can be arranged. Because the girl who's cleaning the table over there,
she is excited. She's like, whoa, Colt, that's my cup of tea.
At least she was consenting. That's right. And he didn't hit her yet
or anything. What a great guy. What a wonderful gentleman he is. Yeah,
she'll find out the baggage that he brings later. But of course, who shows up
at his hotel door but Mystere? And instead
of killing him and taking the money because she does have a gun.
Point at him. Yep, she has the upper hand.
They make love and then that's it. They're together now like,
like they cut back after them having sex.
You know what it was? She was so turned off by his bedroom
that just seeing him outside in another bedroom
that was clean, just like, oh, whoa, this dude. It changed everything.
Yeah, this room smells fresh.
Beautiful. So they make love and then they're all
lovey dovey, holding each other and talking about the future or some.
And Mr. Ivanov shows up as the. The bellboy
slash room service bringer guy. Was he just waiting
for them to order room service? Yeah. In your version,
what did Colt say when he placed the order? Oh, he ordered.
I know he ordered champagne and something
about Chinese food. I don't remember. They're like, what would you like to eat?
And he's like, I don't know, something Chinese. It's like,
okay, we'll bring you some dumplings, I guess.
Asshole. Idiot. See, that's the thing. I wouldn't.
I would go to Hong Kong and I would go through the
million dollars just eating. Like I'd
be staying in the finest hotels. Oh, man,
I'd be like, do y' all have like a museum for
Hong Kong? Like, can I meet Anthony Wong? I want to meet Stephen
Chow or something like that would be the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
Like, is Anita Mui around?
Like, we. She doesn't want to talk to you, dude.
Anyway, so they kill. We get an
almost good dummy death. I wish the Dummy Death had been a little more fake
when. Right. It was, like, too good. Yeah. Ivanhoe gets
thrown out the window. Of course, we get some more nunchuckery from
Colt. Oh, yeah. It was a nunchuck versus knife.
Yeah. And, you know, I just. Oh, man. To the actor's
credit, he looks like he knows what he's doing with the nunchucks.
It's just such an obscenely dorky weapon that,
like, nobody looks cool doing it except Bruce Lee,
maybe. Maybe Sammo Hung could do it. But Sammo
Hung, everything he does is perfect. So. And finally,
they're on it. They're on a little boat together out in the bay there in
Hong Kong, and the Ivanov's
henchmen is in a helicopter going, hey, look, it's them.
Whoa. And I can't read his expression or what he's gonna do.
They just see them and leave. Oh, this is the beginning. Like,
this could have been mysterious part two. Yeah. Begins right here.
Because they were watching with binoculars.
They were locked in. And who knows where the story goes
after that? Will there be more betrayals? More blackmail?
I want to pretend that the secret sequel
to Mystere is Homicide in a
Blue Light, the movie I am trying to will into existence
on Blu Ray. It is with Florence Guerin
and David Hess. I want to say it's
like, maybe David Hess's last thing he did in Italy. I can't remember.
It is a perfect pairing with this, because Florence Guerin plays a
character very similar to Mystere. She's like a
hip, cool sex worker that's super, like, cold and, like,
has it together, but she gets embroiled in a very similar mystery
after someone close to her is killed. So come on, people.
That film will come. I swear, there's magic when you
start mentioning stuff like that on a. In a public space.
Yeah. It ends up coming forgotten Giali14
Finally. I mean, it's how we got obsession and taste for fear.
In Forgotten Jolly 7. I did that like my brain's exploding.
That we got that on Blu Ray. That's incredible. So there's a
Chinese proverb at the end of this movie on the Italian version.
Chinese proverb. And they show the Chinese and
then they show the Italian translation. And for whatever reason,
the subtitler is like, I'm not doing that. So I don't know what the proverb
is. At the end of this movie. It was like. It was like, those who
live in glass houses should not throw stones.
Oh, man. That ties it all together.
Damn. I. I feel like the movie just opened up to me,
like, oh, it. All makes sense now, man. I'm gonna start writing
my freaking. My. My own booklet for the movie to go
in my. My box set when I finally buy it.
Vinegar syndrome. You got me. How do you do it?
Room service. Yes, this is room 551. Yes.
What would you like? I don't know. Chinese specialties and
French champagne.
You treat yourself well. I'm a rich
man. I know.
Very rich.
Are you here for me or the money? You already
asked me once. What difference
does it make? A little bit about the.
Before we get to trivia, a little bit about the crew.
We talked about Armando Trava
Jolie, the. The composer. This was shot
by Giuseppe Makari, who worked
with our bud, Carlo Vanzina on.
On Nothing Underneath. And then he worked with
Argento on Two Evil Eyes. Hopefully he wasn't
present when they were strangling that damn cat in that movie. What the hell?
Don't like it. He was also. He shot something called chewing
gum from 1984, which I am. Cute title.
And it's one word. Chewing gum.
There. Oh, if this isn't porn, I don't know what
it is. It's a comedy romance.
Yep, yep, yep. Very exciting stuff. But let's see.
This was co. Written by. I believe it's Carlo Vanzina's
brother. Enrico. Yes, Enrico. They are brothers.
Oh, boy. They're. They're. They're a pair of problem children.
I love them. Oh. Their father was also a filmmaker, so.
Ah, Nepo babies. Yeah,
let's see how it is. But yeah, this is a very prolific screenwriter. This guy,
man, he's got 40. Oh, I'm sorry,
40. He has a hundred and eight screen credits.
Holy. What the. This guy liked
to work, folks. He wrote squelo, aka call girl,
so. Damn. That is a 3.1 on IMDb.
That's brutal. Oh, that is brutal. I thought
you meant on letterboxd where it's out of five.
3.1. I was like, oh, that's good. Oh, man. 3.1 out
of 10. Ouch. We'll see. I'll. I'll get Jeffrey
a copy of it and we'll freaking cover it on. Cover it on this here
show. It's gonna be great. Watch it. It's pretty bad.
Like I said, it's. It's. It's another Carlo Vanzina sexy
sex worker. G. And it's. It's just the same movie.
It's so cute. I love it. But that's like the main crew. I was paying
attention to was those guys. I heard there was a little trivia on that Blu
Ray from the extras. What do you got? Okay.
So I did. There is a whole interview with Carlo Vanzina.
Okay. Because I think his brother has passed away. But talked
a lot about, like, their filmmaking career and how they
really enjoyed genre films. But they most of the time were
doing comedy. But they liked. They liked when they were
able to do jalo films. They said
that Dagger Eyes. I mean, Mysterious.
He said that it did okay,
but it wasn't like a big success. But it wasn't a flop either.
He said that it helped lay the foundation so that they could then
make Nothing Underneath. Nice. So we
have Mysterious to thank for Nothing Underneath and for squelo,
I guess. Squillo. How do you say it?
I'm going with squelo. Squelo.
They said that they wanted the film to have
a hyper. Real tone, hyper realism,
and that female beauty was a main focus for
them. Oh, fun fact. They. The brothers who wrote
this, they did not like the ending of this movie. This is not how
they wanted it to end. Oh. But their producer wanted a happy
ending. Oh, okay. That's why it makes no freaking sense.
Oh, no. I wonder what their ending was. Like,
hopefully she came in there and killed his ass. Yeah, like they didn't.
Hopefully they didn't end up together at all. Or like the money was lost or
something. I mean, I don't want it to be super bad, like super
depressing where she dies. I just want Colt out of there.
How about she teams up with John Steiner?
Yeah. She's like, you know what? You need someone to lure all your
victims to an easier location so you don't have to work so hard. Dude.
He said the film got a second life when it started airing on
tv. It got a bit of a cult following. And he
suspects that maybe part of the reason why it didn't do so
well is because audiences were driven away by the coldness of
the film, which he says is intentional.
No. You know, what happened is they all went and saw Zeter freaking
Poopy Avati stole his freaking thunder, man. Same year.
Oh, I saw that. But it's been a little while at this point.
You gotta watch out for Poopy. I'm gonna give a little bit more.
Please keep going. I'm excited. So I watched the interview with production
designer Paola Comancini. Okay,
let me see more about her. She talked about the apartment.
Mysterious apartment. This was built on a soundstage.
Nice. Which is, I guess,
why? We never saw the outside of her house ever.
But I don't know. Like, I kept wanting to see the outside. I was like,
is this an apartment? Is this a house? What is this? Yep. She designed it.
She looked through magazines, and she wanted. She wanted the apartment to have an American
feel. Oh, man. So that's how she designed
it. And like I said, she did not mention the Peeping Tom mural.
The most expensive set piece
in the movie. Right. Most intriguing.
So the last little bit I want to share with you is from an actor
on the film named Greg Snagoff.
Greg Schneg off. Gregoff.
He played a. One of the cops. Yeah.
So this whole time I was watching this interview, I thought he was the guy
who played Colt. He's not.
Well, you know, all guys look the same. Some of these special
features, they'll, like, interview the most random people.
But anyway, so this dude is an American who came to Italy
to do some acting. Brightest things started to decline,
but he was taught. He was asked about Carol Bouquet. He said,
what was it like working with the. The. The leads or whatever. I forgot what
he said. And he was like, oh, the. The one lead. What's her name?
What's her name? And the interviewer is like, carol Bouquet. And he's like, yeah,
yeah. I'm like, what do you mean?
He was prepared for the interview. He said, she was divine to look
at, but I didn't find her attractive or want to be with her because she
was cold and aloof.
That's nice, dude.
I was like, you've got to be kidding me.
Oh, no, he wasn't kidding. Okay. And then he was asked,
how was it working with John Steiner? Greg replies, oh,
he was a friend. So the. The interviewer said,
john Steiner is a massive cult figure. And Greg said,
oh, really? And then the interviewer says, he died recently,
you know, in Florida. And what this man says,
Greg, snag off, says, well, that'll teach you not to live in
Florida.
That is it. That is a joke that he
should not have made. But also, they left
it in to. They shouldn't have left it in, but they left it in.
That sounds like you got. You got less information about the film
by watching that. Like, you now know less about this movie. You know
how sometimes you. You're nervous and you make a joke and you're like, I shouldn't
have said. That all the time. I feel like that's what happened right
there. Yep. But that's what I was
dying to tell you, and I couldn't Wait. Wow. Thank you. I couldn't wait to
share it. It was well worth it. That was well worth it.
Really, really mean. Wow. I have to
nerd out because aside from saying things he instantly regrets
in. In interviews, Gregory Snag off which
is the best name ever. Serious, serious anime voice
actor. He was. Pick any
80s anime, like English dub from the
80s, and he did all of them, like Golgo 13 and
Megazone 23 and Robotech and Wicked
City and my neighbor Totoro, like, just crazy.
He just did all of the freaking English dub.
He didn't talk about that in that interview. He's. Of course not,
because no one wants to hear about that. That's. This. My childhood coming
back to haunt me. But also, I still watch anime got
me kicked out of a certain group. No, I'm kidding.
I left no anime. No anime. Except when I
want to reference it. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna
reference anyone in particular. That's all my
trivia. Oh, that was wonderful. No one's new seeing on Pringles Light potato
chips. A lot of the fat you get in ordinary potato chips. No. What else?
You'll never miss it. Know what else is missing in
Pringles Light? A lot of the salt you get in mini ordinary chips.
You'll never miss it. You know what's not missing in Pringles Light?
Mmm, you guessed it. Pringles Light in the
silver can. Less fat, less salt, and so much flavor. You'll never
miss what's missing now that we have been snag offed.
Oh, my God.
Katie, how do you feel about Mystere,
AKA Dagger eyes? I thought it was really,
really likable. This is all about Carol Bouquet.
If you like to stare at beautiful female
characters, I think this one will work well for you.
The story is a bit weak. It was kind of
a satisfying giallo, except it never felt like a mystery. And then the
jallo half ends pretty quickly, and then it becomes this, like, spy movie.
Yeah, yeah. The story wasn't the best. I was not happy with
the ending, but I love the.
The atmosphere, the music, the.
The beautiful looks of the sex workers and the.
All the clothes and the makeup. So, like, as a girly
girl, I enjoyed this. Oh, can we say.
Can we say something that there's, like, no nudity in this movie?
That's one of my points. Yeah, man. This is the most tamest
movie about sex workers ever. There is, like, a brief
shot of Carol Bouquet's breasts
and very brief. Like, like. So why is it that we both. Noticed that
in a reflection because you expect a movie that's of
a trashy subject of a controversial
topic like this, that it would be, you know, this is not, this is like
the difference between sleazy and trashy. Like this is not
sleazy. But yes, because of the subject matter, this is trashy.
Yeah. I was like, oh boy, wait a second. We're not
going to see anyone do anything. Yeah. I'm. I'm pretty sure that
there's a lot more nudity and nothing. Nothing underneath. I'm pretty sure because
that's the title. There's. There's nothing underneath there. I don't
know how they got away with almost nudity. Free movie about sex workers and featuring
sex scenes. Right. I guess you could tell there was a lot of different
voices trying to dictate what was happening in this movie.
Yes. Like too many cooks in the kitchen. What we need
is, is the male, the male guys be naked.
Have all the men just be naked? Like. Yeah.
And men will get naked for no reason. I have friends I
have seen naked for no reason. And it's upsetting just because
I wasn't, you know, I wasn't requesting that. But in. I'm always happy to
point out to Lietta when there's male nudity in a movie like, hey, see,
I do that same thing. I'll be like, look at that, look at that man
butt crack. Look at that.
Ding a ling everybody. But yes, I really like mystere.
This is hard not to love. This is just so predictable.
Is the worst thing I can say about it. It's very slick,
very stylish. It's kind of trying to be naughty,
but in a childish way. It's kind of funny. So all
of the stuff where she's interacting with the Johns is very funny.
When. Whenever someone is having sex with
the stare, she looks like she's like
pretending to be dead. Yes. Because she's working
her magic, obviously. But.
They did kind of talk about that in the interview with Carlo saying
that they wanted her to be such a high class sex
worker that she didn't even really. I don't. Maybe the translation
was weird, but like she wasn't even like get giving sexy, you know,
it was almost like she's. As cold as ice cold.
Yeah, she was just cold. Yeah, you're so right.
The Hong Kong ending was wonderful for just, just that
it put the ending of the movie in a place I'm very comfortable
with. I love watching Hong Kong movies. So you know Colts,
master of the nunchuckery was pretty funny to me.
I just. I can't even. But yeah, the suspenseful stuff was good.
I think that's what Carlo Vanzina is good at. I think in all of the
movies of his I've seen when someone is in peril
being chased by the baddie, that. That's usually got some. Some nice
style to it. But, yeah, I still think.
I wish Florence Guerin was in this.
I liked. I like Carol Bouquet, but I just. I.
So it's so funny how similar Florence Guerin
acts when she's playing a character like this. It's very similar
in different films. So I always get mixed up. I'm just a big Florence
Guerin. Stan. This is my first time seeing Carol Bouquet, and I
loved her. Nice. Very nice.
Okay, so, Katie, before I let you run out of here screaming,
before I let you get back to doing your high kicks
and doing your eyebrows and my toe touches.
Yeah. Oh, man, that hurts. Just to watch someone else do
that. Okay, folks, don't get old,
you know, like, stay young forever, because I
started doing squats so that I'll maybe live a few more years.
And the most insulting thing about exercise when
you're getting older is you're not doing it to look better.
You're just doing it so you can keep moving throughout the day.
Like, the older you get, the less exercises
about anything other than not throwing your back out,
you know, picking up your cat or something. I don't know where I was going
with that. Before I let you go, Katie, tell me about a
recently seen and loved movie you've watched. It can be an
old favorite or it can be something that you just saw for the first time.
What do you got? Well, I've been watching lots of vampire stuff.
Yes. But I suppose most recently, which I
can discuss is I did a little Nosferatu crash
course, because I've never seen any of the Nosferatu
movies. Okay. I watched the 1922
one. Nice. I watched the 1979 one.
Oh, yeah. Which I loved. And then
I wouldn't watch that new one. Sure, sure.
Did you. Did you skip Nosferatu in Venice? I did.
Oh, you got to go back for that. I ran out of time.
That's a very special film. Very special.
Should I be scared? You will be.
It's. It's as good as late 80s Italian horror can be.
Oh, well, I kind of love that.
I think you'll. I think you'll dig it. And I'll throw out one more.
One more that I watched I'm ready. Found footage.
Vampire movie called the Black
water Vampire from 2014.
The Black Water Vampire is actually really good.
Even though it was blatantly ripping off other movies and
was, what one might say, way too formulaic.
I had a great time with it. Nice. It was really
fun. Cool. What about you? I got
lietta a bunch of maybe made for tv,
but I think primarily theatrically released
Agatha Christie adaptations. A few
obscure ones and then a few more popular ones. We haven't watched all
of them yet. Like, one of them was the Haunting in Venice that came out
recently. We were fans of that. But I
have finally found what I believe to be my favorite version of Murder
on the Orient Express. It is the 1974
version that is directed by Sidney Lumet,
or Lumet, depending on how you say that. I think I've
never said his name out loud before, but I'm very particular about my
Hercule Poirot. And I had never thought
of what would it be like if Albert Finney,
beloved actor, played Hercule Poirot. And he is weird
and perfect at it and he just becomes
Poirot. Now he's no David Suchet as Poirot,
which is my favorite, but he runs circles
around the rest of the cast. And we're talking Lauren Bacall,
Ingrid Bergman, Sean Connery, Martin Balsam,
John Gielgud, Jacqueline Bassett, Anthony Perkins.
This is not from memory, folks. I was about to say it's Vanessa.
Redgrave, Richard Widmark, Michael York, which Liette and
I were both like. Is Michael York just really weird looking? The answer
is yes, bless his heart. I can say that because I'm weird
looking. But folks, if you haven't seen the old
Murder on the Orient Express movie,
then I highly recommend the 1974 version.
Or just watch the other 25 versions of this a
lot. But yeah, when you said Albert Finney,
you. You triggered a core memory.
I was like Daddy Warbucks.
Daddy Warbucks? Is that who that is? Yep, yep.
And I just looked it up. Yeah,
I have seen a movie with that guy in it. Look at me. See,
Let me tell you something funny. So years before that
song from Annie, It's a Hard Knock Life got sampled. Your.
Your boy over here, Richard Glenn, Author of Giallo
Meltdown 2. As like an 8 year old child was borrowing
his mother's record player and scratching on it like those
rapper guys. And I was. I was literally scratching
the Annie record with It's a Hard Knock Life.
You got cheated. I know. Where's my royalties?
Bruh Dang man. That's all
right. I've. I've missed out on lots of opportunities,
folks. Selling. I'm selling my comic book collection. Here's the eBay.com
URL. Write this down. You're going to want to remember it. Moving sale.
Not not moving sale. Yeah, I'm just moving to a different part of
the room. Slowly pick up a cat. But dude,
thank you for being here again. You, you, you. You got burned the first time.
You learned your lesson and you came back. What were you thinking?
No, it was. You had fun. I had a great time.
Supreme fun. Katie of the night. That's a full quote.
She said I had supreme fun on. Hello,
this is the Something Something, I don't remember show. Yeah,
what's your name again? URL.org our
old nickname for the show was Jell o Giallo. Who moved the tombstone?
It's a little shout out to Brad. But yeah, for real. Thank you for being
here. You're always so nice to talk to. And you're cool.
You're cool too. I'm getting there.
Cool Kids club. I gave myself a cool haircut.
Oh boy. It's interesting.
Mother. Folks, on that
note, I'm gonna stop recording. Bye.
Folks. Thanks so much for listening to this episode.
If you'd like to write into the show, send an email to DoomedMoviethOnmail
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and you'll find the classic episodes of hello,
this is the Doomed Show. And if that's still not enough,
I have written some books, you know, about my love of movies.
Over on Amazon.com just look up Richard
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