In this episode of the Ambitious Dads podcast, host Jeff Hittner engages in a heartfelt conversation with
Dr. Kelly Flanagan, a clinical psychologist, author, and father of three. The discussion centers around the challenges and emotional complexities of fatherhood, particularly as children grow into young adults.
Jeff opens the episode by emphasizing the importance of honest conversations among fathers about their fears, ambitions, and the realities of parenting. He introduces Kelly, who shares insights from his experiences as a father and a mental health professional. Kelly reflects on his own parenting journey, noting that despite having a 22-year-old son, Aiden, who is pursuing a career in comedy, the challenges of parenting do not diminish but rather evolve over time. He discusses the emotional energy invested in each of his children, highlighting the need for balance and attention among them.
The conversation delves into the concept of emotional energy and how it varies among children. Kelly shares his realization that as his children grow older, the time spent with them becomes more precious, prompting him to prioritize their emotional needs over work commitments. He acknowledges the ongoing challenges of parenting, regardless of the children's ages, and the importance of being present in their lives.
As the discussion progresses, Kelly opens up about a pivotal moment in his marriage during a particularly stressful time in their lives. He recounts how the COVID-19 pandemic triggered significant stress and emotional turmoil, leading him to a transformative realization about the importance of keeping his heart open. Inspired by Michael Singer's book, "The Untethered Soul," Kelly adopted a New Year's resolution to notice when his heart was closing and to actively work on opening it back up. This practice has since become a cornerstone of his approach to relationships, including those with his wife and children.
Jeff and Kelly explore the nuances of emotional expression, particularly the cultural stigma surrounding sadness. They discuss how children naturally express their emotions and the importance of creating a safe space for them to do so. Kelly emphasizes that sadness is a natural emotion that should be embraced rather than suppressed, as it can lead to greater emotional openness and connection.
Connect with Jeff Hittner: https://jeffhittner.com
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What is Ambitious Dads?
Fatherhood cracked me open in ways I never expected — and showed me how unprepared most of us are for the emotional work it demands. After learning I couldn’t be a biological father, I wrestled early with the fear that I might screw up my kids before they even existed — a feeling every dad, in one way or another, eventually comes to know. The Ambitious Dads Podcast is where we stop winging it and start talking — about balancing endless competing priorities like work, kids, partners (sex — yeah, right!), self-care, and finances; about the emotions that hit daily — guilt, stress, fear, fatigue, love — and about the quiet doubts that keep us up at night. We’ll get vulnerable. We’ll get honest. And yes, we’ll end every episode with a ridiculous poop story, because if fatherhood teaches you anything, it’s how to laugh while cleaning up disasters.
Hosted by Jeff Hittner. Email Jeff with ideas for future episodes: jwhittner@gmail.com