When did stealing home get to be a thing? Current boyfriend Leonys Martin
just did it, and so did former boyfriend Elvis Andrus, and even never-gonna-be-a-boyfriend Rougned Odor. We can’t get enough of that.
Pottymouth’s David Ortiz update
includes mystery and intrigue, a surprisingly affordable hit, a great deal of relief, and apparently no HIPAA regulations in the Dominican Republic.
Continuing the tradition of rock-solid logic in All-Star picks, Pottymouth selects Mike Trout
specifically so he can explain why it rained when it wasn’t supposed to at the Nats game last Thursday. She picks Tommy Pham
for his pottymouth (whereas Patti picks him for the much classier slamming of Tampa Bay fans), and actually selects a Baltimore Oriole, Trey Mancini
, for his hype video. Hell did freeze over just then. Patti adds Michael Brantley, and also last year’s Twins BF Byron Buxton
because this year he is actually awesome.
Over in the NL, Patti and Pottymouth agree on Christian Yelich and Cody Bellinger
, while Pottymouth adds hometown BF Juan Soto and Patti roots for most-improved Scott Kingery
Pottymouth goes with JD Martinez in the “DH” category, which Patti firmly believes is not a real thing. When pressed to pick someone anyway, she goes with Hunter Pence
, mainly because he hit a ridiculous inside the park homer at Fenway.