You've tried to change before. Maybe it lasted 30 days. Maybe 90. Maybe even a year. And then you went right back. And the worst part wasn't the behavior. It was the voice in your head that said, "See? You can't do this."
In Episode 23 of Beyond the Gray (Part 1 of 2), Kari Schwear breaks down why lasting change fails for most people and what actually makes it stick. She shares what she's never said publicly before: the nights she woke up outside sleepwalking, the mirror moment at 2am with two bottles of wine, and the promise she made to God on August 15th, 2016 that changed everything. This isn't motivation. This is the foundation. The psychology, the framework, and the exercises you need before anything else will work.
In this episode you'll hear:
• Why change fails even when you want it badly (and why willpower isn't the problem)
• The "checkbox" concept: how small moments compound into the one that finally breaks through
• Stories Kari has never shared publicly: the sleepwalking, the blackouts, the confusion
• The mirror moment at 2am that became the turning point
• The pros and cons list exercise that made the choice obvious
• "Reasons to stay equaled comfort. Reasons to leave equaled my soul."
• The "Five Whys" exercise: how to go five layers deep to find the why that actually holds
• Why a surface-level why ("I want to be healthier") will never survive a craving
• What AA got right: the white chip, one day at a time, and the power of commitment
• Why Kari still doesn't say "I'll never drink again" and what she says instead
• Three exercises to try this week before Part 2 drops
This is Part 1. Next week in Part 2, we go deeper into identity, daily habits, and how to actually become who you've committed to becoming. This is the DECIDE Method. Don't miss it.
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FREE RESOURCE
28 Tools for Questioning the Drink: a free PDF (via Google Drive link), with practical tools you can use today. No judgment. No shame. Just real tools that work. (Works for any habit, not just drinking.)
YES! I WANT THE FREE GUIDE!
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READY TO TALK?
If this episode stirred something and you want to have an honest conversation about where you are and where you want to go, no pressure, no sales pitch, no judgment, just book a call.
Book a Call with Kari:
Visit the Website:
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CONNECT WITH KARI
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EPISODES REFERENCED
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TOPICS COVERED
why change doesn't last, lasting change psychology, gray area drinking, quit drinking, how to stop drinking, willpower myth, five whys exercise, pros and cons quitting drinking, rock bottom myth, midlife change, high performers and alcohol, identity and change, AA white chip, one day at a time, commitment vs motivation, Kari Schwear, Beyond the Gray podcast, GrayTonic, sober curious, alcohol-free, numbing behavior, THC and alcohol, checkboxes of change
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New episodes drop weekly. Subscribe so you don't miss Part 2 next week.
If you've ever made a change that didn't stick, share this with someone who needs to hear why. Sometimes the missing piece isn't motivation. It's the foundation underneath it.
#WhyChangeFails #LastingChange #GrayAreaDrinking #BeyondTheGray #KariSchwear #GrayTonic #FiveWhys #QuitDrinking #RockBottomMyth #IdentityShift #SoberCurious #HighPerformers #OneDay AtATime #CommitmentOverMotivation #MidlifeChange #AlcoholFree #Part1of2
What is Beyond the Gray?
You’ve built something solid. A business. A reputation. A life that looks the part.
But somewhere along the way, something started feeling off.
Not broken. Not a crisis. Just… not right.
Maybe the drinking has become more of a habit than you'd like to admit.
Maybe the marriage is stable but not exactly alive.
Maybe you're still driven, but the fire feels different.
You're functioning at a high level — and wondering why that still isn't enough.
Beyond the Gray explores the gray areas of life that successful people rarely talk about — including gray area drinking, midlife identity shifts, relationships, faith, health, and purpose.
Host Kari Schwear, founder of GrayTonic, helps business owners, leaders, and high-achievers understand what’s driving their habits, reconnect with what actually matters, and lead their lives with the same intention they bring to their work.
This isn’t a sobriety podcast.
And there are no labels here.
Just clarity, honesty, and conversations most people are too busy performing to have.
While many of Kari’s clients are men over 50 navigating these transitions, the ideas explored here resonate with anyone ready to move beyond the gray.
New episodes every Tuesday.