foreign
[Music]
ladies and gentlemen
Guys and Dolls and everyone in between
gather round
something real nice to sip on and comfy
to slip on
cause it's time for smut Club
here's your hosts Chelsea and Anna
[Music]
hi everybody and welcome to smut Club
hey y'all I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea and
as we said this is smart Club yep you
know
if if you're on this episode this
probably isn't your first one you know
what we're doing here yep
um but welcome we're glad you're here
today I'm drinking I actually Hannah I'm
cheating on bota box
and I felt a little guilty about it not
that Boda Box gives a [ __ ]
they're fine but I'm like it we're not
sponsored by motobox but it'd be a lot
cooler if we were but also I'm not
drinking bota box
so um we're not sponsored by hijinks
either but it'd be a lot cooler if we
were Hannah's drinking Moto box I am
I didn't know that Chelsea brought me my
already poured beverage so
it's a pretty heavy pour it is a little
bit
like part of me wants you to drink all
of it while you review this book but
then part of me is also like will that
go off the rails we're gonna find out we
will find out at least we have goals and
you know the goals as we move into this
episode that I finish this also I meant
to tell you your manicure and pedicure
look very nice thank you I specifically
noted them earlier thank you self-care
for the win last night I had had a
little bit of wine and I was like Matt I
was trying to do a nude nail color and
when the lights are lower it's very much
nude but it's a little more peachy in
the light and he goes he did a really
good job honey and then I was like you
did it yourself no but I picked the
color and I was really proud of it
I was going to call it like a light
pumpkin it is that's a good yes yeah
it's a light pumpkin and I I was like
thank you and you know what it matches
my underwear too and he was like yep
basically invisible honey you did a
really great job
I was like thanks honey like that was
the affirmation I was looking for
I was like oh like my heart was so warm
and that's how I knew I needed to go to
sleep
you went too far your heart was warm
from the compliment or the wine or both
a little column a little column B yeah
touche yeah all right what book are we
reviewing today the last eligible
billionaire by Pippa Grant
we love a good billionaire book and we
really do all these like 20 maybe 30
year old billionaires that like
it's nepotism
yeah and yet they're like I've worked my
ass off to get here I'm like you got an
internship at your daddy's company and I
don't even know what this book is oh no
that tracks 100 yeah but they're like
have you read this
I not that one
I've read a lot of books with
billionaire that I don't okay I was
dying laughing one of my co-workers text
me last night and was like Chelsea have
you read anything by Carla Sorensen or
whatever her name is and I was like
I think so let me check and I like open
Goodreads and then I text her back I was
like yeah so I've read like nine books
by her she's like nine and I was like
well she's written a lot of books they
were series like don't make me feel
weird about it apparently they like live
in the same town and she like has like a
mutual connection she's like let me know
if you want me to
uh make a introduction for you and I was
like oh I was like well we've we've
pissed off a couple authors
we have a little bit I was like I don't
for the sake of your windows because I
don't live in the same state as this
co-worker I was like for the sake of
your windows not getting busted in in
this introduction
yeah maybe we'll leave it but I also
feel like all of Carla's books are like
that like they're all like sweet Sports
romance right right where you know what
to expect I like feel that with like
billionaire books as well right you're
like I know
roughly like I don't I don't know what's
comfortable yes
and this is no exception and we are
you know we're bimbos for billionaires
and I feel like we've settled into it
is that going to be in our future merch
oh my God those for billionaires yes it
should be
um transfer trillionaires
um is it not so meat cute by Megan Quinn
I don't know I've read so much Megan
Quinn lately I've been on a Megan Quinn
binge I Can't Tell You Why
so the girl is like walking down the
street looking for a rich husband and
the other dude is walking down the
street
looking for a fake fiance but she's like
read an article I'm like how to get a
rich man or something and they're like
braids the answer is brave what
I feel like Megan Quinn's books out of
pocket
they are out of [ __ ] pocket
it's the the truest thing like there are
some things that have like because you
and I have text about like the one yeah
with the blow job yep where the girl was
like I'm really insecure about myself
and like my partner always put me down
sexually
and then her first time ever giving this
guy a [ __ ] she puts her finger up his
ass it is it is a hard left the whole
time and it's not even just the the
sexual things in her book
in her books because I texted you last
night about the one I'm reading right
now where like it's this group of
friends and it's based on the Atlanta
Braves basically but they're called the
Atlanta Warriors I just read it because
it was set in Atlanta I was like oh that
might be fun you're like I live in
Georgia this is great yeah I lived in
Atlanta for a long time this will be fun
and
um yeah so it's all these baseball
players it's like group of friends
whatever and this girl's
fiance is a special operator for the U.S
military and his plane goes down and he
dies three days before their wedding and
then two years later she's been wild now
but she decides she's ready to like get
better and whatever so she makes dinner
for this guy who's really interested in
her and has invited him over to her
house and she opens the door and it's
her dead fiancee I was like what the
[ __ ] is happening right now
what did you read one true loves
um by um
who wrote Daisy and the six I don't
remember Taylor
I want to say like Taylor read Jenkins
or Taylor Jenkins read or something I
could also be very off on this and I
have my phone but I'm not going to check
I'm just going to live I'm I'm just you
know just going to live I was gonna say
like the 90s or like before the internet
but then I was like no I'm just going to
live period
um
well that was like
her
husband had died on a trip or something
and then years later she's like dating
someone about to be engaged I don't
remember something and then the guy her
husband hadn't died but he like was like
surviving on an island and had finally
made his way back like Castaway style a
little bit like like came back like had
like scars and like I think he was like
missing fingers I don't know it was a
long time since I read it
um
but it was one of those where then she's
like trying to reconcile who she is in
her new life since leaving him it was a
little bit more like poignant and a
little less like rom-commy yeah I mean
this isn't ROM call me it's just
straight soap opera e it's not very
poignant it's not there's not a lot of
depth there and there's not a lot of
depth in the book review of today yes we
could continue on this whole entire
thing but the last eligible billionaire
Pippa Grant so
I really enjoyed this book and I wanted
to review it for a little while but I
kept putting it off because like the
magic of this book is in the like banter
it's in the one-liners and so you miss a
lot of the like magic okay that's how I
felt when we reviewed my killer vacation
like I was like as I was reviewing it I
was like I'm doing this book a
disservice yeah because I can't capture
the quick wit and the banter exactly so
I'm gonna do my best but we'll see how
it goes we forgive you in advance thank
you I appreciate it and you should
forgive yourself
I'll work on it it's a journey
every day a therapist trust the process
so
um Haze is our main man okay
um and we open with him he is arriving
he has this like secret beach house and
um in Maine and he's wanting some down
time he is coming from his brother's
wedding and immediately prior to that he
had
um An Unexpected death in the family and
of his cousin that he was tight with so
he was at a funeral and then a wedding
and he is like apparently introvert to
the max his social battery is done he's
over it so he's going to his beach house
to like recharge and have some alone
time and he's exhausted
um and so he uh gets to the house and he
finds it trashed there is like clothing
everywhere the refrigerator door is
standing open there's like it's just a
disaster so he is like some like oh oh
never mind this question doesn't matter
I mean I kind of did I'm gonna ask it
anyway I changed my mind like someone
partied there trash or like a storm came
through partied okay yeah and um what I
loved about the like
the introduction to Haze in this is that
when he gets there and he finds the
fridge door open the thing that enrages
him more than apparently somebody has
broken into his house is that there was
a cheesecake in the refrigerator that is
now ruined and he finds that unfucking
acceptable like his rage level goes like
I already like Hayes so high so I feel
the same about cheesecake
right yeah it's a passion so he hears
music and he follows it up to his
bedroom in his bathroom where he hears
the worst singing he's ever heard in his
life and
um he discovers an intruder in the
bathroom and she's got some kind of goop
on her face she is wearing his silk robe
wide open trying to shave her vagina
with her hair up in a towel
um
and
so for some reason at this point Pippa
decides to rather than tell us what the
[ __ ] is going on she explains more about
Hayes family history so his mother
doesn't matter I mean it will damn it I
just want to know what's going on I was
trying to decide like should I tell you
and then but I'm just gonna take you out
on the journey when Kristin Ashley
starts like going on about someone's
wardrobe I was like that man does not
look at like I'm like the way she
describes the men looking at women's
clothing no I'm like okay and I was like
hey just get there faster Kristen just
get there faster no this is relevant and
important so his mom has been trying to
set him up with someone trying to marry
him off and he is over it he wants no
part of it
um
his family is some kind of like Disney
Hallmark
situation media conglomerate yeah so
they have these like cute little
hallmarky type movies that are very like
um
non-controversial very like easy fun but
they also have a theme park for some
reason so I don't know so
did I read this book no because I feel
like I just read one where I was very
confused because it was another like
media conglomerate where they were like
theme parks yeah and shows
so okay and I
did I read this
I don't think I did but this sounds the
family Dynamic is this a series
no well [ __ ] man okay we're just gonna
keep rolling so um oh I'm sorry she
wasn't shaving she was waxing my notes
say waxing her bachango
have you ever tried to home wax not my
bajango
I wasn't going
did you get there anyway
I'll just there was wax everywhere like
so my sister
my sister's a stylist my sister like
does what like as she had the home
waxing stuff and she had historically
like done my legs for me and she was
like I'm too busy but it's not that hard
here's my setup so I took it home to
Tobias Funke on Arrested Development
with the blue paint where I was like I
just kept finding like sticky things
everywhere I was like this
this was harder than I anticipated and
Messier yeah yeah it was like
I I thought the wax would be easier to
control than it was no okay so she she
wasn't trying to shave what oh I have
questions about did none of these
questions matter I mean you can ask them
like did she bring her own waxing kit
did he have waxing supplies there I
imagine she brought her own because
we're gonna she she was trying to do a
home Spa thing because she had a mask
and whatever
um or it could also be like the um
pre-made waxing strips where you're not
doing the hot wax right we were once on
family vacation and my family told me I
had a mustache and then when they were
buying groceries they bought me waxing
strips for life
or is it honest and helpful Hannah was
it honest and helpful it can be both
mean and helpful
like fair enough when my sister cut all
of her hair off and dyed it brown and
then when she came home from college and
it was greasy and I told her she looked
like Snape
like it was a hard truth but it really
felt like no one else was was going to
be brave enough to tell her yeah if you
can't be honest with your sisters who
can you be honest with really exactly
yeah so like
here's the thing was it a little mean
sure did I have a mustache
also yes
it was actually very nice of them to buy
four
and over the years so it's like stocking
stuffers at Christmas they'll put in
like the little like little the little
tiny razors yeah the face razors they'll
put those in
so thoughtful it is yeah yeah we're a
hairy family hmm as long as you know
that about yourselves right we're a
supportive but hairy people
okay so she's trying to homework she is
she is trying to home wax her lady bits
and he goes to confront her and she
starts flipping the [ __ ] out and
throwing anything she can grab at him
including an electric toothbrush
and she's screaming marshmallow at the
top of her lungs and he is like is this
some kind of weird sex thing is
marshmallow a safe word I don't
understand what is happening right now
um and yeah yeah her tits are waving in
the wind this this robe is wide open
he's getting full frontal green [ __ ] all
over her face it's a mess and um
he realizes all of a sudden I don't know
why he didn't pick this up when she
initially started screaming but he
realizes like oh my God she's terrified
of me right now maybe I should calm down
so he like pulls back a little bit
um well that's good insight and she's
like I rented this house and he's like
no you didn't because it's mine and
she's like no I I paid for it and um
as they are having this argument
um a dog apparently marshmallow comes
flying out of nowhere trying to attack
him
so that's our that's our opener that's
our opener
so Brandon is
sitting here lovingly looking in my eyes
he really is and he I'm sorry to
interrupt you you're the worst attack
dog
he would like
whenever he barks at people walking past
it's never to be protective
it's always because he wants to alert
them to his presence just in case they
want to come become his new best friend
yeah what about Indy
um Andy
has a pretty mean bark and she can be
she can be pretty intimidating but the
issue is and this has happened a couple
of times like once she hopped the pen
the fence at my parents house because
she saw a deer and she took off after it
and she caught it she caught all the way
up to it and then it was like she was
like I didn't think I would make it this
far and she like freaked out and started
like backing up because she was like I
don't know what to do now and so I don't
think it's like oh the deer called my
bluff I was not prepared yeah so I think
she's she is a good like intimidation
Factor but I don't know that she has the
follow through
Gizmo definitely doesn't he's paralyzed
yeah dogs that have to wear diapers yeah
um don't scream intimidation and I say
that as someone whose dog sometimes has
to wear diapers
hey bud sweet boy you're perfect anyway
so begonia is our lady she is freaking
begonia does she does she go by gony
nope she goes by begonia I was waiting
for a nickname like Mia or something
nope begonia B begonia okay begonia and
Haze yep got it so she's freaking out
she's got no cell service at this place
um she was trying to give herself a
post-divorce getaway and a little bit of
a makeover and
um they continue to argue that she
rented the house so
um he makes some like Sly comment about
like
you know her appearance because she is
looking rough as [ __ ]
um
and
um yeah he's like this is not
a good look for you like looks the
situation yeah was it it's not very nice
but In fairness she broke into his house
she rented it he didn't know that it's
been a rough week for him so not her and
her everyone's just trying their best in
this scenario
very true
so marshmallow the dog failed out of
service animal training not because he
couldn't perform the tasks but because
he does them however and whenever he
sees fit
so
he just literally does whatever he wants
um
so
um
they eventually argue about like going
over this rental agreement she swears
she has
um and as they're arguing marshmallow
steals Hayes's phone and just runs out
with it just runs away with it and Hayes
is
pissed oh he's so ready to be done with
everything so we're back to Hayes
um the dog took his phone to the
wireless charger and set it up on it
helpful hey man I saw your battery was
low just thought I'd be of assistance
lesson
um and so then
begonia finally realizes who he is and
who his family is and she starts like
gushing because his brother is like the
main leading guy in all of the movies
but Hayes has never had any part of that
so she's like gushing about his brother
and his family and stuff
um
and she taken the mask off at this point
she has now okay she has now and she
also had dye in her hair so she she was
really having a moment so
um she gets all emotional when he asks
for her last name and she's like I'm
sorry I just picked it this is the first
time I've ever told anybody what my last
name is and he's like what the [ __ ] is
happening just get out of my house he's
really not into it so
um he's also now having an allergic
reaction because he's allergic to dogs
so his face is puffing up and he's
starting to have some trouble breathing
so
um she can't stop rambling she's just
going on and on
um and uh the dog also apparently
accidentally called his mother
which is not something that he wanted to
happen so now his mom knows where he is
and is bringing some
prospective wives to him to his
to his house he's not happy about it
um his brother that just got married
when he married his wife he left Hayes
as the last
eligible billionaire
oh in the world
in the world yep only one
um so
uh begonia has been hoping to ReDiscover
herself she goes out and out of the
shower and she finds she's like thinking
through like well this didn't go to plan
I was trying to like get back in touch
with myself she gets out of the shower
and she realizes that her dog
took all the towels and her clothes
and so
um
she's not pleased he's in the bathroom
Hayes is in or in the bedroom excuse me
waiting for her
um and he put the dog outside but the
dog can open doors and so he just comes
right back in when he's done
um and so she tells him he she's naked
and tries to like slip through to get
into the the closet and she falls and
get my notes say basically gives him a
straight shot of her waxed beaver
fair enough
or her half waxy she didn't she never
finished the wax
so it's not going well for either of
them
um
and she basically she's thinking through
like her ex was super controlling and
like really unkind to her which is why
she left the house trashed because he
her ex was always like
you know everything had to be perfect
and blah blah blah
um
and
yeah
what
well I know I'm trying to think of like
what is important to share here because
there's so many cute details but I'm
like if I get lost in the details we'll
be here forever
um
so I'll give you this detail because
it's cute so Hayes has also showered
when she meets him downstairs and he is
wearing um PJs with hands dancing
hamsters on them and she's gonna say
that again pajama bottoms with dancing
hamsters I thought you said ham dancing
hamsters and I was like
what is that I don't know dancing
hamsters dancing hamsters so I'm gonna
see that I'm not crying because this
book is making me so emotional I was
gonna say it is poignant is the word of
the day
yes so
um begonias hair she left the dye on for
entirely too long because of the whole
situation with Haze so now it's like
bright maroon like it's glowing maroon
um some people pay extra for that
so some people do
so he takes her phone and tries to pull
up her email to look at the rental
agreement and as it's pulling up she has
like 34 000 unread emails nope and
he is having an absolute meltdown about
it and tells her she needs psychological
help and so she just responds and says
my therapist is great and has been very
helpful through this entire divorce
and that's the energy of like the entire
book where people are try to like put
begonia down or like embarrass her or
something and she's just super sweet in
response and people who just don't know
what to do with her because of it
um yeah my notes say what a queen
um so
um yeah so mom is on the way what you
just keep going so
um
nobody but I'm curious what details I'm
not getting but then I agree where I'm
like it seemed like this book is just
like nothing but cute details then it's
hard to pair them down it is it really
is so
I just did it again I'm sorry I wasn't
trying to make you feel weird
damn it I just like see you processing
and trying to figure out which details
to include or not uh have another sip of
wine okay it's a big one it is that was
more than a sip it was close to a gold
so okay this is a detail that is not
important but it's funny so he gets a
text from his brother he's like you know
mom's on the way and he's like yeah I
[ __ ] know and he's like the only way
you're gonna get out of dealing with her
right now is to find some paparazzi
and find a special effects guy and
pretend to drown some puppies in front
of the paps so that Mom will leave you
alone or find a girl and pretend to be
madly in love
if I just find the closest girl
so couldn't you guess what happens next
I can't I'm this one's a real nail biter
yeah
so
um
head scratcher was the one I was looking
for now biter
was not the one I was looking for but it
is the one I committed to yeah we're not
that on edge but
marshmallow then wanders into the room
with a Priceless piece of art in his
mouth that he has chewed on and
um
yeah so I did it again I'm gonna hear it
now every time I do it uh sorry
so he
um tells begonia not to move or speak or
breathe don't even look at him because
she's like I can fix it I'm pretty sure
I can fix it and he's like you can't you
literally cannot that was commissioned
by my family it is the sculpture we had
made of my grandfather your dog
literally chewed his head off like you
can do nothing that's not a good one no
so Hayes comes back a few minutes later
and says that she's going to be his fake
girlfriend or he's gonna sue her for 10
million dollars
that's one way to to do that and she's
like um
he's like going on and on about there
might even be enough time for us to fake
an engagement as well we'll just see how
it goes but you will be my fake
girlfriend sign on the dotted line
is there an actual contract there is
okay he had one drawn up he left her
there she she was like am I allowed to
get off the floor I don't think I am
I'll just stay here
so
um she's like wait a minute wait a
minute are you gay
because wait the other question did he
find the contract
and he left her and went and called his
attorney not not that contract the one
for her renting the place yes yeah
so his he had like a caretaker
groundskeeper person for the house
um who apparently decided to move in
with his girlfriend and then his
girlfriend broke up with him and got
really really pissed at him so she
listed it on like
12 different vacation rental sites for
basically nothing and had overbooked it
significantly so if Hayes hadn't shown
up somebody else would have shown up
because other people have booked it
um
I was wondering about that mystery so
yes I'm glad we got an answer there that
was the nail biter that was the nail
biter so she asks if he's gay she's like
listen
I will happily be your friend and I will
support you but I will not be your beard
your family needs to accept you for who
you are that is unfucking acceptable
she's like on one about it and he's like
I'm not gay I literally just want to be
left alone can you please sign the
stupid piece of paper
um
so
she agrees and then Mom arrives
just with a bunch of women in tow just
two
no
yeah like
I mean I guess if that's your world that
it might not make you feel as weird but
like I can't imagine being like hey hop
in the car gonna drive you over to my
son's house see if maybe you can lock
them down yeah we're just gonna give it
a go one of one of the women in fairness
is his mother's assistant
um
and the other is the chick that mom's
trying to hook him up with
so um only one that she's trying to set
him up with yes but it's also pretty
clear through this whole thing that the
assistant is madly in love with Hayes
and he's just not even paying attention
to it
um
so when the mom walks in she immediately
starts ordering begonia around and like
telling her to retrieve their bags and
all this stuff
um and Hayes is like Mom this is this is
my girlfriend not my housekeeper yeah
and it's super duper awkward
um
and then
um the chick that uh
mom is trying to hook up with Hayes
uh begonia recognizes her she was on
Dancing With the Stars or something and
so
um this girl is being super rude to
begonia and begonia is like oh my God I
was so rooting for you when you were on
Dancing With the Stars you totally got
robbed and she's like gushing about what
an amazing job she did on Dancing With
the Stars and nobody knows what to do
like nobody knows how to handle her
because they're clearly being terribly
rude and she's just bebopping along yeah
so Hayes kisses her
um in front of them to like seal the
deal and she's like oh no that was a lot
more
enticing than I had hoped it would be
enticing she didn't use that word that's
just I was like intriguing no enticing
I went with it and then I hated it but I
had already committed I had already
committed oh I like that kiss a lot more
than I thought I would yes
and uh so then marshmallow shows up and
has a hot pink bra on his head because
he went into Amelia's luggage
and just was rooting around in there so
did he unzip her luggage as well he did
he did so Hayes orders him to give it
back and so he does and Amelia
immediately like throws it around like
trying to be sexy or whatever
um and Hayes pulls begonia in front of
him and she realizes it's because he's
super hard and he's trying to hide his
erection from his mother and she's like
this is the most awkward thing that's
ever happened to me he he was hard
because of Amelia's bra no I think
because of their kiss
is unclear but it seems to be because of
their kids I do have some questions if
her awkwardly waving a bra around that
had been on a dog was enough
no I don't think so I think it was the
kiss
so they're in his room because they
can't sleep separately and
um she's on the floor because she
refuses to sleep in the bed with him
and he's tossing and turning and tossing
internally and finally she's just like
get up move this is enough she light
some lavender incense and then gets in
the bed with him and starts giving him
like a scalp massage and he
is super into it and like starts to
finally relax because they're like not
he's been touching her in front of
everybody but outside of that like
they've had no real
nice interactions at all and so she's
like I just want to go to sleep and you
are driving me up a [ __ ] wall because
you keep rolling around so
um
he finally falls asleep with her
massaging his head
um and it's super funny because he's
like the waves are crashing around
because it's a beach house and he's like
is is that a mermaid like looking at her
like crazy hair because he's like half
asleep
um
so
it's the next day
um begonia goes to get groceries by
herself she sees
Hayes riding in with the chick in a golf
cart and he's like baby you can't just
go places you need security and blah
blah blah what trick Amelia the the
Dancing with the Stars girl yeah okay
um
so she convinces Hayes to walk back with
her and let Amelia take the golf cart
um and
Amelia keeps making snide remarks about
because begonia is like oh I just wanted
to get groceries so I could cook
everybody breakfast and blah blah blah
and Amelia's like that's what the help
is for like like really nasty kind of
[ __ ]
um but eventually she goes away
these details I'm just gonna leave alone
it's a great book if you want all of the
little details read it but we will be
here for hours because it's super cute
so I'm just gonna keep going
so as they're walking they keep running
into people like local people and
begonia just like charms every single
one of them and Hayes does not
understand he's like this does not
compute to my brain
um but I don't trust it like that's his
immediate thought he's like I don't I
don't trust it
so
um with his upbringing it makes me sad
for him but it also makes sense yeah and
there's all kinds of history that comes
later about that
um
Hayes is thinking like he's finally
relaxing as they're talking about their
childhoods and stuff like that
um and she shares that she's saving up
to move or to move to just go visit
Paris in a couple of years
um and
um don't mind my dog click clacking on
the floor he's doing his best
um Brandon where are you going he's
exploring
well that's like an active construction
area behind that curtain oh yeah that's
like the lobby to the studio the lobby
no it actually like there's like an
exterior door oh I didn't know there was
an exterior door I was like a Lobby how
cute I was like no it's like an actual
Lobby that's just unfinished
um previously known as the murder room
of this house yeah yes where when we
bought this house
um that room everything was unfinished
or like it was like drywall had been
thrown up but like completely unfinished
past that there was like one dangling
burned out light bulb oh no and some
like
really uh
I don't know the right word for it I
want to say like rudimentary or almost
like crude I think is the word I'm
looking for like wooden shelving like it
felt like where they like had
historically kept tools or things like
that right like you walked in and you're
like
someone has died here and in fact when
we were at closing they're like if you
ever get locked out of the house we're
like yeah they're like so you know that
exterior room that's only accessible
from the outside there was no door in
and and we went oh the murder room and
they go yeah that's the one I was like
yikes oh so you two you guys also
thought that this room was weird but
they essentially told us they're like
yeah you can crawl over the drywall and
then what is now the studio used to be
like a bedroom that had closets but
there's no windows down here so like
yeah you'd get a great night's sleep
um very dark but they're like yeah you
can crawl over the drywall into the
closet then get into the house how great
is that and I'm like
is it no I don't want to do that but
then when as soon as Vance realized that
like how it connected he's like I'm
taking that wall out and building a
recording studio and Alas and here we
are but no there is an actual like Lobby
exterior I'll show it to you when we're
done recording that's so funny you're
like oh cute Chelsea it's like a Lobby
no an actual one uh hey Brandon make
your choices bud so she's talking about
Paris and she's saving up and she says
it's gonna take her two more years to
save up all the money she needs to go
um
and he's like I'll just take you to
Paris this weekend
like obviously
um
and she says she doesn't want to because
she hasn't earned it she's like no this
is like this thing I'm working up
towards like I don't wanna and he's like
that's really dumb like I'm offering to
take you to Paris for free come on like
let's do it
and then he realizes she's really scared
about leaving marshmallow because
obviously he has some very unique needs
and most people can't care for him and
he's like marshmallow will be fine we'll
figure it out
um
and she's like okay I guess so she
finally agrees everything's great and
then they keep discussing and he finally
shares about how he sees the world and
how he believes that basically everyone
is just awful
um and eventually gonna betray him and
be terrible
um
and so she uh is like well that's really
[ __ ] dark dude like come on she
doesn't actually curse at all in this
book that's just me adding adding some
Flair
um sentence enhancers yes
he uh
yeah he's like actually I kind of like
this girl though she's really sweet like
like she's sweet and down to earth and
maybe we could be friends but
everybody's terrible
at the end of the day
so uh
she's like well I have a condition for
going to Paris and he's like what is it
now
you're like well I have a condition I'm
like like a skin condition like a
medical condition
for going to Paris and I was like what
and then I was like oh
what you were gonna say like [ __ ] he's
doing you a favor taking you to Paris
what do you mean you have a condition
I thought you meant like a medical
condition
that is not disclosed in the book she
may have one but but but it but Pippa
didn't write about it yeah she gave us a
lot of other detail but not that detail
walls
um so she's like I will go to Paris with
you if you have sex with me
and he's like hard pivot what
he's like uh I'm sorry what
and he's like okay so actually I was
wrong and she is just like everybody
else and she is absolutely using me just
this time not for my money she just
wants my dick great this has never
happened to me before I don't know how
to feel about it
um it she she goes on to explain more
and more that like she just wants to
move on from her marriage physically and
she finds him really attractive she's
like listen we can turn the lights out
you don't even have to look at me you
can call me somebody else's name I don't
even care begonia she's like a girl I
just need to get some
and he just stays silent because he does
not know what to do
and she's very very upset obviously so
he just changes the subject he's like
we're gonna go shopping for a New Dress
because I'm taking you out
tomorrow
and she's like okay
also so you don't want to bone me she's
like all right okay so awkward
you can well bless it you can turn the
lights out and call me by somebody
else's name my heart I know like you
don't even have to look at me
oh begonia babe
awful and uh he's like I'm I just want
to make her happy again because she was
so sweet when she was happy and like I'm
not I don't I don't
so then she gets even more mad when he
says that he's taking her shopping
because
she's like I don't want your money I
already have a dress unless you think I
need something new to be seen with you
because your standards are so high
Brandon doesn't know if he's coming or
going
no Brandon was very conflicted about his
life choice
he was he's upstairs now bye buddy
uh he's just very confused about what
the [ __ ] just happened because they were
having a really nice conversation and
then all of a sudden it was like
have sex with me call me somebody else's
name
which is fair in Hayes defense that's
fair
touche yeah yeah no but it also like
hurts my heart for begonia because like
when you think about it you can you can
definitely see both sides of that
conversation right you can see like her
trying to be vulnerable then you see him
being probably taken aback more than
he's like not into it right but then how
that those wires get crossed yep you
know
like the conflict in every rom-com
so true and he took too much time to
process so she just like backed out I
was like what
so
uh she is absolutely mortified with his
entire situation
um
and he she has some very awkward
interactions with his mom when they get
back to the house
uh and
it she gets it Hayes gets into a fight
with his mom because he's like I want
you to leave this is my like getaway
with my girlfriend you shouldn't be here
like just go
um yeah it is Mom and assistant and
Amelia all stayed once they realized
they were crashing his vacation with his
girlfriend they just rolled up and
stayed yeah
I mean I also imagine if you're a
billionaire it's not like a small house
no it's a pretty decent sized place it
sounds like
so
um
mom completely ignores him and says he
she's taking begonia shopping and he
storms out yelling that he's booking a
fairy to get them out tonight because
he's done
and begonia makes some kind of joke
about men's Egos and how fragile they
are and stuff and Hayes mom laughed so
hard that she farts
in the middle of the kitchen
I I keep like I both feel like I I know
the story right like I know where this
is going but then I also feel like with
each detail you give I'm like huh I
didn't
I didn't see that coming yeah yeah it
just continues to get more ridiculous
and fun so his mom and guests refused to
leave
um so they're all going on a Sunset
Cruise
romantic
uh he is super pissed because there is
some kind of discrepancy in the books at
work he's the CFO
um and he can't find it so he's spending
like hours and hours and hours it's like
a a tenth of a percentage point it's not
anything massive but he's stuck on where
is this money where did it go
so he's very distracted
um
from his work because he can't stop
thinking about how begonia offered to
bang him
and because apparently it's just because
he's convenient he was like this is very
new for me women usually use me for my
money I don't understand not just for my
dick right he's like I don't get it
I don't think I like it
oh you want to be loved for who you are
Hayes yeah what a nerd
so maybe think about the fact that she
literally offered to turn the lights off
and let you call her another name
It's Like A Step Above I'll wear a paper
bag over my head it's fine I'm like
basically I know I'm like I'm very stop
my heart hurts for her I know because I
wouldn't say I'm the most confident
person in the world but I'll still yeah
but that feels like another level and
also just like the vulnerability of like
that's how you view yourself and
communicate about yourself
my heart okay it is I'm so stuck on this
it is pretty painful and reading it is
even worse because it's from Hayes's
point of view at that point so she she's
like going on and on and on and he's his
you can obviously know his thoughts
where he's like what
but I don't what the [ __ ] is happening
right now I don't oh my God and then he
like visibly sees her shut down and he's
like oh wait wait wait wait wait wait
wait oh too late oh no okay all right
would you like a new dress
wrong thing to say like
yeah yeah
so
um
yeah they get to the boat and begonia
starts to panic and he's like what the
hell is wrong with you right now uh and
she's like well what if I get seasick
and what if I go overboard and she
starts like hyperventilating
um and he's like begonia if you go
overboard marshmallow will save you
and he's like trying to lighten the mood
and she's so terrified it just sails
right over her head uh so finally he's
just like okay all right
she's like what if I give the captain
twenty dollars and like pulls it out of
her bra and he's like
what what else is in there
I was thinking what is the 20 what are
you trying to bribe the captain to do to
leave her to take everybody else and
leave
and he's like babe
he's been working for my family for
years twenty dollars is not gonna do it
and she's like what about a little like
tit squeeze or something do you think
he'll just go
so finally he's like begonia forget it I
got it and so he tells them to just go
so but his mom and the two guests are
already on the boat so he's like
so at least he doesn't have to
ultimately it all worked out how how he
wanted it to and she didn't even have to
flash the captain correct but in this
whole exchange he's like trying to give
her money back and accidentally like
touches her boob and he's like no
he's like I have feelings about that I
shouldn't have done that and gets more
Awkward just from a little like boob
craze
it makes me think of what's that movie
with um the holiday
Maybe
Jack Black and Kate Winslet yes thank
you the sushi restaurant yes yeah
sorry I'm sorry about the boob Grace but
I the well the funny thing is I was also
thinking of that exact scene but I was
thinking about it because the first time
I saw I thought he said boob Grace not
Grace and he's like the boob Grace and I
was like oh that's an odd boob
compliment
do boobs have Grace
I was thinking more like oh the common
Grace of breasts
like the boob Grace like oh
your boobs are that nice sure
um but I love that we were both thinking
about the same scene and you're like you
know that movie I'm like oh yeah the
holiday with Jack Black and Kate Winslet
at the sushi restaurant yep I am who you
want on your team for like movie pop
culture
um not more recent trivia but like
I can't I like here's the thing I'm not
old
but nope when I look at like red carpet
photos and I'm like who the [ __ ] are
these children I was like I don't know
who any of these people are yep but like
last night my husband and I are sitting
on the couch decided we were going to
re-watch new girl there's a episode that
has Parker Posey in it first I thought
she was Ali Sheedy because I once again
had something in my eye I've been having
eye issues recently so I went on a whole
tangent about Ali Sheedy being in The
Breakfast Club and then her briefs knit
on the show Psych as she was Mr Yang in
several seasons then I realized it was
Parker Posey and I was like oh yeah
Parker Posey she was in You've Got Mail
and Vance was like literally no one
remembers that she was in You've Got
Mail the only I remember that she was in
you've got the mail and then I was like
yeah no he's like who was she and you've
got me out I was like Tom Hanks his
original girl yeah I was like and Greg
Kinnear was with Meg Ryan and he was
like Chelsea literally no one remembers
anyone in that movie outside of Meg Ryan
and Tom Hanks and f-o-x and I was like
I I can assure you they do I do
case in points yeah we're done recording
this episode
I'm gonna rub it in his face so hard
the first person I've talked about the
sense and is like yeah no obviously I
remember posia and Greg Kinnear and then
I was also talking about how part wasn't
Parker Posey the villain and Josie and
the Pussycats
who had the lisp
I think she was I think Alan [ __ ] was
the assistant
you really are who I want on my team but
like only for like this very specific
era anything that's like dropped in the
last like since the print pandemic
probably I'm like I don't know who the
[ __ ] these kids are so I was talking to
a co-worker
about some music or something and I was
like yeah it just dropped recently and
she said she's younger not that much
younger though she goes not dropped
Hannah come on and like started laughing
at me and I was like that's what people
say
I was like is that not what people say
what is I don't know but I felt very
self-conscious about it and she was like
then started quizzing me on gen Z
terminology which I did pretty well on
like no cap
on God yeah yeah yeah
batty I was like that is a pretty
obvious one right I was like
I'm not that old no but I feel that old
now also
dropped is still very common terminology
isn't it
at least I thought so I'm like am I too
much of a dork to use that word like is
that what she's saying because that
would be fine I would feel better about
being a dork than being old I think well
it was funny because I was talking to my
sister and my best friend recently
and by recently I mean in the last like
couple of years
as I said I was like this conversation
wasn't that recent all time Blends
together but what I forget what I was
talking about but I said like it slapped
and both of them were like what
what is that good or bad if it slaps and
I was like
y'all aren't that much older than me
you know my sister's like three years
older than me and my best friend
I should know how old she is
I think she's
six years older than me essentially
like the youth group I grew up in like a
high school girl with like Mentor middle
school girl right right like I was in
Middle School and she was in high school
but then we just like
she like became a part of our family and
we've been like best friends for
20 plus years so I'm like I should know
like that's what I always think of I
always think of her being able to drive
and me being in middle school is like
I'm like how much older is she than you
and I'm like at least four years oh she
can drive
as though I'm not in my 30s
um oh she can drive like that's
legitimately how I still think about it
but yeah I said slapped and they were
like is that
is that good or bad
I'm like it oh oh it's good oh it's fine
yeah I was with a bunch of friends and
I'm close to the youngest but there was
one person there that's like three-ish
years younger than me
and she was like she said something
about have you seen that Tick Tock and
like said something and all of us were
like no I don't I don't think I've seen
that one and she goes all right you guys
are too old for tick tock and we all
were like no excuse me like excuse the
[ __ ] out of me and so that's what we say
to each other now like the whole group
of us and she gets so embarrassed she's
like I'm so sorry that's not how I meant
it I'm like that's literally the words
that came out of your mouth I had a
counseling client who was like a
freshman in college oh no and she was
like do you know what Tick Tock is I was
like I'm not that old and I forget what
she said in response but it was like one
of those where it was like well I wasn't
sure like or like however she like that
wasn't what she I don't even remember
but it was something to the effect of
like I mean yeah but you're old enough
to have a master's degree to have been
in the field for a while right like ouch
I was like I'm not
I'm not that old I graduated with my
masters when I was 22. [ __ ]
me too you and I have led very similar
lives we have and we were born like a
day apart yeah because you're the eighth
right yep yeah and I'm I'm the ninth
there you go look at those cancers which
also probably makes sense as to why
we're very similar because we're you're
literally
one day older than me do you know what
time you were born
6 30ish p.m oh damn okay
but we were born in the same general
geographical area as well
were you born in Florida yeah
you know I did know that
because I was born in Dunedin
I was born at Arnold Palmer in Orlando
oh yeah so like only two hours away
you're like 27 hours
older than me there you go we're
basically the same person but you know I
would be super curious because my sister
um does like human design readings and
coachings and things like that and but
you have to know the exact location you
were born and the exact date and time
that you were born and so I would be
super curious how similar our human
designs are because I'm like
as we said like it's a two-hour Drive
between where I'm like it's really not
that far apart so
I wonder if how much commonality
that would be really interesting right
because Vance and I have even had this
conversation about my sister and his
sister because his sister
her birthday is April 10th I believe and
my sister is April 17th and mind you
my sister was born in the 80s and his
sister was born in the 70s but even at
that there's like a lot of commonalities
between them and like personality
similarities
um where I've been like oh I wonder how
much of that is that they're like the
same star sign and like just all that
that entails so I would be curious
because you and I have so much overlap
we do yeah we do we thought of the same
Jack Black Kate Winslet mode without
without prompting what movie I was like
yeah the holiday you're like what is it
no it
trust me Hannah this is what you were
thinking of okay follow me here so back
to the book they don't get on the boat
and the the captain doesn't touch her
titty correct so
um
they decide they're gonna have a picnic
on the beach but everything is closed so
begonia basically goes door to door and
just is like hi you guys everything is
closed and we're really hungry do you
have any leftovers or anything that you
feel like sharing you don't have any
food in their mansion apparently not
so she just people just love her because
she's so cute and bubbly so they just
give her a [ __ ] feast
they have wine they have cheese they
have okay you've seen that girl on
like I know it's an old thing that
people did but like a girl like made a
whole like Tick Tock series about it
where it's like she started with like a
bobby pin and was like trading up oh
yeah to the like
watching that Journey she got traded
some incredible things over time like at
one point I forgot that like Chipotle
did that like
Magic card that was like free Chipotle
oh so like she got traded one of those
at one point then at one like I saw she
got traded like a like a farming tractor
I forget what her ultimate goal was
but yeah that's what it made me think of
like when like you were a kid and you'd
like go and you'd be like yeah can I
like what you would like trade up yep to
ultimately get and so she got a whole
Feast she got a whole feast and uh
they're just having a really sweet time
some local towns people who are
musicians come and start playing their
fiddles on the beach for them and it's
like a whole thing and they're having a
really great time and she is really
settling into it and Hayes kisses her
and she starts to wonder she's like did
he change his mind about us doing the
deed because I'd be into that and as
soon as she starts to think that like uh
cameras start flashing and she realizes
that he realized Paparazzi were nearby
and that's why he kissed her is that
actually why he kissed her or was it
just like bad timing it was why he
kissed her oh Haze be better yeah
and finally she just gets kind of fed up
and she's like why are you so hell-bound
on being alone like I don't understand
like I just I just don't get it and
um
he's like listen you could never
understand my life it's super
condescending the way that he says like
you wouldn't get it
and she's like okay so if I drop it will
you [ __ ] me
and he is very fixated on that well she
starts laughing because she's trying to
like defuse the whole thing like she was
trying to make it a joke and he was he
did not think it was funny
so she's just like you know what I'm
just going to ignore the atrocious
company and focus on the fact that
there's beautiful music and a gorgeous
speech and really delicious food here
I'm just gonna pretend he's not here
so that's what she does
um so later that night Hayes is not able
to sleep he goes down to get some water
or something and his mom is in the
kitchen and his mom starts going on one
about begonia like you can't be serious
about this girl I know this is one of
your fake relationships again trying to
get rid of me
um I don't understand why you're doing
this again she's so ridiculous like
really judgmental awful things
um
and she says this is worse than your
last rebellion girlfriend
it's just really not nice and he shuts
his mother down hard
um and he's like begonia is good for me
and if you can't see that and treat her
well then you can get the [ __ ] out like
I'm not doing this with you
and then he realizes begonia heard the
whole thing she had been in the hallway
also apparently coming to get some water
so she runs out of the house and he
chases after her
and she explains that like she's sobbing
crying and she explains that she left
her ex because he wouldn't defend her to
his mom because they were trying to have
kids and they couldn't get pregnant and
the mom kept blaming begonia but it was
actually like an issue with her husband
and the mom still made a begonias fault
like well she didn't feed him enough
vegetables and she didn't like stupid
[ __ ] like that
um constantly telling her she was stupid
and things like that and her husband
would just sit there and like
agree if anything so
she's like great you did for me in two
days what that man couldn't do for me my
entire marriage and this isn't even real
like damn that it like it really got her
a lot
um
so he starts to realize that he really
does really really like her and he's
like you know what we I'm never gonna
love her but we could be really good
friends she's a really good person
so
moving on there's a whole montage of
them hanging out and doing cute little
couple things around town
um he moved back to the guest room his
mom left the following morning after he
was like get the [ __ ] out is Amelia
still there nope mom took all the ladies
took the Entourage with her yes okay
um so he mostly is working sleeping in
the guest room
um
so then one night she begonia has a twin
sister
and her name is hyacinth
Lord help me yeah so uh he realizes she
really misses her sister so he connects
her phone to the Wi-Fi so she can call
her sister and Wi-Fi this whole time not
this whole time so she he goes through
her email and her voicemail and is like
do not listen to or read anything from
your mother
not a single thing because it's really
bad her mom is telling her that because
now all the photos of them have been
published by this point so she's telling
begonia like she'll never keep a man
like that that she's just pissing off
her ex and if she wants to get him back
she needs to stop doing this stuff and
all this other stuff so she called she's
like okay whatever you say
so she calls her sister
um and they are having a cute little
moment and begonia tries to dance around
the fakeness of their relationship
because she did sign an NDA
um but she also knows her sister will
know if she's lying they're twins like
sister's gonna know so
um
yeah and this is not an important
detail but really funny begonia reveals
that marshmallow somehow got into Hayes
mom's luggage and brought her
brought begonia Hayes mother's vibrator
uh
and when she shares that she hears a
noise which confirms that Hayes has been
listening to the entire conversation
like he like chokes on his spit he's
like oh my God so uh
then he brings her some teas tells her
he's going to bed and
um now begonia is starting to realize
she really likes him and
um wishes that he was someone she could
actually love because their relationship
has actually been really fun even though
it's super fake
so they go to Albany New York where
family business headquarters are
and he sends begonia off to go exploring
and he is extremely irritated because
when he got into the car an executive
assistant was in there
um and she is obviously putting the
moves on him she's got her tits halfway
out she keeps touching his arm and he's
just like oh my god get off of me and
she starts immediately issuing orders
and ignoring her completely and then he
tells the assistant to tell his uncle
that he needs to stay at the family
house for the next two weeks because he
told begonia they would have to share a
room because his uncle was going to be
at the house but that wasn't true so now
he's like making it true
so
um he has to hire a new assistant and
he's freaking out about it he's busy all
morning and then in the afternoon he
finds his Lobby completely full
of women like 50 women
there to interview for the job of his
assistant and he is like I can't I I
can't like what the [ __ ] is happening I
feel like if you're the CFO you're not
doing those interviews right yourself
right
maybe that might just be me unless all
of these women have already made it to a
final interview well we'll get to this
glitch in the system in a moment
so he then calls begonia in an absolute
panic and is like please help me you
know how to deal with people you can
read people you can hire my assistant
right and she's like
sure thing have you eaten and she like
goes and gets him lunch and comes uh and
uh
she's just
so precious and sweet
um
and then uh
she gets to the office and gets down to
dealing with all 50 of those women
and it turns out that there was a glitch
in the HR software and all of the women
for those who don't see the video Hannah
is doing air quote I am doing air quotes
a lot of them
um that apparently all of the women who
had already been interviewed initially
and discarded they all got an email
interview oh yeah
hmm and he's like this feels sucks my
[ __ ] mother again he's like gen Z
word
to be clear we're hip to the drive on
what the kids are doing
um the youths
not the youths
um so uh several hours later Hayes is
losing his [ __ ] because he just has way
too much to do and he's super
overwhelmed and all of a sudden begonia
like blows into his office and she's
like these are your two new assistants
this job was too big for one and just
like gives him a rundown of both of
these women and is like you will meet
them tomorrow to confirm that you're
comfortable with them for breakfast at 8
30 I've already put it in your calendar
thank you and like he's like thank you
thank you peconia I appreciate you
but then he realizes how like exhausted
and frazzled she looks and he's like
okay so we're going home now like we're
gonna go home yeah so um she's terrified
because they're taking a helicopter for
some unknown [ __ ] reason do we
understand her trauma about modes of
transportation
no she's worried this time because she's
worried that marshmallow is gonna open
the door
so so he's like I got it and holds this
90 pound dog in his lap the entire trip
and is slowly dying of an allergic
reaction but he's like he's got his one
bodyguard guy at one door in begonia at
the other door like guarding it in case
marshmallow gets away
so um
begonia sees his house and is like what
a pretty Hotel I can't imagine staying
in such a lovely place and he's like
babe that's my house and she's like I
can't go in there like oh my God
and he's like it's just a house it's
fine we can do this but she's seriously
panicking and she tells a story about
how her ex always told her that he was
um embarrassed to take her out nice
places because
um
quote the wait staff out wait staff
outclassed her
which is like super mean what a shitty
comment yeah and Hayes Ellie is like I
don't understand this undeniable urge I
have to beat the [ __ ] out of another
human being but like that's what I'm
experiencing right now
and he's like but obviously I can't do
that because that is not on brand for
the family throughout this whole thing
there's been like little comments about
how he has to keep up appearances for
the family it's super stressful for him
um
so anyway they get to the house
um and Hayes's cousin is there
telling her they're going to be besties
she's also a rock star which is
interesting and then another woman pops
out of nowhere while Hayes is really
desperately trying to get the two of
them upstairs and like away from
everybody
um so they can just eat and go to sleep
and begonia is
slap happy and hangry and she is losing
a little bit of her
her I don't know jovial her innocence
yes her sweet
kind thing shtick she's losing it and
this other woman says that she is Hayes
fiance and begonia just claps and says
that that is so adorable because she
already met his second grade wife who is
Amelia by the way Amelia was like well
we got married in second grade and she's
like that's so fun I love that for you
guys so she just starts clapping and
it's like I already met his second grade
wife
and then starts calling this woman Angie
repeatedly because she looks like
Angelina Jolie the woman is not amused
she is not amused so finally Hayes just
grabs her and starts like pulling her up
the stairs did his mom send this one it
seems that way okay
um and uh he's like listen that woman is
not my fiance no matter what she says I
promise you and begonia is like you're
not good enough for Angie anyway and
he's like you need to go to bed bless it
uh so
they um
get back to his rooms they start to
decide to have dinner whatever the chef
brings it up because they're all super
rich and
um all of a sudden he's just like I'll
have sex with you
and she chokes on some bread for obvious
reasons
um and then just not the only thing
she's gonna choke on that night
ayo
but then she just pretends he didn't say
anything she just moves on with the
conversation
um
and he's like well now I'm more confused
than I was before
um so then he just all of a sudden
interrupts her and he's like why did you
help me pick an assistant and she's like
because I like to help people
and you're not a people person and
that's okay so I decided to help you
what does she do for a living she is a
high school art teacher
that feels on brand right and that will
actually become a thing later as well
but
um she mentions her ex again and like
all the work that she's done on herself
and
um
he all of a sudden asks like
why are you why do you help people like
I don't understand this whole thing
people suck and she's like I get joy out
of helping people and he's like well
who helps you though
and she's like wow thanks so much for
pointing out that flaw in my life I
really appreciate this heart to heart
that we're having
um and he's like realizes nobody takes
care of her like nobody makes her a
priority so he goes and kneels in front
of her
and stars they start making out hardcore
she's in a robe there's titty fondling
happening and he finally eats her out
it's like this big moment right
um and then marshmallow keeps nudging
Haze and Hayes just keeps like like
pushing him back
um and she is just about to come when
the fire alarm goes off and the
sprinklers start going off in the room
because she knocked over a candle that
had been on the table and marshmallow
was trying to warn them that the room
was on fire oh my gosh
it wasn't good no so she's outside with
haze's entire family because they're all
there
um just hanging out awkwardly waking
waiting for him to come back and take
her upstairs
um and uh
she her phone starts ringing The
Imperial March from Hayes pocket because
he had grabbed it from the room
and he answers it it's her ex
um begging her to come back to him and
Hayes is like never call this number
again you're [ __ ] done you lost Her
She's Mine whatever
um
and then he finally gets her inside and
drops the bomb that they probably need
to get engaged and maybe even married
because all these women keep showing up
and his mom isn't gonna stop so we
should just probably just go ahead and
get married
and
um he keeps going on and on and on about
updating their agreement and begonia is
like
is there is there more wine
because I'm gonna need more wine yeah
and this is a conversation for alcohol
yeah not that like alcohol should be
your only coping skill correct but it
can be a helpful one in certain
situations for some people yeah right
yeah not for everyone but for some
people mm-hmm
so the next morning she's hungover as
[ __ ] and
um she talks to his cousin who gives
details Hayes's cousin about
um he proposed to somebody in college
and was like absolutely manly
madly in love with this girl and then
found out she was cheating on him um
the basically their entire relationship
with this guy that he thought was his
best friend but had betrayed him in
college and was like like sold fake
stories about him to the to tabloids
about him having like a foot fetish and
being like the the freaky brother or
whatever
uh so then there's a really sweet text
exchange Haze promises he's gonna be
home for dinner
um and they're gonna go out for burgers
it's all really sweet and then he she
tells him that she really loves she had
told him previously she really loves to
do Pottery but she's terrible at it but
she enjoys it so it doesn't matter you
know we love a queen who will still do a
hobby just for the sake of enjoyment and
not yeah like I do and I feel like we've
talked about this before but like
I feel like Millennials have turned
every hobby into a side hustle and like
we don't really do things
for Joy for Joy like we only do them if
we're good at them yep and
so I really appreciate that that tidbit
that she's like no I just do this
because I enjoy doing it like yeah
like I'm not gonna sell this [ __ ] it's
yeah it's not good like I know it's bad
so he sends an entire Pottery setup to
the house like he ordered it to have it
sent and set up
and he tells her that he knew that she
wouldn't take diamonds as a thank you so
he wanted to do something special for
her so that's what he did
so
um Hayes is extremely late like they had
all these cute plans in this sweet
moment and he's extremely late finally
gets home and he's still talking on the
phone and she starts thinking about her
ex and how he used to do this [ __ ] all
the time just like put her off and make
her feel like she wasn't important and
she's really really angry because she
was also worried about him like that's
how late he was and he wasn't answering
his phone but then she's like I don't
think I get to be angry actually like
we're not in a real relationship so
I don't think I get to be mad
I know because she's so sweet you guys
the whole time I want to be like I want
to be more like begonia she's so nice
but I don't think I have it in me
[Laughter]
I wish that I did
I don't think I do well I did think
earlier when he was talking about like
or when Hayes was processing that no one
takes care of her I did have an ex tell
me I was altruistic to a fault
thank you yeah and I was like
that's
I was that a compliment was that an
insult
to this day I still don't know
it remains a mystery it does but I'm
like
I don't think he was wrong but I'm also
like
so what do I what do I do with that
is this constructive oh [ __ ] sorry
everyone I just hit my mic she did like
she meant to I like I hit that hard with
my elbow and I apologize if anyone heard
that
sorry Vance that you're gonna have to
edit this sound a little bit
bless my sweet husband We Appreciate You
Vance shout outs to Vance but yeah no
I'm like altruistic to a fault I feel
like at the time I took pride in that
and now I'm like
um on retrospect I don't know if that
was meant to be a compliment
yeah yeah boundaries matter they do okay
so we would all love to be more like
begonia yes and her
unrelenting optimism yes that's exactly
what it is unrelenting optimism so he
immediately comes over gives her a big
hug grabs a picnic basket and then
carries her like lifts her up and
carries her out through the grounds of
the house outside
um before setting them both up on the
ground on a blanket
um and they have basically a charcuterie
and drinking wine and having a great
time and so then he puts on the moves on
her puts the moves on her I've almost
finished this heavy pour have you I I
was actually thinking I haven't seen you
drink any of them yeah I've had like two
sips yeah it's uh good for you girl yeah
it's
I love that you're trying to show it to
me to prove how much you've had to drink
I'm gonna put it back down girl just
take another sip if you want one I'm
doing a really good job for free you're
free to do what you need also I feel
like I'm sorry our sound panels behind
us aren't even they're not oh that's
me we'll deal with that point so he puts
the moves on her and tells her that um
he wants to make love to her knowing who
she is and saying her name
like I want to be able to look at you in
the eyes I care for you I enjoy you they
have a solidifying [ __ ] she offers her
rock paper scissors with him for who's
in charge
and he's like no
we won't be doing that
for those of you who can't see my face
right now
I don't yeah I don't love that it was a
weird thing to do I think she was really
anxious
and she was like do you want a rock
paper scissors like I don't know for
who's in charge or who's on top or the
words were who's in charge so then he is
like it's actually really cute and sweet
because in a lot of these books it's
like the guy is all Alpha and he's like
I know how to please a woman and like
stoic and whatever but he's like
stuttering because every time she
touches him he's like like that's
awesome it's super cute
um and he keeps telling her how amazing
she feels
um
and she's like oh no
I have feelings for him and this is
temporary but you know what I'm just
gonna enjoy it while it lasts because
this is pretty great
so he is going on and on in his mind
about how
um begonia is the Sun and he's a but a
blade of grass basking in her light like
this is his thoughts he's not saying any
of this out loud
um they continue to share their
charcuterie naked in the Moonlight
outside I was like oh no charcuterie a
euphemism
no not today I want to share my
charcuterie with you no my charcuterie
charcuterie
oh no I like charcuterie better
charcuterie
we are the worst okay
I just felt I'm so sorry in advance to
everyone but now all I can think of is
meatballs
no Chelsea
no I don't like it for me either
but I can't
so all right pivoting for a second
just not that we needed more brevity but
because I need to not pick up meat folds
anymore so at work each each week as you
know because we used to work at the same
company we have like what we call a
Segway question which is essentially an
icebreaker question we do and we all
rotate who asks the question so the
question that was asked two weeks ago
was if there was a religion that you
were the deity of and people were taking
communion
oh no what would your body and blood be
that they would be consuming what it was
such a good question oh my God I love
that question what was your answer
bota Box Chardonnay and
um like carrot cake or key lime pie
um and then the follow-up question I was
asked was
are we just are like how is the Boda box
being passed out and someone was like
are they just getting on their knees and
you're pouring a shot and I was like
yeah yeah but then one of the girls on
our compliance team shout out Mary Beth
oh hi Mary Beth miss you
what I still I don't honestly I think
she said like a skinny margarita would
be her blood I don't remember what she
said her body was all I remember is that
at some point when she was taking about
taking the body and blood of her as the
Teeny she's like get on your knees and
take it
and I thought about it at least once a
day since then I don't even remember
what her body was I I do believe her
blood was skinny margaritas
wow what would your body and blood be
Hannah I was just thinking that
part of me wants to say my blood would
be pineapple infused tequila oh okay
because that used to be my jam back in
the day I worked at a tequila bar and we
had this big vat
of tequila that we put a bunch of
pineapple in that sounds delicious and
we did like birthday shots from that and
like a couple of other drinks from it
and uh whenever we would kill the vat we
would eat the pineapple and if you want
to get Smash Hammer drunk you eat
pineapple that's been sitting in tequila
for Christ knows how long yep so yeah my
first thought when I thought about what
my body would be was cheese
yeah like bread cheese if you know what
I'm talking about bread cheese no okay
well bread cheese is like
a little bit like paneer in the texture
okay but like my husband is obsessed
with it and they have all different like
flavors they have like Chipotle and
pizza and garlic and all these random
flavors and he's obsessed with it but
you cut it up and put it in the
microwave for like 30 seconds so it's a
little bit melty um I think that would
be it
okay when you know I probably if I
pivoted to a cheese I'd probably be like
an infused like a cranberry goat cheese
oh yeah or like a nice gouda or a Brie
I do love a good soft cheese oh no okay
one of the best soups of my life
yeah would that be blood or body
a suit well we also know I love a
two-for-one special so if I can combine
these that feels even more on brand
there's a restaurant in Dallas where I
went to Grad School Dallas Texas not
Dallas Georgia common misconception
actually it's not a common misconception
only if you're from that area yeah if
you're from Georgia and you're like oh
Dallas Georgia you're like no no one is
ever referring to Dallas Georgia
um but there's a restaurant that so to
be fair my friend lived within walking
distance and we all just like walked
over and then we didn't know it was like
at that point in time rated the most
romantic restaurant in Dallas you know
just like four single girls living their
best life they had a champagne Brie soup
oh yes
I I don't like it's it's one of those
that it's been so long that I like can't
even fully remember what it like I just
remember it was
so good but I can't like recall if it
was more champagne or Brie or whatever
but I'm like okay if I'm combining those
to a body and bread special two for one
yeah absolutely I would be a champagne
soup yeah I mean if I
part of me says bread cheese cheese in
general because it's easily passed you
know what I mean like it's easy to give
out but like when you are a deity that
thinks about others I am I am altruistic
to a fault you get it
but if in a perfect world if it were
possible it would probably be like
chorizo tacos would be what I would want
to give a little baby slider tops yeah
like a little baby like Tapas style
adorable would that be right but that
would be difficult to like pass out oh
good news my husband just walked back in
the room hey Vance your body and blood
as a deity I if I'm remembering
correctly your blood was a Green Point
cocktail what was your body
oh no
you also I need you to know there have
been times in our lives where we haven't
been at the movies but we've stopped by
a movie theaters to get movie theater
popcorn to take home with us for the
evening they let you do it do they
really yeah you're like walking but it
also like I guess to be fair depending
on the setup of that movie theater
because some concessions are past the
ticket some are before right but no my
husband
walking in and he's like I would like an
offensive amount of butter and then
they're like yeah and he's like no no no
no
I want you to hear me when I say an
offensive amount of butter to the point
where it's like they'll like throw like
one scoop of popcorn in butter it
another two like they will only one time
ever in our history has he been like she
maybe understood the assignment too much
he's like that might be the only time
it's been too much butter but yes movie
theater popcorn was an offensive amount
of butter all I'm thinking about right
now is um uh Nick Offerman and Parks and
Rec when he's at the diner bring me all
your bacon and eggs and then he's like
no no no no I fear what you heard is
bring me a lot of bacon and eggs I mean
all all the bacon yes it that's the
energy it's that energy we're like well
I also realized early on in our marriage
and mind you my husband his health our
house as a as a whole has been a journey
right but at one point in time like I
was like oh when you're getting the
large movie theater popcorn with an
offensive amount of butter that wasn't a
shareable stuff oh that wasn't for both
of us
got it oh but also the movie theater
that we always used to go to do you
remember like before Movie Pass crashed
yeah yeah when it was like seven dollars
for as many movies just like you wanted
to see before they there there were any
stipulations on it and as you were going
you're like this company is losing money
yeah
um and then they did and that's why it
all crashed right but we would go and
the movie theater also had a um Cheeto
popcorn what and they had a hot Cheeto
popcorn so there was literally like the
popcorn was tossed in some of like the
powder and then they were like the
Cheetos or the hot Cheetos in it as well
and that was the one I wanted anyway so
I'd get like my little like hot Cheeto
popcorn and he'd get his offensive
amount of butter movie theater popcorn
but yes he was a Green Point cocktail
with movie theater popcorn
is his deity
communion communion yeah I love that but
it's like it's a I was like oh this is
such a good Icebreaker question it that
is a really good one yeah at first I was
like what and then you think about it
for a second it's like No actually
that's fantastic I know it's my job to
choose the Icebreaker question this week
ooh heavy I know I'm like
because I feel like some people are just
like oh do you like sweet or sour or
like
sweet or safe like it's always like this
or that and then I'm like oh I feel like
I always take it a little bit too far
I support that I want you to continue to
do that well I remember when you and I
used to work together one of the
questions we got asked was like what's
like a fashion trend that you
uh my regrettably have fallen into
growing up yeah I don't remember what I
answered for that but no um well you had
shaved your head oh yeah I did do that I
can yeah I did do that yeah and then
mine I was talking about like the
studded Bell buckled on this side with
like the mini skirt layered over the
jeans and like the converse and like the
band t-shirt
and I remember her boss that I was like
oh wow I'd love to see photos of the two
of you and I was like no I feel like her
Trend was just like
Bermuda shorts or some [ __ ] it was like
very like I'm like oh no we are not the
same we are not the same we are not the
same okay sorry that was a very long
tangent okay where are we at I don't
know uh where this episode is gonna be
forever yeah okay what's the Reader's
Digest of the rest okay so she
okay
take a breath take a moment take a sip
of take a gulp of wine new goal
I'm no longer giving you cute details
we're moving
we're shaking if you want the cute
details you can read it for yourself and
it is fantastic it doesn't I'm very
little Comfort read adorable a couple of
teasers including an antique dildo
collection Hayes phone winding up in the
freezer their clothes going missing
while they're outside marshmallow on all
of these yep oh that's marshmallow I do
have questions about an antique dildo
collection but for the sake of time I
will I will hold back my questions
so
um they have very sweet morning after
situation he calls his brothers Jeweler
to get a ring for her and then the the
book says a very pregnant begonia walks
in and it's like did we just Flash
Forward no it's her twin sister hyacinth
oh [ __ ] wait also is it so they're
moving forward with the fake engagement
okay so
um
she's like this Jeweler is terrible she
won't like any of this stuff this is
really stupid come on man like get it
together do better good for you hi son
yeah do better she's like I know you've
only done it for a week so let's clarify
what she does and does not like in terms
of jewelry do better
so
um they have plans to go to this Gala
together and
um they begonia has a nice spa day with
her sister and Hayes cousin
um Hayes really wants to keep her longer
so he's just like how can I keep her
without actually having to be vulnerable
and like ask her to stay like how can I
extend the contract whatever whatever
so
um they go to this this Gala together at
the zoo she meets his ex the one that
broke his heart and his arch nemesis
slash former best friend
and begonia is like you know what come
with me
so she pulls him out of the area and
into another area of the zoo
and um
decides to blow them and blow him not
them
I don't know if I'm moving too fast or
if the wine is hitting I'm not sure what
the situation is wait I may have missed
it because I was honestly thinking about
movies
I could kill some movie theater popcorn
right now why are they at the zoo for a
Gala yes it's a fundraiser I was like I
feel like she said it but I was really
thinking about popcorn for a minute I
but it's okay I have no idea how long
this episode has been so far so I'm
trying to move faster because I feel
like we've been talking for a really
long time not in a bad way but like in a
way that people may not want
people may not be able to hang this long
so the beautiful thing about podcasters
you can pause them and come back you
have to finish it in one sitting that's
so true but also we can still move
faster and we can so
um she gives him a blowy and uh right as
like it's actually a kind of a sweet
moment and right as he comes
Paparazzi find them and there's like
flashing lights of her giving him a
[ __ ]
this is very bad I love that you said
it's actually a sweet moment
right as he's coming
Paparazzi show up I remember before that
before that like
such a sweet woman right as he comes and
I was like wait the [ __ ]
that's not what I meant no before that
there's lots of eye contact and it's
very very sweet like he's like like
caressing her face and is all gentle and
like I really like this woman and this
is it for me and all that kind of stuff
and then paparazzi so
this is really bad yeah obviously as
this is clearly not on not a sweet
moment it's no longer a sweet moment
um this is not on brand for the family
this is a big [ __ ] problem so he did
try to buy off the pops but that like
that didn't really work
so he's going on and on but like so
we're gonna have to get married we're
gonna have to stay married for two years
like I'm gonna take care of you for life
like we'll we'll sign the paperwork like
we'll get it all together but like this
is what we have to do and she's like
take me home
like I'm not just take me home I'm not
doing this to her house or herself to
her house because she declares her love
and he just sits there silently and
she's like I don't want to be fake with
you I want to be real and if you can't
give that to me I need you to take me
home so he tells the pilot to turn
around
um so she hasn't she like she doesn't
leave her apartment she's not really
eating she's really really struggling
and her twin shows up and
um
turns out the NDA that she signed along
with a lot of the other paperwork that
they had done was leaked to the Press so
everybody knows that it's fake so she's
like I can't believe he would do this to
me like that's yeah really [ __ ]
brutal
so
um she loses her job because she's a
high school teacher giving people blow
jobs I mean one person but this is the
second time you've made it plural Hannah
one person giving them [ __ ] you know
she lost her job because she's a high
school teacher giving [ __ ] nope nope
hold up that's a different book we've
probably still read it we probably have
but it's got this one so
um
so she is super upset obviously and then
their mom shows up
with her ex
[ __ ] yeah and it's like listen honey
he's still willing to take you back even
though like you've ruined everything and
her twin loses her [ __ ] and is like Mom
you are [ __ ] dead to me get out of
this goddamn house and Chase if I ever
see you again I will kill you like I
like they will never find your body get
the [ __ ] out and it was like a very
sweet like sister power moment
so Haze is completely betrayed and
feeling overwhelmed because he thinks
that high or that begonia leaked the NDA
because he didn't do it so he doesn't
know who did it but he knows that it
wasn't him he's pretty sure it was
begonia and he's super duper upset about
it
well
not quite was it [ __ ] marshmallow
wait for it okay damn it but yes it was
marshmallow it was marshmallow
so his brother comes in with the two
assistants that begonia hired who love
her and are like get your head out of
your ass blah blah blah she wouldn't do
this
um and he's like I don't think I want
this job like I hate this job I'm
miserable I'm I'm over it like I miss
begonia blah blah blah so she begonia
goes to her brother-in-law's family's
condo by the beach somewhere hyacinths
yes
condo okay she's like I probably should
have done this in the first place for my
getaway because this is a [ __ ] mess
she like pawns some of the dresses that
he bought her so that she has money to
like support herself for a few months
because they're like
20 or 30 000 these dresses he is a
billionaire lest we forget
um and then his mom shows up
and um is like you know
her son has always been really sweet and
kind but he shut himself down after so
many failed relationships and you
brought him back to me and blah blah
blah blah and she's like
um your relationship wasn't fake and
begonia is like he literally
leaked these documents to make himself
look better and ruined my [ __ ] life
like I lost my job I keep saying my
heart hurts but it's true I know and
then the mom is like listen
here's the thing
um marshmallow brought me that contract
the first night that I was in Maine with
you guys at the beach house so have you
considered that maybe he's the one
and
um
then she says no matter what happens no
matter what you decide to do like I care
about you you're important to me like
please feel free to call me anytime
because you're a great girl very sweet
from when she was [ __ ] on her vast
Improvement
um well and she even says like initially
I was like you're not real but now I
realize like this is really who you are
and you're sweet and really good for my
son
so
um
then Hyacinth calls begonia in a panic
because they grew up at this summer camp
that their dad owned and he had to sell
it and then he died of a heart attack
like very quickly after that and so
um this this Camp means a lot to them
and she calls and says the camp was sold
again and the new owner wants to see us
and begonia is freaking out blah blah
blah blah they want to turn it back into
a camp
so
um she goes and she's like sobbing she's
really upset there's some really cute
funny moments with her sister's kids
that are really adorable
um and so
Hyacinth drives her to the camp and to
the the art Hut is what they called it
that's like where begonia fell in love
with art and like teaching art and
um Hyacinth like this is where the guy
said to meet him I don't know and of
course it's Hayes and he's like I bought
this for you I'm not going to be working
such long hours anymore I talked to my
dad and we're going to start a new
division of the company that's for
summer camps and you get to run it and I
love you
for those of you who can't see me I'm
Hamming it up
I I feel like that translated did it it
did just with my tone just with your
tone okay I could I could sense the ham
through your tone not the ham dancing
hamster so that was confused about
earlier oh no
um so he like sees her crying is like
I'll I'll kill whoever made you upset
and she's like you made me upset you
turned the plane around and he's like
that was the biggest mistake of my life
so then
um he's like
I know this is too soon after your
divorce I know that like you wanted time
to find yourself but like maybe could we
like even take things slow because I
really love you a lot and she's like bet
so then
um there are two epilogues I'm gonna
skip the first one because there's
nothing interesting in it the second one
um it's a year later it's the end of the
summer camp and they're doing like a Big
Show and the whole family is there
uh Hayes proposes on stage in front of
everybody marshmallow jumps on stage so
the antique dildos were
sorry
go on the antique dildo where begonias
grandmothers
no yeah that we're passed down no that
is not laughter they were left to her in
her will she left dildos that is what it
was implied I don't know I didn't read
the will but that's what was implied so
when my dad's grandmother she died and
they were cleaning out her house there
weren't dildo I'm really terrified my
mom did find some lingerie that she took
home and then she was like the tags were
still on it I'm like I don't I don't
think that matters when my grandmother
passed away and they renovated her house
they found
um a lot of porn in the ceiling
like in the drop ceiling like in obscene
amount
and they're pretty sure that it was my
cousins from when he was living there
some of it was like
do you need to see somebody like it was
like yikes my dad kept like kicking it
with his foot and my high school
boyfriend was there and he was like uh
uh
my dad was like don't let your Aunt Mary
see this
foreign
okay but the moral of the story is
neither of us have been left or are
going to leave
sexually explicit items in our Wills
that is not my intention okay but
regardless
um marshmallow jumps on stage with one
of the antique dildos in his mouth as
Hayes is proposing
classic marshmallow classic marshmallow
so
um marshmallow Haze tells marshmallow to
go take it to his grandma and which is
his mom so marshmallow takes it to
Hayes's mother and then begonia says yes
and it's very sweet and that's the end
that was sweet
it was it feels like manic pixie dream
girl meets billionaire a little bit yeah
yeah a little bit like
like Jess day on new girl yes it is very
just day energy yeah yeah
but I still think I'll probably read it
at some point because I do feel like I
know like I could tell there were so
many cute moments you were like just
like skipping over for the sake of time
um
and do we want to do hamsters as our
rating system hamsters we could do
hamsters we could do marshmallows we
could do antique dildos I was gonna say
I'd really rather avoid the antique
dildos because Vance tends to use our
rating system and the graphic the
graphic and for the sake of it not being
pulled down yeah maybe we shouldn't go
dildo fair enough fair enough let's do
hamsters
um where we could do marshmallows
which would you prefer you're the one
who read it let's do marshmallows let's
do marshmallows I would give it
um
eight and a half out of ten oh damn
marshmallows I loved this book like it
was really heartwarming and fun I don't
know if I've ever like in a quick recall
I don't know if I remember you ever
writing a book this High I don't think I
have a lot of the books that I would
rate this High we wouldn't review
because they're part of big series or
they're like really heavy
um like fantasy and it would be
difficult to review them in this kind of
forum I do feel like we've had that
conversation where like there are like
some like high fantasy books that are
would be super fun to review but there's
just so much time World building yeah
that have become so difficult that
you're like oh well like this thing
about this world and this thing about
that world and you're like wait what and
it just doesn't necessarily translate as
well but this book was super fun there
wasn't anything that I was like that was
unnecessary or like any it was all very
like
rich and fun yeah yeah
eight and a half out of ten that's
hybrid I know I feel like I should make
it lower just because of who I am as a
person but I'm channeling begonia
talk to your therapist about why you
feel like you need to lower your rating
Lauren help me
did I tell you I went back to therapy no
I haven't been back like I haven't been
as a client like on that side of the
chair
in a decade
yeah since I was in grad school okay
yeah well good literally I had my intake
this week nice
hurt
so shout out I believe her name is
tyronda we haven't bonded that much yet
because we've only had one session and
like it's also it's so weird being on
like this side it is weird especially
when I'm like okay it's an intake I know
what questions you need to ask and like
yeah I found myself like just giving her
more information before she could ask
because I was like let me just help you
well or even at like the 54 minute Mark
she like wanted to do a breathing
exercise and I'm like oh girl okay so
you don't just hold a 53 minute session
when you're doing a 90837 like yeah I
kept being conscious of like
I don't okay it's time to be done right
like looking at the clock like it's time
to
yeah
one thousand percent where I was
challenged like I'm like sitting there
doing this breathing exercises thinking
of running the clock
like breathe faster but that's not the
point breathe slower yeah I was like if
she wants to hold her because I'm very
much the clinician I was like if it's a
90837 I'm holding a 53 minute session
you know for those of you who are not
therapists 90837 is the billing code for
insurance that says a hour-long therapy
session which is a 53 yep to 60 Minute
session a 90834 is a 45 minute session
which is 38 minutes to 52 minutes is the
actual time frame there just in case
you're wondering I know you they weren't
like you were Hannah's like they
absolutely no one gives a [ __ ]
um but yeah I'm like sitting there
during my breathing exercise thinking
about the clock thing and I'm like okay
if you want to be the clinician who
doesn't hold that boundary and keep and
then I'm like do I respect you less as
my therapist because you you let me go
to the 60 Minute Mark and then I was
like whatever for the intake I feel like
I give more leeway
that's fair
and she did laugh because I did tell her
that that I was like thinking she's like
how is that breathing after this I was
like I was really trying to like let
myself go bring it back in I was like
but this is what I was thinking about
and I told her and she laughed at me
um yay well did I tell you one of my
clients recently was like yeah Chelsea I
was telling my friend
um who was looking for a therapist she
goes yeah sometimes my therapist lightly
roasts me
[ __ ] I was like what
and she's like yeah you know like a
couple weeks ago and you're like and you
never spiral so you wouldn't like go
down that thought pattern or thoughts
like whatever and I was like oh
oh [ __ ] I was like but also she's like
Chelsea it was necessary
oh my God it just made me laugh that's
how she's describing therapy or at least
her therapist is that I lightly roast
her and I'm terrified to know how people
would yes yeah I don't want to know okay
so I you're going eight and a half
did you read the whole book and have all
of all of the cute details I'm gonna go
six in it and five and a half
marshmallows okay
two hamsters
[Laughter]
okay I'm making a combination I can
respect it quite frankly I felt like I
needed to go half on the marshmallow one
not the hamster because that just felt
dark dark
very dark I was like oh I don't want to
say one and a half hamsters the other
half go oh no is it the front half or
the back half
side to side oh no oh
oh actually I had that thought earlier
when you said she had a hack a half
waxed bead I was like top half bottom
half or is it side to side then I was
like once again wrong questions I would
assume side to side but I don't know
that was not disclosed
yeah no that would make more sense yeah
because if you're going like up one leg
and up one side okay so because I didn't
read the book eight and a half
marshmallows zero hamsters or or hamster
portions
eight and a half marshmallows let us
know what you would rate it what what
marshmallows you would choose if that's
like the flavored kind if that's the
jumbo size if that's the flat kind that
they make specifically for s'mores now
Minis oh yeah minis like the hot
chocolate the hot chocolate mini minis
the micro minis not just like the kind
you would put on hot chocolate
like the dehydrated ones yeah yeah yeah
okay so many marshmallow varietals to
choose from
[Music]
um
zero hamster portions eight and a half
marshmallow varietals no hamsters
No Cap I did not use that right at that
moment oh my God Chelsea
all right thanks for joining us on this
journey we can't wait to see you all
soon don't forget to like And subscribe
um and can't wait to see you for the
next episode thanks for hanging y'all
bye
[Music]
well that's it for this week's mud [ __ ]
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[Music]