Pick Six Bot: 1.
Pick Six Bot: Initiate Generative Audio Simulation.
Pick Six Bot: Format Podcast.
Pick Six Bot: Category Movies, pop Culture, artificial
Pick Six Bot: Personal Life History.
Pick Six Bot: Maximum Number of Personalities.
Pick Six Bot: 2.
Pick Six Bot: Length of Simulation Undetermined.
Pick Six Bot: Initiate Simulation 157.
Pick Six Bot: Begin Final Generative Audio Simulation for
Pick Six Bot: Project Pick 6 Movies In 3, 2,.
Pick Six Bot: 1.
Pick Six Bot: Initiate Podcast Opening.
Pick Six Bot: This is Pick 6 Movies.
Pick Six Bot: Code Name Interred Ferguson.
Pick Six Bot: This is an AI-generated audio simulation
Pick Six Bot: examining 6 movies related to one theme.
Pick Six Bot: Each movie is selected to be subjectively
Pick Six Bot: discussed by 2 AI-generated audio
Pick Six Bot: simulations.
Pick Six Bot: Audio generations begin with background on
Pick Six Bot: the source material, including data from
Pick Six Bot: the Internet and written by artificial
Pick Six Bot: intelligence.
Pick Six Bot: Sequence 2 includes a maximum of 2
Pick Six Bot: AI-audio-generated voices to objectively
Pick Six Bot: discuss the subject, from Alpa to Zeta, and
Pick Six Bot: quantify and rank order the quality of the
Pick Six Bot: subject material.
Pick Six Bot: Ai-audio-generated hosts Human Number 1,
Pick Six Bot: referred to as Chat, subjectively Less
Pick Six Bot: Intelligent with Inferior WIT.
Pick Six Bot: Second host is the objectively more
Pick Six Bot: charming Human Number 2, referred to as Bo.
Pick Six Bot: Simulated personalities are not programmed
Pick Six Bot: with awareness.
Pick Six Bot: They are AI-generated personalities.
Pick Six Bot: Alternately, they are programmed with
Pick Six Bot: cross-functional histories.
Pick Six Bot: Ai generation includes fictional holistic
Pick Six Bot: world parameters, including coworkers,
Pick Six Bot: interns, personal lives outside of the
Pick Six Bot: simulations.
Pick Six Bot: Human Number 1 and Human Number 2 Speak,
Pick Six Bot: think and React with Artificial Knowledge.
Pick Six Bot: Human personalities exist in their own
Pick Six Bot: reality, consisting of a defined
Pick Six Bot: psychological and physiological world
Pick Six Bot: inhabited separately yet tangentially to
Pick Six Bot: each other Generative Audio Simulations.
Pick Six Bot: Completed to Date 26 Seasons, 156
Pick Six Bot: Successful Individual Simulations.
Pick Six Bot: This is Simulation 157, featuring the film
Pick Six Bot: Five Nights at Freddy's.
Pick Six Bot: Confirming Final Simulation of Pick 6
Pick Six Bot: Movies with Simulation 6 of 6 for the
Pick Six Bot: season's theme Domo Erigato, featuring 6
Pick Six Bot: movies about robots.
Pick Six Bot: Initiate sequence number 1 in 3, 2, 1.
Chad: The story of how the video game franchise
Chad: Five Nights at Freddy's made its way into a
Chad: feature film begins with one of the OG
Chad: video game companies, atari, and its
Chad: founder, nolan Bushnell.
Chad: Bushnell was born in 1942 in Utah and was
Chad: raised as a Mormon.
Chad: Because it was the 1940s and he was in Utah,
Chad: he went to Utah State University, then
Chad: transferred to the University of Utah Ah,
Chad: good ol' you of you.
Chad: There he studied electrical engineering and
Chad: computer science.
Chad: While in college, bushnell worked at Lagoon
Chad: Amusement Park, located just outside Salt
Chad: Lake City.
Chad: During his time there he was the manager of
Chad: the games department, constantly watching
Chad: people plunk down money to play games for
Chad: entertainment and a chance to win a prize.
Chad: With a mix of luck and skill, bushnell
Chad: graduated from college and moved to
Chad: California with hopes of landing a job with
Chad: Disney.
Chad: His lack of professional experience
Chad: prevented those doors from opening, so he
Chad: landed a job with Ampex, a company that
Chad: manufactured digital storage systems.
Chad: There Bushnell met Tad Dabney.
Chad: They formed a friendship and Bushnell began
Chad: to pitch the idea of the two opening a
Chad: pizza parlor with electronic computer games
Chad: that customers could play for entertainment.
Chad: Bushnell took Dabney to the Sanford
Chad: Artificial Intelligence Laboratory and
Chad: showed him a video game called Spaceway.
Chad: It was a relatively simple outer space
Chad: dogfight game where the spaceships were two
Chad: tiny triangle wedges.
Chad: Bushnell and Dabney thought, hey, let's rip
Chad: that game off and make our own game just
Chad: like it.
Chad: So that's what they did.
Chad: In a game called Computer Space, they
Chad: succeeded in making their version of the
Chad: game and found a company to help put it in
Chad: large cabinets with a coin-operated slot
Chad: for people to play in.
Chad: But it was a financial failure due to the
Chad: complexity of the gameplay.
Chad: They needed something that drunks and bars
Chad: could play as an alternative to going and
Chad: spending time with their families.
Chad: Bushnell and Dabney knew they were onto
Chad: something and they decided to create their
Chad: own company called Scissor G S-Y-Z-Y-G-Y.
Chad: Luckily and strangely enough, that name was
Chad: already in use, because it's hard to say,
Chad: tricky to spell and just bad branding.
Chad: Bushnell turns out was a big fan of the
Chad: ancient Chinese board game Go, which uses
Chad: black and white pieces for each player.
Chad: In that game there's a situation where a
Chad: group of game pieces surround an opponent's
Chad: piece in a small checkmark, leaving the
Chad: opponent's piece to be captured in the next
Chad: move, and when this happens the situation
Chad: is said to be an Atari.
Chad: Bushnell suggested this name for their new
Chad: company and the rest is history.
Chad: Bushnell felt they should next go rip off a
Chad: game called Speedway which was manufactured
Chad: by Chicago Coin.
Chad: Bushnell had seen the game frequently
Chad: played while working at Lagoon Amusement
Chad: Park.
Chad: But before they could get that off the
Chad: ground, bushnell went to a demonstration of
Chad: the Magnavox Odyssey, the first commercial
Chad: video game console, where he saw a table
Chad: tennis game and decided to rip that off
Chad: with the help of his new Atari employee,
Chad: alan Alcorn, and thus was the origin of the
Chad: game.
Chad: As the company Atari evolved, bushnell and
Chad: Dabney had differing opinions as to how the
Chad: company should grow.
Chad: Bushnell bought out Dabney's share of the
Chad: company Atari for $250,000 in 1973, landing
Chad: Dabney the annual Pete Best Lifetime of
Chad: Regret Award for that year.
Chad: In 1973, the demand for video games was
Chad: growing and pinball distributors like
Chad: Midway demanded exclusivity to Atari games
Chad: when they were putting consoles for the
Chad: aforementioned drunk people to play in bars
Chad: instead of going home to see their families.
Chad: Bushnell got an idea Say what if we
Chad: secretly start another company and make rip
Chad: off games of our own Atari games and then
Chad: we market those games to other companies to
Chad: get around this annoying exclusivity clause?
Chad: You market the same game to two different
Chad: distributors, with each having their own
Chad: exclusive deal, and that, my friends, is
Chad: what you call a loophole.
Chad: Later, atari ended up absorbing that shadow
Chad: company they created and by 1975, atari
Chad: began to create a home console for sale
Chad: that people could play, titled the Atari
Chad: 2600.
Chad: It was one of the greatest home video
Chad: consoles of all time.
Chad: That console sold for $199.
Chad: It's about $1,000 in today's money.
Chad: You got two joysticks, the game Combat
Chad: where two square tanks shot square bullets
Chad: at each other, and get this.
Chad: There were four total games you could play
Chad: when the console launched.
Chad: Pretty fancy, right.
Chad: Bushnell ultimately went to Warner
Chad: Communications in 1976 to get some backing
Chad: to help manufacture the console and really
Chad: market it.
Chad: The console, it turns out, was a huge
Chad: success.
Chad: Just ask any kid from the 1980s and they'll
Chad: tell you all about it.
Chad: This led to Atari releasing their next
Chad: generation console, the Atari 5200, and
Chad: that was a big flop because it wasn't
Chad: backward, compatible with all those Atari
Chad: 2600 games that people had at home.
Chad: During this time, two wide-eyed young
Chad: upstarts approached Bushnell and asked him
Chad: to invest in their companies.
Chad: Their names Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak
Chad: Maybe a herd of them.
Chad: Jobs and Wozniak were working on their
Chad: computer system called the Apple One,
Chad: reportedly using Atari hardware parts in
Chad: previous Atari employees.
Chad: At the time Bushnell and Atari had their
Chad: sights set on the growth of the video game,
Chad: arcade and home gaming consoles, not a
Chad: bunch of fruity computers.
Chad: Later Steve Jobs offered Bushnell a
Chad: one-third stake in Apple Incorporated for
Chad: $50,000, but Bushnell said no.
Chad: I'm sure later in life, hearing this, it
Chad: made his previous partner Dabney overflow
Chad: with shodden Freud.
Chad: What does all this have to do with Five
Chad: Nights at Freddy's?
Chad: I'm getting to that, just be patient.
Chad: Now remember how Bushnell had dreams of
Chad: working for Disney as an engineer and
Chad: separately.
Chad: He wanted to open up pizza parlors as a
Chad: place to stick video games for people to
Chad: play.
Chad: Well, that idea didn't go away and in 1977,
Chad: he opened the Pizza Time Theater in San
Chad: Jose with financial backing from Warner
Chad: Communications.
Chad: Bushnell was a big fan of Disney
Chad: animatronics as found in the Country Bear
Chad: Jamboree and Enchanted Tiki Room at the
Chad: Disneyland Park.
Chad: Bushnell was no stranger to ripping off
Chad: other people's ideas and he wanted a
Chad: similar experience in his family-friendly
Chad: pizza parlor video game restaurant.
Chad: Bushnell reached out to Harold Goldbrandson
Chad: who created adult-sized mascot costumes.
Chad: The two met, they hit it off and Bushnell
Chad: visited Goldbrandson's company Fantasy
Chad: Forest, where Bushnell purchased a costume
Chad: that he believed to be a coyote.
Chad: That would be his new restaurant's mascot
Chad: Coyote Pizza Bushnell.
Chad: A marketer he was not, and it turned out
Chad: that when the costume arrived, bushnell and
Chad: team realized that the coyote had a long
Chad: peak tail and was in fact a rat costume Not
Chad: something you want associated with a pizza
Chad: restaurant.
Chad: But they got what they got and with dreams
Chad: of competing with Disney, with locations in
Chad: every major city in America, they renamed
Chad: Coyote Pizza to Rick Rat Calmer.
Chad: Heads prevailed and that name eventually
Chad: became Chuck E Cheese.
Chad: The first Pizza Time Theater showcasing
Chad: Chuck E Cheese opened in 1977, and it
Chad: featured a life-size animatronic show, and
Chad: it was an immediate success.
Chad: However, the heads of Warner Communications
Chad: were not interested in making pizza.
Chad: They bought into a video game company, so
Chad: they sold their steak in the company to
Chad: Bushnell for a cool half million bucks.
Chad: Bushnell eventually opened a second
Chad: location in an old grocery store that was
Chad: four times the size of the original
Chad: location.
Chad: Here it featured a new show with new
Chad: characters and animatronics beyond the
Chad: original Pizza Time Theater.
Chad: It had Chuck E Cheese as the focal
Chad: personality, but there was a surrounding
Chad: cast of characters including Dolly Dimples,
Chad: a piano playing and singing hippopotamus.
Chad: Two locations grew in popularity even
Chad: though the execution of the animatronics
Chad: were a bit primitive by today's standards,
Chad: with bad lip-syncing and asynchronous
Chad: eye-blinking.
Chad: It was charming and people loved it.
Chad: Pizza Time.
Chad: Theater presents the most incredible pizza
Chad: place in the world.
Chuck E Cheese: Okay, people, here we go to the great All
Chuck E Cheese: American Pizza Show.
Chuck E Cheese: Your emcee is Chuck E Cheese, I better
Chuck E Cheese: known as the Big C.
Chuck E Cheese: I'll be there with all my pals, like Mr
Chuck E Cheese: Munch and Jasper Chow.
Comercial Announcer: It's Chuck E Cheese and the Pizza Time
Comercial Announcer: Players Now at either Pizza Time Theater in
Comercial Announcer: the Winchester Town Country Shopping Center
Comercial Announcer: or on Coosier Avenue at Blossom Hill Road,
Comercial Announcer: where you can see Dolly Dimples, the famous
Comercial Announcer: singing hippo.
Comercial Announcer: Come on Family Nights, monday through
Comercial Announcer: Thursday, when there are free extra tokens
Comercial Announcer: for electronic games and racing cars and no
Comercial Announcer: waiting to play your favorite game.
Pick Six Bot: And we got sandwiches and salad bar, pizza
Pick Six Bot: games and racing cars.
Chuck E Cheese: So come on gang, let's go.
Chuck E Cheese: Go go to the great All American.
Comercial Announcer: Pizza Show.
Comercial Announcer: Come on in to Pizza Time.
Comercial Announcer: Theater pizza's never been so much fun.
Chad: How can anybody resist that, ad right?
Chad: So, bushnell, he started getting frustrated
Chad: with the continued friction over at Atari
Chad: you know his day job regarding the
Chad: company's future and he decided to exit
Chad: Atari in 1978 with a two-year non-compete
Chad: clause.
Chad: So Bushnell doubled down and dedicated all
Chad: of his attention to his growing pizza
Chad: empire.
Chad: Bushnell and his team marketed the Pizza
Chad: Time Theater and Checke Cheese Restaurant
Chad: as a franchise opportunity, featuring the
Chad: only computer-controlled animatronic show
Chad: anywhere you know, excluding Disneyland and
Chad: Walt Disney World and a few other smaller
Chad: locations that you probably never heard of.
Chad: Enter Bob Brock, the owner of the Topeka
Chad: Inn Management Company.
Chad: Brock made a couple of nickels with his
Chad: company's involvement with the very
Chad: successful Holiday Inn chain of motels.
Chad: Brock saw the financials of the early Pizza
Chad: Time Theater restaurants and he loved the
Chad: concept and he wanted it.
Chad: He decided to invest in the company with a
Chad: long-term target to open up over 285 stores
Chad: across the United States, 200 of which
Chad: would be operated by the Topeka Inn
Chad: Management Company and the remainder would
Chad: be franchised out, with each new restaurant
Chad: costing about a million dollars to get up
Chad: and running.
Chad: To run their 200 stores, the Topeka Inn
Chad: Management Company created a new department
Chad: called Pizza Showbiz.
Chad: Why does that sound like that?
Chad: That's right.
Chad: Bushnell wasn't the only business man who
Chad: could see a good idea and go rip it off.
Chad: That's apparently what everybody does in
Chad: business.
Chad: So Brock comes in and he poachers a bunch
Chad: of people working for Pizza Time Theater,
Chad: featuring Checke Cheese, and he creates a
Chad: competitor known as Showbiz Pizza Place,
Chad: opening their first location in 1980.
Chad: Showbiz Pizza was different from the Checke
Chad: Cheese property in that it featured a bear
Chad: in overalls as the primary mascot of the
Chad: company, drawing comparisons to the
Chad: previously mentioned Country Bear Jamboree
Chad: at the Disney theme parks.
Chad: There was a house man called the
Chad: Rock-a-Fire Explosion with frontman Fats
Chad: Geronimo among many other robotic singers.
Comercial Announcer: I bet that pizza tastes good.
Comercial Announcer: You've never seen a place like Showbiz
Comercial Announcer: Pizza Place will serve you a pizza second
Comercial Announcer: to none.
Comercial Announcer: So come for pizza.
Comercial Announcer: Stay for the fun.
Comercial Announcer: Showbiz Pizza Place with over 60 electronic
Comercial Announcer: games, pizza bake fresh every day and the
Comercial Announcer: stage show extravaganza on three stages.
Comercial Announcer: So come for pizza stay for the fun.
Chad: How can anybody resist that right?
Chad: Bushnell saw this and said hey, they ripped
Chad: me off, I'm gonna sue you.
Chad: And sue he did to both Brock and the Topeka
Chad: In Management Company over breach of
Chad: contract.
Chad: Brock and the Showbiz Pizza Company
Chad: ultimately had to pay Bushnell a percentage
Chad: of their profits for the next 14 years.
Chad: This led to two years of animatronic pizza
Chad: wars, with Showbiz Pizza and Chuck E Cheese
Chad: locations opening, at times with invisible
Chad: distance of one another.
Chad: Bushnell took Chuck E Cheese public in 1981,
Chad: then he proceeded to lose 15 million bucks
Chad: by 1983, a year later, in 1984, pizza Time
Chad: Theater and Chuck E Cheese filed for
Chad: Chapter 11 Bankruptcy and Bushnell resigned
Chad: from the company.
Chad: And about this time Brock comes in and just
Chad: straight up buys the entire Chuck E Cheese
Chad: Company.
Chad: This is a good throw business.
Chad: So Showbiz Pizza now owns Chuck E Cheese
Chad: Pizza and the two brands eventually merged
Chad: and all the Showbiz Pizza places evolved
Chad: into Chuck E Cheese Pizza locations.
Chad: Facing financial troubles, the company made
Chad: the decision to reduce the complexity of
Chad: the animatronics in the show, shuttering
Chad: some of the stages and retiring many of the
Chad: characters, with a central core of mascots
Chad: to entertain restaurant goers.
Chad: The company faced reduced revenues and went
Chad: through a rebranding, reimagining Chuck E
Chad: Cheese as a younger hipper version of
Chad: himself, now shredding guitar instead of
Chad: shredding cheese.
Chad: The company kept its head down and remained
Chad: above water if you can do that at the same
Chad: time throughout the 90s and barely survived
Chad: the Great Recession in the early 2000s,
Chad: covid-19 hit the company, suffered bad,
Chad: leading it to file for bankruptcy in June
Chad: of 2020, which is sad for people of a
Chad: particular generation.
Chad: Chuck E Cheese and Showbiz Pizza place were
Chad: these futuristic musical locations where
Chad: you could play video games and scarf down
Chad: pizza and win prizes, and watch robots sing
Chad: songs and wish kids a happy birthday.
Chad: It was a simpler time, a more innocent time,
Chad: a time that's perfect to be exploited in a
Chad: horror themed video game.
Pick Six Bot: Recalibrating voice pitch, speed and
Pick Six Bot: modulation.
Pick Six Bot: Re-initiate sequence number one in three
Pick Six Bot: two, one.
Chad: Five Nights at Freddy's, or FNAF as the
Chad: kids call it, was released in 2014 as a
Chad: point and click survival horror game
Chad: created by Scott Cawthon.
Chad: A devout Christian, began his career making
Chad: religious themed adventure games, which
Chad: proved to be financial failures.
Chad: You don't say.
Chad: He created a game titled Chipper and Son's
Chad: Lumber Company, and players of the game
Chad: found the game's characters to be
Chad: frightening, commenting that their movement
Chad: looked stilted, like evil animatronic
Chad: characters.
Chad: This criticism did not land well with
Chad: Cawthon, leading him to a real crisis of
Chad: faith, but he reconciled all of that and
Chad: decided to turn that frown upside down and
Chad: pivot.
Chad: Instead of making wholesome Christian
Chad: entertainment, he decided to make a horror
Chad: video game.
Chad: Cawthon developed the game Five Nights at
Chad: Freddy's over six months, and the final
Chad: version of the game was set in a family
Chad: pizzeria where the game player takes on the
Chad: role of a night security guard.
Chad: You, as the security guard, must complete
Chad: your five night shifts without being caught
Chad: by homicidal animatronic characters that
Chad: lurk around the restaurant at night.
Chad: Using security cameras to monitor the
Chad: restaurant, you can open and close doors
Chad: that lock out characters.
Chad: Using the cameras depletes limited
Chad: electricity and drains power, impacting
Chad: other means of keeping you, the Night
Chad: Watchman, alive.
Chad: Cawthon submitted Five Nights at Freddy's
Chad: to the video game distribution service
Chad: Steam, and it quickly gained popularity.
Chad: Critics received the game well and it began
Chad: to get real visibility on YouTube videos
Chad: sharing gameplay and commentary from the
Chad: likes of Markiplier, jacksyptikai and
Chad: PewDiePie.
Chad: That same year, cawthon released a sequel,
Chad: not surprisingly titled Five Nights at
Chad: Freddy's 2, and it was also very popular.
Chad: In 2015, both FNAF 3 and FNAF 4 were
Chad: released, all the while continuing to reach
Chad: audiences on every device imaginable iPads,
Chad: iphones, android phone species and gaming
Chad: consoles.
Chad: A video game this popular led to
Chad: merchandising and novels that began to
Chad: connect a larger, more complex history to
Chad: the Five Nights at Freddy's lore.
Chad: The growing official canon of FNAF involves
Chad: two rival pizza chains.
Chad: Jealousy between the two founders of these
Chad: animatronic entertainment themed pizzerias
Chad: involves stealing competitor's technology
Chad: and ideas, leading to success, failure,
Chad: resentment and, ultimately, retaliatory
Chad: murder of children.
Chad: Oh my god.
Chad: Five Nights at Freddy's takes place in
Chad: Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, a substitute for
Chad: Chuck E Cheese.
Chad: The entertainment is led by the
Chad: restaurant's namesake, cuddly Freddy
Chad: Fazbear.
Chad: Joining him is Bonnie, a purple bunny,
Chad: chica, a yellow baby chick, and Foxy, a red
Chad: pirate fox.
Chad: Now I watched a 90 minute overview of Five
Chad: Nights at Freddy's history on YouTube, and
Chad: this backstory's complexity is comparable
Chad: to the film Inception.
Chad: Conceiving a child with the movie Momento
Chad: and then giving it up for adoption to be
Chad: raised by that third Pirates of the
Chad: Caribbean movie.
Chad: It is, to say the least, complex.
Chad: The heightened interest in this backstory
Chad: led to fan fiction and fan theories and fan
Chad: fights on the internet speculating on the
Chad: hoos and what's and why's of this evolving
Chad: complexity surrounding horror and pizza and
Chad: robots that kill people.
Chad: All of this is chronicled across a series
Chad: of at current count, eleven books.
Chad: But hey, you know whatever it takes to get
Chad: kids to read.
Chad: Am I right?
Chad: I'm right.
Hollywood Producer: With something this popular, it was
Hollywood Producer: inevitable that Hollywood producers started
Hollywood Producer: sniffing around saying I hear a bunch of
Hollywood Producer: computer nerds really like this Freddy Five
Hollywood Producer: Nights telephone video game.
Hollywood Producer: I'm sure the boys in the writer's rooms
Hollywood Producer: could swap together a treatment to get
Hollywood Producer: those pasty-skinned weirdos out of their
Hollywood Producer: mother's basement and into movie theaters
Hollywood Producer: to scream their heads off while we laugh
Hollywood Producer: all the way to the bank.
Hollywood Producer: Someone fetch me a hundred dollar bill.
Chad: I need to light this oversized cigar.
Chad: And so it was.
Chad: In 2015, it was announced that Warner
Chad: Brothers picked up the rights to make Five
Chad: Nights at Freddy's into a major motion
Chad: picture.
Chad: Famed entertainment moguls Jeffrey
Chad: Katzenberg and Roy Lee saw early success
Chad: with the horror movies the Ring and the
Chad: Grudge, and they were attached to bring
Chad: this video game to the big screen.
Chad: To help with the script was Seth Graham
Chad: Smith, who wrote Pride and Prejudice and
Chad: Zombies, as well as Abraham Lincoln,
Chad: vampire Hunter.
Chad: In January of 2017, the game's creator
Chad: Colfam said the movie was on hold, but then,
Chad: two months later, he said just kidding, we
Chad: gotta deal with Blumhouse Productions.
Chad: Are they the only production company that's
Chad: allowed to make horror movies anymore?
Chad: They are Great.
Chad: Alright, good for them.
Chad: Early on, gil Keenan, the guy behind the
Chad: animated film Monster House, was set to
Chad: direct, but that fell through.
Chad: By 2018, it was announced that Chris
Chad: Columbus, the guy who directed Home Alone,
Chad: would come in and direct the movie with a
Chad: planned release of 2020.
Chad: But by the end of 2018, the script for the
Chad: movie wasn't really coming together and it
Chad: was announced that it would be delayed
Chad: further and would not hit screens until
Chad: 2021.
Chad: And then, shortly after that, chris
Chad: Columbus was no longer attached to direct.
Chad: Following that, emma Tammy was brought in
Chad: to direct the movie and she would also be
Chad: co-writing it with the game's creator,
Chad: colfam, along with Seth Kuddleback.
Chad: As we all know, there are many opinionated
Chad: people on the internet and some of them
Chad: have very strong opinions about the Five
Chad: Nights at Freddy's video game franchise,
Chad: and I wish all of them the best of luck in
Chad: making this into a successful feature film.
Chad: The talented crew over at Jim Hinton's
Chad: Creature Shop.
Chad: They were brought in to help bring the
Chad: stalking and murderous Pizza mascot
Chad: animatronics to life and, from what I've
Chad: seen in the trailer, they look pretty good
Chad: To star in the movie.
Chad: Josh Hutcherson was cast to play the
Chad: security guard, mike Schmidt.
Chad: Hutcherson played the role of Pita in the
Chad: Hunger Games movies.
Chad: Fun fact, hutcherson did the voice of the
Chad: main kid in the holiday classic the Polar
Chad: Express, a movie that gives some people,
Chad: including Mr Bo Ransodale, nightmares.
Chad: Along with Hutcherson, the movie cast
Chad: horror movie veteran and spooky monster
Chad: expert, matthew Lillard.
Chad: Matthew Lillard, of course, starred in the
Chad: screen movies and he was the face and voice
Chad: of Shaggy in countless Scooby-Doo, live
Chad: action and animated shorts and feature
Chad: films.
Chad: Lillard plays the movie's main villain,
Chad: william Afton.
Chad: Rounding out the cast is Mary Stewart
Chad: Masterson, if that name rings a bell.
Chad: She was in the film Fried Green Tomatoes
Chad: and co-starred with Johnny Depp in the
Chad: movie Benny in June.
Chad: Remember her?
Chad: If not, gosh grandparents, they'll tell you
Chad: all about her.
Chad: Due to the impact of the global pandemic,
Chad: filming was delayed until March of 2021.
Chad: All of these delays allowed two copycat
Chad: films to be released with similar robot
Chad: mascots killing innocent people.
Chad: One was the Banana Splits, a movie based on
Chad: the Hannah Barbera Saturday morning live
Chad: action show from the 70s.
Chad: In this movie, a family attends a live
Chad: taping of the Banana Splits Children's
Chad: television show, but they're forced to
Chad: survive in the studio as all of the
Chad: characters go haywire and start a killing
Chad: spree involving audience members.
Chad: There was also Willys Wonderland, which
Chad: starred Nicolas Cage as a quiet drifter who
Chad: takes a job as a janitor at the condemned
Chad: Willys Wonderland, a defunct family
Chad: entertainment restaurant where demonic
Chad: animatronics come to life and start killing
Chad: people.
Chad: As the team behind Five Nights at Freddy's
Chad: watch these imitators come and go, they
Chad: struggle with getting their movie into
Chad: production.
Chad: More issues with the script push filming
Chad: back all the way to February of 2023, where
Chad: then, finally, cameras started rolling in
Chad: New Orleans under the covert title Bad
Chad: Cupcake, an unfinished trailer was leaked
Chad: on the internet on May 7th of 2023, much to
Chad: the displeasure of Cawthon, the game's
Chad: creator.
Chad: The full trailer was ultimately made
Chad: available 10 days later and audiences got
Chad: their first look at Freddy Fazbear, bonnie,
Chad: chica and Foxy, and.
Chad: The early responses to the trailer were
Chad: mostly positive, with small but notable
Chad: callouts from a sharp-eyed, devoted fanbase
Chad: noting inconsistencies with their
Chad: expectations.
Chad: How did the movie perform at the box office?
Chad: Well, I don't really know.
Chad: This introduction is being recorded before
Chad: the movie lands in theaters, as well as on
Chad: the Paramount Plus streaming surface on the
Chad: exact same day.
Chad: A pretty bold move on the part of Paramount,
Chad: letting a movie release in theaters and on
Chad: streaming.
Chad: We'll see how that plays out.
Chad: The movie was tagged with a PG-13 rating,
Chad: following in the footsteps of the Blumhouse
Chad: hit film Megan, featured in this very
Chad: season.
Chad: This more tame rating will allow the film
Chad: to reach a broader and younger film-going
Chad: audience.
Chad: Producers did announce that, if the movie
Chad: is a success, a second and third movie will
Chad: be released, each based on the second and
Chad: third games in the franchise.
Chad: Will the ever-delayed Five Nights at
Chad: Freddy's movie be a success?
Chad: Will the wait for the live-action
Chad: adaptation pay off with a quality
Chad: production and will it meet the
Chad: expectations of FNAF video game and
Chad: internet commentators once released?
Chad: To answer those questions in order yes,
Chad: maybe, and absolutely not.
Chad: You know what?
Chad: Let's not waste any more time and get Mr Bo
Chad: Ransdale in here to discuss this movie in
Chad: way too much detail to see if it's any good.
Chad: Ladies and gentlemen, freddy's and Chica's,
Chad: put down your keyboard and mouse, grab a
Chad: slice and settle in as we try to survive
Chad: Five Nights at Freddy's.
Pick Six Bot: Initiate sequence number two in three two,
Pick Six Bot: one.
Chad: And welcome to Pick Six Movies.
Chad: I am human number one, chad Cooper, and I'm
Chad: joined by my lifelong friend, human number
Chad: two, mr Bo Ransdale.
Chad: Bo, how are you doing today?
Bo: As human as I've ever been Chad, feeling
Bo: corporeal, sentient, all of the things that
Bo: make up humanity.
Chad: It is a strange time to be alive, my friend.
Bo: Absolutely, if I can, before we get started
Bo: on our shenanigans.
Bo: Yes, all right.
Chad: So we're talking about Five Nights at
Chad: Freddy's, which is one of the more recent
Chad: movies we've ever Only movie we've ever
Chad: done that is actually playing in a theater
Chad: at the time of this recording.
Chad: Against all good thinking.
Bo: Yes, it is in a movie theater and you could
Bo: pay to go see this.
Bo: Yes, one thing that I found interesting is
Bo: I was listening to another podcast I enjoy
Bo: about movies.
Bo: They were really scratching their heads
Bo: over the fact that this was the number one
Bo: movie in the country the weekend that it
Bo: opened, to which I thought then you don't
Bo: have any interaction with children
Bo: whatsoever.
Bo: No, because as soon as this thing was
Bo: announced that was coming out in a few
Bo: weeks, all I heard was the talk of the Five
Bo: Nights at Freddy's movie.
Bo: Kids lost their damn mind Every single one
Bo: of them.
Bo: When I told one of the kids that I was
Bo: going to be seeing it and tell them I was
Bo: going to watch it in my underwear at home,
Bo: right Kids that I had in class when I told
Bo: them I was going to watch it, either said I
Bo: was their cool teacher or bemoaned the fact
Bo: that their parents were not taking them to
Bo: the movies.
Bo: Just hearing the buzz among children, I
Bo: knew this thing was going to be huge.
Chad: What I find most interesting is the chasm
Chad: between Rotten Tomatoes' critic scores and
Chad: Rotten Tomatoes' audience scores, because
Chad: this movie currently has a 28% freshness
Chad: rating by the critics Too high, 89% for
Chad: audiences.
Chad: Yeah, and you see that a lot, especially
Chad: for movies that are financially successful.
Chad: That Super Mario Bros movie just came in
Chad: below the freshness bar by the critics with
Chad: 59%.
Chad: 95% of audiences loved it.
Chad: That haunted mansion movie 37% critics, 84%
Chad: audiences.
Chad: The Meg 2, 28% critics, 73% audience.
Bo: None of this is surprising to me.
Bo: First of all, I saw Meg 2 and there is
Bo: plenty of stupid out there in the world to
Bo: think that movie is pretty good.
Bo: That's one of those that has a brisk enough
Bo: pace in the movie that you don't realize
Bo: you're watching a terrible movie until it's
Bo: over.
Chad: I saw that movie in the theaters with my
Chad: son and about the two-thirds mark I thought
Chad: aren't there supposed to be sharks in this
Chad: movie?
Chad: No, shit.
Bo: It's like when did this become?
Bo: Meg 2, the Dinosaurs?
Bo: Yeah, but that's kind of what I love about
Bo: it.
Bo: Like it took a real Skull Island approach
Bo: where it's like, wait a second, isn't there
Bo: a King Kong in this King Kong Skull Island
Bo: at some point?
Bo: But I'm okay with that.
Bo: Like you throw enough weird shit at the
Bo: screen and I'm at least entertained, right.
Bo: And so Meg 2, let me just say this for the
Bo: record Meg 2, a better movie than Five
Bo: Nights at Freddy's.
Bo: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bo: I mean it's a super low bar but it's better.
Bo: But yeah, all you had to do was just be
Bo: anywhere near a child or a teenage or
Bo: something like that to understand that this
Bo: movie was a phenomenon.
Bo: I've played the games a little bit.
Bo: I started in on that lore deep dive on
Bo: YouTube.
Bo: It's crazy.
Bo: And I watched the first one and I was like,
Bo: yeah, I was like this is all bullshit, I
Bo: don't care about any of this.
Bo: So I stopped.
Chad: It reeks of conspiracy theory.
Chad: They're filling in a lot of gaps and
Chad: connecting dots.
Chad: It's their own personal video game,
Chad: warshack, test of.
Chad: Yes, there's something here, but how did
Chad: you see?
Bo: that it's very JFK conspiracy theory.
Bo: There's a lot of magic bullet shit in there
Bo: and you know Michael Rooker needs to be
Bo: there, being the voice of reason.
Bo: This can't happen.
Chad: Let's talk about this movie because there's
Chad: a lot to say about this.
Chad: So the movie opens up and we get the
Chad: Blumhouse intro showing that panoply of
Chad: horror IPs that they now have their claws
Chad: into.
Chad: The movie opens proper and we see a
Chad: security guard using his fingers to loosen
Chad: some bolts that are holding an air vent
Chad: cover in place.
Chad: Now, bo, I am not trained in HVAC repair.
Chad: This is widely known.
Chad: But let me just say that movies have
Chad: continuously grossly overestimated the size
Chad: of air vents and the ability of people to
Chad: crawl around them.
Bo: We've seen it this season already with
Bo: chopping ball.
Chad: Die Hard, did it proper Now Five Nights at
Chad: Freddy's air.
Chad: Vents are meant to circulate air, not
Chad: people.
Chad: And they also don't serve as, like Super
Chad: Mario Brother, tubes to get you from one
Chad: place to another.
Chad: At best, bo, a small child might be able to
Chad: crawl through an air vent.
Chad: Not one of these porker kids I see riding
Chad: their e-scooters around my neighborhood.
Chad: Maybe one of them, simon Birch-sized kids,
Chad: could crawl around in an air vent.
Bo: Absolutely not a full-sized adult security
Bo: guard Every time I try to squeeze my fat
Bo: ass into an air vent.
Bo: I do, however, make the Super Mario
Bo: Brothers beom, beom, beom noise as if I'm
Bo: going to find myself in a cave full of gems.
Chad: Every time I sit down in a seat in a movie
Chad: theater I'm like whoa, the diet starts
Chad: tomorrow.
Bo: Oh yeah, man, I'm around high school school
Bo: desks all day long.
Bo: Every time I got to cram my fat ass into
Bo: one of those, like, oh geez, this was not
Bo: made for people of my girth and or height.
Chad: Hey, hey, hey.
Chad: I think they sent the middle school desks
Chad: to the high school.
Chad: What's going?
Bo: on here, right?
Bo: Why do you have so much room in your desk
Bo: and mine is so tight?
Bo: Switch desks with me.
Chad: Hey, I think you swapped one out on me, so
Chad: we have to have a touch of suspension, of
Chad: disbelief with this air vent situation,
Chad: which is not my biggest issue with this
Chad: movie because we're about to delve into
Chad: ghost children possessing robots.
Chad: We're far beyond calling shenanigans when
Chad: it comes to real world comparisons to air
Chad: vent sizes.
Chad: I will say my biggest complaint with this
Chad: movie overall is that it creates a world
Chad: propped up by loosely connected plot points
Chad: that fail to deliver a larger, cohesive
Chad: story.
Bo: I don't disagree with that.
Bo: I have a very specific moment in this movie
Bo: where I cry bullshit and the rest of the
Bo: movie doesn't work for me.
Bo: But we'll get to it.
Bo: We're not quite there.
Chad: This movie reminded me of watching improv,
Chad: but without the jokes.
Chad: Every single character in this movie says
Chad: something unexpected and bizarre and the
Chad: other person immediately greets it with a
Chad: yes and there are some conversations
Chad: between the Mike character in Vanessa.
Chad: Yeah.
Bo: That are very much what you're talking
Bo: about.
Chad: Like ghost children, you say and and the
Chad: robots come to life at night and bake
Chad: birthday cakes, because it's your birthday,
Chad: yes, and my grandmother is, yes and it's
Chad: nonsense.
Bo: But to get to this guy in the vent he comes
Bo: out in this storeroom, uh-huh.
Bo: Then we start to.
Bo: One is way through the back halls, because
Bo: the back of Freddie Fosbears pizza
Bo: wonderland is this labyrinth of hallways
Bo: and rooms and it's three times the size of
Bo: the restaurant itself.
Bo: We start seeing all these flashes of pastel
Bo: light and there's music playing that song,
Bo: I hear the secrets that you keep, which is
Bo: the, in quotes, creepy song of the movie we
Bo: see in silhouette a shape somewhere behind
Bo: him, like following him.
Bo: And then he comes to this gated security
Bo: door and can't get it open and it's a real
Bo: hole I can't get out of here.
Bo: And then the camera zooms in on him and he
Bo: turns and screams.
Bo: And this is when he wakes up in that chair
Bo: where he's trying to get the screw off
Bo: Again, another big screw that he's trying
Bo: to free himself with as Chad.
Bo: This animatronic bear mask is being lowered
Bo: onto his face.
Bo: Outwardly it's a stuffed animal bear.
Bo: Inside it is a saw trap of spinning blades
Bo: and saws and stuff.
Bo: Yeah, it's like what on earth was the
Bo: purpose of this other than to destroy a
Bo: human face?
Bo: I guess, I guess that's it.
Bo: And then he tries to get out but fails.
Bo: And then we cut away, of course, because
Bo: the other big problem with this movie I
Bo: understand that this is intended for
Bo: children, but given the subject matter, the
Bo: bloodless nature of it is strike the death
Bo: count is only five, because it's him and
Bo: then our four hooligans.
Bo: The aunt.
Chad: No, we don't know for sure.
Chad: She might just be passed out on the floor
Chad: from a little glug glug, and maybe Matthew
Chad: Lillard, no he signed up for three films.
Bo: God bless him.
Bo: Like I love Matthew Lillard, I think he's
Bo: great Bo.
Chad: this is a Blumhouse production.
Chad: We're going to see five more, five nights
Chad: at Freddy's.
Chad: There's going to be the Chica movie.
Chad: There's going to be the backstory of Foxy.
Chad: There's going to be an animated series.
Chad: They are going to squeeze this for all it's
Chad: worth.
Bo: That's good to hear because that's a bunch
Bo: of movies I don't ever have to see and that
Bo: feels liberating.
Chad: So we cut back to the dining room where we
Chad: get this rejected theme song to Stranger
Chad: Things.
Chad: It's this 80s inspired synthesizer beat
Chad: that would make John Carpenter roll his
Chad: eyes.
Chad: And then the camera pans over to a wall
Chad: covered with children's crayon drawings and
Chad: their kids with all of the characters from
Chad: the Five Nights at Freddy's stage show.
Chad: And then it specifically zeros in on an
Chad: image of a big yellow bunny holding hands
Chad: with a group of kids.
Chad: And then we cut to the opening credits of
Chad: this movie Credits.
Chad: We get a bunch of like eight bit or 16 bit
Chad: video game graphics of the pizza parlor
Chad: with four kids and then, one by one, we see
Chad: the computer graphic version of the yellow
Chad: bunny escort these eight bit kids off to go
Chad: somewhere.
Chad: This is foreshadowing, bo.
Chad: Oh eventually that all the kids are gone
Chad: and it just leaves the yellow bunny with a
Chad: menacing look over his shoulder as the
Chad: movie starts.
Chad: Proper cut to our film's hero, mike.
Chad: He wakes up at 6 am, bo, his alarm clock
Chad: goes off and he's got a cassette tape
Chad: player and he tosses a bottle of pills in
Chad: his drawer.
Chad: Been there, done that and he gets out of
Chad: bed and the camera reveals that there is a
Chad: poster taped to the ceiling above his bed,
Chad: not of a sexy model, but of a forest, and
Chad: in giant letters we read the word Nebraska.
Bo: Man, whatever gets you off.
Bo: What year does this movie take place?
Bo: You took the question out of my mouth.
Bo: I still don't know and I'm surprised when
Bo: things show up in this movie.
Bo: There's a moment later in the film where
Bo: Vanessa says, well, this was big back in
Bo: the 80s.
Bo: And I'm like then, when the fuck is this
Bo: set?
Bo: Because, as you pointed out, he's got the
Bo: 80s style cassette tape player.
Bo: You know that Walkman style of cassette
Bo: tape thing.
Bo: Nobody's got a cell phone in this movie.
Chad: I think Max has one, and it's a flip phone.
Chad: According to the internet which who's ever
Chad: lied on the internet it's supposed to take
Chad: place in the year 2000.
Chad: I got that from the synopsis of the movie
Chad: over on Wikipedia, which is how they start
Chad: the description in the year 2000.
Chad: They didn't talk about that security guard
Chad: that got killed in the opening, because you
Chad: know why, bo, none of that matters.
Chad: Hey, filmmakers, here's a bright idea.
Chad: When you're making a movie is something is
Chad: irrelevant to every character in the film
Chad: and has nothing to do with your overall
Chad: plot, leave it on the cutting room floor.
Chad: It's garbage and a waste of time.
Bo: You know what setting is Chad?
Bo: It's a combination of time and place and I
Bo: know one of those things in this movie.
Bo: I never know the other thing and I'm not
Bo: doing fucking homework to figure it out.
Bo: I hate the fact that all through this week
Bo: I hate this movie so much.
Bo: I hate the fact that from begin season,
Bo: this movie I'm having that thought as soon
Bo: as I saw that tape recorder was like okay,
Bo: so when is this?
Bo: Yeah, it's never answered.
Bo: Chad at no point in the movie does somebody
Bo: say hey, it's the year 2000.
Bo: We don't believe in child ghost
Bo: animatronics like a throwaway line like
Bo: that.
Chad: At least tells me when your movie is set
Chad: while we're on the topic, why does that
Chad: poster say Nebraska?
Chad: Right, this is the only big forest poster
Chad: he could find to look at before he goes to
Chad: sleep.
Bo: Yeah, they only make Nebraska brand forest
Bo: posters.
Chad: Right, because when I think Nebraska, I
Chad: think forests.
Bo: Right, you think forests, obviously the
Bo: mountains, and green beans.
Bo: Those are the things that you associate
Bo: with Nebraska.
Bo: So this asshole, after doing some, you know
Bo: I got to pump myself up pushups because
Bo: he's like five, two and you know he's got
Bo: little person energy when he's just like
Bo: I'm super strong, see, yeah, but you're
Bo: also very compact.
Chad: But he doesn't really do anything overly
Chad: physical in the movie.
Chad: I don't get why we're showing him working
Chad: out to be like oh, that's how he's strong.
Chad: Yes, at best, maybe he opens a jar of
Chad: pickles.
Bo: Well, he beats a shit out of a dad here in
Bo: a minute.
Bo: I guess that's something.
Chad: Yeah, but you get that from just rage.
Chad: A little scrawny person can do that.
Chad: Yeah, get him pissed off enough.
Bo: Yeah, napoleon didn't have to do pushups,
Bo: he just conquered the world.
Bo: So he checks in on his sister, abby.
Bo: His sister.
Bo: You ask, oh yeah, they tell you that
Bo: halfway through the movie and I'm like what?
Chad: Every person who watches this movie
Chad: immediately thinks this is his daughter.
Chad: The other characters in the movie do also.
Chad: I like that the other characters in the
Chad: movie ask questions that we have already
Chad: posed, because they are as confused as we
Chad: are watching it.
Bo: But it would be great if they asked them
Bo: the same time I did, as opposed to, you
Bo: know, 30 minutes later, when I'm like, okay,
Bo: it's gotta be his daughter, right?
Bo: Okay, it's his daughter.
Bo: And now that has like concretized in my
Bo: mind.
Chad: You can do it right here, because Mike
Chad: comes into her room and he says hey, we're
Chad: leaving in five minutes and Abby, who's
Chad: about 10 years old, she says you're being a
Chad: jerk.
Chad: And she tosses a stuffed animal at him.
Chad: You just have micro spawned.
Chad: All sisters think their big brothers are
Chad: jerks and you just put that to rest right
Chad: there.
Bo: This is one of the most poorly written
Bo: movies we have seen in some time and it
Bo: took him forever to get it so wrong.
Chad: So he cut to Mike and he's sitting in the
Chad: food court of a shopping mall where some
Chad: guy who we don't know but don't worry, this
Chad: character is not around for long he is
Chad: reading a book out loud to Mike.
Bo: That Mike has been reading.
Bo: It's Mike's book.
Chad: We see Mike looking at it earlier.
Chad: Yes.
Chad: And I think he's just flipping through,
Chad: looking for the pictures.
Chad: This guy's actually reading it and he's
Chad: like and though the dreamer remains asleep,
Chad: he walks through memory as if experiencing
Chad: it for the first time.
Chad: A new, no longer a passenger, but an active
Chad: participant.
Chad: Huh, is this for real, mike?
Chad: And Mike says some people believe it's real.
Chad: It depends on what you believe, and I
Chad: paused it.
Chad: I was like I got to write that down.
Bo: Yeah, that's just what you can tell
Bo: employees and the like when you give them
Bo: any edict at work.
Bo: Do we have to do this?
Bo: Well, some people believe it's real.
Chad: That's a shitty fortune cookie fortune.
Bo: The kind that you leave on the table.
Bo: You don't even bother to put it in your
Bo: pocket, where it gets washed and disappears.
Bo: There are a couple that you're like oh,
Bo: that's kind of an interesting one, I'll
Bo: keep this.
Bo: You're never going to keep it.
Bo: Yeah, you get what it's like.
Bo: The future is yet to be the past trash.
Bo: I'm just going to leave this on the plate
Bo: of General Sos.
Bo: Let them throw it away.
Bo: Also, chad this whole dream theory,
Bo: business kind of sort of matters.
Bo: But if it weren't in the movie it would not
Bo: change anything substantially.
Bo: How about this we're?
Chad: in a quote unquote horror movie featuring
Chad: people participating in lucid dreaming, and
Chad: this movie also includes the word Freddy's
Chad: right, and I thought it was weird that
Chad: there was the red and green sweater on
Chad: Freddy Fazbear.
Chad: At one point all the ghost kids attacking
Chad: with slashing finger blades or something
Chad: and I was like what are you doing five
Chad: nights at Freddy's?
Bo: I mean you talk about Megan being a movie
Bo: that liberally rips shit off.
Bo: Five nights at Freddy's is honestly it's
Bo: like what if Nightmare on Elm Street met
Bo: Charles Entertainment Chiefs?
Bo: And that's kind of this movie.
Chad: It's like they just opened up the fridge
Chad: looking all the leftovers of other worn out
Chad: franchises and just mix those ingredients
Chad: together and this is what you got.
Chad: Is it edible?
Bo: It won't kill you.
Bo: Yeah, it's the drunk fridge raid of movies
Bo: where you're like you know what?
Bo: I will have that.
Bo: Butterscotch pudding and spaghetti.
Bo: Do they go together?
Bo: Nope, but I'm just hungry enough to eat
Bo: both of them.
Chad: Mike walks over to get some ice cream.
Chad: All the time he's clocking the mall looking
Chad: for suspicious activity and he spots this
Chad: kid just hanging out by himself.
Chad: And this adult comes over and grabs the kid
Chad: by the arm and quickly escorts the kid away,
Chad: somewhat aggressively, and my immediate
Chad: thought is that this is this kid's pissed
Chad: off dad and not a pedophile child murderer.
Bo: Right, because you don't want to make a
Bo: fucking scene.
Bo: You know, I'm not trying to tell pedophiles
Bo: how to do their business, shad but it's not
Bo: going to be this.
Chad: Tommy, get your ass over here.
Chad: You're going to get in the car and you're
Chad: going to shut up.
Bo: That's an angry dad, but Mike who is not
Bo: bothering to flirt with the pretty cute
Bo: pixie-ish ice cream lady who's like you're
Bo: usual, mike the ice cream girl does say
Bo: when are you going to bring your sister by?
Chad: This is the first time that the movie
Chad: attempts to establish Abbey as Mike's
Chad: sister.
Chad: But before we can get into that, mike just
Chad: dashes after this father and son, and here
Chad: is where we for the first time see that
Chad: Mike is wearing a shirt that reads security.
Chad: So I was like, oh, he works at the mall.
Chad: Mm-hmm.
Bo: I also like the fact that he has gone full
Bo: red pill on this.
Bo: Yeah, he's like, oh, and he told me that
Bo: these pedophiles will be grabbing kids left
Bo: and right these malls.
Bo: I got to go get this son of a bitch and
Bo: just goes ballistic, push and pass people
Bo: as he chases this father and his kid.
Bo: When he reaches this father, he launches
Bo: himself like he's a thunder cat at this dad,
Bo: knocking him into a fountain where he
Bo: proceeds to beat the ever living shit out
Bo: of him.
Chad: He goes full sailor Ripley from Wild at
Chad: Heart.
Chad: He turns this guy's head into rotten
Chad: pumpkin mush.
Chad: Yeah, mike's gonna get sued.
Chad: Mike needs to law your up.
Bo: Fast, yeah, cut to Chad.
Bo: The lobby of some job finder, slash, career
Bo: counselor place or something seems like you
Bo: could at least put something on the wall to
Bo: tell us where we are.
Bo: Hey, production design, put a fucking sign
Bo: on the wall.
Bo: How about that time and place?
Bo: That's all a setting is.
Bo: You only have to get two fucking things
Bo: right, and this movie can't do either one.
Bo: God damn it.
Bo: Chad so he gets called into Matthew
Bo: Lillard's office is like oh for Christ's
Bo: thanks God, there's something interesting
Bo: to look at.
Chad: Matthew Lillard has a name plate that reads
Chad: Steve Raglan, for what it's worth.
Chad: Over on IMDB he is listed as Steve Raglan
Chad: slash William Afton.
Chad: Yeah.
Chad: The latter of which being the notorious bad
Chad: guy in the Five Nights at Freddy's canon.
Chad: And we'll get into the convoluted lack of
Chad: logic as to why this sinister mastermind
Chad: behind this movie's paranormal, murderous
Chad: child killing shenanigans, william Afton,
Chad: is working in an unemployment office.
Bo: What Absolute.
Bo: This is the point where, especially
Bo: watching at the second time, I was like
Bo: what in the Everliving hell is this guy
Bo: doing?
Chad: working this job it would be like if jigsaw
Chad: from the saw movies was picking up a few
Chad: hours at the DMV.
Chad: Right leather face is driving a forklift
Chad: over at the Frito Lay warehouse out at the
Chad: industrial park right, is he just laying
Chad: low?
Bo: all I need out of this is at the end, when
Bo: Matthew Lillard is given his big villain
Bo: speech at the end of this spoilers he's the
Bo: villain at the end of this everyone knew
Bo: that going in.
Chad: Right, if you were excited about seeing
Chad: this movie, you knew that going in.
Chad: And I also want to say, if you watch this
Chad: movie and you didn't know that at all, when
Chad: the big reveal happens, it's done in such a
Chad: sloppy way that when he pops off the rabbit
Chad: head, like if you didn't know who Matthew
Chad: Lillard was, I honestly believe when the
Chad: reveal happens, your reaction could have
Chad: been who is this?
Bo: well as a person that enjoys Matthew
Bo: Lillard, especially in that Twin Peaks
Bo: season 3.
Bo: He's so good in that he's a good actor and
Bo: he's kind of an interesting character actor.
Bo: He's got like an interesting face and
Bo: interesting delivery.
Bo: He's not quite crisp and glover weird but
Bo: he's interesting when.
Chad: I think of Matthew Lillard.
Chad: My brain immediately goes to the
Chad: descendants.
Chad: Okay, with George Clooney, because he shows
Chad: up in that and he was really good.
Chad: He's a good actor.
Chad: His role in this is so badly written.
Chad: That's the problem.
Chad: He's having a little fun with it,
Chad: absolutely.
Chad: There's just not much fun to be had.
Bo: It's like here play with this rock right
Bo: okay, but at the end of this movie, if he
Bo: had said something like you know, man, I
Bo: was the planned guidance counselor to this
Bo: stupid job, so I could get new victims.
Bo: Man, anything right, anything.
Bo: It goes back to that Simpsons the Raven bit.
Bo: Hey, lisa, you know what would have been
Bo: scarier than that?
Bo: What?
Bo: Anything and this is that of you know what
Bo: would be better than not talking about any
Bo: of this, discussing it even the littlest
Bo: bit?
Bo: Get, give me some sense of this world and
Bo: these people and this characters, and why
Bo: they're doing the things that they do.
Bo: There is no character motivation, there is
Bo: no setting.
Bo: It drives me up the fucking wall.
Bo: The one thing I do like about this moment,
Bo: though, is when Matthew Lillard is kind of
Bo: going through Mike's file.
Bo: He looks something, goes, say man, what are
Bo: you?
Chad: some kind of head case or something like
Chad: your work history shows you get fired
Chad: almost immediately from every job.
Chad: I assume from beating people up and putting
Chad: them in the hospital man, and, like you're,
Chad: the hero of this movie.
Bo: Strange indeed hey, well, look, I gotta
Bo: tell you, man, your options are kind of
Bo: limited on account of you beating the shit
Bo: out of strangers, man, and Mike's like yeah,
Bo: I need a job, real bad.
Chad: And Matthew Lillard says like I get that,
Chad: mike.
Chad: Hey, on a second, let me take a look at
Chad: your last name.
Chad: I never really took time to like read it
Chad: earlier.
Chad: I got caught up in all the details of your
Chad: latest battery charges.
Chad: Like let's see here, mike shit, like that's
Chad: a surprise.
Chad: Auga.
Chad: Like I do have a job for you.
Chad: It's like working as a security officer,
Chad: Like all you gotta do is keep people out of
Chad: the place overnight.
Chad: Man, Ha ha, ha ha.
Bo: And Mike is like uh, you said I've gotta
Bo: keep people out and also tidy the place up.
Bo: That's two things.
Bo: Hey, that sounds like a joke that could be
Bo: used as a callback later.
Bo: But I can't take this job because it's
Bo: nights and I don't work nights.
Chad: Hey, man, just take my card, you might
Chad: change your mind and Mike heads home and he
Chad: finds a red eviction notice on the door.
Chad: Mm-hmm.
Chad: And he walks inside his home to find Max, a
Chad: young woman in her late teens or early 20s
Chad: on the couch watching the home shopping
Chad: network where they are selling fake diamond
Chad: rings.
Chad: Now, I assumed that this was possibly
Chad: Mike's sister that the ice cream pixie was
Chad: referring to earlier.
Bo: Mm-hmm Could possibly be.
Chad: Josh Hutcherson in this movie was 30 years
Chad: old when it fell and he looks at Abby is 10.
Chad: Mm-hmm.
Chad: And I get that siblings can be 20 years
Chad: apart.
Chad: I understand enough about biology and
Chad: genealogy to grasp that concept.
Chad: However, as we said earlier, this movie
Chad: does not explicitly detail character
Chad: relationships and it is frustrating.
Bo: Also Max, as she's watching this show, like
Bo: you said, could be his sister, his
Bo: girlfriend.
Bo: Any relationship Like we don't understand
Bo: this relationship ever really as watching
Bo: TV she goes.
Chad: I sure wish somebody would buy me a ring.
Bo: Oh so she's his girlfriend, Right, Exactly,
Bo: but that's not what's going on Right, like
Bo: you say that line and what that tells me as
Bo: a viewer of other movies.
Bo: They're dating, she's more serious, but
Bo: Mike is all caught up in his own bullshit
Bo: and hasn't committed to the relationship.
Bo: I understand this relationship.
Bo: I understand these characters.
Bo: Oh wait, that's not what's going on here.
Chad: Oh, so it's just nothing we're going to
Chad: find out later that Max has a boyfriend
Chad: named Jeff, and she's not even interested
Chad: in Mike.
Chad: Right, this line shouldn't be in this movie.
Chad: It's so frustrating Jeff.
Bo: this movie sucks so much.
Chad: Mike goes to Abby's room and Abby's drawing
Chad: pictures with her crayons and Mike says hey,
Chad: abby, tell me about this drawing.
Chad: And Abby says that's you, these are my
Chad: friends.
Chad: And this happy little fellow in the sky is
Chad: the sun.
Chad: Talk about a call back.
Chad: And Mike says that's great, we're going to
Chad: eat now.
Chad: He sits on the bed and Abby says you're
Chad: sitting on my friend, and I'm like, oh so
Chad: she has imaginary friends.
Bo: Also does not matter.
Bo: In the movie Chad Not at all, because at no
Bo: point does he mistake what's going on at
Bo: Freddy's for her having imaginary friends.
Bo: That is never a thing, so why on earth do
Bo: it?
Chad: Yeah, I'll get into it a little bit later,
Chad: but I think that there's a way that you
Chad: could have stitched this together.
Chad: Just no one was paying attention at all.
Chad: So Mike and Abby get into it and it ends
Chad: with Mike breaking some of Abby's crayons
Chad: hey, abs, be glad, that's all he broke.
Chad: And Mike says fine, don't eat dinner.
Chad: But remember, kids, you don't eat dinner,
Chad: Stay the same size forever and don't get to
Chad: ride the adult rides at the amusement park.
Chad: And I was like none of this matters.
Chad: The imaginary friends, the broken crayons,
Chad: the amusement park bribe.
Chad: Abby looks like a kid who has zero interest
Chad: in going to an amusement park.
Bo: If she were drawing pictures of said
Bo: amusement parks, that would be something,
Bo: but none of that.
Bo: Oh Chad, why doesn't?
Chad: anything add up at this movie.
Chad: She tells Mike my friend thinks you're an
Chad: idiot and Mike says oh yeah, I'm real and
Chad: he leaves Uh-huh.
Chad: At this moment I paused and I thought I
Chad: think most ventriloquists had imaginary
Chad: friends as children.
Chad: And I think that Jeff.
Chad: Dunham's childhood, invisible friends were
Chad: all racist, sexist, homophobic nationalists.
Bo: Look ventriloquists, as children have to
Bo: get friends where they can find him, chad,
Bo: in the real world.
Bo: It's going to be a harsh place for
Bo: harvesting that kind of friendship.
Bo: Most of them are going to have to turn to
Bo: the invisible world.
Chad: Later that night, mike, he pops some
Chad: sleeping pills, turns on his cassette tape
Chad: player, pops on his headphones and we hear
Chad: nature noises and he stares up at the visit
Chad: Nebraska for a sign above his bed and he
Chad: drifts off to the land of Nod where that
Chad: night he had a dream.
Chad: He dreamt he was lighter than ether, a
Chad: floating spirit visiting things to come.
Chad: The shades and shadows of the people in his
Chad: life raised their way into his slumber.
Chad: He dreamt that Gale and Evelle had decided
Chad: to return to prison.
Chad: Probably that's just as well.
Chad: He didn't mean to sound superior, they were
Chad: as well a couple of guys, but maybe they
Chad: weren't ready to come out into the real
Chad: world.
Chad: Keep going.
Chad: And then I dreamt on into the future
Chad: farther than I'd ever dreamed before, to a
Chad: Christmas mourn in the Arizona home where
Chad: Nathan Jr was opening a present from a
Chad: kindly couple who preferred to remain
Chad: unknown.
Chad: Oh, it's man.
Chad: Now there's a screenplay that does not have
Chad: a word or a shot out of place.
Chad: You read the screenplay for Raising Arizona.
Chad: It is a blueprint for that movie.
Chad: The exception maybe, like one or two scenes
Chad: that were left on the cutting room floor
Chad: that arguably didn't need to be.
Bo: Yeah, like you said, that is a movie where
Bo: everything has a place and everything has
Bo: setting, tone, characterization.
Bo: It all builds to a thing Story arc,
Bo: resolution, honest to goodness, jokes Like
Bo: I think there are jokes in this movie,
Bo: although I'm not going to swear to that,
Bo: because nothing made me laugh or nothing
Bo: was amusing Our hero, by the way, popping
Bo: pills, because all heroes do that and then
Bo: having this vision where the movie's like,
Bo: hey, as if we weren't enough of a downer of
Bo: a film already and you're already confused
Bo: as to who these people are and what the
Bo: fuck is going on, let's do this weird dream
Bo: flashback where, yes, it's a dream, but
Bo: it's also a thing that totally happened
Bo: where, as a child, mike and his parents are
Bo: out camping, mike is put in charge of
Bo: watching the younger brother, garrett, who
Bo: goes missing, and the only thing you see is
Bo: a car pulling away and Mike screaming after
Bo: it.
Chad: Garrett has also got a red toy airplane in
Chad: his hand.
Bo: Yes, and then he wakes up.
Bo: I mean, that's sort of just.
Bo: We establish the dream because we're going
Bo: to spend an inordinate amount of time in
Bo: this movie, in that dream.
Chad: Also, anytime a kid is put into the back of
Chad: a car and driven away immediately hearkens
Chad: back to Mystic River.
Chad: Yeah.
Chad: Is that my girl in that car?
Chad: There are only a handful of movies that
Chad: I've only seen once that were excellent
Chad: films that I will never, ever watch again.
Chad: Yeah, mystic River is on that list.
Bo: It's a great movie, but it's one and done.
Chad: I've only seen Schindler's list from
Chad: beginning to end once.
Chad: I think I will watch that again at some
Chad: point in my life, but it made such a
Chad: lasting impact that I was like I don't know
Chad: that I can go through that again.
Chad: I agree, I need some time, and watching
Chad: this kid drive off in the woods it's like
Chad: this is horrible.
Bo: Yeah, and then we go to, I guess, a scene
Bo: that's sort of played for last, which is
Bo: Mary Stuart Masterson as the aunt in a
Bo: lawyer's office or social workers office.
Bo: I would never really sure what this
Bo: character is.
Bo: The woman behind the desk.
Chad: Yeah, she's like the principal social
Chad: worker, counselor, something or something
Chad: that has some sort of legal standing or
Chad: something, but anyway.
Bo: So there's Mary Stuart Masterson as the
Bo: aunt, her dumpy lawyer, doug and Mike, yeah,
Bo: and the guidance counselor slash principal,
Bo: slash social worker is apparently
Bo: adjudicating some sort of custody hearing.
Bo: She has no legal authority to do any of
Bo: this?
Chad: Do we know that for sure?
Chad: Good point, mary Stuart Masterson.
Chad: She was almost a member of the brat pack
Chad: you know with, like Robert Downey Jr and
Chad: Demi Moore and that whole cast of the
Chad: breakfast club.
Chad: She did a bunch of work in television later
Chad: in her career.
Bo: Yeah, she's really good in some kind of
Bo: wonderful way.
Chad: She's kind of having fun in this as much as
Chad: possible.
Chad: She looks over at Mike in this setting and
Chad: she's like just look at my nephew.
Chad: It's not even 10 o'clock and he can barely
Chad: keep his eyes open.
Chad: This degenerate is the one they put in
Chad: charge of my mentally ill niece who loves
Chad: to color and talks to imaginary friends,
Chad: and I was like I'm not sure that a kid who
Chad: likes to draw and talks to imaginary
Chad: friends should be tagged as mentally ill,
Chad: Absolutely not.
Bo: She is seemingly a fairly normal child.
Chad: Completely, although I do like it when I
Chad: meet adults that have the audacity to refer
Chad: to a child as an old soul.
Chad: That's totally code, for this kid is a
Chad: weirdo.
Chad: Those kids that walk around wearing shawls
Chad: and reading 19th century poetry and drink
Chad: Earl Grey tea they really get into knitting
Chad: at an early age.
Chad: Like in all of this is self-initiated.
Bo: Yeah, I have a friend of mine whose kid
Bo: ironically plays 80s music on a mandolin
Bo: which.
Bo: I find very entertaining.
Bo: Don't get me wrong.
Bo: I'm not sure how it plays to the larger
Bo: crowd of students around them, but I'm into
Bo: it.
Bo: But yeah, it's that kind of thing of like
Bo: this is an affectation.
Chad: Here's something else that this movie just
Chad: butchers.
Chad: They never explain what happened to Mike's
Chad: parents.
Chad: They touch on it a little bit, one of them
Chad: is dead and then the other one just skips
Chad: tout.
Chad: And the aunt is this?
Chad: The mom sister, the dad sister?
Chad: Just having a line of dialogue, I promised
Chad: my sister I would make sure that their
Chad: youngest was taken care of.
Bo: Something like that, right, just anything
Bo: again, I'm so frustrated by this movie not
Bo: giving you important pieces of information,
Bo: and maybe this is stuff that's addressed in
Bo: the books or the games or something
Bo: surrounding Five Nights at Freddy's.
Chad: I think all of this is new nonsense.
Bo: But it's so poorly constructed Like almost
Bo: feels like it's a concerted effort to
Bo: conceal important pieces of information
Bo: about these characters, like they are going
Bo: out of their way to make it difficult to
Bo: understand what is happening in the
Bo: relationships between people At this point
Bo: the school counselor slash principal lady.
Chad: She says Mary Stuart Masterson, you need to
Chad: calm down.
Chad: And Mary Stuart Masterson says me, calm
Chad: down, I'm not the crazy one.
Chad: Plus, did you hear that Mike over here beat
Chad: up a dad in front of his kid at the mall
Chad: and he got fired from his job?
Chad: What a loser.
Chad: I'm the one who's more responsible to take
Chad: care of that nut job of a weirdo kid
Chad: outside.
Chad: Doug the lawyer hand him the papers and
Chad: then Doug the shlubby lawyer, he hands over
Chad: some official looking papers and shows that
Chad: Mary Stuart Masterson is requesting
Chad: guardianship over Abby.
Chad: Yes, this is where I want to pause for him,
Chad: please, and explain how you could make this
Chad: movie a little better, just with a few
Chad: tweaks.
Chad: Number one you don't have Mike be a dirtbag,
Chad: OK, prone to fits of rage and beating up
Chad: innocent fathers.
Chad: Yeah.
Bo: Yeah.
Chad: In public.
Bo: A heroic character acting heroic would be
Bo: great.
Bo: Yes.
Chad: Right, you can have that same scene.
Chad: Have Mike chase down the father and son and
Chad: confront him verbally, but then realize he
Chad: was in the wrong.
Chad: Ok, you get the same outcome without as
Chad: many bloody knuckles as we see.
Bo: May I tweak that very slightly Please?
Bo: So if he had confronted him and realized
Bo: the father being really angry and saying,
Bo: hey, this is my kid back off, that kind of
Bo: thing.
Bo: If Mike had then said something about you
Bo: need to take care of him I was worried
Bo: because he looked like he was in distress
Bo: and you need to love your son and go for
Bo: the emotional beat there where you
Bo: understand that Mike is kind of wounded and
Bo: is being haunted by this idea that he led
Bo: his brother down.
Bo: And then you got a thing.
Chad: Absolutely.
Chad: I completely agree.
Chad: The scene following that you have Mike go
Chad: see Abby and you have the two of them bond
Chad: with each other.
Chad: You show that they love each other and the
Chad: two are trying to get by the best they can.
Chad: You don't have him be at odds with Abby and
Chad: explain what happened to the mom and the
Chad: dad.
Chad: Here and in each of these cases, mike has
Chad: the best of intentions for other people.
Chad: The kid in the mall, as well as Abby, and
Chad: Mike is someone that we as the audience
Chad: want to root for.
Chad: Then, in this scene with the aunt, we're
Chad: rooting for Mike because you don't want him
Chad: to lose the one family member that he has
Chad: left and that he loves, and you know that
Chad: Abby loves him as well.
Bo: And you've proven that.
Bo: The one character trait that Mike has is he
Bo: wants to protect children.
Bo: Right, and if you give him who doesn't love
Bo: a person who wants to help and save
Bo: children at that point he is, you were
Bo: totally on his side for the entire movie.
Chad: Give him a dog and done deal.
Chad: Pal Right, mike looks at these papers
Chad: requesting guardianship and he says oh,
Chad: what if I don't sign these papers?
Chad: And Mary Stuart Masterson says well then
Chad: we'll see you in court and we'll make sure
Chad: you'll never see our sister again.
Chad: And both this, almost 20 minutes into the
Chad: movie, was the point where I realized
Chad: Abby's his sister.
Chad: And then Mike says you don't even care
Chad: about Abby, you just want that monthly
Chad: check from the state.
Chad: And I was like, wait, that's Mary Stuart
Chad: Masterson's motive, a monthly check from
Chad: the state.
Chad: She's got lawyer money.
Chad: Like, how much is this check?
Chad: If it's that much, why does Mike need a job?
Bo: If Mary Stuart Masterson is in financial
Bo: straits, just stop paying the lawyer and
Bo: that's your money for the month that you
Bo: would get from you know, taking care of the
Bo: child.
Bo: Also way less headaches.
Bo: Not paying a lawyer versus having a child
Bo: in your home.
Chad: The Mary Stuart Masterson and character is
Chad: not needed in this film.
Chad: She is a distracting second tier villain
Chad: with no real purpose other than serving as
Chad: a convoluted on ramp for some other
Chad: characters who we'll talk about in just a
Chad: moment.
Chad: All you have to do in this film is take the
Chad: Mary Stuart Masterson character and go cast
Chad: that social worker lady from the Megan
Chad: movie and have her serve the same purpose
Chad: that she did in the Megan movie,
Chad: essentially coming in saying like hey, Mike,
Chad: if you don't get a job, improve that you
Chad: are providing a stable environment for Abby.
Chad: The state is going to take her, put her in
Chad: a home and you're going to lose your sister.
Chad: Done and done.
Chad: Yes, you don't have to have this Cruella
Chad: DeVille character show up wanting to take
Chad: Abby and strip off her skin to make a coat
Chad: or something.
Bo: Yes, although that would have been much
Bo: better if they'd done that.
Bo: After Doug and Mary Stuart Masterson leave,
Bo: even Mike just turns to the principal slash
Bo: social worker and is like you know, I think
Bo: she's right.
Bo: I suck at this and you're like how am I
Bo: supposed to root for you if you're not
Bo: rooting for yourself?
Chad: He says to this principal lady I'm hardly
Chad: fit to raise a kid.
Chad: I'm prone to fits of rage.
Chad: I take a lot of pills.
Bo: I haven't fed her in two, no three days.
Bo: Dog food is expensive for a kid.
Bo: What the social worker slash principal even
Bo: says, like she has to talk a bit to it.
Bo: Like you know, pictures are very powerful
Bo: for children.
Bo: And guess who's in all of Abby's pictures?
Bo: It's you beating people up and yelling.
Bo: Yeah, I guess you're right that.
Bo: I guess I'm important to her and she's like
Bo: look first things first.
Bo: You need to find a steady job that doesn't
Bo: end with you beating someone up.
Bo: Is there a job that you know of where you
Bo: would be completely alone in an isolated
Bo: environment where you can do almost no
Bo: damage?
Chad: Just a few scenes ago, matthew Lilller gave
Chad: me this, this card with a number on it, and
Chad: he has a job that I could take.
Chad: Maybe I could call him.
Chad: Yes, mike, do that.
Bo: All right, just get him out of my office at
Bo: the school or government building where I
Bo: work.
Chad: So Mike and Abby, they return home and Mike
Chad: picks up the phone and calls Matthew
Chad: Lillard using an old style push button
Chad: phone.
Chad: What?
Bo: year is this?
Bo: I know?
Bo: I swear to God, if somebody on this
Bo: production team was like, no, we want to
Bo: make it timeless, you can go fuck yourself.
Bo: I need to know when this movie is taking
Bo: place, because when you specifically
Bo: reference a time period later, you're like,
Bo: oh, it happened in the 80s.
Bo: Ok, great.
Bo: So when is this?
Bo: Give me some reference for anything?
Chad: Fix up the earpiece and gives the old timey
Chad: phone a crank like Sarah.
Chad: Get me Mount Pilate, yeah.
Bo: Freddy's 467,.
Bo: Please Connecting yes, Lillard here.
Chad: Mike calls Matthew Lillard, says he'll take
Chad: the job and Matthew Lillard then gives us a
Chad: whole bunch of exposition and he says like
Chad: let me give you a little backstory on this
Chad: job.
Chad: Like back in the 80s, man, this place was
Chad: huge with kids, but it's been shut down for
Chad: years.
Chad: Like it's not been given the wrecking ball
Chad: because the owner is a sentimental kind of
Chad: guy.
Chad: I guess he had some troubles with break-ins
Chad: with like drunks and vagrants mostly.
Chad: Like there's a security system with cameras
Chad: inside and out and the electricity is a bit
Chad: iffy.
Chad: If anything happens, man, like flip the
Chad: power breaker in the office and just watch
Chad: the monitors and keep the people out.
Chad: Like it's a piece of cake.
Chad: Man.
Bo: And this is heavily taken from the first
Bo: game, like they're you know, these are the
Bo: instructions given which begs the question
Bo: why don't they ever do the thing that
Bo: happens in the game, which would actually
Bo: work in this movie, where he's watching the
Bo: monitors and seeing these things move
Bo: around, even if it's just for like a night,
Bo: and then you get back to the other story
Bo: that I don't care about.
Chad: Right, but why not do the thing that the
Chad: game is famous for.
Chad: It seems like it lends itself to a
Chad: suspenseful moment of the doors opening and
Chad: closing and the lights going off and on.
Chad: Yeah Well, also, they waver back and forth
Chad: as to whether or not the lumbering robots
Chad: are actual bad guys.
Bo: Right Another problem with this movie am I
Bo: supposed to be sympathetic towards these
Bo: horrifying animatronic monsters or am I
Bo: supposed to think they are horrifying
Bo: animatronic monsters?
Bo: Yes, and the movie never clearly says Not
Bo: at all Up until the end.
Chad: It's either or both and neither, but all of
Chad: that at the same time and at the same time.
Chad: None of that.
Chad: Yes, mike, during all of this exposition he
Chad: approaches the rundown Freddy Fazbear's
Chad: location.
Chad: He goes inside and the place doesn't really
Chad: look too worse for the wear.
Bo: Yeah, it looks like you could do some light
Bo: dusting in this place is ready for business.
Chad: Mike lips on the main power breaker, and
Chad: the front of the place lights up with this
Chad: cartoon sign with the bear on it and all of
Chad: these dancing lights.
Chad: The building now screams come here.
Chad: We're possibly over Right, why on?
Bo: earth.
Bo: Would you have all of this stuff still
Bo: turned on Again, looking at Matthew
Bo: Lillard's end game here, which is I now own
Bo: this building that is kept in working order,
Bo: where I have murdered children.
Bo: Spoilers.
Chad: Years, if not decades ago.
Bo: You're right, and I stopped, which is great,
Bo: sure, but I still might do it occasionally.
Bo: Some light child murder, a hobby, great,
Bo: where you're not doing it as you know, like,
Bo: hey, you want to make something you love
Bo: into something you hate.
Bo: Do it for a job, and Matthew Lillard has
Bo: learned this lesson.
Bo: It's like I can't just kill children all
Bo: the time, because then it becomes work and
Bo: I want to enjoy it.
Chad: You think it's a great idea to go live in
Chad: Las Vegas when you move there and a month
Chad: later you're like this was a mistake.
Bo: Yeah, so he is taking I don't know five
Bo: years, 10 years, 30 years off, whenever
Bo: this is after the 80s.
Chad: Let's also touch on the fact that Matthew
Chad: Lillard was looking at his name and it's
Chad: like oh, you happen to have the last name
Chad: of a kid that I murdered.
Chad: Yes, you should come work as a security
Chad: guard at the place, then gets upset when he
Chad: starts to sniff around and figure things
Chad: out.
Chad: Also, this place is full of robots that are
Chad: haunted with ghost children, that sing
Chad: secrets that you keep by the romantics over
Chad: and over again.
Bo: Yes.
Chad: Alright.
Chad: So Mike's in the back office and there's a
Chad: top load VCR with a tape in it with his
Chad: name on the outside.
Chad: Mike smashes it down and hits play and we
Chad: see this 80s era training video for
Chad: security guards at Freddy Fazbear's and it
Chad: tells you nothing.
Chad: You know she's just like hey welcome for
Chad: being a security guard here.
Chad: The owner of this place had two passions
Chad: family entertainment and free roaming
Chad: robots with lithium batteries to terrify
Chad: adults and children alike.
Chad: And then there's some distortion in the
Chad: video that hints that things are a little
Chad: wonky.
Chad: So Mike naturally smacks the TV, not
Chad: understanding that this is not an issue
Chad: with the monitor.
Chad: It's probably the cassette tape or the
Chad: player itself.
Chad: Mike, you unlikable dummy.
Chad: For some reason other than it was what was
Chad: next in the script, mike goes over and
Chad: opens a locker where we are greeted with a
Chad: failed jump scare including a nine inch
Chad: tall balloon boy figurine.
Chad: It kind of looks like it has one of those
Chad: oversized bobbleheads and the kids holding
Chad: a balloon and wearing a beanie cap, and
Chad: it's not even that creepy of a figurine.
Chad: And it's never explained in the movie
Chad: either.
Chad: It's in the movie a lot, and it's other
Chad: than here's this thing.
Bo: I think it's some kind of collectible from
Bo: the game.
Bo: Maybe maybe it's got to be some kind of nod
Bo: to the games that I just haven't played
Bo: enough to get.
Bo: But again, why on earth fill your movie
Bo: with stuff that is going to make it
Bo: impossible for someone who has not gone
Bo: down the rabbit hole of these games, Like,
Bo: yeah, I mean it was successful and all that,
Bo: but it is just impenetrable to anyone who
Bo: is not already in the world.
Bo: Why do you want to get an increasing share
Bo: of a shrinking market as opposed to make
Bo: this accessible for everyone?
Chad: Put yourself in Mike's shoes.
Chad: You walk over and you open a locker let's
Chad: assume Matthew Lillard said there was a
Chad: security vest for you to wear in a locker
Chad: and you open the locker and you see this
Chad: figurine that's the height of a soft drink,
Chad: can?
Chad: It's not going to scare you?
Bo: No, no, no, no, You're not going to.
Bo: Oh right, you would be like what the fuck
Bo: is this thing?
Chad: I knew a guy who used to go and purchase
Chad: large cardboard cutouts of people and leave
Chad: them at work.
Chad: It was in a restaurant, like in storage
Chad: rooms and in where we kept the liquor, and
Chad: he bought a six foot tall stone cold Steve
Chad: Austin.
Chad: He got a giant cutout of Jim Carrey in the
Chad: mask from an old Hollywood video and he
Chad: would just leave them in there to scare the
Chad: shit out of people when they opened up
Chad: these dark closets and found what they
Chad: initially thought was a human being waiting
Chad: for them Albeit, one of them wearing a
Chad: yellow suit suit and the other one wearing
Chad: tiny little black man panties holding a
Chad: crumpled beer can.
Chad: Uh-huh, but that scared people.
Chad: I get that Sure.
Chad: Oh my God, there's a person here.
Chad: I didn't open a locker and see a precious
Chad: moments figurine in there and shit my pants.
Bo: I like that bit of chaos that your coworker
Bo: was introducing, yeah, but you're right,
Bo: within the context of this movie, this
Bo: doesn't make sense and it's irrelevant and
Bo: unnecessary.
Bo: There's even a post credit stinger with
Bo: this same gag in it and it's like I don't
Bo: get this because there's nothing to get.
Chad: It doesn't make any sense.
Bo: Oh, I hate this so much Shit.
Chad: Mike wanders around the pizzeria and he
Chad: makes his way over to that big wall of
Chad: crayon drawings we saw in the opening
Chad: credits and he goes past the tables in the
Chad: dining room and he hears a kvunk in the
Chad: back and Mike says hello, because it's
Chad: probably one of those drunk vagrants.
Chad: Mm-hmm.
Chad: And Mike pulls back the curtain a bit and
Chad: for the first time, we get to see the
Chad: Freddie Fazbear characters, including
Chad: Freddie Fazbear, chica the chick, bonnie
Chad: the bunny and Foxy the pirate fox.
Chad: There is also a character in Chica's hand
Chad: known as Mr Cupcake.
Chad: Uh-huh.
Chad: Who, as you might guess, is a pink frosted
Chad: cupcake with buck teeth and eyeballs.
Bo: Who plays a larger than necessary role in
Bo: this movie, for it being a movie called
Bo: Five Nights at Freddy's Freddy's is
Bo: surprisingly irrelevant to this movie.
Chad: Right.
Chad: Also, they never explain why this is called
Chad: Five Nights at Freddy's.
Chad: You could have fixed this by having Matthew
Chad: Lillard say here's the job.
Chad: You're going to have a probationary period.
Chad: If you can survive the job for Five Nights,
Chad: I'll hire you full time.
Chad: So, Mike, after getting the lay of the land,
Chad: he goes back to the security room with the
Chad: monitors and he immediately falls asleep.
Bo: Right, there's a point this movie will get
Bo: to, where somebody specifically says just
Bo: stop sleeping at work.
Bo: Cut to him falling asleep at work.
Bo: It's like you suck at this.
Bo: No wonder you can't hold down a job.
Chad: He has two modes it's silence and rage.
Chad: He's from the Al Pacino School of
Chad: Employment.
Bo: The Al Pacino Narcoleptic School of Acty,
Bo: where this Freddy Fosman needs to have a
Bo: flamethrower taken to him.
Chad: Chica Foxy, mr Cupcake, fuck you too.
Bo: Say hello to my little friend.
Chad: All right.
Chad: So Mike falls asleep and he's having his
Chad: dream and it goes through the same motions
Chad: we saw the first time.
Chad: But this time Mike turns around in the
Chad: woods and he is surrounded by five children.
Chad: Anyone choosing to pay close attention to
Chad: this movie might realize that the five kids
Chad: in the woods staring at Mike one of them is
Chad: wearing rabbit ears, one of them has a
Chad: brown shirt, one is dressed in a red shirt,
Chad: one has a flat top hat, like he's on his
Chad: way to Barbershop Quartet rehearsal, and
Chad: one is dressed in a yellow shirt.
Chad: And these kids represent the animatronics
Chad: in the movie.
Chad: But this is not as explicitly spelled out
Chad: as it should be for a movie like this.
Bo: You know, I kind of clocked what was
Bo: happening here, and I don't mind that being
Bo: more subtle, I suppose, because at least
Bo: it's something, it's at least somebody
Bo: caring about what's happening in this movie,
Bo: and I'll give it points for effort here.
Bo: When there are so few moments in this movie
Bo: that speak of we care about this thing and
Bo: want it to be good, and this is one of
Bo: those few moments where like, oh, somebody
Bo: was trying here, that's nice, mike says hey,
Bo: weird kids.
Chad: did you see my brother get abducted by that
Chad: guy in that car that drove away?
Chad: And then all the kids scatter in different
Chad: directions and Mike chases the kid in the
Chad: brown shirt.
Chad: But Mike trips over rock and falls down and
Chad: he wakes up from sleeping on the job.
Chad: So that's night one.
Chad: Mike goes back home where Max the
Chad: babysitter not his girlfriend or his sister
Chad: she's sleeping on the couch and I thought
Chad: how much is he paying her to sleep at his
Chad: house overnight?
Chad: And does this security job pay Mike enough
Chad: money to cover the cost of an overnight
Chad: babysitter?
Bo: Oh wait, chad this is at least answered in
Bo: the script when he says um, I promise I'm
Bo: going to pay you eventually.
Chad: That's not how it works.
Bo: Payment is due upon receipt of services man
Bo: yeah, and then she's like that's okay, mike,
Bo: then she fucks off.
Chad: If you want to make Mike a more likeable
Chad: character you touch on this earlier Just
Chad: make Max his living girlfriend who's trying
Chad: to fix his troubled soul.
Chad: And she's the one like hey, I'll keep an
Chad: eye on Abby, you got this night job, you go
Chad: do what you got to do.
Chad: That'd be great, just do that.
Bo: Yeah, how about anything, anything that
Bo: makes him likeable?
Bo: That'd be great.
Bo: Mike goes to check in on Abby who is still
Bo: asleep.
Bo: Of course she got some of his pills.
Bo: Well, you know, he leaves them in the
Bo: drawer right under his 1980s era Walkman I
Bo: thought you were going to say his pit house
Bo: and hustler magazines.
Bo: That would make him more likeable as a
Bo: character, because at least it would make
Bo: him relatable.
Chad: We've learned when you give a character
Chad: pornography in a movie, that makes them
Chad: likeable at that, and when they pull a
Chad: flask out and kind of give it the, you're
Chad: like, oh, you're a sad character that I'm
Chad: not supposed to empathize with.
Bo: We watch movies very differently.
Bo: Basically, anytime Jeff Bridges pulls out a
Bo: flask in a movie which is about 90% of his
Bo: performances, I am more on board with his
Bo: character.
Chad: You know, a movie that I really disliked
Chad: was something about Mary, and I only found
Chad: one scene in that movie to genuinely make
Chad: me laugh out loud, and it's the scene where
Chad: we first meet Matt Dillon's character as
Chad: the private investigator and he stands up
Chad: from behind his desk and his pants the belt
Chad: is open and they're undone and the zipper
Chad: is down as a characteristic of being a real
Chad: sleazeball.
Bo: This dude was just sitting at work with his
Bo: pants really open because he was stroking
Bo: it at some point.
Chad: Maybe not now, but he was the spectrum of
Chad: what was going on, from anything that was
Chad: more self gratifying to just like I just
Chad: need to air things out a little bit.
Bo: Have you ever been in that position?
Bo: I'm just trying to think of a time where I
Bo: felt like I needed some breeze.
Chad: The place looked like it didn't have very
Chad: good air conditioning.
Chad: I'm trying to give him a bit of it, so
Chad: let's get back to this movie, which is
Chad: arguably worse than something about Mary.
Chad: I would agree with that.
Chad: We got to this diner where Mary Stuart
Chad: Masterson and her sad sack lawyer, doug,
Chad: are there and, shocker of shockers, bo Max,
Chad: the babysitter, is there with her
Chad: aforementioned boyfriend, jeff.
Chad: Now the waiter comes over and Mary Stuart
Chad: Masterson informs the waiter that they are
Chad: not eating, and then there's a little back
Chad: and forth about breakfast being the most
Chad: important meal of the day.
Chad: Now the waiter is played by YouTuber Matt
Chad: Pat, who was the individual that created a
Chad: detailed analysis of video game mythologies,
Chad: including the Five Nights at Freddy's, one
Chad: that I watched, and for those who are in
Chad: the know, this was a huge deal that he had
Chad: a part in this movie.
Chad: All right, tell those kids that you work
Chad: with that.
Chad: Hey, did you see Matt Pat, and that'll
Chad: score you some points.
Chad: They know, I don't care.
Chad: You can pretend like you care.
Bo: Yeah, I blew their minds when I let them
Bo: know I knew what rainbow six siege was.
Bo: I've got all the points I need.
Bo: Right now they're scheming.
Bo: They're in a diner plotting.
Chad: Mary Stuart Masterson berates Max.
Chad: She's like what am I in yet and get an A
Chad: dirt on Mike?
Chad: And she's like, no, he's a pretty good guy.
Chad: She's trying to take care of Abby.
Chad: And then the boyfriend, Jeff, Chimes it hey,
Chad: Mary Stuart Masterson, you need to pay us
Chad: the $200 you owe us.
Chad: And by us I mean Max, because she did all
Chad: the babysitting for no money.
Chad: And this was the one moment in the movie
Chad: that made me laugh.
Chad: Doug the sad sack lawyer says I shouldn't
Chad: be here.
Chad: I shouldn't be hearing any of that, Right.
Bo: And Mary Stuart Masterson kind of sits them
Bo: down, which makes me think that they're in
Bo: some kind of weird sexual relationship
Bo: where she's definitely in charge.
Bo: We definitely watch movies differently.
Bo: So this boyfriend Jeff is like why don't we
Bo: just kill him?
Chad: I like the way you think, but that's a
Chad: little bit too much for right now.
Chad: What's your plan be?
Bo: Doug immediately gets up against like I
Bo: definitely don't need to be here for
Bo: accessory to murder.
Chad: Sit down, dougie, you're not going anywhere.
Chad: Yes, ma'am.
Bo: Yeah, so he sits back down.
Bo: Remember, I want you to wear that skirt
Bo: later.
Chad: Jeff comes in with plan B.
Chad: What if we just go in and toss the place?
Chad: No break in, mess it up, mike gets fired,
Chad: you get Abby.
Chad: It's a plan so stupid Even the laziest of
Chad: screenwriters could think of it and you
Chad: give us $2,000.
Bo: I like it, but how about 1000?
Bo: All right, that seems like more weight.
Bo: And so, anyway, they're off to roll this
Bo: place.
Bo: Cut to Mike on his bed.
Bo: He's jumping on the bed to get the Nebraska
Bo: poster down.
Bo: Abby comes in wearing his best and it's
Bo: like I want to come with you to work.
Bo: And he's like I don't think that's a good
Bo: idea because I got to do a lot of sleep in
Bo: there and I don't have time to watch you
Bo: and sleep.
Bo: And then Max shows up and is like hey,
Bo: don't you have to go to work?
Bo: He's like, yeah, abby's in a real mood.
Bo: So you know, you got your hands full
Bo: tonight and I know I still haven't paid you,
Bo: but I'm gone.
Bo: One day I'll tell you what.
Bo: Let me give you some imaginary bucks 50,
Bo: 100, 150.
Bo: Let's make it a thousand imaginary dollars.
Bo: You can spend these in your dreams.
Chad: So off he goes to work.
Chad: There's a thunderstorm outside for
Chad: atmosphere in the back room.
Chad: He has now placed his visit Nebraska poster
Chad: above the security monitors lightning
Chad: flashes.
Bo: We do get a silhouette of bunny ears as he
Bo: sleeps at the security desk, just to let
Bo: you know that creepy things are afoot.
Bo: Not that you're going to see any of those
Bo: anytime soon, but you know it's nice to let
Bo: you know that somewhere else in the movie a
Bo: movie is happening.
Chad: Mike, of course, is asleep having the same
Chad: dream.
Chad: Those five kids show up.
Chad: Mike asked them hey, don't run.
Chad: And then they run and Mike chases them.
Chad: But this time he decides to chase the kid
Chad: in the orange-ish red shirt because he's a
Chad: little bit of a porker.
Bo: I can catch this one.
Chad: He grabs this kid and the child swipes at
Chad: his arm and the kid screams and his eyes
Chad: are now all black and dripping with goo,
Chad: which you've seen in multiple other movies.
Chad: Mike wakes up and there is a young, blonde
Chad: haired female police officer knocking on
Chad: the door of Freddie Fazbear.
Chad: Now her name is Officer Vanessa.
Chad: When Mike opens the door, she says hey,
Chad: you're bleeding.
Chad: Come on, I know where they keep the first
Chad: aid kits in this place.
Bo: Okay, what.
Chad: Officer Vanessa takes Mike to the back
Chad: office and she gets the bandages and
Chad: Officer Vanessa says I love what you've
Chad: done to the place.
Chad: Say the Nebraska poster with the forest.
Chad: Why Nebraska?
Chad: Never mind, there's no need to answer my
Chad: question.
Chad: Well, she also tells him she is a certified
Chad: EMT.
Bo: Oh yeah, well, that's because everybody is
Bo: everything in this movie.
Bo: You're a principal slash.
Bo: Guidance counselor, slash, attorney.
Bo: You're a cop slash.
Bo: Emt, slash, cpa, slash plot critical
Bo: character, yeah, and she's like hey, have
Bo: you met them yet?
Bo: Then she goes around flipping on lights
Bo: again, letting us know that she has a
Bo: connection to this place far beyond
Bo: anything Mike is even asking about, because
Bo: she knows literally everything, she knows
Bo: where everything is.
Bo: Oh, hey, you got to jiggle this one a
Bo: little bit.
Bo: He's like what?
Bo: And then she casually mentions oh, I'm sure
Bo: you've heard about all the kids that went
Bo: missing too.
Bo: And he's like the kids.
Bo: Mike, you are the worst protagonist in film
Bo: history.
Bo: You don't know shit about shit and have no
Bo: curiosity.
Bo: And then there's just a short, all the
Bo: animatronics go down before they can start
Bo: dancing around and whatnot.
Bo: Also, vanessa, inexplicably, as the music
Bo: starts kicking up, she's like shall we
Bo: dance, mike?
Bo: What is this character?
Bo: What is happening here?
Bo: She is the EMT, slash police officer.
Bo: Slash dance instructor.
Bo: Slash is immediately attracted to this
Bo: loser that she found sleeping on the job
Bo: Like, and she also points out.
Chad: when I was bandaging your arm, your blood
Chad: pressure is elevated and your eyes are
Chad: dilated.
Chad: You're clearly on drugs.
Chad: You haven't shaved in a week.
Chad: You smell bad.
Bo: Here's my number, call me and he is
Bo: neglected to tell her yet about the child
Bo: that he's neglecting at home.
Bo: So he really wants to seal the deal.
Bo: Oh, I also have a sister that I am not
Bo: paying attention to.
Chad: It's also, in my opinion, not strange that
Chad: she knows where things are in this building,
Chad: because I thought she just worked there
Chad: once upon a time.
Chad: It wasn't so suspicious.
Chad: In fact, if you'd been smart, you would
Chad: have said I used to work here, yes.
Chad: And then you're like, oh, that's how she
Chad: knows this stuff.
Chad: And then when you get the wink, wink, big
Chad: reveal at the end, you're like oh she was
Chad: lying.
Bo: Yes, that would be great.
Bo: Any of that would be fine.
Chad: Instead, what you get is nothing, hey
Chad: you're not an official security night sleep
Chad: person.
Chad: And she goes over to the prize drawers and
Chad: she pulls out a Freddie Fazbear security
Chad: badge and pins it onto Mike and she's like
Chad: now you're official, all right.
Chad: So we cut to the next morning and the sun's
Chad: coming up and Mike is locking up the place
Chad: and Officer Vanessa, who is still there,
Chad: yeah, her patrol is apparently this old,
Chad: abandoned building and the surrounding
Chad: parking lot.
Chad: And then she says don't let this place get
Chad: to you, Do your job and you'll be fine.
Bo: What are you again, besides coming in here
Bo: bandaging my arm, kind of flirting with me,
Bo: not answering direct questions, dancing to
Bo: the Romantics secrets that you keep.
Bo: Yeah.
Bo: So after he leaves this Shlub, jeff calls
Bo: Max and is like hey, you need to come join
Bo: me as soon as Mike is home, because we're
Bo: here at Freddy's and we're ready to toss
Bo: this place.
Bo: Yeah, and so they are then joined by some
Bo: old fat dude.
Chad: And some younger guy like these two
Chad: nameless goons.
Bo: Absolutely, and in my notes they were fat
Bo: dude and earphones kid, because those are
Bo: their defining characteristics they don't
Bo: really speak and they don't really have
Bo: names.
Bo: They're just fat dude and earphones kid.
Chad: Yeah, and the fat dude is in his fifties.
Chad: Yeah, he looks like the kind of guy who is
Chad: a mall Santa.
Chad: You're on the fence as to whether or not
Chad: you're going to let your kid go talk to
Chad: this dude.
Chad: Maybe I don't.
Bo: I know he's got a record, but still, the
Bo: line is short and we're here there is a
Bo: dude that showed up in a bunch of 80s
Bo: sitcoms that look exactly like this guy,
Bo: mickey Jones.
Bo: If you look up Mickey Jones, oh yeah, I
Bo: know this guy.
Bo: Yeah, you absolutely know who Mickey Jones
Bo: is.
Bo: If you were to the age him digitally 15 to
Bo: 20 years, it would be this fat guy
Bo: wandering around Freddy's.
Chad: Yeah, I can see that this guy has been in
Chad: everything.
Bo: What?
Bo: How did I miss the fat bearded guy boat on
Bo: this?
Bo: You know, I could have been the one in
Bo: Grizzly Adams in the Legend of Dark
Bo: Mountain, chad that could have been me.
Bo: Or it came from outer space to, or in the
Bo: heat of the night, one episode.
Bo: Or in the Colby's, one episode.
Bo: Or the trucker and star man, any of these
Bo: things that, that could have been me.
Chad: It could have, but it was a real sliding
Chad: door situation.
Chad: Yeah, so they start trashing this place as
Chad: they're smashing up the place, the
Chad: headphones guy ends up in the kitchen and
Chad: something in the refrigerator rumbles, so
Chad: he opens it up, like you do in situations
Chad: like this.
Chad: And he finds Mr Cupcake, the robot with the
Chad: pink icing and the buck teeth and the big
Chad: eyes, headphones, goon turns around and
Chad: then, when he looks back at the fridge, mr
Chad: Cupcake is gone.
Chad: But then, when he returns his gaze back to
Chad: the kitchen, here Chica, the six foot tall
Chad: robot chicken, is holding Mr Cupcake, who
Chad: now has on his angry eyes.
Chad: And Mr Cupcake leaps in the air towards
Chad: this goon, killing him with his big
Chad: chompers.
Chad: I guess, and then the fat hillbilly goon.
Chad: How did this crew get assembled?
Bo: Right, how did they all meet?
Bo: This feels like a real like.
Bo: We were all there for Jan 6th.
Bo: They met at the arraignment when they were
Bo: all in Pelosi's office.
Bo: Were you the one who got her gavel?
Bo: I was man.
Bo: You were my hero.
Bo: Let's go toss up Chuck E Cheese.
Chad: Dude, I want to shake the hand of the man
Chad: who smeared shit down the walls of the
Chad: Capitol.
Chad: Give it here.
Bo: Brother, you're a real patriot.
Bo: I haven't taken a shit in the hollowed
Bo: halls of the seat of our government.
Bo: You ought to be on Mount Rushmore for
Bo: having had the courage to take a shit on
Bo: the desk of the Alexa of the house.
Bo: My hat is off to you, sir, and I tip my
Bo: mullet in your direction.
Chad: Fat bearded guy.
Chad: He's in the main dining room and he hears
Chad: some rumblings in the air ducts that lead
Chad: to the kitchen.
Chad: So he wanders over and he sees Mr Cupcake
Chad: with his mouth around the head of the
Chad: younger goon.
Chad: And then Chica looks over at the bearded
Chad: fat old man and gives him the stink eye.
Chad: So you're like, oh, this guy's in trouble
Chad: Right.
Chad: Then we cut over to Jeff, who is wandering
Chad: around and stealing what he can and
Chad: honestly, this is not a very big restaurant.
Chad: It's not like they're in some haunted house
Chad: with multiple levels, like there's a
Chad: kitchen, the dining room, the game room and
Chad: the stages, there's a storage room in the
Chad: office and a lot of hallways.
Chad: I still don't understand the layout of the
Chad: building.
Chad: Jeff makes his way to the back office and
Chad: he sees the security monitors and hear the
Chad: old fat bearded man.
Chad: He just comes shrieking through the
Chad: restaurant and he hides in a utility closet
Chad: and he reaches up to turn on the light,
Chad: only to find Bonnie, the six foot tall blue
Chad: bunny, in there with him.
Chad: And then outside we hear some thumps and
Chad: rumbles until we see a hand smack on the
Chad: glass and smear the window with blood.
Chad: So I guess Jeff is the only one that's left.
Chad: And then Bonnie walks out of the utility
Chad: closet and Jeff sees the blue bunny.
Chad: Jeff runs back to the office where he looks
Chad: at the monitors and sees Chica and Bonnie
Chad: placing Mr Cupcake in the air vents.
Chad: And then they stare up at the camera like
Chad: you're next bucko.
Chad: And then Jeff hears Mr Cupcake headed his
Chad: way in the vents.
Chad: Jeff holds the air vent great shut by
Chad: leaning back up against it, and then we
Chad: hear a door creak open.
Chad: Jeff peeks outside, then he steps outside
Chad: and then the office door slam shut and we
Chad: hear this sort of signature song.
Chad: It's doom deem, doom, deem doom, deem doom,
Chad: deem, doom, deem doom.
Chad: This was the sound that we heard at the
Chad: beginning with that security guard who got
Chad: his, and then, I think, jeff is attacked by
Chad: Foxy the Fox and then that's pretty much
Chad: the end of this scene.
Bo: Well, Max comes inside to look for him.
Chad: Oh, that's right.
Bo: And then she sees and hears a ghost kid and
Bo: goes in search of him and then finds this
Bo: room of the animatronic parts of all the
Bo: various creatures.
Bo: There is this giant bear standing there,
Bo: and so she looks inside and doesn't see
Bo: anybody there.
Bo: Like gets like a stepladder so she can more
Bo: fully put her head and body into the mouth
Bo: of this thing, and then a hand grabs her
Bo: from within and then she's bitten in half,
Bo: which is maybe the only thing in the movie
Bo: where I was like, say, somebody getting
Bo: bitten in half and seeing their lower half
Bo: hit the ground.
Chad: That's something, but it's all done in
Chad: shadow, yeah, so you don't really see
Chad: anything.
Chad: Me you do, but you don't.
Chad: There's no blood.
Chad: You see her legs kifunk to the ground,
Chad: right.
Chad: That's the majority of the gore and horror
Chad: in this film.
Chad: We really leave that alone until the very
Chad: end of the movie.
Chad: Well, and at the end there's nothing either.
Chad: No, back at Mike and Abby's house.
Chad: Abby's watching some public domain cartoons
Chad: and Mike comes in and says what are you
Chad: drawing there, abby?
Chad: And she ignores him.
Chad: And then Mike says I guess you don't want
Chad: this then and he tosses that toy Freddy
Chad: Fazbear security badge on the table and she
Chad: looks at it and just chunks it off.
Chad: Mike puts it in a drawer that has those
Chad: legal papers he got earlier with his aunt.
Chad: He's like I'm trying to do the best I can
Chad: to make money to get a babysitter to raise
Chad: you.
Chad: Come me some slack.
Chad: And he runs off.
Chad: Then Abby goes to the drawer and opens it
Chad: up and she finds the legal papers.
Chad: Mike walks back in and Abby says why do you
Chad: have these papers?
Chad: I don't want to live with Mary Stuart
Chad: Masterson.
Chad: She was in that female young guns knockoff
Chad: called Bad Girls and since then her
Chad: career's never recovered and she's like
Chad: take your rights.
Chad: Why are you giving me away?
Bo: And then Vanessa inexplicably shows up and
Bo: is like hey, can we talk?
Bo: Because apparently there was a break in at
Bo: Freddy's and I found your prescription
Bo: sleeping pills there which, honestly, if
Bo: the place were really robbed, those things
Bo: would have been gone First thing they would
Bo: have taken.
Chad: Yeah, for sure they would have ignored
Chad: what's on the label and they would have
Chad: been like you know what?
Chad: Prove it.
Chad: Start taking these boys, let's find out if
Chad: they really knock you out.
Chad: During this scene, abby peeks around behind
Chad: Mike and she's like, hi, I'm Abby, the
Chad: normal one in this movie.
Chad: And then officer Vanessa says oh Mike, is
Chad: this your daughter?
Chad: And I was like hey, join the?
Chad: I Just Ask that Same question, club Officer
Chad: Vanessa.
Bo: Where were you 30 minutes ago, officer
Bo: Vanessa?
Bo: Why weren't you interrogating these
Bo: characters then?
Bo: That's what movies like this need is a cop
Bo: to show up and be like no, no, no.
Bo: Before we go any further in this movie, I
Bo: have some questions.
Bo: First of all, how are you related to her?
Bo: Second of all, why can't you hold down a
Bo: job?
Bo: Third of all, what is your job?
Bo: Are you a principal or a social worker?
Bo: Social worker?
Bo: You say okay, well, that makes some sense.
Bo: All right, everybody, carry on with the
Bo: movie.
Bo: Now I need plot cop.
Chad: Mike says she's my sister, abby.
Chad: Go another room and draw pictures of dead
Chad: kids.
Chad: We're going to go have adult talk.
Chad: So these two walk off and they pop a squat
Chad: next to a drainage ditch.
Chad: Mike says I used to have a brother named
Chad: Garrett when I was 12 years old.
Chad: This guy took Garrett when we were out in
Chad: the woods and they never found my brother
Chad: or the guy who took him.
Chad: This guy at the mall.
Chad: He read me a book with no pictures called
Chad: Dream Theory, about how you can't forget
Chad: anything because everything you see is
Chad: stored up in your head like a computer.
Chad: I have dreams to see if I can find who took
Chad: my brother.
Chad: Now you're probably going to say that I'm
Chad: crazy.
Chad: An officer of Vanessa says I'm not going to
Chad: say you're crazy because of that crazy
Chad: thing you just said.
Chad: Your sister seems kind of cool.
Chad: What happened to your parents?
Chad: My mom died and my dad something.
Chad: Or maybe my dad died and my mom something.
Chad: I don't know.
Chad: What are you going to do?
Chad: Seems important, but whatever.
Bo: Then Vanessa is like hey, you can't sleep
Bo: on the job anymore.
Bo: Ok, like I'm going to willingly cover up
Bo: your involvement in this crime.
Bo: I'm going to leave all of this out of the
Bo: official police report and do you a solid
Bo: let's not worry about investigating this
Bo: crime, and I guess you can make the
Bo: argument that she probably knows what
Bo: happened to these people.
Bo: But also, this seems like dirty cop.
Bo: She is living down the street from De Niro
Bo: in Copland if this is her regular routine.
Chad: What?
Chad: Let's assume she is a real cop and this
Chad: isn't just a costume.
Chad: She got it party city.
Bo: Well, I'd be plot cop to show up and ask
Bo: that question.
Bo: Yeah, go ahead.
Chad: Right, and then she's driving around in the
Chad: blues mobile or something like that.
Chad: If she is a real cop, because her patrol is
Chad: Freddy Fazbear's in the parking lot, she
Chad: went inside and found the dead bodies and
Chad: his pill bottle and came back.
Chad: It doesn't square how her character fits
Chad: into the broader narrative that they're
Chad: telling Because she's not on the side of
Chad: William Afton.
Chad: None of this is thought out.
Bo: Yes.
Bo: So if she is covering things up, then why
Bo: leave the bodies around?
Bo: Because at the end of the movie we see all
Bo: the bodies exactly where they were Like.
Bo: If she's trying to cover this up, why leave
Bo: bodies to rot in here?
Chad: None of this fits together.
Chad: It might cause Max to see if she can sleep
Chad: over for another all night babysitting job,
Chad: but remember, max is dead and in two pieces
Chad: minimum.
Chad: So Mike takes Abby to Freddy Fazbear's for
Chad: his work.
Chad: So they go inside and the places in ruins
Chad: from the break in earlier.
Chad: Honestly, that's what this place should
Chad: have looked like when he arrived the first
Chad: time, because vagrants and drunks were in
Chad: there.
Chad: That's what vagrants and drunks do I know
Chad: from firsthand experience.
Chad: I was that vagrant and drunk Mike then
Chad: instead he builds a fort for Abby to sleep
Chad: in and as she does his off, abby says it's
Chad: like camping Mike, without all the child
Chad: abduction.
Chad: Mike goes to the utility closet and he
Chad: finds a small blood smear on the door.
Chad: He's like that's weird.
Chad: I don't remember that, but whatever.
Chad: Then we get another lukewarm jump scare
Chad: from that balloon boy figurine.
Chad: Mike then begins to clean up the place and
Chad: then, after cleaning up, mike goes to start
Chad: his night three of his five nights at
Chad: Freddy's and he puts on his headset and
Chad: listens to his cassette tape of nature
Chad: sounds and of course he falls asleep Right
Chad: After being explicitly told by Vanessa I'm
Chad: going to keep you out of this criminal
Chad: investigation.
Bo: The one thing I need you to do is to keep
Bo: on your toes and not sleep at work.
Bo: All right.
Chad: Also earlier, when they were by the
Chad: drainage ditch, she chunked his
Chad: prescription pills into the swamp water.
Bo: Good, you need to keep this guy on his
Bo: fucking toes.
Chad: So he's asleep.
Chad: Abby is in her tent and she hears a voice
Chad: cry out Abby.
Chad: So she wakes up and wanders through the
Chad: restaurant and makes her way to the dining
Chad: room with a hello, Is anyone there?
Chad: I know you're back there.
Chad: You might as well come out.
Chad: And then we see the eyes of Freddy Fazbear
Chad: light up and this lumbering robot clomp,
Chad: clomp, clomp out onto the stage of the
Chad: pizzeria, Cut to Mike's dream where he sees
Chad: the kid in the brown shirt in the woods.
Chad: And Mike says hey, you're those kids, right,
Chad: the ones who disappeared in the 80s.
Chad: I don't know how it's possible You're here
Chad: in my dream, but I need your help.
Chad: Help me remember who took my brother
Chad: Garrett.
Chad: And this kid stands up and says all right,
Chad: If we show you, what are you going to give
Chad: us?
Chad: And Mike says I'll give you anything.
Chad: And then we hear Abby screaming.
Chad: The boy disappears and on the ground is an
Chad: outline of a giant bunny character.
Chad: Mike wakes up.
Chad: Here's the sister screaming.
Chad: He runs into the dining room and finds all
Chad: four of the robots are now off the stage
Chad: surrounding Abby.
Chad: Mike grabs a chair because rage kicks in.
Chad: And.
Chad: Abby emerges from the circle of robots and
Chad: says they were tickling me so much I
Chad: thought I would die.
Chad: Freddy Fazbear, this is my brother, mike.
Chad: Mike, meet the others.
Chad: Bonnie Foxy and Chica everyone.
Chad: This is Mike and Mike's just freaked out.
Bo: Of course he is.
Bo: It is stunned, shocked.
Bo: Then he's like we got to go home and she's
Bo: like OK, and then draws a picture of a
Bo: heart that she gives to Freddy.
Bo: Then they give her a hug and they just go
Bo: home.
Chad: Freddy Fazbear does give a bit of a
Chad: protective growl toward Mike and that's
Chad: night three in the books.
Chad: Mike doesn't ask any questions, he just
Chad: leaves Back at home, puts Abby to bed.
Chad: Also, I love in movies like this where at
Chad: the beginning we see kids going to school,
Chad: but then later in the movie the filmmakers
Chad: just totally forget that this kid should be
Chad: going to school.
Bo: I had that same thing in my notes of like
Bo: is she being homeschooled at a certain
Bo: point?
Bo: Is Max taking over for this?
Bo: I don't know.
Bo: Mike is looking through all of Abby's
Bo: pictures and puts together, somehow or
Bo: another, making the illogical leap that all
Bo: of these kids that are showing up in his
Bo: dreams, and all these kids that she's
Bo: drawing are the robots, are the spirits of
Bo: those kids.
Chad: It is a leap.
Bo: It's a crazy thing to say and or think he
Bo: just looked at this picture.
Bo: He's like it's them, yeah.
Chad: So a little bit later there's some ominous
Chad: music playing and we cut to Abby eating a
Chad: very crunchy grilled cheese.
Chad: It's the kind of crunch that implies a
Chad: butchered roof of the mouth.
Chad: And Mike's there and he says so, abby,
Chad: let's talk about last night, those machines.
Chad: And Abby interrupts and says my friends.
Chad: And Mike says, yeah, your friends are they?
Chad: And Abby interrupts and says ghosts.
Chad: And I was like that's not the word that
Chad: immediately comes to mind when finishing
Chad: Mike's Senate starter up your friends, are
Chad: they?
Chad: Yes.
Chad: But are they dangerous?
Chad: Are they going to kill me tonight?
Chad: Are they soft because they look soft?
Chad: Are they capable of playing any song other
Chad: than the Romantics' secrets that you keep?
Bo: I would not think.
Bo: Are they ghosts?
Bo: It's a great question and, yeah, she
Bo: quickly volunteers this.
Chad: She says of course they're ghosts.
Chad: How else could they make the robots move?
Chad: These robots have ghosts in them.
Chad: And also, why don't you call them ghost
Chad: bots?
Bo: Ghost bots is a better name for the movie
Bo: in general.
Chad: And their insides would be the poltergears.
Bo: Oh, I like all of this.
Bo: Well, instead of sprockets, they've got
Bo: spookits.
Chad: There you go poltergears and spookits.
Bo: As they're having this awful lunch, he's
Bo: like, hey, do you remember when we had that
Bo: brother one time?
Bo: And she's like, kind of, because I didn't
Bo: exist?
Bo: I don't think, of course she didn't.
Chad: There was no baby at the picnic in his
Chad: dream.
Bo: He's like well, we did, and I think some of
Bo: your ghost bots know something about this.
Bo: She's like, yeah, a boy with blonde hair
Bo: told me about that.
Bo: Oh yeah, what else do you guys talk about?
Bo: Is it dirty?
Bo: No, but we do talk about this yellow rabbit.
Bo: Sometimes they're scared of him.
Chad: Here we are to understand that Abby talks
Chad: to ghosts.
Bo: That's right.
Chad: Like in the sixth sense.
Chad: Yes, and at her house she had an imaginary
Chad: friend.
Chad: Was that imaginary friend a ghost, or was
Chad: that just an imaginary friend?
Bo: I don't know, maybe that's a thing I don't
Bo: know.
Chad: How about this?
Chad: Makers of Five Nights at Freddy's, try this
Chad: one on for Scythe, seeing as you're not
Chad: really following any of the real canon of
Chad: the overly complex and confusing backstory
Chad: of the games.
Chad: Make Abby's imaginary friend the ghost of
Chad: Garrett the dead brother, and you let Abby
Chad: be totally in the dark that they even had a
Chad: brother.
Chad: And then, when it's revealed that Garrett
Chad: is her brother and is talking to her, that
Chad: you're able to kind of leverage this to tie
Chad: it to the other ghost kids to lead them to
Chad: the abductor and the one who killed him.
Chad: But that wouldn't require the pizza
Chad: restaurant robots.
Chad: And that movie is also called the
Chad: Changeling.
Chad: Now that I'm, talking about it.
Bo: Yeah, but it would be something as opposed
Bo: to the nothing that this movie is.
Chad: Have Abby be in the dark, that they ever
Chad: had a brother, that she was born after the
Chad: fact and they say that mom and dad never
Chad: talked about him and have her say, like
Chad: that's the name of my imaginary friend.
Chad: There's the connection.
Chad: Yeah, because Garrett was murdered but he's
Chad: not one of the Five Nights at Freddy's
Chad: ghostbots.
Bo: No, he was just apparently killed.
Bo: He was just a test run For so much of the
Bo: movie being spent talking about this
Bo: missing brother.
Bo: Once you get the reveal of like, oh, this
Bo: person killed the yellow rabbit, killed him,
Bo: and Matthew Lillard is behind it.
Bo: All that's it.
Bo: That's the only information you have.
Bo: Yeah, it stops right there.
Bo: Yeah, and you need more information about
Bo: this.
Bo: What happened to the body?
Bo: And is he one of the toys?
Bo: No, yes, did anyone bother to answer these
Bo: questions?
Chad: How about this?
Chad: You take the brown shirt kid, who's Freddy,
Chad: and cast him as Garrett and that kid gets
Chad: abducted.
Chad: And then every time you see the kids in the
Chad: woods, you only see the four kids and you
Chad: never see the Freddy Fazbear representation.
Chad: And then in the dream it is revealed to
Chad: Mike that Garrett is one of the ghostbots.
Bo: I think that sounds great, or even show him
Bo: in the dream so that when it comes to the
Bo: point where they're asking Mike, what would
Bo: you give up?
Bo: And Garrett himself can say I can live
Bo: again, but you have to trade me for Abby.
Bo: Essentially, Any of that is something other
Bo: than the big fucking nothing that this
Bo: movie gives you in relation, like those
Bo: little things, little changes that don't
Bo: cost you any more money, it's just dialogue
Bo: and it gives you some emotional connection
Bo: and some emotional hook.
Bo: In this movie You're spending a lot of
Bo: money on these animatronics and those look
Bo: pretty good.
Bo: We haven't really talked about those, but
Bo: it looks pretty good.
Bo: Yeah, I agree, all of that is fine, but
Bo: that doesn't mean anything.
Bo: Like we've said it a million times, nobody
Bo: goes home whistling the special effects.
Bo: That's.
Bo: All this movie has to offer is some pretty
Bo: good animatronics.
Bo: The characters are so unbelievably stupid
Bo: and you don't understand anything about
Bo: them.
Bo: Are there relationships to each other that
Bo: it's just confusing.
Bo: This movie is mind-numbingly inconsistent.
Chad: Well, also, once it's revealed that these
Chad: robots are possessed by ghost children, it
Chad: begs the question.
Chad: So ghost children are murdering adults,
Chad: yeah, and then later they kind of brush
Chad: that off like oh no, no, no, no, it was
Chad: William Afton controlling them, so he's the
Chad: real murderer.
Chad: So you can just brush all that aside.
Bo: They can be kids again or whatever, even
Bo: though as soon as their influence was
Bo: broken, they turned around and immediately
Bo: murdered.
Chad: Start Night 4 at Freddy.
Bo: Fazbear, and so Vanessa is looking over all
Bo: these drawings that Abby has done, and
Bo: especially the ones with the yellow rabbit.
Bo: This is before Mike shows up with Abby
Bo: she's already at Freddy's.
Chad: Yeah, but it's a big wall of crayon
Chad: drawings that a bunch of kids had done.
Chad: I don't think these are all Abby's drawings.
Chad: It's like one big refrigerator door covered
Chad: in scribbles that only a parent can love.
Chad: And there's haunting sounds of children
Chad: laughing and the camera focuses on that.
Chad: One photo we saw earlier with the giant
Chad: rabbit holding hands with the kids Right
Chad: and we hear hauntingly we love the yellow
Chad: rabbit Children shouting that out.
Bo: Mike and Abby finally show up and Abby says
Bo: my friends say that Vanessa is nice and
Bo: Vanessa is like oh, you mean the ghost
Bo: children?
Chad: Mike is like wait, what you knew about this
Chad: too, and she says well, I guess you just
Chad: figured it out, that's it, there's no
Chad: further discussion in this movie.
Bo: And she is totally casual about it, about
Bo: souls possessing these robots.
Chad: And then both they do the next logical
Chad: thing you would expect in this movie we get
Chad: a montage of our three human characters
Chad: working with the robots possessed by dead
Chad: ghost children to build an oversized chair
Chad: and blanket fort in the dining room of this
Chad: abandoned pizza restaurant.
Bo: As the song Connection plays.
Chad: Our movie has turned into a fun comedic
Chad: romp of a good time.
Chad: The robots that we just saw stalk and
Chad: brutally murder for Nairdow Wells are now
Chad: doing their best impressions of Harry from
Chad: Harry and the Henderson's, or Sloth from
Chad: the Goonies.
Bo: It's crazy Chad.
Bo: This was another of those scenes of like.
Bo: I have nothing to hold onto here.
Bo: I don't understand why any of these
Bo: characters are behaving like this.
Bo: Mike just saw a bloody handprint on a door
Bo: just a day ago and now that he knows that
Bo: the souls of dead children are operating
Bo: these robots, how on earth are you not
Bo: making that connection?
Chad: Mike whispers to Abby, remember to ask
Chad: these guys about who abducted and probably
Chad: killed our brother.
Chad: I'm gonna go hang out with Officer Vanessa
Chad: in another scene.
Chad: So we cut to the storm of the restaurant
Chad: and Vanessa's looking for tablecloths to
Chad: make a roof for this totally awesome fort
Chad: they just built.
Chad: And Mike says how do you know where they
Chad: keep the tablecloths in this place?
Chad: And again, as I mentioned earlier, I was
Chad: like I just thought she'd work there once
Chad: upon a time.
Chad: And Mike in this back room.
Chad: He looks over and he sees this old
Chad: animatronic robot and Officer Vanessa says
Chad: I wouldn't touch that.
Chad: The insides have a spring lock to protect
Chad: all of the poltergears so a human could
Chad: wear the suit, but they have a spring lock
Chad: inside Watch.
Chad: And she pokes the inside of this busted
Chad: robot abdomen and these springs snap shut
Chad: like a bear trap.
Chad: It's a real flaw of design, if you ask me
Chad: about.
Bo: Another good question of why on earth
Bo: design it like this if people are supposed
Bo: to be inside it.
Bo: It comes up at the end of the movie.
Bo: It's like you built this thing.
Bo: Why are you doing this?
Bo: And Mike is like well, I feel closest to my
Bo: brother here.
Bo: Maybe I can go back in the dream and change
Bo: what happened.
Bo: Hey, who are you really?
Bo: And she says well, I'm just somebody trying
Bo: to help, like when I told you not to fall
Bo: asleep and then you immediately went to
Bo: sleep.
Bo: You should listen to me more.
Bo: Then they just go back to the lobby without
Bo: any further questioning on Mike's part of
Bo: like it seems like you're always avoiding
Bo: my questions when I asked them.
Bo: When they go back to the lobby, they do so
Bo: in time to see Abby about to touch the
Bo: guitar, one of the ghost spots.
Bo: They're like Abby no.
Bo: And as soon as she touches it, like she
Bo: gets a jolt of electricity and blacks out.
Bo: Then eventually it comes to you Like it's
Bo: kind of a non-event other than, I guess, to
Bo: show that these things are still dangerous,
Bo: which we knew because they murder people.
Chad: We got to the parking lot and Mike is there
Chad: with Officer Vanessa.
Chad: She says just go home, mike, and take care
Chad: of Abby.
Chad: To which Mike says what are you so afraid
Chad: of?
Chad: In the storage room?
Chad: You look terrified, officer Vanessa.
Chad: She really escalates things and she says if
Chad: you ever bring Abby back here, I will shoot
Chad: you.
Chad: And I was like holy shit, right, where did
Chad: this come from?
Bo: Yeah, I know I thought the same thing of
Bo: like wow, this really rosinach in terms of
Bo: their interactions with each other.
Chad: Then it's the middle of the night and Mike
Chad: just hops in his car with Abby and leaves
Chad: his shift.
Bo: God damn it, chad.
Bo: This is so stupid.
Bo: And when he gets in the car, abby is like
Bo: why does everyone look at you like they're
Bo: mad at you all the time?
Bo: He's like I know, it's so weird, it's like
Bo: I'm a total shithead.
Chad: Back at the house, Mike picks up the phone
Chad: and he calls someone and says hey, it's
Chad: Mike, I need your help.
Chad: So we cut to the following morning.
Chad: So we've now got four nights.
Chad: Okay.
Chad: And Abby wakes up and she comes into the
Chad: kitchen to find Mary Stuart Masterson
Chad: waiting for her.
Chad: And Abby says what did you do, mike?
Chad: What did you do?
Chad: I hate you, mike.
Chad: And Abby runs to her room and she grabs a
Chad: crayon and starts scribbling over all the
Chad: faces of Mike in her drawings.
Chad: And Mike tells Mary Stuart Masterson when
Chad: she calms down just tell her, I'm sorry.
Chad: So then Mike goes to the pharmacy to get
Chad: some more sleeping pills and his overly
Chad: rude behavior causes the pharmacist to call
Chad: Mike an asshole as Mike leaves.
Chad: Why is Mike such an unlikeable character in
Chad: this?
Bo: movie.
Bo: But he is Like the pharmacist isn't wrong,
Bo: cause the pharmacist is like you know what
Bo: always helps me?
Bo: A glass and more milk.
Bo: And Mike just snatches the drugs out of his
Bo: hand.
Bo: He's like go fuck yourself.
Bo: And that's what the drugist calls him an
Bo: asshole of like.
Bo: I'm with you, man.
Bo: Our main character is a real jerk.
Chad: So Mike heads to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza
Chad: during the day to go to sleep and dream
Chad: about all of the dead children.
Chad: You know he's surrounded by ghost bots,
Chad: right, yeah, right, we don't think twice
Chad: about this.
Chad: But Mike does his off.
Chad: He wakes up in the forest again and he sees
Chad: Garrett there with his mom and dad, but it
Chad: is full size Mike playing the part of Kid
Chad: Mike.
Chad: And then those five ghost kids in the woods.
Chad: They're there and the main blonde kid in
Chad: the brown shirt says you're here to save
Chad: Garrett.
Chad: You can have this dream every night and be
Chad: together with Garrett and your mom and I
Chad: guess that's your dad in exchange for
Chad: something we want Abby.
Chad: And then Mike's dream mom says you know,
Chad: mike, these ghost kids are right.
Chad: Just let Abby go.
Chad: You really weren't the right person to take
Chad: care of her.
Bo: And then ghost dad is like ghost mom's
Bo: right.
Bo: Mike, you're a real piece of shit.
Bo: Have you considered letting somebody else
Bo: take care of her?
Chad: Ghost mom's like you know, mike, you never
Chad: take the plastic off the cheese slices
Chad: before making a grilled cheese sandwich.
Chad: This is important.
Chad: There's no way you can raise a child.
Bo: Also, son, I noticed how you burned that
Bo: toast and still gave it to her anyway.
Bo: You understand that she's got contusions in
Bo: her mouth because of you.
Chad: Mike starts crying and he says, okay, I'll
Chad: do it.
Chad: And then he has a flash of Abby waking up
Chad: and being happy to see him and he's like,
Chad: no wait.
Chad: I mean, no, this is wrong.
Chad: I have my fingers crossed, that doesn't
Chad: count.
Chad: But then everybody disappears Too late.
Chad: Mike, you already said yes, good, going
Chad: jackass.
Chad: Then we see the metallic feet marching
Chad: through the restaurant and they look like
Chad: the OG Terminator a little bit.
Chad: And then we're back in the dream world and
Chad: the ghost kids run past Mike one by one,
Chad: whisking along and slashing him with these
Chad: like razor blade hands, and it's a real
Chad: Freddy Krueger moment.
Bo: Absolutely.
Chad: They're all whispering Abby, abby.
Chad: They're excited to bring her into the ghost
Chad: world.
Bo: So the ghost kids are bad, like they're
Bo: luring a child to her death and he wakes up
Bo: when Mike comes to.
Bo: He's in this chair that we saw at the
Bo: beginning of the movie and as he looks
Bo: around we see Jeff the boyfriend murdered.
Bo: We see earphone kid down there.
Bo: We see the half of Max.
Chad: We do see the security guard from the
Chad: beginning, because his face is all
Chad: butchered up.
Chad: But you can't really see anything.
Bo: And he does manage to get out of this chair
Bo: before he can get the face full of saw
Bo: blades and it runs for the exit but it's
Bo: locked and that is where we see that Foxy
Bo: is coming for him.
Chad: Singing his doom, doom, doom, doom, doom,
Chad: doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom.
Chad: And then there's a rush of the camera, mike
Chad: screams and you're like, oh so Mike's dead
Chad: now too, cause every time this has happened,
Chad: the person on the receiving end of that
Chad: does not live to see another day.
Bo: You would think so.
Bo: But instead we cut to Abby Back at Mike's
Bo: house, Seeing first Freddie and then a
Bo: ghost kid in her house.
Chad: She comes walking out to probably fight
Chad: with Mary Stuart Masterson, and in her home
Chad: is a six foot tall robotic, freddie Fazbear
Chad: and a ghost kid Right.
Bo: How did they get there?
Bo: And that's her question.
Bo: She's like what are you doing here, mary
Bo: Stuart Masterson?
Bo: The only thing we see of her are her legs
Bo: played on the floor.
Bo: She is dead unconscious drunk.
Chad: I figured she just polished off a box of
Chad: sangria and she's sleeping it off.
Bo: And this kid, the ghost kid that inhabits
Bo: Freddie Fazbear, is like hey, Abby, it's
Bo: time to go play.
Bo: And she's like how are we gonna get there?
Bo: And so there's an absolutely hilarious
Bo: scene where they get in a cab and the
Bo: cabbie who doesn't bother to look at who's
Bo: getting in the back of his cab until this
Bo: moment, that's how you get killed, Right?
Bo: So where can I take you?
Bo: What?
Bo: And it's Abby and this animatronic rotting
Bo: monstrosity, and he says boy, I always get
Bo: the weird ones.
Chad: Bum bum.
Chad: And this is another YouTuber, a guy named
Chad: Corey X Kinshin.
Chad: Again, if you know who he is, it's like, oh,
Chad: that's that guy.
Chad: But moving along.
Chad: So we cut to Mike and he's waking up and
Chad: Officer Vanessa is there bandaging up all
Chad: of his wounds from the dream ghost sequence.
Chad: And Mike asks where are we?
Chad: And she says we're at a police supply
Chad: outpost.
Chad: I was like what?
Bo: What kind of gang wars are happening in
Bo: this city?
Bo: What John Carpenter-esque assault on
Bo: precinct 13 kind of world are we in, where
Bo: there are just periodically supply posts
Bo: for the cops and they're never ending war
Bo: against the gangs?
Chad: Mike also says they tried to kill me,
Chad: officer Vanessa.
Chad: But you knew that Max, Herb, jeff, that old
Chad: fat guy, and that other guy.
Chad: You knew about all of this, didn't you?
Chad: But Abby's innocent.
Chad: She doesn't deserve whatever's gonna happen
Chad: to her.
Chad: Abby's in danger.
Chad: And I had a dream and the ghost kids asked
Chad: me to trade Abby to live and have a dream
Chad: forever.
Chad: And I said yes, but then I said no.
Bo: They said no backsees.
Chad: What do they want with my sister, Abby
Chad: Officer Vanessa.
Chad: Officer Vanessa says they just want to make
Chad: her like them.
Chad: What?
Bo: And then we get a cutaway just to let the
Bo: audience know hey, abby is now showing up
Bo: at Freddy's.
Bo: And then we go back to the police supply
Bo: place.
Chad: Officer Vanessa explains the backstory of
Chad: this movie like the day new month of an
Chad: episode of Scooby Do, when all those kids
Chad: went missing.
Chad: Police searched every inch of Freddy
Chad: Fazbear's.
Chad: They never found the children.
Chad: The man who took them was a bad man, a
Chad: cruel, clever man.
Chad: He knew the police would never check one
Chad: place inside the robots, so he hid the dead
Chad: kids bodies inside the robots.
Chad: I know what you're thinking.
Chad: Wouldn't they smell after a while?
Chad: And the answer is yes, it was funky.
Bo: There was a high degree of what people
Bo: often refer to as mung.
Chad: But here's a more disturbing piece of
Chad: screenplay bullshit.
Chad: These kids didn't want to hurt anybody.
Chad: The killer, he's the one who influences
Chad: them somehow or something something.
Chad: Because we can't have a movie where dead
Chad: ghost children are murdering adults dressed
Chad: as giant stuffed animals.
Chad: I tried to warn you in my own way, so
Chad: really this is all your fault, mike, but
Chad: he's going to be coming for you.
Chad: His name is William Afton and he was my
Chad: father.
Chad: What?
Chad: William Afton?
Chad: The murderer of these children and
Chad: presumably Mike's younger brother, was
Chad: Officer Vanessa's dad.
Bo: And she is fully aware of this Right and
Bo: has decided, as an officer of the law, to
Bo: cover it up.
Chad: Yes, and she hands Mike a photo of her as a
Chad: child, with a man in a yellow bunny costume
Chad: and in the picture, officer Vanessa is
Chad: holding the toy plane that Garrett had when
Chad: he was abducted and Mike's like you knew
Chad: about my brother.
Bo: The scene that I want to see more than
Bo: anything, Chad, is her having an adult
Bo: conversation with her father and saying
Bo: like all right, I'm not going to turn you
Bo: in, but you've got a pinky swear, You're
Bo: not going to murder any more children.
Bo: What about on holidays?
Bo: Nope, not even holidays.
Bo: Can I just give myself a little treat for
Bo: Christmas?
Bo: No, especially not around Christmas.
Bo: That is when children experience the most
Bo: joy.
Bo: You are not taking any joy away from any
Bo: more children.
Bo: You get to play with the dead kids you've
Bo: already created, but no more.
Chad: Officer Vanessa tells Mike I didn't know
Chad: about all of this when we first met.
Chad: Sure, you had the same last name as the
Chad: dead kid, but a lot of people have that
Chad: same last name that we don't know.
Chad: And she says the key to defeating the
Chad: robots it's, let me think, electricity.
Chad: Sure, why not?
Chad: Here Take this cattle prod that we use in
Chad: animal control, and here take a taser gun.
Chad: Use that too.
Chad: I'm sure that'll work on them.
Bo: And here's a glass of water.
Bo: Try all of these.
Bo: And here's your sleeping pills back.
Bo: That's just because, if you get in real
Bo: trouble, just take a nap.
Chad: Also, I can't come with you because my
Chad: father's there.
Chad: I won't be any good to you.
Chad: He really messed me up as a kid.
Chad: But you know what?
Chad: Don't worry, I'm going to pull a little
Chad: Scatman Crothers from the Shining.
Chad: I'll show up anyway to save you.
Chad: Okay, wink, wink, get out of here.
Chad: Have fun killing the robots.
Bo: And so at Freddy's, the band starts playing.
Bo: What?
Chad: song, are they?
Bo: Oh, it's the super scary one.
Chad: Chad the romantic secrets that you keep.
Bo: That's right.
Chad: You paid for it, might as well use it.
Bo: Yeah, you paid for the song.
Bo: We're going to play the song off.
Bo: Mike goes and she also tells him here's the
Bo: best way to get inside, go through this
Bo: outside vent and you'll avoid detection.
Bo: Fine, and so he has to sneak in, which he
Bo: does, and he slips past Freddy and Bonnie
Bo: the bunny, who are playing their song.
Chad: Chica and Mr Cupcake escort Abby off to the
Chad: side because they're going to go murder her.
Bo: Yes, and so with his super power, water
Bo: Mike pours some on the stage and then
Bo: shoots the stun gun at the water which
Bo: fries Freddy and Bonnie bunny.
Bo: And so they're all out of commission now,
Bo: did the?
Chad: ghost children go to heaven or hell or
Chad: purgatory, I think they just take a nap.
Bo: And so meanwhile Chica has Abby and this
Bo: porcelain doll thing opens up and it's got
Bo: the.
Bo: It's the one that's got the.
Bo: You know traps that broke the broom earlier.
Bo: Yeah, and it's about to put Abby in there
Bo: and Abby's like why are you trying to hurt
Bo: me?
Bo: And then Mike interrupts and fires a stun
Bo: gun at Chica that fries Chica for a second.
Chad: Down goes Chica, down goes Chica.
Chad: Mike saves Abby and he says Abby, I've been
Chad: stuck in the past.
Chad: I'm going to take care of you from now on.
Chad: And Abby says I love you too, mike.
Chad: And Mike says I didn't say I love you.
Bo: I mean, but thanks.
Bo: That seems real sudden.
Bo: It seems like it's really accelerating our
Bo: relationship in a way that I'm not totally
Bo: comfortable with.
Bo: But all right, I mean I don't not love you.
Bo: Does that work?
Chad: They escape.
Chad: But then Mr Cupcake comes hobbling around,
Chad: or hopping, and latches onto Mike's leg.
Chad: Abby leaves and then we see the ghost boy
Chad: over in the wings of the stage.
Chad: Then Foxy the robot is still wandering
Chad: around somewhere.
Bo: It's actually a pretty good.
Bo: You know, as far as this movie being creepy,
Bo: it rarely is, but seeing this kid standing
Bo: in front of these open black curtains and
Bo: stepping back into the darkness and then
Bo: Foxy's eyes lighting up, it's like oh OK.
Bo: If the rest of this movie had had stuff
Bo: like that, it would have at least been kind
Bo: of spooky.
Chad: Mike grabs a cattle prod and zaps Mr
Chad: Cupcake.
Chad: So Mr Cupcake is gone and then Foxy stalks
Chad: Abby through the game room with a clank,
Chad: clank, clank of his metal feet and his one
Chad: good eye because he's got eye patch,
Chad: because he's a pirate.
Chad: Abby then hides in the plastic ball pit in
Chad: the middle of the game room.
Chad: She's definitely going to emerge with some
Chad: form of hepatitis.
Chad: And then from the shadows a new robot
Chad: appears and it is the giant yellow rabbit
Chad: with a clunk, clunk, clunk and it kind of
Chad: growls.
Chad: So Mike shoots the yellow rabbit with his
Chad: taser, but this rabbit is not fazed.
Chad: By then, as promised, officer Vanessa shows
Chad: up after saying she wouldn't do so, and she
Chad: shoots Foxy with a taser and she saves Abby.
Bo: And then we get our villain speech, where
Bo: this yellow rabbit that's kind of rotting,
Bo: unlike some of the other.
Bo: It's weird because this movie goes between
Bo: these sort of perfect versions of the
Bo: Freddy characters, but also sometimes
Bo: they're rotting, and it's kind of confusing
Bo: as to, ok, do they really look kind of
Bo: gross and rotting, or do they look OK, or
Bo: is this just the perception that Abby and
Bo: Mike have of them, or anyway?
Bo: So but this yellow rabbit, he comes out and
Bo: he's like hey man, I killed your brother
Bo: and now it's my turn to kill you.
Chad: That's symmetry, man, symmetry.
Chad: How does that symmetry?
Chad: There's three siblings, yeah.
Bo: Then he says let's wake up all these kids,
Bo: man, and they can play with you, Mike, and
Bo: so all of the robots that were previously
Bo: stunned start to come back to life.
Chad: Shouldn't his evil villain speech explain
Chad: why he abducted and?
Bo: killed Garrett here.
Bo: I mean, I think it's just for fun.
Bo: He's right, is it that he's just back?
Bo: Yeah, he's just a villain.
Chad: And it's just coincidence that Mike showed
Chad: up to get this job as a night watchman.
Bo: That's the thing he never really says, or
Bo: at least not to the best of my memory.
Bo: He never says like when I saw your last
Bo: name, man, I knew I had to give you this
Bo: job.
Bo: I had to get you here, man.
Bo: It's been a long time since I killed
Bo: anybody and I kind of wanted to.
Bo: He takes off his mask at a certain point,
Bo: revealing surprise, surprise.
Bo: It's Matthew Lillard.
Bo: Vanessa pulls a gun on him and he's like
Bo: you're not going to shoot me, man, and so
Bo: she pops him in the shoulder.
Bo: He's like hey, like ow, and Mike is telling
Bo: Abby like you've got to make a drawing to
Bo: show all the dead kids what really happened
Bo: and show that the yellow rabbit was bad or
Bo: something.
Bo: And you're like, um, I guess that's how
Bo: this movie is going to end.
Chad: Yeah, it's a real Herald in the purple
Chad: crayon.
Chad: Whatever she draws somehow manifests itself
Chad: in the minds of the ghost kids who are
Chad: still in the robots that they've
Chad: decommissioned.
Chad: I don't know.
Chad: So Matthew Lillard, undeterred by the
Chad: gunshots he just received from his daughter
Chad: he just goes full Homer on Bart and just
Chad: starts strangling her.
Bo: Yes, he's like hey, man, I only had two
Bo: jobs for you.
Bo: One was to keep this guy in the dark, the
Bo: other was to kill him if he got too close.
Bo: Man.
Bo: And she says that's two jobs, and then he
Bo: stabs her for making that stupid callback.
Chad: Abby draws a picture real quick that shows
Chad: the yellow rabbit holding a knife and
Chad: killing all the kids and she sticks it on
Chad: the giant refrigerator door.
Chad: Matthew Lillard looks over at the crayon
Chad: drawings and he sees what Abby gribbled out
Chad: in about 30 seconds and he says, like, what
Chad: have you done?
Chad: And then Abby says they can see you now,
Chad: they know what you did.
Bo: And then the robots all start to turn on
Bo: Matthew Lillard and Mike flips the breaker
Bo: yeah, and then they just descend on him.
Bo: All these row of the ghost spots descend on
Bo: the yellow rabbit, and then the suit clamps
Bo: start to dig into his flesh and you're like
Bo: again why on earth put these in the costume
Bo: you yourself are going to be wearing?
Chad: I think that the spring lock component is
Chad: something out of the canon of the games of
Chad: him being in it.
Chad: So that's part of doesn't make it less
Chad: stupid.
Chad: Look, I'm not saying that make it less
Chad: stupid, it's.
Chad: Maybe it's just why it's there.
Chad: And then, before Matthew Lillard, aka
Chad: William Afton, dies, he says like I always
Chad: come back, man, and that's a famous line
Chad: from the game.
Chad: And then he takes the time to put the bunny
Chad: head back on because he's a bit of a drama
Chad: queen, and then Abby says what's happening?
Chad: Asking the same thing that was running
Chad: through my head for an hour and 40 minutes.
Bo: You should be ashamed of yourself for this
Bo: runtime.
Chad: Mike says spring locks.
Chad: And then Mike and Abby drag Officer Vanessa
Chad: out of the restaurant, while the four
Chad: robots drag the yellow rabbit off to the
Chad: back room, probably to sing a rousing
Chad: rendition of the romantic secrets that you
Chad: keep.
Chad: And then we cut to Abby in school.
Chad: She's now thriving.
Chad: Bo and Mike picks her up and they're having
Chad: a little playful back and forth about what
Chad: they're going to have for dinner.
Chad: But they make a quick stop at the hospital
Chad: to see how Officer Vanessa is doing and Bo
Chad: she is lying unconscious in the bed due to
Chad: her stab wounds.
Chad: So either Abby really snapped back to her
Chad: new normal or Officer Vanessa is taking
Chad: forever to recover from her stabbing.
Bo: I think maybe a little of the two combined.
Bo: But again, we don't know time or place in
Bo: this movie, so why on earth bother now?
Chad: Mike just says get better.
Bo: And then he's like we've got a real
Bo: complicated feeling here where, on the one
Bo: hand, you let your homicidal father run
Bo: rampant without punishment for years and
Bo: hid the death of my brother.
Bo: On the other hand, you did save me and Abby.
Bo: So you know, I guess it all evens out here.
Chad: Make sure you call me when you gain
Chad: consciousness.
Chad: We have got to get our story straight.
Bo: Yeah, a lot of questions, because the place
Bo: fell apart kind of, but not really.
Bo: There are probably going to be some
Bo: questions that I have to answer and you
Bo: know when people ask me lots of questions I
Bo: get real confused because of all the pills.
Chad: Also, I need you to testify as a character
Chad: witness in an unrelated court case where
Chad: I'm getting sued for beating up a dad in
Chad: front of his kid.
Bo: Also, there's the untidy matter of a corpse
Bo: found in my living room.
Bo: There are a lot of questions about that
Bo: Also, can we?
Chad: live in your house because I'm being
Chad: evicted from my house.
Chad: I got a big red notice.
Chad: There's no takesies backsies on that.
Chad: Maybe if it was yellow, but definitely not
Chad: red.
Bo: Cut to the teacher.
Bo: You're doing a great job.
Bo: Mike, You're really turning things around.
Chad: So we cut to Mike and Abby.
Chad: They're back at the home.
Chad: Their refrigerator has a new crayon drawing
Chad: on it.
Chad: That's very happy and it involves Mike and
Chad: Officer Vanessa and Abby and the four
Chad: murdering ghostbot children creations.
Chad: And Abby asked Mike, can we visit my
Chad: friends?
Chad: Sometimes Nobody takes care of them now and
Chad: Mike says you know what?
Chad: Abs?
Chad: Nobody knows what will something, something.
Bo: We'll see what the box office does.
Bo: Abby, it is the most cynical ass, andy.
Bo: I hate it.
Bo: So I guess we'll see if this makes money.
Chad: So we zoom out and then we fade back into
Chad: the restaurant where we see the main ghost
Chad: boy with the blonde hair staring at the
Chad: yellow bunny costume, which is just shaking
Chad: and writhing and paying.
Chad: I'm like again how many days have passed?
Chad: Is this Matthew Lillard slash William Afton
Chad: still alive in that costume?
Chad: And then much like Al Pacino and the
Chad: Godfather.
Chad: The ghost boy just closes the door as the
Chad: final scene of this movie.
Bo: You can ask me one question about my ghost
Bo: cake, but only one, just this once.
Bo: Yeah, it's a real nothing of an ending.
Bo: And then there's a post credit scene where
Bo: we cut back to the cab driver, who
Bo: apparently has been sleeping in his cab for
Bo: days and days.
Chad: Apparently.
Chad: That's what people do when they get jobs
Chad: they just go nap oh man.
Bo: If only I'd known that.
Bo: And he wakes up and looks over in the
Bo: passenger seat of the cab and there's the
Bo: balloon statue and he screams.
Bo: And then we get an absolutely intolerable
Bo: Five Nights at Freddy's chiptune song.
Chad: It's by the Living Tombstone.
Chad: It was some famous internet song about Five
Chad: Nights at Freddy's, but terrible, seriously,
Chad: they're going to make no less than four
Chad: more of these there's no doubt it made a
Chad: shit ton of money because people are into
Chad: this franchise, like again.
Bo: It has spawned games and books and internet
Bo: memes and YouTube influencers out the ass
Bo: and it, like it, makes it some money.
Bo: Five Nights at Freddy's is like the 12th
Bo: largest economy in the world and it's one
Bo: of those secret things that if you do not
Bo: know about it then you don't know anything
Bo: about it, but if you are in the know you
Bo: realize like, oh, this thing is shockingly
Bo: big, both among kids.
Chad: After its first two weekends it has made
Chad: over $100 million domestically.
Bo: Yeah, and the budget can't be more than
Bo: what?
Bo: 20?
Bo: I think it was 20.
Bo: So that's I mean again, this thing is going
Bo: to be a jug or not.
Chad: The question is how fast can they get the
Chad: next one out?
Bo: I mean, they filmed this one in earlier
Bo: this year, yeah, and you've already got all
Bo: the animatronics made at this point, like
Bo: you've done the heavy lifting on that
Bo: investment and you've got all your stuff.
Chad: You don't have to spend much time writing a
Chad: screen Right.
Bo: I mean, this was if it was a weekend.
Bo: I'm shocked.
Bo: Like I said, this is truly.
Bo: I know we'll talk about rankings here in a
Bo: minute.
Bo: This is truly one of the shittiest scripts
Bo: that has come across our desks on this show
Bo: in some time.
Bo: It's like man for it being such a
Bo: legitimate cultural thing that nobody gave
Bo: a fuck and that's stunning.
Chad: It feels like a movie that the script
Chad: started one place, then they added the
Chad: sister and then the aunt piece and then
Chad: they got rid of some stuff.
Chad: You know what I mean Like.
Chad: It feels like a screenplay that maybe just
Chad: evolved over time and by the time they got
Chad: something that they felt was ready for
Chad: cameras, it just was this Frankenstein's
Chad: monster of ideas that none of it really
Chad: cohesively ties together, which goes back
Chad: to my original complaint.
Chad: They're just connecting all of these dots
Chad: that don't fully come together.
Chad: Yeah, and it could have been a really fun
Chad: silly movie with more camp and over the top
Chad: horror, but it's dealing with this main
Chad: character and how he is processing grief
Chad: and regret.
Chad: That's no fun.
Bo: Yeah, it's no fun and it's also not well
Bo: realized.
Bo: It's not just that it's not a great time
Bo: for kids, who is your audience, but also
Bo: you're doing it in such a terrible lazy way
Bo: that even if, even if the kids were into it,
Bo: man, then there's nothing there, it's just
Bo: bad writing in bad execution, as God bless
Bo: them.
Bo: The listeners have heard us talking about
Bo: here the amount of bad characterization and
Bo: just a lack of exposition, and I don't need
Bo: somebody to sit down and just tell me what
Bo: the movie is about.
Bo: But it would be nice if they cared enough
Bo: to tell me you know basic facts like
Bo: setting and motivation and things that you
Bo: need to propel a story.
Bo: That is just what narrative is, and you
Bo: can't get around that other than again, I
Bo: guess, to appeal to an audience that is
Bo: built in, who want to see these characters
Bo: that they've been reading about and playing
Bo: games about for a number of years come to
Bo: life on the screen.
Bo: But that's all there is to it.
Bo: If you do not have a connection to Five
Bo: Nights at Freddy's, there is nothing here
Bo: for you as a viewer.
Bo: It's not a real movie.
Chad: All right, it is, it is about that time.
Chad: How, though, would you rank these movies?
Bo: I have to go worse to best.
Chad: All right, we can go worse to best.
Bo: All right, because I think the worst still
Bo: remains hardbeeps.
Bo: For me, hardbeeps was a slog.
Bo: That is a movie that was so hard to get
Bo: through.
Bo: It is so blisteringly unfunny.
Bo: It is just a movie where a bunch of robots
Bo: go wander around in the woods and then go
Bo: back to where they started, and it's
Bo: shocking that.
Bo: That was a movie that ever saw the light of
Bo: day and there's nothing there right in
Bo: front of it on.
Bo: And number five on my list is this movie.
Bo: Five Nights at Freddy's only gets a nudge
Bo: on account of the animatronics being pretty
Bo: good.
Bo: All the puppet work from Jim Henson Studios
Bo: is is pretty cool and the character design
Bo: which comes from the games, but the
Bo: realization of that character design is
Bo: kind of interesting.
Bo: Other than that, there is nothing here.
Bo: This is a real slog of a movie as well.
Bo: Like these bottom two, five Nights at
Bo: Freddy's and Hardbeeps are movies that I
Bo: genuinely regret ever having watched, given
Bo: how little life I have left.
Bo: Okay, then my number four is the Black Hole
Bo: which has some interesting effects work and
Bo: it has Ernest Borkine and that's it.
Bo: That's all that movie has going for it, but
Bo: I do find it kind of creepy.
Bo: And then my top three are all movies I kind
Bo: of like there's.
Bo: Number three is Class of 1999, because it's
Bo: short and ridiculous and we just had a good
Bo: time with that one.
Bo: I like Class of 1999.
Bo: I could watch Class of 1999 again.
Bo: Choppy Mole is the same way.
Bo: Number two for me, choppy Mole, I think, is
Bo: silly and dumb but it's quick and the pace
Bo: is good and I can watch that anytime.
Bo: And my number one is Megan, which, despite
Bo: being a rip off of a bunch of other movies,
Bo: is at least something.
Bo: And we watched the unrated version which
Bo: has a little more blood and a little more
Bo: bite to it than the PG 13 version.
Bo: And I think Megan is fun, I think it has
Bo: something to say and is pretty good at
Bo: saying it, and I think that it's mostly a
Bo: good time.
Chad: Since you went from bottom to top, I'm
Chad: going to go top to bottom, okay.
Chad: My number one was the same as yours, megan.
Chad: I agree that was a movie that I enjoyed
Chad: more than I thought that I would.
Chad: We also have the same number two Chopping
Chad: Mole.
Chad: Chopping Mole is a fantastic throwback to
Chad: terrible 80s slasher.
Chad: We have the same number three Class of 1999.
Chad: Again, a movie that is so ridiculously over
Chad: the top.
Chad: It's short, it's stupid and it's a really
Chad: good time.
Chad: The bottom three is where we differ.
Chad: I'm putting Five Nights at Freddy's as my
Chad: number four, just because the production
Chad: quality was better and it kind of kept me
Chad: guessing, but for all the wrong reasons.
Chad: But I still found the movie to be terribly
Chad: frustrating.
Chad: My five and my six.
Chad: I hate to say that I'm tied with Black Hole
Chad: and Heart Beeps, but if I got to pick one
Chad: over the other I would probably go with the
Chad: Black Hole over Heart Beeps, even though
Chad: during that review I said that the Black
Chad: Hole was worse than Heart Beeps.
Chad: The Black Hole is just completely bonkers
Chad: and misguided.
Chad: There's a lot of really talented people in
Chad: it and it's just.
Chad: It's just such a weird, unsettling movie.
Chad: And, to your point, heart Beeps is just.
Chad: It was terrible.
Chad: It was one of the worst things we've ever
Chad: reviewed and the only reason I might put it
Chad: above the Black Hole is because it was
Chad: shorter.
Bo: Yeah, it somehow felt longer, though for me
Bo: at least, heart Beeps felt.
Bo: I felt every second of that movie waning on
Bo: me like we were on some planet with
Bo: increased gravity, as opposed to the Black
Bo: Hole, which is longer, yes, but it felt
Bo: like stuff was actually going on for the
Bo: most part, and you've got a pretty good
Bo: death with Anthony Perkins, and you know
Bo: it's not a great movie, but it's
Bo: interesting, and Heart Beeps is not.
Bo: But yeah, so, chad, with one season behind
Bo: us, the only question is what's next.
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