The Return of the Prodigal
[...] So he got up and went to his father. But while the son was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion. He ran, threw his arms around his neck, and kissed him.
The Clarity of the Father’s Embrace
Father,
Sorry it took me so long…
So long to see your heart,
so long to see my pride,
so long to hear you calling,
so long to hear my longing.
I longed to run to you,
but thought I was too little too late
and too much too messed up.
I squandered what you freely gave me
searching for love in the arms of lovers,
who wanted me as long I didn’t ask
for real caresses and long love,
for a sincere kiss and a timeless embrace,
for true companionship and not just a hookup.
I longed to run to you,
but was too ashamed to face you.
I couldn’t look into your piercing eyes.
They are too pure for my eyes.
For I’ve seen folly and violence,
I’ve looked at others’ bodies with lust
and others’ things with envy.
Your eyes are too pure for mine;
I couldn’t look up to meet your gaze.
I longed to run to you!
I longed for your embrace!
But my hands were dirty with my sin against you
and my body muddy with the sin against me.
I’ve touched forbidden money and forbidden bodies.
My body knows the violence of abuse
and the inhumanity of unwanted touch.
How could I put these dirty hands around you?
I longed to run to you.
I longed to cling to your neck
and weep on your chest,
but where would I find the courage?
One all too frequent a day
of beers and brutality,
lust and loneliness,
I felt my soul exhausted
and my body tired.
Exhausted of being numb
and tired of the same hustling.
So I ran and I ran,
looking for the One I longed for,
unsure, but hoping I’d be welcomed.
And there you were!
In the middle of the road,
arms open wide
grin on your face,
eyes filled with tears.
I ran into your arms,
expecting to hear,
“What have you done?
Where have you been?”
But all I heard was
“Welcome,
welcome home my child.
I’ve been waiting for you,
longing for your face.
I missed you!”
Here in the safety of your arms
there is light and clarity,
I can breath again,
I can let go,
I can receive love without fees
and acceptance without violence.
Sorry it took me so long
to return to your arms
and tell you I should’ve never left.
Sorry it took me so long
to realize it was your arms I longed for.
I now rest in your embrace
and weep in the arms I longed for,
resting in your peace
and the clarity of your embrace,
still too much too messed up,
but assured of your love,
listening to your gentle whisper,
“You are mine.”
Amen