well
hello all you beautiful people
you know what time it is
[Music]
ladies and gents
guys and dolls and everyone in between
gather round
get you something real nice to sip on
and comfy to slip on
because it's time
for smut club
here's your hosts chelsea and hannah
[Music]
hey everybody and welcome to snap smug
club not snug club
what's a snut hannah
i don't know something between
a snort and a [ __ ] like a snort
a [ __ ] snort
the way a [ __ ] snorts is called a snut
yep
look at that [ __ ] snut
i hated that sentence so much
um but hey y'all welcome to smug club um
where it's a safe space for smuts to
snut
i still hate that scent
so stop saying it i was trying to make
it better you we could have edited all
of that out and in fact we should
we should not
anyway i'm hannah and i'm chelsea
welcome to smut club we're glad you're
here
um
we hope you guys are doing great today
we decided that today we're gonna do a
joint review um i we recently if y'all
remember we did rock by j.a house which
was
a journey um there's really no other way
to describe it it was a journey yep it
was an experience for sure
and so we thought we're masochists we
should do another book by her as well
but to be fair
i really like enjoy the like the dirty
ones is our book for today i
enjoy it
at least more than rock it's it's also a
journey but in a very different way
okay so i just want to point out that
when you say that you enjoy it you said
it as a question
and that is not convincing me that you
did in fact
did i enjoy this book um
honestly i think i did enjoy it but it
was more the look on your face was one
of like really and so that was more
where i was like did i enjoy it and i
miss remembering this because your face
is holding some judgment right now it
was um and as a therapist you should
really know how to school that
um
you're frankly you're not paying me for
my lack of judgment so
well unless i feel like you and i are
the therapists that like we'll sit there
and like we we create a safe
non-judgmental space
um
but we're not afraid to look at someone
and be like
you done [ __ ] up here
go oh honey no
yeah
are you now experiencing the
consequences of your own actions i hate
that that sucks for you it does it does
and that'll be a hundred dollars
well and that is
it ties nicely into the dirty ones as
there are a myriad of consequences for
all kinds of behaviors
you know let's just let's just jump into
this because it's okay
it's a journey so
there's
gonna be a myriad of characters that
that we meet the two main ones you have
connor yep and you have kira correct
why we had to go with two hard c names
is beyond me well kira is spelled with a
k
yeah but it's pronounced with a heart c
pardon me or is conor
that's so debate for another time
we should leave that baby
yeah
yeah and um
i
did not take this book seriously
when i was outlining it in full
disclosure and so when i was outlining
it connor became connie
and kira became kitty cat
i just wrote khan
um
and then i just wrote kira
fair enough so
what i i would love if i just like
hadn't told you their names and then you
didn't remember and then you're like can
you believe what kitty cat did in that
scene
all right so the book the
the book opens
with another book it's like a book
inception yes how would you i'm not
described i'm not launching this one so
so we have our friend connor he is in an
airport
um he is buying some gum or something
and he looks over he's a montreal i
think and he sees two women fighting
over this book
and he sees the cover and it says the
dirty ones and he
flips out
and so they're fighting over the last
copy of this book in the store and so he
pulls out a stupid amount of cash like
over three hundred dollars
and says i have to buy this book
let me take it
and
they're like uh okay crazy
person and so he takes the book and then
he
it's told from his perspective at this
point so he's
kind of thinking i can't believe she did
this
you know but so he's like we are hearing
these thoughts of him like being like i
need to go confront her and i can't
believe she did this but the book was
written anonymously so titled the dirty
ones author anonymous so we don't like
we know he's upset but we don't really
necessarily understand all of the
nuances as to why but he decides he's
going to go confront whoever he assumes
released this book correct this
mysterious woman um it's also revealed
through his internal monologue that he
is running for senate and so
for some reason the consequences of this
book could be far-reaching for him as
he's launching his campaign
so he leaves the airport
rents a car and drives to vermont
to go confront this girl who we then
learn
he hasn't spoken to her in 10 years they
haven't spoken since they were in
college they have completely fallen out
of touch but he's like
this [ __ ] is the one who released the
book i'm going to go confront her
he's like obviously she wrote it because
she writes erotica and trash and so
she's the only one
who could have written this book because
that tracks logically i also just want
to throw out there like in the real
world and
my husband and i's personal lives my
husband knows at least two
grown ass men
who write lesbian erotica
names so just saying like i really feel
like conor's jump in the gun here like
there's other options
okay so
so we now pivot the book is going to go
back and forth between conor's point of
view and kira's point of view um
i guess like it's almost every some
chapters that like you need that
trade-off for
point of view and some you're like let's
just get on with it yeah so we then meet
kira
she lives in an isolated cottage in
vermont yep no self-service no tv no
internet
she has a weather radio yeah she has a
weather radio and just sits alone
in her cottage
and writes really dark
smut
and really dark erotica good for her
not disputing that at all but i'm not
i'm like
because look the whole book she's like i
have so many ideas i couldn't write them
all and i'm like what
oh we'll get there there's so much muddy
emily dickinson situation
i'm just saying like emily dickinson
never left her house and wrote all these
love poems she was agoraphobic yeah you
know i forgot that emily dickinson
honestly gun to my head i would have
said jane austen
and i'm really glad i mean possibly her
too i don't know
maybe her but she's not the one who's
known for it at the very least no she's
not
so
yeah so she lives alone and there's a
storm coming in
so he winds up getting snowed in at her
house he says that she needs to come to
new york with him it's like stomping
through her house figure out the book
right trying to pack her stuff and she's
like how about you simmer down because
we can't leave here because of this
winter storm
well and we also find out there was a
group of them in college we don't know
all of their names yet but we know there
was a group of them that were all
together so
connor shows up and it's like i can't
believe you'd write this book
and she's like
did you ask the other girls if they
wrote the book he's like well you are
the one who writes erotica she's like
plot twist all the girls in this group
write erotica [ __ ] they just use pen
names
like my husband's friends
exactly
um so
yeah my notes say some weird cult thing
question mark cause we really we don't
know like most of this book you are kept
in the dark
on a lot of stuff and like pieces just
aren't fully aligning right um there are
implications of a lot of group sex
yep um and then she well real fast this
was a whole group from college yes and
it's worth noting that
she was a scholarship student she was
where it's like a super prestigious
they're like it's like 60k a year they
mentioned that at least five times i was
like we get it it was 60k a year to go
to this school but like her grandma had
applied for a scholarship like kira's
grandma applied for a scholarship the
day kiro was born and apparently kira's
entire
lineage has also attended the school on
scholarship right so some kind of legacy
scholarship thing
um and then
i guess
i guess kara decides to take a shower or
something but somewhere in my notes it
says apparently she got shot for him at
some point when they were in college
together but there's no context for it
he just sees the scar and is like
has some kind of moment about it
um
and there's a lot of implication that
there's this secret organization that is
controlling them also real fast don't
forget that before kiara decided to take
a shower
they had to go down to connor's car to
get his bag but that was also the only
place where he had phone service so he
while they were down there with phone
service he calls one of the other guys
who had been in this group and is like
what the [ __ ] did you see that this book
came out
and they're also when like they go to
the car because apparently because she
lives in an isolated cabin it's a little
bit of a walk from her house but she's
like i'll go with you buddy system in
this book they mentioned the buddy
system if you made a drinking game out
of how many times this book mentions the
buddy system
yeah
yeah it'd be a successful drinking game
it's really what it comes down
then my notes just say pizza rolls if
i'm remembering correctly
they decide they need to eat all she has
is pizza rolls and there there's a lot
of detail about these pizza rolls and
for some reason that really stuck with
me
like
he's he's making he's organizing them on
the cookie cheek like yeah yeah and then
it's like
like so descriptive of like taking a
bite of the pizza roll i'm like okay
jesus christ like we've all had a pizza
roll
like everybody has been high at some
point in college and eaten a pizza roll
we understand the experience not just
college
i was trying to be discreet you're like
no chelsea this book is all predicated
on what happened in college for them so
that's what we're focusing on for all of
us too
no one has ever smoked in wheat outside
smoking i
we're doing really well with our words
today and i feel like it goes well
i also promise neither of us were
smoking
we weren't
even drinking no we sat down with wine i
had my first sip after we hit record so
there's no excuses this is just who we
are yeah i can accept that
so
so they eat pizza rolls is the moral of
the story and then
and while they're eating they're like
kind of talking about some stuff from
college and like kyra asks how like one
of the girls emily like asks about her
and
then we learn something happened with
emily when they were in college and
emily
is in the hospital
we then after like she asked we do learn
emily was the one who shot kira correct
yeah and so we have no context for this
we just know there was this like secret
group they were in in college kira was
shot
not shot and at some point
not to be confused with schaden yes yes
was um and emily had been aiming for
connor and kira like jumped in the way
right because she's in love with him
um
and so
then i guess they decide to go to sleep
connor sleeps on the couch
but he wakes up at some point and
um
goes to her room
and he's like
seems like she is having a sex dream
probably about me based on my
observation of her sleeping right now
so
i'm just gonna go ahead and get in bed
with her and [ __ ] her
which
i just
i
um
well when he couldn't sleep on the couch
he picked up one of her erotic novels
and then he's like maybe this is some
dark [ __ ] but like maybe it does it for
me and then he's like i guess i should
go check on her while she sleeps and
she's sleeping sleeping with the door
open because buddy system you're like
that's i don't think that's the buddy
system i think she's just lived alone
forever and is minding her own business
right um
pivot real fast oh dear
girl what
um do you remember that disney movie
heavyweights
yes
all i could think of this entire book
was like when one of the hot guys who
comes in on like the on ben stiller's
team is hitting on one of the original
camp counselors and she's like shouldn't
you be watching the kids while they're
in the water he's like i have them on
the body system because he has that like
thick accent and then he just like
starts shouting like buddy
and all the kids shout back buddy and
he's like yeah see they're fine and
that's what i thought of this entire
book
thank you for
the look on hannah's face is
both amused and
and bemused
i'm amused and bemused over here yep
that's me
so anyway they bang that's literally
what it says my notes yeah i put
honestly mine says connor can't sleep
picks up one of her books gets aroused
they bone
go to sleep
and then they wake up to banging on the
door where a plow has come through
and has cleaned the streets and then
left this like
very fancy
letter yeah that's delivered that just
says be there soon and then connor goes
and is like here like who the [ __ ] sent
you this and is like super jealous and
you're like yeah bro you haven't spoken
to the girl in 10 years mind your
business yes and the snowplow guy is
like i literally am just trying to plow
[ __ ] and deliver this letter so
i'm gonna go
um and so um
kara is like
amused that he's jealous she's like
well maybe you shouldn't have been such
a little [ __ ] and disappeared you know
um which i can appreciate this is not
the consequences of your own action well
well well
so then um hayes who is another member
of this mysterious group who for some
unknown reason in my notes i called
hazel
shows up
and is like we have to go to new york
so he takes them to his mansion well
he's like the whole all of us yeah the
whole group from college we're all
getting together at my place in new york
to figure out what the [ __ ] we're gonna
do
about this book and figure out the game
plan i have my
helicopter here so hop in my helicopter
guys
we're all gonna go on this journey
together yes and it turns out that the
note from snow plow guy was from hayes
um and he has been in contact with kira
for all these years um
so conor then realizes he is the only
member of the dirty ones who did not
keep up with kira literally everybody
else has been in contact with her
has talked to her online yeah like
everyone's with her friends and he's and
he comes in he's like
what do you even know about her these
days and they're like a lot man we've
been friends for 10 years she's like
what do you mean you've been friends for
days like what
um so like connor and hayes are having
this conversation on the helicopter
while kyra is sleeping where connor's
putting together that may be like he's
the shitty one who dropped the ball all
this time i don't know my words not the
authors but still
they get to the mansion
and everyone is already there and i go
up to the third floor library
it's in the mansion there are 97 rooms
that is also mentioned
several times through the book including
all of the originals are there including
emily yeah the one who shot kira and we
also do find out that when emily shot
kira emily then has been in a psych ward
for the last 10 years
and a new girl came in named louise yes
louise is not present although i do just
want to tell you i don't know what was
happening when i was outlining this book
but here here's the note i have about
this the other dirty ones are there
including the nutter butter who shot
kitty cat she's been in the loony bin
since then
that's what my note says about this
interchange
so honestly i want you
to try and re-review this book in like
six months without rereading it just
going off of
the notes
that you wrote but yes so but like
emily's there with like guards and a
doctor and like she like grabs kyra and
is like i have a present for you yeah
she keeps saying i have gifts for you i
have gifts for you which is not what you
want to hear from someone who's been in
a psych ward that long because
you're really only gonna get one of two
gifts from that right like macaroni art
of some kind
or
some kind of like
murder plot
like those i feel like there's no in
between you get macaroni art or murder
i feel like those are literally the only
options from somebody who's been in a
psych ward for that long because what is
she going to give them but it turns out
it is neither macaroni art nor a murder
plot at least not yet
it is a notebook that has their story in
it
um
and then my note says nutter butter runs
out and disappears so emily
escapes the room and because this
mansion has 97 rooms they can't [ __ ]
find her
in the house like literally the notes i
have say emily has guards and a doctor
she refuses to leave saying she has
presents for them call on the inside
line the present has been delivered
emily is gone
like that's really how it feels like it
happens in the book yeah she just like
disappears and then like throughout the
whole time they're in this mansion
they'll mention like and we heard
the running of feet outside the room and
hit her pattern pitter patter and then
then people chasing them like yes they
haven't found her yet
and they keep going and they're all just
in this room
and
once emily's gone hayes locks all of the
original dirty ones in the library so
that they will be safe there
and so now they're all arguing about
what to do next camille who is another
one of the dirty ones is super drunk and
is not helpful in this interchange
at all she's a [ __ ]
i like i love her because she could not
stop making references to clue
she's like she just kept being like
i guess it was a pretty emily in the
library with the candlestick right and
then when they're like they're the
conservatory later she's like are you
sure we're not in clue
she's like i called dibs on professor
plum
like outside of her clue jokes
i didn't really kind of the worst she's
really the worst i did not need her i
enjoyed her antics um and also the fact
that you don't need her will become
relevant again later oh um sorry damn
sorry so what they decided like cool
well we need to just start reading the
dirty ones out loud let's read let's
read the book let's see what the actual
story is that's listed here
and then conor was always apparently
the
rita louder of the group yes like
they're like they make reference several
times to him
always like reading books out loud to
kira and sophia yeah who was another one
who is also there who we will meet so
i'll just just to recap who all is in
the room because we've said all of the
names already we've got
connor
kira camille
hayes
bennett and sophia
and then emily's on the run somewhere in
the mansion yes and louise is not there
with them louise apparently
at this point we are told she still
lives at her parents house
and like
while hayes has tried to maintain
relationships with everyone else like
emily you're not emily louise doesn't
[ __ ] with everyone right
and so
connor does not want to read this book
but everybody kind of agrees that he
should so he starts reading it aloud
there's information in the book about
their instructions
to have sex with each other
and for kira to essentially document
their sex acts so she has to sit there
and watch all of them bang and then
write it down
because she was the scholarship student
apparently
yeah and it turns out that her she comes
from a long long line of erotica authors
so it all makes sense oh what was her
mom's book i don't remember
the seduction of sadie no jesus mary
joseph i would read that
you really would
i one of my favorite things is whenever
i open goodreads without fail at the top
of my notifications list or like like
the thread in the feed there's always
what hannah's reading and i'm always
like
i don't know if i want to read
like i'm always like i hope she doesn't
text me asking if we can review that for
the podcast because that one looks
like a very specific type of journey i
don't know if i want to go on today
which is totally fair
it's totally fair so or the other thing
that i see is that like all have like
recommended a book series to you and
i've read like the first like two or
three and i'm like all right i'm out
like i get the gist it's becoming
redundant and then i'll see your post
and it's like hannah's on book 11 in
this series
uh-huh
uh-huh and i'm like well at least you
can give me the updates for it i can let
you know if you should continue or not
perfect so sorry i sidetracked us connor
starts reading this book and then
bennett really is like fixated on like
kira being the author so like
everything connor's reading like bennett
kind of keeps interrupting and like
grilling kira about like why she wrote
it also in the book that none of them
are actually listed
by name they're all listed by initials
yes and so the opening of the book is a
lot of description about the tower that
they were in
that they met in and that does become
relevant later
um but
um
so as they're reading they find out that
emily was told that she could get out of
this
this group
if she shot connor
and so that's why
she showed up
to shoot connor and then kyra got in the
way well
there's also the added feature
future
added feature
so
um
hayes and kira had found a gun with
instructions to shoot emily and they
were like this is weird we're not gonna
do this then when they go find emily
emily also has a gun and has been
instructed to shoot connor yeah
apparently pulls the trigger
kira jumps in front of him saves the day
i.e the bullet wound in her shoulder yes
and then they continue reading and they
find out so apparently
kyra connor and sophia were
in a throuple situation
um
and they find out that
the reason for that was because sophia
was told that if she didn't get kira to
join her and conor
in their sex acts that um kira would be
killed
so and then we also find out that
bennett was and like discloses that he
was instructed to rape camille yeah so
like we kind of go like we still don't
really know what the [ __ ] is happening
with the original book where it is
suddenly like getting all of these
pieces of like they were all instructed
to like do some pretty atrocious things
that none of them were on board with
right um but kira is like real upset
because she thought the thrupple was
real between them so she feels very very
betrayed
um
connor stops reading sophia gets up to
go to the bathroom
and kind of does
a weird like wink nod thing for kiera to
co go with her and they fight and sophia
says that she um has always loved kira
and based all of her
erotica characters on kira because she's
been
like she was in love with her basically
um
and so then conor comes in
and my notes just say
connie comes in they all bang kitty
narrates awkward
minor thought mine says
so sophia and kira clear the air connor
comes in announces he wants kira
sophia's upset connor gives her a hug
she kisses him sophia and conor bone
while kieran narrates and just like
it's like whispering dirty things in
connor's ear like yeah as if it were
like a scene in one of her
erotica novels and kind of like how
she's narrating this yeah she's she's
all like look how wet she is for you
connor she's such a little [ __ ] for your
dick and it's like jesus mary what
we go from six to midnight so quickly
throughout this book where you're like
oh but like with everything in this book
you just kind of accept it as you're
going like you're like this may as well
happen why not and then you move on
so here is narrating the sex apparently
everyone hears yeah everyone hears and
then hayes confronts conor and then like
and says like here is not your future
don't do this and you're like
what well he's like you're set on
becoming president man that's why you're
starting to run for senate
let your father
they're never gonna let you
marry or be with an erotica author if
this is what you want so you need to
stop leading her on because that's
[ __ ]
um which is very nice that he is like
standing up for her in a way
i can appreciate it great reframe thank
you
so then they all go down to dinner
and camille is still very drunk
and yeah the clue jokes have now just
switched to the whodunit and
the dining room also emily's still on
the loose yeah they've read this book or
not the whole book they've read like the
first chapter they have accused each
other there's been a sex scene
and emily's still just like
wandering this house yeah she's just
doing her thing and then there's some
weird vibes between hayes and kira
that connor picks up on they're like
cutting eyes at each other and like he
is not he he is upset about it
um yeah connor i don't
he's an [ __ ] i was gonna say he's
here [ __ ] and he's like his first
thought when the book comes out i need
to go like confront this [ __ ] because i
can't believe she dropped this book and
then he goes and he's like i'm gonna
bone this [ __ ] instead
and then he find he's like wait all of
you been friends with her this whole
time yeah and then he's weirdly jealous
of his friend and the mystery note
writer and all that he's like all upset
and it's like dude
you have less than no right
it's true also they're bringing dogs in
to look for emily oh i forgot about my
dog they're like we're bringing the dogs
in i was like this is the most over the
top
[ __ ] and i'm here for it so but they
forgot to bring a copy of the book down
to the dining room with them but then
i think it's hayes it's like we don't
need the book we have kira and she
remembers the truth and like documented
all of it so
we have kira
um and so he's like can you continue the
story
and then haze and kira talk about the
first night they met louise and hayes is
like
we killed someone together
yep and then bennett is like everybody
shut up
and give me a dollar because he's an
attorney
he's a lawyer it wasn't a weird stripper
thing he's a lawyer so he's like
everybody shut up stop talking
give me some money i'm now your attorney
um
so that way you know all the privilege
or whatever and then he's like you know
what i think that camille and i are just
gonna go because at this point camille
is three and a half sheets to the wind
and he's like we just i'm like benedict
we have to go meet his dad and
they're like you're a grown man and he's
like you know how my dad is i'm bringing
camille with me because
buddy system
buddy
yep
um so let's not forget the flashback
because they're like weak like haze and
cure like we killed someone that first
night and then we do have like a we go
back to the scene where
hazing here are at the tower louise
shows up like dressed very nicely and
heals and then it's like all right i was
given instructions we have to kill
someone it's a man in the basement
and then they're like kill him no
and then they they do yeah they kill him
and then they discover that there's a
tunnel from the tower to a cemetery yep
and so they bury him and that's their
first night
so so the way that it's structured they
are paired off basically um and so then
each saturday one pair has to go to the
tower to receive instructions
kira has to be there every saturday to
document and so this was
hayes and
louise's first night
and so in case it wasn't obvious already
um
it was haze and louise
camilin bennett and then sophia and
connor yes and emily was originally
matched with hayes but then obviously
when you shoot someone you lose those
privileges correct
hey there's my puppies
we'll get you right back to the show in
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because you know the first rule of smug
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is to talk about smut club
all right i won't keep you any longer
let's get back to the show
[Music]
um so then there are two bedrooms in
this like wing
um
that they're staying in while they're
still searching for emily
all right i did have questions on that
because from my interpretation of the
book and tell me if i was interpreting
it wrong
hayes had lot they after dinner he locks
them back in the library when they've
asked about bathrooms he was like yeah
off of like those doors but don't you
like only use these bathrooms not those
because those ones are accessible from
the outside hall as well but it sounds
like there's two bedrooms that are only
accessible through the library yeah okay
not just me no okay yeah
um this this house wasn't well planned
or maybe it was maybe they were like
someday there is going to be another
butter running around this house and we
need to be able
to have a safe sequestered area
for an extended period you know i do
feel
like back in the day when they were
making mansions they were really like of
that caliber they were planning for some
contingencies they were planning ahead
yeah like i've never built a house and
been like
i really need to think about if there's
ever a threat but i want to keep
sleeping
correct
so then connor um and hayes continue to
kind of argue about kira
connor finds out that hayes has been
basically having lunch dates and movie
dates with kira like once a month
forever
and he's like what the [ __ ] well i'm
like when they were on the helicopter
earlier
connor was like i mean i bet this is the
kira's first time on a 12 million dollar
helicopter and then hayes is like
i pick her up for lunch once a month man
like
connor is very like
i want to be with kira now but there's
really been like little conversation
between them
yeah and they hadn't talked in 10 years
like he shows up at her house accuses
her of writing this book
they [ __ ] and then he's like
dibs
eternal dibs basically and i can't
forgive the last 10 years which does
come into play because then he goes into
the room with kyra gets naked and gets
into bed with her and then it switches
to her point of view she is dreaming
about an orgy and there's a lot of
detail about who's doing what and she
the dream orgy was like a christmas
party that they all attended in college
together and then bennett is in the
dream telling her that this is wrong and
she's like if this is wrong i don't want
to be right
and then she wakes up to
uh connor in the bed
um and they [ __ ] again
and kyra
continues her dirty talk but this time
she does it as if sophia is with them
she's like what would sophia be doing
right now if she was with us
um
and then
that's weird to me but okay well
yes that the well was not going to be a
quality yes absolutely that was weird
also worth noting when they went back up
to the library
sofia was like
i'm gonna buddy system with haze tonight
and so
like haze and sofia were off in their
room connor and kira are in theirs they
bone again they go to sleep and then
they wake up
to sophia
and hayes coming and joining them
um
for a more recent group sex scene yeah
not just a memory and i had a lot of
questions about this group sex because
just the the
physics of it the logistics are very
difficult they don't track no
they don't track so it says they all
[ __ ] connie's in sofia's ass
hayes is eating her out while
connie eats out kitty who is sucking off
hazel how that's my nose
no i remember actually having thought
when they were like i'm like okay so
wait hayes is not haze connor's laying
on his back right
in sofia's ass correct
no was he sitting up at one point i just
remember they were suddenly like yeah
now he's eating out keira and i was like
i paused and i like went back a couple
of paragraphs to reread because i was
legit trying to figure out the logistics
of like how short is sophia and how tall
is connor that
kara wasn't sitting on sofia's face
which again which would be fine in this
group sex contest but the thing that
like once again i got annoyed with conor
about is that at some point once again
the logistics of this are
are hazy
um
kira
is
riding hayes's dick right and hayes
seems close to finishing and conor's
like i can't have another man come
inside her so she he pushes kira
off haze's dick and then pushes her face
down so hayes will come and cure his
mouth
and once again
the logistics of this scene
also if you hear that slight rhythmic
vibrating
sound in the background um it is my dog
snoring on the ground
he
really likes to be right next to us so
on the ground next to where
where
we're
recording
that was so hard to get out um
he we have a little dog bed for him that
he lays on but i have a pug and
he's
he's not a quiet snorer no honestly
they're snuffleupagus there are nights
where him and my husband trade off and
i'm like i guess i'm just not gonna
sleep tonight because the two of you are
just really making their own symphony
so there's the group sex scene
that the logistics
really
don't make sense yeah connor so the next
morning conor wakes up hayes is gone but
the girls are still sleeping so connor
decides he's gonna go find hayes but
then like here's footsteps behind him in
the hall and like a
giggling and then suddenly emily is in
front of connor right because he's lost
in this stupid house because there's 97
rooms right so then he sees her but he
doesn't know where he is and she tells
him that um she didn't shoot kira
and he has no idea what's actually going
on
and then hazel starts yelling for him
and so he turns around
i'm just going with the names i made up
now
you're like but i like all the names i
made up yes like hey
hazel hayes shouts that um like come
find me in the conservatory but then
emily is like telling conor like your
memories are false and i didn't do it
and you need to know the truth
um so when when hayes shouts for conor
he like
turns his head to hear where the
shouting is coming from but then when he
turns back emily is gone again
so then when connor goes to like get to
like finds hayes hayes is like oh no
emily was found last night she was like
hiding in the what was it the dumb
waiter yeah something like that i don't
know
um and she's been back at the hospital
for a few hours already and connor's
like what the [ __ ] cause i saw her and
she told me not to believe anything yep
and then they switch gears and start
talking about the night before
and hayes is like i want us all to be
together like why can we not do that
like i've been in love with sophia
forever like let's just do this thing
um
and so
then conor is like i cannot do this with
you people right now i have to go to
work so he leaves well but something
else that we find out in this exchange
between them
is that hayes knew about the book first
oh right right so like
connor thought he had brought everyone's
attention to it when he called bennett
at the beginning of the book and told
him about it and hayes was like
no i already knew about it we need to
finish the book
we need to know how it ends and connor's
like we were all there we know how it
ends and hayes was like do we do
[Music]
and then conor's father it calls and is
like you need to come back so we can
talk logistics about your campaign
um yeah so then connor's like i have to
leave and go to work
and then but i also i interpreted that
seem a little different i didn't
interpret it as them all wanting to be
together i interpreted it as like or
haze wanting all of them to be together
i interpreted it as haze
being like
yeah that was fun i've been into sofia
for a really long time
i read it as like not not so much that
we're gonna have a polyamorous thing but
more of like
i want us to like have like do life
together like i want to continue these
yes yes
yes and maybe if group sex happens again
that's cool but like yes he's been in
love with sophia which is helpful for
conor's jealousy over him and kira
um but then yeah so then he goes to work
uh
sophia and kira wake up in bed together
they have a nice moment um where they're
both like you're super hot
and
that's how i read it anyway
um i would say that's about how the
debrief went yeah like i will say it's a
very sex-positive book it is while
there's like
some sexual trauma that they all
apparently experienced in college
together like present-day them they're a
very sex
positive sex forward
group yeah they're good with it
um so
so then hayes comes in and is like you
guys need to get dressed we're going to
go to sofia's in the city
um like hayes mansion is out in long
island
and kira live not kyra sophia lives like
in new york city proper and he's like
we're gonna go to sofia's and keep
figuring this out
um
so they go
and kira feels very out of place
she so sofia lives in a hotel don't
forget though
when hayes tells them this hayes is also
like also we're all going to a party on
saturday oh yeah it's a mandatory party
[ __ ]
mandatory fun
you will have fun at this party damn it
pretty much yeah so hayes is like
we're all gonna go to this party on
saturday i texted bennett and camille as
well like this is something all of us
are doing together
and the parties at louise's yes because
we need to confront her like she's the
missing piece in this blah blah blah
so
um they go to sofia's kira feels very
out of place sophia lives in this
massive penthouse at the top of a hotel
it's a gorgeous place
and um camille lives across the street
in a penthouse there and they can see
into each other's apartments which will
become relevant later
um and like because
sophia and camille are both erotica
writers as well but underpin names
they'll sometimes each sit on their
individual terraces like
across the street from each other but
like right together and then kyra's kind
of like oh like that's nice oh i live in
a cottage in vermont where all i have is
a weather radio to keep me company
maybe it would be nice yeah
um and then we switched to connor um at
work bennett is there apparently he's
the like attorney for his campaign or
something like that and camille is with
bennett um they're there with papers for
connor to sign to declare his candidacy
for the senate um and conor just does
not want to sign he's like i
don't want to do this like he's
10 years in he's like maybe
my parents have been setting my life
goals for me and this isn't what i want
no and it just took [ __ ] kira to
realize this
magic [ __ ]
so
i mean
it must be it must be well and so then
camille and ben
or no i have as ben shorthand what what
names did camille and bennett get in
your phone hannah penny and cammy
well at least you know who those ones
are i do know who those are
so then connor's dad shows up to his
office as well and like he's like sign
the [ __ ] paperwork and then connor
starts to be like i don't want to sign
the paperwork because i don't even know
if this is what i want for my future but
like as he's starting to push back to
his dad for the first time
hayes text him and he's like don't
confront him just sign the paperwork
like right go along with the plan
um i i have something in the works we
can't we can't rock the boat right now
like just do what he wants so he does
and then well and conor's dad is like
knows he started hanging out with the
dirty ones from college against music
you need to stop hanging out with them
and like nothing can ever happen with
like that kira girl because
um everything that happened your senior
year was because of her and i have had
to work so hard to extract you from this
right to clean up this mess yes so we're
still not like 1 000
at this point i think we might be like
60 of the way through the book i could
be off on this
um i don't know but like far enough that
i'm like we are still
completely in the dark about what
actually happened yeah we we don't know
except that there was a lot of weird
coerced sex
and then also apparently they were
having
group sex together outside of
the the mandatory sex at the tower they
were going to parties together they were
hanging out together yeah at that point
like their group had really just like
solidified and bonded so then pretty
much any chance they got they were all
just like [ __ ] like rabbits
i just imagine it like them sitting
around at a party kind of being bored
and then just being like orgy orgy orgy
and then like finding
a semi-private place
imagine just like being at a party with
them with no context and yes that is my
dog snoring
oh brandon brandon we love a good pug
who is a little overweight we do
those are the best kind so then hayes
comes and picks up connor from work and
they have dinner with sophia and kira
and um it's really nice like they have a
really nice time of this like weird
alternate domestic bliss after all of
the chaos and group sex that they had
and then conor realizes that it's not
just hayes and kira that have been
hanging out without him it's literally
everybody yeah we find out that like
haze and sofia have been hosting game of
thrones parties together every week for
like years
and they're like oh connor do you want
us to add you to the facebook group so
you can be invited and he's like what
the [ __ ] there's a facebook group for
all of this yep but then when they're
all hanging out on the couch afterwards
like
haze and sofia are coupled up and then
kyra and connor are coupled up and like
connor kind of has this moment where
he's like yeah this is how we're all
gonna move forward together like i don't
think we'll ever
have an accidental orgy again
um
and they'll be a couple and will be a
couple so i just want to say i just want
to point out
accidental orgy would be an excellent
band name
like i am into that
hannah i'm not gonna lie if you text me
tomorrow and you're like like and we
were trying to find a recording date and
you were like so sorry i'm not free that
night i'm gonna go see accidental orgy
play i'd be like
that is exactly the band i expected
to go see
zero part of me would be surprised so
before we started recording i told
chelsea that somebody called me a crazy
queer cat lady because i had on a shirt
that had a cat on it who's wearing
rainbow sunglasses and socks that have
cats on them and a sweatshirt that had
socks on them and it wasn't intentional
but it's a thing that happened and your
hair has some rainbow highlights and my
hair has has rainbow colors in it
presently and so
um
yeah
yeah so
somebody was like you look like a crazy
queer cat lady which is very on brand so
so accidental orgy and crazy queer cat
lady are like the brand
for me apparently
because
no one has been surprised
you know
although i guess it's good that i'm
consistent
yeah people know what they're gonna get
exactly they do
so
back to the book
um
so my notes say
my notes say kitty and connie make sweet
sweet love and she goes to write it down
in a notebook in sofia's office
um i have
conor has small existential crisis that
all of them have been friends and
interacted a lot over the last 10 years
they couple off connor vows to kira that
he'll never cheat on her and will never
leave her again they have a solidifying
[ __ ] that was what i put as my note
like and i was like all right well we we
just boned so i guess this is as good as
a contract deal is sealed yes so after
the sweet sweet love
which would be the first album for
accidental orgy
it would be sweet sweet love
but then there will be a track on that
album called solidifying [ __ ]
100
does anyone currently listening want to
make this album please oh my god please
we will listen
i won't say we'll both go to the shows
if you're if it's good we'll both go to
the shows if not hannah will go just for
the name
and then i'll tell her to report back
and i will buy a ticket probably but not
go
because i want to support you
um but i also don't want my ears to
bleed
you're making a lot of assumptions here
and a lot of judgments but anyway i'm
honestly just more trying to cover my
bases because what i don't want to have
happen is someone records the album and
then it's not good and then i'm
committed to going to the show fair um
so i'm what you hear me doing is giving
myself an out if it's necessary but i
really want to hear the album and see
where it goes in the future but yes to
your point they have their solidifying
[ __ ] and then kyra's like i'm gonna like
can't sleep and she's like i'm gonna go
journal about this in sofia's office yep
so then connor wakes up sees that she's
gone
and goes to find her
um the reason that he wakes up is
because camille has been calling and
texting kira's phone
that she needs to call her
kyra needs to call camille immediately
right
so
y'all buckle up because things are about
to take a turn i was not prepared
mentally or emotionally for what what
happens next so
conor so if you don't want like
i mean to be fair the rest of the
episode is probably
um what word am i going for
what spoiler that's the word i was going
i mean it's all spoilers but
um this could be i've only had one glass
of wine and i couldn't think of the word
spoilers this could also be
very triggering if that is also very
true if there's any kind of like if you
have any uh emotional upset around like
suicide or anything like that you
probably want to stop listening now um
because conor goes to find
kira um he talks with her
um and she's convinced that he read her
the great gatsby and he is like i
literally have never read that book yeah
he's like i failed a english lit class
because i didn't read that book but he's
like so i guess what we learned here
roughly is that
when they were in college kira used to
make homemade journals from other book
covers and so she would like hand stitch
and hand sew the pages in and had all of
these like homemade journals right so
connor is like oh yeah you had that
great gatsby journal she's like no i
never did this with like the great
gatsby and yeah i would never yeah and
she's like you read the great gatsby to
us all the time but i never had a
journal and he's like what the [ __ ] yes
you did like i've never read the great
gatsby but i sure as hell remember
you having a great gatsby journal and so
we're like realizing that their memories
are not they don't man yeah so then they
look across the street
to camille's apartment and they see
camille and bennett also it's like
almost 4 a.m yes they see camille and
bennett fighting through the window and
it looks like they're yelling at each
other they're a little bit concerned
because it's super heated and getting
kind of aggressive well and then
connor's like oh yeah camille text you
keira that like she needed to talk
right
so then camille goes out onto the
terrace and they see that camille has a
gun
and so they then go out onto
sofia's terrace right so
now
camille and bennett are on the terrace
across the street
um and uh
kira and
connor are
are watching and they're yelling at them
um trying to figure out what the [ __ ] is
happening and then bennett gets the gun
from camille and she's just starts
screaming over and over that she can't
do this she can't do this and sophia and
hazel were haze so sorry sophia and
hayes were upstairs
in this penthouse and there's another
terrace so they come out on the terrace
upstairs and they're also screaming like
what is happening what is going on like
everyone is telling camille like go back
inside please go back inside let's all
talk about this right camille just like
is inconsolable and i was like i can't
do this i can't do this i can't do this
yeah so then she gets up on the railing
of the balcony
and she jumps
and everybody is like what so there's
like this beat of what the [ __ ] just
happened and then they hear a gunshot
and they look and bennett has shot
himself in the head
yeah it really
escalated super fast
it did we went from like
conor and kira's solidifying [ __ ]
to
camille and bennett almost felt like
they were romeo and julietting it yeah
yeah but like we still don't really once
again there's a lot of details we don't
really know here and we're not quite
sure what's happening so obviously other
people have woken up because everyone's
been shouting and detectives show up and
start questioning
they're super suspicious of kira and
she's like what do you think i did i was
across the street they killed themselves
like what and so it's all very very
weird well and like
camille had been had like called her
lawyer earlier that day and
named all of the dirty ones so
like earlier in the day all of their
names were associated with each other
and camille called her lawyer but like
what the [ __ ] did you call her lori
about we have no idea right
um so then um hayes is like listen we're
gonna all go to vermont and stay at
keira's
um
he tells connor that he needs to go talk
to his dad
and
ease his mind or whatever
yeah and then meet them in vermont don't
forget though while the detectives are
there
they like somehow mention i honestly
don't fully remember because
everything's a little convoluted
um
they mentioned like emily wasn't
returned to the psych hospital she's
very much still at large hayes lied yes
hayes completely lied when he said she'd
been found in the dumbwaiter thing or
whatever the hell she was found in um
and she is still out there in the
universe yeah
so then they have this plan conor's
going to go talk to his dad
hey because it is the day of the party
yeah so the party that hayes was like
we're all gonna go to this [ __ ] party
um the party that louise is hosting is
connor's
announcement
i'm running for senate official launch
party
so then hayes is like connor you gotta
go like appease your dad because
he'll he'll know something's off um and
you gotta go do damage control and so
then his dad is like cool you're gonna
stay at louise's but he refers to her as
dr livingston's for the night right
and um
kyra was like he can't go by himself
buddy system and they're like please
stop
they're like it's gonna be fine he has
to go you can't go with him like his dad
hates you blah blah blah so then um
conor goes to talk to his dad and
his dad is like yeah we're gonna go to
dr livingston's um connor is like no i'm
not doing that you know i have to go i
have [ __ ] to do two of my best friends
just committed suicide in front of me
like i'm not doing this with you right
now so then he gets hit over the head
and drugged
yeah like you just know connor pissed
off his dad when
also connor was like i need a new phone
because the police have mine and she's
like what do you mean the police have
your phone i'm like i don't think that's
that abnormal after an event like this
yeah then suddenly conor gets hit over
the head um and then he wakes up
tied to a bed
and like when he wakes up they're like
oh he's awake and they like give him
more meds yeah and then he's like kind
of in and out and he wakes up at one
point and emily is there
and she is telling him that he knows
everything he knows all of it but they
they make you forget she just keeps
saying they just gave me they made you
forget don't let them know you know the
truth you know all of it but he's like
in this drug-induced haze so
once again we're like we don't really
know what
there's really no
um context reliable narrators like
everyone in this book is a horrific
historian yes and we're going to find
out why yeah to be fair it will make
sense but up until at this point you're
like reading see i like that you said
that it will make sense it won't
i i'm here to mediate expectations
that's not
it's not gonna make sense it won't
it like covers the bases
i think when you read it you're like oh
okay i get it and then afterwards you
like close the book and you sit down and
you're like
no i still have a lot of questions all
right a minute
so okay so then haze um
they do wind up going to kira's when
conor doesn't show up they're all kind
of freaking out that he's not there you
know what we completely forgot to
mention we're processing this so kira
lives
in this cottage oh on a lake also the
cottage is attached to like or on the
property of a main house that's the
house kira grew up in but apparently
her mom left the house to
in a stage yeah that was like that the
college that she attended was over so
kier was only left with this cottage not
the original house but keira lives on
the other side of a lake
from this college you can see the
college you could like take a boat
across the lake to get to the college
yes
so um they're all kind of freaking out
where is connor like something must be
wrong blah blah blah
and hayes is like you know we need to do
we need to go back to the tower and the
girls are like are you high right now
that is not what we need to do we need
to find connor blah blah blah blah so
and hayes is like let's just go to the
tower and everything will make sense
will it when we get that was haze's
words not mine this time
we're like everything will make sense
when you get to the tower so
haze takes them to the cemetery
where they're walking around and from
earlier like oh yeah there's that tunnel
that connects the cemetery to the tower
but then when they're looking around
there's no tower there is no tower
there's zero tower and then
like hayes is like you wrote a book but
it's not what you think and then he's
like it all actually happened it didn't
happen in a tower it happened on the top
floor of the theater
which just can i just
something about it happening on the top
floor of the theater of the college just
made me like
like okay so so
was there a college improv group having
a show
beneath them while [ __ ] was going down
in the attic like like
just something about it
sorry like it really troubles me like
why
well let's let's finish it then i think
we can so
like
hayes is like it all happened on the top
floor of the theater
and um you know what happened that night
so you start to realize like or maybe
not start do you realize hayes knows
more than he's let on this whole time
and then we find out he's like the whole
thing was a cover-up and he's like emily
didn't shoot you kira
connor's dad did oh my stars so i bet
none of y'all saw that coming not even a
little bit because then we flashed back
to that night so it is an alumni party
um all of the dirty ones are there
um along with their parents who are all
also alumni
and kiera's mom is flirting with
connor's dad right
very blatantly very obviously everyone
sees this happening and conor's dad is
well known for
philandering
so
not being philanthropic
not no
just philandering just don't worry don't
get your
don't get your fills mixed up
don't confuse your films
philandering philanthropy classic mix up
here
yes so his connor's dad is like known
for like oh yeah like it's kind of like
a different woman each year at these
events
and then sophia and camille go and
approach
kira at this alumni dinner to kind of
like like they see it happening as well
they don't know her super well because
she was a scholarship kid and was on the
fringes but like kind of a loner yeah it
seemed like they were trying to be
kind
and like they saw it happening like
didn't want her to bear that weight
alone right so they're like we know the
secret spot where connor's dad takes his
women like let's go hahaha right so then
it switches to connor's point of view
um
and conor is super drugged up
and it turns out louise is a
psychiatrist she is not their age she is
significantly older and then he also
flashes back to that night my favorite
though is like
connor on a bunch of meds just looks at
louise and he's like you can't be louise
you're old
which i'm like damn louise is not
innocent but like
way to kick a woman while she's dead
right she's having a tough day um so
he flashes back to that night
and he had seen kira around for all the
years they'd been in school and been
really drawn to her but never really
approached her and then that night he
joins up with kira sophia and camille
and hayes and they all decide they're
gonna go
like
spy on his dad and it's gonna be funny
and like let's go to the the cemetery
well it almost seems like they all like
got there by chance because like here it
kind of goes with like sofia and camille
and then it sounded like
connor and hayes were kind of like
leaving to do their own thing
and then saw them then followed them and
then they're walking and they see
bennett is making out with emily by a
tree and they're like cool
where are you going
yeah so then they just joined the party
and then all of them collectively sneak
into the arlington family mausoleum
which is connor arlington yeah so they
sneak into the family mausoleum
and they're all kind of hiding and
giggling whatever and then conor's dad
comes in with kiera's mom
and they are they can't really see them
because they're hiding but they can hear
them and emily is kind of like poking
her head around trying to see what's
going on
and then connor's mom shows up
with a dude
and a gun
i was like i'm getting rid of this
year's trollop she's like turnabout's
fair play [ __ ] also i'm taking somebody
out and so she starts shooting
and or shooting starts i think there's a
struggle for the gun it's very unclear
yeah it's very like because they
couldn't really see they're like it was
all kind of chaos but like all we know
is that like at the end of the chaos the
random dude connor's mom had with him
was dead
and kira was shot right conor's dad
shoots kyra like connor's dad ends up
with a gun somehow
and then he shoots kyra
um and then um
conor comes out of that flashback louise
says that she's going to drug him again
and he shrugs it off
yeah it's like get in line or you get
another syringe right and he's like okay
and he remembers that hayes told him to
go along with whatever his dad was
saying and just like go along with it
because there's a plan like you're gonna
be okay well and also when conor came
out of that flashback or that memory um
he looks in on the table his dad has a
copy of the dirt of the dirty ones book
that was recently published anonymously
and
he has kira's homemade great gatsby
journal from college right and he has
them both there yes
um and he's like i literally have no
idea what the [ __ ] is happening
i'm not trying to get drugged again so
they're saying like either you go make
this speech or we are going to drug you
again and he's like
bet let's go make a speech
i'm a little high well and then like
kieran hayes and sophia all get to the
party and they see louise and they're my
favorite is that once again like kiera
and sophia are like that can't be louise
she's old and he says like she was she
was always old yeah she was never young
ever in her life her life
it was like a benjamin button situation
she was just thinking about halfway
through she just went back up the other
way she never stopped he went there
um so they're there at the party
um
super freaked out really worried about
connor and then they see him and
kyra's like he is not okay you know he's
very pale he's a little sweaty like he
really really does not look okay and so
then connor starts his speech
um
and he
like
locks eyes with kyra across the room and
instead of announcing that he is running
for senate he announces that he is in
love with kira
um and that she is an erotica author
and explains the whole story about how
his dad shot her
and um outs kira as the author of the
dirty ones
and then emily hayes and sophia
corroborate the story well and well i i
do think you're missing a piece of the
story that's like going so yes louise is
the psychiatrist oh right you're right
but one of the things are like my
favorite i love how dramatic it was
because like connor like starts the
speech and then sees kira
and he puts down his speech and it's
like kira come on stage with me
and he's like i love i love this erotica
writer and no one can tell me otherwise
i love this woman and then he
like picks up the dirty ones and he's
like this book explains my father's
choices and this old hoe louise over
here
who was never young
i'm like how haggard does she look
um she's
off louise was drugging us for months on
end and feeding us fake stories right so
apparently louise created all these
false memories of the group sex and of
emily shooting kira
and of the the instructions that they
received to have sex and all this stuff
so it turns out that louise was just a
dirty old lady and would drug them up
and make them have sex together she did
not take the hippocratic oath seriously
as a psychiatrist nor did she honor her
code of ethics
very correct um yeah and then louise
made kira write it all down so that it
would be
true yeah and then and then
conor would read back what kira wrote as
like a i guess a way to solidify these
false memories
um
and so then connor's dad is like it's
all lies none of it's real
but then suddenly emily's there
emily that girl is mobile for someone
who's been locked in a psych ward for 10
years she gets around she really does
and so she pops up like when connor's
dad is like it's all lies and emily in
my head she's still wearing the scrubs
from the psych hospital is like
no it's true and he blamed me for
shooting kieran had me locked up you're
like she's like she pops up like a
whack-a-mole at random points throughout
this book and it's like we can't keep
her down she's coming for you so then
emily's on stage with connor and kyra
then the rest of them all go up and
they're all like it's true and they're
all corroborating each other's stories
and they all hold hands together and
then walk out
holding hands yeah and then my notes say
everybody gets arrested
right i'm like details of the aftermath
of or detail the aftermath of the arrest
louise
um
conor's dad there was a random dude who
was on like
the campaign team who was somehow
involved but he i think his name was
stephen he was only mentioned like twice
the entire book so we didn't really [ __ ]
with steven
um but then hayes had actually been what
we learned then after all of this has
come out is that hayes had actually kind
of been the first to start unraveling
the truth and realizing things weren't
quite right
um and that like kira had actually never
been taken to the hospital after she was
shot and they were all locked in a room
together to get their stories right so
right so she received treatment from the
university
like infirmary yes and then haze
as he's kind of like
piecing this together that things aren't
quite right
their their monthly lunches where he
would pick her up in the helicopter he
was actually taking kyra to see a
hypnotist
to get the truth um but then she doesn't
remember it but then during those
hypnotism sessions was when she wrote
the dirty ones and so it wasn't what
they all thought had been released this
entire time was her journal of all of
their sexual acts right but that's not
the case she actually wrote the real
story
but what killed me about this whole
hypnotist thing is they explained kira
forgetting the hypnotist sessions by
saying that the hypnotist made her
forget at the end of every session
and i just y'all that's not how memory
works that's not how brains work and i
i'm so troubled well what i
the part that like kind of threw me in
all this is that like haze is aware that
the hypnotist is making here at like
bringing these memories to the surface
and then like
burying them again once kiera's written
the pages so kira did write the book
um but then hayes just like shopped the
book around and got it published
um without talking to her about it at
any point because he thought that would
kind of like kick everything into motion
so in the in very modern day
the book has been republished but all of
their names are on it because they're
all the dirty ones
right and um so we find out that louise
was charged with a bunch of stuff but
never went to trial because she died in
a very suspicious
car accident
like a couple days before the trial
started right and then conor's dad is in
prison for like at least 30 years steve
is in prison i guess whatever yeah that
was his name i keep freaking um and then
um yeah and then it's five years later
epilogue
epilogue um connor and kira get married
um connor
has
you know he is a lawyer
he just never really like he went to law
school passed the bar never practiced
because he was on his parents like track
to ten years ago
become a politician so
he and kyra get married and then he
opens a little law practice in vermont
and then each year on the anniversary of
camille's
passing he live streams
reading one of her famous books online
to all of her fans and it's this like
cathartic thing for everyone um kyra's
pregnant
oh yeah and then haze and sofia are
married with two kids now and kiera and
sophia
are writing erotica together now but
sophia is no longer using a pen name
yep and then they all live happily ever
after y'all and and that's the end and
and here's ellen connor never runs for
senate he doesn't
people really want him to
i guess but he doesn't and and
also they talked about how he'd run for
a lot of like different political
positions before and always lost so i
don't know why everyone is like suddenly
on his dick
to be senator when i'm like
he lost some smaller places that were
probably where you should start that
i just so okay
here's the issue i have
with j.a us in general it's not not just
this book but like all the plot holes
oh no it's
if you don't understand something
you don't have to write about it
like if you don't understand
memory and how the brain works and
mental health
you don't have to write about it that's
the same issue i had with rock like baby
if you don't understand dissociative
fugue states then don't write about it
does not everyone rock climb during a
dissociative fugue state i mean i'm sure
someone has
but
not like that
yeah i
i do feel like there's some like
the research needs to be more thorough
right because you have these things that
happen and i'm like it feels like you
googled this
you're like you read this on wikipedia
baby like you googled like how to
hypnotize
and then
you're like that tracks and then like
but it was like someone's home blog that
you read the instructions from like a
mommy blog but for
major mental health problems
and hypnotists
i just
okay
i did enjoy this far far more than rock
yes i'll give you that because i i love
a good
murder mystery i love a good whodunit i
love
the kind of like
i love a good like
20s era great gatsby and there's a lot
of like like sophia's penthouse is very
like deco and like
but i don't necessarily feel like we
like
like you read this i think what like my
thing with j.a haas is that like
you end that like the books always have
a lot of questions and then there's like
this very quick wrap up at the end
and she's like i covered all my faces
and everyone reading is like
you did not well it's like
if you're gonna have plot holes which i
understand happen but things cannot all
be all wrapped up every time i
understand that and i will give you
license for that but if you're going to
do that then what you write about
should make sense
also
like if you want me to buy into these
plot holes i'm gonna need there to not
be a random hypnotist who meets with
somebody for one hour once a month that
can bring up memories and then make that
person forget both the memories and the
hypnotist session okay hannah but i
think what you're forgetting here is
that hayes and kira had been friends for
years and conor didn't know
so it wasn't like i honestly my thought
was like how long was kira seeing this
hypnotist once a month to bring this to
fruition also just like ethically
um was hayes sitting in the room during
the hypnotist it didn't sound like that
it did sound like he was just sitting
there which i'm like
as a therapist i wouldn't say just bring
in a random friend and to sit in the
corner of your session where here's the
other thing i'm like is this like a
party party trick hypnotist making
people quack on stage and [ __ ] or is
this like a hypnotherapist that has been
trained in some way like i just i
i can't like i just i can't
get there i can't
i can't
um so how many hypnotists would you rate
this book
well
apparently it only took one
so
one part-time hypnotist is your final
rating
yup
um
i'm gonna give the book
like four homemade journals
out
out of 20
out of 15.
i don't know like honestly like
it's a it's super ridiculous it's super
over the top i think this is a fun one
it is like if i had to sit down and
choose between reading this and rock
again oh this one dirty every day
for sure and i do think for the very for
a very specific audience i would
recommend this book sure
i
i would not recommend
rock most of the time
i have out of spite
like someone wanted a book
recommendation and you were like
i hate this person so i'm going to
recommend raw yes or i thought their
reaction would be really funny and so i
was like you will hate this
tell me how you feel hannah you've got
to stop doing that why like your
co-worker who's like i want to read some
smut and you were like here's some
reverse harem done a viper [ __ ] and they
were like oh
we have different definitions of smut
like
you know exactly what you're doing when
you make these referrals
i do
and i don't feel bad like i don't feel
bad
maybe i should
but but i don't
you know at least you can own it about
yourself
listen i'm the crazy queer cat lady
who's into accidental orgy i mean i feel
like making intentionally bad book
recommendations is also on brand
no one's gonna trust your book
recommendations
you're gonna be like oh you should
totally read this one it was so good and
they're gonna be like
fool me one santa i will tell people i'm
like this is really bad you should read
it
but if somebody is genuinely asking me
for a true like good book recommendation
i will be i'll be serious about it
once
and once is all you get and then yep
just like one part-time hypnotist that's
it
yeah that is a good point between like a
party trick hypnotist and like a
hypnotherapist
you're like what
what is your schooling in education
right are you making people do the
chicken dance on stage or were you
making carrot do the chicken dance while
she was relaying this
traumatic experiences but also my other
question because it's like a full-length
book that the dirty ones was released as
um it's a pretty quick story
in what actually happened where because
because they keep being like
oh well if we actually sat down and we
all got to the mansion at the beginning
of the book
and conor was reading out loud if we'd
pushed through another chapter two the
real truth would have come out we would
have all been able to like formulate
this game plan moving forward so i'm
like how long was the book
if we're gonna get those answers well
how fast was conor reading i don't know
i don't know i just
that's the review guys
that's the review we have four out of 15
to 20 homemade journals and one partner
part-time hypnotist not a hypnotherapist
um that is our final offer on the radio
in this book but it truly it is a fun
it's a fun read it is a fun read you'll
have a lot of questions that will go
unanswered that we will commiserate with
you when you get there um actually well
we've already you already listened to
the whole review you probably don't
don't have the same questions
i mean you might
because i don't think we answered them
you know that i if anything i think our
debrief has caused more questions than
answers so yeah that's it four out of 15
to 20 homemade journals and one
part-time hypnotist is our final review
let us know your thoughts on this one
thanks for coming and having fun with us
today have a great day gentle reader
what no
i hated that i hated that as it was
coming out of my mouth but i did it all
right gentle reader you heard me
i
like that made me feel
like what i imagined when you said
gentle reader was you like caressing the
back of your hand down someone's face
being like hey gentleman really intense
eye contact yes like no no blinking
anyway we apologize my husband asked for
a smut shout out so here it is babe yeah
that's it hey matt you're great i've
never actually had the chance to meet
you in real life
um
you're great i can't wait for that that
day to be upon us at some point yeah
we'll just keep doing this forever yeah
we hope you have a wonderful rest your
day bye
next week on smut club um we were having
a conversation recently about
wanting to give you a name other than
friends so we were kind of going between
like
smut puppies and smut [ __ ] yeah my
husband's vote is for smut [ __ ]
maybe we could just do like
a variety
between them
or like a scale like maybe like
smut puppy it's like you've dipped your
toe in and then you're a [ __ ] pup
yeah and then you're a smut [ __ ] yes
you guys let us know
let us know if you want to be called any
of those because consent is important
and it matters yeah and
you know names are also important and we
don't want to give you a name you hate
honestly my husband's just really
excited about shirts that say smut [ __ ]
on them and have
uh
flowers and [ __ ] in his words on them
it like smut [ __ ] feels to me like
something that you would find in an in
an adult coloring book
surrounded by some flowers yeah i could
see that
well that's it for this week's mud [ __ ]
we hope it was good for you because it
sure was great for us
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and we'll see you next week
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