Em: 
Welcome to BlackwaterDnD, where good friends tell better stories. This series, Afterlight, is a miniseries using Blades in the Dark, and is proudly sponsored by Evil Hat Productions and Bookwyrm Games. We’ve adapted Blades in the Dark for more narratively focused gameplay, allowing our players to find their footing in the story they weave outside the walls of the Safe Zone. For this story, your Game Master is Si Rutherford, and our unlucky survivors are Amelia Som, Em Carlson, Gina Susanna, and Sean Depner. As this game falls within a post-apocalyptic horror genre, it may contain themes and depictions that are triggering for some listeners. Please take care of yourself and access safe support as you see fit.

Content warnings for this episode include:  complex family dynamics & interpersonal conflict // apocalypse & societal collapse // darkness and shadow // visions and mind control // substance use // violence // murder // grief & loss // being chased // blackmail // death of family members & loved ones // power dynamics // class inequality // memory loss & dementia // severe injury // needles

So get comfortable, and keep the lights on. Welcome to Afterlight. 

Chapter One: Lost and Found

[sounds of heavy breathing and running]

Si (as Theo):
“I just need a second.”

Jannes (as Francis):
“We gotta keep moving, we gotta keep moving”.

Si (as Theo):
“I know, know, I know. Oh my god, Eve, what the fuck happened to her? Jesus Christ!”

Jannes (as Francis):
“I don't know what the fuck that was. I never seen them come out the mirrors before. We got, we can't stay here, Theo. We got push on, we got push-” 

Si (as Theo):
“Fuck this hurts!”

Jannes (as Francis):
“I know, I know. I know, I know.”

Si (as Theo):
“Okay. This is really bad man, this is really bad.”

Jannes (as Francis):
“Maybe if you ran, I could try and lead them away?”

Si (as Theo):
“No, it's fine, fine. I can't stay. I know, we gotta keep going.”

Jannes (as Francis):
“Come here. Yeah, put your arm on my shoulder. Let's go. We'll go together. We'll go together. Don't, don’t you quit on me Theo.”

Si (as Theo):
“My leg is fucked. I'm just gonna slow you down.”

Jannes (as Francis):
“No, no, no, no, no, I can't, I can’t do this on my own, Theo.”

Si (as Theo):
“Just run. You run ahead of me. I'll follow. Just don't stop. Just keep going. Just keep going.”

Jannes (as Francis):
“Yeah.”

Si (as Theo):
Fuck… [approaching snarls and growls] What’s that? Fuck, we gotta go! Let's go! Go! Don't stop.

Jannes (as Francis):
“Come on, let's go! We got, we got move. We got move!”

[running footsteps, panting, snarls closer and closer, then a distant scream]

Jannes (as Francis):
“I'm sorry! I am sorry…”

Si:
It's been almost thirteen months since the event. Since the opening of a dimensional rift that tore through the fabric of reality and let loose inconceivably terrifying monsters that wreaked violent chaos and death upon the world. In one day the sky was blighted with a swirling darkness that blocked out the sun, and destruction and decay grabbed hold of every corner of civilization and dragged it into a place of nothingness. A hellscape of shadows and memory. Of fear and swift death.

But somehow, humans are still surviving. In a tiny pocket of civilization, within a now otherwise vast, unforgiving and uninhabitable world. A city. Well, not quite a city. Just part of one. A safe zone. A place that survived as a result of one thing. The only thing that seems to matter and make a difference. Light. No one knows exactly why it works, but as long as there is enough of it, truly bright light, the monsters and the dark matter of the world outside will not enter. This could be the only surviving population left on Earth. Most of what we know is gone. The world outside is a monochrome wasteland, scorched and eroded, where almost everything living was killed in a flurry of relentless violence by huge monsters born of corporeal shadow and unfathomable purpose. It all happened so fast. No time to plan, or prepare, or adjust. No time to study, or learn, or understand. Those that survived were simply the ones lucky enough to be in places bright enough to be safe, and stayed there. And for some reason, for this small part of the city, the lights stayed on, when all others failed.

Bit by bit, however, those safe spaces are getting smaller and smaller. Lights break, power drops, connections fray and are severed. The creeping darkness is inched closer and closer, as those first days became weeks and then months. And so, the safe zone is shrinking. Light is a commodity, but so is space. And bit by bit, people have let their guard down, or missed some part of the encroaching shadow, or failed to replace or reinforce lights that had flickered and faltered. The surviving population is getting squeezed into a smaller and smaller space. And there is a real fear that the power source will run out. It is unsustainable. And we're running out of time. Thirteen months on from the event, a decision has been taken to try to make new areas safe again. If the population is to survive long term, power has to be restored to other parts of the city. But that means stepping out into the dark. 

Home these days is the place you call the safe zone. It's mostly a series of commercial buildings, a strip mall, grocery store, some small business offices, and the limited number of apartments that sit around those places. Some of them have been hastily connected to each other and made into shared living space. Walls have been knocked down to allow free passage between buildings, and reinforced shelters have been constructed to connect across outdoor spaces.

Huge barricades have been built against external doors and windows, and thick black lines marked on the floor, showing the limits of places that can be safely walked. The safe zone is home to little under three thousand people. It is all that's left of a city which once housed hundreds of thousands. For a little over a year, the residents of the safe zone have had to adjust to a new, and often harsh reality. But at least they're alive. And the outline of a community is formed amidst the desperate bonds of survival. And a constant hum follows you everywhere. The soft, low buzz of energy being fed by thick cables that run along the outskirts of every room and corridor, every open space and outside every makeshift home. Industrial electrical cables used for their durability and protective casing, quickly became the veins and arteries pumping energy around the city and keeping you all alive. And just like veins and arteries, one fatal cut could lead to rupture and rapid violent death. Because if the lights go out, it's all over. But for most, they try not to dwell too much on that horrifying fact. But it's hard to forget. They remember what they saw when the event happened. Those… Things. The monsters that moved terrifyingly fast, and tore through people like they were made of paper.

In the safe zone, daily life is not easy. No matter how long you've been living this way, having to sleep under constantly bright lights that do not change is so draining. It's unsettling, and takes its toll on even the most resilient among you. It's hard not to be irritable. And there is a limited, finite amount of space, forcing people to share whatever livable areas they could find early on. And everything collapsed in on itself so quickly, so very few have the luxury of a proper home. And two weeks ago, everyone was told, ‘a decision has been made’, they said, ‘life in the safe zone is not sustainable and we have to get power to more parts of the city.’ Six days after that, the first volunteers were chosen. And the next morning, that first group left. Five of them, just like that. The first people to do so in nearly thirteen months. And was a somber mood throughout the safe zone, but also something you hadn't experienced for a long time: a small measure of hope. Hope that for the first time, you are trying to build a future, rather than just surviving as long as possible before the inevitable happens. But that hope slowly trickled away as the days passed without change and without word. Everything beyond the perimeter of the safe zone remained in darkness. And by the fourth day, any flicker of optimism that they might succeed turned to resignation and grim acceptance. But after a week had passed, word went round that another group would be sent out. That we were not giving up.

Many of the initial volunteers withdrew their names. A very small number of new people put their names forward. And of those left to choose from, four have been selected. Four people with the very future of humanity on their shoulders, and with no time to waste, they're leaving in the morning. And that is where this story begins.

There's a stack of cinder blocks piled up next to a wide open gap where a wall used to be. More walls are being knocked through to create space, or at least the feeling of space, and this is the newest victim. A trail of dusty boot prints leads from a well-worn pile of tools across the room, through a door and into an adjoining room full of camp beds, separated into rooms by simple dividers. Many have been made to look as homely as possible, with various objects and decorations adorned in the limited space available. Crafted items, drawings, hanging blankets, things of comfort. And the trail of dust stops at a bed space towards the back, where we find a man, perched on the edge of a seat next to the bed. Sean, please could you introduce and describe Danny, and also tell us in what ways he might have made his living space here feel more personal?

Sean:
Yeah, so sitting on this little cot is an older gentleman. Fairly slight, not really much to look at. White hair. Uh, usually a lovely little white mustache, but he hasn't shaved in a couple of days, I guess it's been slipping his mind, and he's got one of those faces that looks like he never wore sunscreen. You know, just like, a little worn, but in a way that's nice. And this is a man, who given the option, would solve every problem with his hands. And so his space that he finds him, that he's been occupying, is really quite functional. Danny's never been much of one for aesthetics. So, there's a collection of tools, and like a little bit of, like, borrowed dishware from, uh, like, the sort of local cafeteria thing that he eats and he, you know, he's supposed to bring it back, but he's forgotten a couple of times, uhh… I think probably the thing that makes it most homey for Danny, homely rather, is… He's got just one little souvenir, ah, that came from outside the safe zone. Everything else is, is just stuff that he, he found here to sort of get by, and it's the, um… The little knob at the end of the gear shift from his old school Ford F-150, you know, reverse, one, two, three, ‘P’, and that just sort of sits on the little, I guess you could call it a nightstand, next to him. And that's about the only real homely touch that he's got. And uh, I think at this moment, it's very sort of quiet in... I sort of think of it as a bit of a barracks. It's him and a lot of other... Like, sort of single guys, or it's folks who don't need a lot of space. And it's quiet there. Everyone knows that he's going out in the morning. And, you know, they've said their various bits and pieces and there's not much to say now, and he's going over his tools. Danny's something of a handyman in the community. Uh, if it needs fixing, he can fix it. But the tools don't really need that much maintenance, is the thing. So he finds himself in one of his least favorite positions, feeling anxious with nothing to do. And so I think what Danny would do, he's supposed to go to bed, you know, need to get a good night's sleep, but I think he's gonna sort of step away and uh… And head to Delilah's Bakery, which is something of a, a favorite spot for him. You know, he, he works in the community, and anywhere that needs fixing, Danny's the guy, but he'll often stop in Delilah's, uh, just to make sure that everything's running. He likes it in there. And you know, this place before the incident was a sort of a bit of a bougie, you know, croissant and fucking… Like, cupcake place. Very fancy. And it has just fully become, ‘we make bread’. There's, everyone's mostly eating, you know, canned goods and whatnot, and so Delilah's just makes the kind of the only fresh food we got, as long as we still have flour from the old supermarket. And so, I think he's going to head over there to just, just see if he can tighten up a few screws before he heads out.

Si:
A few glances around the space you've made around your bed, enjoying that quiet, not knowing what tomorrow will bring. Nearly thirteen months you've spent staring at these makeshift walls in these quiet moments. A lot of cheap wood, draped blankets, creating this illusion of privacy, illusion of personal space. But really it's not there at all. Everyone's on top of each other, doing their very best to just give each other that living space. And nearly thirteen months of making yourself useful. Being friendly, fixing problems, constructing and repairing and reinforcing. Being a team player, but maybe making few meaningful connections. Because it's been nearly thirteen months of grappling with that cruel twist of fate for Danny. You traveled all the way into the city to see your daughter but never got the chance. And stopping at that west side bakery on that morning to pick up breakfast for the two of you was the thing that saved your life. Your life. Do you ever think back to that morning when you passed the pastry shop? Or have you been able to fully compartmentalize?

Sean:
It's a… I think it's why Danny works so hard, is when he's really sort of elbows deep in a project. That's the only time he doesn't think about it. And, I think it's why he likes going back to Delilah's, is because it was Sue's favourite, and there's nothing that Danny can do for her anymore. And he feels like… Like, he owes her a lot, you know… He's good with his hands, but there's a lot of problems as a dad that you can't fix with your hands. And so, there's a... He knows it's silly, but there's this feeling of keeping the bakery up and running is a small way of making things better.

Si:
It’s about a ten minute walk through a number of buildings and connectors to get to Delilah's. Whoever Delilah used to be. She's long gone now. But you see Janey behind the counter cleaning up at the end of the day. Someone just a little younger than Danny, but not by much. Someone you've developed more of a bond with. Good at the small talk and the surface chat. And she sees you approaching, and you see a look of surprise on her face. And a frown, a look of concern all bundled into one.

Si (as Janey):
“Danny, I didn't expect to see you tonight. I heard about…”

Sean (as Danny):
“Ah, yeah, I couldn't sleep. Figured I'd just stop in and make sure everything was running smooth.”

Si (as Janey):
“Always thinking about other people. That's really nice of you, thank you, we're all good today… We sold a lot of bread.”

Sean (as Danny):
“I just want to make sure that everything is good to go for a while in case no one is able to stop in.”

Si (as Janey):
“You've done a lot for us, Danny. All of us. We… We're really grateful.”

Sean (as Danny):
“You ever, uhh, miss making the croissants and things? You know, like the cakes? I know it's all bread. I just... I think every once in while it would be nice to have a cake. You must be getting bored.”

Si (as Janey):
“I was really bad at it. I was so bad. I couldn't get the, the folds right... It doesn't matter. This is easy, and everyone loves coming here. It's just nice to have something fresh.”

Sean (as Danny):
“Yeah…”

Si (as Janey):
“You okay? I mean, you know, all things considered?”

Sean (as Danny):
“Well… I think… I think I've spent a lot of time keeping the lights on, so to speak. I think it'll be good to turn on some new ones.”

Si (as Janey):
“It definitely will.”

Si:
You see she reaches her hand over the counter, a palm up to hold yours, and you see a kind of emotion in her face, eyes welling up a little bit as she looks at you, and you can see what she's thinking but won't say.

Sean:
I think Danny's gonna take the hand, and give it a real good squeeze. Hold the eye contact. He's very grateful that we're not saying it. And… There's just this moment of, that's the best that he can do. That's how he's gonna fix this moment, with his hands. Just a good squeeze. And then he's gonna take a little sigh and umm…

Sean (as Danny):
“I'm just gonna take a look at the back. I think that mixer's getting a little loose…” 

Sean:
And just sort of shift to… Just doing the most thorough, like, maintenance possible on the machines, uh, cause he doesn't really know or trust that anyone's gonna be able to do it right if he's not here.

Si:
Janey’s grateful for the help, as always, but gets back to work cleaning up quietly, and I think you just work alongside each other for a while, not talking. Just a couple of slightly older residents of the safe zone doing their bit to help the community. And I think we'll move away from Danny at that moment.

Evlan. A few buildings away, things are a little different. The safe zone is crowded. People are living on top of each other, forced to stay together. But it's possible to find ways to carve out space for yourself if you're prepared to look for it. You don't know what this office block used to be used for, but there's a quiet corner on the ground floor, near the back. The exits have been barricaded, just like everywhere else, but you know people are nervous about spending too much time here, because one of the external walls is broken, partially collapsed, and the darkness outside has crept just that little bit closer. Two grey industrial-style shelving units anchored to the walls have made the perfect hanging spot for your hammock. The day you found that folded up in an old storage container was a good day.

Amelia:
Best day, arguably.

Si:
Since then you found spaces to sleep that no one else would have considered, which has allowed you to keep your distance and move around more quickly when you feel that need, and you wish you'd moved to this place sooner. It's out the way, it's private, but it's unpleasant enough so that you can avoid letting yourself get too comfortable. And a thing that you'd never admit out loud, the reason why you like this spot in particular, is how very close you are to the outside. That pull has never gone away. Mills, please could you introduce and describe Evlan, and also tell us how they've been passing the time as the weeks roll by, blurring into each other.

Amelia:
Yeah, so… Right now, Evlan is sort of sitting in the hammock, the, the weight of their body pulling them closer to the floor than if they had distributed it as they were laying out. Evlan is passing today in the same unremarkable way as they pass most days. At some point when people are gathering resources, as the safe zone, which used to be larger, the first, I think, few weeks, maybe months were just spent trying to figure out what do we have on hand, bringing it to a communal area where those in charge could then divvy things up to make sure everyone had what they needed. And, while books are important, there were things like, you know, encyclopedias and dictionaries that were less relevant, I think, um, toward the immediate survival, and Evlan has taken one of these, a few times. Evlan tries to travel very light. They have their hammock, they have a pocket knife that they care about, and whatever clothes are on their back, they are not picky about what they're wearing right now. It is a very large t-shirt for some, like, metal band that they've never heard of. Jeans that, um, used to fit a little bit tighter, I think spending more time here where food is rationed, where there is no sunlight, their tanned skin has grown more sallow, and there is kind of a wanting look to them, I think, not unfamiliar to many people here. I think something about missing the sun just does that to a person. But they've taken this old, like, Spanish-English dictionary, and have started carving into the sides of it, a drawing similar to the like the, Hokusai wave thing. They've gotten pretty good at it. Once they are done with a book, they just leave it somewhere and then they go and find another one, and have spent an inordinate amount of time carving up the inside of the book, folding mostly paper cranes, they've been trying to teach themselves other origami shapes, but they're not that good at it, and they have yet to find an origami book. So, it's been a lot of, a lot of random paper shapes, um, carving occasionally when they find a piece of wood, or something that doesn't seem to be used and doesn't have a purpose, there's a lot of stuff that's you know, relegated for firewood, carving into old erasers, just trying to take the bits and pieces of things that no one else needs, and go back to their corner. Like you've mentioned, they've been in this area a while as the safe zone has gotten smaller and smaller. They've managed to find pockets along the edge. It has been more difficult of late. But they, they sit there, uh, hands less calloused than they used to be. I think they used to play guitar, there's not one in the safe zone, and god, they could not risk someone asking them to play a song for them. Nightmare scenario. God, I just now realized, their hair probably looks like shit, too. They don't got the curl cream that they need. So, it is, it is a frizzy mess, that I think they've probably alternated between like, braiding down and just letting loose. And they think about telling their one close friend here, Maria, about what they've decided to do. I assume that there is some sort of like, ceremony, even if not intentional, to the act of volunteering for this, where especially in the first round, I'm sure there are people gathered and someone raised their hand and proudly proclaimed that they were willing to do what it takes. I don't think Evlan participated in any of that. I think after it all went down, they went up to one of the officials and just said, hey, I'm willing to do it if you need another person, and then slinked back to, uh, this place or a place just like this. They like being alone with their thoughts. This entire area is lit, and they know better than to sleep in a place that is not under the bright lights, however, being able to look in a direction where you're not being blinded by incandescent bulbs is a luxury that presents a danger most people are not willing to risk. But Evlan is not most people.

Si:
Already three vandalized books and half a dozen origami cranes sit at the very top of the shelving unit. In fact, there are now a range of little cranes just left in discrete locations all throughout the safe zone. It has probably started some kind of weird conspiracy, some mystery that the kids are trying to solve. A secret collection. Not that Evlan thinks that anyone has noticed, or would really care. Was origami something that your brother did or is that something that you just picked up?

Amelia:
That is something that Evlan, I think, has alway- Evlan likes to keep their hands busy. Fidgeting and origami seemed... I don't like, like the clicking fidget toys or anything. It was less distracting. You'd get less in trouble for making noise. So, I think it is something that Deckard liked. They would, you know, give him a little crane. And it's also something, one of the few things that Evlan was better at than Deckard. I'm sure that if he really wanted to get good at paper folding, he could have, but he didn't have an interest in it. And it was also, I think that was kind of a meaningful thing for them, ever since they were little, kind of making, Evlan making these little gestures of goodwill toward his younger brother. And I think sometimes they think about him, while they're folding, kind of looking out in the crack in the darkness. I think they spend a lot of time thinking, but specifically wondering what Deckard would do in this situation and how much more outgoing he would be… He would definitely be one of the, he would have volunteered upfront. He would have stood up first thing if someone needed help. Evlan does their best to carry their weight. They understand that this is a all hands on deck situation. There are many things that have to be done every single day just to keep what few lights we have on. But they're not really looking to go out of their way to help people. They answer when asked. And they think about the fact that Deckard wouldn't be like that. And I think they also think they should feel worse about, I guess not taking up that kind of a mantle that he left behind.

Si:
What was he good at?

Amelia:
Everything. Sports, played basketball, umm… He was great in school. He was a very like, popular person, not like the stereotypical popular kids, but he just made friends everywhere, was one of those, smile lights up a room kind of guys. He had gotten a scholarship to college, an academic scholarship, umm, just kind of universally doted on. And I think Evlan also did dote on Deckard as well. Just one of those people where it seems like life, it's not that everything came easy, but it's just that there was always a clear path for them to take. Whereas Evlan kind of felt like they were always stumbling over tree roots, in this kind of a metaphor. But Deckard was beyond anything, just so sweet and empathetic that you couldn't even hold it against him. Because of course, if the world is going to part all of the dangers and destruction for anyone, it should be for a soul like his.

Si:
Do you miss him?

Amelia:
Oh, constantly. And I think Evlan feels it should be Deckard here instead of them, but they also feel like living with this misery is some kind of a cosmic punishment that they don't necessarily think that, like, they've done anything to deserve, but it just feels right for them.

Si:
Those thoughts are interrupted by the sound of footsteps getting closer from somewhere around the corner. It's the same story, just when you thought you had a space to yourself, there's no such thing as privacy anymore. And you clench your jaw and stare at the ceiling, and then hear that gratingly chipper, familiar voice. 

Si (as Maria):
“Evlan, there you are! I was looking for you. I thought you were staying over by the storage lockers? And then Cam said he saw you disappearing down a random corridor on this side, and I guess you're living here now?”

Amelia (as Evlan):
“For now, yeah, yeah… Yeah, I was at the storage lockers and now I'm here, but this place is,”

Amelia:
Kind of like knocking against the wall, 

Amelia (as Evlan):
“does not feel, you know, up to code, so probably gonna have to move again... But you did find me, great. I'm fine though, so…”

Si (as Maria):
“That’s good, good to see you. I made you something.” 

Si:
Maria has been consistent, persistent, in her friendliness. Always seems to find you. No matter which corner. No matter how dangerous the place is. She manages to track you down eventually. She's this petite young woman, maybe not even twenty years old yet. Got straight dark hair tied back in a ponytail with a scrunchie, wearing an oversized t-shirt and leggings. And she smiles, and holds out her hand, and sitting in the palm of it is a very badly folded origami frog. 

Si (as Maria):
“It's supposed to be able to jump, right, when you press on the back, but I haven't been able... It doesn't jump, but it's not bad right?”

Amelia (as Evlan):
“Yeah, no, it's a solid frog shape. You gotta, yeah, there's two kinds of frog patterns, and you gotta do the other one to make it be able to jump, because you have to like, fold it so it acts as a kind of spring in it, so, it's good though.”

Si:
And her arm lingers out expectantly, hoping that you will accept the gift.

Amelia:
I, I will take the gift and kind of and, um, I'm like seated in the hammock and kind of awkwardly, you know you have to like, lunge forward to like, get the momentum out. So uh, you know, fall a little bit onto the ground, 

Amelia (as Evlan):
“Yeah, this is, um, this is, thank you.” 

Amelia:
And I will just like, put it in one of my pockets for safekeeping.

Si:
She looks around, and a very sincere look of worry and sadness comes across her face as she sees this sparse concrete shell of a room that you've made your temporary home. 

Si (as Maria):
“Evlan, listen, if you like, wanted a roommate or whatever, there’s space in my room. You know, I've got one of those original apartments above the old print shop. It's pretty cozy. You might like it more than this.”

Amelia (as Evlan):
“No, no, this is, this is great, actually, because I have room for, you know, I don't have to drill anything for the hammock, and I've got all these swans, they would never fit. That's just too much things, and then there'd be paper everywhere… No, I'm, I’m great and it's good to have, now, if something happens and I can tell people, because everyone's further in…”

Si (as Maria):
“Yeah…”

Amelia (as Evlan):
“But no, I'm good here… Do you, are you lonely? Cause I, we could probably, there's, you know, that board you could get a roommate if, for people who are… Fighting with their roommates…”

Si (as Maria):
“I just kind of thought we could hang out more, you know. It's fine. No, forget, forget I said anything. It's fine.”

Amelia (as Evlan):
“Yeah, no, no, we could hang out more. That’s, that would be cool. I could show you how to make the jumping frogs,”

Si (as Maria):
“Yes! Please, please. Please. I really wanna get better, I really do.”

Amelia (as Evlan):
“Yeah. Yeah, you know, I could probably do that in a while, you know, when I get, um, back.”

Si (as Maria):
“What?”

Amelia (as Evlan):
“Yeah, I mentioned that right? That I, I put my name to volunteer to go on the expedition that leaves tomorrow? So, when I get back from that then I can, then I'll show you how to make the jumping frogs.”

Si (as Maria):
“You didn't tell me that.”

Amelia (as Evlan):
“Right. I, yeah… Probably better though, because then you don't have to, because then otherwise you would have been upset, and now, I mean, you're upset, but I, it would be, I think a huge dick move if I just disappeared and you had no idea, um, that... So, but yeah, they needed, you know, they needed someone and everyone else does a lot here, and I don't, it's, I mean, I might as well, right?”

Si (as Maria):
“I don’t even know what to say. I know, I know all of this really sucks, and I know… I know you've lost a lot as well… You don't, you don’t have to do this. There are other people that can go.”

Amelia (as Evlan):
“Yeah, but they can also stay, you know? I mean, I feel like… I don't know, I just feel like there is… I don’t know, it's stupid. I just, I think it is the least I can do to, you know, pull my weight. I'm not building things, I'm not fixing things. I tried cooking exactly one time, and we all know how that went, uh… I know other people can go, but I can also go.”

Si (as Maria):
“What if you don’t come back?”

Amelia (as Evlan):
“Then I guess you're stuck making shitty frogs. Not shitty, that was rude. They're nice, it's a nice frog, just doesn't jump.”

Si (as Maria):
“It’s a shitty frog.”

Amelia (as Evlan):
“It kind of is. But like, it'll be fine. I mean, you're like the only person I even talk to, so I don't think, I'm not gonna be like, that missed.”

Si (as Maria):
“Well. it- there's not a lot of other people that I talk to either. Is there anything that I can say to make you stay? Because I will say it.” 

Amelia (as Evlan):
“[sighs] No.”

Si:
Maria nods with a profound sadness and resignation. For a couple of minutes her eyes have just been locked on the floor. Too scared to look up, for fear of bursting into tears. And she just is kind of stuck nodding. Takes a deep breath, forces half a smile, and begins to turn.

Amelia:
As she begins to turn, I will kind of lean in to give her a hug.

Si:
She grabs you so fast, the tightest squeeze. 

Si (as Maria):
“I’ll see you soon then, I guess?”

Amelia (as Evlan):
“Yeah. And thank you for checking up on me, not just now, but in general.”

Si:
You feel her nod, and you feel a tear touch your cheek from hers. And it is a long while before you feel her grip, almost uncomfortably tight around your ribs, loosen. 

Si (as Maria):
“You always were pretty badass.”

Amelia (as Evlan):
“Debatable.”

Amelia:
And I think Evlan waits until she releases, just kind of stays frozen in that spot until then.

Si:
She eventually steps back, and you see her eyes just kind of scan the shelves, the origami and the books, just absorbing it for a second, and then a little quicker this time, she makes herself leave. Disappears out the door, down the corridor, and the footsteps fade away.

Amelia:
I think Evlan just kind of stands in that spot, sort of processing, thinking of… Surely there was a better way to handle that, but they don't really know what they even wanted, or what she wanted, or what was supposed to even happen there. And… Just, I think they spend a lot of time in general sort of zoning out, and there's thoughts wandering, five or ten minutes or so frozen in that spot. And once they're sure she's gone, I think they look toward that broken wall where the darkness is on the other side. And knowing that tomorrow they're going to go farther than they've ever done, I think they walk through it to the other side… Which they've done before, so they're familiar with the layout of this kind of open area. They have a single watch whose battery they've luckily only had to change once. It's an analog watch, the kind where the screen illuminates in that like, soft minty glow, just enough to see the time, and going to stand in the darkness for a few minutes and just feel how it feels right now.

Si:
Luce. You walk away from the old post office that now serves as one of the three main supply areas in the safe zone. Carefully controlled with strict access, with food and other supplies distributed sparingly. It is an arrangement that is regularly under strain. These people feel the stress of survival. There is almost three thousand people crammed together in these buildings, and a few times you have wondered what might happen if enough of a crowd decided they weren’t going to accept it anymore. Probably the first step towards chaos, and the tenuous ties that bind that ties this community together, quickly unravelling. But you walk away from this place with exactly what you came for. In your hand, concealed discreetly in a folded piece of paper, you delicately grasp three cigarettes. Very high value items these days. Jennifer, who does the afternoon shifts guarding the supply room on this north side of the zone is curt, abrupt, unfriendly, and takes her job a little too seriously. But not with you. You’ve managed to charm her, and it’s working out pretty well for you so far. And Em, please, could you introduce and describe Lucy, and also tell us what parts of their personality have remained the same as before, even with the world practically ending?

Em:
Luce would tell you that they’re nothing to write home about. Twenty eight, tall, lean, used to run track. A ruddy red hair, now grown out to around her shoulders. A smattering of freckles that she neither likes nor dislikes, they’re just there. And those cigarettes feel so good in her hand, and she knows she has to walk far enough away from the post office before she can light one up, otherwise someone will ask for one, and say that they’ll owe her a favour later. A lot of people owe her favours. Favours are better currency than literally anything else here, in what’s left. Luce is everywhere she needs to be, and often many places she’s not needed. It’s good to keep track of what’s going on in the city, keep an eye on the pulse, because you never know when someone is going to need something. It’s good to make yourself available, because if you’re someone who can connect the dots and find the right things… Again, currency. That’s something that’s stuck around since everything’s changed. Trying to keep her finger on the pulse of how to keep herself useful and needed, in a way that benefits her. A lot of the rest of it has fallen to the wayside, and I think she’s adapting pretty well. I think she’s adapting just fine here, in what’s left. There’s always something to do, always somewhere to go, always someone whose ready with a story or an item, and if not, well… She rolls the cigarettes in her hands, again, and tries to figure out just how she’s going to score a beer to go along with this. ‘Cause that would be the end of a pretty decent day, as far as things go.

Si:
There’s a slight absurdity to life in the safe zone. Humanity could be on the verge of extinction, it’s obliteration just outside the walls, a single fault is all that’s needed for the last of the lights to be extinguished, and you all to be plunged into darkness. And yet, how quickly people found routine, how eager they were to seek the safety of the mundane, as if it were any safety at all. It is maddening at times.

Em:
It’s boring, is what it is. And I hate boring.

Si:
But then again, when you have to worry about more than just yourself, the things that are reassuring are suddenly so very, very important. The end of the world doesn’t seem to have released anyone from their obligations. And maybe you’re no stranger to that. And Luce, what is important to you? This far down the line?

Em:
Not much. If I’m being honest. Making sure I have a bed to crash in at night. Either by myself or… With someone else. Making sure I have enough to eat. It’s a lot less than it used to be. And, making sure I laugh at least once a day, because if I’m going to die here in the city, then it might as well be with a smile on my face, because people have stopped having fun. And I get it, everyone’s scared, everyone’s worried, and I am too. But… You can’t let that get in the way of enjoying yourself. I’ve been on my own for longer than I haven’t been. And, uh, that suits me just fine, so, might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

Si:
So with the cigarettes in hand, where do you go?

Em:
Umm… Someplace I don’t want to go. Because it means I actually have to have conversations about things I would rather not, but, uh… I probably should go find Pen. We have to talk about Auntie Joyce, and how that’s gonna shake out. If we can find somewhere to move her, if we can convince someone to stick around and caretake for her, or if I’ve got to do that, or if Pen has to do that, or heaven forbid, we have to do that together. And, uh… I should probably show my face, maybe, in the place that I’m supposed to be living. But I absolutely light one of those cigarettes first, because there is no way I’m doing that without one.

Si:
Do you find a quiet place to smoke, or do you get walking and risk those extra eyes on you? 

Em:
I tuck two of them in a tin that I have, one of many containers that holds things that are very high value on my person. Stowed in a bag, buried under some books. Journals, whatever. Tucked around a shirt or an extra sweater. And I find an alley that seems to be less populated, and I light up the cigarette, and I smoke the first half of it alone. I take a couple minutes, savour it, get about sixty percent of the way through it. And then I walk the rest of the way, out in the open, head held high. Finishing the last couple drags. It doesn’t matter how many eyes are on me, people should know. Because if I can get them, that means that I can get other things. And that’s how I make my living now.

Si:
You walk through one of the hastily constructed passageways that connects two buildings at the center of the safe zone. A tunnel of corrugated metal sheets and fence posts, bungee rope and tarp that play such an important role in keeping everything connected. There are a couple of others like this one, and every time you pass though, you can’t help but be reminded of just how flimsy your existence is. You cross the open plan warehouse, past the row after row of makeshift tents, blanket dividers, cardboard walls. Past lines of hanging laundry, cleaning rotors on the wall, children’s drawings in colourful chalk on the floor. And you’re very aware of the cigarettes you’ve just acquired as you walk though, knowing there may be some people nearby who might go to extreme lengths for a cigarette right now. But your reputation is enough to keep them at bay, but you feel those eyes on you as you walk past, row after row. Dozens and dozens of people just trying to get by. People who once huddled with others in this big warehouse space, terrified and desperately wanting to survive, not knowing that this place would become their home and their life, and that the people around them would become family, for better or worse. And you definitely get a few looks.

Em:
If there are any that are particularly negative, those are met with a wink, or just two fingers of a peace sign flashed in their direction, as I keep my head held high and I walk on.

Si:
They watch as you walk past, some averting their eyes as soon as you look back at them. And eventually you reach the other side of this huge living space, this massive room, with so many people. And I think you realize you’ve been holding your breath the whole time. And you reach the corridor on the other side and exhale, and pause, just for a moment, before continuing on. Do you knowingly keep yourself at a distance?

Em:
With most folks, yeah, but, if there would be people that I would have run jobs with in the past, or people that I would have been friendly with, then I would probably say hi. There would definitely be a, you know, jovial kind of cheekiness, or sense of camaraderie that Luce would take part in, but it’s very surface level, there’s nothing that goes deeper, other than Luce is someone you see around, that if you need something, she knows where to get it. Whether that’s things that are allowed, or things that are contraband. So, I would probably go steal a glass of coffee, or a sip of a beer from a group of guys that I had run a job with before. Offer one of them a drag of a cigarette, only to yank it back with a wag of a finger. But it’s super surface level. There’s no need for anything deeper. Why? We’re all gonna die here. Why make those deeper connections when they’re just gonna end, why put effort into that? It can be fine, because sometime it will be nothing.

Si:
Are there any ways that Luce has changed, or has been changed, over this last year?

Em:
You can’t not. She’s always had that adaptability, that roll with it-ness. She had to. She’s always been someone that landed on their feet. But now landing on your feet sometimes means running for your life. She’s become harder. Which is saying a lot, because the life before everything went truly to shit, she was pretty hard already. The one time she seems to soften is for Auntie Joyce. Because she doesn’t deserve that, she doesn’t need that. She remembers a much different Luce, so that’s the Luce that she’s gonna get. But the second that I don’t need to be that, I won’t be. ‘Cause that too, is hard. Difficult. And we gotta stay breezy, because you never know where you’re gonna land or what wind is gonna blow you in a certain direction, you gotta be ready. I don’t miss the before times, I can’t. It’s just now. It’s just this. Wishing for anything else is childish. And I haven’t been a kid for a long time.
 
Si:
Pen. There's a particular time of day that's perfect for people watching. That early evening period where people can't wait any longer to go get food. The dinner rush. Probably the highlight of the day for most, even when food is rationed. And the crowd comes drifting through the staff canteen at the back of the offices. The kind of place where everything is grey, and the tables and chairs are bolted to a hard floor. And you found if you get here early enough, you get a seat with a view of the entrance, and something about the look on people's faces as they come through the door… Flickers of joy, and hope, and relief, and a sense of community. Friends together, couples holding hands, a daily shared ritual. How lucky those people are to still have loved ones close to them. Partners, friends, family members. Because who knew the apocalypse would be so lonely. And Gina, please could you introduce and describe Penelope, and also share how she's made herself useful in these most difficult of times.

Gina:
Oh, um, well, you see Pen. That's me. Short for Penelope, or Penelope Allen. I’m Pen. You see a young girl, I'm not more than twenty one years old, with a heart-shaped face and bright blue eyes. My hair is bright, a reddish strawberry blonde, and it's softly curled and layered. I gave myself a little bit of a shag cut recently, just to the shoulders. And I have long curtain bangs in the front with soft pieces framing my face. And I wear delicate jewelry. I have small gold hoops in my ears, and a few extra on one ear, and a slender gold chain around my neck, with a penny sized pendant in the shape of a rose. And I'm dressed very neatly. I have a warm cream coloured crepe button-down shirt on. It's got little red rose buds on it, and slim fitting jeans, and white sneakers. And, it might seem silly, but I found that dressing nicely and with purpose has a real effect on my mood. You know, they say dress for the job you want, and I say, especially now, dress for the mood that you want. And I’m just, I'm just sitting here watching people, practicing my evening mindfulness. It's really important, you know, in times like this. You are the sky and everything else is just the weather. I saw that written up on the jobs board a little while ago, and I thought that that was nice. But, but not everyone appreciates hearing those things. And I get it. So, I just try to match the vibes, you know. So, um, let's see, making myself useful... Well, I've been learning how to sew. I help to organize things at the mall. That, that's what we call it. It's not really a mall. It's more like a donation center, you know, where we've taken clothes and kitchen items, and furniture, and things like that from people who aren't using them anymore… And it's just sort of, you know, like take what you need, trade what you can, that sort of thing. So, I work in the clothing section there. I help to style people, help them pick things out. I've started tailoring things for people, so it helps them to fit better in their clothes. You get to learn a lot about people from the kinds of clothes that they wear, and having a pair of pants that fit you makes a real difference. So… I've been doing a lot of that. I think coping in, in a space like this has been… Scary, at times, but we've all really pulled together and made something wonderful. Everyone is trying their best with what they've got, and that's really all you can ask for. And I've been learning a lot. Dani has been teaching me a lot of really useful skills, and I am just, I'm very grateful to be learning so much in a time when… You know, you could really just give up, and that's not what I want to do. And I'm really grateful for Luce, too, that she's here, and that we're here together, and that we're able to be here for Auntie Joyce in all of this. I don't know what I would do without my sister. But sometimes it's, um, it’s also hard to sleep with all the lights. And the sound. In the beginning, I didn't really sleep much at all. I used to run a lot, back when I was in school, and I tried to keep that up here. But it's been a little hard. There's not really a lot of space anymore. And it turns out that people really don't like you running through their areas, and running too close to the perimeter is sometimes risky, so I've just sort of been trying to find other ways to move when I can. There's a small group of us that get together to do yoga in the mornings, but, um, fewer people have been showing up for that recently. So, I've been trying to find other ways to do it on my own. I do think I'm a little bit lonely. Not all the time, just sometimes. Luce has really adapted to this place, and sometimes she really doesn't want to spend all of her time with me. A lot of the time. Most, most of the time. But you know, sisters fight, sisters fight! And that doesn't mean that we don't love each other. We're family. We're just… different.

Si:
Amongst the crowd passing through the doors, a man walks through with his two young daughters. They can't be older than eight or nine years old. You've seen them around quite a lot on your walks, always doing some activity or another, always together, and they're both skipping into the canteen holding hands, grinning, without a care in the world. And behind them, the dad walks wearily, heavy lines on his face, dark rings under his eyes. He's looking in the direction of the girls as they skip ahead, but he's not focused on them at all, you can see… I mean you- you don't know this man, but you know without having to be told that this family is incomplete, and the burden of grief casts its shadow over so many of the faces that you see every day. And the grief of this father is not just at what he has lost in the past, but of a lost future, it's something you all have in common. And you look back over at these girls, unburdened in so many ways. Sisters, lucky to have each other. It's hard to remember ever feeling that carefree. But Pen also has family with her, so she's lucky too, isn't she? 

Gina:
My sister's my best friend. I can't imagine being anywhere without her in my life. 

Si:
And what does Pen miss the most?

Gina:
There's a lot of things. And that doesn't, and that doesn’t mean that we haven't created something wonderful here, because we have! But… I miss... This is gonna sound silly. There is a yogurt parfait, at the cafe down the street, around my old apartment, where I would just, I would just walk in and they, I wouldn't even have to order! They knew what I wanted… And half the time they didn't even charge me. And I would always leave a really nice tip every time. But it… It was nice to be known in a way that wasn't so heavy, like it is now, you know? We tend to be known for certain things here, and that's why I always try to be as positive and upbeat as I can be, because if someone is having a really bad day, you never know how far a smile, and a hug, and a compliment can go. So, I try to do that.

Si:
And how's that going?

Gina:
Fine! I think sometimes it's hard for other people... I think sometimes it's really hard to see someone be so positive all the time, when things aren't so positive. I think sometimes that makes people... You know when you walk into a room and you can tell that other people have been talking about you? And sometimes it's a great thing because they get really excited when you walk in the door, and other times… Other times you can tell that maybe they wish you were someone else walking through the door. But, you know, I have managed to make a lot of friends here. I try to turn it into a game. Find five people to talk to every day. Customers don't count. Most of the days, most of the days I win.

Si:
Is that a game you play with Luce?

Gina:
She doesn't always know that I'm playing it. We used to play a lot when we were younger. But since she moved out, it's, it’s been hard to find time together… Which is one of the reasons why I'm just so grateful that we're here together. We have more time for that. She's, she’s a hard one to pin down sometimes. She's always out doing things. She's very busy.

Si:
As the crowd drifts past, your mind goes back to this morning, and being told that you were going. You and Luce both. And in a way, it may have been a kindness to your Auntie Joyce for only one of the two of you were going, in case... In case the worst happens. But even after everything, after all this time, and maybe despite your relationship, and its ups and downs, you're doing this together. But did Pen ever consider staying behind? Letting Luce go without you?

Gina:
I know Luce put her name in. She didn't tell me, but I know enough people here, and she's my sister. We've been through a lot, and you know, there are so many people who are really useful and have been keeping this place safe, and taking care of people, you know, and… I'm not gonna let Luce go out on her own again. If she goes, I go. But, of course there are times when, you know, when the first group went out... I was glad I wasn't... I'm just glad I'm gonna be with Luce. I'm glad we're gonna be together… I have skills. I can do things. I hope.

Si:
And where does Pen go this evening? As the crowd thins and everything quietens down, and your thoughts turn to tomorrow morning. Is there anything that you'd like to do?

Gina:
I think I want to stop, I want to stop at the mall and pick up, um, I have something that I've been working on. And I've been keeping it there because I didn't want to keep it at home until it was ready. So I want to go pick that up. And then, and then I, I need to go find my sister. I feel like we should, um… We need to talk before we leave. And, and go see Auntie Joyce. Before we go.

Si:
The mall, as you call it, this little shop space, with the clothes and fabrics and textiles, and various projects on the go. Lots of things, half finished. Lots of things, lots of things that would be discarded in the before times, as not being stylish, or cool enough or trendy enough to wear. Hand-me-downs that never really got worn. This little space is one of the few spaces in the safe zone that is upstairs. There are very few spaces that are used on upper levels, other than residences and living spaces, small apartments that are crammed with people. But there's just this little space, right in the hub, right in the middle, as communal area that people can come and go. And it's the closest that you get to a feeling of a shopping mall with number of different things that you can actually see and look at. And it's got a balcony that looks down on a seating area below, and just occasionally in the middle of the day, when people are taking a break from their daily routine and activity, they come here to hang out. People are sitting down, tables and benches, chatting, people swing by the shop and talk to you about clothes. Talk to you about tailoring and projects. You do get a few moments where you can forget, a few moments where it feels normal again. Where bright lights would be normal. Where people are just focusing on the little details, little things to make their days better. And you return up there this evening. And what is the item that Pen is going to collect?

Gina:
I'm gonna go over to the sewing machine. There's a pile of clothes next to it, just sort of things waiting to be altered. But, one of them, I've sort of underneath a few bags to hide it. And I take it out, I hold it up and look at it. It's a black jean jacket. It's obviously been tailored down. You can see the stitch marks. I'm not great at it yet, but I am learning. And um, on the back panel is a patchwork piece of red flannel, cut out into the shape of a goose. And it's sewn onto the back with red thread and hand stitched letters, also in red thread, above it and below it. And it reads ‘Luce Cannon’. Spelled like her name. And I look at it for a minute, making sure that nothing will come undone, that the stitching will hold. I just, I really hope that she likes it. And if I fold it up and just sort of roll it as neatly as I can to put it in my tote bag that I have with me. And I take a look around the room. And for a minute, there's a flash of… Fear. What if I don’t come back? But I quickly, quickly push that down. That's not going to do me any good! I'm gonna be back here in no time. And I'm gonna be even better at sewing than I am now, and we’re gonna… Everything will be fine. And I shake those thoughts, I shake those thoughts loose and I'd, I just... Okay. I'm gonna go find my sister. I’m gonna go find Luce.

Si:
Okay. With Maria gone, those distant echoes of movement and voices that reach this bed space from the rest of the safe zone fade to almost nothing. And that general weariness is your daily reminder that it's night. When the lights run all the time, it's so hard to tell otherwise. And you glance over at that barricaded doorway at the back of this office. The one not quite fixed securely in place. For some reason, this part of the safe zone must have been overlooked. This is just a few plywood sheets haphazardly nailed into a wall not solid enough to even hold them. And the edges have come loose. You knew this was a quiet place to set up camp because you visited here before, in the middle of the night when the rest of the safe zone was asleep. Because tomorrow won't be the first time Evlan has left the safe zone. And so you move towards the boards, that gap. The wooden sheets slide far too easily to the side exposing a space large enough to just kind of duck down and crawl through, and you pause for a moment to listen out for the sound of Maria coming back or someone else approaching, but there's nothing, it's silent, and squeeze through and stand up on the other side. Outside of the barricade, outside of the safe zone, away from the safety of the light. How many times have you done this?

Amelia:
I think there is, ah, in one of the books that I keep on me, one that I haven't carved up entirely, the one where I use notches to mark the days. There's another area where each notch marks a time out. So I'd probably say, technically, maybe near two dozen. I don't think Evlan, like, counts a lot of the earlier ones. Not that Evlan is telling anyone, or has this information to share with anyone, but personally, the first time, the first time counted, a few times of just running out and in after, where they spent maybe, like, twenty seconds before running back in just to see what happened. I don't think Evlan counts those, but I think recently these longer stays were, you know, checking to see, okay… I mean, Evlan is one of the few people who moved into the safe zone from the darkness. I don't even know if anyone else did. So, they know that it's not that the air is toxic, that it's not that there is a magic that kills you, that it is the monsters you have to look out for, um, but still worth checking. And I think they've been pushing their luck more recently, going a little bit farther, or staying a little bit longer. And they tell themselves they're investigating, maybe, sometimes, as if they're keeping notes, as if anything they learn has given them more answers than questions. But, this spot in particular, since they moved in, and since they've set up shop here, I think they've been going more recently, especially since there's been news of a group going outside, I think after the first few days Evlan was looking for any kind of sign of what happened to them, of course not finding anything

Si:
As the weeks and months rolled on in the safe zone, Evlan has spent a lot of time on their own in the quiet. But at night when it gets really quiet, just truly those silent moments, you've been getting a feeling. The sensation of hearing a familiar voice, but without sound. Some synapses buried in your brain are firing, stimulated by some external signal that you, that you can't see or hear, and a message that you cannot translate, like a radio searching for the right frequency. But it's almost like… A call. A beckon, but for something strangely familiar. So as you crawl through and stand up, for what might be the two dozenth time, and you look out at the world as it is now, it is never not a striking thing to behold. As you look out of the city and up to the sky at the nightmarish version of the world that used to be so familiar, above you and as far as you can see, a scorched sky has been torn apart, as if an angry god has ripped out huge sections to reveal a swirling void beyond. Dramatic streaks of swirling grey matter are dragged across the sky and interrupted by flashes of energy like black lightning bolts, each one causing a pulse you can feel in your stomach. Gloomy, oppressive darkness clings to the buildings and across the streets, with pockets of impenetrable shadow surrounding every object, just a piercing darkness. It is so grim and so dark that it is almost completely devoid of colour, and slowly drifting one or two feet above the ground are clusters of clouds made of dark particles, black and grey, hanging like a low mist but flickering and glitching, and just drifting. And there is electricity in the air like a silent hum, and you can feel your hair react to it like a static charge as soon as you step out. And maybe the most unsettling part of all of this is that it is not silent out here. Like an old house whose floorboards and pipes creak and groan at night, the city creaks and groans under the weight of some invisible force, pushing it and pulling it. Some gravity beyond gravity that seems to constantly shift direction and threaten to pull everything apart. And you stand with your back to the safe zone, looking out, taking it in, existing solely in this moment. The bleak hellscape of what the world now looks like, and yet a feeling of calm washes over you, wraps around you like a blanket. Comfort. Somehow more comfortable than any night you've spent in the safe zone. Where do Evlan's thoughts go in this moment?

Amelia:
I think Evlan's thoughts swirl along the path that the wind takes. I think there is a kind of relief at hearing something that isn't the buzz of the lights and the movement of people. This, what the world is, is beautiful, and that feels terrifying, and it is terrifying, and that has its own kind of a beauty. Evlan saw Deckard die, and Evlan knows that he is dead, and I think there is a part of Evlan that hopes that in whatever weird forces exist in this beyond that is now the world, that maybe they'll just hear Deckard's voice, that what they saw wasn't what they saw, and that he's fine, and he'll come back, and all of this will go back to normal. But, in the same way, if you've ever like, gone like backpacking or hiking, and you're just wake up early before everybody else, and you're sitting and you're just enjoying nature, and it's the quiet where nothing is actually silent, because there's just constant noise everywhere, but it's serene. I don't know if you could say like, what particularly you are thinking about, I think at some point your thoughts just kind of... I think of them as like, floating. There's nothing concrete there. There isn't a declaration of a sentence, but it is just feeling and existing in what this is. I don't think... I think there's a calm, and I think the calm begets its own uneasiness, and that kind of oscillates back and forth, as I just look out and… Here, I think is the only time that they've ever felt present, maybe even before the safe zone, maybe even before all of this happened in quite, quite some time.

Si:
How long do you stay?

Amelia:
Evlan set an alarm on their watch. They go out... Sometimes they go for distance, sometimes they go for time, never going too, too far, because they don't want to die. And that's what they tell themselves. And so after what feels fleeting, but has been about twenty five minutes or so, the watch lights up, they silence it, they stay out a little bit longer. But they are not quite comfortable enough to, I'm not gonna sleep out here!

Si:
I think in that time you find that you've just been taking slow steps forward, just little by little away from the root back to safety, and as your watch lights up, that movement stops and you realize you're just a little bit further than the last time that you went out. Just have a little bit more exposure to the parts of the city, a few more angles, a few more streets to look down, and that stillness amongst the noise, the creaking… But a new noise interrupts that stillness. A loud bang, like the impact of metal against metal, something new, something you haven't heard before. And then a screech, or something close to a screech, something deep and bassy, but still piercing. Something close. Way closer than any of the other sounds you've been listening to across the city, maybe just the other side of the nearest building. That noise is followed by a horrific scraping sound and then what sounds like the crumble of bricks of rubble. And then every shadow that you can see in front of you begins to move. It just detaches from whatever space it was in and drifts, just moving away, some dissolving entirely, completely changing the view of the palette of the landscape in front of you. And you feel something entirely new as well. Like all of the air around your body has just dropped ten degrees, and suddenly there's a pressure on your lungs, forcing you to take deeper, harder breaths. But somehow it's not painful. It's… It’s almost a relief. It should be scary and horrible, but it's not. And you stand here almost completely overwhelmed by this sensory overload, and you suddenly get the clearest, most vivid memory of your family in your mind, as if it's been beamed in there from the most perfect of photo albums. Everyone smiling, everyone laughing, playing games, and you and your brother stand you and your brother stand side by side with your arms around each other's shoulders. It’s a hazy sunset glowing beyond a window. It is so nice. You feel a huge release of endorphins. And I'm going to ask for our first roll of the story. Evlan, could you please make a resistance role for me? Against your resolve?

Amelia:
Okay, hold on, let me grab- I didn't think I was gonna roll, let me grab my d6s! When we built our character sheets, I forget what the original name of the ability was, I renamed it to Empty, that you're immune to the terror that some supernatural entities inflict on sight. I get an extra 1d6 to resistance rolls with my resolve. 

Si:
Hell yeah.

Amelia:
So that would be, I believe that puts me at 5d6…

Si:
So just maxed out on resolve. 

Amelia:
Yeah, because I have four things in it too. Okay. And then please remind me what I am looking for in these dice.

Si:
You subtract your highest roll from six, and that's the number of stress points, stress markers that you take. 

Amelia:
Okay, so my highest roll is a four, so I will take two stress.

Si:
Yes.

Amelia:
Excellent. Well, maybe not excellent, but I figured out subtraction.

Si:
You take two stress as you feel your heart beat harder, and you realize two terrifying things. First, this picture in your mind of your family, this vivid thought. You didn't think of that. It came from outside of your head, somehow. And second, somehow even more terrifying, you know, you know that this memory you can see, never happened. And you hear that screech again even closer, another huge crash, and you start to feel the ground shake beneath you, impact tremors. Something is coming, something big.

Amelia:
I am running back the way that I came.

Si:
You turn and sprint. No time to look back. The ground continues to shake more violently beneath you as you run, and you reach the boards and dive through. You can quickly slide them back, and you're back, under the safety of the lights, and all you hear is the buzzing of electricity feeding all the bulbs around you. 

Pen, you make it back to your room, and are not surprised to find that Luce is not there. Night after night you sit around, wondering where your sister might be, and when, or if, she might be coming back that night. And so you have to wait around for a while. A familiar feeling of waiting in the quiet, wishing there was a way to pass the time a little quicker, or distract yourself, or just… Have something to listen to that isn’t the constant buzz of lightbulbs and electricity. But eventually, a little later in the evening, Luce does return, and your sister walks through the door, and you notice the smell of cigarettes drift in behind her. And Luce, you see your sister. Waiting for you.

Em:
I just walk in, clunk my bag down, and take a seat on my bed sitting across from her.

Gina (as Pen):
“You’re back! I was um, I was just, um, out, um… How was, how was your day?”

Em (as Luce):
“Yeah, fine.”

Gina (as Pen):
“That’s good. Um, I um, I suppose you heard the, the news, then?”

Em (as Luce):
“What news?”

Gina (as Pen):
“Um, [chuckles nervously] hold on, hold on, um…”

Gina:
And I, I had been standing in sort of the middle of the space when Luce had walked in, sort of trying to start one thing, and, and not really knowing if its the time, and, and I’m just sort of holding all of my things that I brought in with me still in my arms and I, I turn and I set them down on the bed and I sling my bag off of my shoulder, and I turn back to look at Luce.

Em (as Luce):
“What?”

Gina (as Pen):
“About the, um… They… They picked a team?”

Em (as Luce):
“Those poor fuckers.”

Gina (as Pen):
“I- I assume you've… Heard.”

Em (as Luce):
“No, I was busy today, I was uh, on a job. I’ve, I’ve been out. Who, uh, [chuckles] who’d they end up picking?”

Gina (as Pen):
“[chuckles nervously] Listen, I think, um, I... I was, I was gonna tell you,”

Em (as Luce):
“Pen, just spit it out. Who did they pick? I don’t have all day.”

Gina (as Pen):
“Well I, I don’t know everyone but I… I do know… You and I are going together!”

Em (as Luce):
“Pen, I don’t have time to fuck around, who did they pick? Come on, just tell me.”

Gina (as Pen):
“I, I was going to tell you… I wanted to tell you, I actually tried, a couple times, but you never wanted- you were, you were always so busy, and, and I actually asked, you remember, you remember yesterday when I asked if you wanted to go for a walk, and and you, of course you had things to do and you didn’t have time, um…”

Em (as Luce):
“Pen, why did you put your name in?”

Gina (as Pen):
“I, I just, I just figured-”

Em (as Luce):
“No, you didn’t just figure. Why did you put your name in? What the fuck were you thinking?”

Gina (as Pen):
“I didn’t…”

Em (as Luce):
“You weren’t thinking. You never do.”

Gina (as Pen):
“I didn't want you to be alone. I, I saw that you put your name in, and, and of, of, I knew of course how could you not be selected?” 

Em (as Luce):
“Jesus Christ, Penelope…”

Gina (as Pen):
“How could you not be chosen? Of course they would pick you, and I couldn't let you go out by yourself-”

Em (as Luce):
“You weren’t supposed to fucking go! Why did you do that? Do you wanna die? Do you wanna leave Aunt Joyce alone?”

Gina (as Pen):
“Of course not, I…” 

Em (as Luce):
“Then why the fuck did you put your name in?”

Gina (as Pen):
“I wasn’t going to let you go out there by yourself, Luce!”

Em (as Luce):
“I wouldn’t have been alone, I would have been with three other people who would have had their shit together enough, and didn’t have an aunt who can’t fucking remember to keep the goddamn lights on!”

Gina (as Pen):
“I talked with Norah, she said that she’s going to watch her while we’re gone, she’s a nurse, she knows how to do this! Of course I don’t want to leave her, Luce, of course I don’t, but I’m not going to lose you, too! Not again!”

Em (as Luce):
“No, no this is not happening, this is, this is not, this is not happening to me, this is not fucking happening to me…”

Gina (as Pen):
“I think, I think it's gonna be great, actually, I think it’s going to be-”

Em (as Luce):
“It’s going to be great?! Are you insane?!”

Gina (as Pen):
“You know what, you know, it's gonna be really great because we're gonna get to spend more time together and I'm, I...

Em (as Luce):
“Look, I don’t know what you think we’re going to do out there. You say this with any sort of presumption, like either of us are in any way prepared. Okay? I’m certainly not.”

Gina (as Pen):
“So why did you put your name in then? If you're not so prepared?”

Em (as Luce):
“Because what the fuck else am I doing here?!”

Gina (as Pen):
“You wanna get away from me that badly?”

Em (as Luce):
“No, because they’re going to look after the families of the people who go! They’re going to look after you, they would have looked after Aunt Joyce, and if I go, which I am apparently now going, good for me! Things would have been fine for you, things would have been fine for her, and we wouldn’t have had to worry about anything!”

Gina (as Pen):
“Do you really think things are fine for me, Luce?”

Em (as Luce):
“You’re always fine. You figure it out. You always have.”

Gina (as Pen):
“Yeah, like you do?”

Em (as Luce):
“No, don’t start this shit again, no, no, no, no, no. No, we’re not doing this, we’re not doing this today.”

Gina (as Pen):
“Like you've always had it figured out? Is this what this is going to be like?”

Em (as Luce):
“I don’t know, is this what you wanted it to be like? Because you weren’t supposed to fucking go, Penelope! We weren’t supposed to be having this conversation.”

Gina (as Pen):
“Fine, maybe I can talk to-”

Em (as Luce):
“Oh, Jacob, because you know him? No, I will handle that, like I handle everything else, I, you have done enough. Yeah, you’ve done absolutely enough. Thank you so much for your contribution, well done.”

Gina (as Pen):
“I just wanted to help… I know I’m not like you-”

Em (as Luce):
“That’s the point!”

Gina (as Pen):
“Or some of the other people here, but I’m good at things too, Luce, I can help!”

Em (as Luce):
“Yes, you are. You’re good at a lot of things. You are good at a lot of things, Pen, I’m not knocking that, okay? But you’re better at the shit that involves staying here. What I do here? Kinda frivolous, on top of it. You’re making a difference. And you’re the one that’s actually probably capable of looking after Joyce. We all know that when mom and dad had that conversation with us about her, they were really talking to you. Nobody would trust me with anything. And now look what you’ve done. You gone and got yourself signed up.”

Gina (as Pen):
“I just wanted to help…”

Em (as Luce):
“I know. Because you’re a good person. Good people shouldn’t go and do their stupid fucking shit. Good people should stay here, and make a difference.”

Gina (as Pen):
“Do you really think I'm a good person? Do you really think that?”

Em (as Luce):
“Well, I’m not a good person. And so, between the two of us, it had to go somewhere.”

Gina (as Pen):
“Luce, what, what mom and dad said to you, that’s not fair. But I feel like you… You’ve never stopped blaming me for that.”

Em (as Luce):
“I’m not having this conversation with you now, I’m, I’m not-”

Gina (as Pen):
“I think we need to have this conversation.”

Em (as Luce):
“No. No, no. What’s the point? What’s the point?”

Gina (as Pen):
“Because if you leave and I don’t come with you, and we don’t have this conversation…”

Em (as Luce):
“And it will be exactly like they have been before we both arrived here. And you’re doing just fine.”

Gina (as Pen):
“No, no…”

Si:
Luce, in this moment, I think you’d notice there’s a folded bit of clothing on the side, and you can see just enough of the embroidery to see that it has your name on it.

Em (as Luce):
I’ll take any diversion to change the topic of conversation, so I think my eyes kind of glance to the side with a very heavy exhale, desperately wishing I had another cigarette immediately lit up, but those have to be saved, because I don’t know when I’m going to get more.

Gina:
I follow your gaze to the jacket.

Em (as Luce):
“What’s that? Why has it got my name on it?”

Gina:
I wipe at my face a little and roll my eyes.

Gina (as Pen):
“It’s an early birthday present. For you.”

Em (as Luce):
“Did you make it?”

Gina (as Pen):
“Maybe.”

Em (as Luce):
“Well, let’s see it then.”

Gina:
I look at you, trying to assess if you’re serious or not.

Gina (as Pen):
“You wanna see it?”

Em (as Luce):
“You worked on it. Fuckin’ show it to me.”

Gina:
I shrug a little and move over to the bag and I pull the jacket out. And just sort of toss it across to you.

Gina (as Pen):
“Here.”

Em:
I catch it. Pick it up and shake it out.

Em (as Luce):
“Plaid’s nice. It’s a good denim.”

Gina (as Pen):
“Had a lot of people eyeing that jacket, you know.”

Em (as Luce):
“Yeah I bet.”

Gina (as Pen):
“Had to hide it.”

Em (as Luce):
“You should have seent they way they fucking looked at my cigarettes when I walked over here.”

Gina (as Pen):
“I believe it.”

Em (as Luce):
“This is nice.”

Em:
As I kind of like, look at my own jacket that has a giant hole in the armpit, this like, beat up camo jacket, that might have been our dad’s or an uncle’s, or somebody’s. It’s way too big for me, but it has a lot of pockets, and I can see Pen has sewn extra pockets into this.

Em (as Luce):
“Yeah that’ll ah, that’ll be good. This is nice, thanks. Yeah.”

Gina (as Pen):
“I hope it fits, I uh, I tried… I tried to measure some of your things already, but you know.”

Em (as Luce):
“Yeah I, uh, I don’t eat enough, so uh…”

Gina (as Pen):
“No, you don’t, I keep telling you that.”

Em (as Luce):
“Yeah…”

Gina (as Pen):
“I keep asking you to go to breakfast with me and you never do.”

Em (as Luce):
“Ehhh, breakfast. It’s not really my thing.”

Gina (as Pen):
“It sets you up for a really nice day, it gives you energy.”

Em (as Luce):
“Yeah, you can’t move with breakfast. They don’t do things you can like, carry and go, you gotta like, fucking sit down and spend like, an hour.”

Gina (as Pen):
“That's why a proper stretching routine in the morning and actually walking like I always invite you to, helps move your digestive system. It helps, but you never listen to me.”

Em (as Luce):
“Well, neither of us are really good at listening, are we?”

Em:
I shrug off the camo jacket and put on the black denim one. It fits. Perfectly. Of course it does.

Gina (as Pen):
“It looks really good.”

Em:
I think I, like, catch a reflection in a small, like, piece of mirror that we have in the room.

Em (as Luce):
“A goose? Really?”

Gina (as Pen):
“Don’t you get it? I thought it would, I thought it would be… Maybe it’s dumb.”

Em (as Luce):
“Nah, it’s not dumb. The stitching is nice, you’re getting better at it.”

Gina (as Pen):
“I’ve been practicing.”

Em (as Luce):
“It’s good. It’s good, I’ll come to you the next time I get a fucking cut on my arm.”

Em:
And I like, pull up a sleeve and there’s some nasty looking scars.

Gina (as Pen):
“See, that's one of the things I can be really good at, if we go, I can, I can… Well... Hopefully I won't have to, but I can…”

Em (as Luce):
“Yeah… Well, I’m gonna go talk to Jacob, so, uh…”

Gina (as Pen):
“Do you want me to come with you? I can come with you.”

Em (as Luce):
“No, no, he’s a piece of shit. You don’t, no, you don’t need to-”

Gina (as Pen):
“You know he’s actually really going through a hard time right now, he’s got some personal stuff, you know, considering everything.”

Em (as Luce):
“We all got personal shit, Pen. He’s, uh, he’s still an asshole. Takes one to know one.”

Gina (as Pen):
“Look, I’m, I am sorry for not telling you sooner. But I really did try.”

Em (as Luce):
“Yeah, I know. It’s good. Don’t worry. Yeah, it’s fine. Where the team is going at, uh, morning?”

Gina (as Pen):
“Yeah.” 

Em (as Luce):
“Okay…”

Gina (as Pen):
“So, we should probably talk about what we want to bring, and go see Auntie Joyce before we go.”

Em (as Luce):
“Pen, I’m gonna be real straight up with you, I am going to go to Jacob and tell him your not going. You can’t go. Not because I don’t believe you’d be good at it, I think you’d be fucking great at it, like everything you are in your life, everything you touch turns to gold, truly. Like, look at you, you’ve walked five minutes into a clothing store and you make people feel like a million bucks at the end of the world, okay? It’s fine, look, you’ve fucking made a pretty sick jacket. You’re very good at what you do. We both can’t go. And of the two of us, you ask fucking anyone around here… Nobody’s going to miss me. I don’t need to be here in the city. Of the two of us, if there is a choice, it’s me, not you. It’s not a question of your competency, Pen, because I know you think about that a lot. It’s not about that. Joyce shouldn’t be here alone. And if the same shit happens to us, that happened probably to the first group, she’s going to get worse. It’ll become too much for Nora. Everyone has a limit with what they’re going to be willing to when things get worse. You are the choice, I am not. So yeah, I’m going to go to Jacob, and I’m going to tell him you’re not going. They can pick somebody else, how both of us ended up getting chosen out of a goddamn lottery, I don’t know, but there are other people who should go, not you. Look, I know I haven’t been around, not just now, but before. Please, just let me try and fucking protect you, okay?”

Gina (as Pen):
“Okay. Just let me know what he says.”

Em (as Luce):
“Yeah. If he can still speak by the end of it or I haven’t blown his fucking eardrums out. Yeah.”

Em:
As I, uh, hold Pen’s gaze for a moment, I realize I haven’t even taken my bag off, I don’t have anything here, nothing has been left in the other places, everything is with me, so there’s no point in unpacking or putting anything down, so I just pick it up, readjust my pack, and I, uh, stand up to make my way to go.

Gina (as Pen):
“Luce?”

Em (as Luce):
“Yeah?”

Gina:
And you watch Pen’s face harden just a little bit, as if you know she’s thinking to herself she’s going to regret saying this,

Gina (as Pen):
“If everything I touch turns to gold, how come I can't fix us?”

Em (as Luce):
“‘Cause most of this shit isn’t your fault. You’re just the last one whose here. And I’m sorry for that. Okay?”

Gina (as Pen):
“Okay.”

Em (as Luce):
“We’ll go see Joyce before I go.”

Gina (as Pen):
“Right.”

Em (as Luce):
“Okay?”

Gina (as Pen):
“Yeah. Okay.”

Em (as Luce):
“Okay.”

Gina (as Pen):
“I’ll, I’ll be here, I guess.”

Em (as Luce):
“Do you wait for me?”

Gina (as Pen):
“W-When?”

Em (as Luce):
“Like, here, at night? At Night? Like…?”

Gina (as Pen):
“Oh- oh… Sometimes. If I don’t know where you are, or... Luce, I worry about you. I know, I know you can handle yourself, and I know, I know you, I just… I love you. Anyway, um…”

Em (as Luce):
“I’ll try and get better at telling you if I’m going to be here or not.”

Gina (as Pen):
“Okay.”

Em (as Luce):
“I’m not great at it. I’ll try and be better at it.”

Gina (as Pen):
“I would, um, appreciate that.”

Em (as Luce):
“Yeah. Well, I mean, I’m going tomorrow, so that’s when I come back, I guess. I will try and get better at that.”

Gina (as Pen):
“Right.”

Em (as Luce):
“Yep… Okay. I’m gonna go, fucking yell at Jacob now.”

Gina (as Pen):
“Yeah, you should, um, okay.”

Em (as Luce):
“Okay.”

Em:
And I pick up my stuff, I walk towards the edge of our space, and I pause for a second… And I go.

Gina:
And as soon as Luce leaves, Pen just sits down on her bed, and stares at the floor, replaying this conversation in her mind.

Si:
You leave your sister behind and head back out. And you know exactly which direction to go. And you walk towards the bar. It couldn't have been more than a couple of weeks after everything fell before people gathered up all the alcohol in the safe zone, brought in a random assortment of tables, stacked up some pallets from the warehouse, and set up a makeshift bar. The days that followed were a glorious testament to humanity's ability to be both resolute and drunk in the worst possible circumstances. But those days were cut short when all supplies throughout the safe zone were quickly collected and then strictly managed. Good for survival, not so good for drowning sorrows. If there's any before times alcohol left at all, you know it's been kept in some secret location. Luce almost certainly knows who to speak to. But most of what's available here is homemade. A lot of safe zone vodka. Needless to say, people aren't fighting over the stuff. But as you enter the bar, you see Jacob sat at a table with a bottle of something clear and a glass next to it. And he clocks you, too. You two are not friends. But in a way, he's something of a kindred spirit in this place. Serious, capable, completely guarded, and very much disconnected from most of the population. Jacob's sort of like the custodian of the safe zone, but also the enforcer of its rules, and can be intimidating at the best of times. But he was also responsible for a lot of the work and organization in the chaos of the first few days. And the safe zone might not have survived without him.

Here he sits in his usual plaid shirt, black t-shirt combination, massive shoulders threatening the stitching, sleeves half rolled, revealing a snake and dagger tattoo on his right forearm. He's almost certainly served, maybe Marines, maybe something a little more discreet. And behind the long dark hair and unkempt beard, his face is always still and emotionless, but there's a wild energy behind his eyes that always puts you on edge. And as you approach he just fixes you with an unflinching stare.

Em:
Before walking over to him, I would have looped around and stopped at the bar and said hi to Janelle. I would have looked over at her with a calmness and leaned on the bar, given her a smile.

Em (as Luce):
“Just a glass, please. Not, you don't have to fill it, just the glass.”

Si:
She glances at Jacob for a moment and then around the room, looks back at you and crouches down, disappears almost out of sight, and pulls out a different bottle, one not on display, and pours you something different, something a little more golden, a little more flavourful, and quickly puts it out of sight again with just a nod.

Em:
Hmm. I take it, and I turn around holding the glass in my hand, leaning back at the bar.

Em (as Luce):
“Thanks, darling.”

Em:
And I walk over to Jacob, and I put the glass down on the table and I sit down. And the glass stays undrank for now.

Si (as Jacob):
“Luce.”

Em (as Luce):
“What's this supposed to be, payment? For your royal fuckup?”

Si (as Jacob):
“Careful now. Careful”

Em (as Luce):
“Or what? I'm gonna go out and maybe die tomorrow. But you're sure as shit not sending my sister out. You must be absolutely drunk, or you have truly gone crazy. And maybe somebody should take over your stead, because this might be the most ludicrous shit you have ever pulled.”

Si:
He glances over at Janelle briefly. You can see he’s uncomfortable that anyone is within earshot. People don't tend to talk to him this way.

Si (as Jacob):
“She volunteered. Good for her. Maybe you should take this up with your sister.”

Em (as Luce):
“Jacob, you are many things, but you're not an idiot. I could put a bunch of other choice words on the table, but she is not going.”

Si:
He leans forward and lowers his voice a little more.

Si (as Jacob):
“Look, the four of y'all is all we got. I guess everyone got scared when the first group didn't come back. So we have four of you. That's it. And Penelope volunteered, and now you’re going. It’s gotta be this way. We got no choice.”

Em (as Luce):
“So you're gonna sit here and you're gonna expect me to believe that you couldn't say one word to that team of jarheads you keep around you, like they wouldn't do literally anything to make you proud of them. And you're gonna send Penelope Allen. Have you- have you fucking seen her? Are you blind, too? As well as being an idiot?”

Si (as Jacob):
“Well maybe that's where the first group went wrong, and I lost some guys already. Some of those guys you're talking about, they're already gone. And I don't think they're coming back. And maybe we need some new thinking, a different skill set. I dunno. But I don't know what to tell you. She volunteered.”

Em (as Luce):
“Jacob, we are both very aware of the situation that the last remaining members of my family are in.”

Si (as Jacob):
“Yeah I heard. I heard something today about that.”

Em (as Luce):
“Did you? Mmm, what was that? Enlighten me. Please, I would love for people to actually fucking tell me when things are going on rather than just delivering me information late and expecting that I know what's happening.”

Si (as Jacob):
“Well, I heard she made her way over to the offices on the east side this morning. And she started tearing down the barricades, just ripping them off. She had to be restrained, and was taken home.”

Em (as Luce):
“Great. So when both of the Allen sisters are gone, do you think that's going to get better? Or worse?”

Si (as Jacob):
“That sounds like your problem. She ain’t my family, she's your responsibility. But she ain’t right. And I can’t have that Luce, I cannot. My job is to keep everyone safe. Everyone. This whole place. Everyone has to follow the rules or we all die, you know this.”

Em (as Luce):
“So then our goals are aligned. Because if Penelope stays behind, she's gonna look after Joyce. We are speaking the same language, Jacob. She's not your family, no, but she's my family, and I am trying to take care of her by telling you that my sister is not fucking going. Because what? When we die on this suicide mission, what are you gonna do with Joyce when things get worse, because they will? You gonna just leave her in the fucking dark because she's not your family?”

Si (as Jacob):
“Like I said, my job is to keep everyone safe, and if I have to choose between the lives of three thousand people and one, well, that ain’t no choice at all.”

Em (as Luce):
“You're a fucking piece of work, dude. You're a fucking piece of work.”

Si (as Jacob):
“I guess you better not fail then. And look, I think it's real noble you volunteered to go out, I do. And I wish you luck. I'm sure you'll do real well.”

Em (as Luce):
“Yeah, I'm sure I will. How's a bar treating you, Jacob? It good?”

Si (as Jacob):
“It’s fine.”

Em (as Luce):
“Yeah, I bet it is.”

Si (as Jacob):
“Huh. I have my job to do here. What are you doing? Huh? You just came here to bitch and moan?”

Em (as Luce):
“I came here to try and make your job easier. Like I seem to do for a lot of people. I didn't come here to be a thorn in your side. I know you don't like me. That's fine with me. I don't need you to like me. I need you to listen to me.”

Si (as Jacob):
“We need people to go. And we need volunteers. I ain't going to force anyone out, not yet. They're going to be no good out there. We need the job done. And we have volunteers. Your sister is one of them, so… It's as simple as that. I'm sorry.”

Em (as Luce):
“You're not sorry. Don't fucking lie to me, man. You're not sorry. I don't need to add ‘bullshitter’ to your list as well.”

Si (as Jacob):
“Listen, Luce. I… I gotta ask you a favour.”

Em (as Luce):
“Oh, so that wasn't a favour. This glass is supposed to pay for everything else. Now comes the favour. Great. Cool. Lay it on me, Jacob. Go ahead!”

Si (as Jacob):
“Well… You know Francis went out in the first group. We ain't heard nothing. But he's out there somewhere, I know it. Just find him, Luce, please. Find him. We need him. I… I need him.”

Em (as Luce):
“Because he's your family.”

Si (as Jacob):
“Perhaps. But look. You do that, and maybe these conversations about your Aunt Joyce will go a little friendlier. I can look after her. Keep her safe.”

Em (as Luce):
“I'll tell you what, Jacob, a favour between friends goes two ways. I will keep my eyes open for Francis, if you can give me your word, here and now, that nobody lays a finger on my Aunt Joyce. Not one finger. Until I get back.”

Si (as Jacob):
“I can do that. Fine.”

Em (as Luce):
“Fine.”

Si (as Jacob):
“Are we done?”

Em (as Luce):
“Yeah, Jacob. We’re done.”

Em:
I shoot the whiskey back. It's good and I hate that it's good. I slam the glass down on the table.

Em (as Luce):
“If anything happens to Penelope, that’s on your head, man. But I know you can wear it just fine on those broad shoulders. You'll be just fine. Because she's not your family, right?”

Si (as Jacob):
“I think she'll be fine. She's got her sister looking out for her.”

Em (as Luce):
“Oh, shut the fuck up, Jacob.”

Em:
And I walk out.

Si:
Does Luce return to Pen? Or do you think you would go somewhere else?

Em:
I know we're gonna go see Joyce in the morning before we go. Gonna flag down someone who runs messages between people, because it's not like any form of technology works right now. And I'm gonna write a quick note to Penelope, and it's gonna say, ‘Did what I could. Sorry. Pack your bag. I'll be back in the morning.’ And then just ‘L’. And I'll hand it to the messenger. Send them off. And then I go find someone from a rolodex of names, who I know will be moderately happy to see me. And I'll share a cigarette with them, and maybe some other things.

Em:
Afterlight is performed by Amelia Som as Evlan, Em Carlson as Luce, Gina Susanna as Pen, Sean Depner as Danny, and Si Rutherford as Game Master. The voice of Francis is Jannes Wessels. Special thanks to our campaign artists. Hannah Harder, who did our cover design, and Lesly Oh, who did our character portraits. Editing, sound design and original music by Si Rutherford. For more stories, come follow us everywhere at @blackwaterdnd, and make sure you check out our Main Campaign on Monday nights at 8pm PST at twitch.tv/blackwaterdnd, as well as our library of campaigns on both youtube and your favourite podcast platform. This show is made possible by our sponsors, who really should have reminded us to bring a torch for this journey out into the endless dark. We are grateful to be sponsored by Evil Hat Productions, publishers of Blades in the Dark, along with other incredible titles such as Monster of the Week, Thirsty Sword Lesbians, Scum & Villiany, Girl by Moonlight, and so many more. With compelling mechanics, stunning art, and rich lore for whatever world you choose to bring towards the apocalypse, head on over to evilhat.com to shed some light on new games to bring to your table. This show is also sponsored by Bookwyrm Games, a Canadian tabletop company bringing you the finest in gaming essentials and accessories. Activate your senses with candles, tea, and coffee to help set the scene in your campaign, ensure your party is rolling with stellar dice at a custom table, or leave the adventure to them with their series of Quest Chests and Quest Coins. Whatever you need to bring your table to the next level, Chester the Dragon and the folks at Bookwrym have you covered. Check them out over at bookwyrmgames.com and let them know Blackwater sent you. Finally, we’re thankful for our Patrons for joining us on this journey outside the Safe Zone. You too can come join us on patreon, where you can check out behind the scenes info, our talkbacks, exclusive Afterlight content and so much more. Head on over to patreon.com/blackwaterdnd for all the info. See you next time, and keep the lights on!