INTRO: In each of us there burns the soul of a podcast. In every
generation, a few are chosen to prove it. Long ago, that fake
compelled to friends to watch a discus every piece of Mortal
Kombat and media they can find.
Neal: Corey and Neal must join forces to rewatch every episode
of Mortal Kombat conquest in a new way. Commentary,
Corey: yes, what I found,
Neal: what did you find?
Corey: I went to a store the other day? No, because for the
time being, we're still allowed to do that. I think, you know,
the day is coming, where I think stores will just kind of stop
existing, and like human society will just stop existing. And
we'll have to like maybe go to space, and try to find some
stuff there to maybe fix our Earth problems, but I don't want
to get into that. What I want to get to is that I think the store
is selling some stuff that maybe we found there.
Neal: space, space stuff, cursed space objects.
Corey: So I'm holding in my hand a regular bottle. Uh huh. In
very few ways. It's a pretty weird bottle.
Neal: Actually. Bait and Switch Jesus.
Corey: It's 710 milliliters. Do the math.
Neal: Regular bottle psych not regular at all. Well,
Corey: it says limited edition on it. So how could it be a
regular bottle because I'm holding condescension,
condescension condensation. A very condescending bottle of
everyone's favorite sports drink. dripping with
condensation. Oh, no. But something looks a little wrong
with this one. What's wrong? This is a bottle of Gatorade.
Yeah, the athletes. sweet milk. That is a limited edition All
Black Label. Black ice. Black ice pitch black liquid needs
Jesus Christ shone a light. You would see nothing. It looks like
oil out of a car that's been that thoroughly used, but it
lacks the consistency. All right, hold on. Much like my
grasp on the English language. I lacked the consistency
Neal: Corey don't do not drink this. Don't drink this.
Corey: That's never stopped us before.
Neal: Sure. Have you seen a little movie called? I don't
know. Prometheus.
Corey: Yes, but not recently. So I don't remember. I know that
there was black stuff in it. But I don't remember what happened.
I'm sure it went fine. Right. Maybe
Neal: maybe a little film called Alien Covenant.
Corey: I haven't that one. I got it level with you. I skipped out
on that one.
Neal: Have you have you have you not heard of chemical? A zero
dash 395 9x point nine one dash one five.
Corey: Did you have that in your head to say it?
Neal: No, I did not. I had to look at
Corey: oh my god, that would have been awesome. No, I haven't
heard of that. Ever. I've never heard of that series of letters
and numbers in my life,
Neal: bro. That's the pathogen. That's the that's the fire of
Prometheus right there. That's the engineer goo. Do not drink
that.
Corey: But the caps already open.
Neal: Don't know. Don't. Don't come in contact with it's gonna
swim around in your eyeball and mutate you from the inside.
Practice was a condescending cautionary tale. I
Corey: just drank it. Fuck. I was joking. He told me not to
drink it. I was drinking. Good. Now I'm trying to figure out
what it's supposed to taste like. It's like death. They say
steaks
Neal: spaceless
Corey: I think we have a bit of an Iron Brew situation. Oh, in
that. I can't know. Bear with me. In that. I can't tell what
it's supposed to taste like. It doesn't taste bad. per se. Um,
it doesn't taste great. I would drink it. I will drink it. I
would drink it. But if I was in a store or space really? And I
had this or like, either blue Gatorade. Sure, yeah, blues,
which presumably we're also sending to space like pale blue
or regular blue. Uh huh. I would rather I would sooner drink
Rayden or Sub-Zero flavor. Gatorade than the Prometheus goo
Kate.
Neal: Gatorade, frost maybe maybe some monster hydro. Blue.
Cool.
Corey: I will say G two can go fuck itself. fucking sucks. Is
it? No, G two. No, it's not all G two.
Neal: Or is what is G two? Like the like the watered down
version?
Corey: It's like Diet Coke. Gatorade.
Neal: Sure. Yeah,
Corey: it's bad. I don't like it. All right. Um, it's not
good. I had some other joke. I was like, halfway through saying
I don't remember what it was. It doesn't matter. It's fine.
Anyway, so I'm drinking black Gatorade, which really sounds
like a sentence you shouldn't legally be allowed to say sure.
But yet, she persisted.
Neal: Somebody on Reddit asked Reddit said, What flavor is
black ice Gatorade?
Corey: That's not what that subreddit is for
Neal: the top top. Answer. Black
Corey: tastes like black. Uh huh. Um, now
Neal: it's possible that someone hit enter a little too quick
because somebody else followed up with black currant.
Corey: Isn't that what an Iron Brew supposed to taste like? I
think so. Hey on.
Neal: Yeah. And then someone says grape someone says
Blackberry. So want to say says certainly not grape fierce grape
should never have left. So good. So now we're getting
Corey: quite sweet and has a deep flavor of black currant.
Neal: Uh huh. Yeah,
Corey: so maybe looking drinks tastes the same.
Neal: Maybe they do. Well, they don't. Exactly they don't but
they're supposed to. Why are they so drastically different
colors if they're both black curls? Like, like iron urn
brood? Did some
Corey: maybe black currant is like a stage name and it's
actually an orange Berry.
Neal: My boyfriend said it tastes like watered down
original monster but without the grossness
Corey: what does that mean? What does that what does that mean
for so many reasons not the least of which not carbonated
Neal: but but she or they would describe it as unique as a
unique strawberry but their boyfriend says originally I
don't think we're gonna get to the bottom of this. That someone
else just thrown out concept BlackBerry maybe question mark
like they've clearly never had this drink. But they just want
to wait yeah, what it could taste like get out of here. This
underscore performance underscore for 2612 days ago.
Why does that have an upvote? You know what? Taking that up,
vote away.
Corey: Anyway. Dumb drinks are back
Neal: down. Drinks are back, baby. So what are we doing
today, Cory?
Corey: Oh, I don't know. We're watching. Mortal Kombat
conquest. I know that Mortal Kombat
Neal: conquest episode 11. thicker than blood. Should we
find out who our combatant of the week is? Cory? Yeah.
Combatants of the week. Eva Mendes. Kasara. Scorpion. It's
Eva Mendes. It's Eva Mendez. Dude, this is the Eva Mendes
episode.
Corey: Finally,
Neal: I also Kisara and Scorpion are here. But come on. It's the
Eva Mendes. She's She's the combatant of the week.
Corey: Yeah, it's not going to be the other guy.
Neal: It's not going to EcoStar No. Just to recap, as far as I
have been keeping track, we have something like 23 fatalities.
And I believe one Hora Kiri. 13 confirmed apples. I think we're
gonna get another one in this maybe two because there's like a
big eaten scene in this one. And we've got we've definitely got
more than two broken tables, but I have at least two broken
tables on the list. So that's where we're at going into this
episode. Cory Are you ready to just dive right into this one?
Corey: Not quite yet. Actually. No. Okay, I'm gonna need a
second because I had the wrong thing open. Today good live
podcasting for everybody. I just closed audition and then opened
it again as if that was going to be with fucking episode was for
the second time in a row.
Neal: Ban that said pathogens really getting to you? Do I get
the not good. Got the alien vapors. Hey, question. Do you
remember the Gatorade commercials? Where it was like
athletes like sweating? Yeah. And the sweat was the color of
the Gatorade. They were drinking
Corey: weight. They were sweating the color of the
Gatorade. They were drinking. Yes. Yeah, I might vaguely
remember that. Okay,
Neal: because I'm just thinking about this. This ink colored
Midnight Black Gatorade in one of those commercials would be
kind of terrifying and feel like a scene straight out of
Prometheus.
Corey: What a lot of people don't know is that Prometheus
was guerilla marketing for black ice Gatorade.
Neal: It might have been actually might have been I bet
they did because it was this. This is a the black ice was
originally made for the Spanish markets,
Corey: I believe. So I don't know. What do you think I did
research?
Neal: Maybe there was like a local Prometheus tie in? Yeah,
initially made in 1988 for the Spanish market. Okay, that
predates Prometheus a little bit. Okay. 1988 1988 do you
think you're drinking like an official like a vintage 1988
bottle of black Gatorade right? No,
Corey: no because the bottle wasn't the shape. They could
have re bottled it but that's not original because it wouldn't
be the same mold fucked up plastic open up the old plastic
poured then it would be this there's no BPA in it all right,
but there would be
Neal: are you ready? Yeah. Okay just as a reminder to everyone
we're gonna count down we're gonna say round 11 321 fight and
you hit play on fight all right, round 11 321 Fight
reuse sets footage from the Mortal Kombat 95 movie.
Corey: Well, that's what I meant when I said reused sets but I
guess it also is a reused set, but I meant the footage.
Neal: But this part of it's new we're watching Scorpion just
kicked some dudes ass is one of them we know is bizarre, because
we've seen this before. Right? In his little like hell
dimension here. Yeah, I really liked this set. This is cool.
Corey: Yeah, it's nice to see something new in the grand
scheme of things because it does get a little bit samey
Neal: right too much too much fusion market and the courtyard
outside the trading post. In the trading post, the combat club we
haven't really been called the combat club lately. On this run
through so obviously Chris Cassamassa is back as Scorpion
in this episode. The man the myth, the legend. And we got
Dean Cochran has Khazar
Corey: the country music stars name
Neal: he was in he was a production manager on Ad Astra
and the Assassin's Creed movie. And he plays Rocky Balboa and
Rambo in Meet the Spartans. So he's like a does he
Corey: look? That's unfortunate.
Neal: Does he look like Sylvester Stallone to you?
Corey: I'd love to see his face again. Well, you're gonna see
plenty in this episode. Yeah, we just need to wait for the close
up.
Neal: Keep it on your mind. That wasn't lack of motion close up.
He was also in a short called cats on a plane. That sounds
delightful. Does it? I don't know. Anyway, motorcycle gang
member in Batman and Robin and Tobias high did an episode of
silk stockings called Exit the dragon. He doesn't. He doesn't.
He does not currently. No, no.
Corey: It also probably didn't at the time and frankly, I doubt
they cared all that much.
Neal: I don't Yeah, for me the Spartans. They probably didn't
care. We need a guy to maybe in 2008 He looked exactly like God
this Scorpion voice. It's not the best. Yeah. It's better than
it wasn't the pilot. If in Warrior eternal part two. You
remember that? Yeah, like that was that was Scorpion is no
more. Or Takeda is no more I am Scorpion. Like it was real
robotic. Darkness. What else was the sky in Days of Our Lives?
Over the hills? 90210 Amityville 1992 It's about time. Cory.
That's one for your list.
Corey: th why me?
Neal: Yeah, it's a it's about haunted spices.
Corey: It's about time. Hey, yo,
Neal: hold on. There you go. Given out pity rim shots. Yeah.
Yeah,
Corey: just a funny sentence.
Neal: Mortal Kombat. You know, we don't know who does the
announcer voice for the thing. I feel like that's an oversight on
our part. Like the voiceover Yeah,
Corey: I was drinking like Gatorade.
Neal: I couldn't answer. You just miss Kung Lao sort of
breaking a dude's arm?
Corey: I didn't miss nothing. I'm eyes on
Neal: that Matt Damon. I don't know. damn cool. I'll go a
little hard. You're trying to get warriors on your side. Not
cripple the entire Earth room force.
Corey: I've never seen that move. Where you hit me. You
dick.
Neal: This guy sucks. Yeah, just big. This might be James Barthez
var te es who's crazy young Matt Damon. Credited as young man in
this episode of conquest only
Corey: young man Matt Dave
Neal: but he already had his Jason Bourne body.
Unknown: Well, thank you for turning post is mine now. I'm
going to open up. Why don't you give me a hand
Neal: Kyle watt as mob leader again, we've got weird people
credited in this that aren't showing up in episodes or
whatever. I love the the storyline that, that people are
like they're trying to recruit there's room fighters and
Corey: they're only coming in to teach Kung Lao or get cool
moves. And then do what with them use them aware. What do you
Neal: mean? On the streets, dude? And
Corey: why do they live on the fucking Streets of Rage?
Neal: Yes. You've seen Zhu Zin. You know, there's fights break
out of the bowling ball games all the time. Hey, it's it's Eva
Mendes.
Corey: It's so jarring. And I don't mean anything by this to
the people that that are on this show, because I like them a lot.
But you'll know what I mean in a second. It's outrageously
jarring seeing a real celebrity just
Neal: someone who transcended like, I mean, yeah, this is a
don't get me wrong. I know what you mean.
Corey: I now care deeply about everybody on this show. But I
was not like culturally aware of any of them. Except for vaguely
Paolo Montalban. Before watching this show. I knew who Eva Mendes
Neal: right and I think the what what feels the most odd to me is
that she feels miscast in this right.
Corey: Oh, yeah. Like should that will become apparent. Not
Neal: like she's the one who's not fitting into the fantasy
environment. No, they
Corey: put somebody who works to famous. And I mean that. No, you
know what I mean? Like, you get what my point is?
Neal: Yeah, I do. I just like I don't think she's got a lot of
like fantasy credits under her belt. Right? Like I'm looking at
her
Corey: Children of the Corn five.
Neal: There's that she deals with terror but that was but
even that was setting like wasn't that set in like modern
day? Yeah, well as I was just fucking around, because I've
seen that movie. Yeah, she's well that she was in that with
Greg Vaughan Of course. From a friend of the show. How can I
forget? From poison ivy the new seduction and also the black
dragon episode. Yeah, VIP. Urban Legends Final Cut. too fast, too
furious once upon a time in Mexico. Not a lot of like,
fantasy genre stuff on Eva Mendes is filmography. Just this
and that's what I'm saying. She doesn't seem to fit. Right. Like
in that, that genre, I guess. Also, she's super famous.
Unknown: Or at least I don't think so. You don't think he is?
He's missing?
Corey: We need to talk. I don't want to have this talk with you.
Okay, I guess we'll just talk here in front of Tasha.
Neal: Let's just talk in front of Tasha.
Corey: We're Tajik he convinced me this is a good idea. I do
like how nosy Tasha is in this episode. Is this nosiness or is
this just like earnest concern for a missing person?
Neal: I think it's nosiness. Honestly, I don't think she's
particularly concerned. I mean, I guess Taj it probably would
be, but I think that
Corey: okay, no, she clearly is not concerned. I remember her
saying just when it was getting good.
Neal: Yeah, it's nosing this I love this. I love that shot of
old footage. Yeah, it because you can tell they just like
barely, like cropped out. Like Lukang and Johnny Wong like Did
you see it? Was there a boom mic? No, I'm just kidding. I'm
just telling jokes. I missed the joke. Yeah. It wasn't funny.
gonna mention one more time how awesome Shao Kahn is thrown is
it looks like it was designed oft. It looks like it was
designed by HR Gieger. A little bit. I think it's probably hard
in lined with spikes, but he's like into it. You know what I
mean?
Corey: This Scorpion voice sucks, man.
Neal: I know. I'm not. I know. I feel like the less it's it is
hard when they when they make Scorpion talk because at this
point, he didn't really say anything except get over here
and come here. Right? So they just didn't know what to do for
a voice for
Corey: the guy that has to say toasty. 800 times so sure.
Neal: And then smokes classic line toasty and Sub-Zero is
classic line. Hey, everybody, chill, right? Or whatever he
says. And then Johnny Cage is classic line. Lights Camera
traction.
Corey: That's what you say when you race cars. Start a race you
just say Lights Camera traction? Sure. Yeah. Lights Camera power
steering.
Neal: Do you know Jackie Bryant? From Virtua Fighter I think is
an f1 driver canonically in the world of virtual fighter.
Corey: No, I didn't know that was just for you to say I
thought you were asking me Hey, do you know What is a real
living person? Jackie Bryan is
Neal: certainly not famous f1 racecar driver Jackie project
Corey: does have a good point that he does a lot of favors.
And there is something funny about leaving Kung Lao to just
be like, Hey, can you do customer service for the next
six hours? Right?
Neal: And Kung Lao was like, no, no, no, until like, the hot
chick shows up. And he's like, Yeah, boy. Because he didn't
talk, let
Corey: me go to Eugene Appleby
Neal: because Kung Lao is a little fuck machine in this
show.
Corey: Do you get 1000 miles and like whenever this is that would
have taken a fucking while.
Neal: That was yeah, that was half his life probably probably
like I'm sure he travelled by like wagon
right this is awkward. Dude.
Corey: It looks the way they're doing this like shot reverse
shot is so clearly like these shots are all from different
dates.
Neal: Oh, yeah. Clearly, you can tell they may not even again
maybe two bodies they might not have been talking to each other.
Yes, not once. I don't I think I think I think
Corey: given the shooting schedule I suspect this had they
probably needed to shoot talking to each other. Probably but it's
time do you think they have
Neal: I don't know. Maybe like they had like Eva Mendes
shooting her Kisara scenes. Like we gotta get we'll put the
second the second unit on Siro and I don't know dude. It looks
filmed differently to like, does it look like it's filmed
differently?
Corey: This does really, it's hard to do. This actually kind
of sucks. Yeah. If you have family members that you don't
like you are obligated to be nice to them is she's making
toxic relationships
Neal: with your family. Too bad go help them. I mean, Qatar is
not I mean, I guess Qatar did sort of get radicalized by like,
a Scorpion. Like the the Asian version of Jordan Peterson.
Wait.
Corey: I need you to justify what what like he's got he's got
like his like little men's
Neal: rights like yeah, in this.
Corey: I don't think it's men's rights. It's an army.
Neal: Okay, all right. I'm just saying.
Corey: Well, I just I didn't I don't get it. I don't.
Neal: I'm saying like He's like, he's like preying on like, like
dudes with like, low self esteem like bizarre because of the way
he was raised with in conflict with his brother and his dad and
forced to compete and then
Corey: yeah, and he's like, he talks like a fucking idiot.
Yeah, so he's like the most the most relatable thing would be to
Jordan Peterson is about sound stupid.
Neal: But like so like he like fell into this cold, right of
like, No, we're gonna teach you how to be like, cool, tough man.
Man warriors. Our path is not for the weak or whatever. He
says 14,000 times and he like gets radicalized into this like,
Corey: yeah, army. I'm just petting an orange.
Neal: And like, he's like, super possessive. Yeah, commercial
Paul. He's like super possessive over women
Corey: versus over. All right. God, that's the opening in that
shot was literally just her chest that's zoomed out
Neal: from this this woman's breasts. It has been shopping
with Kung Lao for hours at this point it seemed and bought
nothing and then she just fucking leaves like an advocate
This is none of your business. I'm just saying like.
Corey: Score means at least at least trying to teach these
people valuable skills.
Neal: I think you're given Scorpion a little too much
credit in this.
Corey: I think you're giving Jordan Peters too much.
Neal: No, I'm not. I'm saying they're both shitty.
Corey: No, it's funnier to say that Scorpion is better because
that's a joke because he's a literal demon.
Neal: All right. All right. Fair. got me scared for saying
that. I was like, sound like I was defending Jordan Peterson.
Corey: No, but it's also funny to say that Jordan Peterson's
word is then a dude who was a sculptor of faith that beats
fire out of his mouth.
Neal: It's fair. You're right. You're
Corey: and it is more valuable to learn how to fight than it is
toward anything about cleaning your fucking room for
Neal: cleaning your room. It's what he talks about.
Corey: At some point. He's like, Yeah, clean your room. Because
like, it'll save Western society. I don't know. I didn't
watch it. But like it'll
Neal: save Western society.
Corey: He's a fucking idiot. It doesn't matter what he say.
Neal: I'm thinking Scorpion is definitely on some. Some MRA
shit. That's my whole point.
Corey: MRA men's rights
Neal: activism.
Corey: Didn't know it had an acronym. We're gonna Pirates of
the Caribbean.
Neal: How do you we talked about this last time. How do you get
to this weird hell dimension?
Corey: You got to answer Jordan Peterson's riddles.
Neal: You have to name six kinds of serial while people beat the
shit out of you or whatever the proud boys do.
Corey: What are you Why do you know so much about this? What
are you talking nobody knows anything that you say anyway I
don't know what any of this
Neal: but how does he like seriously like where is this
place? Is it just like underground and looks cool or
probably between realms?
Corey: No they have those Phillips special fancy bulbs
that you use your phone had they just turned those red
Neal: Philips Hue got you an extraordinary spirit. Yeah I
just well because it like they obviously tried to make it look
like whatever world Johnny Cage and Scorpion fought in in the
movie on Shang Tsung island. But that was like in our world at
that point. So is this like a weird little pocket dimension is
my question. And no, I don't think it's that deep. Okay, they
just don't it's just a place because he also didn't explain
it in the movie. So it could be anywhere. Really? I guess. I'm
gonna
Corey: read sharpen my blood knife. Is that a knife? Kung Lao
gave him I can't believe I said it was okay to use Jen's old
room.
Neal: Right and just wild I guess for Hannah. It's okay. But
for Siro when he's drunk, it's not okay.
Unknown: Then help me. Let me hear it from you. You've never
told me anything about your family, where you're from
nothing to tell.
Corey: I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep. Tasha, you can't
just hear about 15 seconds ago. No to say that she said up in
the room. She's like, I can't sleep.
Neal: It's been zero minutes. It's been no time at all. Like
she hasn't even tried. But to her credit, like she's worried
about Kisara right. And then this is where the episode fails
the Bechtel test. Because all they're gonna do is talk about
Siro and bizarre
starring Tom Cruise and what's her name Cameron DS.
Corey: I don't know what that joke means.
Neal: It was a movie night and day.
Corey: Event Siro and Kasara possibly have to do with Tom
Cruise and the other name that you said. Cameron
Neal: Siro is clearly Tom Cruise right and Kisara is absolutely
the Cameron Diaz of Mortal Kombat conquest.
Corey: Eva Mendez is famously the Eva Mendes of
Neal: Eva Mendes is the Lucy Liu of this and then I don't know
something Charlie's Angels.
Corey: And then something Charlie's Angels.
Neal: Yeah. This the I'm tired, do
Corey: ya? What are we really firing on? What I would describe
is all cylinders. Dear listener, you be the judge.
Neal: We seem to be a little off. It's all right. We're
releasing this anyway. Because why not? We gotta release
something. I just put like a header. Like, I'd be like,
warning. This is not a good one.
Corey: I don't think that's maybe our finest decision.
Really. We got to save that admission for 17 minutes into
the episode of television. So then people don't realize it's a
black Gatorade.
Neal: It's a five but it has Eva Mendes in it.
Corey: He's attend but he does a podcast about Mortal Kombat.
That is itself a fun
show, but he let Kung Lao break his arm in one place
Neal: he's attend but he doesn't get along with his brother or
his dad and 1000 miles to get away from him. them whatever
Corey: she's attended but she shouldn't be here
Neal: she's attend but she's in a codependent relationship with
Khazar
Corey: he's attend but he's kiss
Neal: as real to energy do
I mean, there's this is just a very long
Corey: exposition. This is this is one of the largest dialogue
seats they've ever had absolutely insane.
Neal: All of this to say Siro and cathartic. We're always
having to compete with each other because of their shitty
dad. And then
Corey: I am feeling very tired. We have been talking for five
minutes after you put me to bed six minutes ago,
Neal: Eva Mendes. She fell in love with Kozar because kasar
made it known that he needed her and Siro didn't make it known
that he needed her. And that's some codependent shit. It's
unhealthy. It's toxic relationship and Wonder dude ran
off and join a cult? Yeah, it's bad news bears dude. And now he
and his boy are gonna kidnap her.
Corey: She's attended but she's easily kidnapped by
Neal: he's attend but he's trying to kidnap his girlfriend
to join a cult
Corey: he's attended what he's been doing the same joke for
three minutes
Neal: Yeah, this is I mean, this is just toxic relationship all
over the
Corey: place. Just not a lot to comment on here.
Neal: It's just kind of depressing, right? Like it's
just kind of sad. I don't know.
Corey: Would you like to join scorpions death army and also
get married.
Neal: Let's make it clear. Kisara went missing. went
missing. Eva Mendes traveled all the way to fusion to like get
serious help in finding this man who went missing because our
went missing to join a warrior cult and is now back in secret
trying to kidnap her after he stalked her through the city.
Right. Was he eating an apple? Or did I imagine that
Corey: it looks more like an orange to me, but I'm willing to
write it down as an apple by virtue of Apple meaning fruit.
Neal: We're gonna say 14 confirmed apples for that one.
And then like his dude, just like knocks her out. Hey, I
Corey: was talking to her. This is just like red flags.
Neal: All over the place, man. I like this when they bam. The
double dose kicks the kicks. Yeah, dude, it's good. Because
they I mean, they go to try to like hold the door close. And he
just like kicks through that motherfucker. This is a badass
Kung Lao in this episode. I'm not gonna lie. Like this is good
Kung Lao on this one that I'm remembering it I mean, the
episode started with him breaking dudes are so like,
dude, just like not holding back anymore. Obviously.
The close quarters fights are always pretty good. But there
have been how many fights at this point in Jen's room like 70
It's a good fighting
Corey: location and maybe Kung Lao should treat it with a
little bit more tact.
Neal: Maybe you think every time they break stuff in here he like
replaces it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like he's had to fix that
window like seven times. And he's gonna have to fix it again
because then he kick I can't believe
Corey: Siro stopping the fighting now now he's like, oh,
right now I now I care about what's happening. Fuck the
window again.
Neal: We got to fix the window again. God dammit I know it's my
brother. bump bump. Ah You're right. Did he hit again, red
flags all over the place, dude.
He does. Oh shit. It's the torture time one episode where
they just torture czars return forcing them to meet Arizona
Sora has got a better Scorpion voice than Scorpion does. I'm
not gonna lie.
Corey: Yes, Scorpion voice is bad. Right? And I know it's
boring to keep saying hey, the Scorpion was bad. But uh it
ain't good.
Neal: But listen to those Kasara pipes though. Like they should
have dubbed them or something. Did I lose or just gotten Ed
Boon to do all the Scorpion lines in that yelling voice?
That would have been fun. Right? Yeah. Just screamed to every
line. Commercial he's attend but he yells all the time.
Corey: Versus over pa
Neal: Oh, there's a fun establishing shot. Where's
Alright, so now Siro is just gonna torture this Scorpion
ninja. Right. Knife to his throat. He was like tied to a
column. Jesus Christ. You said he wanted you to join Scorpion.
scorpions dead forgot scorpions dead I saw him fall into a lava
pit that when the earth cracked open he fell in and then the
earth sealed back up over top of him that's how I know he's dead
fucking burn on the linkway do Jesus Christ
Unknown: it is Scorpion. He's recruiting fighters here on
earth realm Sora is an army something like that I couldn't
follow it all talked about brotherhood and movement point
is
Neal: see dude it's like a cold
Corey: I mean I did not think it was a call it's pretty clearly a
cult.
Neal: And I'm just you know, it's just saying this is this is
just this is just this is a cautionary tale of an episode
like the whole thing like there's just too much going on
here dude like there's family drama relationship drama,
political drama it's all it's just so much this is a heavy
episode. Yeah. For for Mortal Kombat conquest to tackle all of
these major issues you know
Unknown: think he's lost Siro? So are you
do care but I can't save
Neal: Is it is it serious job to save him? Oh, no, no,
Corey: no, I don't think so. Why would it be i They're just
saying that because they're like family. Right? Right. But like I
don't know. I don't really I don't feel that way.
Neal: If a man is is like in a few years, I will start in too
fast too furious. And if that franchise has taught us
anything, it's the importance of family
Corey: if that franchise has taught us anything It's Monica
go Oh, god, that's like one of the funniest things you could
yell I think
Neal: I can shall rule
but the thing about the they were about shows in family but
yeah, so I guess this is kind of what Sora is like been sucked
into a cult thing and he's chosen the family. This is all
just complicated. Also really realizing how much the Scorpion
mask looks like a face hugger if you're successful expendable.net
strong enough like the cheap pranks she pranks to get through
this
Corey: she and cola would probably get along on account of
the whole bait and switch
Neal: probably feet I think kills him anyway Scorpion
because as he will remind us now here he reminded us their path
is only open to the strong or something like that. Where their
path is not open to the week I don't remember he just said
so I'm just hanging out in the in the woods bizarre and Eva
Mendez. What's your real name, Hannah?
Corey: Yes, well, I mean other way around, but yeah. Or a
character's
Neal: name? Sorry. character's name is Hannah. Yeah. So I don't
know I'm obsessed with how to get to the Scorpion place it
must be in the woods right
Oh shit. Oh no. I can Bugs Bunny style captured in that joke
Corey: I just made came true immediately. She is using her
bait and switch skills.
Neal: With the help of Kung Lao and everyone though
Corey: he did to get out his classic torturing saw quite a
bit worried
Neal: his pendulum
was just so consumed with jealousy Jesus Christ
Corey: jealousy I don't know is that anything?
Unknown: No. Stop Have you stopped me from finally doing
something for myself? By swallowing some line of crap
Scorpion fed you topical
Corey: finally, something topical. These are these
important subjects more fucking 1995 or whatever.
Neal: Like to 9999 I
Corey: think by now. Yeah. The good news.
Neal: Sure just shows how much things have not changed. Right?
Corey: The first two years of my life and this sort of have just
sort of continued half a day from there and a cycle
Neal: 1998
Corey: I'm so mad I need to untie you to fucking throw you
into all
Neal: this episode of air December 98
Corey: You're a pussy fight me? Right? I'm afraid I wouldn't
stop this is toxic masculinity in action. Yeah, it
Neal: is dude. And it gives Scorpion power in this universe.
Right like he's like, I'm not gonna fight you. You can fight
my boy Kung Lao champion of Mortal Kombat. Right.
We can go to try to recruit them into their cold. See, that's how
you get people out of cold. So you convince them to join other
cults.
Corey: It just stops being a call at a certain point.
Unknown: My help and timing can be great. Or you have a trainer.
What does he offer? What do you offer is all in place, a job
support to carry out His plan and do the same?
Neal: Much the same way you want it to breathe sulfur all day
long.
Corey: Right? Yeah, you do like sweaty? Yeah. Kassar,
Neal: we have a breeze up here. Fresh air. Apples. Lots all the
apples you can eat dude,
Corey: you don't have to keep watching the movie drive. Which
Scorpion won't stop watching and quoting.
Neal: You can also dress however you want. Dude. He's just like
me. I also love the Scorpion absolutely watch his drive.
Corey: Oh, yeah. He watched his drive and to try to mimic that
he bought the jacket off of like a bootleg website and has been
working on a Mazda Miata
Neal: working on a Mazda Miata.
Corey: The recent course.
Neal: Commercial, Paul they're easy to overstuffing
Corey: he's not an expert. He's good at fucking throwing snake
chains. Right? Yeah, he doesn't know cars like that.
Neal: It's a starter car first Scorpion.
Corey: Yeah, he's He's good. He got like,
Neal: did he get it in like the Scorpion yellow?
Corey: Yeah, and he's gonna He's gonna put a turbo on it. I don't
think they come turbo if they do somebody's gonna know I'm a
fraud and talking about this.
Neal: His license please get renew wheels like it's made out
of chain. It's one of those you know, it can
Corey: shoot bullets. You can take the uniform off now.
Neal: It says only close. So just remember we're gonna see
him later. He's gonna be wearing Ciro's clothes.
Corey: Scorpion knows I'm cool. What if I am going to fucking
give a shit?
Neal: Yeah, and this is now they're just going to talk about
how much they hate their dad. Right? Competition story of all
of our lives
where you realize that Siro and Taja Siro and Taja Siro and
Kisara are the the Tavan and Dagon of this universe dude,
absolutely they are. proved me wrong.
Unknown: Seeing you after all these years, forced me to face
the truth. That did this to us. He drove us apart. It wasn't us.
Neal: See, this is an artist shit, dude.
Unknown: We make our lives now. Like you made yours. That didn't
make you leave. And it did. And now she's here. She's mine. Siro
Yes, she
Neal: became Do you um, do you believe these two men as
brothers?
Corey: Um, yeah. Enough
Neal: even though one has an accent and the other doesn't
I guess after 1000 miles, maybe there's some regional
differences right?
Unknown: If you don't be safe this I promise
Neal: be nice to fight with you for as long as he got through to
him, so that's good. Be nice to have a brother after all this
time. Nice to see something like wrap up nicely. You know Happy
Ending the brothers getting along. We're gonna have a nice
meal together and the episode is gonna end and everyone's gonna
have you know, they're gonna have a new ally right
Unknown: should we prepare to bring him back? No, I will do it
alone. No one leaves us
Neal: well, it's kind of a weird scene, but I got a good feeling
about the rest of this episode. I think we're gonna have a nice
happy ending look good. They both
Corey: love so leader at women in the street. These two crosses
the roads and posing Hey, Go home to your wife, your wife.
Neal: Go home to your wife. He's like, of course my wife.
Corey: Don't worry. I took half of my call it fit off. Now I've
just dressed like I'm doing community theater.
Neal: Kisara is kind of a white guy, isn't he? No,
Corey: he was just clearing it with it in the street life guys
don't do that. He's a 10. But he's leering at women in the
street.
Neal: He's a white guy, but he's a 10. Wait. How awesome.
Whatever.
I was waiting for another Kung Lao likes to meditate by the
lake. I think we only see the lake once and it's when it's
next episode. I think when when Tasha is mourning her dead
boyfriend who got melted by reptile acids. Spoiler alert for
next episode.
Corey: This episode feels cattle alone.
Neal: It does. This one's crazy
Corey: because it's one of the ones of this show where it's
setting up a bunch of things that won't pay off.
Neal: It's mostly a lot of exposition.
Corey: Where does he go up a lot of stuff and then I'll just say
a few things don't break exactly how you would help for some of
these core characters.
Neal: Are you seeing any apples on the table? We've had a lot of
changes in this series eating an apple. Yes me.
Corey: We've had a lot of outfit changes in this one. He's
changed twice. Taj has changed once. Eva Mendez has changed
twice. Yes, like this one's fashion forward
Neal: 15 confirmed apples also Siro is wearing his sleeveless
shirt and Kisara is wearing his sleeved shirt.
Corey: His Church shirt.
Neal: I love that. Yeah. And they're in there each wearing
one of the two pairs of pants Siro has the brown ones and the
blue one
Corey: I think they should each get half of the church shirt and
half of the other shirt.
Neal: Yeah one sleeve each and then like one brown pant leg and
one blue pant leg. Like like fucking to face right. But this
is something kind of grim about this. We will see Siro wear that
church shirt again so he is going to wear the shirt that his
brother died in in the future. Yeah, yeah. Kind of kind of wild
and I hate dad. I don't want to go back
Corey: to good place God I just want you to hate my dad. I do
buy them as brothers now that I'm thinking about it not just
because they're in basically the same shirt. No, my dad is
Neal: here. FUCK IT'S OUR it's the standard for our dad.
Corey: Dad just walked in on
Neal: Scorpion, the guy who we have placed all of our daddy
issues on
Corey: we're projecting it is funny that the shirts a little
too big.
Neal: Yeah, it's a nice talk because Daniel Bernhardt I think
it's like add some believability
Corey: it makes it work and I liked it. They kicked the table
in half and I liked it the boys are gonna go fucking kick that
demons as he fucking does gymnastics away.
Neal: Oh, yeah, this is good. This is a fun fight this good
fight.
Corey: This episode has been fight light. Anyway, on account
of the long opening fight, and then this
Neal: and that was kind of Yeah, it was just kind of the long
opening fight the Kung Lao fighting Kasara that was good,
though. But brief. And now we get this this is gonna be like
it's like a five minute long fight I think to
Corey: get kicked in the back of the head of my Daniel Bernhardt.
Neal: God not many who have have lived
Corey: if you ask you'll do it but you will.
Neal: Chris Cassamassa is you know we're talking shit about
the Scorpion voice.
Corey: Hey, God, stop stop what you're saying with discovery of
voice because we have to talk about that. The Flying punch. So
rarely do they do wire work is Still Yeah, but they're so good
every time. They should be doing those constantly. That's so much
fun to watch him fly across the fucking town square. And this is
shit. Why are we doing this all the goddamn time?
Neal: This is good the Scorpion the Scorpion snake spear like
lifting Kasara
Corey: This is Oh much entertainment.
Neal: Yes do
Corey: the flying punch the uppercut murder the snake chain
rope. Arm.
Neal: The girthy snake rope.
Corey: I don't know about that. I don't know if we have to do
that.
Neal: We do it every time I do it every time I like to remind
people how girthy it is. Okay, it's good. It's good Raisa D
directed this episode. And he's, he's like, directed, like, as
far as I can tell, since television was invented. He's
directed television. Like as far back as TV shows in the 60s.
And then he's also doing Mortal Kombat conquest episodes. Yeah.
Yeah. As I was saying, I think like we talked about the
Scorpion voice, Chris Cassamassa still like a good fighter a good
stunt dude. A good good casting as Scorpion. I just wish they
had done some kind of like post processing to give Scorpion more
of like a Spectre II voice right. Like he has in the games.
Corey: Yeah, course Bob Yeah.
Neal: Yes, commercial Paul.
Corey: I like this is that was the bumper has no say no, that
if it was well, this episode ends very unceremoniously
quickly. Given the amount of time it spends building up the
the encounter and the context in the family everything. Then you
have a relatively quick fight with Scorpion, which was mostly
with Siro anyway. Because our unceremoniously dies and Eva
Mendes is like, well, I guess I should leave. was just like,
Neal: not just I guess I should leave but I also can't stand to
look at you because you remind me of Kozar
Corey: You look too hot like you're dead brother.
Neal: Right? Yeah. I have to go be in in hitch.
Corey: I have to go out with my husband who was in Drive, right.
All right. Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes married.
Neal: Are they they might be I think they are. Eva Mendes.
Corey: It's up to you Google Eva Mendes. I could go to Ryan
Gosling. Yeah,
Neal: they are still married. What a beautiful couple Jesus
Christ. She's like, I have to go be in Ghost Writer.
Corey: Dude, that's awesome. You Yeah. Dude, if Ryan Gosling was
on one of these fucking episodes, shit, holy
Neal: could you imagine? But wasn't he busy on are you afraid
of the dark or something? I guess Ryan God,
Corey: I don't know what the fuck he was doing. Live in the
fucking GTA or wherever he's from
Neal: the Grand Theft Auto right? God they're gonna do a
new IMDb redesign and I already they're letting you preview it
now. I already fucking hate it.
Corey: screenshotted I haven't seen it. I want to be
disappointed too.
Neal: You can just go do it.
Corey: I like how we've already decided this episodes over which
is why we're just talking about IMDB.
Neal: Yeah, Ryan Gosling. Are you afraid of the dark? 1995 The
tale of station one Oh 9.1 Was this first one
Corey: Oh 9.1 Though beast and they play like rock music
Neal: and of the episode also, it's great. It's also Greg banks
in the Say cheese and die episode of goose bombs. That was
his second credit. Hercules, young Hercules Lars and the real
girl. No, no, no VIP or Baywatch. And Ryan Gosling's
IMDB. I think it's a good episode. What do you think?
Corey: Um, we weren't that invested in it. But I don't
think it's necessarily a bad one. Its biggest problem is that
it has absolutely no bearing on what became one season of
television. So as we said, it's a whole lot of exposition. For
Yeah, essentially nothing. Which is this definitely frustrating.
Neal: Well, this was the episode. So like, obviously, we
learned all about Kung Lao in the pilot, right. And we learned
a lot about Tasha in the undying dream. This episode right is
undying dream, I believe the one wishes in the Cobalt Mines.
Corey: Yes.
Neal: Yeah, whichever one that one was. So this was this was
now ciros Episode LET'S GET TO KNOW Siro Siro is backstory in
history right where we meet his brother and his loved ones and
stuff but it is yeah, it's but we're halfway This was also the
middle of the like we are now we have no watched half of the
series at this point.
Corey: And knowing that we don't have more, it does feel like not
a waste that's far too short order but it's frustrating to be
like we're at the midpoint and what we got out of this like the
thing that effectively is part of what's teeing up the future
is something that becomes effectively moot. Which is a bit
of a drag. But I think
Neal: this does kick off a little Yeah, cuz next episode,
shadow of a doubt. That's the one where Okay, that's the next
episode. That's the Molina episode. Oh boy, that's gonna
suck. So that's kind of but that's kind of like the so like,
this thicker than blood. This was like the Siro relationship
episode right. And then shadow of a doubt the Molina Kitana
Little Mix up that's gonna be like the Kung Lao like diving
into like, the Kung Lao relationship of it all. And then
we've got twisted truths. That's the one with Brian wrath Clark,
but basically, more specifically, Tomas. Taja. His
boyfriend, you know, yeah. And yeah, Brian Rath Clark as burly
citizen. Yeah, and there's like we're getting like a nice little
trilogy here. Oh, nice. Maybe is not the right word considering
that weird Molina episode. But like this is now they're diving
into they're trying to build more of like the, the character
like more steaks for the main characters. You know what I'm
saying? Right? Does anybody know what I'm saying? Do I even know
what I'm saying? Somebody's gonna know you're saying?
Somebody's gonna know what I'm saying. Oh, shit, dude, we
fucked up. We're gonna get to a festival of death the spooky
Halloween episode like way before October. Oh, well,
Corey: we could wait. Yeah, like I think there's good stuff in
this episode. But I think with the context of knowing like what
we have coming up. I don't know if it stands up to the scrutiny
of like the best episodes of this show at all.
Neal: No, I don't think I'd put it in the best way. Like, it's
you know, they brought back a main Mortal Kombat character in
Scorpion. Maybe he just because he used a little bit more
Scorpion. A probably could have used a little bit more Scorpion
and a little. A little less Khazar a little b maybe
Corey: a little more Scorpion a little less. Action please
Neal: add a little bit of Monica in my life
Corey: Monica say it like the beginning of crazy train
that was fake laughter turning into real laughter really
quickly
Neal: that's a fun game. Like that game? Yeah, yeah
yeah, I don't know. Pretty good episode. It's middle of the road
is better than a lot of episodes that we we will see.
Corey: Yeah, it's better than the worst ones by by a margin. I
think
Neal: calling it now it's going to be better than the Molina
episode we're going to have to endure next time but I'm I'm
done. Are you done? I'm good.
Corey: I'm still drinking his black Gatorade
Neal: right and you haven't died yet? So that's a good sign every
Corey: fucking day now.
Neal: You haven't mutated into like a crab like Monster.
Corey: I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow.
Neal: Oh good good timing actually yeah, get checked out
so
Corey: just I'm gonna be like Hey, I know that this is like
you know our first time having like a follow on appointment new
doctor. I'm gonna lead I think with the black Gatorade as my
biggest immediate health concern
Neal: right speech like Listen sir I had a little bit of
chemical a zero dash 395 9x point nine one dash 15 And he's
gonna humble
Corey: own face and gasp and go like ah, because you're not
supposed to do that
Neal: Did you just make a joke and then get proud of yourself
for
Corey: not proud it's just kind of funny. It's it's funny to say
Home Alone face everybody knows what that is. Fucking nail my
homologue faces a face of rage because the new home alone movie
was bad. There's a new home alone movie Home Sweet Home on
baby starring a horrible child and Rob Delaney.
Neal: Oh shit. Rob Delaney.
Corey: Yeah, Rob Delaney and a girl whose name I can't
remember. But she was on the Office
Neal: Suite.
Corey: I think she was on the office. Anyway, the movies bad
you shouldn't watch it. None of the things I'm saying should
draw you into watch
Neal: Ellie Kemper Yeah, she was on the office and she one of
those rival podcast ladies. No, but she was recently on an
episode of there's also How could she do that to us? Right
Ellie Kemper go on MK podcast we'll talk about the Unbreakable
Kimmy Schmidt which is funny and good.
Corey: Yeah powerful would be to be unbreakable and Mortal
Kombat. Holy shit. The unmemorable Kimmy Schmidt
Neal: playing with a Game Genie
Corey: good Genie
Neal: got that Game Genie code. Yeah, she was also in
bridesmaids, Cory What do you got going on?
Corey: Um, wow, I almost lost my mic over sorry
Neal: listen, I'm gonna say look, I'm gonna say right now
the commentary we did. I'm gonna give us like a cinnamon All
right. If you bailed before getting to this you fucked up.
Corey: We say don't a good ship, right. That's good podcasting.
You want to keep them wanting more? There's no way they're
doing a show. That's this fucking bad. Right? Is your
right listener? We weren't we were saving all the good stuff
for right now.
Neal: This is a test to see who makes it through
Corey: Yeah. If you listened to the end of this episode, tweet
at any related Twitter account to us. Monica parentheses
extreme Crazy Train voice and we will know
Neal: that you made it to the well no, you're a real one.
Corey: Well, no, you're a real one and you don't like when
anything for that but we'll appreciate it does that count
for anything? It should we'll put your dad peelers
No, I have a good relationship with my dad It's everybody's
everybody everybody be cool everybody be cool. Must be nice
everybody be cool guys deals talking about his relationship
problems dad every one of you cool
Neal: must be nice to have a nice cool supportive
relationship with your dad. Did you just file your fucking chair
again?
Corey: I was surely Jesus Christ clicked something started
playing audio really
the worst possible time because you were making like an actual
statement. Oh
Neal: doesn't matter. Okay, people. Cory What are you doing?
Corey: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like the guy
from the Storage Wars. You good? Is that guy probably canceled
maybe we'll see.
Neal: I'm pretty sure all everyone on storyboards is or
will be pretty safe. Like if you're if you have like a
canceled betting pool. You're putting data from storage was
just anyone on Storage Wars easy money, but Jiminy
Corey: Cricket from Storage Wars. You laughed. It wasn't
funny, but you laughed.
Neal: I was loving it. I was laughing at the concept. Yeah.
Corey: Because he was just like a little boy. He's a little man
wow, who? This Mario now? Jiminy Cricket Mario?
Neal: They made another one. Dammit.
Corey: Yeah, it's good stuff. We're having good time. Um,
okay. Well, actually, there was an f1 race this morning. If you
want to hear me talk more about f1 You can listen to strat two.
We don't have like a weekly release schedule. My friend
kalmunai But we get we get them done when we can so soon, you'll
be able to hear us talking about all of the most baffling forett
Fuck, you'll be able to hear us talking about all of the
baffling Ferrari strategy decisions. You can imagine that
strapped to f1 on Twitter. strat, like the word strategy
like that word I just said. Yeah. They made another one.
sequels, reboots, remakes, movies stuff sorry the
Blackadder it started get to me a little bit.
Neal: It's mutating Oh,
Corey: and we just had our yesterday our end of the season
wrap up episode will be out. It's long. I don't know how long
it is yet. The answer is nearly three hours. Holy shit, give or
take whatever it gets taken out in the edit and And it's a
really good time. I think we had a lot of fun and it's a good
place to sort of get situated like what did we watch in the
last year? What are we teeing up for the start of August? It's a
good time they made another one. Everybody knows about Twitter
account is I don't need to say that.
Neal: You can have one more sip of that. That black goo and
you're really good. I'm gonna
Corey: drink do you want me to drink the rest of it right now?
Neal: Home sweet overload is good. Actually. Jim, I
Corey: want to drink the rest of it right now. If I ever say
that, by the way, you can kill me you know it's not me anymore.
Chuck it I would never say that. So if I ever say hose we humble
on was good. Actually. You can fucking kill me on the spot.
Neal: You got it? What? You just said it. Oh
Corey: no. I don't like I shouldn't have done that. Do you
want to play
Neal: and if you want to learn more about chemical a zero dash
395 9x point nine one dash one five. You can check out my other
podcast crew expendable all about the Alien franchise crew
expendable.net. Dan that was available crew expendable dotnet
Yeah, but the.com wasn't at crew expend a pod on Twitter. And in
your podcast app as crew expendable. You can find me on
Twitter at final Neal and Instagram at final Neal retro.
Follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at MK pod quest MK pod
quest.com find link to our YouTube channel all of our
episodes, places to subscribe, ways to support the show, et
cetera. us good five star reviews. We look we earned that
we've pulled it off at the end of this episode. We deserve that
five star review. So they'll drop a drop of liking a fav and
whatever else on the podcast places. And we'll be back next
week assuming Cory survives his encounter with chemical a zero
dash 395 9x point nine one dash one five. Yeah, I'm gonna try