Show Notes
Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem
Title: JR’s Story: What Happens When You Listen to Your Body
Episode 11: April 24, 2020
Welcome to our podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem. Let us seize this day! This twice-weekly podcast helps us rise up. It helps us embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis. And our podcast does this through being thoroughly grounded in a Catholic worldview. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. It is great to be together with you, thank you for tuning in.
This is Episode 11 and its April 24, 2020. This one is called JR’s Story: What Happens When You Listen to Your Body. I am super excited about this episode, because we’re going to do a deep dive into the experience of JR, who is one of us in this podcast community, and what he discovered about himself in doing the guided reflection in the last episode. But first, a quick review:
We have been discussing our Catholic bodies in times of crisis, and how we can increase resilience through a better bodyset. Remember that when I use the term bodyset, I’m referring to how our body affects us, how our physical reactions impact us and our dispositions and inclinations. We are embodied beings, composites of body and soul. Our physical bodies have a huge impact on us. The state of our body, our relationship with our body, that’s bodyset.
So as I discussed with you last time, the main message about bodyset is that we need to listen to our bodies and respond in love to our bodies. Last episode we focused on listening to our bodies and at the end, we did an experiential exercise where we did some really focused listening, to hear the messages from our bodies that we may otherwise be ignoring. And that brought in some great responses from some of you, our podcast community members. Nothing brings me as much satisfaction as hearing you really engaging with this podcast, taking in the information, doing the exercises, discovering new things about yourselves, and growing. That is what this is all about.
So before I share these emails, I’m going to suggest that if you have the time and the inclination, go back to the last episode, episode 10 titled Your Catholic Body and this Crisis: Bodyset and listen if you haven’t done so already. Go back to the last episode and really experience that exercise, truly listen in to your body with our guided reflection together. Then come back and listen to the story of JR in Indiana, and what he experienced as he did the exercise from the last episode.
Whenever I share these kinds of stories on this podcast, because they are so deep, and meaningful and personal, I always ask for permission from the person, out of respect. If the person is not willing to allow me to share it on the air, that is totally understandable. I really value your privacy. These stories, though, illustrate the experiences that I so much want all of you to have, they show the possibilities of what you can learn and how you can change by deeply engaging with this podcast and with our community.
This is also a clear example of what this podcast community is all about. It’s not about me, lecturing to a microphone off in my makeshift studio far away, and you, just listening alone, a passive recipient. No. This podcast is about engagement, it’s about relationship, it’s about connection, it’s about community and it’s about being pilgrims together in these hard times, in this valley of the shadow of death, Yes. Be we are also together on the road to salvation. I have responded to every one of you that has reached out by phone or by email, we’re a small enough community that we can do that together and that is a top priority for me.
So I want to start by thanking JR in Indiana for his openness and his willingness to share his experience from the last episode with all of you. Thank you, JR. I am going to read this as JR wrote it, because he expresses himself so well in his own words. He emails me last Monday, four days ago:
My back is physically out of shape due to lack of exercise (and I was diagnosed with some arthritis in my lower back a couple of years ago). Also, I have had to perform some physical home chores recently that I thought might be the cause of the pain.
I have been working hard at self-care: stretching, walking, a lot of time on my back with my legs elevated. Usually, this self-care would have worked by now; but not this time. I can move; but, not without pain.
This morning I followed your guided meditation and asked my back pain what it wanted to tell me. It said, “Slow down.”
I replied, “SLOW DOWN? I am on my fricking back and can’t move—I can’t go any slower. I am isolated—i can’t go any slower. I can’t find meaningful work—I can’t go any slower. I can’t engage with the Body of Christ—I can’t go any slower!
I have no idea what “slow down” means; but, I will take the suggestion to prayer and further meditation.
I write to him:
I suspect that the pain has some deeper meaning. I definitely think you are on the right track with taking the message to prayer and further meditation. I also would check in with your pain again. See what more it has to tell you. You can do that on your own, or it might be helpful to play the relevant section in today's podcast over again if you want a little guidance on checking in. But approach that pain and its message of "slow down" with curiosity, openness, acceptance if you can. I get that part of you is frustrated with all the inconvenience of the pain. See if that part can give you a little room to understand what's going on with the part that is in pain.
Dr. Peter,
Over the past twenty-four hours since my first meditation which gave me the words “slow down”. I have done meditation two more times--late last night and this morning.
The following may be more than you expected; but here goes:.
1) Here is what I think I learned after the first meditation:
My unconscious, in the form of the little child in me, was saying slow down. The little child, still wounded, was trying to stop my chronological age by slowing me down physically. It would take me longer to reach old age (death); If I couldn’t move as fast. With the slowing down, then I would have more time for things to occur; i.e., healing, etc. (and I wouldn’t die!).
Let’s stop for a second here. This is a great realization. This is an example of how unconscious parts of us can work. JR has identified a part of himself that was connected to his back pain. When he focused in on that pain during the guided reflection, he discovered a part of himself that seems like a little child. This is so common. I firmly believe that we all have these parts of ourselves, parts that are young and often neglected or exiled. These parts of us get trapped in the past, and they think and feel like children do. Sometimes we condemn these parts of us as “irrational” but I’m going to tell you something. It’s really important. I wouldn’t say this part of JR is irrational. This little part of him is trying to protect him from death, trying to help him in the ways it knows. But it’s not integrated into the rest of him, it has been disconnected somehow. And the beautiful thing is that JR is now reconnecting with that part of himself, he’s becoming more integrated as he relates with this part of himself.
What is making my unconscious feel threatened about lack of time (or my death)
[Deaths of people close to him, a history of health issues, fears of coronavirus]
My little child has not yet heard the voice of God the Father say. "You are my beloved son in whom I well pleased."
In addition to stalling death, I think my unconscious also wants to give me more time to accomplish my purpose in life. The past six weeks are forcing me to reassess that purpose. I have no idea today how that reassessment will end and until then I have no end in mind
2) During the second mediation:
I heard the little child say “I am scared.” I held him, reassured him and we prayed the Our Father at the end. (Providence occurred during this meditation because at the point in time of the podcast when you asked us to listen to our body; Safari on my iPhone crashed, unbeknownst to me, and I was able to sit in silence for a lot longer than if the mediation had continued and the podcast ended in an orderly manner.)
3) During the third meditation:
I heard the voice say: “I want to be understood” and “I want to have purpose for my life”. I am still thinking through the second and third meditations.
I will continue to mediate on my bodyset and to pray about what I am learning/discovering.
Side note: In re-reading this I thought it was interesting that I always mentioned my death in parentheses!
Thanks again for responding to God's call to develop these podcasts!
Blessings,
JR from Indiana
We’re going to continue with Bodyset for a little while longer. I asked a close psychologist friend of mine, Dr. Andrew Sodergren of Cincinnati to listen to the last episode. Dr. Sodergren is an expert on the psychological aspects of the Theology of the Body, and he and I have been discussing via email some of his key ideas in this area, so I am very much looking forward to sharing those insights with you. Dr. Sodergren and I are focusing very much on what it means to love yourself through loving your body in an ordered way. We’re addressing the psychological obstacles that get in the way of loving your body, and those are really common. I am really wanting to get him on this podcast with me as a special guest, so keep that intention in your prayers that we can work out the timing and details. I’m so excited to be able to share his insights with you.
I was kind of hedging my bets in my own insecurity when I started this podcast. There was part of me who was fearing failure, fearing that this whole thing would flop and just be lame, this part of me was questioning whether I could actually pull this off, and that part influenced me to tie this podcast to the pandemic. If the podcast fails, I can just shut it down when the pandemic ends.
And another, very self-confident part of me was totally sure that I could do this, that that with enough effort and savvy, I could make this podcast a success. And you know what? Both parts were wrong. This podcast is a great success, it is starting to change lives and help people along the road to salvation by shoring up the natural foundations for the spiritual life. So my insecure part was wrong about this. And it’s not a success because of my efforts or talents or savvy – I can’t do this on my own. It’s a success because, first and foremost of the grace of God, and because this podcast is entrusted to Our Lady and her intercession, and because of the prayers and sacrifices you are making for it. I keep asking you to pray and you keep praying and it’s working out! And it’s a success because JR is engaged and he’s doing his work, he is loving this little part of himself that doesn’t want to die, approaching that part of him with love and appreciation rather than contempt.
Feedback: People not wanting to hear any more about the coronavirus crisis. I’m not sure I want to hear more about it. This whole podcast and our whole community is actually not primarily about the coronavirus crisis. It’s about resilience – resilience on the natural levels and also spiritual resilience. Psychological, physical, emotional, cognitive, relational realms. How can we stay integrated, or get more integrated within ourselves, like JR was doing.
And I have been fumbling around trying to get my footing, there’s been a very steep learning curve for me on this. As I was considering this and praying about it, and thinking about all of you – two words keep coming back to me. Two words. Catholics and Resilience. And I was thinking about who we are, especially who we are together in community. And who will we be when this whole coronavirus crisis has passed into history, and the current name of the podcast no longer applies. I really want our community to go on. We don’t have to end this when the pandemic ends.
So what do you all think about changing the name of the podcast? Again, I don’t this of this as my podcast. It’s our podcast, God’s, Mary’s, yours, and mine, all together. I want to hear your ideas. If you are really attached to the current name, let me know that. If you want a new name, let me know that. If you have a new name idea, let me know. I have a possibility for a short name that might capture the essence of the podcast and the essence of us as a community, but I’m not great at picking names. But I’m going to throw this out there – How about the name “Resilient Catholics” “Resilient Catholics. OK. Get engaged. Email me at
crisis@soulsandhearts.com, call me at 317.567.9594 and talk to me or leave a voicemail. Or text me – you can text at that number too. Let me know what you think about the whole name situation. Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem is the current name.
Also register for the podcast so you can get the Wednesday emails and so we can keep you updated on all the exciting things we have in store. I am right now gathering together the best instruments to measure resiliency in crisis. I just got permission to use Connor-Davidson Resilience Scale which has been around since 2003 and has the best psychometric properties – reliability, validity. I’m working on getting the Resilience Scale for Adults, which is also one of the top three resilience scales according to a 2011 meta analytic review. These are not just available – I’m having to explain what we’re doing and get permission to use them. I’ve just begun working on creating a measure of psychospiritual resilience as well that brings in our Catholic the Catholic worldview. So soon, I will be making these available to those in our podcast community so you can receive your scores and see your own pattern of relative strengths and weaknesses in resiliency. We are then going to have a live webinar where I walk through the instruments and the meaning of the scores, and take questions. All that, plus a discussion forum will be available to podcast members who are registered. I will be charge a fee for all of that to help support Souls and Hearts’ work. So get registered so we can keep you in the loop. This is separate from being registered with Souls and Hearts, if you’re not getting the Wednesday email, you’re not registered. If you’re not sure if you’re registered, email me at
crisis@soulsandhearts.com or text or call at 317.567.9594. Don’t forget to be in touch about the name of the podcast as well also how this podcast is impacting you. We’re looking for constructive criticism too. Many of the best fraternal corrections I’ve ever gotten have been from my clients, so bring the criticism as well.
And that’s a wrap for today. Let’s invoke our patroness and patron: Mother Mary, undoer of knots, pray for us. St. John the Baptist, pray for us.