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Welcome to the We Are More podcast.

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My name is Alyssa.

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And my name is Bri.

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We are two sisters passionate about all things faith and feminism.

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We believe that Jesus trusted, respected, and encouraged women to teach and preach His

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word.

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And apparently that's controversial.

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Get comfy.

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Stop.

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I hate that.

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I choked myself.

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Good.

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Happy coffee time.

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Happy coffee time, world.

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Happy cough?

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Nope.

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Happy cough drop time.

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Yeah, for me.

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Alyssa still has the plague.

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I do have the plague.

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If any of you have ever had pneumonia, first of all, how do you get pneumonia?

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Explain this to me, because the internet basically says, we don't know.

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I heard that a small pneumonia demon crawls into your room at night and into your lungs.

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Frankly, at this point, I would believe it.

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Actually, I had a patient tell me one time if he could have any superpower, it would

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be to look at someone and slowly fill their lungs with liquid.

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So maybe that happened to you.

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Did you perchance call the police?

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He gave us all pens for Christmas.

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Maybe, maybe call the police.

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That's not a good enough Christmas present.

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Speaking of Christmas, have you people started purchasing Christmas gifts yet?

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Yeah.

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Because our mother, she is determined to be done Christmas shopping, I think in the next

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like two weeks.

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Soon.

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She's a woman on a mission.

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That overwhelms me.

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I get that though, because there's like other things that you want to take care of during

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that holiday season.

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And Thanksgiving is really late this year.

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So you have even less time to shop.

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I get the desire to do it.

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I don't get the motivation to do it.

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Yeah, that's a very different thing.

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I think every year I'm like, I'm going to start early.

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And I do a little bit, but I'm not as proactive as mom.

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I am a procrastinator.

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However, the kids a lot of times will go, like during the summer, if you don't know

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this, this is great, hot tip.

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Hack!

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During the summer, a lot of, I don't know, like grocery stores and stuff.

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So like Target, Meijer, Walmart, whatever, they will start to get rid of all of their

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previous year's toys.

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So everything goes on clearance.

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It's fantastic.

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So if you've got little kids, check around, I want to say like June, July.

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I think it was July.

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Yeah, like Target had a ton of Melissa and Doug stuff on sale, like good clearance.

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And then you just like stick it in the closet and don't forget that you have it.

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That's the key.

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Because that's a bad time.

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Also don't purchase so much that your children get tired of opening presents because I did

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that once.

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It's not a great time.

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But both of your kids have winter birthdays as well.

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So you can just kind of spread the love.

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It's actually really tough.

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All the birthdays are like right in a row.

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My husband's birthday is the month before Christmas and then there's Christmas and then

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we've got a January birthday and then we've got February birthdays.

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So it's just all right in a row.

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Don't do that to yourself people.

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Spread your children out a little bit.

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So today we are going to be talking about something that's been on my mind and on my

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heart for a couple of weeks now.

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It's on your heart?

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It's literally on my heart.

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How did it manage that?

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It was a little demon.

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People are going to stop listening to us.

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We're going to be talking about people pleasing today.

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We're going to hurt some people's souls a little bit.

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Sorry about that.

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Sorry.

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It's just something that I feel like specifically is forced on women and were conditioned from

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a very young age to become very aware of other people's needs around us and not even put

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ourselves on the list of who we care about.

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There's also a lot of negativity around self-love and self-care because that was a big thing

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for a while.

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Take time for yourself, but then it seems like you're selfish because you're doing it.

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I actually watched this TikTok today and it's this guy.

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He actually responds to a lot of Christian podcasts, but he is not himself a Christian.

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So it's really interesting.

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I sent a couple of them to you.

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He has a nice beard.

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He does.

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He has a lovely beard.

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But one of the ones that he was talking about, he was like, okay guys, so this is embarrassing

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for me.

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I hope you're prepared.

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And basically what had happened was several months prior, he recognized that his wife

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was just kind of drained.

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She was needing a break.

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So he bought her a plane ticket to go out to New York to see some shows.

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I don't know how much this cost him.

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I realize that that's not something everyone can do.

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But bought her a plane ticket for like a whole week.

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Just go do your thing.

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I've got the kids.

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They've got three kids.

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You know, just-

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Karly Three too many.

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Love we bring.

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And the week before she was supposed to go, absolutely all of the children got sick.

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Like puking toddlers.

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They've got a puppy.

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It's a bad time, right?

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So she's feeling guilty.

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She's feeling like she should stay.

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She should cancel on this trip.

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And he's like, no, absolutely not.

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You go.

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I'll be fine.

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Everything will be fine.

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So she went.

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And he did this video about it.

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Hey, look at the fun time she had.

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Look what she did for herself.

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This is great.

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You know, kind of praising her.

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And he said that most of the comments that he got were like, you're such an amazing dad.

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She owes you a big favor when you get her when she gets home, blah, blah, blah, stuff

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like that, you know?

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And he's like, guys, this is embarrassing.

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The bar is set so low for, in his case, dads.

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But you know, we can kind of extrapolate that to men in general that simply a man staying

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home with his children and, you know, being a parent is like, oh, she owes you big time.

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She actually doesn't.

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Like I understand that it's not always possible for parents to step away, that it's nice that

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she's able to to take a break.

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But let's flip this around and let's say he went on a five day hunting trip or a golf

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trip or something.

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Absolutely no one is going to get on there and be like, oh, he owes you big time when

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he gets back.

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You're such a wonderful mom.

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It's just incredible that you can do this all by yourself.

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No, that would absolutely never happen.

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Right.

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But because women are raised to be nurturing, to be maternal, to be people pleasing, and

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men generally are not raised with that same expectation.

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We get crap like that.

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I was listening to a podcast and it was this male author of a book about people pleasing

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and to promote his book, he made a podcast about it too.

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But it was just very interesting hearing that he was a people pleaser.

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I'm not saying that men cannot be people pleasers.

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I absolutely think that they can, but just the different dynamics.

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For women, it is in our DNA.

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It's an expectation.

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Yes, it's an expectation.

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But for him, the way he was describing it was kind of like a bank and you have this

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personal bank and every time you do something for someone else, you're giving away a little

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bit of love that you have for yourself as well.

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So one of his examples was after I go to the gym and all I want to do is take a 30 minute

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long steaming hot shower.

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But I know that there's other people in the house and I don't want to take up all the

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hot water, so I'll just take a slightly less hot shower to accommodate the rest of the

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people in the household.

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Or I'm not going to take the very last bagel or whatever it is.

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Maybe it's just kind of like being a decent human being.

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Yeah, I don't know that I would look at that and say, oh, he's a people pleaser.

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People pleasing.

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Yeah.

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I think it's just in general, you should consider the thoughts and feelings of the people around

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you to some degree.

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But for women, it's pushed so much further.

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I'm not going to take the 30 minute hot shower.

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I can't go to the gym because someone has to make dinner, get the kids ready for school,

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etc, etc, etc.

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Your needs and priorities aren't even on your radar.

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So I looked up just in general, hey Google AI, what is a people pleaser?

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It says it's a pattern of behavior where someone goes out of their way to please others even

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at the expense of their own needs.

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And I think that's the key is at the expense of your own needs.

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It's not just, I'll take a slightly less hot shower.

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Well, I think a big highlight of that is the word needs.

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As opposed to, you know, when you're talking about, and I don't want to criticize this

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man because I don't know anything about him.

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But when you're talking about, oh I just want to take a hot shower, that's not necessarily

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a need.

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You know, if you have the time, if nothing else is necessary in the house and whatever,

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okay, yeah, take your hot shower.

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But it's not like a need, whereas women are expected to give up their needs.

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They're expected to when the toddler comes up and says, I want your lunch instead.

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Do give it to them.

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I want all of those donut holes.

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I want to lick each one.

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Every day of my life, okay?

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My son will go to Dunkin and he likes the little munchkins.

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And we got, because they've got, Dunkin has the, it's not a boo bucket, but like a Halloween

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bucket now.

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It's surprisingly expensive guys.

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Don't buy it.

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It's a lot of donuts.

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It's just a regular bucket.

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It's just a bucket.

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It's not super exciting.

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No, but we bought it for the kids to share.

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And I swear to you, that little boy took a bite or a lick of every single one.

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But that's kind of the expectation with parents, with moms, is that, well, he licked every

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single one, so I guess I'll be hungry for the rest of the day.

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And it's almost like a sense of like a status.

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You shouldn't have any time for yourself.

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You shouldn't put any effort into yourself or care for yourself in any way because your

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husband or your partner and your kids all come before you and you come dead last every

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time.

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And it's not like, it's okay for you to come last sometimes.

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Yeah.

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Sometimes you make sacrifices.

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Yeah.

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But you need to put your priorities and your mental health and your physical health at

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the top sometimes.

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So some other traits of being a people pleaser.

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You're always available to help others.

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Always available, again, at the expense of your own needs.

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You're going to drop everything to pick up that phone and talk to your coworker because

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they were having some drama.

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Brianna.

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Or, I don't know, any other examples, but I feel that.

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And I think so many other women feel that.

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You always have to drop everything.

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Well, and what's the...

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What are you looked at like if you don't?

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If you don't pick up that phone when your coworker calls, you're kind of a word that

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I shouldn't say on the Christian podcast.

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A real witch with a B.

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Yeah.

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Like, you're a jerk.

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You're anti-social.

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You're not holding up your part of the deal.

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Or even things like, hey, do you want to go out to lunch today and you feel like you can't

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say no.

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That's another trait of a people pleaser is the inability to say no without an excuse

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attached to that.

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I just don't want to.

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That actually happened to me this weekend.

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I got a text from another parent at my daughter's school and it was like, oh, hey, can she come

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over and do whatever.

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This is not a parent that I know, but they wanted her to come over.

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My daughter's very social.

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She's not like me, guys.

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But I didn't want her to go, not for any particular reason.

253
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:39,960
Other than that, she's busy a lot and I don't get to see her a ton.

254
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:46,280
I wanted to spend time with her, but I couldn't just say no because then I'm a jerk.

255
00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:50,160
So I was like, no, we're doing family things and this and that.

256
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:57,040
Let me explain 45 different things to you because you don't want to be the jerky mom

257
00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:00,280
in line that everybody glares at.

258
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:05,240
For me, the other day I was at work and this rep came in and she was offering to buy us

259
00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:08,240
crumble cookie.

260
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:11,800
In a different town was the closest crumble cookie.

261
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:15,480
So it was a good 10 minute drive, I would say.

262
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,480
She's like, I don't know if I can have it delivered.

263
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,560
I can drive over there though.

264
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:20,560
Do you want to come with me?

265
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:24,880
And I was like, uh, uh, uh, uh.

266
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,520
My brain went completely blank.

267
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,760
And to me, I just should have said no because I'm at work.

268
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:33,600
I can't just get up and go drive to crumble cookie with you.

269
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:34,600
Super weird.

270
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:35,600
Yeah.

271
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:36,600
But she laughed at me.

272
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:38,600
She's like, you can just say no, I don't want to.

273
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:39,600
It's okay.

274
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:44,940
Well, it was very nice of her to make that not like an awkward situation.

275
00:14:44,940 --> 00:14:48,120
And then I just got up and I was like, I gotta go.

276
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:52,440
I'm the most awkward person.

277
00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:55,160
I can't handle myself.

278
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:59,360
Another trait is to make plans and take care of details for others.

279
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:01,640
I think you do that a lot.

280
00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:02,640
Yeah.

281
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:08,640
I think we've talked about this before, but we go, guys, we go to Disney a lot.

282
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:09,640
Okay.

283
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:14,000
I don't know if you know this or if you've been on the podcast or in our lives for any

284
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,400
amount of time, but we are Disney folk.

285
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:20,360
I think folk is too light of a word.

286
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:22,360
We are citizens of Disney.

287
00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:25,920
We've lost our dang minds.

288
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:30,520
Right now we don't have a trip planned for like two years, two and a half years, I think.

289
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:33,280
And we're all over here just losing our crap.

290
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:34,880
Just in a deep state of depression.

291
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:40,000
I mean, I give it another two months before one of us books a trip.

292
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,000
Maybe.

293
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,000
It's just so comforting.

294
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,520
It's just such a happy place.

295
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:45,900
Anyway.

296
00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:52,920
So whenever we go on the trip, our mom and I are kind of the designated planners.

297
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:54,200
And it's exhausting.

298
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:58,680
If you've ever planned a Disney trip, it is complicated.

299
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,280
There's so much that goes into it.

300
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:04,000
And it's not just like, okay, I'm going to take a week and plan the whole trip and be

301
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,000
done.

302
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:08,940
It's, okay, this has to happen at 180 days out.

303
00:16:08,940 --> 00:16:11,040
This has to happen at 60 days out.

304
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:12,400
This has to happen at 30 days out.

305
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:16,320
Take restaurant reservations until 60 days ahead and you have to wake up at the crack

306
00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:17,720
of dawn to schedule those.

307
00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:19,600
Otherwise you're not going to get those reservations.

308
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:27,640
And I think the issue with that is I feel like people pleasers feel like they can't

309
00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:33,840
ask for help or asking for, if they do ask for help, they're inconveniencing someone

310
00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:34,840
else.

311
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:40,840
Well, I think there's an expectation, especially on Christian women, of just handling all of

312
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:42,560
these things.

313
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:48,520
That's your job as the woman, as the wife, as the whatever.

314
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:54,000
You're going to handle this because I don't know, because traditional gender roles, I

315
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,000
guess.

316
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,680
I mean, think about your holidays, right?

317
00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:03,640
When you go over for Thanksgiving or Christmas, I feel like in a lot of families, there's

318
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:10,760
like one specific person who does not ask for help and takes on all the stress.

319
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:17,120
And it's not that people aren't offering to help, it's just that they feel like if they

320
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:20,960
were to ask for help, that would be inconveniencing the other person.

321
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,280
They don't want to do that desperately.

322
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:26,280
And I think there's two sides to that.

323
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:32,480
There's the side where other people, when you see someone struggling in that situation,

324
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:37,520
whether it's planning a holiday, whether it's planning your vacation, whatever it is, to

325
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:42,720
jump in and say like, hey, I'd like to take some responsibility, please give me something

326
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:43,720
to do.

327
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:49,880
But on the flip side also, women out there, even though you haven't been told you can

328
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:59,200
do this very often, you can and should ask for and demand help.

329
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,700
Especially if you feel like the people around you aren't offering it.

330
00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:05,400
And it's okay to give away some of that control.

331
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:06,400
Maybe that's it.

332
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:09,580
Maybe you want to keep that control.

333
00:18:09,580 --> 00:18:12,280
Or maybe you don't trust the people around you.

334
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:16,080
But you had to teach people how to treat you.

335
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:18,920
And I think part of that is demanding more.

336
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:24,040
Well, even with the podcast, so there was a long stretch of time, Bre works full time

337
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:25,480
and I work part time.

338
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:34,560
So a lot of times I take on a lot of the editing, the whatever, but I have the plague.

339
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:38,320
So I've had to hand over pretty much all the social media.

340
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:40,360
That's why it's a real record.

341
00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:41,360
It's been great.

342
00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:42,360
It's not.

343
00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:43,360
It's been great.

344
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:44,360
It's not.

345
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:47,360
I don't have consistent fonts.

346
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:48,360
It's fine.

347
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:57,080
But the point is, that's a little tough for me, or the first couple times Bre edited episodes.

348
00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:58,080
This is a joint effort.

349
00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:59,760
Bre and I do this together.

350
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,360
It's our podcast.

351
00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:03,800
But there's a sense of control.

352
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:08,080
I could do this the way that I want it done, or I could do it better.

353
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:12,400
Well I know exactly how I want it done.

354
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:18,100
And so it's hard for me to step back and say, no, Bre knows what she's doing.

355
00:19:18,100 --> 00:19:20,120
She's going to do a good job, all is well.

356
00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:21,840
That's tough for me.

357
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:24,040
And maybe that's why God has given me the plague.

358
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,040
Maybe.

359
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,240
But maybe for me too.

360
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:30,320
I've become very relaxed at just, okay, she's got this.

361
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:31,320
She can handle it.

362
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,480
She'll let me know if she needs help.

363
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:38,440
But maybe that's God's way of being like, Breanna, step up.

364
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:43,840
Well I think, and I've talked about this in therapy many times, because of planning

365
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,660
Disney trips and stuff.

366
00:19:45,660 --> 00:19:50,600
My therapist said to me, I remember the first couple times she was like, have you ever just

367
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:51,600
said no?

368
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:52,600
Yeah.

369
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:55,240
I'm not going to plan this.

370
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:56,280
I'm not going to do this.

371
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:59,440
If you guys want to get on that ride, you can handle it.

372
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:01,640
I was like, no.

373
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:03,640
What do you mean?

374
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:04,640
Is that allowed?

375
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:05,640
Are you crazy?

376
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:07,120
No is a complete sentence.

377
00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:09,640
You can't say no.

378
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:16,760
But, and that was a little jarring to me, to actually accept this concept of, I can

379
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:19,160
say, no this is my limit.

380
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:23,640
I've hit my limit and someone else has to take it from here.

381
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:27,720
Part of a people pleaser is the inability to set boundaries.

382
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:32,360
And I think I would also add to that, keep those boundaries.

383
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:38,040
Because you feel like, if you're a people pleaser, you're probably an empath too.

384
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:41,880
You feel like you don't want to hurt that other person.

385
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:42,880
Right.

386
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:48,760
I don't want to put more on you when I know how hard it is to have so much on me.

387
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:49,760
Right.

388
00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:54,240
But those boundaries are set up for a reason.

389
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:59,880
And if that other person respects you or loves you in any way, they'll understand why you

390
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:02,520
put up those boundaries and they'll respect them.

391
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:09,500
And I think a huge way to start down that path, a really good way, is to find those

392
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:13,320
people that you really trust and really believe in.

393
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:17,800
Like with the podcast, how Brie is one of the people that I trust the most in the world.

394
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:18,800
Good.

395
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:21,200
As it should be.

396
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:25,760
So I can hand that to her, knowing that she's not going to get mad at me for saying, I need

397
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:31,400
your help, or intentionally screw it up, or anything like that.

398
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:37,760
And then from there, maybe I can go to a person that I trust a little bit less, because I've

399
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,800
distanced myself from that need for control.

400
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:44,400
I've distanced myself from that need to people please.

401
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:49,640
I think for just in general, everybody out there, we talk about this at work a lot, is

402
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:52,760
situational awareness.

403
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:57,560
So at your holidays, as they're coming up, rather than constantly going up to that person

404
00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:01,640
who's handling all that stress and saying, what can I do to help, what can I do to help,

405
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:03,200
what can I do to help.

406
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:06,120
Instead, just take something on.

407
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:10,040
And that's part of what love languages too, I know that that's controversial, but one

408
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,960
of mine is acts of service.

409
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:20,360
And not having to ask for help, that in and of itself shows so much love to me, is when

410
00:22:20,360 --> 00:22:25,320
someone just shows up and takes something off my plate without having to have me ask

411
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:26,320
for it.

412
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:32,040
Well, because I think, and again, this was in that TikTok video that I talked about earlier.

413
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:39,560
He said, my wife didn't leave me a list of here's all the phone numbers for the doctors

414
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:44,280
and here's what to do if this kid gets sick and here's how to give the medication and

415
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:46,520
here's what dinners to make and whatever.

416
00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:49,840
He's like, she didn't have to do that because I'm just the other parent and I should know

417
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:51,760
how to do those things.

418
00:22:51,760 --> 00:23:00,120
But women are expected to, if they give you a job at all, to give you all of the instructions

419
00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:01,280
on how to do that job.

420
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:07,240
I remember another post, I think it was Ezra Rising, who's on Facebook if you want to

421
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:08,960
look her up, she's great.

422
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:14,680
But she said that she went over to a friend's house, they were like, new to the area, trying

423
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:16,800
to make a friend, whatever.

424
00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:21,000
And the husband, I think the wife was sick or something like that.

425
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:25,000
They had invited them over for dinner, but the wife was sick and so the husband was like,

426
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,520
no worries, I'll make dinner, whatever.

427
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,640
And she's like, that's great.

428
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,480
Love that for them.

429
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:39,240
So they get there and all he's done is bought ground beef to make hamburgers.

430
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:42,320
He's going to grill hamburgers, right?

431
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,820
And she's sick, she's still not feeling well.

432
00:23:45,820 --> 00:23:46,820
He didn't buy buns.

433
00:23:46,820 --> 00:23:50,200
He didn't get, he was like, I thought she was going to get those.

434
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,160
I thought she was going to make the sides.

435
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:54,880
Honey, where's the grilling tongs?

436
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,040
Honey, where's this?

437
00:23:57,040 --> 00:24:01,760
And by the time that they sat down to eat dinner, which was just burgers at that point,

438
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:06,240
and they had had to go to the store to get the burger buns, by the time they sat down,

439
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:10,440
she had gotten up like 12 times to get XYZ.

440
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:16,080
Because women are expected, even if they give you a job, to still mostly do the job for

441
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:21,440
you, but then you're going to finish it and get all the credit.

442
00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:24,640
These burgers are fantastic, Carl.

443
00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:29,160
The turkey's amazing.

444
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:36,320
But I just think it's so interesting because that's what, you know, I know we talk about

445
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:39,440
things in a gendered way so often.

446
00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:41,320
This is a feminist podcast, guys.

447
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:44,320
I don't know if you know this.

448
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:52,000
But it is, it just is so often gendered in that way.

449
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:57,720
This is not on topic, but I posted on our Instagram and TikTok today because I was in

450
00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:03,880
Barnes and Noble a couple of days ago and there's this board book, essentially a children's

451
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:08,160
board book, and it says, a man, a can, a plan.

452
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:16,640
I just thought it was so funny and the table of contents are like, SpaghettiOs, beer, meat.

453
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,760
It was something, the subtitle was like, you can do this.

454
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:22,840
Yes, it was just ridiculous.

455
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,880
But that is the society that we live in.

456
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:37,720
We do not expect that a man could make himself dinner without a board book and a can of SpaghettiOs.

457
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,240
We need to expect more.

458
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:49,040
You're an adult, figure out how to feed yourself or wash your dog or wash your freaking dog.

459
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:54,880
Another trait of a people pleaser is that they have low self-esteem and I think so many

460
00:25:54,880 --> 00:26:00,760
women out there are taught, hey, if I give you a compliment, just downplay it.

461
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:04,280
Or if I like your shirt, I can't just say thank you.

462
00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:07,800
I need to tell you, oh, well, I got it on sale or oh, this old thing, it's been sitting

463
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:09,560
in my closet for 17 years.

464
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:13,040
Well, I think let's talk about the be humble comment.

465
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:14,040
Yeah.

466
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:18,240
There was, I mean, we talked about it last week, but the governor of Arkansas was speaking

467
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:26,400
out against Kamala Harris and saying, she said, I have kids that keep me humble, but

468
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:30,440
what is Kamala Harris, what's keeping her humble?

469
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:38,000
As an insult because she doesn't have any biological children of her own, but she does

470
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,720
have two stepchildren.

471
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:46,680
And her response was, well, first, I think there's a lot of women out there who for one

472
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:50,520
are not aspiring to be humble.

473
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:53,640
I think that's such a powerful quote.

474
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,440
Like it's not that there's anything wrong with humility.

475
00:26:56,440 --> 00:27:02,240
I think that is something that we should have, but just because she's a woman doesn't mean

476
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:05,560
her number one aspiration in life should be to be humble.

477
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:08,200
She's a powerful, powerful person.

478
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,720
And again, you don't say this to men.

479
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:13,480
You don't say, well, what's keeping you humble?

480
00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:14,480
Right.

481
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:19,920
And if we're going to call that a Christian attribute, because the Bible does absolutely

482
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:21,160
talk about humility.

483
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:25,600
If we're going to talk about it as a Christian attribute, then you have to ask men, what's

484
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:26,600
keeping you humble?

485
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:27,600
What's keeping you humble?

486
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:28,600
Drop the mic.

487
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:29,600
Right.

488
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:33,680
I mean, like where is your humility?

489
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:38,720
Because we can't, there's nothing in the Bible, there's no argument that says women should

490
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:40,720
be humble, but men get off the hook.

491
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:48,480
Well, I think anytime a woman shows that she has a backbone or is in a position of power

492
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:53,680
or expects more out of the people around her, she's called a witch with a B.

493
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:56,400
I mean, absolutely.

494
00:27:56,400 --> 00:28:00,480
I think women have tried to change that narrative.

495
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:01,480
Yeah.

496
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,920
So they put a boss in front of it.

497
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:04,920
Right.

498
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:10,120
But I mean, that's just another sign of how much further we have to go as a society is

499
00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:14,720
just because she is strong doesn't mean that she's a bad person.

500
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:15,720
Right.

501
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:21,240
Well, my husband and I have been watching the show Scrubs and this was a show, I mean,

502
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:25,040
like Bri and I have gone through quite a transformation over the years, okay?

503
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:29,200
This is a show we always used to like, I always have enjoyed Scrubs and it's funny and I think

504
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:33,320
it's hard to take today's standards and push them back.

505
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:34,800
This is a 20 year old show.

506
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:35,800
Yeah.

507
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:38,080
But still, I was watching it.

508
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:39,520
It's a pretty sexist show.

509
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:44,600
Any of the women in it, it's not that they don't make them strong and powerful, they

510
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:49,200
absolutely do, but it's almost like in a mocking sense.

511
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:51,960
Like they're too strong and powerful.

512
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:56,480
And there's one scene, I think I watched it yesterday, and he was talking about strong,

513
00:28:56,480 --> 00:29:01,840
powerful women and how it's so sexy when women are strong and powerful because we've always

514
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:03,320
got a downplay.

515
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:04,320
Right.

516
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:10,400
If a woman is strong and powerful, we're going to turn it into a sexual thing because then

517
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:13,920
it's not as intimidating, I guess.

518
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:18,440
And so the scene shows these three women walking down the hall and they've just, all of them

519
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:21,520
have kind of taken control of particular situations or whatever.

520
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:27,640
And it shows them, the men, the three men that are with these three women, and it shows

521
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:29,720
them as children.

522
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:37,080
So the fact that these women were strong made the men feel like children.

523
00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:39,240
Which is ridiculous.

524
00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:47,660
And it truly hit me because the fact that I'm strong, the fact that I am independent,

525
00:29:47,660 --> 00:29:55,840
the fact that I can handle situations in no way detracts from my husband also being all

526
00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:57,200
those things.

527
00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:00,620
It doesn't turn him into a child.

528
00:30:00,620 --> 00:30:07,080
It doesn't mean that he has any excuse to not handle his own crap.

529
00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:11,600
And yet you look at all of these things and it's like, oh, well, we love strong women

530
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:16,520
because it's so sexy, but also it allows us to be children or it makes us into children.

531
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:17,900
I don't know.

532
00:30:17,900 --> 00:30:19,040
It's such a weird concept.

533
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:20,600
Yeah, that's very bizarre.

534
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:27,640
I think anytime you add that extra but, you don't actually believe the previous sentence.

535
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:35,320
So we love strong women, but, okay, so you don't actually love strong women.

536
00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:36,320
Right.

537
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:37,320
Ridiculous.

538
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:38,720
Ridiculous.

539
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:44,700
I was reading this blog post about this woman who was claiming to be a people pleaser and

540
00:30:44,700 --> 00:30:50,880
she's like, I need to stop being a passive spectator in my own life.

541
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:56,160
I really liked that statement because I felt like that so many times and I know everybody

542
00:30:56,160 --> 00:31:00,560
does but when you're a kid, you're like, oh, if I could just get through high school, then

543
00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:02,520
my life is going to begin.

544
00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:07,080
Or if I could just get my license, then I'm going to have freedom and I'm going to have

545
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:09,160
a great fantastic life.

546
00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:15,280
But as people pleasers, how often are we actually taking control of our own lives?

547
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:16,760
Not a lot.

548
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:22,040
How often are you actually doing what you want to do and have goals that you want to

549
00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:23,040
achieve?

550
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:27,120
Not just your husband's or your family's or your boss's.

551
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:31,200
What's making your life worth living right now?

552
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:35,520
And we've talked about that a lot at my work lately, just creating a life for yourself that

553
00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:38,180
you don't have to retire from.

554
00:31:38,180 --> 00:31:41,680
And for me, a lot of that right now is this podcast.

555
00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:48,480
Having something that I get to do that's not just work related that I'm doing on my own

556
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:49,480
time with you.

557
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:56,200
And I think what's keeping me going with that too, and I think you're absolutely right,

558
00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:58,920
is doing something that's just for you.

559
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:04,040
We have to actively take time away from other things to do the podcast.

560
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:09,840
I calculated it out one time and it essentially equates to a part time job between research,

561
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:13,520
record, edit, posts on socials, whatever.

562
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:20,040
And so those hours, that 20 hours a week or whatever it is, has to come from somewhere.

563
00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:28,960
And for a people pleaser, that's difficult because you have to step away and say, okay,

564
00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:36,240
well, I'm going to take an hour right now and Nathan's going to have to watch the kids.

565
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:44,680
And the kids might not be napping yet or whatever, but it's still okay that I go do this.

566
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:52,400
And I think it's funny because if any of our family's still listening out there, we'll

567
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:55,400
see you for the holidays.

568
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:57,800
No, we see our family all the time.

569
00:32:57,800 --> 00:32:59,600
That's actually quite a problem.

570
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:06,280
But I don't think anyone in our family would necessarily look at you and I in particular

571
00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:17,720
and say people pleaser because we really don't fit the same mold as a lot of the people that

572
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:22,500
we love because we are much more outspoken.

573
00:33:22,500 --> 00:33:29,600
We are much less likely to get my husband a plate at dinner time.

574
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:32,160
This crap is not happening here.

575
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:35,880
But at the same time, it's one of those things where it's like, who do you compare yourself

576
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:36,880
to?

577
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:41,000
If we compare ourselves to very conservative Christian women, we would not be considered

578
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,140
people pleasers, you and I.

579
00:33:43,140 --> 00:33:51,440
But if we compare ourselves to alpha men of the world, we're very clearly people pleasers.

580
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:56,080
The inability to tell someone else to plan their own dang vacation.

581
00:33:56,080 --> 00:34:00,120
The inability to say no.

582
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:04,360
Those things I think absolutely lean themselves to people pleasing.

583
00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:10,440
Or just constantly in the back of your mind being like, I should get up and go do this

584
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:13,360
or go do that or take care of this.

585
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:15,280
Just constantly on your mind.

586
00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:20,480
You can't just relax and be in the moment or give yourself a break.

587
00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:24,320
You're constantly thinking, oh, I should be doing this.

588
00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:27,760
I think it goes into the story of Mary and Martha too.

589
00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:29,200
There are a lot of stories of Mary and Martha, but-

590
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:31,240
There's a lot of Mary and Martha's.

591
00:34:31,240 --> 00:34:32,240
There are.

592
00:34:32,240 --> 00:34:34,240
Shocking amount of Mary's.

593
00:34:34,240 --> 00:34:37,280
But in the Bible, we see a really great example of this.

594
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:40,440
Jesus comes to his friend's house.

595
00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:44,600
So Mary, Martha, and Lazarus are siblings and they're friends of Jesus.

596
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:49,280
Which how cool to be known in the Bible as a friend of Jesus.

597
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:50,720
A bestie.

598
00:34:50,720 --> 00:34:53,560
You're not even talking like a disciple or something like that.

599
00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:54,560
A friend.

600
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:56,680
He's just come into your house to hang.

601
00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:58,280
Yeah, it's super cool.

602
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:06,520
But anyway, he's at their house and Mary is sitting there listening to Jesus.

603
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:08,120
Taking it all in.

604
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:12,360
Learning from her savior.

605
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:15,880
Martha is running around doing all the crap.

606
00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:18,560
She's getting that charcuterie board.

607
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:21,080
She's pouring the wine.

608
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:24,280
And she gets pissed at her sister.

609
00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:25,280
I would.

610
00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:26,280
I would too.

611
00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:32,360
I mean, in that scenario, if I'm walking around trying to get- there's 20 people in my house

612
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:36,640
and I'm trying to get everything ready for everybody and trying to do all the things

613
00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:41,200
and my sister has her butt sitting on the floor, we're gonna have words.

614
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:44,600
We're gonna catch some hands.

615
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:46,360
Is that what the kids say?

616
00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:48,360
I don't think the kids are saying it.

617
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:49,360
I don't know.

618
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,320
I'm gonna hit you.

619
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:57,600
And so Martha goes up to Jesus and is like, Jesus, come on.

620
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:58,600
This is ridiculous.

621
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:00,800
I need some help here.

622
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:05,240
Can you tell my dumb sister to stop it?

623
00:36:05,240 --> 00:36:10,440
And Jesus says, no, Mary's doing the right thing here.

624
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:12,560
The rest of it doesn't matter.

625
00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:16,640
It doesn't matter if everybody's shoes are lined up by the door.

626
00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:20,680
It doesn't matter if the wine is all poured properly.

627
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:23,000
People can handle it themselves.

628
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:24,000
None of it matters.

629
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:28,360
All that matters is sitting here and hearing the words that I'm saying.

630
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:30,480
Would you just calm down?

631
00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:31,480
Yeah.

632
00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:38,000
And yet, despite that very clear story where not only is Jesus saying that, but he's saying

633
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:47,160
it to a woman, despite that being in the Bible, the expectation of a Christian woman is to

634
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:50,280
make sure everybody's shoes are lined up at the front door.

635
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:52,600
Make sure the glasses are all poured.

636
00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:54,960
Make sure everybody has a perfect plate.

637
00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:58,840
Make sure the pies are lined up just so.

638
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:02,800
That is the expectation of a perfect Christian wife.

639
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:07,600
Not to stop and spend time with the people that she loves.

640
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:09,960
Not to stop and read her Bible.

641
00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:21,600
Not to stop and be in the moment, but to handle all the crap while her husband watches football.

642
00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:26,720
In spite of a very clear biblical command.

643
00:37:26,720 --> 00:37:32,480
So Christian women out there that are told, this is your role, this is your job, Jesus

644
00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:33,480
said it's not.

645
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:37,920
Jesus said it's not and he said it's okay to expect more of the other people around

646
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:44,080
you to demand more, to say get your butt up from that couch.

647
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:45,640
Go make a side dish.

648
00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:46,640
Yeah.

649
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:49,600
I mean if you want a glass of wine, pour it yourself.

650
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:52,720
If you want to eat, make your own plate.

651
00:37:52,720 --> 00:37:54,440
It's okay.

652
00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:55,440
It's okay.

653
00:37:55,440 --> 00:38:02,640
Another blog that I was reading, there was a quote from I think this woman's therapist

654
00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:07,640
or something, I don't know, but she said raising a girl to be nice is like sending her out

655
00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:10,600
to the world with one hand tied behind her back.

656
00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:12,440
Isn't that good?

657
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:13,440
That hurts.

658
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:14,440
Yeah.

659
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:19,480
Because nice means not good, not bad, just nice.

660
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:23,160
That's a quote from Into the Woods.

661
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:25,060
But it's true.

662
00:38:25,060 --> 00:38:31,400
How often are we teaching our girls, don't be rude to him even if he's making you uncomfortable,

663
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:35,480
just try to diffuse the situation, be nice.

664
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:40,280
When you're at work, maybe don't assert yourself as much as you think you should.

665
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:43,960
Don't stand up for yourself or your other coworkers, just be nice.

666
00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:44,960
Don't make waves.

667
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:45,960
Yeah.

668
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:46,960
Don't make waves.

669
00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:47,960
Stay in line.

670
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:49,760
But you're really doing her a disservice.

671
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:56,840
And like that other TikTok that we were talking about where Mark Driscoll was saying he did

672
00:38:56,840 --> 00:39:02,640
not raise his daughters to be independent, but he did raise them to be strong.

673
00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:08,400
I don't know how he thinks he's raising them with any kind of strength, but we're teaching

674
00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:13,340
our girls, especially in the conservative Christian world, that they don't hold a lot

675
00:39:13,340 --> 00:39:20,680
of value other than their niceness and their ability to raise children and make Thanksgiving

676
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:23,360
dinner and whatever.

677
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:26,300
But how are we raising our boys?

678
00:39:26,300 --> 00:39:30,160
We raise them saying, you're strong.

679
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:35,000
Everything you do, everything you touch is a turn to gold.

680
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:36,000
Maybe we don't do that.

681
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:40,040
No, but I think that's a totally valid point.

682
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:44,040
We raise boys often, not always.

683
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:49,520
I think there's a huge turn in society as we look at what toxic masculinity is and how

684
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:51,360
it affects families.

685
00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:57,960
But oftentimes, particularly in previous generations, we were raising boys saying, if you change

686
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:01,800
a diaper, it's a favor to your wife.

687
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:07,520
If you do the dishes, she should throw you a party.

688
00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:10,600
Karly It's like that meme or the GIF, I don't know

689
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:17,120
the difference between the two honestly, where it's a husband or a dad and he is sitting

690
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:21,280
on his phone and he's taking his kids for a walk or he took the kids to the park and

691
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:25,800
he's sitting on his phone and everybody around him is saying, what a great dad.

692
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:28,880
He took his kids out for whatever activity.

693
00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:29,880
Amazing.

694
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:33,520
But you see the exact same image, but it's a woman instead of a man.

695
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:34,680
She's sitting on her phone.

696
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:37,680
You think, wow, what a terrible mother.

697
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:42,160
She's not paying attention to her kids.

698
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:45,560
There's different expectations.

699
00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:48,680
If a man does anything, he's praised.

700
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:55,440
Well, I think I've talked about this TikTok before, but there's this creator and I think

701
00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:56,960
it's Jimmy on relationships.

702
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:58,840
Oh, Jimmy.

703
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:02,000
If you've ever seen him and he does a lot of role playing.

704
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:05,120
I don't know if he's therapist, he presents himself as a therapist.

705
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:06,120
I've seen Jimmy.

706
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:07,120
I've seen his wigs.

707
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:09,040
I think he's just got the one wig.

708
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:10,920
Cross-dressing Jimmy.

709
00:41:10,920 --> 00:41:14,440
But he did one where, so he plays both roles.

710
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:19,560
He plays the female partner and the male partner.

711
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:27,080
The woman is washing dishes and the man comes out and he's like, hey, where's my cup, my

712
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:29,600
mug, whatever.

713
00:41:29,600 --> 00:41:36,240
She was like, well, remember how I asked you to help out with the dishes?

714
00:41:36,240 --> 00:41:37,320
You were going to do them half the time.

715
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:39,060
I was going to do them half the time.

716
00:41:39,060 --> 00:41:44,120
This was not a chore that we decided was mine, but you've never ever done them.

717
00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:48,440
So now I'm going to do my dishes and you're more than welcome to do yours.

718
00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:53,640
And he got all pissy and was like, this is so ridiculous.

719
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:57,280
It would take you two extra seconds to wash this dish.

720
00:41:57,280 --> 00:41:58,280
This is petty.

721
00:41:58,280 --> 00:41:59,280
You're just trying to be vindictive.

722
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:00,280
Blah, blah, blah.

723
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:03,960
Goes on and on and blames her for it.

724
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:10,000
In this context, I think about that and it's almost cringy as a woman to sit there and

725
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:13,240
watch another woman.

726
00:42:13,240 --> 00:42:20,080
It's really jimmy, but in theory, another woman be assertive like this.

727
00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:24,080
It's hard to watch that because we're trained not to do it.

728
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:25,260
Right.

729
00:42:25,260 --> 00:42:32,360
Even if you think, oh, I wasn't trained specifically, but look at the examples around you.

730
00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:38,640
Watch those shows like Scrubs or any other show, Friends, you know, all of them.

731
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:39,680
It's all around you.

732
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:45,880
You've been conditioned as mostly a woman to be a people pleaser.

733
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:49,480
And it's not that I don't absolutely agree with what he's saying in that.

734
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:50,760
Yeah, she shouldn't.

735
00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:57,080
If this isn't a chore that you've agreed that's hers, then she doesn't have to do it.

736
00:42:57,080 --> 00:42:58,760
You handle your own crap, you're a grown up.

737
00:42:58,760 --> 00:43:02,560
I agree with it, but it makes me uncomfy.

738
00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:03,560
Right.

739
00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:07,800
Because, and my husband would never.

740
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:14,320
But even so, it makes me feel like, oh, she shouldn't be doing that.

741
00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:17,600
You know, like there's just this ingrained part of me.

742
00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:18,600
Right.

743
00:43:18,600 --> 00:43:22,600
Well, I think you expect more of your partner.

744
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:29,920
You sought out a partner who met your standards and you expected more.

745
00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:37,080
There are so many times and out there in the dating world, you'll, y'all, y'all know, but

746
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:44,880
people say, well, just maybe give them a second chance or your standards are just too high.

747
00:43:44,880 --> 00:43:49,200
That has been said to me recently.

748
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:53,820
Even when I know in my heart of hearts, this is not the kind of person that I want to lower

749
00:43:53,820 --> 00:43:57,860
my standards for, to make exceptions for.

750
00:43:57,860 --> 00:44:02,580
But women tell women to lower your standards.

751
00:44:02,580 --> 00:44:04,760
And we excuse sexist behavior all the time.

752
00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:11,040
Like that blog that I was reading, she was talking about her friend who's a female engineer

753
00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:16,940
and how hard it is as a female engineer in a male dominated industry and how expectations

754
00:44:16,940 --> 00:44:18,200
are different for her.

755
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:22,720
Her work environment is difficult, but she's like, well, they do the best they can.

756
00:44:22,720 --> 00:44:25,440
Again, we're making excuses constantly.

757
00:44:25,440 --> 00:44:31,000
She's just being nice in a situation that like they don't respect her.

758
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:33,120
And she says, well, they're doing the best they can.

759
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:34,120
Right.

760
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:41,720
I always, I try not to talk about feminism as much in real life.

761
00:44:41,720 --> 00:44:46,080
I have a problem with it because I don't want to just be someone that that's all I talk

762
00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:48,200
about.

763
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:56,160
But it's really difficult when you do watch shows that are older to not recognize so much

764
00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:58,120
of that stuff.

765
00:44:58,120 --> 00:45:01,560
Once your eyes have been open to it, it's like when you see, when you're looking for

766
00:45:01,560 --> 00:45:05,560
a car and you're like, I'm just looking for Subarus and now all of a sudden all you

767
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:08,600
see is Subarus all around you.

768
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:09,760
Yeah.

769
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:15,640
Because you watch these shows and the women are caricatures.

770
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:18,320
It's like they're not real people.

771
00:45:18,320 --> 00:45:21,400
You watch Friends, for instance.

772
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:22,400
I love Friends.

773
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:25,200
I probably watch Friends twice a year.

774
00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:28,840
But each of the women is a caricature.

775
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:33,520
They don't have the same depth as a lot of the male characters do.

776
00:45:33,520 --> 00:45:36,600
Or think of the secondary female characters even.

777
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:37,600
Yeah.

778
00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:38,600
Like Janice.

779
00:45:38,600 --> 00:45:39,600
Janice!

780
00:45:39,600 --> 00:45:41,080
That's her name.

781
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:45,440
She has one character trait until the end where they kind of try and make her more of

782
00:45:45,440 --> 00:45:49,160
a real person, but one character trait.

783
00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:53,160
Any of the girls that Joey dates, one character trait.

784
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:57,320
They're single moment characters.

785
00:45:57,320 --> 00:46:02,600
And yet you look at the secondary men and it's not the same.

786
00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:03,600
Right.

787
00:46:03,600 --> 00:46:04,720
There is depth.

788
00:46:04,720 --> 00:46:05,720
There are mustaches.

789
00:46:05,720 --> 00:46:08,840
There are mustaches.

790
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:14,000
Or with scrubs, the women are so often painted as just sexual objects.

791
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:15,000
Yeah.

792
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:16,000
Yeah.

793
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:17,000
And it's hard.

794
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:18,360
It's very hard to watch that.

795
00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:21,200
Even though they're sitting there saying, look, this woman's a doctor.

796
00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:22,200
She's so smart.

797
00:46:22,200 --> 00:46:23,200
She's so great.

798
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:24,200
Whatever.

799
00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:30,280
And every three seconds she is in a situation where she's making out with some guy or she's

800
00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:31,640
half naked or whatever.

801
00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:33,320
And I don't do that in any way.

802
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:36,160
I don't say that to slut shame in any way.

803
00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:39,720
But just that that's how the writers are writing her.

804
00:46:39,720 --> 00:46:40,720
Right.

805
00:46:40,720 --> 00:46:47,320
She doesn't get to be any more of a person than that character trait or than that stereotype.

806
00:46:47,320 --> 00:46:49,840
Even though obviously she's so much more than that.

807
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:50,840
She's a doctor.

808
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:54,080
She's a, you know, a scholar.

809
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:55,080
A scholar.

810
00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:57,880
I don't know if I would go quite that far.

811
00:46:57,880 --> 00:46:59,980
Not for scrubs.

812
00:46:59,980 --> 00:47:02,040
So as we approach the 50 minute mark.

813
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:04,840
Oh hey, there was one more thing I wanted to bring up.

814
00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:05,840
No.

815
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:06,840
Yes.

816
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:07,840
We're done.

817
00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:08,840
No.

818
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:09,840
Goodbye.

819
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:10,840
No.

820
00:47:10,840 --> 00:47:15,040
So we've talked before about how in church both Brie and I have done a program called

821
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:16,040
Rooted.

822
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:17,040
Yeah.

823
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:20,320
I think a lot of a lot of bigger churches do it.

824
00:47:20,320 --> 00:47:22,880
It's like an intro to small groups.

825
00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:28,040
And I remember in one of the weeks, I forget how many weeks the program is.

826
00:47:28,040 --> 00:47:29,040
I don't know.

827
00:47:29,040 --> 00:47:36,240
But in one of the weeks, everybody goes around and gives two or three character traits of

828
00:47:36,240 --> 00:47:38,240
each person.

829
00:47:38,240 --> 00:47:41,360
So they go around the room and they say, this is the impression that I have of you as a

830
00:47:41,360 --> 00:47:42,360
person.

831
00:47:42,360 --> 00:47:43,360
And it's towards the end.

832
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:47,640
So you've been with these people for a good bit and you know, whatever.

833
00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:50,080
And I just, this one really sticks out to me.

834
00:47:50,080 --> 00:47:53,040
So we were leading the Rooted group.

835
00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:54,840
Big mistake.

836
00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:57,720
I wouldn't trust you.

837
00:47:57,720 --> 00:47:59,840
It's not even not trust me.

838
00:47:59,840 --> 00:48:02,400
This is a terrible time.

839
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:08,600
But we are leading the group and both my husband and I were the group leaders.

840
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:09,600
It was not Nathan.

841
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:10,600
It was not me.

842
00:48:10,600 --> 00:48:11,700
It was both of us.

843
00:48:11,700 --> 00:48:16,080
And I remember one of the older men in our group.

844
00:48:16,080 --> 00:48:26,800
And what I think, I think he only had one descriptor for me and it was maternal.

845
00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:27,800
Eww.

846
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:28,800
Yeah.

847
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:32,360
Now, oh, that makes me uncomfortable.

848
00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:33,360
I know.

849
00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:34,840
I'm like, I'm not your mother.

850
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:36,080
Get out of here.

851
00:48:36,080 --> 00:48:41,120
It was just such a statement to me.

852
00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:44,720
I see you as nothing more than the woman that brings the snacks.

853
00:48:44,720 --> 00:48:50,000
Which is bizarre to me because if anybody has met Alyssa in person, that is not the

854
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:52,760
first character trait I would say of you.

855
00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:53,760
Not at all.

856
00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:56,520
I don't even think it would make the top 10.

857
00:48:56,520 --> 00:49:00,080
I don't, when he said it, I was like, have we met?

858
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:01,500
What?

859
00:49:01,500 --> 00:49:07,800
Which just shows he didn't take the time to listen to you or get to know you at all.

860
00:49:07,800 --> 00:49:13,280
Because if he did, even in the slightest, his top trait would be like a little aggressive.

861
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:18,800
Well, I think I was typecast.

862
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:23,840
You're the lovely wife of our leader.

863
00:49:23,840 --> 00:49:24,840
You bring the snacks.

864
00:49:24,840 --> 00:49:25,840
Yep.

865
00:49:25,840 --> 00:49:31,280
I think I would fill his glass with laxatives.

866
00:49:31,280 --> 00:49:34,600
You set out the pencils before everybody sits down, whatever.

867
00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:37,080
Essentially you're the administrator.

868
00:49:37,080 --> 00:49:38,380
Yeah.

869
00:49:38,380 --> 00:49:43,760
That's just so different from my Rooter group because it was all female except for one guy,

870
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:46,600
but he left out later.

871
00:49:46,600 --> 00:49:48,400
So we were just drinking wine.

872
00:49:48,400 --> 00:49:49,400
That sounds like a much better time.

873
00:49:49,400 --> 00:49:50,400
Having a good time.

874
00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:57,040
Even still though, even still, we dealt with a lot of tough topics because-

875
00:49:57,040 --> 00:49:58,680
Because women push this on women.

876
00:49:58,680 --> 00:49:59,880
Women push this on women.

877
00:49:59,880 --> 00:50:06,080
Women push submission, they push people pleasing, they push all kinds of things onto other women.

878
00:50:06,080 --> 00:50:07,080
Yep.

879
00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:08,080
Yeah.

880
00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:09,080
There you go.

881
00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:10,080
There's that.

882
00:50:10,080 --> 00:50:13,720
How do you stop being a people pleaser though?

883
00:50:13,720 --> 00:50:15,040
I Googled that too.

884
00:50:15,040 --> 00:50:16,040
Don't worry.

885
00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:17,040
I'm ready.

886
00:50:17,040 --> 00:50:18,040
Don't worry.

887
00:50:18,040 --> 00:50:19,040
I'm ready.

888
00:50:19,040 --> 00:50:20,040
I'm Dr. Google.

889
00:50:20,040 --> 00:50:21,040
Practice saying no.

890
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:22,040
I think-

891
00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:23,040
No!

892
00:50:23,040 --> 00:50:24,040
How was that?

893
00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:28,400
That reminded me of Charlie Brown in the musical.

894
00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:29,960
You know, Kristin Chenoweth.

895
00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:30,960
She plays Sally.

896
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:31,960
Anyway.

897
00:50:31,960 --> 00:50:32,960
I actually have no idea what you're talking about.

898
00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:35,800
She goes, no!

899
00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:40,840
Just saying no without an excuse.

900
00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:41,840
Just say no.

901
00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:49,400
Now you're not going to run into these situations every day, but give yourself a chance to just

902
00:50:49,400 --> 00:50:50,720
flat out say no.

903
00:50:50,720 --> 00:50:52,480
I don't want to.

904
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:57,480
Set healthy boundaries and don't break them.

905
00:50:57,480 --> 00:51:00,440
I think that's the hardest thing.

906
00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:03,440
Set those boundaries but actually put them into practice.

907
00:51:03,440 --> 00:51:08,680
It's hard because a lot of times those boundaries are around people that you do love or situations

908
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:11,680
that you might, you know, it's just hard.

909
00:51:11,680 --> 00:51:12,680
It is hard.

910
00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:16,920
But prioritize yourself and set those boundaries.

911
00:51:16,920 --> 00:51:18,320
Learn assertive communication.

912
00:51:18,320 --> 00:51:23,920
I think something that women do specifically and you'll see it all over TikTok is they

913
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:25,840
use the word just a lot.

914
00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:29,760
Like when you're sending an email, hey, I just wanted to check in with you.

915
00:51:29,760 --> 00:51:30,760
Yeah.

916
00:51:30,760 --> 00:51:34,760
You just want to try to make it softer, but be more assertive.

917
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:38,960
Say I am doing this or I need this from you.

918
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:41,440
I just need this from you.

919
00:51:41,440 --> 00:51:42,440
Delay your response.

920
00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:45,280
Oh, I do this all the time.

921
00:51:45,280 --> 00:51:48,680
But it's mostly an anxiety response, so I'm not sure that's great.

922
00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:50,960
Maybe set a time for yourself.

923
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:54,040
Something that I do is schedule a text.

924
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:55,380
Love that.

925
00:51:55,380 --> 00:51:57,720
Did you know that you can do that everybody out there?

926
00:51:57,720 --> 00:51:59,560
Schedule a text to go out at 2.30am.

927
00:51:59,560 --> 00:52:03,120
You're not around your phone.

928
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:06,080
You don't have to deal with that person responding right away.

929
00:52:06,080 --> 00:52:08,480
But yeah, I think maybe say, you know what?

930
00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:10,520
I need some time to think about that.

931
00:52:10,520 --> 00:52:15,720
Or I don't have a response to that right now, but I'll get back with you by X amount of

932
00:52:15,720 --> 00:52:23,480
time to give yourself room to think, room to ruminate, room to be assertive.

933
00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:25,120
Yeah, absolutely.

934
00:52:25,120 --> 00:52:29,880
Allow time for yourself and don't think that it's being selfish.

935
00:52:29,880 --> 00:52:33,480
And don't let people make fun of you if you just want to buy bubble bath and a candle

936
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:36,520
and a big, fat bottle of wine.

937
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:39,520
Just allow time for yourself.

938
00:52:39,520 --> 00:52:42,760
Even if that means like, hey, I just left work and now I immediately have to go home

939
00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:46,660
and feel like I have to get started and make dinner, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

940
00:52:46,660 --> 00:52:49,400
Maybe you take the longer way home.

941
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:53,120
Maybe you spend time just listening to that podcast that you've been wanting to listen

942
00:52:53,120 --> 00:52:56,200
to called We Are More Podcasts.

943
00:52:56,200 --> 00:52:59,040
Binge it, people.

944
00:52:59,040 --> 00:53:00,040
It's great.

945
00:53:00,040 --> 00:53:02,640
Seven hours just to listen to talking about women.

946
00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:05,080
At this point, we're at 27 hours.

947
00:53:05,080 --> 00:53:07,320
Okay, that's a lot of hours.

948
00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:09,960
I think this would be 28, right?

949
00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:12,280
27 or 28.

950
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:13,280
We've learned this lesson.

951
00:53:13,280 --> 00:53:14,280
Don't do this to me.

952
00:53:14,280 --> 00:53:15,480
I think it's 28.

953
00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:19,440
Don't use excuses and positive self-talk.

954
00:53:19,440 --> 00:53:22,240
I wanted to talk a little bit about this too.

955
00:53:22,240 --> 00:53:29,800
Think about would you want your daughter to say this to herself or your friend to say

956
00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:32,520
this about herself or go through this situation?

957
00:53:32,520 --> 00:53:37,800
Look yourself in the mirror and stop criticizing yourself.

958
00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:39,280
Look in the mirror and say, I'm beautiful.

959
00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:40,280
I'm smart.

960
00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:41,280
I'm confident.

961
00:53:41,280 --> 00:53:45,320
My boobs look great.

962
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:52,600
I love there's a Nicola Coughlin quote and she says something about how women like her

963
00:53:52,600 --> 00:54:00,160
don't get represented very often on TV and you think it's about weight because that's

964
00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:01,840
all anyone can focus on with her.

965
00:54:01,840 --> 00:54:05,360
But she's like, women with perfect breasts.

966
00:54:05,360 --> 00:54:09,480
I fell apart.

967
00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:16,280
So she was just in the time like 100 something something and she responded to, she's like,

968
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:19,360
people need to stop calling me brave for being naked on TV.

969
00:54:19,360 --> 00:54:24,640
What really, the truth is I have a great set of boobs and this was just me showing them

970
00:54:24,640 --> 00:54:27,640
off.

971
00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:32,520
On that note, and also one last thing, prepare yourself for rejection.

972
00:54:32,520 --> 00:54:35,000
That's hard.

973
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:39,920
Because once you start saying no and once you start being assertive, you are going to

974
00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:42,840
experience some rejection and that's okay.

975
00:54:42,840 --> 00:54:44,640
That is part of life.

976
00:54:44,640 --> 00:54:46,240
Prepare your heart for it.

977
00:54:46,240 --> 00:54:47,240
Ouch.

978
00:54:47,240 --> 00:54:48,240
Yeah.

979
00:54:48,240 --> 00:54:50,040
On that note.

980
00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:51,040
Yep.

981
00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:52,040
Yep.

982
00:54:52,040 --> 00:54:53,040
Yep.

983
00:54:53,040 --> 00:54:54,040
Yep.

984
00:54:54,040 --> 00:54:57,000
So next week, which we're going to be recording soon, so I'll probably still be coughing.

985
00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:59,160
Prepare yourselves.

986
00:54:59,160 --> 00:55:01,240
But we're going to be, next week will be our Halloween episode.

987
00:55:01,240 --> 00:55:03,600
I'm actually not sure it might come out after Halloween.

988
00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:05,600
No, it'll come out on Halloween.

989
00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:06,600
Does it come out?

990
00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:07,600
Oh, we're good.

991
00:55:07,600 --> 00:55:08,600
Look at us.

992
00:55:08,600 --> 00:55:09,600
Yeah, it's a Thursday.

993
00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:11,560
So we are going to be talking about the Salem witch trials.

994
00:55:11,560 --> 00:55:12,560
I'm very excited.

995
00:55:12,560 --> 00:55:15,480
I've been doing some research and we're also going to be talking about the Pendle witch

996
00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:16,720
trials.

997
00:55:16,720 --> 00:55:18,400
I don't know nothing about that.

998
00:55:18,400 --> 00:55:19,840
Which were in England.

999
00:55:19,840 --> 00:55:24,240
So get ready for a little bit of spooky and some fun.

1000
00:55:24,240 --> 00:55:27,320
We should have some haunted music.

1001
00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:30,760
I'll get right on that.

1002
00:55:30,760 --> 00:55:32,760
You could just do that the whole time.

1003
00:55:32,760 --> 00:55:36,120
Alright, so we will see you guys for that.

1004
00:55:36,120 --> 00:55:37,120
Look forward to it.

1005
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:39,960
We're going to be apparently singing spooky songs.

1006
00:55:39,960 --> 00:55:42,160
And also laughing like we're just...

1007
00:55:42,160 --> 00:55:43,160
Wow.

1008
00:55:43,160 --> 00:55:44,840
That was good, wasn't it?

1009
00:55:44,840 --> 00:55:47,000
Alright guys, look forward to that one.

1010
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:49,360
Oh, if you know anybody from...

1011
00:55:49,360 --> 00:55:51,680
Just pick a state this time.

1012
00:55:51,680 --> 00:55:52,680
Okay.

1013
00:55:52,680 --> 00:55:54,400
You know a state!

1014
00:55:54,400 --> 00:55:55,400
Texas.

1015
00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:56,800
There you go.

1016
00:55:56,800 --> 00:56:00,280
Send it to your friends in Texas.

1017
00:56:00,280 --> 00:56:02,480
Because they have a good steakhouse there.

1018
00:56:02,480 --> 00:56:03,480
Wow.

1019
00:56:03,480 --> 00:56:08,360
Also, make sure you follow us on Instagram and TikTok.

1020
00:56:08,360 --> 00:56:11,920
On TikTok we are we.r.more4.

1021
00:56:11,920 --> 00:56:14,280
And Bree's been posting some really fun stuff over there.

1022
00:56:14,280 --> 00:56:16,640
I did post a picture of a manikina plant.

1023
00:56:16,640 --> 00:56:19,400
So go check that out.

1024
00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:20,400
And we'll see you next week.

1025
00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:39,520
Byeeeeeeee!