What if she already loves you as much as she is capable of loving anybody? And it's still not enough for you.
Not because she's cruel. Not because she's punishing you. Not because there's a switch you haven't found yet. The tank just isn't that big.
I had an attachment expert named Cassie on my live stream, and she told me a story I haven't been able to shake. She'd been with an avoidant man who discarded her with no real explanation. Nine months later they ran into each other and he lit up like he hadn't seen her in twenty years. Then he told her he loved her for the first time. "I love you more than anybody or anything I've ever loved. But I can't be what you need."
She believed him. Both halves of it. His love was real, and it was still smaller than what she needed.
I sat there listening and thought, half the men watching my channel are living that exact story with the roles flipped.
Because you've heard your own version of that sentence. "I love you, I'm just not a very sexual person." "It's not you, it's me." "I don't know why I'm like this."
And you didn't believe her. You treated it like a puzzle. You lost the weight, you did the chores, you stopped complaining, you did the counseling, you handed her the books. You escalated to every department in the building looking for a different answer.
In this video I'm talking about capacity. What it is, why it's not the same thing as willingness, and why you cannot beg, argue, therapize, or hand a thousand books into somebody's capacity getting bigger. People build that alone, if they ever build it at all.
Cassie put it a way I liked. It's like a feral cat. All the chasing in the world does nothing. All you can do is stop.
And I'll be straight with you about the part most guys get wrong. "Stop chasing" is not a strategy to get her back. If you're doing it to get her back, you're still chasing. You've just gotten quieter about it.
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