well hello All You Beautiful
[Music]
People you know what time it
is ladies and gents Guys and Dolls and
everyone in
between gather around get you something
real nice to sip on and comfy to slip
on cuz it's time for smut Club here's
your hosts Chelsea and
[Applause]
Hannah hey everybody and welcome to smut
club I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea and
today we're talking about smut this is
the podcast where we do
that in case the title didn't didn't
give you a
warning this is what we're here to do
and sometimes we Day drink while we do
that I'm not doing that today so that
whole intro was just full on
me that's
just there's you being and you there's
that oh no what what there was a
situation recently where like someone
looked at me and I was like I'm
completely
sober I'm like I have nothing to blame
but this is all me but myself I don't
mean to brag you're welcome but yeah I
was like cool cool cool cool love this
that's also like uh cuz I went to
Seminary for grad school and I got
reported for drinking because it went
against the code of
conduct and someone
reported to our like housing director
that they saw me walking in drunk and I
was like well I drive myself everywhere
I have like no family here so wouldn't
do that like I'm not disputing that I
have had something to drink but like I
wouldn't drive yeah like I'm not sure
what they're referring to and I looked
at the apartment manager I was like you
know me I'm pretty loud pretty clumsy so
like there's a decent chance I was
completely sober and he paused and he
goes touche
like and that is why I didn't get
evicted being clumsy
helps we love to be known for
something that is my claim to
fame what book are we doing
today Maneater by Emily
Antoinette that sounds like a Regal name
it does doesn't it yeah yeah okay I have
not heard of this one I found it on the
Tik Tok it's technically a
prequel um so in I I did read the first
book in the series and this is about the
the first book is about the son of this
couple okay so this is said in the 80s
it's like 40 years in the past um that
hurt right yeah cuz when I got to the
epilog and it was like 40 years later
202 something and I was
like
good like oh great that was like when uh
our roommate told us for his 26th
birthday he was thinking of doing a
decade themed party and I was like what
what decade we think in' 70s ' 80s maybe
even the '90s getting crazy with it and
he goes I was thinking the early 2000s
no
no wow I was not ready for that pain to
be so visceral
right the other day at work we admitted
somebody and their birth date was 2004
and I was
like no like I was like oh my God that
was fully 20 years ago holy [ __ ] oh no
uh when people started saying I don't
need to check the rest of your ID it
starts with a one yeah that that also
hurt yeah or when people refer to us as
being born in the late
1900s that one I find kind of amusing
but also kind of like makes it sound
like we're vampires or something like oh
you're from the late 1900s like yeah I
am you're like ooh is this a Dracula
retelling and you're like no no like
like Bill Gates was on the scene we're
just talking about when Britney Spears
was on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse um
like and Ryan Gosling oh yeah and Justin
Timberlake Christina
agilera yeah I think
so there were a lot of them yep that
started out there mhm mhm just
fascinating to look back on and like see
all of the moments of like Child Actors
and be like oh my God this makes sense
why why you haven't been doing okay for
so long we really do get it we hope
you're okay we're so sorry there are
resources and supports quite
frankly I don't know if I have the
Specialties that you need probably not
no no no no that's also like okay when
Kanye got involuntarily committed to the
hospital yeah my only thought was like I
shudder to think of being the person who
wrote that paperwork oh yeah no thinking
about the intake because we had somebody
recently that had this Fantastical story
and we were all like okay so we're
looking at potential delusions like
we're looking at right we're doing all
this Diagnostics and then she met with
the psychiatrist and the psychiatrist
like you guys it's it's real what like
she's telling the truth and we were all
like oh oh [ __ ] like so I can see some
like old white woman who has no idea who
Kanye is like sitting down to do his
intake and like making notes well I'm
thinking when he actually got invol
voluntarily hospital when he actually
was outside his mind but like being like
the crisis worker who gets called to his
house when he's in his yard and you're
just like writing on your little
clipboard being like least restrict
least restrictive measures are not
appropriate for these
reasons like as evidenced by 100% um but
but also to your point once they get
there and then you're like is I what
part of this is real what part of this
also the old classic of is is this a
mental health diagnosis or are you just
a dick right because that's also a
common thing I'm like no great question
this isn't a narcissistic personality
disorder he's just an [ __ ] yeah yeah
believe it or not that mean those are
the same yeah they're not
interchangeable no yeah but people like
to pretend that they are they sure do
well there was that uh there was a
psychologist on Tik Tok and she was like
the one who was like your
mother-in-law isn't like this diagnosis
your like exboyfriend isn't to this
diagnosis and I was like thank you
louder for the people in the back people
are often just people like yes they're
not diagnosable they're just
I also yeah I think that there are
moments where like no one I would hate
to be judged by my worst moments oh my
God yeah right yeah I mean we all have
traits of something in our worst moment
absolutely and then we also just all
have seasons that like we're growing
that like we don't know things and I'm
like I don't want you to hold me to what
13-year-old Chelsea said God right I'm
like I I've tried to grow yeah and I I
believe that I
have most of the time I think I've come
a really long way yeah me too yeah me
too I was a talking to a client recently
about uh using the practice of like when
you're having when there's something
that you're like [ __ ] on yourself
for in the present and being like okay
if 5-year-old Chelsea was here right now
what would I say to her about this or if
13-year-old Chelsea was here right now
like how would I communicate to her
about it and my client was just at me
like and she's like that's going to be
so hard to do I was like I know girl it
does not feel good to practice
self-compassion at that level doesn't I
actually have a picture of
three-year-old me that I keep in a place
where I see regularly so that I can do
it more easily yeah it's me on my play
school slide with my hair all out crazy
my naturally red
hair yeah because we had it on our shag
carpet because Florida is too hot to
have a plastic place School side outside
so that is awesome I went up and down it
so many times in my footy pajamas the
static electricity made my hair stand up
well that's adorable I know I'm like I
can have compassion for that kid that's
cute as hell
1,000% but it's funny because you're
like okay so what would you say to like
32y old Hannah about this like 32y old
Chelsea I'm like man I become so much
less kind when I'm like well current me
is like I've never been old than I am
now so I should have figured this [ __ ]
out already right my my husband like
asked me once he's like what would you
say to current you about that and that
was my response and he was like that
backfired in a way I did not that didn't
go how I think it was going to
go oh my God okay so back to Maneater
back to Maneater so actually some of
this is really relevant because our main
guy Shane has some very intense anxiety
okay he has a really tough time being
social and that's like a very common
theme so he is a witch and he's brand
new to town so this is very
Supernatural um and there are lots of
different kinds of soups in this world
and so is this in and I'm sorry if you
said it and I missed it is this in like
a modern city or is this in like
a it's in the 80s that's how we got here
in the first
place well no I I still understand that
it's the ' 80s but I'm like is this like
the 80s in like New York or Milwaukee or
is this like it's a small town it's
called Moonville and that's the okay or
maybe not I don't remember the series is
moonveil so maybe this is somewhere else
but regardless but a small town smallish
town full of
soups yes so um he is a private
investigator and he's trying to get his
business going having just moved to
town and so he is going around to
different businesses hanging flyers and
stuff like that um and uh he walks into
this like new AG shop and he hears
people like [ __ ] in the back and he's
like I should leave and like knocks over
an entire like stand of stuff and he's
like Jesus Christ like oh my God oh my
God oh my God and so um I I don't know
if there's a way to ever exit something
like that without accidentally making
noise no there's no way to do that
gracefully no no and he is startled as
hell he is a 25-year-old virgin and he's
so painfully awkward he's like you've
got to be [ __ ] kidding me like I just
oh my God like I just want to hang some
flyers like and so I just want to be
able to pay my bills why is this
happening I just want to get my business
off the ground so the shop owner comes
out and immediately recognizes him as
another Supernatural because he spelled
the Flyers so that other Supernaturals
would know so it be more easy he would
be more easily hired by Supernaturals
which is what he wants like calls to
like ex yeah so she um is like
Absolutely I'll hang this up for you
sweetie like you should come to our
coven meeting like the next day or
something uh and he really doesn't like
social Gatherings but he knows that he
needs to go he's like I have to network
but at what cost he's like well I've
been wanting a coven like I want other
people to practice with like this is
important to me is there any like so he
just moved to town was like there like a
tragic thing that he was he's just new
to town it's never mentioned yeah yeah
get kind nice that it's not mentioned
yeah we really don't get much backstory
for either character in this but it
doesn't feel like the story is any less
yes you know engaging well and and I
appreciate that cuz I feel like there
are some books where I'm like we didn't
need this much backstory and now this
book is like 200 Pages longer than I
would like it to be yes and this book is
only like 170 I think oh heck yeah yeah
it's meant to be more of a Nolla MH
entry into the world to set up the
actual Series so um so the actual series
I'm assuming the books are longer and
this yes yeah the first book is called
behold her and I think it's around 400
pages okay um but also really good well
I know like uh the ice Planet Barbarian
series that we just reviewed like each
of those books throughout the whole
series I think is and I I I might be off
on this but I think they're all like
200ish like they're all of them shorter
right but I guess if this is more of the
prequel mhm uh she kept it short I I
appreciate yeah a prequel in that regard
yeah and it's really
like it's really nice the way she sets
up the world in the 80s and then brings
it back like in more present day it's
just a really cool way that she did it
but
um poor Shane is so so incredibly
awkward and he keeps feeling like this
shop owner who's maybe in her
40s keeps flirting with him and he keeps
being like surely not I'm misreading
that and like just moves on and like
pretends like maybe not like it's okay
it's all going to be okay she's just
trying to be nice to the new kid in town
everything's cool don't be weird so the
next day he does show up to the Cen
meeting and he immediately is like weird
Vibes in here like I hate it I don't
like it because everyone is like
checking him out very obviously and
making like weirdly sexual comments is
it a a witch's coven it is yeah it's a
coven of witches
I wasn't sure if there if if other
Supernaturals Supernaturals had covens
as
well that is not disclosed but I don't
think so um this one's just witches and
like stuff like one of the guys comes up
and kind of makes a little bit of an
advance with him and he kind of like
backs up and the shop owner who's the
only one that he really knows is like oh
sweetheart don't worry about him like
he's just another appreciator of nice
bodies and he's like
what well and I also like that we like
the shop owner is the only one he really
knows does he he like went into her shop
well knows her name like you know like
that's the ex it's not like he's like oh
she's a safe space and all this he's
like no I've seen her before and that is
the only heard her banging somebody like
that's really all I've got um so he's
like holy
[ __ ] if they brought me here as a virgin
sacrifice and he's like no they can't
tell I'm a virgin right he's like no
surely they can't tell okay maybe
they're just
weird he's like moving on he's like I
would be so pissed if I die a virgin
it's
unacceptable so that'd be such a weird
thing right like like how can they tell
like they're all like we smell the
Virgin on you can smell it on you that's
why we invited you here we just got a
good waft of Virgin
um so he they keep talking about this
ceremony they're doing this ceremony
they're doing and he's trying to find
like trying to do an Irish exit and like
or say he's going to the bathroom and
not come back cuz he's really not
enjoying the energy here but they pull
him into a circle but he does not
participate in the Chant that they're
doing and um he actually breaks out of
the Circle as they
finish um what they're doing which is
summoning a
succubus so they summon a sex demon and
it he's like this is the most incredible
beautiful creature I've ever seen in my
life holy [ __ ] she's got like purple
skin and this long black hair and these
big wings and a tail and and she's
topless and she's wearing a glitter
thong and platform heels and he's like
what the
[ __ ] he's like oh my
god um so not the same at all so similar
but different okay well before we
actually successfully summoned the
succubus and I was we talking about he
ended up like in the circle but didn't
really want to be then just like tried
to like bow out of the circle one time
when I lived in Nashville a friend
invited me to this house show
cool I'm broke this is a house show I'll
go have fun sure um and so at one point
one of the artists who was playing at
this house show wanted everyone to get
up and like get into a group hug and
like sing the song
together and everyone from where I was
seated was participating and I only knew
the friend who had invited me and then
suddenly I'm in the circle singing this
song and I go where the [ __ ] is
Amanda and Amanda is like on the couch
and she's like hell no I wasn't joining
that circle of people I didn't know you
just left me here and then I was like
can I Can I exit gracefully and I was
like I think I just have to like back
out backwards really quick yeah I just
had to let that whole song play out and
then like went to get a drink and then I
just like couldn't get back to my seat
after
that similar energy from Shane yes um
but no sex demon no sexon that's not
what we were trying to do no or maybe it
was I think I blacked out a little bit
totally fair totally fair and
understandable um oh I forgot to mention
so this is dual point of view okay um so
next we get l so L is our succubus she
is [ __ ] pissed and um she was working
her shift at the strip club on the pole
and just vanished Into Thin
Air and forced into her demon
form I would be very annoyed by that as
well yeah she's real real mad I don't
think it like bodily autonomy ever
really I've processed that in that
regard when you're summoning things yeah
so that becomes really re relevant
because the leader then begins demanding
that she feed on all of them and [ __ ]
all of them or they're not going to let
her out of the circle and she's like
dude she's like first of all I don't
have time for this second of all like
what the [ __ ] like seriously so she has
no interest in any of it and that's like
some bold assumptions 100% yeah we
summoned you so now you have to [ __ ] all
of us or you can't leave obviously you
want to you're a succubus right and so
um did you see what she was wearing
glitter
thong well glitter thong and Winks she
wanted it she really didn't she didn't
she didn't she didn't though and so she
is about to just do it like do what she
has to do so that she can go back to
work because she does not have time for
this when all of a sudden she notices
this really cute red head step into the
break in the circle and he he goes the
[ __ ] off he is like how [ __ ] dare you
she did not consent to any of this back
the [ __ ] away from her and is like like
comes riding to the rescue right and
like grabs her hand and pulls her out of
the circle um and he's like you are like
this is assault she did not ask to come
to your weird [ __ ] orgy and all of
the the other witches are like crying
and they're like we need this she's like
we need this okay like no she's like I
still didn't consent you weirdos right
like what about uh no I like that their
whole excuses but we're so hard up right
like they're all clearly [ __ ] each
other too like that's the weird energy
that Shane's picking up on is like they
regularly have weird orgies like they
clearly are fine this is a weird sex
cult
so um see I wasn't sure initially if it
was going to be like a coven of suc You
by yeah yeah yeah or something of that
capacity this isn't what I was expecting
no me either okay so um she finds Shane
completely endearing because he's doing
his best not to look at her boobs
because she's fully topless in her demon
form and he's like like laser focused on
her eyes like so like trying so hard not
to look and um then all of a sudden he
starts unbuttoning his shirt and she's
like okay so like he's giving her his
shirt right but her assumption is he
wants his dick sucked because he rescued
her from all the other ones and he's
like it'll be so much easier for me to
focus on your eyes if your tits are
covered yes so she's like okay I get it
like she says it out loud and he's like
no no no no no no no like I just thought
just thought you'd be more comfortable
we're standing on the sidewalk I just I
just thought you'd be more comfortable
with a shirt
on my heart I know I know and he's like
but only if you want you don't have to
cover up it's completely okay just
whatever you want whatever you want um
and she is like blown away that he is so
thoughtful and like not trying to get
anything from her and so so um he keeps
calling her ma'am and she's very into
that um so then he offers her a ride
back to work um and does she live in
town yes okay yes everybody's local um
and
um he is still like just adorably
self-righteously angry on her behalf and
she's like it's really okay like I'm a
succubus it happens all the time he's
like absolutely the [ __ ] not it's okay
like no way also I'm just going to like
if they want to [ __ ] us succubus that
bad they can just go to the strip club
yeah well and she I mean she still has
to consent I just mean like they don't
need to like summon her from across town
right I thought when we were summoning
someone no they were far further away no
she wasn't like in the demon realm
having a great time yes no
um yeah so he is like going off about I
can't believe they would just assume
that you would [ __ ] them because you're
a succubus and then he's like of course
you can if you want to obviously you can
do whatever you want but it should be
what you
want and so um she is just like really
taken by how adorable he is and so she
invites him to come to the strip club
the next night to see her
um and
um it's then the next night like she
gets out of the car it's very cute she's
like so are we going to like bang in
your car then he's like no no no I've
enjoyed this time we've had together
because she still doesn't believe him
that he's like really this kind and
sweet and so the next night she's
working and it's like getting on 11:
11:30 and she's like ah he's not going
to come like this really sucks I feel so
emotionally invested in this I know
right um and I didn't even read this one
I know I'm going to add it to my list
now it's really good so she's like
really disappointed and like the other
the like the bartender and some of the
other dancers can tell some things off
and she's like well like I met this guy
and I really thought like but it's okay
it's okay well Shane has been outside in
his car for an hour trying to work up
the nerve to go inside because he's like
maybe she doesn't actually want me to be
here like maybe she just felt bad like I
don't want to make her feel weird but
then she did invite me so maybe she does
want me to be here she does still have
my shirt she told me I should come back
for her shirt well and he's like cannot
the anxiety is like off the
chain
that it hurts my heart when people live
with that level of anxiety all the time
I know like it is exhausting it and I
know some people can like get annoyed
and they're like just make a [ __ ]
decision and like just and I'm like
that's not how this works if I could I
would yes because thankfully I'm not
like this all the time and I've done a
lot of work on it but I absolutely have
had moments like this where it's like
paralyzing and it's really hard to
explain if you haven't experienced it
but like plus his little heart he works
his nerve up and he's like I'm doing
this and he goes in hell yeah and the
bouncer is like enjoy your night kid
like he's so he's freaking out so so bad
like everybody can tell and the
bartender is like is this your first
time honey and he's like well yeah and
she's like well I can call over so and
so like if you just want to talk like I
bet she would love that and he's like no
no no I'm actually here for someone I'm
looking for someone specific and she's
like you're here for candy and he's like
um
yes he's like is that her name is that L
like yes and so um he is about to like
fully lose his [ __ ] and like just back
out when the bartender is like hey
sweetie before this next dancer comes
out maybe go see if you can get a spot
near the front Okay and he's like
what and of course it's l and she comes
out and essentially dances just for him
and he's like this is the most
incredible thing that has ever happened
to me like be cool everybody be cool
like sh sh you're gonna [ __ ] this up
everybody shut the [ __ ] up like oh my
God so Ella is so excited that he's here
and um he's just this adorably sexy nerd
that's a little rumpled and obviously
very very nervous and um she's worried
that he's not actually into her because
she keeps like going to like touch him a
little bit or like do whatever and he's
like locking up and she's like Shane if
you're not into me that's really okay
sweetheart like you can just tell me I
don't mean to make you uncomfortable
he's like no no no no no no no please
don't stop he like oh my god well do you
remember my so-called life yes I just
remember there was a scene where it was
like the narration of from like the
nerdy dude's point of view his name is
escaping me but the girl put her arm or
her hand on his arm and like the voice
over was like finally my first direction
from actual female contact like
literally yes truly yes and he's like
I'm just really trying to not embarrass
myself by having you you touch me cuz I
will get too excited yes and so um he
like he's like but here's the thing is
like you're a goddess and I just want to
get to know you and I want to take you
out for coffee and just learn more about
you what makes you laugh and then I want
to take you out to dinner and learn all
of your hopes and dreams and like and
he's just like on and on and she's like
okay honey we're going to go to the
champagne room okay and he's like okay
he's like I think I brought enough money
and she's like no sweetheart you can you
can pay me if you want to and I'll give
it back at the end if it's hotter for
you if if you're paying for it okay and
he's like
okay he like does not know what to do
with himself he's like freaking the [ __ ]
out and so um L decides she's going to
give him a lap dance um but he's like
you have to promise to go get that
coffee with me though before you do that
and she's like seriously he's like no
like for real like you have to
promise and so she gets very dominant
she tells him like to cover the cameras
with his magic um and then she's like
and now you're going to make me come and
he's
like yes
ma'am I I captain and so um he he gets
real like weird and she's like what's
wrong and he's like I just I just need
you to tell me what to do I've never and
then he like locks up and he's like I
just want to make sure I'm doing what
you like and she's like okay and gives
him step-by-step instructions to an
incredible orgasm for
her and she goes to return the favor
like he's fingering her or whatever she
goes to return the favor and he's like
no no I'm okay and she's like you don't
you don't want me to and he's like um
I already
um cuz just touching you was so amazing
and all the sounds you made were really
incredible and um I'm I'm
good but I
know I
know and she's like holy [ __ ] like he
was in that into my pleasure like I've
never been with anybody everybody
assumes like I'm a succubus and
like I'll just enjoy whatever
right whatever you do to me is going to
be fine um and so she's like this is
amazing and I'm so excited for coffee
she's like I'm glad I said yes to the
coffee now yeah so then um and he's
literally just
like uh like open the window and I feel
the breeze and I jiz in my pants 100%
he's
like very embarrassed but also like kind
of laughing a little bit about it as
well like
so he's a good sport about all of it and
she teases him a little and it's all
very cute I'll say
this it feels endearing how you're
describing how it's written right yes
and I don't know how I would handle that
in the
moment right that's a very good point
that's a very good point yeah cuz I'm
like oh reading about I'm like oh this
is so sweet and like and that's very
much how it set up
right yeah but in real life but in real
life I'm like I I don't know like that's
not a situation I automatically know how
to navigate right right well she's like
would you like me to go get your shirt
from last night for you so you can hold
it in front of yourself when you walk
out he's like no that's okay you can
keep it he like does a little spell and
like scurries out and she's like this is
[ __ ] adorable which I I think is kind
of like what she's into like she's got a
little bit of like a
Dom almost mommy kind of energy and so I
think that she likes that that he's like
a little bit like he's not as
experienced and he's you know figuring
it out and super willing and sweet I
think she's into it I think if it were
not that energy it would be like
seriously well literally what I was just
thinking was I'm like I feel like that's
the only way to play it if that's where
you're at because if you're like not
that experienced and you're trying to be
respectful and figured
out you can only play it as like the
show me what you like right because when
you try and play it as I know what I'm
doing and then everyone's like oh no not
that
right no oh that not there there not
that like it's a lot of that
conversation right to the left
take it back now
y'all one hop this
time actually kind of but anyway um yes
I do think it's just like a general like
if you're inexperienced there is
something about just like owning that in
an authentic way versus being like I
know what you like and you're like but
you really don't right but that's often
true of like any new partner regardless
of how much experience you have like not
everybody likes the same things
everybody's different and so which is
also a very funny thing in because in
all of the books pretty much every
single one yep it's like electric from
the jump it's never been like this with
another partner before and I'm like I
don't know if there's ever been a time
where like the very first sexual
interaction I was like we're just in
each other Souls right no notes like no
there are there are lots of notes you
not lots of not lots of notes at least
two usually you know not lot even if one
of them is good job right but like there
are
notes versus the books of just like
incredible the whole time well and I
think that's part of why I liked this is
like they're very obvious with their
communication with each other both ways
about it um and so it felt more
approachable like more authentic in it
well it also seems like if like if she
has a little bit of like the Dom mommy
stuff there's also just
something I appreciate the approach to
like her being a succubus that's
not what everyone thinks of as like the
stereotypes and she's like no I like I
like to be treated kindly right with
respect is cool yeah big fan but it is
interesting because until she got
summoned across town and was annoyed I'd
never really thought before about mhm uh
what demons were doing when you summoned
them what you were interrupting right
like some poor schmuck is like having
coffee minding his own business trying
to have
breakfast like what do you need now we
all need to [ __ ] you damn it I just I
just poured that cup like I really just
wanted to finish my eggs you guys Jesus
Christ
like I was at a
funeral I don't know why that wherewe I
went okay kind of um so he anyway he
does a little spell and scurries out
scurries away and he she writes down her
number he's going to call her all that
because again this is the 80s so it's
land lines all around so um Shane plays
Dungeons and Dragons with his friends um
none of them are witches they're all
varying kinds of
Supernatural and um wonder if that
experience if that changes your
experience of playing Dungeons and
Dragons I imagine that it might um but I
don't know um forever and always I will
love that keym peel sketch Dungeons and
Dragons and [ __ ]
yes it's a classic I haven't thought
about that in ages I'm going to have to
go watch it again I'm probably we can do
that when we stop recording this we
should do that because it's it's Peak
Excellence I just remember when he like
rolls the dice and he's like a lot of
titties fall out like something
yes and they're all like
yeah they're like oh a cool dude is
playing with us okay he's like we're
going to the strip club in Dungeons and
Dragons all right once sorry I keep
taking us off topic no it's I'm I'm
liking it it's good oh well thank you
you're welcome so we're playing Dungeons
and Dragons with our friends and um his
best friend encourages him um to call El
again because he has called and left a
message and it's been a couple days and
she hasn't called back and he's like
[ __ ] he's like so should I call her
again like he doesn't have really any
experience dating and so he's like is
calling her again weird like is she it's
not a double text if it's been several
days right exactly does get that
whatever the 80s equivalent of a double
text was calling twice in a row probably
so his best friend is like listen dude
if you really like her call her again
one more time and if she doesn't respond
then that's that's your answer right and
so he makes the call and Ella is so
excited to hear from him she's like oh
my God this is amazing I'm so glad you
called again you didn't leave your
number when you left that
message and he's
like yeah I too am glad I called again
yeah he's like oh right so they make a
date for the next day um and he is so
excited but then he's like oh my God
like I have a really hard time like
controlling myself around her I should
cast a spell on my dick so that I won't
just randomly get hard as soon as I see
her cuz that would be weird Okay so not
quite the
same we're going to put that on a
t-shirt not quite the
same I once heard this story of a of
like a middle school freshman in high
school I don't know someone young was
about to lose their virginity and they
like planned with their like girlfriend
that they were going to do it after
school that day so they put the condom
on in the morning yes yes that one
oh oh
kiddo no no
no just wore it all day comprehensive
sex education is important you guys like
just for the record even if you believe
abstinence is the the option is the
right choice comprehensive sex education
is still necessary yeah it's necessary
and important and to be fair I don't
think that anybody who believes in
abstinence only is listening to this
podcast pretty sure they they were
weeded out from the
top like if you are going to prove us
wrong on that front hit me up please do
yeah yeah I have questions I would like
to know you but anyway
so Ella is super
excited um and she tells her cousin all
about it and there's some illusion to
like Elle has some baggage from previous
relationships where guys really kind of
disparaged her because she's a succubus
into thinking that like you know she was
basically like a super [ __ ] and you know
whatever people treating you shitty
because they're making assumptions about
you based on your appearance 100% yeah
so really grabby with a woman because of
how she looks it's almost like this is a
social commentary a little bit yeah yeah
yeah oh
what um so her cousin just tells her to
be careful she's like the cousin um who
uses they them pronouns um says you know
I love you and I want you to be careful
like I'm glad you have somebody that you
really like please be careful so I think
that is valid feedback very much so we
very much fans of the cousin um so Shane
decides to bring flowers and then he's
like oh my God that's really weird is
that weird for a first day to bring
flowers that feels like it might be
weird but I have already had my fingers
inside of her so maybe flowers are okay
he's like I don't know and he's about to
like Chuck them cuz he's already rang
the bell so he's about to like Chuck
them when she opens the door um because
the pink is the same color like the
dusty like rose pink is like the same
color as her skin in demon form and so
he thought of her and so she's just
super touched oh my God he's so I know
and um he says oh hey by the way like
you know we're about to go for coffee
whatever but just so you know I'm going
to report the coven to the Paranormal
Council in town and she's like really
he's like yes yeah like what they did
wasn't okay yeah and she is like
flabbergasted that he would do that
because no one has ever done anything
like that for her in the
past um and so then they talk some more
about um Sam Hayne which is a witch
holiday coming up and um Shane doesn't
really have plans but um cousen Z often
throws a party that usually devolves
into an orgy they're all succub so they
just kind of do whatever they want um
and he offers to go with her if she
wants and she's like you'd be into that
and he's thinking like
surely they will have snacks and I can
hang out by the snacks while Elle has a
great time and then when she's ready to
go I can leave with her and we'll just
I'll get to meet her cousin and her
friends do you want to go to this orgy
with
me what's the snack situation honestly
like he gets
it um and so they just have a really
cute first date and um it lots of
getting to to know you Elle is worried
that she's too boring when she tells him
like she just wants like a house and a
pet and some kids and like to live her
life and Shane's like same like
soulmates like he's so like hard eyes
about the whole thing um and
so um Shane is like oh you'd be a great
mom and she's like really seriously
because in the past like when she's
mentioned wanting kids to Partners they
have immediately been like you'd have to
stop being such a dirty [ __ ] [ __ ] for
that like just really hateful things so
the fact that he is kind to her but also
clearly genuine about it is like
mind-blowing for her it's unfortunate
how often basic levels of kindness are
uh y the bar is on the floor and people
still trip over it yep like it is wild
yep yep um but that's kind of the whole
thing through this is that Shane really
does raise the bar in my opinion
repeatedly um but they get to know more
about each other she's 37 he's 25 um
they both have longer lifespans they
don't live like forever forever but they
live longer than normal
humans um and so she invites him back to
her place and um he's really excited but
he's realizing that the spell he cast on
his dick sick didn't work and so he has
been walking around with like a raging
boner this whole time he's like super
super love that for me great I shouldn't
cast dick magic at 4:00 a.m. got it like
might wear off took him that long to
like find the spell
so so um I would have uh done the dick
magic sooner but it took me a while if I
had only known so El gives him this
incredible [ __ ] and it turns out the
spell did in fact work he can't come so
he just stays hard and she's like oh my
God like are you not into this right now
like what is happening and
um I also Imagine that's a weird thing
for her as someone who's like their
sexualness is just like their thing
their thing like it's innate to every
fiber of their being he just like blurts
out I can't come and she's like well
okay
then she's like well then I will stop
torturing you and he's like thank you oh
my God like he's like oh my god do you
remember the movie Crazy Stupid Love Yes
when they go to the like the School
parent teacher conference and Steve
Carell had [ __ ] merca to and she's
like yeah the kind of guy who lets a
woman go downtown for 45 minutes because
he was nerous
and Juliana Mo's like
ew my God my your poor jaw like honestly
yeah 45 minutes like are there water
breaks for that I'm like that's really
where you're like this is a hand job and
my mouth is on the end like this is yeah
we're phoning it in at that point
like far too long my my jaw would not
survive well I would lose my number one
dick sucker
trophy if you listen to ice Planet
barbarians if not check it out or don't
and just live in the Curiosity of why
Hannah is going around being like number
one dick sucker right here and you're
like wow that's a lot of confidence I
I'm saying I would lose my number one
dick sucker at that point I'd be like
listen it's not worth
it
yeah I don't know what my time limit is
but it's it's def not 45 minutes
definitely 45 yeah definitely less than
godp speed to you if you're like no I
feel like I could go for 45 how can you
I don't know if I want you to teach me
but I do have some questions I'm like
can you get TMJ from that like i' be
like concerned about long-term Health
ramifications you're like listen I have
a bit of lock jaw that's not going to be
a problem is
it oh no mm- not good not good uh um so
anyway so he blurts out I can't come yes
and then she's like Okie do so then he
basically tells the whole story that
he's a virgin and he was nervous about
this whole thing and that's how that
happened and um she decides that she's
going to tell him a secret since he told
her a secret and she says that no one
has ever been in love with her before um
and he is like what how is that possible
he's like not possible not in love with
her right yeah yeah um so
um Shane is with his best friend they're
they're doing something and um he like
blurts out to his best friend that who
is a wolf shifter that he is really
nervous to go out to dinner with her
like he's a virgin he has no experience
he doesn't know what to do d d d he's
freaking out freaking out and his buddy
is like whoa
he's like okay okay sit
down we have work to
do and he gives him like a crash course
in eating [ __ ] he's like here you go
Bud he's like my ex was not with me for
as long as she was because of my
personality let's be honest
like I know what I was bringing to the
table Yeah 100% so the dinner date goes
great um and they do cute little secret
swap like that becomes their thing and
he's like I'm bisexual and she's like me
too like Okie do and he's like oh thank
God she's like have people made you feel
uncomfortable about that and they have
like a cute little bonding thing um so
L's secret because that was not her
secret is that she wants this is not
relevant to the story but is hilarious
she once accidentally peed on someone
during a lap
dance and she's
like he's like L how why what the [ __ ]
and he's like crying he's laughing so
hard and so she tells him the story that
like it was a really busy shift and she
didn't realize she had to pee until she
was halfway through and it wasn't like a
full thing but like he tickled her and
so a little bit came out and I tried to
tell him that I squirted but I don't
think he believed
me incredible it's so good it's so good
and so then he's like after that he like
would you like to come back to my place
and she's like
yes it's just so cute um question
mhm cuz I I don't know much about
succubus mhm uh do like anatomically are
there differences cuz I know when she's
in her demon form her skin is a
different color so
we will get to the specifics of it but
yes okay um she has wings she has a tail
in her demon form her demon form in her
human form she's like regular you know
when you said she was in a glitter thong
and had wings but was in her demon form
I was deaf imagining like Victoria
Secret it didn't like compute that WIS
for her act yes I was like oh yeah I
didn't even think for her dance number
it like didn't dawn on me that they were
attached to her person yeah no that's
part of her person okay so Shane they
get back to his place and he asks
permission to eat her out um and she's
like
yeah like okay and so she gives him a
little bit of instruction but like he is
a champ and um clearly has a little bit
of a praise King going on and as soon as
she comes he's like may I please do that
again and she's like Jesus Christ like
this the perfect man like oh my
god um so then um a few days later Shane
is having a party with his D and D
friends for Halloween um he is super I
love that he made some friends when he
moved to town he did he did he needed
witch friends or thought he needed witch
friends but he did have a couple of
people that he was getting close to well
he he might need witch friends but like
not witch friends that are like also
like a secret sex call yeah no he
literally at one point in the book is
like I am literally never speaking to
another witch
again never again um but anyway so he is
having this D and D party at his
apartment with his friends for Halloween
uh he is super obsessed with L and um
bummed he can't see her cuz she's
working but he finally tells his best
friend that she's a succubus cuz at this
point he did not know that and he's like
Jesus what he's like a succubus dude
like oh my God so he's freaking
out very cute bonding stuff going on um
so then the club turns out is closed the
strip club is closed because of a power
outage and so El decides to just crash
the party like she just shows up at his
apartment and at first she like kind of
freaks out that maybe he doesn't want
her there like what if he has somebody
else in there like oh my God and then
he's just so happy to see her she's like
oh okay like maybe that's my other
stuff So eventually like she gets to
know everybody she convinces two of his
friends to bang not out of like a weird
cuz she feeds on Sexual Energy she
doesn't have to have sex with people to
feed but like when she got there they
the best friend and Shane tell her that
like those two have been dancing around
each other for months and they're
driving them crazy like and she's like
bet I got it and so so um she said watch
me work friends yeah she's like everyone
take a seat and so then the party
eventually clears out and they start
making out and um she like kind of goats
him a little bit into revealing that his
fantasy um is for L to be in succubus
form while she sits on his face and
[ __ ] him with her tail and so he is
like you won't want to do it he's like
before says it she's like you won't be
into it you won't like it like it's too
much like no no no no and she's like
babe I'm literally a succubus just tell
me what you want and she gets very
excited and they make it a
reality yeah like it's very sweet that
he's like you won't like this at all and
she's like no I don't like people trying
to coerce me into sexual acts I haven't
consented to right I'm all about this
right no into things that you want to do
right I'm into making your fantasy come
true because I like you right so then
afterwards he like gets up to like start
doing after care and she's like what are
you doing she's like sit down and he's
like but you're a goddess and you just
let me have that and like I should and
she's
like sit down it's my job to take care
of you okay like everything's going to
be okay and so it's like this whole
thing where like she does for him um and
then it's the night of the cousin's
party and Shane is panicked about the
orgy um and Elle is like we can just go
and say hi like she can tell he's
nervous he's like I can just introduce
you to everybody and then we can we
don't have to stay for the orgy we can
leave after you grab some Ruffles chips
right ruffles have ridges so um he's
like no no no no like I'll I'll just
find the snacks and I will hang out by
the snacks and you can go have fun right
and um at first she's offended and she's
like you think because I'm a succubus
I'm just like jumping on whatever like
is that what you're into like you want
me to have sex with other people like
like help me I'm really appreciating
their open communication through like
moments like this where she's like is
that what you're wanting and he's like
no well he what he says is like it cuz
she's like I don't want anybody else
when I'm single like sure whatever but
when I'm with somebody I'm monogamous
like just because I'm a succubus doesn't
mean that
like I have to get dick down all the
time by anyone and he's like no like
he's like please let me explain I
I don't want you to be limited if you
want other people that's okay with me
like I know sometimes you need that I
know you can feed at work like and
that's great I'm happy for you for that
and like it's okay with me like it's
it's cool um and uh she's like yeah
we're not going to go to the party we're
going to [ __ ] like right now cuz she's
so like no one has ever like supported
her in this way and so um he also
accidentally says that he loves her he's
like I love you so much that like I'll
just whatever makes you happy makes me
happy like and she's like hold on time
out what did you what was that what do
you so
um she reciprocates the love they
finally [ __ ] in the kitchen um she's
giving him instructions he bangs her
from behind um and then she goes into
succubus form and rides him and she has
tentacles inside herself oh like open up
and like hold
on okay yeah yeah yeah so largely
Anatomy is the same mhm one key
difference sucks you in sure does well I
don't know how many tentacles maybe more
than one key difference um but you get
it but um after
they come a lot and there's a very
solidifying moment um she's like hey
Shane I want four kids and he's like
that sounds
awesome sounds great love that for us so
then um a little while later it is Sam
Hayne they introduce the cousin and the
best friend they're all together um to
participate in like a a new beginnings
ritual with Shane since he doesn't have
a Coven and he just feels really hopeful
for the future and that like things are
going to be great and he makes a charm
that will protect L from being summoned
against her will again and she's like
are you serious and he's like yeah and I
heard from the council like that coven
isn't allowed to meet without outside
supervision anymore it's a slap on the
wrist but like at least they won't be
able to do that to anybody else and then
he offers to spell her cousin like a
charm so for the same thing so that they
will be safe from summoning and 's like
oh my God she's like I love you so much
she's like how did I even find you if I
hadn't have been thank you for saving me
from future summonings but if I hadn't
been summoned to that weird party we
never would have met
exactly so then that's it the epilog is
40 years later and um L is telling their
four kids the story of how they met and
the four kids who are in their 30s are
like Mom please for the love of
God please so this book is essentially
How I Met Your Mother
but for succubus yes yes okay um and um
L uh apparently it has become a running
joke through the last 40 years that
she's like well you know the same [ __ ]
for 40 years does get old maybe I'll
trade it in she's he's like whatever
makes you happy my
love like whatever you like it's like
princess brides like as you wish yes
it's 100% as you wish um and and um it's
just love all around their kids are
happy and grown um one of them is moving
away their son is moving away and kind
of the story of why he's moving and all
that stuff is the first book in this
series okay um because it is not a happy
story um of why he's moving but they're
just like really happy and they have the
life that they planned and wanted and he
even says or she actually I think says
like I'm really really glad that weird
sex cult summoned me he's like me
too and that's it it's like cinnamon
roll joy and just warm
coziness yeah I don't I don't know what
I was expecting yeah but I also feel
like this this is like when we recently
uh did Butcher and Blackbird yes and
you're like okay well like with the
content going into this I'm expecting it
to be like kind of dark and ominous and
then you're getting in you're like why
is this so delightful it was so cute and
like refreshing and I'll say that the
first book in this series is dark like
it is much darker are they so just like
with with the series moving forward is
it like each kid has a book does it
follow the one so I don't think that
each kid has a book because one of them
I think is supposed to already be mated
from the epilog from what I can tell and
the first book follows Max who is their
only son and he's the youngest but I
could be wrong the second book isn't out
yet
but it's definitely darker there's like
a lot more violence and a lot more like
other stuff going on in that book so
this is like a really nice introduction
to the universe and introduction to the
um prejudices that L struggled with
which is kind of a theme in the first
book for her son and so it's just really
nice like it's just
cute well I I feel like like the whole
book is them just being like oh no can I
be accepted for who I am yeah and like
is this person safe and the other person
be like yeah like why would I judge you
for that why wouldn't I be yeah yeah
like the whole time mhm cuz even like
the the final party where she's like you
want me to [ __ ] other people and he's
like
no not like I want you to have what you
need in life mhm I want your needs to be
met yes he's like I know you can feed at
work and I'm glad and that's actually
even a thing I didn't even hit on but
like one of her regular customers is
another
Supernatural and he's known her for
years and so she's talking to him and
he's like do you need to feed and she's
like not really like I have I have a
boyfriend now out and he's like I hope
it's not like those other
[ __ ] and she's like no no but like
I'm happy to give you a dance if you'd
like and he's like that won't upset your
boyfriend and she's like nope he's super
supportive and she's like so proud to
tell him that um and that's just kind of
the whole thing is them just being proud
of each other it's really
nice yes yeah like people that are both
just like overcoming a lot of in
and in their lives and just like
supporting each other through their
personal growth and
development that sounds delightful more
of that please cozy as hell okay what's
the rating
system glitter thongs I was going to say
orgies I don't know Victoria Secret
wings
um I guess sex
scult how many members of the sex scult
is that the total yikes
um maybe glitter thongs I'm good with
glitter thongs that feels right for
us you're like oddly enough glitter
thongs feels like the safest option
glitter thongs feels less gross than sex
cult
members that's good yeah right that's
good let's keep it that way um I'm going
to go out of uh 40 because we went 40
years in the future with the epilog
m um and I'm going to say like a
solid
33 damn like 32 33 like I really really
liked this book okay yeah I didn't like
the next one as much because I was
expecting more cozy sweet like
supportive stuff and there was some of
that but it was significantly darker and
I wasn't ready for that mhm so not
necessarily bad just like not what you
expected going in based off of the
prequel exactly I think if I had U paid
more attention to the synopsis of the
first book you know touche and adjusted
my expectations I might have liked it
more but yeah this is like a 32 like it
was really really nice high rating yeah
that's a lot of glitter thongs so many
glitter thongs yeah that's one a day for
you only have to do laundry once a month
yeah because even if there's 31 days in
the month if laundry day is day 32
you're golden you are thriving yeah but
also like if there's an issue that month
we have a
spare just one for the whole month
though yeah so you got to plan
accordingly make sure you're up on where
you're at in your
cycle
anyway so I don't know yeah I started
weird I ended weird
it's bookended you know hey Hannah it's
a safe place to be weird thank you yeah
we read things of all different
capacities we really do yeah and and I
think that's part of the beauty and
charm is like going on that journey and
being like what are we going to learn
today buckle up everybody and quite
frankly I learn a lot probably because I
grew up in a repressed Christian
household right so there are things I'm
like wow this is amazing and everyone's
like this is a Tuesday you can do that
so
okay not the
same
but I went to Duncan for coffee the
other
day and I realiz see how this feels now
I realized that you can get two
different flavors in your iced coffee oh
yeah and I was like oh my God I was like
this is amazing and I went to work and I
was like listen listen to one of my
employees I was like listen this
probably is not groundbreaking
information for you but this is
lifechanging for me did you know and
she's like yeah yeah I did know that I
was like cool cool cool pass it
[Laughter]
on yeah I love those moments I know yeah
it's like when we went to visit some
friends who were living in Europe and my
mom tried Nutella for the first time and
brought back 36 jar of Nutella because
she thought she couldn't get it here and
to be fair it is far more like
normalized not like it was not in every
store back in the day but you could def
still buy it in the states yeah but no
all of us were like shoving Nutella in
our luggage cuz it's so good and we had
30 plus jars of it that we were bringing
back and if you want your iced coffee at
Duncan to be a little bit Nutella esque
two pumps of mocha two pumps of hazelnut
nailed it thank you you're welcome what
a pro tip and on that note let us know
how many glitter thongs you would rate
this one let us know what flavors you
put in your iced coffee that might be
controversial Hannah's might not be the
only option but a slightly Nutella esque
iced coffee is an intriguing option for
sure yeah yeah we're not sponsored by
Duncan but it'd be a hell of a lot
cooler if we were
that is accurate or Boda box or Duncan
and Boda box so we can have the uppers
and the depressants all in one we're
into that so anyway I don't know we're
into that we're into the sponsorship are
Jesus Christ are we into sponsorships or
are we into substance
use
yes it's not it's not either or it's
both and [ __ ] and on that note don't
forget to like And subscribe and we will
see you next time smut [ __ ] bye smut
puppies well that's it for this week's
mut [ __ ] we hope it was good for you
cuz it sure was great for us if you're
digging what we're doing it would mean a
lot if you'd take a minute to rate and
review the show wherever you're
listening right now maybe tell that sexy
someone to lend us an ear we love you we
appreciate you and we'll see you next
week stay smarty
[Music]