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In this fun and casual Q&A episode, Jess and Scott answer listener questions and give you a peek behind the curtain of their lives and relationship.
Discover Scott's favourite quality about Jess, hear about their most rewarding parenting moments and learn how they handle disagreements. They share vulnerable insights about managing social anxiety as public figures and discuss mindset shifts that help them appreciate the challenges of parenting.
With plenty of laughs and a few deep moments, this episode offers a chance to get to know Jess and Scott on a more personal level. You'll come away with practical parenting tips and a renewed appreciation for savouring the small moments with your kids.
Listen to Jess on Samir's podcast "Gent's Talk" here. [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/your-past-experience-will-shape-your-parenting-approach/id1660149891?i=1000651810269]
Get 10% OFF parenting courses and kids' printable activities at Nurtured First [https://nurturedfirst.com/courses/] using the code ROBOTUNICORN.
Learn more about the Solving Bedtime Battles course here [https://nurturedfirst.com/courses/solving-bedtime-battles/].
We'd love to hear from you! Have questions you want us to answer on Robot Unicorn? Send us an email: podcast@robotunicorn.net.
Credits:
Editing by The Pod Cabin [https://thepodcabin.com/]
Artwork by Wallflower Studio [https://www.wallflowerstudio.co/]
Production by Nurtured First [https://nurturedfirst.com/]
Join me, Jess VanderWier, a registered psychotherapist, mom of three, and founder of Nurtured First, along with my husband Scott, as we dive deep into the stories of our friends, favourite celebrities, and influential figures.
In each episode, we skip the small talk and dive into vulnerable and honest conversations about topics like cycle breaking, trauma, race, mental health, parenting, sex, religion, postpartum, healing, and loss.
We are glad you are here.
PS: The name Robot Unicorn comes from our daughter. When we asked her what we should name the podcast, she confidently came up with this name because she loves robots, and she loves unicorns, so why not? There was something about the playfulness of the name, the confidence in her voice, and the fact that it represents that you can love two things at once that just felt right.
Welcome to Robot Unicorn.
We are so glad that you are here.
Today we thought for the show that we would do something a little bit more fun and
casual that I'm sure somehow it will get deep and not casual very quickly.
But we wanted to just do not because of me.
Well
You never know.
We'll see who makes it not deep or not casual.
But we wanted to do a question and answer episode with your questions that you've sent in through Nurtured First.
And Scott has not seen any of the questions.
He doesn't know what they are.
Some of them are a little bit more serious and some of them are just lighter.
And we'll try and see in the next thirty-five minutes or so how many questions we can get through.
And our hope
My hope, uh I don't know what Scott's hope is, to be honest.
Uh but my hope is that it'll help you get to like my hope with this podcast or my hope with life?
Yeah, that's my first question actually.
What's your hope?
I knew you would like that one.
Like what are you trying to get to in life here?
No.
Our hope with this episode is that it'll help you get to know us a little bit more and maybe
Laugh.
Maybe cry.
We don't know where it'll go.
You know what?
I'm actually kind of nervous about this.
Are you?
Yeah, a little bit.
Because the smile on your face does not make me feel comfortable at the moment.
I was gonna say, first question
How is your heart?
Where do you get off?
Oh, where do you get off That's even better.
I like that one actually.
Oh, how's your heart?
No, I know you won't answer that.
Where do you get off?
I might throw that one in.
Why are you the way that you are?
Yeah.
Oh, this is why we can't do this type of episode.
Oh my goodness.
Okay.
This is a selfish one that I thought I'd choose first.
Yeah, I'm not sure I like that you have all the editorial power here.
I know.
This is perfect for me
Scott, what's your favorite quality about Jess?
Thank you to whoever sent that in, because I thought that was perfect
Did you send in your own questions into the question box?
Yeah, thanks to whoever sent that in.
It was me.
I don't know who it is, yeah.
You can't say, but what's my favorite quality?
Yeah.
It's tricky.
It's tricky
Nothing comes to mind.
It's really hard to think of a single thing, yeah.
There's nothing.
No, maybe I'm taking a long time because there's so many things.
Oh.
Awww.
There we go.
My favorite is probably your sense of humor.
I feel like most people don't know how funny you are and how contagious your laugh tends to be.
But I always enjoy watching shows and movies and stuff that
Make you laugh because it just ends up making me laugh.
You have actually a pretty good sense of humor.
I feel like I don't get to show it or on Instagram I'll be trying to be funny, but it's not landing most of the time.
People are like, Why are you making that face?
I don't get it.
Like, oh, I was trying to make a joke, but didn't land.
Didn't land.
No.
I always tell the girls, if you remember one thing about me, said I was hilarious.
And they specifically will say you're not funny.
And they'll specifically be like, You're not funny.
Like, just if you could just remember one thing about me.
Because they have my sense of humor.
Yeah, we have
There's a lot of jokes flying around our house.
Mm-hmm.
I was gonna flip the question around and ask you, what is your favorite quality about me?
Am I allowed to change their questions?
You can.
You can.
It's supposed to be a little bit more than a little bit more than a little bit of a little bit of a little bit more than a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a
Or I'm asking you as a Today, yes.
Oh there's way too much freedom.
I don't know if you're gonna like this, but
You guys will have to tell us if you ever want us to do this kind of episode again.
If you're like, you know what?
Stick to your normal topics.
My favorite quality about you?
I think it's pretty easy.
clear.
Pretty clear.
I find you to be a very calming presence for me.
I think my favorite quality about you is like I can be stressing out about something, whether it's
the kids or work or something going on.
And when I just talk to you about what I'm going through for the most part, you're very good at being like, okay, let's talk it through.
What's going on.
And I just feel like
we're just such friends.
Like we just truly outside of being business partners or running this podcast together, like we're just friends.
Like we just like to be together.
We enjoy each other's company.
Yeah, that's kinda true, right?
And when I talk to you about hard things I'm going through, I feel like you're just
You're very steady and stable and you don't join into my chaos or whatever might be going on for me.
And I always really appreciate that about you
But I think like kind of to your point about the humor, I think we're just good friends.
We just really enjoy being with each other even though we're together
Too much almost?
Too much.
I mean sometimes I don't enjoy being with you.
You heard it here first.
It's true.
And I'll always tell 'em.
Like I need I need a break.
But that that's why I'm saying like we're such good friends that I can be like, okay, I think we've spent like twelve hours together today.
I might need thirty minutes alone tonight and we can just talk about everything.
Yeah, I mean there's a reason our offices are at the opposite ends of our building.
Yeah, we have an office space and Scott and I make sure that our offices are opposite sides because
We just do need a little bit of separation.
Every once in a while.
Alright, next question.
You're not gonna like it.
Are you choosing all the serious ones?
But this isn't serious.
Oh, okay.
Well, actually it might be.
Favorite F1 driver and why?
For those that don't watch F1, Formula One.
Racing.
Scott's a big fan.
Did it say anything about currents?
Just said best F1 driver and why.
That was it.
I mean, truthfully, I I don't have like a favorite current driver.
Basically I like all of them mostly.
There are certain ones that I prefer more than others, but
Of the current like Max and Lewis and Lando and all that.
They kind of like them all.
I don't know.
I like all of them.
And even some of the rookies this year too that are coming up.
I think it's gonna be uh fun to see them drive.
But my all-time favorite driver, I would say, is probably Sebastian Vettel.
I would love to meet him and even have him on the podcast.
Are you manifesting that Sebastian Vettel comes on our podcast?
I just think he is a genuinely great human being
And I respect how great of a driver he was and how much effort he put into it.
And I also think he's a good person and he's a father as well.
And I think he
It seems.
I mean I don't know him personally, so I don't know any of this for real, but it just seems like he definitely cares about his family a lot
So for someone who was in a pretty intense sport that takes up essentially your entire year, you're away from family.
Now that he's retired, I think he's spending a lot of time with them.
And also doing important things.
So yeah, I would say Seb
Seb.
I think that's a good answer.
I feel like the people that you look up to most, whether it's Formula One or other people, are people who can do difficult things, let's say like
F1 and still show up for their family and still be a genuine human being.
So makes sense that that's who you like
And look up to.
Yeah, I mean I'm not naive to the fact that when you're driving in F1, you're gone most of the year.
So that is why I feel like it'd be interesting to have them on the podcast and talk about that, like family life
When you are away so much?
Yeah.
Like an F1 driver is.
Yeah, I I would love to have him on.
I think we could have some good conversation about that.
So come on.
Okay, another question for you.
How do you feel about Jess having so many followers on Instagram?
Is it comfortable for you or do you not like it?
I don't know.
I don't think it's comfortable or uncomfortable for me.
What is uncomfortable is maybe more so me getting recognized.
Mm-hmm.
And that's maybe just something I have to get used to.
But that happens now, right?
So
Jess will go anywhere and basically get recognized.
And we we notice it often happening.
And some people r will message after.
We definitely love it when people come up to us and
Say hi.
But that's something that I'm still very much getting used to.
Yeah, it's new for you.
Actually one one time, a couple years ago even when Jess we didn't have as many followers as we did.
I was in Montreal at the F1 the Grand Prix there and someone recognized me.
Yeah.
And to this day
There are very few things I regret in life, but what I regret is just how awkward I was in that situation because I was totally thrown off.
I think that was the first time you were recognized.
Like without without me there
First time I was recognized outside of like my home area.
Yes.
Yeah.
Right.
Like it's a little bit different if we get recognized around home, but it was like in a completely different setting
I'm getting off the train, going to uh the stadium and everything, and she was a wonderful person.
She had her her child there with earmuffs on and everything.
It was it was awesome, but I just was very awkward.
Very awkward
Yeah.
And if we're ever awkward, just know that's more about us, just still learning how to talk to people when I feel like I'm pretty good about it.
But for you it's it's still very new.
You're awkward at all
No, and I I love meeting.
I was meeting what two hours?
Three years ago.
Three almost.
Two and a half years ago.
Yeah.
And I think that was just it was a weird setting that that happened and I was just completely thrown off by it
She was very very sweet and nice and like I think the interaction was fine.
She probably doesn't even remember that that happened, but I was I just th remember thinking afterwards, wow, that was so awkward.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because of me.
I think I will say because this person also asked me how I like having so many followers and how I feel about it.
I would say for me the hardest part
of growing the social page to this point is a social anxiety that sometimes I feel now that I never really had before.
And what I mean is like now when I go in public, a lot of the times I'm like
who's watching me, who's looking at me.
And many of the times I later find out that someone was watching me, looking at me, because they'll send me a DM and be like, hey Jess.
I saw you at Shopper Strugmarket picking up a prescription.
And honestly that's I think why we prefer when people come up to us.
Yes.
It's better that we know that like you know who we are rather than sometimes we've seen people just kind of like staring and then looking at their f
phone and then staring and then looking at their phone again and whispering and Yeah.
And that for me is more uncomfortable.
And and I know that will happen and not everybody feels comfortable to come up and say hi or they're trying to respect our privacy with their kids.
Which I really do respect.
And so that's fine.
But I think a new thing for me in the last like five months has been going in public and seeing a lot of parents.
We have a lot of people from this area who follow
nurtured first and then wondering to myself, ooh, do they hate my page?
Do they not like me?
Do they have a problem with me?
And I don't know why, but my social anxiety will often go to
They don't like me.
Nobody here likes me.
And then people will come up to me and be like, oh, I love your page.
And like, oh, okay.
So not everyone is
not liking me, but I think because there is angry messages, I think sometimes my brain will just go to, oh, they probably don't like me, they're angry at me.
So that's been a struggle for me, I'd say, in the last
Six months specifically as the page has grown more and we get recognized more often.
But something I'm working through.
I feel like the reality is though, people who
don't care for our content or like what we're doing are probably not gonna come up to us.
No, exactly.
But that's where I'm like, e
Are they uh like are they staring daggers into me?
But to be honest, I haven't really had that many negative experiences of people who don't enjoy the page.
Right
But anyway, that's kind of my own social anxiety that's come along with growing.
And I've talked to a lot of other creators that have larger accounts and I think it's a really
normal feeling is something that's just gonna take some adjusting to for me.
But that being said, when you do see us in public and you come up and you say hi and how the page has touched you, know that we do really appreciate that.
Yeah, we definitely do
Like those touch points actually help us remember what we're doing and who we're talking to.
And like a goal for me then this next year is just to meet more and more of our audience and in our community here because
I love when I get to actually meet you in person and hear your stories.
Alright, next question.
Trying to think of how deep I want to go with some of these questions here.
Alright, Scott, this is a quickie.
I think I know what your answer is gonna be.
Favorite parenting book?
Yeah, I think that is an easy one.
Restplay Grow by
Doctor Deborah McNamara.
Yeah.
That's a an amazing book.
If you are looking for a parenting book to read that's very aligned with the things that we teach at Nurtured First, you'll love Resploy Grow.
She's a wonderful human being.
We also love Doctor Deb.
Yep.
She's great.
I know her personally and everything she teaches is awesome.
So there you go.
Deb, there's a plug for your book.
But it truly, before we knew Dr.
Deb.
So it wasn't until last year that you met her.
Mm-hmm.
And before that, she was like a personal hero of ours.
Mm-hmm.
And like we followed
her work and the work of Dr.
Gordon Neufeld as well.
And so when you f finally got to meet them, I mean it was one of those situations where I think
I don't know the what is that called where it's like a saying.
You should never meet your heroes.
But that was a situation where she lived up to what we thought of her and it's been
Great to connect with her more now too since it's been about a year now.
It's been about a year of connecting with her and she's had a big role to play in my work and
For years.
For years.
So highly suggest that book if you're looking for a parenting book that would align with what we teach here.
Okay, Scott, if you could meet one person or talk to one person, dead or alive, who would you want to talk to?
That's a hard one.
I don't know.
I hate those kinds of questions.
I mean you can choose four.
It doesn't matter to me if you have a few people that you'd want to talk to.
If I could talk to any one person, I think it would be Anthony Bourdain
Oh yeah?
Yep.
I feel like he had so much experience in like I love cooking.
I don't get enough time to do it now, but I love cooking.
I used to it was between
engineering or becoming a chef for me.
But I think what he was able to do like he was so creative and intelligent.
And just the way he viewed life, I mean, obviously
He was dealing with a lot of mental health issues.
I don't know, I just feel like he is like one person that I would actually very much would have liked to speak with.
Yeah, I guess that's a good idea.
And I I feel like there's not that many people that I feel that way about, but just for whatever reason the creativity that he had and like the way he viewed the world.
I just think it was quite unique and I would have liked to have met him.
Yeah, I I can totally see that.
We love watching Parts Unknown and
Well in his books too.
Kitchen Confidential was an amazing book and I don't know.
It just the way he viewed everything was I feel like he was very straightforward.
Mm-hmm.
But there was a very there was a deep curiosity and a deep creativity that he had that is uncommon.
Yeah, I think so.
And then I think
the struggles that he faced, you know, being such a deep thinker and reflective person.
And then having those struggles with addiction and and all the struggles he have, which eventually, if you don't know the story of Anthony Bourdain, he eventually took his own life.
I mean I feel like there'd be that would be an interesting conversation, I think.
And I can see why that would be the person that you would chose.
Yeah.
That's who I would have thought if you were gonna choose someone, I would have thought you would have said him.
And there's very few people
that I would say I would be desperate to meet.
I don't know.
I I'm not really I don't follow celebrities.
I don't really Scottner like we are like that.
Like even on Nurtured First.
Like I feel like I talk sometimes all DM with some of the biggest celebrities
out there and they're just people to me.
Yeah.
We don't look up or put celebrities on like this huge pedestal or I don't know.
I feel like I just see everyone as a person.
So when he died.
I don't know, like other celebrities.
I mean it's sad, yeah, obviously when there's shows that you've watched and whatever things they were in that you
experience but for whatever reason he in particular that actually affected me which is not a normal thing and I just think because he is someone that I actually looked up to.
Yeah.
You like genuinely looked up to him and then
I mean, I don't know how deep we want to get here.
But the fact that he died by suicide.
Yeah.
And suicide is a theme of another person in your life who you looked up to dying.
I'm sure that that impacted
You, obviously.
Um, at a deeper level.
I think when anyone, like even when Robin Williams committed suicide, like I remember that also.
Like it's just a big conversation when you've had someone in your life that you look up to.
So I I think that that makes sense too and also
maybe gives you even more of a curiosity for like how you you get to that point as such a like intelligent, curious, deep thinking person.
Yep.
Yeah.
Who do you think I'd want to meet?
I feel like you've already met the people that you want to meet.
I have had a unique privilege in this position.
Again, to talk about the amount of
followers there is something that has been a privilege to me that it has allowed me to talk to a lot of the people that I would probably want to talk to.
Yeah, specifically I think
people that you have looked up to in the academic field.
Yeah.
Most of the people I look up to are in the academic field.
Yeah.
But that's actually not who I'd want to meet.
Oh really?
Okay.
I think if I could choose anyone to meet, it would probably be like a ancestor of mine.
And so I think about my mom's dad, who died when I was very young, probably five.
And everyone talk like anyone I meet who talks about my mom's dad
is like best person ever.
Yep.
Right?
My dad talks about him.
My mom talks about him.
Best person ever.
Anyone I meet who's like, oh, that's your grandfather?
He was the nicest guy
And so like I feel like I would love to get to know how he got to be that way, where that came from, especially as an immigrant, and learn more about his story and he died at a very young age.
Yep.
Yeah, I would just love
to get to talk to him and understand how even though he had all these things going on in his life and factors working against him, he was still
such a kind-hearted person that was passed down.
Like if you look at my mom's family, it is uncommon how close we all are, how little drama we have in the family.
And so I think his legacy has been passed on even to me, even though I never really got to know him.
So that's who I'd want to meet.
That's a good answer.
I like that.
Hey friends, so at pickup last week, our daughter asked Scott a truly kind of tricky question in front of her younger siblings.
Scott was telling me that when he heard a question like this, he used to panic, but this time he had a plan.
And he said to our daughter, Thank you for asking.
Let's talk tonight when we've got privacy.
And that's a line that he learned straight from our new body safety and consent course at Nurtrue First.
So this new body safety and consent course is taught by me.
Jess, if you listen to this podcast, you know me.
I'm a child therapist and a mom of three, and I have taught body safety and consent education for years
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There's guidance inside this course for the real life stuff like tickling that goes too far and even the difference between a secret and a surprise
We made this course at Nurture First because research shows that body safety education helps kids speak up sooner and we want that for our family, for Scott and I, but also for you.
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And just full disclosure here, we are the creators of this course and we're so proud of it.
Ready for the next question?
Yes.
Actually, this is for both of us.
What are your most rewarding experiences in parenting when you feel like this is all worth it?
You know what I think the most rewarding is
A good example is this summer.
So my favorite thing is when our girls do something that they're afraid of or like very nervous about, but they
push through and do it kind of anyway.
Not because we're forcing them to do it, but because they desperately want to see what they're capable of.
So this summer, for instance, we go to a campground with a bunch of family and there's boats there like that family members have.
And they can go
knee boarding, skiing, tubing, whatever, all that different stuff.
And our oldest and middle daughter, they're not really around water that often.
They've had some swimming lessons and all that.
But at first they were very nervous and didn't want to get anywhere near the lake.
And then within a day or two they were like
We wanna go we wanna try tubing and you can see they're like shaking because they're so nervous.
Both of them.
They're so cute, yeah.
They're shaking because they're so nervous.
But they decide this is something we wanna do.
And it's not because we're forcing them, 'cause in fact I would almost prefer that they don't 'cause I tip to be honest, the lake that we go to is filled with like seaweed.
Yeah, we're both like, uh gross that we have to get in there.
And I just
that grossed me out.
So it's not because anyone's forcing them to do it.
It's them overcoming that discomfort and trying for themselves.
And by the end of the week, they were on the tube a whole bunch of times
Which seems like a small thing, but they were very nervous at the beginning of the week.
And then our oldest daughter was desperate to go kneeboarding.
And so she did that as well.
And then she saw other kids
Like older kids trying waters, so then she tried that and sh it's n like the kneeboarding she succeeded in, but the the
Skiing she didn't and I it's just she didn't really give up though.
She just kept trying and she would get up for a second and then fall and then we'd try again and she would she probably did it fifteen, maybe twenty times
And none of those times when she was skiing did she actually get up, but she was still determined to try it.
And then we're like, Okay, next year we'll try it again and maybe next year we'll start from the beginning of the week and we'll see by the end of the week if you can go ski around the lake.
But that is a situation or those are situations where I'm very proud of them and like it's the most satisfying to me because they are of their own volition.
Their own their own mind is pushing them to try something that's a little bit uncomfortable.
just to see what they're capable of themselves.
And I think that's a testament to how like we have tried to raise them, that it's worth being a little bit uncomfortable to push yourself just a little bit further and see what you can you can do.
Rather than
kind of shut down and be in a shell and not actually go out and do anything that's uncomfortable.
I don't know, I feel like I'm seeing a bit of resilience already in them just
based on that one week even.
And we see it all the time.
Yeah, I feel like they have this incredible ability to
have resilience that didn't come from like we pushed you so hard and you have to please us in order to do this.
It comes from like I genuinely want to try this hard thing to prove to myself I can or cannot do it.
And then they keep trying
But it's not to please us or to like be cool or whatever.
Like it's genuinely because they want to.
It's this internal motivation.
And
I think that that's really cool for both of us to witness and definitely a testament to raising kids who have resilience without having to like beat the resilience into them.
So it's pretty cool to watch.
Well on even like specifically that water skiing situation, mm-hmm.
She failed every single time.
Yeah
But that didn't stop her from being like, Okay, let's try it again.
Yeah, she's gonna be.
It was basically just her arms were hurting, so then she s had to stop because she Yeah.
Yeah, her arms were hurting from getting pulled by the boat.
Whereas even me now I'd be like, all right, I'm done.
If I didn't get it like twice, I'd be like, yeah.
I mean, I'm old, so
But no, that was incredible.
I would say for me, the most rewarding parts of parenting come in, and I know, eye roll, the tiny moments.
For example, I told you that the other day I was at the mall.
I did do some shopping.
I had the two younger girls with me.
They wanted ice cream.
I was like, no.
And then they were like, Mom, come on, get us an ice cream.
So finally I was like, okay, yeah, we'll have ice cream in the mall.
I'm a pushover.
And then I guess Is that what you want to be teaching parents right now?
Okay, this is my real parenting.
I didn't hold the boundary, okay?
Yeah.
Anyway.
Well, there are sometimes there are logical and illogical boundaries, so
And you know what?
I was like, I'm going on a trip soon.
I just wanna have a nice moment.
So I got them both these tiny kitty ice cream cones.
And we're sitting in the mall and they're giggling.
They have this blue blue like
Of course they have to get birthday cake ice cream, so it's like gross.
This blue ice cream dripping off their faces.
And I had pulled my
little one from junior kindergarten for the day 'cause she just was having a hard week.
I'm like, you know what, I'm off anyway today.
Stay home with mommy.
So we're having a stay home day.
We got ice cream at the mall instead of going to kindergarten
She has this blue ice cream dripping from her face and she just looks at me and as she's like spitting ice cream into my face, she goes, This is the best day I've ever had, mommy.
And like to me it's those moments when it's just it's the smallest thing is having ice cream in the mall and not going to school.
But our kids are just so delightfully happy about them
Those are the moments that are really rewarding to me and when I'm prompted to just slow down and be like, okay, I don't have to rush out of them all
We can take a minute, we can sit here, and we can have an ice cream together.
And just I really for me, I'm someone who does move fast and is always like on to the next thing and has I have a hard time pausing sometimes
So to just pause and I really tried to savor it.
Like this is the cutest thing.
And to me it those are the most special moments when I feel That's true.
It's the most rewarding.
That actually brings up a recent memory for me.
Last night.
I went on a bike ride with her oldest daughter.
Yep.
And you know what?
She, I didn't know this, but she said her favorite part of the entire bike ride.
Mm-hmm.
Because we do a little loop around our town.
It's like a six kilometer loop or seven kilometer loop or something
Her favorite part of that entire bike ride is when we stop and there's a specific park bench that we stop at.
Yeah.
And I thought she just liked it because
She wants a break.
She wants a break.
But she actually explained to me that her favorite part of the bike ride is sitting on this bench with me.
And it's right on this.
There's like vineyards across like an open
field kind of thing, but it has viney uh vineyard in there and a little ravine and all that.
And she just likes sitting there with me and pointing out all the things that are in the vineyard and
the clouds and looking at we have an escarpment in our area so there's this we call it the mountain but it's like I don't know
Hundred and fifty feet.
Hundred and fifty feet tall.
Yeah.
And looking at all the trees on there and right now it's starting to change colors.
And she just she said she enjoys looking at all of these different things from this park bench with me.
Mm-hmm.
And that's not
I thought it was always just to take a break.
Yeah.
But she actually tries to savor these little moments with me.
And
Yeah, she was saying yesterday that that is her favorite part of our entire bike ride because we sit there and we just kind of are quiet
Yeah.
And we talk about the birds and things that we see and it's I don't know.
I've So that is very special.
That was very special for me.
That's beautiful.
I found in parenting it might sound woo-woo to you.
But one thing that has helped me, this is another question, I'm just gonna jump ahead to it.
It's like what's something that helps you when you're triggered?
One thing that has helped me when we have really hard moments of parenting is I really do try and savor the good moments
And whether that's in parenting or like even in our relationship, like I will try and pause and just take a mental picture of how I feel and how the kids are doing and all of these things so that on the hardest moments when it's like
Ah, everyone's sick and the house is a disaster.
I can try and pull and remember these peaceful, beautiful moments that we have.
And savoring
Like actually intentionally slowing down and being like, I'm wanna save for this moment so I can come back to it on a rainy day has for me been one of the most helpful things.
I've been doing it for years and years.
And I will.
Like I even the other day things were tough in the house and everything was chaotic and I literally pulled a picture into my own mind of
when we were at the beach this summer and our oldest and I went for a walk at sunset and we're just like running and splashing each other at the beach.
It literally pulled that memory out and just to like calm myself
So I find that savoring the good, the tiny moments, helps me in the hard moments.
I think recently, especially with our toddler.
She's full blown toddler.
She's having a lot of hard moments.
Yeah.
She's full blown toddler mode now.
Yeah.
I think the perspective
of seeing her in our kitchen or next to the kitchen table and seeing how short she is and how tiny she is and now that we've had
she's our third toddler that we've been able to experience.
I feel like my perspective has changed, even outside of like you explaining that things are developmentally normal, 'cause in the moment that's hard to sometimes hard to remember.
Mm-hmm.
That does help, but
It's sometimes hard to remember, but me seeing her next to like the kitchen island.
And I can just see her little tuft of hair above.
and hearing her cry, it's it almost becomes a little bit more comical and like you just kinda smile at the fact that she's having a full blown meltdown over the most ridiculous thing.
Yeah, like I'll clean up her cereal bowl from the day before
That's still sitting there from the night.
Right?
And she's now she's laying on the floor on a full blown tantrum.
And sometimes you just have to smile at it.
Like it's not so serious.
You know, it it is to her, so we keep it serious to her.
Yeah.
Right?
But to us we can look at each other and be like
She's just a toddler.
She's gonna grow out of it.
It's not going to be this way forever.
And we can see it in the older kids.
Yeah, for sure.
My thing is always looking at their little hands too.
Like even our oldest, like even her hands are still little
Right, just remembering the littleness of them.
They're not tiny adults.
Like they're little tiny children.
Yep.
So I know that that has been lately especially the perspective
that I've been taking because I'll hear her upstairs with you and you're getting ready and she's happy and then all of a sudden flick of a switch and she's just the most pissed off.
She could ever be.
And then like two minutes later she's happy and giggling and hearing that while you're getting ready with her is I don't know, it's hilarious to me.
Having a tall third's a ride.
It's uh it's quite the roller coaster so and I feel like because she is our third now, we both
I mean there are other things that now, if our house wasn't messy before, it certainly is now.
Oof.
So that causes maybe some stress.
extra stress and having like clutter and stuff everywhere.
But their behaviors and the way they act, I feel like doesn't really bother us.
No.
nearly as much or it doesn't trigger us nearly as quickly.
I feel like when we just had the one, we were so worried.
Like, oh why is she having so many tantrums?
Oh, this is so me than you.
Yeah, but it's a lot and it's like, am I handling this right?
And then with our third, it's like, okay, here we go again.
We know this roller coaster, we've been on it before
And we can see in the older girls, a four-year-old, the seven-year-old, the other.
Well even the difference in the four-year-old, I would say is huge even compared to before the summer.
Like six months ago.
Or less.
Yeah.
Two and a half months ago or three months ago when summer started for us here.
Yeah.
This is our sensitive daughter.
This is now it's I don't know, it's kinda crazy how
quickly that some of those skills have developed.
And it's not like we're doing anything really differently with her.
It's just she's slowly kind of growing out of it and they still happen at times.
But it's
She's hitting uh becoming integration.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She's becoming less frequent in her meltdowns now.
And we knew it.
We knew it.
Like the okay, not to get researchy, but like the research says the five to seven shift, right?
And she's approaching that five to seven shift and we're already seeing the change.
Yep.
Five to seven shift that happens with years of co-regulating and teaching them the skills.
And I feel like when we have that in our head, it's like, oh, we can handle the toddler years.
We know.
Yeah, I mean, but the toddler years are long.
They are long.
It's a long period to handle.
And I mean, yeah, we've definitely had our moment.
Perspective.
That's made a big difference for me.
And I mean maybe there's fewer stressors in our life for a few months now.
So like we have more patients
Yeah, the c our capacity for patients is higher too.
So it's I wanna share I think we can kinda end here, but I wanna share one more mindset shift that's really Wow, let's do one more.
You wanna do one more?
Yeah.
Okay, fine.
Do you wanna hear my mindset shift?
I'll just say it quick
People not gonna want to Do you do you wanna share your mindset shift?
My mindset shift has been reminding myself it's a gift, you know?
Scott laughs at me.
But I'm like, I'm making the girls lunches.
It's a gift.
Such a gift.
I'm making them dinner.
I'm like, this is a gift.
And just like trying to remind myself that it is a privilege to raise these children, even in the hardest moments.
That it's been helpful for me.
I don't know that w that would help me.
Okay, well maybe you should try it.
I'll try it next time.
Okay.
Let us know.
Okay.
We have a potty accident and I'm cleaning up shit from the carpet again.
I'll try and remind myself that it's a gift.
See, I would.
What a gift that I get to teach my child how to use the potty.
What?
I would.
It helps me.
What a gift that I get to scrub shit out of my family room carpet.
That is such a gift.
That is really what you'd be thinking in that moment?
That's what I'd be thinking to help myself not get mad.
Okay.
Okay, I have two questions.
You choose which one that you want to answer.
Okay.
And then if
you're listening and you want us to come back and do more QA's, then we can.
Or if you're like, guys, don't.
Yeah.
This is too chaotic for me, then we hear that too.
Okay.
Does Jess's work on IG ever feel too heavy for her?
She gets a lot of angry messages and hate.
There's one question for you.
Okay.
Yes.
Next question.
Do you guys do you guys ever disagree?
Second question.
Which one do you want to answer?
I already answered the other one.
Oh, does my work on IG ever feel too heavy?
Yes, absolutely.
But
The positive typically outweighs the negative, so the positive always outweighs it always outweighs negative.
But in your mind, that is not the case necessarily.
Sometimes the negative does weigh me down and then you'll see me be on a little bit less, maybe for a couple days.
But I think my mission of what I want to do and what we are hoping to do and
giving children safe and loving homes and helping parents actually enjoy parenting and find it a gift, dare I say?
I think that outweighs any negative.
Like I've just feel so passionate about what we're doing.
Okay, next question, last question.
Do you ever disagree on anything?
I mean, I want to say yes, but I can't think of an example of that.
Let's like disagree so much, but we are very different people.
But core values-wise, I think we're pretty on the same page.
Yep.
But in terms of like the things that you like to do and the things that I like to do.
But is that dis that's not really disagreeing?
I'm thinking
I would imagine what they're asking is, do we have like arguments and disagreements with each other?
Yeah.
I mean, yes, but I can't think of a specific example right now.
I feel like if there's one thing we disagree on is I'm like, I want to do this right now.
Oh yeah.
I feel like if there's anything we disagree on, it's the cadence in which we do things.
Because I'll be like, I want to do this right now.
I have this genius idea.
It has to happen and there's no waiting.
And you'll be like, Jess, let's slow your pace.
And take some time to think about it.
So I feel like that's our biggest maybe difference.
I don't know.
Yeah, we do have we would have disagreements on that.
And like
Even running this podcast, we had an a minor disagreement yesterday.
But it wasn't even really a disagre- No, not really a disagreement.
No.
I don't even remember that.
I must have blacked out during that conversation.
Maybe that's the problem.
Oh, it's a running joke with our friends because Scott will
tease me a lot or he'll go on tangents and then the running joke is that I just dissociate and just don't listen.
Which It's very healthy.
It's very healthy, but only minorly true.
I'm sure if you have a husband that has a lot of hobbies and likes to bug you about a lot of things that you get what I'm saying?
Or partner.
But I think for the most part, I will say I think we are quite aligned, which is
Once again.
Such a gift.
It is.
And but and and and and and we were not always that way.
No, that is true.
Yeah.
So that's important.
We've come a long, long, long long.
Yeah, we've been together for a long time.
So we've We can't really compare early on in our relationship in marriage and parenting to now.
It's totally different.
So now we're in a good spot, but we weren't always here.
Dot dot dot.
Leave that for another one.
I mean we're we've been together for a long time, so right?
So I feel like we've we both like to talk like this
Or even more deeply about things, philosophical things.
So it I think it's uh all this time has allowed us to hash out any disagreements that we have had.
Major ones at least.
Yeah.
Alright, Scott, any final words?
Nope.
Well.
He's never had nothing to say before.
Is that true?
Okay.
Well, I don't know.
Okay.
Well, thank you for listening to
this show, if you actually made it this far.
And if you would like us to do more QA episodes like this, uh Yeah, I mean we can do more serious ones too.
We can do more serious ones.
Today we kind of thought we had a lot of serious topics in a row.
that we might just try and lighten it up a little bit and help you get to know us a little bit better.
But we could also do a more serious QA if you're interested in that, send us an email.
We actually do read them and we love reading them.
We can't necessarily respond to all of them because we get quite a few.
But we do appreciate them and we definitely do read through every single one.
Yep.
I just read one like right before we started the show and they truly do mean a lot to us.
So thank you for that
And what a gift.
I did want to end on that.
It is truly a gift to be here with you.
Sick.
What?
Alright, we'll talk to you next time.
See ya
Hey friends, thank you so much for listening to today's episode.
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