Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Excuse My Grandma. It's Kim and my cohost.
Speaker 2: Grandma Gail.
Speaker 1: Wait, we're matching in pink and it's not on purpose.
Speaker 2: Oh, we're pink powerful. Like, Excuse My Grandma Hat. That's all I can wear. I know. I could match you.
I can't I have to find mine. I have it in the drawer.
Speaker 1: She couldn't have worn mine too, but I
Speaker 2: don't wanna mess my hair. I'm going someplace.
Speaker 1: Oh, where are you going?
Speaker 2: Going on a boat.
Speaker 1: Oh, that's nice.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, it's such a well, it's and just for lunch, and, there's no cruising. We're just having lunch on the boat, so that'll be fun.
Speaker 1: Can we trade lifestyles? That sounds so nice.
Speaker 2: Well, it took me eighty four year three years to get to this lifestyle.
Speaker 1: That's fair. So lots of things to talk about today. Also, for everyone listening or watching, by the way, you can watch if you're listening on Spotify or on YouTube. Make sure you like and subscribe and are following us on social media. Excuse My Grandma or my personal is Kim Merstein.
I posted a lot about the organizing of my apartment this week, So you definitely don't want to miss that.
Speaker 2: No. I know everybody's loves it. Somebody yesterday said they love they said, what a mess that was and how great it looks now.
Speaker 1: It does look so good. Oh, I'm glad everyone can see how much that paid off because I feel like so much clearer now because of
Speaker 2: No. It's great. Great. Right.
Speaker 1: What else have I been up to this week? I went to that NYU for a day class because Zach's in business school, and they allowed everyone to, like, bring a plus one for a day kind of thing.
Speaker 2: I don't what I've told you about. Bringing your mother to school, your father to school. You could have. Okay. That's nice.
Speaker 1: I wanna say it was mostly partners or siblings. But when I walked in right away to the breakfast one person recognized me which was cool. I thought they were gonna say oh it's Zach's girlfriend I've been looking forward to meeting you but they were like oh I follow you on social media.
Speaker 2: What did they think about the sofa? That could've been the question the opening question.
Speaker 1: She didn't say anything. She just said that and then walked away. I said nice to meet you.
Speaker 2: She didn't know
Speaker 1: what are you doing here.
Speaker 2: Well, she knows what you what you were doing there. I guess it was something that was planned for everybody.
Speaker 1: Yeah. It was funny to be in class again and be a student. It was hard not to look at your phone all day. I'm so used to just picking it up. And obviously, I put it away in class.
Speaker 2: Put it away. Good.
Speaker 1: But and the class is very engaging, but if it were like a math class or something, I don't think I could've done that.
Speaker 2: You're just out of practice. You haven't been in school in, like, eight or nine years, so that's what happens.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I also was writing in my notebook, I realized I can't have long nails if I am in school because it, like, digs into my hand. Okay. But otherwise, it was fun and cool to meet Zach's people and and see his world there. But after one half day, I napped for, like, three hours, and I didn't even have to take a test or study.
Speaker 2: Okay. Well, you got the the routine. This is what happens.
Speaker 1: Coachella was this past weekend and this upcoming weekend.
Speaker 2: A lot of that.
Speaker 1: What'd you see?
Speaker 2: Well, nothing good. I gathered the tickets were high and a lot of the I don't know. There was a lot of stuff going on in the paper about it.
Speaker 1: People call it the influencer Olympics because it's like all influencers at this point, and they're all coming out with their best foot forward and their outfits and all of these things. Like, it was more about the outfits and the music at this point, and everyone was
Speaker 2: too bad.
Speaker 1: So much after that. I mean, definitely people were excited about the Justin Bieber and Sabrina Carpenter.
Speaker 2: But they said he didn't sing all his songs. He just did snippets. I it didn't get a great review in the in in the papers that I read.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So essentially, he came out, and he almost did, like, karaoke to his older music. Like Yeah. Well, that's going in the background and then was singing over it. It's I mean, could you imagine if, like, the Beatles came out and just, like, sang a few words over their own song?
Speaker 2: No. They wouldn't like it. And I think that's what the review said about this. They didn't think it was very good, by the way.
Speaker 1: I think it's nostalgic to see some of those old videos, and I would wanna hear the old music. That's why I would I would even wanna go. But I would almost wanna I would wanna hear him sing it in full probably.
Speaker 2: In full. Right. Exactly. Sing the whole song.
Speaker 1: Yeah. He's like the forming at all, I feel like was a win because he's had issues. So I feel like it was exciting for him to even be. But I think coming after Sabrina Carpenter, who is like a theater kid, like she puts on a show. I did at first when I saw everyone posting at Coachella, I was like, hey.
Like, that look why am I not there? And I kind of started feeling that way. But then Zach was like, you would actually hate it. Like, there it's so dusty. You're standing all day.
You're waiting in lines. Like, you wait an hour just to get a water bottle in a line. Like, you can barely see the the performer because you're so far back, and there's really no way to get up front even with the, like, artist pass. So I don't know if it actually would be for me, and then I accepted it.
Speaker 2: No. I don't think I I would rather be if it was a choice between going to watch at the tournament in Augusta or Coachella, it would be 99% go to the masters and about half of 1% to go to the other because it's really not off it it's a it's really just an advertisement for a lot of these people.
Speaker 1: And feel that the masters, I would be a similar situation of standing on your feet all
Speaker 2: day. No. But they have a lot of people who have chairs, but you have to like to walk and you have to love golf. But I I think even if you don't walk yeah. But you're outside, so it doesn't matter how big the crowds are.
You get
Speaker 1: the at Coachella.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, alright. But not a beautiful azaleas blooming and the birds chirping.
Speaker 1: No. I guess you're in a desert.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: Either way, I was home in New York, and it was Which was probably better.
Speaker 2: Which was probably better. Did you go see the magnolias they told you to look at?
Speaker 1: No. I forgot. Can you text
Speaker 2: me exactly what Just you're supposed to go to the Frick Museum and go look at the garden. It's gonna be gone in another three days. And I it's 85 degrees, I think, in New York, so you're gonna lose all the tulips soon, you're and gonna lose all the magnolias and the and the cherry blossoms.
Speaker 1: How high should this be on my priority list?
Speaker 2: I would say a 10 because they're so beautiful.
Speaker 1: Okay. I'll fit it into my schedule.
Speaker 2: It's a beautiful day today. Take a walk over there if you can.
Speaker 1: Okay. I will do that. And or do you think you'll be able to see it before when you come back, or it'll be
Speaker 2: No. I think by next week, those magnolias might be gone. If it doesn't rain, I have maybe a a sixty forty shot of seeing it. But if it rains over the weekend at all, they blow away at the first big rainstorm.
Speaker 1: Okay. By the way, I know when you come back, it's pretty much your birthday already. What what are the plans?
Speaker 2: I think your mom made a reservation for, like, 11 of us to go to a restaurant downtown.
Speaker 1: Oh,
Speaker 2: okay. So that that'll be fun. I think I've been there before for lunch. I haven't been for dinner in a long time. So that'll be fun.
And just getting together and seeing everybody. I'm so excited about seeing all the kids.
Speaker 1: For those who don't know, my mom, grandma, and Poppy are three days in a row of birthdays. Oh my gosh. It's a lot of celebrating. So then do will we have dinner every night?
Speaker 2: I don't think so. I don't think we can. We always peter out.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Always go on. I feel bad for Poppy because he's loud.
Speaker 2: Poor Poppy. He never gets it. Maybe we'll just have a big lunch with him. It it gets too exhausting. Nobody can eat three nights in a row
Speaker 1: like that. Well, I, yeah, let's do lunch on Poppy's birthday somewhere he likes. I think that sounds Okay. So I wanna talk today about like goals, dreams because of the questions people wrote in that they wish they asked their grandparents were about dreams and keys to happiness and that kind of thing. So we know you are a serial realist, and it's probably hard for you to have not hard for you, but, like, you don't think a lot, I guess, maybe about manifest manifestations and dreams.
Speaker 2: But not now. If I haven't had my dreams done already, it's pretty pathetic. I mean, I still dream. I still dream, but it's it's smaller dreams because most of my dreams already passed.
Speaker 1: For the dreams that you had that maybe would have had to happen earlier that have passed, does is that, like, sad or frustrating that they didn't happen?
Speaker 2: Well, I think most of the things that I really wanted to come true really did. I had two children, so that was my goal. I didn't really want a third child, so I was satisfied with two. And I think that was most of my dream, to have a family that I would take care of and love. Then I loved my family, my mother, my father, my brothers all around me, and that dream I had.
I had that for a short time, a shorter time than I would have liked, but I had it. So a lot of the dreams that other people might not want, I really had it within my small little family circle. And, I didn't want a career. I never really dreamed of a career. I really got what I signed up for.
Let's let's say it that way.
Speaker 1: Yeah. That's good. I was actually having this conversation the other day with Zach because I was thinking like, I don't know what it would be like if my because I feel like as a since I'm a child, my dreams have been very, very big. And if I had perhaps smaller or not smaller dreams, but, like, more attainable goals and dreams, what happens when you achieve them early on in life? Then do you feel like, wait.
Now what?
Speaker 2: Well, now you have to go on to a different dream. That's exactly right. I don't think you have to have the same dream your entire life because many people achieve whatever success they have, whether it be in academia or in theater or just doing their regular job, going to work and doing it well, which is a good goal, they achieve that early and then they go on to another dream. Or many people dream about owning a home, and they have to save for that. Then when you get the home, now what?
Should I think about a second home, or should I do something for my children? So your goals change and your dreams change at if we go back to that old word again,
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Speaker 1: I thought we could do a rapid fire to kick things off. Okay. And then get a little deeper into it. So to give some context, what was your dream job at 10 years old?
Speaker 2: My dream job was to get to school on time. No. That was my dream job when I was 10 years old.
Speaker 1: No. That that was your dream job thinking like, oh, when you're 10 years old, when I graduate college,
Speaker 2: this is what I want to didn't think that way. I thought that way. My dream was what was I doing when I was 10 years old in school that would make me happy? I didn't have an idea of a career. I'm 10 years old.
I didn't have a career idea when I was 18 years old. I think that it progressed as I aged and got more mature about what I really wanted. I was never born to be an actress. I was never born to be a doctor. When you have a goal like that, then that's a different story.
But if you're just an ordinary person with ordinary wants and desires and loves, you go stage by stage. It's not momentous. None of it. But it's an accumulation of small success. I
Speaker 1: feel like if you told me at 10 years old that I could be on Disney Channel in that moment and have a real job, I would have taken it. Okay. Like, I don't think it would have just
Speaker 2: Probably would.
Speaker 1: Been get to school on time. So that's interesting.
Speaker 2: Yeah. But, Josie, that was a whole media time that that really wasn't available Yeah. Where when I was growing up. So you you were much more obsessed with all the TV and all that as a child than I was. Because as a child, when I was growing up, we would listen to records or talk to our we we occasionally put television on together as a family.
It wasn't such a a big deal in our lives.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Is there something you really wanted but never told anyone? No. That's good. But you're vocal, so that doesn't surprise me.
Speaker 2: No. No. If I wanted something, I really I really I spoke my mind and usually got it, and sometimes I didn't get it. I mean, you know, those were disappointments you get in life.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Are there any, like, goals that were just or maybe not goals, but, like, things that were awarded to you or opportunities that you got that actually surprised you that when it came true?
Speaker 2: Because I you know what? Very early on in my late twenties and early thirties, I did a tremendous amount of charity work and worked on different committees and became chairman of many of two very important organizations in Manhattan for one was a hospital organization that we had a women's division. Another was a federation division that was very involved with Israel and and people and Eden Aids in New York City. So I got those goals very early in life. So then after that, where do you go from there?
There wasn't very many. I achieved it. And so I was excited about that. But then I had other goals worrying about where my children went, if they were happy in college, if they were happy in their relationship. So you have different goals as you have different times of your life.
I thought that was rapid, Kim. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well, your answers are long. You're supposed
Speaker 2: to know. It's two. I think it's supposed to be two sentences. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: Do you believe everyone has a calling? No. Okay. So now you're giving one word answers. Okay.
I think everyone has a calling, but I think you can decide or figure it out at any time.
Speaker 2: Right. Or a calling or or maybe a goal. I think a goal or a purpose could be more. I don't know if it's a calling. A calling is coming down from high to come down to you and and and make you some kind of super person.
I think you have different goals. And if you as as your life goes on.
Speaker 1: Fair. Okay. So people wanted to ask their grandparents the secret to happiness. What do you think it is, Grandma? It'd be valuable, I think, for people to get your perspective on it.
Speaker 2: Well, I think secret to happiness in a long standing relationship is first to understand one another and then to compromise and not to make big issues out of small issues. When issues become overwhelming, and you feel you can't get out of it, then usually the marriage breaks up. So if it's very, very important to somebody, either party, and you can't go along with it at all, then it doesn't bode well for the relationship. If you can say, you know what? That works for me.
Well, you know, you do your thing. I'm gonna back you a 100%, and it doesn't upset our our life, our family, then it's alright. If it does upset the family or the or the partnership, then you have to then there's then there are troubles.
Speaker 1: What about just generally, like, not in the context of a relationship, but just, like, in your own life? Goals? Secret to happiness in your own life.
Speaker 2: Secret to happiness is to be to be happy within yourself. You have to find inner happiness, whether you take a walk, whether you go to a museum, whether you read a book and you find relaxation, whether you do some kind of meditation that makes you relax within yourself feel good about yourself. It's all about and a lot of self care. You've got to take care of yourself. If you don't take care of yourself, number one, then you can't take care of the people around you.
So I would say that always was relevant in for for me and I'm sure for most people who achieve happiness in their life. If you're not happy yourself, you can't be happy for your children and your and your partner and your family.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I wonder, though, if, like, is happiness a state? Like, if I say, are you a happy person, or is it, like, an emotion that comes and goes?
Speaker 2: I think it comes and goes. Not every day are you happy.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: Be an idiot walking around smiling. Every day is perfect. I think, you know, it good kudos to those who can do that, but very, very rare. I mean, everybody has ups and downs in their lives. Nobody just goes through, and nobody goes through without having issues.
The people that say, Oh, my life is so wonderful. I always say, Oh my God, look in that closet. It's probably awful. So you just you just get over it and go on and build something hopefully positive.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And it definitely be a little like, can happiness be a little less flaky? I feel like it's so unreliable. Like, it's it's like a toxic man, like, coming in and out.
Speaker 2: No. It does go in and out. There's nothing you could do about it, but there are different levels of happiness. Sometimes you are in a euphoric moment, like when you're just starting a relationship, if you wanna discuss it in that thing. And then happiness becomes different things as your relationship ages.
You're together twenty five or fifty years, it's not the same happiness when you're together one or two, usually. I'm not saying that as a generalization, but usually it it works like that.
Speaker 1: Mhmm. Yeah. If I didn't have to leave my couch watching TV with my heating pad, maybe there'd be a
Speaker 4: little bit more happiness. But unfortunately, I do have to get up every day.
Speaker 2: So Oh, I well, I would certainly hope so. The world is a wonderful place out there.
Speaker 1: No. I agree. So a lot of people wanted to ask their grandparents what they wanted to be growing up. You always said, like, maybe a lawyer. I feel like I wanted to be, like, an acting.
I know you're not actually a lawyer, but I do I would trust you to represent me in court. I feel like every little girl, like, has a dream at some point in life.
Speaker 2: Or little boy. Let's not leave out the guys.
Speaker 1: Or little boy. What does it feel like to have had dreams come true, but then also dreams like being a lawyer that didn't and then seeing it from your
Speaker 2: perspective. Regrets. You know? And that's the same thing going back to the other question. There are always gonna be things in life that you're going to regret that you didn't do.
Whether it be let's say, for I'm gonna say, go see that particular art show at the Met Museum. Oh, I should have seen that. Alright. You didn't see it. You know?
There's nothing you can do about that. Or maybe I should have stepped in and had a conversation with my best friend about something. Well, alright. We didn't do that. Maybe you can correct that conversation at a later date.
Nobody does it perfectly. I don't you know, you try and you try the best you can, but I think there are always going to be some regrets that you didn't do it, but you shouldn't dwell on that. You dwell on the things you could do. You got a B? Great.
Maybe you get an A next time. Maybe you had a C? Okay. Aim for a B. It's all about, achieving a goal and then maybe going on to a little higher goal next time.
Or maybe you're just happy with what you're doing, and there's nothing wrong with When people set on these false expectations, which is so unfair, I've been watching on Instagram, these kids all got into colleges, and they're now doing a prank. They're doing it, they say Harvard, Yale, and Princeton, And they all say, oh, they got in. They got in. But it turned out they didn't even apply to those schools. It's hysterical.
Parents? So no. No. No. The kids themselves, they I guess you you look online now, and they have a two friends are always come going on and say, oh, I got into Harvard.
I got into Yale. I guess. Whatever. It's something that I must be tuning in on that so I can't see it. But it's so funny because they didn't even apply to those schools.
So it you know, it's what your expectation is. Don't be disappointed. If you didn't get into a goal that you thought you had hooked all up, there'll be another goal, that you can latch onto, hopefully. So, I really have to be an optimist. I think life is much better if you see the glass half full rather than see the glass half empty.
You'll be much happier in life looking at life like that. Yeah. That's my advice to everybody on every level, whether it be business, relationships, success. It's all about seeing the better part of it, not the negative side.
Speaker 1: Yeah. That's good advice. Is there one piece of advice you would give a 20 or 30 year old still figuring it out?
Speaker 2: Yeah. Don't worry. It'll come about. By the time you're 30, hopefully, you've got some sore semblance of what you're going to do in life. But it it could change.
You could start off in one job. People change jobs now a lot. I mean, that was something that didn't happen in days gone by. Now people go to a job for two years, then they go to another job, then they go to another job until they find they're fit. So don't be discouraged.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I'm still figuring out what I'm doing this weekend or if I liked the restaurant I went to last night. So Well, that's good.
Speaker 2: Loading and buffering. Put the goals within a smaller amount. Don't make a goal that you're gonna save humanity. It would be nice if you could save humanity. Do your little part.
Do your little part in your own home. Do your little part in your own community. And if everybody did their part, it would be a much better place to live in.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I like having one big goal and then having smaller goals under that goal that might help me reach that and just, like Right. Break it up even to a daily or monthly size.
Speaker 2: You're very organized, Kim.
Speaker 1: You're very organized. My Excel sheets and my documents.
Speaker 2: I know. And most people don't do that. At least I could never do that. I can't even get on the machine to to record you. Oh, this was
Speaker 1: a whole thing as
Speaker 2: I I don't wanna talk about it. Yeah. It's terribly disturbing.
Speaker 1: Yeah. A lot of people think their grandparents and older people are full of wisdom and turn to them for advice. Can older people also learn about life from younger people?
Speaker 2: Absolutely. We're learning all the time. Yeah. That's what makes the world so wonderful. And what I love so much about what you and I do, Kim, you learn from everybody, and nobody should close themselves off.
You know, we learned a different set of rules in the in the olden days, and now there are new set of rules, and we have to adjust. We don't have to agree with them sometimes, but you do need to adjust to life. Look, is coming out. What are we gonna get in the next ten years? None of us know.
The young people don't know and the old people don't know. So we have to be ready for change. And change, for the most part, is good. You always get some good out of it. There'll be some bad glitches along the way in our future, but we have to think positively.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think there's so many things that we've learned from each other, and I think it's amazing that you have been able to be a soundboard for the people of your generation and that so many people of my generation take wisdom from you as well.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm so thankful that have given this opportunity, Kim.
Speaker 1: What is one small thing that always makes you smile for those wanting to have some tips about happiness?
Speaker 2: Well, make sure brought you a pint
Speaker 1: of Haagen Dazs every day
Speaker 2: I'm just thinking I'm here. I my mocha chip last night, it made me smile while I was watching my program on television. I loved it. I had I've gotten so that I I love watching my programs on Amazon or whatever streaming network I'm on, and I have my little bit of ice cream. I've limited it.
I take a scoop. I don't take more than what goes into a Yeah.
Speaker 1: That might cause severe stomach issues. We are Jewish girls at the
Speaker 2: end of the day. Oh, I don't have a stomach issue, but my belly would explode just from getting fat.
Speaker 1: Oh, how do you stay positive during tough times and, like, when things feel like it's falling apart? What are three things you would tell me to do?
Speaker 2: It's a tough thing, and everybody has a different a different advice for this. I I would say there's always gonna be a silver lining. Don't don't be down. There's always something gonna come out that'll be positive. It might not be right away, but but look for a little bit down the road that things get better.
And I really think that people have to be positive in life. Otherwise, you get so downtrodden in your personal life that you can't really get out of it. And that's where so many people get depressed and everything else. So try not to try to then reach out to a friend that give you a laugh or a smile or put on a show on your on the television or on your phone and laugh. Laugh a little with the comedian.
Even if he's you know, you you you get a little laugh. You get out of the a little bit of the sadness of the moment. Good. Because there are sad times. So we have to we have to all think about everybody has a cycle.
It's a cycle of life. And what goes around comes around, and all the happiness will eventually come back. It just sometimes takes a little longer than than you would like. But don't give up. It comes back.
Speaker 1: It's actually true. Like, I went to a comedy show last night, the Garden of Dreams. It's like part of Madison Square Garden, part of this charity that they do or Garden of Laughs. Garden of Dreams is the is the charity. But I was having a hard day with my back, and then I was like, okay.
It's actually good to get your mind off something. Right. So I actually think that's true. The three things I would tell you to do is read your newspaper that you love, get a blowout, and hang out with me, of course.
Speaker 2: Right. Okay. Good good job, Kim. That's all I look forward to. Okay.
You know, I have a good day in New York because it's gonna be beautiful. Don't forget to see the trees and the flowers.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I will. Have a good day on the boat. That sounds nice. Take pictures.
Speaker 2: I will. Okay. Love you.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, We'll see you soon. Bye.
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