Toddler Toolkit

When Your Toddler Looks at You and Still Does It (What’s Really Happening + What to Do)

Mentioned episodes:
From Throwing to Lining Up: What Your Child’s Play Is Really Telling You with Ruth Vercoe
The Missing Piece in Gentle Parenting (And Why It Feels So Hard)

🎉New YouTube Channel🎉: @TheHeatherSchalk

"If you’re struggling with toddler tantrums and behaviors like hitting & not listening... I have a free guide for you! It’s called The Tantrum and Behavior Guide: 7 Toddler Struggles and How to Solve Them Fast—It's HERE!


This episode explains why toddlers sometimes make eye contact, hear “stop,” and keep touching, spitting, or hitting anyway—and why treating it like defiance can escalate things.

It covers four common reasons underneath the behavior: nervous system activation (impulse control goes offline), a connection check fueled by uncertainty, a reinforcement loop where repeated reacting becomes stimulating and words lose weight without follow-through, and normal developmental experimentation with cause and effect.

 Instead of yelling, threatening, or repeating yourself, the focus is on interrupting the pattern by changing the structure: move closer, use fewer words, block access, move out of range, or change the environment. A preschool example shows how removing a child from an overstimulating area stopped throwing immediately by shifting state through leadership, not punishment.

00:00 Toddlers Ignore You
00:42 Common Scenarios
01:36 Why Advice Backfires
02:42 Four Hidden Drivers
02:58 Nervous System Overload
04:02 Connection Check
05:45 Reinforcement Loop
06:48 Developmental Experimenting
07:57 Break The Reactivity Loop
09:35 Preschool Example
10:30 Hitting At Home
12:54 Shift The Pattern
14:12 Recap And Closing

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"If you’re struggling with toddler tantrums and behaviors like hitting & not listening... I have a free guide for you! It’s called The Tantrum and Behavior Guide: 7 Toddler Struggles and How to Solve Them Fast—It's HERE!

Watch us Chat for the Podcast Interviews with YouTube Video HERE!


Heather has her M.Ed, and a proud Twin Mama of busy toddlers. She's the Toddler Toolkit Podcast Host, a co-author of the #1 International Best Selling Book, The Perfectly Imperfect Family & the founder of the Happy Toddler, Confident Parent Cohort and Course.  You might've tried advice tailored for one child, but that's not our journey, right? With a decade of teaching experience under her belt, she's seen it all – from toddlers to teenagers in the classroom. Now, as a parent to toddlers, she's experiencing the flip side of the coin. She's discovered a toolbox to help parents with everything toddler times two!

Let's unlock the secrets to understanding toddler behavior, preventing meltdowns, and raising intuitive, resilient children.

What is Toddler Toolkit?

The complete toolkit for understanding toddler behavior (e.g. hitting, throwing, biting, pushing), navigating tantrums and meltdowns, fostering healthy sibling relationships and dynamics so your kids can get along and raising skilled resilient self-regulated toddlers. If you have toddlers that are close in age or multiple kids then this podcast is made for you! Heather helps parents transform their aggressive toddlers behavior into a calm, kind and caring toddler with a more peaceful and joyful home.

Heather is the Founder of Heather Schalk Parenting, a Twin Mama, Toddler Toolkit Podcast Host, Teacher for 10 years (pre-k through 9th grade), specialization in behavior, with her M.Ed.

Heather's passion is helping moms of toddlers who have disruptive tantrums develop proactive and 'in the moment' strategies to Transform their toddlers disruptive tantrums, aggressive ‘button-pushing’ behavior into a Calm, Kind and Caring Toddler so you have a joyful family and enjoy motherhood.

Next Toddler Mom Cohort to Transform Aggressive Toddler Behavior taught by Heather is in September 2024!