What is going on guys?
This is Josh Stively here with the Process of Becoming podcast.
And I just want to throw out another real quick, quick hitting episode today.
Kind of a spin off of the last episode that we did episode 12, where we talked
about kind of the wrap up of barriers to change.
And in that discussion, I talked about something and I wanted to elaborate on
that just a little bit more.
So hope you guys are having a fantastic day.
And just to start this call out, I just want to tell you guys how much we
absolutely appreciate you guys appreciate the love.
and everything that you've been doing to just make yourselves better, quite
honestly.
It's why we do what we do.
So it's just gonna be me today recording a quick one for you.
But Dino and I will be looking to do a full length episode this weekend.
So to elaborate on the point that I made on the episode number 12.
Okay, we were talking about how sometimes we feel like we need somebody's approval
or support.
And I got into talking about spouses and some of the conversations that I've had
around spouses and...
you know, if my spouse isn't supportive, you know, it can hold me back, right?
That is a barrier to change a lot of people feel.
But I wanted to add a little bit to that conversation.
So one of the things that I've seen across the board with spouses, say that like a
husband or a wife wants to go on their fitness journey and become better, right?
Sometimes the spouse is against that.
Sometimes they're indifferent.
Sometimes they're really, really against it where it's like they're really trying
to bring you down.
OK, so what I want to kind of clarify in that conversation that I wish I would have
done on the episode.
is that you have to just look at where the expectations are, right?
And I'm gonna kind of actually spin off and talk about some things slightly along
these lines here in a second, but look at where the expectations are.
A lot of times it's just simply communicating that, hey, look, like just
because I'm going on this journey of getting myself in shape, that doesn't mean
that I expect that you do it as well.
Like I'm just doing this for me.
You don't have to do it if you don't want to.
And unfortunately, a lot of times when you live with those unspoken expectations,
which is honestly one of the biggest problems that people will see in their
relationship is that unspoken expectation.
But when you're living with that unspoken expectation for any goal, somebody might
feel less than, like just even without that coming across or being spoken, they
may just feel that way based on the fact that you're moving on and they're not,
right?
well, I don't really wanna do this.
Why did they make that decision?
I'm not ready kind of thing.
And then they go into defense mode.
Right?
So it's as simple as just letting them know sometimes that, Hey, look, like this
is what I'm going to do.
I don't expect you to do it with me.
I would love for you if you did, but Hey, if you're happy where you're at and
that's, that's what you want to do, that's perfectly okay.
Guys, a lot of times that is the simple conversation that needs to happen.
And that can avoid so much of this, again, unspoken X, X expectation, angst and
emotion that comes with these relationships.
So if you have a spouse, if you have somebody that,
you know, is in your life in general.
It just goes into any relationship, even just beyond spouses, it can be friends
groups as well.
But just have that conversation with them.
It's, hey, look, like, you know, I've been feeling a little bit of, like, kind of
emotion or anger, just call it out, whatever it is, whatever you're seeing and
feeling from them.
Just have that conversation and call it out.
Hey, I've been feeling that.
Right.
And I just want to let you know that I'm going on this journey for me.
I have no expectation of you doing this with me and there's no ill will if we
don't do it with me.
You know, I just wanted to just clear the air and let you know that if you're happy
doing your thing, that's all I want.
I just want you to be happy.
Right.
I'm going to do this for me and I just expect you to, to support me through it or
just at the very least not bring me down through it.
Right.
So it's just getting on the same page from that unspoken expectation standpoint.
Now that is the second part that I want to talk about as well as just that.
is one of the biggest problems that I've seen across the board in all
relationships.
And it could be a spousal relationship, it could be friend groups, it could be
coworkers, whatever it is, it's the unspoken expectations, okay?
I don't want to call out an entire people group because everybody is guilty of doing
this, but this is a big thing that women...
perpetuate or are good at.
And I know I might get yelled at for saying this, but again, there is no ill
will with that statement.
But I just see that across the board a lot in the relationships that I have with
women.
Women are amazing, amazing human beings.
And they just operate on a different level.
So there's even times with my wife and I where she has this unspoken expectation
because of how her brain works.
And it's like, well, for me, you have to tell me what you need help with.
Right?
Some of the people that I mentor, it's the same thing.
It's like they need help, but they don't ask for it.
And it's like, it's not a spoken expectation.
I don't really know in that situation.
I'm just assuming that things are all good.
You know?
So guys, if you have a relationship that somebody is not moving along the same
direction or same trajectory based on a goal that you have or something that
you're doing in your life, I just encourage you to have these conversations,
right?
If you have a spouse, whether that's a wife, whether that is a husband,
Please have these conversations, not only around the goals that you're chasing, but
just everything in general, right?
It could be something, you know, a story I tell is like my wife and I, if I work from
home one day, like she has the unspoken expectation of, hey, he's working from
home.
He's gonna take care of the dishwasher and unload that.
He's gonna make sure that the house is picked up, all these different things.
But what she doesn't understand is that I'm actually working like nonstop.
There is zero breaks that I get to this stop and do.
It's not a casual work from home kind of day.
So she gets home, she's upset because, I thought you were gonna take care of all
this stuff.
Well, I mean, both of us are guilty in that situation.
She didn't speak her end of it.
And I didn't speak the fact that, hey, look, like if I do get some time, I'm
gonna take care of this stuff.
So again, it goes along the lines of what I said in episode 12 there, which
everything comes down to communication.
I encourage you with your friends, with your coworkers, with anybody in your life
that may have an unspoken expectation opportunity, which is honestly every
relationship that we have.
verbalize those things, communicate, just get on the same page and watch every
single component of your life with those relationships get better.
I encourage you to try that this week.
So guys, as always, I just wanted to keep this one a little bit short.
I apologize if I was redundant and I do want to go back and clarify it is not only
women that have this situation happening, men, we do this too.
So, you know, just as I'm thinking through that, I did not intend to call out an
entire people group.
but that is what I've seen the most in my life with unspoken expectations.
And honestly, there's unspoken expectations with my guy friends as well.
We just kind of naturally make it work.
So in any case, I hope you guys are having a phenomenal day.
Guys, if you ever gain value from anything that we share, anything that we talk
about, please feel free to share it.
Our goal and our mission is simple.
It's to change people's mindsets, to help people become the best version of
themselves.
And that's how we do it, right?
You guys share the message, share the mission.
And you guys are obviously gaining value in that and we would appreciate it and
love it if you share it and keep that feedback coming.
So guys, appreciate you.
I hope you have an amazing, amazing rest of the day and rest of the week and look
forward to a full length episode getting recorded this weekend.