Welcome to How to Retire On Time, a show that answers your retirement questions. We're here to move past that oversimplified advice and get into the nitty gritty. As always, text your questions to (913) 363-1234. Again, (913) 363-1234. And remember, this show is just a show.

It's not financial advice, so make sure you do your research. David, what do we got today?

Hey, Mike. I've got older family members who are getting taken advantage of financially. How can I help stop this from happening?

So there's several layers of being taken advantage of. Let's just define that really quickly. One layer is that you've got a sibling and or relative that continues to ask for money, and they've got a bleeding heart. So they just keep giving it out over and over again. That's an unhealthy relationship, because it's basically bully.

K? I need this. You've got the money. If you don't, then there's, like, some sort of leverage or threat or things like that. It's an inequal distribution of power, and that's a very difficult thing to overcome.

We'll talk about that in a second. The second one is that everyone wants a deal. If you're not a financial professional, if you're not in groups, if you're not connected to Wall Street, and you think you're getting a deal, an insider scoop into anything, you're not. You could be getting scammed. Okay?

Why would someone who has all the connections in the world talk to you? I mean, really, I'm not trying to be rude. Sure. Why are they talking to you? Either it's a bad deal, it's higher risk than their Wall Street friends wanted to, so they're going to the public, or something else.

The problem is greed. We as Americans are hardwired to look for the deal. We want the deal. Yeah. Really having a hard time not saying that it's the art of the deal.

Yeah.

Feels good to get a deal. Right?

Everyone wants a deal. You want the you got in early. Yeah. Right. That is how people are being taken advantage of.

It's modesty. It's admitting that this is a reasonable expectation. This is a reasonable price. If you buy things cheap, you're gonna have cheap results. If you think you're getting a deal that you don't fully understand, there's then a high chance that you're gonna get taken advantage of.

You cannot manipulate the economics of finance. It does not exist. If you get in early, there's a high risk that it could fail. There's a reason why there are certain things in place to try and prevent these things from happening, but the reality is people ignore those warning signs and so on. Here's the first thing you need to understand.

First off, you cannot control people. You may have a family member or a relative that just pisses away all of their assets. And that's the sad truth of it all, but it's the reality. And the reason why you can't control them is because you can't force them into some sort of legal agreement that says you now have power and control over all their finances. And that right there is an abuse of power.

You can't correct hate with hate. You can't correct bad decisions by taking away their ability to make decisions. Like, unless they're senile, that's not principle based. It's not healthy. It's not appropriate.

They have to want to correct it and so on. It's a very tricky thing, but in my mind, it's intervention is where you go from here, and then you set very, very clear boundaries. I've told people before, if your parents so if you're getting ready for retirement and your parents are making horrible financial decisions

Mhmm.

You set a very clear boundary that this is all you are willing to do for that parent. You're not paying for all of their services. If they're on Medicaid and they spent it all and it's all gone whatever, that was their decision. Your job, your responsibility is not to take care of your parents. Your job is to set your kids up for success, teach them principles, and then let them govern themselves.

Your job is to take care of yourself and then your spouse. And then if there is excess based on mutual trust and respect with appropriate boundaries, you can help other people. But unlimited charity is not actually charitable. It's destructive.

And does this go both ways too? Like, the parent helping the adult children?

Yeah. If you've got a 36 year old kid who's an abled body, there's no clinical reason why they're there, they're just having a hard time, maybe that hard time, that that precedent is because they're too comfortable because of what you've done. Seek counseling. Seek family therapists or other professionals that are qualified and experienced to talk about these sorts of things. But you cannot control another person.

Don't assume that. You can invite them to heal and have a healthier relationship with yourself and this other person. And two, if it's a good deal, there's something you're missing. That's how finance works. It's not like sales at the local grocery store or whatever it is.

And even then, like, why is it on sale? It's to get you to buy other things. Uh-huh. Or it's because it's about to expire. Sure.

Like, there's a reason for it. There's a reason why this is a quote, unquote good or bad deal. So just be aware of that. That's all the time we've got for the show today. If you enjoyed the show, consider subscribing to it wherever you get your podcast.

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