WEBVTT NOTE This file was generated by Descript 00:00:07.039 --> 00:00:09.968 Candace Dellacona: Welcome to the Sandwich Generation Survival Guide. 00:00:09.988 --> 00:00:14.428 I am your host, Candace Dellacona, and I am thrilled to welcome with me today, 00:00:14.828 --> 00:00:17.948 Sherry Finkel Murphy, who is joining us. 00:00:18.318 --> 00:00:19.328 Sherry, welcome. 00:00:19.618 --> 00:00:21.298 Thank you for joining us on the podcast. 00:00:21.798 --> 00:00:22.968 Sherry Finkel Murphy: Thank you for having me. 00:00:23.408 --> 00:00:24.029 Candace Dellacona: My pleasure. 00:00:24.029 --> 00:00:27.369 So for our listeners, I want to share all about your background and 00:00:27.379 --> 00:00:29.219 all of your accolades here, Sherry. 00:00:29.249 --> 00:00:33.819 We are so excited to have you and have a great conversation talking about 00:00:34.279 --> 00:00:39.399 triple decker generation sandwich planning, especially as we come to 00:00:39.399 --> 00:00:41.549 the end of Women's History Month. 00:00:41.896 --> 00:00:46.846 Sherry provides financial and longevity planning, education through 00:00:46.846 --> 00:00:49.066 storytelling and mini courses. 00:00:49.356 --> 00:00:53.476 Sherry is also the author of a book called Wish Want Will, which is an 00:00:53.486 --> 00:00:55.486 excellent workbook available on Amazon. 00:00:55.526 --> 00:00:57.686 And she has another book coming out later this year. 00:00:58.116 --> 00:00:59.456 So we welcome you, Sherry. 00:01:00.148 --> 00:01:01.418 Sherry Finkel Murphy: Thank you for having me. 00:01:01.418 --> 00:01:03.488 I'm excited to be here. 00:01:03.878 --> 00:01:09.188 I like to emphasize that I am not just an advisor to this 00:01:09.218 --> 00:01:13.688 cohort, who I call the women of a certain agency, but I'm a member. 00:01:14.279 --> 00:01:15.029 Candace Dellacona: And me too. 00:01:15.039 --> 00:01:17.023 I am also a member right along with you. 00:01:17.963 --> 00:01:22.714 One of the things that we talked about when we had our first conversation, 00:01:22.714 --> 00:01:29.434 Sherry, is what the concept of Madrina Molly™ is and what sort of brought 00:01:29.434 --> 00:01:32.184 you here and where you are in life. 00:01:33.689 --> 00:01:37.759 Sherry Finkel Murphy: There have been many turns, circuitous and redundant and 00:01:37.769 --> 00:01:45.649 all kinds of things, but I'm here because in my financial planning practice, women 00:01:45.799 --> 00:01:52.289 come to me and these are highly capable, highly educated, high cash flow women, 00:01:52.899 --> 00:01:57.279 and they pull up their box of tissues and they proceed to make themselves wrong. 00:01:58.079 --> 00:02:02.504 And my message is always first and foremost, stop making yourself wrong. 00:02:02.514 --> 00:02:03.944 We already have mothers for that. 00:02:04.334 --> 00:02:09.974 And second is you probably do a great deal more right than you know. 00:02:10.484 --> 00:02:16.064 And maybe it's my job to reaffirm what you're doing right so that 00:02:16.064 --> 00:02:17.604 you can get a good night's sleep. 00:02:18.164 --> 00:02:20.744 And proceed with confidence. 00:02:21.534 --> 00:02:27.873 Where I guess my story begins is that I am I'll call myself a reinventionist. 00:02:28.273 --> 00:02:32.483 I am on a second or third career, depending upon how you count 00:02:32.483 --> 00:02:36.923 them, and I did recredential myself in my early fifties. 00:02:37.263 --> 00:02:43.018 And so I understand the challenge of this triple decker club sandwich generation 00:02:43.638 --> 00:02:49.428 of figuring out how you're going to get through your career alive, so to speak, 00:02:49.428 --> 00:02:51.558 how are you going to get to the goal line. 00:02:52.298 --> 00:02:58.338 And it's hard, there are many headwinds, whether those headwinds are familial, your 00:02:58.338 --> 00:03:02.688 children, your parents, your significant other, or lack of a significant other, 00:03:03.118 --> 00:03:09.763 but employers are notoriously disloyal, And so we need to advocate for ourselves 00:03:09.803 --> 00:03:13.153 and also create a hedge, create a defense. 00:03:13.373 --> 00:03:14.963 When you have a great defense, right? 00:03:14.963 --> 00:03:16.323 Defense wins championships. 00:03:16.673 --> 00:03:19.843 When you have a great defense, you can accept risk. 00:03:20.353 --> 00:03:22.564 So there's a lot of messaging there. 00:03:22.564 --> 00:03:27.524 In my case, two years ago, I was traveling along in my financial 00:03:27.524 --> 00:03:31.344 planning practice with mostly these women and their families. 00:03:31.704 --> 00:03:35.128 And my stepdaughter announced she was having her second child. 00:03:35.508 --> 00:03:38.638 I turned to my husband and said, ooh, we have to help. 00:03:39.118 --> 00:03:44.748 And so we planned to bounce between Saratoga Springs, New York, where 00:03:44.748 --> 00:03:49.078 I have a 97 year old mother living independently, and she's doing just fine. 00:03:49.088 --> 00:03:54.153 There's nothing wrong with her, except that she's 97, and in Ohio, 00:03:54.363 --> 00:03:58.593 where two of five grandchildren are, and that's where they need help. 00:03:58.593 --> 00:04:02.373 And so we've been bouncing back and forth, and suddenly FINRA decides, 00:04:02.373 --> 00:04:05.973 oh, financial advisors, you've had your COVID holiday, we want you back 00:04:05.973 --> 00:04:08.083 in the office 51 percent of the time. 00:04:08.588 --> 00:04:10.968 And I said, oops, time to call an audible. 00:04:11.418 --> 00:04:18.978 Spent 2023 transitioning my wonderful clients to my hand chosen successor and 00:04:19.008 --> 00:04:22.318 January, 2024 launched Madrina Molly™. 00:04:22.998 --> 00:04:26.298 Madrina Molly™ is intended to be a little disruptive. 00:04:26.558 --> 00:04:33.658 There aren't enough financial planners to go around to understand women's stories. 00:04:33.998 --> 00:04:38.308 The domain was built around the data of 20th century men. 00:04:38.928 --> 00:04:42.718 And so we don't yet see ourselves in the data. 00:04:42.778 --> 00:04:45.148 It's coming, but we need to get there. 00:04:45.578 --> 00:04:50.058 So there are women who maybe they don't control the 00:04:50.058 --> 00:04:51.698 financial planning relationship. 00:04:51.998 --> 00:04:55.318 Their significant other has the relationship with the advisor, but 00:04:55.318 --> 00:04:57.848 they want to know what they don't know. 00:04:58.478 --> 00:05:02.488 Or maybe these are women who cannot find a certified financial planner. 00:05:02.708 --> 00:05:06.688 And or they don't qualify because maybe their assets are tied up 00:05:06.688 --> 00:05:08.208 elsewhere in a corporate plan. 00:05:08.558 --> 00:05:10.338 Otherwise, they are not available. 00:05:10.668 --> 00:05:15.588 And all of these things can keep them from finding the right person to work with. 00:05:16.108 --> 00:05:21.178 I want to supply, let's call it financial planning light, that enables these 00:05:21.178 --> 00:05:26.328 women to ask all the questions they want and receive the fiduciary care of a 00:05:26.328 --> 00:05:28.288 certified financial planner professional. 00:05:28.703 --> 00:05:29.163 Candace Dellacona: Sure. 00:05:29.173 --> 00:05:34.613 That was a great sort of segue to talking about the need for information, right? 00:05:34.613 --> 00:05:39.803 I think that one of the things in common that we all have in the sandwich 00:05:39.823 --> 00:05:45.723 generation is trying to figure out where we fit in and how, when we're 00:05:45.733 --> 00:05:52.393 caring for multiple generations among us, when we're the in between, how we 00:05:52.393 --> 00:05:57.643 get the data and the information that we need so that we can not only help 00:05:57.643 --> 00:05:59.333 our loved ones, but help ourselves. 00:05:59.848 --> 00:06:02.998 We've talked about the concept of the triple decker sandwich 00:06:02.998 --> 00:06:04.298 generation and what that means. 00:06:04.298 --> 00:06:09.758 And you just described it, Sherry, because you talk about having a 97 year old mom 00:06:10.298 --> 00:06:12.828 and then children and grandchildren. 00:06:12.838 --> 00:06:17.308 So that is, by definition, a triple decker sandwich generation. 00:06:17.438 --> 00:06:21.238 I think one of the things that's important to talk about is the 00:06:21.758 --> 00:06:24.578 origination of that and why it exists. 00:06:24.678 --> 00:06:30.878 Do you have any thoughts as to why maybe our sandwich generation is faced 00:06:30.878 --> 00:06:34.818 with the triple decker as opposed to the traditional sandwich generation? 00:06:34.858 --> 00:06:40.078 Sherry Finkel Murphy: Sure, and it is kind of amazing and I wish the press made more 00:06:40.078 --> 00:06:43.028 of an opportunity of it than a problem. 00:06:43.773 --> 00:06:49.303 And that is, this is the first time that four and five generations are 00:06:49.303 --> 00:06:52.533 living contemporaneously in history. 00:06:52.793 --> 00:06:54.333 That's never happened before. 00:06:54.873 --> 00:07:01.333 And in the developed world, we spent the 19th century working on the scourge 00:07:01.373 --> 00:07:06.553 that was child mortality, such that by the middle of the 20th century, 00:07:06.723 --> 00:07:09.363 children were making it to adulthood. 00:07:09.758 --> 00:07:14.108 If you made it to five, you stood a better chance of making it to adulthood, and by 00:07:14.108 --> 00:07:19.028 the end of the Second World War more and more children were making it to adulthood. 00:07:19.198 --> 00:07:24.688 But after the Second World War, so the second half of the 20th century, was 00:07:24.708 --> 00:07:29.638 really devoted to aging and adding life. 00:07:29.908 --> 00:07:37.598 So, a life expectancy of 65 in the 1930s, 1940s, suddenly became 85. 00:07:38.163 --> 00:07:39.733 And I think it snuck up on us. 00:07:40.478 --> 00:07:46.678 And we haven't prepared ourselves well enough for the opportunity 00:07:46.918 --> 00:07:52.638 that is those extra twenty years of what we'll call super adulthood. 00:07:52.638 --> 00:07:56.158 We're still searching for a name for the after work phase, but 00:07:56.158 --> 00:07:57.753 let's call it super adulthood. 00:07:57.968 --> 00:08:01.648 Candace Dellacona: Yeah it's not retirees anymore because I find that most retirees 00:08:01.648 --> 00:08:05.568 are busier in retirement than they ever were during their working years. 00:08:06.068 --> 00:08:07.778 You bring in an interesting point. 00:08:07.778 --> 00:08:12.888 Obviously healthcare has gotten better and in many ways has increased the longevity. 00:08:13.298 --> 00:08:15.988 And in doing so people are living a lot longer. 00:08:16.318 --> 00:08:20.858 But for many, the economics, the planning of it hadn't caught 00:08:20.858 --> 00:08:22.928 up with the actual longevity. 00:08:22.928 --> 00:08:27.733 So if you look at the life insurance actuarial tables about life expectancy. 00:08:28.163 --> 00:08:31.943 I think the average age for a woman is above 80. 00:08:32.353 --> 00:08:38.543 And when you have people that, whose parents mostly did not live to 80, they 00:08:38.563 --> 00:08:40.743 themselves had no expectation of that. 00:08:40.753 --> 00:08:44.513 And so I think it's really difficult doing the catch up. 00:08:44.544 --> 00:08:48.434 And that's why those of us in the sandwich generation are sort of left 00:08:48.434 --> 00:08:52.754 holding the bag in many ways, whether economically or for a housing perspective. 00:08:53.569 --> 00:08:57.159 And I think that that's definitely interesting as it relates to triple decker 00:08:57.159 --> 00:09:01.559 sandwich generation, because what you've just shared with us is that you toggled 00:09:01.569 --> 00:09:07.519 between two places physically to fulfill your role in the triple decker sandwich. 00:09:08.359 --> 00:09:11.639 Sherry Finkel Murphy: For, this is just anecdotal, I have to tell you 00:09:11.639 --> 00:09:17.199 that managing two rental townhouses is still cheaper than managing the house. 00:09:17.269 --> 00:09:22.829 So I'm one of those home wealth agnostics when it comes to financial planning. 00:09:23.512 --> 00:09:26.552 I'm not so sure the family homestead and maintaining it for 00:09:26.552 --> 00:09:28.592 30 or 40 years is a great idea. 00:09:28.942 --> 00:09:29.302 But. 00:09:29.642 --> 00:09:34.682 We are practicing radical flexibility, and I think that's going to be my 00:09:34.682 --> 00:09:42.772 message to all, is that in every aspect of life, we need to be more flexible 00:09:42.822 --> 00:09:49.142 in order to achieve our happiness, because we're just so interdependent, 00:09:49.462 --> 00:09:52.922 and I don't think, again , I won't demonize anyone except maybe the 00:09:52.922 --> 00:09:56.222 press for not catching on to this. 00:09:56.722 --> 00:10:02.962 The challenge with housing is not that hedge funds are somehow buying up all 00:10:02.962 --> 00:10:05.092 available single family properties. 00:10:05.402 --> 00:10:07.812 It is not that mortgage rates are too high. 00:10:08.092 --> 00:10:13.422 It is that the inventory of what we need is not there and we never 00:10:13.422 --> 00:10:19.732 really recovered from 2008 in order to create the housing inventory. 00:10:20.022 --> 00:10:23.992 So what boomers want to downsize to is not being built. 00:10:25.232 --> 00:10:30.302 Their children cannot get into the colonial because it's just not there 00:10:30.302 --> 00:10:32.702 for them, never mind at whatever price. 00:10:33.117 --> 00:10:38.267 And you hear that building is starting again, fits and starts but in a 00:10:38.267 --> 00:10:44.287 volatile economy, we never know about the supply chain that is going to, 00:10:44.787 --> 00:10:46.247 make the builder start or stop again. 00:10:46.747 --> 00:10:49.430 It creates, again, opportunity. 00:10:49.830 --> 00:10:53.660 I want to tell a story, the best way to illustrate this would be 00:10:53.700 --> 00:10:56.300 a client whose mom was widowed. 00:10:56.775 --> 00:11:01.825 Living in the family home, and at the same time, three adult siblings. 00:11:02.185 --> 00:11:07.085 At the same time, she and her partner were trying to get into their forever home. 00:11:07.095 --> 00:11:10.195 They had outgrown their starter home, and they wanted to 00:11:10.195 --> 00:11:11.605 get into their forever home. 00:11:12.365 --> 00:11:17.725 Able to sell their starter home for a very nice price, but unable to find what 00:11:17.735 --> 00:11:20.625 they wanted and successfully bid on it. 00:11:21.685 --> 00:11:24.715 Mom is alone in her house, she's 40 minutes away. 00:11:24.785 --> 00:11:27.885 The other two siblings are several states away. 00:11:28.730 --> 00:11:32.910 They loved mom's house, so what they did was they sold their 00:11:32.910 --> 00:11:34.080 house, their starter home. 00:11:34.520 --> 00:11:39.920 They purchased mom's house from her, which as an estate planner, you 00:11:39.920 --> 00:11:42.090 can explain why that's a good idea. 00:11:42.540 --> 00:11:44.680 Mom made the siblings whole. 00:11:45.460 --> 00:11:51.220 They renovated the first floor to create mom's first floor primary 00:11:51.220 --> 00:11:56.810 suite, redid the kitchen, drawer microwave, rounded corners, the 00:11:56.820 --> 00:11:58.750 things that she would require. 00:11:59.120 --> 00:12:00.420 In her years of frailty. 00:12:01.180 --> 00:12:04.710 And they completely renovated the upstairs from childhood 00:12:04.720 --> 00:12:08.070 bedrooms to their primary suite. 00:12:08.620 --> 00:12:15.100 And everybody's happy because mom is safe, kids are managed we need to be creative. 00:12:15.895 --> 00:12:16.615 Candace Dellacona: I think you're right. 00:12:16.615 --> 00:12:19.965 I think that's one of the keys where it's flexibility and creativity. 00:12:19.965 --> 00:12:24.385 And for many of our listeners, cohabitation isn't necessarily an option. 00:12:24.395 --> 00:12:29.835 And we have multi generations of families that can't live in the same physical 00:12:29.835 --> 00:12:33.515 space, especially as you move closer to urban areas like New York City. 00:12:33.885 --> 00:12:38.785 But I think what you point out is being open to the various possibilities. 00:12:38.785 --> 00:12:42.415 And so for even someone like you, Sherry, where you're actually traveling 00:12:42.415 --> 00:12:49.125 between two geographical areas and how that can still be multi generational 00:12:49.125 --> 00:12:54.575 living in many ways, you don't have to physically live in the same space to 00:12:54.575 --> 00:12:59.635 be beholden to the multiple generations and in many ways having a little bit 00:12:59.635 --> 00:13:04.205 of physical distance can actually work and you can still have the benefits 00:13:04.245 --> 00:13:06.565 of that multi generational living. 00:13:06.680 --> 00:13:10.200 Sherry Finkel Murphy: So you just said a mouthful because we know that 00:13:10.200 --> 00:13:12.610 relationships with parents can be fraught. 00:13:12.690 --> 00:13:17.160 Adult children and adult parents they somehow revert to childhood 00:13:17.260 --> 00:13:18.790 and everybody takes a tantrum. 00:13:19.280 --> 00:13:23.990 I am a safe 15 minutes from mom and intend to stay that way. 00:13:24.250 --> 00:13:24.550 Candace Dellacona: Space. 00:13:24.680 --> 00:13:25.000 Yes. 00:13:25.550 --> 00:13:28.610 Sherry Finkel Murphy: and it helps us care for one another. 00:13:28.890 --> 00:13:31.540 I mean, I think that there's some basics here. 00:13:32.500 --> 00:13:36.410 Mom says, anybody's mom, says, I don't want to worry you. 00:13:36.540 --> 00:13:37.890 Look, we're already worried. 00:13:38.190 --> 00:13:41.990 And we'd be more worried if we were three states away and couldn't get to you. 00:13:42.410 --> 00:13:49.920 So my solution is 15 minutes away is a good middle ground there. 00:13:49.920 --> 00:13:53.740 It makes everybody comfortable, we both worry less. 00:13:54.040 --> 00:13:57.640 Same with Ohio, where the kids are. 00:13:58.060 --> 00:14:00.450 Do we want to be on top of one another? 00:14:00.680 --> 00:14:01.340 No. 00:14:01.520 --> 00:14:05.330 But how cute is it that at the moment at least, until they get into their 00:14:05.330 --> 00:14:07.560 forever home, we are across the street? 00:14:08.025 --> 00:14:12.345 In the townhouse community and we've got a six and a half year old who's 00:14:12.345 --> 00:14:14.395 running errands between the two houses. 00:14:14.605 --> 00:14:18.275 You open the front door and you have a line of sight and so she 00:14:18.275 --> 00:14:20.345 can be seen going back and forth. 00:14:20.605 --> 00:14:24.395 Whether she's picking up something from the freezer because their 00:14:24.395 --> 00:14:27.005 refrigerator overflows, ours does not. 00:14:27.355 --> 00:14:32.175 Or she's been sent to go bother grandpa because mom has to work 00:14:32.175 --> 00:14:33.865 because it's a two income household. 00:14:34.980 --> 00:14:43.090 All good, and again, reframing as an opportunity, because I think what parents 00:14:43.090 --> 00:14:47.670 don't internalize is that 95 percent of the time you're going to spend with 00:14:47.670 --> 00:14:51.320 your kids is in their first 18 years. 00:14:52.355 --> 00:14:53.925 And after that, all bets are off. 00:14:54.410 --> 00:14:54.800 Candace Dellacona: Sure. 00:14:55.230 --> 00:15:01.350 So it could really be a beautiful time of life to have those daily interactions 00:15:01.390 --> 00:15:03.210 that you wouldn't otherwise have. 00:15:03.710 --> 00:15:05.860 And, it's not all, roses. 00:15:05.930 --> 00:15:10.320 And one of the things that, that we like to do here on the sandwich generation 00:15:10.320 --> 00:15:12.970 survival guide is show all sides. 00:15:13.475 --> 00:15:17.105 Because in the beauty, there is also struggle, right? 00:15:17.195 --> 00:15:24.515 As we in the in between are thinking about and worried about our others, 00:15:24.555 --> 00:15:30.095 our other layers, our other in between folks, whether it's our parents, our 00:15:30.125 --> 00:15:34.195 aging mothers in Saratoga Springs or our grandchildren in Ohio. 00:15:34.695 --> 00:15:38.765 We are kind of in this purgatory where we're beholden 00:15:38.785 --> 00:15:41.740 to two different generations. 00:15:41.760 --> 00:15:43.450 We're stuck in the in between. 00:15:44.060 --> 00:15:51.240 So how does one think about still living the life that they want to 00:15:51.240 --> 00:15:56.040 live and finding the joy when you are beholden to other groups of people? 00:15:56.050 --> 00:15:58.190 Do you have any tips for us, Sherry? 00:15:59.125 --> 00:16:00.625 Sherry Finkel Murphy: So you make a really good point. 00:16:01.185 --> 00:16:08.395 And that is many of our cohort has the experience, as a mother, of being on hold. 00:16:08.655 --> 00:16:13.875 You're on hold that first few years when your children are little before 00:16:13.875 --> 00:16:17.405 you can get back to your independence, because they're not independent. 00:16:17.765 --> 00:16:18.895 Well, guess what? 00:16:19.205 --> 00:16:22.475 You may go on hold again later in life. 00:16:23.305 --> 00:16:29.515 And so, if there is a tip to be had, it's to calculate based on when you 00:16:29.525 --> 00:16:35.255 had your kids and when your parents are likely to experience frailty, 00:16:35.755 --> 00:16:38.815 where are your years of freedom? 00:16:39.200 --> 00:16:39.620 Candace Dellacona: Hmm. 00:16:40.075 --> 00:16:43.275 Sherry Finkel Murphy: And I frequently would see, again, meet people and 00:16:43.275 --> 00:16:47.565 they'd say, I want to retire at 60, and I would say, how old are your kids? 00:16:47.985 --> 00:16:51.485 And they would tell me and I'd say, you realize your second child will 00:16:51.495 --> 00:16:53.295 still be a sophomore in college. 00:16:53.615 --> 00:16:56.925 Do you really want to pay for that out of savings? 00:16:56.995 --> 00:16:59.415 Wouldn't it be better to pay for it out of cash flow? 00:17:00.085 --> 00:17:06.135 On the flip side, we make these great plans to, I'm making this up, travel 00:17:06.145 --> 00:17:10.330 the world for a month and a half at 65. 00:17:10.350 --> 00:17:15.310 This is my gift to myself, I shall retire at 65 and I will go gallivant around 00:17:15.310 --> 00:17:17.820 Europe just like we did when we were 22. 00:17:18.360 --> 00:17:24.980 And that's fine except that if you're 65 you may have an 85 year old parent who is 00:17:24.980 --> 00:17:30.960 still alive and a generation and a half ago that parent would have passed on. 00:17:31.670 --> 00:17:35.400 So not for nothing but you're gallivanting at 65. 00:17:36.025 --> 00:17:37.045 Not so much. 00:17:37.555 --> 00:17:42.225 My thought, and I have a little talk track I call The Year of Not Saving, 00:17:42.745 --> 00:17:48.735 my thought is how about you pull that sabbatical or pull that big vacation 00:17:48.755 --> 00:17:54.235 forward into the point where the kids are old enough so that they won't 00:17:54.235 --> 00:17:55.735 burn down the house if you leave them. 00:17:56.605 --> 00:18:05.965 The parents are not yet frail, so I'm thinking about 55, and in exchange for 00:18:05.965 --> 00:18:10.695 what I call the year of not saving, which is not contributing to your 401k that 00:18:10.695 --> 00:18:17.705 year, using it in the next year, to take the vacation, you work for one more year. 00:18:17.715 --> 00:18:20.765 Just put off distributing your assets for one more year. 00:18:21.225 --> 00:18:25.335 Now what I know, I'm trying not to make this convoluted, what I know as 00:18:25.335 --> 00:18:29.905 a financial planner is that anything you do to delay distributing your 00:18:29.905 --> 00:18:35.235 portfolio is going to improve your financial plan for retirement. 00:18:35.645 --> 00:18:41.345 And boy, is it hard to fund 35 years of retirement, easier to fund 34. 00:18:41.605 --> 00:18:44.145 Easier to fund 33, etc. 00:18:44.545 --> 00:18:48.495 I know that if you put off distribution, that's going to be a good thing. 00:18:48.885 --> 00:18:51.195 There's actually math that supports that. 00:18:51.645 --> 00:18:54.555 Do I have your permission to go into just that tiny bit of math? 00:18:55.010 --> 00:18:55.910 Candace Dellacona: Absolutely. 00:18:55.995 --> 00:18:56.205 Sherry Finkel Murphy: Okay. 00:18:56.515 --> 00:18:56.755 Okay. 00:18:57.035 --> 00:18:58.405 I don't want to scare anybody away. 00:18:59.475 --> 00:19:04.985 So let's say I'm going to put round numbers 20,000 dollars into my 401k at age 00:19:05.005 --> 00:19:11.605 55 and my corporate match will be 10,000 dollars, 30,000 dollars is now in my 401k. 00:19:12.545 --> 00:19:17.065 And because we assume that money doubles every 10 years in the stock market, by the 00:19:17.065 --> 00:19:20.635 time I'm 65, that will be 60,000 dollars. 00:19:21.500 --> 00:19:25.560 And let's say I've been a good saver, I've done everything I was told to do, and I 00:19:25.560 --> 00:19:29.090 have a million dollars in my 401k at 55. 00:19:30.480 --> 00:19:33.470 At 65, that will be two million. 00:19:34.660 --> 00:19:42.745 I can take my month and a half gallivant, around the world with a nest egg of 00:19:42.745 --> 00:19:51.695 2,060,000 dollars at 65, or I can wait and have that portfolio grow 10 00:19:51.705 --> 00:19:58.005 percent more one tenth of a doubling, and I can take my gallivant at 56. 00:20:00.380 --> 00:20:04.540 Retire at 66 with 2.2 00:20:04.640 --> 00:20:05.240 million. 00:20:05.930 --> 00:20:12.220 So I now have 140,000 dollars more in my nest egg to work with in 00:20:12.220 --> 00:20:15.780 retirement by delaying distribution. 00:20:16.080 --> 00:20:21.920 And as a financial planner, I would suggest trading that off for 00:20:22.310 --> 00:20:24.710 going ahead and living your life. 00:20:24.990 --> 00:20:29.020 Candace Dellacona: I love that so much and it makes me so excited to actually 00:20:29.020 --> 00:20:34.665 hear a financial advisor, a financial planner, someone who has, the math 00:20:34.705 --> 00:20:40.075 credibility to be able to say and give permission to live in the now. 00:20:40.205 --> 00:20:41.985 Sherry Finkel Murphy: Yes, absolutely. 00:20:42.235 --> 00:20:44.335 We know that tomorrow is not promised. 00:20:44.345 --> 00:20:45.925 It is not promised for health. 00:20:45.965 --> 00:20:47.235 I'm going to make a point about that. 00:20:47.505 --> 00:20:48.855 It is not promised for health. 00:20:49.135 --> 00:20:51.365 It is not promised for anything. 00:20:51.585 --> 00:20:53.005 You've been a rules follower. 00:20:53.005 --> 00:20:54.935 Whoever you is, you've been rules followers. 00:20:56.025 --> 00:20:57.075 And go ahead. 00:20:57.155 --> 00:20:57.715 Go ahead. 00:20:57.825 --> 00:20:59.385 Use your 50s. 00:20:59.405 --> 00:21:01.495 It is an amazing decade. 00:21:02.190 --> 00:21:06.560 And it, I think that, that break is also something that will 00:21:06.560 --> 00:21:08.760 enable you to make the last push. 00:21:08.850 --> 00:21:12.710 It makes the continuance a little bit easier. 00:21:13.175 --> 00:21:13.875 Candace Dellacona: Absolutely. 00:21:13.875 --> 00:21:19.045 When you think you have a goal in mind that feels very tangible and in the 00:21:19.115 --> 00:21:24.615 immediate future it allows you that extra burst of energy to continue to push on 00:21:24.665 --> 00:21:27.145 and create those meaningful experiences. 00:21:27.145 --> 00:21:32.810 But what about those who have perhaps missed a bit of the window where they're 00:21:32.970 --> 00:21:37.490 already in the place where they're obligated to the different generations. 00:21:37.730 --> 00:21:44.170 How can you carve out those meaningful experiences on a smaller scale? 00:21:44.180 --> 00:21:45.940 We talked about that recently. 00:21:45.950 --> 00:21:47.160 Can you share that with us? 00:21:47.180 --> 00:21:48.660 The example that you used? 00:21:49.120 --> 00:21:53.780 Sherry Finkel Murphy: The example that I used was my own, and that is that I 00:21:53.810 --> 00:21:58.500 think we have to take charge of our time. 00:21:58.590 --> 00:22:04.740 That is probably the most satisfying thing to say my 168 hours a week. 00:22:05.075 --> 00:22:12.145 Is mine and I'm going to use it intentionally that is fulfilling and while 00:22:12.345 --> 00:22:17.345 geographically, you may be in a place where you cannot, as I said, you cannot 00:22:17.365 --> 00:22:22.965 gallivant, you cannot go halfway around the world easily without worrying, you can 00:22:22.975 --> 00:22:30.155 still do bucket list items by controlling your schedule and I think the work of the 00:22:30.215 --> 00:22:34.970 50, that cohort, is to take back the 168. 00:22:35.000 --> 00:22:39.130 And my example was that last year, while I was in the middle of eight 00:22:39.140 --> 00:22:42.220 things, I became a tennis tourist. 00:22:42.600 --> 00:22:47.570 I parked at the Cincinnati Open, my new home in Mason, Ohio, and 00:22:47.570 --> 00:22:50.170 I parked there for the full week. 00:22:50.670 --> 00:22:55.310 Probably need some fine tuning for this year because I discovered that only the 00:22:55.310 --> 00:23:00.910 tennis players get the exercise and that sitting in a tennis stadium is still 00:23:00.910 --> 00:23:07.150 sitting, but other than the need to fine tune my exercise for the week, oh my 00:23:07.150 --> 00:23:10.910 gosh, it felt indulgent and it was sunny. 00:23:11.235 --> 00:23:14.775 And it was rejuvenating, and it was a place of joy. 00:23:14.975 --> 00:23:16.955 That was a bucket list item for me. 00:23:17.475 --> 00:23:21.535 And it, yeah, it didn't involve being unavailable. 00:23:21.575 --> 00:23:25.025 If anybody had needed me, I could have been there. 00:23:25.880 --> 00:23:28.820 Candace Dellacona: So that is the perfect sort of in between. 00:23:29.275 --> 00:23:33.215 And finding the ability to, as you point out, indulge yourself. 00:23:33.255 --> 00:23:37.450 And really what we talk about a lot of this podcast is provide yourself 00:23:37.450 --> 00:23:42.070 with a little bit of self care and have a bit of respite between the 00:23:42.070 --> 00:23:46.830 generations of caring for each of them, and so you don't necessarily have 00:23:46.830 --> 00:23:49.960 to have a trip around the world, and some people don't want that anyway. 00:23:50.450 --> 00:23:54.870 But I love what you did, and you found the joy in something that 00:23:54.900 --> 00:23:58.370 you enjoyed, and you didn't have to travel around the world to do it. 00:23:58.410 --> 00:24:05.315 And, I also think about those listeners who are perhaps not in the greatest place 00:24:05.315 --> 00:24:10.685 in their lives, and they think about how they can make a change at this point in 00:24:10.685 --> 00:24:18.005 their life, and I know that you are a big fan of taking control, as you said, even 00:24:18.005 --> 00:24:22.755 just in terms of the week, but taking control of your life and how to pivot. 00:24:23.891 --> 00:24:24.731 Sherry Finkel Murphy: Absolutely. 00:24:25.153 --> 00:24:31.223 Before I even discuss the pivot and what has become the Forget You Fund, which 00:24:31.233 --> 00:24:37.847 everybody likes talking about the Yours, Mine, Ours, and Mine money, I want to 00:24:37.847 --> 00:24:41.367 introduce the word thanatological age. 00:24:41.947 --> 00:24:48.567 So I say think thanatologically and remind people who are feeling stuck at 50 00:24:49.167 --> 00:24:55.247 that you have enough runway for multiple doublings of your market holdings. 00:24:55.247 --> 00:25:01.097 If you haven't saved enough, there's still time and it's worth investing in you. 00:25:01.097 --> 00:25:03.837 So to wind back to where we started this conversation. 00:25:04.492 --> 00:25:09.752 If I am 50, my thanatological age is 32 years. 00:25:09.752 --> 00:25:10.312 I'm going to go to 82. 00:25:11.372 --> 00:25:12.072 On average. 00:25:12.072 --> 00:25:14.102 So 50 percent of people will go further. 00:25:14.102 --> 00:25:16.622 Thanatologically, 32 years. 00:25:17.142 --> 00:25:20.002 Well, holy Hannah, I mean, where were you 32 years ago? 00:25:20.002 --> 00:25:22.122 Where was I 32 years ago? 00:25:22.642 --> 00:25:28.812 If only the last five years is old age, think of how much runway there 00:25:28.812 --> 00:25:33.082 is to invest in skills, to invest in health, to invest in money. 00:25:33.642 --> 00:25:34.602 That's crazy. 00:25:34.632 --> 00:25:38.542 And if you are healthy at 50 and you expect to go to 65, 00:25:38.942 --> 00:25:40.532 You get 5 years beyond that. 00:25:40.552 --> 00:25:41.642 Now we're at 87. 00:25:42.352 --> 00:25:47.852 You could be looking at 37 years that you have to fill. 00:25:48.102 --> 00:25:49.532 Alright, let's carve off the 7. 00:25:50.192 --> 00:25:54.872 30 years that you should be doing something, my thought is, 00:25:54.882 --> 00:25:56.622 invest in yourself, get a hobby. 00:25:57.632 --> 00:26:05.792 Having said that once we become a family, I find that my women of a certain agency 00:26:06.482 --> 00:26:13.872 tend to think of all money as family money, and they require permission to do 00:26:13.902 --> 00:26:18.892 something of their own, and I like to give them permission to have their own kitty. 00:26:19.602 --> 00:26:23.892 The notion of a forget you fund, which is spelled F star star K by 00:26:23.892 --> 00:26:25.362 the way, make no bones about it. 00:26:25.792 --> 00:26:29.172 The notion is that it's the extra emergency fund. 00:26:29.512 --> 00:26:34.302 It is a sad truth that there are women who need to get out of a toxic 00:26:34.302 --> 00:26:39.162 relationship quickly, and they may not have access to shared money. 00:26:39.512 --> 00:26:43.302 So there should be a separate account in a separate bank 00:26:43.812 --> 00:26:45.272 that nobody else knows about. 00:26:45.837 --> 00:26:49.397 That was the origin of the Forget You Fund. 00:26:49.707 --> 00:26:53.967 It is also used to give yourself permission to leave a toxic employment, 00:26:54.647 --> 00:26:59.127 where the culture has changed suddenly and you don't have your next thing lined up. 00:26:59.517 --> 00:27:03.817 I even know of girlfriend group Forget You Funds, where there's a little 00:27:03.817 --> 00:27:06.917 kitty that could be shared by the group in the event of an emergency. 00:27:07.497 --> 00:27:13.207 But, for a pivot, that Forget You Fund is startup money. 00:27:13.747 --> 00:27:21.137 And I think it's worth developing that so that at 50, you can start that LLC. 00:27:21.427 --> 00:27:27.417 Maybe you don't do anything, but you create the entity and the webpage 00:27:27.457 --> 00:27:31.867 and it sits there for when you need it and you start talking about it. 00:27:32.267 --> 00:27:38.217 No obligation because we put so much pressure on ourselves, no obligation 00:27:38.217 --> 00:27:39.827 to have something revenuable. 00:27:40.107 --> 00:27:41.997 Maybe it's the Etsy store. 00:27:42.397 --> 00:27:49.457 I had a client who was a brilliant fiber artist who was underfunded for retirement, 00:27:49.457 --> 00:27:52.547 just flat out underfunded due to divorce. 00:27:53.387 --> 00:27:59.517 And she and I agreed that she would take 10 years to build 00:27:59.537 --> 00:28:01.297 up her fiber arts business. 00:28:01.942 --> 00:28:04.902 To create just 25,000 dollars. 00:28:04.952 --> 00:28:07.552 So she's very well paid employee. 00:28:07.922 --> 00:28:12.222 She did not need to replace her entire salary. 00:28:12.512 --> 00:28:17.912 She needed to replace 25,000 dollars and then take that into 00:28:17.912 --> 00:28:19.602 the first 10 years of retirement. 00:28:19.602 --> 00:28:26.322 So from 65 to 75, do that thing, which she does anyway, because it's her hobby. 00:28:27.287 --> 00:28:32.347 And generate enough income, and of course in the back of my head, I know that, 00:28:32.377 --> 00:28:35.097 oh, she's not spending down that money. 00:28:35.147 --> 00:28:39.057 It's additional income beyond social security, etc. 00:28:40.787 --> 00:28:41.727 The math is mine. 00:28:41.867 --> 00:28:42.747 The math is mine. 00:28:42.757 --> 00:28:44.817 We don't, I don't make anybody do math. 00:28:45.247 --> 00:28:51.197 But I think it's important that at 50, think about that next thing. 00:28:51.507 --> 00:28:52.547 Because. 00:28:52.802 --> 00:28:57.152 If you pay attention to the work at the Stanford Center for Longevity, 00:28:57.152 --> 00:29:04.882 the 100 year life, we are no longer doing that tri part 20 years education, 00:29:04.882 --> 00:29:07.502 40 years work, 30 years retirement. 00:29:08.162 --> 00:29:12.282 It's hard for Americans to fund 30 years of retirement. 00:29:12.312 --> 00:29:15.062 Now we're looking at 35, maybe even 40. 00:29:15.457 --> 00:29:15.867 Candace Dellacona: Sure. 00:29:16.952 --> 00:29:17.622 Sherry Finkel Murphy: Get a hobby. 00:29:18.497 --> 00:29:18.907 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:29:18.907 --> 00:29:21.907 In addition to getting a hobby though, I think one of the things that you 00:29:21.907 --> 00:29:27.077 said, Sherry, that is so important is thinking about what you want and 00:29:27.127 --> 00:29:32.557 taking that step forward or the step left and progress is not something 00:29:32.557 --> 00:29:34.757 that generally goes in a straight line. 00:29:35.137 --> 00:29:39.007 So having to start over in your career or in a relationship is 00:29:39.017 --> 00:29:42.657 not necessarily a setback and it can actually look like progress. 00:29:43.272 --> 00:29:48.262 I love the fact that you have built that in for clients in a way that 00:29:48.322 --> 00:29:50.452 is attainable and snackable, right? 00:29:50.452 --> 00:29:56.602 So it doesn't feel like this overwhelming momentous one step forward. 00:29:56.872 --> 00:29:58.582 You can do it in stages. 00:29:59.022 --> 00:30:05.842 And what you can do is talk to people like you who can help set out the plan 00:30:05.852 --> 00:30:10.912 and create the infrastructure so that when you're ready to take the next step, you 00:30:10.912 --> 00:30:17.442 know exactly how you're going to do it and the F You Fund, the Forget You Fund is 00:30:17.502 --> 00:30:24.762 really a nice way to have sort of a safety net and allow you to think about living 00:30:24.762 --> 00:30:29.622 in the now and carve out those meaningful experiences to make sure that you're 00:30:29.622 --> 00:30:31.102 living the life that you want to live. 00:30:31.652 --> 00:30:32.142 Sherry Finkel Murphy: Yes. 00:30:32.232 --> 00:30:33.162 Absolutely. 00:30:33.202 --> 00:30:34.932 And sad truth. 00:30:35.837 --> 00:30:43.847 Is just this corporate employer rolling layoff thing which burdens, 00:30:43.957 --> 00:30:52.177 I mean, ageism is a part of it, but it is also part of our current world. 00:30:52.217 --> 00:30:57.967 I wouldn't call it gig economy, but the notion of having a single 00:30:57.987 --> 00:31:01.282 employment has gone by the wayside. 00:31:01.502 --> 00:31:02.682 Candace Dellacona: Absolutely it has. 00:31:02.772 --> 00:31:05.602 Sherry Finkel Murphy: And so if you don't have a single employment, why 00:31:05.602 --> 00:31:06.832 should you have a single career? 00:31:07.772 --> 00:31:08.492 Candace Dellacona: I love that. 00:31:08.522 --> 00:31:11.432 Sherry, you have given us so much important information 00:31:11.432 --> 00:31:12.692 to think about today. 00:31:13.022 --> 00:31:19.122 I think the listeners will really love to look more into Madrina Molly™ and 00:31:19.172 --> 00:31:25.172 perhaps subscribing and thinking about if they have the guide through life 00:31:25.192 --> 00:31:30.752 that maybe they need as they operate in this triple decker sandwich generation. 00:31:30.762 --> 00:31:36.752 I love that you call us, we're the Boom X generation members because we're sort of, 00:31:37.052 --> 00:31:42.542 on the cusp of the Boomers, the beginning of the Generation X, we're raising 00:31:42.542 --> 00:31:48.152 Generation Y, I think, and Millennials, so you've given us so much information today 00:31:48.152 --> 00:31:50.592 to really think about where we fit in. 00:31:51.352 --> 00:31:52.762 Sherry Finkel Murphy: Thank you for having me. 00:31:52.782 --> 00:31:54.262 It has been my pleasure. 00:31:55.422 --> 00:31:56.632 Candace Dellacona: Thanks again, Sherry.