(Dick Clever, Episode Nine, Regina's Question)

                                              THEME / JAZZ HORN UNDERNEATH:

DICK:			9:20. We were back at the precinct following the discovery of the 
                    body of Red Tinkles, Urologist to the Stars. We found the breakthrough that had been eluding                     
                    us in the Cod Piece Murders. Petra had stumbled across a fish finger packet.

				                              MENACING CHORD.

			        But not just any fish finger packet.
				
			        It was Piere's!

				                              ACCORDION PLAYING A FRENCH SOUNDING TUNE.

			        A master chef who creates some of the best gourmet treats in 
			        the city. After having one of Piere's fingers you’ll never be able to look
                    at anyone else's in quite the same way.

				                              ACCORDION FADING AND A MAD FRENCH "OH HO HO HEAU!"

DICK:			Petra, get this down to the lab. We need it checked for fingerprints, 
			        DNA and nutritional content.

PETRA:			Yes detective.

DICK:			And Petra...

PETRA:			Yes Sir?

DICK:			That was good work.

PETRA:			Thank you.

				                              DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING. JAZZ HORN UP.

DICK:			Of all the people, why Red? I could understand Larry the Lemming and 
			        even some of the other less favourable and grim folks, but why such a 
			        prominent urologist? Had the killer become bolder? Was it a copycat 
                	murder? Was it just a passing fad? Was someone pissed at the urologist? 
                    I couldn’t think of a single theory that worked. They just didn’t hold water. 

                    I started to look through his diary but didn't have to look far.

			       As it was on my desk.

				                              SMALL CAR HOOTER.

			       Come in.

				                              DOOR OPENING.

HICKORY:		Detective Clever?

DICK:			Captain Hickory, please call me Dick.

HICKORY:		I believe that you have had a breakthrough on the Cod Piece 
			            Murders.

DICK:			I wouldn't quite call it a breakthrough.

HICKORY:		What would you call it?

DICK:			Perhaps it doesn’t need a label.  

HICKORY:		Detective, I’m going to meet with the press in five minutes 
			            about the Red Tinkles, what can you give me?

DICK:			How did the press get hold of this? And please, call me Dick.

HICKORY:		There's been a leak.

DICK:			How about you say, "We’re close to a breakthrough on the Cod Piece 
			        Murders and hope to have our hands on the culprit".

HICKORY:		That'll do, detective. 				

DICK:			And please call me Dick.
				
                                              DOOR SLAMS.

                                              JAZZ HORN PLAYS UNDERNEATH:

			        As I read through Red's diary I was moved by the thoughts of such a 
			        man. The accolades he received as a great leader in his medical field, 
			        his fight with alcohol and the depths of his sadness over his high 
			        school crush, Miss Erlington, his art teacher. But there on the day 
			        before his death, one name stood out like an Elvis impersonator in a 
			        monastery. 

				                              MENACING CHORD.

			        Regina's. That mountain of a woman whose heart was as big as a 
			        camel’s, was there not 24 hours before Red had been killed. I 
			        gathered Petra and went over to Regina's to see if she'd squeal.

REGINA:		(SQUEALING) Oh no, please stop it, please, stop it!

DICK:			Not until you talk.

REGINA:		No, I’ll, I'll never.

DICK:			Petra, hand me that feather duster and remove Regina's shoes.

REGINA:		Noooo!!!!

PETRA:			Okay, here is the feather duster and well.... urgh

REGINA:		(LAUGHS)

				                              HUGE BOOT HITTING THE FLOOR.

DICK:			I'm serious Regina.

REGINA:		Oh, no, stop it.

DICK:			 You going to talk?

REGINA:		All right then. I'll talk.

PETRA:			Why were you there, at Red Tinkles?

REGINA:		I had a problem.

DICK:			What kind of problem?

REGINA:		Well, it's kind of embarrassing.

DICK:			So you were seeing him professionally?

REGINA:		No I wasn’t... oh I see what you mean, he being the professional in 
                    this situation.

DICK:			And?

REGINA:		Shall we say I had a wee little problem. 

DICK:			And he fixed it?

REGINA:		I'm as reliable as the Britannia!

				                              2 BARS OF RULE BRITTANIA. 

DICK:			And just as big.

REGINA:		And beautiful. I mean if you'd have tickled me two months ago I 				
                    would’ve been like Old Faithful on Show Day.

DICK:			Where were you last night and this morning?

REGINA:		Here. Why?

DICK:			Can you prove it?

REGINA:		Can you prove I wasn't?

				                              THEME PLAYING UNDERNEATH:

DICK:			She had me there. Not with the answers, but because she was sitting 
			        on my leg. I didn't think she was the type, but she wasn't letting 
			        on to half of what she knew.

				                              THEME OUT.

                                               END

Copyright by Mike Jones and Iley Jones