Welcome to the Love, Sex, and Leadership podcast, where you can discover simple tantric teachings to embody your true power, awaken your soul's wisdom, and live an inspired life as a natural, intuitive, and heart-centered leader. Welcome everyone to Love, Sex, and Leadership. I have another exciting guest today, a dear friend who I've known for many years now, Layla El Khadri, who's a Amazing divine embodiment coach helping men and women across this planet get deeply into their body, into the essence of their being, and really learn how to lead from their soul. She's a A wild, intense, amazing, spontaneous Spanish woman with a a electrifying heart and a and a lot that comes through her and uh it's been a joy to have her as a friend in my life for for many years. So welcome to the show. Nice to have you here. Thank you so much, A pleasure to be here. Yeah. So there's a, there's there's lots happening on this planet right now. There's a lot of, a lot of changes, a lot of shifts, a lot of, of places of people waking up. And yeah, just to start with people that don't know you, what's, what's, what's your part in all of that? What do you, what, what is the driving force of the why that makes you get out of the bed in the morning and say I'm, I'm ready to, to not only help myself but to help others along the way. I love to, to feel some of that inspiration if it's alive inside of you. Mm. Yeah, I think it's the possibility, the, the awareness that um there is this field of possibility of what we can create when we are um fully connected to our power, our creative power, our, um, um. Community power, our wealth power, our health power, like within the human self, there is so much more possible than what we've been told and what we are actually doing and so my work has been devoted for the last decades to work with those who have remembered that they are powerful and want to do something about it and want to build something and wanna Um, share their gifts and wanna, uh, actively co-create a better reality for all of us. And it started in the beginning with going within the self and finding the power within and finding our voice and finding our um our confidence and, and, and uh uh regulating our nervous system and, you know, all the things that relate to, to the self. Um, and in the last 7 years, I Integrated also together with that how we step in the world because I realized that and there's only so far that we can go with the self and then at some point it's, it's once the self has to use the expression wakes up, uh, immediately remembers that it's part of the collective and so it wants to create for the collective and so I transitioned into Uh, leadership and business, um, to, to help those who, who want to build in the world, who want to have impact in the world, to do it in a way that is in alignment with their The highest, the highest timeline, their highest potential, their highest creativity, their highest um possibility. So when I wake up in the morning, um, What gets me going is, um, right now, an amazing group of inspiring clients that are across many different fields, um, really doing epic work to build a better reality for all of us. Mm, mm, yeah, beautiful. And, you know, in that journey of, of, of waking up, of leading, of, of, um, you know, transforming not only your life but the lives around you. You know what, what were maybe one or two of some of the, the, the breakdown to breakthrough moments, the moments where you're like, you know, you're on the, on the ground in a fetal position and, and you feel like life is absolutely against me, and then something changes, something shifts, or you're like, wait, no, I can choose a different reality here. I can make something different and, you know, for For, for you, of course, like all of us, I've had a lot of those moments, but I'd love to to hear maybe a moment or two from you or when that really that breakdown led to the breakthrough and where that inspired the, the active leadership into life. I love to use that 1 or 2. I have 1 or 2 a month this day. For anyone hearing it and also for anyone is the, the, you know, the, the polished outside version, uh. Can I, can we curse in this podcast? Is this allowed? We have a fucking journey. Like, let me tell you, the higher you go, the deeper you have to go. The more you shine, the more you have to look face to face with your demons. I woke up this morning and I sent a voice message to a girlfriend and I said, Oh, here we are again, the depression wave is coming. This morning it's 2:48 p.m. and I knew I was gonna see you by 2:48 p.m. and um I was also very willing to show up in whatever phase of that um. I was gonna find myself so. I can share a moment or two that are maybe a bit more grandiose for, for the entertainment purposes, but I just want to say that this is, at least in my experience and those I work close with, it is part of the everyday life more and more. It's like the cycle. It used to be every few years, no, and then, and, and it feels like it's the, the, the more we come in contact with our power, the more it is, or at least the more I become aware that it is really a a breath in, breath out kind of. Um, experience, so. Yeah, if anybody else listening to this is like, why am I going up and down all the time? Well, so, so, so, so take us to that moment, because this to me is the, the juicy bits of life. It's like, you know, we're all going through challenges and hardships and, you know, it's not always buttercups and, and, you know, fluffy, fluffy white pancakes on a Sunday afternoon. Like what, what, when you're in that moment and you feel that depression coming in, you feel that the challenges arising. Where, where and how do you navigate through that? Cause this to me is really the, the, the juicy bits that help people who are going through that right now are probably listening to this in their car, they're at home. Something's happening in their lives and they're like, well, I don't know if I can make it through this, these, these moments. I can know this is, this is almost too much. And unfortunately, you know, a lot of people choose, you know, the addictions, they choose the to to take their lives, they choose to You know, be abusive. They choose a lot of different things other than actually, you know, choosing a pathway of of love and transformation. So where is it for you when you're this comes in? How do you, how do you move through that? What happens for you? You know, it is not a formula. It is not a simple answer. It's really a path of mastery. It's really a path of understanding, uh, the human experience and its complexity, um, and, and being able, um, to have presence at all the levels of the being. So it, it impacts in the in the, in the emotional, it tends to impact in the emotional hand in hand with the mental, right? You feel something and then. This dialogue kicks in that, you know, sounds different for each one of us, but it actually sounds very similar for all of us. And so for me, becoming aware, becoming present with what's going on, becoming present, OK, there is the emotional You know, wave right now and it looks this way and this is the narrative that comes with these emotions and then the body is going to, you know, for me it goes through tiredness and lethargy and low stamina and this feeling that something is wrong. Nothing is wrong with my body like. Um, the first thing I'll, I'll say is, if there is a key here is do not like to take a step back, do not identify with the transitory state, not with the thoughts, not with the emotion, not with the apparent symptom, you know, very often we grab that and now Or let me go get all of these tests to see if I have hormonal this balance or if I have, or let me identify myself as neurodivergent or ADD or bipolar or like the just the ego goes like wraps that thing and makes it about it and then it will be so, you know, we are um organic beings and just like if you sing to the plants, they grow faster, well the same we we reflect our mental and emotional states. So for me, the first thing, and that's why I send a voice message, I have a, a very good friend that we really help each other. It's like, oh hello, I am in this wave now, you know, it's just that already makes like Separation or today I'm gonna wear this costume doesn't mean I am this costume and then it's really um to my, to my business clients, I always tell them. Uh, I feel like the key to success in, in business is to respect your client, your audience so deeply that you really get to learn who they are, what they need, and how you can serve them. When you really respect the people that you serve and you really go to, to, you know, the extra mile to get to know them, then you know how to talk to them, then you know how to Um, give them bad sell them what they want, but give them what they need and all of these, you know, uh, ways to deliver results. I'll, I'll say do the same with yourself, you know, you are your biggest enterprise. You're your biggest service, you know, uh, respect yourself so deeply that you get to know who you are, not who you want to be, not who you think you should be. No, who would be amazing that you were, but who you actually are, you know, um, just piggybacking on your sweet introduction. I am this passionate, shiny Spanish woman that's um. You know, I can, I can lead up a room getting into the room, and it would be very easy for me to, to, to only cater to that. I get very frustrated when the other part of me that's just as real comes in, you know, I'm also a very deep being that feels very deeply and can get really melancholic. And so many years I didn't fully respect myself because I only wanted to tend to the shiny part. Every time the other part will come in, we'll suppress it, will numb it, will wrong it. It will just wrong it. There's something wrong with you. We need to figure it out why this is not being like that right now. And I wasn't honoring myself in the fact that, you know, as beautiful and shiny as I can be, I can be really deep and really dark. And that's actually what makes me so powerful that I can go with my clients and, and, and my friends and my family to the depths of the human experience and I don't get scared, shy away, you know, I'm the girlfriend that you can call when you're about to commit suicide and I'm gonna be there with you, um, all the way through, so. Yeah, respect yourself enough to pause, watch your state, and understand it before we rush into this should look in a different way. This should be a different way. Mhm, mhm. Yeah, so I'm hearing in that a lot of um deep inner attunement to uh appreciating reality as it is, not the way that sometimes are. Beautiful mind or thought or ideal scene wants it to be, but actually the reality of what we're what we're what's being presented by life each and every day. Yeah, own it, own it all, you know, a big part of this feminist women empowerment bullshit wave that has gone so out of control. It's like on your light, own your power, own your feminine, blah blah, and it's like who is telling us also to own our darkness, own your darkness, own your broken little girl, not to make a character out of it and to identify with it, but to actually really, really. Really own it, really, um, fully understand where is it coming from and what, what is the. What is the wisdom that it brings? It was 32 days ago. I don't remember now, 2 or 3 days ago it was Nnypi here in Bali, the night before Niepi, and the Balin is bring out to the streets the Ogoogos, right, which are these like big paper mache, uh, monsters. And I've been here for 10 years. I was not feeling like going out in the parade, which gets loud and messy, and I sit down at home and I was just like, OK, I'm going to do my own inner Ogogo parade. Put my demons there. I actually took this, this, uh, things I bought in, in, um, in Egypt. They're like carvings. I put them in front of me like I was a little girl playing Lego, and I just put all the demons there. I'm sat with them. I had a really deep conversation with my addiction, with my judgment, with my stupidly sharp judgment of the world of men of every I was like just. Had a 45 minute conversation with my inner judgments and, and with my procrastination and with my ambition, my God, I have a huge ambition demon inside of me that wants it all, wants more all the time. It was so empowering. It was so inspiring. It was so healing and like I felt like there were pieces of rapture inside of my soul that just like clicked into harmony, you know, so. Yeah, on, on your full spectrum. I, I love that. I was here in uh up up in Moon, and I actually went, got into the parade. I was carrying around one of the Ojo Ojo with the uh with all the locals. It was super fun though. It was quite intense, the amount of carrying I did throughout the parade. By the end of it I was like ready to watch it burn. Uh, it was funny actually to see because I, I had never been there for the burning of them. And they just threw them in the the fire, and then they went away. I was like, the only ones that were watching the the the the Ojo Ojos burn were all the bullets that were there. Well, but how how powerful of a metaphor that for them the process is complete and we have this clinging thing to it which is like so identify with them we're kind of watch it burn. Yeah, it really was. It was like, OK, we did our thing, we shook it around, we, we, we let the demons express, and now we're gonna watch it burn and walk away. And I was like, I felt myself like clinging on, I'm like I wanna see it go all the way down. I'm like, I watched so many things burn. I wanna see it. And then, then, you know, eventually I was like actually I don't know necessarily need to do that and then there was a there was a deep like almost letting go and appreciating of of of the darkness because my own pattern sometimes is like, oh we're going dark, we're going in, I'm I'm ready to go in. I want to be there and and and finding the the the healthy balance even though things are quite, you know, in a great space when like the permission for the dark goes in, I'm I'm just fully immersing. And you know, and I guess the, the kind of inquiry or the question to that is. Like for people who might be afraid of the dark, you know, it's something that certainly from our childhood and and the things like when demons start coming up in conversation and and there's darkness around, there's a lot of people like, 00, I, I, I wanna go to the light, you know, so many spiritual traditions are just about going to the light and, you know, uh trying to ascend the human experience rather than descend, so. You know what, how, how other than getting wild and coy and crazy, like how do we support people to get deeper into the dark and actually have a profound appreciation for the dark as well. Oh gosh, I'm gonna piss some people up for sure. I'm gonna piss some people off. I think that the, the, the, the, the spiritual, um, how do you call this, repackaging of the spiritual traditions that has been happening in Quote unquote the spiritual community or new age and call it whatever you want, is living outside. It's, it's like reproducing the same pattern of avoidance of the complexity of the human experience that the patriarchal westernized. Um, uh, capitalist system has done, it's like we are just like doing a bit more polished version of the same missing the point, and I also have profound respect and gratitude that there is a bigger and bigger wave of let's just call it awakening, even if it's got commercialized and it's got, you know, there's some cultural appropriation happening and bad but I, I'm not one of those. Attacking it because it's still better that than, you know, the, the, some of the out of control um consumerist that Tendencies, but, and if you really, if someone really wants to I'm resisting using call wake up, but let's just call him wake up. Someone really wants to. To, to go to the depth of the self, you cannot avoid the darkness. It's just not, it's just like it's it's once again denying the feminine. It's the same thing that, you know, that the patriarchal system. I don't even know if the word is patriarchal anymore, but let's call it that way, you know, it's this, it's this like belief that um the capitalist system has imprinted in us that, that. The constant growth is possible. They're just growing more and more like, you know, like next year bigger than the next year bigger I'm like, no, no, no, just look around in nature, everything has a cycle and so. We really, um. We really have to come face to face with how much we have allowed this um denial of the of the darkness to castrate our own power. So I mean I am a bit radical if, if you ask me. I would just say sit in the darkness, you know, like whether it's literally switch off the lights in your room and sit there and watch your fear come up if like it's literal fear of darkness or if it's um allow yourself to sit in your depression to really sit in your depression and I like I am a person that has sat in her depression. Arguably we could say too long, you know, um. But like the reality of sitting in it, it's not when you are numbing it. It's not when you are enacting it, you know, and we are in the um in the writing of the emotion. is when we are actually allowing ourselves to sit and witness it. And here's where I see incredible results in the people I work with because um we just right now we're transitioning a pretty intense um time, you know, until mid-April. There's been a bunch of planets in retrograde, but well, the framework I've used the most is the Inanas descent. So it's this Venus retrograde 40-something days, and I work with women in positions of power and leadership and women who are building businesses and so we started here like, OK, you know, everybody has their KPIs and their figures they want to hit and their projects and like, you know, we have this motor of the beginning of the year which is a little bit. Against nature because nothing really begins the first of January where the opposite is the middle of winter for most people, but you know, because it's a collective beginning, we harness that energy and when this retrograde time came. I make a pause and I say, all right, who's ready to go to the six figures? All the hands go up. All right, so all of these hands that are going up, we're dying for the next 40 days. We really are going to go down. We're going to allow ourselves to explore what's underneath because like any house, if you're building a house, you need to build the, the, how do you call them, the foundation, the foundation fast and the foundation goes from the surface down. It's amazing because I have to hold them down there because you go 1 inch into your darkness, 1 inch into your fears, 1 inch into your demons, and 3 inches grow up without even realizing and then you think like, oh yeah, we're going up. No, no, no, we're still going down holding a little, you know, one more week. Oh my God, but my sales are going up again. No, yes, but we're still going down and going down and the and the, the, the part that Surface, where now I'm talking in in in terms of business cause I work with business, but it can be in terms of relationship or it can be. That is the result, you know, that is the, the aftermath of how deep the root is going. And very often, um, we really don't have much reference of going down there. It's all like the, the, the upper part of the tree where we're tending to. Yeah, so by, by, by diving into the darkness, by re uh structuring the foundation, there's actually a capacity for the, the, the, the light of our branches for the expansion of the tree to be that much more flourishing. And, you know, just like you're saying with these women, there's like a there's a resistance. I've gone in now I'm I'm ready to expand it's like, no, no, let's let's let's keep going, let's keep going and Yeah, I think there's a, there's a human nature part that um almost is pleasure seeking and pain avoiding, and often the, the, the darkness of the descent, um, I think for a lot of people it can be the association to the the the pains and the karmas and the dharmas and the things that haven't necessarily been dealt with. And I'd love, I guess to, you know, cause you mentioned the the darkness has associated to the feminine and these, you know, these two polarities inside of all beings, but how You reference the darkness as associated to the, you could say the masculine and as as it's associated to the feminine and where some distinctions are. I mean, I'm often working with men and I'm helping them embody more of their like healthy dark masculine and that strong penetrative power and that capacity to to annihilate what's not love. But I'm, I'm curious from from your side as a woman, I, I definitely can relate to as a, as a strong, healthy, dark feminine that, you know, is able to Uh, express herself and be connected to emotions, but where do you feel like is the distinguishing place that people can not only have a concept into but can actually embody? Do we have 2 more hours? We have all the time. We have an abundance of time, darling, an abundance of time. Anybody listening to us right now, fasten your seatbelts. I will. This is one of my favorite things, and there's two, I want to talk about two frameworks, but before that, um, I just want to do something brave. Um, I wanna put a call out into the customers through the waves of this podcast for men with healthy, healthy. Dark masculine. To come forth At least in my reality because I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. It's crazy what we have done to the dark side of life. We have annihilated and deny it both in the masculine and in the feminine, and it's so not sexy. It's so not, it's just, it's so not sexy, so. Well, well, just, just for, for that part, I have a, you know, I have a retreat. I read a couple of times a year that women are often waiting for the, uh, the roster from that we dive deeper into the, the dark masculine and the initiation journey. So, you know, there's there's men doing the work, I'll tell you that much. You can definitely let my WhatsApp number. Fall into the, into the threads. This beautiful Spanish woman might appreciate a healthy. Oh sorry guys, you know, if you want to reach out to her, I'm sure she will be appreciative. Well, you see here we'll go into into answering your question, but just like a quick detour when a woman is in connection and has integrated her inner dark, both feminine and masculine, but let's just talk about polarity right now, her inner dark feminine. There's no way a relationship is gonna last if the man has not integrated his own dark masculine. It would be very difficult. It will be a matter of willpower to respect him. It will not come naturally. It will have to be a mental choice because only when a human is in contact with, in contact with his darkness is a human truly safe. This is so important. You know, I, I'm so tired of hearing people promise that you're coming into a safe container. This is a safe space, this is a safe, nothing is safe if you are not in contact with your darkness. Nothing doesn't matter how much cussing and how much fluffiness we put around it. We've seen this in, in many organizations. I don't want to say names, but you know what I'm talking about. They are targeted or it's not safe. It's not safe. No people is not safe because they haven't gone down to their own cellar. Their own, their own underworld. So underneath the houses of people, there's a bunch of demons waiting to come out. That's what makes people unsafe. I'm, I'm, I'm right, right there with you and I couldn't agree more, you know, when someone knows, I just want to reiterate that just when someone knows the depth of their darkness, then they actually know the depth of their light and inside of that, they know the depth of their whole being, and they're actually able to not look for safety because they know safety. And this is the analogy I, I speak to with men all the time, especially. You know, men that want to get in touch with their dark masculine. I said the first thing they have to do is to meet their tender young little girl, they're very tender feminine that's in their body that they've been putting around a a force field that I've been unable to meet their vulnerability when That strong penetrative sword inside of a man can be there, then she inside the man's body actually can feel safe, and then he's not looking for mommy. He's not looking for safety, which is usually happening inside relationship after the honeymoon period ends, so he's actually knows himself as whole and inner union and incomplete because he has the capacity. To annihilate in front of him anything that's not love at a given time, and that's what creates safety for both himself, as well as the women around him and the the beings around him, and that's, you know, powerful as a father, as everything else. So yeah, I'm I'm right there with you. I'm, I'm preaching with you, darling. And for us to keep our bodies safe in sexuality, for you to not be entered without permission to not be abused ever, you need your dark feminine ready to say no at any fucking point because she has the note inside. No, because I am outsourcing that safety to the man who can't just be misreading like we, we, we're putting you guys in such a, um, in Spanish to say jaquemate like in such a tough position when we are not able to keep ourselves safe and we are outsourcing that and that is your like if you wanna play with a powerful image, imagine a big fat black panther. That lives inside of you that you don't need to be calling out when it's no time. She doesn't need to be scratching no man. She's just chilling their parent, but when you need her, she's lethal, and you need to be able to come in contact with her so that you don't need. To outsource that and then to get into all of these victimized experiences that are just heartbreaking for me. So how do we make this happen? I have to, to Two softwares that you can activate within yourself. One is the basic polarity, and I think it's much more. Easy for the Western mind if we take feminine and masculine outside so we don't get all mixed with gender, and we just talk about yin and yang. Yin being the feminine darkness, Yang being the masculine light, easy peasy. Get the gender, get the genitals out of the question. It's just a matter of understanding energetics. So just do, do your research, have a nice conversation with Chad GPT about the essence of yin and yang. It's not science. I mean, it is, it is the science of the universe, but it's not, it's not rocket science is what I wanted to say. The yin is everything that is in the mystery that is hidden that is in the underworld, that is, that is has. Has the potential in itself. And the young is everything that is expressed, that is outward, that is moving forward in the world. So everything that we're putting in the shadow. That we're not wanting to look into that is poignant pregnant with potential. That's what I am saying we have been robbed of and an invitation to look there. And you know, before you said something interesting, you said that um we have a tendency to want pleasure. But I will argue that the shadow can be really pleasurable when we really allow ourselves to, to explore it. It can be really like it, it, there's a lot of pleasure, there's a lot of comfort to find in the dark, even in the dark of your own demons, there is a lot of comfort to find there when you turn around and, and, and truly understand them. There's a lot of It can really feel like being in the in the womb of a mother. If it's, if it's, if you, if you are traversing it with integrity and, and here's where, you know, for those who are beginning the journey, good facilitation, grounded mature facilitation, people that like, please don't go to people that just did a teacher training last summer and not calling themselves coaches, please, please like find the ironclaermans, like go to people that are. With his work that has like lost his mind and found it again lose his mind and found it again, I wouldn't trust it. um, so this is the union, yeah, this is where I, this is the framework I'm using when I say the feminine. Now there's a really, really powerful and slightly more complex framework that I got through, um. Bruce Lion, Bruce Bruce, but I know it didn't come for him. He is translating it to the Western mind from ancient scriptures, uh, from the Taoist tradition if I'm not wrong. Which takes the dark and the light sides as I just described them, the yin yin and yang, and then applies them to the masculine and the feminine, and here it's much more um There is masculine and feminine within all of us, but it's much more gender oriented in a sense that yes, we will understand the masculine. Light masculine and light feminine, dark masculine and dark feminine within each one of us. But the, the qualities and roles that we associate to these quadrants, you can understand them much more in a man, woman. Mm mhm. Manner. And it gets a little, it gets a little sticky with all of this like, you know, gender reorganization that is happening very specially in the Western world, politicizing the whole thing. But if we let go of all of that. Mind fact, which is just the way to keep the mind entertaining. We really look deeper into these four quadrants. What we see is that the light masculine and the light feminine are The expression of polarity from the heart up, everything connected with the heart, with the mind, with being a visionary, with connected to the spirit world, with downloading ideas, with like nurturing your community, anything that has to do from the heart up. And the dark feminine and the dark masculine is everything that has to do with the roots, with sexuality, with the earth, with the medicine of the, of the biological world with being born and dying with decaying and, and blossoming. So that that yin and yang now becomes a much more of a geometrical um orientation in space, you know, it's like the world of spirit and the world of matter. The world, the world, the heart and the world of, of sexuality, the world of God and the world of, of Mother Nature, orienting ourselves as individuals in that environment then allows us also to orient ourselves collectively and in a relationship. I can tell when a man approached me, is he approaching me from here up. There's no balls. And no boss. I'm not, I'm like, I say this with all respected and there's no desire to emasculate this man. It's just you haven't gone into your own darkness. You have gone into your own capacity to penetrate life. And so the moment my own darkness comes into place, the moment I go crazy, which I will because I'm a woman, and it will happen, is to also own. The, the hormonal reality of the feminine. The moment my emotions get out of control, and I, as a woman that's safe in herself, allow myself to get out of control because I know I can come back home like this. You're gonna run in the opposite direction. She's gonna be like this bitch lost her marbles and I am unsafe in the room. mm. So I won't be able to have as much fun, as much pleasure, and as much range of being as I know I can have, because I know I can bring myself here in a breath. That's, that's the reason why I can burn so bright. But if he hasn't go there, like he won't be able to and vice versa. I'm now a woman talking about men, but this happens both, both sides, so. For sure. Back to the beginning of the conversation, respect yourself enough to get yourself fully and get to know yourself fully in the four areas of your Delicious complexity. Yeah, I love that, love it. You know, as you share, I I feel like often society, especially for male bodies and, you know, growing up in a male body, um, there's often a lot of um pushing down of that strong penetrative energy. So, you know, the thing I see a lot of men come to me with is there's this place where they Kind of feel like they're walking on eggshells. There's some part of society that's saying we want to feel you in your balls more, and go grab the world and go penetrate and other side's like you're too much and watch out for your cock and, you know, you've been abusive and, you know, all the things you could say around like the Me Too movement, which of course has a has a validity to it because there has been a lot of abuse. And I noticed that men, because of that, they feel like they get caught in between two worlds and they don't actually Like, it's, it's not that they don't know, cause I think a part of them knows how to drop down into their base, but there's almost a fear inside that they're, they're gonna be too much. I mean, so often when I'm working with clients, I'm just helping them to like own the power of of both their cock, their emotions, and, and their, their the the magnitude of them. And by doing that, it actually creates more safety, but society is just saying, no, no, you're doing this, and you have a cock, therefore you're bad, and it's, you know, it's so much of the programming that gets pushed in. So a man who actually is able to to know the potency of his power, to know the potency of his delivery of how he can meet the world is, you know, the, the longing that so many female bodies. are having for that man, but also the, the, the, the, the, the frustration that happens inside. It's like they're, they're wanting that man to be the dark masculine, penetrative force at the same time wanting to, you know, have him hold the, the, the tender, gentle places and both can happen absolutely when a man is integrated, but I feel like a lot of men get lost in this place in between. I will not want to be a man in today's world. I have so much respect and compassion for male bodies because Yes, patchy raped female bodies, but it really raped male souls in a way that's heartbreaking, and I see it in the, in the, I was gonna say the dating scene, but I'll say the attempting to date thing because I, I don't get to the date. I don't get to the date because I I can feel the fear and I know it will, it will just not be what I'm, what I'm wanting, you know, I can feel that fear. I can feel that. Energetical chopped balls that that that you guys have, have suffered that's also, by the way behind why men are running. All their penetrative power into business out of control, you know, out of control and sustainably out of control for their bodies, but also a man with a huge penetrative power that cannot physically penetrate and has to express it through business will run his company to destroy the earth. It will just keep racing and, and, and, and, you know, like you just because it's not fulfilled in its, in its, in its entirety, so it's only expressing up here through the mind, through the mind, through the mind, more, more, more, more, more each in the world. It's not going, it's not going down in the body. It's, it's, I mean we could, we could talk about so like as a somatic therapist you can see it in the physical bodies also. Mhm. This image of the, the, the, the skinny hips, like the, the, the disempowered legs of a man, you know, men that are very big up here, but there's like, it's almost like physically also skinny legs because there's so much fear and I get it. I get it. I, I, I have um received, I was sharing the other day, I have because I work mostly with women. I say I market mostly for women, uh, I also work with men. So I often come have women come to me with the story of rape, right? Oh my God, I was a and we deconstruct. And this is, this is really hard for me to speak because there is abuse. There is a lot of abuse that need to stop, but there is also a lot of victimization, a lot of lack of sovereignty, a lot of, of abandoning ourselves. And then when you construct the situation, it's not a rape, my love. It was not a rape. It was a moment when you didn't know your yes and you didn't know your no because you didn't know you're dark and you outsource that to the men. And that the men's responsibility is to penetrate and the woman's responsibility is to allow and receive or to not. But when we give our responsibility to you guys, then it's when we get messy because you were designed to penetrate. Mm mhm mhm mm and so we want you to penetrate, but we want you to know exactly when and it's just gets so. Thank you for sharing that and, and yeah, I'd love to, you know, hear from, from, from you, like we're there. Some moments in your own journey of of that kind of dance of awareness around rape, abuse that you've kind of moved through that have helped you become more aware of not only how to show up with more clear boundaries and communication and, you know, in partnership and lovemaking, but also being able to You could say like, heal and clear past traumas if there have been, or anything else like that. Like that to me is where this gets interesting, cause I feel like a lot of times what I witnessed people who have gone through strong traumas around sexuality, there often is that kind of victimization and the holding onto. You know, I remember years ago when I was working um for self-development publishing company and there was a woman I was speaking to who had been raped many, many times and, you know, in one of the, the healing sessions, it was like, well, what, what was more painful, the, you know, the, the one night of the rape of the last 25 years when you've been running that story in your mind over and over again. And it was, you know, such a shift, and, and yet there's still a society that's like, nope, that's wrong and you need to, you know, you need to suffer for the rest of your life, do that. So what, where for you with some of the, the shifts around this? So this is really where I feel like the the rubber meets the road and you can change from the victimization into empowerment, which is what I've witnessed in inside of you as a being, and yeah, if there's anything you'd like to share on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally, and, and I, I will bring it back one more time to, to, to leadership and, and impact. This is the reason why it's really hard for women sometimes to, to bring themselves into the world and, and actually claim their worth and charge their prices and build their businesses because um 1 every 3 women has been raped, me too, at 15. Um, that was the way I lost my virginity, if you will, unconsensually. Um, and if, if, if we don't decode the gene of victimhood within us, we will continuous continuously recreate it in our lives across the board. I'm studying right now, uh, epigenetics and I came up to a study that blew my mind, somebody working with overweight. That every time a woman comes to lose weight. He asked her how big you were when you were raped. Mm. And every he found. Constant cases of women who were in a healthy weight up until the day they were abused. So it's so important for us to really come back to that moment. And Work with it. So I'll, I'll talk about my own experience, so it's, it's more relatable. I was 15. I was really innocent, you know, 15 of my, my, the 15 year old girls, when I was 15 are not the 15-year-old girls of today. I was really not aware of what was going to happen when this uh older boy took me into an abandoned church, and I, I, I didn't even get it until like there was a uh uh um A mattress in the floor, and I, I honestly still till today, thought we were gonna lay down and watch the stars cause the, the church didn't have a roof. And by the time I realized what was happening and panic kicking my body, um, he was already undressing me. And something happened in that experience is I felt the physical pain when I was penetrated without consent, and then something kicked in my being, like a beast that panther would just walk up inside of me and I fought. I fought really hard and I eventually was able to bend my leg and push the, the guy enough to run away uh house dress. And so something in my, in my cognitive 15 year old cognitive mind understood I have been violated. I've been raped. I cried a lot. I had to deal with my own with the blood and the the situation, and I didn't have a, a mature adult to go to. I never told my parents until I was in my late twenties. So I had all of that experience, traumatizing experience, but I also understood I was strong enough to run away. Because I was lucky enough to be strong enough, that doesn't happen to all women. Some women don't, don't get off and, and, and, and they are brutally abused and it's much more difficult. So 10 years later as I was studying somatic therapy, this came up, this came up in my body and I had professional help to work with. Re Programming the part of me that was scared of men had denied myself of pleasure and safety and that was still coming up every time I was having interaction with men because it will all be fine until I wanted to fully let go and then panic will kick in. Because if the if the panther goes fully away, then I could again be abused and then just, you know, I will have panic attacks and I will have panic response and that is where this, this, uh, sentence you you said of like what, what was worse that one night when I was 15 which was painful and traumatic and horrible. Or the decade after of. Not being able to go all in with any lover because I would Freak out, you know. And so for me the word goes to through. Deprogramming the victim. Deprogramming that I am a survival of rape. I am, no, I did. Have an experience. I am not a victim. I really, really at a somatic level, not just at a cognitive level, by going into the body and reprogramming that into the body and that in my case, I did it through sexual healing. I was very, very blessed to basically only have tantric lovers in my life. Um, and men that I could explain this to and that we could work with this like through lovemaking, getting to that place and reprogramming the, the, the body. Re-regulating the nervous system as the nervous system gets deregulated in the situation. Yeah, I mean, I, um, I, and when we first met and uh came into each other's lives, I, uh, I, I remember some of these uh interactions with you, and there was a it it was actually a time in my life where I was um really starting to understand the differentiations between kind of the You know, the personal and the professional and recognizing, you know, in our um engagement as lovers, there was obviously a personal dynamic, but I started to really see and understand the potency and the power of very clear um professional sexual healing in that sense, you know, and that that wasn't the context of our uh connection, but it really opened my eyes and, and allowed me to see through, you know, some of our interactions and connection together. Um, how powerful things can be with, um, you know, with sexuality when Eros is there and there's clarity and consent and boundaries and communication and yeah, it's something that I, I reference at times in my own kind of developmental stages of the work that I'm doing and yeah, I just wanna, for one, you know, obviously share with you, you know, sorry that that happened for you when you're 15 and I can also recognize the Um, of course, the gift that it came through that and the, the tremendous learning that, um, it, you know, our interactions together invited into my own life and the, yeah, the depth of friendship and, and, and honoring I feel, you know, with, with both of us, it feels like there was a, a core of healing that kind of moved through the connection that was present. So, yeah, I, I appreciate you and I also appreciate your capacity now in this moment to Speak through it quite cognitively and clear with with a capacity to support and empower other women to, to do the same in their own life. So, yeah. Beautiful. Thank you for acknowledging that because, you know, Aaron, if 1 every 3 women in the Western world has been raped, the chances for a man to be with a woman that has been sexually abused are super, super high. And yes, ideally we will live in a world where professional sexual healing and integrity was available left and right, but the truth of the matter is, is very hard to find. So I think in my, in my experience, it is a collective responsibility to heal this wound and every man who wants who loves a woman, who wants to protect and take care of her woman to learn what, what does it mean for the female body to have been abused and how can you go there every night in the bedroom to help that healing happen. How can you just by allowing the woman to go through her experience without having to change it, fix it, do anything about it, without making any of her experience mean anything about you, and just being able to be present and hold her and support her while she regulate her nervous system because it's ultimately just a matter of Our bodies remember an experience where we couldn't protect ourselves. So there is alert that kicks and a nervous system that regulate this regulation that kicks in. I still experience this sometimes. It still comes up for me after so much healing where if a man because it's rare to find men with really, really powerful dark mask. right, and I want it. I call it in. And so sometimes when it fully comes, it's like, oh, and I need to pause. I need to read, you know, and it can be so beautiful and so powerful and so intimate and so special. Like it just, again, I have rewritten the narrative for me, it's not like, oh my God, there is a drama here. It's my, whoa, oh my God, there is power here. And for anybody who's like leaning at the edge of the seat right now and be like, oh my God, I don't fully know that I understand what this is, I will give you a, a, a hint for something that is. In a completely different context, but it's really powerful and it is the 55thjin key. Do your research what the jin keys are. I won't lose time on that right now and find the fifty-fifth j key and if you can hear the 55th Jiny, not the one in the book, but the transmission of Rachel Ratt. The 55th key is the journey between victimization and freedom. Is the journey between victimization and freedom. For as long as your cognitive mind is stuck in victimization, your biological experience will be such, where as long as your cognitive mind. I stuck in victimization. So for as long as you identify that, your biological, emotional, and subconscious are going to reflect that. The moment you shift that, the moment you do the journey into creation, into agency, into sovereignty, into choice. Then you will have an experience of freedom, not free of pain because pain is gonna keep happening. Abuse might keep happening, you know, sometimes I feel abused driving my bike on in Chenggu when men cut me off, shirt off, disrespecting all rules of civil, and it's like, whoa, that was a rape of my nervous system, but I know how to bring my nervous system back to regulation. I don't have to sit there on my bike as a victim, you know, the freedom that comes with. The transition from victimization to, to, to To agency, to mastery, and this happens across the board, you know, in your relationships, in your business, in your service, in your, in your, in your relationship with your body with aging, with, with all of it. And, and I will close with this this one if you look at the narratives that are being pushed. By the power that is manipulating our society in all governments in all fields of life, from politics to health to finances to education is a narrative of victimization. Constantly they will victimize you for your gender, for your color, for your race, for your, for your payment, for your, for all of it, victim, victim, victim, victim, victim, victim, victim, we are in a wave of Worshiping the victim inside of us. Why? Because the best way to keep us controlled because how are you going to rule a world of free people? But in a world of victims, easy peasy lemon squeezing. Mhm mhm. Yeah, so many good pieces there reminds me of just the, you know, the drama triangle and shifting, you know, from the victim into the creator and really recognizing that we get to be the creator of our of our own lives and, you know, the other thing you share that I want to highlight is the, you know, the um Actualization, the re-establishing of a healthy nervous system that that happens in beautiful conscious lovemaking, you know, and it was just as you're sharing, I was referencing and thinking, you know, my beloved sometimes and, you know, she's just crying and just can hold her there in that and know that there's nothing that needs to be changed or fixed and there's nothing broken, it's just actually the, the nervous systems coming into sync together and, and to me this is really, you know, the The highlighted piece around somatic therapy, around coming back into a rest and digest state and, you know, clearing through those, those things that are are keeping people as a victim. It's like these some stars, these half spins of quantum of energy inside of our bodies that are unequilibrated their own process that are often continually attracting these situations in our lives. Because we actually haven't healed it at the source and then in a society that, you know, so Much, um, holds victims on a pedestal of how can we help you because we've done something wrong. It's like the those those traumas at the core never actually get healed, and they just get circled around over and over again. So, yeah, honoring the, the, the work you're doing and, you know, the work that that really so many of us are out there doing to support this um deeper re-establishment of the nervous system to know what it means to be in the naturalness of our body. To know what it means to be in the naturalness, to actually feel, feel home and safe back in the body, and I feel like that's a, that's a common theme we've been speaking about today, and, and that's something that can't can't necessarily be understood in the book. It has to be felt through and moved through somatic experiences that let someone know. That they are truly safe in the body, and that's when I witnessed that in someone, whether it's a retreat or a group or a client, it's like my, my own nervous system is in such um gratitude when someone can come back home into their body. It's a beautiful thing. And it's the most magnetic thing, you know, um, right now this tiny part of my work is being pushed in the world through a company that purchased one of my courses to resell it and They're doing a lot of ads and the ads a lot, I'm not in full alignment with them. They're a little mainstream blah blah, and talking about magnetism as, you know, getting the things you want, but at the I I'm allowing it because the core of the teaching of that course is. The most simple truth is, you walk in a room with a regulated nervous system. You own the room again and again and again and again, I watch it happen. Now I'm going out covered. I don't know what happened in the last few months. I've always wear turbans and things because I like to protect my head, but lately, in the last month at least since I came back from Egypt, I only go out covered. Like I've even been asked if I've become Muslim. Because my father is Muslim. So I'm not even in like the hype of my beauty and my, you know. And I can see it. I can feel it, and I know it. People, people come to you to have conversations in a different way because there is. It's a I feel like it's a principle of, of um magnet uh like magnetism not use magnetism as a scientific word, word, right? It's like the energy that's moving through our system. It is in a closed circuit. It's like a dynamo, right? Because the nervous system is regulated, it's not like um going out. It's just, it's, it's within itself, it's regulating within itself and so that just generates light, like, like, uh, it's called Dynamo, right? The, the, the coil of, of um copper that then circulates through the body, circulates the light and turns up the, the, the, the, the light bulb, right? The moment that you take that coil and, and break it and, and, and have this regulation. Then it loses its power and it will no longer turn on the, the, the light bulb. So when I watch it in my trainings as well, like you said, you know, everybody's nervous system relaxed and everybody leans in. Everybody feels attracted. Everybody, it's like the rest of the nervous systems go like, whoa, me too, me too. Give me a bit of that. I'm ready. I'm ready. Yeah, it is, and it's so horrendous how most of the people that We have in, in, in positions of power in governments and TikTok are so disregulated, so disregulated, it's, it's. Yeah, anyways. Well, I, um, I appreciate you. I appreciate the friendship we have in this life. I appreciate the work you're doing to support, you know, women especially and men also and just uh, yeah, the, the journey you've been on to um move through the, the challenges, the difficulties, and still continue to, to face it, you know, day in and day out and to choose what I'm hearing from you is to choose love and to choose a place of Um, actively creating your own reality, which is a, a powerful steel in of itself. So from, from me to you, thank you for your, your, your work to do in the world. It's beautiful to see. And those of you who would like to find out more about, you know, maybe programs you're running or ways that they can get involved with your work, where, where's the best way to send them? Social media, find me on Instagram, find me on uh YouTube. Mostly I'm hanging out on Instagram, um, and I have um I have coming up uh a low ticket membership cause I After so many years of working and so many years of creating programs, I wanna just expand the, the community and give access to like an easy access to, to women, um, and then from there you can start your journey to the higher programs and, and, and the retreats and things like that. But yeah, with, I started. Well, are we 2025? Oh my God, I started 13 years ago. Somebody stop this time, please. I started 13 years ago, so if you type my name on Google, everything that comes up right now it's me. If you write it properly, uh, from websites to funnels to, there's a lot, there's a lot of work that I've put out there for, for humans too, and ultimately they can just write me an email and I have an amazing team that Helps me communicate with people, so. Awesome, awesome. Thank you. Mm, I, I get it. I've been, uh, doing this since 2005, so. Long, long time. Wow, wow wow. I just think to think that back then because you know you were mentioning our friendship and lovership when we met like I was in my twenties, Aaron and I already had this clarity what I was here to do and I was like. Somehow convincing people that I was ready to do it. I had I had clients when I was in my 20s that were in their 50s and that had amazing experiences till till today they write me emails about how it changed their lives. So yeah, I also have so much respect for us, those of us who have really chosen this from, from passion and from Dharma, not from trends. Um, that is a devotional path, and it takes a lot of doing your own work in order to actually be able to walk your talk and be of service, so, so much respect for us. Yeah, I mean, I find at this point often the people coming into my inbox have gone through a number of uh of different coaches and people and they're like, OK, I'm actually ready for change now. OK, well, I'm, I'm here I'm happy to support you. So yeah, it takes a, it takes a persistence and a consistency, I think, in this field more than anything. So, and I, you know, if I look back to my 25 year old self that was super excited and, and, you know, jubilant and alive and, you know, just finished his master's degree and was so excited about all this work. I still am, it's just in a different form now, you know, and that was what, 18 years ago, so. Been, uh, been, been at this a while and, uh, honoring you for, for the same. So I love you, darling. Thank you for uh your work in the world. Thank you for your beautiful friendship and uh look forward to the next time we see each other. Thank you so much for having me here. Absolutely. Thank you all for tuning in. This has been Love, Sex, and Leadership. If you haven't, uh, subscribed, please do so, and if you have any questions for myself or Leila, feel free to reach out and see you next time.