Well, hello all you beautiful people.
You know what time it is.
Ladies and gents, guys and dolls and
everyone in between.
Gather around. Get you something real
nice to sip on and comfy to slip on.
Cuz it's time for Smite Club. Here's
your hosts, Chelsea and Hannah.
[Music]
[Laughter]
Hey everybody and welcome to Smut Club.
I'm Hannah and I'm Chelsea and this is
the show where we're two licensed mental
health therapists who sometimes daydrink
and sometimes don't while reviewing
romance novels of varying caliber.
Wow.
[ __ ] nailed that. You really did.
That was smooth as [ __ ] I know. I was
like, honestly towards the end I was
like, "Oh [ __ ] Oh [ __ ] Am I about to
lay down?"
No, you just did. What? Did you see that
guy who was flirting with Simone Biles
while she was like judging him? Yeah. He
wore a uniard that said IHeart Simone on
it. And then he stuck the landing of his
vault thingy and but then from standing
when he stuck the landing he flipped and
landed with like his arm incredible like
horizontally and he like winked at
Simone and she was like immediate nine.
It was hilarious.
I'll have to see if I can find it. Oh,
that's fantastic. Not quite. That's how
you landed. Thank you. I love that I
landed that way. That's such a long
story. No, I was thinking of um Wipeout.
Yes.
That Well, it's they renewed it within
like the last couple years, but it's
John Cena and Nicole Buyers. And it's
really funny because they just do like
the voiceover, but they're there at like
the final challenge, right? And there
was one where someone was like, "John, I
love you. I love you." Like shouting to
him. He's like, "Yeah, thanks. I love
you so much." And Nicole's like, "I'm
right here."
Did you forget about me? Okay, cool.
Good luck.
And that's I was like, all of the other
judges sitting at that table are like,
I'm right here. That's pretty good. Me.
Um, okay. That is Wow, we really
tangented.
Tangented. Yep. Mhm. That's a word. Mhm.
Is not. What book are we reviewing
today, Hannah? I should just stop before
before I Yeah. Today. I didn't even
finish the sentence. I should just stop
before I And you're like, you should
today.
Okay, we got this.
Reentered.
I feel like you nailing the intro is
like a bad omen now because we've just
tangential and we can't we just
tangential and we can't get off.
Twisted Love. Twisted Love is what we're
reviewing by Anna Hang. So fun.
Also, I think I just I got cocky. I
nailed the intro and I got too copy. I
think we both did.
So, anyway, Twisted Love. Twisted Love
by Anna Wang, which um Twisted Love is a
book that was gifted to me by a friend
of mine. Shout out to Lauren. Um and she
bedazzled the whole cover of the book,
which I showed you before we started
recording. You did? And it super cool.
Is beautifully done. Mhm. Mhm. Well, cuz
when you told me that you had a friend
who' like bedazzled a book for you,
Yeah. I was already a little jealous. Um
but I was also like, "Huh, I wonder in
like I was like, "Do you read the book
after you bedazzled?" Cuz in my head, it
seemed like it'd be like really heavy.
Yeah. Yeah. And it whatever kind of
bedazzling she did, it was like really
lightweight. I was like, "Oh, I am here
for this energy." Yeah. And it's a fun
texture. My problem is I'll get too into
it and then I'll have I'll run out of
places to display it and at some points
some point Vance will be like Chelsea we
can only have so many bedazzled books
displayed in our home
and there could always be more. Yeah,
we've got a decent amount of square
footage. I see no reason why I couldn't
keep bedazzling to my heart's content. I
don't think you should confine yourself.
I guess I will need to move back to
physical copies instead of my e-reader
in this situation. That would be the the
main barrier. Yeah. I don't think I
would want to bedazzle my e-reader like
well not the front for obvious like but
I don't even like the back like I think
texturally that would wear on me after a
while. Yeah. So anyway, Twisted Love.
Twisted Love by Anna Hang. And this one
is a series. Is this is a series, right?
It is a series. Um I have not read any
of the others. Is this the first in the
series? This is the first in the series.
Yes. Um they're all um I think sort of
interconnected standalones. Got it. Um
well
uh I So I haven't read this series, but
I every time you told me you were going
to review it, I said with full
confidence I was like, "Oh, yeah. I've
definitely read that." No, I read her
other big series, the king of wrath,
king of envy, king of like whatever that
one is, but I frequently get them
confused, but I am realizing I have not
read this one. Yeah. Yeah. I thought I
had read it also when she gave it to me
and then I was like, I'm going to have
to look cuz I think I've read Nope. I I
haven't. Something about this book,
it just has one of those faces. So, but
also I haven't read this one in a way
that like I have read this one and yes,
we'll we'll get there. Which I think is
how I felt about her other series where
I was like I haven't read it but I've
read it. Yeah, I haven't read it
physically but spiritually I definitely
have read it. Um so we open with Ava
Chen.
Um and this is dual point of view. Okay.
She is. Oh, so the other thing I wanted
to tell you before we get fully into the
review is that this book,
there are several chapters that are
extremely short and we move back and
forth between like different events and
different perspectives and different
things. Kind of
it felt clunky when I was outlining it.
I don't think it would be clunky if you
were just reading it. Yeah. You're like
reading it. It made sense. Trying to
explain it feels a little bumpier,
right? So, there may be some parts that
I sort of skip al together or just sort
of barely mention. Well, the great news,
Hannah, is you won't know. I've never
read it. The others might. So, this
warning isn't for you. They're not here.
They're not. This isn't about them.
Don't at me.
That's I guess what I was trying to do
with that whole explanation for how I
felt like you're like I realize I'm
going to be missing some pieces. Don't
come at me for it. Yeah. I didn't think
you wanted a 4hour review. Literally
you're like we're long form but I will
also say there were some moments when I
was like what? So, if something doesn't
make sense, please ask because maybe I
do know, but you know, I'm I might might
not I'm fully willing to ask. I know
sometimes before you'd like me to. I've
tried to get better at that. I've tried
to stop ruining the plot twists of your
books by guessing them. You might not
get this one cuz it was it was a little
it was out there. Um, so Ava, okay, is
she's not having a good day. It's a very
terrible day and she is stuck at a bus
stop in the rain.
She's late for her brother's going away
party. It's a whole situation. So, she's
a student. She's a photographer. So, she
had been on a job. Mhm. And thought she
had plenty of time and now she doesn't.
The funniest thing, Hannah, is that as
you're saying this, my first I just
went, "Have I read this?"
Well, spiritually spiritually.
Spiritually, yes. Um,
so, um, she,
it's kind of mentioned in here that she
has almost no memory of most of her
childhood before nine. And there is
trauma in there, okay? Like there's
definitely trauma and she has PTSD
around like bodies of water. So, pools,
lakes, oceans, that kind of stuff.
Spiritually, I have absolutely read
this. Holy [ __ ]
If we get to the end and you're like,
"Oh, no. I've definitely read it. I'm
going to fall out."
Like, no. The body, the fear of the
water sounds very familiar. Yeah. Yeah.
Okay.
So kind of like a because of this
trauma, she has repressed memories and
so she she doesn't remember anything
before age nine, but she doesn't do well
with with water, right? Okay. And her
brother, older brother, is also
extremely overprotective and they are
like definitely trauma bonded.
So, um, you know, for all of the books
we read, you're like, and they're
definitely I was like, "Oh, no. Where
they're like trauma bonded." I was like,
"Oh, okay. Still not great, but that
could have been worse." Yep. I wasn't
sure where that sentence was going. So,
she calls her brother who is at his own
going away party that she is late for.
And um,
he is midbang and she can hear that and
he answers. He did. I can't remember if
she called him like back to back or or
something, but he was basically like,
you know,
where are you? Why are you always like
this going off to these photography jobs
that nobody knows where you're going and
like who you're with? This is unsafe.
What? And then he's like, "Someone's on
their way to pick you up and hangs up
the phone and she's like, "Someone who?"
Like, how how do I know? Who is it?
Like,
it's his best friend. His name's Alex
of Of course. Yeah. So, he is 26. He's
mega rich. Definitely like How old is
I'm sorry I missed that. She's like 22,
I think. She's a senior in college.
and um he has been best friends with her
brother for eight years. They were
roommates in college all through
college, have stayed best friends to the
point where Alex celebrates all major
holidays with them because he doesn't
really have any family. Mhm. Um but she
has never really talked to him like they
are not close. He's very aloof and
gorgeous. OBS.
Um, if he was aloof and ugly, she
wouldn't care. Yeah, she'd be like,
"This is makes sense." Even more
convenient. I'm good with that. Yeah.
Um,
so she is clearly really irritating to
him when she gets in the car. He's like
really short with her and like snappy,
which is kind of his baseline apparently
all the time. Okay. Um, but they go to
pick up the cake for the brother's party
and he tells her that the whole time
they've been in the car, her shirt has
been completely see-through and she's
wearing like a bright red lacy bra um
under a white shirt. And I was like,
"Okay,
f sure. All right." And so he's like
livid that she would even think about
getting out of the car when her shirt is
see-through. and he's been staring at
her tits this whole time like and so
she's really embarrassed and mad. Um I
remember when I used to work crisis and
we had like multiple like units on our
like property that like we would have
patients stay at, right? And we had a
new girl start and her shirt was real
transparent. And I was not the one who
had to have the conversation with her,
but like the supervisor who did have the
conversation with her when she laid out,
she's like, "Do you understand like the
safety risk that this poses
when we like aren't mindful of these
things?" And like the girl was like, "It
didn't even dawn on me that like Well,
what a bold thing to do on your first
day at a new job to wear a see-through
shirt."
I mean, it might have been like the end
of her first like it was like within the
first maybe not the first day, but like
still like I think it was just more of
like I don't think she realized how
transpar like it was one where like when
the supervisor went to have the
conversation, you could tell she was not
prepared to have that conversation that
day. She's like, I I did not see this
coming. I did not realize what I was
wearing was inappropriate. Oh my god,
I'm mortified. I will never make this
mistake. Yeah. Like just cute like baby
angel who just like truly like didn't
the the lights in my bathroom are
different than the lights here. And like
I didn't
I had the I went to meet a friend at a
coffee shop one day and I looked down
and I was like my shirt is see-through.
And she's like uh-huh. And I'm like
[ __ ]
She's like I thought we all knew. I'm
like I'm wearing a cardigan. Like you
didn't tell me to like close my Well,
looks like I'm wearing a see-through
shirt to work cuz I'm going there from
here and I don't have time to go home
first. Button it. Yep. Yep. I was like,
"We are pivoting. Someone tell me." You
know, Alex might have been a dick about
it, but at least he told her. At least
he told her. So, um, she really hates
him, and she's just glad she doesn't
have to deal with him very often. Like,
yeah, strong hatred cuz he also, this
takes place in
like the northeastish area. Well, not,
no, not really northeast. It's like DC,
Philly
energy. And so, um, above the Mason
Dixon. I mean, it is northeast from
where I currently am, so that counts,
right? But we're not thinking about our
listeners, Hannah. Where are they
located?
A lot of places. Yeah. Tag yourself.
Tell us where you're from. And then
think of wherever Philly and DC are in
relation to that. and just like fill in
the blanks accordingly. That if you're
in the UK, it is southwest. Um, is it
south?
I was just going to go west.
I don't know. I need to look at a map.
We'll we'll look at a globe later and
determine that. But regardless,
I'm not keeping him on track here. This
is This is on me yet. She doesn't have
to see him. He's frequently a dick.
She's what? She's thankful for the ride,
but also thankful it's over, right? And
um Alex doesn't even So, we switched to
his point of view. He doesn't even want
to be at this party, but John is his
best friend, so he's here for the party.
Whatever. So, John's not even Josh isn't
even at his own party. Oh, he was. He
was banging somebody in a a bedroom.
Were was Was the rest of the the group
in the room with them? I don't think
they were all in the same room. I'm just
saying this is the house party. If you
left the party to go bang someone,
you're not technically at the party
anymore. She said he could be in the
house and not at the house party. You're
right. I apologize.
So, um,
uh, he is just generally agitated about
everything. Um, and he's also annoyed
that he keeps looking at Ava and like
checking on her um, throughout all of
this. Um, and he's like, "She's way too
much like sunshine for me. Like, I have
particular needs. Like, no face to face,
no feelings, no kissing." I'm like, "Are
you Julia Roberts?" But it feels like so
much right now. Um,
and so, um, you know, he's irritated
that he finds her attractive. So then
the brother comes over, Josh, and he's
like, "Hey, I have a favor to ask. I'm
obviously I'm gonna be in I think it's
Central America for the next year.
Please watch out for Ava." Like, I I'm
not comfortable being so far away from
her, blah blah blah blah blah.
Meanwhile, I'm like, "Your dad
supposedly lives like an hour away.
Like, why do you Well, I was literally
about to ask, do they have family? Is it
just the two of them against the world?
It's the two of them and their dad.
Okay. Their mother um completed trigger
warning suicide when they were children
when they were like seven. Oh, okay. Um
so,
Alex,
Josh says Alex is the only one he
trusts. Her ex is harassing her. He
knows any of his other like buddies from
college would just try to [ __ ] her.
Like, he really wants somebody to watch
you, Alex. you won't try and [ __ ] her.
Yeah. And then that's the other thing
about this book is both of them have
PTSD and there will just randomly be
flashbacks. So this is the first one
where he has a flashback about a bunch
of blood and dead bodies and we get no
other information. Um what was he former
military? Like did I No, we don't have
any information about like we just know
his childhood wasn't great and he was
raised by his uncle. Listen, Hannah,
here's the thing. While some days aren't
wine days, today is a wine day. Today is
a wine day. And
I'm not sure what questions I've already
asked,
which is fair. So, some I'm like, I
don't know. I was like, I might have
missed this, but I don't think I should
interrupt to clarify.
Please do because at this point I may
think that I have already established
something and never said it. though. Um,
but he is like he doesn't want to agree
to this, but he is what are you going to
say? No. Right. That's a weird thing to
do. It feels like when someone asks you
to be their bridesmaid, right? Yes. You
can't be like, "No, I respectfully
decline." Right. That's when you're
like, "Oh, no. I already had plans to be
out of the country." And then you have
to plan a trip to be out of the country
if you really don't want to be a
bridesmaid that bad.
Sorry, that got really elaborate. That
was so specific. It really was. I'm so
sorry. Is there any specific uh story
that we're That's all hypothetical. 100%
100% hypothetical.
I am not nor do I have any friends who
would even think of doing something like
that. Um, that is one of the things
about getting older cuz I feel like in
my early 20s when you'd like have
friends get engaged and be like, "Oh my
gosh, what if they don't ask me to be a
bridesmaid? I thought we were closer.
Like, what the heck?" And now I'm like,
"Please, please don't. If you love me at
all, if there's any love within your
body, please don't ask this of me. I
will show up. I will like support you."
But like Mhm.
Well, and that's probably not like I
feel like there are some people who are
super chill about it and then there are
others that you're like, "Yep,
this is a wild ride and this is not in
my budget." Yeah. I've been bridesmaids
for both of those people. The one that's
like, "Hey, ma'am, whatever. Love you
guys. Let's just do whatever." And the
one who was like, "We are going to Key
West for a weekend."
Well, and also the problem is you don't
always know what you're saying yes to
until you've said yes and then you're
like, "Oh, I thought they were in the
first category." Yeah. I've
overcommitted. Yeah. Like I didn't have
5K to go to a bunch of day clubs in
Miami.
Nor is that how I wanted to spend 5K if
I did have it. No. No. Okay. So, Alex
doesn't want to say yes, but much like
being a bridesmaid, got to say yes to
it. Unless he's also planning an outof
country trip. No, but he is planning
revenge. And we don't know against whom
or what for. But what we do know is that
he is annoyed about this whole watching
over Ava thing because he doesn't want
it to interrupt his revenge plans. But
then in the same breath, he's like, "But
I've committed and that means I'm going
to have to move to be closer to her."
Wait, what? You get it? Like, what the
[ __ ] He's like, I don't want to do it.
It could really distract me from my true
purpose, but I guess I'm gonna
I haven't read it. Or maybe I have,
right?
But I do feel like Josh was just like
giving more of like a, "Hey man, if ever
my sister calls you, can you keep an eye
out for her?" maybe text once a week
just to make sure she's alive or
something like, you know, um, thumbs up
this text for proof of life, like I
think is what Josh was looking for. Not
like a
list your house on the market. Right.
Right. Right. She doesn't need a
full-time bodyguard. Well, especially if
it's going to interfere with capital R
revenge
with his murder plot. Um, and it is a
plot that we will get to. So, the day
after the party, um, Ava is helping her
brother get all of his stuff out of his
house, um, to put in storage for the
next year. He has sublet the house to
surprise Alex. He's moving in. He lives
next door
to Ava because that's how overprotective
Josh is.
Wait. Okay. But also the timeline of
this, the party was the night before.
He's asked Alex the night before. So he
was leaving and didn't have a sublet
plan already in place.
Yes. I don't know. I don't think that
was ever addressed. But what I do know
is Alex is moving in next door to Ava.
Okay. Yeah. So
spiritually I have absolutely read. So,
she's super pissed um that her brother
doesn't think she can take care of
herself and everything. Um but then a
couple of days later, Ava kind of feels
bad that she was kind of a [ __ ] to Alex
and he didn't really do anything.
So, you know, she feels bad about it.
So, she makes him some cookies to be
nice and takes them over and um he's
really nice and like invites her in and
they have kind of a nice conversation.
Um, and they sort of have a weird bond
because he has highly highly superior
autobiographical memory,
which is that thing where people
remember every single thing of every
single day of their lives in like full
detail.
Um, for those of you who like to watch
the show Superstore, Sandra had highly
highly superior autobiographical memory.
I forgot about that. Yeah, me too. Until
I was reading this and then I was like,
"Oo, quite frankly, I kind of forgot
about Sandra."
A and then as soon as you mentioned her
the most Sandra core thing you could do.
It really I'm like that feels accurate.
I do really like her. I do. But I do
also feel like Superstore was really
[ __ ] with it for like the first
several seasons and then I was like,
"Oo, y'all making some political
statements that I did not need on a
show. I was just here for the laughs."
No. Well, and I think the last couple of
seasons just weren't as funny. Yeah.
Like they just didn't quite hit the same
the last couple of seasons. Yeah. It's
Well, I also I'm like, where were you
taking the story line? There were only
so many places you could I think we
could have bowed out gracefully and not
made it weird. Yeah,
like season 4. Yeah, that would have
been a great time.
Anyway, I mean, if you all want our
feedback podcast, I might I might just
reach out to info peacock.com and
provide them my feedback. Dude, I'm
going to do that
just to see what happens. Like, I want
to know. Are they respond? I tried to
reach out to him about like something
about their app that I was actually
having an issue with, but apparently
like the account was under Vance's name
and they're like, "Well, we can't verify
you're an account owner, so we can't
take your feedback." And I was like,
"This is not set up to actually do
anything. I shall move on." It's like a
requirement of the Better Business Pure
or some [ __ ] for them to have. I was
like, maybe if I want to spend time
someone emailing, like if I want to
spend time emailing someone, I should
email my representative instead of a
streaming service. Yes, exactly. I'm
like, I should maybe spend my time doing
other things. So, they have a nice
conversation. He's right. So, he has the
superior memory and Ava can't remember
anything before age nine. And so, they
have a little like LOL must be nice at
each other about it. Um, and it's like
kind of a nice moment for them. And then
Ava's like, "This is [ __ ] weird." And
just like takes off. She's like, "Why is
he being nice? I don't trust it." Yeah.
She's like, "This isn't our dynamic."
Yeah. This is weird. Um, so uh, Alex is
um at an MMA fight gym that he's been a
member of for a long time. And um, he
finds out they're starting a new
self-defense class. And he's like, "Ava
should take that. like she should know
how to protect herself. And so he texts
her the information and she doesn't
answer right away and he starts to panic
like fully and he texts her again and he
calls her and she's not answering and
he's like livid about it. So um how much
time has passed? Like half an hour.
And so then or an hour because then he
goes to Ava's house um and she's not
there but her roommate is there
and she's like Ava is with a friend like
chill out. I know right where she is.
She's fine. Don't worry about it. Yeah.
And um he is like I don't really give a
[ __ ] what you say until I speak to her
and lay eyes on her. Unacceptable. And
tells her to give him the address. And
she's like, "No, but I'll take you there
because I'm going to be with you because
if I had time to pop popcorn, I would."
She's like very into this. She's like,
"I don't know what's happening, but I
like it a lot." And this might be
something I missed.
Is there a looming concern over Ava
that's like making him this? Like cuz I
know you mentioned like the ex-boyfriend
was hassling her a little bit, but I'm
like is that like a he's like stalking
her or is this like a It's like he's
still calling her and she's annoyed
because he cheated on her and she's like
I don't know how else to tell you. I'm
not getting back together with you and
he's still calling to say like let's get
back together. I don't think we have all
that information yet, but that's the
point. So there's no looming threat that
was like the catalyst to all of this
that would cause someone to freak out if
they hadn't heard back within an hour.
No. But the like underlying
implication for a lot of this book is
Alex is like, "I know bad people are out
there because I'm a bad bad man. So
something bad could happen to her and
she's my sunshine."
So that is the nickname she gets and I
think it's on page like 20. So
Despicable Me three, the villain was
like a 80s child star sort of energy and
the the slogan his like tagline was like
I've been a bad boy and that's when you
said Alex being like and there are bad
people out there cuz I'm a bad bad boy.
I know you said man. Well, I almost said
boy and then I was like
it's too patronized. I I can't do the
alliteration today. And was like, no, I
don't know why. That was the line for
me. So, Jules takes him to where Ava is.
She is doing a budois shoot as a model
for a friend of hers who is in one of
her photography classes cuz that's what
she's in school for. That's a
photographer. Male or female? It is a
It's a It's a bad boy.
It's a bad boy.
Well, he's actually lovely. Of course he
is. Alex is a douchebag. So, Alex gets
there and he just like loses his [ __ ]
and he like snatches the camera out of
the guy's hand and like starts deleting
the photos and is like, "You delete them
off your computer right now." And like
all this other [ __ ] And Ava is like,
"What the [ __ ] is happening?" She's like
in this like strappy lingerie situation
and she's like, "What the [ __ ] are you
doing?" Like,
like what is happening?
Like like and they have an audience of
like the photographers's roommate who
also was home and there is watching and
Jules is watching and Ava is like like
Alex like like legit explain yourself.
What are you doing, my dude? Yeah. And
he's like, you will never photograph her
again. Ever. Don't even ask. Don't even
think. And he's like raging on the
inside that other men are seeing her in
this strappy lingerie. And it's like,
brev, we are going from like 6:00 to
midnight in a way that like daylight
savings time has happened. And now 6:00
and midnight feel like different times.
Not like in the winter when it's the
same time.
I'm talking about spring forward
[ __ ] I'm not talking about any fall
back. I overexlained it. I was here for
it. I was like, how deep is she going
with daylight savings time?
That was incredible.
Yeah. So, I love
when I spiritually read books like this
and you're like, they're like, "She's so
annoying. She's so annoying. She's so
mine." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. You're like, "Wow, we really
pivoted quickly." Yes.
So,
a few days later, all right, Alex gets
her home.
She has not spoken to him.
She's livid, right? I mean, she's super
pissed. And so, she's hanging out with
her best friend and roommate, the
popcorn one, and a couple of her other
friends. Jules feels like a a supporting
character. We like we do. And I think
she gets a book later. Hell yeah. Um but
um they decide to orchestrate what they
call operation emotion because none of
them have ever seen Alex emote before
until he went and like raged at the
photographer. Right. And they're like, I
thought he was a robot this whole time
and suddenly he's a screaming robot. A
raging robot. Oo. Again, we love
alliteration. So
Jules is like, if you can't make him
angry, what else can you make him? let's
make a list.
And so, um, she feels bad that they're
kind of like making fun of him a little
bit, but she's also like, I am a little
bit curious, though, so I think I am
going to do it. So, that night, she
winds up waking up from a nightmare um
that she was drowning in a lake and she
was crying for her mom. And that's all
we get is that. It's pretty dark. Um,
and then we cut to Alex who is also
remembering his past and it's his
parents and younger sister were
murdered. Um, and so he was raised by
his uncle and has been like on a revenge
mission since he was 12. His family died
when he was 10. And so,
um,
basically every night because of his,
uh, memory, he will intentionally relive
the traumatic event to like
maintain his rage. And he even talks
about like that he he was forced into
therapy when he was a teenager and stuff
because of everything that he had seen,
but it never worked because none of the
therapists seem to understand that like
he wanted to be miserable. Like that's
in the book. Like he wanted to be
miserable and so the therapy didn't help
which Okay. So he has a personality
disorder. Yeah. Yeah. Mhm. He sure does.
Like Lexapa Pro ain't touching this
[ __ ] No, we're going to need Geodon and
some other stuff. But anyway, um B52 him
every day.
Well, I was thinking a mood stabilizer
and I was like, well, Geodon's a mood
stabilizer. It does some other stuff.
But I was going to say Geodon's not like
the lowhanging fruit.
is the one that came into my brain. Oh,
lamed.
Oh, I'm not just going to name
pharmaceuticals. Okay, so um Ava decides
that first she's going to see if she can
make Alex sad. So, she takes a walk to
remember and Marley and me over to his
house and some cookies.
and and some cookies. He's on his way
out for a date when she goes to um to
see him. And uh she tells him that she
was worried that he was going to be
lonely because he moved out of the city.
Um but since he's got a date, obviously
he's fine. She's so sorry for
interrupting and he's like just come in
and cancels his date and they have a
movie night. Um,
and my notes say they watch Mandy Moore
slowly die of cancer and Alex has no
response.
So
Ava makes a joke about him being a robot
and like pretends to be looking for like
a control panel on his back and is like
touching him and he loses his [ __ ] and
like does not appreciate that she was
touching him and somehow she winds up in
his laugh or his laugh his lap.
um and basically telling her for some
reason that she's a naive little [ __ ]
basically and like why is she so dumb?
And oh yeah, here's the nickname
arrives. We're 25% in sunshine. Um
25% in further than I expected. Yeah.
Yeah. He's been thinking it this whole
time, but he's finally said it out loud.
Um,
so
I do feel like anytime I see a book that
is labeled as a grumpy sunshine romance
Yeah. the nickname is sunshine. Yeah.
That is the lowhanging fruit. Yeah. It's
just right there. Um, but somehow they
wind up laughing together a little bit
and it's it's bizarre. So then they just
go on because I'm like if somebody calls
me a naive [ __ ] while I'm straddling
their heart on I'm not gonna be like
like the silliest things. Such a silly
goose. So you're a bad boy. Jesus. So
Ava falls asleep during the second
movie. Ava decides to put during Marley
and Me. Yeah. She fell asleep during
Marley and Me, which is one of those
movies I would turn off before the end,
personally. So, yeah, not a loss there.
And also, quite frankly, if you just
made me watch A Walk to Remember,
I'm not saying yes to Marley and me
next. Yeah. Yeah. Um, same there. That's
a quidd pro. Like, I mean, there was no
quid. She wasn't really offering
anything except her presents and I think
some cookies. So yeah, I mean I was more
thinking like Lethal Weapon as the
second movie. What a duet which
ironically one of the dudes from a walk
to remember was in the TV adaptation of
Lethal Weapon and then they killed him
off and it was a big dramatic thing.
Sure. Because him and uh Papa weighins
had beef. It was a whole thing. like
another like character was like, "You
can write me off the show as well if
y'all are going to like [ __ ] him over
like that." Like it was wild when it
went down. So,
not the same. Do you do you not the
same, but do you remember the show beef
on BET?
Yes.
So, I don't know why, but
I was scrolling through something and
saw something about 50 Cent and had this
like full body memory of that time that
he was on beef with Jaw Rule and it was
incredible. And then how in 2018 50 Cent
bought all of the tickets that he could
for Jaw Rule's like coming home from
prison concert and so nobody was there.
I mean,
it's that one is like incredible. That
one is straight up diabolical. It is so
good. Yes. It's like the ultimate flex
because it's like I have so much money
that I don't mind giving you a
significant amount of it just so that
you have a shitty time.
What? Incredible, man. And especially
like I don't know. I think of my husband
being that musician who's just like
playing in a bar to 10 people and you're
like, "Yeah, finally sold out. People
are here." And then it's like there's
one person
on the lawn seats
and you're performing for them and them
alone.
Deeply awkward. Oh, that would not I
used to uh when we still lived in
Nashville, I would teach yoga Mhm. for a
nonprofit that uh
focused on bringing yoga to communities
that wouldn't otherwise have access to
fitness. And there were like I taught
like at local libraries and outreach
centers and things like that, but there
was one place where like the class never
really took off and I was like we can
just like drop this and I'd be like,
"Okay, well like no one's here. Looks
like I'm going to go." And then like one
person would walk in. I'm like, I love
teaching a oneperson yoga class.
Yeah. I was like, we're going to treat
this as a one- on-one situation because
if I treat this like I'm teaching a full
class for just you, we're both going to
feel weird about it. I'm like, this is
not not the mood at all. Um, okay. So,
she falls asleep during Marley and me.
Yes. So, Alex puts her into his bed
because he doesn't have any of the other
bedrooms set up. And so, also, why were
they putting all of Josh's stuff in
storage that like they didn't need to? I
don't know. Not like none of this
actually makes sense. So, like, well,
Chelsea, those are the questions you
don't need to ask. Well, no, because
none of it makes sense at all. So it it
does make sense to me that the logistics
of the move don't make sense because
much of the plot that didn't make sense
in my brain. Yeah. So So he takes her to
his bed. Yep. And after he canceled his
date. Yep. And he feels bad that he's
attracted to her and but still puts her
in his bed. So then he's working cuz he
has insomnia while she's asleep. And
then all of a sudden, she just starts
screaming bloody murder and is very
clearly having some kind of night
terror. And he knows that he's not
supposed to wake her up. And so he's
like, I just have to watch her, I guess,
and make sure she hasn't hurt herself
cuz she's like flailing around and
stuff. Um,
is that Are you not supposed to wake
someone up in a night chair? I'm
learning something here. I don't know
that that's true. He just said, "Well, I
know you're not supposed to wake them up
because they can be really disoriented
and it can make them, you know, lash out
or harm themselves because they're so
disoriented." And I was like, I mean, I
guess,
but
but also when you are then able to like
ground yourself back in to reality,
that's good for you. Yeah. You can like
name name five things you can hear, four
things you can see, three things like
and like we have grounding techniques
for when you awaken. Um
apparently Ava doesn't but I like I
might actually like legit I'm I'm
curious about that. I'm going to look
into that after this. So she just stays
asleep. She doesn't wake up out of it.
She like
kind of like like tapers off and she
stays asleep. So then Ava wakes up with
her hand on Alex's dick in the morning
and like freaks out a little bit cuz
she's like, "Where am I and what is
happening?" You know, valid. Yep.
And then they both once they're both up
make jabs about, "Oh, you're not my
type." Um,
that happens in every single one of
these where it's like, "Don't worry,
sweetheart. I would never be attracted
to you. You're not my type.
Don't worry, sunshine. You're not my
type. And you're like, good sir, you
can't have both. Handle me.
I'm reading a book right now where it's
a it's a Red Riding Hood one. Um, but
he's like, "Were you too kinky for that
other guy?" And he's like, "What? Did
you want him to lick you?" And I was
like, "That's kinky?
Where?" I was like, "What kind of
licking? I don't but also I don't know
what would be I don't like
I mean I don't need to
to hypothesize
or
well I was like oh but I am a little
like I was like I didn't think I was
that far out there but apparently you
know it is interesting because I I think
especially with like the amount of books
we read the amount that we just kind of
like know about these communities at
this point. I'm like, "Yeah, I'm
definitely not that kinky in the full
spectrum of like how far I can see it
go." And then I talk to some people and
the way in which they talk, I'm like, am
I? Oh, am more okay, maybe I am more
than I realized. And I was like, I
really don't Yeah. I I I don't think I'm
that wild by any stretch. I grew up with
a lot of church repression. Like the
puritanical values are strong, man. And
so then may like the things I'm like,
"Oh, well, I feel wild." And then I'm
like, and then I look at other things,
I'm like, "Well, I'm clearly not like
but then I talk to some people, I'm
like, "Well, maybe I It's a spectrum,
you know?" Yeah. But I also I don't I
think there's something about feeling
safe enough in your relationship that
you're like, I don't know if I'm into
that, but I'm I want to try it. And I'll
try it with you. Yeah, I'll try it with
you. And yeah, and I feel like you you
quickly know if you're into it or not.
Oh, yeah.
There's not usually a Well,
huh.
I don't know. Might have to try it
again. Do that again.
To the left. Slower this time.
No, I don't think that's for me. Now
that you've hit it from a different
angle and at a different speed, I can
say with confidence.
So then um
that later um she decides that it's time
for phase two of operation emotion. And
also just so I when we say later, is
this like the next day? Is this just
kind of like Yeah, life is life and and
yeah, probably within the next week
she's like I'm going to move on to phase
two. Okay, so this one's discussed. Sad
was a failure. Operation sad was that
would make me mad more than sad. Yeah.
And don't tell me anger is a secondary
emotion.
Don't talk about the anger iceberg to
me.
The anger ice. It is actually a really
helpful visual. It is actually. Oh god.
Okay. So, um she decides the next one is
going to be discussed. And so, a few
days later, she makes um I'm going to
get his consent this time.
Like the first time she was like, I'm
just going to try and make him sad. And
this time she's like, "I'm going to
discuss it first." No, no, no, no. She
She decides she's going to do disgust.
The emotion. Disgust. I thought you said
she's going to discuss it first. No,
she's Disgust is what we're trying for.
Not discuss. I'm really glad we've
clarified that. You know, that is an
important distinction. So, um, she Okay,
so she's she's justing all of these on
him and she's just trying to gross them
out. Yeah. Yeah. So, she makes the
nastiest cookies she can possibly think
of because he she has baked for him a
few times and he's clearly really
enjoyed it. So, she makes garlic,
asparagus, and raisin cookies
and takes them over to his house and is
like, "Hey, I tried this new recipe.
Will you try it out and see if you like
it?"
And he eats one and he's like, "You made
this?"
She's like, "Yes, you also made those
other cookies you brought over here
before." And she's like, "Yes." And he
goes, "These are fine." And she's like,
"I literally threw up."
She's like, "I tried one and I threw up
and he had no response. They're fine."
So, another failure.
And this is an interesting energy. She's
really trying. So, then she decides on
happiness and she plans a picnic for
them. But um a dog pees on Alex's shoes
while they're at the park. So that one
didn't work either.
So the next phase is supposed to be
fear, but she can't think of anything
that would scare him. Um she even asks
her brother for help lowkey. She's like,
"Hey, Halloween's coming up and I want
to prank Alex. What's he afraid of?"
It's like literally nothing. She's like,
"Spiders, clowns. Come on. Tell him my
safety is in jeopardy. That would scare
him. There you go. Not mine. And it
will. No, probably not you. He doesn't
seem to care about anybody except for
Ava. Um and even that it's only when
there's an east blowing wind.
Mhm. Yeah. Yeah. Um only when his guard
is down. So Ava's out with friends and
um Operation Emotion is definitely a
failure. And while she's just having a
good time, um her ex shows up again
demanding that they get back together
and she flat out is like, "No,
absolutely not." And then he very
quickly escalates to like calling her
names like, "You're a stuck up [ __ ]
Why won't you forgive me? I said I was
sorry." Which is an interesting um I
always find that to be an interesting
approach. Yeah. So um he's like, "Who
are you fucking?" like is that why you
won't get back together with me cuz
you're a little [ __ ] now? Like this
whole and it's like excuse me. So she
kicks him in the balls and um good for
her. Yeah. She's pretty freaked out by
it but she's like I handled it. I did
it. So then a few days later they are at
a or Alex is at a gayla uh for the
university and Ava shows up looking
incredible. He was not expecting to see
her there. And he gets really mad when
she starts dancing with somebody. Um, of
course he does. And he finally admits to
himself that Ava is his, that he's been
lying to himself all this time. We're
like halfway through the book and he's
just now like, "Oh, okay." So, um, maybe
I am into Ava, right? Now upon further
reflection,
so um
he gets sidetracked by some woman he
used to be banging. Um, but by the time
I also feel like in all of these books
that I've read spiritually, it's always
a double standard with like an ex that's
like a super hot beautiful. They
typically want the dude back as well at
some level to varying degrees of
desperation. Y, but and it's always that
like, oh well, they meant nothing to me,
so I don't understand why the girl's
upset about it. But like if a dude looks
at the girl, they're like, "I'll [ __ ]
rip his eyes out of his body." And
you're like, "Bro." Right. So this is
the girl that he canled his date with to
hang out with Ava. Oh, okay. And he
tells her like their arrangement is off
cuz they both had agreed to like
strictly physical whatever. Um and so
then he decides to um dance with Ava. He
cuts in with somebody and starts saying
something and she's like, "You don't
really know me." And he's like, "I can
prove it." She's like, "What's my
favorite color?" And they go down this
whole list and he like gets every answer
correct.
Um, and so then he loses track of Ava as
the night goes on. Okay. Question. Mhm.
Do you think what's my favorite color or
what color are my eyes is a bigger
question in that moment?
Well, she's Asian, so I feel like what
color are my eyes? I didn't mean in this
book necessarily. I just meant like when
we read these spiritually. Sure.
I think
Well, I mean, he's been staring into
them while he's they've been dancing,
but both questions are irritating to me.
There is something like, "What color are
my eyes?"
One would hope that like you would like.
Yeah, I can answer that one cuz I'm
looking at you as I answer it. It does
take a little bit more to know your
favorite color. I do feel like the eyes
are a gimme when they're like, "I closed
my eyes and asked him what color are my
eyes right after I closed them." Like,
and he was looking at you presumably.
So, I don't think I ever paid attention
to Vance's eyes. I don't think I like
for a long time I could have told you.
I'm like, he's brunette, so probably
brown was like I think my answer the
first time someone asked me I'm like he
has eyes.
They seem to work. Yeah, sure. Well, he
is legally blind or close to legally
blind. So, I take it back with
corrective lenses. They work great
as intended.
Okay, so he gets all of the answers
right on her like, "You don't even know
me. Let me prove it. What's my favorite
color?" And he's like, "I'll tell you
that and your favorite food and your
favorite thing." Mint chocolate chip ice
cream. It's like the whole thing. Yep.
So then, um, he loses track of her. Um,
and he goes to leave a little while
later and he hears Ava say like, "Get
away from me. like, "Leave me alone."
And so, um, it's her drunk ex. He showed
up again and he has her like pinned to a
wall and is like, it's messed up. But
she,
um, he's like going on and on about how
much he loves her and this other girl
didn't mean anything and please take me
back and I miss you so much. You get it?
So then she headbutts him in the face.
Good. She's like, "Absolutely not." Like
before Alex can get there, she's like,
"Go [ __ ] yourself." She's like, "I can't
get him in the balls this time cuz the
way he's got me pinned, but I got a
forehead."
All right. I
like Ava more than I like Alex. I feel
like Ava likable just reads young. Yeah.
But like not bad, just young, right? Not
in the like painfully immature. Yeah. Or
painfully ignorant kind of way. just in
a she's in her early 20s and hasn't had
enough life yet to like Yeah, she's
acting like she's in her early 20s. And
hell yeah, because also there's
something about being in your early 20s
where you feel a little more invincible.
Yeah. There's a certain freedom that you
lose over time. Yeah. There's in my
early 20s I would have been like, "Fuck
yeah, I'm going to headbutt that
asshole." And now I'm a little bit like
if I yell louder, somebody's going to
hear me. I'm in a room or in a Yeah, I
am a little like I I don't know if I'm
going to think through that situation
the same way that I I would have 10
years ago. It hits different. It really
does. Um but then Alex like then arrives
and beats the ever loving [ __ ] out of
this guy. Um Ava wants to call an
ambulance and Alex is like, "Somebody
else will find him. We're going home."
And like leaves with her and he is
livid. he overheard something the ex
said about, you know, last week or one
of them mentioned when he cornered her
in the bar. And so Alex is like, "Why
didn't you tell me like he's really
mad?" Okay. So, like the way in which it
was discussed, Alex recognizes that it
wasn't like a good interaction that they
had. Right. Um, and I just feel like in
some of these it's like the wait, were
you on a date with him a week ago? It's
clear she didn't want to talk to him.
But Alex is like extremely furious about
the whole thing. But then when they're
in the car heading home, she suddenly
has a flashback of when So this is when
we find out her mother tried to kill
her. That's why she has this fear of
water. Her mother pushed her into the
lake um knowing she couldn't swim when
she was about four or five.
And so Alex is fully panicked about this
because like he's pulled the car over.
He's like what? Like what just happened?
Like you know cuz he doesn't know what's
going on. Um so he just decides to take
her to a diner, get her some coffee, get
her some food, like make sure that she's
okay. And so then she tells Alex more of
the story of her past. her parents were
divorcing and um it was pretty messy
divorce and um her mom had some kind of
full psychotic meltdown essentially. Um
and pushed her into the lake. Um and
then her dad just happened to be
stopping by the house to drop something
off um and saw it and was able to dive
in and save her. Um, and so
later her mother died of an overdose and
it's unclear, but it seems that it was
intentional.
So
they have this like heartto-he heart
where she gets really vulnerable. Um,
and she admits to herself that she
really does like him actually. Um, which
also
I don't know when you've been best
friends, which I mean I guess like some
of this being like repressed memories
Josh wouldn't have had like context for,
but it does but the dad was there. Like
the dad could have said what had
happened. Well, so she knows what
happened because her dad has told her
what happened. Okay. And then she has
these flashbacks of like her being in
the water and crying for her mom, but
she doesn't remember
like anything really past that. Her dad
is the one who told her the story. I
really feel like Josh would have
mentioned that this to his best friend
at some point. Well,
it seems like neither of them talked
about their pasts. They're both just
like they're [ __ ] up and we don't
really have family like that. We're not
going to ask any questions. It seems
like they co-signed each other's desire
not to discuss the past. Yeah. Agree to
Yeah. You know what you need to know.
Not agree to disagree, but agree to just
not about this. Yeah, that's fair. I'm
also like maybe if you're like
having him move into your house to like
watch your sister though and this is
part of why you're so overprotective of
your sister, that would be helpful
context to to pass along.
So,
in all of this, um, Ava asks Alex if she
can photograph him, and he agrees. So,
we flash forward a few days to the photo
shoot.
Um, and she's trying to get him to show
some emotion. Um,
and somehow it comes about as she's
trying to evoke something so she can
take a picture of it. um they somehow
admit that they're into each other. Um
but he's like a person can be hot and
that doesn't mean like you can be
attracted to someone and not be like
compatible with them and like I would
never do that to Josh and basically he
like shuts it down and it gets kind of
awkward.
Um so then again several days later Alex
is in his office. Um, my notes say
continuing to plan his world domination
and vengeance.
Um, capital R revenge. Capital R
revenge. I feel like there's a Google
doc. It's like revenge plot. Like
there's another one called revenge
draft, too. Well, and his his uh
thumbnail profile photo on Google is the
V for vendetta Guy Fox mask.
Yes,
without question. Would not bet against
that a day in my life. So, he gets a
notification while he's in his office of
a live stream that somebody has tagged
Ava and the chick, his ex in. They were
videoed fighting. What? Yeah. And so
he's like, "No." and like takes off to
Meline's house, which is the girl. Did
he know Meline from the MMA gym? Also,
did Ava ever go to the self-defense
classes? She did start going after he
made a second request when she got
pinned to the wall. Um, fair. So,
Meline is super rich also, so they run
in the same circles and that's how they
met. Um, but Ava's at a house party. It
is a random house party that she went to
with a friend who was invited by some
other friend of a friend. As is the
house party way. Yep. And she winds up
in Alex's ex's pool room of her house
because there's an indoor pool because
they're rich. That's something I left
out in this. Everything is like he drove
up in his Aston Martin and he had on his
whatever, you know, [ __ ] Armani suit
or whatever. You said house party and I
have really just been thinking about
when I was in my early 20s and lived.
That's the era in which I was living in
Nashville. And it wasn't just house
parties. It was house shows. Oh yes.
Some were better than others. Yes. And
the problem was house shows are too
intimate. Like a house party. Yep.
You're one of many. You can blend. Yep.
Fade. A house show. Nope.
You're locked in. Yep. And you cannot
get out. Nope. It's like [ __ ] Hotel
California. It is a little bit cuz it's
like if I get up to pee, are they going
to think that I hate them? Yeah. It's
awkward. One had a hug circle. Oh, yeah.
The hug circle that you couldn't get out
of. No. And I still think about my
friend who brought me to the party who
wasn't in the hug circle. And I don't to
this day I don't know how she managed to
avoid it.
Um, she's just better prepared than you,
you know? Probably. Maybe she just saw
it coming. I don't know. I was not By
the time I realized what was happening,
there was no easy way to leave
the group hug.
There was no smooth transition at the
end. No, there was no like, I need to go
refill my drink. It's like, "Oh, my arms
are starting to go up around y'all." And
I'm going, "Can I bring these back?"
Do I strike a power pose? How do I do
it? I'm going to Brenne Brown my way out
of this [ __ ]
Oh [ __ ] Yeah, the struggle was real. So
Ava found herself in a similar yet
different situation where she somehow
found herself at Alex's ex's house and
she has no idea who this woman is. And
but it's a rich house party. It's a rich
fancy house party. So isn't that just
another gala? Like what? I don't feel
like people at a certain tax bracket are
having trashy house parties. And not
that they're trashy, but you know what I
mean. I mean I do. I don't know. But so
Meline just is like, "I saw you dancing
with Alex." Like, "You'll never be able
to meet his needs." And D cuz he's a man
with certain interest and tastes in the
bedroom. And she's like, "He's into
choking and degradation. If he hasn't
called you a little [ __ ] he has he
even really [ __ ] you." She's like all
the way like
this is not women supporting women.
She's like off the chain about it. This
is not women supporting women.
I'm sorry, but it's not. Has he even
[ __ ] you yet? If he hasn't called you
a little [ __ ] right? This is not
supporting women. It's not. And she's
like, "He'll only take you from behind.
Like, there's no way you could keep up
with him." Like all this [ __ ] And what
do you keep up with him? Yeah, if it's
from behind, there's not much work that
you're doing there. Not particularly. I
mean, could put a little wiggle in it,
but
you could grab a toy.
I'm just saying it's limited options in
that position. It is. Yeah. So, Ava
responds in a way that I really enjoyed.
Um, and she was like, "Maybe he only did
you from behind cuz he just didn't like
looking at you." Like, she's like, "Have
you ever thought of that?"
Probably not going to help her in the
moment, but I do respect it. No. Um, I
think Ava this whole time has just been
like handling her own. For real. She's
like, "I don't need you."
So, unfortunately, at this point, lest
we forget, they're in the pool room.
Meline loses her [ __ ] and pushes Ava
into the pool.
Immediate trauma response. Like her
whole body locks. So then for as much as
we've been joking about their fight, I
can also I'm just like, oh [ __ ] Like
that's really [ __ ] up. Like so that's
one thing that like in some of these
books it's like oh the trauma is real.
Like those are things that really could
happen. Like that's how that could
really go down. And so there's a certain
amount of like
difference I want to give traumatic
events, but also that fight was
hilarious. Like we can we can experience
that dialectic.
So we cut out of Ava and we go to Alex
and he's just gotten to uh Meline's
house, but Ava is gone. He finds Meline,
basically pushes her around a bit,
threatens her family business. um and is
like, "Where is she? Tell me where she
is." Whatever. And um Meline's friend
happened to be nearby, knows about her
fear of water, was able to get her out
of the pool, and immediately took her
home, obviously. Oh, so there was a kind
human there. We love that. Yeah. The
friend she went to the party with that
she didn't know like all this was going
on. Oh, okay. Yeah. So he gets to Ava's
and her friend um is like, "She's not
she is not okay. Like just for the
record, she really wants me to leave. So
that's why I'm on my way out, but like
you should probably stay. Like somebody
needs to be with her." And they have
another heartto-he heart where she has a
little bit of a breakdown and says that
she's just tired of being afraid. um she
wants to be able to travel, but the idea
of being in a plane over the ocean is
like absolutely unacceptable. Um and so
she asks him to teach her how to swim,
and it's a very like sweet moment.
So weeks go by at this point, Alex has
been helping Ava like visualize water
and practice grounding skills. So he's
doing exposure therapy, like incremental
exposure therapy. And so, um, he's
helping her with like meditation and
breathing exercises and things like
that, um, before they try the real
thing. And not even at that that level
by any stretch of the imagination. Sure.
Seasons ago, could not tell you when.
Probably 10 years ago now. I remember
there was a season of the challenge
where there was a swimming compet like
one that was like happening in a body of
water. Sure. And one of the competitors
didn't know how to swim. Oh. And decided
to go for it anyway. In a way that like
part of you wants to applaud their
bravery, but the other part was like, oh
no. Watching them jump in, they could
not swim at all and had to be rescued
out of the water. And you're like,
that was stressful to just watch you
flail in the water on television knowing
that there were like
so many [ __ ] people immediately
around you to jump in and help you and
that like you were safe. But even just
watching that
how stress inducing it and that
trauma attached to it, right? That's
just like someone who didn't know how to
swim. Not including not knowing how to
swim attached with a legitimate fear of
water, right? I also growing up in
Florida, it just like I'm like, "Yeah,
this is what you do." Like everyone's a
fish. She like dived to the bottom of
10ft swimming pools for batons. Like
Yeah. Well, like we had classes as soon
as you could crawl where they threw you
into the pool and you learned to flip
over to prevent drowning. Like literally
as soon as you could crawl, you were
being thrown fully clothed into the pool
so you can learn to flip over. We really
need to sign Ford up for some swimming
classes. Oh yeah. Before he turns into a
little [ __ ]
Can't have that.
Well, and yeah, you're allowed to be a
little [ __ ] if you're a child who like
doesn't know how to swim, but also
we are a water family in a way that I'm
like, I'm going to need you to come
along on that journey with us. Yep.
So, thank you for that reminder to send
Nathan up for swimming classes so that
he can learn along with Ava. You're
welcome. But it is sweet that Alex is
teaching Ava. It is really nice and
they're spending more like truly
platonic time together where they're
just actually getting to know each
other. So Ava decides to throw him a
surprise party for his birthday which
seems like a big swing to me but go off.
So um well and at this point has
anything physical happened between them
at all? Um there's been a couple of
moments of like she's wound up on his
lap.
They woke up in bed together, but like
nothing like truly sexual has occurred.
Okay. Um, so he loosens up as the party
goes on and at the end of the night, um,
he tells Ava that this was his first
birthday party since his parents died.
Um, and they have a really tender moment
where he's like, "My family always made
a big deal of it, but my uncle never
did." Um, and like I didn't want him to
cuz it just didn't feel right. So, like
this was a big deal for him in a way
that she didn't understand. Um, and
well, I'm glad she took the big swing,
Hannah. Me, too, because they finally
kiss
finally. Um, so then he she kisses him,
but immediately he's pulling her hair
and pushing her into the counter. Um,
and then cuz he's a man of certain
sexual interest. And then immediate he
immediately he's like, "This could never
happen again. you need to let go of your
little fantasies that I'm a hero will
never work.
And Ava what is really embarrassed about
this. And so um he's like I'm just
trying to save you from me like you like
whatever. And she thanks but doesn't say
out loud I don't want to be saved. Like
okay. So
again more days go by. Alex is really
agitated. He hasn't heard from Ava,
obviously, because he was a douche. Um,
and she skipped their swim lessons. Um,
so he shows up at the gallery where she
works. So, she also works part-time in a
photo gallery just for extra money
because while her dad is paying for her
tuition, he will not pay for anything
related to actual photography because he
thinks it's a waste. Um, but he didn't
say he wouldn't pay for school.
you know, or anything. We respect that
he's still paid for the degree. Yeah, we
can. So, she works part time at a
gallery to support her photography. So,
um is like she's been ghosting her swim
lessons. And it's like, yeah, yeah,
because she threw you a birthday party
and you told her to let go of her
childish fantasies about you. Yeah, you
were really mean. Like, pick a lane,
bro. So, he shows up at the gallery with
a brand new iPhone and he's like, "Since
I haven't heard from you in 5 days,
yours must be broken."
And she's like, "Alex,
did you just miss me?" Like, and so she
immediately starts like teasing him and
[ __ ] Um, she's like, "Alex, you don't
you didn't have to get a gift. You could
have just stopped by and said hi, right?
You didn't have to be weird about it.
It's okay. We live next door to each
other." So, um, Ava at this point like
pulls back from teasing him and is like,
"Listen, let's go ahead and set some
boundaries cuz clearly like lines are
being crossed that don't need to be
crossed. So, I will find a different
swim instructor." Like, you know, um,
we'll just spend less time together. And
Alex flips out. He's like, "You asked
me. I always follow through on my
commitments, like whatever." Um, and
he's like, "You can't have both, man."
Right? And then he's like, "No one's
going to take what's mine." And she's
like, "What the [ __ ] are you talking
about? What is happening right now?" And
so then her boss comes over because Alex
is getting loud. Like he's getting
angry. And so the boss comes over and
she's like, "I swear to God if you make
me lose my job." And he's like, "What's
the most expensive painting in here? Do
you get commission?" And he spends
$40,000.
And he's like, "For no reason." And he's
like, "We're really going to learn to
swim now. I'll see you at the pool
tomorrow. And like
what?
Oh, Alex. So, he takes her to a hotel
pool.
She does pretty well until she doesn't
like she's she gets in the water, but
like when she puts her face in the
water, she starts to panic. And so, she
blacks out and Alex like gets her out of
the pool and she kind of comes to in his
arms. Um, and he's telling her that
she's safe. um that they'll try again
another day, that she did a great job,
that she's going to be okay. Um and then
for some reason, Ava at this point asks
him to kiss her. Um and she's like, "I
know what you're into." And she like
starts naming off all the things that
Meline said. And she's like, "Maybe I'm
into that, too." And it's like, "What? I
thought we were having a flashback.
Now we're getting it.
So,
it's fine. It's fine. Everything's fine.
It's okay. It's all okay. It's self
soothing. Or
Well, it's not really self soothing, is
it? Well, maybe. Depends on your
definition of self soothing. Depends on
your definition of self, I guess. So,
Alex hauls her up to a room in the hotel
um and tells her to get on her knees.
Um, he just had a room in No, he like
went to the desk and is like, "Give me
your best room or whatever." Hauls her
up there because I'm so rich. I want the
best room for this 2hour romp. You know,
this gorgeous Ukrainian face. I forgot
to mention he's Ukrainian. It's not
really relevant, but his uncle is like
first generation. So, but anyway, so
lots of face [ __ ] He comes all over
her face. Um, and then he eats her out
from behind, starts calling her a little
[ __ ] and then he bangs her, and then
he's like, "I can't see her face as
she's coming. Unacceptable." And flips
her over. Um, and it was just Meline.
Yes. And then he kisses her, so it
really was just Meline. Um, and so then,
um, Alex realizes that he is [ __ ] cuz
she's like, "You broke the rules." And
he's like, "The rules don't apply to
you." Like, okay. Oh, Alex. So, they
[ __ ] all weekend. Um, they agree to be
exclusive and agree that they are going
to tell her brother in person when he
comes home for Christmas. So, at this
point, it's nearing
Thanksgiving. Okay. Thank you. You knew
that. You knew that was a coming
question. I did know that. Um, so um
I mean that's a bit of time. A lot can
happen between before Thanksgiving and a
Christmas visit. And they also don't
want to be shitty and like tell him
while he's in another country. Like they
they it's a face to face conversation,
but they are also a little bit putting
it off cuz they know he's going to be
pissed. So again, days later, Ava goes
over to her dad's house cuz it's his
birthday. She takes him a cake and they
just eat in awkward silence. And she
realizes that like they have nothing to
talk about without her brother there.
Like this is the first time they've been
oneon-one
that she can really remember. And she's
like, "Oh, this is brutal actually. Like
this really sucks." Um, and she's like,
"I kind of feel like he hates me." Like
I know he doesn't, but like it's just
weird, you know?
So,
um, then there's kind of a montage of
Alex and Ava dating. They go to the fall
festival. They're banging in bathrooms,
you know, as you do. Um, young love. And
we come to Thanksgiving. They go to her
dad's for Thanksgiving. They're keeping
their relationship a secret from dad as
well. Mhm. Um,
and Ava
wakes from a nightmare. She hasn't
really had them since she's been um
sleeping with Alex. Um but she has a
nightmare and she goes out to the lake
behind the house like kind of in the
middle of the night um and or at like
3:00 in the morning or whatever. Call
that the middle of the night. Yeah. Oh
no, actually it's 4:44. That's like a
recurring thing. It's 4:44 that she
wakes up most nights. So her dad finds
her out at the lake and she starts to
panic and um
Ava
like fully freaks out when her dad like
is like, "Ava, like why are you out
here? Like are you okay? What's going
on?" Mhm. So Ava recovered her memories
apparently. Like as she was standing out
there for like 2 hours in the cold, she
recovered her memories. And so, so her
they stayed in the the house like is it
is it the same body of water? I'm
interpreting that correctly. Yeah, I
think so. So, it was a little bit
confusing cuz it was like we were at the
lake house and then it was like we were
at the house. So, I don't know if they
had a house that was on a lake and also
had a lakehouse or if you're my parents,
you have a lake house and then you just
move into it full time, right? And then
and then I'm like, well, it is a
lakehouse but now it's just the house.
You just live
45 minutes from the nearest grocery
store, right? Yeah. It is also a
lakehouse, but also kind of an
inconveniently placed house house. House
house. Yeah. So, I don't know. But
regardless, okay. Um, she gets home with
Alex and
she's like, "Listen, I recovered my
memories. Um, it wasn't my mom that
pushed me in the lake when I was five.
It was my dad." Right? So Ava decides to
confront her dad in Alex's office. So
several days go by and Alex puts
together like a whole thing so that Ava
can be safe when she brings this up with
her dad. Mhm. So her dad initially is
like, "Sweetheart, no. Like of course I
wouldn't. Like you must be
misremembering that, sweetheart. I love
you." Right. Like he's whatever. Um and
then Alex is like
I have evidence. And what? Yeah,
apparently he has evidence of her dad
running a paternity test on both her and
her brother and finding out that Ava was
not his biological daughter. And so
that's what triggered the divorce
proceedings.
And so he's like, "No, I have evidence
that like you knew Ava was never yours,
like blah blah blah blah blah." And
there's like some other stuff he has. Is
Ava learning this in real time? Yeah.
So, Alex didn't tell her that. Her dad
said it. Alex didn't out him like that.
Um, but she is learning all of this. I
think Alex probably had a plan to tell
her a little more gently later. Um, but
her brother is their father's biological
son. Okay. So, the dad essentially um uh
confesses to everything. Um,
it's just him and Ava. Alex left the
room. Um, and he's like, "Yeah, I wanted
to punish your mother for cheating on
me. This was seemed like the best way to
do it. I didn't want to raise like some
other man's child anyway." Um, a literal
human, but okay. Yeah. And also, he's
just a terrible person. And he also
confesses that he tried to kill her a
second time when she was nine. Like
tried to smother her and her brother
came home from school early. And so he
smothered her pretty significantly to
the point where when she came too, she
did not remember anything before the age
of nine.
So that's why she lost her memory was
because her dad tried to kill her a
second time.
So Alex also has evidence that he'd been
committing fraud through his business
for quite some time and he had the FBI
there
listening in. And also Josh is there. So
that's part of why it took so long to
like have this confrontation. They were
getting the feds and they also had Josh
come back from South America. And so
then Josh punches his dad in the face.
So Ava confesses that she has feelings
for Alex. Um wait wait wait.
It it's it's so disjointed and I really
do think it reads that way. Like I don't
think it's just my notes. Like I thought
maybe it was my notes. Well, I'm like so
Josh, you saw your dad try to kill your
sister or he just interrupted and she
was passed out. She just happened to
come home and was like, "Hey, Dad, I'm
home." or whatever. Or he was mid
strangle. Yeah. Or mid smother,
whatever. Um, so sorry. No, no, that's
okay cuz it is it felt confusing to
read. Um, so she tells Alex that she
loves him and he responds, "You are the
light to my dark." But he does not like
reciprocate the love.
So, Alex, we cut to him. He's getting
closer to vengeance for his family. Um,
when he discovers that his uncle that
raised him also betrayed him.
I don't remember how. It's some kind of
thing with the business they run. Ava's
waiting for Alex at a restaurant and he
is super late. We're talking like an
hour and a half late to the point where
I'm like that's how you can tell that
she is 22 because I'd have done been
gone. I was going to say what's your
time limit before you're out.
Well, I feel like probably half an hour
if I haven't heard from you. Half an
hour. Yeah. If I if I pushing it, right?
If I hear from you and you're like, "Oh
my god, there was an accident. It's
taking me a while. I'm still on my way.
I'll get there. Then I'll wait. But
like, and I feel like I'm only giving
you a half hour because my outreaches
probably didn't start until 5 to 10
after, right? So, if I if I reach out at
the 10-minute mark, that's a whole 20
minutes to wait for a response. And if I
haven't heard from you, I'm not staying.
Certainly not staying for an hour and a
half. Definitely not. So, he is
immediately a douchebag. Um when he gets
there. Yeah. And um then he explains
that his phone died and he couldn't call
and he's sorry. He's just had a really
tough day. His meeting went long. His
phone died. Whatever. Blah blah blah. I
hate it when my meeting goes long and my
phone dies. It absolutely gives me an
excuse to be an [ __ ] to my husband.
Yeah, you get it. Yeah. So Ava um like
they actually wind up having a really
nice time. Ava got a photography
fellowship in New York. Um, and Alex is
like, "Oh, well, I'll go with you. Like,
we have an office in New York. I'll just
start working out of the New York
office. Like, this is great." Um, and
things are good until his phone goes off
and she's like, "I thought you said your
phone was was dead."
And um, I mean, he could have charged
it, but it seemed He's like, "Oh, I
charged it in the car." And she's like,
"So, you couldn't plug it in in the car
and then call me to tell me you were on
the way? or text me back to say you were
on the way. Like,
why were you really late? And he refuses
to answer her. Um, and then he's like,
um,
I'm trying to make sure you have
plausible deniability, which is super
weird, but okay. Um, so she leaves
really mad.
Al, so she just leaves. Yeah. She's
like, "Yeah, I'm not doing this with
you. Like, this is actually horshit. Um,
I was supposed to be celebrating that I
got this incredible fellowship
opportunity that I've been dreaming
about. Like, I'm not doing this with
you. Um, and Alex finally Sorry, I go
ahead. Go ahead. Did they tell Josh
about them when he was there to take
down their dad? You know, I don't
remember. Okay. I don't think so. Um, I
don't think so. They're like, "No, we
should still sit on this." Yeah, let's
hold it. So, um, Alex, um, a little bit
later finally has confirmation that it
was actually his uncle that killed his
family. Um, and plot twist, the whole
time he thought that it was Ava's dad
who had killed his family cuz apparently
they were in both in construction or
something. So that's why he befriended
Josh in the first place. That's why he
got himself invited over to their house
for Thanksgiving and [ __ ] was all
because he believed that their dad
killed his family and he was getting his
revenge on him. But it wasn't their dad,
it was his uncle.
The [ __ ] you doing? Yeah, right. So Ava
um
confronts Alex about him acting weird.
She's like, "You're being really weird.
like every time I try to talk to you,
it's really bizarre. Um,
and at this point, Alex is working out
getting his uncle out of their family
business and taking it back over. Um,
the uncle finds out that he's been
dating Ava, so he's all worried about
the uncle like going after Ava or
something. It's all very convoluted. He
lies to Ava and says he's just been
stressed about transitioning to CEO and
everything.
And she's like, "Well, why didn't you
tell me that you were CEO? Like, it's
been like a week of you being really
weird. Like, I I could have supported
you." And he's like, "I didn't want to
worry you. It wasn't official. Like,
super wishy-washy." Ava out here being
the most levelheaded person in this
book. For real. For real. Ava does not
deserve Alex [ __ ]
Which is why it's incrementally
different from the books I have
spiritually read previous to this. Yes.
Cuz usually the girl is like, "Babe,
come on." Like, you know, that's just
him. I love all the pieces, right? And
there's some of that, but it's much more
like she's 22 and less like, oh my god,
she's an idiot. Like, it hurts. It hurts
me.
So, it's been weeks. Um, and Alex's
uncle calls him and is like, "Come over
to the house. I have something to show
you." Or something. His uncle has
kidnapped Ava. And one of Ava's friends.
Alex does a villain speech cuz he's
trying to like like
buy time because there's somebody with
like a knife to Ava's neck. And the
uncle is sitting there being a weird
overlord person. And so he's like, "I
never loved Ava. Her brother was leaving
the country and I needed I still needed
to be close to the family. I had to find
a way. Like she bought it hook, line,
and sinker and like all of this [ __ ]
right?" Um
and so ultimately he winds up killing
his uncle. Um, and the guy that
kidnapped Ava and her friend, he like
goes bonkers.
So, the cops show up cuz they touched
what was his? You get it? So, the cops
show up and Ava is in a days. She
confronts Alex like, "Was what you said
true? Like, this has been a lot today if
I'm honest and so just want to confirm
like, is this what you really meant?"
And he's like, "I warned you,
sweetheart. like you should have let go
of your fantasies, but you threw
yourself at me over and over again.
You made it too easy. Like all that kind
of [ __ ]
So she's like, "Okay." And turns around
and gets into
another one of the friends showed up
with a ride. She like just gets into the
car. She's like, "Okie dokie." And has
like no response until they are like
significantly away and then she has a
complete breakdown.
And it turns out the cops weren't real
that showed up. They were Alex's staff
and he just burns the house down.
Took care of that real quick. Capital
our revenge, baby. Uh-huh. So, um, he's
super distraught that Ava hates him, but
he's like, "This is for the best." Um,
and so then Josh shows up later, like a
couple of weeks later, um, and beats the
[ __ ] out of Alex and he just like takes
it. This is what I deserve. He's living
in the self-loathing. Yes. It's 2 months
later. Ava's hella depressed. Yeah,
Ava's super depressed, but she decides
that she's going to go swimming. Like,
Alex is not going to take this from her.
She's going to make it happen. And I'm
assuming that Josh showed up to beat up
Alex on Ava's behalf. She told him. Mhm.
Okay. So, their friendship is now over.
Yep. Yep. He's like, "I would have
forgiven you if you just came after me.
Why'd you pull Ava into it?" Like, it's
all that stuff. So, then it's 2 and 1/2
months later. So, it's been 4 and 1/2
months.
One of Ava's friends shows up to
confront Alex. Mhm. He's dayd drinking
in his office and generally not
thriving. Like he's not doing okay. So
the friend is like, "Ava's not okay." Um
and she is moving to London today in an
hour. Get to the airport. So she's like,
"I know your feelings were true." Okay.
This wasn't Jules. This was a different
friend. Yeah, cuz Jules knows better.
Jules would never
So, Alex tries to get there in time. Um,
like buys a ticket on his way to the
airport so he can get through security,
races to the gate, she's gone. Um, Ava
switched her photography fellowship from
New York to London. So, she moved to
London and she is living her best life.
Alex shows up and says that he'd had
someone following her to keep her safe.
Um, but he was keep taking over now.
He's here now. [ __ ] hell. She shuts
him down. She's like, "I don't know why
you're here. This is really [ __ ]
stupid." And he's like, "I'm not giving
up."
Four weeks he follows her and she does
not speak to him. But he waits outside
of her flat every day and walks her to
class. Waits outside her class every day
and walks her home every single day. Um,
and he's sending her a bunch of gifts,
blah blah blah blah blah. Does she have
friends? Does she go out outside of
this? Can she does like go to pubs and
stuff and people are like, "Who is this
fellow?" And she's like following you.
Don't worry about it.
Nobody don't worry about it. So,
um he she confronts him. She's like,
"Why are you doing this? Like, don't you
have a business to run? Like, why the
[ __ ] are you here?" And he swears that
he is never going to stop trying to win
her back. He resigned as CEO to be with
her in London. And Ava is unimpressed.
Good. She remains unmoved. Good
throughout that. I hope this book ends
with them not together.
Kind of. But a year later,
Ava is moved. My notes say Ava is not
moved. One year later, Ava is moved. Has
he been following her? He's been
following her for a year. So, he's been
spending time with her any way that he
can. Whether it's walking her to and
from class and stuff or she got like
furniture delivered and he volunteered
to put it together just so he could be
in her presence. Like, he has been
showing up every day with no
expectation.
So, this is her final art exhibition
that's going on. And um he buys all of
her photographs, right? He buys out her
whole collection. And then he gets on
stage and I I didn't put it in my notes
cuz it didn't feel relevant, but she's
into karaoke and has tried to get him to
sing with her repeatedly and he has said
no because it's like too vulnerable and
he would never. And so he serenates her.
I imagined it akin to Shitz Creek when
what's his doodle serenades David.
I was thinking of 10 Things I Hate About
You. Yes. Same energy, I think. Um, so
she's into it. They wind up banging in
the gallery.
It's the epilogue.
It's Thanksgiving again. They're
together and happy and they're having a
good time in Vermont for vacation. I
guess her brother still isn't really
speaking to them. Like he was really
really hurt by this whole thing and I
think he had a lot of guilt over the dad
thing obviously. Mhm. Um so they're
happy together. They're both working and
living their best lives and that's the
end.
Huh. Yeah.
I liked the concept of the story because
it wasn't cookie cutter. Mhm. You know,
there were I mean it was hella tropey,
but it wasn't like fully cookie cutter
in the storyline,
but it also felt like because of that
there wasn't enough like
development of the character. Like their
whole character was just that they had
trauma. Like I didn't even get into his
trauma. Like there's detailed
descriptions of him witnessing his
family get murdered. And it felt like
that's what we were relying on for all
character development. And it just was
not it was very like flat if that makes
sense.
Yeah. I also I don't know there's
something about like
I just don't believe it when someone's
been a dick for that long that they're
suddenly like
I'm going to gravel without any
expectation indefinitely. Like I mean at
the end of the book after a full year
he's like this was my my final push. I
know you're moving again. Like if you
tell me to leave you alone I'll leave
you alone. Like I get it. I'll get the
message or whatever. But it was very
half-hearted. It felt like
he wouldn't have gotten the message.
This man has chosen what he wanted to do
at every point regardless of really how
it impacted Ava. Correct. Yep.
And like I just quite frankly, Alex, I
don't believe you. Well, I think that
that is one thing I did appreciate about
this book was that
we didn't we didn't get to see the year
that he followed her, but there was a
year where he was putting in the time.
And that feels like a commitment to
change more so than in other books where
it's like that first 4 week like thing
or like 3 days or whatever and they're
like, "You've changed." I'm like, "You
got on a plane to London. You clearly
love me." Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I will say
committing. He took a European vacation.
He did. Like, come on. Doing it for a
full year. Yeah. But I'm like, I don't
believe that that's what you do after
like the rest of this book. No part of
that is congruent with your behavior
anywhere else. I almost would have
rather the all the betrayal and the
intrigue and all that stuff. I almost
prefer if that had been at the beginning
of the book and like the year was him
winning her back. Like I would have
rather read that character development
than this plot I think. Um
but it I didn't hate it. Yeah, that's
fair. You know,
cookies. Is that our rating system?
Yeah, it could be cookies. I was like
cameras. She's a photographer. But
cookies. Cookies is good. She made a lot
of cookies for him. She did make a lot
of cookies. She gave her a cookie to
him. Yeah, she did. More than once.
a lot of times and in kind of shockingly
public places sometimes.
Okay. Which, no judgment if you're into
that. A baker's dozen. A baker's dozen.
Yes. Okay. So, out of 13 cookies, I
would give it a
a seven.
Yeah. Like a little more than half.
Yeah. A seven. cuz the plot was
interesting. Mhm. The characters were
not like I liked Ava, but there wasn't
anything really like stand out special
about her.
Yeah. You know,
I feel like this is a book that like you
read and then because you spiritually
read so many others like it, you're
like, "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I I
remember that one now." like, "Oh, that
one with the dad who betrayed them."
Yeah. Yeah. Like, it doesn't stand out,
but it's fine. Um, and a lot of the book
was also devoted to setting up the
sequels, which I did not address. Um,
cuz we would have been here for 7 hours.
So, you know, I I kept it to two. So,
you're welcome. I don't actually know
how long we've been here. Me either.
Okay. Seven out of seven out of 13.
Final offer. Yep. Let us know how many
cookies you would rate this. Let us know
what flavor those cookies are. I'm
curious. Red velvet is from the book.
Garlic is also from the book. So, choose
your own adventure.
I'm going to choose red velvet if it's
between the two. Same. Yeah. Yeah. All
right. Let us know how many cookies you
would rate it, what flavor those cookies
are. Don't forget to like, subscribe.
Please let us know what books you'd like
us to review in the future. and we'll
see you next time. Bye, smudsluts. Bye,
smart puppies. Well, that's it for this
week, smud [ __ ] We hope it was good
for you, cuz it sure was great for us.
If you're digging what we're doing, it
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