WEBVTT NOTE This file was generated by Descript 00:00:07.055 --> 00:00:08.105 Candace Dellacona: Hello everyone. 00:00:08.105 --> 00:00:10.865 Welcome to the Sandwich Generation Survival Guide. 00:00:10.865 --> 00:00:12.945 I am your host, Candace Dellacona. 00:00:12.965 --> 00:00:19.655 I am so glad to welcome today Jason Brown, who is a legacy 00:00:19.655 --> 00:00:24.275 strategist, an entrepreneur, single dad, straight out of Texas. 00:00:24.275 --> 00:00:27.195 I am so thrilled to welcome you here, Jason. 00:00:27.255 --> 00:00:28.965 Thank you so much for joining me. 00:00:29.745 --> 00:00:30.405 Jason Brown: Absolutely. 00:00:30.615 --> 00:00:31.095 Thank you. 00:00:31.095 --> 00:00:36.145 And just so I don't have all the Texas people coming and going crazy on me. 00:00:36.195 --> 00:00:42.015 I am from California, but I am here residing in Texas. 00:00:42.015 --> 00:00:45.825 This has become my new place of home. 00:00:45.875 --> 00:00:48.565 'Cause you know, these Texans, man, they will go crazy if you 00:00:48.565 --> 00:00:50.785 claim their, I haven't, I don't think I've been here long enough. 00:00:51.270 --> 00:00:55.050 Candace Dellacona: Well, I'm just gonna say off the bat, once they hear your story 00:00:55.050 --> 00:01:00.060 and hear what you're about, I think Texas is gonna wanna claim you for its own. 00:01:00.060 --> 00:01:04.440 So that is my bet and that's why you are on the podcast today. 00:01:04.830 --> 00:01:07.290 And we're gonna talk all things legacy. 00:01:07.290 --> 00:01:10.860 We're gonna talk about how you got here, surviving the sandwich 00:01:10.860 --> 00:01:12.270 generation and all that good stuff. 00:01:12.320 --> 00:01:18.200 I wanted to just start from the beginning, Jason, for you to share a little bit with 00:01:18.200 --> 00:01:21.770 me of who you are and how you got here. 00:01:21.770 --> 00:01:27.700 And I'm so excited to talk about the Legacy card deck series. 00:01:27.750 --> 00:01:31.155 You and I have had a couple of conversations now about your 00:01:31.155 --> 00:01:36.605 mission and what you are set forth to do with this entire endeavor. 00:01:36.605 --> 00:01:37.835 But let's start at the beginning. 00:01:37.835 --> 00:01:39.965 So tell us who is Jason? 00:01:40.965 --> 00:01:49.020 Jason Brown: So Jason Brown is definitely a god-fearing man, first 00:01:49.020 --> 00:01:55.085 and foremost, husband, a father, entrepreneur, and someone who cares 00:01:55.385 --> 00:02:02.985 deeply about providing knowledge and information that can help build bridges 00:02:02.985 --> 00:02:05.715 and break cycles through information. 00:02:05.865 --> 00:02:09.315 I think that in this culture, in the society that we live in 00:02:09.315 --> 00:02:12.975 now, there is a lot of noise 00:02:13.270 --> 00:02:13.560 Candace Dellacona: Yeah, 00:02:13.575 --> 00:02:18.385 Jason Brown: there's a lot of information those informations don't actually help 00:02:18.625 --> 00:02:23.185 build the necessary bridges that you need to get from one side to the other. 00:02:23.425 --> 00:02:24.420 Candace Dellacona: I think that's so true. 00:02:24.470 --> 00:02:28.090 So tell everyone where you started and how you got here. 00:02:28.090 --> 00:02:29.950 So you're native of California? 00:02:29.965 --> 00:02:30.415 Jason Brown: sure. 00:02:31.225 --> 00:02:37.910 So I'm a native of California and I will just give the brief overview. 00:02:38.170 --> 00:02:45.200 My story in life in itself is a book, but so kicked out of the house 00:02:45.200 --> 00:02:52.040 at 16 and I had a child on the way, which is my daughter who is 23 now. 00:02:53.040 --> 00:02:58.610 at that time I was expelled from school, and I was trying to 00:02:58.670 --> 00:03:00.380 figure out life at that point. 00:03:01.370 --> 00:03:05.660 During that time, obviously me and my mom and our relationship 00:03:05.660 --> 00:03:10.280 just wasn't best, which is funny. 00:03:10.340 --> 00:03:15.890 I actually called her two days ago and I was like, I understand and I forgive you. 00:03:16.010 --> 00:03:19.880 I don't condone the methods, but trust me when I say I understand. 00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:20.360 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:03:20.570 --> 00:03:20.810 Yeah. 00:03:21.260 --> 00:03:21.560 Jason Brown: what? 00:03:21.560 --> 00:03:23.150 I was like, just know I understand. 00:03:23.540 --> 00:03:27.845 But during that time both of my parents were both entrepreneurs. 00:03:27.995 --> 00:03:32.985 My dad owned restaurants and I like to say in Los Angeles, he had the 00:03:32.985 --> 00:03:35.295 first food delivery service ever. 00:03:35.295 --> 00:03:39.015 I used to ride around with him through LA and he had a van and he would 00:03:39.015 --> 00:03:44.685 deliver, meat and frozen seafood to people's houses, and we would go and 00:03:44.985 --> 00:03:48.015 get out and talk to his customers and hang out there all all day. 00:03:48.015 --> 00:03:55.285 And then my mom, was entrepreneur as well, started off in Mary Kay in Avon, 00:03:55.285 --> 00:04:01.805 and then she went off to in insurance and ended up building three brokerages 00:04:01.805 --> 00:04:05.685 and selling those insurance agencies which she still has her book of 00:04:05.685 --> 00:04:07.875 business and still does some work today. 00:04:08.185 --> 00:04:08.405 Candace Dellacona: Wow. 00:04:08.415 --> 00:04:12.605 Jason Brown: So growing up seeing that, that was the only thing that I knew. 00:04:12.905 --> 00:04:19.715 And I spent my twenties actually in television and fashion in Los Angeles. 00:04:20.525 --> 00:04:24.995 started off designing clothes, and then I transitioned into television. 00:04:25.235 --> 00:04:30.015 And then I got to a point where I'm just burnt out from the entertainment industry. 00:04:30.515 --> 00:04:31.835 I want to make a change. 00:04:31.935 --> 00:04:33.605 I was like, but I'm too far in. 00:04:33.665 --> 00:04:34.835 I've already gone too far. 00:04:34.835 --> 00:04:37.395 And I'm now knowing my life hasn't even started yet. 00:04:38.325 --> 00:04:41.355 but I ended up making a change into tech. 00:04:42.355 --> 00:04:44.995 during that time, I met my best friend. 00:04:45.385 --> 00:04:49.860 And I remember, I always like to say we had literally the notebook story. 00:04:50.220 --> 00:04:52.140 She worked for my cousin who was a publicist. 00:04:53.040 --> 00:04:55.830 at that time when I met her, the first time I met her, I 00:04:55.830 --> 00:04:56.700 said, I'm gonna marry her. 00:04:57.044 --> 00:04:58.904 And two years later we got married. 00:04:59.384 --> 00:05:04.614 And during that time we got married and she was like, I'll 00:05:04.614 --> 00:05:05.664 go wherever you want to go. 00:05:05.879 --> 00:05:06.169 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:05:06.234 --> 00:05:08.754 Jason Brown: was like I wanna start this business. 00:05:09.144 --> 00:05:14.124 And it was the business, which is still today, it's called Pocket Chefs, and 00:05:14.124 --> 00:05:15.624 it's a tech business in the Bay Area. 00:05:16.344 --> 00:05:21.114 we actually do meal prep and batch cooking for households that have 2.5 00:05:21.114 --> 00:05:21.834 people or more. 00:05:21.924 --> 00:05:28.764 So the main focus was moms and pregnant women that were looking to get 00:05:28.764 --> 00:05:30.624 assistance with everyday cooking needs. 00:05:31.104 --> 00:05:35.344 And we moved to the Bay Area and we started that business. 00:05:35.344 --> 00:05:38.254 And as we were just having the conversation, the first three months 00:05:38.254 --> 00:05:40.534 we spent, just working on that. 00:05:40.534 --> 00:05:43.864 And we were living out of our car and we were living in Airbnbs. 00:05:44.864 --> 00:05:48.224 as I was saying, those were some of the best and joyful moments of my life. 00:05:48.374 --> 00:05:53.604 I think that that gave me the opportunity to really connect and really learn learn 00:05:53.604 --> 00:05:55.414 each other and grow with each other. 00:05:56.944 --> 00:06:05.004 fast forward to 10 years, we, my wife, she started off at Sephora and then ended 00:06:05.004 --> 00:06:11.044 up going from Sephora to Tacha and then she got poached by a consulting firm 00:06:11.204 --> 00:06:13.534 in the Bay Area and then went to eBay. 00:06:14.254 --> 00:06:18.244 then from eBay, during that time, during the pandemic, we 00:06:18.244 --> 00:06:20.254 actually left and moved to Mexico. 00:06:21.334 --> 00:06:25.714 we moved to Mexico and we lived in Mexico for about five months. 00:06:26.194 --> 00:06:29.254 And that was my first time ever spending anywhere outside of the country. 00:06:29.254 --> 00:06:34.204 So we were there for Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, new Year's, eve. 00:06:34.704 --> 00:06:38.394 Candace Dellacona: So you're newly married and you're making it as a founder, having 00:06:38.394 --> 00:06:42.204 that entrepreneurial spirit, obviously it's something that was modeled for you 00:06:42.204 --> 00:06:47.104 by your parents and you've taken it on and made it your own, and you've forged 00:06:47.104 --> 00:06:49.089 the way with your life partner, your wife. 00:06:49.489 --> 00:06:52.249 Jason Brown: yeah, it was , she was my missing link. 00:06:52.699 --> 00:06:52.919 Candace Dellacona: Mm. 00:06:53.089 --> 00:06:55.159 Jason Brown: She was my missing link for sure. 00:06:55.279 --> 00:07:01.279 And the man that she made me into wasn't because of the things 00:07:01.279 --> 00:07:04.609 that she taught me, or it wasn't because of the things that she did. 00:07:04.609 --> 00:07:07.459 It was because of my love that I had for her. 00:07:07.549 --> 00:07:09.709 It made me want to be better as a man. 00:07:09.749 --> 00:07:10.039 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:07:10.039 --> 00:07:15.199 Jason Brown: So I had to do the work to be able to show up in a way that I 00:07:15.199 --> 00:07:19.369 wish, obviously the man that I am today is the person that she always saw. 00:07:20.369 --> 00:07:23.619 But I couldn't have done anything that I've done without her. 00:07:24.109 --> 00:07:27.109 Candace Dellacona: And so that's a good transition to talk about 00:07:27.109 --> 00:07:33.279 what happened next and what ended up being a transformative moment 00:07:33.759 --> 00:07:35.259 in your life and losing her. 00:07:35.379 --> 00:07:35.799 Jason Brown: sure. 00:07:36.519 --> 00:07:36.729 Yeah. 00:07:36.729 --> 00:07:44.119 So once we got back from Mexico, we had relocated here to Texas and we started to 00:07:44.149 --> 00:07:50.959 buy property out here and we bought our first home, but we were building that one. 00:07:51.019 --> 00:07:53.689 So as we were building that one, we had another investment 00:07:53.689 --> 00:07:54.979 property that we were living in. 00:07:55.639 --> 00:08:02.149 then 2022 New Year's Eve, we got the keys to our house and 00:08:02.179 --> 00:08:06.739 we moved in and celebrated New Year's Eve in our brand new house. 00:08:06.919 --> 00:08:07.339 Candace Dellacona: Amazing 00:08:08.239 --> 00:08:13.549 Jason Brown: Maybe six months into that, she got a job offer. 00:08:13.819 --> 00:08:16.399 She was actually hesitant to go. 00:08:16.909 --> 00:08:21.769 But she got a job offer from Nike and they wanted her to be the senior director 00:08:21.769 --> 00:08:23.539 of creative operations for Jordan. 00:08:24.064 --> 00:08:24.434 Candace Dellacona: Amazing. 00:08:24.469 --> 00:08:25.999 Jason Brown: She was 34 years old. 00:08:26.479 --> 00:08:30.159 And I just told her, you deserve this and this is something that 00:08:30.159 --> 00:08:31.749 I think would be great for you. 00:08:32.439 --> 00:08:38.149 So we left to Portland and we lived in the house it took two years to build 00:08:38.149 --> 00:08:39.529 and we lived in it for six months. 00:08:39.679 --> 00:08:41.189 And then went to Portland. 00:08:41.669 --> 00:08:45.939 And as we were in Portland, as I was getting stuff together at that house, 00:08:45.939 --> 00:08:49.839 'cause we're gonna rent it out, I show up and she said, Hey, guess what? 00:08:50.689 --> 00:08:51.199 I'm pregnant. 00:08:52.069 --> 00:08:54.179 And I said, well, great. 00:08:55.179 --> 00:08:56.499 no, I was actually thrilled. 00:08:56.599 --> 00:09:01.259 So in 2023, our son was born April 3rd. 00:09:01.499 --> 00:09:03.729 And it was great. 00:09:03.729 --> 00:09:05.979 We had the baby shower, everything was fine. 00:09:05.979 --> 00:09:13.039 I remember on the porch, on New Year's Eve and we were celebrating and in 2023 00:09:13.039 --> 00:09:17.669 in April, I remember we were sitting on the couch and we were watching Star Wars. 00:09:18.584 --> 00:09:21.974 And the baby was in between us and we had our little EarPods in the, so we didn't 00:09:21.974 --> 00:09:27.714 wake 'em up we were like, normal night, gonna get up, go to sleep went to sleep. 00:09:27.804 --> 00:09:30.834 And we woke up that morning and she was like, I just, I have a headache. 00:09:31.834 --> 00:09:32.524 I was like, okay. 00:09:32.574 --> 00:09:35.654 So we called the midwife and she was like maybe you're dehydrated. 00:09:36.104 --> 00:09:37.424 And she's yeah, I just have a headache. 00:09:38.354 --> 00:09:41.814 And I was like, you know what, let's just go to the emergency room. 00:09:42.534 --> 00:09:45.934 So I have the baby downstairs in another part of the house. 00:09:45.994 --> 00:09:49.984 And as I'm bringing the baby upstairs, her aunt was staying with us at that 00:09:49.984 --> 00:09:53.734 time, and she's walking her downstairs and as she gets to like this middle 00:09:53.764 --> 00:09:56.694 platform, she just falls into a seizure. 00:09:57.414 --> 00:09:59.534 And we don't know what's going on. 00:09:59.584 --> 00:10:03.454 Hand the baby to my aunt and I catch her as she's falling down. 00:10:03.814 --> 00:10:05.134 And then I call 9 1 1. 00:10:05.734 --> 00:10:08.764 We end up taking her to the emergency room, we call the doula. 00:10:08.764 --> 00:10:11.654 And the doula was like, maybe it could be preeclampsia. 00:10:12.144 --> 00:10:13.374 Maybe she's dehydrated. 00:10:13.689 --> 00:10:14.019 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:10:14.574 --> 00:10:20.694 Jason Brown: they are running test on her and then comes back and they do CAT scans. 00:10:20.694 --> 00:10:24.624 And then they say, we found a mass on the right side of her brain, and it 00:10:24.624 --> 00:10:27.054 could be scar tissue from the seizure. 00:10:27.054 --> 00:10:31.714 We're not sure, but we're gonna, take it to the cancer association 00:10:31.714 --> 00:10:33.634 and see what they say about it. 00:10:34.264 --> 00:10:40.054 So that was two weeks after, and then they finally came back and said, 00:10:40.384 --> 00:10:46.034 okay, we can confirm that it is a tumor we need to operate next week. 00:10:46.454 --> 00:10:53.544 So she went into brain surgery and came out and, we talked to the doctor and 00:10:53.544 --> 00:10:57.574 he was like, we're just gonna have to watch it over the next, few years and 00:10:57.694 --> 00:11:01.474 you may have to have another to resect it and just to go in and cut it out. 00:11:02.314 --> 00:11:04.324 And we were like, not a problem. 00:11:04.414 --> 00:11:06.934 And he was like, it's a grade four cancer. 00:11:07.624 --> 00:11:12.584 But we removed 99% of it and she was doing everything fine. 00:11:12.694 --> 00:11:17.294 And so we were going on a trip for Mother's Day and we went 00:11:17.294 --> 00:11:19.904 to the oncologist that day. 00:11:20.384 --> 00:11:23.454 And when we showed up to the oncologist, she was like I don't 00:11:23.454 --> 00:11:25.194 know if they discussed this with you. 00:11:25.554 --> 00:11:28.854 And we were like, you could say whatever, we've talked to the doctor, say whatever. 00:11:28.854 --> 00:11:32.594 She's in the notes they upgraded it from a grade four to glioblastoma. 00:11:33.144 --> 00:11:34.274 And we were like, what does that mean? 00:11:34.274 --> 00:11:39.294 She was like, it's the highest grade tumor and you have pretty 00:11:39.294 --> 00:11:42.414 much 18 to 24 months to live. 00:11:43.284 --> 00:11:44.754 Candace Dellacona: What a devastating blow. 00:11:44.754 --> 00:11:51.634 So you're the high of, high, hitting crazy what we call success, right? 00:11:51.634 --> 00:11:55.254 In this country where you've made a go of your company and she is sought 00:11:55.254 --> 00:11:58.044 after as this incredible creative force. 00:11:58.494 --> 00:12:01.974 She's now been brought into this incredible company to do her thing, 00:12:01.974 --> 00:12:06.054 and you're have your first child, you're over the moon and your son is 00:12:06.054 --> 00:12:12.504 healthy, and you are walloped with a diagnosis that in the end is terminal. 00:12:13.404 --> 00:12:15.504 And so where do you go from there, Jason? 00:12:16.504 --> 00:12:22.254 Jason Brown: So as I said, and as I stated before, we are both 00:12:22.614 --> 00:12:25.554 believers and we walk with God. 00:12:25.914 --> 00:12:30.354 And she is really a different, like when I tell you a warrior 00:12:30.354 --> 00:12:32.364 woman, she is a warrior woman. 00:12:33.364 --> 00:12:40.324 we just started walking it out and having to figure out what this looks like for us. 00:12:40.324 --> 00:12:42.454 And we weren't sure and we were praying. 00:12:42.454 --> 00:12:49.924 And I remember when she went into her second brain surgery I was like, 00:12:50.764 --> 00:12:55.294 okay, we were actually gonna go to Mexico to a cancer center out there 00:12:55.294 --> 00:13:00.144 that they deal with peptides and it's like a immunotherapy type of 00:13:00.304 --> 00:13:03.104 treatment that they do during that time. 00:13:03.104 --> 00:13:07.554 And I remember the treatment was like $40,000 and she just, she will research 00:13:07.584 --> 00:13:10.314 the flip the world over and research. 00:13:10.314 --> 00:13:11.244 She was like, I'm sure. 00:13:11.904 --> 00:13:13.284 I just felt unsettled. 00:13:13.674 --> 00:13:20.534 And I remember I was sitting there and she gets a call from her boss who is the vp 00:13:21.184 --> 00:13:27.884 and she was like hey because the president of Nike called her boss and was like, 00:13:27.884 --> 00:13:32.654 Hey, we just wanna make sure that she's getting the best help that she's getting. 00:13:33.134 --> 00:13:39.524 And she was like, did you connect her with, and I forgot the gentleman's name, 00:13:39.524 --> 00:13:42.344 but he was one of the VPs at United. 00:13:42.824 --> 00:13:44.924 So he connected us with him. 00:13:45.374 --> 00:13:48.744 We had a great conversation and he was like, listen, I have a 00:13:48.744 --> 00:13:52.394 friend at Duke and his name is Dr. 00:13:52.394 --> 00:13:56.314 Friedman and he's the head at the Brain Cancer center over at Duke. 00:13:56.954 --> 00:14:01.464 I would just love for you guys to have a conversation with him and he connected 00:14:01.464 --> 00:14:06.324 us, and we had a conversation with him and he was like, listen, I would love to 00:14:06.324 --> 00:14:08.694 have you if you guys would love to come. 00:14:08.994 --> 00:14:10.224 And this was in North Carolina. 00:14:10.884 --> 00:14:15.214 And so we actually flew down and went to dinner with him and his wife, 00:14:15.214 --> 00:14:21.034 and we talked with them, and we felt like that was the right move to go. 00:14:21.094 --> 00:14:25.364 And when I tell you like, it doesn't matter what came up, 00:14:25.364 --> 00:14:26.474 he was like, no, we can fix it. 00:14:26.784 --> 00:14:31.674 And that's why she loved him is because always spoke from solutions. 00:14:31.774 --> 00:14:38.364 And at that time we got there and going through treatment and even the tumor 00:14:38.364 --> 00:14:47.259 started to shrink and we came back and there was a point where she started 00:14:47.259 --> 00:14:49.719 to lose mobility in her left side. 00:14:50.719 --> 00:14:53.959 she became completely paralyzed from her left side down. 00:14:54.379 --> 00:14:59.599 So at this point in time, I'm taking care of my son who is seven months, 00:14:59.599 --> 00:15:02.449 years old, and I'm taking care of my wife, who's completely paralyzed. 00:15:02.819 --> 00:15:06.149 She's, I'm having to take her to the bathroom, I'm having to change his diaper. 00:15:06.149 --> 00:15:07.409 And this is like every two hours. 00:15:07.409 --> 00:15:08.489 I'm going back and forth with 00:15:08.659 --> 00:15:08.949 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:15:09.139 --> 00:15:09.429 Yeah. 00:15:09.434 --> 00:15:09.614 Yeah. 00:15:09.779 --> 00:15:13.149 Jason Brown: And then a couple months in it, he's like, we just need 00:15:13.149 --> 00:15:14.409 to figure out, we can reverse it. 00:15:14.829 --> 00:15:19.749 And we woke up one morning and we were laying in the bed and 00:15:20.169 --> 00:15:21.339 I could tell she was tired. 00:15:22.329 --> 00:15:26.649 And we just started playing a worship song and my son was there and she was 00:15:26.649 --> 00:15:31.429 there and then got her up, took her into the living room and I was looking at 00:15:31.429 --> 00:15:34.469 her I can kind of see her about to go. 00:15:34.469 --> 00:15:37.079 'cause at this point I can tell when she was gonna go into a seizure. 00:15:37.919 --> 00:15:41.069 So I immediately called, 'cause I had said her name, but she didn't respond. 00:15:41.339 --> 00:15:43.079 And then she started looking off to the left. 00:15:43.499 --> 00:15:49.289 So I called 9 1 1 and they came and then I called the medical assistant. 00:15:49.289 --> 00:15:50.474 'cause I couldn't get ahold of Dr. 00:15:50.474 --> 00:15:51.329 Freeman at that time. 00:15:51.379 --> 00:15:54.689 And she was like, this seems like a different type of 00:15:54.689 --> 00:15:56.009 seizure you should take her in. 00:15:56.729 --> 00:16:02.409 And so we took her in and I'm thinking, she's had seizures before this is gonna 00:16:02.409 --> 00:16:06.879 be, and I was like, sweetheart, I was like, if you can hear me, like blink, and 00:16:06.879 --> 00:16:10.379 she would blink and I was like, I love you and I was like, you're gonna be okay. 00:16:11.159 --> 00:16:18.469 And we took her in and come to find out there was hemorrhaging in her brain. 00:16:19.469 --> 00:16:21.779 They, finally got Dr. 00:16:21.779 --> 00:16:27.249 Freeman on the phone and that was the first time where he was like, there's 00:16:27.249 --> 00:16:29.799 nothing more that I can do at this point. 00:16:30.274 --> 00:16:33.974 Candace Dellacona: So up until that time, you were both optimistic and I 00:16:33.974 --> 00:16:37.394 just wanna point out, I don't know if you noticed this, but often when you 00:16:37.394 --> 00:16:42.594 speak about your wife, you're talking about her in the present sense, which I 00:16:42.594 --> 00:16:47.364 think probably speaks to the fact that you feel that she's still with you. 00:16:47.364 --> 00:16:49.884 I think that's really, really beautiful. 00:16:50.454 --> 00:16:52.074 I don't know if you realize you're doing that. 00:16:52.689 --> 00:16:55.739 Jason Brown: I don't she changed, she changed my life. 00:16:56.299 --> 00:16:56.519 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:16:57.029 --> 00:16:57.659 Jason Brown: she changed. 00:16:57.659 --> 00:17:03.099 And I tell people, like the person that I am today and the people like they 00:17:03.099 --> 00:17:10.269 see today as, as a, the businessman and the father she changed my life 00:17:10.569 --> 00:17:13.089 and she loved me unconditionally. 00:17:13.179 --> 00:17:17.159 And she was the first time that I've ever felt unconditional 00:17:17.159 --> 00:17:19.049 love actually looked like. 00:17:19.049 --> 00:17:19.379 It felt 00:17:19.429 --> 00:17:19.699 Candace Dellacona: yeah. 00:17:19.954 --> 00:17:25.234 Jason Brown: so that's why, for me, when I get a chance to talk about her, it makes 00:17:25.234 --> 00:17:32.454 me, it does help settle my spirit because I get to share how amazing, she was. 00:17:32.764 --> 00:17:38.174 But yeah, that's when he had said, there's nothing more that we can do. 00:17:38.954 --> 00:17:41.564 We'll try one more time to try to reverse the bleeding. 00:17:42.344 --> 00:17:45.984 then they finally came back and were like there's nothing else that 00:17:45.989 --> 00:17:47.334 we're, we can't stop the bleeding. 00:17:47.679 --> 00:17:47.969 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:17:48.024 --> 00:17:50.184 Jason Brown: then seven days later she was gone. 00:17:51.184 --> 00:17:54.514 Candace Dellacona: And you go through all of that as a young person, like I said, 00:17:54.564 --> 00:17:56.274 feeling like you're on top of the world. 00:17:56.814 --> 00:17:58.679 You're both, otherwise healthy. 00:17:59.679 --> 00:18:03.219 You're left as a single dad without your best friend and 00:18:03.219 --> 00:18:06.989 your partner and essentially the inspiration for all of this. 00:18:06.989 --> 00:18:11.849 And how do you get to where you are today in finding what your 00:18:11.849 --> 00:18:14.669 purpose is as a legacy strategist? 00:18:14.674 --> 00:18:15.554 Where did that start? 00:18:16.554 --> 00:18:22.754 Jason Brown: So during the time, actually when I was in, and this was 00:18:22.754 --> 00:18:26.744 back in Mexico, was like, you know what? 00:18:27.744 --> 00:18:30.534 The first chef that I ever hired, who's now my business partner, who 00:18:30.534 --> 00:18:33.154 runs, excuse me, she's an operator. 00:18:33.154 --> 00:18:35.314 She operates the day-to-day for the business now. 00:18:35.314 --> 00:18:38.164 I was like, if I can't make you into me, I'm just gonna shut 00:18:38.164 --> 00:18:40.564 the business down 'cause I don't want to be an operator anymore. 00:18:40.804 --> 00:18:46.154 Like I, my heart was being pulled into other areas, which was just doing 00:18:46.154 --> 00:18:47.744 a deep dive in financial literacy. 00:18:47.764 --> 00:18:48.114 Candace Dellacona: Right. 00:18:48.794 --> 00:18:51.474 Jason Brown: That's where my passion became. 00:18:52.314 --> 00:18:57.294 and I started to dive really deep into truly understanding all of the aspects 00:18:57.294 --> 00:19:01.374 of financial literacy, from securities to real estate, to life insurance. 00:19:01.374 --> 00:19:04.074 And each one is its own different vertical. 00:19:04.144 --> 00:19:06.574 Even to the point where I went and got my real estate license, 00:19:07.024 --> 00:19:11.114 just 'cause I wanted to understand how it actually truly worked. 00:19:11.494 --> 00:19:19.074 And at that point when that happened, I had different businesses, we 00:19:19.074 --> 00:19:22.224 had built a portfolio, so I was managing everything on my own. 00:19:23.224 --> 00:19:27.714 But in that moment, I realized, as I was going through that season, there 00:19:27.714 --> 00:19:32.544 were a lot of conversations that we had and then there were a lot of 00:19:32.544 --> 00:19:35.724 conversations that we didn't have. 00:19:36.144 --> 00:19:38.964 And it's not the fact that I didn't know the answers to 'em because 00:19:38.964 --> 00:19:41.544 I understood who my partner was. 00:19:41.919 --> 00:19:44.829 We just didn't really have those conversations. 00:19:44.829 --> 00:19:48.999 We had the conversations about life insurance and we had the conversations 00:19:48.999 --> 00:19:52.749 about, we didn't have conversations about do not resuscitate orders. 00:19:53.229 --> 00:19:59.439 Like we didn't have conversations about what do you want your funeral to look like 00:19:59.439 --> 00:20:01.069 or What would you want at your funeral? 00:20:01.749 --> 00:20:04.359 Everything that was done is because I knew she always called herself 00:20:04.359 --> 00:20:06.789 a butterfly and she was going through her metamorphosis stage. 00:20:07.089 --> 00:20:11.374 So I had like a, like 500, like little butterflies and like envelopes that 00:20:11.374 --> 00:20:14.764 were released and I had flowers, bouquets of butterflies on her 00:20:14.764 --> 00:20:18.404 and, but we never talked about, did you wanna be buried in la? 00:20:18.644 --> 00:20:19.994 Did you wanna be buried in, Texas? 00:20:20.054 --> 00:20:21.414 Do you care of where you're buried? 00:20:21.464 --> 00:20:26.994 And then, when it came to, if something was to happen to both of us, we 00:20:26.994 --> 00:20:29.104 didn't talk about power of attorneys. 00:20:29.604 --> 00:20:29.824 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:20:30.334 --> 00:20:33.064 Jason Brown: We knew who we would want to raise our kids, but we didn't 00:20:33.694 --> 00:20:36.694 really talk about or put things in place, if something was to happen. 00:20:37.194 --> 00:20:41.304 So there were so many conversations about things that we have 00:20:41.774 --> 00:20:44.314 explicitly, but we had generally. 00:20:44.584 --> 00:20:44.824 Candace Dellacona: Yeah, 00:20:44.824 --> 00:20:45.664 Jason Brown: So I understood 00:20:45.814 --> 00:20:46.234 Candace Dellacona: sure. 00:20:46.304 --> 00:20:48.784 Jason Brown: how to navigate those situations and I realized at that point 00:20:48.784 --> 00:20:56.544 I was like, when it comes to financial literacy, like I am very comprehensive 00:20:56.544 --> 00:21:00.984 when it comes to understanding from different verticals, especially 00:21:00.984 --> 00:21:02.364 understanding from life insurance. 00:21:02.394 --> 00:21:07.154 'cause my mom from business to even investing in the whole nine. 00:21:08.154 --> 00:21:12.734 I realized if I know all of this and there's still conversations that 00:21:12.734 --> 00:21:17.864 I didn't have, I can only imagine what conversations are not being had 00:21:18.254 --> 00:21:23.754 with people who don't have the full domain knowledge in these verticals. 00:21:23.834 --> 00:21:27.529 Candace Dellacona: yeah, so let's talk about that . And you said so much there 00:21:28.399 --> 00:21:34.204 as it relates to your ideas about living and dying and having these conversations. 00:21:34.254 --> 00:21:39.904 So starting with that, when you love someone, whether it's your spouse 00:21:39.904 --> 00:21:44.314 and your life partner, the mother of your child, or a parent or a sibling, 00:21:44.944 --> 00:21:50.164 and you're trying to be optimistic for the outcome and you're trying to 00:21:50.224 --> 00:21:54.874 follow along with that optimism, it's really hard to start a conversation 00:21:54.874 --> 00:21:56.344 about where you wanna be buried. 00:21:56.764 --> 00:22:01.324 If you are rooting for them, and you are saying to them, I believe 00:22:01.324 --> 00:22:03.004 that this doctor is gonna fix you. 00:22:03.004 --> 00:22:06.664 And the hope and the competence that you had at that in that doctor at Duke, that 00:22:06.664 --> 00:22:08.884 he could somehow overcome glioblastoma. 00:22:09.724 --> 00:22:13.744 So I totally understand why you couldn't have that specific conversation, and 00:22:13.744 --> 00:22:15.274 I'm sure many of our listeners do too. 00:22:15.274 --> 00:22:17.164 I've been in that situation myself. 00:22:17.164 --> 00:22:24.254 So knowing that you wanna be optimistic and you don't even wanna go there, it 00:22:24.254 --> 00:22:29.564 makes sense to me why you wouldn't have a conversation about where someone's remains 00:22:29.564 --> 00:22:31.904 would be, or the send off they wanna have. 00:22:32.904 --> 00:22:36.284 And then, dovetailing it with financial literacy and talking 00:22:36.284 --> 00:22:38.084 about what would happen next. 00:22:38.084 --> 00:22:42.254 Again, all in the lines of you're not here anymore when 00:22:42.254 --> 00:22:43.514 you're trying to be optimistic. 00:22:43.514 --> 00:22:45.759 Those are really hard conversations to start. 00:22:45.939 --> 00:22:50.234 And that is what I love so much about your message, Jason, and why 00:22:50.234 --> 00:22:53.144 you and I connected when we had these conversations about Legacy 00:22:53.144 --> 00:22:54.344 and starting the conversation. 00:22:54.344 --> 00:22:58.274 Because part of the reason why I started this podcast is the platform, right? 00:22:58.274 --> 00:23:02.624 To provide community and answers for questions that I know people 00:23:02.624 --> 00:23:05.274 have and resources like yours. 00:23:05.274 --> 00:23:09.684 So I wanna jump into like how the Legacy Deck came out of that. 00:23:10.014 --> 00:23:14.594 So why don't you talk about making the transition from, you have a super 00:23:14.594 --> 00:23:21.584 successful business and you are struck with, I'm sure, unimaginable, grief, love 00:23:21.584 --> 00:23:26.834 for your son, all of the things that could have been, and then you try to take that 00:23:26.834 --> 00:23:32.084 pain and that grief and put it into this project, which has become the legacy deck. 00:23:32.549 --> 00:23:32.939 Jason Brown: sure. 00:23:33.809 --> 00:23:34.019 Yeah. 00:23:34.019 --> 00:23:42.084 I think that, and even just to close out that last part we were just talking about. 00:23:42.564 --> 00:23:42.884 You're right. 00:23:42.884 --> 00:23:49.474 It is very difficult to have those conversations, but necessary versus 00:23:49.474 --> 00:23:52.004 difficult are two different things. 00:23:52.069 --> 00:23:52.729 Candace Dellacona: Totally right. 00:23:53.044 --> 00:23:57.244 Jason Brown: And I get that it was difficult, but was necessary. 00:23:57.244 --> 00:24:02.964 And there was somebody that I interviewed on my podcast and she was in the military 00:24:03.234 --> 00:24:07.494 and we connected and I was like, oh, I need to actually talk with you is 00:24:07.494 --> 00:24:12.044 because she said it her, she's my platoon sergeant says, 10 outta 10 people die. 00:24:12.594 --> 00:24:15.504 And I was like, you're right. 00:24:15.834 --> 00:24:18.024 I was talking with somebody and I said the same thing. 00:24:18.024 --> 00:24:20.004 And I said 10 outta 10 people die. 00:24:20.234 --> 00:24:21.554 And everybody plans. 00:24:21.884 --> 00:24:23.594 It's just what do we plan? 00:24:24.044 --> 00:24:26.674 And I've seen my father passed away. 00:24:26.734 --> 00:24:28.714 My grandma passed away and my wife passed away. 00:24:29.464 --> 00:24:36.014 I've seen the chaos happen my mother and my aunt because of the 00:24:36.014 --> 00:24:40.524 lack of conversations that they didn't have, even with my mom 00:24:40.524 --> 00:24:42.144 being in the insurance business. 00:24:42.264 --> 00:24:44.634 And then I've seen the lack of conversations that when 00:24:44.634 --> 00:24:47.334 my dad passed away, I didn't know anything about anything. 00:24:48.024 --> 00:24:51.534 And then I wanted to change that when I got married, I wanted to have 00:24:51.534 --> 00:24:52.884 different type of conversations. 00:24:53.754 --> 00:24:58.164 I remember I was sitting there and I was sitting in the chair and I was like, 00:24:59.124 --> 00:25:05.734 there has to be a way to make these conversations a lot more lighthearted. 00:25:06.454 --> 00:25:12.214 And there wasn't anything that was out there that I had in my hands to 00:25:12.214 --> 00:25:13.594 help me have these conversations. 00:25:13.624 --> 00:25:16.414 'cause these conversations, I should have been having these conversations 00:25:16.444 --> 00:25:18.724 with her family, because we were okay. 00:25:19.384 --> 00:25:24.664 the chaos didn't really come within my family and with me and her because 00:25:24.664 --> 00:25:28.864 we were very clear and they understood our structure and how we did things. 00:25:29.864 --> 00:25:32.804 But I turned into Public Enemy number one in that hospital. 00:25:33.074 --> 00:25:37.544 And of course I get it, everybody processes things differently, but they 00:25:37.544 --> 00:25:42.374 didn't have tools to process or tools to have these conversations about the 00:25:42.374 --> 00:25:43.934 things that needed to be put in place. 00:25:43.994 --> 00:25:52.774 And I started to go down this path of, how can we make this easier for 00:25:52.774 --> 00:25:54.424 people to have these conversations? 00:25:54.564 --> 00:25:57.414 Because what happens is when we have these conversations, we feel like we're 00:25:57.414 --> 00:26:00.594 being attacked, or a family member feels like they're being attacked. 00:26:01.014 --> 00:26:04.314 But if there was a way to have the conversation where everybody's answering 00:26:04.314 --> 00:26:08.694 the same question and everybody's having the same conversation, then 00:26:08.724 --> 00:26:12.204 it relieves ability to say why are you asking me that question? 00:26:12.204 --> 00:26:14.814 I'm not asking you the que, I'm asking everybody that we're all 00:26:14.814 --> 00:26:15.804 answering the same question. 00:26:16.254 --> 00:26:23.394 And that's where I decided to really sit down and together a tool called The 00:26:23.394 --> 00:26:25.254 When What If Happens Legacy Card Deck. 00:26:25.734 --> 00:26:31.314 And this card deck was designed to help people have end of life 00:26:31.314 --> 00:26:37.554 preparation conversations with ease, less chaos, and with structure. 00:26:38.054 --> 00:26:40.114 Because the conversation never stops. 00:26:40.644 --> 00:26:44.964 It will always be had and it will always be evolving, but having the tools 00:26:44.964 --> 00:26:48.624 to at least start the conversation, I can guarantee you that there's 00:26:48.624 --> 00:26:53.524 more chaos that happens at funerals, for some reason people think that's 00:26:53.524 --> 00:26:54.784 the time to have the conversation. 00:26:55.239 --> 00:26:55.624 Candace Dellacona: I agree. 00:26:56.314 --> 00:26:57.244 Jason Brown: But I understand. 00:26:57.424 --> 00:26:58.264 Candace Dellacona: Yeah, I do. 00:26:58.534 --> 00:26:59.674 And it's the worst time, 00:26:59.974 --> 00:27:00.484 Jason Brown: yeah, 00:27:00.694 --> 00:27:01.024 Candace Dellacona: right? 00:27:01.234 --> 00:27:05.794 Because when somebody is gone and you're grieving, you are never your best self. 00:27:05.854 --> 00:27:06.334 Jason Brown: sure. 00:27:06.544 --> 00:27:07.684 Candace Dellacona: You just never are. 00:27:07.684 --> 00:27:11.794 And let's talk a little bit about not having something tangible. 00:27:11.794 --> 00:27:16.564 That's a really important visual, Jason, where you're sitting there thinking about 00:27:16.804 --> 00:27:21.034 what tool you could provide to other families to talk about legacy, to talk 00:27:21.034 --> 00:27:25.474 about long-term care and money and love, and all of the things that are wrapped up 00:27:25.504 --> 00:27:28.744 in one's life and their role in a family. 00:27:28.744 --> 00:27:35.194 And so you come out with the When What If Happens, and this series, 00:27:35.194 --> 00:27:36.717 which is really remarkable. 00:27:36.887 --> 00:27:37.417 Truly. 00:27:38.277 --> 00:27:40.073 I've been in this business 23 years. 00:27:40.493 --> 00:27:43.163 I talk about death, dying, and disability all day long. 00:27:43.713 --> 00:27:46.503 I think about it, I think about these things all day long. 00:27:47.133 --> 00:27:51.753 And I think I shared with you, you were kind enough to send me a deck of 00:27:51.753 --> 00:27:54.663 the cards after we met the first time. 00:27:54.753 --> 00:28:00.213 And I brought the cards to a pub here in New York City when I met up with my 00:28:00.213 --> 00:28:02.573 husband for a cocktail and a night out. 00:28:02.573 --> 00:28:05.953 And it was a really, lighthearted night out. 00:28:05.953 --> 00:28:08.553 But I'll tell you, we looked at these cards all night. 00:28:08.553 --> 00:28:13.193 And I just wanna share with the listeners how much care and the 00:28:13.193 --> 00:28:18.133 structure, the infrastructure that you put into the cards and give our 00:28:18.133 --> 00:28:20.083 listeners a visual about what it is. 00:28:20.083 --> 00:28:21.973 So it's an actual deck of cards, guys. 00:28:21.973 --> 00:28:25.693 And what Jason came up with are these categories. 00:28:26.203 --> 00:28:27.643 Categories are so important. 00:28:27.673 --> 00:28:31.823 He starts with the icebreakers, the getting started, and then the 00:28:31.823 --> 00:28:35.483 subcategories cover things like money and medical decisions and 00:28:35.483 --> 00:28:37.313 your final wishes and legacy. 00:28:37.883 --> 00:28:42.863 So let's talk about that, Jason, like how you came up with the categories and the 00:28:42.863 --> 00:28:46.223 questions and where you sought input from. 00:28:46.223 --> 00:28:49.893 That also was like a thought that I had and I was like, gosh, where 00:28:49.893 --> 00:28:51.273 did he come up with that question? 00:28:51.273 --> 00:28:55.643 So tell us a little bit about the actual production of these cards and 00:28:55.643 --> 00:29:00.143 how you came up with each of those topics and where you sought advice from. 00:29:01.193 --> 00:29:10.688 Jason Brown: The funny thing is I didn't actually seek advice from anyone because 00:29:11.688 --> 00:29:18.923 as I was doing the research also, like I realized that as a widowed man at my age, 00:29:18.983 --> 00:29:20.733 I'm in a very small percentage of men 00:29:21.083 --> 00:29:21.413 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:29:21.953 --> 00:29:22.283 Yeah, 00:29:22.333 --> 00:29:22.743 Jason Brown: in this world. 00:29:22.898 --> 00:29:23.188 Candace Dellacona: Sure. 00:29:23.333 --> 00:29:30.973 Jason Brown: And when it came to the actual questions of what I actually 00:29:30.973 --> 00:29:36.883 came up with, as you know, 99% of people have not even had these conversations. 00:29:36.948 --> 00:29:37.328 Candace Dellacona: So true. 00:29:37.963 --> 00:29:42.613 Jason Brown: So the questions that I actually came up with are topics 00:29:43.003 --> 00:29:46.993 and questions that me and my wife would have on a regular basis. 00:29:47.773 --> 00:29:51.583 We talked about legacy, where we talked about finances. 00:29:51.583 --> 00:29:55.713 Before we got married, we both took a, it's called Prosperity 1 00:29:55.713 --> 00:29:58.143 0 1, and her name is Peggy Buck. 00:29:58.173 --> 00:30:04.473 And she does this financial workshop where this was before we both got married. 00:30:04.473 --> 00:30:10.573 We actually put in and learned how to actually manage and budget our finances. 00:30:10.933 --> 00:30:15.748 And when it came to what type of legacy do we wanna live? 00:30:15.798 --> 00:30:19.848 And she always talked about how she wanted her dad to be remembered and 00:30:19.848 --> 00:30:22.758 how his legacy was important to her. 00:30:23.328 --> 00:30:27.538 So as I started to talk about and come up with these questions, these 00:30:27.538 --> 00:30:33.838 were things that I said, if money wasn't the benefactor of creating your 00:30:33.838 --> 00:30:38.798 legacy, what kind of conversations or what topics do you need to have 00:30:38.858 --> 00:30:40.268 in order to lay the foundation? 00:30:40.568 --> 00:30:46.418 Because oftentimes what happens is without having the conversation about 00:30:47.418 --> 00:30:52.218 how you want your legacy to actually be framed, if you don't write your legacy, 00:30:52.218 --> 00:30:53.598 somebody else is gonna write it for you. 00:30:54.528 --> 00:31:02.688 When it came to the financial side of it, we were very open about what 00:31:02.688 --> 00:31:08.358 our expectations were for our son and even when it came to our resources 00:31:08.418 --> 00:31:12.138 and when it came to investments, like we talked through those things 00:31:12.408 --> 00:31:17.268 regularly because it was just something that was super important for them. 00:31:18.033 --> 00:31:22.708 Candace Dellacona: But you recognize that it's rare to have 00:31:22.708 --> 00:31:24.388 these in-depth conversations. 00:31:24.388 --> 00:31:28.468 It's so admirable that the two of you endeavored to take those things on at such 00:31:28.468 --> 00:31:32.548 a young age together, but I think the vast majority of the people don't, which is 00:31:32.548 --> 00:31:37.858 why your cards are so important, because you two figured out a way through your 00:31:37.858 --> 00:31:40.468 connection to have these conversations. 00:31:40.858 --> 00:31:44.698 But I wanna give our listeners kind of an example of some of these questions 00:31:44.698 --> 00:31:46.948 that I found really, really helpful. 00:31:47.188 --> 00:31:51.788 And so within the subcategories, in terms of your deck the love and 00:31:51.788 --> 00:31:54.038 legacy cards are really interesting. 00:31:54.088 --> 00:31:59.528 And I think one of the questions that I love and how you frame it 00:31:59.528 --> 00:32:04.568 for the card is What's your most sacred memory of this family? 00:32:04.568 --> 00:32:09.158 And I think why that question was so interesting to me is because when a family 00:32:09.158 --> 00:32:11.108 is talking about the most sacred memory. 00:32:11.618 --> 00:32:13.118 Sometimes we can have a different answer. 00:32:13.118 --> 00:32:14.078 Often we do. 00:32:14.708 --> 00:32:19.628 And so hearing from our family members what was important and what was sacred 00:32:19.628 --> 00:32:23.798 to them within the family can give new meaning to situations maybe that 00:32:23.798 --> 00:32:25.298 you hadn't thought of in that way. 00:32:25.598 --> 00:32:29.268 And the way that you Frame these cards is, you ask the question and 00:32:29.268 --> 00:32:34.998 then the follow up on the bottom is Why this matters, Why this matters. 00:32:35.688 --> 00:32:40.668 Because it brings reverence and clarity to the emotional history. 00:32:41.088 --> 00:32:46.638 And so all of these cards provide you with these really provocative questions 00:32:46.638 --> 00:32:48.648 and an opportunity and a platform. 00:32:48.918 --> 00:32:51.888 To go back to your point before Jason, when somebody would 00:32:51.888 --> 00:32:53.118 say, why are you asking that? 00:32:53.358 --> 00:32:55.038 Why are you asking that question? 00:32:55.338 --> 00:32:56.058 That's why. 00:32:56.828 --> 00:33:02.178 Jason Brown: So I believe that that's why when it comes to those prompts that 00:33:02.178 --> 00:33:06.978 you're talking about, it's important to give context to the questions that 00:33:06.978 --> 00:33:12.608 are being asked, because oftentimes without the actual knowledge of how 00:33:12.608 --> 00:33:19.128 this is framed, and it translates into legacy, we just think that these 00:33:19.128 --> 00:33:22.068 questions are attacking us because we don't know the answers to 'em. 00:33:22.658 --> 00:33:26.328 And that's why it was important to put those prompts so you can understand the 00:33:26.328 --> 00:33:29.988 context of why the question is being asked and why this question actually matters. 00:33:30.333 --> 00:33:32.853 Candace Dellacona: Yeah, it's providing like the spirit in 00:33:32.853 --> 00:33:34.833 which you wanna ask the question. 00:33:35.173 --> 00:33:37.973 The cards though really run the gamut, right? 00:33:37.973 --> 00:33:40.603 So they talk about the most sacred memory. 00:33:40.603 --> 00:33:45.203 And then the flip side is, under your blue category, which is decisions, 00:33:45.203 --> 00:33:46.793 medical decisions and things like that. 00:33:46.793 --> 00:33:49.913 You have a question, have you chosen a medical or financial power 00:33:49.913 --> 00:33:53.693 of attorney, which, right in my wheelhouse and I love you for that. 00:33:53.693 --> 00:33:54.353 So thank you. 00:33:54.353 --> 00:33:58.553 But these are questions too that even when people have gone through the 00:33:58.553 --> 00:34:02.483 exercise of estate planning, I don't necessarily know that they share who 00:34:02.483 --> 00:34:06.573 they chose to play those roles, which is really pretty important, right? 00:34:06.603 --> 00:34:13.173 And so having a card game, if you will, to start the conversation and 00:34:13.173 --> 00:34:17.133 provide the platform, the context, and it takes the angst out of it. 00:34:17.733 --> 00:34:19.323 Is really revolutionary. 00:34:20.323 --> 00:34:20.753 Jason Brown: Thank you. 00:34:20.753 --> 00:34:26.523 Yeah, I, as you are talking about medical power of attorney and from my 00:34:26.523 --> 00:34:33.343 experience and the reason why as you ask, coming up with these questions, have you 00:34:33.343 --> 00:34:34.933 chose your medical power of attorney? 00:34:35.023 --> 00:34:40.343 And I always tell people, if you are married and you have kids, and even if 00:34:40.343 --> 00:34:46.423 they're older, would say, do not name your spouse as your medical power of attorney. 00:34:47.113 --> 00:34:47.613 Candace Dellacona: Really? 00:34:47.883 --> 00:34:48.363 Jason Brown: Yes. 00:34:48.633 --> 00:34:49.053 Candace Dellacona: Why? 00:34:49.633 --> 00:34:55.503 Jason Brown: The decisions and weight that you have to carry in that moment. 00:34:56.503 --> 00:35:00.103 It is a weight that is unimaginable. 00:35:01.103 --> 00:35:06.833 The emotional detachment you have to make because you have to make 00:35:06.923 --> 00:35:13.083 decisions in seconds, minutes, that are life changing, altering 00:35:13.083 --> 00:35:14.613 decisions that could be life or death. 00:35:15.613 --> 00:35:21.043 When you are clouded in speaking from an emotional standpoint, oftentimes your 00:35:21.043 --> 00:35:27.553 decision's gonna come from an emotional place versus an actual logical place of, 00:35:28.553 --> 00:35:32.603 is this the best thing for my spouse? 00:35:33.033 --> 00:35:35.913 Is this the best move that's gonna save this person's life? 00:35:36.333 --> 00:35:42.123 And oftentimes, if you have kids, you have family, you start grieving 00:35:42.183 --> 00:35:44.913 in that moment, like in that moment. 00:35:44.913 --> 00:35:50.653 So you're making decisions about saving someone's life in a state that 00:35:50.653 --> 00:35:56.338 is the most imbalanced, chemically, physical, spiritual mental state 00:35:56.728 --> 00:35:57.998 that you have to make a decision. 00:35:58.838 --> 00:36:02.918 And in that moment I was like, oh, my brother is gonna be my power of 00:36:02.918 --> 00:36:08.058 attorney, not my kids, not my spouse, because I don't want them to feel 00:36:08.058 --> 00:36:09.558 like they have to make that decision. 00:36:10.368 --> 00:36:14.208 I want them to understand I named him because I know, and this almost 00:36:14.208 --> 00:36:19.158 caused a disruption between me and my brother's relationship because of 00:36:19.158 --> 00:36:23.058 how hard he was fighting for my wife and the things that he was doing. 00:36:23.058 --> 00:36:27.318 I was like, you're fighting like this for her, I want you to fight like this for me. 00:36:27.558 --> 00:36:30.898 Because in that moment, I was having to deal with her mother, her grandmother, 00:36:31.228 --> 00:36:35.188 I had a newborn, I had a nanny, I had a 23-year-old, I had my mom, I 00:36:35.188 --> 00:36:39.778 had my sister, I had my brother, I had her aunt who was like her mom. 00:36:40.453 --> 00:36:45.073 All of these people, half are at my house, half at my other house, and 00:36:45.073 --> 00:36:46.453 I'm having to deal with these people. 00:36:46.543 --> 00:36:49.663 I'm having to deal with the surgeon, i'm having to deal with the oncologist. 00:36:49.663 --> 00:36:51.373 I'm having to deal with the doctor in Duke. 00:36:51.643 --> 00:36:55.483 I'm having to deal with their oncologist, the nurses, all of these 00:36:55.483 --> 00:36:59.053 people I'm having to deal with as I'm trying to deal with myself. 00:36:59.653 --> 00:37:01.783 Candace Dellacona: so it's so interesting you're saying that Jason, right? 00:37:01.783 --> 00:37:07.389 Because you've, what is really clear to me in this conversation is how 00:37:08.169 --> 00:37:11.229 connected the two of you were and are. 00:37:11.919 --> 00:37:12.849 Were, and are. 00:37:13.334 --> 00:37:19.284 And for you to be able to step back and say, I wasn't the right person 00:37:19.284 --> 00:37:23.424 to make those healthcare decisions 'cause of all these external factors 00:37:23.424 --> 00:37:28.344 is really just probably one of the most earnest things I've ever heard. 00:37:28.344 --> 00:37:30.364 Where who would know her better. 00:37:30.364 --> 00:37:35.044 And that's interesting because I've never given that advice to my clients 00:37:35.044 --> 00:37:37.444 that it shouldn't be your partner. 00:37:37.804 --> 00:37:42.064 I'm not saying that I do provide advice as to who it should be. 00:37:42.064 --> 00:37:45.364 I think generally my advice when people are trying to pick their agent 00:37:45.694 --> 00:37:49.864 from a healthcare perspective, I talk about things like being able to 00:37:49.864 --> 00:37:54.514 be a great advocate, but not such a strong advocate that their words and 00:37:54.514 --> 00:37:58.714 their feelings replace the feeling of the person who's going through it. 00:37:59.194 --> 00:38:03.394 And my advice is always pick the person who's gonna allow your words 00:38:03.394 --> 00:38:07.564 to move through them so that they advocate for who you are and what 00:38:07.594 --> 00:38:10.774 life you wanna live and the type of care that you would want or not want. 00:38:11.074 --> 00:38:12.844 Sometimes more important, not want. 00:38:13.264 --> 00:38:16.084 Jason Brown: I agree and most of the time we think that that's 00:38:16.084 --> 00:38:17.314 supposed to be our spouse. 00:38:17.479 --> 00:38:17.759 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:38:18.154 --> 00:38:21.404 Jason Brown: But so even in that moment, there were decisions that I 00:38:21.404 --> 00:38:28.964 was having to make where I know that once again, because of I knew her, 00:38:29.179 --> 00:38:29.469 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:38:30.469 --> 00:38:34.729 Jason Brown: even when it came back to like having to operate, they were 00:38:34.729 --> 00:38:39.149 like, we would have to cut off half of her brain she would be a vegetable. 00:38:39.769 --> 00:38:42.249 I know that that's not the type of life that my wife wanted. 00:38:42.639 --> 00:38:43.869 I know that's not. 00:38:44.709 --> 00:38:48.439 Now her parents, they were like, Hey, whatever's gonna keep her here, 00:38:48.529 --> 00:38:48.889 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:38:48.979 --> 00:38:49.699 Jason Brown: keep her here. 00:38:49.759 --> 00:38:54.769 And I'm like, but I've seen her suffering I know that she's not 00:38:54.769 --> 00:38:56.179 gonna wanna go through life. 00:38:56.279 --> 00:39:01.159 And even to the point where my wife's mom, she wanted to bring her to the house 00:39:01.639 --> 00:39:03.229 and have her do hospice at the house. 00:39:03.799 --> 00:39:07.099 And I was like I have a 1-year-old son here. 00:39:08.099 --> 00:39:13.149 Why would I traumatize my son by bringing her here and allowing him 00:39:13.149 --> 00:39:14.529 to see this and go through that. 00:39:14.849 --> 00:39:17.939 There's already things that I need to work out with him. 00:39:18.599 --> 00:39:20.159 Why add that onto the plate? 00:39:20.384 --> 00:39:20.674 Candace Dellacona: Yeah. 00:39:21.239 --> 00:39:25.049 Jason Brown: Those are the things where if I wasn't in that place to 00:39:25.049 --> 00:39:28.709 make that decision, those are the type of decisions that would've been, 00:39:28.739 --> 00:39:31.739 those were not selfish decisions, that were decisions made for love. 00:39:32.489 --> 00:39:35.519 They weren't decisions that were gonna 'cause she wouldn't have wanted 00:39:35.614 --> 00:39:35.964 Candace Dellacona: Right. 00:39:36.029 --> 00:39:36.569 Jason Brown: I know that. 00:39:36.569 --> 00:39:37.789 She would not have wanted that. 00:39:38.024 --> 00:39:38.354 Candace Dellacona: Right. 00:39:38.354 --> 00:39:39.584 And most people wouldn't. 00:39:39.614 --> 00:39:43.554 And I think you're right, that a parent's love is much different in the moment than 00:39:43.644 --> 00:39:47.284 a partner, a sibling, even a child, right? 00:39:47.314 --> 00:39:48.974 Where, you can recognize that. 00:39:48.974 --> 00:39:51.374 I think it's a different feeling as a parent. 00:39:51.854 --> 00:39:57.794 So whatever the motivation you have in choosing, I think what your advice 00:39:57.794 --> 00:40:02.894 is you have to find somebody who will have the space to be able to advocate 00:40:03.854 --> 00:40:08.204 and not allow the other factors to seep in, to influence the decision. 00:40:08.204 --> 00:40:12.014 To change the decision that would otherwise be the best for that person. 00:40:12.404 --> 00:40:13.484 That's really hard to do. 00:40:13.484 --> 00:40:14.654 That's a tall order. 00:40:15.029 --> 00:40:18.029 Jason Brown: It is, but it's also a selfless order. 00:40:18.104 --> 00:40:18.794 Candace Dellacona: It is. 00:40:18.974 --> 00:40:20.024 A hundred percent, it is. 00:40:20.469 --> 00:40:23.479 Jason Brown: Because you can be selfish and say, no, I'm gonna do this , but 00:40:23.479 --> 00:40:25.029 are you actually the best person? 00:40:25.469 --> 00:40:28.834 And for somebody like my wife, who was the most selfless person in the world, 00:40:29.834 --> 00:40:34.929 her last days, she would actually, she had a WhatsApp group chat and 00:40:34.929 --> 00:40:37.929 she would just minister to people and she would do these voice recordings. 00:40:38.739 --> 00:40:43.179 She just wanted to serve and be selfless and she didn't wanna make it about her. 00:40:43.569 --> 00:40:49.729 And in those moments, that's where I take from her, where I'm like, this game that 00:40:49.729 --> 00:40:55.509 I created, how do I use my pain and turn it into purpose and not make it about me? 00:40:56.009 --> 00:40:58.559 How can I do what I know that she would've done? 00:40:59.369 --> 00:41:06.179 was, how can I help someone navigate this process and not have to go through 00:41:07.139 --> 00:41:12.314 as many bumps and hurdles 'cause there's unnecessarily bumps, hurdles, and potholes 00:41:12.314 --> 00:41:13.574 that you're just gonna have to go through. 00:41:13.574 --> 00:41:18.944 But she taught me how to be selfless and that's how I actually 00:41:19.694 --> 00:41:23.744 am moving forward and have moved forward to launching this game. 00:41:24.269 --> 00:41:29.799 Candace Dellacona: It's incredibly moving the way in which you found the 00:41:29.799 --> 00:41:33.949 legacy deck and the When What If Happens? 00:41:34.849 --> 00:41:39.509 What I love too is that you're taking it from all different angles. 00:41:39.509 --> 00:41:44.849 Jason, you have a deck that's appropriate for parents to kids where it's really 00:41:44.849 --> 00:41:51.077 geared towards maybe the younger people in the family and making it age appropriate. 00:41:51.317 --> 00:41:55.997 I think for those listeners who don't have children, they have pets that are 00:41:55.997 --> 00:41:59.897 like their children, you have figured out a way to parlay that and to having 00:41:59.897 --> 00:42:04.967 these conversations about the love for their pet and what they want for their 00:42:04.967 --> 00:42:10.367 pet when they're not here, and really taking it from so many different angles. 00:42:10.367 --> 00:42:15.347 And I love that you recognize that it is not one size fits all. 00:42:16.097 --> 00:42:22.782 Jason Brown: Absolutely, because I know that everybody experiences loss and 00:42:23.562 --> 00:42:26.472 everybody goes through a grieving stage. 00:42:26.532 --> 00:42:32.042 And when I was talking to another person a therapist on my podcast, was actually 00:42:32.042 --> 00:42:36.482 grieving the loss of being an empty nester 00:42:36.977 --> 00:42:37.427 Candace Dellacona: Hmm. 00:42:37.502 --> 00:42:39.002 Jason Brown: was having to go through that grieving stage. 00:42:39.392 --> 00:42:44.597 And when I was getting an IV drip for some hydration, the nurse came in and she 00:42:44.597 --> 00:42:47.917 was crying, and I was like what's wrong? 00:42:48.167 --> 00:42:51.847 And she was like, I just lost my dog. 00:42:52.777 --> 00:42:57.557 And I was like, I understand I know how you feel right now. 00:42:57.857 --> 00:43:00.497 And I started telling her about my story. 00:43:00.887 --> 00:43:06.147 And of course, she was like, hold on, now it's a little different. 00:43:06.147 --> 00:43:07.387 And I said, no, it's not. 00:43:07.857 --> 00:43:11.967 You are experiencing the loss of someone that had a place in your heart. 00:43:12.777 --> 00:43:13.467 It's not different. 00:43:13.557 --> 00:43:20.557 It's the same because the same way that animal gave you security, 00:43:21.087 --> 00:43:23.787 gave you love, unconditional love. 00:43:23.787 --> 00:43:27.747 Like it was the same emotions that are just coming from a different place. 00:43:28.047 --> 00:43:32.307 And that's when know that when it comes to pet loss, people still 00:43:32.307 --> 00:43:37.827 need a way to grieve and create legacy for their pets as well. 00:43:38.547 --> 00:43:41.937 And that's when I actually came up with the pet loss edition. 00:43:41.987 --> 00:43:44.832 Candace Dellacona: I love that you had the personal experience with someone and you 00:43:44.832 --> 00:43:46.692 extended them, the kindness and the grace. 00:43:47.052 --> 00:43:49.992 Which is really one of the things that you talk about a lot. 00:43:50.532 --> 00:43:55.927 And the surrender of the human experience of grief and what that is. 00:43:55.927 --> 00:43:59.347 And, no matter what you look like on the outside, your race, your creed, your 00:43:59.347 --> 00:44:01.527 color, your nationality, we all grieve. 00:44:02.087 --> 00:44:03.247 If we love, we grieve. 00:44:03.977 --> 00:44:07.367 And one of the favorite quotes that I have is by Rumi. 00:44:07.717 --> 00:44:11.317 And he says something like, the wound is where the light enters you. 00:44:12.097 --> 00:44:17.017 And I have to say, Jason, that this creation that you've come up with as 00:44:17.017 --> 00:44:22.082 a brilliant founder and starting this conversation, this legacy conversation, 00:44:22.112 --> 00:44:24.312 the what's next, what's going to happen? 00:44:24.312 --> 00:44:25.362 How will you feel? 00:44:26.052 --> 00:44:31.882 You've put so much light into the world and finding a way through your pain and 00:44:32.302 --> 00:44:38.357 help us take one of the difficulties out of our path that maybe you had to 00:44:38.357 --> 00:44:41.387 face and coming up with these cards and sharing them with the world. 00:44:41.437 --> 00:44:44.827 I can't think of a better way for you to honor your wife 00:44:45.267 --> 00:44:47.067 and what you built together. 00:44:48.067 --> 00:44:50.167 Jason Brown: If you actually look at the box, it says, 00:44:50.227 --> 00:44:52.797 inspired by Aja Brown on the box. 00:44:52.827 --> 00:45:04.307 And my goal is be able to help families navigate these conversations continuously, 00:45:04.697 --> 00:45:11.247 or continue to create bonds and bridges in their family and start to make end of 00:45:11.267 --> 00:45:16.067 life preparations a conversation that is a lot more normal because it is necessary. 00:45:16.787 --> 00:45:25.587 And if that is something that I can continue to do with my wife by my side 00:45:25.617 --> 00:45:30.477 as we are navigating through this, that is me continuing her legacy by still 00:45:30.477 --> 00:45:33.687 allowing her to have conversations with people throughout the world. 00:45:33.687 --> 00:45:41.277 And I hope that this deck reaches a million people to have a million different 00:45:41.277 --> 00:45:43.677 conversations, because I know if one person has a conversation, they're 00:45:43.677 --> 00:45:46.437 having it with one to two to 10 people. 00:45:46.977 --> 00:45:48.867 That 1 million turns into 10 million. 00:45:48.867 --> 00:45:53.127 That 10 million turns into, it now starts to change the narrative. 00:45:53.157 --> 00:45:56.367 'cause legacy is not about death. 00:45:56.917 --> 00:46:02.017 Legacy is about conversations of how you want to be remembered and talked about. 00:46:02.407 --> 00:46:06.277 And those conversations happen with this card deck by having this as a 00:46:06.277 --> 00:46:08.167 tool to start those conversations. 00:46:08.462 --> 00:46:10.292 Candace Dellacona: Exactly, and that's what I love about it. 00:46:10.292 --> 00:46:12.887 Legacy really is about life and the life that you wanna live. 00:46:13.552 --> 00:46:17.482 How you want people to remember the life that you lived and, knowing 00:46:17.482 --> 00:46:20.692 that people like you are out there to help us have these conversations in 00:46:20.692 --> 00:46:24.112 the sandwich generation and modeling for your own children, which is 00:46:24.112 --> 00:46:25.402 another thing we didn't even get. 00:46:25.432 --> 00:46:30.882 I could talk to you for hours as you know, but as launching parents and raising good 00:46:30.882 --> 00:46:35.712 humans and trying to show them the way, not just in our words, but in our actions. 00:46:35.712 --> 00:46:38.542 And that is what you have done with this movement. 00:46:38.542 --> 00:46:44.062 And I firmly believe that the legacy card deck is a revolution and a movement 00:46:44.062 --> 00:46:45.772 and I'm so happy to be a part of it. 00:46:45.772 --> 00:46:50.062 I'm so happy to feature you and I'll tell you that our listeners can hear 00:46:50.062 --> 00:46:53.812 more from Jason, his perspective and all of the people that he finds 00:46:53.812 --> 00:46:59.262 interesting in the world on his podcast called When What If Happens. 00:46:59.652 --> 00:47:03.132 So we will provide the information in the show notes. 00:47:03.582 --> 00:47:07.062 And I just wanna thank you again today, Jason, for being here and 00:47:07.062 --> 00:47:09.882 sharing your story and Aja's story. 00:47:10.377 --> 00:47:13.917 And how you got here because it's really just remarkable and we're 00:47:13.977 --> 00:47:15.192 a better world to have you in it. 00:47:16.192 --> 00:47:16.822 Jason Brown: Thank you. 00:47:17.822 --> 00:47:22.712 I appreciate you and opening your doors to me. 00:47:22.832 --> 00:47:27.892 I'm very grateful and I do not take these connections and conversations 00:47:28.332 --> 00:47:35.692 lightly because I do believe that whoever is listening to this episode 00:47:35.692 --> 00:47:42.202 and whoever is listening right now, that this is a nudge that it's time for you 00:47:42.202 --> 00:47:43.762 to start having those conversations. 00:47:43.822 --> 00:47:47.362 And I appreciate the work that you are doing as well. 00:47:47.362 --> 00:47:52.572 And I hope that, all of the listeners out here start to 00:47:53.572 --> 00:47:54.982 normalize these conversations. 00:47:55.012 --> 00:47:58.942 'cause it's just, it's important and it's not a morbid thing. 00:47:59.152 --> 00:48:01.192 It is a natural thing. 00:48:01.192 --> 00:48:04.882 It's just we don't know when the what if can happen. 00:48:05.432 --> 00:48:08.962 So, those conversations can be done in a lighthearted way. 00:48:09.490 --> 00:48:14.300 Exactly how you did it is exactly how, me and my wife, like that's 00:48:14.300 --> 00:48:16.070 how we had these conversations. 00:48:16.100 --> 00:48:21.250 Like we weren't in a room with the blinds closed, with all black on with masks and 00:48:21.250 --> 00:48:23.380 beanies, and we're like, so let's talk. 00:48:23.860 --> 00:48:25.810 No, we were on vacation. 00:48:25.810 --> 00:48:27.130 We could be at the beach. 00:48:27.190 --> 00:48:31.490 We would be, saying out having a glass shoe, have a glass of wine. 00:48:31.490 --> 00:48:33.770 I'd be out having a drink and we'd be sitting there just 00:48:33.800 --> 00:48:35.210 having these conversations. 00:48:36.690 --> 00:48:39.780 exactly how this is intended for it to be. 00:48:39.780 --> 00:48:43.560 And I want people to know that these conversations can be had more lighthearted 00:48:43.560 --> 00:48:47.400 and it does open up the gateway to have these better conversations 00:48:47.400 --> 00:48:48.900 with practitioners like yourself. 00:48:48.900 --> 00:48:52.320 Because I don't believe the first time you guys should be having 00:48:52.320 --> 00:48:55.170 these conversations is the first time you meet with a practitioner. 00:48:55.610 --> 00:48:56.955 Candace Dellacona: Yeah, absolutely right. 00:48:57.075 --> 00:48:58.005 Absolutely right. 00:48:58.005 --> 00:49:02.175 And having it part of your daily lives and really thinking about what these 00:49:02.175 --> 00:49:06.565 questions are and the answers to those questions can really be transformative 00:49:06.565 --> 00:49:08.125 for your family, for your relationship. 00:49:08.125 --> 00:49:10.635 So thank you so much for being here, Jason. 00:49:10.755 --> 00:49:12.340 Jason Brown: Thank you, I appreciate you.