Jeremy Duncan: It's nice to have a wingman who will talk you out. Sometimes sometimes I think it's better to have friends who you can trust to represent you honestly. I don't need I don't want friends who will flatter me. Of course, I do sometimes. But what I really want are people in my life who will speak fairly about me.
Honestly, that's probably what we all need the most. Today, we are continuing our series on the life of David called Becoming King. And I suppose it's kind of fitting that we have called this series Becoming King considering that we are more than halfway through the series now and David is still not yet king. In fact, he will not even be king when we end today. He is, like all of us, still becoming.
That said, we are going to backtrack a little bit today because we're going to pick up one of the most important friendships in David's life, a relationship that intersects and intertwines with the story that we looked at last week. Because today is all about David's relationship with his predecessor Saul's son, Jonathan. That's right. David, who is the king in waiting, who is set to replace Saul as king, also marries Soter's doll and becomes BFS with Saul's son. And you thought your relationship with your in laws was complicated.
You got nothing on the story of David here. So we are very much why the story of David and Jonathan is intertwined with the story of David and Saul. And for that reason, we're going to take a moment to look back at last week, which culminated in this really fascinating scene with David and his men on the run, hiding from King Saul. And they take shelter in a cave, and they're huddled and quiet in the back, whispering in the dark and in the shadows, when all of a sudden, Saul himself walks into the mouth of the cave to relieve himself. And what happens is that David sneaks up on him while he's using the facilities and cuts off the corner of Saul's garment.
And then when Saul leaves and he walks down the hill far enough for David to escape, David comes out to the mouth of the cave. Behind him, he holds up the fabric, and he says, look, I'm not your enemy. I've never been. I could have killed you if I wanted to just a moment ago. So remember this, I let you live today.
In fact, he's got this great, great line here. He says, may the Lord judge between you and me. May the Lord avenge the wrongs you have done me, but my hand will not touch you. As the old saying goes, from evildoers come evil deeds. And I mean, come on.
What a line. Who says things like that? From evildoers come evil deeds. That's better than that uncircumcised Philistine bit he had for Goliath a couple weeks ago. But I actually do really like this, because I think what he's saying here is that we are defined not by our imagination of ourselves, but by the actions that we actually take in the world.
I think sometimes I want to think of myself as kind or I want to think of myself as generous. And I think sometimes all of that want can cover up a lot of bad behavior if we let it. David is reminding me to be honest with myself about who I want to be, but also who I am. Wisdom that may come back to haunt David a little bit later in time. But there's one more piece I want to look back on here today because it's going to be important for our story this morning.
They're in the cave, and as David looks up and he sees his enemy in front of him, vulnerable, at his mercy, with his back turned to him, we read that his men say to him, this is it. God told you this would happen. You can deal with Saul once and for all. Right now, kill him. They urge him to violence that he ultimately rejects.
But then only a few verses later, we hear that part of the reason that Saul has been chasing down David is that his men have been saying to him, you have to get David. He's bent on murdering you. You have to murder him first. And there's this really interesting contrast here, because both men are being told exactly what they want to hear. You're justified in your hatred.
Your violence is righteous. God is on your side. That is a pretty intoxicating message to hear, particularly when it's being repeated by everyone you surround yourself with. And two things come to mind for me. One, I think as a leader, the scariest thing is be surrounded by people who will only tell you you are right.
I'll say this as a leader. If none of the people around you are saying that you're right and supporting your leadership, then it's probably time to recognize you're not actually leading and get out of the way. But leaders who surround themselves with people who will tell them exactly what they want to hear, so that they can ignore the data that's in front of them. Those leaders will inevitably find themselves face to face with everything they wanted to ignore. And at that point, it's probably too late to react.
We all need people who will be honest with us when we struggle to be honest with ourselves. Second, notice here that both men are actually being told what they want to hear, though. And both David and Saul are both being given counsel that gives license to their worst instincts. Only one of them rejects it. And that seems important to me too.
You do not have to be the victim of bad advice that's given to you. You are not forced to listen to the voices that surround you. From evildoers come evil deeds because your deeds are ultimately up to you and your choices. And this actually came up in the question in response last Sunday night after the sermon. I think one of the simple mental checks that you can run whenever someone is telling you something you know you already want to hear is just to slow down and ask yourself, has this person ever said no to me?
Have they ever told me something I didn't want to hear? Have they ever challenged my presuppositions? Have they opposed me and still loved me? Because if they have, well, it's a lot more likely you can trust them now. As I said last Sunday night, your best friend is the person who's against you 20% of the time, but they find a way to oppose you with a lot of kindness and love.
Now at the same time, sometimes, just like David here, who ignores his men, just like David when Saul tries to put his armor on him and he rejects it, sometimes you will have to say, thanks, but no thanks. I'm gonna do this my way. But the people who can challenge us and stick with us, those are the people we need to hold on to for the long haul. So both David and Saul, they are egged onto violence here. David rejects it.
Saul embraces it. And as we saw last week, that ends with Saul's demise. Today, we're going to backtrack, and we're going to rehearse the same period that we did last week, but this time through the lens of David's relationship with his friend Jonathan. First, though, let's pray. God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, God of David and God of Saul, God of the distressed and the indebted, the discouraged and the hopeful.
Would you remind us today that you are just as present to each of us here in this moment of history now as you have been all through the long story of your people, as we read of King David today, of political intrigue and national instability, and the friendship that grows in the midst of it all, would you remind us that you are, that you have always been the true source? That when we worry, you are steady. When we fear, you are strong. When we look to violence to protect ourselves from evil, you stand in self giving sacrifice for us, reminding us that only love will change the world. Would you be our shepherd and guide us even as we name your kingdom among us.
In the strong name of the risen Christ we pray. Amen. Today, we are going to look at the same story we did last week, essentially. Only this time, we're going to come back through the lens of David's relationship with his best friend, Jonathan. And yes, as I said, Jonathan is the son of the man who is trying to kill David.
To say nothing of the fact that David is married to the daughter of the same man who is trying to kill him, Meet the Parents has nothing on the story of David. So there we go. Today, though, we're going to cover paranoia, uncertainty, friendship, and finally, some honesty. And to do that, let's roll all the way back to the end of the episode with Goliath. Scott actually read this passage last week.
But at the start of first Samuel 18, we read that when the men returned home after David had killed the Philistine, the women came out from all the towns of Israel to meet King Saul, singing and dancing with joyful songs, with timbrels and lyres. And as they danced, they sang, Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands. Saul was angry about this, though. The refrain displeased him greatly. And he said to himself, they have credited David with tens of thousands, but me, only thousands.
What more can he get but the kingdom? And from that time on, Saul kept a close eye on David. This is really where things start to unravel between them. But this is an interesting passage because it actually gives us a lot of insight into Saul's state of mind right now. First of all, we get this line.
What more can he get but the kingdom? I would translate that a little more pointedly. It's probably something more like, what more can he get? Only the kingdom is left. If you remember back, Saul has already promised one of his daughters in marriage to David for defeating Goliath.
In verse one of this chapter, we read that Saul's son has become best friends with David. So this isn't just a turn of phrase. Saul is literally thinking to himself, what else is there for David to take? He has my family. All that's left is my throne.
And yet even that is sort of driven by this self reinforcing paranoia. In English, we read this phrase, Saul has killed his thousands, but David his tens of thousands. That sounds poetic, if not a little macabre, but it's also the product of a lot of artistic license that being taken by our English translators. See, there are actually no specific numbers here. More literally, what the crowd sings is that Saul has killed a lot of people.
David, he's killed a lot of people too. In fact, one scholar, Ralph Klein, suggests we should probably translate this something like our two heroes have done a heck of a lot of killing in their time. In fact, you can even see that in the text because in verse six, when it says the men return home, the crowds come out to meet who? King Saul with singing and dancing. The only mention of David in that opening comes from the narrator.
The crowds are there to see the king. And these two words, Aleph and Revivah, which are both descriptive words. They're not specific body counts. Those are there for poetic effect, not necessarily to create a contrast between the two heroes. Now it's true.
In Hebrew poetry, it's almost always written in parallel couplets. And the positioning is statement and then restatement with emphasis. That's why the English translators are trying to get this across with 1,000, 10 thousand. But even that doesn't necessarily mean the poem is intended as a comparison between David and Saul. The intention is the escalation of the victory and the celebration that's happening.
So Walter Brueggemann writes that it is likely the song intends to celebrate Saul and David equally for an equal achievement. In victory, there's no need for destructive comparison. There is enough joy for both of them to share. However, importantly, that's not how Saul sees it. That's actually the point the writer's trying to get across.
It's Saul alone who thinks a comparison is being made here. And that perception itself is then what steals from Saul, what really should be his greatest victory as king so far in the story. Saul is increasingly losing himself to a worldview that is defined by mistrust and suspicion, anxiety. And once you go to that place, everything starts to seem ominous, even crowds that come out to celebrate you. Pay attention to this.
Once you let someone convince you the world is out to get you, it really will seem like the world is out to get you. Once you start looking for demons in every dark shadow, you will start to find them behind every stubbed toe. It is surprisingly easy to lose touch with reality when we want to. And what we're going to see today is that the parallel relationship growing between David and Jonathan, that develops as the counterpoint to the kind of insecurity that's driving Saul toward his downfall. But, okay, David and Jonathan, what's with these two?
First Samuel eighteen one, after David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. First Samuel twenty seventeen, Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him because he loved him as he loved himself. Second Samuel one twenty six, I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother, for you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful even than that of a woman. You might remember about a decade ago, there was a movie called I Love You, Ma'am.
It's the one where Paul Rudd kept saying, slap at the bass. You know that one? The movie was basically a romantic comedy. It's about a guy who's getting married, and he doesn't realize that he doesn't really have a close friend he can choose as his best man. And so he goes out looking for a friend, goes on some friend dates, makes a good friend.
They get in a fight. They break up. But in the climactic moment, Jason Segel's character shows up at the wedding to save the day and be the best man. And there, at the wedding, he delivers the eponymous phrase, I love you, man. Pretty good movie from what I can remember.
But the whole joke of the film is that friends, men in particular, don't say I love you nearly enough to each other. Now, we do. All of us communicate in different ways. There is something called the uncertainty reduction theory. It's a social paradigm that models how often we signal to each other our perceived sense of closeness.
And the theory was developed by studying conversations between strangers and measuring what they called signals of affirmation that were sent back and forth, and how that increased as the closeness leveled up. People have actually taken that theory and now applied it to our new modern world with social media, and they've used it to measure how often we send memes to each other. And what they've actually found is how vitally important in our relationships, those little thumbs up and heart emojis are that we send back. Turns out, those are not just telling the other person we received their message. They are very important ways that we signal our closeness to them.
We reduce the uncertainty in the relationship. We reaffirm our closeness to that person. So hear this. Don't leave friends on red. Hit those emojis, especially if you're uncomfortable saying, I love you, man.
But what I want to talk about here is our instinct to get a little uneasy when we see something like this in scripture. Now don't get me wrong. I don't have any problem with queer theologians seeing themselves reflected in this relationship and wondering about the nature of this love between David and Jonathan. I think we are, all of us, reading ourselves into scripture when we engage with it. That's the point of reading deeply.
But at the same time, understand there's nothing inherently sexual about the language here in the text. And I think maybe our attempts either to push in that direction or, to be honest, to run screaming away from it in the other direction, both can betray a lack of imagination in how our society has taught us to think about love and intimacy between each other. The root that's used here in all these passages is the Hebrew word, ahav. And there's actually three different Hebrew words in the Old Testament that are translated into love in English, but this is the most common one. And it means person to person love.
Now, it can be used in a wide range of scenarios. So love to a son, a man's love for a woman, a woman's love to a man, a love from an inferior to superior, or vice versa, a love for neighbor or strange or friend, even love offered to God. But the word is very personal. So for example, sometimes this word is used to describe love for something inanimate, an idea like wisdom or justice or righteousness, but even then, only when the idea is being personified. So for example, Proverbs four six says, do not forsake wisdom.
Love her and she will watch over you. That's a haav. Avoiding love in the Hebrew culture is a very broad idea encompassing all kinds of different relationships and contexts. It can be used for lots of different situations and many things, but none of them trivial. In other words, the Hebrews loved their friends.
They did not love their tacos. Although, let's be honest, they would have loved tacos if they had a chance to try them. We all do. It's fine. But what this understanding does for us, I think, is it opens up this relationship between David and Jonathan to all of us regardless of our sexual orientation, regardless of our gender, as a model for the kind of depth and intimacy that is possible between us.
David and Jonathan are not just bros. They are human beings that have cultivated the art of intimacy in their lives. And what they found in the final analysis, as David explains, is that that intimacy has become even more wonderful than just sexuality. That's precisely the comparison that David is making here. Friendship is better than sex.
Maybe I might add, particularly when you can say that within your marriage. However, think about this. David makes that comparison about how important this relationship is as he grieves with his friend the loss of that friend's father, who also just happened to be the man who was trying to kill him in the first place. Again, think about that. David's love for his friend has him grieving with Jonathan.
Instead of celebrating his own good news, he's off the hook. And look, I don't I don't want to steal a good moment from any of my friends, but a friend who will join me in the depths of my sorrow, a friend who will grieve with me instead of enjoying their own victory lap, that's the kind of friend I want to hold on to. In fact, I think that's the kind of friend I want to be. But so far, we've only seen this love, this friendship described. Let's look at how it plays out in this predicament.
This is first Samuel chapter 19 verse one. Saul told Jonathan and all his attendants to kill David. But Jonathan had taken a great liking to David, And he warned him, my father Saul is looking for a chance to kill you. Be on your guard tomorrow. Go out into hiding and stay there, and I will go out and stand with my father in the field where you are.
I'll speak to him about you. I'll tell you what I find out. So Jonathan spoke well of David to his father and said to him, let not the king do wrong to his servant David. He's not wronged to you. In fact, he's done things that benefit you greatly.
He took his life in his own hands when he killed the Philistine for you. The Lord won a great victory for all of Israel. You saw it. You were glad. Why would you do wrong to an innocent man like David by killing him for no reason?
And Saul listened to his son Jonathan, and he took this oath that day. He said, as surely as the Lord lives, David will not be put to death. Now a couple of things here. In practical terms, let's be honest. David's death is probably the best thing possible for Jonathan.
Right? He's the king's son, and apart from clandestine anointings, he's the heir to the throne. And yet here he is sticking up for David, who's going to usurp him. That's got to win him a point in my book as a friend. Well, second, also notice here, he doesn't try to trick his dad or switch allegiances to David.
There's no elaborate plan or cunning scenario here. He just simply makes a case for his friend. I think there's something really valuable in that as well. It's nice to have a wingman who will talk you out. Sometimes, sometimes I think it's better to have friends who you can trust to represent you honestly.
I don't need I don't want friends who will flatter me. Of course, I do sometimes. But what I really want are people in my life who will speak fairly about me. Honestly, that's probably what we all need the most. And so Jonathan defends David with nothing but the truth, kind of refreshing, and perhaps because of that, his father backs down.
Except that commitment doesn't last long. Three verses later, Saul tries to kill David by throwing a spear at him. And then he sends his men to David's house to chase after him and catch him. Well, this time, it's David's wife, Saul's daughter, Michael, who warns David, gets him out of the house safely. And David goes on the run, which leads directly into what we saw last week, David hiding in caves.
But there's an interaction here along the way between David and Jonathan that I think exemplifies their friendship and sets a pretty important standard for us to emulate. So at the start of chapter 20, then David fled from Nahoth to Ramah and went to Jonathan and asked, what have I done? What's my crime? How have I wronged your father that he is trying to kill me? And Jonathan responds to him, no.
You're not going to die. Whatever you need me to do, I'll do it for you. But I want to pay attention to these questions that David asks. What have I done? What is my crime?
I mean, on one level, you could absolutely certainly read this as rhetorical. David is getting all of his frustration off of his chest, maybe unloading his fear and even loathing for Saul onto his friend. I get that. There's there's a place for that in friendship too. But I do think there's an element that extends beyond that as well.
Something that brings us all the way back to what we saw last week in David's interactions with Saul. Because there, last week, both men, David and Saul, they both hear what they want to hear. David's men tell him to go and kill Saul. Saul's men tell him David is out to get you. You have to kill him first.
Here, David is asking for the opposite, not what he wants to hear, but maybe what he doesn't want to hear. And you know what? Maybe David is absolutely expecting Jonathan to back him up, but the point is he still asks the question. He gives his friend the chance to shatter his illusions. He opens the opportunity for his friend to tell him exactly what he does not want to hear about himself.
And that is important. Look, I have a strange job. Right? We can say that. I spend most of my week preparing to get ready to stand up in front of hundreds of people and tell them what I think about a book that I've been reading for the past few decades.
But along with that job comes two things that I've learned I need to be very careful about. One is more undeserved praise than anyone should ever be subjected to. And two is more unearned criticism than anyone possibly needs in their life. Now let me be clear. You guys are incredible.
And the feedback that I get from this community, even when it's pointed, even when I might not want to hear it, almost all of the time, 99.9% of the time, it is honest and clear headed, and very likely something that I needed to hear. The unearned criticism bit is almost always a byproduct of being online. I've got a huge folder of my favorite mean tweets. But all of this simply means that in twenty years of doing this job, I've absolutely come to rely on the people who can tell me what I don't want to hear about myself. Now the truth is, sometimes that's encouragement.
Sometimes I have a hard time with that, and sometimes I feel like I shouldn't need to be told that I'm doing okay. But what I've really come to cherish are the people in my life who, when I come and I ask, what have I done wrong? How is this my fault? Maybe even particularly when I'm asking rhetorically because I want them to back me and be on my side, they can pause, they can take a breath, and they can answer back and say, you know what? Maybe you could have slowed down a bit.
Maybe you could have opened a little more space for others to be heard. Maybe you didn't mean to be that harsh, but bro, you can be a little brusque at times. Maybe you're not seeing yourself as clearly as you think you are right now. Because I promise you, those voices, people who you can ask, what have I done? What's my crime?
Am I the bad guy here? And they can answer you honestly. Those people are your friends. Those are the people who will stop you from hearing only what you want to hear about yourself. Those are the people who will stop you from going down paths that look really enticing, but ultimately won't take you to where you want to be.
You see, I am convinced that this David right here, before he's king, before he's surrounded by yes men, before he's encircled by power that stops people from answering him honestly, I'm convinced this David can choose well because he has friends like Jonathan in his life who will tell him the truth. And I think later, part of his failings is that he doesn't have those kind of people anymore. So I'm absolutely convinced that you and I, we would do well to cultivate these kind of friendships with Jonathans in our life as well. So that maybe we can learn from the best of David's story before we have to learn from the worst of it that's coming. Let's pray.
God, we are so grateful that you have placed us in this life, not alone, but surrounded by each other. And for those times when we have defaulted to and we have looked for and we have surrounded ourselves with only those voices who tell us what we want to hear about where we're going, about who we are, about our faults and our failings, We repent, and we ask you to help us find the courage to do better, to seek out new relationships and new voices, to turn to those we already know, but to ask them honestly and truthfully to feed back to us. And then to hear it with open ears even when it stings a little bit, trusting that together we can find our way back to you so much quicker, so much more effectively than we can on our own, that this is what community was designed for. But at the same time, we pray that we could be that kind of friend for someone else in our lives and that we would have the courage to speak to them with honesty, but to do it with so much love and so much grace, so much kindness that our words can be heard and metabolized, that our connections would grow in their depth and their intimacy, and that together we would find ourselves uncovering, stumbling, but moving our way through your path in the world.
Might all of that lead us back to the example of your son and the grace and peace you invite us into. In the strong name of the risen Christ we pray. Amen. Hey, Jeremy here and thanks for listening to our podcast. If you're intrigued by the work that we're doing here at commons, you can head to our website commons.church for more information.
You can find us on all of the socials at commons church. You can subscribe to our YouTube channel where we are posting content regularly for the community. You can also join our Discord server. Head to commons dot church slash discord for the invite and there you will find the community having all kinds of conversations about how we can encourage each other to follow the way of Jesus. We would love to hear from you.
Anyway, thanks for tuning in. Have a great week. We'll talk to you soon.