{ "version": "1.0.0", "segments": [ { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "9.04", "endTime": "13.36", "body": "Alright. Alright. We got more applause that time. Yeah. Okay." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "13.36", "endTime": "21.994999", "body": "I like that. Yeah. Okay. Welcome to the when all health breaks loose podcast. I'm Chris King, and I just wanna welcome everyone to this podcast." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "22.055", "endTime": "46.695", "body": "This is a place where you can come to get inspired, and we give practical tips on how to thrive during life's toughest challenges, because life is worth it and so are you. And so we wanna invite everybody to engage with us. Follow us on all the social media channels at w a h b l podcast. That's w a h b l podcast. And you can follow us on social media on social media channels." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "46.915", "endTime": "59.29", "body": "Subscribe, like, all that good stuff. Y'all know how to do it. So I'm with my co host again, my guest, miss Monique LaRue. Okay. Hey, everybody." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "61.27", "endTime": "64.31", "body": "It's good to be here. Monique, how have you been? I" }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "64.79", "endTime": "67.11", "body": "listen. This week has been something else. So" }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "67.35", "endTime": "68.87", "body": "Okay. Yes. Been good though?" }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "68.87", "endTime": "69.975006", "body": "Yes. It's been great." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "69.975006", "endTime": "70.855", "body": "Alright. I like your glasses." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "70.855", "endTime": "71.575005", "body": "I'm embracing it." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "71.575005", "endTime": "74.295006", "body": "Last week you were, you know, had the contacts working. Okay?" }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "74.295006", "endTime": "75.215", "body": "Yeah. Yeah. I got the glasses." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "75.215", "endTime": "76.875", "body": "I just got a seat. Can you see me?" }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "76.935005", "endTime": "77.495", "body": "I can see you." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "77.495", "endTime": "77.995", "body": "Okay." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "78.055", "endTime": "78.795006", "body": "Real good." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "79.175", "endTime": "80.075005", "body": "How many fingers?" }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "80.135", "endTime": "80.635", "body": "5." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "80.695", "endTime": "81.675", "body": "Oh, okay. Alright." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "82.535", "endTime": "83.735", "body": "Alright. I can see that well." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "83.735", "endTime": "99.225", "body": "Okay. Good deal. So I want to encourage everybody to engage with us. You know, here we have a live audience and so they have the ability to engage with us by simply scanning a QR code and asking questions. At the end of this episode, I will answer questions." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "99.225", "endTime": "125.770004", "body": "I will answer at least one question. And so, the others, we will answer via social media channels. But I wanna take the time to actually thank our sponsor for this show, JMH Consulting. JMH Consulting, they, they help people accomplish their dreams while looking their best doing it. JMH Consulting has helped me for my style and helped me feel comfortable, and just feel comfortable in being me." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "125.91", "endTime": "142.905", "body": "And so, if you've never had a stylist or consultant and you're looking to achieve your dreams and looking good, doing it, JMH Consulting is the place to go. And so you can just go to jonathanmhall.com. Jonathanmhall.com. Find out more information. We wanna thank our sponsor, JMH Consultant." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "143.64", "endTime": "171.705", "body": "Alright. Now, Monique, today's episode is about turning your worst days into better days, turning your worst days into better days. If you've not checked out our first episode from last week, definitely go out, check that out. We talked about a few things. I know what one of my worst days was." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "171.93", "endTime": "185.79", "body": "Right? And this may be an emotional episode. Right? So one of my worst days, and you asked me, in the last the last time we were together, what was one of those times? And it was when my mother passed away, and that was almost 30 years ago." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "186.545", "endTime": "212.13", "body": "Almost 30 years ago. I know I don't look like I'm 30, but, you know, it was almost 30 years ago. And that was one of the most pivotal points in my life. It was one of my worst days ever. But now that I look back at it, people may think I'm being a little weird or off, but it's probably one of the best times of my life." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "212.13", "endTime": "220.965", "body": "Mhmm. Mhmm. And so we'll talk about that, but you're gonna also share with us one of your worst moments, and it wasn't 30 years ago. It was more recent. Right?" }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "220.965", "endTime": "242.75", "body": "Yeah. It was. It was, November 15, 2023. My mother transitioned, and, though I don't think that was the worst day, because I had been in a long goodbye type of situation. So basically, I was having worse years every year." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "242.81", "endTime": "261.65", "body": "Right? But I will say the moment that I realized that my mother was going to change and she wasn't the same person when she started forgetting me was probably when I really understood that I was lose I was gonna lose her fully." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "261.87", "endTime": "266.69", "body": "Now for those that don't know, help us understand what exactly, took place." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "267.47", "endTime": "298.18002", "body": "So, you know, my mom was semi diagnosed. Right? You know, we we didn't have any money to go to the doctor to really diagnose, with, early onset dementia and, yeah. About 10 years ago, I started just noticing her doing things around the house, buying things, paying the mortgage twice, you know, just real interesting stuff. And then I realized like, okay, ma, we we gotta we gotta do some things, we gotta check some things out." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "298.18002", "endTime": "327.62", "body": "So once we got the word Well, once I got the word, there wasn't any help going on here. Once I got the word from the doctor that it was that, then, I realized like, okay, I'm dealing with something very different here and I think that moment was the worst and then I had other moments, but that moment just knowing that it was happening was probably the yeah. That was that was pretty intense." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "328.08", "endTime": "350.66", "body": "Wow. And so the reason why we're talking about this is because when there are several times in people's lives when we say all hell is breaking loose. Yeah. And it's typically, when we're dealing with counseling, there are several categories of issues that we see people have. It's either health, wealth, or relationships." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "350.96", "endTime": "365.555", "body": "Mhmm. Right? And health, it can be the health of a loved one, losing someone. But losing a loved one is really impactful for a lot of people. And a lot of times, we don't understand how to really deal with that." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "365.935", "endTime": "383.265", "body": "And so help me understand how you started going through you said that it was a slow process. It was a longer process because of the diagnosis. Yeah. So how did you navigate through that while still trying to show up Yeah. For your mother in the time of need?" }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "383.58502", "endTime": "398.08502", "body": "Yeah. Great question. Great question. So, you know, once I realized that this is what was happening, I I just had to go into a place of prayer and just like, okay, lord, god, there's no playbook for this. I have no idea what I'm doing." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "398.84998", "endTime": "453.355", "body": "How am I gonna do this? And I was doing it on my own. I thought I was gonna get some help. I won't go into that because she might be looking at this, but anyway, I won't go into that, but, you know, once I realized that that I was gonna have to fully just be present for my mother in a lot of ways, I just went into prayer and then just asking God to really show me how, how do you want me to deal with this? Like, how, how do you want me to maintain my own sanity as I'm going through year after year after year and I'm losing her year after year after year and so I, one day just got maybe I just it's I guess it was just spirit was just like you need to enjoy her for every single glimpse of her presence being with you." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "453.575", "endTime": "467.99", "body": "So I want you to forget everything else, all of the things that you're gonna have to do and enjoy every moment. So we just started. I mean, I started taping her, videotaping her. We started going places. We would dance." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "468.05", "endTime": "494.74", "body": "I would play old records. We'd be in the house because she loved music, right? So we'd be in the house and I'd put on some old records and she just dance and dance and dance and I loved that. And so as the years went on and she forgot a little bit more because she was get really upset because she couldn't remember my birthday and I would tell her, I would say, mom, yesterday was my birthday. She was like, she got so upset so I stopped telling her when my birthday was." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "494.74", "endTime": "508.865", "body": "So certain things you do, you start learning how to, you know, not do. Sometimes you have to lie to them especially when they're in this space. You have to tell the stories to make them feel better. This is about them at this point. Right?" }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "508.865", "endTime": "532.385", "body": "So and their experience. So you have to just totally surrender and just be like, if this is not about me, this is about her having the best quality of life she can possibly have and I wanted to be there for that. So I had photo shoots done on her 75th birthday. I just, I just loved on her and all the time she was repeating my sister's name. Have you talked to Cindy?" }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "532.60504", "endTime": "538.80005", "body": "Have you talked to Cindy? Have you talked to Cindy? I was like, 500 times. I was like, mom, yes. I've talked to Cindy." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "538.80005", "endTime": "549.84", "body": "Even though I hadn't talked to Cindy but, yes, I've talked to Cindy. You know what I'm saying? And so I even got a shirt, a t shirt that say, have you talked to Cindy? Because Lord help me, she was asking me have I talked to Cindy like 500 times. Wow." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "549.84", "endTime": "570.56", "body": "But he and the reason why I'm sharing that piece is because Cindy wasn't there. Mhmm. Okay? It was me but she kept asking for my oldest sister and I understood that they had a bond and a thing that was very, very different and unique and I had to get to the place where I embrace that and I was like, you know what? It doesn't matter if she's here or not." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "570.56", "endTime": "587.13495", "body": "It's my mom's child. Whenever she asked for, you get on the phone, you do the thing. So those are the things you do. You have to give up something in this time to really just, you know, make sure that you have the leg up or you get through it. So" }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "587.45496", "endTime": "606.83", "body": "So what I hear you saying is you knew that it wasn't about you. No. And you were able to still find joy while making it about someone else. And a lot of times, we make everything about us. It's just about us, and we get frustrated when we don't have it, when it's not about us." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "606.83", "endTime": "607.23", "body": "Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "607.23", "endTime": "621.14496", "body": "And so you recognize that and allowed you to show up in those moments and appreciate the moments, but still find joy Yeah. Serving someone else. So thank you. Thank you for sharing that." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "621.14496", "endTime": "642.955", "body": "Yeah. You know you know, sometimes, like, when you're going through something, it's often times good to think of other people or start doing things for other people. So in your time of need or whatever, maybe you go serve somebody else in their need and it helps you just kinda not think about yourself so much. And so yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "643.015", "endTime": "656.43", "body": "You jumped and gave one of the tips already. Thank you because that is a true key to really thriving in your times when of chaos. Right. It's like, take the attention off of you. Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "656.49", "endTime": "665.69", "body": "Right. And focus on some go serve somebody else. Right? Because my mother used to always say, look, I don't care how bad we got it. There's always somebody that got it worse off than you." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "665.69", "endTime": "671.755", "body": "Yes. And so I ain't gonna lie. I used to try and look for that person. But, yeah, I'm like, who is it?" }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "671.755", "endTime": "672.575", "body": "Is it Jesus?" }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "672.635", "endTime": "676.315", "body": "Right. Right. Right. He's like, man, your feet stink. I bet it was you, you know." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "676.315", "endTime": "680.555", "body": "But, and I did find, man. I found a family man. I was like, mama, I think I found them." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "680.555", "endTime": "680.79504", "body": "Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "680.79504", "endTime": "689.29004", "body": "You know, they was riding in a truck with no car seats. They had, you know, lawn chairs and everything. No lie. And I was like, man, it's it's his it's his family. He's worth all." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "689.29004", "endTime": "697.445", "body": "Yeah. But, so no. But thank you for sharing that, because your experience and my experience was different. Yeah. Yours was over time." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "697.665", "endTime": "710.22", "body": "Yeah. Mine was sudden. I was in school away, and I just got a call. And it was and it was a long time ago, but it still affects me." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "710.3", "endTime": "710.62", "body": "Oh, yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "710.62", "endTime": "719.83997", "body": "Right? So I'm gonna share some things in this episode that I still hadn't shared. And y'all you have me drink wine and just talking, telling my business. That's good. But, let me drink some more." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "722.06", "endTime": "723.43994", "body": "We want all the tea." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "723.66", "endTime": "725.18", "body": "Oh, lord. Okay. So Just" }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "725.18", "endTime": "726.0", "body": "so you know." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "726.515", "endTime": "748.24", "body": "My mother's passing was sudden. She had a stroke and a heart attack in the car while she was with my brother, my younger brother. Now, the thing that really took me by storm was shortly before that, my mother and I had an argument. And I never made it back home, so I never saw my mother." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "748.24", "endTime": "748.95996", "body": "Oh, Jesus." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "748.95996", "endTime": "759.495", "body": "Right. And I had to deal with that. I had to wrestle with it. The last thing that I I the last experience that I had was arguing with my mother. Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "759.495", "endTime": "761.89496", "body": "And I cannot remember what we argued about." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "761.89496", "endTime": "762.39496", "body": "Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "762.615", "endTime": "769.19995", "body": "You know, I was feeling myself, I'm sure, you know, but having to wrestle with that" }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "769.36", "endTime": "769.86", "body": "Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "770.39996", "endTime": "780.07996", "body": "And never seeing her again. You know, people tell you, they ask you, what if you never see this person again? I'm that person that experienced that." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "780.07996", "endTime": "780.57996", "body": "Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "780.72", "endTime": "787.015", "body": "Right? And I couldn't say goodbye. Right? And even now, it chokes me up. Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "787.015", "endTime": "809.77", "body": "Yeah. You know, so with that, it's like, how do you how do you wrestle? And so that was part of it. And then also, there was a huge weight on my shoulders because I'm the middle child of 3 boys. And so, you know, I was also the runt, so I was that forgotten child." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "809.77", "endTime": "833.70996", "body": "It was like, oh man, your older brother, he's 6 foot forever, And, you know, I know he played basketball. My younger brother is just big for no reason, so I know he played football. And so they would look at me, like, miss King, I didn't know you had 3 boys. And so I was that forgotten child, but I was the strongest. So when she passed away, my brother said, hey, you know, we know this hurts, but don't let us see you cry." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "833.85", "endTime": "849.885", "body": "Because if we see you cry, we think all hell is broken loose or there's no hope. Yeah. So wrestling with that as a young man, but then realizing that, dang, I ain't gonna see my mama again. Yeah. And the last thing I spoke was words of irritation." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "850.265", "endTime": "862.07", "body": "Yeah. Aggravation. Right. So for me, all hell was breaking loose. And so I had to come to grips with that and figure out, like, God, what do I do with this?" }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "862.07", "endTime": "863.91003", "body": "Yeah. I was blaming God." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "863.91003", "endTime": "864.23004", "body": "Oh." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "864.23004", "endTime": "874.75494", "body": "I was upset Yeah. And myself. So did you ever go through moments where you're like, God, I didn't ask for this. Why me, Lord? What you doing?" }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "874.75494", "endTime": "875.89496", "body": "I thought you loved me." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "875.95496", "endTime": "876.355", "body": "Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "876.355", "endTime": "879.89496", "body": "You know? Let's just be real. I went through those moments." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "880.355", "endTime": "890.61", "body": "No. I I listen. That that's that's I won't say it's my life. Okay? But there have been many times that that's been the case." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "890.61", "endTime": "955.38495", "body": "You talk about, you know, not saying goodbye to your mom even though I had a long goodbye with mom on her the night that she died. I I went to see her, she was in nursing facility at this time, and something said to stay, but I thought she was gonna be okay. Something said, don't go tonight, stay tonight. And I left and I'm get I'm going there with something because it's it's the thing we hold on, the guilt that we hold on to. And so I left thinking I was coming back in the morning and, you know, I was gonna sit with mom, you know, I knew she was in transition because she was going through the she was going through the phases, but for some reason I felt like I had that night and I went home and I slept and all of that and I got in that car that morning and before I could even make it to her, I got the call, you know, from hospice saying she's gone." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "956.245", "endTime": "974.91003", "body": "And every day since that, all I keep thinking about is the night that I walked out and I left her when something said stay. Stay. And then I Yeah. And then I had to hear a friend of mine say, you know, Monique, you never leave. You you got it." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "974.91003", "endTime": "1017.665", "body": "When they going through, you you wanna stay with them, you know, and I was like, I didn't stay. So all of that to say that guilt, even, even in this moment, I still feel like as much as I did for the 10 years, I was with her all the loving things that I did. That one thing I didn't stay is the thing that keeps me, like, you didn't do enough because you didn't stay that night on that last and that, you know, you we've gotta figure out what the thing is to help us come out of that place. Because that's a place where we could sit in just like you've been dealing with that for 30 years. I don't know." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1017.665", "endTime": "1038.995", "body": "Maybe you've changed and that thing has changed over time. But for me, it's been so recent. I wake up sometimes I'm in dreams like, why didn't I stay? Forget all the 10 years I've been there doing all the great things, you know, being there, paying all the money that I didn't have to pay for all this care. And I just think about that one night." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1038.995", "endTime": "1055.26", "body": "So it's some work. I may have to get a therapist. I may have to see somebody to help me through that part and I think it's okay for us to, to seek that kind of help so that we can get that thing, you know, so yes." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1055.3201", "endTime": "1055.64", "body": "So So" }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1055.64", "endTime": "1066.38", "body": "that that's just one thing, but that would that's been a big thing on my heart right now because I'm still really grappling with why I didn't stay." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1067.0951", "endTime": "1078.875", "body": "Yeah. So one of the things I want people to know is how to deal with that because sometimes we may be facing that guilt. Right? And I know I faced it, but I had to deal with it. Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1078.935", "endTime": "1104.7051", "body": "And so, with dealing with that, and I'll just share that at first it took a while and somebody may be dealing with guilt right now and that will break you. Yeah. For me, I didn't know how to deal with it at first and honestly, I had suicidal thoughts. I took pills. I even prayed to God to take me." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1105.405", "endTime": "1116.55", "body": "Right? So I was in a low place. I was a young man. I didn't have anybody. So I want to share with people and say, if that is you, if you're dealing with guilt Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1116.8301", "endTime": "1127.295", "body": "First off, understand that you are not the cause of it. Yeah. Right? This is this has nothing to do with you. You're not the cause of it." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1127.3551", "endTime": "1143.29", "body": "The other thing is you have to get help. Don't be afraid to talk to somebody. You have to raise your hand, the white flag, and say, look, I need help. I'm feeling this. Because the guilt is meant to take you out." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1144.39", "endTime": "1163.095", "body": "That's the purpose of it. It's meant to take you out. And it almost took me out until and at the time, I had, you know, a circle of older men from my fraternity that came alongside of me. Yeah. And, you know, that's who helped me out of that pit because, yeah, I tried killing myself Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1163.1749", "endTime": "1172.8", "body": "Because of guilt. Yeah. And think about this, though. It's meant to take you out. Had guilt taken you out, if it had taken me out, we wouldn't be in this moment." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1172.9401", "endTime": "1173.42", "body": "Right." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1173.42", "endTime": "1183.8201", "body": "Right? Think of all the people. And that's why I say that that was the worst moment of my life, but it was one of the best moments of my life because god showed me purpose in that moment." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1183.8201", "endTime": "1213.035", "body": "Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. I'm glad that you shared that too because in in in me dealing with or, you know, having that guilt about my passing immediately after that though, I started thinking about, you know, friends that I know who I don't, they don't glorify their parents dying, but they definitely always, at that point in time after their passing, they'll come back to whatever you're old is 2 weeks before mom's death." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1213.035", "endTime": "1240.1599", "body": "You know, it's, you know, next month is the month that my mom passed or or whatever. And I hear that story. So what I decided to do to deal with what I was feeling was to create something in honor of my mom on that day, on that week. Right? So that every year when that day comes, I'm more celebrating her as opposed to, you know, thinking about, I'm so sad." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1240.1599", "endTime": "1261.42", "body": "You know, I'm already sad a month ahead of time because I have friends who, who deal with it in that way. I don't believe that's the best way. So I've started offering people to find the things that your loved one, whoever it is that passed love to do. My mom loved to praise and dance. And so in my mind, because I'm a creative, I created something called the praise play." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1261.5599", "endTime": "1296.63", "body": "And the praise play really is a whole music event to raise money for family caregivers. Now I don't know how it's going to happen, but I've already got, music director. I've already got people that are going to come and do this thing and I wanted to do it this November, but you know, since I'm in my in between, right. You know, I'm not working full time or anything at the moment, so I don't have that income to do it. But praise play is gonna happen and I'm going to raise 100 of 1,000 of dollars to help family caregivers and the people who really supported my mom during this time." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1296.63", "endTime": "1311.84", "body": "So we need to look at things that way. Right? So instead of, you know, thinking about, oh gosh, mom died on 15th November. I'm like, we about to praise out. You know, we about to rock this thing out during this time and we're gonna give as well." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1311.98", "endTime": "1341.5", "body": "And so those are the kinds of things I I want to tell people to focus on so much when you have this loss in your life. Think about the great things that you could probably do around that to help you not only, you know, grieving is is a long term. You you're gonna feel that loss from time to time. But to to think something bigger and, you know, honor them in that way so that you're celebrating that day as opposed to thinking about the" }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1341.66", "endTime": "1350.0", "body": "I appreciate that, but we're not just gonna gloss over that. Man, y'all give her a hand, man. We have a live audience here. That's amazing. Right?" }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1350.2201", "endTime": "1377.2401", "body": "And so I wanna, 1, congratulate you. And then the lesson in that is that you take that, and we're talking about turning your worst days into better days. Yeah. And you're taking that, and you're taking her legacy on the things that she really instilled in you and saying, hey. We can use this to bless other people and bring people out of their struggles, and we can raise money for different causes." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1377.62", "endTime": "1404.22", "body": "Some of us right now have missions and have have projects that's embedded in us that we may be holding on to and just holding on to the guilt. It's like we memorialize the negative things and we return to it, you know, and say, you know, oh, woe is me. Now I I look back in scripture, and when they put a memorial out there, it it was to memorialize where god had been." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1404.22", "endTime": "1404.54", "body": "Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1404.54", "endTime": "1414.385", "body": "Right? Where god showed up. Right? So when we do that, let's not think about the bad and the negative, but, hey, no. God showed up in this place, and you asked me Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1414.465", "endTime": "1437.74", "body": "How what were some of the things that I did to get out of those places where I remember getting over them and overcoming. So I don't wanna just skirt over what you just said. What you said was powerful, magnificent, and if y'all will listen to this, give us some money for the praise play, man. I mean, just I'm just saying, man. I mean, hey, now, you know, when my bank account is set up, you know." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1437.74", "endTime": "1442.5549", "body": "Right. Right. I, you know, I'll I'll touch and agree with you. You know what I'm saying? What's happening?" }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1442.5549", "endTime": "1453.135", "body": "You know, but, you know, but, you know, it's that's something that's powerful. Yeah. Take that and do something magnificent with it Yeah. And touch other lives." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1453.6749", "endTime": "1470.705", "body": "Yeah. I've got a lot going on. I I, you know, I was telling you, at one point some weeks ago that, you know, I'm not even gonna tell you all the stuff that's on the inside of me. You know, I was, you know, sharing that, you know, people have said to me, Monique, you know, you're sitting on 1,000,000. Right?" }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1470.705", "endTime": "1499.805", "body": "And I couldn't I couldn't really receive that when it was said to me because I was younger and I was like, I just couldn't feel myself with 1,000,000. So I didn't know how to embrace what was being said. And time and time again, everybody says, Monique, you're sitting on 1,000,000. If you create another thing I mean, I've had my attorney tell me I'll just share this little piece. My attorney said to me, she said, Monique, you see Sara Blakely?" }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1499.8651", "endTime": "1502.425", "body": "This was when she first got started with Spanx." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1502.425", "endTime": "1502.925", "body": "Mhmm." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1503.4651", "endTime": "1531.885", "body": "She said, what you've got right now, you you can way surpass what's happening there. Now those are things that people are telling me but I can't I can't embrace it because I I didn't see it. So all that to say, it's time and I think with my mom transitioning, I was sharing this earlier, you know, I I was Anyway, in my mind, she's saying go." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1531.9451", "endTime": "1532.345", "body": "Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1532.345", "endTime": "1555.875", "body": "She said, you can go now. Like you've been sitting back, you've been taking care of me for the last 10 years, you you had relationships that was crazy and jacked up, you've been dealing with that. It's go time. So I have nothing to hold me back right now. There's nothing holding me back and I want people to know that in their chaos, in their hell, there's always always the other side" }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1556.115", "endTime": "1556.4349", "body": "Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1556.5149", "endTime": "1557.235", "body": "Of that." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1557.235", "endTime": "1557.6349", "body": "Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1557.6349", "endTime": "1562.355", "body": "Right? And to just figure out how to find it in the midst of it. Right?" }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1562.355", "endTime": "1585.835", "body": "No. That's that's important that you said that because I talk about that time being a time where I understood purpose. And I'll never forget, I was praying to God to take me from this earth and it went from a prayer to a dare. Like, God, if you're really who you say you are, you will take me tonight. Now, be careful." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1586.215", "endTime": "1610.7849", "body": "Alright. So I'll never forget this but I was in college and I don't know what they call it but there was some night that I ended up having an experience with God. And I know it was an experience with God because I could it's almost like I could see everything in the room. I had my roommate. He was working on a paper and I was supposed to be I could see all of this." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1610.7849", "endTime": "1630.01", "body": "Yeah. And it it gets kinda, you know, little little eerie a little bit, but in that moment, God, he showed me thousands upon thousands of people. Mhmm. Sees of people, White, Black, Brown, just all kinds of nationalities. Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1630.01", "endTime": "1652.7001", "body": "All kinds of cultures. And in that, he said, these are all the people that you're gonna touch. And he gave me a choice on whether or not I wanted to go. And people think that you instantly think about your family members and things like that, but no, I didn't. I thought about disappointing God and I said, I want to see this through." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1652.7001", "endTime": "1653.2001", "body": "Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1653.3401", "endTime": "1673.385", "body": "I wanna I want to see my purpose develop Yeah. Even as a young man. And I knew that at that moment, God had birth in me something so great that I didn't know when it would come come to fruition, but it was so great that it would impact 1,000 upon 1,000 of lives." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1673.6849", "endTime": "1673.9249", "body": "Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1673.9249", "endTime": "1685.59", "body": "And it was that moment because me, although I had an argument with my mom, I was like, you know, mama's boy. Right? I was like, mama said this, mama said that. And, you know, everything was about mama what mama said. Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1685.59", "endTime": "1712.64", "body": "Right? But I would not have become the man that I am today had I still been relying on mama. And so God showed me, he said, I'm gonna leverage this. I'm gonna use this to shape and mold you to impact 1,000 upon 1,000, and then those 1,000 will impact 1,000 upon 1,000. So it's like I got propelled and catapulted into purpose Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1712.72", "endTime": "1722.505", "body": "Through that moment. Now it's really hard to see this when you're going through. Yeah. And so when people say, it'll it'll be okay. You know, you'll be alright." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1722.725", "endTime": "1732.985", "body": "That's the last thing you wanna hear. Right? So help me understand even how can we show up for others that's experiencing this?" }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1736.5399", "endTime": "1788.6799", "body": "I mean, I would say, just be present, you know. I think a lot of people are going through all the time. I recently did a talk for Emory University called how to make the most of your in between times, in between careers and even, you know, today, I was approached by the Emory folks to talk to somebody who was going through their in between time and she was like, Monique, your talk resonated so much with the folks who came to listen at Emory that, you know, we just have never really had a talk like this before but can you talk to this particular woman who just got laid off from her job? Would you do that for me? I'm gonna send her your talk and then I'm gonna connect you on LinkedIn And sometimes you just have to say like, okay." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1788.6799", "endTime": "1803.105", "body": "You you just have to be there for people. You have to be present. You have to be open and willing to give in those moments because for some for some reason they're drawn to you. And so I I said yes. I said go ahead." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1803.1649", "endTime": "1826.52", "body": "Send me her name, information and and I'll talk to her, you know. Yeah. I mean, I do this every weekend, you know. I open up myself to younger people, to come and have conversations, you know, at the lunchroom table and we talk about work and all of the wonderful things. And so you just have to make yourself available to people." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1826.52", "endTime": "1827.405", "body": "So I would say that." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1828.365", "endTime": "1834.7051", "body": "Good. Thank you. No. That that's helpful because, sometimes I struggle with what do I say. Mhmm." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1834.925", "endTime": "1851.1", "body": "Right? And they expect you to have all the words as, you know, pastor and everything. And sometimes we are at a loss for words. Yeah. Sometimes we're looking at the situation and we just say, my heart cries out Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1851.26", "endTime": "1861.025", "body": "For you in this moment. And sometimes that's real. Yeah. And I found that sometimes just being real like that has helped. It's like, hey, I sympathize." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1861.245", "endTime": "1869.725", "body": "I empathize with you. You know, some people don't know or may not have even experienced what you're going through. Yeah. So to say, I know what you're going through. Please don't say that." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1869.725", "endTime": "1877.28", "body": "No, you don't. Right? So I struggle sometimes in those moments, but sometimes people just need to know that you're there. Yeah. Right?" }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1877.28", "endTime": "1893.6549", "body": "I'm I'm a phone call away. And in those moments, you know, show up. I mean, I know there have been times where I have really, been apologetic and had to really ask for forgiveness from people where I was like, hey, I said I would be there and you called and I wasn't there." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1893.6549", "endTime": "1893.8949", "body": "Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1893.8949", "endTime": "1899.0349", "body": "Right. I didn't pick up. I'm sorry. Right? But being present is really important." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1899.095", "endTime": "1900.0549", "body": "And available. Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1900.0549", "endTime": "1901.0349", "body": "You know? And available." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1901.75", "endTime": "1936.87", "body": "You know, oftentimes people are going through things that may just be more dire than what you think. And so it it may be an inconvenience at time, but, it's really helped me, you know, a lot just being there for other people and being able to listen, you know, that's been helpful in in my time, in my in between, in my chaos or whatever to know that other people are experiencing similar things. And sometimes they don't want you to say much. They just want you to be there." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1936.93", "endTime": "1937.43", "body": "Right." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1937.4901", "endTime": "1947.3049", "body": "You know? There's been a lot of times I just wanted to be held. I I don't you ain't gotta say nothing. I just want you to hold me. I just wanna know that somebody's there to just hold me." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1947.3049", "endTime": "1947.705", "body": "Right." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1947.705", "endTime": "1949.385", "body": "You know what I'm saying? So" }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1949.705", "endTime": "1953.725", "body": "I'll give you their hug. Alright. There we go. Alright. Appreciate it." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1954.5199", "endTime": "1960.0399", "body": "No. I wanna thank you, Monique. This has been a and I try to lighten the mood because this has been a tough topic. Yeah. Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1960.0399", "endTime": "1983.9", "body": "Right? There have been times that I've seen you get choked up, and I know I got choked up while mentioning these things because there are things that I've shared tonight that I have never told people. And so or I've just told a few few people, my brothers or something. Right? And so I want to, 1, thank you for allowing me this space to be vulnerable with you, but also thank you for doing the same Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1983.98", "endTime": "1991.1", "body": "With me. And so as we wrap up, I want to give some quick tips on what we share today." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "1991.1", "endTime": "1991.34", "body": "Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "1991.34", "endTime": "2003.285", "body": "Right. Number 1, understanding that it is not your fault. Guilt is meant to take you out, but you know what? God can use that to build you up. Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "2003.285", "endTime": "2021.5599", "body": "It is not your fault. Let's not continue to feel guilty, but this can be a moment of opportunity. But first, you have to surround yourself, and you'll constantly hear this from me. Surround yourself with people that are available and will be present. And also, get help." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "2022.58", "endTime": "2029.095", "body": "I can't stand when people say I don't wanna get help. People will think I'm crazy. Yeah. You're crazy not to get help." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "2029.095", "endTime": "2029.595", "body": "Exactly." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "2029.655", "endTime": "2038.695", "body": "My mother used to work in a mental, institution and they would be like, miss King, aren't you afraid of them? She said, no. I'm more afraid of the people outside these doors." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "2038.695", "endTime": "2039.095", "body": "Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "2039.095", "endTime": "2058.035", "body": "Because these people are getting help. So please get help. Go talk to someone and I can't wait to start allowing resources. If you if you need resources, if you're local to our area here in the Atlanta area, please, we will direct you to some resources, but you gotta get some help." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "2058.035", "endTime": "2058.935", "body": "Get that help." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "2059.155", "endTime": "2089.9448", "body": "The other thing is is to know that when you direct your attention to serve other people, it has a way of really filling you up with joy. We're created to serve others. And the more you harbor that and the more you stay inside, the more you're you're you're susceptible to guilt, shame, depression, anxiety, and everything else. Take that energy and give to someone else. If you have an idea to create an organization, go do that." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "2089.9448", "endTime": "2098.905", "body": "Yeah. This is an opportunity in the midst of your toughest time. Yeah. Take this opportunity, this challenge and make it into an opportunity. Yeah." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "2098.905", "endTime": "2110.53", "body": "So first, definitely, the guilt is not yours to hold on to. Surround yourself with good people, get help, and and move forward in the opportunity. Use this as an opportunity." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "2110.83", "endTime": "2127.4448", "body": "And and I'd like to add one other thing to that because I know it really kept my sanity. You know, because sometimes you could just be creative in moment moments. These moments allow you're just so creative during these times. In chaos, you will find yourself creating and just doing all kinds of wonderful things. So embrace whatever" }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "2127.4448", "endTime": "2127.5479", "body": "it is you're trying to create." }, { "speaker": "Monique LaRue", "startTime": "2127.5479", "endTime": "2148.145", "body": "Write the book. Embrace whatever it is you're trying to create. Write the book, you know, paint the picture, do those things because I tell you it was my saving grace, during the pandemic while I was dealing with my mom. So, yes, I'll add creative and just being creative and doing that work in the process." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "2148.285", "endTime": "2163.15", "body": "Absolutely. Well, Monique, thank you again. Thank you so much for having me. Today. I wanna encourage everybody, follow us on all the social media channels, wahbl podcast wahbl podcast." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "2163.21", "endTime": "2189.45", "body": "That's when all hell breaks loose podcast. Again, thank you so much. People that are here live, clap it up, clap it up, clap it up, clap it up, clap Coffee Wine Bar. I live here. If you're in the area, you gotta come and check it out." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "2189.45", "endTime": "2197.4429", "body": "Great food. I have the coffee. I have the water. I have the wine, and I have the food. So I wanna thank them, as well." }, { "speaker": "Chris King", "startTime": "2197.4429", "endTime": "2205.768", "body": "So again, the When All Hell Breaks Loose podcast. I'm Chris King. Follow us on all the social media channels, and like, subscribe, do all that good stuff." } ] }