1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,294 Welcome to another edition of What's Good with John and Joyce. 2 00:00:03,294 --> 00:00:06,297 John Cadillac Seville here, along with my partner Joyce Logan. 3 00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:09,259 And 30 minutes of positivity each and every week. 4 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:10,427 Inspiring stories. 5 00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:12,637 And I'll tell you, joy. Speaking of inspiring stories. 6 00:00:12,637 --> 00:00:14,556 Oh my goodness. Wait. 7 00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:16,516 Wait till we dive into this. 8 00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:19,269 I'd like to say a big thank you to all of our sponsors. 9 00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:22,105 Woodwinds, wedding and special events, venue and Sylvio. 10 00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:25,775 Sources the woodwinds.com ascend bank. 11 00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:27,902 They don't just see your accounts. 12 00:00:27,902 --> 00:00:30,530 They see your vision and ambitions. 13 00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:34,784 Ascend dot bank Moonshots, a vegan based company 14 00:00:34,784 --> 00:00:39,873 that delivers the highest quality organic juices, coffee bowls and so much more. 15 00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:42,625 Drink moonshots.com. 16 00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:46,171 And to your health, nutrition and health coaching. 17 00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:50,133 Creating a lifestyle tailored just for you to your health. 18 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,302 Three 60.com. 19 00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:55,555 We're deeply grateful to all of our sponsors for their support 20 00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:56,431 and for partnering 21 00:00:56,431 --> 00:01:00,560 with us to uplift and enrich the lives of our listeners and viewers. 22 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,437 want to make sure we get this official here. 23 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:06,733 So I'm going to read this Kelsey Elizabeth Matthews story is one of courage, 24 00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:10,737 resilience and faith defying all the odds and overcoming 25 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:13,990 every obstacle with grace and unrelenting grit. 26 00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:17,952 If Kelsey could, leave behind any legacy for herself would be one 27 00:01:17,952 --> 00:01:21,581 of strength, resilience, overcoming, and most of all, love. 28 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:26,252 And it's really it's her hope to create lasting change for generations to come. 29 00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,922 And I can tell you this, you know, just by, 30 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:32,133 you know, watching her story online and, good 31 00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:35,720 friend of ours, Ken Engelman, you know, who did the whole please be kind. 32 00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:38,348 He's the one who introduced us to Kelsey. 33 00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:39,974 Ken, thank you very much for that. 34 00:01:39,974 --> 00:01:44,187 But this woman really, really represents so much is good and so much is needed 35 00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:45,480 in the world today. 36 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,774 Kelsey, welcome to What's Good with John and Joyce. 37 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,484 Thank you so much for having me. I'm so 38 00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:54,364 and indeed sitting here with your crown and your shoreline. 39 00:01:54,405 --> 00:01:56,825 Hahaha I love it. 40 00:01:56,825 --> 00:02:01,621 So take us through because I thought you were also Las Vegas, was it? 41 00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:02,705 Yep, yep. 42 00:02:02,705 --> 00:02:05,708 So I'm actually from East Haven, so I'm from the shoreline 43 00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:10,088 and I was Miss Shorelines outstanding team in 2015. 44 00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:13,925 So that was my first title with the Miss America organization. 45 00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:17,345 And then I moved to Las Vegas when I was 18, 46 00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:21,599 and I competed there and I was Miss Battle born in 2019. 47 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:25,770 And then I was Miss Las Vegas volunteer in 2021. 48 00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:31,025 And then I was the first Miss Nevada Volunteer in 2022. 49 00:02:31,025 --> 00:02:32,318 So that was a new system. 50 00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:35,864 So I represented Nevada at the Miss Volunteer America pageant 51 00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:39,367 in Jackson, Tennessee in 2022. 52 00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:43,163 And then I moved back here to Connecticut in 2024. 53 00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:46,624 And now I am in shoreline 2026. Wow. 54 00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:50,712 After I had a state title and I went to nationals and I was retired, 55 00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:56,134 you know, how'd that work out? 56 00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:57,302 Yeah. 57 00:02:57,302 --> 00:03:00,305 And I'm so glad that I did, because I'm having so much fun. 58 00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:03,808 And so this is my last year eligible to compete 59 00:03:03,808 --> 00:03:06,811 within the Miss America organization because I'm turning 28. 60 00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:10,607 So I'm really glad that I bit the bullet and said, you know what? 61 00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:14,861 I'm going to go, you know, one more year and and see what happens now, what what 62 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:18,740 what was the impetus for you to do all this in the beginning, going back to 2015? 63 00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:20,033 You know, it's interesting. 64 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:24,204 I danced and I sang and I rode horses and I did lots of different things, 65 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,079 but I had never done 66 00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:28,875 pageants, and I did an event with the Brantford Compassion Club. 67 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:32,629 It was actually a, it was a fundraiser, but it was a fashion show. 68 00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:36,466 And Miss Connecticut was there and she and her 69 00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:39,469 mom kind of scoped me out 70 00:03:39,802 --> 00:03:43,181 and said, hey, have you ever considered competing in pageants? 71 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,682 You know, the Miss Connecticut, 72 00:03:44,682 --> 00:03:47,352 it was Miss Connecticut's outstanding teen at the time. 73 00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:50,688 And I had said, no, I I've never really thought about, 74 00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:52,273 but that's a heck of a compliment. 75 00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:52,774 Yeah. 76 00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:54,192 It was it was surprising. 77 00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:56,569 It was just like a runway fashion show. 78 00:03:56,569 --> 00:04:00,281 And there was a boutique in Branford that, like, sponsored the the dresses. 79 00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:01,908 Yeah, wardrobe. 80 00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:04,661 And so I just was there because I volunteered with 81 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:07,705 BCC and I got scouted by Miss Connecticut. 82 00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:09,540 So they encouraged me. Wow. 83 00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:13,795 And I signed up and I was at large at the time. 84 00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:17,048 So that means you got to pick the title that you represented 85 00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:21,427 and you kind of paid into it, and then you got to take that title too, right? 86 00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:26,641 So I picked shorelines Outstanding team, and I fell in love with it, 87 00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:30,895 I loved it, I enjoyed the appearances and the volunteering aspect. 88 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:34,649 You have to have a platform for community service and so mine was 89 00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:35,817 called Who Rescued Who? 90 00:04:37,151 --> 00:04:37,986 Animal rescue. 91 00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:42,991 Yes. And I worked with different animal rescue organizations. 92 00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:44,826 That's where I met Ken. Right. 93 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:45,952 Dan Cosgrove. 94 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:48,121 And so that was my first pageant and I loved it. 95 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,789 And it was a family affair. 96 00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:54,752 My grandmother was involved and my mom was involved and we would drive all over. 97 00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:56,004 Appearances. 98 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:58,923 And after I aged out of the teen division, 99 00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:02,510 I started competing in the miss the local pageants and I just loved it. 100 00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:06,764 So when I moved to Nevada I kept going, wow, so many people 101 00:05:06,764 --> 00:05:09,976 may think this is a wonderful story or beautiful girl. 102 00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:12,979 And of course you're in these pageants, but 103 00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:15,773 can I go back to your vision? 104 00:05:15,773 --> 00:05:18,776 Because, people need to know 105 00:05:19,402 --> 00:05:22,280 me and understand where you are right now. 106 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:26,492 Why is so not that you just so many people see someone like you 107 00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:29,078 and they think you popped out of a genie bottle, and here it is. Right? 108 00:05:29,078 --> 00:05:30,955 But there were a lot of us. 109 00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:33,541 There's a lot of storyline leading up to this lot. 110 00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:35,793 There's a lot, starting with your birth. 111 00:05:35,793 --> 00:05:38,296 If it's okay if I go for it, I'm an open book. 112 00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:43,301 Okay, so you were born with an addiction to cocaine? Yes. 113 00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:46,262 Because your mom was using. Yes. 114 00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:49,265 And then you lost your mom at a. 115 00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:50,641 You're fairly young. 116 00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:52,393 I was 17, you're 17? 117 00:05:52,393 --> 00:05:53,478 Like your mother did. 118 00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:55,897 She passed from an addiction. Yes. She overdosed. 119 00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:01,486 Was there for you after that in your family. 120 00:06:01,694 --> 00:06:04,113 So I had a an interesting upbringing. 121 00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:07,367 So I was actually raised more by my grandparents 122 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,951 a lot of the times that I was my mom. 123 00:06:08,951 --> 00:06:13,831 So I was raised in the same house that my mom and her siblings grew up in. 124 00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:18,628 So my, my grandparents, when my mom moved back home, kind of stepped 125 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:24,509 in for her when she was unable to, you know, be be your mother, right? 126 00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:28,346 She she struggled with a lot of things and she really did the best she could, 127 00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:29,847 but she did struggle. 128 00:06:29,847 --> 00:06:31,474 And so my grandparents stepped in 129 00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:35,103 and they did the bulk of of raising me, thank God. 130 00:06:35,853 --> 00:06:37,647 Yeah. Amen, Amen. 131 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:41,401 An interesting dynamic though, because I was like, wait. 132 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,361 And Vivian's fourth child, it was, 133 00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:45,655 parents were my 134 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:49,492 parents, and then my mom and her brothers were like my siblings. 135 00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:55,623 It was an interesting, interesting dynamic because my mom was like my older sister. 136 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:59,669 So my even my relationship with my grandparents was different 137 00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:02,672 because I was helping them take care of her. 138 00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:08,052 So I was very young, and I took out a lot of responsibility 139 00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:12,140 for my mom because my grandparents really struggled to to do that. 140 00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:15,852 They really struggled to get things under control 141 00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:19,856 and manage conflict and deal with some of the more difficult things. 142 00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:24,360 And so I knew very early that if I did not look out for my mom, 143 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:25,778 she wasn't going to make it 144 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:28,781 because she would overdose and I would find her on the floor. 145 00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:31,868 And so it was like 146 00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:34,871 birth onward was just mass chaos, right? 147 00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:39,333 It was very dysfunctional in the home, and it was very up and down and there. 148 00:07:39,333 --> 00:07:42,545 Yeah, moments of very bad moments and there was a lot of trauma. 149 00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:45,965 And so my mom was almost like my older sister 150 00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:50,261 then like slept all day and I'd sit down with my grandparents 151 00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:52,263 and say, what are we going to do about her? Right. 152 00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,973 What are we going to do about this? Right. 153 00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:56,392 And so there was domestic violence. 154 00:07:56,392 --> 00:07:57,393 There was drug use. 155 00:07:57,393 --> 00:07:59,729 There was just a lot going on. 156 00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:04,775 And I took on an adult heroine role very young to try to, 157 00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:08,738 you know, keep an eye on my mom and help my grandmother 158 00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:10,656 to the best of my ability with my mom. 159 00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:12,492 And it it was not ideal. 160 00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:14,785 So you were really stripped 161 00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:17,997 of your childhood and you became an adult very, very quickly? 162 00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:18,998 Yeah. Parts of it. 163 00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:22,210 And I think that's what was confusing to a lot of people. 164 00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:26,464 A lot of people have looked at me and thought, well, she had a great life. 165 00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:28,925 Well, that's what I mean. 166 00:08:28,925 --> 00:08:30,593 They would look at you that way. 167 00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:34,889 I think it's important for them to know everything, to inspire them, 168 00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:40,102 that some people could have the background that you have and, 169 00:08:40,811 --> 00:08:44,690 give up and fall into the same always. 170 00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:49,737 But you picked, you rose from the ashes right. 171 00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:52,532 Yes. That's right. That's my phoenix rising. 172 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,283 Right, right. Yeah. 173 00:08:54,283 --> 00:08:57,286 When I was growing up from the outside 174 00:08:57,578 --> 00:09:02,250 looking in I had everything I danced, I sang, I had everything. 175 00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:05,503 But people didn't see what was actually going on in the house. 176 00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:08,756 And that's the thing with domestic violence and 177 00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:12,468 narcissism and personality disorders and trauma. Yes. 178 00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,637 People on the outside, they don't see it. 179 00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:19,517 So I didn't I didn't always have the help that I needed. 180 00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:23,980 And it was just confusing for me. 181 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,439 And confusing for other people. 182 00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:27,608 And then when I needed help. 183 00:09:27,608 --> 00:09:30,361 People either didn't know or they just kind of looked the other way. 184 00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:31,821 It's like the bystander effect. 185 00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:32,071 Yeah. 186 00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:35,283 So my childhood had amazing parts of it. 187 00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:36,951 There were beautiful moments. 188 00:09:36,951 --> 00:09:38,077 There were opportunities 189 00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:41,831 that my grandparents afforded me that other kids never get to have. 190 00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:45,876 But then there were opportunities for love 191 00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:50,506 and emotional connection and stability that other kids have that I didn't have. 192 00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:54,093 And so a lot of it turned into performing 193 00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:58,431 and perfectionism because that's how I earned, approval. 194 00:09:58,472 --> 00:09:58,848 Yeah. 195 00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:03,603 And if I did not live up to the unrealistic expectation 196 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:08,649 and the pedestal that my family had me on, I would very quickly get knocked 197 00:10:09,275 --> 00:10:13,279 right off the pedestal because it was unsustainable for a child 198 00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:17,408 to maintain the expectations that they had for me. 199 00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:19,201 And that is fatiguing. 200 00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:22,330 Trying to stay on that pedestal the entire time, 201 00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:25,708 because it's perfection and none of us are perfect. 202 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:26,834 It's it's tough. 203 00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:28,377 It was it was confusing for me 204 00:10:28,377 --> 00:10:31,756 because I never knew what version of any of them I was going to get. 205 00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:34,967 So if my mom was breathing in the morning, I woke up. 206 00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:36,344 It was a very good day. 207 00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:38,262 But I never knew that that was going to be the case. 208 00:10:38,262 --> 00:10:41,349 She would go out and leave and I would not know where she was. 209 00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:43,976 And yeah I would panic because I'm like are they, 210 00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:46,812 are they calling to tell me something happened to her? 211 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:49,815 Eventually my grandparents took custody 212 00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:52,902 because the state took her parental rights away 213 00:10:53,027 --> 00:10:54,320 and she was not supposed 214 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:58,115 to be living in the home, but my grandmother just could not 215 00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:00,242 detach herself. 216 00:11:00,242 --> 00:11:03,245 She was so enmeshed with her child, she couldn't do the tough love. 217 00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:05,581 Yeah, that wasn't it for her. 218 00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:11,087 She had so much empathy and so much compassion that she overcame. 219 00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:14,090 And so a lot of people pleasing, enabling, enabling. 220 00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:16,592 Yep. Enabling is the word. 221 00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:19,595 So my mom is a tough thing to do. It was. 222 00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:23,140 And my mom just kept living in the house so I was not separated 223 00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:26,143 from the trauma that I was supposed to be separated from. 224 00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:30,022 So I was just watching my mom decline like she would do three times. 225 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:32,692 I'll be like, oh, she's dying. 226 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,403 Like, what are you going to do about this? Right? 227 00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:38,989 And you were supposed to be maintaining the picture perfect, 228 00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:40,408 like white fence thing. 229 00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:43,411 So there were some times where they would tell me, like, don't, don't call. 230 00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:44,787 We don't want the neighbors to know, 231 00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:47,373 what do you mean, don't call? 232 00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:49,625 She's going to die. Yeah. There. 233 00:11:49,625 --> 00:11:52,712 And then they would, you know, say, 234 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:56,048 well, if you call 911 for her, we're taking dance lessons away. 235 00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:57,174 So then they would. 236 00:11:57,174 --> 00:12:00,886 Oh, the very thing that would give you peace. 237 00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:05,391 It was confusing and traumatic, 238 00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:11,439 but again, I had opportunities that I don't know that I. 239 00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:13,858 It's not that I didn't appreciate them then, 240 00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:16,777 but I was frightened most of the time 241 00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:22,283 I was scared, I was confused, I was angry 242 00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:25,536 because of all the things that were given to me. 243 00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:28,205 Money was the love language in my family. 244 00:12:28,205 --> 00:12:28,914 There's a problem. 245 00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,458 If we open our wallet. 246 00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,376 Yeah, that will make it go away. 247 00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:34,295 But all I wanted was my mom. 248 00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:37,173 Yeah, and that's what people didn't understand, is that I would have traded 249 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:40,593 the dance lessons and everything if I could have just had a mom. 250 00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:42,052 Yeah, and that was. 251 00:12:42,052 --> 00:12:45,806 That was the piece that people didn't understand because they couldn't see it. 252 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:50,144 And they didn't see that I was assaulted by my mother. 253 00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:53,564 They didn't see that my uncle was beating her. 254 00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,357 They didn't see all of those things. 255 00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:58,235 They didn't see the fighting. They didn't see the overdoses. 256 00:12:58,235 --> 00:12:59,403 They didn't see all of that. 257 00:12:59,403 --> 00:13:02,907 So it was very lonely because I was living the dream. 258 00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:03,949 It looked like. Yeah. 259 00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:09,622 And then when I would have trauma responses or behavioral issues, 260 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:13,083 right, as they would call it, people would just say that I was a brat. 261 00:13:13,667 --> 00:13:15,628 I was spoiled or I was all these things. 262 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:21,091 But in reality, I was an undiagnosed autistic child, neurodivergent. 263 00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:23,344 I did not have the right health. 264 00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:27,848 We didn't know living in a home that was not conducive 265 00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:31,018 to any of what my needs were, because we didn't know what my needs were 266 00:13:31,435 --> 00:13:34,730 and my needs were secondary to all of the chaos. 267 00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:36,732 So when I would have 268 00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:39,318 outbursts or meltdowns 269 00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:42,613 like what I'm going to call them, I would just get labeled a bad kid. 270 00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:44,698 But I was never a bad kid. 271 00:13:44,698 --> 00:13:49,620 I was traumatized and carrying the weight of adult responsibilities 272 00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:52,915 while not knowing or understanding how my own brain works, 273 00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:57,169 or what my own needs were, or how to regulate my nervous system. 274 00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:59,964 If the adults couldn't regulate their nervous systems 275 00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:01,674 and they didn't teach me, how was I supposed? 276 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,218 So I was like being in the eye of the storm at times. 277 00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:07,471 Like being in the center of a, you know, a hurricane to know everything going on. 278 00:14:07,471 --> 00:14:10,558 And it's all these subplots going around you my whole life. 279 00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:13,352 I'm like, when do I get my, 280 00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:14,395 nuts? 281 00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:16,856 Yeah, make this up right. 282 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,483 My life is just one long series of plot twists. 283 00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:22,361 I'm like, oh, that's what we're doing. I'm cool. Let me. 284 00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:24,405 But but you could have easily succumb to all this. 285 00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:25,239 You've used the 286 00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:29,159 the adversity to really, you know, propel you to where you are today. 287 00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:32,371 It's an opportunity resilience. Yes. 288 00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:35,583 And resilience and perseverance. 289 00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:36,709 Absolutely. 290 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:40,963 You know and and you have that you hang on to that. 291 00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:43,591 I did. So now your mother passes when 292 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,052 18, you're in Las Vegas. 293 00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:48,095 Yes, I moved to Vegas. 294 00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:52,308 So I had some friends in Las Vegas, and I stayed with them for two summers, 295 00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:56,020 and I toured the Kansas City with LV and I absolutely loved it. 296 00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:58,230 I wanted to be a rebel so bad. 297 00:14:58,230 --> 00:14:59,607 You just fit me. 298 00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:03,360 So when I came home right before my senior year of high school, 299 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:07,656 my mom actually sat me down and she said, we got to talk about college. 300 00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:10,117 Like, what are you thinking? What do you want to do? 301 00:15:10,117 --> 00:15:13,412 And I told her, I showed her all the brochures and everything from, 302 00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:14,204 you know, me. 303 00:15:14,204 --> 00:15:16,957 And I told her that I was so excited about it. 304 00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:20,669 And she looked at me and she said, is this is this really where you want to go? 305 00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:21,754 Is this what you want to do? 306 00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:26,467 When I told her yes, and she paused for a moment and she got really quiet, 307 00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:30,679 and she looked up at me and she said, I need you to listen to me. 308 00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:34,058 She said, I want you to go and get out of here. 309 00:15:34,391 --> 00:15:35,851 I want you to get away from this house. 310 00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:40,022 Get as far away from this as you can, and please don't come back. 311 00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:41,023 Just go. 312 00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:44,735 And when I can get out of here, I will follow you there. 313 00:15:45,235 --> 00:15:48,155 But for right now, I said, this is what you want. 314 00:15:48,155 --> 00:15:51,575 And what I want for you is to get out of here. Wow. 315 00:15:51,992 --> 00:15:55,537 And I didn't fully understand that at the time, but when I look back 316 00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:58,707 now, I realize that my mom knew that she wasn't getting out of there, 317 00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:01,460 and she also knew things that I didn't know, 318 00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:04,463 and she understood things that I didn't understand at that time. 319 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:09,426 And she knew that I would be next in line to inherit what she did. 320 00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:10,594 She wanted better for you. 321 00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:11,887 She wanted better for me. 322 00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:14,974 She didn't want me to get stuck because she knew him. 323 00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:18,811 I would be expected to take care of everything that she was taking care of. 324 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:19,561 Yeah. 325 00:16:19,561 --> 00:16:21,230 If something happened to her. Right. 326 00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:22,690 I was next in line. 327 00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:25,192 My grandmother wanted to leave 328 00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:27,820 my grandparents house to my mother, 329 00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:31,991 and I did not know at that time that my uncle had made threats, 330 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:35,911 that if my mom and I got the house in the well, that he would burn it down. 331 00:16:36,036 --> 00:16:37,913 Oh, I said it right. 332 00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:41,250 So I didn't have all of that awareness, but my mom did. 333 00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:43,919 So she had told me, go like, get out of here. 334 00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:45,421 I support you all heartedly. 335 00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:47,881 And that was her way of saying, go be free. 336 00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:50,175 It's too late for me, but it's not too late for you. 337 00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:52,594 Go be everything that I am. 338 00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:55,431 Yeah, and she knew I wouldn't leave her. 339 00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:57,850 I would not have left her if she didn't give me. Yes. 340 00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:00,269 A couple months later. 341 00:17:00,269 --> 00:17:00,853 Yeah. 342 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:04,690 She knew that it wasn't going to be a situation where she was going 343 00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:07,693 to be able to, to leave, but she wanted me to get out. 344 00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:08,444 She did. 345 00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,988 She did the best she could with what she had. 346 00:17:10,988 --> 00:17:12,406 Well just like my grandparents did. 347 00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:15,409 And it took me a long time to understand that. 348 00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:17,703 Of course not. 349 00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:20,706 Teenagers have a hard time getting along with their parents I. 350 00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:24,960 A regular student body is going to do so many changes at home. 351 00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:26,378 Right, right. 352 00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:30,340 During that happens when you get into your mid to late 20s 353 00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:32,301 to where you see things differently. 354 00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:35,804 And so I turned 18 and I ran off to Vegas, 355 00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:39,308 I moved by myself and I found two jobs in an apartment. 356 00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:43,145 And the apartment was full of roaches because it was all I could afford. 357 00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:44,188 And I made it work 358 00:17:44,188 --> 00:17:47,900 with such courage in your late teens to go there on your own and make things work. 359 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,903 I mean, you did a lot of growing up in a short period of time. 360 00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:51,528 Yeah. 361 00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:54,907 So interesting because 362 00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,910 I was just talking to someone about this recently. 363 00:17:57,951 --> 00:18:00,162 My vision has always been bigger. 364 00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:01,538 Even when I was a little girl. 365 00:18:01,538 --> 00:18:04,083 Yeah I always had I'm a visionary. 366 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,125 It's it's who I am. 367 00:18:05,125 --> 00:18:05,793 It's what I do. 368 00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:08,796 I see very far ahead and I see what things could be. 369 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:12,132 And that was what kept me kind of hanging on. 370 00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:15,636 Like you said, when I was little, I just always told myself, 371 00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:18,847 if I just hang in there 372 00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:21,642 and I can make it to the other side of this, 373 00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:25,479 then one day something that I have to say will matter to someone. 374 00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:30,901 Yes, something that I have lived through will be beneficial to someone. 375 00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:34,071 But I have to get from point A to point B first. 376 00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:38,492 I if I can just hang in there, then one day 377 00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:42,079 there will be a purpose and I can use this for other people. 378 00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:46,333 And when people say to me, oh, you're very resilient, sometimes it's annoying. 379 00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:49,294 What was my other option? 380 00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:51,130 Right. What was what were Chinese 381 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:54,091 people pick that other option for me there was only one. 382 00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,261 Failure is not an option like I said. 383 00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:59,513 Right. 384 00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:02,516 I always knew I have to I'm supposed to do something. 385 00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:05,561 I don't know what I'm here to do but I'm here to do something. 386 00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:08,480 You paid attention. 387 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:09,189 I did it. 388 00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:12,192 And I've always had a very strong connection to God. 389 00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:18,073 And I was raised in faith with, with my grandmother and so I just knew 390 00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:21,118 even from when I was a little kid that I was meant to do something. 391 00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:26,248 And I was like, as a kid, you don't have the full picture. 392 00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:29,042 So as a, as a little kid, it was, I want to be famous. 393 00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:30,586 I'm gonna be famous one day. 394 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:33,172 But it wasn't in my mind to be famous 395 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:37,759 for the sake of attention or status, but to me 396 00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:41,471 it meant people would know me and people would listen to me. 397 00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:45,184 And as a child that's growing up in abuse and domestic violence, 398 00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:47,644 you just want to be heard. 399 00:19:47,644 --> 00:19:51,273 And I just I always just knew, like, if I can just get through this one day 400 00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:52,691 someone will hear me 401 00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:56,612 and someone that needs to hear me will hear me, and I can help someone with this. 402 00:19:57,070 --> 00:20:00,782 And the idea of being famous when I was a kid 403 00:20:00,782 --> 00:20:03,785 really meant to have influence, that that's what I meant. 404 00:20:04,161 --> 00:20:08,123 And so I always knew that I was meant to speak and write 405 00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:12,878 and use what has happened to me for something of substance, 406 00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:16,381 something that is not devastation if I can take it 407 00:20:16,381 --> 00:20:19,384 and turn it around, then I can bring meaning to it. 408 00:20:19,426 --> 00:20:22,012 There's that. That's awesome. 409 00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:22,930 That's awesome. 410 00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:25,933 After my grandmother just passed away last September. 411 00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:30,062 I always just knew I was meant to do something. 412 00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,981 And I would say, well, what can I take from this? 413 00:20:32,981 --> 00:20:35,067 And how can I use this to help someone else? 414 00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:37,736 And that's always just been how I am. There's so many people out there. 415 00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:39,488 I want to be famous for the sake of being famous. 416 00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:41,281 You want to use this as a platform 417 00:20:41,281 --> 00:20:43,951 to uplift because, I mean, I mean, you come in, right? 418 00:20:43,951 --> 00:20:45,452 Right. Exactly right. 419 00:20:45,452 --> 00:20:47,246 And you think about some of the things you've had 420 00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,957 with health issues, talking about God keeping you around. Right. 421 00:20:49,957 --> 00:20:52,960 What were like three heart hard situation, 422 00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:57,089 three heart surgery before the age of I was 12, 16 and 23. 423 00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:01,260 The cocaine, that's what they think. 424 00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:04,930 So I ended up having supraventricular tachycardia. 425 00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:06,932 So that's ten times fast. 426 00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:09,393 Yeah. So I had SVT. Yeah. 427 00:21:09,393 --> 00:21:13,772 And it started when I was like 10 or 11 and they couldn't figure it out. 428 00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:16,942 And then they started saying to me, well, 429 00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:19,945 if you're looking for attention we can help you with that. 430 00:21:19,987 --> 00:21:22,531 And I said, no. 431 00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:23,991 Yeah, yeah. 432 00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:29,162 Finally they found it and I went in for an ablation when I was 12 ish. 433 00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:31,373 Ablation. 434 00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:33,250 Okay. It was the name of the surgery. 435 00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:34,334 Okay, okay. 436 00:21:34,334 --> 00:21:37,004 So they took one, and then it came back. 437 00:21:37,004 --> 00:21:38,046 So then I was 16. 438 00:21:38,046 --> 00:21:41,133 They did another one, and I thought I was all good. 439 00:21:41,258 --> 00:21:42,342 So I moved to Vegas. 440 00:21:42,342 --> 00:21:44,636 And the next thing I know I'm in AFib. 441 00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:47,264 Oh shit. You got to be kidding me. 442 00:21:47,264 --> 00:21:52,853 So then they did a third surgery and that one worked finally. 443 00:21:52,853 --> 00:21:55,564 So they fixed it and then I got Covid. 444 00:21:55,564 --> 00:21:58,358 Oh, the hits keep coming. 445 00:21:58,358 --> 00:22:01,570 And then I got Covid and I was sick. 446 00:22:01,820 --> 00:22:03,155 I just never got better. 447 00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:07,743 And I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was going on and why. 448 00:22:07,743 --> 00:22:10,912 I had all of these weird symptoms that would flare 449 00:22:10,912 --> 00:22:12,664 and they would come and they would go. 450 00:22:12,664 --> 00:22:16,710 And my eyes would swell up and my eyelashes would fall out. 451 00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:18,670 And it was awful. 452 00:22:19,838 --> 00:22:22,299 And so I went three years 453 00:22:22,299 --> 00:22:25,886 without anybody being able to tell me what was wrong. 454 00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:29,890 And after I moved back here I finally found a doctor 455 00:22:30,307 --> 00:22:34,978 who explained to me that Covid damaged my nervous system and my immune system. 456 00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:38,607 So that was where the problems were coming from, 457 00:22:38,940 --> 00:22:42,361 because my autonomic nervous system doesn't work right anymore. 458 00:22:42,527 --> 00:22:47,574 So all of these long term Covid effects, it's I don't know 459 00:22:47,574 --> 00:22:52,371 if it's long term Covid per se, but it's it's two separate conditions now. 460 00:22:52,371 --> 00:22:56,333 It's it's two different diagnoses from the impact of Covid. 461 00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:59,503 Well basically my my nervous system is shot. 462 00:22:59,669 --> 00:23:03,382 So my, my autonomic nervous system no longer properly 463 00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:06,385 regulates my automatic body functions. 464 00:23:06,635 --> 00:23:10,430 So when I was practically fainting and having all of these problems 465 00:23:10,430 --> 00:23:13,141 and nobody could understand why that was why. 466 00:23:13,141 --> 00:23:16,144 So that has been the journey over the last three years, 467 00:23:16,311 --> 00:23:19,189 and I am just now going to the gym again 468 00:23:19,189 --> 00:23:22,359 and starting to do all of the things that I was not able to do. 469 00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:24,277 I was exercise intolerant 470 00:23:24,277 --> 00:23:27,280 for a period of time because, like, my body couldn't handle it. 471 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:31,701 So at the beginning of 2024, I just ended up in complete burnout. 472 00:23:31,701 --> 00:23:32,702 Just total burnout. 473 00:23:32,702 --> 00:23:35,705 I was down for six months. 474 00:23:35,747 --> 00:23:38,750 I was doing the bare minimum for six months 475 00:23:38,792 --> 00:23:41,336 while trying to work a bunch of jobs 476 00:23:41,336 --> 00:23:44,339 and keep my head above water, and then I started graduate school. 477 00:23:44,673 --> 00:23:48,510 So it my life has been one insane 478 00:23:49,302 --> 00:23:51,555 like like you keep going. 479 00:23:51,555 --> 00:23:54,015 Yeah. The Energizer bunny here right. 480 00:23:54,015 --> 00:23:57,853 It just feels like the only option know even in, in moments 481 00:23:57,853 --> 00:24:00,939 where like what is the point of all of this. 482 00:24:00,939 --> 00:24:02,232 I don't want to do this anymore. 483 00:24:02,232 --> 00:24:05,861 Like, I have dealt with genuine suicidal thoughts 484 00:24:05,861 --> 00:24:08,947 because it just it got to the point where I'm like, you know what? 485 00:24:09,906 --> 00:24:11,616 Why? For what purpose? 486 00:24:11,616 --> 00:24:12,075 Right? 487 00:24:12,075 --> 00:24:14,911 Because I this is stupid and it doesn't end. 488 00:24:14,911 --> 00:24:20,709 And I don't see how I will bounce back from this. 489 00:24:20,709 --> 00:24:24,212 Especially, you know, last year after I got sick, that that was the moment 490 00:24:24,212 --> 00:24:27,632 for me where I asked myself, did I accomplish all of this? 491 00:24:27,632 --> 00:24:31,928 Just like, hit the wall, am I am I going to even be able to come back from this? 492 00:24:32,429 --> 00:24:36,725 It was very upsetting and I kind of went through an identity crisis 493 00:24:37,225 --> 00:24:39,936 because I kept asking myself, 494 00:24:39,936 --> 00:24:42,731 what if something happened and I never got better? 495 00:24:42,731 --> 00:24:44,983 What if I couldn't achieve anymore? 496 00:24:44,983 --> 00:24:49,279 And that's when I really hit my I called a spiritual awakening, 497 00:24:49,279 --> 00:24:54,409 if you will, but really examining myself and my priorities and asking myself 498 00:24:54,576 --> 00:24:57,871 how much of my identity did I wrap up into being a high achiever? 499 00:24:58,288 --> 00:25:00,832 And if that was taken away, who would I be? 500 00:25:00,832 --> 00:25:01,082 Great. 501 00:25:01,082 --> 00:25:05,378 If I never accomplished anything ever again, who would I be as Kelsie, 502 00:25:05,921 --> 00:25:10,091 not as the pageant title or the Truman Scholar or the summa cum laude. 503 00:25:10,175 --> 00:25:11,676 You would all be graduate. 504 00:25:11,676 --> 00:25:14,971 Who would I be if something horrible happened to me 505 00:25:14,971 --> 00:25:18,308 medically and I was unable to ever achieve anything ever again? 506 00:25:18,433 --> 00:25:21,102 That's the problem too, is so many people wrap up their identity of who 507 00:25:21,102 --> 00:25:21,895 they are, but it's not. 508 00:25:21,895 --> 00:25:24,898 I mean, what you're doing, it's not who you are is what you do. 509 00:25:25,273 --> 00:25:27,442 Big, big difference. And too many people lose that. 510 00:25:27,442 --> 00:25:30,445 Like when a lot of people retire and they lose that title 511 00:25:30,654 --> 00:25:32,405 and all of a sudden they go downhill really quick, 512 00:25:32,405 --> 00:25:33,949 you need to have something to move forward. 513 00:25:33,949 --> 00:25:37,494 This beyond just titles ask great questions. 514 00:25:37,494 --> 00:25:39,079 Yeah, yeah. 515 00:25:39,079 --> 00:25:41,248 What and what are you feeling now. 516 00:25:42,791 --> 00:25:45,794 I have been through such a transformation. 517 00:25:46,002 --> 00:25:47,504 I feel grateful. 518 00:25:47,504 --> 00:25:50,507 First and foremost I feel gratitude 519 00:25:50,590 --> 00:25:53,552 to look back on where I was 520 00:25:53,635 --> 00:25:55,887 and where I am now. Yeah. 521 00:25:55,887 --> 00:25:59,516 And I shouldn't be here. 522 00:25:59,766 --> 00:26:04,896 There's just a lot of gratitude and that for me is your Phoenix rising. 523 00:26:05,313 --> 00:26:08,108 My, my pageant community service initiative. 524 00:26:08,108 --> 00:26:11,111 My, my company, Phoenix Rising coaching and Consulting. 525 00:26:11,111 --> 00:26:15,574 I have been through so many Phoenix moments in my life. 526 00:26:17,242 --> 00:26:20,787 I'm grateful and I'm excited because I found 527 00:26:21,121 --> 00:26:25,375 I found my actual purpose when everything else got stripped away. 528 00:26:25,375 --> 00:26:27,419 And I think that sometimes God, 529 00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:30,547 higher power, whatever version of that people believe in, 530 00:26:31,339 --> 00:26:34,801 sometimes God will allow things to fall apart 531 00:26:35,010 --> 00:26:40,140 and he will rip things away, and he will strip you of pride 532 00:26:40,140 --> 00:26:43,810 and ego and perfectionism and all of the things that are actually 533 00:26:43,810 --> 00:26:48,440 keeping you from being who you're meant to be and doing what you're called to do. 534 00:26:48,690 --> 00:26:50,734 And it was in all of that, 535 00:26:50,734 --> 00:26:53,403 all of the experience of my past and everything that I went through 536 00:26:53,403 --> 00:26:55,905 that I stepped into leadership development work. 537 00:26:55,905 --> 00:26:59,409 But I wouldn't have found that if it wasn't for everything else. 538 00:26:59,409 --> 00:27:02,078 And so that season of my life was necessary. 539 00:27:02,078 --> 00:27:04,080 And now I feel inspired again. 540 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:07,500 I feel excited again because I know now who I actually am 541 00:27:08,251 --> 00:27:11,379 and who I never was, and what was trauma 542 00:27:11,379 --> 00:27:15,216 and what was beliefs that were put on me, 543 00:27:15,216 --> 00:27:19,387 and labels that were put on me that were mine and limiting beliefs. 544 00:27:21,014 --> 00:27:23,558 And God kind of came in and cleaned house. 545 00:27:23,558 --> 00:27:23,933 Right. 546 00:27:23,933 --> 00:27:26,561 And it was a very painful process. 547 00:27:26,561 --> 00:27:27,979 It is it's all part of the cleansing. 548 00:27:27,979 --> 00:27:30,607 And one of my favorite phrases you tipped on that was 549 00:27:30,607 --> 00:27:32,275 when things seem to be falling apart, 550 00:27:32,275 --> 00:27:34,944 they're falling into place, in my experience. 551 00:27:34,944 --> 00:27:36,279 Yeah, I know that. 552 00:27:36,279 --> 00:27:39,240 Sometimes I say to God, can I get a copy of the, 553 00:27:40,450 --> 00:27:42,410 written copy with a signature, please? 554 00:27:42,410 --> 00:27:44,871 Because I'd like to see. What. What are we doing out here? 555 00:27:44,871 --> 00:27:46,581 I find myself so joyous. 556 00:27:46,581 --> 00:27:48,083 You and I have a lot to talk about. 557 00:27:48,083 --> 00:27:51,086 We have a deep faith, but the more we give it to him, 558 00:27:51,419 --> 00:27:53,963 the more ease there is in our lives. 559 00:27:53,963 --> 00:27:56,591 When we try to do it ourselves, that's when things screw up. 560 00:27:56,591 --> 00:27:59,094 But when we give it to him, I'm going to trust his plan. 561 00:27:59,094 --> 00:28:01,304 It's a whole lot better than mine. It's so funny. 562 00:28:01,304 --> 00:28:04,307 When I look back, I actually thought I was in control of all this. 563 00:28:04,432 --> 00:28:07,435 I was not in control of we no control, nothing. 564 00:28:07,936 --> 00:28:08,687 My direction. 565 00:28:08,687 --> 00:28:11,648 If I was controlling my direction, I wouldn't be here, right? 566 00:28:11,648 --> 00:28:12,607 What I had in mind. 567 00:28:12,607 --> 00:28:18,071 But for somebody that grew up in a house that was massive, just control issues, 568 00:28:18,571 --> 00:28:21,032 there was a lot that God was like, nope, we're going to get rid of this, 569 00:28:21,032 --> 00:28:22,659 we're going to do this, we're going to fix this. 570 00:28:22,659 --> 00:28:25,662 And it was a long process, but I came out 571 00:28:25,745 --> 00:28:28,456 a better, stronger version of myself. No. 572 00:28:28,456 --> 00:28:31,084 And everything you went through has led you to who you are today. 573 00:28:31,084 --> 00:28:31,835 God knew that. 574 00:28:31,835 --> 00:28:33,211 God knew the end from the beginning. 575 00:28:33,211 --> 00:28:35,630 He's the Alpha. He's the Omega. He knows exactly. 576 00:28:35,630 --> 00:28:39,217 And he's using you right now as a way of inspiring so many people like 577 00:28:39,217 --> 00:28:41,720 you think you've had a tough look, what you're doing, 578 00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:43,513 those thoughts of suicide and everything else 579 00:28:43,513 --> 00:28:44,681 and everything you went through, 580 00:28:44,681 --> 00:28:47,434 it looked like everything was great from the outside looking in. 581 00:28:47,434 --> 00:28:48,601 Not so much. 582 00:28:48,601 --> 00:28:50,520 No, they just didn't talk about it. 583 00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:51,813 You remind me of this. 584 00:28:51,813 --> 00:28:54,607 This wonderful Tibetan monk, you know. Oh, yeah. 585 00:28:54,607 --> 00:28:56,693 I saw a video. Yeah, video showed me. 586 00:28:56,693 --> 00:28:59,446 He said something recently that really touched my heart. 587 00:28:59,446 --> 00:29:02,073 And so reminds me of you right now. 588 00:29:02,073 --> 00:29:05,285 He said, whatever you went through, 589 00:29:05,285 --> 00:29:10,373 however bad it was, you must be grateful for that. 590 00:29:10,915 --> 00:29:13,918 You must look upon that with appreciation 591 00:29:14,419 --> 00:29:18,798 because that means you learned that lesson. 592 00:29:19,299 --> 00:29:21,176 And then that pain will go away. 593 00:29:21,176 --> 00:29:22,469 Yes. That's exactly it. 594 00:29:22,469 --> 00:29:23,970 Yeah. That's been my life. 595 00:29:23,970 --> 00:29:28,683 And there was a point right around my you know graduation in 2023 596 00:29:28,683 --> 00:29:31,686 was when this Phoenix Rising 597 00:29:31,686 --> 00:29:34,689 experience and everything started. 598 00:29:35,148 --> 00:29:38,985 But I started to say to myself, why do I keep ending up 599 00:29:38,985 --> 00:29:41,988 in the same situation over and over Groundhog day. 600 00:29:42,113 --> 00:29:42,906 All right. I'm. 601 00:29:45,241 --> 00:29:47,577 Encountering the same types of people. 602 00:29:47,577 --> 00:29:50,955 Why does this feel like, And finally I said to myself, 603 00:29:51,790 --> 00:29:54,125 well, if I keep ending up 604 00:29:54,125 --> 00:29:57,128 in the same situation over and over again, what does that say about me? 605 00:29:57,545 --> 00:30:00,548 Is it possible that maybe I'm part of the problem? 606 00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:02,675 Is it me, or am I the problem? 607 00:30:02,675 --> 00:30:03,718 Lesson to learn. 608 00:30:03,718 --> 00:30:07,013 And so, and that's a question we don't like to ask ourselves. 609 00:30:07,013 --> 00:30:08,306 That takes courage. 610 00:30:08,306 --> 00:30:11,309 I got so tired of my own B.S. 611 00:30:11,810 --> 00:30:14,437 so I'm like, you ridiculous. 612 00:30:14,437 --> 00:30:15,730 Like, knock it off. 613 00:30:15,730 --> 00:30:18,900 And so I went on this Phoenix Rising journey that I've been on. 614 00:30:18,900 --> 00:30:21,694 This personal growth is healing of the trauma. 615 00:30:21,694 --> 00:30:23,738 And I started learning lessons. 616 00:30:23,738 --> 00:30:26,199 If you do not learn, you will repeat. 617 00:30:26,199 --> 00:30:28,952 Oh yes, over and over. Yeah. 618 00:30:28,952 --> 00:30:32,038 Are all subconsciously just repeating childhood pattern. 619 00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:33,665 Yeah. No. We're there. 620 00:30:33,665 --> 00:30:35,041 And that's that's exactly it. 621 00:30:35,041 --> 00:30:39,754 I finally started learning the lessons and little by little, 622 00:30:40,088 --> 00:30:43,091 I've never been a big ego driven person, 623 00:30:43,132 --> 00:30:46,511 but there were patterns and different things 624 00:30:46,928 --> 00:30:50,014 that I clung to out of fear and comfort. 625 00:30:50,723 --> 00:30:52,892 God was like, hey, so I need you to go. 626 00:30:52,892 --> 00:30:53,768 This is why you do this. 627 00:30:53,768 --> 00:30:56,396 So the only way to do that is if I rip all of this. 628 00:30:56,396 --> 00:30:57,063 Right. 629 00:30:57,063 --> 00:30:58,982 Let's go. We're going, we're going this way. 630 00:30:58,982 --> 00:31:01,860 Sure. Is. Learn the lesson or don't. 631 00:31:01,860 --> 00:31:03,403 And if you don't learn it, you will repeat it. 632 00:31:03,403 --> 00:31:05,363 And so I very quickly learned 633 00:31:05,363 --> 00:31:07,532 oh, I better learn this because I don't want to do this again. 634 00:31:07,532 --> 00:31:10,743 So we just became this ongoing growth experience. 635 00:31:10,743 --> 00:31:12,245 But that's that's exactly it. 636 00:31:12,245 --> 00:31:15,081 And with that, my kids, you know, we've come to the end of this, 637 00:31:15,081 --> 00:31:17,375 but we, we we I was thinking the same thing. 638 00:31:17,375 --> 00:31:18,418 We'd love to have you come back 639 00:31:18,418 --> 00:31:21,671 because there's too much to really delve into and unpack here. 640 00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:22,589 You know, too much. 641 00:31:22,589 --> 00:31:24,591 But sure, go ahead. 642 00:31:24,591 --> 00:31:27,760 Joyce, you said so many things in the Ted talk. 643 00:31:27,802 --> 00:31:32,140 Yes. And I love when you said lead well, love well, 644 00:31:32,515 --> 00:31:35,935 one without the other is unsustainable and dangerous. 645 00:31:36,686 --> 00:31:39,689 And that I'd love to have a whole conversation 646 00:31:39,814 --> 00:31:41,316 and that's going to be in the next episode. 647 00:31:41,316 --> 00:31:43,067 But, but Kelsey thank you so much. 648 00:31:43,067 --> 00:31:46,237 And thank you for being such a big inspiration to so many 649 00:31:46,487 --> 00:31:49,324 and showing people what can be done right. 650 00:31:49,324 --> 00:31:51,868 No wallowing in self-pity here, that's for sure. 651 00:31:51,868 --> 00:31:52,869 Your website. 652 00:31:52,869 --> 00:31:54,954 Yeah. How do we get in contact with you? 653 00:31:54,954 --> 00:31:56,789 I have two websites. 654 00:31:56,789 --> 00:32:00,126 I have my personal brand and my company brand. 655 00:32:00,376 --> 00:32:03,963 So my personal website is just Kelsey Elizabeth matthews.com. 656 00:32:04,339 --> 00:32:08,676 And that is where a lot of my speaking engagements are, my podcasts, 657 00:32:09,469 --> 00:32:12,722 featured media appearances, all of that's on my personal website 658 00:32:12,722 --> 00:32:15,850 and my booking link for stuff like this, 659 00:32:15,850 --> 00:32:18,853 for speaking for appearances for shoreline. 660 00:32:19,020 --> 00:32:20,939 All of that's on my personal website. 661 00:32:20,939 --> 00:32:23,650 My company website is called Phoenix Rising Leaders. 662 00:32:23,650 --> 00:32:29,364 Dot com, and I own Phoenix Rising Coaching and Consulting LLC, and it is a coaching 663 00:32:29,364 --> 00:32:32,408 and consulting firm for personal growth and leadership development. 664 00:32:32,659 --> 00:32:37,622 And so all of my professional company stuff is on Phoenix Rising leaders. 665 00:32:37,622 --> 00:32:40,166 And then the rest of it is just Kelsey Elizabeth. 666 00:32:40,166 --> 00:32:43,169 And we'll put those links to the bottom 667 00:32:43,252 --> 00:32:45,421 and then my social media is on the websites. 668 00:32:45,421 --> 00:32:46,965 Everything is there. 669 00:32:46,965 --> 00:32:48,633 I can let you know where to find me. 670 00:32:48,633 --> 00:32:51,678 And thank you, thank you, thank you Kelsey. 671 00:32:51,678 --> 00:32:52,553 Many blessings to you. 672 00:32:52,553 --> 00:32:54,639 And thank you so much for being a blessing to many. 673 00:32:54,639 --> 00:32:56,516 Thank you so much for having what's covered. 674 00:32:56,516 --> 00:33:00,061 John and Joyce is part of your routine 30 minutes every week. 675 00:33:00,061 --> 00:33:04,023 A positive, inspirational stories like that with Kelsey and subscribe 676 00:33:04,023 --> 00:33:05,984 for free on YouTube and share it with everybody 677 00:33:05,984 --> 00:33:09,195 you know who needs some good news and you know inspiration. 678 00:33:09,404 --> 00:33:12,657 Till next time, many blessings. Bye. 679 00:33:13,449 --> 00:33:15,118 Hey, I heard you got engaged. 680 00:33:15,118 --> 00:33:16,285 Congratulations. 681 00:33:16,285 --> 00:33:18,121 Now it's time to book the DJ. 682 00:33:18,121 --> 00:33:19,080 And that's where we come in. 683 00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:21,749 Hi, I'm John Cadillac, Seville with John Seville entertainment. 684 00:33:21,749 --> 00:33:25,128 Wedding wire and the knot 2026 Couples Choice Awards winner. 685 00:33:25,128 --> 00:33:26,546 You can call me directly if you'd like it. 686 00:33:26,546 --> 00:33:28,881 (200) 398-8065 eight. 687 00:33:28,881 --> 00:33:32,385 We'll set up your free consultation or go to John cashman.com. 688 00:33:32,385 --> 00:33:36,848 That's (203) 988-0658 or John cashman.com. 689 00:33:36,848 --> 00:33:40,059 We offer excellent peace of mind and a great time 690 00:33:40,059 --> 00:33:44,063 for all John Seville Entertainment a name you know and can trust.