Welcome to another edition of What's Good with John and Joyce.
John Cadillac Seville here, along with my partner Joyce Logan.
And 30 minutes of positivity each and every week.
Inspiring stories.
And I'll tell you, joy. Speaking of inspiring stories.
Oh my goodness. Wait.
Wait till we dive into this.
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want to make sure we get this official here.
So I'm going to read this Kelsey Elizabeth Matthews story is one of courage,
resilience and faith defying all the odds and overcoming
every obstacle with grace and unrelenting grit.
If Kelsey could, leave behind any legacy for herself would be one
of strength, resilience, overcoming, and most of all, love.
And it's really it's her hope to create lasting change for generations to come.
And I can tell you this, you know, just by,
you know, watching her story online and, good
friend of ours, Ken Engelman, you know, who did the whole please be kind.
He's the one who introduced us to Kelsey.
Ken, thank you very much for that.
But this woman really, really represents so much is good and so much is needed
in the world today.
Kelsey, welcome to What's Good with John and Joyce.
Thank you so much for having me. I'm so
and indeed sitting here with your crown and your shoreline.
Hahaha I love it.
So take us through because I thought you were also Las Vegas, was it?
Yep, yep.
So I'm actually from East Haven, so I'm from the shoreline
and I was Miss Shorelines outstanding team in 2015.
So that was my first title with the Miss America organization.
And then I moved to Las Vegas when I was 18,
and I competed there and I was Miss Battle born in 2019.
And then I was Miss Las Vegas volunteer in 2021.
And then I was the first Miss Nevada Volunteer in 2022.
So that was a new system.
So I represented Nevada at the Miss Volunteer America pageant
in Jackson, Tennessee in 2022.
And then I moved back here to Connecticut in 2024.
And now I am in shoreline 2026. Wow.
After I had a state title and I went to nationals and I was retired,
you know, how'd that work out?
Yeah.
And I'm so glad that I did, because I'm having so much fun.
And so this is my last year eligible to compete
within the Miss America organization because I'm turning 28.
So I'm really glad that I bit the bullet and said, you know what?
I'm going to go, you know, one more year and and see what happens now, what what
what was the impetus for you to do all this in the beginning, going back to 2015?
You know, it's interesting.
I danced and I sang and I rode horses and I did lots of different things,
but I had never done
pageants, and I did an event with the Brantford Compassion Club.
It was actually a, it was a fundraiser, but it was a fashion show.
And Miss Connecticut was there and she and her
mom kind of scoped me out
and said, hey, have you ever considered competing in pageants?
You know, the Miss Connecticut,
it was Miss Connecticut's outstanding teen at the time.
And I had said, no, I I've never really thought about,
but that's a heck of a compliment.
Yeah.
It was it was surprising.
It was just like a runway fashion show.
And there was a boutique in Branford that, like, sponsored the the dresses.
Yeah, wardrobe.
And so I just was there because I volunteered with
BCC and I got scouted by Miss Connecticut.
So they encouraged me. Wow.
And I signed up and I was at large at the time.
So that means you got to pick the title that you represented
and you kind of paid into it, and then you got to take that title too, right?
So I picked shorelines Outstanding team, and I fell in love with it,
I loved it, I enjoyed the appearances and the volunteering aspect.
You have to have a platform for community service and so mine was
called Who Rescued Who?
Animal rescue.
Yes. And I worked with different animal rescue organizations.
That's where I met Ken. Right.
Dan Cosgrove.
And so that was my first pageant and I loved it.
And it was a family affair.
My grandmother was involved and my mom was involved and we would drive all over.
Appearances.
And after I aged out of the teen division,
I started competing in the miss the local pageants and I just loved it.
So when I moved to Nevada I kept going, wow, so many people
may think this is a wonderful story or beautiful girl.
And of course you're in these pageants, but
can I go back to your vision?
Because, people need to know
me and understand where you are right now.
Why is so not that you just so many people see someone like you
and they think you popped out of a genie bottle, and here it is. Right?
But there were a lot of us.
There's a lot of storyline leading up to this lot.
There's a lot, starting with your birth.
If it's okay if I go for it, I'm an open book.
Okay, so you were born with an addiction to cocaine? Yes.
Because your mom was using. Yes.
And then you lost your mom at a.
You're fairly young.
I was 17, you're 17?
Like your mother did.
She passed from an addiction. Yes. She overdosed.
Was there for you after that in your family.
So I had a an interesting upbringing.
So I was actually raised more by my grandparents
a lot of the times that I was my mom.
So I was raised in the same house that my mom and her siblings grew up in.
So my, my grandparents, when my mom moved back home, kind of stepped
in for her when she was unable to, you know, be be your mother, right?
She she struggled with a lot of things and she really did the best she could,
but she did struggle.
And so my grandparents stepped in
and they did the bulk of of raising me, thank God.
Yeah. Amen, Amen.
An interesting dynamic though, because I was like, wait.
And Vivian's fourth child, it was,
parents were my
parents, and then my mom and her brothers were like my siblings.
It was an interesting, interesting dynamic because my mom was like my older sister.
So my even my relationship with my grandparents was different
because I was helping them take care of her.
So I was very young, and I took out a lot of responsibility
for my mom because my grandparents really struggled to to do that.
They really struggled to get things under control
and manage conflict and deal with some of the more difficult things.
And so I knew very early that if I did not look out for my mom,
she wasn't going to make it
because she would overdose and I would find her on the floor.
And so it was like
birth onward was just mass chaos, right?
It was very dysfunctional in the home, and it was very up and down and there.
Yeah, moments of very bad moments and there was a lot of trauma.
And so my mom was almost like my older sister
then like slept all day and I'd sit down with my grandparents
and say, what are we going to do about her? Right.
What are we going to do about this? Right.
And so there was domestic violence.
There was drug use.
There was just a lot going on.
And I took on an adult heroine role very young to try to,
you know, keep an eye on my mom and help my grandmother
to the best of my ability with my mom.
And it it was not ideal.
So you were really stripped
of your childhood and you became an adult very, very quickly?
Yeah. Parts of it.
And I think that's what was confusing to a lot of people.
A lot of people have looked at me and thought, well, she had a great life.
Well, that's what I mean.
They would look at you that way.
I think it's important for them to know everything, to inspire them,
that some people could have the background that you have and,
give up and fall into the same always.
But you picked, you rose from the ashes right.
Yes. That's right. That's my phoenix rising.
Right, right. Yeah.
When I was growing up from the outside
looking in I had everything I danced, I sang, I had everything.
But people didn't see what was actually going on in the house.
And that's the thing with domestic violence and
narcissism and personality disorders and trauma. Yes.
People on the outside, they don't see it.
So I didn't I didn't always have the help that I needed.
And it was just confusing for me.
And confusing for other people.
And then when I needed help.
People either didn't know or they just kind of looked the other way.
It's like the bystander effect.
Yeah.
So my childhood had amazing parts of it.
There were beautiful moments.
There were opportunities
that my grandparents afforded me that other kids never get to have.
But then there were opportunities for love
and emotional connection and stability that other kids have that I didn't have.
And so a lot of it turned into performing
and perfectionism because that's how I earned, approval.
Yeah.
And if I did not live up to the unrealistic expectation
and the pedestal that my family had me on, I would very quickly get knocked
right off the pedestal because it was unsustainable for a child
to maintain the expectations that they had for me.
And that is fatiguing.
Trying to stay on that pedestal the entire time,
because it's perfection and none of us are perfect.
It's it's tough.
It was it was confusing for me
because I never knew what version of any of them I was going to get.
So if my mom was breathing in the morning, I woke up.
It was a very good day.
But I never knew that that was going to be the case.
She would go out and leave and I would not know where she was.
And yeah I would panic because I'm like are they,
are they calling to tell me something happened to her?
Eventually my grandparents took custody
because the state took her parental rights away
and she was not supposed
to be living in the home, but my grandmother just could not
detach herself.
She was so enmeshed with her child, she couldn't do the tough love.
Yeah, that wasn't it for her.
She had so much empathy and so much compassion that she overcame.
And so a lot of people pleasing, enabling, enabling.
Yep. Enabling is the word.
So my mom is a tough thing to do. It was.
And my mom just kept living in the house so I was not separated
from the trauma that I was supposed to be separated from.
So I was just watching my mom decline like she would do three times.
I'll be like, oh, she's dying.
Like, what are you going to do about this? Right?
And you were supposed to be maintaining the picture perfect,
like white fence thing.
So there were some times where they would tell me, like, don't, don't call.
We don't want the neighbors to know,
what do you mean, don't call?
She's going to die. Yeah. There.
And then they would, you know, say,
well, if you call 911 for her, we're taking dance lessons away.
So then they would.
Oh, the very thing that would give you peace.
It was confusing and traumatic,
but again, I had opportunities that I don't know that I.
It's not that I didn't appreciate them then,
but I was frightened most of the time
I was scared, I was confused, I was angry
because of all the things that were given to me.
Money was the love language in my family.
There's a problem.
If we open our wallet.
Yeah, that will make it go away.
But all I wanted was my mom.
Yeah, and that's what people didn't understand, is that I would have traded
the dance lessons and everything if I could have just had a mom.
Yeah, and that was.
That was the piece that people didn't understand because they couldn't see it.
And they didn't see that I was assaulted by my mother.
They didn't see that my uncle was beating her.
They didn't see all of those things.
They didn't see the fighting. They didn't see the overdoses.
They didn't see all of that.
So it was very lonely because I was living the dream.
It looked like. Yeah.
And then when I would have trauma responses or behavioral issues,
right, as they would call it, people would just say that I was a brat.
I was spoiled or I was all these things.
But in reality, I was an undiagnosed autistic child, neurodivergent.
I did not have the right health.
We didn't know living in a home that was not conducive
to any of what my needs were, because we didn't know what my needs were
and my needs were secondary to all of the chaos.
So when I would have
outbursts or meltdowns
like what I'm going to call them, I would just get labeled a bad kid.
But I was never a bad kid.
I was traumatized and carrying the weight of adult responsibilities
while not knowing or understanding how my own brain works,
or what my own needs were, or how to regulate my nervous system.
If the adults couldn't regulate their nervous systems
and they didn't teach me, how was I supposed?
So I was like being in the eye of the storm at times.
Like being in the center of a, you know, a hurricane to know everything going on.
And it's all these subplots going around you my whole life.
I'm like, when do I get my,
nuts?
Yeah, make this up right.
My life is just one long series of plot twists.
I'm like, oh, that's what we're doing. I'm cool. Let me.
But but you could have easily succumb to all this.
You've used the
the adversity to really, you know, propel you to where you are today.
It's an opportunity resilience. Yes.
And resilience and perseverance.
Absolutely.
You know and and you have that you hang on to that.
I did. So now your mother passes when
18, you're in Las Vegas.
Yes, I moved to Vegas.
So I had some friends in Las Vegas, and I stayed with them for two summers,
and I toured the Kansas City with LV and I absolutely loved it.
I wanted to be a rebel so bad.
You just fit me.
So when I came home right before my senior year of high school,
my mom actually sat me down and she said, we got to talk about college.
Like, what are you thinking? What do you want to do?
And I told her, I showed her all the brochures and everything from,
you know, me.
And I told her that I was so excited about it.
And she looked at me and she said, is this is this really where you want to go?
Is this what you want to do?
When I told her yes, and she paused for a moment and she got really quiet,
and she looked up at me and she said, I need you to listen to me.
She said, I want you to go and get out of here.
I want you to get away from this house.
Get as far away from this as you can, and please don't come back.
Just go.
And when I can get out of here, I will follow you there.
But for right now, I said, this is what you want.
And what I want for you is to get out of here. Wow.
And I didn't fully understand that at the time, but when I look back
now, I realize that my mom knew that she wasn't getting out of there,
and she also knew things that I didn't know,
and she understood things that I didn't understand at that time.
And she knew that I would be next in line to inherit what she did.
She wanted better for you.
She wanted better for me.
She didn't want me to get stuck because she knew him.
I would be expected to take care of everything that she was taking care of.
Yeah.
If something happened to her. Right.
I was next in line.
My grandmother wanted to leave
my grandparents house to my mother,
and I did not know at that time that my uncle had made threats,
that if my mom and I got the house in the well, that he would burn it down.
Oh, I said it right.
So I didn't have all of that awareness, but my mom did.
So she had told me, go like, get out of here.
I support you all heartedly.
And that was her way of saying, go be free.
It's too late for me, but it's not too late for you.
Go be everything that I am.
Yeah, and she knew I wouldn't leave her.
I would not have left her if she didn't give me. Yes.
A couple months later.
Yeah.
She knew that it wasn't going to be a situation where she was going
to be able to, to leave, but she wanted me to get out.
She did.
She did the best she could with what she had.
Well just like my grandparents did.
And it took me a long time to understand that.
Of course not.
Teenagers have a hard time getting along with their parents I.
A regular student body is going to do so many changes at home.
Right, right.
During that happens when you get into your mid to late 20s
to where you see things differently.
And so I turned 18 and I ran off to Vegas,
I moved by myself and I found two jobs in an apartment.
And the apartment was full of roaches because it was all I could afford.
And I made it work
with such courage in your late teens to go there on your own and make things work.
I mean, you did a lot of growing up in a short period of time.
Yeah.
So interesting because
I was just talking to someone about this recently.
My vision has always been bigger.
Even when I was a little girl.
Yeah I always had I'm a visionary.
It's it's who I am.
It's what I do.
I see very far ahead and I see what things could be.
And that was what kept me kind of hanging on.
Like you said, when I was little, I just always told myself,
if I just hang in there
and I can make it to the other side of this,
then one day something that I have to say will matter to someone.
Yes, something that I have lived through will be beneficial to someone.
But I have to get from point A to point B first.
I if I can just hang in there, then one day
there will be a purpose and I can use this for other people.
And when people say to me, oh, you're very resilient, sometimes it's annoying.
What was my other option?
Right. What was what were Chinese
people pick that other option for me there was only one.
Failure is not an option like I said.
Right.
I always knew I have to I'm supposed to do something.
I don't know what I'm here to do but I'm here to do something.
You paid attention.
I did it.
And I've always had a very strong connection to God.
And I was raised in faith with, with my grandmother and so I just knew
even from when I was a little kid that I was meant to do something.
And I was like, as a kid, you don't have the full picture.
So as a, as a little kid, it was, I want to be famous.
I'm gonna be famous one day.
But it wasn't in my mind to be famous
for the sake of attention or status, but to me
it meant people would know me and people would listen to me.
And as a child that's growing up in abuse and domestic violence,
you just want to be heard.
And I just I always just knew, like, if I can just get through this one day
someone will hear me
and someone that needs to hear me will hear me, and I can help someone with this.
And the idea of being famous when I was a kid
really meant to have influence, that that's what I meant.
And so I always knew that I was meant to speak and write
and use what has happened to me for something of substance,
something that is not devastation if I can take it
and turn it around, then I can bring meaning to it.
There's that. That's awesome.
That's awesome.
After my grandmother just passed away last September.
I always just knew I was meant to do something.
And I would say, well, what can I take from this?
And how can I use this to help someone else?
And that's always just been how I am. There's so many people out there.
I want to be famous for the sake of being famous.
You want to use this as a platform
to uplift because, I mean, I mean, you come in, right?
Right. Exactly right.
And you think about some of the things you've had
with health issues, talking about God keeping you around. Right.
What were like three heart hard situation,
three heart surgery before the age of I was 12, 16 and 23.
The cocaine, that's what they think.
So I ended up having supraventricular tachycardia.
So that's ten times fast.
Yeah. So I had SVT. Yeah.
And it started when I was like 10 or 11 and they couldn't figure it out.
And then they started saying to me, well,
if you're looking for attention we can help you with that.
And I said, no.
Yeah, yeah.
Finally they found it and I went in for an ablation when I was 12 ish.
Ablation.
Okay. It was the name of the surgery.
Okay, okay.
So they took one, and then it came back.
So then I was 16.
They did another one, and I thought I was all good.
So I moved to Vegas.
And the next thing I know I'm in AFib.
Oh shit. You got to be kidding me.
So then they did a third surgery and that one worked finally.
So they fixed it and then I got Covid.
Oh, the hits keep coming.
And then I got Covid and I was sick.
I just never got better.
And I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was going on and why.
I had all of these weird symptoms that would flare
and they would come and they would go.
And my eyes would swell up and my eyelashes would fall out.
And it was awful.
And so I went three years
without anybody being able to tell me what was wrong.
And after I moved back here I finally found a doctor
who explained to me that Covid damaged my nervous system and my immune system.
So that was where the problems were coming from,
because my autonomic nervous system doesn't work right anymore.
So all of these long term Covid effects, it's I don't know
if it's long term Covid per se, but it's it's two separate conditions now.
It's it's two different diagnoses from the impact of Covid.
Well basically my my nervous system is shot.
So my, my autonomic nervous system no longer properly
regulates my automatic body functions.
So when I was practically fainting and having all of these problems
and nobody could understand why that was why.
So that has been the journey over the last three years,
and I am just now going to the gym again
and starting to do all of the things that I was not able to do.
I was exercise intolerant
for a period of time because, like, my body couldn't handle it.
So at the beginning of 2024, I just ended up in complete burnout.
Just total burnout.
I was down for six months.
I was doing the bare minimum for six months
while trying to work a bunch of jobs
and keep my head above water, and then I started graduate school.
So it my life has been one insane
like like you keep going.
Yeah. The Energizer bunny here right.
It just feels like the only option know even in, in moments
where like what is the point of all of this.
I don't want to do this anymore.
Like, I have dealt with genuine suicidal thoughts
because it just it got to the point where I'm like, you know what?
Why? For what purpose?
Right?
Because I this is stupid and it doesn't end.
And I don't see how I will bounce back from this.
Especially, you know, last year after I got sick, that that was the moment
for me where I asked myself, did I accomplish all of this?
Just like, hit the wall, am I am I going to even be able to come back from this?
It was very upsetting and I kind of went through an identity crisis
because I kept asking myself,
what if something happened and I never got better?
What if I couldn't achieve anymore?
And that's when I really hit my I called a spiritual awakening,
if you will, but really examining myself and my priorities and asking myself
how much of my identity did I wrap up into being a high achiever?
And if that was taken away, who would I be?
Great.
If I never accomplished anything ever again, who would I be as Kelsie,
not as the pageant title or the Truman Scholar or the summa cum laude.
You would all be graduate.
Who would I be if something horrible happened to me
medically and I was unable to ever achieve anything ever again?
That's the problem too, is so many people wrap up their identity of who
they are, but it's not.
I mean, what you're doing, it's not who you are is what you do.
Big, big difference. And too many people lose that.
Like when a lot of people retire and they lose that title
and all of a sudden they go downhill really quick,
you need to have something to move forward.
This beyond just titles ask great questions.
Yeah, yeah.
What and what are you feeling now.
I have been through such a transformation.
I feel grateful.
First and foremost I feel gratitude
to look back on where I was
and where I am now. Yeah.
And I shouldn't be here.
There's just a lot of gratitude and that for me is your Phoenix rising.
My, my pageant community service initiative.
My, my company, Phoenix Rising coaching and Consulting.
I have been through so many Phoenix moments in my life.
I'm grateful and I'm excited because I found
I found my actual purpose when everything else got stripped away.
And I think that sometimes God,
higher power, whatever version of that people believe in,
sometimes God will allow things to fall apart
and he will rip things away, and he will strip you of pride
and ego and perfectionism and all of the things that are actually
keeping you from being who you're meant to be and doing what you're called to do.
And it was in all of that,
all of the experience of my past and everything that I went through
that I stepped into leadership development work.
But I wouldn't have found that if it wasn't for everything else.
And so that season of my life was necessary.
And now I feel inspired again.
I feel excited again because I know now who I actually am
and who I never was, and what was trauma
and what was beliefs that were put on me,
and labels that were put on me that were mine and limiting beliefs.
And God kind of came in and cleaned house.
Right.
And it was a very painful process.
It is it's all part of the cleansing.
And one of my favorite phrases you tipped on that was
when things seem to be falling apart,
they're falling into place, in my experience.
Yeah, I know that.
Sometimes I say to God, can I get a copy of the,
written copy with a signature, please?
Because I'd like to see. What. What are we doing out here?
I find myself so joyous.
You and I have a lot to talk about.
We have a deep faith, but the more we give it to him,
the more ease there is in our lives.
When we try to do it ourselves, that's when things screw up.
But when we give it to him, I'm going to trust his plan.
It's a whole lot better than mine. It's so funny.
When I look back, I actually thought I was in control of all this.
I was not in control of we no control, nothing.
My direction.
If I was controlling my direction, I wouldn't be here, right?
What I had in mind.
But for somebody that grew up in a house that was massive, just control issues,
there was a lot that God was like, nope, we're going to get rid of this,
we're going to do this, we're going to fix this.
And it was a long process, but I came out
a better, stronger version of myself. No.
And everything you went through has led you to who you are today.
God knew that.
God knew the end from the beginning.
He's the Alpha. He's the Omega. He knows exactly.
And he's using you right now as a way of inspiring so many people like
you think you've had a tough look, what you're doing,
those thoughts of suicide and everything else
and everything you went through,
it looked like everything was great from the outside looking in.
Not so much.
No, they just didn't talk about it.
You remind me of this.
This wonderful Tibetan monk, you know. Oh, yeah.
I saw a video. Yeah, video showed me.
He said something recently that really touched my heart.
And so reminds me of you right now.
He said, whatever you went through,
however bad it was, you must be grateful for that.
You must look upon that with appreciation
because that means you learned that lesson.
And then that pain will go away.
Yes. That's exactly it.
Yeah. That's been my life.
And there was a point right around my you know graduation in 2023
was when this Phoenix Rising
experience and everything started.
But I started to say to myself, why do I keep ending up
in the same situation over and over Groundhog day.
All right. I'm.
Encountering the same types of people.
Why does this feel like, And finally I said to myself,
well, if I keep ending up
in the same situation over and over again, what does that say about me?
Is it possible that maybe I'm part of the problem?
Is it me, or am I the problem?
Lesson to learn.
And so, and that's a question we don't like to ask ourselves.
That takes courage.
I got so tired of my own B.S.
so I'm like, you ridiculous.
Like, knock it off.
And so I went on this Phoenix Rising journey that I've been on.
This personal growth is healing of the trauma.
And I started learning lessons.
If you do not learn, you will repeat.
Oh yes, over and over. Yeah.
Are all subconsciously just repeating childhood pattern.
Yeah. No. We're there.
And that's that's exactly it.
I finally started learning the lessons and little by little,
I've never been a big ego driven person,
but there were patterns and different things
that I clung to out of fear and comfort.
God was like, hey, so I need you to go.
This is why you do this.
So the only way to do that is if I rip all of this.
Right.
Let's go. We're going, we're going this way.
Sure. Is. Learn the lesson or don't.
And if you don't learn it, you will repeat it.
And so I very quickly learned
oh, I better learn this because I don't want to do this again.
So we just became this ongoing growth experience.
But that's that's exactly it.
And with that, my kids, you know, we've come to the end of this,
but we, we we I was thinking the same thing.
We'd love to have you come back
because there's too much to really delve into and unpack here.
You know, too much.
But sure, go ahead.
Joyce, you said so many things in the Ted talk.
Yes. And I love when you said lead well, love well,
one without the other is unsustainable and dangerous.
And that I'd love to have a whole conversation
and that's going to be in the next episode.
But, but Kelsey thank you so much.
And thank you for being such a big inspiration to so many
and showing people what can be done right.
No wallowing in self-pity here, that's for sure.
Your website.
Yeah. How do we get in contact with you?
I have two websites.
I have my personal brand and my company brand.
So my personal website is just Kelsey Elizabeth matthews.com.
And that is where a lot of my speaking engagements are, my podcasts,
featured media appearances, all of that's on my personal website
and my booking link for stuff like this,
for speaking for appearances for shoreline.
All of that's on my personal website.
My company website is called Phoenix Rising Leaders.
Dot com, and I own Phoenix Rising Coaching and Consulting LLC, and it is a coaching
and consulting firm for personal growth and leadership development.
And so all of my professional company stuff is on Phoenix Rising leaders.
And then the rest of it is just Kelsey Elizabeth.
And we'll put those links to the bottom
and then my social media is on the websites.
Everything is there.
I can let you know where to find me.
And thank you, thank you, thank you Kelsey.
Many blessings to you.
And thank you so much for being a blessing to many.
Thank you so much for having what's covered.
John and Joyce is part of your routine 30 minutes every week.
A positive, inspirational stories like that with Kelsey and subscribe
for free on YouTube and share it with everybody
you know who needs some good news and you know inspiration.
Till next time, many blessings. Bye.
Hey, I heard you got engaged.
Congratulations.
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