Lindsay: Hey guys, welcome to the Lifting Lindsay podcast.
Today's episode, I really want to encourage you to do a lot of self
introspection here, like a lot.
Um, and maybe I just want you to join me because I've been doing
it a lot lately and I'm just like.
Oh, uh, I, I am needing to take far more accountability and just ownership
of my choices, and I've been telling Alex, I've been having so many of these
epiphanies, sadly it's the same epiphany, but just about different topics of my
life where I'm like, oh, um, I'm actually.
Like, I'm, I'm the problem.
It's me.
No, I don't wanna say I'm the problem.
Um, I don't wanna, I don't want to, I don't wanna put this in a light where
it would make somebody not want to stand up and take massive amounts of
like extreme ownership of their life.
Um, so I don't wanna say like, you are the problem, or I don't wanna use any
kind of like, maybe words that may lean towards shame, because there are those
of us who may heavily, um, any feeling of shame and they just kind of run and hide.
They, they don't wanna, they don't wanna face ownership.
But I do really want to encourage you.
Today's gonna be an episode where we take massive amounts of ownership,
um, for the way our life has turned out and the direction of it right now.
It's been kind of a humbling week.
I think that that's the, that's what I want.
I want, maybe this be, I want you guys to feel the way I feel.
Okay.
Don't feel ashamed, but humbled.
Yes.
There's been things that I've noticed with my children and in my family
that I, I really want it to change.
I don't want to keep this traject trajectory because I'm, I'm worried
about what that's gonna look like for my kids as they get older.
Right.
And for myself, and as I did some really deep.
Diving this week.
Uh, really, really thinking and trying to educate myself on what can, what
can I do to change these behaviors?
How can I teach my children to work?
How can I teach them grit?
How can I teach them emotional regulation?
Um, there, there's all of these things that I feel like these are,
what are, what are going to serve them best in their life and the
trajectory that, that, uh, they are on.
Is not one that is going to serve them.
Over and over again this week, I kept feeling like, and, and once again
this isn't a shameful way, this was just a very humbling and just me
taking complete ownership, I just realized it's, I am creating this.
I'm creating, what I'm seeing that I don't like, I am, I'm the creator of this.
I try to teach them to work.
I try to give them assignments, but then I don't actually spend the
time to sit and do the work with them and teach them how to do it.
And then I don't, I I, I kind of hold them accountable by.
Going up and seeing and being like, oh, well you didn't do
this and you didn't do that.
It's like, but I never put in the hours to actually side by side, teach them.
But then I'm just mad that they don't miraculously know exactly
how to do it, how I would do it.
And maybe some of you with kids, this comes naturally.
Maybe some of you are like judging me.
Maybe some of you are, I don't care.
Maybe some of you are like, oh yeah, yeah, I'm doing that too.
But.
Teaching children to work takes so much work teaching children to have
grit takes so much grit like it is testing me on whole new levels.
teaching my children emotional regulation.
Requires so much emotional regulation,
it requires all of these things.
And you guys, um, yesterday was, um, mother's Day.
I'm not exactly sure when this podcast is gonna go out, but for me,
yesterday was Mother's Day and I.
Just, I'm, I'm trying to get my kids ready to church, to go to church, and I
just lost it on one of my daughters, and I just sat there thinking afterwards.
One of the hardest things about being a parent is actually regulating my
own emotions and not getting pulled into the emotions of my children.
I think one of the hardest things about any relationship is that right.
What if your spouse shows up in an immature way and is accusatory
or whatever, it's hard not to get pulled right into that.
Right?
Your, your sibling, your mother-in-law, your mom, your dad, whatever,
show up in this immature way, it's really easy to match them in
their energy and in their emotion.
And I was telling my husband that is.
It is so hard to stay the adult
as a parent.
Because when my children show up in certain ways that are
frustrating for me, I instantly wanna meet them where they're at.
But that's not how I teach them emotional regulation.
So I'm sharing all of this with you guys, not because I
know anything on the subject.
I am floundering around.
I'm trying to figure it out.
I'm trying to be a better parent, better person.
Um, I'm trying to stay in growth mindset and, and constantly
be working on improving.
those aspects of my life that are the most important.
But this week it really has been very eye-opening to me that the
changes you want, the cha, what you're seeing, you are the cause
of, and that should not be scary.
It should not be frustrating.
It should not fill you with shame.
It should not fill you with doubt.
It should merely.
Almost fill you with hope that if you're the cause of the current
state right now, guess what?
You are also the solution and how exciting is that?
So just sharing a little bit about my work.
I've been really frustrated.
This is another aspect, so I have that, that parenting aspect that I've been
really focusing on and trying to work on.
But I also have work that I'm like, something needs to change.
Something needs to change.
And I've been trying to co-create with God.
Like what is it like I.
What is it that needs to change?
Why do I feel the way I feel and, and how, and I'm, I'm also very nervous.
I feel like I'm just kind of living day to day and not planning, and not,
yeah, there's, there's a lot of things that I feel like I would like to see
improvements on within my work, but also within the amount of time that I
spend working, because I really want to spend more time with people and summer
is coming up and my kids are gonna be home all the time, and so I'm like,
I've gotta get ahead and I've got to.
Plan out all these things.
Anyways, I've been overwhelmed by the things I'm telling myself that I have to
have and have to do and have to accomplish and have to plan and all of these things.
And this thought just came to me.
The only thing that you have to do is become better at managing
your time and mental energy.
I'm like, okay, well that's not that profound of a thought.
Anybody who knows me knows that Lindsay just manage your time better.
But it's interesting because, and this is where I really want you to
listen and think about this, we tell ourselves stories that aren't really
based off of the full scope of reality.
I've been telling myself stories of I work so much, I work all of these
hours, I do all of this for work, and yet it's not producing X, Y, and
Z or doing X, uh, you know, A, B, c.
It's not, it's, it's not doing these things.
And the thought came to me so strongly whenever somebody comes to
me, and they're struggling because they're not seeing that loss.
And I tell 'em, okay, are you tracking?
I ask them, are you tracking?
Well, yeah, kind of, but, but I will tell you what they really do.
They tell me about their best performing days.
I, they will lay out their best performing day for me, and then
they'll say, I, I am doing that.
So why aren't I seeing results?
I tracked a hundred percent.
That's what everything looks like all day, like all, you
know, week, all month, all year.
So why aren't I seeing fat loss?
I.
It must be, I have a slow mota metabolism.
It must be hormones, it must be all of these things.
But remember, they're telling me their best performing day.
How do I know this?
Because when they hire me as a coach and I hold the floor
to that ceiling pretty much that they told me that they were doing.
When I say that's the minimum that's required of you doing what you said
you were doing, every day you do it, you track a hundred percent
everything going in your mouth.
Okay?
Do it, and then guess what happens?
Huh?
All of a sudden they start losing weight.
So it wasn't the hormones, it wasn't the metabolism, it
wasn't the, you know, thyroid.
Now, I will say that there are a small handful of people, but usually
I can spot them and know that it's time to move up to maintenance.
I've gotten pretty good at a conversation with somebody
and knowing what the issue is.
So sometimes the conversation is.
You were seeing tons of success.
You kind of hit this wall.
This is why, let's move you back up to maintenance.
And, but a lot of the times it really is, you just described
your best day, but guess what?
That wasn't your normal, average day.
It's like when a fitness influencer's like, oh man.
I'm gonna do a, everything I ate today, you know, post better store, including
more vegetables, better make my meals look better, better, you know, and it changes.
It changes the way that they show up.
So, so now let's take a step back to what I was saying about
me and my time management.
So I got this, this.
Thought just came to me really strongly like, you think you know what you're
doing with your time, but are you just thinking about your best days?
And so, do you know what I did?
I downloaded an app.
I can pull it up right now.
It's called Toggle Track, and I tracked every minute of every day.
Do you know what happened?
Well, I am.
I'm human, just like my clients are human and yep.
I was telling myself the best day because all of the sudden I start tracking
every tiny little thing that I'm doing.
I start really seeing where my time is going, where I'm
draining it, and guess what?
I stopped draining less time.
My productivity for work skyrocketed.
All of the sudden, when I was tracking where my time was going and I knew exactly
where I was going, guess what I could do?
I could control it and I could manipulate it, and all of a sudden
I had the time that I needed to get all the work and then some done.
Isn't that amazing how that happens?
Just like with my clients who, um, or newer clients or people who come to
me and they're like, well, I track, but, but are you really, are you
telling me your best day or are you telling me your real average day?
So I saw this quote on social media, um, and it said, most of performance
is about how we perform on our.
Average days, that's our floor,
not performance is not about how we perform on our best days.
So the goal then is raise the floor, not the ceiling.
So the ceiling is, I feel like our best days, right?
We do.
We need to learn how to raise the floor.
Let me read that again.
Most of performance is about how we perform on our average days, not
about how we perform on our best days.
Raise the floor, not just the ceiling.
I really want you to pause and think.
Are you tracking the way you say you're tracking your time?
Your energy, your macros, whatever it is that may be your goal.
I really want you to hold yourself accountable.
Take extreme ownership.
That's also a book that is next on my, on my reading list, but I feel
like I'm learning that right now.
As soon as I took extreme ownership.
Over what was going on with my kids and, and their behavior.
Now I can start seeing changes.
I hope they happen faster than they're happening because I can change me.
As soon as I took extreme ownership over my time, I was mind blown
away by my level of productivity.
I had been wasting so much time, but I'll tell you, as soon as you
start monitoring it, then you can see what, where you're losing stuff
and you can pull and reign things in.
So that is, that's one of the things that I really wanted to talk
to you and encourage you about it really is the idea of being busy.
Versus being productive.
You see, in my mind, I was so busy.
I was so busy.
Why was I not productive?
Why wasn't I seeing the fruits of my labor?
Because I wasn't monitoring to the level that I should have been.
Now I see other ways where we are very busy.
Not productive.
This is something that I've, I believe I've talked about this before in
another episode, but I see people spend 90% of their time being really,
really busy by studying everything.
They possibly can about nutrition and exercise.
They are following all their favorite fitness influencers.
They're asking them questions all the time, but when it comes down to it,
they're only doing like five to 10% of the required work that is needed to hit
their goals, but they, they feel busy because it is constantly on their mind.
I see this with fat loss because somebody is obsessing about how much they want to
lose body fat because every single time I.
They are obsessing and every single time they, they step in front of the mirror.
They start thinking about, I need to lose body fat.
You look at me, all of these things, they start picking themselves apart.
Every day.
They step on the scale, pick themselves apart.
Every time they go to eat, they just pick themselves apart, even though, and it
may or may not change what they're eating too, but it's like a constant obsession
about fat loss.
And so their mind feels so taken up by it and so busy that they think
and they confuse obsessing about fat loss will bring about fat loss.
No, it won't.
No it won't.
It seldom does.
In fact, usually it sabotages that level of obsession, sabotages things.
It's like when you think about picking up sand and, and you really wanna hold
the sand and you pick it up, the more you squeeze it and try to hold onto as
much sand as you can, what happens the more it all slips through your fingers.
So I see this nonstop with individuals who are constantly
obsessing and thinking about.
Fat loss, fat loss, fat loss, fat loss.
This is what I need to do, need to do.
Maybe I need to a, a better plan.
That's what I need.
I need to ask this fitness influencer this and this, and this, and this, and this.
So I have experience with, um, on Instagram with a few followers
that will constantly inundate me with questions throughout the week.
Now, I enjoy questions and I wanna help people.
Now, keep in mind there's, I have to respect those that pay me.
Um, and, and so there's only so much that I can offer on Instagram,
but I do like helping people.
But questions would come in almost daily from some individuals.
And finally I'd be like, well, we already talked about this.
Did you do it?
Oh, not yet.
This is what I'm talking about.
You're staying busy.
And then what's even worse is when I'm sitting mentoring a coach
who that person al also follows.
I.
We talk about this idea of busy and productive and how there's difference,
and the coach was like, oh, I actually have people who message me almost
every day asking me these questions.
We found out it, it was the same two people constantly asking us
both the same exact question, but they weren't ever doing anything.
They weren't being productive.
So their mind is in this calorie deficit.
'cause they're always obsessing about calorie deficit, always
obsessing about fat loss.
But their body is not in a physical calorie deficit.
So they're not actually seeing any changes whatsoever,
but their walk around exhausted because they think.
Just thinking about something, planning something, obsessing about
it, wanting it is enough and it's not.
They're busy, not productive.
We have to get out of that.
So how do we, how do we step away from that busy and step into productive?
We need to choose items that we can measure and measure with accuracy.
Right.
So just like I was obsessing about time management, I, I, I even like
last, in the past three months, this has been on my mind so much and I've
listened to like four different books.
'cause I do audible on productivity, on time management.
I just barely finished one on the 12 week work year.
'cause I'm obsessing, I wanna glean all this information, but the truth is.
I, I already know what I need to do, but it's a matter of writing it down
and measuring it, and that's what measuring my time did for me, and
that's what measuring people's energy in their calories do for so many people.
But here's the thing, you gotta measure it.
Measure it accurately.
It wouldn't be good enough if I just said, well, at the end of the day, I'm
gonna think back on what I did in my day, and I'm gonna put it into this
timer thing, and then that'll tell me, because you forget so many things,
you just forget.
We're all human, it wouldn't have worked.
I literally right now, can tell you exactly how long I've been working
on podcasts because I have it in my toggle timer tracker right now, because
in the moment I am measuring it.
What we can measure, we can control and we can change.
Remember that, but it takes massive amounts of ownership too, to be
able to pause and say, because of my actions, I am here, but how
amazing, because of my actions.
Then I can land somewhere else in just a few weeks, a few months and a year.
So I want you to pause and think to yourself.
What are things in your life that you're complaining about but
you're not taking ownership of?
You're not actually writing down measurable goals and then measuring
them and then doing it, doing the work.
You can talk about the work all day long, but until you do it, nothing gets done.
Nothing changes.
So hopefully.
In today's episode, you've, it, it doesn't even have to be about fitness.
Right.
Here I was talking about taking ownership as a mom of my children's behavior more.
Now, I'm, I'm logical.
I know to some degree there are things that I, I can't take ownership of.
They're still their own person, but there's also a good, they
are still very, very moldable.
I have a 5-year-old, a 9-year-old, an 8-year-old.
There's still so much within my control,
and taking mass ownership of what I've contributed to relationships,
to outcomes within my home, empowers me to be able to change that.
What's fascinating about all of this is every single time over the past week I've
sat down and been like, this is a problem.
I don't like this.
I wanna change it.
It is amazing how the change has been, change yourself.
This about you, change it and this is how you change it.
And it is just been a really, really eye-opening week.
So.
Thank you so much for joining me today, guys.
I just really wanna encourage you to take hope in the ownership of your life.
We really do create the outcomes of our life.
We really do.
I tell my daughters this all the time.
Last night had discussion with my daughter about this she said,
I feel like you're just using me and that you don't appreciate me.
I had asked her to do her chicken chores.
That made her feel used.
And I said, do you know what's interesting?
It's actually a lot easier for me to do your chicken chores for you.
Did you know that it takes a lot more effort for me to teach you to do them?
And she just looked at me.
She goes, really?
I said, yeah, but do you know why I want you to do them?
Even though it's actually easier for me to do it?
Because I want you to learn that in life, the most successful people do
things even when they don't want to.
They learn how to work and they learn grit, and they
learn ownership of their work.
I said, you see, right now you're telling yourself a story you're saying.
Mom is using me.
She just has me as a slave.
She just wants me to do all of the, the cleaning and the
chicken chores and all of that.
She just wants to use me.
And I said, but reality is I'm over here like, I love you.
And because I love you so much, I wanna teach you the things that
will make you successful with I, I shared that with you because, um.
That particular daughter tells herself a lot of stories, and then
she gets so upset like many of us do.
After telling ourselves story, after story after story and creating this
world in our head, we get upset when then the reality that we created comes true.
And we say, oh, see, see, I knew it was gonna happen.
I said, well, yeah, you knew it was gonna happen because you created it.
You've spent weeks and weeks and weeks, years and years, months and months,
creating that story, telling yourself that narrative over and over and over again.
Of course it came true.
You created it.
Well, if you can create that, then you can create a story that serves you, and that's
what I try to teach with my children.
That's what I try to do for myself.
We have to start learning to tell ourselves narratives and stories
that serve us best and take ownership in the world that we are creating.
You guys are awesome.
I appreciate all of you so, so much.
You guys have a wonderful week.