Em: Welcome to BlackwaterDnD, where good friends tell better stories. This series, Balance, is a miniseries using the Powered by the Apocalypse system, Godkiller, which was created by Connie Chang, now available on Itch.io for purchase, and is proudly sponsored by Hero Forge and Moonbeam. This tale takes us back, long before the end of the universe, to a time when we begin to explore & understand old divine wounds that run so very deep, and what happens when love is caught in the middle. This story encouraged us as creators to strive for genuine emotion and connection, relish the space we create at the table, and take big swings with the way we approached our narrative. For this story, your GOD, everyone else, and the thrum of the Cradle, is myself, Em Carlson, and my GODKILLERs are played by Gina Susanna & Jannes Wessels. As this game falls within a holypunk and dark fantasy genre, it may contain themes and depictions that are triggering for some listeners. Please take care of yourself and access safe support as you see fit. Content warnings for this episode include: grief // romance // omission of truth // pain & superficial wounds So sit back and relax, heretics. And welcome to Godkiller: Balance. Interlude 2, Part 2: Dreaming Em: Ever. Though this day has brought more questions than answers, more heartache than solace, you find that the second the drift hits your forehead, it is as if nothing in the world matters more than the rest you know you are about to get. The sleep that becomes an immediate necessity and cannot be put off. Sleep has been a precious commodity to you, and the first bit that comes feels like a gift. A tension slides away, the way it really only does when you take a substance to do so, as you feel yourself begin to slip into dreaming. When you dream, what do you dream of? Gina: Do you mean right now, or usually? Em: Right now. Gina: I think I dream of being at home, before. When the house wasn't filled with… incense and simmered pots and… herbs and… hiding. And I dream about him. Em: And you stay here for a moment. But you feel your eyes begin to flutter open, as you hear the crashing of waves, and water, and splashing. You hear laughter, multiple voices, and a soft breeze blows by you from your feet up to your head. It rustles your hair. As you open your eyes, you find yourself in a fabric tent. It has five sides and a point at the top. One portion is left open. Everything is almost ethereal, and it feels like the real thing, but is slightly opaque pink. What would you like to do? Gina: I think it's pretty obvious that this is a dream. I've never been here before? Em: Never. Gina: I think I would… I would get up and look around, to see if anything looks familiar. Em: Okay. Gina: Inside the tent. Any hints to whose it could be, or why I'd be dreaming of this place. Em: There is nothing discernible, other than a soft blanket that you're lying on. Underneath the blanket is sand. And it is in a slightly downward angle, like your head is higher up than your feet is, your feet are. Gina: Am I in the same clothes I went to sleep in? Em: Yes. Gina: And I hear laughter from outside the tent? Em: Mhm. Gina: Is it daytime? What time of day is it? Em: There is some light peeking in from the open portion of the tent, but you would have to get a look at outside to discern that. Gina: I'll go outside, and look. Em: Okay. Leaving the tents, you find yourself on a beach. You've been to the edge of a lakeshore before, but this is larger. And there's a impossibly large body of water lapping the shoreline with small waves. Behind you, as you turn, you see a large estate, a multi-floored house perched slightly higher up on the hill. There's a beautiful garden of shrubbery and trees, but all of them are in these shades of pale pink, and gold, and lavender, and light blue. There is sand beneath your feet, and it's warm. Your feet sink slightly in, as you turn and move with every step you take. Further up, behind this villa, this estate, you see probably about… fifty buildings of various shapes and sizes, all arranged with pathways in between. If you turn to the other side, you'd see probably at least another thirty more stretching out over acres and acres. There are several large banyan trees close to the shoreline that provide a bit of shade. And as you finally survey the rest of your surroundings, you see a group of figures, probably about a hundred feet away, down the beach. What would you like to do? Gina: I think I would first just stand there and take it all in, this… I think part of this reminds me of… the books that Davos would read to me… It's almost like a castle in the sand. It feels fairytale-ish. These trees, the ocean. It feels so peaceful, I think. And even though this isn't the dream I had been expecting or… even though this isn't what I thought, it's… Wonderful. And calm. Can I see where the laughter is coming from? Do I still hear it? Em: You do. It seems to be coming from those people, probably about a hundred feet away from you. Gina: And what do they look like? Do I recognise any of them? Em: Would you like to move closer? Gina: I would. Em: So as you walk, one foot in front of the other, down the beach. You see a femme presenting person, about knee deep in the waves, supervising about six small children who are all thoroughly enjoying the beach. One looks the eldest, and another older one seemed to be teaching two younger ones how to swim, while one other is standing skipping rocks, and the littlest one is on the beach, digging in the sand. The femme presenting person has long cascading hair of pastel purples, and pink, and gold, all gathered into one large braid that is pinned up and doubled to prevent it from falling in the water. A crown of stars is nestled atop her head. Pale pink skin. And, as fae turns, you see these deep purple eyes. And as you approach, fae looks your way. Presents the equivalent of about, fifty or sixty, in human years. A simple dress, off the shoulder, with leagues and leagues of fabric pooling out in the water around them, rippling back and forth, amongst the waves. Fae watches you approach, and you get probably about thirty feet when you hear, Em (as Soevan): “Ahhh, you decided to join us. Just a moment. Oniera? Just call if you need me. I need to greet our guest. I'll be back in a moment.” Em: The eldest of the children nod, looking to be about fourteen or so, equivalently. She has light blue skin, and short curly hair. There seems to be shells pulling the ringlets off of her face. And she seems to sparkle, slightly, with freckles of white across the bridge of her nose and on the caps of her shoulders. The older femme gestures to a spot midway between you on the beach, and a blanket just appears, big enough for two, and fae glides over to it almost effortlessly, pulling faer hair down, and the leagues of fabric begin to trail up, and seem to get shorter leaving the water, until they are a regular length of dress, with just a small train. And fae begins to make faer way over to the blanket to sit. Gina: And you said faer’s gestured at me to join? Em: Yes. Gina: Ever is watching all of this just, almost in awe, of how peaceful everything feels, and while so much of… so much of this journey here has been fraught with hesitation, and fear, and… grief, this doesn't feel like any of those things and so… I would just. I would follow without hesitation. Em: Okay. You make your way over and... fae looks up at you. Em (as Soevan): “Sit, please. No need to be on your feet. It's a... It's beautiful out, so you might as well enjoy it while you're here.” Gina: I will sit, but as I do, Gina (as Ever): “What is this place?” Em (as Soevan): “Ah, yes. Normally you'd wake in your room, but that felt like too much. It looks like the farmhouse, yours always does. I figured down here would be a nice middle ground, since you don't have long, and I didn't want you to get lost on your way down. This is the Dreamscape, Ever. Welcome.” Gina: I think I'd like to… I'd like to recognise a god. Em: Okay. So when you want to recognize the signs or the influence of a god of the Cradle, roll 2d6 and add one for each true statement. You're in or near their domain. Yes. You're familiar with their gospel. Not… probably not. Well... You know, you've been a bit more familiar with it lately, so yeah, I'll give you that one. And, it would be bad if you didn't know. No, it wouldn't be bad if you didn't know. So that's a plus two. Gina: Well, I rolled a six and a five. Em: Hmm. Okay. So plus two, bringing that eleven to a thirteen. On an overkill, you realize your divinity is actively trespassing against them, right now, and the GM will say how. As you sit down, trying to figure out who this person is, who this being is. The Dreamscape, the drift. Of course, this couldn't be anyone other than Soevan, The Lucid Mother, Goddess of Dreams, Illusion, and Sleep. They say that drift is created from the essence of her, directly. A powerful narcoleptic. And, as it should be if it comes directly from a god. And as you sit, a pain begins in the palm of your hand. Which hand did you grab the knife with, that Rake showed you? Gina: My right hand. Em: You look down into the palm of your right hand where this sharp searing pain, and you see a black mark spanning your palm, veining out like an inky expanse. It feels like a crevice. It feels like if you look at it long enough, you could fall into it. And you see her eyes narrow for a moment. Em (as Soevan): “Now, I know what that is. But they're not normally there. Why do you have that?” Gina (as Ever): “What is happening? What is this?” Em (as Soevan): “Why do you have that mark on your hand, Ever?” Gina (as Ever): “I don't know, it wasn't here before. What would do something like this?” Em (as Soevan): “Do you know what makes marks like that?” Gina (as Ever): “No.” Em (as Soevan): “Ah. And therein lies your problem. I am not going to make you leave, certainly not, but if this is not cause for you to be careful in your actions. I don't know what is. What did you touch?” Gina (as Ever): “The knife.” Em (as Soevan): “Ah. Whose knife?” Gina (as Ever): “A friend. A friend, I think.” Em (as Soevan): “How much do you know about this friend?” Gina (as Ever): “I know that he hurts in the same way that I do. I know that he wants justice for it. But I've only just met him. The knife did this to me? Is that what you're saying?” Em (as Soevan): “Sometimes, a knife is a tool. Sometimes, a knife is a weapon. And sometimes, knives are symbols, Ever, bigger than what they are. Perhaps you should ask this friend more questions about their past, and about what his intentions are with that knife. I have met many who have carried that mark. What is your friend's name?” Gina: Before I answer, I'd like to… I'm thinking I… What I'm thinking in this moment is I don't want to get him in trouble, which is such a childish thought. But I know that, I feel that… after what I've… after what I saw, when I touched him, I… I get the sense that he's taking a risk, with me. That he must be desperate, and I don't want to betray him, if I can help it. And so I'd like to feel... I'd like to feel... fae out, before I answer. Em: Okay. So when you wanna feel out a person, place, or thing, say what you want clarity about, and answer one, which I think you have, wanting to see her intentions with this question. So there's two questions here, one I answer and one you answer. What feels welcoming on the surface, and what feels dark or unnerving as I peer deeper? Gina: I mean, I could answer both. Because on the one hand, what feels welcoming on the surface is that this place feels so beautiful and… and she feels so kind. And if she is this Mother of Dreams, then perhaps she can… Perhaps she can bring him back to me, for a short time. and that feels… I want that so badly. And yet what feels unnerving when I peer deeper is that there is a real chance, there's a real chance that… if I tell her, she might try to stop me, or stop him. And I don't know if I want that either. Em: Which question would you like me to answer? Gina: I want to know what feels dark, or unnerving, that I'm not seeing, or that perhaps I'm wrong about. Em: She is concerned about the mark on your hand. Less about its presence, which she doesn't seem to be shocked at, it's not the first time she's seen one, more about its placement. If she has seen this mark before, they don't go there. She seems genuinely concerned for you. And you have, maybe I'll weave both these questions together, you have a sense that this kind, motherly demeanor on her is a genuine one that she extends to almost everyone in her presence. But I think what feels dark or unnerving as you peer deeper is that while you try and feel her out, she's trying to feel you out. You see her actively assessing you. You see her clocking what you're wearing, the distance between the two of you. And you see her, in that moment, clock her own vulnerability. Especially when you talk about a knife. Em (as Soevan): “Is your friend a Eutoches?” Gina: Would Ever know what that is? Em: You'd have no idea. Gina (as Ever): “I don't -” Gina: I'm still staring at this mark on my hand. Gina (as Ever): “I don't know, what is Eutoches?” Em (as Soevan): “Ahhh… The Eutoches are, were, a group of people who lived in a city called Barrencliff, far to the south. They lived peacefully, and then they were massacred. A prophecy had come down that one day one of their people… would kill Archeveleon. And end the universe. The Godkiller Prophecy. And they would do so with a knife. Probably like the one you held. I have met many Eutoches in my time, some have even ventured out of their rooms to talk. And all of them, in some way, have dreamed for the same thing. Fulfilling that task. Finding the twin-souled priest. So that they may be done with it. And they can welcome their own oblivion. Generally, most Eutoches keep to their own, it is dangerous to be part of a prophecy that involves killing the gods. Why do you think I don't go to the Material Plane anymore? I stay here. With my children.” Em: And she looks back on the group. You see that a couple more, older, some adults, probably three or four, have wandered down to the beach, some sitting on the shore, some standing in the waves calling the others in. Gina (as Ever): “No, he never mentioned a prophecy.” Em (as Soevan): “Well, it isn't likely that he is, he, this he you speak of. Unless there are two of him in some capacity. It's unlikely that he is the Godkiller. That is not set to happen, at least I've heard, for some time yet. A couple thousand years, maybe. Give or take. But you are not Eutoches, otherwise you would have known... when I asked.” Gina (as Ever): “No. I've never even heard of Eutoches.” Em (as Soevan): “Then it seems you have some questions for your friend.” Gina (as Ever): “I did even before all this.” Em (as Soevan): “Mm. I only ask who he is because it's possible we've met.” Gina (as Ever): “Rake. His name is Rake.” Em: She turns her head to the side. You see a look of thinking, deep in thought, for a moment. Seems to be scanning through memory upon memory, of all the mortals, and otherwise. As she settles on something. You see it cross her face with a small twinge at her eyes. Em (as Soevan): “Ah. That was not the name I knew him by. But I do know who he is, yes. He does not dream. Though he does try. He has not occupied his room for a few years now.” Gina (as Ever): “He does not dream?” Em (as Soevan): “No.” Gina (as Ever): “How-” Em (as Soevan): “Someone dreams for him.” Gina (as Ever): “How… What does that mean? Someone dreams for him?” Em (as Soevan): “He has given up, I think, that he does not think there is a life for himself beyond the plans she has for him. And in some way, he is right,” Gina (as Ever): “Who?’ Em (as Soevan): “At least the way things are now.” Gina (as Ever): “When you say she, who is she?” Em (as Soevan): “You should be careful about your travelling companions, Ever. And about the beings, divine or otherwise, who give him the powers he has. I speak of the Matron of Vengeance, Ever. She dreams for him.” Gina: And I look back down to my hand, flex it, does it still hurt? Em: Pain is less. And if it does feel like something, it sits in the pit of your stomach. It's heavy. Like you've eaten too much, and then had to run. It is uncomfortable, this sensation. It’s cloying. Gina (as Ever): “Does he work for her?” Em (as Soevan): “That is a question for him. I am not his keeper.” Gina (as Ever): “But you say she dreams for him?” Em (as Soevan): “Yes.” Gina (as Ever): “And he has tried to dream for himself, and she does not let him?” Em (as Soevan): “No. She was wronged a long time ago. Millennia. By accident, actually. Someone was trying to protect her, and in doing so caused her great pain. For twenty three hundred years she was left alone in her suffering. Naught but an echo chamber for her anger. What she felt was a great betrayal. And then, when she returned, her original place in the pantheon filled, naturally, as the Weave abhors a vacuum. So that vengeance burned so bright, it branded her, and she relished it. She dreamed of it. It was so loud. I heard every moment of it. It is quite something when a god dreams. She leaned in, and she let it burn her, from the inside out until there was nothing left but that. Everything she does, she does for herself, regardless of what she may tell you, or him, or what he believes. But, who am I to tell you about vengeance, Ever.” Gina (as Ever): “I just want her to know she was wrong.” Em (as Soevan): “The Matron?” Gina (as Ever): “Do you know what she has him dream?” Em (as Soevan): “No. I cannot see it. Perhaps that is a fault of my own making. I do not leave the Dreamscape anymore. I don't even dream myself. Because when I dream…” Em: She turns, and she looks out over her children. Em (as Soevan): “When I dream, I welcome someone new. Then I needed to stop dreaming, because if there was a chance that one of my children would end up the Godkiller, I think it would break my heart. Who do you want to know that they are wrong, Ever?” Gina: At that question, I look up from my hand, and which I had been focused on, and look fae in the eyes. And she would be able to see, plainly, the hurt, and the tiredness. Because she does feel safe here, and she wants to stay. And there's something in her that fears that if she lies here… She’d never be able to come back. Em: Hmm. Gina: So I think I'll use a move, do as I'm told. Em: Okay. So, so, when you do as you're told, say how you show submission and answer one. The GM will show you a glimpse of their true intentions as they answer the other. The two questions are, how are you rewarded, and what vulnerability do you reveal? Gina: I think the vulnerability that I reveal is… what I'm sure she's going to put together, which is my intention for that knife. Em: Hmm. Gina: Because I know she's not stupid. And I know that that fear is already in her. As she said, that's why she no longer... That's why she doesn't leave this plane. And I look at her and just say, Gina (as Ever): “Nepthysaket.” Em: And to answer the question, how are you rewarded, she says, Em (as Soevan): “Ah. I wondered. Give me your hand.” Em: And she opens her hand to yours. You see no malice in her eyes at all. Gina: I'll place it in her hand. Em: She takes faer free hand, and covers yours, clasping it in between both of faers, and you feel a warmth emanate from her hands. It feels like waking up from a nap, with the sun on your face. Feels like the warmth you find in a bed when you lay in the right place and the right position, for just the right amount of time. The comfortability and the coziness of a favourite blanket. You feel a slight pulse ripple through your hand, and up your arm. She nods, moving faer hands away. And as you look at your hand, the scar is gone. Em (as Soevan): “That should hold it for now. I cannot promise it's permanent. I'm not as strong as I used to be. But, for now. And thank you for telling me. We are colleagues of a sort. Her Grace and I. There are times when our paths cross. When someone dies in their sleep, or they dream of the moment of their dying. A small nod to each other as we go about our duty. Both shepherds of an often unpredictable flock.” Em: And you notice with the way that Soevan speaks about Nepthysaket, there is a moniker of respect, referring to Nepthysaket not by name, but her title, the title that mortals use for her. That is rare between gods, you assume. Em (as Soevan): “You are angry because… of your father's death. And you wish to use that knife to show her how angry.” Gina (as Ever): “Yes. No, I… I don't know.” Em (as Soevan): “Hm. The problem with vengeance, Ever, it is often both blind and deaf, and happy to be that way. It will not listen and it will not see. And I say this with no ill intention, or will. And it is not my job to change your beliefs. But simply to help you see the truth. From what I can tell, and see you, and speak to you… I wonder if you have not spoken to her, or listened, because you do not like the answers you have been given.” Gina (as Ever): “I have spoken to her. I did not know it was her, but I… I met her on the road.” Em (as Soevan): “I know. How long has it been since you've been so staunch in your beliefs about her?” Gina (as Ever): “I think it had grown over time. Once he started to get sick, and then I had it. I had it, and she took him before I could…” Em (as Soevan): “Do you think Davos would hold Her Grace responsible for his passing?” Gina (as Ever): “She robbed me of that opportunity.” Em (as Soevan): “If we are to use that logic, could it not be said that if Thielia wanted him safe so badly, that she would have made him immune to the disease that claimed him? Because she can do that. Could. And did, for you. At his request, when he realized that he had symptoms. He did not ask for his own immunity, just yours.” Gina (as Ever) [crying]: “And why not?” Em (as Soevan): “I don't have those answers, Ever. The dead do dream. But they do not come here to do so. I am one of two who may still enter the river. Myself, and Her Grace.” Gina (as Ever): “And what if I do? What then?” Em (as Soevan): “If you do kill her, or try?” Gina (as Ever): “I don’t know. I don’t know if she'd ever be able to give… You said… you said that the dead dream?” Em (as Soevan): “They do. In a way.” Gina (as Ever): “Can I see him?” Em (as Soevan): “He is in the river, Ever. And I cannot take you there. It would kill you.” Gina (as Ever): “But she can?” Em (as Soevan): “Nepthysaket? Yes.” Gina (as Ever): “So she can bring him out.” Em (as Soevan): “No. It is not that simple.” Gina (as Ever): “That's what everyone always says. It's not that simple.” Em (as Soevan): “I wish I had easy answers, Ever, but I do not. And I know that everyone who has come before me has spoke to you, does not have easy answers either. The monikers Nepthysaket holds, Her Grace, The Patient Witness. They are not simply titles. They are how she is. It is beautiful to watch her work. She did not get to choose her domain. Unfortunately for her, it was thrust upon her, when she had to atone, for the wrongdoing of someone close to her. But that was a long time ago. Your time here is short, Ever. Then I will need to send you home. It was a small serving of drift. It was a small dose of drift.” Gina (as Ever): “I understand.” Em (as Soevan): “You do.” Gina (as Ever): “Can I ask a favour? Before… before I have to leave.” Em (as Soevan): “If it is within my purview, I will try.” Gina (as Ever) [sniffling]: “I actually would like to ask for two things, but I don't know if that's possible.” Em (as Soevan): “Start with one.” Gina (as Ever): “You said it's not possible to… send Rake a dream that's his own? You said he hasn't used his room in a long time?” Em (as Soevan): “He does not use it because he cannot, she bars him from it. I'm sure there are machinations behind that, but who am I to conjecture on them? You see the cracks in the armour that he does not wear. That is who he was, once, before she had her way.” Gina (as Ever): “Can he use mine?” Em (as Soevan): “Your room?” Gina (as Ever): “If he's not allowed in his own room, can he borrow mine? They may not be his memories, but… surely they must be better than what she's… forcing on him.” Em: A small smile. There's a curiosity. Em (as Soevan): “I've never done that before. Let someone use someone else's room. I don't know what would happen if I did. Alright. If he reaches for it, the next time he sleeps, I will grant him access. I will try.” Gina (as Ever): “Thank you. I hope he does.” Em (as Soevan): “I do too. Because it's very clear how much you care about him.” Gina (as Ever): “I think I know him, but I don't know if this question complicates the first one, and if it does is… In whatever time I have left here I'd like… Could I see him?” Em (as Soevan): “Rake?” Gina (as Ever) [definitely crying]: “Davos. My father. Even if it's not really him, it doesn't have to be him, it can be… It could just be from far away, it doesn't have to be him. Just something.” Em (as Soevan): “There is one thing I can do. I can pull a memory from you, and you can take it while you're awake. It will be a liquid. Well, that's how I'll… package it for you. Bottle it for you. It will allow you to step in to that memory. It will be an illusion. It will not be real. You will be interacting with your memory of him.” Gina (as Ever): “Yes. Yes. I'll take it.” Em (as Soevan): “Nothing will change. And living in the past, anchoring yourself there, will only bring you heartache.” Gina (as Ever): “Thank you.” Em: She extends one hand, and a glass vial appears in it, a stopper on the ground next to her. She raises her other hand, and fae puts a finger to your forehead. You feel something leave you. Soft. Not unpleasant. And fae pulls it out, you see this light blue ethereal substance be removed from your mind, and with a guide of faer finger, it pours itself into the vial. She places the stopper on, and passes it to you. And you feel an absence in your brain. A small chunk of time that you should remember, but you cannot, because it's in that vial. And were you to break this vial, you assume you would probably lose that memory forever. And she hands it to you. Gina: Do I get the sense that if I… consume this vial that I will have the memory back, or is it… Okay. I'll take it. Gina (as Ever): “Thank you.” Em (as Soevan): “Be careful. The company you keep. And that you do not wear a blindfold of the ichor of vengeance. Because that will taint those,” Em: She points to the memory in the vial. Em (as Soevan): “There will be things you are confronted with, decisions to make that will change your course within history. The Godkiller Prophecy is not set to happen for some time. And I am not sorry to tell you that it is not you. Nor do I think it is him. But that is not what we call him.” Gina (as Ever): “What do you call him?” Em (as Soevan): “He is called The Void in Flight.” Gina: I think Ever looks confused, confused at that name. Gina (as Ever): “Why is he called that?” Em (as Soevan): “You have questions for him. Before you go, go see for yourself what he contends with. Who he is, and what may be on his path, if nothing changes.” Em: She gestures over to an empty spot near the tent, where you emerged from. And you see a black seam begin to cut itself out against the pale pastel landscape. And a standing mirror apparates, with a polarized reflective surface. Gina: I look to her, and then I look to the seam. Does it look like she's encouraging me to go to it? Em: Upon your leaving. To check into it, before you return to the tent, and assumingly go back to sleep. Gina: I look back to her, and wipe at my face. Gina (as Ever): “I'm sorry I cried in such a beautiful place.” Em (as Soevan): “You do not need to apologize. I am surrounded by children. Somebody is always crying.” Gina (as Ever): “Thank you.” Em (as Soevan): “It was nice to meet you, finally. The farmhouse is beautiful.” Gina (as Ever): “He was always so much better at caring for it than I was.” Em (as Soevan): “I think you did just fine.” Gina (as Ever): “Can I come back and see you again?” Em (as Soevan): “Of course.” Gina (as Ever): “Will I need drift in order to do it, or? Is there another way?” Em (as Soevan): “If you go to sleep with the intention to come, then at the very least you will get to your room.” Em: And she looks up towards the myriad of buildings littered across the landscape. Em (as Soevan): “Everyone who dreams has one.” Gina (as Ever): “Can I leave a note for him, if he does use mine? Just to let him know where he is.” Em (as Soevan): “I will make sure.” Gina (as Ever): “Can you tell him to try the oranges?” Em (as Soevan): “Take care, Ever Halassian.” Gina (as Ever): “Can I hug you?” Em (as Soevan): “Of course.” Gina: And I'll wrap my arms around, around fae, and just hug them. Em: She takes you in. And you don't really remember what it's like to hug your own mother, but this is a very, very, very good approximation. Gina: I’ll hold her for as long as she lets me, and then I’ll let go. Em: She doesn't let you go first. She waits. Gina: It's a long hug. And after a few moments, I'll pull back. I'll just straighten myself, wipe my face. Gina (as Ever): “I should get back.” Em (as Soevan): “You should. The drift will be wearing off soon. Time moves different here.” Gina (as Ever): “Right.” Em (as Soevan): “On you go.” Gina: I’ll stand up and I'll make my way over to the seam. Em: Okay. As you approach the mirror, that hollow feeling in your stomach riles up again, and it reaches a quite pitch when you're about a foot away from the mirror. What would you like to do? Gina: I think I'd like to feel something out, feel out this mirror. Em: Okay. So when you try to feel out a person, place, or thing, say what you want clarity about and answer one, the GM will try and give you the clarity you seek as they answer the other. So the questions are what feels welcoming on the surface, or what feels dark or unnerving as I peer deeper. Gina: Can I see myself in the mirror? Em: You cannot. Gina: Well, I think that's what feels unnerving, combined with this awful feeling in my stomach. Em: The thing that feels welcoming on the surface is that, ultimately, you know what a mirror is supposed to allow you to do. It is supposed to allow you to see things you otherwise could not see. And as you stand in front of it… Rake. What part of your sleep experience does she see? Do you think? Jannes: I think what you would see is… I think she would see Rake, sitting on that beach. But the angle that she is seeing it from, is from the place of her standing in the water. Her perspective would be the same as the perspective of the version of Ever that Rake is looking at. And so I think… With that angle, I don't think she can tell what he's seeing that's giving him the expression on his face. I don't think she knows that it's... her that is making him look that way. But I do think she recognizes the expression. It's the same expression she caught briefly when she touched his hand, earlier that night. The one where she sees him looking younger. Looking more unguarded. But unlike that last time. It's not fear that is on his face for being seen. There is a lightness in his eyes. There is a sort of buoyancy to him. It’s as if you're seeing someone who's carried a heavy weight for a long time, and they take it off, and they stand a little straighter. And you see him smile, with almost the promise of laughter, but you don't see it actually come from him. But I think the one thing you do know is, in this moment… you can tell that he's… that he's looking at something that gives him hope. Em: You feel your eyes begin to get heavy, even while you're watching. Knowing that the pulls of sleep are coming. Gina: Does it look like I can reach through this mirror? Em: That's up to you if you'd like to try. Gina: I think seeing him… sitting up there so far away, and remembering what Soevan has said about not being able to dream, and being barred from this place, and if he reaches for it… I want him to reach for it. I'm going to try and reach my hand through the mirror and… reach for him. Em: Hmm. Gina: I want him to be able to experience it. Em: Do you reach out and touch the glass? Gina: Yes. Em: As you… as your fingers make contact with the glass itself, your fingers begin to pass through, and the polarized reflective surface ripples around them. It's not painful, but it is uncomfortable. It is a... feels like pins and needles. As you extend a hand through. Your intention is to pull him through? Gina: My intention is for him to… to feel welcomed here, to come through with me. To be able to reach for it, for me. So I can help him… dream. Em: Okay, if you want to do this, I'm going to have you roll to tempt fate. So when you tempt fate with your actions, say what perilous feat you're trying to accomplish which you have and roll 2d6, you're gonna add one for each true statement. A skilled ally is lending you a hand. I don't think so. You have no other options. You have other options. And you're far from any god that wishes you harm. Here? Yes. There is no god here, where you stand right now, that wishes you harm. So you can roll 2d6 and add a plus one. Gina: Eight. Em: So on a hit, you get through it mostly unscathed. The fates spare you for now. Okay. Okay. Rake, as you are on this beach. Watching her, revelling in a moment of peace and calm after that interaction with Knave. You feel… You see her put her hand, this vision of her that you're seeing, you see her put her hand down at her side. And you feel like if you tried really, really hard, you could go grab it. And at the very least she would know. Jannes: I think Rake makes his way over to where Ever is standing in the water. And he gets… about two feet from her. And then he closes that threshold, that barrier that everyone has where… It goes from standing close to… standing just a little too close. But he doesn't grab her hand. He just looks down at her. Does she look back up at him? Em: It's like she can't see you yet. She's still facing away from you, technically. Jannes: I think he takes a moment… Something in him is telling him that if he grabs her hand, or talks to her, that she might be able to hear him, she might be able to feel him. And he really wants to grab her hand. Jannes (as Rake): “I want more than anything to grab your hand, and go with you wherever you would take me. But my path is set. And if I stray off it… I could face the consequences. But I could not live with her taking another from me.” Em: Ever, you hear that. Gina (as Ever): “Not even here? It’s alright.” Jannes (as Rake): “It's not alright. It hasn't been alright for a very long time.” Gina: Is he close to me? Can I see him? Is there still a mirror between us? Em: Your hand is through the mirror, and you see this version of him, and you can hear him in your mind, but you cannot see the version of him that is speaking. You see the vision of him sitting on the beach. And Rake, you hear her respond, but it's the same except in reverse. The vision you see doesn't move, except for the hand extended down. Gina (as Ever): “I’m so sorry she’d made you so afraid. But there is a place for you here now, if you want it. You don't have to take my hand, you don't... You don't have to come any closer if you don't… If you don't want to, but… It's here for you.” Jannes: Rake reaches down, and he grabs her hand and he spins her. Em: Ever, you feel yourself pulled through this mirror, whirled through, and the next thing you know you are standing facing him looking up at him. It's as if you've stepped through to a just different version of the beach. Gina (as Ever) [laughing softly]: “Hi.” Jannes (as Rake): “I'm sorry. It's been a long time since… It's been a long time since something good has come into my life, I’m… For the first time, I'm a little lost for words.” Gina (as Ever): “It's alright.” Jannes (as Rake): “I’m… I'm sorry.” Gina (as Ever): “For what?” Jannes (as Rake): “For the path that we now have to walk.” Gina (as Ever): “We’ll talk about that in the morning.” Jannes: His mouth twitches to a genuine smile. Jannes (as Rake): “It's been a long time since I've been able to dream. But I think this is the best one yet.” Gina: You'll see Ever smile. Gina (as Ever): “I'm glad. Just wait until you see the farmhouse. It's a bit messy. I've got a lot of things strewn about.” Jannes (as Rake): “It's been a long time since I've been in a home. I… Would you like to walk together a little before this ends?” Gina: See Ever’s smile deepen. You'll notice she has two small dimples on her cheeks. Gina (as Ever): “I would love that. The water’s purple here!” Jannes (as Rake): “Honestly, I... I hadn't noticed.” Gina (as Ever): “Come on then.” Gina: And I'll… take his hand, again, if I wasn't already holding it, and if I can, pull him back through the mirror toward the beach. Em: The mirror is gone, but the tent there remains, and the water is close by. You see Soevan and their children start to make their way up off the beach, back towards the estate. And she pauses, I think. Seeing what's happened. And you know that this could not have happened if she did not allow it. You know that so deeply, Ever. Gina: And you said she sees me? Us? Em: Mhmm. Gina: I look at her and… Smile. Just an acknowledgement. And I'll take my hand, my other hand and just… place it across my chest over my heart, as if to say… Thank you. And let her know, that I know. Em: She mirrors the same. And then you see a small set of arms reach up and she… breaks your gaze, and picks up a small, sandy haired little human appearing being. And they start walking back up towards the estate. Jannes (as Rake): “Who was that?” Gina (as Ever): “I don't know. One of her children, I presume.” Jannes (as Rake): “I need you to know something. When we wake. I, I… I can't be like this there.” Gina (as Ever): “Like how?” Jannes (as Rake): “This is maybe the only place where I am far enough from her influence. That I can… I can allow myself to be. I think it's part of the reason that she's taken the dreams from me. It's hard to have hope when you can't dream. And when she finds out… All I'm trying to say is… I need to be a certain way. There.” Gina (as Ever): “Well, then let's stay here as long as we can.” Jannes (as Rake): “As long as they'll let me.” Jannes: And I think I would, I would pull Ever towards the tents that they left behind, and I would tell her about where I grew up, and about my dad. I think for Rake it's the first time that he's… allowed himself to not just remember the facts, but the way that those memories made him feel. Em: Hmm. Jannes: And I think even if Ever, and I don't know if you would, but even if Ever was to try and steer the conversation to anything related to the knife or anything like that, I think he would just do his best to steer clear of it all together. Gina: She is in rapt attention. She will let you speak as long as you want. Her attention is on you. Jannes: And in that case, I think you would see someone who… who is telling stories about his dad and about growing up with a sort of fervour of someone who has, or someone who needs, someone to know these things. He needs someone else to know that they existed, and that they mattered. And it's like watching a young child show you something that they're passionate about. They burn with the excitement to get to share what they know. And you find that every once in a while, his sentences sort of stop halfway as your eyes catch, and you visibly see him lose his train of thought. Em: Hmm. Jannes: And then he, ‘ah, yes…’ picks up right where he left off. And I think at some point… the conversation goes from seated around whatever sort of little foods they had set out to… Both of them laying on their backs, facing the sky, to his hand finding Ever’s, as they lay on their backs, and him reaching out and intertwining his fingers with hers. Em: It feels safe. Here. In this tent, in the Dreamscape, given permission to be here. It feels safe. That regardless of everything you told her, Ever, and everything she knows, Rake. Whether the warnings go heeded or not. This is safe. But impermanent. You feel the heaviness threaten to claim you again, knowing that this time that you sleep, you will wake back at The Wayfarer's Lamp. Jannes: I think there's a moment where… Rake is talking, and Ever has been doing that thing where you like, uh huh, mhmm, like making those noises of, I hear you, as he just doesn't, he's like a dam that's burst with things to share with someone who genuinely wants to listen. And he's not even aware that he's barely giving you any room to, to speak. He's just so happy to get to share. And I think there's a moment where he realizes that sleep is coming, your responses are getting a little slower, and he can see you sort of starting to drift. And I think the last thing that you'd remember him saying before sleep takes them both is, Jannes (as Rake): “I want you to know that no matter what happens… This was the greatest gift you could ever give me. You were the sunrise after a very, very long dark night.” Jannes: And I think he would drift, just unable to keep his eyes open. Gina: I think by this point, Ever is so tired, she can hardly keep her eyes open. But hearing that… and not knowing Rake more than a day, but feeling like she knows him. I think in her last moments of waking before she finally drifts, she’d just murmur, Gina (as Ever): “I’m so glad you reached out.” Gina: She’d fall asleep. Em: And as you close your eyes here in the Dreamscape, you feel them begin to flutter open in the waking world. There's a moment, I think, for the both of you, in your separate rooms, where you ask yourself the question, was that just a dream? And you know that the answer is yes, and also no. There's a moment of reverie. And you hold that, which is sharply broken, as you hear pounding on both of your doors. And you hear, Em (as Guard): “Glass Guard, open up.” [Light & Dark: Series Theme by Sean McRoberts] Em: Godkiller: Balance is performed by Em Carlson, Gina Susanna & Jannes Wessels. This season’s dramaturge is Tim Carlson. Special thanks to our campaign artist, Mischi, who you can find @Mischiart on twitter! Our main theme for this episode, Light & Dark, was composed by Sean McRoberts. Character and location leitmotifs composed by Si Rutherford of Sounds of Adventure. Music and effects by Epidemic Sound. Cartography for this series by Chaim Holtjer of Chaim’s Cartography. For more stories, come follow us everywhere at @blackwaterdnd, and make sure to check out our Main Campaign on Monday nights at 8pm PST at twitch.tv/blackwaterdnd. To play your own campaign of Godkiller and dive into your own divinity, go support Godkiller by purchasing the ashcan on itch.io today, with the print version published soon by Evil Hat Productions. This show is made possible by our sponsors who graciously support us playing pretend and having feelings about it. We are grateful to be sponsored by Heroforge, who offer fully customizable miniatures made with their online 3D character creator! Head on over and design your own Godkiller, and get them printed in a variety of materials, including colour printing options! With new content added each week, check out www.heroforge.com to start bringing your character to life! This show is also proudly sponsored by Moonbeam, a better and safer way to stream! Dive into Realms for vibrant community hubs where creators keep 100% of what they earn while protected by Pyxis, a revolutionary moderation tool that learns and adapts to your boundaries. So check them out and join Moonbeam today! Finally, we’re thankful for our Patrons for joining us on our second journey through the Cradle. You too can come join us on Patreon, where you can check out behind the scenes info, our talkback show Chatwater, as well as exclusive Godkiller bonus content and so much more. Head on over to patreon.com/blackwaterdnd for all the info. See you next time, heretics, and to all the gods out there, be safe!