1 00:00:00,367 --> 00:00:01,501 Well. Hello, hello. 2 00:00:01,501 --> 00:00:04,971 We are back again and thank you so much for joining us. 3 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:09,309 What's good, John and Joy is available in all the streaming platforms. 4 00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:12,812 What's Good with Johnny Joyce is sponsored by woodwinds Wedding and Special Events 5 00:00:12,812 --> 00:00:16,816 Venue in Branford, Connecticut and Silvio's award winning Italian sauces, 6 00:00:16,916 --> 00:00:20,053 which you can buy anytime online at silvio's. 7 00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:24,057 Sauces.com that's silvio's sauces.com. 8 00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:26,493 We'd like to thank our sponsor New England Collision. 9 00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:30,397 From the time they pick up the phone and receive your initial call 10 00:00:30,397 --> 00:00:33,400 until the time they deliver you repaired vehicle back to you, 11 00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:37,404 your satisfaction and safety is their number one priority. 12 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,539 New England collision. 13 00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:41,875 And they were established back in 1996. 14 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,878 So relax. It was just an accident. 15 00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:49,783 Go to any collision.com tactics provides 16 00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:54,287 extra repair services for laptops, desktops, home networks and smart devices. 17 00:00:54,587 --> 00:00:57,290 Matthew Rader and his certified technicians are equipped 18 00:00:57,290 --> 00:01:00,260 to handle both hardware issues and software glitches, 19 00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:04,030 ensuring your devices are back in working order quickly and affordably. 20 00:01:04,297 --> 00:01:07,600 For more information, go to Tech Fix Wkyc.com. 21 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:14,374 That's tech fix wkyc.com t e chf I fix.com. 22 00:01:14,374 --> 00:01:15,642 with me and my co-host. 23 00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:17,510 My friend of a long time. 24 00:01:17,510 --> 00:01:23,016 We go way back home to have a go enjoy slogan choice. 25 00:01:23,183 --> 00:01:25,118 Good to see you. Oh, it's always good to see you. 26 00:01:25,118 --> 00:01:26,486 This is my therapy. 27 00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:29,189 Oh, you know, I'm glad that we get to help others 28 00:01:29,189 --> 00:01:32,425 with our positive podcast because it helps us to. Yes. 29 00:01:32,692 --> 00:01:36,429 Yeah, it does because it reminds us of what's good. 30 00:01:36,529 --> 00:01:36,863 Yeah. 31 00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:39,232 And there's so many things in the world that is good. 32 00:01:39,232 --> 00:01:41,968 But ironically, we are speaking about grief. 33 00:01:41,968 --> 00:01:46,339 We're continuing the talk we have with, Reverend Frederick Marathi, 34 00:01:46,539 --> 00:01:49,476 and he was about Greek as we all go through it. 35 00:01:49,476 --> 00:01:51,244 And you were sharing a story with me 36 00:01:51,244 --> 00:01:54,848 about your first experience with grief was your hamster. 37 00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:56,116 Don't laugh. 38 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,818 You think you gone through it too? Okay? Yes. 39 00:01:58,818 --> 00:01:59,853 And he was 30 years old. 40 00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:02,388 Oh, so years old. I lost my hamster. 41 00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:07,760 Boy, I mean, you got to be able to laugh. 42 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:10,130 I know we're talking about grief, but the thing is, we got to be able to laugh. 43 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:10,864 It's great therapy. 44 00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:12,031 But, you know, I remember being, like, 45 00:02:12,031 --> 00:02:14,000 three or 4 or 5 years old and having a hamster. 46 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,202 And the only live, like, two weeks anyway. 47 00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:17,003 Right. 48 00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:20,540 And as for things maybe a little longer, maybe, maybe a month or two. 49 00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:21,474 Take care of it. 50 00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:25,178 But this poor thing just passed away, and I was beside myself. 51 00:02:25,178 --> 00:02:29,415 But to my mom and dad's credit, they, you know, didn't, 52 00:02:29,415 --> 00:02:32,952 you know, make fun of me or try to diminish it. 53 00:02:32,952 --> 00:02:34,587 And they consoled me. 54 00:02:34,587 --> 00:02:36,756 And that meant a lot to me at the time because, yeah, 55 00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:40,126 I mean, I've never had children of my own, but I've had a zillion animals 56 00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:42,128 over the years, and every time one of them passes 57 00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:45,265 and goes to animal heaven, I've been, like, beside myself. 58 00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:48,134 Joyce, I know. Yeah, like a baby, right? 59 00:02:48,134 --> 00:02:52,639 I you know, I understand that we should never diminish grief and children. 60 00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:56,142 No, no, you know, like with a pet or anything like that, 61 00:02:56,142 --> 00:03:00,079 because there is like a rhythm, I call it to grief. 62 00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:04,250 And we all have our own basic rhythm to that. 63 00:03:04,817 --> 00:03:09,622 And sometimes it's anger initially or depression and anger. 64 00:03:09,622 --> 00:03:11,824 Then where do you end up? 65 00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:15,562 Well, the good thing is to end up at acceptance. Yes. 66 00:03:16,095 --> 00:03:19,999 And when you accepted and then you look back on it 67 00:03:19,999 --> 00:03:24,871 and, Reverend, Mourad is brought up a very good point about guilt. 68 00:03:25,638 --> 00:03:29,876 Guilt is the one that is, sticks with a lot of people. 69 00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:30,743 Could I have done? 70 00:03:30,743 --> 00:03:33,546 Did I do this wrong? Did I should I've checked on this. 71 00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:36,349 Should I have gone to the doctor or should I? I know we do that. What. 72 00:03:36,349 --> 00:03:37,617 It could, it should it. Right. 73 00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:39,352 You know, and that's natural. 74 00:03:39,352 --> 00:03:41,721 What shocked me when my mom died 75 00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:44,724 is that I was very close to my mother, 76 00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:47,460 and we did everything together. 77 00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:49,862 And I was with her when she had her stroke. 78 00:03:49,862 --> 00:03:52,699 We were planning on what we were doing for Thanksgiving. 79 00:03:52,699 --> 00:03:57,503 And then I was making her a sandwich and she wasn't answering me. 80 00:03:57,503 --> 00:04:00,406 It's like, mom, do you want tomato on this? Like mom? 81 00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:03,276 And she was like, right in a stroke. 82 00:04:03,276 --> 00:04:06,779 So that was, a month long journey. 83 00:04:06,779 --> 00:04:10,950 Then, you know, before she passed and I would lay in hospice 84 00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:15,021 bed with her and, and hug her and talk to her and 85 00:04:15,788 --> 00:04:20,493 and the moment she passed, you know, I shocked myself 86 00:04:20,493 --> 00:04:24,530 with the thought of, oh, my gosh, I should have picked her up more. 87 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:28,067 I drove by and I was going to the store, and I thought 88 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,104 I didn't want to pick her up because I didn't want to slow down. 89 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,273 Why didn't I pick myself her up? 90 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,508 You know, why didn't I go there? 91 00:04:35,508 --> 00:04:38,077 I shocked myself with that immediate. 92 00:04:38,077 --> 00:04:41,714 It was like knee jerk reaction that, oh, I should have done this. 93 00:04:41,714 --> 00:04:44,817 I had to really remind myself that, no, 94 00:04:44,817 --> 00:04:48,288 I did a lot, you know, I did all that I could. 95 00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:51,257 I didn't know this was going to happen. 96 00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:52,592 No, dear human, you're you're. 97 00:04:52,592 --> 00:04:54,027 Yeah, but we don't want to live with. 98 00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:56,896 We can't live with always taking care of that one person. 99 00:04:56,896 --> 00:04:58,965 What if they die? What if they die? What do they die? 100 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:01,701 So you just do the best you can, right? 101 00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:02,969 Yeah. Exactly. Right. 102 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:07,006 And I think about my mom, who passed away back in 21, 103 00:05:07,573 --> 00:05:10,576 and my mom was my first best friend. 104 00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:13,313 And we, we communicate every day on the phone. 105 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:14,280 I would call mom. 106 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:18,217 Guess what have I love to share every single life instance with mom, right? 107 00:05:18,351 --> 00:05:19,952 Loved it, loved it, loved it. 108 00:05:19,952 --> 00:05:22,722 I remember when she passed on, I would look at the phone, 109 00:05:22,722 --> 00:05:25,224 you know, and I want to call her. 110 00:05:25,224 --> 00:05:28,161 And then I would call that number just to hear her voice. 111 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:28,528 Yeah. 112 00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:32,865 And thank goodness, Joyce, I still have many of her messages on my phone. 113 00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:33,933 Still. 114 00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:34,701 Yeah. No, no, no. 115 00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:36,302 And then I might go back and listen to it. 116 00:05:36,302 --> 00:05:37,670 And you know, she would always. 117 00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:40,406 Honey, I love you and I, we just had such a great relationship. 118 00:05:40,406 --> 00:05:42,875 But I would go do the same thing you did. 119 00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:44,877 Maybe I should have visited a little bit more often. 120 00:05:44,877 --> 00:05:46,145 Was I too busy? 121 00:05:46,145 --> 00:05:48,281 You did this and that, and I just said, come on. 122 00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:49,849 I got to cut myself some slack here. Yeah. 123 00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:52,719 You can't. Yes, I love mom. She knew that. 124 00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:55,154 And she was so supportive. We loved each other. 125 00:05:55,154 --> 00:05:58,024 And mom is is in a great place right now. 126 00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:03,229 You know I found something online by anonymous 127 00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:06,933 and I added to it and 128 00:06:06,966 --> 00:06:09,969 it says grief may never fully leave us 129 00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:13,673 but it does transform over time. 130 00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:15,007 And it does. 131 00:06:15,007 --> 00:06:18,177 It transforms into different ways of looking 132 00:06:18,177 --> 00:06:21,180 at it, different ways of, appreciating. 133 00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:25,551 And it's not a place to live forever, but a passage to walk through 134 00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:27,053 when you're ready. 135 00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,422 Allow gratitude to child. 136 00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:31,758 They take up that space. 137 00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:34,727 And I love that sentence 138 00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:38,297 because gratitude is what heals everything. 139 00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:40,900 Grateful that that person was in your life. 140 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,936 Yes. Grateful that you had a chance to get to know that person, 141 00:06:43,936 --> 00:06:47,106 even though their life may have been cut a little bit shorter than we like. 142 00:06:47,106 --> 00:06:48,641 You know, God has the final say. 143 00:06:48,641 --> 00:06:51,644 When are they gonna say when he's ready to call us home? 144 00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:52,912 We go. 145 00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:56,749 But in the meantime, I think a lesson to be learned in so many ways, Joyce, is 146 00:06:56,749 --> 00:06:59,886 just be the best person you could be, you know, everyday, like, 147 00:07:00,219 --> 00:07:04,190 you know, Reverend Frederick said in the last episode, I said, any final words? 148 00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:05,792 He said, just be kind. 149 00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:07,160 Just be kind. 150 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:10,329 It was the best ending ever find. Yes. 151 00:07:10,329 --> 00:07:13,166 Just courtesy of a dear friend of ours, Ken Engelman. 152 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:15,334 Yeah. Yes. Thank you Ken. 153 00:07:15,334 --> 00:07:17,236 So love never ends. 154 00:07:17,236 --> 00:07:20,039 It simply shifts with time. 155 00:07:20,039 --> 00:07:24,210 The heart learns to hold both the sorrow and the blessing. 156 00:07:24,911 --> 00:07:27,547 And that is it. 157 00:07:27,547 --> 00:07:32,652 When you focus on that, the pain will start to lessen. 158 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,922 But then people get afraid of. 159 00:07:35,922 --> 00:07:36,889 I'll forget them. 160 00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:39,358 What if I forget them? What if I forget the sound of their voice? 161 00:07:39,358 --> 00:07:40,893 What if I forget? 162 00:07:40,893 --> 00:07:42,395 You know what they looked like? 163 00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:44,297 It's like no. 164 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:48,134 When you get panicky about something, you tend to block things out. 165 00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:51,771 But if you just relax and think about it, 166 00:07:53,172 --> 00:07:54,440 you will hear it. 167 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:57,443 And even if you don't, you know it. 168 00:07:57,643 --> 00:07:58,077 Now, you. 169 00:07:58,077 --> 00:08:00,580 You lost your husband, Wayne. 170 00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:03,583 Yes, I lost my first wife, Darcy. 171 00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:06,152 What do you remember about Wayne? 172 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:09,956 Do you do you remember his voice at all or the sound of his voice? 173 00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:11,157 Yes. You do? 174 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:14,660 Yeah, I do, I usually do because I think 175 00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:17,630 even my sons, you know, remind me. 176 00:08:17,930 --> 00:08:22,235 But he always had a nickname for me, so I can almost hear him, you know, 177 00:08:23,102 --> 00:08:27,373 calling me, and, And I dream about him a lot. 178 00:08:27,406 --> 00:08:29,408 He just shows up sometimes. 179 00:08:29,408 --> 00:08:33,880 He's just sitting in a corner, sometimes he's driving the car and I'm in the back. 180 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,982 But they're all pleasant. Oh, yeah. Oh, great. 181 00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:36,682 No, they're all. 182 00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:37,950 They're all really right. 183 00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:39,719 Yeah. Really great. 184 00:08:39,719 --> 00:08:43,222 So, I, you know, sometimes I, 185 00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:48,895 I mean, I talk to him, even with laughter, it'll be like. 186 00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:51,631 Wayne, why did you leave me with this? 187 00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:54,634 You know, get back here. 188 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,869 You know, but I don't say it like it. 189 00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:58,905 Oh, why did you leave me? 190 00:08:58,905 --> 00:09:01,908 You know, it's just like when I get frustrated about something 191 00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:05,344 that he could have handled, and I just really am. 192 00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:06,379 I'm overloaded. 193 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:10,116 So I'll just say, get back here and take care of this. 194 00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:11,450 Why'd you leave me? 195 00:09:11,450 --> 00:09:14,687 And then I have a picture of my mother by her urn. 196 00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:20,059 So when I get just in the morning, I say, you know I love you, mom. 197 00:09:20,426 --> 00:09:23,863 You know, so I, I know they're around. 198 00:09:24,463 --> 00:09:26,899 I know they're not gone, gone, gone. 199 00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:31,537 I just I just feel that even if I didn't believe. 200 00:09:31,537 --> 00:09:33,406 So, let's say you're not a believer 201 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,142 and let's say you don't believe in an afterlife. 202 00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:39,445 Then believe in what they left you. Yes. 203 00:09:39,478 --> 00:09:42,481 You know, believe in the love they gave you. 204 00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:47,687 If you miss them, that that deeply, you must have loved them that deeply. 205 00:09:47,853 --> 00:09:49,455 What a gift that is. 206 00:09:49,455 --> 00:09:54,794 That is a gift to be able to love one so deeply that it hurts. 207 00:09:54,794 --> 00:10:00,366 When they left, how long did it take you to really make the transition from that, 208 00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:04,203 that grief in the beginning to just being okay with it? 209 00:10:04,203 --> 00:10:07,506 And quite frankly, you've thrived, Joyce, in so many ways. 210 00:10:07,506 --> 00:10:10,509 You continue to go out there and do amazing things in this world. 211 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:13,279 You work hard, you're a great mom. 212 00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:15,081 You're a great friend to so many people. 213 00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:16,682 You've been a great friend, Nick. Yeah. 214 00:10:16,682 --> 00:10:20,486 But when, when when was that kind of transition from. 215 00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:23,723 Well, I did have the long goodbye. 216 00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:24,290 Okay. 217 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:27,393 You know, it was eight years, and I think 218 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,464 when I, when we first got the diagnosis, 219 00:10:32,231 --> 00:10:35,234 I think of Alzheimer's. 220 00:10:35,267 --> 00:10:38,471 And it was, it was, you know, he was in his, 221 00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:42,408 late 60s and he was like, ten years older than me. 222 00:10:42,742 --> 00:10:45,578 And it was, 223 00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:48,581 I don't think he fully comprehended that. 224 00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:51,651 That's when, 225 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:55,054 it took me to my knees because I knew 226 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,524 I knew what was going to happen, 227 00:10:58,524 --> 00:11:01,527 and he didn't really. 228 00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:04,397 So I had this long goodbye. 229 00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:08,467 And I reached out to some of my doctor recommended, 230 00:11:09,468 --> 00:11:13,873 and it was a wonderful therapist who dealt in geriatrics. 231 00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:17,943 And I felt if he dealt with geriatrics, then he's gone through 232 00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:22,481 speaking to family members that, you know, with Alzheimer's. 233 00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:26,652 And he gave me wonderful tips. Why? 234 00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,422 Because there are a lot of things I was doing wrong. 235 00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:31,524 And I think many people who are dealing with people 236 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:34,894 with Alzheimer's in the beginning may be doing that frustrates 237 00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:39,598 you very hard on the people that are dealing with people 238 00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:44,336 with Alzheimer's and also to, to kind of like expand upon that. 239 00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:47,506 How many times do people call up and ask about that person, 240 00:11:47,506 --> 00:11:50,276 but they never ask about how you are doing? 241 00:11:50,276 --> 00:11:53,212 Yeah, like 99% of the time, right? 242 00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:54,113 Yeah. 243 00:11:54,113 --> 00:11:56,849 That's why it's so, so important if somebody is going through something, 244 00:11:56,849 --> 00:11:58,718 realized they're the caretaker in many cases. 245 00:11:58,718 --> 00:11:59,585 But never 246 00:11:59,585 --> 00:12:03,355 forget to ask how they're doing too, because too many times they're forgotten. 247 00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:08,728 And this right now, the whole focus, the whole focus, you know, was on him. 248 00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:14,467 And I hear people doing that now who are dealing with people with Alzheimer's. 249 00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:17,570 And I'll say to them, this is what I learned. 250 00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:19,472 Don't keep 251 00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:22,475 saying remember mom or remember dad. 252 00:12:22,641 --> 00:12:24,410 Here's pictures. Remember? 253 00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:25,344 Remember we did. 254 00:12:25,344 --> 00:12:28,347 I just told you that. Don't you remember? 255 00:12:28,647 --> 00:12:31,450 That is not only frustrating on you, 256 00:12:31,450 --> 00:12:34,854 but it's making them very confused. 257 00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:38,124 So they sometimes begin to say yes. 258 00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:39,291 Yes they do. 259 00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:42,161 So John, I would have people, family members 260 00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:46,999 like come over to the house and say, see, he remembers 261 00:12:46,999 --> 00:12:50,870 me, you know, because we would just nod and you know him. 262 00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:54,774 He was very good hearted, smiley, good natured person. 263 00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:58,010 So that good nature, thankfully for me, 264 00:12:58,010 --> 00:13:00,980 stayed throughout his last days 265 00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:06,285 and they would almost leave like, I don't know what she's talking about. 266 00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:07,920 He knows everything. 267 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:13,359 And he would look at me and I would say, wasn't that nice that so-and-so visited? 268 00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:15,861 And he'd say, who's so-and-so? 269 00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:20,566 I said, the person that was just here, he said, I don't know what you mean. 270 00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:22,034 So what? 271 00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:25,237 They didn't know as soon as they walked out of that room, 272 00:13:25,504 --> 00:13:28,340 he had no idea who they were, 273 00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:31,310 but I, I was getting frustrated 274 00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:34,747 because they weren't getting that. 275 00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:37,550 And they were thinking, Joyce is fine. 276 00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:38,751 He's fine. 277 00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:39,685 He knows. 278 00:13:39,685 --> 00:13:41,687 But he knew nothing. 279 00:13:41,687 --> 00:13:44,356 He didn't know where the bathroom was. 280 00:13:44,356 --> 00:13:47,226 He didn't know how to do anything. 281 00:13:47,226 --> 00:13:51,997 So the the last year when you said that I really grew from this, 282 00:13:52,031 --> 00:13:55,835 John was the last year of his life. 283 00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:59,338 Now Covid pretty much just began. 284 00:14:00,072 --> 00:14:04,109 And hospice, I did get hospice to come in, 285 00:14:04,109 --> 00:14:06,979 but they came in for two hours a day, five days a week. 286 00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:09,448 That left me alone with 287 00:14:09,448 --> 00:14:12,751 him for 22 hours a day, 288 00:14:13,719 --> 00:14:17,122 and I rarely got more than three hours 289 00:14:17,122 --> 00:14:20,426 sleep because he had to be cleaned. 290 00:14:20,893 --> 00:14:24,763 And he had to be, you know, get back into bed. 291 00:14:24,763 --> 00:14:28,100 And sometimes even with the railings on the bed, 292 00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:32,571 he jumped over the railings and then they had a catheter in him. 293 00:14:32,571 --> 00:14:35,841 And then he ripped out the catheter and was standing in the kitchen 294 00:14:35,841 --> 00:14:39,111 the middle of the night and a puddle of like, blackish blood. 295 00:14:39,778 --> 00:14:41,180 It was. 296 00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:46,719 The last eight months were exhausting, but the last eight months 297 00:14:47,319 --> 00:14:50,322 became exhilarating for me at the same time 298 00:14:50,789 --> 00:14:53,792 because at my darkest time, 299 00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:56,862 that's when I sat outside. 300 00:14:56,862 --> 00:15:01,901 Even winter time, and my grandson still reminds me of that. 301 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:05,804 He said, I always thought you were crazy sitting out on the snow, 302 00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:08,207 just like talking to God. 303 00:15:08,207 --> 00:15:13,112 And I said I had to or I would break. 304 00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:14,980 And then 305 00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:17,983 it was like the color of the clouds parted 306 00:15:19,451 --> 00:15:22,454 and as if God were saying to me in my mind, 307 00:15:23,389 --> 00:15:26,392 look up, look up. 308 00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:27,793 And I. 309 00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:30,562 It was like almost seeing the curvature of the earth. 310 00:15:30,562 --> 00:15:34,433 That was a this was a sunny, sunny, blue sky day. 311 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,771 And he said, I've given you all of this 312 00:15:39,538 --> 00:15:42,041 and it and I had these flashbacks 313 00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:46,178 because I used to put myself down, that I was a teenage mother. 314 00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:48,547 I used to put myself down growing up. 315 00:15:48,547 --> 00:15:50,482 There's a lot of things. 316 00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:54,019 And he said, you gave birth. 317 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:57,222 A lot of women can't give birth. 318 00:15:57,222 --> 00:16:01,794 You raised children you loved deeply. 319 00:16:02,494 --> 00:16:05,097 You've had a great life. 320 00:16:05,097 --> 00:16:08,033 And Wayne was a great husband to. 321 00:16:08,033 --> 00:16:11,036 Are you blessed? Are you blessed? 322 00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:15,541 It was like, I it's hard to put it into words. 323 00:16:16,342 --> 00:16:18,410 It really was an epiphany. 324 00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:21,380 But with that came forgiveness. 325 00:16:21,447 --> 00:16:24,316 And that's where the magic happened. 326 00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:28,554 There were a couple of people in my life that I had a very hard time with, 327 00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:31,857 and if I couldn't join in on the negativity 328 00:16:31,857 --> 00:16:36,996 about a couple of people, I joined in because it had been very hurtful. 329 00:16:38,063 --> 00:16:41,000 I came in and I sat on my bed 330 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:45,771 and both those people, I said, I forgive you, 331 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,842 I don't know what your life was like. 332 00:16:49,875 --> 00:16:52,611 I never walked in your shoes, 333 00:16:52,611 --> 00:16:55,581 but I'm going to send you love and I forgive you. 334 00:16:56,482 --> 00:17:01,086 And 48 hours later, or maybe sooner, 335 00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:05,057 I may have told this story before, but it's still mind blowing to me. 336 00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:08,861 That one person who hadn't been in touch 337 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:11,864 with us for over three years 338 00:17:11,997 --> 00:17:14,867 sent me an email saying, 339 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:19,138 I don't know why we don't speak, but it's probably 340 00:17:19,138 --> 00:17:22,808 my fault and I want to know if we can get together. 341 00:17:23,509 --> 00:17:26,612 And I welcome that person into our home. 342 00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:29,915 At Christmas time, we hugged. 343 00:17:29,915 --> 00:17:32,918 We never spoke about the past 344 00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:36,155 and, we're great now. 345 00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:39,224 In fact, if somebody says something negative about them, 346 00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:41,560 it just slides off of me. 347 00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:45,964 There's not an ounce in me that wants to engage like a cleansing. 348 00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:48,734 It has happened with the second person. 349 00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:51,336 Also, during Covid, 350 00:17:51,336 --> 00:17:55,140 they brought me over toiletries and different things 351 00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:59,244 that I might have seen them in 15 years. 352 00:18:00,145 --> 00:18:03,715 And those were the two people that I asked, 353 00:18:04,383 --> 00:18:06,785 you know, I forgave. 354 00:18:06,785 --> 00:18:09,388 I didn't even ask God for that. 355 00:18:09,388 --> 00:18:13,125 But it was in the moment of being appreciative of my life. 356 00:18:13,158 --> 00:18:14,726 Let's say gratitude is riches. 357 00:18:14,726 --> 00:18:17,729 My goodness, I believe I mean, I believe divine intervention. 358 00:18:18,230 --> 00:18:21,400 It was it was definitely divine intervention. 359 00:18:22,067 --> 00:18:25,737 And that brought me to a deeper level 360 00:18:26,071 --> 00:18:30,075 of faith, of love, forgiveness, gratitude. 361 00:18:30,642 --> 00:18:34,880 But because I also went through this with eight for eight years, 362 00:18:35,481 --> 00:18:39,318 I am so sympathetic to people 363 00:18:39,485 --> 00:18:43,021 going through it on a level that I couldn't have been before, 364 00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:48,093 because I have walked in those shoes and now I know I don't. 365 00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:51,597 I don't preach about it like the stories I'm telling now. 366 00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:56,068 I may not say any of that to them initially, but I listen 367 00:18:56,768 --> 00:19:00,706 and I offer some advice about maybe what to do for themselves. 368 00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:04,309 And, that's a good idea because you want to keep yourself 369 00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:07,479 healthy as well, because you got to put your oxygen mask on first, right? 370 00:19:07,513 --> 00:19:09,781 If you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of others. 371 00:19:09,781 --> 00:19:10,883 That's a great analogy. 372 00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:11,950 Yeah. Yeah. 373 00:19:11,950 --> 00:19:16,822 So so that's really brought me to a new level of 374 00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:18,824 dealing with 375 00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:21,894 what I'm dealing with at home with my son. 376 00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:22,995 That's in the spectrum. 377 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:26,365 My grandson that's in the spectrum to be 378 00:19:27,599 --> 00:19:30,169 like many times I would like to be left alone, 379 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:33,238 but they're talking to me and they're very animated, 380 00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:36,241 which they're not with the public as much. 381 00:19:36,241 --> 00:19:39,378 And I just remind myself, and I put down whatever I'm doing, 382 00:19:39,611 --> 00:19:44,383 and I just listen to them, and I remind myself how grateful I am 383 00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:47,386 to have these beautiful souls in my life, 384 00:19:47,619 --> 00:19:50,222 you know, that really do bring me joy. 385 00:19:50,222 --> 00:19:53,659 They bring me a lot of work at times because I'm the only driver in the house, 386 00:19:53,659 --> 00:19:57,529 really, except for my my other son, Jim, who's been very helpful. 387 00:19:57,996 --> 00:20:02,668 But, it just gives you a new understanding and what hurts you the most. 388 00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:06,104 You can help other people. 389 00:20:06,104 --> 00:20:07,639 Isn't that what we're supposed to be doing? 390 00:20:07,639 --> 00:20:11,810 Take our pain and don't live in the pain, though. 391 00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:14,279 Remember the good times. 392 00:20:14,279 --> 00:20:15,981 Don't beat yourself up. Like, 393 00:20:16,915 --> 00:20:17,649 oh, like I 394 00:20:17,649 --> 00:20:21,853 could have said, oh, why didn't I get Wayne diagnosed earlier? 395 00:20:22,354 --> 00:20:25,524 But it wouldn't have changed the outcome anyway. 396 00:20:26,658 --> 00:20:28,660 You know, it just, 397 00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:31,663 you know, I just accepted it. 398 00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,131 how do you think you came out? 399 00:20:33,131 --> 00:20:37,369 What what made you different from the previous eight years to when you came out? 400 00:20:37,369 --> 00:20:40,739 How did you change as a person after this? 401 00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:45,510 After Wayne, I became very mindful of everything good around me. 402 00:20:45,711 --> 00:20:49,681 I'm very mindful that instead of saying, 403 00:20:49,681 --> 00:20:53,518 I have a house with a mortgage, I said, I have a house, 404 00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:56,688 I have a house. 405 00:20:56,688 --> 00:20:59,758 You know, I have a house to take care of. 406 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:02,327 Aren't I blessed that I have that? 407 00:21:02,327 --> 00:21:05,330 It made me so aware, John, of, 408 00:21:05,797 --> 00:21:09,601 to look at the blessings of friends in my life, 409 00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:13,538 to not be critical of people and, 410 00:21:14,373 --> 00:21:16,842 you know, it's hard not to be judgmental. 411 00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:19,011 And, I mean, we all are in some way. 412 00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:21,847 Sure, you may look at what someone's wearing and say that 413 00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:25,951 so I can watch, like all the 414 00:21:26,485 --> 00:21:30,522 reality shows, let's say The Housewives of Beverly Hills or that. 415 00:21:31,156 --> 00:21:35,560 And I used used to some of them would make me really angry. 416 00:21:35,927 --> 00:21:39,464 Now. Right now they would because of the way they treat us right, right, right. 417 00:21:39,931 --> 00:21:44,770 And so now I look at it as, like I'm in school 418 00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:48,540 and I'm looking at this like they're 419 00:21:48,540 --> 00:21:51,877 all good people in their own way. 420 00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:55,514 I'm not going to I'm going to watch this without judgment. 421 00:21:55,981 --> 00:22:02,020 I'm going to watch Big Brother and not root for just this one person to win. 422 00:22:02,020 --> 00:22:05,023 I'm going to root for everybody to have a chance. 423 00:22:05,457 --> 00:22:06,858 So it's a very mature attitude. 424 00:22:06,858 --> 00:22:08,894 It expanded me that way. 425 00:22:08,894 --> 00:22:12,698 So I look at everything almost like my own personal science experience. 426 00:22:12,698 --> 00:22:13,398 Right. 427 00:22:13,398 --> 00:22:15,000 It's like your own petri dish. 428 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,969 Yes, I can I do this can I listen 429 00:22:17,969 --> 00:22:21,640 to this newscast or this person and do this? 430 00:22:21,873 --> 00:22:24,443 And if I can't, I turn it off, right? 431 00:22:24,443 --> 00:22:27,479 Because I, you know, I don't need that's just something that I'm. 432 00:22:27,813 --> 00:22:30,048 Yeah. You start finding anger or something. 433 00:22:30,048 --> 00:22:31,950 Welling up inside. It's not worth it. 434 00:22:31,950 --> 00:22:37,089 No, I think I just changed my focus because I know as a hypnotherapist 435 00:22:37,089 --> 00:22:41,159 and going through hypnotherapy because of anxiety and all that, 436 00:22:41,927 --> 00:22:46,098 it's only a thought, a way of what you really want. 437 00:22:46,398 --> 00:22:50,235 You can shift your thoughts from, isn't this horrible 438 00:22:50,235 --> 00:22:53,338 to maybe you say, isn't this interesting? 439 00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:56,575 Right? Well, this is challenging right now. 440 00:22:56,575 --> 00:22:59,444 Not like, oh my God, this is so awful. 441 00:22:59,444 --> 00:23:01,713 Now I'm going through a bit of a challenge 442 00:23:01,713 --> 00:23:03,882 and I love that we're rather than we have a problem. 443 00:23:03,882 --> 00:23:05,250 Say the challenge. Yeah, right. 444 00:23:05,250 --> 00:23:07,452 Rather than say like, you know, I can't do this. 445 00:23:07,452 --> 00:23:08,954 How can we do this? 446 00:23:08,954 --> 00:23:11,590 Or I, like you said about the house, I have a house. 447 00:23:11,590 --> 00:23:15,494 Yeah, I think about the mortgage, and, I'm not making enough money here. 448 00:23:15,494 --> 00:23:17,829 Well, if you're making over $30,000 a year here 449 00:23:17,829 --> 00:23:20,899 in this country, you're in the top 80% globally, right? 450 00:23:20,932 --> 00:23:21,933 I think about that. 451 00:23:21,933 --> 00:23:23,635 So it's all about perspective. 452 00:23:23,635 --> 00:23:27,406 Mind shifts focusing again on gratitude. Yes. 453 00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:28,240 Gratitude. Gratitude. 454 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:29,508 Gratitude gratitude. 455 00:23:29,508 --> 00:23:32,911 And appreciation for what you do have. 456 00:23:32,911 --> 00:23:36,681 And I don't care if it's just the rug you like in your house 457 00:23:36,681 --> 00:23:39,684 or a pet or whatever it is. 458 00:23:40,085 --> 00:23:41,720 Focus on that. 459 00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:42,854 Right when I wake up in the morning, 460 00:23:42,854 --> 00:23:44,856 I'm going out and have my coffee, and I look in the back 461 00:23:44,856 --> 00:23:47,926 and I see the morning doves and the cardinals, and 462 00:23:47,926 --> 00:23:51,430 I just focus and, you know, I just say, wow, I'm just mad. 463 00:23:51,630 --> 00:23:53,064 Just do I love birds? 464 00:23:53,064 --> 00:23:54,633 Yes. And I just focus on nature. 465 00:23:54,633 --> 00:23:57,636 And I look at the trees and I think about if they could talk, 466 00:23:57,636 --> 00:23:57,969 you know, 467 00:23:57,969 --> 00:24:00,138 the things they've been through over the years with weather 468 00:24:00,138 --> 00:24:02,240 and everything else and how they're still standing. 469 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,042 Yeah. It's kind of a metaphor for life. 470 00:24:04,042 --> 00:24:04,309 Yeah. 471 00:24:04,309 --> 00:24:09,281 I really sincerity way is and just trying to be a lot more aware as I get older. 472 00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:12,451 I just have my senses, my senses heightened more. 473 00:24:12,551 --> 00:24:15,020 But again, you have to be intentional about that. 474 00:24:15,020 --> 00:24:15,520 You do. 475 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,122 You do have to be intentional. 476 00:24:17,122 --> 00:24:20,926 And I watch myself like a hawk. 477 00:24:20,926 --> 00:24:25,096 And so if I feel like I'm getting off, 478 00:24:25,497 --> 00:24:29,935 you know, that road drifting, I don't let it go long at all. 479 00:24:29,935 --> 00:24:32,938 I pull myself right back in 480 00:24:32,971 --> 00:24:35,574 and it's easy to get caught in the drama. 481 00:24:35,574 --> 00:24:36,007 Oh my. 482 00:24:36,007 --> 00:24:39,478 Like so much drama out there, especially because of social media. 483 00:24:39,778 --> 00:24:43,348 Even though most of the people I have and I have a lot of people on Facebook, 484 00:24:43,682 --> 00:24:46,685 I try to handpick the ones that are very positive. 485 00:24:46,985 --> 00:24:52,157 But if someone shows up and they're not baby, you know? 486 00:24:52,290 --> 00:24:52,491 Right. 487 00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:55,861 Just because I, taking care of myself 488 00:24:56,161 --> 00:24:59,030 and I have to do that and, you know, so 489 00:24:59,030 --> 00:25:02,868 whether they like it or not, it's just I'm not saying anything bad about them. 490 00:25:03,301 --> 00:25:04,469 I'm not going to respond. 491 00:25:04,469 --> 00:25:04,736 You know? 492 00:25:04,736 --> 00:25:07,639 I just let it go. You got you. 493 00:25:07,639 --> 00:25:09,474 You can't please everyone. No matter what. 494 00:25:09,474 --> 00:25:10,642 No matter what you do in life. 495 00:25:10,642 --> 00:25:12,611 And you really just have to just sometimes 496 00:25:13,678 --> 00:25:15,614 let go and let God. 497 00:25:15,614 --> 00:25:18,483 Yes, let go and let God just 498 00:25:18,483 --> 00:25:20,519 let them go. Pray for them. 499 00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:22,354 Right, right. And move on. 500 00:25:22,354 --> 00:25:26,858 So let me give you a little analogy of what of what happened in my life 501 00:25:26,858 --> 00:25:30,462 last night that shows you what happens 502 00:25:30,462 --> 00:25:33,465 when you okay when you're not at ease. 503 00:25:33,899 --> 00:25:35,033 Oh should I even say this. 504 00:25:35,033 --> 00:25:36,968 This is a thing. 505 00:25:36,968 --> 00:25:42,507 So my son, if there's a bug in the house, it could be a wasp. 506 00:25:42,607 --> 00:25:45,143 It could be a spider. Whatever. 507 00:25:45,143 --> 00:25:48,146 He gently gets it out. 508 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:52,350 He may put a cup on the wall and he puts a thin piece of paper. 509 00:25:52,384 --> 00:25:54,219 Oh, boy, that sounds familiar. 510 00:25:54,219 --> 00:25:57,022 And does it? Yes, because. 511 00:25:57,022 --> 00:25:58,356 Because I do the same thing. 512 00:25:58,356 --> 00:26:01,259 I don't want to kill anything. Yeah, and my wife thinks I'm nuts. 513 00:26:01,259 --> 00:26:03,929 She's just getting out of here. This, I think, is I. 514 00:26:03,929 --> 00:26:05,330 I like spiders. 515 00:26:05,330 --> 00:26:08,400 Yeah, well, I like these, and I just don't want them in my bedroom. 516 00:26:08,700 --> 00:26:09,901 That's what somebody says. 517 00:26:09,901 --> 00:26:12,804 Same thing, I don't know, crawling up my nose or my in my ears. 518 00:26:12,804 --> 00:26:15,173 Or if I say, like, a little mouse or something like that, 519 00:26:15,173 --> 00:26:17,208 I'm going to put a cup and I'm going to put it over the mouse 520 00:26:17,208 --> 00:26:20,011 and put them outside and probably end up coming back in anyway. 521 00:26:20,011 --> 00:26:22,681 But I just, I don't know, I just I can relate to that. 522 00:26:22,681 --> 00:26:24,916 And I've done that too. And 523 00:26:25,951 --> 00:26:28,520 but there was something in my room last night 524 00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:32,791 I wasn't sure what it was, but I'm now I'm speaking I'm looking at my grandson 525 00:26:32,791 --> 00:26:35,927 standing at my doorway, and he says, what's that? 526 00:26:36,394 --> 00:26:39,331 This is what's what he says on your lamp. 527 00:26:39,331 --> 00:26:41,399 And I turned and looked. 528 00:26:41,399 --> 00:26:43,401 It was the ugliest looking. 529 00:26:43,401 --> 00:26:45,437 I don't know what it was. 530 00:26:45,437 --> 00:26:49,040 Well, I know I was sitting there with the ice pack on my back 531 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:52,043 because my doctor said three times a day, use the ice pack and 532 00:26:52,310 --> 00:26:54,379 and I'm just sitting there. Come. 533 00:26:54,379 --> 00:26:57,616 I just, you know, I just I got up, 534 00:26:58,049 --> 00:27:03,154 I knocked over the lamp, I knocked over all the books next to me. 535 00:27:03,488 --> 00:27:05,590 It landed on my TV. 536 00:27:05,590 --> 00:27:08,727 I took a towel. I was like, swatting it. 537 00:27:08,727 --> 00:27:11,730 He said, come on, you're going to break the TV. 538 00:27:12,097 --> 00:27:12,964 My room. 539 00:27:12,964 --> 00:27:16,901 I caught myself on a, I had said none of this was documented. 540 00:27:17,636 --> 00:27:20,572 Oh, he said, I wish my my phone were on. 541 00:27:20,572 --> 00:27:22,173 Oh, yeah. 542 00:27:22,173 --> 00:27:25,910 He said, you're so relaxed in life about things. 543 00:27:26,111 --> 00:27:29,114 So now I'm bleeding from my finger because I punctured it. 544 00:27:29,114 --> 00:27:32,283 Something that was sticking in a mug 545 00:27:32,283 --> 00:27:35,286 where I have pens and pencils and things like that. 546 00:27:35,353 --> 00:27:38,423 So I put a puncture hole in my finger. 547 00:27:38,857 --> 00:27:40,792 I've got blood everywhere. 548 00:27:40,792 --> 00:27:43,795 I, I this thing is flying around, 549 00:27:43,828 --> 00:27:49,134 and I finally get a towel and I dive on top of it, and I wrap it up 550 00:27:49,334 --> 00:27:54,105 and I throw it out the back and and I'm looking at my room. 551 00:27:54,105 --> 00:27:56,174 My room is trashed. 552 00:27:56,174 --> 00:27:57,809 It sounds like a skit on Saturday Night Live. 553 00:27:57,809 --> 00:28:00,979 Well, you was all right, but had I called my 554 00:28:01,312 --> 00:28:04,549 if I just went to my son's room, think he was sleeping? 555 00:28:04,949 --> 00:28:07,952 And I said to him, could you come in here for a minute? 556 00:28:07,986 --> 00:28:12,090 He would have gently, you know, it's like they know 557 00:28:12,090 --> 00:28:15,994 you know, he won't kill, any kind of bug moth, nothing. 558 00:28:16,261 --> 00:28:17,429 He just gently gets. 559 00:28:17,429 --> 00:28:20,398 I wanted to get it out, but 560 00:28:20,598 --> 00:28:23,668 the way I didn't, you never would have experienced all that drama. 561 00:28:23,668 --> 00:28:25,537 Well, that's what I mean. Drama is not good. 562 00:28:25,537 --> 00:28:27,605 No, not good, because I was exhausted. 563 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:28,940 Then I 564 00:28:28,940 --> 00:28:32,010 had to wash my hand, kept putting Neosporin on it. 565 00:28:32,010 --> 00:28:32,477 Right? Right. 566 00:28:32,477 --> 00:28:37,382 Hoping I didn't get an infection because it was like a rusty end of a safety pin. 567 00:28:37,816 --> 00:28:41,519 And it's like what not to do in a crisis. 568 00:28:41,519 --> 00:28:44,189 And that's a whole episode. Maybe we'll have to do that. 569 00:28:44,189 --> 00:28:46,691 What not to do on what's good with John and Joyce. 570 00:28:46,691 --> 00:28:47,926 What's not good. 571 00:28:47,926 --> 00:28:51,629 So when somebody even passes, 572 00:28:51,629 --> 00:28:54,632 there are people who react that way, 573 00:28:55,366 --> 00:28:57,736 and maybe it's good to 574 00:28:57,736 --> 00:29:00,739 wail it out, I don't know, 575 00:29:00,839 --> 00:29:04,709 but whatever you need to do, do, but don't get stuck in it. 576 00:29:05,009 --> 00:29:08,012 I think that is the message for today. 577 00:29:08,146 --> 00:29:09,581 Find things you're grateful for. 578 00:29:09,581 --> 00:29:11,816 Be very grateful. They were in your life. 579 00:29:11,816 --> 00:29:14,986 Yes, and kept busy. 580 00:29:15,420 --> 00:29:16,621 Help others. 581 00:29:16,621 --> 00:29:18,957 That's the whole point to them that is so important. 582 00:29:18,957 --> 00:29:21,693 Whenever you're feeling down or feeling stressed in your life, 583 00:29:21,693 --> 00:29:24,028 go out there and do something good for someone else. 584 00:29:24,028 --> 00:29:27,265 Like we said in the previous episode, it's amazing how that will uplift 585 00:29:27,465 --> 00:29:30,468 not just them, but uplift you and your situation as well. 586 00:29:30,568 --> 00:29:32,370 Yes, 100%. 587 00:29:32,370 --> 00:29:34,806 And you'll you'll see that you'll feel better 588 00:29:34,806 --> 00:29:37,075 and you'll be helping somebody else. 589 00:29:37,075 --> 00:29:41,846 But focus on, you know, appreciate everything around you, everything. 590 00:29:41,846 --> 00:29:43,615 And don't feel guilty. 591 00:29:43,615 --> 00:29:46,184 Everyone feels guilty. You're not alone with that. 592 00:29:46,184 --> 00:29:52,223 Everyone has those fleeting thoughts when something happens and just know that 593 00:29:52,323 --> 00:29:55,994 you you could not control it all unless you murdered the person. 594 00:29:55,994 --> 00:29:58,062 But you couldn't. You couldn't. 595 00:29:58,062 --> 00:29:58,863 You could not. 596 00:29:58,863 --> 00:29:59,230 All right. 597 00:29:59,230 --> 00:30:02,333 You I most things that happen in natural way. 598 00:30:02,467 --> 00:30:05,436 Right. You have no control over that. 599 00:30:05,436 --> 00:30:08,940 And it's being resilient and accepting, 600 00:30:09,574 --> 00:30:13,645 that those two words alone will get you through things. 601 00:30:13,645 --> 00:30:15,980 And I know it's easier said than done, because some of you 602 00:30:15,980 --> 00:30:17,048 who are watching right now 603 00:30:17,048 --> 00:30:20,451 might be going through a really tough situation and said, yeah, okay. 604 00:30:20,451 --> 00:30:22,654 It's I'm not quite there yet, 605 00:30:22,654 --> 00:30:26,124 but everybody handles grief different and there are different time frames. 606 00:30:26,624 --> 00:30:29,661 And, we just pray that you get the grace you need 607 00:30:29,928 --> 00:30:32,931 and the help you need and the support system around you. 608 00:30:33,364 --> 00:30:35,834 And we want to let you know that Joyce and I are 609 00:30:35,834 --> 00:30:38,837 and all of us here at What's Good with John and Joyce are praying for you 610 00:30:39,003 --> 00:30:40,805 and your family as well. 611 00:30:40,805 --> 00:30:42,574 And we just yes, we do. 612 00:30:42,574 --> 00:30:44,542 And we just we just believe in our hearts. 613 00:30:44,542 --> 00:30:46,077 The better days are ahead. 614 00:30:46,077 --> 00:30:47,946 You'll be the optimist that we are. 615 00:30:47,946 --> 00:30:51,182 Yes. You know, just honor those who were before you by the way you live your life. 616 00:30:51,416 --> 00:30:52,884 Yeah, absolutely. 617 00:30:52,884 --> 00:30:55,553 And we'll be back again with another edition of What's Good 618 00:30:55,553 --> 00:30:58,556 with John and Joyce available on all streaming platforms. 619 00:30:58,656 --> 00:30:59,691 We appreciate you. 620 00:30:59,691 --> 00:31:01,893 We appreciate your family and friends, and thank you so much 621 00:31:01,893 --> 00:31:04,662 for making us a part of your your day, your night. 622 00:31:04,662 --> 00:31:06,865 And, many blessings to you and your family. 623 00:31:06,865 --> 00:31:08,900 Thank you. Till next time. Bye. Love you. Walk.